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1
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Here's to love!
2
00:00:01,815 --> 00:00:04,112
Congratulations, you assholes!
3
00:00:04,137 --> 00:00:06,021
Did you always want to join
the priesthood?
4
00:00:06,046 --> 00:00:07,530
Oh, fuck no.
5
00:00:07,531 --> 00:00:08,890
Are you a real priest?
6
00:00:08,891 --> 00:00:10,170
Yeah.
7
00:00:10,171 --> 00:00:12,957
So, do your family
get together much or...
8
00:00:13,011 --> 00:00:14,610
Well, fuck you then.
9
00:00:14,611 --> 00:00:16,700
And do you want to know what gift
I'm giving your father?
10
00:00:16,724 --> 00:00:18,183
- Oh, God.
- It's a portrait.
11
00:00:18,208 --> 00:00:19,778
- Oh, God.
- Of you girls.
12
00:00:19,779 --> 00:00:21,942
- Oh, God.
- You pissed off or you doing a poo?
13
00:00:21,967 --> 00:00:24,210
Get your hands off my miscarriage!
14
00:00:24,211 --> 00:00:25,541
- What's happened?
- Nothing's happened.
15
00:00:25,566 --> 00:00:27,502
- Just had a little...
- What? What, darling?
16
00:00:27,526 --> 00:00:29,211
- Miscarriage.
- Hospital now.
17
00:00:29,236 --> 00:00:30,580
What about the bill? Sit down.
18
00:00:30,605 --> 00:00:31,634
I'll cover her. I'll cover you.
19
00:00:31,659 --> 00:00:34,050
If you ever need someone. I'll be there.
20
00:00:34,051 --> 00:00:35,815
If it didn't want to be in there,
it didn't want to be in there.
21
00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:37,354
Something wasn't right.
22
00:00:39,004 --> 00:00:40,730
What the fuck!?
23
00:00:43,291 --> 00:00:45,588
- The priest is quite hot.
- So hot.
24
00:00:47,505 --> 00:00:50,170
Peace be with you.
Yeah, you too, thank you.
25
00:00:50,171 --> 00:00:52,810
- Peace be with you.
- And also with you.
26
00:00:52,811 --> 00:00:54,850
- Peace be with you.
- And also with you.
27
00:00:54,851 --> 00:00:55,930
Peace be with you.
28
00:00:55,931 --> 00:00:56,970
Peace be with you.
29
00:00:56,971 --> 00:00:58,890
- Peace be with you.
- And also with you.
30
00:00:58,891 --> 00:01:00,810
- Peace be with you.
- And also with you.
31
00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:01,851
Let us pray.
32
00:01:08,891 --> 00:01:14,530
Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name,
33
00:01:14,531 --> 00:01:20,210
thy kingdom come, thy will be done,
on Earth as it is in heaven.
34
00:01:20,211 --> 00:01:25,010
Give us this day our daily bread
and forgive us our trespasses,
35
00:01:25,011 --> 00:01:29,010
as we forgive those who
trespass against us
36
00:01:29,011 --> 00:01:32,730
and lead us not into temptation,
37
00:01:32,731 --> 00:01:34,451
but deliver us from evil.
38
00:01:37,291 --> 00:01:38,398
Amen.
40
00:01:40,451 --> 00:01:46,770
♪ Rooted, grafted, built on thee ♪
41
00:01:46,771 --> 00:01:48,290
Please be seated.
42
00:01:48,291 --> 00:01:49,555
And also with you.
43
00:01:57,251 --> 00:02:01,651
Um... Sorry, uh, yes, today's...
44
00:02:04,371 --> 00:02:06,250
Um... Today's notices.
45
00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:11,691
There's a raffle at tomorrow's
fete to raise funds for the...
46
00:02:12,811 --> 00:02:16,050
Sorry... The diocesan
pilgrimage to Lourdes.
47
00:02:16,051 --> 00:02:19,450
Uh, congratulations to
St Ethelred's Football Club.
48
00:02:19,451 --> 00:02:21,010
Woo!
49
00:02:21,011 --> 00:02:22,330
Three one victory.
50
00:02:22,331 --> 00:02:24,690
Uh, next Friday is a first Friday
and I'm going to be
51
00:02:24,691 --> 00:02:28,890
making my usual sick calls to the
housebound with the Eucharist
52
00:02:28,891 --> 00:02:32,810
and, finally, on Thursday I'm going
to begin Holy Communion
53
00:02:32,811 --> 00:02:35,650
preparation classes and there are
more details of that
54
00:02:35,651 --> 00:02:38,970
in the parish newsletter,
along with my latest review.
55
00:02:40,611 --> 00:02:41,850
That's all, folks.
56
00:02:41,851 --> 00:02:43,931
Uh, please stand for God's blessing.
57
00:02:44,676 --> 00:02:46,089
Thanks so much.
58
00:02:46,114 --> 00:02:47,706
- Thank you, Father.
- All the best. See you next week.
59
00:02:47,731 --> 00:02:48,739
All the best.
60
00:02:48,764 --> 00:02:50,930
- Really good one, Father.
- Nice to see you, Gina.
61
00:02:50,931 --> 00:02:52,730
Loved the story about your eye.
62
00:02:52,731 --> 00:02:55,850
Off you go.
Give my regards to those budgies.
63
00:02:57,971 --> 00:03:00,050
- Hello.
- Hi.
64
00:03:00,051 --> 00:03:02,650
- This is lovely.
- Oh, thank you. Thank you.
65
00:03:02,651 --> 00:03:04,170
I thought you'd be in prison by now.
66
00:03:04,171 --> 00:03:07,490
Ah, well, I keep trying,
but they just won't have me.
67
00:03:07,491 --> 00:03:09,490
- I'm sorry about your eye.
- Oh, that's okay.
68
00:03:09,491 --> 00:03:10,930
Gives me some edge.
69
00:03:10,931 --> 00:03:12,850
I've told them some heroic bullshit.
70
00:03:12,851 --> 00:03:13,970
Um... Bless you, Sandy.
71
00:03:13,971 --> 00:03:15,012
- Thank you, Father.
- Bless you.
72
00:03:15,037 --> 00:03:16,129
Thank you, Father.
73
00:03:16,153 --> 00:03:17,770
- Thank you.
- Bye.
74
00:03:17,771 --> 00:03:19,450
- Bye now. Have a nice day.
- God bless you.
75
00:03:19,475 --> 00:03:21,595
- Bye. See you next week.
- Bless you.
76
00:03:22,611 --> 00:03:24,538
I just wanted to pay
you back for dinner...
77
00:03:24,563 --> 00:03:26,694
- Oh, no! Thank you, honestly.
- Because I... No, no, really, I insist.
78
00:03:26,749 --> 00:03:28,554
- It'll have to be in instalments...
- I don't want it. I don't want it.
79
00:03:28,579 --> 00:03:30,218
- I've got no pockets.
- Please...
80
00:03:30,242 --> 00:03:32,196
Honestly, thank you. Nah-ah!
81
00:03:32,221 --> 00:03:35,016
I'm going to knife the candles, Father.
They're a bit clogged up.
82
00:03:35,041 --> 00:03:37,090
- Okay, Pam.
- Yeah.
83
00:03:37,091 --> 00:03:39,007
Well, the hair dryer's in the,
in the wonky drawer...
84
00:03:39,032 --> 00:03:41,490
Under the wonky drawer. Yes, I know.
85
00:03:41,491 --> 00:03:42,890
- Hello, love.
- Hi.
86
00:03:42,891 --> 00:03:45,569
Oh, is that for the collection?
How sweet. So kind.
87
00:03:45,594 --> 00:03:46,691
Thank you.
88
00:03:48,188 --> 00:03:49,308
That's Pam.
89
00:03:52,981 --> 00:03:54,301
Do you like tea?
90
00:04:03,890 --> 00:04:05,125
Jesus.
91
00:04:12,571 --> 00:04:14,211
- Tea!
- Great.
92
00:04:16,371 --> 00:04:18,425
I don't want boast, but I make
a cracking...
93
00:04:18,450 --> 00:04:20,570
- Oh! Bastard! Sorry.
- Oh!
94
00:04:20,571 --> 00:04:22,047
- Bastard!
- Um...
95
00:04:22,071 --> 00:04:24,071
Let me just get this.
96
00:04:24,691 --> 00:04:26,830
- Oh, dear.
- Oh, is that holy?
97
00:04:26,855 --> 00:04:29,634
A bit less than it was before.
98
00:04:29,659 --> 00:04:31,720
Shit. Uh... Oh, well.
99
00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:35,533
He'll understand.
He's an understanding sort.
100
00:04:35,557 --> 00:04:36,814
Okay.
101
00:04:39,331 --> 00:04:40,611
There you go.
102
00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:43,119
Sorry about all the tat.
103
00:04:43,171 --> 00:04:45,970
It's for a fundraiser garden
party thing tomorrow.
104
00:04:45,995 --> 00:04:47,850
So much stuff, absolutely no staff.
105
00:04:47,851 --> 00:04:50,570
- You can volunteer if you want.
- Oh...
106
00:04:50,596 --> 00:04:52,650
- I'm only joking.
- Oh.
107
00:04:52,651 --> 00:04:55,330
You've probably got a life.
108
00:04:55,331 --> 00:04:56,650
- What's the time?
- Um...
109
00:04:56,651 --> 00:04:59,530
Do you want a proper drink?
I've got cans of G&T.
110
00:04:59,531 --> 00:05:01,170
From M&S.
111
00:05:01,171 --> 00:05:03,050
- Well, it's...
- I will if you will.
112
00:05:03,051 --> 00:05:04,840
Okay.
113
00:05:04,865 --> 00:05:06,371
Okay.
114
00:05:14,851 --> 00:05:16,171
Thanks.
115
00:05:21,462 --> 00:05:23,079
So, you're a cool priest, are you?
116
00:05:23,104 --> 00:05:24,375
- A cool priest?
- Yeah.
117
00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:25,900
No. I'm a big reader with no friends.
118
00:05:25,924 --> 00:05:27,010
Are you a cool person?
119
00:05:27,011 --> 00:05:29,170
- I'm a pretty normal person.
- A normal person?
120
00:05:29,171 --> 00:05:30,776
- Yeah, a normal person.
- What makes you a normal person?
121
00:05:30,801 --> 00:05:33,171
Well, I don't believe in God...
122
00:05:37,663 --> 00:05:39,383
I love it when He does that.
123
00:05:47,171 --> 00:05:48,959
So, you were in my prayers last night.
124
00:05:48,998 --> 00:05:50,474
Likewise.
125
00:05:50,531 --> 00:05:52,930
I'm sorry for your loss.
126
00:05:52,931 --> 00:05:54,610
What?
127
00:05:54,611 --> 00:05:55,891
Your baby.
128
00:05:57,331 --> 00:05:59,550
Oh! Yeah, thank you.
129
00:06:00,531 --> 00:06:02,571
Thank you. Yes, I...
130
00:06:04,271 --> 00:06:05,630
Thank you.
131
00:06:05,655 --> 00:06:07,414
Is the father all right?
132
00:06:07,515 --> 00:06:09,779
Well, he doesn't really...
133
00:06:11,834 --> 00:06:13,091
...exist.
134
00:06:14,891 --> 00:06:16,171
I understand.
135
00:06:18,131 --> 00:06:21,224
The funeral liturgy says
136
00:06:21,295 --> 00:06:25,044
that life is changed, not ended.
137
00:06:27,451 --> 00:06:29,930
I've always loved that,
if that's of any help.
138
00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:32,227
Oh, well, thank you very much,
but I really am an atheist.
139
00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:35,050
Yeah, I gathered
that by the smelling of the Bible.
140
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:39,436
New sermon?
141
00:06:39,461 --> 00:06:42,881
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
That's... I write, uh...
142
00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:45,051
...restaurant reviews
for the parish magazine
143
00:06:45,076 --> 00:06:46,795
and I was just finishing
up the last one.
144
00:06:46,820 --> 00:06:48,387
I actually just came up with
a really good title.
145
00:06:48,412 --> 00:06:49,651
Ah, what is it?
146
00:06:50,491 --> 00:06:51,841
- No.
- What?
147
00:06:51,865 --> 00:06:54,090
- No, it's not cool.
- Well, neither are we, so...
148
00:06:54,091 --> 00:06:56,778
"I'd spend 40 days and 40
nights in that dessert."
149
00:07:00,537 --> 00:07:02,457
Oh, God, I fancy a priest.
150
00:07:39,051 --> 00:07:40,451
There you go.
151
00:07:45,371 --> 00:07:46,844
Hey.
152
00:07:46,869 --> 00:07:48,850
Are you having an event?
153
00:07:48,851 --> 00:07:50,210
No.
154
00:07:50,211 --> 00:07:51,890
Why are there so many people here?
155
00:07:51,891 --> 00:07:54,050
Well, it's just successful, I guess.
156
00:07:54,051 --> 00:07:56,354
Why is everyone talking to each other?
157
00:07:56,379 --> 00:07:57,698
Oh, it's Chatty Wednesday.
158
00:07:57,723 --> 00:07:58,874
If you buy something,
you have to have a chat
159
00:07:58,899 --> 00:08:00,706
- with someone you don't know.
- What?
160
00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,610
Loneliness pays.
161
00:08:03,371 --> 00:08:04,930
Listen, can we...
162
00:08:04,931 --> 00:08:05,971
Sure.
163
00:08:10,371 --> 00:08:12,650
- I know you and I haven't...
- Have you had a check-up?
164
00:08:12,651 --> 00:08:15,130
Yes, it's fine.
It's really not a big deal.
165
00:08:15,131 --> 00:08:16,641
- It happens all the time...
- Hello!
166
00:08:16,665 --> 00:08:18,130
- No.
- Where you from?
167
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:21,040
I'm not... This isn't...
I'm not part of this.
168
00:08:21,065 --> 00:08:23,412
I shouldn't have to...
I don't want to tell you that.
169
00:08:23,437 --> 00:08:25,365
No. Sorry. No.
170
00:08:26,331 --> 00:08:27,608
Tooting.
171
00:08:28,279 --> 00:08:29,838
She hasn't bought anything yet, Joe.
172
00:08:29,863 --> 00:08:32,863
Oh, shit. I'm so sorry.
173
00:08:34,547 --> 00:08:35,866
Does Martin know?
174
00:08:35,891 --> 00:08:37,835
You're not supposed to tell anyone
for the first 12...
175
00:08:37,860 --> 00:08:39,085
- Well, you can tell the father.
- I just haven't told him.
176
00:08:39,110 --> 00:08:41,258
- Okay, but what does he know?
- I don't want to talk about it, okay?
177
00:08:41,283 --> 00:08:43,617
And I never want anyone
to know about it.
178
00:08:43,641 --> 00:08:44,774
You have it.
179
00:08:44,799 --> 00:08:46,625
You're better at dealing with
awful things anyway.
180
00:08:46,649 --> 00:08:48,020
- I don't want it.
- Well, you took it,
181
00:08:48,045 --> 00:08:50,288
now everyone thinks
you have it, so you have it.
182
00:08:57,502 --> 00:08:59,101
What?
183
00:08:59,126 --> 00:09:00,699
They're some pretty funky trainers.
184
00:09:00,724 --> 00:09:02,215
I said I'm fine.
185
00:09:02,218 --> 00:09:03,940
I just really, really don't want
anyone to make
186
00:09:03,965 --> 00:09:05,533
a big deal out of this, okay?
187
00:09:05,558 --> 00:09:08,117
Brutal. Just brutal.
188
00:09:08,118 --> 00:09:09,797
You must feel rotten.
189
00:09:09,798 --> 00:09:11,357
Do you feel rotten?
190
00:09:11,358 --> 00:09:13,507
I'd rather not talk about it if
that's okay.
191
00:09:13,532 --> 00:09:15,557
Of course, darling. Come on up.
192
00:09:15,558 --> 00:09:17,437
Claire get the door, for God's sake.
193
00:09:17,438 --> 00:09:19,227
Did you know who the father was?
194
00:09:19,252 --> 00:09:21,407
Um, you know, I'd rather not
talk about it if that's okay.
195
00:09:21,432 --> 00:09:23,501
No, of course, darling.
196
00:09:24,389 --> 00:09:26,351
I've got a set up I'm very
excited about.
197
00:09:26,376 --> 00:09:28,095
- It's going to be very striking.
- Cool.
198
00:09:28,096 --> 00:09:30,455
So, Claire, if you just sit here.
199
00:09:30,456 --> 00:09:31,564
That's lovely
200
00:09:31,589 --> 00:09:34,341
And, darling, just beside her like that.
201
00:09:34,366 --> 00:09:35,906
Lovely.
202
00:09:35,931 --> 00:09:37,935
Actually, if you could just...
203
00:09:37,936 --> 00:09:39,711
That's it, that's it.
204
00:09:39,736 --> 00:09:41,096
Just a bit.
205
00:09:42,552 --> 00:09:44,311
Bit more.
206
00:09:44,312 --> 00:09:45,711
There, perfect.
207
00:09:45,712 --> 00:09:46,992
Gorgeous, yes.
208
00:09:50,392 --> 00:09:52,191
Sorry, no, if you could just...
209
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:54,192
That's it. Thank you, darling.
210
00:09:55,232 --> 00:09:57,511
- So, um...
- She can't not talk about it.
211
00:09:57,512 --> 00:09:59,591
- You know, I have six friends...
- A lie.
212
00:09:59,592 --> 00:10:01,951
...who've had miscarriages.
213
00:10:01,952 --> 00:10:05,231
Five of them never managed to
produce a child afterwards,
214
00:10:05,232 --> 00:10:07,465
but the sixth one did
and rather regretted it,
215
00:10:07,527 --> 00:10:10,363
so I think you've probably done
the right thing.
216
00:10:10,426 --> 00:10:11,632
Thank you.
217
00:10:13,467 --> 00:10:15,026
Did you never want them?
218
00:10:15,051 --> 00:10:16,691
Oh, I'm still thinking about it.
219
00:10:17,872 --> 00:10:19,791
Is Dad here? I texted him, but...
220
00:10:19,792 --> 00:10:21,591
- Oh, I saw that.
- Oh, so he is here?
221
00:10:21,592 --> 00:10:23,952
Sorry, no, I've got his phone today.
222
00:10:25,952 --> 00:10:27,631
I love that colour.
223
00:10:27,632 --> 00:10:28,671
Which one?
224
00:10:28,672 --> 00:10:31,649
- That one.
- Oh, that's three colours.
225
00:10:31,729 --> 00:10:33,968
Right. I'm getting rid of it.
226
00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:35,991
But it was quite an adventure painting.
227
00:10:35,992 --> 00:10:37,911
I had an orgasm as I finished it.
228
00:10:37,912 --> 00:10:40,353
Well, let's hope we all get as much
pleasure out of this one.
229
00:10:40,392 --> 00:10:41,720
No, no. Could you...?
230
00:10:41,759 --> 00:10:44,467
Um, I have a pretty full
afternoon, so...
231
00:10:44,499 --> 00:10:46,202
Oh, have you got to go back
to Finland again?
232
00:10:46,227 --> 00:10:47,866
No, Finland are coming here.
233
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:49,471
Oh. Well, that's easier for you.
234
00:10:49,472 --> 00:10:50,631
Mmm.
235
00:10:50,632 --> 00:10:52,238
Are you still okay to pick up
the invitations?
236
00:10:52,263 --> 00:10:53,871
Oh, yes, of course.
237
00:10:53,872 --> 00:10:55,464
And did you find that ribbon
thing for the flowers?
238
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:56,951
- Yes.
- Great.
239
00:10:56,952 --> 00:10:58,456
And is Martin's nose on the mend?
240
00:10:58,481 --> 00:10:59,549
Yes.
241
00:10:59,574 --> 00:11:01,363
And how's the bassoon solo coming on?
242
00:11:01,388 --> 00:11:02,950
Oh, yes, he's practising.
243
00:11:02,975 --> 00:11:05,269
- Oh, God, and now I just have to...
- What?
244
00:11:05,294 --> 00:11:06,693
Sorry, Claire, can you look up, please?
245
00:11:06,718 --> 00:11:07,725
Thank you.
246
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:10,151
Organise canapes for an awards ceremony.
247
00:11:10,152 --> 00:11:11,991
Oh, gosh, you must be exhausted.
248
00:11:11,992 --> 00:11:13,813
Does the little cafe do canapes?
249
00:11:13,838 --> 00:11:15,618
It totally could, yeah.
250
00:11:15,643 --> 00:11:18,162
Well, there you are.
That's one off the list.
251
00:11:18,187 --> 00:11:19,227
Great.
252
00:11:22,436 --> 00:11:26,475
Gosh, haven't you got a lovely,
thick neck?
253
00:11:28,392 --> 00:11:30,111
- That was fun.
- Thank you.
254
00:11:30,136 --> 00:11:31,933
I really can help with
the canapes if it's...
255
00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:34,283
- I'm going to say this quickly. Okay?
- Okay.
256
00:11:34,308 --> 00:11:36,471
Martin wants to press
charges against you for assault.
257
00:11:36,472 --> 00:11:38,566
I've tried to talk him down, but to
be fair, you did hit him
258
00:11:38,591 --> 00:11:40,032
- fucking hard.
- What?!
259
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,496
I will provide you with exceptional
legal advice as long as
260
00:11:42,521 --> 00:11:44,776
you don't tell anyone I'm providing
you with exceptional legal advice.
261
00:11:44,801 --> 00:11:46,636
- What?!
- This is happening.
262
00:11:46,661 --> 00:11:49,540
I am mortified, but it is happening, okay?
263
00:11:49,565 --> 00:11:51,511
I will hire this lawyer to scare him off
264
00:11:51,512 --> 00:11:54,282
and I will hire you to do the canapes.
265
00:11:54,312 --> 00:11:55,871
- Who's the lawyer?
- Oh, he's a friend.
266
00:11:55,872 --> 00:11:57,751
He mainly defends rapists.
267
00:11:57,752 --> 00:11:58,933
He has a high success rate then.
268
00:11:58,958 --> 00:12:01,597
Undefeated. Come on.
269
00:12:01,712 --> 00:12:03,831
I've filled him in with the basics.
270
00:12:03,832 --> 00:12:06,196
- That your husband's an animal?
- Be serious.
271
00:12:06,220 --> 00:12:08,967
Just do whatever he says
and don't flirt with him.
272
00:12:08,992 --> 00:12:11,996
I'm not going to f...
273
00:12:12,072 --> 00:12:14,231
Fucking hell, okay.
274
00:12:14,232 --> 00:12:15,991
- Claire!
- David, thank you so much...
275
00:12:15,992 --> 00:12:17,551
- Oh! Sorry.
- Wow.
276
00:12:17,552 --> 00:12:19,071
I can take you to court for that.
277
00:12:20,232 --> 00:12:21,802
This the little trouble maker, then?
278
00:12:21,826 --> 00:12:23,151
- Hi.
- Hi.
279
00:12:23,152 --> 00:12:26,576
Now, listen, I just want to be
clear that whatever happens,
280
00:12:26,601 --> 00:12:29,334
I don't sleep with people
I work with, okay?
281
00:12:32,963 --> 00:12:34,836
I'm joking.
282
00:12:34,861 --> 00:12:36,687
Slip on in, ladies.
283
00:12:36,712 --> 00:12:39,844
Well, if you spit guilty, you'll
have to swallow a short jail term,
284
00:12:39,869 --> 00:12:41,359
or community service if you're lucky.
285
00:12:41,384 --> 00:12:42,413
Or?
286
00:12:42,438 --> 00:12:43,861
- You definitely started it?
- Yes.
287
00:12:43,886 --> 00:12:46,674
- Any witnesses?
- About 30.
288
00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:49,697
The most important thing, honey,
289
00:12:49,722 --> 00:12:52,115
is that you do not, under any
circumstances, apologise.
290
00:12:52,140 --> 00:12:54,310
- I can do that...
- No, that's not what we discussed.
291
00:12:54,335 --> 00:12:57,111
Well, that can be taken
as an admission of guilt.
292
00:12:57,112 --> 00:12:59,071
I assume you know the victim personally?
293
00:12:59,072 --> 00:13:01,104
- Yes...
- No, and let's not call him
294
00:13:01,128 --> 00:13:03,391
- the victim yet, shall we?
- Well, that's what he is.
295
00:13:03,392 --> 00:13:05,191
Yes. Right.
296
00:13:05,192 --> 00:13:06,591
They've definitely fucked.
297
00:13:06,592 --> 00:13:08,351
We just want a letter to scare him off
298
00:13:08,352 --> 00:13:09,951
if he ends up seeking proper action.
299
00:13:09,992 --> 00:13:12,068
- Really doesn't make sense, Claire.
- Actually maybe not.
300
00:13:12,093 --> 00:13:13,623
I think it makes perfect sense.
301
00:13:13,648 --> 00:13:15,740
- I just want to be ahead of the game.
- God, I can't tell.
302
00:13:15,765 --> 00:13:18,248
- That's a habit of yours, I've heard.
- Oh, I've got it.
303
00:13:18,273 --> 00:13:19,499
- Is it?
- They haven't...
304
00:13:19,524 --> 00:13:20,999
You're going to have to tell me
who said that.
305
00:13:21,023 --> 00:13:22,482
- Never.
- ...but they're going to.
306
00:13:22,507 --> 00:13:24,296
- David.
- Oh, God, I've got to get out.
307
00:13:24,328 --> 00:13:25,887
- Claire.
- Excuse me.
308
00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:26,884
Where you off to, little lady?
309
00:13:26,916 --> 00:13:30,134
I'm just going to let this... Yeah.
310
00:13:46,768 --> 00:13:48,087
You all right?
311
00:13:48,088 --> 00:13:50,180
Yeah. Just thought I'd leave you to it.
312
00:13:51,088 --> 00:13:52,887
- Sorry.
- What?
313
00:13:52,888 --> 00:13:55,000
He says he'll only talk you through
potential proceedings
314
00:13:55,025 --> 00:13:56,633
- if you go for a drink with him.
- What?
315
00:13:56,657 --> 00:13:58,183
- I know.
- Outrageous.
316
00:13:58,208 --> 00:13:59,927
- Stop smiling.
- I thought he was after you?
317
00:13:59,952 --> 00:14:02,662
So did I, but my hair isn't great at
the moment.
318
00:14:02,687 --> 00:14:04,567
Either way, it's very inappropriate.
319
00:14:04,568 --> 00:14:05,954
- Don't sleep with him.
- I won't.
320
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:07,212
- Don't.
- I won't.
321
00:14:07,236 --> 00:14:08,344
I don't do that anymore.
322
00:14:08,369 --> 00:14:10,687
What? Why? Are you ill?
323
00:14:10,688 --> 00:14:12,167
- No.
- Then what?
324
00:14:12,168 --> 00:14:14,603
Well, I just...
325
00:14:14,628 --> 00:14:16,251
Oh, my God. Have you met someone?
326
00:14:16,276 --> 00:14:18,607
Well, not really.
327
00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:20,207
- Back with Harry?
- No, it's actually...
328
00:14:20,208 --> 00:14:21,315
- Someone new?
- Well...
329
00:14:21,340 --> 00:14:23,488
- Is he single?
- Sort of.
330
00:14:25,328 --> 00:14:26,847
Take this.
331
00:14:26,848 --> 00:14:29,253
I'll try talk Martin down,
but call him if you need him.
332
00:14:29,278 --> 00:14:31,127
He's a very good lawyer.
333
00:14:31,128 --> 00:14:33,247
Surprisingly...
334
00:14:33,328 --> 00:14:35,584
...tender underneath it all.
335
00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:37,100
Knew it.
336
00:14:37,125 --> 00:14:39,381
What you did in the restaurant
was unforgiveable.
337
00:14:39,405 --> 00:14:41,405
I know.
338
00:14:41,430 --> 00:14:42,688
Thank you.
339
00:14:44,952 --> 00:14:46,231
Okay, well...
340
00:14:46,256 --> 00:14:49,090
Listen, I actually just wanted to
give you... this.
341
00:14:49,115 --> 00:14:51,467
It's just one session, but you've
been through a lot, so I just...
342
00:14:51,492 --> 00:14:53,288
Oh, my God, I said I'm fine.
343
00:14:54,688 --> 00:14:55,928
I'm weirdly fine.
344
00:14:58,448 --> 00:15:00,248
I'd rather have the money.
345
00:15:15,812 --> 00:15:18,145
Excuse me, I've got dry forearms.
346
00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:20,161
Sure.
347
00:15:22,568 --> 00:15:24,367
So, why have you come to the session?
348
00:15:24,368 --> 00:15:26,452
Oh, it was a birthday
present from my father.
349
00:15:27,288 --> 00:15:28,927
Is that a joke?
350
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,288
No.
351
00:15:32,008 --> 00:15:33,927
It would be good not to make
jokes in here.
352
00:15:33,928 --> 00:15:39,024
Just in case anything gets
lost in humorous translation.
353
00:15:39,048 --> 00:15:41,168
Oh, I don't know if I can do that.
354
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:43,967
Is that a joke?
355
00:15:43,968 --> 00:15:45,008
No.
356
00:15:46,368 --> 00:15:50,170
Oh, just try not to, or make
it very obvious.
357
00:15:51,048 --> 00:15:52,367
Sure.
358
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:55,303
So, why do you think your father
suggested you come for counselling?
359
00:15:55,328 --> 00:15:58,109
I think because my mother died
and he can't talk about it
360
00:15:58,134 --> 00:16:00,290
and my sister and I didn't speak for
a year because she thinks
361
00:16:00,315 --> 00:16:02,243
I tried to sleep with her husband
and because I spent most
362
00:16:02,268 --> 00:16:05,001
of my adult life using sex to
deflect from the screaming void
363
00:16:05,026 --> 00:16:07,623
inside my empty heart. I'm good at this.
364
00:16:07,648 --> 00:16:09,551
Although I don't really
do that any more.
365
00:16:10,288 --> 00:16:12,223
You close with your family?
366
00:16:14,278 --> 00:16:15,687
We get on with it.
367
00:16:15,688 --> 00:16:18,047
- Do you talk?
- God no!
368
00:16:18,048 --> 00:16:20,007
Any friends?
369
00:16:20,008 --> 00:16:22,248
- Sorry?
- Any friends?
370
00:16:24,248 --> 00:16:25,687
Um...
371
00:16:25,688 --> 00:16:27,661
No, I don't really have time for...
372
00:16:27,728 --> 00:16:30,567
Well, I have a guinea pig,
but she blows hot and cold.
373
00:16:30,607 --> 00:16:31,802
Not a joke.
374
00:16:33,408 --> 00:16:35,407
Tell me about the sex.
375
00:16:37,888 --> 00:16:39,407
All of it?
376
00:16:39,408 --> 00:16:41,167
You said you don't do that now.
377
00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:42,875
Oh, no, I just play tennis now.
378
00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:46,291
Tough crowd.
379
00:16:47,568 --> 00:16:48,908
Sorry.
380
00:16:48,968 --> 00:16:50,877
I just...
381
00:16:51,008 --> 00:16:53,744
Sex didn't bring anything...
382
00:16:53,848 --> 00:16:56,056
good, so I'm trying not to...
383
00:16:57,602 --> 00:16:59,001
But I've...
384
00:16:59,072 --> 00:17:01,143
And what have you found
in your abstinence?
385
00:17:01,168 --> 00:17:04,088
Well, I'm very horny and
your little scarf isn't helping.
386
00:17:06,248 --> 00:17:08,775
So, the impulse is still there?
387
00:17:08,832 --> 00:17:10,603
Oh...
388
00:17:10,672 --> 00:17:13,861
Yeah, the impulse is...
389
00:17:13,888 --> 00:17:16,739
The impulse is very much still there.
390
00:17:16,808 --> 00:17:18,942
It's just never the right person.
391
00:17:19,008 --> 00:17:20,447
Mm.
392
00:17:20,505 --> 00:17:23,239
So there is a particular person
you're not having sex with?
393
00:17:23,288 --> 00:17:24,786
No!
394
00:17:24,848 --> 00:17:27,767
Well, look, nothing's happened.
I just...
395
00:17:27,768 --> 00:17:29,567
He's not available.
396
00:17:29,568 --> 00:17:31,807
- In a relationship?
- Yes, a bad one.
397
00:17:31,808 --> 00:17:33,487
Oh, really? How so?
398
00:17:33,488 --> 00:17:35,286
It's a sort of relationship
where one partner
399
00:17:35,311 --> 00:17:37,875
- tells the other how to dress.
- Are you in love with him?
400
00:17:37,900 --> 00:17:39,802
No!
401
00:17:39,827 --> 00:17:42,047
Why do you find that funny?
402
00:17:42,048 --> 00:17:43,767
Well, I...
403
00:17:43,768 --> 00:17:45,687
I dunno, I just...
404
00:17:45,688 --> 00:17:47,927
I don't... No!
405
00:17:47,928 --> 00:17:50,177
- Just not a romantic?
- No.
406
00:17:50,928 --> 00:17:52,487
Just...
407
00:17:52,589 --> 00:17:54,709
a girl with no friends
and an empty heart?
408
00:17:58,248 --> 00:17:59,728
By your own description.
409
00:18:05,648 --> 00:18:06,927
I have friends.
410
00:18:06,928 --> 00:18:08,848
Oh, so you do have someone to talk to.
411
00:18:10,848 --> 00:18:12,008
Yeah.
412
00:18:14,088 --> 00:18:15,567
Do you see them a lot?
413
00:18:15,568 --> 00:18:17,885
Oh, they're... they're always there.
414
00:18:17,940 --> 00:18:19,596
They're...
415
00:18:19,648 --> 00:18:21,441
They're always there.
416
00:18:21,928 --> 00:18:23,386
Why do you find that funny?
417
00:18:23,410 --> 00:18:24,885
Listen, I don't need to be analysed.
418
00:18:24,910 --> 00:18:26,199
I have a nice life. I just...
419
00:18:26,223 --> 00:18:28,223
I just wanted to exchange
the voucher for the money.
420
00:18:28,248 --> 00:18:30,127
It's a bit late for that now.
421
00:18:30,128 --> 00:18:31,848
I've only been here five minutes.
422
00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:36,362
I want the money.
423
00:18:38,688 --> 00:18:40,784
I want to fuck a priest.
424
00:18:40,848 --> 00:18:42,567
- Catholic?
- Yes!
425
00:18:42,568 --> 00:18:44,247
- A good one?
- Yes!
426
00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:46,182
- Looks good in the...
- Mmm, yes.
427
00:18:46,206 --> 00:18:47,994
I understand.
428
00:18:48,568 --> 00:18:50,487
Do you really want to fuck the priest,
429
00:18:50,488 --> 00:18:52,727
or do you want to fuck God?
430
00:18:52,728 --> 00:18:55,527
- Can you fuck God?
- Oh, yes.
431
00:18:55,528 --> 00:18:58,915
Look just please tell me
how to not fuck a priest,
432
00:18:58,940 --> 00:19:00,579
before I get arrested.
433
00:19:00,604 --> 00:19:03,032
Well, I don't think fucking a priest
will make you feel as powerful
434
00:19:03,057 --> 00:19:05,807
- as you think it will.
- Can you just tell me what to do?
435
00:19:05,808 --> 00:19:07,055
You know.
436
00:19:08,368 --> 00:19:11,327
You already know what you're
going to do. Everybody does.
437
00:19:11,328 --> 00:19:12,607
What?!
438
00:19:12,608 --> 00:19:15,070
You've already decided
what you're going to do.
439
00:19:15,848 --> 00:19:18,087
So what's the point in you?
440
00:19:19,768 --> 00:19:21,288
You know what you're going to do.
441
00:19:22,888 --> 00:19:24,527
- No, I don't.
- Yes, you do.
442
00:19:24,528 --> 00:19:25,906
- I don't!
- You do!
443
00:19:25,931 --> 00:19:27,059
- I don't! I don't...
- You do!
444
00:19:28,841 --> 00:19:30,674
- Good luck!
- Thank you.
445
00:19:30,699 --> 00:19:32,181
Shut up.
446
00:19:33,208 --> 00:19:35,127
Hi, can I have two
raffle tickets, please?
447
00:19:35,128 --> 00:19:37,516
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God, hi!
448
00:19:37,541 --> 00:19:39,327
Hi! You're...
449
00:19:39,352 --> 00:19:40,390
- Yeah!
- ...with child.
450
00:19:40,414 --> 00:19:41,357
- Yes.
- Cool!
451
00:19:41,382 --> 00:19:42,866
- You, you got a fringe!
- Yeah!
452
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:43,943
Yeah. Oh, cool.
453
00:19:43,968 --> 00:19:46,820
- Aw, you always wanted a baby!
- You always wanted a fringe.
454
00:19:46,821 --> 00:19:48,776
She is amazing.
455
00:19:48,801 --> 00:19:51,297
- I mean, it's been tough, but amazing.
- Oh, yeah?
456
00:19:51,322 --> 00:19:53,340
Yeah, I mean, the birth
really took its toll.
457
00:19:53,341 --> 00:19:55,483
- Oh, really? Was it a tricky one?
- I can't really remember it now.
458
00:19:55,508 --> 00:19:58,920
But the whole thing has
just really changed me.
459
00:19:58,945 --> 00:20:00,580
I just don't feel...
460
00:20:00,581 --> 00:20:02,279
You know, my emotions are up and down.
461
00:20:02,303 --> 00:20:04,916
My body just feels different.
462
00:20:04,941 --> 00:20:08,101
I mean, Elaine is being amazing,
so supportive...
463
00:20:08,126 --> 00:20:09,777
It sounds like you have got
post-natal depression.
464
00:20:09,801 --> 00:20:12,230
I do, yeah, but we're
working through it.
465
00:20:13,661 --> 00:20:15,361
- Sure.
- Just to let you know,
466
00:20:15,386 --> 00:20:17,129
the band is going to start
in a couple of minutes.
467
00:20:17,154 --> 00:20:18,860
Hey, Father. This is Suzie!
468
00:20:18,861 --> 00:20:21,220
Aw, I don't know how
to talk to babies, sorry.
469
00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:22,860
Do you guys know each other?
470
00:20:22,861 --> 00:20:24,501
- Uh, yeah.
- We sort of used to...
471
00:20:24,540 --> 00:20:26,594
I used to be her girlfriend.
472
00:20:26,621 --> 00:20:27,981
Oh, cool.
473
00:20:29,301 --> 00:20:31,061
Good for you!
474
00:20:31,101 --> 00:20:32,902
I'm going to go
and show her the coconuts.
475
00:20:32,927 --> 00:20:35,576
- She's really good at counting.
- Okay.
476
00:20:35,621 --> 00:20:37,500
Excuse me, everyone!
477
00:20:37,501 --> 00:20:41,340
The Youthy Band is about to
play the ode to something!
478
00:20:41,341 --> 00:20:43,160
- You having fun?
- Yes, yeah.
479
00:20:43,185 --> 00:20:44,589
- Selling well? Good.
- Yes, I think so.
480
00:20:44,614 --> 00:20:45,988
Oh, puzzle. I love a puzzle!
481
00:20:46,013 --> 00:20:47,950
- The Youthy Band are about...
- Yes, I heard you, Pam.
482
00:20:47,975 --> 00:20:50,161
Thank you, thank you so much. Thank you.
483
00:20:52,261 --> 00:20:54,525
- Ah, there's the main event.
- Yeah!
484
00:20:54,550 --> 00:20:57,454
- Very talented.
- She, uh, she...
485
00:20:57,479 --> 00:20:59,709
Don't say it. She, she, actually...
486
00:20:59,734 --> 00:21:00,818
Just don't say it.
487
00:21:00,843 --> 00:21:03,100
She actually orgasmed
when she finished it.
488
00:21:03,101 --> 00:21:04,300
I just said it.
489
00:21:04,325 --> 00:21:06,045
- Apparently.
- Ah!
490
00:21:08,373 --> 00:21:10,213
Well, whatever gets you there!
491
00:21:13,021 --> 00:21:16,270
Father! Father, we have
a cupcake situation over here!
492
00:21:16,295 --> 00:21:18,180
Okay, Pam! I will be there to cupcake.
493
00:21:19,661 --> 00:21:21,421
Thank you so much for helping.
494
00:21:26,849 --> 00:21:28,649
Arm touch.
495
00:21:35,221 --> 00:21:38,940
At least my son is in the
Youthy Band, what's your excuse?
496
00:21:38,941 --> 00:21:40,900
Urgh!
497
00:21:40,901 --> 00:21:43,020
I'm helping the priest.
498
00:21:43,021 --> 00:21:46,100
Wow, you do love a challenge, don't you?
499
00:21:46,609 --> 00:21:48,029
Hey, I just want to say something...
500
00:21:48,054 --> 00:21:49,820
It's from River Island.
I got it last week.
501
00:21:49,845 --> 00:21:54,340
No. I want to say that I'm sorry
for saying what I said.
502
00:21:54,341 --> 00:21:56,700
I'm sorry for what you went through.
503
00:21:56,701 --> 00:21:58,249
I'm sorry.
504
00:21:58,273 --> 00:21:59,980
I know what you're doing.
I'm not going to say it.
505
00:21:59,981 --> 00:22:01,500
I'm just saying sorry.
506
00:22:01,501 --> 00:22:02,780
I'm not going to say it.
507
00:22:02,781 --> 00:22:04,500
I'm sorry.
508
00:22:04,501 --> 00:22:05,661
Mm-mm.
509
00:22:08,541 --> 00:22:10,511
Okay.
510
00:22:10,541 --> 00:22:12,020
And thank you.
511
00:22:12,021 --> 00:22:14,060
- She and I have never been better.
- Oh!
512
00:22:14,061 --> 00:22:16,100
You had a big part in that.
513
00:22:16,101 --> 00:22:18,100
I'm happy for you.
514
00:22:18,101 --> 00:22:21,132
I'm happy you've found a way
to deflect from your pitiful,
515
00:22:21,157 --> 00:22:24,257
self-sabotaging, ego-driven,
masturbatory...
516
00:22:24,282 --> 00:22:26,180
I cannot believe how well
this is coming out.
517
00:22:26,205 --> 00:22:28,620
...pawing, insidious, insidious,
518
00:22:28,621 --> 00:22:30,421
overwhelming mediocrity,
519
00:22:30,446 --> 00:22:32,853
only to finally figure out
that at your very core,
520
00:22:32,877 --> 00:22:36,174
you are a weaky.
521
00:22:37,061 --> 00:22:38,220
Damn!
522
00:22:38,221 --> 00:22:40,580
- A "weaky"?
- Damn! Damn!
523
00:22:40,581 --> 00:22:42,609
Wow. A "weaky"?
524
00:22:48,501 --> 00:22:51,780
In that case, I just wanted you to know
525
00:22:51,820 --> 00:22:55,320
that I'm impressed with
how you just keep bouncing back.
526
00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:57,140
I really am.
527
00:22:57,141 --> 00:23:00,052
You're a strongy.
528
00:23:01,083 --> 00:23:02,863
That was awesome, man.
529
00:23:02,888 --> 00:23:04,540
Creepy Jake, mainly says things like...
530
00:23:04,541 --> 00:23:05,940
- Where's Claire?
- ...and...
531
00:23:05,941 --> 00:23:07,020
Where's Claire?
532
00:23:07,021 --> 00:23:08,540
She couldn't make it, man.
533
00:23:08,541 --> 00:23:11,603
Lucky for us, your aunt
is an avid church goer.
534
00:23:11,628 --> 00:23:13,020
Hi. Thanks for watching.
535
00:23:13,021 --> 00:23:15,476
Oh, you were excellent.
536
00:23:15,501 --> 00:23:17,140
- Oh!
- Ooh.
537
00:23:17,141 --> 00:23:18,660
Careful there, buddy.
538
00:23:18,661 --> 00:23:20,986
You could go down for that
sort of behaviour these days.
539
00:23:21,011 --> 00:23:23,308
- It was just a hug.
- "Oh, it was just a hug!"
540
00:23:23,333 --> 00:23:25,222
You got to do better
than that these days, boy.
541
00:23:25,247 --> 00:23:27,636
- Specially round this firecracker.
- But I didn't do...
542
00:23:27,660 --> 00:23:29,128
Come on.
543
00:23:30,021 --> 00:23:32,037
I don't want to be an asshole.
544
00:23:32,061 --> 00:23:33,980
I just want her to be happy.
545
00:23:33,981 --> 00:23:37,647
And she has been really happy...
546
00:23:37,701 --> 00:23:39,491
...until she saw you.
547
00:23:40,381 --> 00:23:42,137
Just saying.
548
00:23:42,221 --> 00:23:43,541
Wow.
549
00:23:54,701 --> 00:23:56,154
Psst.
550
00:23:56,179 --> 00:23:58,060
Hi, Jake. Ooh.
551
00:23:58,085 --> 00:24:01,396
Tell her to leave him.
552
00:24:01,421 --> 00:24:03,100
What?
553
00:24:03,101 --> 00:24:07,266
Tell her to leave him.
554
00:24:16,021 --> 00:24:17,981
He's going to kill someone one day.
555
00:24:21,237 --> 00:24:23,754
- Hey!
- Yes, Father?
556
00:24:23,791 --> 00:24:24,822
Yes, Father?
557
00:24:24,847 --> 00:24:26,604
I can't believe I'm saying this, but...
558
00:24:26,629 --> 00:24:27,707
Oh, God.
559
00:24:27,732 --> 00:24:30,660
Can I get that coconut back?
They're actually on hire.
560
00:24:30,661 --> 00:24:32,980
I'm not sure if a lot of them
are even real, actually,
561
00:24:32,981 --> 00:24:36,004
which is morally a bit dubious,
but we've got to make money somehow.
562
00:24:36,029 --> 00:24:38,860
- Thank you.
- Knuckle brush.
563
00:24:38,861 --> 00:24:41,656
Also, I hope you don't mind, but, um...
564
00:24:41,693 --> 00:24:44,526
I've marked a few pages in here
that I thought might be...
565
00:24:44,559 --> 00:24:46,119
Ooh, eh.
566
00:24:46,144 --> 00:24:48,264
No, no, no, no. I'm not trying to...
567
00:24:49,741 --> 00:24:51,210
They're just words.
568
00:24:51,261 --> 00:24:55,260
Okay, it's just I...
I think I know what happens.
569
00:24:55,301 --> 00:24:56,541
Classic.
570
00:24:58,141 --> 00:24:59,461
Come on, have a read.
571
00:25:02,086 --> 00:25:03,845
I'd like to know what do you think.
572
00:25:03,901 --> 00:25:05,957
And if you ever want to...
573
00:25:06,027 --> 00:25:08,098
talk about stuff, I'm here.
574
00:25:08,141 --> 00:25:10,145
With a G&T, of course.
575
00:25:11,515 --> 00:25:13,155
You can come whenever you want.
576
00:25:14,581 --> 00:25:16,652
I'd like you to come,
577
00:25:16,735 --> 00:25:18,255
if it helps.41122
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