All language subtitles for Man.With.a.Plan.S03E06.WEBRip.x264-ION10.eng

Guys, the flip house
is really coming along.

Yeah.DON:
After we sell it,

I'm gonna use the money

to buy a couples vacation
for me and Marcy.

Oh, that's
really romantic, Don.

Yeah. Marcy's going to the
Bahamas and I'm going to Mexico.

How am I the divorced guy?

Actually, we're gonna use
the money to buy a house

and then repeat the process
until we own this city.

Yeah-- well,
just the bad parts of the city.

We can't afford the good parts.

[laughs]

Okay. Inspection's all done.

All right. Yes.

We failed?

Wha-- how could that be?

Did you not see the six-pack
I left in your truck?

The inside pipes are up to code,

but your sewer line to the
street needs to be replaced.

[groans]And for next time,

I'm a wine guy.

That means we have to tear
up the whole driveway.

We can't afford that.

We already used our airline
miles to buy the doorknobs.

I feel bad. I'm the one who
convinced you to buy this house.

It's kind of my fault.

What-- no, Andi, no.
It's nobody's fault.

But this whole sewer thing,

that's gonna run, like,
20 grand.

Way to go, Andi.

Look at this budget. How are we
gonna come up with 20 grand?

Well, can't we just tack it
onto our construction loan?

We're at our limit
with the bank.

When I pull up to the
drive-through, the teller

turns off the microphone
and ducks behind the counter.

If we can't finish this house,
we can't sell it.

And if we can't sell it, we
could lose the whole business.

No! I need this job.

Since Jen and I split up,
she has all the money

and the lawyer says
I can't have any.

A-All right, everybody,
calm down.

Let's all remember:
this is Andi's fault.

All right, all right, all right.

Let's not turn on each other.

Pittsburgh has plenty of banks.

Tomorrow, we'll just hit up
a bunch of them

until we find one
that'll give us money.

Or I know a guy down
at the track who lends money.

One hitch:
if we can't pay him back,

we'll have to kill him
before he kills us.

ADAM:
All right.

Let's call murdering
a guy plan B.

♪

Okay, huddle up, team.

We need a new loan
to finish the flip house

and I don't see any reason
we shouldn't get it.

We are excellent at what we do,
people like us

and we're good-looking.

ANDI:
Okay, I made

a list of banks.
We'll split up

and get to as many as possible.All right.

Oh, I got a good feeling
about this one.

It's right next-door
to Hooters.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I never heard of any of these.

Yeah, well, I picked small ones.

I'm hoping they're small
because they're not smart.

All right,
that's the spirit, Andi.

All right, come on,
we're burning daylight.

Let's do this thing.

[stammers]Ugh, good. You're all here.

I'm glad you're not busy.

Uh, actually, Mom, we're right
in the middle of something.

No, you can tell your story
after I tell mine.

Your father is impossible.

H-He just had
his knee operation.

All he wants to do
is sit around.

In fairness, he's recovering
from a major surgery.

This seems like a family matter.
I'll wait in the car.

Well, I thought
he was doing better.

He was, but now he's
just back on the couch.

[sighs]I mean, I want

to be known for my patience

and consideration,
but that's just not my bag.

So I'm going to my sister's.

Isn't his
homecare nurse helping?

If by helping, you mean
eating all my Milanos

and finishing my
crossword puzzles,

then yes, he's a
gift from heaven.

I'm taking your crossword
for the train.

Love to the grandbabies.

What were we doing
before she came in?

We were about
to lose our business.

Oh, right. That thing Andi did.

So you can see,
we're very serious.

We have a solid
business plan,

the house is almost done.

A-And we're both wearing
ties. [chuckles]

The trouble is,
you're at your loan limit.

Right. That's why
we're both wearing ties.

We think our project
has a lot of potential.

And I'm thinking you might
be more likely to help us

because we are haircut twins.

Oh. Yeah, you're right.

It's like you're
looking in a mirror

that wants to give you
money-- a money mirror.

[laughs]

So what are you thinking?

I'm thinking I should
grow out my hair.

I'm not sure you have
enough collateral.

We may be small,
but we're not dumb.

[chuckles]:
Nobody said you were dumb.

Though we are hoping
for desperate.

Look, we have other options.

We just don't want
to have to kill a guy.

So you have all the numbers.

What do you say?

No.

No.

No.

Please?
No.

Maybe...

Oh, wait. I didn't see that. No.

[speaking Chinese]

No, no, no.

ANDI:
That loan guy

left with our application.

That is not a good sign.

Do you hear anybody
laughing out there?

I haven't been rejected
this much since middle school.

And high school...
and when my wife left.

I should be used to this by now.

[exhales]
Thanks for waiting.

So? How bad is it?

Actually, I think we can
do something with this.

Okay, I'm sorry--
wait. Wait.

Did you just say not "no"?

I'm gonna need
to run some numbers...

He's running numbers.
He's running numbers!

He's getting a calculator.All right, be cool, Lowell.

Sorry. It's just, this loan
is really important to us.

Well, I'll be honest,
it's not a slam dunk,

but you've got a spark.

I have a good feeling about you.

You seem hard-working.

I am hard-working.

And dedicated.

Super-duper dedicated.

Do you need to write that
on there? Or, y-you'll remember.

He'll remember. He'll...

[grunting]

Ah. Crosscourt smash.

Suck on that, Funchy.Hey.

Watch the language.
This is Wimbledon.

The queen's in the audience.

Oh, no, my boys are here.

Uh, hide the fun.

Dad? Oh.Hey, guys.

Joe's just been sitting here
in tremendous pain.

Uh, sorry to bother you, Dad. We
need to borrow one of your ties.

We got a couple more
banks to see,

and Don got mayonnaise on his.

I told you today of all days,
don't get extra mayonnaise.

It was a turkey sandwich.
That bird gave his life

and I'm not gonna
put mayonnaise on him?

Don't be disrespectful.

How's the leg, Dad?

[groans]:
Oh, not good.

And Funchy's
pushing me too hard.

Hey, I'm here to kick ass
and eat Milanos,

and I'm all out
of Milanos.

[phone ringing]Ooh.

Hey, Andi. How's it going?

I have a not no.

That's amazing.
So far, all we got is noes.

Well, one bank took our picture,

but I think that's to make sure
we never come back.

Okay, well, let me keep
working on this and...

Okay, you-- listen,
you got this. Okay?

Be confident, but not cocky.

Stay calm,
but it's all up to you.

It's life or death.
Just have fun.

So, what do you think, James?

Well, uh, this
is a tricky one.

Uh, but sometimes, you just got
to go with your gut.

Don't tell the squares upstairs,

but I'm a bit of a vibe guy.

Oh. Well, we are a
very pro-vibe company.

Absolutely.
I'm vibrating right now.

So, um, what's the next step?

Well, there's a lot
to go through,

and I have meetings
the rest of the day.

I'd say come back tomorrow,
but Karen's here then,

and she has zero vibes.

What if we met

to talk about it over dinner?

You mean, like,
a real business dinner?

I've never had one of those--
I mean, I have, I have.

I've had so many, it's
like, ugh. But, uh,

I've just never had one of those
scheduled for tonight,

i.e. I'm free.

I'd invite you, too, but, uh,

she seems like the boss,
am I wrong about that?

No. I'm not allowed
to make any decisions.

That's how smart she is.Mm.

Look at you, all ready
for your first business dinner.

I know you don't like it
when I say "You go, girl,"

so I'll just say it in my head.

You go, girl.

I heard that.

I couldn't keep it in,
I'm too excited.

I can't wait to tell Adam.

Oh, no, no.
No, you can't tell Adam.

Uh-uh. No. He
wouldn't understand.

I mean, even though
it's a business dinner,

all he'll hear is that
I'm going out with another guy.

I can't keep a secret from Adam.
He's my hero.

Jimmy Olsen never lied
to Superman.

Look, he gets jealous,
even when there's no reason.

One time, at a concert,
the singer said,

"This one goes out
to all the ladies,"

and Adam was in a bad mood
the whole night.

He said he knew Billy Joel
was talking to me.

I saw Billy Joel
in New York once.

He said, "Get out of my way."

Look, I just want
to get this loan, come home

and surprise Adam
when it's all done.

Which is why I need you
to cover for me.

Just tell him, uh,
I went to the mall or something.

No, I can't handle
that kind of stress.

In high school, I was voted most
likely to panic and pass out.

When I was presented
with the award, I passed out.

Well, I believe in you.

Don't.

You can do this.

I can't.

Lowell... you go, guy.

Well, now I have to try.

[door opens]

Maybe we would have had
a shot at that last bank

if you didn't have
ice cream all over you.

A tie is not a napkin.

Agree to disagree.Oh...

Oh, hey, Lowell.

Hey, uh, where's Andi?

You had to call me?
You guys couldn't think

to do this yourselves?

Well, we didn't know what to do
after we made fun of him.

Yeah, Andi wasn't here.
Where is Andi?

Why do you think I'm lying?

What?

Fine. I wasn't supposed
to tell you,

but since you can see
right through me,

she went to dinner
with the loan officer.

Why wouldn't Andi want me
to know that?

I'm sure it's a very nice lady.

It's a guy. Okay?

The loan officer is a guy.

What?!

Every guy is after her.

This-this is Billy Joel
all over again.

No, no, it's not like that.

I met the loan guy.
He's harmless.

You better have
just said "armless."

It's a business dinner.

Is that what he told her?
[scoffs]

Let me tell you something,
Lowell.

If it's a guy and a dinner,
at a table, with a waiter,

it's a date.

He's right.

Restaurants are where
women fall in love.

They watch you eat.
If they can handle it,

then they mate with you.

Where'd they go?

Moonbeams.

Moonbeams?!

That's the most romantic
place in town.

I'm afraid to take Andi there

'cause we got
three kids already.

I'm going down there
to bust this up.

What? Wait. Why?

This guy is taking
advantage of her.

Andi doesn't know how
business creeps operate.

She only sees the
best in people.

It's one of her worst traits.

But we need the loan.

Are you saying my wife is
less valuable than money?

Yes.

I mean, we-we have
plenty of Andi.

What we don't have
is money.

Your problem is you are not
sensitive, like me.

Now, I am gonna go down there
and rearrange this guy's face

like Mr. Potato Head.

I better follow him, make sure
he doesn't do anything stupid.

Let him go.
He loves his wife.

If you don't move
out of my way,

I will pick my
teeth with you.

You know what, Marcy?

You go. I'm gonna stay here
and make fun of him.

James, I appreciate you
taking the time to meet me.

I-I put together
all the documents

on our property.

Yes, it's in my daughter's
princess binder,

but it says,
"Always stay magical."

I think that's
good advice for anybody.[chuckles]

Well, this is
definitely a first.

But it doesn't matter
what's onthe binder,

it's what's inside
that matters.

Oh, more stickers.

I'm not trying to bribe you,
but you approve our loan,

you'll get a gold star.

[laughs]

Dad?

I'm afraid you got
the wrong guy, partner.

What are you doing here?
I thought you couldn't walk.

Okay, you got me.
But don't tell your mother.

If she knows I'm okay,
she'll make Funchy leave.

Medicare pays for
two more weeks.

But if your knee is healed,
you don't need him anymore.

I made a friend,
and I'm not giving him back.

Well, thanks for including me
in your insurance scam.

I think you've got
some bigger problems.

Looks like your wife is
stepping out with another guy.

I was gonna text you,
but my steak came.

I know all about it.
I'm here to break it up.

Geez.

Where do you think you're going?

To give that guy
a piece of my mind.

You're not getting past me.

I've been eating ramen
for six weeks

because of this flip house.

My sodium is through the roof

and I'm feeling crazy strong.

Okay, Marcy,
I cannot let my wife

be on a date with another guy.

They are not on a date.
Look at them.

It's a public place.

Nothing is going on.

He's pouring her wine.
That is a date!

Your dad and Funchy
are having wine.

Is that a date?

I don't know, it looks
pretty romantic over there.

They're sharing
a wedge salad.

Here, you can have
all the bacon.

Oh, you get me.
Yeah.

Hmm? [scoffs]

J-Just before you
go over there,

I want to remind you how
important this loan is to us.

At least hear my side
of the story.

Okay, you have two minutes.

Okay, so, the year was 1974,

and a pair of professors
who thought they were barren

gave birth to a miracle baby
named Marcy.

This pie chart is
very well done.

Oh, yeah, well, hope...
hope you're not on a diet.

[laughs]

You know, 'cause
it's a piechart.

ADAM:
She's laughing.

What's she laughing at?

Well, maybe he told her a joke.Yeah--

She doesn't laugh
at my jokes like that.

Last week I told her the one

about Mr. T in
the haunted house.

[imitating Mr. T]:
"I pity the ghoul."

Ghoul is another word for ghost.

He used to say,
"I pity the fool."

Aw, forget it.

I just wish I could hear

what they're talking about.

Ooh, I see an opening.

No, no...Shh! [stammers]

Oh, don't mind me,
I'm a, uh, seat warmer.

That's how fancy this place is.

Not a cold butt since 1987.

Ladies.

Oh, for God's sakes.
Adam.

Well, well, well.

What are you doing here?

I'll tell you what
I'm doing here.

This is not a business dinner.
This is a date.

You are preying on
an innocent woman in need,

because you are a slimy,
scheming...

friendly-looking guy.

You don't seem that threatening.

This is ridiculous.

I mean, after 18 years
of marriage,

I can't have dinner
with a business associate?

This is not Billy Joel.

Billy Joel hit on me
one night.

That's pretty cool.
[chuckles]

I am trying to save
our business,

and all you're doing is making
us both look like amateurs.

I think I can clear this up.

Oh, thank you, James.

This is a date.

Ha! I knew it.

I assume the worst in people.
That's one of mybest traits.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wha-What about the loan?

I ran it past Karen
this afternoon.

She said no, but I was
still jazzed about our date.

It wasn't a date.
I am married.

Yeah, it doesn't bother me.Oh...

You gotta knock on the door
if you want it to open.

I'm not a door.
Are you hearing him?

Hey, I'm just happy
I was right about this.

I got really sweaty there
for a second.

But I'll gladly take him outside
and tune him up, if you want.

No.

I'm not gonna waste my time
on some jerk who,

in this day and age,
still tries to use

a position of power
to manipulate people.

And, you know, I wouldn't
normally do this

to an innocent glass
of wine, but...

Ooh!

Oops.

That was awesome.Hmm.

That's why all the guys
are after her.

So you failed to seduce
the bank guy.

I wasn't trying, Don.

Oh, now you weren't trying.

Did you even listen
to the story?

The bad news is we're
back where we started.

No money, no loan.

Now Don and I will
have to vacation together.

Honey, I'm sorry I got
so jealous tonight.

Obviously, you can
take care of yourself.

Oh, that's okay.

I mean, you were
right about him.

Just like Billy Joel.

"This one goes out
to all the ladies."

He was looking right at you.

Hey, guys.

Why the long faces?

Why are you so cheerful?

Did you pass out
in a flower patch?

Actually, I have some good news.

When Adam left for the
restaurant, I had a feeling

the deal might go south, and it
was time for extreme measures.

So I went to see my ex, Jen,

and I told her I wanted $20,000.

You didn't.

I did. And I told her
if she didn't give it to me,

I would tell her grandma
that she cheated on me

with her horse riding
instructor.

Nobody wants their nana to know
they did it in a barn.

Anyhoo, the money's already
in my account.

Lowell, you just saved
our company. That's great.

I mean, that's blackmail.

It is?
Yeah.

I'll be right back.

Oh, oh...
No.

No. Oh...

[grunting]
Oh, geez, Bev's home.

Oh...

I'm back.

Hi, dear.

I'd get up, but I can't.

His leg's not getting
any better.
Yeah.

Looks like Funchy's gonna
have to stay around

a little while longer.

You're propping up
the wrong leg, Joe.

That was your one job!

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