All language subtitles for The.Andy.Griffith.Show.S01E15.iNTERNAL.BDRip.x264-LiBRARiANS-en

(whistling sprightly tune)

Starring Andy Griffith...

with Ronny Howard.

Also sfam‘ng Don Knotrs.

Never see such hairdos
in all your life?

And when Millie Parsons
walked into church

with that hair

I come near
dropping my hymn book,

I couldn‘t
believe it, either.

After being a brunette
all these years?

Aunt Bee,
can I have a candy bar?

No, dear.

I suppose she thinks

those blonde streaks
in her hair

make her look younger“.

so our new postman
will give her a second look.

Anybody who'd give Millie
a second look

would know those blonde tips
came straight from a bottle

I declare, il‘s disgusting

the way some women
try to be what they aren't,

Why can't I have a candy bar?

Because you
can't, Opie.

Now, stop
interrupting elders

when they/re
talking.

Here you are, Emma.

I'll put it
on your bill.

It comes to $1.34.

60 oents for toothpaste,

29 cents for rubbing alcohol.

45 cents for peroxide.

| only use it for gargling.

I'm one person that doesn’t
try to hide her age.

I'm in my 40s and I admit it.

Golly. Aunt Bee.

She's way younger than you are.

She's in her 403
and you're already...

Opie, why don't you
go over there

and get yourself
a candy bar.

I just didn't want
the boy to hear.

Speaking of people
trying to hide their age,

do you know
the real reason

Rose Blake
went to Raleigh?

No. why?

I thought she went up
visited her niece.

That‘s her story.

I happen to know

she went to buy
a new set of teeth.

She is the
vainest thing.

(gasping)

(women whispering excitedly)

Morning, ladies.

My goodness,
don't you look happy.

Must be cutting
somebody up pretty good.

Oh, I was
just funnin‘,

Howdy, Fred.

Could I have
some sulfa powder?

Andy,
are you hurt?

Oh, no,
Barneyjust cut his finger

a lil bit taking his gun apart.

I don‘t want him
getting an infection.

Here's a sample.

You might as well

sprinkle the
whole thing on it.

All right, much obliged,
Fred.

Bye, ladies.

Bye, Andy.

Just a little out.

Andy come running
all the way over here

tor sulfa powder.

All the way?

Emma, the courthouse
is just across the street.

All the same,

I think there's more to this...

than meets the eye.

Oh, he says it's a scratch
on his finger.

but I notice he's calling on
one of those miracle drugs

to heal Barney.

My dear. I was right there

when Andy came mshing in.

Barney got his hand
caught in the revolver

and got hisseif
a serious infection.

Well, the way I heard it,

Barney was cleaning his gun
or something,

and he ripped his arm
clear up to his shoulder.

Did you hear the terrible news?

Barney Fife shot himself
in the chest.

How's yourfinger?

Oh, all right,
I guess.

I suppose that sulfa
powder will fix it up.

Yeah. they say
that's good stuff.

You think it'd be all right
if I took the bandage off

and let the air to it?

They say the aii‘s
good for it.

Yeah, it’d be
all right

if you don't let
the dirt get in it.

(groans)

Let me see it.

Oh, it looks fine.

Where you looking?

It isn‘t there,
it's over here.

Where?

Right there.

Oh, right there?

No, right here.

Oh, that looks fine.

Think so?

Yeah.

I hope so,
it's my trigger finger,

I lose that, I might as well
leave the business.

(telephone rings)

Get that, will you?

Sheriffs office.

Are we aware of what?!

Well... who?

What's that?

Somebody just called
to say I'm dead.

You're what?

That call.

They said Barney Fife
shot himself in the chest.

(laughing):
You did?

You'd think I'd know it

it I shot myself in the chest,
wouldn't you? That‘d smart.

I'd think so.

They had you all laid
out, did thew

Yeah.
Will you imagine that?

The dumb bunnies.

So now you're dead,

Yeah.

I'll be darned.

-You couldn't have been
very old. -No,

Well, they say only
the good die young,

That's right.

Yesterday you looked
so healthy.

Yeah, felt good,

Yeah, yesterday
laughing and happy,

Had everything in the world
to live for.

Yeah, yeah, well...

yesterday laughing
and happy and today...

(snaps)

Actually, I don‘t think
it’s too funny.

J‘ For he was
a jolly good fellow.., J‘

I mean, when you stop
and think about it, Andy,

uh.., actually...

What's the matter?

Well, I mean, it's not
a joking matter,

Well, we all have
to go sometime,

I know, will you
stop it, Andy?

Well, Barney,
I was just funnin’,

Oh, yeah, yeah,
you were fun.

You're funny
all right.

You're a scream.
You ought to get a job

on one of those
excursion boats.

Oh, Barney...

Oh, Andy.,. oh, Andy,

we heard the terrible news
about Barney.

Everybost
talking about it,

We came just
as soon as we...

Barney!

You're standing!

You‘re darn right I'm standing.

Anything wrong with that?

But word's got around
that you shot yourself.

They say you're gone.

Well, lain‘t.

I'm right here.

Bamey Fife
in the flesh.

Not much, maybe,
but I'm here.

Oh, land's sakes.

How did such a story
get out anyhovfl

You mean, you don't know?

No. How could we?

Well, when I come in
the drugstore this morning

to get some sulfa powder
for Barney's finger,

they was just
three women present.

They was you two
and Clara Lindsey,

Now, you was the only ones
that heard me say

about Barney having
this small cut.

So?

So, from a small cut,
it took you all

exactly three-and-a-half hours
to get him killed off.

You make it sound like
we're nothing but gossips,

According to you,
the Lord made two sexes.

Men and blabbennouths.

Oh, that was well put,
Aunt Bee.

Well put.

-It was very clever.
-Oh, be quiet.

I suppose you're not capable
of gossiping.

Oh, oh, lguess
we‘re capable all right,

but somehow or another, itjust
don't come as natural to us

as it does to you all.

Oh, really?!

Oh, I can't
stand it.

Come along, Emma,

(speaking indignantly)

Sheriff, in your
time of need,

it might be
a comfort to know

that Monroe's Mortuary
is ready to serve.

We all know the great
loss that you. ,.

you...

Barney, you're still with us.

You're darn right
I'm still with us.

And I'm gonna stay
a long time!

Well, in that case,
I'd better move my vehicle,

It‘s backed up to your door.

Out! Out!

What really irritates me

is that they're
so smug about it,

What irritates me,
it's just not true.

We don‘t gossip.

We just pass
along news.

Well, Emma,
let's admit it.

By the time
it's made the full circle

it has grown a bit.

You know how we add...

(bumping)

Yes, sir, what can I do for you?

Root beer,
if you please,

It gets mighty dusty
on the road.

Passing through Mayberry,
are you?

Well, no,
not exactly,

I'll be staying
a day or so

if things go well,

Well, good luck
to you.

Thank you.

I don‘t suppose
either of you ladies

would care to buy
a pair of shoes?

I beg your pardon?

That's what I sell, shoes.

I guess you‘ve got
all the shoes you need,

Thank you
for your courtesy,

Oh, if you should
know of anyone

that would like
to buy a pair of shoes,

l have a complete line
that I'd be glad to show

under no obligation.

Thank you.

I’m staying
at the hotel.

My goodness.

That‘s the tamest
traveling salesman

I ever did see.

Oh, Emma.

‘Wilbur Finch.

Representative of
the Manhattan Shoe Company."

New York City. Hmm,

What were we talking about?

Oh, yes, gossip.

Now, Emma, you know
men do the same thing.

We can't hold a candle
to some of the stories

that have come
out of Floyd's barbershop.

Don‘t I know it.

Never mind, Fred.

Aunt Bee, I might be
a little late for supper.

Me and Barney have
to take a little run

up to the Baxter place.

Oh, what's going on
up there?

Oh, a I'mle
official business.

Yeah, some
dum trespasser

stole his
"no trespassing" sign,

(laughing)

Darn you,
that's funny,

Oh, who was that,

who was that stranger
that was just in here?

Oh, I don't know...

other than that he‘s a shoe
salesman from New York City,

Is that all you
know about him?

Of course, what more
should we know?

Oh, come on, now.

Two busy tongues and four sharp
ears like you got?

Oh, well, really!

Andy Taylor, I don‘t like
the way you're talking,

Don't pay any attention
to him, Emma.

He's just trying
to in'itate us.

All we know about him

is that he's a shoe salesman
from New York City.

Oh, all right.

At least, that‘s
what he says he is.

You got some cause
to believe he ain't?

Hmm, no.

Onlythat, uh...

"Only/.7"
Now, "only’ what?

Well, nothing really.

Except that it
seems strange

that a man should come
all the way from New York

to sell shoes in Mayberry.

Well, what’s strange
about that?

A fella's got a right
to sell shoes

anyplace he wants to.

Sure, it's a free country,

All right, itjust seemed
a little odd to me, that's all.

He didn‘t try very hard
to sell us any shoes.

Certainly didn't act like
any traveling salesman

I ever saw.

Now, there you go again.

Trying to build something
out of nothing,

(laughing)

What was
all that for?

You know he's
a shoe salesman.

I thought I'd plant
a little doubt

in that conceited
male mind.

Do you think
he might start

making something
out of that?

0h, Emma,
ldon't think. I know.

Hey, Andy.

Huh?

Why do you suppose

a feller'd come
all the way down here

from New York
to sell shoes?

I mean, most salesmen
that come around here

are from Raleigh
or Richmond,

someplace like that.

Well, this one happens
to come from New York.

Now, Barney, you ain‘t going
to be so thin-headed

as to let them women
get to you

with their rumors, are you?

Oh, no, no. What
do you think I am,

naive or something?

I know what
the score is.

It‘s just that, well,

Mayberry is 900 miles
from New York.

Now, why would a feller
drag his shoes

all the way down here?

Our feet ain't
that special.

Barney.

All right, forget it.

(quietly):
Forget it.

Hey, Andy!

You‘re going past the car.

I know it.

Why, Andy... we‘re going

out to the Baxter place,
aren't we?

No, we're going in
the hotel here.

What for?

To find out about
this socalled

New York shoe salesman.

"Manhattan Shoe Company."

Looks like he's sticking
to that story all the way,

What is it,
Sheriff?

You can trust me.

Isn‘t he really
a shoe salesman?

I wouldn‘t be
too sure, Jason.

Well, he even give me
his business card.

Well, there's been fake
cards printed up before.

Could be the old
fake card dodge.

Shrewd observation, Barney,

Thank you.

Listen, Sheriff.

The key question is,

if he ain't a shoe salesman,

what business would a fella
from New York

have clear down here
in Mayberry?

Now, look, Jason,
you're a hotel man.

Now, this is police business.

You just leave this
to us, okajfl

Now, Andy, the way I see it,

the key question is,

if he ain't a shoe salesman,

what business would a fella
from New York

have clear down here
in Mayberry?

But, |-| just said that.

Jason, ifyou don't mind.

Yeah, yeah. Jason, you keep
an eye on this fella

and let us know
if he’s up to anything unusual.

Gotcha.

Oh, and better keep
this under your hat.

0h?

Yeah, it's official
business, so...

Gotcha.

Here he comes.

Act casual.

(louder):
We'll see you, Jason.

See you
around, Jase.

(laughs)

Oh, hi.

Hi.

Well, Mr. Finch.

Going out to sell shoes?

Might as well try
and get in a few calls today,

By the way, could I have
a television set in my room?

Sony. We don't
have any.

Oh, dear, I must find one
for tonight.

You must, huh?

Yes.

Television is
mighty important to me.

And he seemed
real disappointed

when I told him
we had no television.

Said television is
"mighty important" to him.

Well, that’s strange, all right.

Mighty peculiar.

Shh-shh-shh.

| just tried to rent
a television set.

Couldn't get one,

Well, I‘ll see
you, gentlemen,

(all talking at once)

He ain't with
the Manhattan Shoe Company.

Television business!

That's what he's in.

You know that
television program,

that Manhattan Show Time?

That's his show.

It adds up.

You know what this fellow is?

A television producer?!

Andy, Andy, guess what.

Aunt Bee, you was right
about that Finch fella.

He's not a shoe
salesman at all.

Ooh! He isn't?

No. You'll never guess
what he really is.

Oh, but I'm awfully
anxious to hear.

Okay, you ready?

Mm-hmm,

He's a big, important
talent scout

from the Manhattan Show Time
television program.

Well, l was wondering
what he'd tum out to be.

How about that!

Oh, I find this
very interesting,

and so will Emma.

Yeah, ain't this somethin'?

I'll see you, Aunt Bee.

This is a real
opportunity.

Oh, I agree
with him there.

Nothing like this has happened
in Mayberry before.

Well, I sure want
this Finch fella

to hear my daughter
play the accordion.

He could make
her a star.

What about my Margaret
the bird-caller?

Fellas, I'm closing shop.

I got to get on home

and oil the stops
on my boy's saxophone.

Hey, lgot
my harmonica ready,

Now-now wait, now wait,
Now-now, this fella's

trying to keep
his mission a secret.

Now, the worst thing you can do

is go charging over there
and scare him off.

Well, you mean,
we can't audition for him?

Well, what‘s the good
of a talent scout

coming here if we...

(all talking at once)

Well, now wait a minute.

I didn't say
you can't audition for him.

All I said is, you have to be
clever about R.

Now, this Finch fellow
wants you to think

that he's a shoe salesman.

Just go along with that.

That's a good idea.

Everybody can use
a pair of shoes.

(all laughing)

Desk?

This is Mr. Finch.

Will you get my bill ready,
please?

Yes, I'm checking out.

I know I had planned on
staying longer, but...

(knocking on door)

Come in.

There‘s really no reason to.

Thank you.

Yes?

Hi.

You didn‘t get around
to our place,

so we come here.

Why?

What for?

To buy shoes.

You want to buy shoes
from me?

That's what you're
selling, isn't it?

Well, yes.. |-| certainly...

well, come on in.

Gosh.

What kind of shoes
do you want?

Oh, the best you got.

A pair for me

and a pair
for the boy, eh?

Well, now...
that's something.

Sit down.
Sit down over there.

Oh, oh where?

Over there.

Oh, thank you.

Right in there.
Yeah.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, dear.

Uh. son.
while we're here,

why not give us
a little music.

Why don‘t
you play us

a little bit
of that sax-a-mania.

(playing simple song)

(plays wrong note)

(playing falters)

(playing correctly)

(playing continues)

(all talking)

Shh! Shh! Shh!

Now, I believe he's
finishing with Floyd.

Now get ready,
whoever's next.

Good luck, Barney.

Shh! Shh!

Here's your
receipt, sir.

Thank you very much.

Will we be hearing
from you soon?

Why. yes.
the shoes will be coming along

in about ten days. C.0.D.

The shoes, what shoes?

Oh, oh, the shoes.

Oh, oh!
Mustn‘t forget those shoes.

Are you sure
you don't want

my son to give you
another little tune?

No, no, no.

Those three tunes
were very nice.

You hear that, Randall?

That means a lot

coming from a man
like Mr Finch.

Good-bye, Mr. Finch.

(closes door)

l was proud
of you, boy.

Oh, you should
have heard him...

(whispering):
Just keep your voices down.

Shh! Shh! Shh!

Everybody, stay back, now.

Barney, you're next.

Good luck.

(knocks)

Howdy. I'd like
to buy a pair of shoes.

Really?

Yeah.

Well...

(blows chord)

What'll il be?

Well, what kind of
shoes do you want?

Huh?

Oh, yeah.

I almost forgot.

Oh, something black and white,
size 7-1/2 B.

Oh, we‘ve got a very good
black and white here.

Now, just a minute.

Let me find...

Oh, here it is,
right here.

This is
very popular.

Will you sit down
over there?

Oh, sure. Yeah.

Okay.

You know, there's something

about ordering
a pair of shoes that...

(laughing)

Take it easy
on the arches there.

I'm a little bit ticklish.

Yeah, there's something
about ordering a pair of shoes

that sort of makes me
feel like playing the harmonica.

Really?

What'll il be?

"I‘m Just
a Vagabond Lover“?

"Animal Crackers"?

"Finiculee, Finicula"?

How about this one.

(playing unrecognizable tune)

Okay, Shh! Shh!

Back up.
Here he comes.

Honey, you
were wonderful.

He couldn't take
his eyes off of you.

Oh, you should have seen her.
She was so...

That's right, Mr. Simmons.

67 pairs in all.

Really?

A company record
for a day‘s sale?

Um, my.

Hmm?

How did I do it?

Well, Mr. Simmons,
you say the good salesman

must have
personal magnetism,

and when you've got people
knocking on your door

why, I guess you've got it.

Certainly fine,
having you with us.

We sure hope you come
back soon. will you?

Yes, sir.

(all talking)

All right.
come back now.

Look at them.

And they have
the nerve to say

we made something
out of nothing?

0h!

(all talking)

Well, it was mighty nice
having you. Come back, now.

Well, sir, Ijust want to say

this has been the most
successful trip I've ever had.

Well, we think we got a lot
of talent here in Mayberry.

Hmm?

Oh, singers and dancers.

Oh, yes. Very good. Very good
indeed. Well...

(starting engine)

Uh, Mr. Finch.

Uh, you think any of them

are good enough
to go on television?

Oh, yes. lthink
they all are good enough.

(engine rewing)

(all murrnur'ing)

Well, Ijust want to say
that Mayberry appreciates you.

Well, I appreciate Mayberry.

I don't mind admitting

that l was just about
washed up as a shoe salesman.

And then coming
to this friendly town

with the response you gave me,

all those sales...

Well, there'll be
no stopping me from now on.

Bless you all.

Did you
hear that?

He really is a shoe salesman.

How come
you thought

he was a talent
scout, Andy?

Where‘d you get
such a notion?

Where did I get
such a notion?

Why, why, why, it was
Barney that told me...

Me? No, no, no.

Jason called me.

Floyd, you
said...

(all arguing)

Hello, Andy.

Hey, Aunt Bee.

Why, Sheriff Taylor,

where is that famous
sunny disposition?

The cheery smile and
the twinkling eye?

Oh, I know, I know~
now, don't tell me.

I should've understood.

It's the natural disappointment

at realizing you're not going
to play your guitar

on the Manhattan Show Time
program after all.

Oh, I do
sympathize, Andy...

Now, just a short rninute,
Aunt Bee.

What makes you think
l was one of 'em

that run up there and auditioned
for that Finch teller?

Didn't you?

Why, Aunt.. .

Hi, Andy.
Oh, hi, Aunt Bee.

Say, | just dropped by
the post office.

Look what come for you—

three pairs of shoes you ordered
from that Finch teller.

Say, how many times
did you play for him?

(whistling sprightly tune)