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- Eight months ago,
the Sisterhood of Fertility
2
00:00:05,570 --> 00:00:09,052
made a secret pact and now,
the time has come
3
00:00:09,096 --> 00:00:11,663
to reveal the fruits
of our labour.
4
00:00:13,883 --> 00:00:17,104
It's baby bump time!
5
00:00:17,147 --> 00:00:19,106
[laughter]
6
00:00:19,149 --> 00:00:20,194
I can't believe we're all
7
00:00:20,237 --> 00:00:23,066
gonna me mommies
at the same time.
8
00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:25,721
- Oh! I just felt it kick!
[laughter]
9
00:00:25,764 --> 00:00:27,592
- Come on Sharon, show us yours.
10
00:00:27,636 --> 00:00:30,769
- No, I... I'm really bloated.
11
00:00:30,813 --> 00:00:32,597
- Share with the sisterhood,
Sharon.
12
00:00:33,337 --> 00:00:35,774
- It's so cold and bony.
13
00:00:35,818 --> 00:00:37,167
- What's wrong with your baby?
14
00:00:38,255 --> 00:00:39,735
[gasping]
15
00:00:39,778 --> 00:00:41,563
Is that a chicken?
16
00:00:41,606 --> 00:00:44,348
- It's actually a turkey.
17
00:00:44,392 --> 00:00:47,090
- You've brought shame
to the sisterhood.
18
00:00:47,134 --> 00:00:48,744
- But I... I tried so hard.
19
00:00:48,787 --> 00:00:50,528
I did it with everybody
except for that stoner
20
00:00:50,572 --> 00:00:52,139
and his one-armed friend.
21
00:00:52,182 --> 00:00:53,575
- What's the point
22
00:00:53,618 --> 00:00:55,533
of being the school slut
if you can't get knocked up?
23
00:00:55,577 --> 00:00:57,361
Looks like you're barren,
Sharon.
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00:00:57,405 --> 00:01:00,364
[laughter]
[all]: Barren, Sharon!
25
00:01:00,408 --> 00:01:03,019
♪ Barren Sharon
26
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:05,152
♪ Barren Sharon
27
00:01:06,370 --> 00:01:07,806
♪ Barren Sharon
28
00:01:07,850 --> 00:01:09,504
♪ Barren ♪
29
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,421
- Hey, you told me
that sperm sample
30
00:01:13,464 --> 00:01:15,205
was for a science project.
31
00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:27,174
[ominous sound]
[sparking]
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00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,185
[sparking]
33
00:01:41,710 --> 00:01:43,190
- Vulgus...
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00:01:43,233 --> 00:01:46,149
gravida...
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00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:48,151
infantia...
36
00:01:48,195 --> 00:01:50,197
malgum.
37
00:01:52,155 --> 00:01:54,201
[moaning]
38
00:01:57,204 --> 00:01:59,206
[heavy metal]
39
00:02:04,733 --> 00:02:06,300
- Good morning everyone.
40
00:02:06,343 --> 00:02:08,389
Welcome to family planning.
41
00:02:08,432 --> 00:02:09,868
Everybody will be paired up
42
00:02:09,912 --> 00:02:11,827
to become parents
of their own...
43
00:02:11,870 --> 00:02:14,046
[laughter]
... virtual baby.
44
00:02:14,090 --> 00:02:16,527
Now I'm only handing out
one baby per couple.
45
00:02:16,571 --> 00:02:18,007
- Hey, Jenny,
46
00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:19,269
help me out?
47
00:02:19,313 --> 00:02:20,618
Be my baby momma?
48
00:02:20,662 --> 00:02:21,837
- Are you kidding?
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00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,274
You'd make a terrible father,
Todd.
50
00:02:24,318 --> 00:02:25,536
What makes you say that?
51
00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:27,495
- You just gave your baby
a joint.
52
00:02:27,538 --> 00:02:30,672
- Sadly, this may be the closest
some of you ever get
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00:02:30,715 --> 00:02:32,195
to having a baby,
54
00:02:32,239 --> 00:02:35,111
as the hand of fate
is a cruel master.
55
00:02:37,287 --> 00:02:39,289
- Sharon has the book!
56
00:02:39,333 --> 00:02:42,074
- Come on,
she's probably just sick.
57
00:02:45,948 --> 00:02:46,949
- Oh!
58
00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:49,169
[indistinct reactions]
59
00:02:51,432 --> 00:02:54,130
- Okay, that was definitely
book puke.
60
00:02:59,744 --> 00:03:01,093
- Hey, stop her!
61
00:03:01,137 --> 00:03:03,095
She's got the book!
62
00:03:03,139 --> 00:03:06,229
[grunting]
63
00:03:06,273 --> 00:03:08,275
- Who's an awesome
guidance counsellor?
64
00:03:08,318 --> 00:03:11,321
- Holy shit, Monster Fat
is on the loose again!
65
00:03:11,365 --> 00:03:12,975
- No, you idiot!
She's pregnant.
66
00:03:13,018 --> 00:03:14,455
- Oh...
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00:03:14,498 --> 00:03:16,239
- Ow...
68
00:03:16,283 --> 00:03:19,721
I told you she used the book,
but you all doubted me.
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00:03:19,764 --> 00:03:22,593
- To be fair, you also thought
somebody used the book
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00:03:22,637 --> 00:03:24,682
to make you fail algebra.
- Aright, Sharon.
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00:03:24,726 --> 00:03:27,294
We all know you used the book,
so don't deny it.
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00:03:27,337 --> 00:03:28,338
- I don't deny it.
73
00:03:28,382 --> 00:03:30,079
I totally used it,
74
00:03:30,122 --> 00:03:33,125
and I would use it again.
Jenny, it was amazing.
75
00:03:33,169 --> 00:03:35,215
I wanted a baby,
and it came true.
76
00:03:35,258 --> 00:03:36,694
- Getting knocked up
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00:03:36,738 --> 00:03:38,696
is what you wanted more
than anything in the world?
78
00:03:38,740 --> 00:03:40,959
- Yeah. It's like the in-thing
to do.
79
00:03:41,003 --> 00:03:44,485
- Really? I thought Gordian
Knot Theory was the in-thing.
80
00:03:44,528 --> 00:03:46,226
- Okay, where's the book,
Sharon?
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00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:47,966
[manly voice]: Oh!
82
00:03:48,010 --> 00:03:50,317
- Okay, can you give us
another clue?
83
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:53,537
[liquid squirting]
- She's going into labour!
84
00:03:53,581 --> 00:03:54,973
She's going into labour!
85
00:03:55,017 --> 00:03:56,453
- Holy shit!
Who's gonna deliver it?
86
00:03:58,455 --> 00:04:01,371
- I have an...
87
00:04:01,415 --> 00:04:03,417
placenta allergy.
88
00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:06,420
- What? Like I'm the second
best choice?
89
00:04:06,463 --> 00:04:08,160
- You wanna be in charge,
so be in charge!
90
00:04:08,204 --> 00:04:10,380
- Okay, well if I'm in charge,
then I order you
91
00:04:10,424 --> 00:04:12,339
to do it!
- Someone get it out of me!
92
00:04:12,382 --> 00:04:15,124
- Okay, everyone hold her down!
Todd, you...
93
00:04:15,167 --> 00:04:17,126
spread her legs
and hike up her skirt
94
00:04:17,169 --> 00:04:18,519
- But not in a sexual way.
95
00:04:18,562 --> 00:04:20,869
[heavy metal music]
96
00:04:20,912 --> 00:04:23,001
- Oh!
97
00:04:23,045 --> 00:04:25,700
Ah, this is the hugest vagina
I've ever seen!
98
00:04:25,743 --> 00:04:27,354
- More like the only vagina!
99
00:04:27,397 --> 00:04:29,486
- She's got you there, dude.
- Do you seen anything?
100
00:04:29,530 --> 00:04:32,402
- I see blood and hair!
And bloody hair!
101
00:04:32,446 --> 00:04:35,318
And... it looks
like the top of a mango!
102
00:04:35,362 --> 00:04:37,189
It's a bloody mango!
- That's the head!
103
00:04:37,233 --> 00:04:39,583
- Push it back in!
[all]: No, out! Pull out!
104
00:04:39,627 --> 00:04:41,150
- Wait!
105
00:04:41,193 --> 00:04:44,109
[beeping]
Okay, go.
106
00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:46,721
[screaming]
[gulping]
107
00:04:47,722 --> 00:04:48,810
- Oh...
108
00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:50,290
[screaming]
109
00:04:57,384 --> 00:05:00,256
- Dude... that was awesome!
110
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,476
[soft baby music]
111
00:05:04,608 --> 00:05:06,567
Oh, we gotta do that again.
I wasn't filming.
112
00:05:06,610 --> 00:05:07,872
[retching]
113
00:05:07,916 --> 00:05:10,092
Do you have another one of those
inside of you?
114
00:05:10,135 --> 00:05:11,528
That does big gross things?
- No, no.
115
00:05:21,277 --> 00:05:23,410
- Man, I can't believe
Jenny doesn't think
116
00:05:23,453 --> 00:05:24,846
I'd make a good father.
117
00:05:24,889 --> 00:05:27,457
This totally messes
with my 10-year plan.
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00:05:27,501 --> 00:05:28,676
- You have a 10-year plan?
119
00:05:28,719 --> 00:05:30,417
I don't even know
what I'm doing tonight.
120
00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,334
- Well, we're going to visit
Sharon
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00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:36,379
at the hospital, remember?
122
00:05:36,423 --> 00:05:38,381
So we can find the book.
123
00:05:38,425 --> 00:05:42,298
- Oh yeah...
So what's your 10-year plan?
124
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:45,083
- Oh man... it's so awesome.
125
00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:47,129
[lively music]
126
00:05:49,131 --> 00:05:51,089
[honking]
127
00:05:51,133 --> 00:05:53,135
- Ah! ah...
128
00:05:54,702 --> 00:05:57,487
Ah!
- Home sweet home.
129
00:05:57,531 --> 00:06:00,447
- Oh! Ah!
130
00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:02,623
- I missed you, my sexy wench.
131
00:06:02,666 --> 00:06:06,191
- How was your three-year
world your, my darling?
132
00:06:06,235 --> 00:06:08,237
- We're number one in Mongolia.
133
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:10,500
- You always were popular
with Mongoloids.
134
00:06:10,544 --> 00:06:12,415
[babbling]
- Hello, my newborn son.
135
00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:14,548
Your dad brought you a gift.
136
00:06:14,591 --> 00:06:17,594
[baby cooing]
137
00:06:17,638 --> 00:06:19,640
[heavy metal music]
138
00:06:20,641 --> 00:06:22,643
- Like father like son.
139
00:06:27,691 --> 00:06:30,172
- I think I see a flaw
with your plan, dude.
140
00:06:30,215 --> 00:06:32,566
If you've been on tour
for three years,
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00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:35,438
then that isn't your baby.
142
00:06:35,482 --> 00:06:38,876
- What are you saying?
- I'm saying that Jenny
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00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:41,096
is a two-timing slut.
- Who's a two-timing slut?
144
00:06:41,139 --> 00:06:42,663
- Future Jenny. Hey, Jenny.
145
00:06:42,706 --> 00:06:44,229
[sighing]
- Don't do anything
146
00:06:44,273 --> 00:06:47,058
to freak out Sharon or the baby,
okay?
147
00:06:47,102 --> 00:06:50,410
- What? I'm great with babies.
I'd make an awesome dad.
148
00:06:50,453 --> 00:06:51,976
- Just because
you delivered a baby
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00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:54,501
doesn't make you a father.
In fact, it makes you a midwife.
150
00:06:54,544 --> 00:06:56,154
[baby crying]
- Cheer up, Todd.
151
00:06:56,198 --> 00:06:58,940
Think of all the money we can
make as professional midwives.
152
00:06:58,983 --> 00:07:00,463
[whimpering]
- Oh, hey, how's it...
153
00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:04,293
- There's something wrong
with that baby!
154
00:07:04,336 --> 00:07:05,773
[loud shrieking]
155
00:07:05,816 --> 00:07:07,514
- Shut up, shut up, shut up,
156
00:07:07,557 --> 00:07:09,429
you stupid baby!
157
00:07:09,472 --> 00:07:11,518
- I don't like her.
158
00:07:13,171 --> 00:07:14,869
[baby crying]
159
00:07:16,653 --> 00:07:18,089
- Hey, Sharon!
160
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:21,441
Can you hear me?
161
00:07:21,484 --> 00:07:23,007
Hello!
[loud shrieking]
162
00:07:24,574 --> 00:07:26,924
- Shut up, shut up, shut up!
- Sharon!
163
00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:29,536
What did you do with the book?
164
00:07:29,579 --> 00:07:32,582
- It's nothing like I thought
it would be.
165
00:07:32,626 --> 00:07:35,106
I wanted a cute baby.
Instead, I got--
166
00:07:35,150 --> 00:07:37,718
- I don't give a rat's ass about
your miracle of motherhood.
167
00:07:37,761 --> 00:07:38,893
Where's the book?
168
00:07:38,936 --> 00:07:42,636
- I'm completely spent.
Every last drop.
169
00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:43,680
See?
170
00:07:43,724 --> 00:07:44,681
- No!
171
00:07:44,725 --> 00:07:46,857
- Ew!
172
00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:48,816
[baby crying]
[camera shutter clicking]
173
00:07:48,859 --> 00:07:50,470
Okay...
174
00:07:50,513 --> 00:07:53,429
the book's gotta be
around here somewhere.
175
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:54,648
[loud shrieking]
176
00:07:54,691 --> 00:07:56,563
Somebody shut that baby up!
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00:07:56,606 --> 00:07:58,695
[baby crying]
178
00:08:00,131 --> 00:08:02,046
[loud shrieking]
- Ah...
179
00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:04,614
- Stupid baby!
180
00:08:04,658 --> 00:08:05,746
- Okay, okay...
181
00:08:05,789 --> 00:08:07,530
Okay. It's okay, little dude.
182
00:08:07,574 --> 00:08:09,532
You don't need to cry.
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00:08:09,576 --> 00:08:11,491
[crying stops]
184
00:08:12,796 --> 00:08:14,189
[cooing]
185
00:08:14,232 --> 00:08:15,582
[laughing]
186
00:08:15,625 --> 00:08:17,540
Uh...
187
00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:19,803
Okay, so...
188
00:08:19,847 --> 00:08:22,980
how do you like being born
and stuff?
189
00:08:23,024 --> 00:08:24,373
- Dada?
190
00:08:24,416 --> 00:08:25,548
- No, no, I'm...
191
00:08:25,592 --> 00:08:27,507
No, I'm not... I'm not your dad.
192
00:08:27,550 --> 00:08:30,205
I'm just a dude
who pulled you out of your mom.
193
00:08:30,248 --> 00:08:32,642
- Dada!
194
00:08:32,686 --> 00:08:35,079
- No, my name is Todd.
195
00:08:35,123 --> 00:08:36,777
Say it. Todd.
196
00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:38,300
- Tata?
197
00:08:38,343 --> 00:08:40,128
No, um...
198
00:08:40,171 --> 00:08:42,739
How do I explain this
to a little dude?
199
00:08:42,783 --> 00:08:45,437
Your dad is... a book
200
00:08:45,481 --> 00:08:47,048
and he's an evil book too.
201
00:08:47,091 --> 00:08:50,094
But that doesn't mean
that you're evil.
202
00:08:50,138 --> 00:08:51,531
Maybe it does.
203
00:08:51,574 --> 00:08:52,923
- Dada! Dada!
204
00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:59,408
- Holy shit!
205
00:08:59,451 --> 00:09:01,366
The book is a blankie.
[gasping]
206
00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:02,498
- Jenny!
207
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,718
[crying]
- No, it's okay, little dude!
208
00:09:04,761 --> 00:09:06,067
You don't need to cry!
It's okay!
209
00:09:06,110 --> 00:09:07,634
- There it is!
- With this holy water,
210
00:09:07,677 --> 00:09:09,070
I shall smite thee!
- I'm just trying
211
00:09:09,113 --> 00:09:10,419
to separate you from your dad.
212
00:09:10,462 --> 00:09:12,769
- Ah! It's wet!
213
00:09:12,813 --> 00:09:15,119
- Be gone, foul demon!
In the name of the Lord,
214
00:09:15,163 --> 00:09:18,122
I command thee!
- Not him you idiot, the baby!
215
00:09:18,166 --> 00:09:20,560
Get the Devil out of the baby!
216
00:09:20,603 --> 00:09:23,432
- Thou shall not harm this...
- I just need the blanket!
217
00:09:25,956 --> 00:09:27,479
- Jesus Christ!
218
00:09:27,523 --> 00:09:28,916
[screaming]
219
00:09:28,959 --> 00:09:30,700
[gasping]
220
00:09:35,923 --> 00:09:37,838
- You'd make a great father,
Todd.
221
00:09:37,881 --> 00:09:40,623
- It wasn't my fault!
222
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:43,060
- How can that baby
already be walking?
223
00:09:43,104 --> 00:09:44,671
- They grow up so fast.
224
00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:51,242
[distant humming]
225
00:09:59,033 --> 00:10:00,600
- Dada?
226
00:10:03,037 --> 00:10:05,822
- Hello?
[cooing]
227
00:10:05,866 --> 00:10:08,346
Is that a baby?
[baby laughing]
228
00:10:10,871 --> 00:10:12,612
There, there! I'm coming.
229
00:10:15,876 --> 00:10:17,617
My gosh...
230
00:10:21,055 --> 00:10:24,493
What a big baby.
- Dada?
231
00:10:29,063 --> 00:10:31,065
[screaming]
[bones crushing]
232
00:10:33,197 --> 00:10:35,069
[school bell ringing]
233
00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:39,421
- Okay, if we were lost,
scared and rapidly growing,
234
00:10:39,464 --> 00:10:41,815
where would we go?
Think like a baby.
235
00:10:41,858 --> 00:10:43,468
- Babies can't think
for themselves,
236
00:10:43,512 --> 00:10:45,862
just like those bloated morons
who thought it was a good idea
237
00:10:45,906 --> 00:10:47,516
to get pregnant
in the first place.
238
00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:49,561
- I can't see myself
ever getting pregnant.
239
00:10:49,605 --> 00:10:52,477
- I hate babies too!
- Well, that's not what I mean.
240
00:10:52,521 --> 00:10:54,654
- I mean, why would you ever
wanna bring a kid
241
00:10:54,697 --> 00:10:56,525
into this fucked up world?
- Yeah, I completely agree.
242
00:10:56,568 --> 00:10:58,440
I mean, the Earth
is overpopulated as it is,
243
00:10:58,483 --> 00:11:00,572
scientists predict
that by 2035--
244
00:11:00,616 --> 00:11:02,923
- And it totally ruins
your body.
245
00:11:02,966 --> 00:11:04,794
Two words: cracked nipples.
246
00:11:04,838 --> 00:11:06,230
- That sounds painful.
247
00:11:06,274 --> 00:11:08,189
- I mean, if I wanted someone
leeching off of me,
248
00:11:08,232 --> 00:11:09,320
I'd get a boyfriend.
249
00:11:09,364 --> 00:11:10,670
- Now that you mention it,
250
00:11:10,713 --> 00:11:12,236
babies are kind of
like parasites, aren't they?
251
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:13,629
Breathing your breath,
252
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:14,761
eating your food,
253
00:11:14,804 --> 00:11:16,676
waiting to burst out of you
254
00:11:16,719 --> 00:11:18,416
at any moment.
Although I would adopt.
255
00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:20,027
- No. Babies are trouble,
just like the guys
256
00:11:20,070 --> 00:11:21,768
that give them to you.
257
00:11:21,811 --> 00:11:22,943
They're loud, they're messy
258
00:11:22,986 --> 00:11:24,727
and they just wanna snack
on your boobs.
259
00:11:24,771 --> 00:11:28,557
Guys give you babies
so they can control you.
260
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:30,733
- You're very angry.
- Thank you,
261
00:11:30,777 --> 00:11:33,823
but I'm just a straight shooter.
262
00:11:33,867 --> 00:11:36,086
- Maybe if the right man
came along...
263
00:11:36,130 --> 00:11:39,220
- No. Trust me, Hannah.
Guys don't care about babies.
264
00:11:39,263 --> 00:11:41,352
They just care
about making them.
265
00:11:41,396 --> 00:11:43,050
- Man, all these chicks
getting pregnant,
266
00:11:43,093 --> 00:11:46,009
not one of them asked me
to knock them up.
267
00:11:46,053 --> 00:11:48,229
- Hey, cheer up, Todd.
It's not your fault
268
00:11:48,272 --> 00:11:50,100
your baby went AWOL.
These things happen.
269
00:11:50,144 --> 00:11:53,451
My parents have been trying
to get rid of me for years.
270
00:11:53,495 --> 00:11:55,279
- It's not my baby, Curtis.
- You did say
271
00:11:55,323 --> 00:11:57,455
it was calling you Dada
in the baby room.
272
00:11:57,499 --> 00:11:59,544
- It's a baby. It calls
everything Dada or Mama.
273
00:11:59,588 --> 00:12:01,938
Also, that baby is evil.
It was spawned by the book.
274
00:12:01,982 --> 00:12:05,812
- Evil or not, we gotta name it
something tough.
275
00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:08,945
Now, we could call it Punch,
Slap, Elbow...
276
00:12:08,989 --> 00:12:11,426
- Naming it Elbow
doesn't make it tough.
277
00:12:11,469 --> 00:12:12,993
- Jax!
- No.
278
00:12:13,036 --> 00:12:15,647
- You know what, Todd? Why don't
you think of a name, then?
279
00:12:15,691 --> 00:12:17,388
- Okay, um...
280
00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:19,869
How about... Brunt?
281
00:12:19,913 --> 00:12:21,958
- Yeah, we better hope
it's not a fat kid.
282
00:12:22,002 --> 00:12:23,525
- I like Brunt!
- Well, I like Jax!
283
00:12:23,568 --> 00:12:27,398
- Okay, well, we could
combine the two, Jax and Brunt.
284
00:12:27,442 --> 00:12:28,835
- Yeah! Jrunt!
285
00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:31,620
- I was thinking more like Brax.
286
00:12:31,663 --> 00:12:33,796
- Brax...
287
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,842
It sounds like a soldier
from the future.
288
00:12:35,885 --> 00:12:39,193
[together]: Wicked!
289
00:12:39,236 --> 00:12:41,456
- ... dreamt I was a soldier
from the future.
290
00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:43,414
- I was.
- Oh, yeah, you were there.
291
00:12:43,458 --> 00:12:46,417
- Whoa!
- Wow, what's going on?
292
00:12:46,461 --> 00:12:48,419
- They're peeling Miss Lily
off the floor,
293
00:12:48,463 --> 00:12:49,943
or what's left of her.
294
00:12:51,858 --> 00:12:53,163
- Apparently, someone spotted
295
00:12:53,207 --> 00:12:55,557
a huge baby entering the school
late last night.
296
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,429
- You think it might be Brax?
- You mean the third star
297
00:12:58,473 --> 00:13:00,344
in the Corin Minor
Constellation?
298
00:13:00,388 --> 00:13:03,652
- No, we named the baby Brax.
- Typical.
299
00:13:03,695 --> 00:13:06,307
You guys have all the fun
like naming babies
300
00:13:06,350 --> 00:13:08,962
while Hannah and I do
all the serious work.
301
00:13:09,005 --> 00:13:10,702
- What serious work?
- Shut up.
302
00:13:10,746 --> 00:13:13,270
[disgusted reactions]
303
00:13:14,968 --> 00:13:17,753
- Ah, gross!
- So judging by what just
304
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,102
happened to Miss Lily,
305
00:13:19,146 --> 00:13:20,756
I'd say we're not dealing
with a helpless baby.
306
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,845
- It may not even be a baby
anymore. Who knows
307
00:13:22,889 --> 00:13:24,020
how big it's grown by now.
308
00:13:24,064 --> 00:13:26,153
- Dude, I just had
a horrible thought.
309
00:13:26,196 --> 00:13:29,243
You might have to quit school
and get a job.
310
00:13:29,286 --> 00:13:31,071
You know, to support
little Brax.
311
00:13:31,114 --> 00:13:32,855
- What the hell
are you talking about, Curtis?
312
00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:35,162
- The baby thinks Todd
is his daddy.
313
00:13:35,205 --> 00:13:36,903
[sighing]
He even stops crying
314
00:13:36,946 --> 00:13:38,513
when Todd's around.
And you thought Todd
315
00:13:38,556 --> 00:13:41,037
would make a terrible father.
In your face, Jenny.
316
00:13:41,081 --> 00:13:43,561
- You never mentioned
any of this.
317
00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:46,390
- That's 'cause it's irrelevant,
Jenny. It's not my baby.
318
00:13:46,434 --> 00:13:48,697
- Have you seen my baby?
My baby?
319
00:13:48,740 --> 00:13:50,960
- It's her baby.
- Have you seen my baby?
320
00:13:51,004 --> 00:13:52,483
[sighing]
321
00:13:52,527 --> 00:13:54,834
Have you seen my baby?
- Oh, so now
322
00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:57,401
you wanna be a mom?
Make up your mind, will you?
323
00:13:57,445 --> 00:14:00,535
- I want my baby!
Will you help me find him?
324
00:14:00,578 --> 00:14:03,059
Has anyone seen my baby?
325
00:14:03,103 --> 00:14:05,714
- What? No, no!
I'm terrible with kids.
326
00:14:05,757 --> 00:14:06,976
You said so yourself, Jenny.
327
00:14:07,020 --> 00:14:09,979
- We find the baby,
we find the book.
328
00:14:10,023 --> 00:14:13,156
[sighing angrily]
- I hate it when you're right.
329
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,637
Okay, Sharon.
330
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:17,682
I'll help you find
your baby Brax.
331
00:14:17,726 --> 00:14:18,901
- Who?
332
00:14:18,945 --> 00:14:21,338
- We named your baby... Brax.
333
00:14:21,382 --> 00:14:23,863
- No, his name's Agamemnon.
334
00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:25,386
- God, kill me.
335
00:14:25,429 --> 00:14:27,301
- What? It's a classical
Greek name.
336
00:14:28,824 --> 00:14:30,260
- You'll make a great mother.
337
00:14:30,304 --> 00:14:32,654
- Okay, can we go now?
Thank you.
338
00:14:32,697 --> 00:14:34,830
[phone ringing]
339
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,358
- Hello?
- Atticus! Why have you not yet
340
00:14:41,402 --> 00:14:45,710
found the book?
My patience is running out!
341
00:14:45,754 --> 00:14:48,800
- It's... um...
I do have a job, Your Evilness.
342
00:14:48,844 --> 00:14:50,759
Like, my apologies, but...
343
00:14:50,802 --> 00:14:52,935
it's hard work
being a guidance counsellor.
344
00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:54,937
[heavy steps]
345
00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:56,983
[baby laughing]
346
00:14:58,854 --> 00:15:01,335
I'll call you back.
- Atticus!
347
00:15:09,082 --> 00:15:10,910
[cooing]
348
00:15:12,389 --> 00:15:13,913
- Dada!
349
00:15:18,091 --> 00:15:20,136
[sparking]
350
00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:22,573
- Sweet mother of Satan!
351
00:15:22,617 --> 00:15:25,402
The book is a blankie?
352
00:15:28,362 --> 00:15:30,233
[cooing]
Hello...
353
00:15:30,277 --> 00:15:31,931
Mister Baby.
354
00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:34,150
Atticus...
355
00:15:34,194 --> 00:15:36,674
who is who I am...
356
00:15:36,718 --> 00:15:38,720
is here to... help you.
357
00:15:40,374 --> 00:15:43,246
Sorry, Mister Baby.
358
00:15:44,334 --> 00:15:46,684
[growling]
359
00:15:47,642 --> 00:15:49,644
[roaring]
360
00:15:49,687 --> 00:15:52,864
Smooth move, Atticus.
[heavy metal music]
361
00:15:52,908 --> 00:15:55,171
[roaring]
362
00:15:55,215 --> 00:15:56,607
[loud shrieking]
363
00:15:58,218 --> 00:16:00,829
[screaming]
364
00:16:03,875 --> 00:16:06,748
- We won't lose you again, Brax!
Hold on, I'm coming!
365
00:16:06,791 --> 00:16:08,619
- Have you seen my baby?
Are you sure?
366
00:16:08,663 --> 00:16:10,317
[screaming]
367
00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:18,978
♪ Everyday when the knife
in my back ♪
368
00:16:19,021 --> 00:16:21,110
♪ Starts to twinge and turn
369
00:16:21,154 --> 00:16:25,723
♪ One foot away from you
is like being closer to Heaven ♪
370
00:16:25,767 --> 00:16:29,814
♪ Then again it's like
being needled 24/7 ♪♪
371
00:16:35,385 --> 00:16:37,126
- Oh... hi, kids.
372
00:16:37,170 --> 00:16:39,476
- Are you okay, Mr. Murphy?
- I'm wonderful.
373
00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:42,262
Could you do me a favour?
[bones crushing]
374
00:16:42,305 --> 00:16:45,787
Save me from this big bad baby!
375
00:16:45,830 --> 00:16:47,354
[grunting]
376
00:16:50,357 --> 00:16:51,314
- Huh...
377
00:16:51,358 --> 00:16:53,577
Hey there, Brax.
378
00:16:53,621 --> 00:16:56,058
[cooing]
It's okay.
379
00:16:56,102 --> 00:16:57,494
I'm here for you.
380
00:16:57,538 --> 00:16:59,670
- Dada?
- Yeah!
381
00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:02,238
That's right, your...
382
00:17:02,282 --> 00:17:05,241
Your... dada is here.
383
00:17:05,285 --> 00:17:09,289
- No! No! Damn it!
384
00:17:09,332 --> 00:17:10,246
Come back here!
385
00:17:10,290 --> 00:17:11,769
- The book blankie thingie!
386
00:17:15,773 --> 00:17:17,906
- Dada!
387
00:17:17,949 --> 00:17:19,168
- You sure have gotten...
388
00:17:19,212 --> 00:17:20,952
gigantic, haven't you.
389
00:17:21,823 --> 00:17:24,173
- No, Todd...!
[grunting]
390
00:17:24,217 --> 00:17:27,524
- Easy, easy, easy...
391
00:17:27,568 --> 00:17:29,700
Yeah. That wasn't so hard.
392
00:17:29,744 --> 00:17:31,267
You gotta learn to chill out.
393
00:17:31,311 --> 00:17:33,226
When you're old enough,
394
00:17:33,269 --> 00:17:35,097
I'm gonna introduce you
to a beautiful thing called...
395
00:17:35,141 --> 00:17:37,317
marijuana.
[cooing]
396
00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:39,406
- Wow. I wish I had a dad
like Todd.
397
00:17:39,449 --> 00:17:41,103
- I think like he's some sort
398
00:17:41,147 --> 00:17:44,324
of baby whisperer.
- See? there you go.
399
00:17:44,367 --> 00:17:47,544
- More like a Book of Pure Evil
whisperer.
400
00:17:47,588 --> 00:17:49,546
- Baby!
401
00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:51,418
Mommy's really sorry
she yelled at you!
402
00:17:51,461 --> 00:17:53,115
- You hear that?
403
00:17:53,159 --> 00:17:55,335
It's your mommy calling.
404
00:17:55,378 --> 00:17:58,207
She may not be the best mom
in the entire world,
405
00:17:58,251 --> 00:18:00,383
but you should
give her a chance, okay?
406
00:18:00,427 --> 00:18:03,082
Go on.
[cooing]
407
00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:05,127
Go to her.
408
00:18:05,171 --> 00:18:06,389
For me.
409
00:18:15,355 --> 00:18:17,444
- Bye-bye!
410
00:18:25,321 --> 00:18:27,410
Ah!
411
00:18:27,454 --> 00:18:30,152
[gasping]
[laughing]
412
00:18:30,196 --> 00:18:31,327
- Baby!
413
00:18:33,242 --> 00:18:35,418
[screaming]
414
00:18:35,462 --> 00:18:37,986
[heavy thud]
415
00:18:38,029 --> 00:18:39,466
- Whoa!
416
00:18:39,509 --> 00:18:41,250
It's okay, Brax!
Everything's okay!
417
00:18:41,294 --> 00:18:43,557
[cooing]
418
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,212
- Sure, he just squashed
his mother to death, that's all.
419
00:18:46,255 --> 00:18:48,866
- And Miss Lily.
- It's better if we just say
420
00:18:48,910 --> 00:18:51,347
he killed them with kindness.
- Gimme a break!
421
00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:54,002
That big bad baby
is a menace to society.
422
00:18:54,045 --> 00:18:55,264
- He's not bad, Jenny.
423
00:18:55,308 --> 00:18:58,224
He's just misunderstood.
424
00:18:58,267 --> 00:18:59,834
Like me.
425
00:19:01,270 --> 00:19:03,054
[burping]
426
00:19:03,098 --> 00:19:05,796
[all]: Oh...!
427
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:08,147
[laughing]
428
00:19:10,975 --> 00:19:12,890
[sighing]
- I'm gonna miss Brax.
429
00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:16,894
- Maybe we shouldn't have
given him such an evil name.
430
00:19:16,938 --> 00:19:18,244
- Yeah...
431
00:19:18,287 --> 00:19:19,984
- Oh, that's
an interesting debate.
432
00:19:20,028 --> 00:19:23,205
I mean, are we born
or are we created...
433
00:19:23,249 --> 00:19:25,512
- Uh... I'm pretty sure
we're born, Hannah.
434
00:19:25,555 --> 00:19:27,644
I watched it happen
like yesterday.
435
00:19:27,688 --> 00:19:30,647
- I mean... is it nature--
- Shh!
436
00:19:30,691 --> 00:19:33,128
Let them have this one.
437
00:19:34,477 --> 00:19:36,262
- Those paramedics
sure got here fast.
438
00:19:36,305 --> 00:19:38,655
- Yeah, I always see them
parked up the street.
439
00:19:38,699 --> 00:19:40,875
- Huh, makes sense.
- Do you think it's 'cause
440
00:19:40,918 --> 00:19:43,094
of all the kids who, like,
die here?
441
00:19:43,138 --> 00:19:44,922
- Probably.
442
00:19:49,144 --> 00:19:51,233
- Do we have to wait forever?
443
00:19:51,277 --> 00:19:54,149
- When he's ready,
he'll come to us.
444
00:19:55,498 --> 00:19:57,283
- What a loser.
445
00:19:59,285 --> 00:20:01,983
- Pure evil loser.
446
00:20:07,728 --> 00:20:10,557
- The book changes shape,
but only sometimes.
447
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,167
Why is that?
448
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:16,476
- Maybe it's getting bored doing
the same thing all the time.
449
00:20:16,519 --> 00:20:18,956
- Does anyone have
any real theories?
450
00:20:20,697 --> 00:20:22,308
[sighing]
[school bell ringing]
451
00:20:24,745 --> 00:20:27,487
[moaning]
- Oh, hey, Jenny.
452
00:20:27,530 --> 00:20:31,186
So, if you ever decide
that you wanna have a kid,
453
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,144
you know where to go, right?
454
00:20:33,188 --> 00:20:36,017
- Yeah, to a sperm bank.
- But... come on!
455
00:20:36,060 --> 00:20:38,280
Admit it. I'm great with kids.
456
00:20:38,324 --> 00:20:42,458
- Maybe, or maybe you just have
a weird connection to the book.
457
00:20:42,502 --> 00:20:44,199
- What are you getting at?
458
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,506
- I don't know, Todd.
It's like...
459
00:20:46,549 --> 00:20:48,377
the book treats you differently.
460
00:20:48,421 --> 00:20:50,945
I mean, the big bad baby
called you Dad.
461
00:20:50,988 --> 00:20:53,034
Bailey's monster cock
spoke to you.
462
00:20:53,077 --> 00:20:55,036
The homunculus looked like you.
463
00:20:55,079 --> 00:20:56,342
It's a lot of little things,
464
00:20:56,385 --> 00:20:58,692
but I think they might
add up to something.
465
00:20:58,735 --> 00:21:01,216
Just--
- Good news, kids!
466
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:03,436
The baby's been destroyed.
- What?!
467
00:21:03,479 --> 00:21:05,438
- Just kidding.
He's been adopted.
468
00:21:05,481 --> 00:21:07,309
- By who?
469
00:21:07,353 --> 00:21:09,485
- Oh, the parents prefer
to remain anonymous.
470
00:21:09,529 --> 00:21:12,706
All you need to know is...
he's in a loving environment.
471
00:21:14,621 --> 00:21:16,100
- Oh...!
472
00:21:16,144 --> 00:21:18,581
[soft baby music]
473
00:21:18,625 --> 00:21:22,019
[cooing]
474
00:21:25,066 --> 00:21:27,286
- Oh, it's a cute son...
32883
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