All language subtitles for The.Andy.Griffith.Show.S01E18.iNTERNAL.BDRip.x264-LiBRARiANS-en

(whistling sprightly tune)

Starring Andy Griffith...

with Ronny Howard.

Also sfam‘ng Don Knotrs.

Golly, that musl be some book,

First time I ever saw a fellow
get all were outjust readin'.

This is a humdinger.
you know that?

The Art of Judo.

ll oughl to be
required readin'

for every law enforcement
officer.

Is that right?

Yeah.

Just listen to this:

'The practice of Judo
is not limited

"to seeking physical perfection,

"Through hard practice
of Judo,

one will be able to cultivate
courage to endure hardship."

I'll be dogged.

Yeah.
Professor Matsumato wrote that.

He don't come
lrom around here, does he?

No, Andy. He's from
the old country.

Now, just
for an example.

What would you do

if you was tryin' to arrest
a desperate criminal

and he was comin' at you
with a knife

but you was unarmed—
what would you do?

Uh...

Run?

(laughing)

You’d use
the Komashido Gatarm'.

The how?

That means
counter the attack.

-0h. -Here, I'll show you.
Come on, I'll show you,

-Huh?
-Yeah.

Now, see that knife?
That's a knife.

That’s a r...
Oh, that's a knife.

Yeah. Hold it like that.

-Like that?
»Yeah.

Now you come at me like you was
gonna attack me, see.

Vifith the knife, that's right.

Come at you?

Yeah, come right at me.

Right at you?

Yeah, real fast.
Come on.

What if
I hurt you?

No, you won‘t
hurt me

-Right at you?
-Let's go.

Halt!

Just a second,
wait a minute.

(grunting)

You gonna do all that to me?

No. no, I‘ll take it
easy on you.

I'll take it easy.

-o... Okay.
>Come on.

Okay. Come at me.

Right at you?

-Yeah. Ready?
-Okay, ready.

Ha! One, two...

Andy. um, you wanna
let loose.,. let go...

Well... is... is that
all there is to it?

No, you did
something wrong.

Well, I still got the knife.

I know, but you did
something wrong. Let me loose,

You... you didn't
do it right, Andy.

Oh, well, I'm sorry.

That's all right.

Wait a minute,
I'm gonna try the other way,

Okay.

-This is the Komashido.
-Yeah?

The Komashi‘do method.

Komashido?

Yeah, now, do this
in slow motion

Yeah,
This way again?

-No. Come at me this way.
-Down?

Yeah, get her up there.

-Okay.
-Slow motion.

-Slovf.7
-|'|| show you step by step.

Okay.

-Now, ready?
-Ready.

-Come on.
-Okay.

-Look at that.
-Huhl

-See that?
-Yeah.

You can‘t do anything.

Now | just do this.

Yeah?

Now, doesn’t matter
how strong you are

because it‘s leverage.

See that? Ijust torce
you right down.

-Yeah. I'll be dogged.
-See that?

-Uh-huh.
—Now, let's try it.

-0kay.
-Really fast.

Fast?

Really try to get me.

-Really fast.
-Y-you ready?

Yeah.

Hi, hip, heh.
Come on.

-All right,
-Hip, ha! Hee!

Now | just force you...

like that.

(groaning)

-Andy?
-Huh?

Andy, you want to let me up?

Huh?

Want tojust let me up?

Is that all
you gonna do?

Well, no, you did
something wrong.

Uh... oh.

You did
something wrong.

I don‘t know
what it was.

Oh, golly, I'm sorry.

That's all right.

(phone rings)

Hello, Sheriffs Office.

What?

Again?

All right,
we'll be right over.

| see what
you did wrong now,

You was holdin' the knife
in the wrong hand.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'll try to be
more considerate

next time
| attack you.

Better check in there

and see it they got
any detense

against an attack
by flyin' plates,

Flyin' plates?

Yeah, the Boones.

Are they at it again?

Yeah, just had a call
from a next-door neighbor,

Sounds like a wild
and woolly one.

Them two beat everything,
don't they?

Ever since they moved
to town

they been
at each other.

Yeah.

Maybe you better
take your book along,

Huh?

Well, maybe you can
practice on Miss Boone.

0h.

(woman yelling)

(crockery breaking)

(man yelling)

Hurry in there, Sheriff,
before they kill one another.

It’ll be a good
thing 'rtthey would.

Then maybe we'd get
a little peace around here.

Can't you do something
about t, Sheriff?

Maybe you all better
just go on home.

We'll take care of it.

Yeah, yeah,
get back, everybody,

We're going in now.

MAN:
After that garbage you call,..!

Open up in there!

Open up in the name
of the law!

(glass shatters)

Open up, lsaid!

This is
Deputy Barney Fife!

(crockery shatters)

Fred, Jennie?

You ain‘t got a chance.

The place is surrounded.

Now open this door!

You fat-mouthed...

Barney, why don't
we just open it?

Now you really
got us riled.

You almost
hit the Sheriff.

Go get 'em, Sheriff.

(all screaming at once)

Stop, stop, stop, stop,
stop it, stop it, right now!

Why, hello, Andy.

How are you?

Hi, Andy.
Glad to see you.

Fred, you
and Jennie know

you’re disturbin'
the peace again,

Well, we‘rejust havin‘
a little friendly argument.

Well, I want you to stop it.
Iwant you to quit it right now,

Well, I’ll quit h when she
quits her evenastin‘ naggin’,

Naggin'?

Yeah, naggin‘.
Nag, nag, nag.

How‘d you like
a big fat lip?

I'd like it fine.

It‘d match your
big fat mouth.

You shut up, you big
old buzzard, you!

Don't tell me
to shut up,

you old crow.

Crow, crow!

(sawing)

(everybody shouting)

Stop it!

Now, Jennie, put
that cup down.

Put it down
right now!

(shatters)

(groans)

I didn't mean there.

All rig ht, Sheriff,
what do you say?

Do we pull 'em in?

Don't think I ain‘t tempted.

And don‘t think I ain't got
the grounds to do it, too.

Now, Fred, you and Jennie,

this is the last time
I'm wamin' you.

Now, the next time I‘m
gonna have to pull you in,

so there better
not be a next time.

Now, do you hear me?

Well, sorry to cause
you all this trouble, Andy.

I'm sorry, Andy.

Oh, I hope I didn't hurt
your foot none, Barney.

Oh, well, no. It'll be all right
in a couple of weeks.

ANDY:
Well, now, I want both of you

to straighten up and
act like somebody.

We gotta get some fishin' in,
one of these days, Andy.

Yeah, I reckon
we have.

I’ve been
busy lately.

But we'll get up
a trip pretty soon.

Come back again,
Andy,

How's Aunt Bee?

0h, she,
she‘s doing fine.

JENNIE:
Good.

We'll see ya.

All right.

FRED:
See what your big mouth did?

JENNIE:
My big mouth, you big baboon?

Fred!

You and Jennie.

I mean it.

(all shouting)

Get in here, you two!

Come on! Get right
in here, now!

Oh, for heaven's sakes,
what is it this time?

Well, that warning you give 'em
last night didn‘t do any good.

First thing this mornin’
they's at it again.

l was out on patrol
and heard the racket.

You're the limit, you two.

Don’t you even
stop for breakfast?

What am I
gonna do with you?

What am I gonna
do with you?

If she would just keep
her big mouth shut...

-Quiet!
-All she does is...

Quiet!

Throw the book
at 'em.

Wouldn't do any good.

Jennie‘d just pick it up
and throw it back at Fred.

If I was you, I'd look 'em up

and throw away the key.

Well, that wouldn't
do any good, either,

because just as soon as
they‘d get out,

they‘d start it all over again.

Fred, you and Jennie, I declare,

you’re just as guilty
as all get out,

| just don't know
what in the world

to do with you.

Ever since you moved down here,

you get along
with everybody else fine.

You're nice folks.

Now, how come you can't get
along with one another?

Shen'ff, did you ever try to get
along with a rattlesnake?

Well, I'll tell you, Sheriff.
He's the meanest...

Now, hold it, hold it, hold it.

Now, I am bound to find out
what starts these fights

and then maybe we can work
from there.

Now, what was it
started the row this mornin'?

l was
at breakfast.

-Ha! If you could call it that.
Breakfast?

He throwed his plate of food
on the floor.

Food?

Hal That slop wasn't
fit for the hogs,

Oh, it was
fit for hogs.

That‘s why
I give it to you.

There, you see
what I mean, Sheriff?

-(both talking at once)
-Hold it!

She keeps giving me
that needling.

Wait a minute,
Fred, Fred...

you and Jennie...

Now what was the first thing
you said

this mornin'
at the breakfast table?

First thing?

AN DY:
That's right.

First thing I say
every mornin'.

What's that?

Yecch.

Uh-huh.

What are you
gonna do, Andy?

Well, I believe

we'll just try a
little experiment here.

Fred, I want you
to set down right there.

And, Jennie, you set down
right there.

Do l have to sit?

Yes, you have
to set right down,

Now, now, now,
this is you two

over at your house
at the breakfast table.

Now, Fred, I want you

to say something nice
to Jennie.

What?

Yeah, say something
nice to Jennie.

To her?

That's right.

I‘d rather
eat the slop.

Fred, say something
nice to Jennie

or get locked up
in one of them cells.

Well, uh...

Uh...

This ain‘t gonna work, Andy.

He can't even think
of one thing,

Well, now all new things
come hard,

but I'm sure Fred
can work up to it.

Let‘s see.

How about
a nice "Good momin'"

just for a starter?

Oh, Sheriff, that's
crazy kind of..,

Fred.

(HWY):
Mornin'!

No. Not l'mornin'!"

Nice and polite,
like "Good mornin'."

Now, Fred, say it
or get locked up.

M... mornin'.

Now, now you,
Jennie.

Jennie?

Mornin'.

Uh-huh.

Now, "Good mornin', dear."

"Deaf'?

"Dear."

I'd rather die.

Come on, Jennie,
you can do it.

"Mornin‘, dear."

How come you give me
the real hard ones?

Because you‘re
a lady.

Now, come on,
give it a try.

"Mornin'..."

Mornin'...

"Dear."

Dear.

Now you again, Fred.

"Mornin‘, honey."

Honey?

-Honey,
-0h, Sheriff...

"Honey."

Sheriff, a man's just made
out of flesh and blood,

you know?

Come on, Fred.

"Good mornin', honey."

Andy, you think it'd help
if I held this up to his head?

I think that might
make him say it.

Come on, Fred.

That's it. "Momin', honey."

Mornin', honey!

Now, that wasn't
so bad, was it?

It wasn‘t so good, neither.

I'd rather be called "skunk
taoe" than "honey" like that,

It ain‘t gonna work, Andy,
It just ain't gonna work.

Now, that wasn't half bad
for a starter.

Now, we'll do this
every mornin' for 15 minutes

till you get the habit.

-Do what?
-Do what?

That's right,
you're both on probation

a—and you better show up.

-Oh, but Sheriff...
-Because if you don‘t,

I'm gonna have to come
and get you and lock you up,

Do this every mornin'?

—That's right,
-Sheriff, what... this...

And now you've got
the words out,

let's work on getting them out
with the right expression.

Now, Jennie,
it's not, it's not

(curtly):
"Momin', dear."

It's... (softly):
"Mornin', dear."

Fred, it's (softly):
"Mornin', honey.“

Now, let's
everybodytogether.

Mornin', dear.

Mornin', honey.

ALL:
Mornin', dear.

Mornin', honey.

Mornin‘, dear...

Andy, that was brilliant.

Just plain brilliant.

Yeah, it is, ain't it?

Well, it certainly is.

That's what
most things are-- habit.

And if you can
get folks into the habit

of getting along
instead of fighting,

they will.

Get along.
I mean, that is.

Well, yeah, th-that's the way
I had it figured.

I says to myself, I says,

I'll get 'em in the habit
and then...

-0PIE: No, we ain't.
-BOY: We are, too.

It's my house
and I don't wanna.

I'm the company
so you gotta.

No, I ain‘t.

Yes, you do.

Opie, you and Billy
stop that right now.

Just stop that,
stop that right now,

Now, Opie, every time
Billy comes over here,

you all wind up
rollin' around on the floor

and rearrangin'
the fumiture.

Now, how come
you can't play nice?

'Cause he's as stubbom
as a mule.

I am not, you are!

-I am not, you are.
-You both are.

Now, I'm tired of this
howlin‘ and yowlin‘

every time
you all get together.

Now, if you can't
play nice,

maybe I better
just tell Billy

he's not to come here anymore.

BEE:
Andy?

Ma'am?

You‘re not being brilliant.

Huh?

Habit, remember?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Uh...

Young 'uns?

| tell you what
I'm gonna do with you.

Now, every time you all
play nice together,

no howlin' and no yovvlin'

and no movin'
the furniture around,

I'm gonna give each one of you
a shiny new nickel.

Now, how does that
set with you?

A nickel, Paw,

a whole nickel?

Just for playin' nice?

Boy, for that much money
I'd play nice with a polecat.

Yeah, me, too.

All right,
let's give it a try, then,

What do you want
to play, Opie?

Anything you want
to play, Billy.

Well, you did itagain,
didn't you?

Oh, now, Aunt Bee.

Well, you did.

Well, the way
I figure it

is-is they'll do it
for the nickel, see,

and then they/ll
get used to it

and, uh...

now, what. .

what was that word
you called it a while ago?

"Habit"?

-No,
—"Getting along."

Uh, no, it-it started
w'th a, w'th a "B."

A "B"?

"Brilliant"?

Oh, now, Aunt Bee.

Would you like some
more coffee, dear?

No, thank you... honey.

The eggs are delicious.

Thank you, dear.

I'm glad you like them.

You're welcome, honey.

Oh, that was
fine, fine!

Ain‘t no use
overdoin' it, though,

Anyway, your time's up,
you can go now,

(chuckles)

And we’ll do
handshakin' tomorrow.

Handshakin'?

Now there ain‘t no use to go
into a panic, Fred.

Why it wouldn't surprise me
if in a week's time

it didn't bother you at all.
See you at 9:00.

And let's hear it
one more time.

Mornin', dear.

Mornin‘, honey.

(testily):
Mornin', dear.

(strained):
Mornin', honey.

Mornin', dear.

Mornin‘—

Uh, Fred, Fred!

The door, remember?

0h.

After you, honey,

Thank you, dear.

ANDY:
Good fella.

Why don‘t you go take a...

Well, you still think
this ain’t gonna work, Barney?

Well, I got to admit
you got things

comin' out of their mouths I
never would‘ve thought possible.

-Yeah. -But what‘s to stop them
from goin' home now

and havin‘ a dingbuster
of a battle?

Well, I‘ll tell you, Barney.

In the first place, them two's
in too great a state of shock

to think of fightin',

And in the second place,

bythe time
the shock wears off,

why, the habit
will have taken over.

No, I think the Boones'
fightin' days is finished,

Well, good.

Good? It's brilliant.

I'll see you tonight, angel.

Yes, dear.

-Bye, dear.
—Bye, dear,

Oh, that was fine.

I'm glad you liked it.

Let‘s go, dear.

See you tomorrow,

We know it, Barney.

We'll be here.

Morning, honey.

Morning, dear.

-Morning, honey.
—Morning, honey,

Well, they're kind
of short with us

but they're doing just
fine with each other.

Yeah, ain't they?

I got to hand it
to you, Andy,

I never would have believed
itcould have been done.

and practice will do.

They sure are changed.

Yeah, just two nice,
kind, gentle folks.

Mmm,

Deal the cards, will you, Cliff?

You gonna shuffle all night?

Well, all right,
all right,

What are we playing here,
hearts or tiddlywinks?

Well, the man‘s dealing the
cards like you asked him to,

Pipe down, will ya, Gil,
I ain‘t talkin' to you.

Well, I know
you're not,

Well, then, butt out.

-What's got into
you lately, Fred? -What?

Well, you was always so friendly
like when we played hearts,

but lately you been
kind of mean like.

You tryin‘ to start
somethin', Gil?

No, no, no.

Yeah, Fred, I noticed
lately that you been..,

Deal!

...acting...

What... uh,
what is it, dear?

l was just wondering
if you and the boys

would like some coffee, dear?

Well, that's very sweet
of you, darling.

You fellas want some coffee?

All right, speak up!

-S-Sure.
-Thank you.

Thanks. Yes, darling,
theyll have some.

Thank you, dear.

You're welcome, dear.

Where are the rest of the cards?
Deal, will ya?!

Hi, Aunt Bee.

Evenin', Andy.

How‘s the experiment

with the Boones
comin' along?

Oh, fine, line.

That's good.

You ought to see the way
they talk to one another--

just as friendly and polite,

I'm glad they talk
to each other that way,

Jennie hasn't been talking
like that lately.

Huh?

Well, I met her
on the street yesterday

and I said something to her

and she practically
took my head off,

Well, what in the world
did you say?

A perfectly innocent thing,

I think I remarked that she was
wearing her hair differently.

And she turned
on me like a cat.

Well, maybe
she‘s feelin’ poorly,

No, no. I never remember
seeing her this way.

She was always a friendly sort
of easygoing woman.

Haven‘t you noticed
the change in her, Andy?

Well, now... now
that you mention it

they, they both been
a little bit snappish.

Well, golly, they get along
fine with one another.

Why, I ain't had
a single complaint

about them disturbin'
the peace lately,

Well, now, I wonder if they
really prefer 't that way.

Hmm?

Well, maybe they're more content
when they’re bickering.

You mean, maybe they can...
they can only be happy

wh-when they're pickin'
at each other?

And, uh, maybe that's the way

that they show their love
for one another?

Sounds peculiar
but it's not unusual.

Huh.

Oh, hi, Ope.

Hi, Paw.

Well, boy, you sure
are the quiet one.

-Uh-huh.
-Well, what's the matter?

Ain't you been playin'
with your friend Billy lately?

No.

Well, how come?

He don't like
comin' here anymore,

Well, why not?

Says you can't play
cops and robbers

or cowboys here.

You got to play nice.

Well, I gave you all a nickel

everytime you did play nice.

Iknorrv, Paw.

But Billy would rather
play good games for nothin'

than get a nickel
for playin‘ nice.

Sure is borin', Paw.

Well, well, now,
now, wait a minute.

Let me, let me just understand
somethin' here.

Uh, you mean, you mean
all those nickels

that I gave
you and Billy

kinda took the fun
out of playin‘

and you'd like to go back
to the way 't was?

Playin' kind of wild
and messin' around

because it comes
more natural to you?

Yeah, Paw.

(knocking at door)

Well, Cliff, what in the world
happened to you?

Are you hurt?

Oh, it's that
Fred Boone, Sheriff.

You got to do
somethin' about him.

Well, what did he do?

Well, he's been actin‘
meaner than a bear lately,

and tonight whilst
we was playin‘ cards,

he begin to complain about
how I was dealin' too slow.

He did?

And next thing I know,
he punched me in the nose.

-For nothin'?
-For nothin'!

There was a pitcher
of water on the table

and | just got out
before he could throw it.

(knocking at door)

Well, I‘ll be dogged.

I got the pitcher of water,

Well, you all... you all
go on home

and I'll take
care of this.

Take care of your nose, Cliff,

Uh...

(clears throat)

Opie, you know, uh..,

you know what we
was talkin' about?

Now, I'm not goin‘ to give you
and Billy any more nickels

for playin' nice, you hear?

Really, Paw?

We'll give back
the nickels

you already gave us.

No, no.

You just keep them.

That's a mighty cheap price

for Iearnin' that what
looks like rasslin' to one

is dancin' to another.

You want Billy and me
to dance, Paw?

No, I want you to have fun
any way it's fun to you.

And the Boones, too.

(whistling)

Howdy, Jennie.

Now what do you
want, Sheriff?

Uh, mind if! come in?

Come on in.

I can't stop ya.

All right.

Sheriffjust dropped in

for a little visit, dear.

That's nice, dear.

Well, now, that's not
exactly the way it is,

Actually... actually, I had
a purpose in comin' over.

I been studyin‘ about how good
y‘all have been gettin' along

for the last ten days

and, well, Ijust don't see
any point in us continuin’

our momin‘ trainin' sessions.

In fact, I thought itjust
be fittin' and proper

if we had
a little graduation ceremony.

I brought a little
sweet cider here

for us to celebrate with.

I'll get us some glasses.

Suit yourself, Sheriff,

That's right.

Say what
you have to say, Sheriff

and get on with it.

All right.

My friends, we are gathered
here this evenin'

to mark the beginnin'
of a new life.

A life of peace and quiet
and gettin' along.

The beauty and joy of which
you now know

and I‘m sure ain‘t
never goin' to forget,

It ain't no more
than fittin', then,

that we express
our appreciation.

To you, Jennie,
who made all this possible

when you stopped needlin'

and ridin' and railin'

and harassin‘ and naggin'
poor old Fred here.

Now, hold on a minute, Sheriff.

I never did

all that much naggin'.

Well, I‘m sorry, Jennie.

Uh, to you then, Fred

who made all this
happy life possible

when you stopped
comin' home

all mean and nasty
and awful.

Now hold on, Sheriff.

I may have come home
out of sorts from time to time

Now, look here, Jennie,
I may have been bad

but I wasn‘t the worst.

Meanin' l was, I suppose, dear.

Well, you didn't help matters
much, dear.

And I suppose you did, dear,

with your meanness
and nastiness and...

-Orneriness?
-...crnen'ness.

-If I was, it was your naggin'
and, and your.., -Snivellin‘?

.,.snive|lin' that made me like
that.

Snivellin'? Why, you, you..,

Blackhearted buzzard?

.,.blackhearted
buzzard!

Blachear.,.?l Why, I'd
rather be a buzzard

than a naggin',
snivellin' old...

fishwife?

Fishwife!

-Fishwife?
-You heard me!

Oh, you mean
ol' coot—

you old battle-ax,
don't you call me—

-Uh... uh, Fred... -|'|| call
you anything I want.,.l

Hey, Fred, you and Jennie!

I'm leavin' now.

Bye.

Nice to have seen
you, Sheriff.

Come back again soon, Sheriff,

Bye.

If you as much as open
your big mouth to me,..!

Don‘t you ever call me...

(argument continuing)

(pottery breaking)

What do you think?

Golly, you look pretty as
a picture in them pajamas.

Pajamas?
This is a Judogi outfit.

-Judogi? -Yeah.
It‘s judo training clothes.

0h. Huh.

Where'd you get that?

In a Japanese
war surplus store?

I sent away to Professor
Matsumato for it.

-0h. -Makes all the difference
in the world, you know?

Right in here.

(karate yells)

What's that mean?

(imitates karate yells)

That's what you do
when you start.

0h.

What's that?

Come on, I'll show you,

Look. Now stab me again,

only this time,
come in like that.

Like that?

Yeah. I'll show you
what I'm going to do,

This is new. Now, do
it in slow motion.

This is new?

Yeah. Slow motion
Readjfl

(karate yell)

(imitates karate yell)

-Yeah?
-Yeah.

-0kay.
-Okay, go ahead. (karate yell)

Okay, ready?

Uh-huh.

Dropped it right
out of your hand,

Right out of my hand,
that's a pretty good trick.

Yeah. Okay, Ithinkl
got the knack of it now.

Let's give her a real try.

Well, don't you think
you ought to practice

maybe one more time?

What for?
I got it down pat.

Come on.

Well, what if I cut you?

You won't cut me.
Okay, ready?

Mm-hmm,

(karate yell)

(moans loudly)

Darn you, Andy!

(whistling sprightly tune)