All language subtitles for The.Great.Outdoors.1988.720 eng

Take out the papers and the trash

Or you don't get no spendin' cash

If you don't scrub that kitchen floor

You ain't gonna rock and roll no more

Yakety yak
Don't talk back

Just finish cleanin' up your room

Let's see that dust fly with that broom

Get all that garbage out of sight

Or you don't go out Friday night

Yakety yak
Don't talk back

You just put on your coat and hat

And walk yourself to the Laundromat

And when you've finished doing that

Bring in the dog and put out the cat

Yakety yak
Don't talk back

You just put on your coat and hat

And walk yourself to the Laundromat

And when you've finished doing that

Bring in the dog and put out the cat

Yakety yak
Don't talk back

Yakety yak, yakety yak

Yakety yak, yakety yak

Yakety yak, yakety yak

You messed up the words, Ben.

- No.
- You messed up the words twice.

Oh, wow! It hasn't changed.

God, I would've thought
they made some improvements or something.

Come on, everybody.

Hey.

Our Lady of Victory...

Pray for us. Break!
Let's go.

Oh!

Watch the doors.

Whoa!
Trees in the parking lot.

Oh! Nature all around us, boys.

Take it in. Take it all in.

I'm gonna go check us in.

This is great.

Well? Is this a real
North Woods lodge or what?

Mmm-hmm.
Great.

Check out the shotgun lamp.

Isn't that something, huh?
You don't see that every day.

Hey.

Hello! Hello! Anybody home?

Looks the same, doesn't it?

Doesn't it?
Smells the same too.

Yeah, it does. Hello!

I wonder if they have
a lot of check-ins.

What's this?
What's this over here?

"For prompt service, blow me."

It's an interesting touch.
It's charming.

Blow it.
Shall I?

Go ahead.

Yeah!

Whoo. Jeez!

Folks, don't mind Wormer.
She hates people.

Wormer, shut the frig up.
What can I do you for?

What happened to that...
That dog's face?

Porcupine quills.
Loves porcupines, hates people.

She's in heat too.
Too bad you're not a dog.

What can I do you for?

Wally, your dog
ever had a bath before?

There she is.
Oh, that's a gorgeous cabin.

Okay, hold it, hold it!
That's good enough. Hey!

Honey, that's bigger
than our honeymoon cabin.

You city-dwelling fools
are damn lucky to have this cabin.

It just became available
yesterday.

We call it the Loon's Nest.

You know what a loon is,
noodlehead?

Yeah, we have one in our family.
Hey, hey, hey.

We had a fishing party
in there up until yesterday.

They caught their limit,
and then blew.
It's all redecorated inside.

Every bit of it.

Me and Wally sunk
over 300 bucks into it.

And that's not counting
what we spent on Lysol.

- Is that right?
- It's beautiful.

Now, you folks enjoy your stay.

Yeah, thanks.

Thank you very much.
How could you not
in a place like this?

You could get the shits
from the well water.

What did he say?
I missed it.

What a gas!

Chet's gonna shit
a solid-gold brick!
What a great surprise!

I'll go see where
he's bivouacked the family.

This is very unfair, Roman.

What the hell are you talking about?
We're a family, for crying out loud!

How many times have we
invited Chet and Connie
to the islands with us? A dozen?

This is a little different.
We weren't invited.

Ah, they'll be tickled
to death to see us.

Honey, I found out
what was stinking up the shower.

A present from me to you.

How thoughtful.
That's really nice.

Put it in there with all the others.

There's fish
all over this house.
Look, a pink one.

All right, let's leave
this stuff right here, okay?

You put your bathing suit on,
and we'll go down to the lake.

No, no, you go ahead.
I really just can't seem
to relax in filth.

Come on. We'll all pitch in later
and clean this up, all right? Let's go.

You know, we can't
even use the bathroom

until someone
finds the toilet seat?

Buck already found the toilet seat.
It was on the sun porch.

Sun porch?
Yeah.

Makes you wonder, doesn't it?

Come on, no further excuses, all right?

What are you doing?
I don't know. I don't know.

Stop it, Chet.
You know,
the kids are at the lake.

Come on, Chet, stop.
What are you doing?
I'm not doing anything.

Honey, honey, honey, no!

Well, we got the house to ourselves. Hello.

Oh, no! What happened?
I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.
I just don't feel like this.

Can you understand that?
I'm tired, I'm stinky.

Come on.
What are you doing? Come on.

Come on. We're at the house by ourselves.

What about the kids? I don't care!

What about the kids?
They're down at the lake.

Don't do this here.
Let's go to the bedroom.

Why? That's the great thing
about being in the North Woods, Connie.

What are you feeding me now?

Come on!

You can run around here
naked as a bear

and not worry
about running into anybody.

Is that right?
Yes.

Mmm-hmm.

Really?

You think it's possible
that we could play fashion parade? Please.

I don't wanna play fashion parade.
Why?

You get to wear
the good outfits!

- Oh, no, I'll let you wear them.
- You will?

Now, uh, you will be Shelana!

Shelana, the oak tree woman.

Oh, I love it when
I'm the oak tree woman!

Temptress of the woods.

Yes! Yes!
Yes!

And I will be Burt.

Burt.
A guy named Burt.

I love it when you're Burt.
You're always...

Mmm. Or I could be
Smokey's cousin, Horny.

- He has endurance.
- Yes, he does.

Anybody home?

Shelana the woods temptress?

With Horny the Bear,
Smokey's cousin?

Okay, okay.

Turn that off. Turn it off.
Oh yeah. No, no, Chester, you said it.

Do it on the floor.

Beautiful stuff.
Hey, that's all right.

Game playing, role playing.
Helps in a marriage
after a little while, you know?

Turn the damn thing off!
Turn it off.

That was quite a surprise. I mean...

That was quite a surprise. I mean...

You got me.

And the whole week you'll be here!

Okay.

Oh, wow! Just something.

So, anyway,
you're an intelligent man.

Thank you.

You make a good living.
Not bad.

You got a good life.
Pretty good.

Answer me one question.
Sure.

Why the hell would you want to come up to

a plant-infested no-man's-land like this
and live like a barbarian for a week?

You wouldn't understand.

Try me.

I have great memories of this
country when I was a kid, you know,
and I used to come up here with my dad

and I want the boys
to have the same memories.

Look around you, Roman!
For God sakes,
this is beautiful country here!

Take a good look.

I'll tell you what I see
when I look out there,
if you wanna know.

Yeah, I'm curious.

I see the underdeveloped resources
of Northern Minnesota,
Wisconsin and Michigan.

I see a syndicated
development consortium

exploiting over
a billion and a half dollars in forest products.

I see a paper mill,
and, if the strategic metals
are there, a mining operation.

A green belt between
the condos on the lake
and a waste management facility

focusing on the newest rage
in toxic waste, medical refuse,

infected bandages, body parts,
IV tubing, contaminated glassware,

entrails, syringes, fluid, blood,
low-grade radioactive wastes,

all safely contained,
sunken in the lake
and sealed for centuries.

Now, I ask you. What do you see?

I just see, uh... I see trees.

Well, no one ever accused you
of having a grand vision.
Nope.

Maybe it's all for the best.
While the ambitious scramble
for wealth and power,

the Chet Ripley's of the world
are just able to lay back

and casually stroll
along life's path.

I mean that as a compliment.
Oh, thanks.

The rest of us
are all probably gonna die

of heart attacks
and strokes long before you.

I hope so.
Wouldn't that be great?

Gee, just to see a bunch
of people drop that you hate.

That would be something else,
I'm telling you.

My goodness! My goodness me!

I'm gonna walk down
life's path right now.

Ah, get the barbecue going,
get some hot dogs on there.

Wait a minute. No way.
Wait a hot-shit minute.

Rule one, no relative of mine
is gonna eat hot dogs

as long as he's sharing
my cabin. Katie!

Do you sense the presence
of an alien life form?

Now that you mention it,
I do kind of sense
something kind of strange.

Yeah, some kind of...

Ah, shit.

Did I tell you
what we did in the Euro-currency
futures market last week?

Probably.

I thought I might have mentioned
how we picked up
a deutschmarks contract,

sat on it a week, sold it
taking a 300 percent profit.

Well, easy money
is money easily lost.

See, I can't believe how dangerously
old-fashioned your thinking is.

Three hundred percent profit, huh?

Sometimes it's 200 percent,
sometimes 100 percent.

Take the good with the bad.

Yeah.
Still that's pretty good.

The point of the matter is,

you should have your piece too.

Wow, hot! Oh ho!

How are those tails?

What? Who's saying something
about my tails? They're killers.

They're 28 bucks a pop.
Twenty-eight? Oh, my God.

You know, Chet and I haven't had lobster
in an age, not since our anniversary, anyway.

Oh, my goodness!
Jumping lobster!

Save that one.
That'll be for me.

I'll make sure of that.

How about the gourmet here?
You know what he wanted? Hot dogs.

You know what they
make those things out of, huh, Chet?

Lips and assholes.

I guess I'm old-fashioned.
I like assholes.

And I like lips!

If I could market lips like those,
I'd make another million.

Lobster turned out all right, huh?
If I do say so myself.

So, I think we should go into town tomorrow
and pick up a ski boat.

What do you say?
Sound good, guys?

Uncle Roman will blow some coin
on a kick-ass drag boat.

That's okay.
We're renting a pontoon boat.

Pontoon boat.
What the hell you gonna do
with a pontoon boat?

Retake Omaha Beach?

No, not at all.

A pontoon boat, you go out
and, you know, you cruise the lake.

You swim from them, you fish from them,
and even bring the barbecue out.

You have a great time
with these things.

You tour the lake in comfort
is what I'm saying.

You guys wanna cruise
the lake in comfort

or would you rather skim the waves
with Uncle Roman in a jet boat?

Jet boat!

Sorry, Dad.

Attaboy, Benny!
All right, that's my man!

Care to put it
to a vote, Chester?

We don't need a vote, all right?
If you guys want a jet boat,
you get a jet boat.

Buck and I are getting
a pontoon boat, right, Buck?

Sorry, Dad.

Directly from the mouths
of babes, Chet.

Are you gonna argue, or are you
gonna enjoy yourselves?

Hey, I'm enjoying! Chet's arguing.

Hey, how about if the kids
go out and catch fireflies.

You know, we could play cards.

Cara? Mara?

You little dolls wanna go outside
and catch fireflies?

Honey, they don't like bugs.

What do you mean?
All kids like bugs. They're cute.

Especially fireflies. Their butts light up.

I tell you,
I am a killer Monopoly player.

Roman taught me. He's vicious.

Buddy Reiser died.

Oh, no!

The president of Energy
and Resources died in bed.

He was your mentor, wasn't he?

One of the men I admired.

Hey, I'm trying to read here.

Yeah,
I'm reading the Wall Street Report.

Sorry, I think I have to
tell you this story.

A story that might save your lives

since we're up here in the North Woods.

I know the Heimlich maneuver.

No, this is

a bear story.

A true bear story.

See, Connie and I honeymooned
up at this very same lake.

Big spender.

We stayed at my uncle's cabin.

Uncle George?

Yeah, that's right.

One night we were getting ready for bed

and we heard this terrible noise
out by the trash cans.

You remember?

And, uh, I went downstairs

to check it out,

looked out the window.

And there

was the biggest, baddest bear

in the North Woods.

Sure, Dad.

No, it's true. It's true.

This bear was over eight feet high.

With big, white teeth.

Fangs

stained pink

from whatever it killed
before it got to our cabin.

It was frightening.

Frightening.

The paws on this thing
were immense...

Ugh.

...with big black claws,

razor sharp

like Freddy Krueger.

Only worse. Worse, worse.

This wasn't a movie. This was happening.
This was now. This was right in front of me.

And all that separated me
from that bear

was a pane of glass.

Honey, maybe we shouldn't
tell this story right now.

Mom, it's fine.

No, no. I'm thinking about nightmares.

No, no. They have to hear this.

Like I say, it might save
their life one day.

Now I saw that bear,

it saw me,

and it was hungry.

Hungry for blood!

Human blood.

You see, once a bear
gets a taste for blood,

it craves it,

it needs it.

It will do anything it can to get it.

That bear had become a man-eater.

Our eyes locked.
My heart was pumping.

Pump, pump, pump,

pump, pump.

I ran into the living room.

I grabbed the shotgun
off the mantle.

Turned around,

and there was that bear right in the window.

Its breath was fogging up the glass.

And suddenly it let out
this God-awful roar.

It started smashing on the walls.

Then the pots
and pans started rattling.

And the walls started shimmering
and the floorboards started lifting.

I knew then that it was either the bear
or your mom and I.

So I raised the rifle,
I took aim and I fired!

You wasted her?

Nah, Benny, Benny, Benny.
A shotgun's not gonna kill
a monster bear like that!

Well, what happened?

The buckshot shaved the hair
clean off the top of its head.

It ran off.
We never saw it again.

Oh, I hear from my uncle
every now and then.

And he'd tell us about
the bald-headed killer bear

that was roaming about the area.

The bald-headed killer bear

of Clare County.

Is she still around?

Oh! No, no, no.
That bear's gone.

She may be out there.

Crazy, bloodthirsty as ever.

So when you go to bed tonight,

if you hear a noise,

whatever you do,

don't look out the window.

Because it might be the bear!

Jesus Christ! I'm half-drunk here, Chet.
What are you trying to do?

Give me nightmares for a month?

Come on, Roman.

I can't believe you, Dad.
All right?

Oh, Benny, Benny, honey!

Gee, I'm 25 pounds overweight.
I don't need a blast to the ticker like that!

I felt my plaque start flowing again!

Really inappropriate, Chet.

What? It was a story!

Come on!

Oh, come on!
It was a kind of true story.

Part of it happened.
I just embellished a bit, that's all.
Come on, kids.

Oh, what? What?
What is that look?

Benny...

So now I get the look.
I was just trying
to have some fun.

Good night.

Oh, God!

So I made the fangs
a little bigger. Jeez.

I'm telling you, you got
nothing to be afraid of, okay?

I mean it.

Look, it's a story
my dad told me,

and I'm sure his dad told him,
and I'm telling you.

It's just made up.

One day you're gonna tell your kids
this story. You will. I guarantee it.

Good evening.

How's it going?

Listen, girls,

as your father,

I feel it incumbent upon me
to set the record straight

on the validity of the tale
which Uncle Chet
shared with us this evening.

I know that a terrifying story like that

coming from the mouth
of a recognized authority figure

could be traumatizing
for kids like yourselves.

I know that because I had a similar
experience with my Uncle Roy

and a story he used to tell
about a family that went into the woods

and was attacked by a band
of escaped army psychiatric patients

who'd been subjected to violent,

hellish, torturous behavior-modification
experiments.

It seems they escaped
from the metal boxes
the army kept them in,

found this family in the woods,

fell upon them,
slaughtered them and ate them.

Now, that story gave me nightmares
not to be believed.

I don't want Uncle Chet's bear story
to upset you in the same way.

So I'm here to say
that there actually is no bear

and that all
of what Uncle Chet was saying

was just a yarn, spinning
for our entertainment.

And even if there were a bear out there,
I'm in the house to protect you.

So, no more thinking
about bears, all right?

No more thinking
about unpleasant things.

We're gonna close our eyes
and dream about nice things.

About cuddly,

soft, fluffy things.

Okay?

Super.

Good night. Sleep tight.

Honey?

Chet? Where are you?

Oh, God! That's rotted. Oh!

Hello. Jerry Asmuth, please.
Roman Craig.

Yeah, I can hold,
but not for too long.

I'm in God's country here.
My signal's kind of weak.

- Honey?
- Yes, Roman?

Why is it Chet's kids
look at him like he's Zeus

and my kids look at me
like I'm a rack of yard tools
at Sears?

I mean, why can't they
connect with me?

Well, honey,
maybe if you spent less time at work

and a little more time with us,
things would be different.

Put a cork in it, honey.
Talking business.

Jerry. Yeah, Roman.
How are you?

Listen, I'll save us a lot of trouble now
and cut right to the chase.

I got an unbelievable
investment opportunity for you.

You got about three minutes
and 25 grand? Jerry?

Did you hear what I said?

Lost the signal here.
These cellular phones, they don't work.

Well, maybe he hung up on you.

Why would our minister
hang up on me?
I've been to his church.

Oh, yeah! Once!

All right!

How about that, huh?

We're gonna be scraping
the bugs off our teeth
with this baby, Ben!

That's too much boat.
It's just too much.

Can I ask you a question?
Sure. Are you hungry?

Give me four chili dogs
and two plain dogs, please.

That's six hot dogs, Dad.

It's for everybody, all right?
And I'm hungry.

So?

Oh, yeah. Do you mind if I
just walk around for a while?
You know, cruise the town?

I can walk back when I'm done.

All right, all right.
But you gotta promise me

when you get back we're gonna
spend some time together.
Right.

That's why we're up here, you know.
I know.

That's the point of this trip,
to be in the woods.

The men, the guys, together.

Rugged, manly, all that stuff.
The full nine yards.

Exactly.
All right?

Right.

Give me a hug.
What?

Give me a hug, will you?
Come on.
Dad...

I'm too old for hugs.

You're never too old for hugs.

Can I go now?
Thank you very much. Thank you.
Go, go, go.

If you meet any friends, bring them back.
We'll give them a ride in Suck My Wake.

God! Great.

You've got it in neutral!

It's okay.

It's in neutral.
You gotta put it...

Okay.
Dad, I'll figure it out.
Just give me the skis already.

I'm sorry, I forgot.
You're a professional skier already.

You don't need any notes on this, huh?

You don't need any help
from somebody who might know
a little something about skiing, huh?

We're gonna go over it
one more time, okay?
Fine.

- Come on, this is important, Ben.
- Okay!

What are we doing sitting here?

You know, he's teaching the kid,
giving him lessons.
Wants Benny to be safe.

Lean back. There you go.
Doesn't that feel better?

Yeah.

There you go.
Okay, we're leaning back.
Okay, now there's trouble.

What?
There's some trouble.

Come on, Ben,
what are we gonna do?

Let go of the rope.

How many times
have I told you?

Let go of the rope.
If you're in trouble,
let go of the rope.

Remember, go loose when you fall.
Just go loose.

- What is he doing?
- I don't know.

I don't know, he's shaking.
Some kind of a new dance
or something.

- Okay, hold this. Thanks, Dad.
- Fix your vest up.

Are we gonna ski or what?

I can't tell you...

...how important this is.

Let's go! Ski or flee.

Honey, he's waving.

Ah, he's going. All right.

Whoa!

Hey, Dad, let go of the rope!

Help me, for God's sake!

Holy shit!

Oh, no!

Wow!

Whoa!

You bastard!

Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa!

You bastard, Roman!

What's he saying?

You bastard!

What's he saying?
"Faster."

Go faster!

Hi!

Roman, what the hell
are you doing?

I love to see him relaxing.

I'm dead! I'm dead!
I'm dead! I'm dead!

I'm dead!
I'm dying! I'm dying!

I'm dying!

I'm alive. I'm alive.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Ah, no!

What are you doing?

What's it look like I'm doing?

I am not taking any more
of Roman's crap.

If you like him, you stay with him,
'cause I'm through. I'm out of here.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
What happened that got you so crazy?

"What happened?"
Come on! "What happened?"
Yeah.

How about Roman dragging me
all over the goddamn lake?
How about that for starters, huh?

Not bad, huh?

Have you seen my ass lately?
No, not recently.

Well, I'll be picking splinters out of it
from now until the day I die!

Oh, honey, come on.

Oh, you find that funny?
Yeah, that was hysterical, wasn't it?

No, it wasn't really funny,
but because I love you, it was.

God. Thanks a lot!

What about the kids?

What about his kids?
Let's talk about his kids.

His kids, they're spooky,
all right?

I'm waiting for their heads
to rotate around
and vomit pea soup.

I mean our kids.

Our kids already do that.

What about this father-son thing?
You're gonna leave, you're gonna pack up?

Come on!

The guy's driving me crazy!

You're a big man. And you're a nice man.
And you're above all this.

Oh, don't.
Hey, you are.

Oh, come on.

I know it to be true.

All right, don't! Don't. Don't!

Come on, I'm mad. I'm mad.

All right, all right,
what are you saying?
I'm being silly?

Crazy! Stop.

Why do you always do this
to me, you know?

I'm crazy about you. Kiss me.

Do you feel better?
I do, and I'm sorry.

I just feel like a little kid.
I feel a lot better.

Why did you do this?
Why now? I was ready to go!

Why, why, why?

I was almost in the car!

Now I've got to spend
a week with Roman!

Come on. You're gonna have fun
from now on in, I promise you.

Roman's making goat cheese pizza
and we'll take it over to the lodge.

He's making what?

What did you say?
Pizza?

No, you didn't say pizza,
you said something else.

Big man pizza.
What are you hiding?

Big pizza!

You don't have to hide from me.
Tell me what it is.

Pizza.
You said a "goat" in there.

Is he making goat pizza or something?
What is this? Hey! Come here. Connie!

Roman, I got a few things
to gnaw over with you.

What's going on, Wally?

I found your youngsters
inside the mine perimeter.

What mine?

There's an old mica mine
on the other side of the property.

It's full of boreholes
and sinkholes and pits,
caves, hollows.

The war shut the facility down.
It's never been reopened.

Anyway, the kids go there
and they yell down the hole

so they can hear their voices echo.

I'm not gonna tell you
what the teenagers do there.

I'll bet.

Tell Ripley, too, huh?
Done.

Take care of them, Roman.

We got a shot to see
a female Elvis impersonator
over in White Water

and you want to wish
happy birthday to a guy
you never even met?

You want to go to White Water,
go to White Water.

As for me,
I find it more interesting
to pay my respects

to a man who's had the courage
to live on this earth 109 years.

You know, he's the oldest living man
in Canada, kids. Isn't that something?

Personally, I'd rather see
a 46-inch bust singing Burning Love.

Hey, Wally!
How you doing?

How about a nice club soda, please?
I'm driving tonight.

Nice outfit!
You're Mr. Coordinated tonight, huh?

Well...
Quite the look on you.

Well, the pants
are riding up the butt something fierce

but I'll get by.

Wally, what's the bear dump
situation like?

We got a good one.

Good evening, sir.
Happy birthday.

He must be hard of hearing or something.

Try again.

Do you speak English?

Our sincerest
congratulations, sir.

You wishing Mr. Tompkins
a happy birthday?

Yeah, Dad, about 100 times.
I don't think the guy can hear us
or something. He's deaf.

How about a nice group photo, huh?
Give me your camera.
All right, everybody get in there.

What do I do,
push the red button?

Just the red button, Dad.

- How do you focus?
- You don't focus.

You don't have to focus?
You don't have to focus.
Just push the red button.

Chet, I don't like them youngsters
climbing around Mr. Tompkins like that.

He ain't no jungle gym.

All right, girls, why don't you kiss
Mr. Tompkins on the cheek?

- A nice kiss on the cheek.
- No.

Come on, it's cute.

What old man wouldn't like
a little girl kissing him on the cheek?

A dead one.
Huh?

Bill died in the car
on the way over here.

Jesus, Dad!

Go wash, go wash, go wash!
In the bathroom. In the bathroom.

How could you do that?
I didn't do that. He did it.

You're disgusting. Kids?

That was a real good shot.
That was really, really good.

What the hell...

Hey, you gave her a world-class goose
with the pool cue, Buck.

She's so cute!

Violent, but yeah, cute.

You got chalk right there.

Look, I'll be back
in a couple of minutes, okay?

What about the bear dump?

Hey, it's crowded.
Hey, this is great.

Yeah, Dad.

See, a lot of people
are hip to this.

Oh, yeah. Hey!

All right.
Look at those bears!

Huh? Are you scared or what?

Look at the bears!

They're great, Dad.
"They're great, Dad."

I've got a great idea.
You're gonna see some bears.

Dad.

Here you go.

Nice Zagnut.

Yeah!

Come on.

Come on.

Come on! More!

Come on. Here's some more.

Jeez. Boy, he likes those.

Now we'll get some action.

Whoa. Big head on him.

Whoo boy!

Easy, easy, easy there! Easy!

Hey, come on, watch the paint job.

Hey, shoo!

Look at the size
of those teeth. Whoo.

Jeez.

Hey, shoo! Go on!

Dad, I wouldn't do that.

All right. You may be right.
Yeah, he's looking at us.

He's not finished, that's it.
When he finishes, he'll go.

He's a pretty big bear.

Very big.
Yeah.

Just let him eat
his candy bar.

Shoo, shoo, shoo. Hi.

How you doing?

Whoa, jeez.

Ah, jeez. All right,
all right, all right. Okay.

Let me rethink this.

Hey! What the hell?

All right...

I've... I've told you
I loved you, right?

Yeah.
Good, good.

What do you say
we call it a night, huh?

Holy jeez.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
We started something.

Um...

Let's call it an evening.

Yeah, I'm tired.
Me, too. Me, too.

Yeah, let's just go.

That didn't scare him, Dad.

I'm gonna move now.

I'm moving now!

All right, I'll just drive out.

He'll jump right off, son.
Don't you worry.

Dad, isn't it illegal
to drive with a bear
on your hood?

I don't know in this state, son.
Look, I just don't...

Yogi and Boo Boo in the flesh.

I wish to hell Ranger Smith
would get out here and get us home.

Hey, easy on the roof, pal.

We should've brought
Uncle Roman's car.

Knock, knock.

You didn't give me
a chance to apologize.

Can I sit down?

I don't own the park.

Oh.

Look, um...

I just got here. I'm from...
Chicago.

How did you know?

Look, it's no big trick, dude.

Live all your life in this town,
it becomes like second nature.

Guess this means that
I met my first local.

You don't know how local I am.

You know...

it's... It's a really
beautiful town.

I mean...
It's a hole in the earth.

Look, why don't you
just save your breath?

I'm not a tourist attraction.

What did I do?

Hey, Dad.

How you doing, handsome?

What are you doing
down here?

Getting a breath
of night air.

Hey, you wanna take
a spin in the rowboat?

Right now?
Yeah, what the hell?

In the dark?
We'll check out some stars.

I don't know, Dad.
Come on. Let's do something.

You know, we're here.
Let's go. Come on.

Come on. I'll let you row.

Oh, great.

It'll be fun.
Yeah.

Boy, what a beautiful sky!

Smell that air.
Isn't that something?

That's the old city
in your lungs.

Get rid of that.
You're getting the good air in there now.

You know, one day you're gonna be
coming up here with your kids.

Yeah. Maybe.

I want to give you something.

Dad, you're not gonna
kiss me in the boat under the moon, are you?

I'm not gonna kiss you.

I'm gonna give you my ring.

Why?

Why? Because my father
gave it to me,

and now I'm giving it to you.

You're grown up now.
You deserve it.

So, like...

You and I coming up to the woods
is like your father bringing you here.

Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah. I understand.

Thanks for the ring.

How you doing, Cammie?

Can I help you?

I don't know.
What's the house specialty?

Where am I supposed
to put the tray?

Well, from the way
you spoke to me last night,

I'm sure you can think
of a hundred good places.

I'm sorry about that.
I was in kind of a bad mood, okay?

Don't worry about it.
It happens to me all the time. It's no big deal.

But that doesn't mean
I didn't mean what I said.
For the most part, it's true.

Wait. You don't even know me.

How can you say that's true of me?

It's a safe assumption.

Excuse me. Can we
get some service over here?

Yeah, I'll be right there. Just a sec.
Look, I gotta go. Okay?

What time do you finish work?

8:00.

8:00?

And where are you gonna be
after work at 8:00?

I'll be around.

Can I see you?

Yeah, if you can find me.

I got you! I got you!

Oh!

Come on, Chet.
Better ride up here.

If you trail behind,
the Indians will get you.

- Come on, honey.
- Uncle Roman, wait for Dad.

Dad, hurry up.

Oh, boy.

Watch out
for those Wisconsin rattlers or wild boar.

Honey, come on!
Whoa. Whoa.

Wait up, you guys.

Hey, come on. Whoa! Hey, ow!

Easy. All right.
Okay, have it your way.

I'll just get off.

Here we go. You all right?

Okay, let's go. We'll walk it.

Come on. Come on! Let's...

Hey. Easy, easy.
Now, let's just walk back to the stable.

All right?
I'm walking, you're walking.

Let's have a nice easy walk.
Come on.

All right. All right.
That was your last chance.

That's it. Have it your way.

I don't wanna do this,
but you forced me to.
Remember that.

I hate to do this to you.

Normally, I'm not
a mean person, but I'm a...

Hey! Come back here!
Son of a bitch!

I tell you that baby I was riding
was a purebred. Purebred mule horse.

You rode it like it was.

Hey, I'm telling you,
that baby was bred for packing.

Honey, you're a stud.
You look great on that horse.

- Here he comes.
- Where's our pal? Where is he?

Oh, my gosh! Hi, honey.

He lost his mount.
Hey, how you doing there, trooper?

Where's that ball-slapping
nag you were riding?

He looks a little
worse for wear, doesn't he?

You okay, Dad?

I'm okay.
Did that horse buck you off?

What happened?

You got hungry
and had to eat the nag, huh?

Let's go home.
I think I'll go home.
You go home?

Home? We've got a whole day
of activities planned.
A little nap.

No, come on!
Oh, yeah.

I'm fine. A little nap.
Ah, come on. Hey!

Yeah, I know muskie's
the big-deal fish up in these waters,

but you come with me
up to the Norfolk Canyon
off the coast of Virginia,

I'll strap you into a fishing chair

and let you hook into
a 1,000-pound blue marlin.

Buddy, you're gonna know
what fishing's all about with a capital "F".

You'll have to excuse my brother-in-law.

He gets a couple cocktails into him,
he becomes an expert on everything.

I don't need cocktails for that.
Was that a shot?

No, that was the truth.

That was a shot!

That was a shot.

Speaking of shots, set us up.

This guy's a riot.

Isn't he, though?
Everybody loves him, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

By the way, Herm, you make
a lot of tips on this job?

Well, I do all right.

Who's handling your investments?

My wife's got some egg money
put aside.

But she's a real bear.
Won't give it up to me.

Yeah. Well, I'll take her phone number.
I'll change that.

Believe me, that's what I do for a living.

Investments is what I do!

How you doing?

Well, it ain't raining.

It ain't raining so that's good.

Yeah, I guess so.

You fellows met Reg?

I don't think so. How you doing?

Roman Craig.
Pleased to meet you.

Chet Ripley. How do you do?

That's quite a hairdo
you got going there, Reg.

That a neo-skunk thing or...
Roman, what are you...

He's got the hair.
You don't have to say anything.

His hair turned white
'cause lightning hit him.

He's been struck by lightning,
how many times is it now, Reg?

Six.

Six times!

Sixty-six times

in the head!

Sixty-six times!

God! That's gotta hurt!

You'll never meet a guy
more tuned into the barometric
pressure than Reg is.

Yeah.

You see him running like hell
for home, you head for cover.

Right, Reg?

Hey, buddy, you pay for the drinks.
I gotta go to the john. I'll be right back.

Gonna introduce Mr. Thick Dick
to Mr. Urinal Cake.

Aw, jeez, Roman, do you have to be...

What I really want to say
is thank you.

This is very important to Roman and me.
I miss you, Connie.

Oh, honey.

It's so lonely being wealthy.

I wouldn't know about that.

No, no, I mean it, honey!
I mean it. It is lonely.

He works terrible hours. Travels.

There'll be times we'll go a month
without going to bed together.

Really, a month? That long?

Mmm-hmm. Sometimes I think
the only way I'll get any pleasure

is by leaning against the washer
during the spin cycle.

Does that really work?

Have you ever seen
whiter whites?

When do you go back
to Chicago?

Um, three days.

You know, I've never had a boyfriend
for longer than two weeks.

Get out of here.

That's why I was such a bitch
to you that first night.

No, you weren't a bitch.

Yes, yes, I was.

It's no big deal.
Don't worry about it.

That's why I don't understand
what I'm doing here with you.

Look, I've never even
had a girlfriend.

I mean, I've dated girls, but, you know,

I never had one
I'd call my girlfriend.

What would you call me?

Officially?

Ahem. Girlfriend?

And you're leaving in three days.

See what I mean?
Yeah.

Well?

Well what?

What, what, what, what?

It touched me!

It's been touching you for 12 years!
You never freaked!

- Not you!
- What?

- A thing!
- What thing?

What's going on, for God sakes?
What is it? What is it? What is it?

That thing!

It's just a little sparrow.

Come on, Roman, it's got ears!

Jesus Marie! It's a tiny flying mouse,
not a grizzly bear.

I am not going back in there
until you get it out.

All right. We'll get it out.
We'll get it out. Chet?
What?

Run down to the shed,
get a shovel.

Go in there
and get that radar-guided vermin.

Yeah.

Why me?

Well, it's your cabin.
We didn't order one with bats.

Well, you stay here too, you know.
You're the host.

So, what?
Stop fighting and go, go, go kill it.

I don't think we have to kill it, mom.

Kill it!
No, Ben, it didn't do anything.

It attacked me.

Okay, he's wimping out.
I'll have to take care of it.

I am not wimping, all right?
I'm just thinking, that's all.

There's a big difference
between wimping and thinking.

You want me to take care of the thing,
I'll take care of the thing.

I was just wondering
who was gonna do it. I'll do it. I'll do it.

I'll take care of it.

Like to get some sleep.
That's what I'd like to do.

Afraid of a little bat.

So?

It buzzed me.

We need a plan.
It's bigger than I thought.
It's about a two-pounder.

Two-pounder?
Yeah, big wings.

Wow.

It's got the teeth.
Terrible. It's frightening.

Wow.

I think we have to...
We have to do something.

What we need, Roman, big plan, big plan.
That's what we need.

We'll have this
little baby squealing mayday
by midnight.

All right. Let's split up.

Do you see him?
He's hiding.

I know that.
Turn out the lights.

Why?
He's nocturnal.

He'll think
it's daytime like this.

Good point.

Now we got him.

Come on, you little
sonar-guided rodent.

Connie, bats carry rabies,
don't they?

Yeah, among other things.
What? Do they?

I'm gonna call him.
I'm gonna call him now.

Okay, okay, just be still.

All right.

Are you kissing him
or are you calling him?

No, I'm calling him down.

That's just the sound they make.
The high-pitched squeal.

Okay, okay.

Right there. Right there, Dad.
Look up! Look up!

Oh, no.
Oh.

I got him!

Think fast! Think fast!

Get the light on him.
Get the light on him.

Dad, keep your eye
on the bat, okay?

Look at that thing move!

Christ almighty!
Oh, jeez, my head!

Oh, my head.

Where is he? Where is he?

I don't know.
He's in the rafters.
He's refueling!

Where are you? Where are you?

Right here!

He's on my face! He's on my face!

Hold still!

Honey.

We got it!

We got it!

Oh, the pain.

Chet, we got it.

Ooh, that had to hurt.

What a fighter.

Boy, he was something!
I salute him!

But we gotta get some sleep.

Hey.

Glad to see you.
Yeah.

What time do you get off work tonight?

8:00.

Great, I'll meet you at 9.00.

Okay. Where?

I don't know.
You're the one who lives here.

Um, the bait shop?

Sure.

I'll buy you some worms.

You won't ditch me?

Wait a second.
Why would I ditch you?

I don't know.
I'm waiting for it to happen.

Look, if I ditch you,

you have my permission
never to speak to me
as long as we both shall live.

Promise?
Promise.

I got to go.

See you later.

Bye.

Yeah. That should do it. Yeah.

I think that's a good idea.

All right. I'll have the Royal Canadian
Mounted beef barley soup.

Ooh! Yeah.
Yeah.

And then that bucket of salad.

Oh, I'll split that with you.

You will?
Yeah.

All right, do that.
That would help.

And then the...

I guess the medley of perch.

That's my favorite.

- Okay.
- Miss?

What's the Old '96er?

Oh, that's our world-famous
Paul Bunyan's Blue Ox Steak.

It is a 96-ounce
prime-aged beef steak.

And if you or any member
of your party orders the Old '96er
and finishes,

everybody eats for free.

Not bad, huh?

Want to go for it, girls?

Oh, Roman.

How about you, Chet?

People seem to like that.

I'll try it. What the heck.
Okay, great.

Yeah, it sounds good.

Seriously, though,
has anybody ever eaten one?

Oh, no. No. Not in my lifetime, no.

Bon appétit.

Oh, good God.

- Look at that.
- Check it out.

How is he?

Mmm.
Huh?

That's good. Processing nicely.
Processing very, very good.

All right, continue.

All right.

I did it.

I think that just about does it.

He's not done yet.

Well, he may take a little while
with that last bite,
but it'll go down.

That ain't the last bite.

Well, sure it is.
There's nothing on that plate
but gristle and fat.

Oh, God, no.

No problem.

Listen, if can I get a dessert down him,

you think you could throw in
a couple of Paul Bunyan hats
for the kids?

Mind if I go now?

They'll be telling
their grandkids about this.

Oh, boy! What a night, huh?

Okay, but don't be too late.

Where's he going?

That Jimbo's not a bad guy.
I just had a word with him.
Here's the kicker.

Shit!

Oh, my God.

Oh, jeez.

Look at the size
of the maggots on that meat.

Oh, honey.

Oh!

Oh, my God.
Honey.

Let's go, everybody,
move it out. It's 5 a.m.

Fishing boat's shoving off in 15 minutes.

These are the biggest worms
I've ever encountered.

They're not worms,
they're leeches.

Jesus!
I am not touching leeches, Dad.
No way.

Cut it out, will you?
They don't bite.

No. They suck blood.

Ow! Would you watch the hook?

Dad, that's my hook.

Where's the bins?
Where's the flashlights?

I don't know.
Right over there, behind you.

You owe me big for this one.

Oh!

Very funny, very funny.
Gimme a leech, will you?

Ugh, sick, God.

Has everybody
got their leech?

Yeah.

Okay. All right.
On the count of three,
insert your hook. Ready?

One, two, three.

Oh, God!

May I speak with Cammie, please?

Oh, yeah, hold on just a minute.

Cammie, phone.

Okay. Cammie's really busy
waiting on cars right now.
May I take a message?

All right.
Just please tell her that Buck called.

Okay, fine, Buck.
Goodbye.

Now what are you up to?

What does it look like I'm up to?

It looks like you're wanking your crank.

I'm trying to build a fire, all right?

You might as well
pour ice cubes in there.

You'll never get a fire going that way.

You don't crumple a newspaper up.
You twist it. Twist it.

Lengthwise to simulate kindling.

That's the way you get it going.

Maybe, Roman, just maybe

I'm trying to
heat up the flue.

Oh, he's heating the flue.

Meanwhile the human beings
in the room are freezing to death.

I'm really not cold. Not at all.

Oh, thank you for sharing that.
Thank you.

I'm so sorry, Roman.
Forgive me.

Why don't you come over here
and show me how to do it?

You talk a great game.

Come over. Let's see a little action.
After all, you know everything.

You know exactly what to do
at any given moment.

Katie, you were absolutely right.

We should have gone to Europe.
Or maybe even Haiti, or Antarctica.

Or the Dead Sea.
Would've had a lot more fun!

Is that a fact?

Well, nobody forced you
to come up here, buddy boy.

As a matter of fact, I don't remember
anybody inviting you up here.

Do you remember
inviting him?

I sure as hell don't.

And what exactly is that
statement supposed to mean?

You figure it out for yourself.

No, no, no, you specify,
you clarify it for me. All right?

Just as a common courtesy,
if you don't mind.

You know damn well what he means.

I think they're trying to say
that we're not welcome.

Aha! What did I hear?

We've got a bingo!

You did figure it out, Kate.

So, now it's all starting to ooze out.
It's very interesting, isn't it, Katie?

Yeah, very.

Especially since we threw aside our plans.

And we had a great European
vacation planned.

Threw aside our plans
to come up here,

to show these dead asses
how to start to learn to have a good time.

Thanks for ruining
my vacation, Ripley.

What was that?

Ruining your vacation?
Is that what you said?

Oh, come on.

I don't believe...
I don't believe I heard you say that.

You'd better believe it!

Don't push it, Roman!

You ain't even
seen pushing yet!

You know the trouble with you, Ripley?

You wouldn't know a good time

if it fell out of the sky,
landed on your face
and started to wiggle.

Oh, you have an awful lot of nerve, Roman.
A lot of nerve.

It's served me well.
I'm the one with the Mercedes.

Ooh! Ah!

By the way, is it paid for?

Are you jealous, Chester?

Don't call me Chester!

Call me that one more time,
you're gonna go home
with a dent in your forehead.

Yeah!
That'll be the day.

Would you like one to match his?

Hey, take your hands off her!
You wanna go right now?

Dad, Dad, Dad,
no one's denting anybody.

Thanks, Bucky.

Oh, bite the big one, Uncle Roman!

Hey, don't talk to adults that way!

Why not?
Because it's rude.

Oh, blow it out your ass.

Roman, why don't we just get out of here?
Come on, honey.

Come on, girls, let's go.
Very good idea.

Well, it's the first good idea
you've had since you've been here.

And by the way,
don't steal any of our stuff.

What stuff is there to steal?

We've got stuff!

You're a louse!

Oh! Well, go find yourself
a spin cycle.

Yeah, go find yourself
a spin cycle.

What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Never mind, honey.

All right, calm down,
calm down.

Okay.

Dad?

Yes, Ben?

Does this mean
we won't get a Christmas present
from Uncle Roman?

Oh, blow it out your ass, Ben!

Okay, okay, okay.
Nobody's blowing anything
out their ass. Okay?

What we're having here
is a little problem.

And your father and I...

It does not mean
we don't love Uncle Roman and Aunt Kate.

It just means that
we are having some emotions.

What it means...

What it means is I would like to blow
Uncle Roman out my ass!

That's what it means.

I don't want to hear anymore
about anyone blowing anything
out their ass.

You might as well blow
the whole family out your ass
while you're at it, Dad.

Ben, do you understand
what's going on here, son, huh?

Do you understand what your mother
and I are trying to say?

Aunt Kate and Uncle Roman
are incredible butt heads. Right?

Exactly.

All right, troops, mount up.
We're ready to roll.

You all packed?

Actually, I just took a moment
to think things over.

And I'm gonna tell you something
I had previously decided not to.

I came up here for a reason.

Chet, I came up here to talk
to you about an investment.

In fact, I'll be quite honest.
I came up to solicit $25,000 from you.

I knew it. I knew it. I knew it.

Hey, look.

A unique investment opportunity
came my way.

I'm sitting in the office
trying to figure out a short list

of the people I'm gonna bless
with this opportunity,
and I say bless,

because this is so good and so sure,
it should be illegal.

And it probably is.

Well, it's not.

It's inside,
but it's not illegal.

Well, the upside is phenomenal,
the downside is zip.

As I was sitting there
thinking about people

I might want to involve in this venture,
well, your name came up.

Why?

Because you are blood.
You're family.

If a guy can't help his family,
what the hell good is he?

The fact of the matter is, Chet,

I came up here to offer you
a chance to make some really big money.

Well, it's funny
you didn't mention this before.

You didn't want to talk about money!

Oh, baloney!

Hey, look,
I was picking my moment.

You were picking your nose.

Now, there's no mystery here, Chet.
I know how you really feel about me.

Do you?
Yep.

And I knew that
if I was ever to give you something,

that you'd figure
there'd be strings attached.

Is that a fact?

Yeah, that's a fact.

At our wedding,

you were in the john
with Kate and Connie's dad.

You were talking.

Do you happen to remember
the substance of that conversation?

No, I don't.

Yeah? Well, I do.

It's one I'll never forget.

Because I heard you say,
and I quote,

"That Roman Craig
is a crooked son of a bitch."

The next time you stab
somebody in the back, Chester,

you better check
under the stalls for feet.

You know, you may think I'm made
out of armor and nails, man,

but I'm just like
any other human being.

And when I get cut, it hurts.
And that cut me.

And I hurt.

Roman, I'm...

I'm sorry. I...

I had a lot to drink that night.

And I really don't remember saying that.
But if you said I did,

then

I must have.

I apologize to you both.
It was a terrible thing to say.

Look, I don't hold grudges
and I don't have any hard feelings.

To show you I'm the kind of guy
that can forgive and forget,

well, I'd still like to offer you
a piece of that investment.

You're sweet.

I don't know what to say,
Roman. I... I...

I feel like a real idiot.

What exactly is
this thing again?

That's $25,000.
What's your cash position?

It isn't $25,000.
That's an awful lot of money.

Well, can you get it?

No.

I think
I can make an arrangement or two

at the bank on Monday,
if that's okay.

Hey, look,
now, whatever you want to do.

You can write a check now
for as much as you can cover.

I'll make up the difference,
and we'll square it away on Monday.

If that's okay with...

Is your checkbook in the purse?

Yeah.

Great. Okay.
Then that's fine.

Bye.
Goodbye.

Well, I think it's a real testament
to the strength of the family

that we can disagree
so vehemently,

and get on each other's nerves
so badly over the past week,

and still part on good terms.

Absolutely.

After all the disagreements
that you and Chet had,

you still thought to include him
in that investment.

And, you know, I thought
it was a wonderful moment
of trust on his part

that he wrote you that check.

That's a lot of money for him.

From what I gathered from Connie,
it's probably half a year's salary.

I wouldn't be surprised if that
was Ben and Buck's college money.

You know, you have a knack with money,

and I think it's great
that you're sharing it with him,

and I think it's great
that he accepted your offer.

That he trusts you
with his financial well-being.

Oh, I hope this investment
really works out for them.

I gotta go back.

What, did you forget something?

Honey, you're scaring me.
Are you all right?

I'll be all right
once I settle this.

Roman,
what are you doing?

Katie, sit down.
What?

Katie, you'll need to sit down
to hear what I have to say.

Oh, gee, it's wet!

Hurry up!

Let's go.

Chet, I'm gonna level with you.

I'm a phony. I'm a fraud. I'm a fake.

From my $15 imitation Bally slip-ons
to our replicated Rolexes.

We're broke, we're bankrupt,
we're busted.

We're busted?

We were living well, right?
Well beyond our means.

I'm full of shit, Chet.
I haven't been trading in over two years.

This deal came up. It looked good.
I got overextended,

couldn't meet my calls.
I lost my seat on the exchange.

I go to work every morning.

But now I wear a blue runner's jacket
and fetch coffee.

I lost everything.

Why didn't you tell me?
Did you think that I wouldn't understand?

Baby, I knew you'd understand.

I also knew you wouldn't
let me come up here
and put the bite on Connie and Chet.

It was my only last hope.

Now, look, Roman.

Now, you know I never
turn my back on family.

I know.
That's why I came up here.

And by the way, that story
about you and your brother
in the can at the wedding?

I made it up.

You what?

You made it up?

All right, all right.
I got it, I got it.

Oh!

Oh, jeez!

Whoo!

Oh.

Oh, what happened?

Power's out!

Where's the flashlight?

Chet?

What happened
to the lights, Dad?

You kids been fooling around
with the flashlight?

Look at this.
$110 for a lighter.

It doesn't even work.

Seventy-nine cents.

Whoa! Hot! Ow!

Boy, I haven't seen weather
like this for years.

Roman, where are the girls?

Have you seen them?

Have you seen them?
No.

All right, spread out.
Let's look for them.
Let's all just...

They're hiding under a bed or something.

Come on, it's this way.

No, it's this way.
I remember.

Look for a big hole.

We'll find them, Katie.
We'll find them.

They're gonna be all right.

They'll be okay.
Don't worry about a thing.

I want you boys to stay here
and look after your mother and your aunt.
All right?

We'll help you.

Don't give me any lip, okay?
There's too much lightning
going on out there.

Here's the fence.
Here's the fence.

Hey, wait for me!

Cara! Mara!

Try this way.
Okay.

Oh, there we go.
There we go.

There we go.

Great.

I can't see anything.

Oh, neat!

No, I found it.
I wanna go first.

No, I wanna! I wanna!

Hello?

Hello?

Cara!

Mara! Girls!

Cara! Mara!

Girls! Cara! Mara!

Cara! Mara!

Help! Help!

Put your light up there.

There!

Girls! Girls, is that you?

Girls!

It's your Uncle Chet.
Are you all right?

Help!

We'll be right down. Go on.

Not me.
What?

I'm claustrophobic.
I get in a closed-up space
and I lock up.

What if I lose it?
You won't lose it.

What if I blow it?
What are we gonna do?
We gotta get some help.

We don't have time.
You can do it.

Roman, they're your children.
Be their father, for God sakes.

For the first time
in your life, be their father!

Now, come on.
Get in there and help your kids.

Girls, your dad will be right down.
Daddy's coming.

Let's go. Let's go.
You can do it. You can do it.

All right.
Okay, come on.

There you go.

I'm gonna go get a light
and some rope. Okay?

Are you all right?
Yeah.

Take it easy.

Don't think about anything
like tight places.

Like a submarine
or a coffin or anything.

Come back.
I'll be back.

You come back!

Oh, my little sweeties!

Oh!

Oh! I love you. I love you.

Chet! Chet, they're all right!

"Apollo unicel..."

It's dynamite!

It's wet, old dynamite.

It's fine. It's fine.

Chet! Chet!

Ripley!

Okay. All right,
we wanna get outta here.

It's cold, it's wet,
and you don't want to
stay here anymore, do you?

Okay, you hang onto Daddy
as tight as you can,
all right? Okay?

Damn! Come on.

Oh, oh, oh.

Big one. Big spider.
Big spider.

Okay, climb on, Cara.
Mara, get on
your sister's back.

Okay, grab hold of my jacket.

Okay, hang on, okay?
Hang on tight.

My babies.

Which way?

Hang on. We're almost there.
Almost there.

Oh, jeez, damn!

Come on.

Go, Cara, go!

Let's just go back
to the cabin.

Your mother's probably
worried sick about you.

Here we go! Okay.

Hang on. Hang on.

Roman! Girls! I'm back.

I got everything. I'm here.

I'll have you out
in a second.

Just a minute. Hold on.

I'm sorry it took so long.
I'll explain it all later.

Just a sec. Get off me!
I've got a rope.

You'll be fine.

I'm gonna tie a loop
at the end of this thing,
all right?

Then I'm gonna throw it down.

Then one at a time
I'll pull you up, okay?

Here comes the rope.

Watch your heads.
Here it comes!

All right. Have you got it?

Okay. Okay, you got it?
Good. Good.

Okay. All right,
now you let me know

when you're ready to come up,
when you put it on, okay?

Then I'll pull you up.

All right. Fine.
You're ready. Okay.

All right, just a second.

Okay, girls,
Uncle Chet's here.

Okay.

Roman, you could help on this,
you know.

All right.

One, two, three, go!

Whoa! Hey!
What the hell are you doing?

When I say "ready," huh?

When I say "ready."

All right. On "ready."

Here we go.

Come on.

Help out a bit, will you?

Here it comes.
We'll be going home soon.

Roman and I are gonna have
a talk a little later on, girls.

We're gonna talk about
helping people.

Okay, here we go now.
Everybody help Uncle Chet.

Come on! Yeah!

We did it!

I did it!

A bald-headed bear!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Big bear!

Oh, my God!

I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die.

No, no, go away.
Leave me alone!

Go away!

Help!

Help! Help!

Hey, he's back, everybody!

Chet!

Hi!

Where the hell were you?

Come on in.
I'm making you a sandwich.

Big! Big! Whoo, big!

Big? All right,
I'll make a big one.

Big bear!

Big bear!

No! True! True! Out there.

We're glad you're home, honey.

Big bear chase...
Big bear chase...

What is he saying?
What?

Big bear chase me!

Whoo!

Upstairs! There's a bear!

Oh, get off me.
Get off, you son of a bitch.

Roman. Roman.

Uncle! Uncle! Uncle!

My God! Protect us!

Mom.

Oh, honey!

Connie, stay down! Stay down!

Hit him with the poker!
Hit him!

Look out, Roman!

Big bear. Big bear chase me.

Chase me!

Oh, thank God you're here.

Yeah, I'm here.
Thank God you're here.

Shoot him! Shoot him!

That's a goddamn lamp!

But it's loaded.

I can't hold on much longer!

Shoot him!

Oh, right in the...

Okay, let's roll!
All right.

I can't believe that
I'm actually
gonna miss this place.

Uncle Chet?

Yes, sweetheart?

I had a really good time.

Oh, well, I'm glad.

Thanks, Uncle Chet.

My pleasure, sweetheart.
I hope you had a great time.

'Cause we had a nice time having you,
and we're gonna miss you.

Will I see you soon?

And don't drive too fast.
All right.

Take your seats,
in the trunk.

Roman, knock it off.

Cammie, if you're out there,

I just want you to know
I don't blame you for hating me.

Do city boys
always talk to themselves?

Look, I'm really sorry.

I want you to go back to Chicago
a crazed, lovesick maniac

who won't be able to
look at another girl
without comparing her to me.

Sounds good to me.

You're a good man.
You're the best.

You're not so bad yourself.

You drive safely.

Thanks.

Race you home.
You got it.

"Race you home."

Take care!

Bye, bye.

"Race you home."

Why would he say
"race me home"?

I mean, he lives
way the hell out in Oak Park.

It's just till he gets on his feet, honey.

I think you should be proud of him
not wanting to take your loan.

What are you saying?
Huh?

What are you saying?
We have plenty of room.

Connie.
If he beats us...

He is not staying
at our house.

Honey, if he beats us,
he'll get the good spot
in the garage!

Dad, to the memories.

To the memories.

Chester!
Buckley!

Get the hell in the car.
We gotta beat Uncle Roman home.
Move it! Move it!

Move it, everybody!
Let's go!

One, two, three

Ow! Uh!

All right, uh!

You got to know how to pony

Like Bony Maronie

Mashed Potato

Do the Alligator

Put your hands on your hips, yeah

Let your backbone slip

Do the Watusi

Like my little Lucy

Ow! Uh!

Naa-na-na-na-na

Na-na-na-na, na-na-na, na-na-na
na-na-na-naa

I need somebody to help me
say it one time

Naa-na-na-na-na

Naa-na-na-na, na-na-na-na
na-na-na

Na-na-na-na

Whoa!

Ow! Uh!

You know I feel all right, huh!

Feel pretty good, y'all, uh!

Naa-na-na-na-na

Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na
na-na-na

Na-na-na-naa

Come on, y'all,
let's say it one more time

Naa-na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na
Na-na-na, na-na-na

Na-na-na-naa

You got to know how to pony

Like Bony Maronie

Mashed potato

Do the Alligator

Put your hands on your hips, yeah

Let your backbone slip

Do the Watusi

Like my little Lucy

Ow! Uh!

Naa-na-na-na-na

Naa-na-na-na, na-na-na, na-na-na
Na-na-na-naa

I need somebody to help me
say it one time

Naa-na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na

Na-na-na-na, na-na-na
Na-na-na-naa

Whoa!

Ow! Uh!

You know I feel all right, huh!

Feel pretty good, y'all, uh!

Naa-na-na-na-na

Naa-na-na-na, na-na-na
na-na-na

Na-na-na-naa

Come on, y'all,
let's say it one more time

Naa-na-na-na-na

Na-na-na-na, na-na-na
na-na-na

Na-na-na-naa

Whoa!

Went into the alley

With Long Tall Sally

Twistin' with Lucy

Doin' the Watusi

Roll over on your back

I like it like that

Do that Jerk, oh

Now watch me work, y'all

Ow! Do it

Ow! Do it

Do it