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1
00:00:03,420 --> 00:00:05,411
(whistling sprightly tune)
2
00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:13,510
Starring Andy Griffith...
3
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,425
with Ronny Howard.
4
00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:18,595
Also sfam‘ng Don Knotrs.
5
00:00:26,068 --> 00:00:27,899
Now, |'||-l'|| be back
6
00:00:27,903 --> 00:00:30,269
on 1he 4:15 bus
this afternoon.
7
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:31,395
Yeah, yeah.
8
00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:32,816
Say, Andy,
don‘t you think
9
00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:34,234
we oughta have
a sign made
10
00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:35,779
"Barney Fife,
Acting Sheriff?"
11
00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:38,402
Well, now, I don‘t hardly see
how that'd be worthwhile,
12
00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:40,699
seeing as how, by the time
it's ready, I'll be back,
13
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:41,696
0h.
14
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:42,788
Now, don't forget
15
00:00:42,793 --> 00:00:44,954
to cover the school
crossing at 3:00.
16
00:00:44,962 --> 00:00:45,997
Yeah, yeah.
17
00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:47,244
Oh, boy,
18
00:00:47,256 --> 00:00:49,747
sure gives an acting sheriff
a good feeling
19
00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:51,419
to have these
babies around.
20
00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:53,291
Yeah.
21
00:00:53,303 --> 00:00:54,634
Now, if you need me
22
00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:57,505
you'll find me at the courthouse
in Centerville.
23
00:00:57,516 --> 00:00:58,801
Yeah, sure.
24
00:00:58,809 --> 00:01:00,094
Say, you know, Andy
25
00:01:00,102 --> 00:01:02,639
| best break out
them tear gas bombs.
26
00:01:02,646 --> 00:01:03,886
What for?
27
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:07,355
Well, what if there
should be a jailbreak?
28
00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:12,315
Well, Imean...
29
00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:14,233
Well, an acting sheriff
never can tell
30
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:15,651
what he might be
needing 'em for.
31
00:01:15,659 --> 00:01:16,990
I better break 'em out.
32
00:01:16,994 --> 00:01:19,155
Well, now, Barney,
in the first place,
33
00:01:19,162 --> 00:01:20,277
in the whole history of Mayberry
34
00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:22,450
they ain‘t never
been no need for 'em
35
00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:24,448
and in the second place,
that one bomb
36
00:01:24,459 --> 00:01:26,666
they give us four years ago
is a sample,
37
00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:29,787
it's probably spoilt by now,
and in the third place
38
00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:32,210
I can‘t even remember
where I hid it.
39
00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:35,505
Oh, if you was to lose
the keys to the patrol car
40
00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:38,879
there‘s a extra set
in the top drawer of my desk.
41
00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:41,597
I guess I'll just have
to depend on that old riot gun,
42
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:43,217
It‘s broke.
43
00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:45,389
Now don't forget to sweep up
out in the front.
44
00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:47,433
Andy. will you stop
all that fussing?
45
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:48,977
A body didn't know
no better'd think
46
00:01:48,984 --> 00:01:51,521
you wasn‘t easy in your mind
about leaving me in charge.
47
00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,484
-He would?
-He sure would.
48
00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:55,695
"Sweep up,"
"cover the school crossing,"
49
00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:57,314
"don‘t lose the car keys."
50
00:01:57,326 --> 00:01:59,487
Andy, gosh a—mighty,
it ain't as if
51
00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:01,325
you was leaving some young,
inexperienced
52
00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:03,286
whippersnapper in charge.
53
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:05,656
You're leaving
good ol‘ reliable Barney Fife.
54
00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:06,907
Yeah.
55
00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:08,909
Andy, are you
trying to tell me
56
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:11,502
you don't think I can keep
law and order in Mayberry
57
00:02:11,506 --> 00:02:13,121
for eight measly
little old hours?
58
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:19,632
It is just eight measly
little old hours.
59
00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:22,055
Barney, I want you to know
60
00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:24,095
I got all the confidence
in the world in you.
61
00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:25,638
Now them's the kind of potatoes
62
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:27,352
l was hoping I‘d hear
from you, Andy.
63
00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:29,062
(horn honking outside)
64
00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:30,181
I better hurry.
65
00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:31,932
That bus gonna
leave without me.
66
00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:33,854
Now, I promise you,
I won‘t let you down,
67
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:35,944
You just go right on
to Centerville
68
00:02:35,947 --> 00:02:38,029
and do your testifyin' relaxed
and easy in your mind.
69
00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:39,193
Okay.
70
00:02:39,201 --> 00:02:40,236
Because you're
leaving this town
71
00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:42,029
in the good right hand
of Barney F'rle.
72
00:02:42,037 --> 00:02:43,618
Good. I'll
see you, Barney.
73
00:02:43,622 --> 00:02:44,862
All right.
74
00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:48,870
(door closes)
75
00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:41,759
(horn honks)
76
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,185
Howdy, Barney.
77
00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:52,144
Good to see
you back, Sheriff.
78
00:03:52,149 --> 00:03:54,231
Good to be back.
79
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,600
Everything,
uh, all right?
80
00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:59,318
Right as rain, Sheriff.
81
00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:01,108
You didn‘t think I could
handle her, did you?
82
00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:02,981
Come on, Andy.
now, tell the truth.
83
00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:05,325
You really didn't think
Ioould do it, now, did you?
84
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:06,864
Now, did you?
85
00:04:06,872 --> 00:04:09,204
(chuckles):
You doublin' son of a gun,
86
00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:12,449
Well, now, Barney,
I got to admit there
87
00:04:12,461 --> 00:04:13,450
for a minute
this morning
88
00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:14,622
I did have my doubts.
89
00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:16,119
Well, what do you
think novf?
90
00:04:16,131 --> 00:04:18,213
Well, everything
looks mighty quiet.
91
00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:20,548
See, I told you Barney Fife
wouldn‘t let you down.
92
00:04:20,552 --> 00:04:23,009
I told you you were leaving
this town in good hands.
93
00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:25,629
(chuckling):
Yeah.
94
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,471
-I must say...
—(people yelling)
95
00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:40,982
Well, no wonder
it's quiet in town.
96
00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:42,900
The whole population‘s
in here.
97
00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:45,024
Yeahl Like I
promised you, Sheriff.
98
00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:47,321
Law and orders been kept
in Mayberry this here day.
99
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:53,498
Well, it's been kept
more this here day
100
00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:56,744
than all the other days
put together.
101
00:04:56,755 --> 00:04:59,337
All right, now, just
quiet down. Now, quiet.
102
00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:00,376
Now, be quiet.
103
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:02,169
Everybody just,
just quiet down,
104
00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:04,714
Come on, come on,
quiet down back there.
105
00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:07,383
Quiet! We know how to deal
w'th unruly prisoners.
106
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:08,505
(growling)
107
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:14,352
You got ‘em packed in there
like sardines in a can.
108
00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:17,018
Well, you just swore me in
as acting sheriff,
109
00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:18,481
not acting
Justice of the Peace.
110
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:20,066
So I couldn't
try them, could I?
111
00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:21,901
No.
112
00:05:21,905 --> 00:05:24,692
Well, I guess we better get
the can openers and let 'em out
113
00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:28,612
50‘s the ones in the back
can start breathing again,
114
00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:32,329
Now, now... when I let you out.
'rfyou wouldn't mind
115
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,414
just line up
in front of my desk over here
116
00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:36,032
and I guess we can
just try you right now,
117
00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:37,375
Hello, Harry.
118
00:05:37,379 --> 00:05:38,459
Miss Mary, how are you?
119
00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:42,047
Hello... hello, Judd.
how you doing?
120
00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:44,336
How are you, sir?
Mayor-- Mayor?!
121
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:47,051
Oh, it's an outrage, sir,
that’s what it is-- an outrage!
122
00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:48,090
(stammering)
123
00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:49,713
How are you, Miss Johnson?
How are you?
124
00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:52,090
He... Hello. Franklin,
how are things at the bank?
125
00:05:54,229 --> 00:05:55,514
Hello, Charlie.
126
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,888
Hey, Nellie,
that's a nice dress.
127
00:05:57,899 --> 00:05:58,934
Aunt... Aunt Bee?!
128
00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:00,603
Oh, he showed no favoritism,
129
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:01,690
I'll say that for him.
130
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:02,980
But it's all I'll say for him.
131
00:06:02,988 --> 00:06:04,979
Come along, Opie.
132
00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:06,480
Op...?! You didn't arrest
Opie, too?
133
00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:08,482
Well, I couldn‘t leave him
home alone, could I?
134
00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:11,360
Come along, criminal.
135
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,531
How are you?
136
00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:13,619
Glad...
137
00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:14,783
I'm glad you all are...
138
00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:15,826
Hi, Andy.
139
00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:17,415
Hello, there, Chester.
140
00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:18,659
Otis, how are you?
141
00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:21,582
You‘re looking good.
142
00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:23,922
What'd you do,
drop a net on the whole town?
143
00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:26,257
Just about.
144
00:06:26,261 --> 00:06:28,252
(people munnuring)
145
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,680
Clear the way,
146
00:06:32,684 --> 00:06:35,266
Excuse me here.
Excuse me.
147
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,645
Well, we might as well
get on with it, Barney,
148
00:06:39,649 --> 00:06:42,607
What's the
first case?
149
00:06:42,611 --> 00:06:43,691
Judd Fletcher.
150
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:45,356
(citizens murrnuring)
151
00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:47,354
All right. What's the charge?
152
00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:50,357
Judd Fletcher,
Age: 74, Hair: gray
153
00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:51,699
Eyes: blue...
154
00:06:51,703 --> 00:06:53,443
I know how old he is
and I know his name
155
00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:55,161
and I can see the color
of his hair and eyes,
156
00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:57,121
Now, just read off
the charge, Barney.
157
00:06:57,125 --> 00:07:00,834
Violation of Municipal
Code Number 721-8,
158
00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:02,077
Disturbing the Peace.
159
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:03,419
Disturbing the peace?
160
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:04,583
Old Judd here?
161
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,502
He's tetched, Andy.
162
00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:08,465
I ain't had the strength
to disturb the peace
163
00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:09,960
nigh on to 30 years.
164
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:11,757
(everybody laughing)
165
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:13,130
Well, itdon't
take much strength
166
00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:15,052
to throw a checkerboard
full of checkers
167
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:16,721
off the porch
of the Mayberry hotel
168
00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:18,309
and call old Chester Jones
a two-faced cheating liar
169
00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:20,144
at the top of his lungs,
170
00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:22,480
Now, that's disturbing the
peace, for heaven's sakes.
171
00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:26,272
Uh-huh. Judd, would
you mind hollering
172
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,019
"Two-faced, Cheating Liar'
at the top of your lungs?
173
00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:32,983
(quietly): Chester Jones, you're
a two-faced cheating liar.
174
00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:35,656
(everybody laughing)
175
00:07:35,664 --> 00:07:36,744
Well, he did
willfully
176
00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:38,830
and with malice atorethought
177
00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:39,993
throw a checkerboard
full of checkers.
178
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,537
Could have blinded somebody,
179
00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:44,206
Well. now, seeing as
how that‘s been going on
180
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:45,875
between Chester
and old Judd here
181
00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:46,917
tor around 20 years
182
00:07:46,925 --> 00:07:48,836
that's more a part
of the peace
183
00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:50,333
than it is
disturbing the peace.
184
00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:54,258
Case dismissed, Judd.
You can go on home.
185
00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:55,505
Thank you, Andy.
186
00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:56,882
And thank you.
too, Barney.
187
00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:58,178
What for?
188
00:07:58,186 --> 00:08:00,643
Well, considering
the kind of crime I done
189
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:01,853
tor not trying to get me hung.
190
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:04,893
(everybody laughing)
191
00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:08,397
Next case.
192
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:09,394
Bee Taylor.
193
00:08:09,406 --> 00:08:11,863
Aunt Bee, are you back there?
194
00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:13,857
Come on through.
195
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:15,028
What's the
charge, Barney?
196
00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:16,196
Bee Taylor. Age...
197
00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:17,694
You say another word.
Barney Fife,
198
00:08:17,706 --> 00:08:18,912
and you'll regret it.
199
00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:21,122
What's the
charge, Barney?
200
00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:22,457
Code Number 421:
201
00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:24,951
Unlawful Assemblage
and Inching to Riot.
202
00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:25,998
Aunt Bee?!
203
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,167
Yes, Aunt Bee.
204
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,960
(sighs)
205
00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:31,048
ANDY:
All right. What happened?
206
00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:32,883
l was standing
in front of the courthouse
207
00:08:32,887 --> 00:08:34,798
chatting with
a group of ladies..,
208
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,046
BARNEY:
Now, that's unlawful
209
00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:37,342
assemblage in my book.
210
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,465
Well...
211
00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:40,558
And I asked them
real nice to move along,
212
00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,302
But Aunt Bee kept
right on talking.
213
00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:44,770
So I asked her again and
she said, "Stop interrupting."
214
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,605
And then one of the women
raised her umbrella to me.
215
00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:47,815
Now, that's
inciting to riot,
216
00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:49,480
(chuckling):
Well. ..
217
00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:51,478
Well, now, Barney
218
00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:53,445
it looks like to me
you could have overlooked it
219
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:56,283
seeing as how the women
always do congregate
220
00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:57,651
in front of
the courthouse here
221
00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:59,744
and talk to one another
and have been right on
222
00:08:59,748 --> 00:09:01,579
and seeing as how
it was Aunt Bee...
223
00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:03,244
Oh, overtook nothing,
224
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:05,742
He was too busy yelling,
"There'll be no favoritism
225
00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:08,541
in Barney Fife's
Administration."
226
00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:13,216
You gonna
fingerprint me, Barney?
227
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:14,880
Oh, don't joke, honey,
228
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:18,096
He's liable to send you
up to state prison.
229
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:21,182
Next case.
230
00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:23,598
(clears his throat):
Mayor Pike,
231
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:26,517
Oh, uh, how are you, Mayor?
232
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,105
How am I?
233
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:31,267
What's the
charge, Barney?
234
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:34,988
Violation of Code
Number Four...
235
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,026
Come on, Barney,
236
00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:37,615
What's the charge?
237
00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:42,408
439: Vagrancy and Loitering.
238
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:43,951
Vagrancy and loitering?
239
00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:45,744
The Mayor?
240
00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:53,790
Uh, I don't know, Barney,
he looks pretty sober to me,
241
00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:56,384
But you should've seen him
when l nabbed him, Andy.
242
00:09:56,387 --> 00:09:58,548
I made a chalk line on the
street and told him to walk it.
243
00:09:58,556 --> 00:09:59,591
You know what he said?
244
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,588
What?
245
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:01,589
'What line?"
246
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:02,807
| tell you, Andy
247
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:04,642
I got this one
dead to rights,
248
00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:06,637
That's what he said—
"What line?"
249
00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:07,683
That what
you said, Otis?
250
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:08,930
Yup.
251
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,978
Well, ljust
don't understand it.
252
00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:12,316
Three hours ago
253
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,060
you couldn‘t see
a chalk line.
254
00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:15,858
Now how you
explain that, Otis?
255
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,480
Well, now, maybe I didn't see
that there line
256
00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:19,357
'cause I wasn't
wearing my specs,
257
00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:22,406
Drunk or sober, I can‘t tell
very much without my glasses,
258
00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:25,325
Well, were you drunk when
Deputy Fife arrested you?
259
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:26,322
I can‘t tell.
260
00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:28,120
I wasn't wearing my glasses.
261
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,834
I'm afraid I'm going
262
00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:32,671
to have to
dismiss it, Barney,
263
00:10:32,674 --> 00:10:33,754
You can go, Otis,
264
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:35,749
Thanks, Andy.
265
00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:40,177
(door closes)
266
00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:49,391
Uh, Barney...
267
00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:50,479
I had 'em, Andy.
268
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,144
I had ‘em all
dead to rights,
269
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,232
You can check
the manual.
270
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:55,101
Every one of 'em was
as guilty as sin.
271
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,319
Now-now, listen
to me, Barney.
272
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,278
Listen to me just a minute.
273
00:10:58,283 --> 00:11:02,743
Now. it‘s true you had 'em all
dead to rights by the book,
274
00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:05,452
But now, if you went
strictly by the book
275
00:11:05,456 --> 00:11:08,038
why, I don't reckon we‘d
have anything in this country
276
00:11:08,042 --> 00:11:10,579
but 180 million jailbirds.
277
00:11:12,046 --> 00:11:13,456
Yeah.
278
00:11:13,464 --> 00:11:15,580
Yeah, I guess
you're right. I...
279
00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:18,129
I guess I was just
trying to show you
280
00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:19,672
how much you
could depend on me.
281
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:22,796
Well, now,
|-l-l know you were, Barney,
282
00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:24,468
and I appreciate that,
283
00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:28,343
but, well, | gue... I guess
you tried just a mite too hard,
284
00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:30,724
Yeah.
285
00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:33,144
Well, like they say,
286
00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:35,563
"Once burnt is a lesson learnt."
287
00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:36,980
Right.
288
00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:39,604
One mistake, better cake.
289
00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:44,405
Once bit, best fergit,
290
00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:53,084
Oh! Getting thinner
all the time there.
291
00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:55,078
See, I've got some tonic
292
00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:58,081
that's guaranteed
to grow hair over your eyes,
293
00:11:58,092 --> 00:11:59,753
I don't want hair
over my eyes.
294
00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:01,422
I want it
over my head,
295
00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:02,965
Well, that’s good.
296
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:04,462
That‘s very good.
297
00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:11,435
Hi, tellers.
298
00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:15,732
Well, if R ain't
old "Wild Bill'l Fife.
299
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:16,975
Duck, everybody!
300
00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:19,272
(laughing)
301
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:20,770
Oh, come on, Mayor,
I don‘t think you ought
302
00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:22,113
to call old Barney here
"Wild Bill."
303
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:23,606
Thank you, Pete.
304
00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:26,280
He's much more like
that there Wyatt Earp fella,
305
00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:28,278
(laughing and whooping)
306
00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:29,950
FLOYD:
Oh, no, wait a minute...
307
00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:31,448
Oh, now, come on, fellas, l...
308
00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:32,619
Don't laugh.
309
00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:34,163
No, it ain't
every deputy
310
00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:35,330
that can smoke out
a desperate outlaw
311
00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:37,624
like old Judd!
312
00:12:37,632 --> 00:12:40,089
PETE:
Give you much of a fight, Wyatt?
313
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,299
He sure did.
314
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:44,260
He shot old Wyatt here
full of checkers!
315
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:47,131
(all laughing)
316
00:12:47,141 --> 00:12:48,221
No, no, wait, just a minute.
317
00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:49,432
You know, I don't think we ought
318
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,391
to be making tun
of old Barn here.
319
00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:54,934
No, fact is, Mayberry don't
deserve a law officer like...
320
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,602
You know what? If we
was real good patriots
321
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:57,769
we'd get in touch
with the government
322
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:58,983
and offer them a trade:
323
00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:02,650
Barney here
for J. Edgar Hoover,
324
00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:05,774
(laughing hysterically)
325
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:08,697
That's the funniest thing
I ever heard!
326
00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:09,911
(laughing continues)
327
00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:11,654
Barney, Barney, quick,
you got to catch him!
328
00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:14,248
-Who? -The fella
whatjust hit and run!
329
00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:15,332
Hit and run? Where?!
330
00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:17,327
Out to the baseball field!
331
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:18,669
(starts laughing)
332
00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:22,336
(hearty laughter)
333
00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:35,140
(door opens)
334
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,183
Oh, howdy, Barn,
335
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:54,498
Oh, now, Barney, are you still
fretting about that business?
336
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:57,207
Now, like you said,
"Onoe bit, best fergit."
337
00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:59,793
Fergit? How's a feller
supposed to fergit
338
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:01,708
when the whole dang town‘s
laughing at him?
339
00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:04,549
Oh, now, Barney, you'rejust
being extra sensitive.
340
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:06,167
They don't mean anything by it.
341
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:08,545
They're just having
a little spell of innocent fun.
342
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:11,343
Innocent fun? Well, maybe
it don't seem so innocent
343
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:12,966
when you're what
they're having the fun at,
344
00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:14,433
Fergil, you say.
345
00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:16,143
Well, hoWs a feller
supposed to fergit
346
00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:18,229
when everybody in town‘s
reminding him of it
347
00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:19,221
every minute of the day,
348
00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:20,222
Oh, now, Barney...
349
00:14:20,234 --> 00:14:23,397
(phone ringing)
350
00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:25,565
Sheriffs office.
351
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:28,690
What? Where?
352
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,737
0h.
353
00:14:30,745 --> 00:14:32,781
What was that?
354
00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:34,404
Somebody wanted
Deputy Fife
355
00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:36,201
to come over to
the post office.
356
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:37,574
There was a big fight
over there.
357
00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:39,246
-A big fight?
-Yeah.
358
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:40,584
The postmasterjust licked
359
00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:42,124
a bunch of stamps.
360
00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:47,258
It‘s a joke, Andy.
361
00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:49,923
Why ain't you laughing?
362
00:14:49,931 --> 00:14:51,717
I am.
363
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:06,273
Morning, Barney.
364
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:07,315
Morning.
365
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,450
Barney. .
366
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,286
(sighs)
367
00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:28,837
Uh...
368
00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:29,925
(clears throat)
369
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,044
Barney, uh...
370
00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:32,135
Are you all right?
371
00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:33,971
Of course I'm all right.
372
00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:35,931
Well, the reason I asked
is the way you're dressed.
373
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,802
Well, what's the matter
with the way I’m dressed?
374
00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:40,849
Your tie is open and on crooked
375
00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:42,563
your pants look like
they were slept in
376
00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:44,853
by a fella that tossed
and turned all night.
377
00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:45,976
How you explain that?
378
00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:46,976
I slept in 'em
379
00:15:46,988 --> 00:15:49,149
and tossed and turned all night.
380
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:53,817
Well, Barney, this
is just not like you.
381
00:15:53,828 --> 00:15:56,069
Now, what do you got
to say to all this?
382
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:59,493
Oh, I know,
you're acting this way
383
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:00,831
because they laughed at you.
384
00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:02,325
Well, you can make them
stop laughing at you.
385
00:16:02,336 --> 00:16:04,793
Just stand up straight
and neat like you used to
386
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,503
and look them right in the
eye like you was saying,
387
00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:07,997
"I'm Barney Fife,
Deputy Sheriff,
388
00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:09,465
and I‘m as good a man as any."
389
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,050
Now, come on,
give her a try.
390
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:13,510
(listless):
I'm Barney Fife, Deputy Sheriff,
391
00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:14,674
and I‘m as good a man as any.
392
00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:16,513
You're Barney Fife,
Deputy Sheriff
393
00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:19,008
and you're as good a man as any.
Try her again.
394
00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:20,931
You're Barney Fife,
Deputy Sheriff
395
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:23,429
and you're as good a man as any.
Try her again.
396
00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:25,602
Barney, you‘re
not trying at all.
397
00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:27,851
ldeclare, ldon't...
398
00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:51,208
(honks)
399
00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:55,677
What did I do wrong, Sheriff?
400
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:56,796
Nothing, Hilda May.
401
00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:58,092
l was just hoping
you might be able
402
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,261
to help me set
something right.
403
00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:01,304
Me? How?
404
00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:03,303
Well, like the fella says,
405
00:17:03,314 --> 00:17:04,895
when in doubt,
have a little talk
406
00:17:04,899 --> 00:17:07,185
with the girl the fella's
got a sweet tooth for.
407
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:10,185
Come on in
and set down.
408
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:13,063
It‘s Barney, Hilda May.
409
00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:15,565
He‘s, uh, he‘s
feeling mighty low.
410
00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:17,032
Oh, I know.
411
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,697
He needs building up.
412
00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:20,535
He needs admiring real bad.
413
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,155
I know it, Sheriff.
414
00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:24,077
I tried to do just that
last night.
415
00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:25,291
You did?
416
00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:26,374
Uh-huh.
417
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:27,869
We had a date.
418
00:17:31,175 --> 00:17:33,166
I'd heard what he'd done
419
00:17:33,177 --> 00:17:34,587
so i wasn't too surprised
420
00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:36,085
when he came over
just dragging
421
00:17:36,097 --> 00:17:39,134
and looking like
a sad old hound dog.
422
00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:40,927
Well, knowing him as I do
423
00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:43,221
I knew I had my work
out out for me.
424
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:45,686
Sheriff, I tell you,
I buttered that fella up
425
00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:49,808
frontways, backways,
sideways and edgewise.
426
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:52,856
I drop/ed over the shape
of his nose.
427
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,857
I admired his suit.
428
00:17:57,868 --> 00:18:01,360
And I oohed about the size
of his muscles.
429
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:04,576
And that isn't the half of it.
430
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,621
I told him how smart he was...
431
00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:10,870
I acted how lucky I was...
432
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:15,545
and I sat bent over some
50's he'd feel taller.
433
00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:18,590
I tell you, Sheriff,
that fella was so buttered up
434
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:22,637
if you tried to grab him, he'd
squoosh right out of your hand.
435
00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:24,304
Yes, sir,
and it was beginning to work.
436
00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:26,473
He was really perklng up.
437
00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:32,646
And then I made my big mistake.
438
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:35,190
I started running my fingers
through his hair
439
00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:36,357
and mussed it up.
440
00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:45,951
He looked so silly
I couldnt help laughing.
441
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:49,701
He can't stand
to be laughed at.
442
00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:52,249
Yeah, I know it, he's
gotten pretty sensitive.
443
00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:53,496
| tell you the truth,
444
00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:54,872
| just don‘t know
what to do
445
00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:56,169
tor the poor fella
anymore.
446
00:18:56,177 --> 00:18:57,883
Yeah.
447
00:18:57,887 --> 00:18:59,798
It isn't right, Sheriff.
448
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:01,966
Folks are really
so fond of him.
449
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:04,431
Yeah, that‘s right, they are.
450
00:19:04,435 --> 00:19:06,175
Sure, everybody
likes Barney.
451
00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:07,518
That's what makes it so bad.
452
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:09,603
They don't realize
they're hurting him.
453
00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:11,188
It‘s just a joke to them.
454
00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:13,604
Uh-huh.
455
00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:15,693
Well, now, that's
probably because
456
00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:16,981
they/ve never
thought about it
457
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,195
quite that way before.
458
00:19:20,743 --> 00:19:24,656
Oh, but that
will never do.
459
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,370
Huh.
460
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:30,824
Now, hold on there.
461
00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:32,076
Hold on just
a dang seoond.
462
00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:34,374
A-Are we playing checkers
or hide-and-goseek?
463
00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:35,542
I'm playing checkers.
464
00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:36,709
But I'll be danged
465
00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:38,878
if I can figure out
what you’re playing.
466
00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:40,001
Is that a fact?
Why, you old...!
467
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:42,094
Bub-bub-bub, you best mind your
language, Judd.
468
00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:43,213
You go hollering names at me,
469
00:19:43,224 --> 00:19:45,260
I got to holler
some back at you.
470
00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:48,885
Next thing, this Shertock Holmes
deputy of Andy’s here
471
00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:51,729
will be running us in
for disturbing the peace.
472
00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:52,938
(both laughing)
473
00:19:52,942 --> 00:19:54,557
Yeah, you, yeah, you...
474
00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:57,310
You better hold your hollering
till tomorrow, Judd.
475
00:19:57,321 --> 00:19:58,561
Maybe my new deputy
476
00:19:58,572 --> 00:20:01,063
won‘t have such
sensitive airs.
477
00:20:01,075 --> 00:20:02,315
New deputy?
478
00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:04,237
Oh, of course, I can't
hardly keep on a deputy
479
00:20:04,245 --> 00:20:05,735
that everybost
laughing at, can I?
480
00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:09,079
Heh! Shertock Holmes Deputy...
that's a zinger, that is.
481
00:20:09,083 --> 00:20:11,074
(laughing)
482
00:20:11,085 --> 00:20:13,076
Whew!
483
00:20:13,087 --> 00:20:14,748
(continues laughing)
484
00:20:16,590 --> 00:20:19,423
(laughing and hooting)
485
00:20:19,427 --> 00:20:21,258
| tell you the truth,
that deputy of mine
486
00:20:21,262 --> 00:20:22,627
is good for more
comical wisecracks
487
00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:23,878
than a barrelful of monkeys!
488
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:25,971
You‘re right, Andy,
that he is.
489
00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:27,966
Yeah, when I think
of all the good jokes
490
00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:29,262
we can get off on old Barney,
491
00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:31,682
I'm almost sorry
I got to let him go.
492
00:20:31,689 --> 00:20:32,769
(all stop laughing)
493
00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:36,015
Yeah... How much
I owe you, Floyd?
494
00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:37,937
You going to
fire him, Andy?
495
00:20:37,945 --> 00:20:39,230
Well, of course.
496
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:41,229
Deputy‘s getting jokes
made about him,
497
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,572
why, that there fella's lost
the confidence of the people.
498
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,737
He ain't much use to a sheriff
anymore, is he?
499
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:46,951
What's the damage, Floyd?
500
00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:49,115
Huh? Oh, it's
one dollar.
501
00:20:49,123 --> 00:20:50,408
(chuckles):
There you are.
502
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:52,327
Desperate outlaw
like old Judd.
503
00:20:52,334 --> 00:20:53,699
That's a humdinger, that'n is.
504
00:20:53,711 --> 00:20:55,201
(laughing)
505
00:20:55,212 --> 00:20:56,372
Whoo!
506
00:21:00,009 --> 00:21:01,215
Well, naturally, Aunt Bee,
507
00:21:01,218 --> 00:21:03,209
You don't expect me
to hold onto a deputy
508
00:21:03,220 --> 00:21:06,337
that's the butt of all
them jokes, do you? Hmm!
509
00:21:07,349 --> 00:21:08,680
That was a fine dinner.
510
00:21:08,684 --> 00:21:09,844
Thank you, Aunt Bee.
511
00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:16,646
Howdy, Barn.
512
00:21:16,650 --> 00:21:17,730
Don‘t try
and stop me, Andy.
513
00:21:17,735 --> 00:21:18,941
I thought it over
514
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:20,059
and there ain't
nothing else I can do.
515
00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:21,276
But, Barney...
516
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,191
No, Andy, why should you
want a deputy sheriff
517
00:21:23,199 --> 00:21:24,234
that ain't nothing but a joke.
518
00:21:24,241 --> 00:21:25,731
Well, listen, Barn...
519
00:21:25,743 --> 00:21:26,983
No, Andy, this is it.
520
00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:29,201
There's one cap,
one badge...
521
00:21:30,206 --> 00:21:32,037
one revolver...
522
00:21:33,209 --> 00:21:35,040
one bullet...
523
00:21:35,503 --> 00:21:37,710
one gun belt.
524
00:21:46,764 --> 00:21:48,880
Andy Taylor, if you were
any kind of a sheriff
525
00:21:48,891 --> 00:21:51,098
you'd know
that unlawful assemblage
526
00:21:51,101 --> 00:21:52,682
is nothing to be sneezed at.
527
00:21:52,686 --> 00:21:53,971
But luckily
for this town
528
00:21:53,979 --> 00:21:56,186
we have a Deputy Sheriff
who knows his duty
529
00:21:56,190 --> 00:21:57,305
and he does it—
530
00:21:57,316 --> 00:21:59,307
and without showing favoritism.
531
00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:02,276
Well, Aunt Bee,
|-|-|'d...
532
00:22:09,411 --> 00:22:11,402
Sheriff...
533
00:22:11,413 --> 00:22:14,530
Just because I'm old don't mean
I don’t know my rights!
534
00:22:14,542 --> 00:22:15,702
But...
535
00:22:15,709 --> 00:22:17,370
Now, don't you but me
no "buts", Sheriff.
536
00:22:17,378 --> 00:22:21,462
74 or no, I can still disturb
the peace with the best of them.
537
00:22:21,465 --> 00:22:23,456
Ain't that a fact, Deputy Fife?
538
00:22:23,467 --> 00:22:25,332
Well, uh...
539
00:22:28,556 --> 00:22:31,468
Barney, as the Mayor
of this fair c'ty,
540
00:22:31,475 --> 00:22:33,431
I can only say
I thank goodness
541
00:22:33,435 --> 00:22:34,891
we got a deputy sheriff
542
00:22:34,895 --> 00:22:36,385
who does his duty
without fear
543
00:22:36,397 --> 00:22:38,979
of offending people
in high places.
544
00:22:38,983 --> 00:22:41,690
A man who sees his duty,
and does it.
545
00:22:41,694 --> 00:22:43,650
A man who makes
it possible
546
00:22:43,654 --> 00:22:46,771
for all of us to sleep
peacefully and safely
547
00:22:46,782 --> 00:22:48,318
in our beds at night.
548
00:22:48,325 --> 00:22:50,907
(all cheering)
549
00:23:03,591 --> 00:23:07,925
I'm turning myself in,
old buddy-buddy.
550
00:23:18,272 --> 00:23:20,729
All right, all right.
Let's move it along here.
551
00:23:20,733 --> 00:23:21,893
Come on. Close it up!
552
00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:22,890
Close it up here!
553
00:23:22,902 --> 00:23:24,108
Let’s move it.
Come on, ladies.
554
00:23:24,111 --> 00:23:25,226
Let's get in there.
555
00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:26,602
What do you
say now? Come on!
556
00:23:26,614 --> 00:23:28,024
Suck in that gut!
557
00:23:28,032 --> 00:23:30,444
You get in there!
558
00:23:30,451 --> 00:23:31,782
Yeah. That's it.
559
00:23:31,785 --> 00:23:32,900
All right. Get in those cells
and stay there.
560
00:23:32,912 --> 00:23:34,448
Now, let's have some quiet!
561
00:23:34,455 --> 00:23:36,411
Let's have
some order!
562
00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:37,530
This is a nice jail.
563
00:23:37,541 --> 00:23:39,623
Let‘s keep it that way!
564
00:23:47,509 --> 00:23:49,170
-We'll see you, Otis.
-So long, Andy.
565
00:23:49,178 --> 00:23:50,509
You come back now.
566
00:23:50,512 --> 00:23:53,254
Oh, I will.
567
00:23:53,265 --> 00:23:55,005
Well, Barney, you ought
to feel pretty set up
568
00:23:55,017 --> 00:23:56,678
having all those folks
come right out
569
00:23:56,685 --> 00:23:58,550
and admit that you was right
and they was wrong.
570
00:23:58,562 --> 00:23:59,893
I do, Andy.
571
00:23:59,897 --> 00:24:01,762
Oh, not so much for
Barney Fife, the man
572
00:24:01,774 --> 00:24:04,106
as for Bamey Fife,
the law and order fella.
573
00:24:04,109 --> 00:24:06,350
I say you're either a guardian
of the law or you ain't.
574
00:24:06,362 --> 00:24:08,023
Yeah. I tell you
the truth
575
00:24:08,030 --> 00:24:09,770
I'm surprised
you didn't get to me, too.
576
00:24:09,782 --> 00:24:13,650
Uh, well... it you want to get
technical about t...
577
00:24:16,038 --> 00:24:17,153
Huh?
578
00:24:17,164 --> 00:24:18,825
Well, you could be reprimanded
579
00:24:18,832 --> 00:24:20,288
for being out of uniform.
580
00:24:20,292 --> 00:24:22,704
I mean, no tie, collar open,
581
00:24:22,711 --> 00:24:24,201
pants un—pressed,
582
00:24:24,213 --> 00:24:26,374
not wearing a revolver
and gun belt,
583
00:24:26,382 --> 00:24:28,748
sleeves rolled up,
your shoes...
584
00:24:52,866 --> 00:24:54,857
(whistling sprightly tune)
40818
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