All language subtitles for The.Andy.Griffith.Show.S01E26.iNTERNAL.BDRip.x264-LiBRARiANS-en

(whistling sprightly tune)

Starring Andy Griffith...

with Ronny Howard.

Also sfam‘ng Don Knotrs.

What are you doing?

I'm playing checkers.

With yourself?

Yeah.

How are you doing?

Won two and lost two.

Any other games
you play by yourself?

Yeah. I sometimes play myself
two-handed Rob the Deck Casino.

You do?

Yeah, and sometimes
I also play myself

a four-handed game of Parcheesi.
Do you mind?

(chuckles):
No, I don't mind.

There's something
I wish you'd do for me. though.

What's that?

If you was to ever play yourself
a game of ping-pong,

| wish you’d let me know,
because thai I got to see.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, Andy.

Here, open up
some of the mail.

Maybe you wrote
yourself a letter.

Never know when
to stop. do you?

Just go on and on

and on and on and on and on.

It's kind of a sickness
with you, I guess.

Oh, Barney, lwas
just picking at you,

0h.

Hey, we got a package from
the Hughbacher Brothers.

Oh. Where are they now?

They‘re still doing time
up at State Prison.

Let's see what it is.

Oh, they're in leathercrafl.

A wallet for me
and a bookmark for you.

Aw. You know.
they are three

of the nicest tellas
we ever sent up.

Yeah.

Oh, here's a note.

Huh.

It says, uh, itsays,

"Dear Andy and Barney."

It says, "Hi from state prison.

"As you can see
trom the enclosed,

"we are learning a trade.

"As you probably have heard,
we were separated a while,

"when Elmer went out on parole,
but thank heavens he's back

with us, and we’re
all together again."

That’s nice.

It is nice.

"Yours truly,
the Hughbacher Brothers,

"P.S. We're having
a wonderful time.

Wish you were here, ha, ha."

(laughs)

They wish we was there,
in the prison.

daughsy
Yeah.

They're funny boys.

We oughta drive up
there some Sunday

and see them.

Yeah.

Uh-oh.

What's the matter?

This is from the State
Inspector‘s Office.

Uh, they're sending
a man down here

to look us over!

Oh, is that all?

What do you mean,
"is that all?"

Well, it's just routine.

They send a man down
every now and then.

Nothing to get
head up about.

Hey, this must have been
late getting here.

Says he'll be
coming in today.

Today?!

Oh, my gosh, Andy.

We got to get ready!

Yeah, boy.

I got to get
my fishing gear together

and oil up
my huntin' guns.

Oh, how can you think
about fishin' and huntin'

when there‘s an inspector
coming, and today?

Well, this is awful.

It's just awful.

Well, Barney, no use to get

your skinny little
veins to popping.

It's just Sam Allen.

Uh, Sam Allen?

Oh, that's right.

You wasn’t here when
he come down before.

Sam Allen-- he's
the inspector.

He's a buddy of mine.

He comes down, and we go
fishin' and huntin'.

It's more of a social call
than anything else.

Well, Idon‘t care.
It's still an inspection,

and I think we ought
to be ready for him.

Uh! Oh!

Wouldn't you know it?

The cells would have
to be empty today.

Now, how does that look?

Well“, it looks empty
is how it looks.

Yeah. Well, it sure
doesn't speak well

tor the law around here.

I‘m going to go out
and get us a prisoner.

Barney, we don‘t
need a prisoner.

Yes, we do. We need one
to dress up the place.

All right, Otis,
come on, let's go.

I got one, Andy.

Otis gets to be it, huh?

Doggone it, Otis,
you’re a prisoner.

Now, act like one.

But I like
you, Barney,

You're my friend,

Yeah, well, that‘s
all well and good,

but you ain't
supposed to be

hugging me when
I’m arresting you.

Andy, tell him it
ain't regulation,

But he likes you,
Barney.

All right, take
it easy, Otis. Come on,

Andy, my other
good friend.

-Yeah.
-You ain't supposed

to hug the
sheriff, neither.

But I like you both.

You‘re both
my good friends,

and I'm glad
to be with you.

This is my birthday.

Oh, ain't that nice?

(chuckles)

J' For I‘m a jolly
good fellow I

J' Jolly good
fellow... J‘

J' For I'm
a jolly good fellow.., J'

-You know something?
>What?

I got drunkjust so
I could come over here

to be w'th you,
so you could help me

celebrate my birthday.

Aw, you didn‘t have
to do that, Otis.

Why, you would have
been welcome, anyhow.

No, that's like going
to a friend's store

and not buying anything.

(laughs)

-Sheriff?
»Huh?

Can I use
your phone?

-Sure. Help yourself.
-Thanks.

-Hey, Otis.
-Yeah?

It‘s, uh. ,.
it's over here.

0h.

(chuckles)

I I'm a jolly good fellow J'

J‘ 'Cause I'm
a jolly good fell“, J'

Hello, Sarah?
This is Otis Campbell.

There been any calls for me
about my birthday?

Nobody called
to wish me

a happy birthday.
Nobody.

All right, Otis,

Let‘s get locked up.
Come on.

In the cell,
in the cell.

Oh, now wait.
Wait a minute, Barney.

You can‘t lock
Otis up today,

It‘s his birthday.

But the inspector‘s
coming.

And R‘s
my birthday.

Hey, lgot a idea.

Sam'll get a kick
out of this.

Him and Otis
are practically buddies.

-Hey, Otis?
-Hmm?

Guess who's coming,

Who?

Sam Allen.

-He is?
-Yep, and when he gets here,

we‘re gonna celebrate
your birthday,

We are?

Yeah. Oh,
this'll tickle Sam.

I'll go get us
a cake.

(moans)

What's the matter?

Somebody remembered my birthday.

Hey, Barney...

guard your prisoner.

Birthday party in a jail.

Jimminy, that‘s enough
to make a lawman cry.

J‘ For I'm a jolly good fellow J'

J' For I‘m a jolly
good fellow I

J' For I'm a jolly
good fellow,.. I

(door opening)

Yes? What can I do for you?

How do you do?

I'm from
the State Inspector‘s office.

Oh, well, welcome to
Mayberry, Mr. Allen.

Allen? I'm not Allen.

Oh, I, lthought you
said you were from

the State Inspector‘s office.

I am, but my name is Case,
Ralph Case.

| replaoed Sam Allen.

You... you... you
replaced Sam Allen?

That's right.

You're, uh, Sheriff Taylor?

Yeah. No.

No, no. I‘m the deputy.

Barney Fife.

CASE: Don‘t tell me
that's the sheriff.

Who?

Him,

Oh, him?

Oh, my goodness, no,

Th-that's not
the sheriff.

Well, who is it?

Well... uh...

he‘s a prisoner.

A prisoner?

Well...

What is this prisoner
doing out of his oell?

Huh?

This prisoner
is not in a cell. Why?

Why?

Well...

(snares)

I had him on
a work detail, sir.

Sheriff Taylor says
to always keep

these prisoners hoppin’.

lguess l... I sorta
over-hopped him.

l have to
watch myself.

You see, I have
a tendency to get brutal,

All right, let's go, Otis.
Come on. Get them feet down.

Let's get in that celll
Come on, hut, hut, hep, haw.

(slurred):
I Jolly good fellow.., J'

And stop
that singing!

This is a prison,
not a hotel.

All right, let's get in there.

(cowboy roundup yell)

Here's the cake.

Where's Otis?

Sheriff Taylor?

How do?

I'll be with you
in a minute.

Hold this.

Otis. what are you
a-doin' in there?

You‘re supposed to be
the guest of honor,

Now, you come on out here,
birthday boy.

Andy, this is
the new inspector~

Mr. Cake... uh, Case.

Oh, how do?

Oh, this is
Otis Campbell.

It‘s my birthday.

Sam Allen ain't comin'?

Oh, I'm taking
Mr. Allen's place.

Sam ain't feelin'
poorly, is he?

He's on a leave
of absence.

Oh, well, we're
glad you're here.

We werejust fixin'
to have a little party.

Everybody forgot
Otis' birthday.

Sheriff...?

ANDY:
Hey, maybe afterwards,

we could do
a little fishin'.

Sheriff, I didn't
come here to fish.

Want to do a little
froggiggin'?

Nor to go
frog-gigging,

You‘re not much
like Sam, are you?

Apparently not.

Excuse me.

(whispering):
Otis... get in the cell.

But this is my birthday...

In, in, in, in, in.

Party-pooper.

Ain't they
nice doilies?

My Aunt Bee made
those, by hand.

Sheriff, I've inspected
many a jail,

but I have never seen
one like this.

Why, thank you.

What I mean is, this jail

doesn't even
seem like a jail.

ANDY: Well, now, I'm glad
it hit you that way.

That's exactly the effect
we was tryin' to achieve.

Some of our prisoners
have said that our cells

are kind of like a
home away from home.

Home away from,..?

Well, see, most
of our prisoners

are friends
and neighbors

and different
ones like that,

and, well, we figure
that they've already met

with some kind of misfortune
somewhere else,

and we don't want
to make it

any more unpleasant for them
than we can help.

You see mm I mean?

It‘s amazing.

Absolutely amazing.

Why, thank you.

Much obliged.

Sheriff Taylor,
haven't you ever read

any textbooks on
proper procedure?

Any sort of
police manual?

Um, no, Ican't say
that l have.

l-l did used to take
the Police Gazette though,

But I, I had to cut it out

when Deputy Fife
joined the force.

Well, see, it had a lot
of girlie pictures in it,

and Barney, he.,.
he's never been man'ied.

(clearing throat)

Uh, boy, it, uh...

it sure is nice
to have these babies around.

(chuckles)

Your sidearm,
please.

Sir?

Your pistol.

It, uh, is a pistol?

Oh, yes, sir,

There aren‘t any
bullets in this gun,

Oh, well, Barney keeps
his bullet in his pocket.

In his pocket?

Mm-hmm,

Well, why don't
you put it

in the pistol
where it belongs?

Yes, sir.

Aw, Mr. Case, I...

(gunshot)

Andy, take that thing
away from him,

'tore he kills us all.

See, Mr. Case, that's
why we've generally found

it better if Barney keeps
his bullet in his pocket.

See, he's, he's got this
greasy trigger finger.

Sheriff Taylor, this
is the worst excuse

for a jail
I've ever seen.

I'd hate to think
what would happen

if something serious
came up here.

It would be
chaotic, disastrous.

Well, there ain't no use
thinking gloomy thoug hts.

Golly, look on
the bright side.

Well, we'll see
if there is a bright side,

I‘ll tell you what
I'm going to do.

I'm going to call my chief
at the state capital,

and have him come down here
and see this for himself.

Well, what for?

To see whether or not
I'm right in recommending

that impeachment proceedings
be started against you

and yourforce.

A sheriffs office should be run
by the sheriff and his deputy,

not the Katzenjammer Kids.

Huh.

First, I didn't think
that fella was so bad,

but all of a sudden,
he sure does have

a lot of nasty in him.

Oh, Andy, this
is awful, just awful,

I‘m out a bullet,
and you'll soon be out a job.

And I'm out a birthday party.

Oh, hi, Ope.

Got here as fast
as I could, Paw.

Huh?

Barney was just
at the house.

He told Aunt Bee
there was an inspector here

making trouble.

Oh, leave it to Barney,

He said you might
have a chance

if you was at least
in uniform.

Said you needed
a hat and a tie,

so I brought you these.

0h.

They okay, Paw?

It was all
I could find.

Oh, I reckon.

Is that inspector going
to make trouble for you?

No.

Sure hope not, Paw.

'Cause I think
you're the best sheriff

in the whole wor1d.

Even if you don't
carry a gun.

Well, thank you
for that testimonial.

Still, though

if Barney thinks I ought
to keep up appearances

maybe I ought
to give her a try.

You run along home.

Okay, Paw.

And thank you for these,

Okay.

Andy?

Back here, Barn.

Andy, | just seen
Inspector Case, and he...

oh, it's just awful,
just aMul.

What's up?

Andy!

Sheriff Andy Taylor

reporting for
inspection, sir.

Andy, what's that?

Well, didn't you go
over to the house

and tell them to send
me a hat and tie?

Well, yes.
So you'd be in uniform,

Not in trick or treat!

Aw, you don‘t like
my hat and tie?

Look at this tie. See that?
See them dots there?

See, you look at them dots
and then look away

and you still see ‘em.

You want to try/.7 Hmm?

You, you like my hat
with the brim up or down better?

I guess down for evening
and up for day.

Now, look, Andy,

you ain't heard
the worst.

| just seen Inspector Case
a little while ago.

Oh, is old Mr. Nasty
still around?

He sure is, and what's more,

he really
did call his boss,

and he‘s coming here.

He's really coming.

Well, what do you
expect me to do?

I‘m cleaning
the place up.

Well, Andy,
you heard what he said,

This is the sorriest jail
he's ever seen.

Oh, I would n't worry about
that too much, Barney,

coming from
a total stranger.

Stranger?
Andy, that man's an official.

An official official.

And the official
he's bringing in

is even more official.

Oh, Barney,

Andy, do you realize
what a wortd

they can do to us
if they.. ,?

Barney!

You beat everything.

The key would
have to be

in the other door.

Oh... oh...
this is awful.

This is just awful,

Do you think maybe
we'd better call?

Maybe somebody outside
will hear us.

Hmm, Might as well.

-Help!
-Help!

Help!

Help! Out there, help!

Help!

Oh, Mr. Case?

Mr. Case?

Well, here we are again.

I guess you‘re wondering
what we're doing in here.

Uh, uh, uh, we was just
conducting an experiment

to see how escapeproof
this jail really is,

And I want to tell you,
when this thing is locked

you really can't get
outta here.

Look at this.

The fact is,

the door slammed
and locked us in.

There‘s a key in that door
right behind you there,

If you'd get it
and let us out,

we‘d appreciate it.

Sheriff, this morning

I thought I'd seen
all the shenanigans

there were to see.

But.., I guess I was wrong.

Only one thing
I'm sorry about.

That my chief
wasn't here to see it all.

But, uh, maybe you'll put on
a special show for him?

Hmm, polka dot tie.

Oh, these.

l was just funnin'
with Barney.

Well, Sheriff, you just go
right on funnin',

and when my chief gets here,
which should be any minute now,

we'll all sit down

and have a little talk
about the housecleaning

that this office
is in for.

Housecleaning?

Now, look here,
Mr. Case.

You can carry on

and make threats against
me all you want to,

but you‘re scaring
my deputy half to death,

and | wish you‘d just stop it.

A-Andy, please.

You can be
insolent, too.

Very well.

It‘ll all be
down in here.

MAN:
Sheriff? Sheriff?

ANDY:
What is it, Sam?

You've got to come
quick, Sheriff.

It's Luke Reiner.

He's got his still
operating again,

and he heard
somebody say

that they was going
to report it.

So he's locked
hisself up

in his house, and he's shooting
away at the world.

-Won't let anybody come near
the house. -That old buzzard.

You mean this man
has himself barricaded

-and is firing at people?
-That's Luke.

He can be awful mean.
Come on, Barney,

Sheriff, aren't you going to
call the State Police for help?

I reckon we can handle it.

Sheriff, this calls
for an experienced lawman.

Yeah, come on,
Barney.

Sheriff!

Sheriff!

(gunshot)

He ain't just
kidding, is he?

No, he ain‘t.

Hey, Luke!

Luke! This is
Andy Taylor!

-I want to talk to you...
-(gunshots)

I might have known it.
You‘re talking to him

like you'd like to have
a folksy little chat.

We got to show him that
we mean business.

You got a portable
loudspeaker?

Yeah, yeah. Right
here in the tmnk.

We use it a lot.

At picnics.

You know,
calling races

and games and such.

Now, hear this.

This is Inspector Case,
State Police.

We've got
you surrounded,

I want you to drop your gun
and come out here

-with your hands up.
-(gunshot)

That man's dangerous,
a maniac.

We‘ll smoke him out.

Got any tear gas?

Tear gas?

Aw, come on.

Well Sheriff, what do you intend
to do, just stay here?

I'm just giving him a minute
to simmer down.

It's time we stopped
playing games.

Mayberry
to State Police.

Mayberry to
State Police.

Mayberry to Sta...

What are you calling
the State Police for?

To get the job done.

Get equipment in here—
guns, tear gas...

If necessary,
to blast him out.

-Mayberry to State Police.
-Well now, that all sounds

as big deal as can be,
but it ain't really necessary,

Well, just what are
you planning to do?

Well, if you're finished
with all your proper procedure,

I reckon we'll just go
about our business

and arrest that fella up there.

Mayberry to
State Police. May..,

Mr. Case...

you're getting everybody
all head up over nothing.

But that man's a menace.

He tried to kill me.

You mean,
when he shot your hat off?

Naw. If Luke had wanted
to hurt you, he'd have hurt you.

He can shoot the ears
off a fly at 40 paoes.

He's just being
a little cussed.

And if you'll quit
playin' with the radio,

I‘ll just go up there
and put a stop to it.

Now, Luke, I want you
to stop that right now,

Sheriff Taylor!
You better come back here!

(gunshot)

He's going to get
himself killed.

Andy knows
what he's doing,

(gunshot)

I hope.

(gunshot)

(horn honking)

Mr. Brady, I'm sure
glad you got here.

You sounded desperate
on the phone.

What's going on here?

It's the Sheriff, sir.
Look at him.

That's him, walking right
straight into that gunfire.

Don't you think we ought
to call the State Police?

Wait just
a minute, Case.

But, uh, he'll
get killed, sir, He’ll..,

You ought to be ashamed
of yourself, Luke—

actin‘ like a young'un.

Bad enough you shooting
at Barney and me,

but taking potshots
at a total stranger?

You know better than that.
What's the matter with you?

All right, take
the prisoner, Deputy,

All right, better let me have
that rifle, Sheriff.

Come on, you,
let‘s get in the car.

Fool around with us,
will ya?

Come on, move!

Hup, hup, hup.
hey-hah!

Get In there!
Come on!

Lift them, lift them!
Get in there!

Well, that was a
nice job, Sheriff,

Oh, uh, my name is
Brady-- State Police.

Oh, how do?

-Took a lot of courage.
-Oh, not really,

We come up and flush
ol‘ Luke out every now and then.

-Oh?
-Yeah.

Oh, Case, what was that
phone call of yours all about?

What's the
complaint here?

Oh, yes, sir,

I want to report a chocolate
birthday cake with candles,

a gun went off,

there were doilies
on the chairs

and he was standing there
wearing a polka dot tie.,,

He... yes. I saw him.

He had a big
polka dot tie on,

and he was standing there...

And, and then the deputy was..,
was, uh...

he had a, uh, uh...

Oh, well, never mind,
Mr. Brady.

Never mind.

You know something?

l-l think that boys
been working too hard,

0h?

Yeah.

He's right curious acting.

Well, Sheriff...

you can now saythat you
have a clean bill of health

from the head
of the department.

Oh, much obliged,
Mr. Brady.

(chuckles):
So long, Sheriff,

Yes, sir.

Oh, uh, come on, Case.

Bye, Mr. Case.
Come back and see us.

Yes, of course.

Oh, uh, Mr. Case... whenever
you make out your report,

I surely would appreciate it

if you didn't mention
the doilies in ourjail.

Well, we wouldn't want the other
sheriffs stealin' our decor.

(whistling sprightly tune)