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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,469 --> 00:00:04,536 Finally, I'm invited to Steve and Roger's 2 00:00:04,538 --> 00:00:06,138 Stews and Views Night... 3 00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:09,674 Delicious stews and gut-bustin' Internet videos. 4 00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,676 People said threatening suicide on Facebook Live 5 00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:13,545 was over the line, but I made it, 6 00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:15,414 and I don't care how I got here. 7 00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:17,482 Whatever. The stews are a-stewin'. 8 00:00:17,484 --> 00:00:21,353 Let's get the videos a-downlewdin'! 9 00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,821 "Newscaster bloopers." 10 00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:24,289 Hey, how about this one? 11 00:00:24,291 --> 00:00:26,691 What really happened here at South Lanceton High School 12 00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:28,293 that led to Billy Carson's death... 13 00:00:29,300 --> 00:00:30,429 The [bleep] is this?! 14 00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:32,297 I'm dying in this country-ass town! 15 00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:33,832 Shit flying in my mouth! 16 00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:36,101 We need to get the [bleep] out of this country [bleep] 17 00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:38,370 _ 18 00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:41,239 Dad, are you gonna move back in with Mom? 19 00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:43,241 Gadzooks! Is that Steve? 20 00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:45,778 Sorry, son. No can do. 21 00:00:45,780 --> 00:00:48,246 But what I can do is get an 18-inch pizza 22 00:00:48,248 --> 00:00:50,114 for the price of a 12! 23 00:00:50,116 --> 00:00:51,383 All right! 24 00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:56,789 Is that Roger playing the same kid? 25 00:00:56,791 --> 00:00:59,591 You can tell us apart. Impressive. 26 00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:01,794 I love coming here every other weekend! 27 00:01:01,796 --> 00:01:03,862 It's way more fun than the places I go 28 00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:04,929 with Mom and Tony. 29 00:01:04,931 --> 00:01:06,799 Tony?! My business partner?! 30 00:01:06,801 --> 00:01:09,668 ? At Pizza Overlord ? 31 00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:13,205 ? We've been makin' pizza for years and years ? 32 00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:15,540 Gadzooks! Were you two... 33 00:01:15,542 --> 00:01:17,676 Twin child actors? Yes. 34 00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:19,478 Was it not obvious from the video? 35 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:22,080 If this clown eats stews as bad as he views, 36 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,549 we've made a grave mistake. 37 00:01:27,354 --> 00:01:30,022 ? Good morning, U.S.A. ? 38 00:01:30,024 --> 00:01:33,625 ? I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ? 39 00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:36,761 ? The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ? 40 00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:40,499 ? And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ? 41 00:01:43,303 --> 00:01:46,038 ? Oh, boy, it's swell to say ? 42 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:48,841 - ? Good... ? - ? Good morning, U.S.A. ? 43 00:01:48,843 --> 00:01:49,908 Aah! 44 00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:54,513 ? Good morning, U.S.A. ? 45 00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:57,315 I never knew you guys were twin child actors. 46 00:01:57,317 --> 00:01:59,384 Yes. We were. 47 00:01:59,962 --> 00:02:00,853 Here we go. 48 00:02:00,855 --> 00:02:02,921 Like all Hollywood fairy tales, 49 00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:05,724 this one begins at the mall food court. 50 00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:08,527 And like all meals at the mall food court, 51 00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:12,330 it ends in a messy pile of shit. 52 00:02:12,332 --> 00:02:13,932 Franny used to dress us as brothers, 53 00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:18,002 because Twice Cream offers free ice cream to pairs of twins. 54 00:02:18,004 --> 00:02:20,472 Triplets get nothing, unless one of them waits outside 55 00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:22,741 while the other two go in. I saw that once. 56 00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:24,677 Reported it immediately. Got a free cone. 57 00:02:24,679 --> 00:02:28,080 Anyway, we were spotted by a local casting agent. 58 00:02:28,082 --> 00:02:29,882 Soon, we were snagging more roles 59 00:02:29,884 --> 00:02:32,417 than a poor family at a Golden Corral. 60 00:02:33,224 --> 00:02:34,018 That's good. 61 00:02:34,020 --> 00:02:35,620 It was like we were real brothers. 62 00:02:35,622 --> 00:02:37,622 Getting into twin antics on set, 63 00:02:37,624 --> 00:02:40,358 or as we called them, "twinanigans." 64 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:41,826 We were a dynamite tandem. 65 00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:44,963 Steve could cry on cue, and I could eat on cue! 66 00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:47,566 Eventually, we were approached by Hollywood agents 67 00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:50,235 from the Twinseltown Talent Agency. 68 00:02:50,237 --> 00:02:51,836 Yep, we were gonna be big. 69 00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:54,306 As big as Matt and John Amendola, 70 00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:56,909 who are not famous but just these two really cool guys 71 00:02:56,911 --> 00:02:58,911 I went to high school with and I-I sort of use them 72 00:02:58,913 --> 00:03:02,714 as the standard for what I hope to achieve in my life. 73 00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:05,784 But then, Grammy legend Quit-sey Jones over here 74 00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:08,052 - pulled the plug! - I was 5, Roger! 75 00:03:08,054 --> 00:03:09,654 I had to start kindergarten! 76 00:03:09,656 --> 00:03:10,923 You boned us, Steve. 77 00:03:10,925 --> 00:03:12,391 We'll never know how far we could've gone! 78 00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:16,194 We could've been on the cover of Double-Stuffed Magazine, 79 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:19,397 the only magazine dedicated solely to twins, 80 00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:21,967 double-penetration, and Oreos! 81 00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:27,739 It's important to go on walks. 82 00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:29,474 So my body doesn't forget how. 83 00:03:29,476 --> 00:03:31,543 I like when cars drive by too fast, 84 00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,412 so I can grab my crotch and yell, 85 00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:34,813 "Slow down, ya jagoff! 86 00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:38,483 We got friggin' kids here!" 87 00:03:38,485 --> 00:03:39,952 Running messes up my knee. 88 00:03:39,954 --> 00:03:42,121 Walking is less stressful on my body. 89 00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,558 Oh, my God! I'm so, so sorry! 90 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,226 But I'm in a terrible hurry! 91 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,694 Here, take my credit card. 92 00:03:49,696 --> 00:03:52,230 Pay for whatever you need! 93 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:55,900 - We should call the police. - Hang on, girlie. 94 00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:58,036 We've got a blank check here... Damn it! 95 00:03:58,038 --> 00:04:00,238 It's a credit card for Spencer's Gifts. 96 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:04,309 So, we can only use it at that novelty store at the mall? 97 00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:07,512 "Where membership has its bene-farts"? 98 00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:10,649 And it also says that memberships are non-trans-fartable. 99 00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:12,384 There's actually a lot of fine print here, 100 00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:15,320 and it's all pretty good fart jokes. 101 00:04:15,322 --> 00:04:17,190 ? Years and years ? 102 00:04:18,169 --> 00:04:19,724 ? Years and years ? 103 00:04:21,127 --> 00:04:22,995 Are you still upset about our acting career? 104 00:04:22,997 --> 00:04:25,197 Our acting career. Yes. 105 00:04:25,199 --> 00:04:26,665 That you ruined! 106 00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,933 You stripped me of super-stardom! 107 00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:30,602 I should be walking on the red carpet, 108 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:33,338 not sitting on the couch in this funny position! 109 00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,876 You're never gonna let this go, are you? 110 00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:39,678 What's up, playas? 111 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,347 Wanted to invite you to Klaus's new signature night, 112 00:04:42,349 --> 00:04:43,615 Soups and Hoops. 113 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,617 How am I supposed to get over this, Steve? 114 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,020 Oh, God. Soups and Hoops? 115 00:04:48,022 --> 00:04:50,823 Okay, what are the hoops? Basketball? Hula? 116 00:04:50,825 --> 00:04:53,758 Well, that's the fun part. I haven't decided yet. 117 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:56,895 Roger, that was so long ago. W-What can I do? 118 00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:59,964 A-A-And I'm sorry. You haven't decided yet? 119 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,567 Why are you even here? 120 00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:05,970 I should be a has-been by now! 121 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:07,239 People should be like, "Oh, look! 122 00:05:07,241 --> 00:05:09,574 It's the guy from that thing. He got fat." 123 00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:11,776 It sounds so magical! 124 00:05:17,051 --> 00:05:19,918 This better be some pi�ata, Steve. 125 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:22,120 Surprise! Look familiar? 126 00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,655 Nope, never been here in my... 127 00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,858 The booth we shot our commercial in? 128 00:05:25,860 --> 00:05:27,526 My most treasured memory! 129 00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:29,728 You were never gonna stop harping on this acting thing 130 00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:31,129 until you got some closure. 131 00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:33,665 I actually thought I'd been pretty cool about it. 132 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:37,202 So... I called Twinseltown Talent. 133 00:05:37,204 --> 00:05:40,072 And they still want to represent us! 134 00:05:40,074 --> 00:05:42,941 And I do have summer break coming up. 135 00:05:44,166 --> 00:05:46,478 Steve, what are you doing? 136 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:48,747 Two tickets to L.A. 137 00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:50,215 What do you say, "brother"? 138 00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:53,151 Want to give our acting career the shot it never got? 139 00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:55,353 Oh, my God! Yes, Steve, yes! 140 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:58,690 The Smith brothers are going to Hollywood! 141 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,759 We can't miss our connection to Boise! 142 00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:02,827 Two layovers? How cheap are you? 143 00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:06,165 We'll make it! Because the Smith brothers are going to Ho... 144 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:08,767 You brought your passport, right? 145 00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:10,936 We have a stop in Vancouver. 146 00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:17,642 Sweet pad. Thanks for setting it up. 147 00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:20,846 We're just thrilled to have you boys at Twinseltown Talent. 148 00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:22,247 Greggy and I are also twins, 149 00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:24,716 so we totally get where you're coming from. 150 00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,585 You guys... are twins? 151 00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:31,056 Yep, except I snaked most of my bro's nutrients in the womb. 152 00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:32,414 Gimme those nutrients! 153 00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:35,194 Open up that skull and gimme those nutrients! 154 00:06:36,250 --> 00:06:39,198 I'm just kiddin'. I love this guy. 155 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,267 Okay, boys, let's get you some... 156 00:06:45,006 --> 00:06:46,004 Is he... 157 00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:48,473 Head shots! 158 00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,881 Okay, Steve, come try this on. 159 00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:57,616 You know which one of us is Steve, 160 00:06:57,618 --> 00:07:00,886 but can you tell... after this? 161 00:07:00,888 --> 00:07:03,154 - I'm Steve. - No, I'm Steve! 162 00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:04,956 - No, you're Steve! - No, you're Steve! 163 00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:08,359 Ugh, do you have to do this after every outfit change? 164 00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:11,830 - Twin it to win it! - Twin it to win it! 165 00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:13,298 Good news, boys. 166 00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:16,635 We just got you your first Hollywood commercial! 167 00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:18,303 - Yeah! - Yay! 168 00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:19,771 But where's Greggy? 169 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,677 If I know my Greggy... 170 00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:24,375 he's either getting trim, 171 00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:25,844 looking for trim, 172 00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:27,979 or having experimental surgery 173 00:07:27,981 --> 00:07:31,382 to stabilize his central nervous system. 174 00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:36,655 I can't believe we get to spend that fool's money, 175 00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:37,989 but it has to be at this dump. 176 00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:39,258 This place is for losers. 177 00:07:39,260 --> 00:07:40,859 Hey, guys! You shop here, too? 178 00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:43,061 Ugh. Look at all this junk. 179 00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,863 What are you talking about? 180 00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:48,867 ? Who... can take some pasta ? 181 00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:52,203 ? Shape it like a dick? ? 182 00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:55,474 ? Make a fake poo that is perfect for a trick? ? 183 00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:58,877 ? Spencer's Gifts, Spencer's Gifts can ? 184 00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:02,213 ? Who can make a fart sound ? 185 00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:05,550 ? When no one needs to fart? ? 186 00:08:05,552 --> 00:08:08,687 ? Marijuana clothing, this is where you need to start ? 187 00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:10,689 At? 188 00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:12,357 Sp-Spencer's Gifts? 189 00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:15,360 ? Spencer's Gifts can 'cause they stock their gags ? 190 00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:17,028 ? With love ? 191 00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:19,030 ? And the lube ? 192 00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:22,901 ? Tastes goo-o-o-o-d ? 193 00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:26,037 Ha-cha! 194 00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:28,773 Cedar plank salmon again? 195 00:08:28,775 --> 00:08:30,109 Bo-ring! 196 00:08:30,111 --> 00:08:32,711 I want something more extreme! 197 00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:33,912 Like what? 198 00:08:37,384 --> 00:08:40,919 Like Slammin' Canned Salmon, ya kooky broad! 199 00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:44,323 Choose from three radical mouth feels... 200 00:08:44,325 --> 00:08:45,857 solid, liquid, 201 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:49,995 and b-b-boney as hell! 202 00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:51,156 Cut! 203 00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:53,264 Beautiful, Steve. 204 00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:55,066 But you've worked your max hours. 205 00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,868 Let's sub in the twin! 206 00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:58,269 - Twin it to win it! - Twin it to win it! 207 00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:00,672 Okay, last shot. All you have to do 208 00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:02,073 is take a bite and say, 209 00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:04,409 "This salmon is slammin'!" 210 00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:05,877 You got it, dude. 211 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,346 And... 212 00:09:07,348 --> 00:09:08,814 action! 213 00:09:08,816 --> 00:09:11,150 Dis sammon mis smamon! 214 00:09:11,152 --> 00:09:12,283 Cut! 215 00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:14,820 You need to actually swallow the salmon. 216 00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:16,021 Right, right. Cool note. 217 00:09:16,761 --> 00:09:17,889 And... 218 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,491 action! 219 00:09:19,493 --> 00:09:21,693 This... salmon... 220 00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:23,362 is... slammin'. 221 00:09:23,364 --> 00:09:26,898 Cut! You keep standing up during your lines. 222 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,967 Did I... No. Really? 223 00:09:29,647 --> 00:09:31,436 This... salmon... 224 00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:33,238 is... 225 00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:39,310 Nobody wants to marry a poor farmer's daughter. 226 00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:40,631 Honk, honk. 227 00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:45,650 This salmon is... 228 00:09:45,652 --> 00:09:46,918 - slambin'? - Cut! 229 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,387 Close enough! 230 00:09:48,389 --> 00:09:49,721 Great job, guys. 231 00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:51,056 You crushed it. 232 00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:53,258 Hollywood's buzzin', and guess what? 233 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,727 They're remaking "The Parent Trap," 234 00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:57,863 and I got you an audition. 235 00:09:57,865 --> 00:10:00,131 They're calling it... "Boy Bait." 236 00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:02,133 - "Boy Bait"! "Boy Bait"! - "Boy Bait"! "Boy Bait"! 237 00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:04,936 I think the salmon mascot is Tilda Swinton. 238 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:08,339 Do you think she could carve out a little time to give me... 239 00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:10,476 a chance to give her some acting pointers? 240 00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:15,214 "Hey, I know! Let's switch places! 241 00:10:15,216 --> 00:10:17,749 "I'll go to Beverly Hills and live with your mom. 242 00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:21,152 "And you go to Detroit to help my dad trap pigeons 243 00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:23,154 "and struggle with his PTSD! 244 00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:24,689 "It's the perfect swap. 245 00:10:24,691 --> 00:10:27,026 Whaddya say?" 246 00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:39,638 "That slammin' is salmon!" 247 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:45,176 Well, I think we just found our Shawn and D'Shawn McIntyre! 248 00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:47,312 Yay! You will not regret this. 249 00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:49,114 Now, just a little scheduling thing... 250 00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:51,917 Next Wednesday, I'm going to Australia for two months. 251 00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:54,319 Oh, sorry, you misunderstood. 252 00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:56,121 We only want to cast Steve. 253 00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:58,457 But... the roles are for two boys. 254 00:10:58,459 --> 00:11:00,125 Yeah, we'll just do special effects, 255 00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:01,526 use Steve for both parts. 256 00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:03,595 That's an amazing opportunity, but... 257 00:11:03,597 --> 00:11:06,397 But I know I speak for both of us when I say 258 00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:09,134 Steve is nothing without me. Half a man. 259 00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:10,669 - Roger, I-I was turning... - He's pimply, 260 00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:13,472 he lies about actually liking lasagna, and his voice is all, 261 00:11:13,474 --> 00:11:15,941 "Hey, can I have the key to your restroom?" 262 00:11:15,943 --> 00:11:17,476 What the hell, Roger? 263 00:11:17,478 --> 00:11:20,011 You guilt trip me for years about ruining your career, 264 00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:23,081 and when I get my chance, you flip out and bash me? 265 00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:26,551 - Yeah? - Sir, I'll take the parts! 266 00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:27,886 If you do this, Steve, 267 00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:30,355 then know the Smith brothers are over! 268 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,758 Big deal! You're a terrible actor! 269 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:35,026 The only thing they ever use you for is the eating! 270 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,628 How dare you! 271 00:11:36,630 --> 00:11:38,964 Excuse me, sir, will there be any eating in this film? 272 00:11:38,966 --> 00:11:40,632 - No. - Screw you, Steve! 273 00:11:40,634 --> 00:11:41,700 I'm a superstar! 274 00:11:41,702 --> 00:11:44,503 In fact, this town ain't big enough for the both of us! 275 00:11:44,505 --> 00:11:46,037 This town is huge. 276 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,306 I don't recognize anything. 277 00:11:47,308 --> 00:11:49,240 Where the hell am I? 278 00:11:53,114 --> 00:11:55,780 Honey, I'm home! 279 00:11:55,782 --> 00:11:59,651 Tonight, we'll be having an edible-underwear summer salad, 280 00:11:59,653 --> 00:12:02,654 paired with dick-shaped pasta al dente. 281 00:12:02,656 --> 00:12:05,456 Today, I put another great bumper sticker on my car... 282 00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:08,393 "My other ride is your mom." 283 00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:09,661 So tight. 284 00:12:09,663 --> 00:12:11,997 Everyone, raise your boob mugs. 285 00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:14,533 Someone recently asked me if I was happy. 286 00:12:14,535 --> 00:12:18,337 And, for the first time in my life, I could honestly say, 287 00:12:18,339 --> 00:12:21,140 "Thanks to Spencer's Gifts, yes, 288 00:12:21,142 --> 00:12:23,008 yes, I am!" 289 00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:28,279 Okay, you're a caterer, but just for today. 290 00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:30,816 You're gonna serve these Hollywood elites some appetizers 291 00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:32,151 and knock their socks off. 292 00:12:32,153 --> 00:12:36,221 Time to become just as famous as Steve. 293 00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:37,556 I'm a star. 294 00:12:37,558 --> 00:12:41,026 I'm a star. I'm a big, bright, shining star. 295 00:12:43,164 --> 00:12:44,363 So, what do you do? 296 00:12:44,365 --> 00:12:46,698 I'm, uh... I'm a director. 297 00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:48,700 Oh, you're gonna want some napkins. 298 00:12:48,702 --> 00:12:50,769 They're my head shot! 299 00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:54,506 Hey, everyone, the trailer for my new movie's on TV! 300 00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:59,044 - Twin it to win it! - Twin it to win it! 301 00:12:59,046 --> 00:13:01,246 That was our catchphrase. 302 00:13:01,895 --> 00:13:03,582 Look at me, all riled up. 303 00:13:03,584 --> 00:13:06,117 Need something to calm my nerves. 304 00:13:10,391 --> 00:13:12,123 I've got eyes on the narcotics. 305 00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,393 Everyone, freeze! D.E.A.! 306 00:13:16,730 --> 00:13:20,399 I-I'm innocent! I'm so innocent, I could jog to San Diego! 307 00:13:22,803 --> 00:13:24,203 No! My... 308 00:13:24,205 --> 00:13:25,537 Claritin! 309 00:13:27,674 --> 00:13:31,410 Mr. Smith, we caught you with several kilos of cocaine. 310 00:13:31,412 --> 00:13:35,214 Fortunately for you, we got our eye on someone bigger... 311 00:13:35,216 --> 00:13:37,348 "Nose Candy" Andy Benedict, 312 00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:39,751 the biggest coke dealer in Los Angeles. 313 00:13:39,753 --> 00:13:42,621 Well, if cocaine's illegal, then you better lock me... 314 00:13:42,623 --> 00:13:44,489 Oh, wait, I remember how I got here. 315 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,758 Listen, we'll drop your charges... 316 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,761 if you engage in a sting to bust Benedict. 317 00:13:49,763 --> 00:13:52,631 You play the part, we let you go. 318 00:13:52,633 --> 00:13:54,165 Play the part? 319 00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,835 Yeah, I can do that. I'll act my ass off 320 00:13:56,837 --> 00:13:59,438 and prove I'm just as good an actor as Steve. 321 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:02,908 To be clear, this is extremely dangerous. 322 00:14:03,718 --> 00:14:05,777 If you think that's dangerous, try... 323 00:14:05,779 --> 00:14:07,913 escaping from police headquarters! 324 00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:15,421 All right. I'll do it. 325 00:14:21,395 --> 00:14:23,795 - Roger? - Well, well, well. 326 00:14:23,797 --> 00:14:25,797 Look who came crawling right back 327 00:14:25,799 --> 00:14:27,733 when my career started blowing up. 328 00:14:27,735 --> 00:14:30,402 You called me to come here. What is all this? 329 00:14:30,404 --> 00:14:33,138 I'm playing the lead in a dangerous sting. 330 00:14:33,140 --> 00:14:34,940 And I have you to thank, Steve. 331 00:14:34,942 --> 00:14:36,875 If you hadn't ditched your own brother, 332 00:14:36,877 --> 00:14:39,010 I wouldn't have found my real family... 333 00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:40,946 These D.E.A. agents, 334 00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:42,948 Mark and... 335 00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:46,084 I want to say L'Kevin. 336 00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:47,819 Sting? D.E.A.? 337 00:14:47,821 --> 00:14:50,422 Th-This doesn't sound like a good idea, Roger. 338 00:14:50,424 --> 00:14:52,824 Time to go. Benedict's expecting us 339 00:14:52,826 --> 00:14:54,826 at the abandoned amusement park. 340 00:14:54,828 --> 00:14:57,629 Goodbye, Steven. I'm off to become famous. 341 00:14:57,631 --> 00:15:00,632 Soon, I'll be the one stuffing my liberal agenda 342 00:15:00,634 --> 00:15:03,235 down real Americans' throats. 343 00:15:04,638 --> 00:15:06,438 Has anyone seen Roger or Steve? 344 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:08,240 I think they're at Space Camp 345 00:15:08,242 --> 00:15:11,643 or Rite Aid or something. 346 00:15:11,645 --> 00:15:13,111 You monsters! 347 00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:15,313 I'm 9 grand in debt! 348 00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:17,983 This has all gotta get returned, now! 349 00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:21,052 No can do, bud. We used the hell out of everything. 350 00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:22,387 Oh, my God. 351 00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:24,856 I'm... ruined! 352 00:15:24,858 --> 00:15:26,258 I'm gonna lose it all. 353 00:15:26,260 --> 00:15:28,193 My house. My car. 354 00:15:28,195 --> 00:15:29,661 My car's house... 355 00:15:29,663 --> 00:15:32,998 which is the fun, little way I refer to my garage. 356 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,000 I'm just gonna kill myself! 357 00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:39,337 Life's not so bad, mister. 358 00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:52,818 So shines a good deed in a weary world. 359 00:15:52,820 --> 00:15:56,354 I'm the Spencer of Spencer's Gifts. 360 00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:57,956 I've been running people over for years 361 00:15:57,958 --> 00:16:00,292 to see who would pass my test. 362 00:16:00,294 --> 00:16:03,962 You're the first family who did. 363 00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:04,896 Oh, my God! 364 00:16:04,898 --> 00:16:07,633 Are we inheriting your novelty empire? 365 00:16:07,635 --> 00:16:08,634 No. 366 00:16:11,105 --> 00:16:12,194 Wait. 367 00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:14,105 Places! Steve, 368 00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:15,974 you're pouring your heart out to your brother. 369 00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:17,309 Meryl Streep, Ludacris, 370 00:16:17,311 --> 00:16:20,378 you're very proud of your son. 371 00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:21,513 Action! 372 00:16:21,515 --> 00:16:23,115 We had quite a summer. 373 00:16:23,117 --> 00:16:26,518 We tricked some grown-ups, solved that triple homicide. 374 00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:29,187 But you know what the best part was? 375 00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:30,922 Hanging with you, D'Shawn. 376 00:16:30,924 --> 00:16:32,124 We spent our whole summer 377 00:16:32,126 --> 00:16:35,060 trying to get our parents back together, 378 00:16:35,062 --> 00:16:37,062 but I finally realize... 379 00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:40,132 parents come and go, 380 00:16:40,134 --> 00:16:44,002 but twins are forever. 381 00:16:46,874 --> 00:16:50,208 Is that true? 382 00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:53,745 Psst, I had a few ideas about my character's back story. 383 00:16:53,747 --> 00:16:56,448 Don't talk into your mike! It's very conspicuous. 384 00:16:58,085 --> 00:16:59,751 - You him? - If by "him," 385 00:16:59,753 --> 00:17:03,489 you mean a lowly delivery guy born in Pensacola, Florida, 386 00:17:03,491 --> 00:17:05,157 doing this for his quadriplegic son 387 00:17:05,159 --> 00:17:07,493 who talks in a Pittsburgh accent like this... 388 00:17:07,495 --> 00:17:11,697 "Hey, Dyad, yinz guys need to stop jaggin' arahnd." 389 00:17:11,699 --> 00:17:13,431 Uh... 390 00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:15,668 just show us the merchandise. 391 00:17:19,573 --> 00:17:21,439 Did... Did you have a mustache? 392 00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,975 What? Too butch? Too "Super Mario"? 393 00:17:23,977 --> 00:17:26,044 Good call. Let's lose it. 394 00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:28,113 Boss, I don't know about this. 395 00:17:28,115 --> 00:17:29,915 You're right. This scene is totally not working. 396 00:17:29,917 --> 00:17:32,718 Am I giving too much? Are you not giving enough? 397 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:34,319 Is it too late to introduce a limp? 398 00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:36,254 All great questions. I'm gonna take 10, 399 00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:37,656 then we'll hit it hard. 400 00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:47,599 The limp feels all right! 401 00:17:47,601 --> 00:17:49,467 Roger, what are you doing? 402 00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:51,803 Proving I'm just as good an actor as you. 403 00:17:51,805 --> 00:17:54,139 And I know exactly what this scene's missing... 404 00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:56,007 sex appeal! 405 00:17:56,009 --> 00:17:57,710 He's wearing a wire! 406 00:18:00,348 --> 00:18:02,280 I'm nervous they saw the mike. 407 00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:03,749 We got to pull him out! 408 00:18:03,751 --> 00:18:05,217 Not yet. 409 00:18:05,219 --> 00:18:06,552 He's got this. 410 00:18:06,554 --> 00:18:08,086 How do we get out of this? 411 00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:09,888 With twinanigans. 412 00:18:14,828 --> 00:18:17,429 Hey, henchman, I'm over here! 413 00:18:19,233 --> 00:18:23,101 Or am I over here? 414 00:18:23,103 --> 00:18:24,370 How'd he get over... 415 00:18:32,646 --> 00:18:34,446 - Twin it to win it! - Twin it to win it! 416 00:18:49,730 --> 00:18:52,063 It appears you're seeing double. 417 00:18:52,065 --> 00:18:53,065 Double trouble. 418 00:18:55,469 --> 00:18:56,802 Hey, we're up here! 419 00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:08,614 -Twin it to... -Twin it to... 420 00:19:10,083 --> 00:19:12,017 We're out of twinanigans. What now? 421 00:19:12,019 --> 00:19:14,686 We use our God-given talents. 422 00:19:14,688 --> 00:19:18,223 Look, before you kill us, I just want to say... 423 00:19:18,225 --> 00:19:19,958 I love my brother. 424 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:21,693 You can shoot me, 425 00:19:21,695 --> 00:19:24,029 and you can shoot him. 426 00:19:24,031 --> 00:19:26,098 But brotherhood? 427 00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:28,500 That bond is bulletproof. 428 00:19:28,502 --> 00:19:30,568 That's... beautif... 429 00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:32,971 Now, Roger! Use your talent! 430 00:19:32,973 --> 00:19:35,507 Eat stuff! 431 00:19:41,515 --> 00:19:43,581 So, was that speech from "Boy Bait"? 432 00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:46,184 No, Roger, it was from the heart. 433 00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:48,253 Well, actually, the first part was from "Boondock Saints." 434 00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:50,055 Ah, that movie's bad ass. 435 00:19:50,057 --> 00:19:53,191 Oh, and how 'bout "Rounders"? So bad ass! 436 00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:55,127 I can't believe you put yourself in danger 437 00:19:55,129 --> 00:19:56,594 just to help your career. 438 00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:58,130 It was never about the career. 439 00:19:58,132 --> 00:20:00,866 When we stopped acting, you got your own life, 440 00:20:00,868 --> 00:20:02,934 and we stopped being brothers. 441 00:20:02,936 --> 00:20:04,736 I didn't want to lose that again. 442 00:20:04,738 --> 00:20:07,673 Roger, just because we stopped being fake twins 443 00:20:07,675 --> 00:20:10,609 doesn't mean we aren't still real fake brothers. 444 00:20:13,013 --> 00:20:17,282 N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o! 445 00:20:25,092 --> 00:20:26,624 Roger! 446 00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:27,759 Tell you what, Steve. 447 00:20:27,761 --> 00:20:29,427 I think I'm done with acting. 448 00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:33,631 In fact, you could say I don't have the stomach for it anymore. 449 00:20:34,579 --> 00:20:36,101 Ow! Ohh. 450 00:20:36,103 --> 00:20:38,770 So, bro, you gonna miss show biz? 451 00:20:38,772 --> 00:20:41,106 Eh, acting was always temporary for me. 452 00:20:41,108 --> 00:20:44,176 You know I have my heart set on pharmaceutical sales. 453 00:20:44,178 --> 00:20:45,377 Aah, a huge rat! 454 00:20:47,515 --> 00:20:50,248 Oh, it's just an old T-shirt. Grab that for me, Steve. 455 00:20:58,192 --> 00:20:59,992 Bye-bye. See you soon! 456 00:21:02,073 --> 00:21:04,087 synced and corrected by sot26 www.addic7ed.com 32766

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