Original subtitles

(whistling sprightly tune)

Starring Andy Griffith...

with Ronny Howard.

Also sfam‘ng Don Knotrs.

(playing bluegrass music)

There he is again‘ Sheriff,

Arrest him.

Well, now...

He's disturbing the peace.

Right in front of my place of business.

Well, now let's be realistic about that thing.

In your business, I don't n‘ghtly see

who he could be disturbing.

He's disturbing me; that's who.

My business requires quiet and dignity.

Dignity!

You know the law.

Town ordinance prohibits him

trorn playing on the street.

Well, yeah, you‘re right, but...

Well, then...

Orville, he's right in the middle of a chorus.

Now give him a chance to finish.

Thank you.

Howdy, Jim.

You sure are sounding better than ever.

Yeah?

Yeah, boy.

Uh, listen, y‘all,

Orville, he's getting a little upset

about us all standing around out here

in the tram of his place of business.

Might be a good idea to just move along all of us,

Appreciate it.

Andy?

Huh?

I got myself a new pick

from that store in Winston-Salem.

Sure makes a difference, don't it?

Yeah, boy.

That number was some kind of pretty,

Thank ya.

You're welcome.

You're also under arrest.

Again?

Yeah.

Disturbing the peace.

Picked a good day to get arrested, though,

-0h? -Yes, sir.

Aunt Bee's fixing chicken and dumplings for dinner.

J‘ Ridin’ on that new river train I

J' Ridin' on that new river train I

J‘ Same old train that brought me here I

J‘ Gonna take me back again I

J' Darlin‘, you can‘t love one I

J‘ Daltin’, you can‘t love one I

I Can't love one and have any fun I

J‘ Oh, darlin', you can‘t love one I

Sing, Barney,

BOTH: J‘ Ridin' on that new river train I

J' Ridin' on that new river train I

J‘ Same old train that brought me here I

J‘ Gonna take me home again I

One more.

J‘ Ridin’ on that new river train I

J' Ridin' on that new river train I

J‘ Same old train that brought me here I

J‘ Gonna take me back again! I

Oh, that is good.

I mean to tell you.

Good now, Andy.

Hi, Aunt Bee.

Oh, Jim, it's so nice to see you.

Wasn't that good, Aunt Bee?

It sure was.

You sure brighten up this place when you get arrested.

He sure does.

Thank you again.

You know, Andy told me

we're going to have chicken and dumplings,

And that is what it is.

Let's see. Let's see, let's see.

Mmm, don‘t that look good enough to eat?

Hey, you know something?

I'd rather be arrested by you folks

than anybody I know.

Andy,

you coming home for dinner?

Yes‘m, l‘ll bethere pretty soon,

Soon as Barney eats.

You want to go ahead and eat?

Yeah, I'm about to faint.

Good. I'll have everything ready.

Bye, Jim.

See you the next time you're dragged in.

Bye, Aunt Bee.

I'll see you, Aunt Bee.

Jim?

Hmm?

Why in the world don't you do something

about yourself?

What do you mean, Andy?

Well, you got a fine talent there.

You the best guitar player I ever heard.

Well, that‘s mighty nice of you, Andy.

but Mayberry ain't very big.

Well, now who says you gotta stay in Mayberry?

You've heard all these tellas

that come through here playing in the shows.

How about that fella we see

every now and then on television

shaking and screaming?

Sound like somebody/s beating his dog.

You're better than all of them.

Well, now, I wouldn't say that.

Well, yes, you are, too.

You want some cream?

No, thank you.

You are. I know it.

If you went to New York or one

ot the other big towns and, you know, showed them what you got,

why, they/d say, "Boy, where have you been?"

Oh, yeah, they‘d say, 'Where you been

and why don‘t you go back as fast as you can?"

You reckon?

Yeah, You know what else they'd say?

"Don‘t call us, boy; we’ll call you."

I ain‘t got no phone.

No, Andy, that wouldn't work at all.

Wouldn’t you like to make yourself some real money?

You know, folding kind?

Oh, that'd be nice.

Yes, siree.

Maybe even get to be some kind of a celebrity?

Folks running around after you

wanting your autograph?

Yeah?

Yeahl It'd be worth learning

how to write just for that,

| tell you, Andy.

It's just that I don't teel that I’m ready.

Well, when do you think you gonna be readjfl

When you‘re old and got a long gray beard?

| tell you the truth,

a thing like that can interfere with your pickin’.

You‘re ready now, boy, and you better do something about it.

You won't pay a bit of attention to anybody, will ya?

You beat anything I ever seen in my life.

| tell you the truth,

I don‘t even know why I bothered to arrest you.

You put that down, Talbott!

All right, hog 'em all yourself!

I've told you a hundred times

these are state criminals.

Now, the post office is only supposed to put up Federals.

You know they ain't been sending me none lately.

And how‘s it look for a postmaster

to have a half-empty bulletin board?

Talbott, your main business is selling stamps,

Now with you, wanted criminals is just a sideline.

Here I am set up with all kinds of poster space

and I ain't got half as many as you.

Now, Talbott, don't go running down

that bulletin board of yours,

Why, you may not have many posters

but one thing nobody can take away—

you got quality.

Huh?

Well, look there.

What do you see there?

Petty thieves, wife beaters.

Why, what we got there can't begin to compare

with what you got—

train robbers, counterfeiters,

smugglers.

Not to even mention foreign spies.

And them are master criminals.

Yes, siree!

Why, our whole stock of wanteds don't even come close

to one of your pretty boy Floyds.

You know, I never thought of it that way.

(chuckles)

Say, Talbott,

now, uh, I want to be fair about this.

I'll tell you what I’ll do.

l'll trade you two wife beaters for one srnuggler.

-Make it three, -Three?l

And throw in one of them moonshiners.

-Then you throw in a countertefierl -No deal.

Aw, go on back to your stamp cage,

And shine up your little tin badge.

Aw, you clerk.

Hey, now! Simmer down there, boys.

It's a fine thing

when two government agencies can't cooperate.

I don‘t know why you both can‘t look

at your bulletin boards with pride

and count your blessings.

(horn blaring "my dog has fleas")

Well, lookee yonder— real live musicians.

I better get back to the post office.

I might pick up some money-order business,

"Bobby Fleet and His Band WRh a Beat."

Did you ever hear of them?

No. No, the only band that ever come through here

was that one-man band from Altoona.

-You remember? -Yeah, I remember.

Wasn't that the fellow that got all mixed up

and come dern near popping his eyes out

blowing through the wrong end of a clarinet?

Say, let's go see if these fellows

are gonna do their beating in Mayberry.

Yeah, that’s a good idea.

They'll probably need police cooperation

handling crowds, parking, and such as that.

| lspect.

Thanks, baby doll.

Here you are.

Never mind, honey.

l'll handle this.

All right, fellas, who ordered a clean glass?

Honey,

could you rustle up a little something--

like, even a menu?

We want to be out of here at least be Judgment Day.

Here, take your water.

Howdy. You fellas gonna be playing

somewhere around town?

Town? Did you hear that, fellas?

This is a town.

(men laughing)

Yeah, it's the town of Mayberry

and I'm Sheriff Taylor.

Well, glad to know you, Sheriff.

Hey, what's on the flip side?

"If lost, please return to Wyatt Earp."

(men laughing harder)

(chuckling)

Yeah, that was pretty good.

How long was it you said you's gonna be staying?

I tell ya, if we don't get some service soon...

Well, here she comes now—

the cannonball express.

Ah, you gorgeous hunk of feminine pulchritude

how would you like to be our new champagne lady?

Say, are you fellas really looking for talent?

Because if you are...

Don't tell me.

You got somebody right here in Mayberry.

Yeah, we have.

Jim Lindsays his name.

Sorry, Hiram.

Got to go.

Uh, hey, honey, I'll tell you what.

We'll make it easy on you.

We'll all have todays special.

Okay, fellas, if one goes, we all go.

(laughter)

You know something, fellas?

You know, if they ever had a beauty contest in this town

nobody would win.

(laughter)

You was awful nice to that smart-alecky feller.

He's one of them joke crackers,

Yeah.

Yeah, well, it's a good thing

he didn't start in on me.

I might have just had to give him

a butt in the choppers.

Oh, now, Barney, you know better than that.

Well, I'm a mean man when I get riled.

Takes a bit of doing, but you can bring out the bear in me.

Much as I dislike that fella,

I still wish I could get him to hear Jim.

Jim would make it if he had a chance, you know.

I reckon my temperll do me in one day,

Too bad they ain’t staying overnight.

Wait a minute.

Huh?

How come you reckon

we allow this curious-looking outfit here

to park on our main street?

Well, I don't know.

Because we got a sign there

that says "parking one hour"?

Well, yeah, but the way I see it,

that means parking one hour for one car.

Yeah?

Well, now, it's plain to see this outfit here

takes up as much space as two cars.

Yeah. Yeah, it does.

Now, the way I see it,

this here thing is only entitled to a half a hour.

30 minutes for each end.

You know, you got a fine head for a lawman?

Well...

Now, how long you figure they’ve been here?

Well, it was about 1:30 when they come,

Well, in just a little bit, they'll be violating the law.

Yeah. You gonna turn me loose on them then?

It‘ll be your responsibility.

No, now we’ll just go in quiet- like and have a cup of coffee.

All right, but keep an eye on me.

I‘m dangerous when I get worked up,

Come on, tiger.

Guilty as charged.

That'll be $20 or 24 hours in jail.

20 fish for a cmmmy parking rap?!

Well, we try to keep it low for the first offense.

Yeah, and how much of the 20 do you stick

in your own kick?

Oh, I wish you had n't of said that.

I mean, ldon't mind a insult personally,

but, why, you've offended the dignity of my robes.

Now, let‘s see.

What is

our price for robe dignity offending?

Why, that's $50.

$50?!

Yeah, plus the 20.

That’s 70 all together.

Aw, come on, now!

Look, Sheriff, there's no reason

to get hot under the collar over this.

I mean, you've got yourjob to do, and I've got mine.

Now, uh.,, Oh, that reminds me.

We're going to be playing in the capitol

over the weekend.

Now, how would you and yourfine deputy here

like to come and see us, huh?

I‘ll see that you have a big time.

0h, you'll be my guests, of course.

0h. .

Now, you have really done it.

What? What, what, what, what?!

Well, you just tried to bribe me is all.

That‘s the worst thing anybody can do.

I hate to tell you what the fine is on that.

Never mind I don‘t care what the fine is.

I'm not going to pay it.

Oh, you mean you'll take the 24 hours?

That’s just what I mean.

No hick sheriff is going to bleed me.

We'll all stay overnight.

Well, that's the way it'll be, then.

-Deputy, lock up the prisoners. -Glad to!

All right, let's move it along!

Come on, on the double there!

Come on, let's look sharp!

Look, sharp!

Come on, get in there.

And suck in that gut!

Oh, don't worry about your bus.

It'll be fine right out there on the street.

Prisoners all locked up, Sheriff.

Want me to work 'em over?

You go get Jim Lindsay

and bring his guitar along with him.

Yeah.

Kind of nice being part of the show business.

Paw!

I'm home from school, Paw.

Hi,

You seen my Paw?

He's the sheriff.

You mean he‘s human enough to have kids?

Huh?

Never mind.

He stepped out for a minute.

0h.

Paw musta rounded up a gang.

You look like from the city.

Are you a criminal?

According to your Paw I am.

Paw's never wrong. What crime did you do, criminal?

I didn‘t do anything.

Your old man framed the whole thing--

the hick troublemaker.

0w!

Ow, you...

What in the world's goin' on?

That kids a little monster.

He called you a hick troublemaker

so I kicked him.

Opie!

H-he didn‘t mean it.

I did, too!

Now, Opie, you hush that,

You gonna have him not likin' us.

What do we want a criminal to like us for?

Well, never mind.

You hurry up and go on home now.

Huny up.

Sheriff, Sheriff...

Jim wouldn‘t come.

He says he ain‘t going to play for a feller

that’s settin‘ behind bars and forced to listen.

Well, don‘t that beat anything you ever heard of?

All right, if he won't take advantage

of this one chance in a million,

I reckon we'll just have to do it for him.

Deputy Fife, I hereby authorize you

to arrest Jim Lindsay and his guitar with him.

-Yes, sir. -Okay.

What'll l arrest him for?

Disturbin‘ the peace.

-Oh, yeah. -Okay.

Supposing he ain't disturbin' the peace?

Well, then, haul him in for questioning.

-Questioning. -Yeah.

Yeah, questioning.

What kind of questioning?

We'll figure out some,

Now, go on.

Here he is, Sheriff.

He put up a fuss, but I brought him.

Oh, fine work, Deputy,

Well, look, Andy, make him put that gun away.

Now, he's liable to hurt somebody,

Oh, I don't see how he can.

‘Tain't got no bullets in it.

It ain't?

Oh, well, that's different.

Now, now, wait a minute.

You was still brought in by a officer of the law

for questioning.

Questioning?

Yeah.

Oh, that's silly...

Now, lookee here, boy,

i—if you make one more move

I'm gonna have to arrest you for resisting.

Andy, I believe...

You moved.

Lock him up, Deputy.

Come on, Jim.

Oh, this is ridiculous.

Hey, Jim, I'd like you to meet Mr. Fleet.

Oh, yeah, I saw

his fancy wagon outside there.

Look, Sheriff, you hauled me in just to bug me with this kid--

well, you're wasting your time, I'm not gonna listen,

Well, don't get your fur to flyin', mister.

Because I got no intentions

of playin' to you or anybody else.

That's great. I'm in no mood for a hillbilly concert.

Hillbilly concert?

You wouldn't appreciate good music.,.

Now, now, now, gentlemen...

Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet!

Just hold itdown.

This is a jailhouse.

Let's show some respect.

Go ahead, Sheriff.

Thank you, Deputy.

Gentlemen, are you implyin'

that a man in my office would stoop to trickery?

That cuts me...

deep.

Now, | arrested you on a legal parking charge.

| arrested prisoner Lindsay here

on a legal resistin‘ charge.

You saw it yourself—

ain't that right, Deputy?

Right as rain.

Matter of fact, I'm shocked anyone

would even think that Sheriff Taylor here

would stoop so low as to use his high office

for anything as sneaky as gettin' you two in here

so‘s one could hear the other.

I'm more than shocked.

I'm outraged.

I appreciate them loyal words, Deputy,

Well, I meant 'em, Sheriff.

What number are you gonna play, Jim?

Ah—ha! I knew it.

Well, I‘m not gonna play for anybody.

Well, I reckon you know your own mind, Jim,

but it seems a shame

to let this fine guitar go to waste.

What was that piece you was playin' this morning?

Oh, he was in rare form, Mr. Fleet.

Yeah, I'll bet.

Look here, Andy, you're not gonna trick me into playin'.

Because I said I wasn't gonna play and I ain‘t.

Shemff, now can we go?

Oh, come on, Sheriff, we got an overnight jump to make.

Hush a minute.

Aww, look, he said he wasn't gonna play,..

Hush, hush a minute.

Jim, would you tune this thing for me?

I ain‘t playin’.

Well, I don't want you to play—

just tune 'n so i can,

All right, l‘ll tune it

but from then on, you're on your own.

Okay.

(d issonant stmmming)

Aw, that's beautiful.

Beautiful.

Hey, Sherifl, you were right—

this kid is dynamite.

Hey, fellas, you listenin'?

Go on, kid, keep playin'.

Aw, naw, it can't be.

Is that a guitar or a harp from heaven?

(men laughing)

Go ahead, kid, keep lookin'

for what you're lookin' for.

Go on, keep lookin', kid.

You got it.

It's the key of "."S He found it.

(men laughing)

(tuned strumming)

(rockabilly beat)

(trumpetjoins in)

That‘s great.

Well, now, Mr. Fleet,

that wasn't too bad, was it?

Looked like you kinda enjoyed yourself there.

Yeah . Yeah !

You like him?

Well, let's put it this way, uh,

I dig him.

That's nice.

Uh, tell me something, Mr. Fleet,

if-if you was lookin' for a gu'tar player

and if Jim here was available, uh,

would you hire him?

FLEET: Yeah. I could always use a good gu'tarist,

That‘s too bad, Jim.

If you was ready, look like you would have a job.

Uh, Mr. Fleet, uh, if Jim was ready

and if you was to hire him

and if you was ready to talk money...

Well, the money...

now, Jim... you're interruptin' me

right in the middle of my iffin‘,

What I was gonna say is, uh,

how much you reckon you'd pay him?

To start?

Oh, uh, 75, maybe a hundred a week.

Oh, that's...

now there you've insulted the boy.

Huh?

Why, he can‘t work

for little bitty money like that.

Why, he can make more than that messing around here

playin' at church socials and openings of feed stores.

What are you, Charlie—

a sheriff or an agent?

Oh, l'mjust Jim's friend,

I reckon he'll have to think on it

and decide after that.

And in the meantime, though

Uh, you don't call him, he'll call you.

Now, wait a minute.

Wait just a doggone minute here, everybody.

Now, you two‘ve been talkin' over me

like a Spavine horse on an auction block.

Now I'd like to say something ifyou don't mind.

Look, Mr. Fleet,

now, I don't rightly care about the money

right at this moment

but the most important thing is,

am I good enough for your band?

If I am, then you just say so

and then we‘ll talk about the money afterwards,

Now, let‘s take first things first.

Do | get that job with your band or don't I?

Yeah, kid. I said I‘d take you on,

Well, I‘d be obliged to you.

Okay, get your stuff and be at the car in 15 minutes.

Yes, sir.

Let‘s go, boys.

So long, Sheriff.

Say hello to Tonto.

All right.

We'll see you, boys.

It was real nice havin‘ you.

Come back when you can.

Andy, I don't know...

lwouldn't waste much time talkin’ if I was you.

You ain‘t got but 15 minutes.

You better get your stuff together.

He said he was leavin'.

Yes, sir.

And I'm goin' with him.

Hey, Jim, one thing about this fella Fleet~

Yeah?

Uh, he digs you,

so you be nice and dig him back, you hear?

Yeah, I'm glad things worked out the way they did, Mr. Fleet.

Yep. Who expected to find a talented kid like him here?

Oh, we got a lot of talented people here in Mayberry,

Yeah, we got a harmonica player folks think‘s pretty good.

How about that.

Yeah. Would you like to hear him?

Oh, no, it might be too much trouble.

Oh, no trouble at all.

(playing "Jingle Bells")

Barney, I don‘t think he digs you,

(whistling sprightly tune)