All language subtitles for The.Andy.Griffith.Show.S01E21.iNTERNAL.BDRip.x264-LiBRARiANS-en

(whistling sprightly tune)

Starring Andy Griffith...

with Ronny Howard.

Also sfam‘ng Don Knotrs.

-What happened then, Paw?
-Then the ol' giant some in,

and he says, "Fi, fl, 10, fum."

He says‘ "I smell the blood
of an Englishman."

Hi‘ boys.

-0h, hi, Aunt Bee.
-Oh, hi, Aunt Bee.

Are you finished?

Yes‘m‘ we got done.
I'm just finishing

telling Opie a
little tale here.

Giant says,
"Fi, fl, fa, fum."

Says, "I smell the blood
of an Englishman."

He says‘ "Be he alive

or be he dead, |’|| grind
his bones to eat with my panes."

The old giant's wife says,
"You don't smell nothing

but that possum you brought in
here yesterday."

The old gianl, he says,

"You reckon possum smells
like an Englishman?"

And she says, "I reckon."
The ol‘ gianl went on lo sleep,

And that‘s when Jack grabbed
that golden harp and run for it.

And Jack clumb down
that bean tree

before the old
giant could get to him.

And when he got to the bottom,

he hit it a lick or two
wilh his ax,

and crash come
down the bean tree.

And the old giant

was stretched across
three counties.

Dead?

Thoroughly

and everlastingly expired.

Boy, tell me
another one, Paw.

Tell you no
more nothing,

You've got to go back
to school. Now march.

That was a fine dinner,
Aunt Bee. Outstanding.

Yeah, you keep feeding
us like that,

next thing you know,
they’ll be calling me porky,

It's possible.

Well, I'm glad
you enjoyed it.

-Come along, Opie. -Yeah, well,
I‘ll keep you on, Aunt Bee,

-Why, thank you, Andy.
-Here, young'un.

-Thanks, Paw.
-Bye!

Bye, Andy!

What are you doing?

Gun-drawing practice.

Ten minutes every day.

If I ever have to use this baby

I want to teach it
to come to papa in a hurry.

Now, watch this.

Say somebodyjust sneaked in
the back door

and he's told me
to reach.

Now you say "reach."

Barney, I ain't got time
to play games.

-|'ve got work to do,
-Oh, come on!

Tell me to reach.
Just say reach,

Okay, reach,

Barney!

I'm sorry, Andy.

Barney,
you promised.

How about a little quiet
around here, fellas?

Barney, you
promised me

when I gave you
that bullet

you'd keep it in
your shirt pocket.

Now, why‘d you
take it out?

Well, I'm sorry, Andy.

Doggone it, that bullet
was turning green in my pocket.

I thought it‘d keep better
in the gun,

Barney“ .

And besides, I've already lost
two bullets in the laundry.

Barney, | just tell you
the truth.

I'm scared to give you
any more bullets.

YOU COME very near
shooting yourself in the foot,

You know there ain‘t exactly
much of a call

tor onelegged deputies,

It was an accident.

Aw, I guess you're right.

I guess I don’t
deserve a bullet.

I guess all I deserve
is an empty gun.

No, wait a minute.

|-|-|'|| give you
one more bullet.

But you have got to promise me

that you'll keep it
in your shirt pocket.

Now, do you promise?

Yeah, I promise.

And one
other thing.

When you send that shirt
to the laundry, unload.

Another thing
you did--

you woke up our one
and only prisoner.

Here. File these.
will you?

Yeah. Well, he sure went
back to sleep in a hurry.

Boy, that Otis sure
tied one on last night.

Some men just don't know
how to begin to drink.

Oh, he knows how
to begin, all right.

It‘s the quitting part
he ain't caught on to.

(phone ringing)

Hello?

Sheriffs office.

Sheriff Taylor speaking.

Oh, hello, Sergeant.
How are you?

Fine.

Well, sure, sure.

Glad to help you out.

What, what's
the prisoners name?

Well, I‘ll be dogged.

Of course
I've heard of him.

We'll be looking for you.

Bye.

Well, Barney...

looks like Mayberryjail‘s
going to play host

to an outstanding
law-breaker.

Yeah? Who?

Did you ever hear
of Dan Caldwell?

Da...?

Dan Caldwell?

Gentleman Dan?

The torger’?
The swindler?

The confidence man?

Yeah, boy.

He's going to be
right here

in our little
bitty old jail,

No. You're just
saying that.

No, sir, The state
police picked him up,

and they want to leave him here
for a day or two

till they can extradite
him to Atlanta.

Dan Caldwell...

is—is coming here?

Aw, come on.

You‘re pulling
my leg,

I am not.

They called me.

Dan Caldwell?

Dan Caldwell's
coming here?

Look at this place.

It's a mess!

This cell
is so drab, Andy.

Say, maybe we can
castle-mine the ceiling, huh?

Oh, I got some
summer drapes at home

we ain‘t using.

Andy, listen.

We could rent a floor waxer.

It‘ll only cost 50 cents.

(coughing)

Slow down, Barney,

You‘re busier than a cow/s tail
in fly season.

Caldwell's just
another prisoner—

a common
criminal.

Aw, come on, Andy.

Give credit where credit's due.

Dan Caldwell's been
in just about

every name penitentiary
in the country.

He's an important man.

Now what are
you doing?

I figure this picture
of the ocean

will make Mr. Caldwell
feel at home.

It‘ll remind him
of Alcatraz.

All this fuss over a criminal?

He's a big man.

Let's face it.

Aw, we got to get rid
of Otis.

What?!

Aw, come on.

We can't have a high-class man
like Dan Caldwell

in the next cell
to a common drunk.

Barney“ .

Well, Otis has had
a good night's sleep.

Time he went
home anyway.

All right, Otis.
wake up.

Come on, Otis!

Get up!

0h. .

I'm glad you‘re
here, Deputy,

l have a robbery
to report.

My blanket's been stolen.

Well, we ain‘t got
time for that.

You have to go.
Now go on, go on,

But my time isn't up.

It's up, it's up.

Now, go on. Go!

But I haven't had
my breakfast.

We'll owe you one.

So long, Otis,

See you next week,

Vtfith these kind
of accommodations

| just might not
come back.

Go, go, go, go,
Dov go, 9°:

Well, is everything in order
for our celebrated prisoner?

We haven't torgotten
anything, have we?

Uh...

Andy...

Yeah?

Maybe you ought to...
put on a tie.

This place ain't
been so clean

since the boiler busted
and flooded the place.

(siren wailing)

It's him! He‘s here!

It's Caldwell.
How do I look?

Well, I think you
ought to have worn

striped britches
and a cutaway.

Uh-huh.

(siren continues)

(siren continues)

(siren fading down)

Hiya, Sergeant.

Mornin', Andy.

How you doin'?
Good trip?

-Fine.
-Good.

Now, if you'll just sign
the papers...

All right.
Understand y'all had

a lt‘lle rain
up at the capital.

Our creek flooded
over last week.

Well, you better
watch that muddy water,

Well, he‘s
all yours, Andy.

Oh, uh, Sergeant.

I'd like to tell you
that I thoroughly

enjoyed our brief
acquaintance.

Here, have a cigar.

These are specially made for me
by a little man in Tampa.

Well, thank you, sir.

See you, Andy.

I'll see ya, Sergeant.

Well, Mr. Caldwell,

I'm, uh, Sheriff Taylor.

If you'll cooperate

no reason why we can't
make this a pleasant visit.

-Andy?
—Hmm?

Oh, this is my deputy,
Barney Fife.

Sure is a pleasure to make
your acquaintance, sir.

-All right, Barney.
-Oh, pardon me.

Want to escort Mr. Caldwell
to his quarters?

Oh, yeah.

Uh, rig ht this way, sir.

Excuse me.

Here you are.

0h.

You know, I‘ve had
the opportunity

to, uh, visit

many of our foremost
penal institutions,

and while this one
is not exactly large

I must say it has

a certain informal charm
of its own.

I certainly am glad you like it,
Mr. Caldwell.

That really does
take a load off of my mind.

Would you come out now, Deputy?

That room happens
to be a single.

Oh, yeah.

Excuse me.

l, uh, sure have heard

a lot about you,
Mr. Caldwell.

0h?

Yeah. Uh...

Would you mind giving
me your autograph?

Of course not.

Oh... thanks.

It‘s, uh,
it's not for me.

It, it's for a
friend of mine.

Here you are.

Yeah.

-Bamey?
-Uh, yeah?

'Bout time for the mail
to come in. You want to go down

to the post office
to pick it up?

Oh, yeah.

Mr. Caldwell, I have to go
down to the post office.

Would you like me to get you
something while I'm out?

You just name it.

Well, I would like some cigars,
it it's not an imposition.

Oh, it's no
trouble at all.

I'll be glad to do it.

Well, then you'll need
some money, Depu...

Your money‘s no good here.
You're a guest.

You're awfully nice to me.

Well...

You know, I'll always think
of this place

as my little house
away from the big house.

Well, thank you.

You're welcome, Barney.

What did you say?

I said, "You're welcome."

No-no, a-after that?

"You're welcome, Barney."

Yeah, "Barney."

He called me Barney.

Barney, Barney, Barney.

For days, Baby Face Nelson
carved this gun out of wood.

Finally, it was perfect.

When the guard opened
the door to his cell...

I know! Baby Face
made believe

it was a real gun
and captured the guard!

You‘re a smart
little fellow.

What happened then?

He took the real gun
from the guard,

tied him up in the cell,
put on the guard's clothes

and marched into
the warden's office.

What happened then?

The warden
was smart.

He stepped on
the secret button,

and the alarm went off.

Gee, you were
lucky to be there.

Sirens were screaming,

(imitating siren)

Search lights
criss-crossing,

but was Baby Face soared?

No!

He jumped out the window
right into a laundry truck,

hit the driver on the head

and started
to drive that truck

across the yard.

Bullets were flying.

Ping! Ping!

(imitating machine gun)

But Baby Face
held on to that wheel

and drove that truck
right through the main gate,

and that's how Baby Face
made his getaway.

I saw the whole thing
with my own eyes.

Boy. that was
the best story

I ever heard in
my whole life.

Do you know
any better ones?

Tell you what, Opie.

You come back tomorrow

and I'll tell you the story
about John Dillinger.

Vlfill you? Promise?

On my word as a gentleman,

Oh, you got here
early, Opie.

Hi, Barney.
Well, come along,

Got to get you
some new shoes.

0h, Aunt Bee, this is
Gentleman Dan Caldwell.

He's going to be staying with us
fora day or so.

He's a friend
of mine.

Mr. Caldwell,
this is Aunt Bee.

An unexpected pleasure.

How do you do?

Tell her about
Baby Face Nelson.

Opie, I'm sure
a woman as cultured and refined

as your Aunt Bee

isn't interested
in that type of story.

Uh, Mr. Caldwell, Aunt Bee's the
one that feeds us around here.

Wait till you
taste her cooking.

Her rhubarb pie won a blue
ribbon in the county fair,

Oh, Barney, please?

I'm sure Aunt Bee
is capable

of culinary masterpieces,
but I don't deserve them.

What am I?

A misfit, a scoundrel,
a miserable wrongdoer,

and I must pay
for my mistakes,

Oh, Mr. Caldwell,
everybody makes mistakes,

and you're brave and honest
to face them.

Well, thank you.

Come along, Opie,

Good-bye, Mr. Caldwell.

It's been really nice
meeting you,

Thank you again.
and may I say

that I never met
a more charming lady,

0h.

On my word as a gentleman,

AUNT BEE:
Come on, Opie.

on, hi, Andy.

Hi, Paw. You should
hear the story

Uncle Dan told me
about thejail break,

Sure was exciting.

Uh-huh. Aunt Bee, you going
to get Opie them shoes?

Oh, yes, I guess
I'd better.

Come, Opie.

Good-bye, Mr. Caldwell.

OPIE:
Bye, Uncle Dan.

l'll drive
you, Aunt Bee,

Bye, Uncle Dan.

Care for a cigar, Sheriff?

No, thanks.

I can't afford it.

You do real well for yourself,
don't you. . .

Uncle Dan?

You win a few, lose a few.

Got quite a knack.

I mean, the way
you make friends so easy.

Oh, that's my business,
Sheriff, making friends.

Seem to have made quite a few
right here in Mayberry.

They're nice people,
Sheriff.

I'd like to do
something for them.

Sure you wouldn't like for 'em
to do something for you?

Never know.

You never know.

Certainly is
a fine-looking supper

you're fixing there
for Mr. Caldwell.

Hmm? Oh, yes.

Really does look good.

Well, I heard he was
leaving us tomorrow,

and, well, lthought
I‘d fancy it up a bit.

Oh, you got all gussied up,
too, didn’t you?

Well, I thought I‘d visit
the Parsons a while later.

Uh-huh.

Well, what's wrong?

Oh, oh, nothing.
Nothing.

Well, | always fix
the prisoners meals,

and they seem
to appreciate it.

Yeah, and-and Gentleman Dan's
quite an appreciator, too.

Lady in Bowling
Green, Kentucky

he appreciated right
out of $8,000.

Another lady in
Jacksonville, Florida.

Appreciated a
lot of people.

Well, l have to hurry.

Good night, Opie.

Now, you get to bed, sure.

Well, Opie, I believe
we got us time

for a Jack tale before
you go to bed, okay?

Okay.

Let's see now...

Hey, did-did I ever
tell you the one about

Jack and the princess
that couldn't laugh?

Well, there was this king
that lived a long time ago,

and he had this
daughter that was

as pretty
as a picture,

but she never
could smile.

And so, the king, he...

Uh, don't you...

don‘t you want to
hear that story, Opie?

Not ‘specially, Paw.

Well, is there, uh,
is there another one

that you'd rather hear?

Yeah.

Which one?

Do you know the one about the
Kansas City Million-Dollar Heist

or the Toledo
Payroll Caper?

Are they, uh,
are they stories

that Mr. Caldwell's
been telling you?

Yeah. He sure tells exciting
ones, Paw, about real people.

Uh-huh.

Well, maybe you'd better
go on to bed,

Okay, Paw.

Opie.. .

Yes, Paw?

Now-now, you go
right to sleep.

Don‘t be sitting up

looking at picture
books, you hear?

lwon‘t, Paw.

Promise?

On my word as a gentleman,

(elegant music playing)

Ready for our gin rummy
game, Mr, Caldwell?

0h, Barney,
of course, oh.

Let me turn this off.

I'm looking forward
to this game,

(chuckles)

It's going to be
a little inconvenient

playing through these bars.

Yeah. How can
we fix that?

lhavent
the vaguest idea,

Say, we could play
in your cell there.

I mean, if you promise not to
say anything about it to, uh...

-Oh, I wouldn't...
-Well, Andys funny about it.

You know, lwouldn't want
him to, you know, anything...

Barney. Barney...
On my word as a gentleman,

Can't ask for
more than that.

It‘s going to be

a lot more convenient
you know, playing in here.

Really is.

What the heck?

If friends can't play
a game of cards...

You know, Barney,
I want to thank you

for all these little
conveniences.

Really made my stay here
quite pleasant.

Oh, it's been
a pleasure.

Oh, this is
better, isn't it?

You know,
I never thought

I'd say this
to a police officer,

but I'm going to miss you.

Oh, well, thank
you.., oops.

Careful, Barney,

Yeah.

There we go.

You know,
Mr. Caldwell,

I want to warn you...

you better be
on your toes.

I'm pretty slick
when it comes to cards.

If you ever decide
to give up police work,

l have some
friends in Vegas

who can always use
a good dealer.

Oh, yeah? Well,
I'll remember that.

(chuckles)

Hey, I could use that.

Eh..,

Oops, clumsy of me.

You know, I‘m
sorry to have

to tell you this,
Mr. Caldwell,

but right off the bat

I'm afraid I got
the winning hand.

I'm afraid not, Barney,

This is the winning hand.

You gave me your word.

Oh, I give my word
a lot, Barney.

Over there.

Mr. Caldwell, why..,

What-what's going on here?

He's busting out.

You got a laundry truck
waiting outside, Uncle Dan?

I'm sorry
to inconvenience you, Aunt Bee,

but I'm afraid
I'll have to ask you and Opie

to step inside the cell.

Mr. Caldwell,
you can't be serious.

Dear lady, I'm afraid I am.

Well, the mighty Sheriff
of Mayberry.

OPIE:
You got herejust

in time for
the fun, Paw.

Uncle Dan's gonna lock us up
and everything.

Where'd you, uh,
where‘d you get that gun?

Your deputy obliged
me, Sheriff.

Come on out here,
Barney.

I want to keep an eye
on you.

ls, um. is—is-is
that Barneys gun?

Don‘t worry.

I'll take good care
of it.

That's Barney‘s gun?

Uh, Andy...

Well, Mr. Caldwell,
that gun won't do you any good.

It won't?

No. It‘s no use
to you, because...

Because, uh, you‘ll be picked up
by the state troopers

in just a few minutes.

Not if we all
act quickly,

Now if you'll
cooperate

by stepping
into the cell,

I'd appreciate it.

It sure was slicker
than a firehouse pole

the way you took us all in,
Mr. Caldwell.

Sheriff...

You‘re trying my patience,
Sheriff.

(cocks trigger)

Opie!

You wouldn’t shoot my Paw.

Oh, don't worry, Opie.

Any other time he might.
but right now he won't.

And do you know why?

'Cause that gun
he‘s holding there

ain‘t got no bullets in it.

Sheriff, come on.

Well, pull the trigger.

BARNEY:
No, Andy,

Don't. Don‘t. No...

(clicking)

Well, Mr. Caldwell,
I'll just take Barney's gun.

Now, | ask you,
Mr. Caldwell,

what good
would a gun do you

that’s as empty
as this one?

(gunshot)

Barney!

You see. you didn't know.
but you thought that l,..

but I, see, l-l knew
all the time it was...

(whimpering mutters)

You mean,
you didn't in your,..?

You put it in the...?

I better sit down, too.

Hmm. Here's one we won‘t have
to worry about no more,

Gentleman Dan Caldwell.

Yeah, boy.

Yeah, "swindler,
embezzler,

confidence man,
can be dangerous."

I sure have to admit,
you was right about him.

I sure fell for his line.

Aw, I don't mind
that so much.

He is a pretty smooth fella,

| tell you what
I do mind, though,

What's that?

That he was able
to take your gun off of you

without you
even knowing it.

Well...

You-you, a trained
law officer

letting a common crook
take your gun.

Common crook, nothing!

You said yourself he was
a pretty smooth teller.

Do you think anybody else
but a shrewd character

like Gentleman Dan Caldwell
could get away w'th it?

Do you think anybody else
could be so quick

that when | just, just
lean over to pick up a card,

that he—he could steal my gun?

No, siree.
I'll never be a patsy again,

From now on I'll just keep
my hand right on my,..

Stick 'em up, Patsy,

(whistling sprightly tune)