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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,040 This programme contains strong language and adult humour. 2 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:07,960 I opened a cafe with my friend, Boo. Yeah, she's dead now. 3 00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:09,640 Thank you for coming in today. 4 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:11,840 That kind of thing won't get you very far here any more. 5 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:13,120 Oh! Argh! 6 00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:14,800 I suppose you should meet Hillary. 7 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:17,000 She's beautiful! 8 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,960 Mum died three years ago. 9 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:20,400 Loo, doo, ooh, badoo! 10 00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:21,840 All right, Dad? 11 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:24,320 Dad's way of coping with two motherless daughters was to buy us 12 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:26,640 tickets to feminist lectures, start fucking our godmother, 13 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:28,840 and eventually stop calling. Did you take the sculpture? 14 00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:29,920 What sculpture? 15 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,600 Martin's being lovely. 16 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,600 I am not drunk. Always drunk. 17 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:38,400 Jake's her step-son. He's really weird, probably clinically, 18 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:40,200 but no-one really talks about that. 19 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:44,360 No. I got the Finland promotion. That's amazing! Thank you.< 20 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:45,760 People make mistakes. 21 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:49,560 Your husband tried to kiss me on your birthday. 22 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:50,840 I'm just going to say this once. 23 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:52,320 He didn't try to kiss you. 24 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:55,160 He says it was more like the other way around. Believe me! 00:00:57,840 How can I believe you? Because I'm your sister! 26 00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:00,480 After what you did to Boo? 27 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:02,800 I'm sorry. I think you should go. 28 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:24,600 ♪ Strangers in the night 29 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:27,000 ♪ Exchanging glances 30 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,920 ♪ Wondering in the night 31 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:32,360 ♪ What were the chances 32 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:35,440 ♪ We'd be sharing love 33 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:41,280 ♪ Before the night was through? ♪ 34 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:42,680 KNOCK ON DOOR 35 00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:45,040 Can I do anything? 36 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:47,160 No, thank you. 37 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:50,200 They've gone. So... 38 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,800 ♪ Was so exciting 39 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:56,760 ♪ Something in my heart... ♪ 40 00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:58,320 Thank you. 41 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:04,000 ♪ ..told me I must have you. ♪ 42 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:09,280 This is a love story. 43 00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:15,880 You know when you've done everything? When you've been all... 44 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:18,000 Squat! Squat! Squat! Squat! 00:02:19,120 ..and... 46 00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:22,360 You've even... 47 00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:24,160 Do you want to have sex? 48 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:25,280 No! 49 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:29,320 Can I at least go down on you? No! 50 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:33,680 You've done everything, and you feel great. 51 00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:35,560 You're not even thinking about... 52 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:37,320 You don't even think about... 53 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:40,360 And even though your sister still hates you... Thank you. 00:02:43,040 ..you're pretending to be friends because your dad is... 55 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,680 I'm joking, he's just there... Here's to love. 56 00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:49,440 ..and engaged. ALL: To love! 57 00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:50,680 Love. Hey! 58 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:52,880 Urgh. 59 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:54,880 Congratulations, you assholes! 60 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:56,200 THEY LAUGH 61 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:05,200 HE TAPS A GLASS 62 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:09,720 STAMMERING: So, it means a great deal to both of us 63 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:12,960 that you, that we, 64 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:14,640 the family, are... 65 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,160 ..are all... 66 00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:23,360 ..together here for a very special family, er... 67 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:24,800 ..gang-bang, um... 68 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:26,680 TENTATIVE LAUGHTER 69 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:29,920 It's just, you know, being here... 70 00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:32,760 ..you know, I know we've had our... 71 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:35,640 Cos I... 72 00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:38,680 I have the feeling, um... 73 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:41,000 ..in... here... 74 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:44,840 So I just want to say... 75 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:49,000 ..very much. 76 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:54,560 And that's it. Oh, darling! 77 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:56,880 Congratulations, Dad. Congratulations! Cheers. 78 00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:59,960 May these be the worst of our days. 79 00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:02,000 Don't know who this guy is. Happy for you, old boy. 80 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,120 Best decision a man can make. 81 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:05,600 Urgh. 82 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:07,360 You look well. Thank you. 83 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:08,880 Right. Wine, everyone? 84 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:11,400 I'd love some wine. Oh, you'll adore it. I chose it. 85 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:13,080 Not for us, thanks. 86 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:15,480 Off the sauce! Six months and counting. 87 00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:17,480 Why would you do that? We just... 88 00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:20,280 AT SAME TIME: Don't want to miss a thing. 00:04:21,600 THEY LAUGH 90 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:23,240 I haven't seen her since... 91 00:04:24,280 --> 00:04:26,240 Except for... 92 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:28,200 Nice jumpsuit. Thank you. 93 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:30,960 You look well, where've you been? Boots. 94 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,080 It's lovely there this time of year. 95 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:36,760 Oh, you look fantastic. 96 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:38,760 Oh, well, you both look gorgeous! 97 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:40,920 Oh, thank you. Is that fur? 98 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:43,560 Yes, but it's OK because it had a stroke. 99 00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:45,000 Oh, lovely! LAUGHTER 100 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,640 I can't go to hell for that, can I, Father? 101 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:51,640 No. Not as long as you confess. Oh, God, he's their priest. 102 00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:54,400 Then you've nothing to fucking worry about! Their cool, swea 103 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:57,720 Love the Catholics! You can get away with anything. A lot of 104 00:04:57,720 --> 00:04:59,040 LAUGHTER 105 00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:01,600 It's an honour to be marrying you two. Thank you. 106 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:04,800 I didn't realise you were allowed out without your little doggy thing. 107 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:07,080 Oh, sorry, have I disappointed you? 108 00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:09,120 Of course not. Devastated. 109 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:10,720 Can I get you another bottle? 110 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:13,520 Needy waitress. Ah, no, it's all right. We've already order 111 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:15,120 Oh, no, really? 112 00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:17,760 I'll have another tequila. I'll have a tequila. 113 00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:19,120 Great, thank you so much. 114 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:22,200 Can I get a glass of sparkling water with a dash of lime, please? 115 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:24,440 Oh, yes, I'll have the same. 116 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:25,680 Dream team. 117 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:26,720 THEY CHUCKLE SMUGLY 118 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:29,560 You know the most fascinating thing about Father here, 119 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:31,880 is that his mother was originally a lesbi...! 120 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,200 SHE SIGHS 121 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:43,680 You do look tired. 122 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:46,120 Oh, it's not as exhausting as I thought it would be, actually. 123 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:47,640 She's commuting from Finland. 124 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:50,800 She has narrowed down her packing to a ten-minute turnaround. 125 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:53,240 It's... Fabulous! It's all about... 126 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:55,400 Rolling it up, rather than... Folding it. 127 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:58,640 I read about that. Now, are you sure you don't want any wine? 128 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:01,520 Oh, no, thank you! It really is delicious. 129 00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:03,160 I admire you both so much. 130 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:05,360 Well, it's really turned us around, hasn't it, honey? 131 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:07,680 Oh, so much more energy. You know, in Finland... 132 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:10,240 Is there a reason that you're not drinking? He's an alcohol 133 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:12,680 Oh, fun, my parents are alcoholics. Oh, great. 134 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,680 We thought it'd be easier if we did it together, 135 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:17,800 and I don't really like the taste... And we are trying for a baby! 136 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,040 Oh, Claire! 137 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:22,960 We thought you couldn't have them! What? Why? 138 00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:24,360 Well, you just seem a little... 139 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:27,800 Well, they say a lifestyle change can help, so here we go. 140 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:30,920 That is so exciting, darling. Thanks, Dad. 141 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:32,680 Good luck. That's wonderful. 142 00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:35,720 Something's up. And now you have the money to pay for proper 143 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:38,280 Ghastly without help, I imagine. 144 00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:39,800 Tell us about Finland. 145 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,480 Oh, well, it's, um... 146 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:44,160 ..cold and beautiful and dark. 147 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:45,520 I think she might be happy. 148 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:48,240 It's a lot of pressure, but I love it. I have this amazing new partner 149 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:50,280 out there, he's really pushed the company forward... 150 00:06:50,280 --> 00:06:52,200 I can't remember the last time we went away. 151 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,560 Weren't you both in Japan recently? 152 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:57,920 Japan, wow. Oh, yes, but that was just a little fortnight. 00:06:59,800 Don't ask her! Why were you in Japan? 154 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,800 Well, the... I was... Oh, sorry, darling. 155 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:04,080 Oh, no, no. Thank you. 156 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:06,560 They flew us over with the Sexhibition. 157 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,800 HE INTERRUPTS Sorry, darling, do you want to...? 158 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,320 No, no, no. No? Oh. 159 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:13,120 You see, you think of the Japanese as a very prudish people. 160 00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:14,160 Not to generalise. 161 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:17,320 But actually they have a very deep interest in sex in their culture, 162 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:18,680 it's just hidden in the underbelly. 163 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:20,880 It's not allowed to come to the surface. Fair enough. 164 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:23,880 TALKING OVER EACH OTHER: They really... The honesty of the 00:07:26,600 The Americans, oh, well... Well, they just took me in their s 166 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,080 But the Japanese were deeply moved by my work, I think. 167 00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:32,120 Weren't they, darling? Yeah. It caused quite a cultural wave 168 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:34,440 A ripple. 169 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:36,120 Wave. 170 00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:39,000 No-one's asked me a question in 45 minutes. So what do you d 171 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:45,280 Er, I run a cafe. 172 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:46,880 Oh, wow. 173 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:48,400 It's going well, is it? 174 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:51,480 Yes, it is. It really is. 175 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:52,720 It actually is. 176 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:56,440 It is. 177 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,240 HE LAUGHS 178 00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:01,080 Can I get anyone any ice? 179 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:23,320 Fellow smoker. Do you have a spare one? Sure. 180 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:34,280 So, do your family get together much, or...? 181 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:37,240 Fuck you, then. 182 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:51,080 We should wait. 183 00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:53,440 OK. 184 00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:07,920 He's such a lovely man. Yes. THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER 00:09:09,760 Did you have a cigarette? Yeah. 186 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:11,280 I just, I wish you could've seen him in... 187 00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:12,800 You know, they can't even masturbate! 188 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:14,960 Shit alive, man. Oh, sorry. 189 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:18,560 We were just saying, it's fascinating, 190 00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:20,200 the notion of a calling. 191 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:22,840 Yeah, well, marriage is a calling, too, of course. 192 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:25,800 Did you always want to join the priesthood? Oh, fuck, no. 00:09:27,880 THEY LAUGH 194 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:29,640 Sorry. 195 00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:32,480 No, no, no. I came quite late to it, actually, but it's been a really 196 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:34,400 good life to me. 197 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:37,200 I've really found peace in it. 198 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:38,880 Is anyone in your family in the Church? 199 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:41,200 Actually, both my parents are lawyers and my brother 200 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,880 is a long-distance lorry driver. How unusual! 201 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:45,360 Are your parents successful? 202 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:47,320 They were very successful alcoholics, yeah. 203 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:48,920 THEY LAUGH 204 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:50,680 Better than you, anyway. 205 00:09:50,680 --> 00:09:53,840 No, but beyond them, my family's literally crawling 206 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:56,400 with nuns, so it wasn't too much of a leap. 207 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:57,760 Must be hard on the balls. 208 00:09:57,760 --> 00:09:59,360 LAUGHTER Martin! 209 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:01,760 Not as hard on them as trying to make a baby for five months, 210 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,560 I imagine. Food good? 211 00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:05,600 This sauce is disgusting. 212 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:08,400 Is everything OK? Oh, it's delicious, thank you. 213 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,200 Delicious. Lovely, lovely. 214 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:14,240 Um, darling... 215 00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:16,280 No, no. We'll just pour our own wine, please. 216 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:18,400 Oh, I actually love doing... Thank you. 217 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,200 You can pour me some. Oh, thank you. 218 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:23,600 So, do you do a lot of older weddings? 219 00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:24,960 I don't think that's how we... 220 00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:27,680 No, this is my first-ever wedding, actually. 221 00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:29,360 ALL: Oh! 222 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:31,880 Do you know, I've always been so suspicious of religion, 223 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,040 but I must say, I think there's something rather chic 224 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:36,040 about having a real priest at a wedding. 225 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:37,080 HE CHUCKLES 226 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:39,560 Are you a real priest? 227 00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:40,760 Yeah. 228 00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:45,040 Do you know, it's so nice spending time getting to know the man 229 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:47,880 who's going to marry us. Is that usual? 230 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:52,920 No, but I'm new to the parish, and I guess I'm just... 231 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:54,240 HE LAUGHS 232 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:55,960 I'm really fucking lonely! 233 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:57,280 LAUGHTER 234 00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:59,000 So I appreciate this. Thank you very much. 235 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:00,440 New to the parish? 236 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:05,120 Father Patrick sadly died, so I got the gig. 237 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:06,480 What did he die of? 238 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:08,600 Just, um, time. 239 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:13,640 But he was a dedicated man, he was a brilliant priest. 240 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:15,400 Sounds like a riot. 241 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,400 He was, actually. 242 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:24,080 Do you know how we met? 243 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:26,360 No. Through Jake. 244 00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:28,680 Creepy step-son. He plays the flute... 245 00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:32,520 ALL: The bassoon. ..in the church band. Just adorable! 246 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:35,720 And Claire introduced us and we just hit it off. 247 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:37,200 Didn't we? We did, yeah. 248 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:38,720 They did. 249 00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:41,240 She's donating a painting for the fete, it's going to cause 250 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:44,520 quite the stir! Oh, it's just an old one. 251 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:47,680 Now, listen, um, we don't want gifts at the wedding. 252 00:11:47,680 --> 00:11:50,040 I mean, it's enough that people slug it over 253 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:51,560 without then expecting a gift. 254 00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:54,400 So we've decided to ask people to make a small donation, 255 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:57,280 to a charity of their choosing, in our name. 256 00:11:57,280 --> 00:11:59,600 That sounds lovely. 257 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:02,040 Do you want to know what gift I'm giving your father? Oh, Go 258 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:03,800 It's a portrait... Oh, God. 259 00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:06,360 ..of you girls. Oh, God. Um... 260 00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:09,600 You mean...? Together, or...? 261 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:12,800 I'd only need a couple of sittings. Right. Can't you use photos? 262 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,760 No, because the lighting's never good enough, 263 00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:17,320 and if you're not very photogenic then it does you no favours. 264 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:20,000 And besides, the only photos there are of you two together 265 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:23,760 are of when you were children, and you looked like a boy, so... 266 00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:27,080 You never told me you had a sister, Claire. Oh, well, we, um. 267 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,760 We don't get to see each other much. 268 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:31,880 Do you see your brother? 269 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:33,640 Oh, I don't really speak to my brother. 270 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:35,320 Oh, God, how desperately sad! 271 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:38,240 Why is that? Oh. Um, well... 272 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:39,800 You don't have to... No, that's OK. 273 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:42,080 Does he not approve of what you do, of your choices? 274 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:44,280 No, it's not that, it's not that. Is he not in the Church? 275 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:46,480 No, he's not in the Church. Oh, it must be so hard! 276 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:48,800 Well, it's mainly hard... Is it cos he's Mummy's favourite? 277 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:50,720 ..because he's a paedophile. 278 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:53,880 Oh. 279 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:02,160 I'm aware of the irony of that. 280 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:04,520 LAUGHTER 281 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:20,000 Just a... Just a breath of air, eh? 282 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:23,520 Interesting man. 283 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:24,720 Mm. 284 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:27,640 No, thanks. 285 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:34,120 Darling, I'm sorry I missed your birthday, 286 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:35,560 so I just got... Oh, that's OK. 287 00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:36,880 No, no. I just... 288 00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:39,040 In case you're struggling. 289 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:42,600 Oh, Dad, the cafe's going well... No, no, this is not for work. 290 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:44,120 It's just for you. 291 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:47,600 Thanks. 292 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:52,360 You look, er... 293 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:56,360 ..strong. LAUGHING: Thanks. 294 00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:57,600 Are you? 295 00:13:57,600 --> 00:13:59,000 SHE LAUGHS 296 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,640 Are we going to have a fight?! No, no! I'm sorry, no. 297 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:04,280 I just want to check that... 298 00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:05,760 ..that you and I are... 299 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:09,800 Well, you're being very... 300 00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,480 You're not being naughty. 301 00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:14,760 SHE LAUGHS 302 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:17,440 No! Why? Oh... 303 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,840 Because, I guess... 304 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:21,040 Yeah? 305 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:23,480 ..it doesn't matter. 306 00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:29,680 Oh. 307 00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:33,720 OK. Is that right? 308 00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:40,040 I'm happy for you, Dad. 309 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:43,840 Thank you. 310 00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:57,440 Ah! Thank you. You're an exceptional waitress. 311 00:14:57,440 --> 00:14:58,640 Apple juice? 312 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:01,440 Yeah. 313 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:02,560 I... 314 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:08,680 I just wanted to say, I am so intrigued to see 315 00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:12,120 how you're going to make this whole evening about yourself. 316 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,360 HE LAUGHS 317 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:16,480 Oh, no. 318 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:20,240 We probably shouldn't arrive at the table together. 319 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:25,680 A lot of people would say praying is just talking to yourself 320 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:27,360 in the dark. HE CHUCKLES 321 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,520 I guess it could look like that, but, no, 322 00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:31,760 it's more just about connecting with yourself 323 00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:34,080 at the end of each day. It takes a bit of effort, but... 324 00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:37,240 Yes, yes, I completely agree. Positive energy takes work. 325 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:39,240 In the last six months, I've excelled. 326 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:42,000 I take all the negative emotions and just bottle them and bury them 327 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,760 and they never come out. I'm not sure... 328 00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:45,920 I've basically never been better. Us neither. 329 00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:47,880 I feel fantastic! 330 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,200 You're a very positive family, I must say. Oh, absolutely. 00:15:51,880 I think it's all about positivity. 332 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:53,920 It takes real commitment to be this happy. 333 00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:56,400 It's not just about eating and drinking well, either. 334 00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:58,680 Putting pine nuts on your salad doesn't make you a grown-up. 335 00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:00,440 Fucking does. It's about... 336 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:03,720 Well, in Finland, we, um... They have this saying, 337 00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:05,440 which I can't quite remember now... 338 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:07,640 It's, um... It's about 339 00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:10,360 opening yourself up to the people who want to love you. 340 00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:12,720 And she is wide open lately. THEY CHUCKLE 341 00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:15,160 What do you do? Oh, I work in finance. 342 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:16,320 What? What? 343 00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:18,360 Across two firms, one in Finland and one here. 344 00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:20,400 No, no, she's a lawyer. I thought you were a lawyer? 345 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:21,840 No. What? 346 00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:23,880 I work with lawyers, I'm not a lawyer. 347 00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:25,480 Darling, you are a solicitor. 348 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:27,560 I went to business school. 349 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:30,960 You're being so quiet! Why aren't you saying anything? 350 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:38,680 What do you want me to say? Anything! 351 00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:40,960 What's that in your hand? She doesn't need to... 352 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:43,560 Birthday present from Dad. It's a good thing, Claire. 353 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:45,920 Chunk of change? No, it's, er... 354 00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:48,000 What is it? Don't know. You don't need to... 355 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,720 I love presents, I never get presents. 356 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:52,320 Well, it's because you might... It's a voucher - 357 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:54,080 for a counselling session. 358 00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:57,800 Thanks, Dad. MARTIN LAUGHS 359 00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:00,240 So thoughtful! I'd kill for one of those! 360 00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,080 I don't believe you can pay your problems away, 361 00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:04,840 I think you have to face who you are and suffer the consequences. 362 00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:06,680 It's the only road to happiness. 363 00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:09,720 Maybe happiness isn't in what you believe but who you believe. 364 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,600 Fuck. 365 00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:21,040 Excuse me. 366 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:25,640 Oh! Do you think she needs anything? 367 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:27,080 ALL: No. 368 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:34,280 That was meant to be a bedroom present. 369 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:38,240 A what? A present that you open in your bedroom, alone. 00:17:40,360 All my presents are bedroom presents, aren't they? 371 00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:42,160 HE CHUCKLES 372 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:44,240 Do you want some more wine? Oh, yes. No, actually. 373 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:54,680 Claire? 374 00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:56,480 You've been ages. 375 00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:59,200 Are you pissed off or are you doing a poo? 376 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,280 SHE WHISPERS: Fuck. Fuck it. 377 00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:04,080 Claire, can we just... 378 00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:07,320 Have you got a... sanitary towel? 379 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:10,800 Oh, no, but I know a waitress who would jump on that request. 380 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:12,720 Do you want me to ask her? No! 381 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:16,200 OK, well, there are some sturdy hand towels here. 382 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:20,040 I could try and fashion something with wings out of these. 383 00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:21,520 Yes, fine. 384 00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:22,680 Open the door. 385 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:25,960 Fuck, just give it... 386 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:28,240 Fuck! Give it to me! Don't come in! 387 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,400 It's a period! It's not going to bite me! 388 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:33,000 Don't look at it! I'm not looking at your period! 389 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,560 Just take this. 390 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:37,840 Oh, God. It's not a period, it's a fucking miscarriage, OK? 391 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:43,360 Jesus, Claire! 392 00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:46,440 It's OK. No, it's not OK, you need to go to a hospital! 00:18:49,360 It's fine, I just need the... Let me just... No! 394 00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:52,160 SHOUTING: Just get your hands off my miscarriage! 395 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,360 SHE SIGHS It's mine. 396 00:18:57,960 --> 00:18:59,760 It's mine. 397 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:00,800 DOOR SLAMS 398 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:12,000 SHE EXHALES 399 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:17,680 TOILET FLUSHES 400 00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:18,720 OK. 401 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:21,680 Claire. 402 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:25,200 It's OK. It's OK. 403 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:28,120 OK, we need to go to a hospital now. 404 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:30,640 Now. 405 00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:35,360 Yes. 406 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,840 OK. OK. 407 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:40,440 OK. OK. 408 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:44,520 CLAIRE SIGHS 409 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:45,960 Come on. 410 00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,640 It's all good. OK. 411 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:50,760 Don't tell anyone. OK. 412 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:52,320 Let's get the coats, I'll get a taxi. 413 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:55,720 I'll tell them I don't feel right. OK. Thank you. 00:19:58,240 I've never been there, I get antiques from there all the time. 415 00:19:58,240 --> 00:19:59,960 I still haven't gone. Oh, really? 416 00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:03,600 It'd be a wonderful place to buy things like that. Yeah. 00:20:04,640 MARTIN LAUGHS 418 00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,560 I don't like all the water... Fuck it, I'm having some. 419 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:08,800 Sorry, darling. HE LAUGHS 420 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,000 Oh, good girl! Have one night off. 421 00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:14,760 Wow! What did you say to her? I, um... 422 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:17,360 Oh, nothing. I just, er... Just sit down. 423 00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:19,400 Come on, it's a party. Can I have some? 424 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:22,080 Oh, someone's suddenly getting into the party spirit now! 425 00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:23,880 Sit down! 426 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:25,360 What did you take in there? 427 00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:27,960 Your sister is finally a good influence on you. 428 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:31,560 No, we just suddenly realised what a monumental fucking day this is! 429 00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:34,200 Drink. Honestly, just leave them in there two minutes 430 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,040 and they're suddenly being teenagers again! 431 00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:38,200 LAUGHTER Shall I get another bottle? Yes! 432 00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:39,880 OK! Where's the waitress? 433 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:43,240 We were just talking about Venice, and this wonderful trip we had... 434 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:45,640 How many times have we said we have to go to Venice? 435 00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:48,040 I've always wanted to go there. Top of my list. 436 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:49,120 It's great. Yeah, I know... 437 00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:51,840 SHOUTS: Oh, for fuck's sake, stop it! 438 00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:57,600 Are you OK? 439 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,360 Yeah, I'm, er... 440 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,440 Er... Is, um... Is it...? 441 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:06,440 No, I'm sorry, I just... 442 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,120 Here we go. Sorry, I just... 443 00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:10,280 What's happened? Nothing's happened. What's happened? 00:21:12,600 Something's happened. Come on! 445 00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:13,760 Come on! 446 00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:15,880 Well, spit it out. I just had a little... 447 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:17,400 Just say it. I just a little... 448 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,520 THEY ALL TALK OVER EACH OTHER 449 00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:21,720 I just... What, darling? 450 00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:23,600 I had a little miscarriage. 451 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:30,960 Oh, my God. What? 452 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,440 Um... What the fuck? 453 00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:35,440 Er... How far gone were you? 454 00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:37,240 You should go to the hospital. Whose was it? 455 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:39,800 Maybe leave that for later. Was it the tooth man? Hospital, n 456 00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:42,320 What about the bill? Sit down. No, I'll cover her, I'll cover you. 457 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:44,280 She doesn't want to go! Why?! Cos I'm stubborn, 458 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:46,720 and for some inexplicable reason I'd rather stay here and have 459 00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:48,840 a passive-aggressive party, so. How far gone were you? 460 00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:51,000 It was VERY early stages. You knew? 461 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,240 I really think she should see a doctor. Yeah, so do I. 462 00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:57,280 I thought you hadn't spoken? She's fine. She's absolutely fine! 463 00:21:57,280 --> 00:22:00,480 Drink. If it's gone, it's gone! 464 00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:02,240 Claire... What if it's not gone? 465 00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:04,040 It's gone. Darling... 466 00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:07,280 Probably ectopic. Awful. 467 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:09,600 I'll pay you back. Do you need someone to go with you? 468 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:12,240 No, I think I'll just deal with this in my own insane, irrational, 469 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:13,720 anal way, if that's OK. 470 00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:16,680 CHUCKLING: That's probably for the best. 00:22:19,080 Ignore him, he's been drinking. What? 472 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:21,920 You know, it's like a goldfish out the bowl, sort of thing. 473 00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:24,280 If it didn't want to be in there, it didn't want to be in there - 474 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:25,600 something wasn't right. 475 00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:29,280 What? 476 00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:32,160 It's the kid's choice if it wants to jump ship, right? 477 00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:35,080 Now, Martin, just... Either way... 478 00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:38,080 ..she got her spotlight. 479 00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:44,080 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 480 00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:46,480 What the fuck?! Fuck! 481 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:47,960 Oh, fuck! 482 00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:49,680 Jeez... Jesus Chr...! 483 00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:51,280 Is there anything I can do...? 484 00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:52,400 SHE SCREAMS 485 00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:53,520 CLAIRE GASPS 486 00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:55,120 THEY ALL GROAN Fuck! Argh... 487 00:22:55,120 --> 00:22:56,920 SHOUTS: Oh, for God's sake! 488 00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:11,160 KNOCK ON DOOR 489 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:13,320 Can I do anything? 490 00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:14,640 No, thank you. 491 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:18,560 They've gone. So... 492 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:26,360 Thank you. 493 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:32,160 Fucking hell... 494 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:34,080 Oh, hey. 495 00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,400 I got your stuff. You OK? 496 00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:38,480 Yeah, are you OK? Yeah, yeah. 497 00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:42,600 If you ever need someone to talk to, or, you know, be there... 498 00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:46,880 ..I'm always there. 499 00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:06,360 Hey! 500 00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:07,480 Hey! 501 00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:23,960 OUT OF BREATH: Thank you. 502 00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:26,480 Just tell him where you live and we'll talk about this tomorrow. 503 00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:30,520 Can you take us to the nearest hospital, please? Yeah. 504 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,200 The priest is quite hot. So hot. 37028

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