Original subtitles

(whistling sprightly tune)

Starring Andy Griffith...

with Ronny Howard.

Also starring Elinor Donahue and Don Knotrs.

Barney, you wait on out here 'rfyou will

and as soon as Aunl Bee gels everything she wants

you can take her on home, all right?

lwon’l belong, Barney.

Nice morning, ain't it?

I don't believe il's going to rain,

Oh! It's closed.

Well, whai do you know aboui thai?

Here R is afier 9:00 and Fred ain’i open yel.

He must be having another spell of sickness.

Tsk. Well.

Come on in, Aunt Bee.

Now, what did I do with my list?

Ah. Here it is.

Well. good morning, madam.

I didn‘t see you come in.

You're the first customer we had this morning.

Is there something particular

I can do for you?

Yes, you can get me some toilet water.

You figuring on going off on a date?

We got all manner of goodies over here.

Let's see... I wish you’d look at that pretty bottle.

Mmm! Ain't that pretty?

"Par-loom nawj days floris ain't roo-jay."

Made in Paris, France.

Whewl Iwas over there one time during the war.

It‘s a real nice-smelling country.

(sniffing)

Mrnrn! It do srnell good.

Mrnrn-rnrnrn!

Let's see. We could use something for Opie's sniifles.

Officer!

Quick! Burglars!

What?!

Where?

Quickly! In the drugstore!

All right.

Please hurry.

(grunts)

Sorry.

Can't you use the passenger side?

Can't now, ma'am.

(grunts)

Over there.

0h.

All right, mister.

I got you red-handed, now.

Just stick ‘em up.

Andy! It's you!

Well, of course it is.

Who'd you think it was, Billy the Kid?

Barney, what is the matter with you?!

Well, she said that...

Well... ma‘am, ma‘am. this ain't no burglar.

This is Sherifl Taylor

and this is Aunt Bee.

You almost had me shoot my own sheriff

tor heaven's sake!

Then what are they doing in this store

before it's open?

Oh, well, Fred was a little late this morning

and the keys up over the door

and | just...

I don’t believe I know you.

I'm Ellie Walker, but I still don't see...

Oh! Fred's niece.

How-dedo.

He told us about your coming to help out.

Oh, and it's nice of you too

with Fred ailin' and everything,

Barney, you heard

about the new lady druggist coming,

Well, this here's her.

Well, h-howdy, doc.

Or whatever it is you call yourself.

Just call her a lady druggist, Barney

and if they‘re all as pretty as she is

we can sure use a lot more of 'em, couldn't we?

I still don‘t know what you're doing

in this store before it's open.

Oh, well, I reckon I know the store

about as good as Fred does

so I always help myself even when he's here.

Now, let‘s see:

Toting this stuff up is three and two

and carry two is $3.23.

Sheriff, what are you doing?!

ANDY: Why, I'm paying my bill here.

ELLIE: If you please!

There you are, and thank you.

Well... it was very nice meeting you, Miss Walker,

Uh , y-yeah . It was nioe.

Be sure and call me any time you see a thief

only make sure it ain't the sheriff.

Thank you very much, and come again,

You all, uh...

you all go ahead.

I'll be there in a, in a minute.

(clears throat)

Yes?

So, uh, you're, uh...

you’re Fred’s niece, are ya?

(laughs softly)

Fresh out of college, too, I see.

That's right.

17...

Um, excuse me.

Well, Ijust thought

I might be able to help you a little bit

this being your first day and all—

kind of help you find out where things are.

You're very kind, but I’ll manage.

Well, now, that’s nice.

Your diploma right under Fred's.

Elinor Walker, PHG.

Pharmacy gal?

You must be prouder than a prize heifer.

Sheriff Taylor, I don't want to be rude

but you do understand

if I'm going to help run this store

I‘ve got to establish some sort of system,

Oh! Well, of course you do, course you do.

Same thing in the sheriffing business.

Got to keep things orderly

and know where things are all the time.

Wouldn’t do to arrest a prisoner

and then forget where you put him.

Well, now, that's a nice smile.

Just as toothy...

'spect folks will take to that.

Well, if I can't help you, I reckon I'll go on.

I'll see you again, I reckon.

Bye.

Good-bye.

Hello, Andy.

Well, morning, Emma. How are you?

Terrible.

Ran out of my pills last night and couldn't sleep a wink.

Oh, that's a shame.

Tried watching that late show on television.

Even that couldn't put me to sleep.

I know. I saw it. It was pretty good, wasn't it?

Sure does keep a body awake

whenever they slip in a good‘un like that.

It's lucky they don‘t have them more often.

Well, I‘ll... I‘ll see you.

Andy...

Don‘t you want to know did I have a pain last night?

Of... course I do.

Did you have a pain last night?

Did I have a pain?

It started right here in the side

and shot down my leg, raced up the other side

and around my back and then went clean on up my neck,

Oh... I'll say one thing for you, Emma...

when you have a pain, it really goes plaoes.

Don't it just?

(laughing)

But as soon as Fred gives me my pills, I'll be fine.

Oh, oh, oh. Fred ain't here.

His niece is helping him out.

Uh, Miss Walker?

She knew anything about pills?

Oh, uh, Miss Walker

This is Emma Brand,

a real good customer of Fred's.

Miss Walker’ll take care of you.

Well, bye again.

Bye, Andy.

Yes, ma'am?

I'd like my pills, please.

Your pills?

Here’s my dime. Now give me my pills,

A dime for pills?

That‘s what I always pay— no more, no less.

Now let me have my pills.

May | see your prescription, please?

My what?

Your prescription—

the wr'tten order for your medication?

Oh, I don't need one; never had one.

They/re them little blue pills in that jar there.

Now give me a handful and I'll be on my way.

Mrs. Brand, I‘ll be glad to give you

whatever pills you want and as many as you want

if I just had a prescription.

Now, if you'd like me to call your doctor, I‘m sure...

I don’t need a doctor.

All I need is my pills.

Now give me my pills.

I'm sorry, Mrs, Brand. I'm not allowed to do that.

Well, you'll be even sorrier

‘cause now you've lost all my business.

Come Christmas time

don't expect me to buy my cotton balls from you.

Barney, are you cleaning that gun again?

You just cleaned it yesterday.

That's right.

Ain't nobody ever gonna say

Barney Fife's got a dirty gun.

But you don‘t have to clean R that much.

You ain't even fired it, have you?

No.

But I been pointin‘ it a lot.

Yeah, yeah.

I guess pointin'

does lead to dust collectin'.

Especially if you point it into the wind.

Sheriff!

Oh, hi, Emma.

Sheriff, I come to report a murder.

-A murder? -A murder!

That's right.

Somebody's been murdered?

-Who? »Yes.

-You? »Me.

Yes, and I'll tell you who done it.

That lady dmggist, that's who.

Miss, uh, Miss Walker?

She's the one.

Now, Sheriff, go arrest her.

Do your duty.

Well, now, Emma, they's...

they/s just the teensiest little technicality

involved here.

You ain‘t quite dead yet.

Well, I will be.

Maybe a week, or ten days.

If I don't have my pills, it‘s just a matter of time.

Well, why won't you have your pills?

That lady druggist—

she won't sell ‘em to me.

Says I have to have a prescription.

Oh, she does?

You know I never had to have a prescription before.

| just come in and put my dime down

and got my pills.

That's the way it's always been.

Well, now, that may be the way it‘s always been

but with a new druggist, and everything

it might be a little bit different.

Different or not, I want my pills.

Now, are you going

to make that girl give me my pills or not?

Well, Emma, the law don't allow me

to force anything like that,

All right, then.

I come lookin' forjustioe

and it's blind!

Now, Emma, don't go away mad.

To think I voted for you last election.

Never even considered nobody else,

Bad, bad sheriff!

Hi.

Hi, Anything I can do for you?

They told me there was a new lady druggist

so I come by to look at her.

Are you her?

I'm her.

You're pretty.

Well, thank you.

Make good faces, too.

Well, I've had a lot of experience.

I'm Ellie Walker.

What's your name?

Opie Taylor.

Are you any relation to Sheriff Taylor?

He's my Paw.

0h.

Ain‘t got no Maw.

But I got Aunt Bee.

She takes care of me.

| see.

Would you like an ice cream cone?

I'd like one fine

only I ain‘t got no money,

| what?

I ain‘t got no money,

Well, I meant I'd give you one

tree of charge.

Free? Honest?

On one condition:

That you don't say "ain't" anymore.

Yes‘m.

Gee, I ai... uh...

I haven‘t ever had a free ice cream cone before.

lain't even had a paid one lately.

Well, young man

what you doin' over here in the dmgstore?

Gettin' a ice-cream cone.

Well, where in the world

did you get the money for that?

Didn't need any money, Paw.

She's going to give it to me free

just for not saying "ain't" no more.

So I ain't going to say "ain‘t" no more.

Well, I don't blame you.

Here you are.

Thank you.

Certainly is mighty generous

of you, Miss Walker.

Let‘s just call it an introductory special, huh?

She's a real nice lady, Paw, ain't she?

I mean, isn't she?

She sure is.

Are you married?

No.

My Paw ain't married, either.

Bye.

(clears throat)

He's a nice boy.

Yeah. He does very well.

Talks a little too much once in a while.

I reckon talkin's good, though,

Kind of clears the air.

And, uh... speaking of that

something come to my attention this morning

that I'd kind of like to get straightened out

if I could.

Uh, I-it's about, um...

Um. .

Just what are you doing?

Better tell her, Emma.

All right. I'm getting my pills,

If she won't give ‘em to me

I'll take 'em.

That‘s stealing.

I don't care what you call it.

I want my pills.

Well, now you can't rightly put Emma

in the category of a thief.

One thing, she didn't steal anything.

For another, she wasn't about to.

Let‘s see what you got in your hand.

Look. There‘s a dime.

She was going to pay for them pills.

Now, you can't rightly call that stealing.

Sheriff Taylor, I've alreadytold Mrs. Brand

she can't have those pills without a prescription

yet she sneaks in here and tries to help herself.

What's worse, you condone it.

Well, Miss Walker, if you would just realize...

Ah-- no use talking to her.

She's mean.

She's mean and heartless

so I'll just go home and suffer.

(groaning)

Poor old soul.

She's started to walk crooked.

You don‘t care about seeing

another human being suffer, do you?

All rig ht. You just go right on,

Stick to your rules and regulations.

Some of these times, when you’re sick and aching

and can't get up by yourself, see who helps you.

There's a dime for my boys ice cream.

Morning, Barney.

-Hi, Andy. —What you doing?

Oh, just memorizing these sheriff rules.

0h.

I got the first one all memorized.

-You have it? -Want tojust check me on it?

-Oh, all right. -I know the whole thing.

Okay... "Rule number one."

All right. Go ahead.

Uh, you want to just give me the first word

then I'll...

Okay. Uh, "an."

An. An,

An?

Yeah, l'An."

You sure?

I'm looking right at it.

An,

An...

Uh, you want to just give me the second word?

Okay.

"An officer."

Oh, yeah.

An officer.

An officer...

An, an officer...

An officer... an officer...

An officer...

An officer, an officer...

An officer...

"An officer of the..."

An officer ofthe...

An officer of the, uh...

An officer of the what?

An officer of the what...

That don't sound right.

No, that ain't right.

"An officer of the law."

Oh, yeah.

An officer of the law.

An officer of the law...

An officer of the law...

An officer of the law...

An officer of the law...

An officer of the law...

l'Shh..."

(quietly): An officer...?

"Shall..."

Yeah. An officer of the law shall...

-"...enforce..." -...enforoe...

-"...the law..." -...the law...

-"...and order..." -...and order...

-"...without.,." -...without...

Jim-regard”... —,..without regard...

-"...to personal..." -...to personal...

-"...welfare..." -...welfare...

-"...and safety." -...and safety.

Pretty good.

You want to go over it again or you think you got it?

I got it.

Hi, Barney, hello, Andy.

ANDY: Oh, hey, Aunt Bee,

What you got there?

Some soup for Emma Brand.

She's taken to her bed again, poor dear.

Barney, would you drop this off for me

if you happen to be up her wajfl

I knew it.

I knew it!

Knew what?

That girl druggist and her dad-burned technicalities

have driven Emma to her sickbed.

All right, all right.

We'll just get us up

some technicalities of our own.

Come on, Barney,

Bring the soup.

Well, did you find anything?

There must be some way

we can make that female druggist

give Emma her pills.

Well, closest I can find

is Wilson v. Thorpe's Pharmacy

in Mount Corey, 1952.

What'd it say?

Uh, 'Wilson sues Thorpe

"for refusing to sell him arsenic

"to kill rats in his cellar.

"Pharmacist Thorpe claimed arsenic would be dangerous

"to Wilson‘s personal safety

"as Wilson was not a responsible person.

"Vtfilson, however, proved beyond any doubt

'that he was safe and responsible

"won the case

and purchased his arsenic on Tuesday, May 4.”

That's good.

We got her.

"He was buried on Friday, May 7."

Well, we..,. we just lost her again,

Better get this soup into Emma.

It's getting cold.

Terrible way to go, that arsenic.

Must smart.

Yeah.

I'm gonna tell you the truth, Barney

it just sets me on fire

how one human being could be so inconsiderate of another.

It‘s enough to make a man's blood boil.

EMMA: Come in.

Oh , listen .

That poor old soul's so weak

she can‘t hardly talk.

Hello, Emma.

Hey, Emma.

Oh, Sheriff, more soup?

Aunt Bee sent it to you.

Oh, how kind.

Just put it over there

between the pork roast and the fried chicken.

It certainly is plain to see

you ain‘t gonna starve to death.

No, kind friends

been bringing things all morning.

Oh, ain't it wonderful

how the folks help a body out

in time of need.

Bless 'em.

They want my last days to be happy ones.

There‘s no telling how long it will be,

Now, Emma, don't talk like that.

(knock on door)

Oh, dear.

I hope that's not more soup.

Well, I certainly didn't expect to see you.

Mayl come in?

EMMA: Who is it, Andy?

You?!

What are you doing here?

Well, I came to bring you some soup

but apparently, I'm a little late.

You're late in more ways than one, young woman.

I'm going downhill fast

and you're the one that pushed me.

You try to stay calm, Mrs. Brand,

and if you're referring to the pills, here you are.

Those my pills?

Mm-hmm,

Well, what do you know.

You giving them to me?

I'm selling them to you.

The dime will be on your bill.

Now you better take one right now,

I hope they're in time to save me.

It's not too bad.

You just take one of these every few hours

and I'm sure you'll be fit as a fiddle by morning.

Now, if you'll excuse me

I've got to get back to the store.

EMMA: Miss Walker.

Bless you.

Thank you.

Oh, I'm feeling better already,

I think I‘ll eat something,

Hand me that fried chicken

will you, Barney?

Uh, Miss Walker?

Yes.

That was, uh...

that was a fine thing you did there

bringing Emma that soup, and especially her pills.

Sheriff Taylor, I brought those pills

because I found myself becoming the town villain.

It seems everyone who came In the store

had something to say about it.

Is that the only reason you brought them?

Well, maybe I thought, "What's the harm?"

Well, ma'am, not giving Emma them pills

is what put her in her sickbed to start w'th.

Don‘t be silly.

Those pills couldn't cure a sniffie.

They‘re nothing but sugar pills,

Sugar pills?

That's right, a placebo.

They have absolutely

no medicinal qualities whatsoever

It's all in her mind. The pills are nothing,

It's just that Emma thinks they do some good.

You see, that's why Uncle Fred has been giving them to her

all these years without a prescription

and why he only charges her a dime.

| always did think that was a low price

fora miracle drug.

Well, tell me something, then:

If you knew they was harmless

then how come you insisted on a prescription?

Because I'm a pharmacist

and there are certain prescribed rules

I'm sworn to follow.

Well, I know, and that's good.

I mean, rules and different things like that

are fine things to have, I reckon

but sometimes, well, once in a while

you have to think about the folks involved.

Like Emma getting sick

‘cause she didn't have them pills.

What do they call it in the books?

I believe, what—

the human equation, I think it is.

You must believe that, too

or you wouldn't have brought them to her.

Well, maybe.

Yeah. I bet you do.

| wish you‘d looky yonder.

Don‘t that beat anything?

What are you doing?

Well, l have to give 'em a ticket,

Why?

Well, they parked in front of a fireplug; broke the law.

What happened to your human equation?

How's that?

What about the person?

Maybe they didn't see the hydrant,

Maybe they ran out of gas and had to leave it here.

Maybe there was an emergency and It couldn't be helped.

Are you going to make it worse

by giving them a ticket?

l-l don't know whether you got a point there or not

but I'm dogged if I ain't a—feelin' rig ht generous.

I'll just forget it this time.

Good, and don't you feel better for it?

(chuckling): I reckon I do.

Fine. Then everybody's happy.

Good-bye.

Bye.

Uh, Miss... Miss Walker.

Hi, Sheriff Taylor.

I see you're closing up.

Yes-- is there anything

I can do for you, though?

Well, | just was over at Emma Brand's house

see how she‘s getting along...

Oh, how is she, completely recovered?

Well, no.

No?

Miss Walker, them pills—

you‘re sure they won't help her

no matter how many she takes?

Did she send you here for more?

Well...

Believe me, those pills are ineffectual,

and she is not sick.

But, Miss Walker...

Well, you saw Emma sitting there

eating all that soup and turkey

and chicken and pork roast.

Honestly, it's all in her head.

Well. no, it's all in her stomach.

She ate all that food, and now she really is sick.

(both chuckling)

(whistling sprightly tune)