All language subtitles for Vice.2019.HDRip.XviD.AC3-EVO-HI

Subtitles by explosiveskull

(WHOOPING)

(WHOOPING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(ENGINE REVVING)

(MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

(INDISTINCT POLICE
RADIO CHATTER)

(SINGING ALONG):
♪ Don't you know ♪

♪ That I still care for you? ♪

♪ Send me... ♪

How you doin' tonight,
officer?

OFFICER: I'm gonna need you
to get outta the car.

(SINGING):
♪ So darling... ♪

OFFICER: Come on.
Let's get out.

(CONTINUES SINGING)
♪ I can dream upon it too ♪

(SONG CONTINUES ON RADIO)

(ALARM BLARING)

- AGENT 1: Move!
- AGENT 2: Go! Go!

Move! It's clear.

- Move, move, move.
- Clear!

- Let's go, let's go!
- Move! Move! Move! Move!

- (PANICKED SHOUTING)
- (HORNS BLARING)

(ALARM BLARING)

A plane just struck
the Pentagon.

- (SIREN WAILING)
- (HORNS HONKING)

(ALARM CONTINUES)

Let's make sure
those phone lines are working.

Phones are go, sir.

The SVTC.
Let's contact the FAA,

find out how many planes are
in the air.

RICE: Yes, sir.

CHENEY: Let's get
these televisions working.

RICE: May I get the president
on the line, please?

HUGHES: We got planes in the air
and nowhere for them to land.

CABINET MEMBER: I still have
one plane unaccounted for

flying over Pennsylvania.

RICE: I need permission
for them to land

at a Canadian airport.

WOMAN (ON TV): ...very large
plane. It was going fast.

CABINET MEMBER: Flying over
Pennsylvania on course.

And three other planes
are unaccounted for.

WOMAN: I'm seeing five planes
unaccounted for.

No! Scratch that.
I'm seeing four!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

MINETA: I have NORAD
on the line.

That is correct.
He is. That is correct.

Mr. Vice President,
POTUS on line one, sir.

Mr. President.

(CLEARS THROAT)

The situation
is, uh, extremely fluid.

I strongly recommend
you stay in the air.

I have, uh, sequestered
congressional leadership.

Okay, then.

SCOOTER:
Sir, Donald Rumsfeld is

at the Pentagon on line three.

- That?
- SCOOTER: Mm-hmm. Yes, sir.

RUMSFELD (ON SPEAKER): Dick, are there
still passenger planes in the air?

I need rules of engagement.

Let's get the President
back on line, sir.

You have authorization
to shoot down

any aircraft deemed a threat.

RUMSFELD:
Presidential authority?

That is correct.
All orders are UNODIR.

"UNODIR," sir?

HUGHES:
Unless otherwise directed.

NARRATOR: By all accounts
of what people saw

in that room
on that terrible day,

there was confusion...

fear...

uncertainty.

But Dick Cheney saw
something else

that no one else did.

He saw an opportunity.

As the world becomes
more and more confusing,

we tend to focus on the things

that are right there
in front of us...

while ignoring
the massive forces

that actually change
and shape our lives.

And with people working
longer and longer hours,

for less and less,

when we do have free time,

the last thing we want is

complicated analysis
of our government,

lobbying,

international
trade agreements,

and tax bills.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

NARRATOR:
So it's no surprise

that when a monotone,

bureaucratic vice president
came to power,

we hardly noticed...

- (SHOUTING, CRYING)
- (DOG BARKING)

...as he achieved
a position of authority

that very few leaders

in the history of America
ever have...

- Vice President, for your...
- WOMAN: These tax cuts are...

- RUMSFELD: ...get this started?
- That's for your fucking...

SOLDIER (SCREAMING):
I'm fucking dying!

NARRATOR: Forever changing
the course of history

for millions
and millions of lives.

And he did it like a ghost,

with most people
having no idea who he is

or where he came from.

- (WHOOSHING)
- (EXPLOSIONS)

- (BIRDS CHIRPING)
- (STREAM FLOWING GENTLY)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

NARRATOR: How does a man
go on to become who he is?

Well, it starts in 1963...

when Dick's best girl, Lynne,

was getting straight A's
at Colorado College.

Lynne had helped Dick get
a scholarship at Yale...

where he did way more
drinking than class attending.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Pretty soon,
Dick got the boot.

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

Back then,
they would've called

a guy like him
a ne'er-do-well.

In today's parlance,

they would just call him
a dirtbag.

- (MAN SCREAMING)
- (BODY THUDS)

LINEMAN: Man down!

(MAN GROANING)

LINEMAN 2:
Ooh!

His leg looks like
an Elvis dance move.

(CHUCKLING)

Somebody give that poor son
of a bitch a shot of whiskey.

LINEMAN BOSS:
All right, back to work.

I said, back to work.

Take him into town,
put five dollars in his pocket.

Find another man for tomorrow.

Somebody help.
(GROANS)

You got a problem, Cheney?

No, sir.

- (MUSIC PLAYING)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Huh?

Are we becoming friends?

Will you stop touching me?

What?

What are you gonna do
about it, Mr. Yale?

Huh? Whoo!

The fuck you gonna do
about it, Mr. Yale? Come on!

- There you go.
- (GRUNTING)

(SINGING):
♪ Send me the pillow ♪

♪ That you dream on ♪

♪ Don't you know
I still care for you? ♪

(INDISTINCT
POLICE RADIO CHATTER)

♪ Sen... ♪

Two times.

Two times!

I have to drag you
out of that jail

like a filthy hobo.

CHENEY:
I'm sorry, Lynne.

What?

- What did you just say?
- I'm sorry, Lynnie.

You're sorry?
Don't call me "Lynnie."

You're sorry.

One time is "I'm sorry."

Two times makes me think that
I've picked the wrong man.

You already got your ass
thrown out of Yale

for drinking and fighting.

And now you're just going
to be a lush

that hangs power lines
for the state?

Are you gonna live
in a trailer?

We're gonna have ten kids?
Is that the plan?

CHENEY: Can we discuss
this later, please?

No, we're gonna
discuss this right now

while you smell like vomit

and cheap booze.

- EDNA: Does Dick want some coffee?
- What?

Mom, get out!

Get out.
"Does Dick want some coffee?"

Jesus Christ!
(SIGHS)

Okay. Here's my plan.

All right?

Either you stand up straight...

and you get
your back straight...

and you have the courage
to become someone,

or I'm gone.

I know a dozen guys

and a few professors at school
who would date me.

I love you, Lynne.

Then prove it!

Prove it!

I can't...

go to a big
Ivy League school,

and I can't run a company
or be mayor.

That's just the way
the world is for a girl.

I need you.

And right now you are
a big, fat, piss-soaked zero.

I've, I've seen my mom
waitin' up all night

for my father to get home.

And I've seen my father
drunk in this house

and raising his voice
and way worse,

and I am not dancing
that dance anymore. I'm not.

You know why I fuck her?

(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)

I'm not.

So can you change?

Can you change, or am I
wasting my goddamn time?

CHENEY: I won't ever
disappoint you again, Lynne.

(STREAM FLOWING GENTLY)

(CATTLE MOOING)

(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)

(MUFFLED CHEERING)

(CONGRESSMAN
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

CONGRESSMAN: You were chosen
because of your hard work,

your diligence,
and dedication.

Stated simply, you are
America's best and brightest.

(COUGHING)

(CLEARS THROAT)

So let's go forward and learn
and be of service.

God bless you all

and God bless
this great nation.

And now, I'd like to introduce
some... a young man from Illinois

who has done quite well
for himself

here in the Capitol.

Representative Donald Rumsfeld.

(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)

(HIGH-PITCHED FEEDBACK)

Did Bob tell you that this
internship is a great honor?

Huh?

- Did he?
- (INTERNS MURMURING)

Huh? Yeah?

Well, it's not.

It's what we called
in the Navy a "shit detail."

(ALL LAUGHING)

NARRATOR:
Donald Rumsfeld,

or "Rummy,"
as they called him,

was the former captain of
the Princeton wrestling team

and an elite navy jet pilot.

Most congressmen
use their power like an axe.

Best and brightest.

NARRATOR: Rumsfeld,
on the other hand, used his...

Where?

NARRATOR: ...like a master
of the butterfly knife.

And, like any master,
if you got in his way,

- he would cut you.
- (GRUNTS)

(ALL LAUGHING)

This can be
a great opportunity.

An opportunity to work

in the hallways
of decision-making

in the most powerful country
in the goddamn world.

And if that doesn't give you
a hard-on,

- I don't know what will.
- (ALL LAUGHING)

Sorry to the few ladies
in the room.

This program didn't used
to have girls, and now it does.

- Anyway, I'm Don.
- (CHUCKLES)

Whatever you do...

don't work for Bob over here.

He is the most boring
son of a bitch in D.C.

Isn't that right, Bob?

All right, that's it.

Go get a congressman
a cup of coffee.

And if his wife calls,
he's always in a meeting.

All right, that's it. Scat.

(APPLAUSE)

Hey, I'm Alan.

You're the other guy
from the University

- of Wisconsin, right?
- Right.

Uh, so one of us
is supposed to start

with a Democrat
and the other a Republican.

Do you care
if I go with the Dem?

'Cause I did a lot of work
with the DNC on campus, so...

Um, what party is,
uh, the guy we just heard?

Well, there are three penises
walking down the street.

Yeah, you,
and who are the other two?

Rumsfeld is a Republican.

Perfect. 'Cause, uh...

that's what I am.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

RUMSFELD: Don't lurk.
Come in, damn it.

Um, Dick Cheney,
reporting for work.

You're congressional relations

for my Office
of Economic Opportunity,

and you will assist me
in my job

as counselor to the president.

Right.

Jesus Christ,
you want me

to pin your mittens
to your sleeves

so you don't fuckin' lose 'em?

- Go.
- Yes, sir.

Oh, and Cheney, your two DUIs
came up on your transcript.

Don't worry.
I vouched for you.

Thank you, sir.

No, thanks are when
your neighbor Dottie

pulls your pud
for the first time.

You owe me.

- Yes, sir.
- Go!

The first thing
our department did

was to conduct
a sweeping audit

at the population distribution
across the nation.

You will see that

the Office of Economic
Opportunity benefits...

You're Rumsfeld's
lackey, right?

Make sure he sees this.

We gotta get that
on Nixon's desk, huh?

NARRATOR: Roger Ailes,
founder of Fox News.

He first pitched the idea
as Conservative News

when he worked for Nixon
as a media consultant.

CHENEY:
Hey, Don.

Roger wants Nixon to start
a Republican news TV network.

Forget it. Roger knows TV,
but he doesn't know politics.

So I would do this
flaming baton trick

And Dick would wait backstage
with a bucket of water.

So I'm at the state finals,

and I throw up the baton,
and...

it doesn't come down.

(LAUGHTER)

Cheney! Oh.
Where did you find her?

RUMSFELD:
It is doing nothing but damage

to our private
health care institutions.

- But I still got second place.
- (RUMSFELD LAUGHS)

RUMSFELD: White families.
Males.

Women. Hispanics.
Minorities...

You're quiet. I like that.

You don't go blabbing about
what cards you have.

I missed my flush draw
about a month ago,

but everybody still seems
to think I have pocket kings

except maybe fucking Haldeman.

Oh, I mostly play Hearts,
so I'm not...

No, no, no.

NARRATOR: For a man
like Donald Rumsfeld,

he only wanted three things
from his lackey.

He had to keep his mouth shut.

Do what he was told.

And always, always be loyal.

What it means is
Nixon likes me,

but his circle hates me.

No, I'm sure
that's not true.

So, what's it gonna be?

Is it a "yes" or a "no"?

It's a "yes."

You don't even know
what the question is, do you?

- I'm assuming it's to...
- No, no, no. It's okay.

That's exactly the kinda "yes"
I was looking for.

NARRATOR: Cheney had always
been a so-so student

and a mediocre athlete.

But now, finally, he had found
his life's calling.

He would be a dedicated
and humble servant to power.

MAN: Here's your new office.

No windows,
but all you'd see

are a bunch of hippies
flipping off Nixon.

All right, then.

NARRATOR:
Now, at this point,

you're probably wondering
who exactly I am.

Well, let me introduce myself.

My name is Kurt.

My favorite football team
is the Steelers,

and me and my son,
we love SpongeBob.

And if you're wondering
how I know

so much about Dick Cheney,

well, let's just say
we're kind of related.

We'll get to that later.

ANNOUNCER (ON TV):
The Rifleman!

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

- Hello?
- CHENEY: Lynnie,

guess where
I'm calling from.

(LYNNE EXHALES)

I am so proud of you
right now, Dick Cheney.

I knew I picked the right man.
I knew it even when I didn't.

- We did it.
- (LYNNE LAUGHS)

Have you seen Nixon? Hmm?

- (BABY COOS)
- Hmm? Hmm?

I did. I met him.
I shook his hand.

Oh, my gosh. (STAMMERS)
And he called you

- He gave me that, uh...
- By name, like he actually...

...that impish smile of his.

I gotta pinch myself.

(BABY FUSSING)

Pardon my French.

It is the best fucking feeling
in the world.

(GASPS) I can only imagine.
I am so proud of you.

- I love you.
- We are proud of you.

Your girls are proud of you.
Are you proud of your daddy?

Yes.

Can you say you're proud
of your daddy?

LIZ: My daddy.

LYNNE:
You're proud of your daddy.

Oh, my goodness.

(EXHALES)

- (EXHALES DEEPLY)
- (PHONE RINGING)

Dick Cheney's office.

So, now that I'm not just
flipping cards,

I have a few ideas.

Stop.

See that door?

To Kissinger's office?

That's right.

I happen to know that Nixon
is in there right now.

Now, why would Nixon

not be meeting Kissinger
in the Oval Office?

CHENEY: He's having
a conversation

he doesn't want to go
on the record?

Very good.

What is the conversation?

We're going to bomb Cambodia.

CHENEY:
Well, that's impossible.

That needs approval
by Congress.

I'm over there every day.

Oh, fuck Congress.
Unless you're in it.

Then it's the greatest
deliberative body on earth.

But we're not, so fuck it.

But didn't the president
campaign on ending the...

(SHUSHING)
Listen to me, listen to me.

Because of the discussion

that Nixon and Kissinger
are having right now

behind that door

five feet away from us,

in a couple of days,
10,000 miles away,

a rain of 750-pound bombs

dropped from B-52s

at 20,000 feet,

will hit villages and towns
all across Cambodia.

Thousands will die.

And the world will change,
for better or worse.

(WOMAN SPEAKING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

That is the kind of power
that exists

in this squat little
ugly building.

Screw Kissinger.
He's overrated. Let's go.

(WOMAN SPEAKING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

CHENEY: So, what are we...

- Um, you know, I mean...
- Spit it out.

- What are you trying to say?
- Are we against spending?

What do we believe?

What do we believe?

(SNICKERS)

(CLAPS)

(LAUGHING)

"What do we believe?"

Oh. That's very good.

"What do we believe?"

(CONTINUES LAUGHING)

Oh, shit!

CHENEY: Like that,
through there.

- You wanna try?
- LIZ: Yeah.

CHENEY: You find out
what the fish want.

In this case, it's a worm.

And then, uh,
we use it to catch him.

Look it. Look it.

Dada. Dada, look.

The family gets to eat.

Is it a good trick
we're playing, for the worms?

It's not good or bad.
It's fishing.

I don't want this one hurt.

KURT:
Dick had taken a job

as a political consultant
for a large financial firm,

where he was finally making
good money.

He took the job
because Nixon's inner circle

had had enough
of Donald Rumsfeld.

I'm out.

They're sending me
to Brussels.

CHENEY: What?

Nixon is making me
permanent ambassador to NATO.

KURT:
Or as he called it...

It's a fuck-off assignment.

Kissinger and Haldeman won.

Why don't you come with me?

I got a four
and a seven-year-old, Don.

Tell Don we are not moving

just because everyone
at the White House hates him.

- (THUMPS TABLE)
- Good boy!

I taught you well
these past couple of years.

I'm sorry, Don.

I really am.

Don't worry.

I'm like bedbugs.

You'll have to burn
the mattress to get rid of me.

(LAUGHS)

KURT: Dick was becoming
sharper and sharper

as a D.C. insider.

And Lynne had started
to write articles

and explore ideas
for her first novel.

Dick.

Dick.

KURT: Then she received news
from back home in Casper.

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

REVEREND:
The Lord is my shepherd.

I shall not want.

KURT:
Lynne's mother Edna,

who had avoided the water
her whole life,

was found drowned
in the local Casper lake.

REVEREND:
...paths of righteousness.

KURT: They said her
and Wayne, Lynne's dad,

had had a nasty argument
an hour before.

She doesn't swim, Dick.

- My mother doesn't swim.
- What happened?

She never swam.
I don't... I don't know.

She just never swims,
and then...

KURT: There was never
a serious investigation

into Lynne's mom's death.

You wanna see me do
a handstand right here?

- LYNNE: No. Don't. Dad. Dad.
- I can do it right here.

WAYNE:
They're getting so big.

LYNNE: You're gonna be
all right, Dad.

- WAYNE: Yeah. Yeah.
- They're big girls.

God, Dad...

WAYNE: So listen,
after this we should...

What should we do?
Should we go get some food?

Girls...

Dick, they were saying
maybe...

Why don't you go
to the car?

Come on, girls, let's listen
to your father, all right?

(CHENEY CLEARS THROAT)

(EXHALES)

They're gettin' so beautiful,
Dick. It's amazing.

- Mmm.
- Just...

You catching any fish?

How are you, Dick?

Things going good in D.C.?

Don't ever go near
my daughters or my wife again.

Hmm.

Big shot!

"Big shot in D.C." Dick.

MAN: Sir?

- CHENEY: Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.

(CLEARS THROAT)

CHENEY: So, uh,
what do you got?

Page eight.

Hassan Mustafa Nasr,

a cleric
based in Milan, Italy.

He's a member
of al-Gama'a al-Islamiyya,

the group that killed
Anwar Sadat.

That's the blind sheikh,
right?

CIA AGENT:
There's some debate at Langley

on whether
they're a threat or not.

They claim to be peaceful now.

I claim to be eating healthy.

(ALL CHUCKLING)

Okay.

Go pick him up.

(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

(GRUNTING)

What's the next name?

WOLFOWITZ:
Well, Mr. Vice President,

there's been some chatter
about, uh, uh...

an engineering student
from Berlin...

NIXON: I have never been
a quitter.

To leave office
before my term is completed

is abhorrent
to every instinct in my body.

But as president...

I must put the interests
of America first.

America needs
a full-time president.

Nixon forgot about
the voice-activated recorders.

He got sloppy.

LIZ: Is the president
being punished?

No, no. The president has
a lot of enemies.

Brussels, please.
(CLEARS THROAT)

You need to remember,
Lizzie...

NIXON: The fight in the months
ahead for my personal vindication...

...that if you have power,
people will always try to take it from you.

Always.

- Yeah.
- Yes, ma'am.

You remember that.

Donald Rumsfeld, please.

This is a tragedy.

That is our president.

This is ridiculous.

I actually think this could be
very, very good news.

The way I see it,
any Republican not touched

by Watergate
is golden right now.

Nice. Well, Ford called me
before my plane took off,

and I think we're in.

Oh, still driving
this chick magnet, huh?

You can always take the bus.

Therefore...

I shall resign
the presidency,

effective at noon tomorrow.

Vice President Ford
will be sworn in

as president
at that hour...

RUMSFELD:
So what's the plan?

Well, the plan is
to take over the damn place.

RUMSFELD: Who lit a fire
under your ass?

CHENEY: I haven't flipped cards
for a long time, Don.

They gave me the keys
to the damn palace.

Chief of Staff.

Holy shit.

You salty son of a bitch.

- You did it.
- (GLASSES CLINK)

All right,
we have work to do.

Kissinger is trying to kiss
and make up with the Soviets.

Well, let's make sure
that shit doesn't happen.

(LAUGHING)

Yeah.

(GIRLS LAUGHING)

CHENEY: If I may, I believe
I may have a way

to put an oar in the water
on Russia.

What if we create...

Mr. President.

Hold on, Henry,
let's hear Dick out.

KURT: One of Dick Cheney's
special superpowers

was the ability to make

the most wild
and extreme ideas

sound measured
and professional.

What if,
on a unilateral basis,

we all put miniature wigs
on our penises

and we walked out
to the White House lawn

and jerked each other off?

So, like a puppet show,
but much more enjoyable.

Hmm. I do like
a good puppet show.

I say we do it.

REPORTER: Henry
Kissinger has been relieved

as national security advisor

and replaced
by Brent Scowcroft.

(GIRLS LAUGHING)

REPORTER 2: They're calling
it the Halloween Massacre.

- Mr. President.
- Hold on, Henry.

REPORTER 3: Donald Rumsfeld
has replaced

Secretary of Defense
James Schlesinger.

REPORTER 4: And Dick Cheney
has been chosen as the...

Youngest Chief of Staff
in history.

- It's amazing. It's a dream.
- CHENEY: It's real.

And Don is the youngest
Secretary of Defense ever.

Well, I'm not talking
about Don.

I'm talking about you.

And I'm going to give you

a kiss right here
in the White House.

Excuse me,
Mr. And Mrs. Cheney,

These girls were trying
to enter the Oval Office.

- CHENEY: Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
- (GIRLS LAUGHING)

- Girls...
- Hey. Hey, there. Hey, you!

Girls, this is not
a playground. Please do not...

Hey, you. Hey.

- Is this where Santa lives?
- (GASPS)

It's even better.
It's even better.

This is where...

the leader of
the greatest nation

on earth lives.

Are you one of his elves,
Daddy?

CHENEY: In a way, yes.

No, he is not, Mary.

Your father is Chief of Staff.

Chief of Staff.

If you're silly with her,

she'll grow up to be
a silly woman.

CHENEY: Right, of course.
I forgot.

That's just, uh...
That's just silly, Mary.

KURT: And as the new
Chief of Staff,

and with the presidency
weakened by Watergate,

Dick Cheney wanted to find out

exactly how much power
did the president have.

I would like to reinstate
executive authority.

How?

KURT:
Antonin Scalia,

a young lawyer
with the Justice Department

who would later go on
to serve on the Supreme Court

rocked Dick's world.

Interesting you should ask.

Are you familiar
with the theory

of the unitary executive?

No. Tell me about it.

Uh, it is an interpretation

that few, like myself,
happen to believe,

in Article II
of the Constitution

that vests the president

with absolute
executive authority.

And I mean absolute.

(COLE FUSSING)

- Hey, baby?
- Yep?

You wanna take Cole
to the high chair?

Come on, buddy.

KURT: I've gotta try
and explain

this thing to the people.

Oh, aren't you hungry?
(GRUNTS)

KURT:
The unitary...

executive...

theory.

Certain legal scholars
believe that

if the president
does anything,

it must be legal,

because it's the president.

To hell with checks
and balances,

especially
during times of war.

This was the power of kings,
pharaohs, dictators.

- This is perfect.
- SCALIA: Mm-hmm.

KURT: Dick Cheney
was a foot soldier

in the power games
of Washington, D.C.

But with
the unitary executive theory,

he could become...

(VOICE DISTORTS)
Galactus, Devourer of Planets.

But then
it was election night,

and there was one big problem.

The winner,
with 272 electoral votes...

we had wondered
which one of us

was going to make
this announcement.

James Earl Carter,

the next president
of the United States.

KURT: And just like that,
it was all over.

Dick Cheney, the president's
Chief of Staff,

he does not have a job.

At one point, he was a broker.

It can't be. It's got to be
some sort of a mistake.

- A miscalculation.
- There goes the neighborhood.

(REPORTER CONTINUES
INDISTINCTLY)

FORD: Well...

thank you all.

REPORTER 1: The Republicans
have lost the presidency.

They are the minority in
Congress and in most states.

With America demanding change,
I don't see...

REPORTER 2: The GOP
is a party in disarray.

Clearly, Watergate,
the Vietnam War...

REPORTER 3:
President Carter went up

on the roof
of the White House today

to show off the new
solar water heaters

installed there.

CARTER: Today,
in directly harnessing

the power of the sun,
we are taking

the energy that God gave us,

the most renewable energy
that we will ever see,

and using it to replace
our dwindling supplies

of fossil fuels.

There is no longer
any question

that solar energy

is both feasible
and also cost-effective.

CHENEY: ...went on to be
Secretary of Defense.

Al Haig, who became Supreme
Allied Commander in Europe,

and, uh, Bob Haldeman,
who is doing time

in a California penitentiary.

Well, not me. Not me, sir.

I, I will become
the gentleman from Wyoming.

Most of all, and hear this,

uh, taxes must go down.

I'll say it again,
taxes must go down.

- Talk. Talk.
- CHENEY: We must ameliorate the pain of taxes

for the working man

and bring, uh...
(CLEARS THROAT)

...perspicacity to the fore.

I'm as much a Wyomingite,
our, uh, demonym...

MAN: Blah, blah, blah.

Thank God
for name recognition.

CHENEY: ...as Jedediah Smith.

Well, um, enough
of the horsing around.

Although that is, of course,
what, uh, us cowboys do.

Um...

Uh, vote for Cheney
for Congress.

I will not let you down,
you can count on me.

And, uh, thank you.

Vote for, uh,
Cheney in Congress.

(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)

Either he drinks next time
or I do.

CHENEY: Yeah...

I don't want anyone to panic,

but, uh, I do believe
I have to go to the hospital.

Now.

(EKG BEEPING)

DOCTOR:
It's an inferior wall infarct.

But that,
that can be fixed, right?

If it was up to me,

you'd drop
out of the election.

But you've both made
that clear

that it's not an option,

so you must have a minimum
of two weeks bed rest.

Two weeks off,
we'll lose our lead.

Like hell we will.

MAYOR: Dick Cheney
has an illness,

so he can't be here today.

But we got his wife,
and she's a darn pretty girl.

- Lynne Cheney!
- (APPLAUSE)

(CROWD WHISTLING)

- Hello...
- (FEEDBACK)

Hello, how are you today?

Good, good, good to hear.

Uh, it's really nice
to be back in my home state.

See, I grew up in Wyoming,
but it seems that, uh,

somewhere along the line,

Washington, D.C.
stopped listening

to real folks like us

and started only listening
to liberal snobs

who want us all
to lose our jobs

to affirmative action.

MAN: Mm-hmm.

Okay, Lynne. Let's...

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)

LYNNE:
That's right.

You know,
I went to New York City.

Women in New York City
are burning their bras.

(CHUCKLES)

Well, you know what women
in Wyoming do with our bras?

We wear them.

- (CROWD CHEERING)
- LYNNE: We wear them.

Here in Wyoming,

we believe there is
a right and a wrong...

Because I'm a mom
and a wife from Wyoming

and I know how it feels
to make every penny count.

And not only
do I speak for you,

but my husband, Dick Cheney...

KURT:
A hard wind of change

had been blowing
through America.

Civil rights, Roe v. Wade,
environmentalism,

but there was
a part of the country

that was angry
about this change.

Thanks to my amazing wife.

It's good to be
joining you all here in D.C.

as Wyoming's sole
congressional representative.

KURT: And then,
big money families

like the Kochs and the Coors

that were sick of paying
income taxes

rolled right into
Washington, D.C.

and started writing fat checks

to fund right-wing
think tanks...

that would change the way

many Americans
looked at the world.

Finally, in 1980,
this unlikely revolution

of the super-rich
and white conservatives

found its face.

REAGAN:
For those without skills,

we'll find a way
to help them get new skills.

For those
without job opportunities,

we'll stimulate
new opportunities,

particularly in the inner
cities where they live.

For those
who've abandoned hope,

we'll restore hope
and we'll welcome them

into a great national crusade

to make America great again.

(CROWD CHEERING)

Thank you very much.

God bless America.

KURT: It was
the fucking 1980s,

and it was a hell of a time
to be Dick Cheney.

Vote on H.R.4445,

the Undetectable Firearms Act,

to ban plastic guns that can
evade metal detectors.

CHENEY: Nay.

REAGAN: Well, thank you,
Congressmen Cheney.

I hear you've been
quite the ally.

CLERK: ...establishing
Martin Luther King Jr. Day

as a federal holiday.

H.R.36441,
the Endangered Species Act.

Mr. T is here,
right with the First Family.

Vote on H.R.500,
the Water Quality Act.

- Out!
- WOMAN: Woo!

MAN:
Vote on H.R.44...

Someone call an ambulance!

- Can you breathe?
- CHENEY: I'm having a heart attack, you idiot.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

CHENEY: Thank you, Alex,
for your very responsible...

WOMAN: Oh, congratulations.

Thank you.
I was very, very excited...

- We are not wolves.
- LYNNE: Thank you.

No, thank you.

Oh, they're both brilliant
but broke.

- Hey, George.
- GEORGE BUSH SR.: Hey, Dick.

- Hello, Lynne.
- (KISSES)

Congratulations
on your appointment.

Oh, well, thank you,
Mr. Vice President.

How is your lovely family?

Well, we think our son Jeb
seems cut out for office.

We may be asking for your
endorsements in a few years.

Well, if he's half as charming
as you are, George,

then you'll have
both of our votes.

Ah, can I get that in writing?

Oh, yeah, of course.

Dick, I just want
to say thank you

for getting the House
not to override

the president's veto
on the fairness doctrine.

No, not a problem.

Happy to get rid of any
big government regulations.

Thank you. Great.

KURT: The fairness doctrine
was a law from the 40s

that required
any broadcast TV or radio news

to present both sides
of an issue equally.

Its repeal would lead
to the rise of opinion news.

Let me tell you something,
you skinny human prophylactic.

Love is the only human emotion
you can't fake.

Except women.
And thank God they can.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

And eventually
to the realization

of Roger Ailes' dream.

Fox News,
which would go on to become

the number one news station
in the United States

and swing America
even more to the right.

Thank you. Great.

- (CLATTERING)
- (WAITRESS GASPS)

Sorry. Sorry.
Hey, it's all right.

Lighten up, sweetheart.
It's a party.

GEORGE BUSH SR.:
Let me go see if I can see

if everything's okay
over there.

Great to see you both.
Love to the girls.

Love to Barbara.

Will do.

- That's his son.
- Oh, crap.

George W.,
black sheep of the family.

- Very boring people. Only in America...
- GEORGE BUSH SR.: Let's go.

A little too much
unconditional love there.

Can you feel it, Dick?

Half the room wants to be us.

The other half fears us.

I know George is next
in line, but...

after that, who knows?

I respect
the hell out of Reagan,

but no one has shown the world
the true power

of the American presidency.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(SOBBING)

Excuse me, Miss Mary!

You cannot leave the grounds
during school hours. Mary!

- (TIRES SCREECH)
- (HORN BLARES)

LYNNE:
Well, I don't understand.

You just left school? Why?

It doesn't make any sense.

It was Susan.

LYNNE:
Susan, your best friend?

Oh, honey, did you get
in a fight over a boy or...

(SOBBING)
She broke up with me.

(SNIFFLING)

Mom, Dad...

I...

I like girls.

I'm gay.

(SIGHS)

It doesn't matter, sweetheart.

We love you no matter what.

Daddy.

I love you so much.

This is going to make things...

so hard for you.

(MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

When George Bush Sr.
was elected president,

Dick Cheney was made
Secretary of Defense,

sixth in line
to the presidency.

And after a few years,

it was Dick's turn
to run for president.

So they decided to do
some early polling numbers.

Uh-huh. Guess that's it.

LYNNE: We can move
those numbers. Just...

go after the welfare state,

- regulations, government waste.
- It'll be war.

LYNNE: No.

I, uh...

I can't put Mary through that.

Every primary opponent
will go after her.

LYNNE:
And we deny.

Shame them for going
after the family and...

(WIND GUSTING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

LYNNE: You let Grandma go.

PERRY: Come on. Good boy.

All right.

No. Oh, my goodness.

(LAUGHTER)

(LYNNE EXCLAIMS AND LAUGHS)

MARY: It's great, Philip.

Uh, Coors has me
mapping out strategies

for people living
alternative lifestyles.

The Coors are
a wonderful family.

They're good people.
(CLEARS THROAT)

(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)

(PHONE RINGING)

LYNNE: Who is calling
on a Sunday morning?

CHENEY: I don't know.

Okay. I'm coming.

(RINGING CONTINUES)

I'm comin'.

(PHONE BEEPS)

Hello.

That's right.

Mm-hmm.

Any way I can be
of assistance.

Yep, now that should work.
3:00 p.m.

Of course.

Oh, that, uh...

that goes without saying.

Thank you.

No, thank you.

- Who was that?
- (PHONE BEEPS)

It was someone from

George Bush's son's,
uh, campaign.

Jeb?

No, no, George W.

- Uh, Jeb's Florida.
- Right, right.

Oh, I still can't believe
they've got

that poor boy running
for president.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
What'd they want?

They want to talk to me
about being his running mate.

What?

They didn't say it outright,

but, uh...

I've made
that call myself.

That's what they want.

A vice president
is a nothing job.

Mmm.

Well, I'll just hear 'em out.

I owe that to the father.

The VP just sits around

and waits
for the president to die.

You've said so yourself.

Yeah, it's a cruddy job.

Yeah.

It's just a meeting.

Is it just a meeting?

It's just a meeting.

Good.

(BUBBLING)

THERESA:
Yes, Governor.

Of course.

The governor will see you now,
Secretary Cheney.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Sure.

GEORGE W. BUSH:
Hey! Hello, Dick.

Hello, George.

It's been a while.

Last year.

Foreign policy sessions.

That's right.
Yeah, that's right.

Those meetings were, uh...

very engaging.

I do remember
we both agreed

my dad
would've been re-elected

had he taken out Saddam.

Right. Yeah,
wartime presidents.

Very popular.

That they are.
That they are.

So...

Congratulations

on a... successful primary.

I've, uh, been through
a few myself,

and they can be,
shall we say...

Fuckin' exhausting.

- Right.
- (CHUCKLES)

Yeah.

(STUTTERS)
It's a grind.

It's a grind, I'll tell you.

Buses, bologna sandwiches.

Hell, I like people,
but, I mean,

you know,
enough's enough.

So...

that call I received...

I forgot,
you're a brass tacks guy,

aren't ya? I like that.

(CHUCKLES)

You surprised
I'm running for president?

CHENEY (THINKING): He wants
to impress his father

more than anything.

After my, uh,
shall we say, wild years?

Well, George,
I sowed some oats myself

back in the day.

And I still enjoy
a cold beer on occasion.

- I bet you did.
- Mmm.

I bet you did, you rascal.

I can't anymore. It got bad.

Yeah.

Good times.

CHENEY: What does he
really want?

What does he need?

GEORGE W. BUSH:
It's tough, I'll tell ya.

I lost my first
congressional race,

and it was not good.

How 'bout some brisket?

George, um...

GEORGE W. BUSH:
Hey, Theresa! Hey, Theresa!

- Yell up, get some brisket.
- THERESA: All right, we'll find some.

- GEORGE W. BUSH: Get the burnt ends.
- THERESA: 'Course.

So listen, I got a...

"lack of experience" problem
in the polls,

and you are one of the most
experienced guys around.

You wanna jump on board,
be my vice?

I'm honored.

Don't be honored, fuckin'
say yes, Mr. Brass Tacks.

Mmm. I have to say, uh, no.

Dick, come on,
we're gonna have a lot of fun.

What are you doin' right now?
You're in the private sector?

CHENEY:
Yeah.

Come on,
I know you love politics.

George.

- Let's go.
- Not gonna happen.

- Come on now.
- (CHUCKLES)

Well, that's a shame.

It is.

Perhaps I could, uh...

help you find
the right running mate.

Run my VP search team?

Mmm. No team. Just me.

(EXHALES)

Yeah, yeah, that could work,
that could...

I have to run it by Rove,
of course, but, uh...

If I lose,
maybe I could become

- commissioner of baseball.
- (CHUCKLES)

You know?

But the, um, idea...

is to win.

I'm gonna keep you
in the back of my mind.

(BRUSHING TEETH)

So, are you going to tell me
how it went today or not?

(CHENEY SIGHS)

It was very interesting.

He is, uh...

(INHALES SHARPLY)

...green.

He's very green.

And you told him "no"?

I, uh...

I told him I would help
with the, uh...

with the search.

(GARGLING)

What are you thinking?

- I can tell you're thinking.
- Mm-hmm.

KURT: What was
Dick Cheney thinking...

I'm thinking I've never seen
anything like this.

KURT: ...after his first
meeting with George W.?

We've had
a lot of successes, Dick.

And the vice president
is a nothing job.

KURT: How many steps ahead
was he looking?

How did he feel
about the opportunity

that was in front of him?

There are certain moments

so delicate...

- like a teacup and saucer...
- (GIRLS CRYING)

...stacked on a teacup
and saucer

on a teacup and saucer...

Can you change,
or am I wasting...

KURT:
...and on and on...

that this moment could fall
in any direction...

and change everything.

Sadly, there's no real way

to know exactly
what was going on

- inside the Cheneys...
- (INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)

...at this
history-changing moment.

We can't just snap
into a Shakespearean soliloquy

that dramatizes every feeling
and motivation.

(CHUCKLES) That's just not
the way the world works.

(SWITCH CLICKS)

My sweet Richard.

Dance'd nimbly round
the king's hearth thou hath.

Even whilst clamored I
for more, more!

- Mm.
- Parched maw craned towards

the drip, drip
of imagined waters.

But I say to you now,
rest, retire.

Thou hast honored thy vows
to wife and crown.

Has blindness usurped vision
in you, my wife?

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

No mere treaty is our union.

Thou shared thy torch's flame
with mine.

Revealing halls
and spires...

(INHALES DEEPLY)

...of long faded empires.

And now, I may hold aloft

mine own fiery cresset.

And make flesh
our bond of power.

Dare I?

Dare I let hope's beak
place gathered bramble

upon my heart
for future's nest?

Many winters past
hath I let this hope die,

cruel winds silencing
tiny birds' needy cries.

Now that it hath arrived,
I say yea.

BOTH: Yea.

Mine own blood and will
are yours

'til pierced be

the last soldier's
breastplate,

spilling forth
its ruby jelly treasures.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(BOTH MOANING)

(SWITCH CLICKS)

So?

So I think we, uh, proceed.

What about Mary?

Mmm. It's VP.

Not the same scrutiny.

No. He has allies, Dick.
Connections.

You're new to his world.
You don't know the landscape.

(CHENEY GRUNTS)

Well, I had better conduct
a very thorough search.

Every stone,
hell, every grain of sand

needs to be looked under
for this questionnaire.

Dick, we're asking
for all financials,

all medical, all interviews,

press, writings,
all legal records...

Sometimes people use LLCs
to hide certain monies.

CHENEY: And?

Any more comprehensive

and we would need
a rubber glove.

Sorry, Liz.

That wasn't offensive.

Should I be offended?

Well, I'm offended.

Dave didn't worry
if I'd be offended.

LIZ: Oh, a rubber glove,
like a proctology exam.

- That's, that's disgusting.
- (PHONE RINGING)

Hello? Oh, hello...

MARY: Dad, I'm taking
the cheese off your pizza.

- LYNNE: Honey?
- CHENEY: Mmm?

LYNNE:
Dave.

David. Thoughts?

One. A big one.

KURT: David Addington,
Dick's main legal advisor

and a huge believer in the
unitary executive theory.

He was known for
telling people to their face

that they're stupid.

So the, uh, vice presidency is
part of the executive branch.

And because the VP casts

tie-breaking votes
in the Senate,

also part of
the legislative branch, right?

Right.

That means...

the VP is also

not part of the executive
or the legislative.

So,

one could argue that, uh...

neither branch

has oversight of the VP.

Not only could one argue that,
I'm arguing it.

That's brilliant, David.

I know. Right?

GEORGE W. BUSH: Karl Rove
wanted me to buy this ranch,

distance myself from my years
at Yale and Harvard,

make me more of a man
of the people for the election.

Mmm. Smart.

So we gonna do this thing or what?
I mean, is this happening?

We, uh, have found some
very interesting candidates.

Um, if we could schedule

a three-hour window
to get through...

I meant you.
I want you to be my VP.

- You're the solution to my problems.
- No.

I'm CEO of a large company.

I have been, uh,
Secretary of Defense.

I have been Chief of Staff.

Uh, the vice presidency
is mostly a symbolic job.

Right, right.

I can see how
that wouldn't be, uh...

enticing to you.

However...

the vice presidency is also
defined by the president.

And if we were to come
to a, uh...

(REEL WHIRRING)

...different understanding...

Uh-huh. Go on.

I'm listenin'.

I sense that, uh,
you're a kinetic leader.

You make decisions
based on instinct.

I am. People always said that.

Yeah, yeah. Very different.

Very different from, uh,

from your father
in that regard.

Now, maybe I can, uh,

handle some of
the more mundane jobs.

Overseeing bureaucracy,

managing military,

uh, energy,
uh, foreign policy.

That sounds good.

(REEL WHIRRING)

GEORGE W. BUSH: Never wanna be
the kind of team owner

that, uh, pulls the starter
in the fourth inning.

- Mm-hmm.
- That's the manager's job.

One more thing.

My daughter, Mary.

Right. Rove told me
she likes girls.

Now, I know you have
to, uh, run against, uh,

gay marriage in the South,
Midwest, and, uh...

(CLEARS THROAT)
But it's my daughter,

and that line
is drawn in concrete.

Don't you say another word.

So long as you don't mind us
pushing that messaging,

we're okay with you
sittin' that one out.

I think it's important
for all the...

all the Marys
in the world, you know?

(SIGHS)

No problemo.
We got a deal?

Then I believe
this could work.

(CHUCKLES)
Hot damn!

Yeah. Well, good. Hey...

- let's celebrate.
- GEORGE W. BUSH: Secretary Cheney visited me and Laura

at our ranch
in Crawford, Texas...

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

I realized the best choice
was standing by my side.

Please welcome my friend

and my running mate
Dick Cheney...

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

...and his lovely wife Lynne.

KURT:
Dick never filled out

his own
83-question questionnaire.

Full medical records
were never handed over.

No tax or corporate filings.
Nothing.

AUDIENCE (CHANTING):
Cheney! Cheney! Cheney!

Cheney! Cheney!

KING: To reach more
of his senior aides

to find out reasons.

But we were told
when he came over,

he had already called
Governor Bush,

he had wished him well,
and that he would deliver

a brief concession speech
here tonight.

LYNNE: I don't know.

WOODRUFF: I think
we're all sitting around

wondering what it is that, uh,

- he may be doing backstage.
- They just keep going on and on.

Gore rescinded his concession.

They're claiming Florida
is too close to call.

He can't fucking rescind
his concession.

He just did.

The Russians are loving this.

There's gonna be
a recount, so...

LYNNE:
I don't know.

SCOOTER:
What should we do?

We play it
like we've already won.

Which means we need
to staff the White House.

All right. Who's leading
the transition team?

I'll do it.

That's not something
a vice president

really does, is it?

Uh-huh.

- It is now.
- REPORTER: Vice President Gore

has called Governor Bush

and retracted his concession,

- because he is now...
- (ALL EXCLAIM)

- LYNNE: What?
- ...of the mind that things could be turning

yet again in Florida.

LYNNE:
You can't do that!

I mean, that's laughable.

Uh, Wolfowitz.

- State...
- Mmm.

...or Pentagon?

Depends on who your
Secretary of Defense is.

- CHENEY: Rummy.
- Hundred percent.

- Mm-hmm.
- Rumsfeld?

Uh, doesn't Bush Senior
hate Rummy?

CHENEY:
Not such a bad thing with W.

He wants to be his own man.

Rumsfeld believes
in a robust executive.

That's good for us
on war powers.

Just keep him out of State,
he'll start World War III.

- (CHUCKLES)
- CHENEY: Look.

Halliburton just gave us
a $26 million exit package.

Twice what we expected.

They're no dummies.

Uh, sorry, gang.

Yep.

Think, uh, perhaps
I should go to the hospital.

LYNNE: Oh, my God. Are you
kidding me? Oh, come on.

MARSHAL:
Oyez! Oyez! Oyez!

All persons having business
with the Honorable,

the Supreme Court
of the United States

are admonished to draw near
and give their attention,

for the Court is now sitting.

God bless
the United States and...

KURT: December 12th, 2000.
Antonin Scalia, remember him,

and the Supreme Court stopped
the state of Florida

from completing their recount.

MARSHAL:
God save the United States

- and this Honorable Court.
- KURT: George W. Bush and Dick Cheney

were going to the White House
by a margin of 537 votes.

(SIREN WAILING)

Hey. Hey, little Mary Claire.

Hey, little Mary.
My little Mary.

Hey, what are you doing?
What are you doing? Hmm?

(CHUCKLING)

LYNNE: Oh, they're both doing
really well.

Except, I'm trying
to make this dinner.

And it's, uh...

it's this macaroni and cheese

that you said was easy

but it keeps just coming out
like a little watery.

CHENEY: It's the milk.
Remember?

You gotta add more milk.

Yeah. It'll get thicker.

No, no, no, no.

I am. It's much better
when you use the milk.

LYNNE:
There's just so much,

so much I want
to say right now,

and just, you keep doing
what you're doing.

You're doing so great.

(CHUCKLES)

You have earned something
very special from your wife.

Listen, listen, listen.

I'm buying wine,
and I'm picking something up.

Chinese?

LYNNE: Okay,
I really love you.

CHENEY:
I love you.

- LYNNE: Yeah.
- (BOTH LAUGH)

(CLOCK TICKING)

(PHONE RINGING)

RUMSFELD: Good morning
to you too.

ADDINGTON:
We've met a few times.

- It's nice to see you.
- Yes.

Of course.

All right. Let's...

All right.
Let's get this thing underway.

Scooter, why don't you
let everyone know

the, um, lay of the land?

SCOOTER: Of course.
As you all know,

I am Scooter Libby,

Dick's Chief of Staff.

Uh, I'm also his
national security advisor

and a special advisor
to the president.

Technically, Scooter outranks
any of Bush's people.

Mary Matalin will serve
as counselor to the VP

and assistant to Bush.

David Addington,

Dick's main legal counsel,

will play center field
on all matters

relating to executive power.

The president
has Alberto Gonzales,

Karl Rove,

Karen Hughes as his team.

Quite frankly,
Gonzales has no clue.

Um... Rove is a hack.

Hughes should be
in double-A ball.

So we will have
fairly unobstructed access

to the Oval Office.

We will be automatically

Bcc'd on all e-mails

that the president receives
or sends,

as well as have access
to his schedule

the second that it is set
or changed.

CHENEY: And we will
also be receiving

the daily intelligence briefing
before the president.

That gets us inside
the decision curve.

Which we'll actually
be reading.

Bush approved all of this?

Mmm, we have, uh,

an understanding.

What about the e-mails?

Paper shredders
don't work for e-mails.

The entire administration
will run off

the RNC's private server.

And we've deactivated
automatic archiving.

We're clean.

Okay.

So over at the Pentagon,
we got Don,

- Secretary of Defense.
- RUMSFELD: Mm-hmm.

SCOOTER:
Paul Wolfowitz,

who worked with Team B
in the Ford days,

Deputy Secretary of Defense.

CHENEY:
Let's check,

see what plans

they had
to invade Iraq.

It's already in the works.

Got Ashcroft over at the DOJ.

State seems to be
the only tricky department.

That's Colin Powell,
his guy Lawrence Wilkerson.

Colin Powell, who never met
a camera he didn't like.

Wilkerson's a true believer.

WOLFOWITZ: We've got Bolton
over there.

He's a loose cannon,
but he's loyal.

Mmm. I wanna get Liz
in there as well.

Let's make sure that happens.

- Okay, Dad.
- Consider it done.

And this list of,
uh, our people

does not include
about 800 others,

uh, lobbyists,
industry insiders

that we placed
in the regulatory jobs.

What about Bush's friends?

Ridge? Pataki? Thompson?

I haven't heard their names.

They were not,
um, offered jobs

in this administration,
uh, at this time.

RUMSFELD: Not offered jobs
at this time?

Are you even more ruthless than
you used to be there, Dick?

Or are you just
not getting laid?

All right, moving on.

Um, got Paul O'Neill.

You haven't been here
in over twenty years.

Times have changed.

The, uh, softer touch,

that's the norm now.

We have the conservative
TV and radio

- doing the yelling for us.
- Mm-hmm.

RUMSFELD: Is your old friend
embarrassing you?

Is that it, Dick?

(CHENEY CHUCKLES)

Soft touch. That's all.

All right,
I have to go to my office

at the
House of Representatives.

You mean the Senate?

Vice president,
tiebreaker in the Senate.

Nope, I mean the House.

KURT: Dick Cheney had used
an old connection

with former wrestling coach

and Speaker of the House
Dennis Hastert

to get an office at the
House of Representatives.

The House is where
revenue bills originate,

and he wanted to be
near the money faucet.

Hey, Dick.
Will this work for you?

Two more offices
in the Senate.

Hey, Dick,
I found this extra office.

I hope it works for you.

And one in the Pentagon.

Welcome to your new home
away from home.

I got you
a little housewarming gift.

KURT: And later, when Cheney
needed intelligence

to invade Iraq,

a conference room at the CIA.

This room is soundproof
and secure.

KURT:
Cheney was everywhere.

But the most powerful place
in all of D.C.

was a nondescript
conference room

at a relatively new think tank

called Americans
for Tax Reform.

Grover Norquist ran
the anti-tax group

with huge funding from
the Koch brothers network,

big oil, and big tobacco.

His "Wednesday meeting,"

as it was called,
had become the center

of the Republican world.

Let's go ahead and start
with the estate tax.

Now, this has been hard
to eliminate,

because the tax only
affects those estates

worth over two million.

But we've made strides,

and marketing guru Frank Luntz
is here to help.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Hello, all.

(CLICKS TONGUE)

Getting regular people
to support cutting taxes

on the very wealthy

has always been
extremely hard.

We've had some success
in the past,

but the estate tax has
always been very difficult.

However...

I think we may have had
a breakthrough.

Now, the estate tax kicks in

on anyone inheriting
over two million dollars.

How many of you have
a problem with that?

Okay. How many
of you would have

a problem
with something called

a death tax?

Instead of global warming,

which we all agree
sounds very scary...

(PEOPLE CHUCKLE)

we call it

climate change.

RADIO HOST:
Folks, the government

is taking your money
after you die.

LIMBAUGH (ON RADIO): Now,
we all know the Democrats

despise tax cuts,
especially for the rich.

GOLDBERG (ON TV):
I want somebody to get rid

of the death tax,
that's what I want.

I don't want to get taxed
just 'cause I die.

LIMBAUGH:
I mean, give me a break!

GOLDBERG: If I give something to my
kid, I already paid the tax.

Why I gotta pay again
'cause I died?

It's like being chastised!
I hate it.

The death tax has to go.

The elite liberals
in Washington would tax us

for laughing or crying
if they could.

So, with one
of the biggest media

and political machines
ever created behind him,

Cheney was able to squash
action on global warming,

cut taxes for the super rich,

and gut regulations
for massive corporations.

And then there was Cheney's

National Energy Policy
Development Group.

His first major test
to expand executive power.

I don't understand
what the goddamn problem is.

I want to hear
what the energy CEOs need,

and I'm not allowed to?

- ADDINGTON: It's called FACA.
- The hell is FACA?

ADDINGTON: It's the Federal
Advisory Committees Act.

Congress got their panties
in a bunch that, you know,

elected officials would
just let CEOs roll in

and, you know, write the laws.

The act demands that, uh,

appropriate government employees
be present.

Hold on a second.

What's your name?

Doug.

Doug, how long have you
been working reception

at the Department of Energy?

Three months.

Perfect.

So what am I supposed
to do here?

Just sit there
and be quiet.

Got it.

- (CLEARS THROAT) Gentlemen.
- Hello. (CLEARS THROAT)

Hello... (BLEEP)

(BLEEP)

How's your business
at... (BLEEP)

We're good.
Our stock... (BLEEP)

And California
has been really... (BLEEP)

- since deregulation.
- CHENEY: Great to hear.

Oh. He's with
the energy department.

(INDISTINCT AUDIO
ON EARPHONES)

KURT: The details
of Cheney's meetings

with the energy CEOs
were never disclosed.

But a Freedom
of Information request

did provide some documents,

including a map
of Iraq's oil fields

with all of the oil companies

that would be interested
in acquiring them

if somehow they were ever
to become available.

And then, it happened.

Would you like to lower
your monthly mortgage payments

or use the equity in your home
to consolidate

your credit card
or other debts?

Just log...

LIN (ON TV): Yeah.
This just in.

You are looking at obviously

a very disturbing
live shot there.

That is
the World Trade Center,

and we have unconfirmed
reports this morning

that a plane has crashed
into one of the towers.

DAHLER (ON TV):
It... it does not appear

that there's any kind
of an effort up there yet.

- Now, remember... Oh, my God.
- (MATALIN GASPS)

- NEWS STAFFER: Oh, God!
- Dear God.

JENNINGS (ON TV): That looks
like a second plane.

AGENT: Mr. Vice President,
we have information

that a plane's headed to
the White House this moment.

We have less than a minute to get
to the secure underground bunker.

Let's go! Move!

Move!

Move! It's clear!

Sir, this way. Right now.

REPORTER: Capitol is being
evacuated, we're told,

and clearly that shot that
we have on our screen now,

this is the Pentagon

just across the river
from Washington, D.C.

You got to believe...

I need you
to take me to Dick.

Mrs. Cheney, we cannot
go back to the White House,

I am being told no one...

Either you take me
to the White House...

- (SIRENS WAILING)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Author is on the move.
Coming out.

REPORTER (ON TV): ...the Twin
Towers of the World Trade Center.

STAFFER: Have you gotten
the Prime Minister yet?

WOMAN (ON TV): ...headed directly
into the World Trade Center.

(SOBS)
It just flew into it.

HUGHES: Canada's Prime Minister
is on the phone.

That's right,
we got planes in the air

and nowhere for them to land.

RICE: Permission for them
to land at Canadian airports,

international flights
into Newfoundland.

MINETA: I still have one plane
unaccounted for

flying over Pennsylvania.

SCOOTER:
Sir, Donald Rumsfeld

is at the Pentagon
on line three.

- That?
- SCOOTER: Mm-hmm.

Yes, sir.

CHENEY:
You have authorization

to shoot down any aircraft

deemed a threat.

RUMSFELD:
Presidential authority?

CHENEY: That is correct.

All orders are UNODIR.

RICE: "UNODIR", sir?

HUGHES:
Unless otherwise directed.

RICE: Mr. Vice President,
are we sure these are

the proper rules of engagement?

The country's under attack,
the ROE is fluid.

- David... Addington, David.
- ADDINGTON: Yes, sir.

KURT: Now,
we don't know exactly

what the people
in that room were thinking.

But it's safe to assume

that at least one person
wondered why

in the midst
of the most fateful day

in American history

was Dick Cheney
talking to his lawyer.

And, um, what, um...

- Mr. Vice President?
- ...authority will he need?

- So, start working on...
- (CLEARS THROAT)

Mr. Vice President?

The congressional members
you sent

to Mount Weather
Emergency Operations Center

- wanna leave.
- Nope.

HUGHES: Excuse me?

(SIGHS)
They're not going anywhere.

Just, uh, tell them, um,
we have all the helicopters.

Yes, sir.

I'm sorry,
that is a negative.

They are to remain
where they are.

There's no helicopters
available for evac.

That is correct.

If you would be so kind
to relay that information.

LYNNE: Are we at war?

Yes, we are.

LYNNE:
With whom?

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

RADIO OPERATOR:
Depot street.

Truck pulling in
across from Depot Street.

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

Unit 9-3.
0-3-15 negative.

(RADIO CHATTER CONTINUES)

1-5-2-7, Brian.

God damn it.

TENET:
We picked up chatter

from well-known
Al-Qaeda operatives

celebrating today's attack.

RUMSFELD:
We shouldn't rule out Iraq.

RICE: But what's
Al-Qaeda's leader's name?

His name is Osama bin Laden.

CLARKE:
But this is clearly Al-Qaeda.

I've been tracking
their movements for years.

Their fingerprints
are all over this.

Iraq has all the good targets.

Iraq has nothing
to do with this, Don.

RUMSFELD: Richard,
you don't know that for sure.

CLARKE:
I do know that.

POWELL:
Mr. President, if I may.

(SIGHS)

Afghanistan is
Al-Qaeda's headquarters.

- That is where our focus should be.
- CLARKE: Yeah.

TENET: And the CIA would
be capable of taking out

the Taliban's power structure.

RUMSFELD: Yeah.
All due respect, George,

Mr. President...

we are the Pentagon,

and this is what we do.

Don.

Okay. We'll, uh, we'll go
with Tenet and the CIA.

I'll make some calls
to our allies.

RICE: Thank you, sir.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

I think, uh, given the current
situation, Mr. President,

it is wise that we not be
in the same location

for COG,
Continuity of Government.

GEORGE W. BUSH:
Of course.

We gonna be all right
on this, aren't we?

Yes, sir. Yes, we are.

AGENT 1 (ON RADIO): Angler has taken
off to an undisclosed location.

I repeat, Angler is airborne.

AGENT 2:
Angler? That's the VP?

I thought only
the president could land

and take off
from the south lawn.

AGENT 1:
What can I tell you?

Today's fucked.

(ENGINE ROARING)

This intelligence
has been edited,

redacted, and reduced.

Mr. Vice President,
usually we vet

the daily intelligence
threat matrix

to eliminate unreliable
sources, non-players...

Stop. Don't you dare give me
a damn disquisition...

on what I cannot hear.

FEMALE OFFICER 1:
Mr. Vice President,

a lot of this intelligence
is not verified.

CHENEY: I'm gonna say this
for the last time.

I want to hear everything

every day, from now on.

MALE OFFICER:
Yes, sir.

- CHENEY: Proceed.
- (CLEARS THROAT)

We're tracking
the possibility of bio-attacks

using Sarin gas,
cowpox, Ebola.

There was a post
on a dark website

about mass beheadings
in residential areas.

MALE OFFICER 1:
Movie studios, museums,

subways, daycare centers
may all be targets.

A source has told an asset

about fire-bombs
targeting hospitals.

FEMALE OFFICER 1:
A video was captured

describing televised executions

interrupting
American network TV.

MALE OFFICER 2: Sporting
events, tourist attractions,

New Year's celebrations,
religious ceremonies,

are all hard targets.

MALE OFFICER 3: Machine-gun
attacks at high-profile...

FEMALE OFFICER 2:
Biological agents inside...

FEMALE OFFICER 1:
Coordinated fire-bombings

of commuter trains
across North America.

MALE OFFICER 2: Water filtration
plants targeted with bio-weapons

and killing a million people.

FEMALE OFFICER 1:
A briefcase nuke

being driven into
a major city and detonated.

MALE OFFICER 2: Airborne
bio-weapons can be put

into the
air conditioning units

of large shopping malls
or casinos.

FEMALE OFFICER 3: A beloved
celebrity has been targeted

for kidnapping
and possibly beheading.

MALE OFFICER 2:
Phosphorus bombs,

chlorine attacks, mustard gas,
cluster bombs...

I'm scared, Dick.

I'll always take care
of you, Lynne.

You know that.

What are you going to do?

(STREAM FLOWING GENTLY)

(GUNSHOTS)

(GUNSHOTS CONTINUE)

(MEN SHOUT INDISTINCTLY)

SOLDIER:
Move, move, move!

(GUNSHOTS)

(INDISTINCT)

(GUNSHOTS)

So, while Powell, the CIA,

and their
international coalition

toppled the Taliban
and took Afghanistan

in a matter of weeks,

Cheney had found something
much more powerful

than missiles or jet planes.

BYBEE: Mr. Vice President,
this is John Yoo.

It's a pleasure to meet you,
Mr. Vice President.

BYBEE: So David told me
you're looking

for executive authority.

Mm-hmm.

John here
is definitely your guy.

(CHENEY EXHALES)

The war we're now fighting

will require resources
and abilities that the, uh...

the current interpretation
of the law... impedes.

The vice president believes

it is the duty
of the commander-in-chief

to protect the nation

and that no other obligation,

whether to Congress
or existing treaty

supersedes that dut.

How do you feel
about that statemen?

I couldn't agree more.

KURT: John Yoo's
first legal opinion

allowed the US government

to monitor every citizens'
phone calls,

texts, and e-mails
without a warrant.

(MAN SCREAMS)

KURT:
It was a giant legal leap

based on sketchy law at best.

But John Yoo's masterpiece,

his Moby-Dick, if you will,

was the torture memo.

...your fucking contact is!

Where're your fucking hands?

What about
the Geneva Convention?

The Geneva Convention
is open to interpretation.

What exactly does that mean?

- (MAN SHOUTING, INDISTINCT)
- ADDINGTON: Stress positions,

waterboarding,
confided spaces, dogs...

We're calling it
"enhanced interrogation."

Are we sure
none of this fits

in the definition
of "torture"?

The US doesn't torture.

Therefore,
if the US does it,

by definition,
it can't be torture.

- (DOGS BARKING)
- (MAN SCREAMING)

KURT:
But torture and privacy laws

weren't the only laws Cheney
re-wrote with John Yoo.

They had a full menu
of legal opinions

stretching and challenging
constitutional

and international law.

WAITER:
Good evening, gentlemen.

Tonight we're offering
the enemy combatant,

whereby a person
is not a prisoner of war,

or a criminal,
which means of course

that he has absolutely
no protection under the law.

We're also offering
an extraordinary rendition

where suspects are abducted
without record on foreign soil

and taken to foreign prisons

in countries that still torture.

Oh, that sounds delicious.

We also have Guantanamo Bay,

which is very,
very complicated,

but it does allow you
to operate

outside the purview
of due process

on land which isn't
technically US territory,

but where we still
do have control.

And also, we have
a very fresh and delicious

War Powers Act interpretation

which gives the executive
branch broad powers

to attack nations or people

who it deems
still possibly a threat.

We have the fact that under
the unitary executive theory,

if the president
does anything,

- it must be legal.
- (SCOFFS)

Which, of course, means you can
do whatever the fuck you want.

So, gentlemen,

which would you like?

Hmm. We'll, uh,
we'll have them all.

Excellent choice.

Thank you.

WOLFOWITZ: Look, Dick,
uh, we've been working

with these focus groups
and advertising executives

to try and sell
the War on Terror.

WOMAN: I'll reiterate,
we are still being recorded,

and there still may
or may not be clients

back behind
the two-way mirrors...

These guys are pretty sharp.

Go on.

There's a problem.

The results show
that people are confused.

WOMAN: You all support
the president,

you hate terrorism,
yet you're still confused.

Can you tell me why?
Anybody?

MARK: Don't we have to just
get Osama bin Laden? He did it.

So why are they calling it
a war? A war with who?

WOMAN:
Okay, thank you, Mark.

Uh, Jasmine, jump in, please.

I don't get what this
Al-Qaeda is.

Are they a country, like,
why can't we just bomb them?

WOMAN:
That's really interesting.

Um, is anybody else confused
about what Al-Qaeda is?

Show of hands, please.

One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven...

That's a lot of you. Right?

Would it be less confusing

if it was a country?

MARK: Damn right.

I'm angry as hell.

We've gotta fuck someone up.

WOMAN: Got it. Mark.

Really strong feelings coming
from Mark. I'm interested.

Does anybody else feel
the same or agree...

They understand
we're at war, but...

they don't know
against who.

They want a country.

It's cleaner, simpler.

ADDINGTON: That would
certainly help us legally.

CHENEY: Hmm. Well...

looks like it's time
to take Iraq.

- (CHUCKLES)
- RUMSFELD: It is about goddamn time.

CHENEY: It's called
the Office of Special Plans.

Tenet is not yet
serious enough

about the threat
that Saddam poses

to the global war
on terror.

But I can promise you

that this
intelligence group will be.

Wolfie, I got something.

WOLFOWITZ:
Truck transmissions.

If there's a donkey
with a radio up his ass,

I wanna know
what it's transmitting.

I think that's
an excellent idea.

I've been wantin' to take
that motherfucker Saddam down

- for a long time.
- Hmm.

FEITH: Here's a report
that says Mohamed Atta,

one of the 9-11 hijackers,

may have met with
an Iraqi spy in Prague.

WOMAN: It's a really
strong statement.

Does anybody agree
with that statement?

Wait a minute.
We can't just bomb people.

- Oh, please.
- WOMAN: Yeah, no.

It's from Czech intelligence,

and they question
its credibility.

WOLFOWITZ: I've been to Prague.
They question everything.

Who wants to be
an anonymous source?

Make sure you work
in the phrase,

"We don't want the smoking gun
to be a mushroom cloud."

That focus-grouped
through the roof.

RICE: There will always
be uncertainty

about when he will acquire
nuclear weapons.

But we don't want
the smoking gun

to be a mushroom cloud.

There is a smoking gun
or a mushroom cloud

- we have waited too long.
- CHENEY: Simply stated,

there is no doubt
that Saddam Hussein

now has weapons
of mass destruction.

We gotta get rid
of this dictator.

He's got anthrax,
he's got all these weapons...

There is no doubt
he is amassing them

to use them
against our friends,

against our allies,
and against us.

When, and not if, but when

Saddam creates
and uses nuclear weapons,

what will we tell
the American people?

Saddam Hussein will continue
to increase his capacity

to wage biological
and chemical warfare.

- Hello?
- MAN: Whassup!

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

To show that we will stand up
for what we know to be right,

to show that we will confront
the tyrannies

and dictatorships
and terrorists

who put our way of life
at risk.

BROKAW: ...of winning
a second UN resolution

authorizing war against Iraq.

So tonight President Bush...

...and the hopes
of an oppressed people...

The tribe has spoken.

Polling for an invasion
of Iraq

is at 53 percent.

Focus groups show people

still aren't sure
about a connection

between Saddam and Al-Qaeda.

And France and Germany
have both said

that they will not join
our coalition

And neither will Israel.

Ariel and I we went
to the Wall together with Condi.

We-we prayed together.

Israel's one
of our closest allies.

They said an invasion
of Iraq would...

destabilize the region, sir,

and that they don't believe
Saddam is an immediate threat.

That's not good.

I really want
a strong coalition for this.

I have an idea.

Secretary Powell has
the highest

trustworthy ratings
of all of us.

What if he gave an address
to the UN

and the American people

to push this over
the finish line?

Karl, I have been very vocal,

very vocal about my reservations
about invading Iraq.

Oh! Colin, you're such
a nervous Nellie.

- We are talking about invading...
- A worry wart.

- ...a sovereign nation...
- Sovereign nation?

- ...without any provocation, Don.
- RUMSFELD: Don't give me that...

POWELL:
It is a sovereign nation, Don.

RUMSFELD: ...in any way, shape,
or form. You're wrong.

POWELL:
What's the exit strategy?

What, what about
the intelligence?

- Does the intelligence matter to you at all?
- The exit strategy. Oh, please.

- You break it, you bought it.
- You know you're wrong.

- You break it, you bought it.
- You're a chicken-shit.

All right.
Hey, hey, hey, all right.

Ho-ho-ho-ho.

Let-let's slow down.

That's enough of that,
you guys.

Well, are you...

gonna take
Saddam down or not?

You are the president.

War... is yours.

Not the UN,
not some coalition.

Do not share powers...

that are yours alone.

(INHALES DEEPLY)

George, make sure
Powell sees the intelligence.

TENET: Yes, sir.

GEORGE W. BUSH: Colin,
I want you to make that speech.

I'm president,
and I want this to happen.

- TENET: Yes, sir.
- HUGHES: Yes, sir.

POWELL: Yes, sir.

I look forward to being briefed
on that intelligence.

On another note, I've been
handed a credible report

of a small terrorist enclave
in North Eastern Iraq.

If we're gonna invade,

we suggest taking it
out before.

Let it go, George.
We have bigger fish to fry.

Let me see that intelligence.

- TENET: Of course.
- (CLEARS THROAT)

KURT:
That classified document

described a terrorist named
Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi

who had started
as a drug dealer and pimp

before becoming
fully radicalized

in a Jordanian prison.

Zarqawi went to meet
bin Laden in Afghanistan.

Did he or did he not meet
with Al-Qaeda?

KURT: But Zarqawi had vowed
to kill all Shia Muslims,

and bin Laden's mother
was Shia.

So the meeting
didn't go over well.

They had
no operational contact.

Hogwash.

POWELL: Larry,
have you seen this speech?

Yes, sir. It's bone-thin.

I saw at least five pieces
of disproved intel in there.

Who wrote it?

They said
it was the president,

but I think you can guess
who really wrote it.

Well, there's no need
to yell, Larry.

Yeah, well,
we reviewed the speech,

we gave some notes.

Powell really doesn't have
a clue, does he?

KURT: After the US
invaded Afghanistan,

Zarqawi set up shop in Iraq.

It was the only connection
Cheney had

between Al-Qaeda and Iraq.

The Security Council
will now begin

its consideration
of item two of the agend.

I call now
on the distinguished

Secretary of State

of the United States
of America,

His Excellency,
Mr. Colin Powell.

My purpose here today
is to share with you

what the United States knows

about Iraq's weapons
of mass destruction

as well as Iraq's involvement
in terrorism.

Iraq, today, harbors
a deadly terrorist network

headed by
Abu Musab al-Zarqawi,

an associate
and collaborator...

KURT: Powell's UN address was
seen by millions of Americans,

but other people
were watching as well.

POWELL: Collaborator
of Osama bin Laden

and his Al-Qaeda
lieutenants...

Zarqawi's activities
are not confined...

KURT:
The great general of America

saying his name
over and over again

immediately made
Zarqawi a star.

POWELL (ON TV): Staying
in the capital of Iraq...

Allahu Akbar!

KURT: Within a day,
he had gone into hiding.

ALL: Allahu Akbar!
Allahu Akbar!

POWELL: ...but these denials
are simply not credible.

They are simply not credible.

An Al-Qaeda source
tells us that

Saddam and bin Laden
reached an understanding

that Al-Qaeda would no longer

support activities
against Baghdad.

KURT:
By the time we invaded Iraq,

70 percent
of Americans thought

that Saddam Hussein
was involved in 9-11.

Later, Colin Powell
would call the speech

the most painful moment
of his life.

(WHISPERS)

Thank you, sir.

MARY: And what was it?
Justin, right?

LIZ: She can buy
her album now, Mom.

HEATHER: What was
the girl's name that won?

- No, Kelly. And then Justin.
- Last year.

CHENEY:
What are you talking about?

MARY: We're talking about
American Idol, Dad.

CHENEY: What is that?

We watched it.
You've seen it.

- You've seen it...
- I've watched it next to you.

The singing, and the
mean judge, and the...

CHENEY: I don't like that...

- MARY: The mean British judge?
- LIZ: You liked it.

- You liked the mean British...
- CHENEY: Oh, I like him.

LIZ: Yeah, you...

CHENEY: Do you know how
to stop a fish from smelling?

LIZ: Very appropriate.

ELIZABETH: That's not a...
That's a terrible joke.

Well, I didn't finish it yet.

MARY: I mean, everybody.

You cut off its nose.

HEATHER:
Wait, what?

LYNNE: I know, Grace,
cover your ears please.

- HEATHER: Cheers, honey.
- Cheers. Oh, my gosh.

- We're not.
- LYNNE: No, we're not.

We're not revisiting

your father's
colorful conversations...

Let's just say
that your dad...

REPORTER:
Again, another,

disintegrating...

MAN: Is the prompter
visible for you?

Yeah, yeah. Bring it
a little closer. Yeah.

How's my hair? All right?

- MAN: Looks good.
- Tie?

MAN: And we are five,
four, three...

My fellow citizens,
at this hour,

American and coalition forces

are in the early stages
of military operations

to disarm Iraq,
to free its people

and to defend the world
from grave danger.

On my orders, coalition forces
have begun striking

selected targets
of military importance

to undermine
Saddam Hussein's ability

to wage war.

These are opening stages
of what will be

a broad
and concerted campaign.

To all the men and women of
the United States Armed Forces

now in the Middle East,

the peace of a troubled world

and the hopes
of an oppressed people...

- (EXPLOSIONS)
- (WOMAN SOBBING)

(EXPLOSIONS CONTINUE)

(SOLDIER SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY)

SOLDIER: Guys, over here.
Two o'clock.

Contact, two hundred yards.

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

REPORTER: This statement
from the White House,

President Bush regards this
as an historic moment.

The scenes on television show

the thirst for freedom
is unquenchable.

AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER:
Striker One L-S-O,

You are clear to land.

(CHANTING)
USA! USA! USA!

GEORGE W. BUSH:
Good work.

Hi. Um...

It seems like they've been
shipping men and equipment

out of Afghanistan, into Iraq,

and at the moment,
we're a little unsure

of what's going on.

I don't want you
to worry about me.

(CHEERING AND WHISTLING)

Major combat operations
in Iraq have ended.

In the battle of Iraq,

the United States
and our allies have prevailed.

We have concerns
over Halliburton KBR's

billing practices.

As you know, the no-bid
contracts they received

were quite sizable, and now...

Well, we're not concerned,
are we?

Not at all.

The secretary of defense
and the vice president

just said
they're not concerned.

Now, can we please talk
about Iran?

(GUNSHOTS)

(MEN LAUGHING)

(MAN GRUNTS)

KURT: To this day, Dick Cheney
has never apologized

for this incident.

- Jesus, Dick!
- (MAN GROANING)

- KURT: But someone else did.
- CHENEY: Oh, hell.

My family and I
are deeply sorry

for all that
Vice President Cheney

and his family
have had to go through

this past week.

We send our love
and respect to them.

And we hope that he will
continue to come to Texas...

and seek the relaxation
that he deserves.

So, this, uh...

Joe Wilson asshole...
(CLEARS THROAT)

...is questioning
our intelligence

in the New York Times.

(CLEARS THROAT)
What's his wife's name again?

Valerie Plame.

I confirmed it.
She's undercover CIA.

Leak it.

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

(DOG BARKING)

SOLDIER 1: Okay, okay.

Like, they don't care
about their dogs, man.

I mean they shoot 'em.
They let 'em roam wild.

What kinda man
don't love a dog?

SOLDIER 2:
People in India love cows.

They look at us

and how we treat cows
and think the same thing.

SOLDIER 1:
Cows. All due respect...

that sounds like some liberal
ass-scratchin' bullshit...

- (MAN EXCLAIMS)
- (WOMAN CRIES)

Linda.

Look at this crap.

(GROANS)
God damn it.

CHENEY:
Hello, Don.

That report says Zarqawi,

the same fucking Zarqawi
we talked up for months,

is now leading
a major insurgence in Iraq.

And the implication is
it's because we talked him up.

Has POTUS seen this?

No, no, no.

I... I intercepted it before
it got across the hallway.

SCOOTER: And this is,
this is generated by an analyst.

CHENEY:
Get me Tenet.

This stops here.

KURT:
Abu Musab al-Zarqawi

had taken his fame
from Powell's UN speech

and turned it
into his own new thing.

- The Islamic State of Iraq and Levant...
- (PEOPLE SCREAMING)

...or ISIS.

And because that intelligence
somehow found itself

on the bottom
of a stack of papers...

Zarqawi had a whole year

to just do whatever
the hell he wanted.

And what he wanted...

was carnage.

Shia versus Sunni.

The West versus Islam.

And death versus life.

And on top of that,

US forces couldn't find
any WMDs

or nuclear programs in Iraq.

Turns out that Saddam
and his sons

mostly liked cocaine

and American movies
from the '80s.

WILLIAMS (ON TV):
Vice President Dick Cheney

is being sued
by Valerie Plame

and her husband Joseph Wilson.

GROSS (ON RADIO):
The White House announced

four cabinet resignations

including that of Secretary
of State Colin Powell.

LEAHY: Dick.

Look, I hope there's
no hard feelings

about us investigating
the no-bid Iraq contract

for Halliburton.

You know,
I'm just doing my job.

Go fuck yourself.

(TIRES SQUEALING)

ANNOUNCER: Dick Cheney
emerges from the dugout

on the third base side.

There's a lot of energy
that follows any opener,

whether it be the opener
to the regular season

or, in this case,
the home opener

for the Washington Nationals.

But there's continued buildup,
Eddie, for this team

because of the success
they had last year

in drawing some
pretty good numbers.

(CROWD BOOING)

ANNOUNCER: Dick Cheney,
a little bit low and outside.

REPORTER 1: Iraq War,
now proven to be false.

There is a chorus
of people calling

for Vice President Dick Cheney
to step aside and resign.

REPORTER 2: These issues may
not be resolved for some time.

Go away!

(SIGHS)
I swear to God

this whole place
is turning against me.

(LAUGHS)

- CHENEY: Where are you?
- I'm in an empty office

just trying to get
a clean phone line.

Listen, if we could just get

an air bombardment in Iraq,

I think it would make
a statement

and it would give us
some political cover.

It's over, Don.
(CLEARS THROAT)

RUMSFELD:
What's that?

What is?

CHENEY:
It's over.

President wants you
to step down.

He appreciates your service.

Don?

Well, does, uh...

Bush's kid want me out
or do you?

I can't win every fight, Don.

You are a little piece
of shit.

Wow. How did you become
such a cold son of a bitch?

CHENEY:
I'm sorry, Don.

I really am.

RUMSFELD: Well, you know
how I know you're not?

'Cause I wouldn't be.

(CLICKS TONGUE)

Think they'll prosecute us?

Okay, then.

Okay, then.

(RECEIVER CLATTERS)

I, Barack Hussein Obama,
do solemnly swear...

ROBERTS:
That I will execute the office

of president to
the United States faithfully.

(INAUDIBLE)

KURT:
Few years later,

Dick's heart trouble
started up again.

And with no donor available,

he finally found himself
at death's door.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

LYNNE: Well?

I wish I had...
I had better news.

Your heart just isn't pumping
enough oxygen

to keep
your vital organs alive.

Should I call for a minister?

No, no.
He's not going anywhere.

Okay, then.

Dick Cheney,

you are not going anywhere,
do you hear me?

You're not going anywhere.

This may be the, uh...

one time, I, uh,

I can't do...

- what your mother says, girls.
- (LYNNE SNIFFLES)

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

- (CLEARS THROAT)
- (MARY SNIFFLES)

(KISSES)

- MARY: I love you, Daddy.
- CHENEY: I love you, Mary.

I love you, Lizzie.

And we love you so much.

We love you so much.

My girls.

(SNIFFLING)

I love you, girls.

(CHENEY SIGHS)

So Dick Cheney told his family
that he was ready to die

and that he wasn't afraid.

He told them
he had lived a full life

and that
he had zero regrets...

- (GRUNTS)
- (TIRES SCREECH)

(SIRENS WAILING)

(HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

NURSE: Vice President Cheney,
cross your arms, please.

There you go.
Okay, on a count of three.

One, two, three.

They say my heart could
give him another ten years.

Cheney doesn't like to refer
to it as someone else's heart.

He likes to refer to it
as his new heart.

Which, even though I'm dead,
I have to say...

still makes me feel
pretty shitty.

And so, when Liz decided
to run for one

of Wyoming's
two Senate seats

against Republican incumbent
Mike Enzi,

our Dick was right there

to hopefully see the Cheney
legacy of power continue.

ENZI: Are you aware Wyoming
Senate candidate Liz Cheney

supports gay marriage?

Her sister is married
to another woman,

and Liz Cheney refuses
to support

a constitutional amendment
banning same-sex marriage.

Instead, she equivocates,

claiming it's a states
rights issue.

Don't you agree
Wyoming deserves

a senator who believes
marriage should be

between a man and a woman?

These calls went
to every house in Wyoming.

Every single house.

I will never win.

What are we gonna do?

SURGEON:
O2 monitor is steady.

CHRIS: We're joined
here today by Liz Cheney,

who is running for the Senate
from the state of Wyoming.

According to one poll,

she is behind
by double digits.

Welcome.

Thank you
for having me here, Chris.

Great to be with you.

And may I point out,
there are other polls

that have me much closer.

CHRIS: Your opponent,
Senator Mike Enzi,

claims that you support
gay marriage

in part, because...

you support your gay sister
Mary's union with her wife.

LYNNE: I think
she's coming off very well.

CHRIS:
How do you respond?

Let me be very, very clear.

I do not support gay marriage.

I believe that marriage
is between a man and a woma.

CHRIS:
But you've always claimed

gay marriage is a state issue.

Your opponent claims
this is an equivocation.

SURGEON: All right,
I'm cutting the aorta.

Do you have
the specimen bowl ready?

NURSE: It's on the field.

SURGEON: All right.
Here's the heart.

The thing is, Mom, I know
that Liz wouldn't have done

any of this if you
and Dad didn't approve.

So...
(SOBS)

I can't believe
you would do th...

I really thought
there was a limit to...

LYNNE: No, now you're
just being hysterical,

and I can't talk to you
when you get this way.

You need to settle down. Okay?

You're being hysterical.

SURGEON:
Bypass is on standby.

NURSE:
Is it in three?

ASSISTANT: I'll have it
waiting right here.

(LINE CLICKS)

(PHONE BEEPS)

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

SURGEON: All right,
some suction. Some suction.

ASSISTANT: Damn.

All right. We're almost there.

Dad.

(SOBBING)

HEATHER: Just breathe, baby.
I love you.

Patient's heart rate is stable.

Blood pressure increasing.

I'm gonna notify the family.
What should I tell them?

SURGEON: Tell them
the patient's doing well.

- NURSE: Okay.
- SURGEON: We should be done in a half-hour.

(EKG BEEPING STEADILY)

(VENTILATOR HISSING STEADILY)

REPORTER:
Mr. Vice President.

CHENEY: This must be
the right place.

- REPORTER: Yes.
- (CHENEY LAUGHS)

- Hello, Martha.
- MARTHA: Hi.

- Nice to meet you.
- CHENEY: Pleasure.

- Have a seat right there.
- (CLEARS THROAT)

So, um, is it gonna be just,
uh, me on camera or...

Primarily you.
We'll cut back to me.

Eddie's got you
with the A camera.

I'm just gonna be...
All right.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(SIGHS)

(RUBS HANDS, CLEARS THROAT)

- MARTHA: Ready?
- Hmm.

MARTHA:
Two-thirds of Americans say

the Iraq War
is not worth fighting.

And they're looking
at the value gained

versus the cost
in American lives

and Iraqi lives.

So?

So, don't you care what
the American people think?

No, uh,
I think you, uh,

cannot be, uh,

blown off course.

(CLEARS THROAT)

(SIGHS)

I can feel
your recriminations...

and your judgment...

and I am fine with it.

You want to be loved,
go be a movie star.

The world is as you find it.

You gotta deal
with that reality.

And there are monsters
in this world.

We saw 3,000 innocent people

burned to death
by those monsters.

And yet you object...

when I refuse

to kiss those monsters
on the cheek

and say "pretty please."

You answer me this.

What terrorist attack
would you have let go forward

so you wouldn't seem like
a mean and nasty fella?

I will not apologize...

for keeping your family safe.

And I will not apologize...

for doing what needed
to be done...

so that your loved ones

can sleep peaceably at night.

(SNIFFS)

Has been my honor...

to be your servant.

You chose me...

and I did what you asked.

♪

♪ I like the island Manhattan ♪

WOMAN:
I know you do.

♪ Smoke on your pipe ♪

♪ And put that in! ♪

(WHOOPING, CLAPPING)

♪ I like to be in America ♪

♪ Okay by me in America ♪

♪ Everything free in America ♪

♪ For a small fee in America ♪

♪ Automobile in America ♪

♪ Chromium steel in America ♪

♪ Wire-spoke wheel
in America ♪

♪ Very big deal in America! ♪

(WHOOPING, SHOUTING)

♪ Immigrant goes to America ♪

♪ Many hellos in America ♪

♪ Nobody knows in America ♪

♪ Wall-to-wall floors
in America! ♪

(WHOOPING, CLAPPING)

♪ I like the shores
of America! ♪

♪ Comfort is yours
in America! ♪

♪ Knobs on the doors
in America ♪

♪ Wall-to-wall floors
in America! ♪

(WHOOPING)

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

(WHOOPING)

Sorry to interrupt,
But Mark wanted

to share something
with everyone.

Something's been bothering me
this whole movie,

and I just figured it out.

The whole thing's liberal.

It's got a liberal bias.

Interesting. Does anyone else
feel that way?

One, two, three, four people.
Yeah, go ahead.

It's all facts. Right?

I mean, they had to vet all this with
a lawyer. How does that make it...

- What's liberal about that?
- You would say that, lib-tard.

Okay, I'm sorry.

So, because I have the ability
to understand facts,

that makes me a liberal?

WOMAN: Okay, guys,
let's just take it down.

You probably like Hillary.

- Let's take it down a notch or two, okay?
- MAN: Idiot.

Okay, first of all,
Hillary's not president. Okay?

The-the-the orange Cheeto
that you hired

is the president
and he's ruining the country...

Trump is the best thing
in this country.

You chicken-shit!

John! Now, come in, please.

WOMAN 2: Hey, guys, come on.

- WOMAN: Guys! Guys!
- Stop it. Knock it off!

I can't wait to see the new
Fast and the Furious movie.

That looks lit.

Subtitles by explosiveskull