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1
00:00:03,220 --> 00:00:05,135
- I really don't understand
this one.
2
00:00:05,179 --> 00:00:08,312
- What's not to understand?
That idiot used the book.
3
00:00:08,356 --> 00:00:10,488
- Well, maybe we shouldn't
jump to conclusions.
4
00:00:10,532 --> 00:00:12,360
- Curtis has been turned
to stone
5
00:00:12,403 --> 00:00:15,102
and he's holding
the Book of Pure Evil.
6
00:00:15,145 --> 00:00:17,147
Do you know anything about this,
Todd?
7
00:00:17,191 --> 00:00:20,716
- No. Why would I know anything
about this?
8
00:00:20,759 --> 00:00:23,197
- Ah... so Curtis used the book
for some unknown reason and,
9
00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:26,200
as a consequence,
he's been turned to stone?
10
00:00:26,243 --> 00:00:29,072
Why did he use the book?
- Isn't it obvious?
11
00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:32,467
He wanted to be permanently...
stoned.
12
00:00:32,510 --> 00:00:34,164
- That doesn't follow
the paradigm of the book.
13
00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:35,948
If he used the book,
shouldn't there be
14
00:00:35,992 --> 00:00:37,689
a negative effect
on the rest of the school?
15
00:00:37,733 --> 00:00:39,300
- Okay, whatever.
16
00:00:39,343 --> 00:00:41,606
Let's just get him out of here
before someone pisses on him.
17
00:00:41,650 --> 00:00:44,827
[all]: Eww.
- Okay...
18
00:00:44,870 --> 00:00:46,394
before someone else
pisses on him.
19
00:00:46,437 --> 00:00:49,092
[sparking]
20
00:00:49,136 --> 00:00:50,833
[heavy metal]
21
00:00:56,447 --> 00:00:59,581
- Okay... we need to figure out
how Curtis got the book.
22
00:00:59,624 --> 00:01:01,322
[grunting]
23
00:01:01,365 --> 00:01:03,933
Who was the last person
to see him pre-statue?
24
00:01:03,976 --> 00:01:05,717
- Well...
25
00:01:05,761 --> 00:01:08,198
I did see Curtis earlier today
when he was normal,
26
00:01:08,242 --> 00:01:09,286
walkie-talkie Curtis.
27
00:01:09,330 --> 00:01:11,027
- What were you guys
talking about?
28
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,551
- Well, I'd love to tell you,
but under guidance counsellor
29
00:01:13,595 --> 00:01:16,076
student rules of confidentiality
I can't talk about it.
30
00:01:18,121 --> 00:01:21,081
But... I can show you.
31
00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:25,955
- Oh... this isn't right.
32
00:01:25,998 --> 00:01:27,783
These kids come to you
for private guidance
33
00:01:27,826 --> 00:01:30,264
and you film them?
- Show me the sign in here
34
00:01:30,307 --> 00:01:32,266
that says I don't videotape
these sessions.
35
00:01:32,309 --> 00:01:33,571
- And that makes it okay?
36
00:01:33,615 --> 00:01:35,269
You can do a horrible thing
37
00:01:35,312 --> 00:01:37,227
because you didn't say
you wouldn't?
38
00:01:37,271 --> 00:01:40,361
- It's just for my private
records. Nobody sees it but me.
39
00:01:44,365 --> 00:01:47,890
And the AV club, I suppose.
They edit it.
40
00:01:47,933 --> 00:01:49,109
- The AV club...
41
00:01:49,152 --> 00:01:50,893
- I've got five cameras.
42
00:01:50,936 --> 00:01:54,505
I can't edit all this footage
by myself.
43
00:01:54,549 --> 00:01:57,204
[beeping]
44
00:01:59,206 --> 00:02:00,381
[sighing]
45
00:02:08,737 --> 00:02:11,131
- Is it as tiny
as this pencil eraser?
46
00:02:12,306 --> 00:02:14,264
- Dude, my friend's penis
is small,
47
00:02:14,308 --> 00:02:16,397
but we don't need to know
how small.
48
00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:19,356
- Is it as small
as this baby carrot?
49
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:20,966
[Atticus laughing]
50
00:02:21,010 --> 00:02:22,620
- Hey, maybe I should go talk
to somebody else.
51
00:02:22,664 --> 00:02:24,405
- No, no, I'm here for you.
- 'Cause you're here?
52
00:02:24,448 --> 00:02:27,495
- No, I mean you're not alone
in having a penis as small
53
00:02:27,538 --> 00:02:29,540
as this staple remover?
54
00:02:31,194 --> 00:02:33,240
- I told you that
this isn't about me.
55
00:02:35,981 --> 00:02:38,288
And for the record,
my penis is the size
56
00:02:38,332 --> 00:02:40,290
of like three
of those staple removers.
57
00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:42,510
Two and a half. Somewhere
between two and a half
58
00:02:42,553 --> 00:02:46,078
and three staple removers
in length.
59
00:02:46,122 --> 00:02:48,298
You know what? Uh... forget it.
60
00:02:48,342 --> 00:02:50,779
I'm just gonna talk
to Bailey myself.
61
00:02:52,215 --> 00:02:53,216
- Okay.
62
00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:56,045
- Okay.
- Bailey, um...
63
00:02:56,088 --> 00:02:58,439
I completely missed that
the first time around.
64
00:02:58,482 --> 00:03:00,310
He must be referring
to Bailey Morris,
65
00:03:00,354 --> 00:03:01,659
the school bully.
66
00:03:01,703 --> 00:03:04,880
Something to do with
that incident this morning
67
00:03:04,923 --> 00:03:06,142
between Curtis, Bailey...
68
00:03:08,144 --> 00:03:09,928
...and you.
69
00:03:11,147 --> 00:03:12,148
- Sit down.
70
00:03:13,758 --> 00:03:15,673
Is this about the picture
that you sent me?
71
00:03:15,717 --> 00:03:18,850
- Oh, that was from you? Gross.
- There were pictures?
72
00:03:18,894 --> 00:03:20,025
Gross pictures?
73
00:03:20,069 --> 00:03:22,158
- Spill it, Todd.
There might be a clue.
74
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:25,509
- Yeah... maybe.
75
00:03:26,641 --> 00:03:28,295
- Hold him still,
hold him still.
76
00:03:28,338 --> 00:03:30,862
- What are you... No!
- I have a message for him
77
00:03:30,906 --> 00:03:32,690
from beyond the grave.
78
00:03:32,734 --> 00:03:34,170
- This guy makes me sick.
79
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:36,085
- Listen carefully
to what the spirits say.
80
00:03:36,128 --> 00:03:37,739
- What?!
[farting]
81
00:03:37,782 --> 00:03:40,263
- I think his dead grandmother's
trying to tell him something.
82
00:03:40,307 --> 00:03:43,179
- My grandmother's
not even dead!
83
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:46,269
- Man, I can't watch this.
- I can't not watch this.
84
00:03:46,313 --> 00:03:48,576
It's a kind of genius
at work here.
85
00:03:48,619 --> 00:03:50,665
- Yes, I can feel the message
building,
86
00:03:50,708 --> 00:03:52,797
coming through
from the other side.
87
00:03:52,841 --> 00:03:54,625
- Anybody can just fart
in somebody's face.
88
00:03:54,669 --> 00:03:56,236
[farting]
89
00:03:56,279 --> 00:03:59,108
Why is he dressing it up like
a message from beyond death?
90
00:03:59,151 --> 00:04:02,154
He really goes the extra mile.
- Don't do this!
91
00:04:02,198 --> 00:04:04,287
[farting]
No! No!
92
00:04:04,331 --> 00:04:06,985
- I've got an idea.
Get your cellphone out.
93
00:04:07,029 --> 00:04:08,509
I want you to take a picture.
94
00:04:08,552 --> 00:04:10,467
- His granny's not done
talking to him yet.
95
00:04:10,511 --> 00:04:13,775
- What am I taking a picture of?
- You'll know when you see it.
96
00:04:16,604 --> 00:04:18,997
[laughing]
[whimpering]
97
00:04:19,041 --> 00:04:21,304
[camera shutter clicking]
[whimpering]
98
00:04:23,872 --> 00:04:26,222
- You two are dead! Dead!
99
00:04:30,574 --> 00:04:32,359
- What? He said we were dead,
100
00:04:32,402 --> 00:04:34,796
not, "I'm gonna turn you guys
into statues."
101
00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:36,450
- Still motive, though.
102
00:04:38,147 --> 00:04:39,714
- There is more motive.
103
00:04:39,757 --> 00:04:42,020
Right, Todd?
- Yeah...
104
00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:47,287
I might've motivated him...
a bit more.
105
00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:50,507
Oh! Oh, man!
106
00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:53,423
It's practically non-existent!
107
00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:56,557
- Is that tiny?
- Dude...
108
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:58,515
that is beyond tiny.
109
00:05:00,169 --> 00:05:02,345
[beeping]
- Hey... what did you do?
110
00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:05,522
- I just sent that photo
to everybody in school.
111
00:05:05,566 --> 00:05:07,394
- You're gonna humiliate him?
112
00:05:07,437 --> 00:05:09,874
- That's the plan.
113
00:05:09,918 --> 00:05:11,398
Total humiliannihilation.
114
00:05:11,441 --> 00:05:14,183
Which means that either
Bailey will find the book,
115
00:05:14,226 --> 00:05:15,880
or the book will find him.
116
00:05:15,924 --> 00:05:19,536
- But don't you feel bad
about using Bailey as book bait?
117
00:05:19,580 --> 00:05:22,060
Maybe he's a bully
because he feels inadequate.
118
00:05:22,104 --> 00:05:24,933
We should be telling him
it's okay to have a small penis,
119
00:05:24,976 --> 00:05:27,196
not set the powers of pure evil
on him.
120
00:05:27,239 --> 00:05:31,679
- Dude... it is totally not okay
to have a small penis.
121
00:05:34,116 --> 00:05:36,336
What? I didn't make the rules.
122
00:05:38,076 --> 00:05:39,730
- What did you label it?
I'm not seeing it.
123
00:05:39,774 --> 00:05:41,689
- Bailey Morris' small penis.
124
00:05:41,732 --> 00:05:43,038
- Oh, yes...
125
00:05:43,081 --> 00:05:45,127
there it is. Oh, my God!
126
00:05:45,170 --> 00:05:48,783
You gotta blow it up
just to see anything at all!
127
00:05:48,826 --> 00:05:50,437
[laughing]
- Anyway... Curtis must've tried
128
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,308
to get the book from Bailey
129
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,310
and then...I don't know,
130
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,094
Bailey must've somehow
turned Curtis into stone.
131
00:05:56,138 --> 00:05:58,227
- And where were you
when all this happened?
132
00:06:01,665 --> 00:06:02,840
Todd...
133
00:06:05,626 --> 00:06:08,629
- So tiny...
[giggling]
134
00:06:08,672 --> 00:06:11,327
- Hey!
[sighing]
135
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,938
You got stoned and forgot
your whole plan, didn't you.
136
00:06:13,982 --> 00:06:16,506
- Yeah...
- Now your best friend
137
00:06:16,550 --> 00:06:18,378
is a statue!
- Yeah,
138
00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:20,031
but that wasn't
part of the plan.
139
00:06:20,075 --> 00:06:22,425
- This is why you're not
in charge.
140
00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:24,253
- Hey, can we just
get off me and back
141
00:06:24,296 --> 00:06:25,820
onto Curtis, please?
- Right. Let's just find Bailey.
142
00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:30,477
[laughter]
- How's it hanging, Tiny?
143
00:06:31,086 --> 00:06:33,610
- Sweet pictures, Tiny,
seriously.
144
00:06:34,872 --> 00:06:37,484
- How's your teenie weenie
peenie?
145
00:06:39,529 --> 00:06:43,098
- You must need
a magnifying glass to jerk off!
146
00:06:45,492 --> 00:06:48,190
- Show us your baby dick!
147
00:06:48,233 --> 00:06:49,844
- Baby dick!
- You know...
148
00:06:49,887 --> 00:06:53,500
it's not nice to bully someone
even if that someone is a bully.
149
00:06:54,675 --> 00:06:56,416
Bullies are people too.
150
00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:58,418
We have feelings, you know?
151
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,508
We just express them
differently.
152
00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:04,032
Usually by wailing on someone.
153
00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:06,687
Look...
154
00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:10,691
all I ask is that you show me
the respect
155
00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:14,216
that I didn't show you. Okay?
156
00:07:16,610 --> 00:07:20,701
[all]: Baby dick! Baby dick!
Baby dick! Baby dick!
157
00:07:20,744 --> 00:07:23,443
- I'll show you baby dick.
158
00:07:24,618 --> 00:07:25,619
[screaming]
159
00:07:27,055 --> 00:07:29,274
[screaming]
160
00:07:33,627 --> 00:07:36,630
- Oh... let's change
into our gym clothes.
161
00:07:36,673 --> 00:07:38,066
- There's no time.
Something's happening.
162
00:07:38,109 --> 00:07:39,720
- Yeah, yeah, I know.
That's what we normally do,
163
00:07:39,763 --> 00:07:41,939
but then I get blood all over
my good clothes,
164
00:07:41,983 --> 00:07:43,854
and I'd rather get blood
on my gym clothes.
165
00:07:43,898 --> 00:07:45,726
- You're serious?
- Yeah, I'm serious.
166
00:07:45,769 --> 00:07:47,945
Blood washes out
of cheap cotton fabric.
167
00:07:47,989 --> 00:07:50,034
It doesn't wash out of lace.
168
00:07:50,078 --> 00:07:54,604
- Well... these pants
did cost $35.
169
00:07:54,648 --> 00:07:56,650
[screaming]
170
00:08:02,612 --> 00:08:04,222
- See?
171
00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:07,574
There's more freedom
of movement, right?
172
00:08:07,617 --> 00:08:09,663
- I feel like I'm dressed
for speed.
173
00:08:11,447 --> 00:08:13,580
[screaming]
- This way! This way!
174
00:08:15,451 --> 00:08:17,018
- It's spreading.
175
00:08:31,206 --> 00:08:33,513
- Move!
[screaming]
176
00:08:33,556 --> 00:08:34,949
- Dude...
177
00:08:34,992 --> 00:08:35,993
Whoa, easy...
178
00:08:36,037 --> 00:08:38,735
Tell us what you saw, man.
179
00:08:38,779 --> 00:08:41,695
[whispering]: Todd, he's blind!
180
00:08:41,738 --> 00:08:43,871
- Oh...
181
00:08:43,914 --> 00:08:45,437
[shouting]: Sorry, dude!
182
00:08:45,481 --> 00:08:48,092
- Aaron, what happened?
- You wouldn't believe it.
183
00:08:48,136 --> 00:08:51,008
- Oh, we'd completely
believe it.
184
00:08:51,052 --> 00:08:54,272
- I... heard them screaming,
and then nothing.
185
00:08:54,316 --> 00:08:56,405
But something rubbed past me.
186
00:08:56,448 --> 00:08:58,799
I felt it. It touched me.
187
00:08:58,842 --> 00:09:00,888
It rubbed itself all over me.
188
00:09:00,931 --> 00:09:04,195
It was horrible.
It was rubbing and touching
189
00:09:04,239 --> 00:09:05,893
and rubbing and touching and...
190
00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:10,332
- What the fuck?!
Somebody just slapped me.
191
00:09:10,375 --> 00:09:11,420
- Oh, Mr. Murphy!
192
00:09:14,423 --> 00:09:15,772
- What the fuck?!
[sobbing]
193
00:09:15,816 --> 00:09:17,513
- Todd told me to.
194
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,123
- Could we stop slapping Aaron
for five seconds?
195
00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:21,996
- Aaron, forget them.
What touched you?
196
00:09:22,039 --> 00:09:25,826
- It... it felt
like a giant penis.
197
00:09:25,869 --> 00:09:29,569
A giant snaky penis.
198
00:09:30,918 --> 00:09:33,703
But that's impossible, right?
199
00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:37,228
- Dude, do you even go
to this school?
200
00:09:38,839 --> 00:09:40,580
[screaming]
201
00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:46,020
[phone ringing]
202
00:09:49,806 --> 00:09:50,981
- Hello?
- Atticus!
203
00:09:51,025 --> 00:09:52,722
- Oh, it's you.
204
00:09:52,766 --> 00:09:54,550
- Our patience with you
205
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:57,466
is wearing thin.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
206
00:09:57,509 --> 00:09:59,816
I've got the book.
207
00:10:01,557 --> 00:10:03,037
Relax, I'll be right there.
208
00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:04,995
[distant screaming]
209
00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:07,041
Don't get your robe in a knot.
210
00:10:15,353 --> 00:10:17,921
Oh, hi, Todd.
211
00:10:17,965 --> 00:10:19,880
- Are you trying to chisel off
Curtis' arm?
212
00:10:19,923 --> 00:10:22,491
- Oh, it's his prosthetic arm.
213
00:10:24,058 --> 00:10:26,756
Oh, my God, it's not! Oh...
214
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:29,716
I'll leave you too alone.
215
00:10:32,893 --> 00:10:35,852
[screaming]
216
00:10:35,896 --> 00:10:38,333
- Just keep running!
- Oh, my God!
217
00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:40,335
Get me outta here...
218
00:10:44,078 --> 00:10:46,471
- Hey, dude. Um...
219
00:10:46,515 --> 00:10:49,866
I know you can't hear me,
but... I just...
220
00:10:49,910 --> 00:10:53,478
I wanted to say I'm really sorry
about...
221
00:10:53,522 --> 00:10:56,046
Well...
222
00:10:56,090 --> 00:10:59,049
Sometimes, I act before I think
223
00:10:59,093 --> 00:11:01,617
and it just...
224
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:04,794
It seems to like
really mess everything up.
225
00:11:04,838 --> 00:11:08,755
So I'm sorry about what I said
about you having a small...
226
00:11:10,452 --> 00:11:11,801
You know.
227
00:11:11,845 --> 00:11:14,761
But... if it makes you feel
any better,
228
00:11:14,804 --> 00:11:17,764
I heard some chicks really like
guys with small...
229
00:11:17,807 --> 00:11:19,983
[soft music]
230
00:11:20,027 --> 00:11:22,682
You know, as long
as you're good with your hands.
231
00:11:24,031 --> 00:11:26,424
Well, hand, um...
232
00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:29,079
But I mean, you've only got
the one, right, so...
233
00:11:29,123 --> 00:11:30,994
you're probably really,
really good with it.
234
00:11:31,038 --> 00:11:34,824
You know, kinda like how blind
people can hear really well.
235
00:11:34,868 --> 00:11:36,521
Oh, hey!
We met a blind guy today
236
00:11:36,565 --> 00:11:38,523
and he was cool.
He wasn't creepy at all.
237
00:11:44,051 --> 00:11:46,444
What...
238
00:11:46,488 --> 00:11:48,490
what I guess
I'm trying to say is...
239
00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:54,496
It's totally okay
if you have a small penis.
240
00:11:57,064 --> 00:12:00,502
[distant screaming]
241
00:12:00,545 --> 00:12:03,679
- Maybe we could pry the book
out of Curtis' arms.
242
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:04,985
- Tried that. Didn't work.
243
00:12:05,028 --> 00:12:07,639
- I think we should just
wait here.
244
00:12:07,683 --> 00:12:08,945
- Well, how does waiting here
help anything?
245
00:12:10,512 --> 00:12:12,253
- Haven't you guys noticed?
Trouble always comes to us.
246
00:12:12,296 --> 00:12:15,038
We waste a lot of time running
around, looking for clues,
247
00:12:15,082 --> 00:12:18,172
but it always ends up
finding us. I'm just suggesting
248
00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:20,348
that we eliminate
the running around part.
249
00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:23,438
- Evil does seem to find us
faster than we find evil.
250
00:12:23,481 --> 00:12:26,267
- So that's our plan,
to wait?
251
00:12:32,839 --> 00:12:33,883
[screaming]
252
00:12:33,927 --> 00:12:36,799
[strange noise
then screaming stops]
253
00:12:40,411 --> 00:12:42,500
We all heard a scream, right?
[all]: Mm-hmm.
254
00:12:46,069 --> 00:12:49,899
- And we're just going to...
- Ah... wait for it...
255
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,990
[screaming]
256
00:12:57,994 --> 00:13:00,214
[knocking]
- Hey, Todd!
257
00:13:00,257 --> 00:13:03,043
Are you in there,
you little shit?
258
00:13:03,086 --> 00:13:06,263
Do you know what you've done?
Hey, Carl,
259
00:13:06,307 --> 00:13:09,310
give me a hand!
It won't bite, I promise!
260
00:13:09,353 --> 00:13:13,096
- I guess I gotta go
fight Bailey's evil wang now.
261
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:17,187
- How are you gonna do that
without getting turned to stone?
262
00:13:17,231 --> 00:13:18,319
- I have an idea,
263
00:13:18,362 --> 00:13:21,539
but, I mean... it might sound...
- Crazy?
264
00:13:24,934 --> 00:13:27,328
What? Every time
she says she has an idea,
265
00:13:27,371 --> 00:13:29,025
she says it's gonna sound crazy.
266
00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:33,029
- There.
267
00:13:33,073 --> 00:13:35,379
I've rigged up a set
of heat-vision goggles
268
00:13:35,423 --> 00:13:37,599
to enable Todd to navigate
through the halls
269
00:13:37,642 --> 00:13:38,818
without being turned to stone.
270
00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:45,085
The cape was his idea.
- Awesome!
271
00:13:45,128 --> 00:13:46,477
Do I look like a superhero?
272
00:13:46,521 --> 00:13:48,044
- You look like a pervert.
273
00:13:48,088 --> 00:13:50,481
- Ah! Super Pervert!
274
00:13:51,961 --> 00:13:54,268
[combat noises]
- Anyone see Mr. Murphy?
275
00:13:54,311 --> 00:13:56,748
- He said he was following
a lead.
276
00:13:59,577 --> 00:14:02,058
- Well, we can't keep
waiting for him.
277
00:14:02,102 --> 00:14:04,887
So... Todd!
[combat noises]
278
00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:07,150
- Ah-ha!
279
00:14:07,194 --> 00:14:08,891
- Is this thing working?
280
00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:11,546
- Yeah, I think
I'm getting the hang of it.
281
00:14:11,589 --> 00:14:12,764
It glows glowier
282
00:14:12,808 --> 00:14:14,592
whenever there's more heat.
- Back off!
283
00:14:14,636 --> 00:14:16,116
- Here, take this paper cutter.
284
00:14:16,159 --> 00:14:18,118
You're gonna need it
285
00:14:18,161 --> 00:14:19,771
for the, um...
286
00:14:21,164 --> 00:14:22,862
- Cool. So...
- Whoa, whoa!
287
00:14:22,905 --> 00:14:26,082
- What am I supposed
to do with this?
288
00:14:26,126 --> 00:14:28,693
- I think it's pretty obvious...
289
00:14:28,737 --> 00:14:31,174
Don't tell me you haven't
figured that out.
290
00:14:31,218 --> 00:14:33,481
You have to cut off
Bailey's penis?
291
00:14:33,524 --> 00:14:35,135
- What?
292
00:14:35,178 --> 00:14:38,573
Well, I thought I was gonna...
293
00:14:38,616 --> 00:14:40,967
talk some sense into it.
294
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:43,404
- When was the last time
you talked some sense
295
00:14:43,447 --> 00:14:44,622
into your own... penis?
296
00:14:44,666 --> 00:14:47,538
- That's... a good point.
297
00:14:47,582 --> 00:14:49,366
[grunting]
298
00:14:53,370 --> 00:14:57,897
- What the hell is happening?!
- Don't look back, dude!
299
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:06,035
- This way, this way! Come on!
300
00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:09,604
- Uh...
[stone shattering]
301
00:15:09,647 --> 00:15:10,953
Sorry, dude.
302
00:15:12,302 --> 00:15:13,913
- Todd?
303
00:15:16,698 --> 00:15:18,308
[grunting]
304
00:15:19,309 --> 00:15:21,442
Todd?
305
00:15:33,149 --> 00:15:34,629
- Dude...
306
00:15:36,152 --> 00:15:37,414
you're huge.
307
00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:39,460
- Look, I didn't want it
to be this huge, okay?
308
00:15:39,503 --> 00:15:42,332
Look at it. It could split open
a humpback whale.
309
00:15:44,769 --> 00:15:46,510
- You realize what I gotta do,
right?
310
00:15:46,554 --> 00:15:47,990
- What, talk some sense into it?
311
00:15:48,034 --> 00:15:49,035
Tried that.
312
00:15:49,078 --> 00:15:51,124
Does not work.
313
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:53,996
- It never does.
I gotta cut it off.
314
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,738
- Huh?
- Oh, Jesus, no.
315
00:15:56,781 --> 00:15:58,131
Please not that, okay?
316
00:15:58,174 --> 00:16:00,481
Look, I swear to you
I will keep this in my pants.
317
00:16:00,524 --> 00:16:02,135
- Dude, that thing can't fit
in your pants.
318
00:16:02,178 --> 00:16:03,571
- Then I'll buy bigger pants,
okay?
319
00:16:03,614 --> 00:16:06,661
I mean, I'll shop in one
of those fat kids stores.
320
00:16:06,704 --> 00:16:08,619
- We both know that's not
gonna work, Bailey.
321
00:16:08,663 --> 00:16:11,057
It controls you.
It has a mind of its own.
322
00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:13,233
- Hey... this thing doesn't
control me, okay?
323
00:16:13,276 --> 00:16:15,104
I control it.
324
00:16:27,725 --> 00:16:29,205
- Allô,Todd.
325
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:34,036
- That's your dick
talking to me, right?
326
00:16:38,780 --> 00:16:40,695
- You and I are
not so different.
327
00:16:40,738 --> 00:16:42,262
- Yeah? I'm not a giant dick.
328
00:16:42,305 --> 00:16:44,264
- Well, some may
disagree with that,
329
00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:47,136
but that's beside the point.
330
00:16:57,712 --> 00:16:59,931
We are both connected
to the book.
331
00:16:59,975 --> 00:17:02,064
I am merely a servant,
332
00:17:02,108 --> 00:17:04,066
but you,
you could be its master.
333
00:17:10,768 --> 00:17:12,901
[laughing]
334
00:17:12,944 --> 00:17:13,858
[screaming]
335
00:17:15,208 --> 00:17:18,080
Let's see how you like it.
336
00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:20,517
- Bailey! Your cock
is killing me!
337
00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:28,090
[grunting]
338
00:17:28,134 --> 00:17:29,265
[moaning]
339
00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:32,312
Eww...
340
00:17:32,355 --> 00:17:33,965
- Bailey is weak.
341
00:17:34,009 --> 00:17:36,272
He cannot control
the book's power.
342
00:17:36,316 --> 00:17:37,491
But you...
343
00:17:37,534 --> 00:17:39,971
Embrace the evil, Todd.
344
00:17:41,538 --> 00:17:44,106
You will have power
beyond your wildest dreams.
345
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:47,240
You will be the king of kings,
the cock of all cocks.
346
00:17:47,283 --> 00:17:49,285
Come on.
347
00:17:49,329 --> 00:17:50,939
You know you want it.
348
00:17:50,982 --> 00:17:53,115
- I have a hard time...
believing...
349
00:17:53,159 --> 00:17:55,161
a giant talking dick.
350
00:17:55,204 --> 00:17:57,337
- Then... you will die.
351
00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:59,295
[growling]
352
00:17:59,339 --> 00:18:00,557
[screaming]
353
00:18:01,297 --> 00:18:03,778
[heavy metal music]
354
00:18:09,218 --> 00:18:11,829
[laughing and screaming]
355
00:18:23,624 --> 00:18:25,234
- Cut it off!
356
00:18:25,278 --> 00:18:26,496
- Just let me get my...
357
00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:37,768
[screaming]
358
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:44,384
[grunting]
359
00:18:44,427 --> 00:18:46,212
[laughing]
360
00:18:47,865 --> 00:18:49,650
- Huh?
361
00:18:49,693 --> 00:18:53,132
[screaming]
362
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:59,834
- It's so huge!
[sneezing]
363
00:18:59,877 --> 00:19:03,011
♪ No mercy
for the young or old ♪
364
00:19:03,054 --> 00:19:05,187
♪ Parry thrust
crimson fountains ensues ♪
365
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:07,407
♪ Slaves of death
will run you through ♪
366
00:19:07,450 --> 00:19:08,538
[screaming]
367
00:19:08,582 --> 00:19:11,019
[panting]
♪ Oh wait for the day
368
00:19:11,062 --> 00:19:13,630
♪ When triumph is ours
369
00:19:13,674 --> 00:19:16,024
- Mr. Murphy!
370
00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:17,112
[screaming]
371
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:20,289
What's his problem?
372
00:19:22,073 --> 00:19:25,076
♪ Swing your axe and your sword
so true ♪
373
00:19:28,079 --> 00:19:31,213
♪ Black Moor's coming
after you ♪♪
374
00:19:44,487 --> 00:19:46,228
Oh, man...
375
00:19:47,098 --> 00:19:48,491
Little help?
376
00:19:49,057 --> 00:19:50,972
[moaning]
377
00:19:52,756 --> 00:19:55,281
- Man... poor Bailey.
378
00:19:55,324 --> 00:19:58,240
No one deserves
that kind of punishment.
379
00:19:58,284 --> 00:20:00,416
[screaming]
- It's pretty poetic to me.
380
00:20:00,460 --> 00:20:03,419
The bully gets his terrorizing
teenie weenie cut off.
381
00:20:03,463 --> 00:20:06,248
I applaud how this one
turned out.
382
00:20:06,292 --> 00:20:10,209
- Yeah? Well... the next time
some snotty cheerleader's boobs
383
00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:12,428
are turning everyone into...
paintings,
384
00:20:12,472 --> 00:20:15,475
and we have to cut her boobs off
and you guys are all like,
385
00:20:15,518 --> 00:20:18,434
"Oh, it's a shame we had to cut
Lucy's boobs off."
386
00:20:18,478 --> 00:20:20,044
And then me and Curtis
will be all,
387
00:20:20,088 --> 00:20:21,307
"Yay for boob cutting."
388
00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:23,265
- Yay for boob cutting.
See how you like it.
389
00:20:23,309 --> 00:20:24,701
- Okay...
390
00:20:28,444 --> 00:20:31,360
- Dude, seriously,
it's so good to have you back.
391
00:20:31,404 --> 00:20:34,102
And don't worry, there's nothing
to be ashamed of.
392
00:20:34,145 --> 00:20:36,278
- What do you mean?
393
00:20:36,322 --> 00:20:37,497
- You know...
394
00:20:37,540 --> 00:20:39,629
having a small penis.
395
00:20:41,152 --> 00:20:44,547
- I don't have a small penis.
- It's okay, dude.
396
00:20:44,591 --> 00:20:46,332
- I...
- We all know.
397
00:20:47,507 --> 00:20:49,726
- And knowing
is half the battle.
398
00:20:49,770 --> 00:20:51,162
[phone ringing]
399
00:20:53,034 --> 00:20:55,036
Oh... I have to take this.
400
00:20:55,079 --> 00:20:56,211
[beeping]
401
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,735
- Man, I can't believe
I had to battle
402
00:20:58,779 --> 00:21:00,302
a giant evil talking penis.
403
00:21:00,346 --> 00:21:02,478
- What? It talked to you?
404
00:21:02,522 --> 00:21:04,350
What did it say?
405
00:21:04,393 --> 00:21:07,222
- Oh, um... you know,
the usual cock talk.
406
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,442
Length versus girth,
quality versus quantity,
407
00:21:09,485 --> 00:21:10,573
how to master evil...
408
00:21:10,617 --> 00:21:14,229
- What was that?
- How to master... bate.
409
00:21:15,883 --> 00:21:17,928
And then I killed it.
410
00:21:19,626 --> 00:21:22,933
Hey Curtis, let's go smoke a J.
- Cool.
411
00:21:29,375 --> 00:21:32,291
[mixed chatter]
29401
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