All language subtitles for The Cleaner s03e05 The Housekeeper.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,040 --> 00:00:12,319 CATTLE GRID RATTLES 2 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:13,479 Shit! 3 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:17,120 ENGINE SPUTTERS 4 00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:21,400 ENGINE STOPS 5 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:31,439 Now, then, I shall need this van moved immediately. 6 00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:34,679 Yeah, sorry. I think I must have hit something on the cattle grid. 7 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:37,879 I can't have a smoking vehicle on the driveway. 8 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:39,279 And you are? 9 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:43,719 Sorry. I'm the cleaner. I'm Wicky. The police sent me. 10 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:46,439 Very good. Now, first things first, 11 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:48,439 take this round to the garage at the back. 12 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:50,519 I think I'm going to have to get the roadside assistance out 13 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:51,759 or something, you know? 14 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,999 After I've signed up for one and pretended it's just happened. 15 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:55,399 You know what I'm... 16 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:58,319 No. There's no need! Jibbers will take care of it for you. 17 00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:01,599 He's quite capable. He's looked after all our cars for years. 18 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:04,519 Oh. I'll take the van round to Jibbers. 19 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:06,040 Sorry, you are... ? 20 00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:10,920 I'm Mrs Barton. The housekeeper. 21 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:13,719 You run this whole place?! 22 00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:15,759 Oh, yes. You don't look old enough. 23 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:17,519 I took over from my mother, 24 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:21,919 and I can assure you that I follow her same exacting standards. 25 00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:24,279 Well, I'm sure she feels very proud. 26 00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:25,639 She feels nothing at all. 27 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:28,519 Her neck was snapped when she fell from a stallion. 28 00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:30,480 Now, the job itself is over here. 29 00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:49,919 Blimey. Someone took a tumble. 30 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:51,279 The estate agent. 31 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:54,559 Ah, the old bad suit and pointy shoe brigade, eh? 32 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:59,279 Mm-hm. Clumsy oaf fell out of a window during a valuation. 33 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:01,279 He's quite dead, of course. 34 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:03,080 Of course. Poor thing. 35 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:07,639 Hey, how much is the place, then? I'm looking for a weekend gaff. 36 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:10,919 He was conducting a valuation for tax purposes only. 37 00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:12,759 Rosewood Hall is not for sale. 38 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:14,159 Madam, fear not. 39 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:16,279 I was recently told I had insufficient funds 40 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:18,000 when I attempted to purchase... 41 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:20,559 ..bacon. 42 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:21,919 Oh, you were joking. 43 00:02:21,920 --> 00:02:24,039 Well, Lady Rice-Phillips will not share your humour - 44 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:26,119 she has very little time for tradesmen. 45 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:27,879 Oh. 46 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:30,559 Hey, I've never met a lady of the manor before. Is she in? 47 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:33,959 She's returning tonight after vacationing in Provence. 48 00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:37,279 We are having a very distinguished guest to dinner. Hm! 49 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:40,119 I presume you'll need water, so I'll bring a bucket out. 50 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:41,160 M'lady. 51 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:45,159 You'll enjoy elevenses? 52 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:47,279 Will I? Hot scones, tea, fresh cream. 53 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:49,759 Then I shall enjoy elevenses very much! 54 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:51,639 I shan't refuse tenses. 55 00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:53,559 I'm not going to knock nineses out of your hand. 56 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:55,799 Right, I'll have Tippy bring it out to you. 57 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:57,959 Now, pay no heed to her shyness, 58 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:01,519 I fear the girl was kicked in the head by a horse as an infant. 59 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:04,079 Then Tippy and I will get on famously. 60 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:06,560 A pony once tried to bite my tit off. 61 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:11,240 I'll take the van rounds to Jibbers. 62 00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:25,600 Jibbers? 63 00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:31,520 HE COUGHS 64 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,880 OK, Mr Estate Agent, let's get you cleaned up. 65 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:46,240 Why do they wear these pointy shoes? 66 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,479 Oh! 67 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:23,799 Are you Tippy? 68 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:25,079 CHILDLIKE VOICE: Ye... yes, sir. 69 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:27,959 Can't stop - Cook needs me in t'kitchen. 70 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:30,959 Bye-bye! Enjoy your scone! 71 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:32,679 Bloody hell. 72 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:36,039 That's not a scone, Tippy, it's eczema. 73 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:37,200 HE GAGS 74 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:49,679 OFF-SCREEN: Oi, where have you been? 75 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:54,159 I'm sorry, Cook. Mrs Barton wanted me to take scones to the man. 76 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,359 Mrs Barton will be first to complain 77 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:59,319 if there's not food on t'table tonight. 78 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:02,759 So get yourself over to that soup and keep it moving, 79 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:05,319 cos if it burns it'll all be for t'sink. 80 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:06,640 - Yes, Cook. - CLATTERING 81 00:05:06,643 --> 00:05:08,639 And concentrate, girl! 82 00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:11,159 You've the attention span of a bloody moth. 83 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:12,840 - Poor little moth girl! - SIZZLING 84 00:05:12,843 --> 00:05:15,879 Ow! You burned my hand on the ladle! 85 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:16,999 HE GASPS 86 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:18,559 Cook's a monster! 87 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:21,679 You get out my kitchen, you great big wobble. 88 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:23,100 You're mean to me! 89 00:05:23,101 --> 00:05:24,519 WHIMPERING 90 00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:26,720 Hey! You get back here! 91 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:29,800 Hello? 92 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:33,280 I just needed some water. 93 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:40,280 Huh. Guess I'll get it myself, then. 94 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:48,599 OFF-SCREEN: Oh, I've heard all about your prize cow, John, 95 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:51,159 but it's rabbits for dinner Cook needs. 96 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:55,639 We have very important mouths to feed, as well you know. 97 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:57,759 No, listen! John! 98 00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:01,399 I've been waiting to hear the sound of a gunshot all morning. 99 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:03,959 Yes, I hear what you're saying but... 100 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:06,079 SHE CLICKS HER FINGERS 101 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:09,119 Don't start blabbering on about what a good shot you are, man. 102 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:10,479 You've the wrong audience for that. 103 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:12,439 Save that for your cross-eyed friends at the pub. 104 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:13,759 Thank you! 105 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:17,199 Oh, John Church, our gamekeeper, spends his days murdering wildlife 106 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,399 except for when I actually need him to. 107 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:21,399 Oh! He sounds delightful. 108 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:23,279 How far off are you? I'm nearly done. 109 00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:24,999 I just need to get the blood off the windowsill 110 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,919 upstairs in the bedroom... NO! 111 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,079 No? 112 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:30,879 That is her ladyship's personal bedroom 113 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:33,279 and she wouldn't thank me for sending a man in there 114 00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:34,959 to snoop around in it. 115 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:36,319 Good day. 116 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:37,480 Oh! 117 00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,160 Oh, OK. 118 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:43,399 If you're looking for an emotional goodbye, 119 00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:45,679 then I'm afraid you've come to the wrong place. 120 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,639 I didn't shed so much as a tear when my own father died. 121 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:50,599 Or my mother. 122 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:53,080 She was a brutal woman and he was a drunk. 123 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:55,720 Good day. 124 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:09,800 HE SIGHS 125 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:18,119 CLANGING 126 00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:19,599 ENGINE FIZZES AND HISSES 127 00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:22,199 Bleeding hell! Who gave this an MOT?! 128 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:23,600 CLANGING 129 00:07:23,601 --> 00:07:24,999 The state of this. 130 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,159 What the hell?! Bastard! 131 00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:30,079 Jibbers! What have you done? It's ruined! 132 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:31,519 Oh! Get lost! 133 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:33,599 Tell me to get lost, you've wrecked my van! 134 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:34,679 Get lost! 135 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:38,240 Well, the Ricey lady is paying for this! I'll tell you that much! So... 136 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:45,000 Right... 137 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:54,280 Right, Jibbers has totally f... 138 00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:01,600 SCRAPING AND HEAVY FOOTSTEPS 139 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:09,600 Hello? 140 00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:17,840 WIND WHISTLES 141 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:31,760 Eh? I thought she was on holiday. 142 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:37,480 Fu... 143 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,280 CHILDLIKE VOICE: You shouldn't ought to be in here. 144 00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:57,680 Tippy? 145 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:13,479 Now, I'm supposed to be in the kitchen preparing the rabbit. 146 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:16,799 Holy shit! 147 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:18,279 You're... 148 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:20,119 ..and... 149 00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:24,439 This is Lady Rice-Phillips's personal chambers. 150 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:27,399 And Mrs Barton says that being in here 151 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:31,799 is like sniffing a ladies undergarments. It's private! 152 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:33,640 Oh. Well, that's fine... 153 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:38,999 ..because I've finished my work now and I'm going to go. 154 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:42,479 Cos my girlfriend's taking me to 155 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:44,959 a beeeeef... 156 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,919 A beef? What's a beef? 157 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:51,399 You know the beef... dance? 158 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:52,519 A beef dance? 159 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:54,279 Yeah, it's... 160 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:55,999 Now, how will you get home? 161 00:09:56,000 --> 00:10:00,479 Jibbers told me that he's having terrible trouble with your car. 162 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:03,199 He said, "All its guts have come out." 163 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,040 - Aw. - HE CHUCKLES 164 00:10:05,043 --> 00:10:06,319 I'm going to walk. 165 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:08,559 It's 13 miles to the nearest town, you know. 166 00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:09,839 Oh, bollocks. Is it? 167 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:13,839 Oh, yes. I do it every Thursday to get spices and whatnot for Cook 168 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:16,439 and I have to do toilet in a hedge. 169 00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:17,880 Oh. 170 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:20,839 They don't take you in the car, no? 171 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:22,199 The one in the garage? 172 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:27,479 No, no. Mrs Barton said that the big car is just for Lady Rice. 173 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:30,399 Jibbers keeps the keys safe in his garage. 174 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:33,439 Well, I'm going to walk and do toilet in a hedge. Bye. 175 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:38,239 Now, Mrs Barton will want to check your work before you leave, 176 00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:42,640 and she has very exacting standards. 177 00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:47,159 Yeah. 178 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:48,839 I know. 179 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:51,760 And that's why she's not going to be very pleased with you. 180 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:54,559 What? 181 00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:57,120 Look at the state of that... 182 00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:01,119 ..bed? 183 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:02,759 What, why? 184 00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:05,519 Oh, the corners aren't turned down. Oh, no. 185 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:07,479 Oh, no. Oh, I'm sorry. 186 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:09,720 I won't tell her, though. Sorry. 187 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:29,200 Whoa. 188 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:35,320 Where would Jibbers keep keys? 189 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:40,280 Look behind the curtain, Dorothy! There is no Jibbers! 190 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:46,960 Ah! Jibbers, you imaginary prick. 191 00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:27,359 My name is John Church and while I'm gamekeeper here, 192 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:30,479 no thief will leave the grounds alive. 193 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:32,280 Shit in my hand! 194 00:12:34,560 --> 00:12:35,999 I was only borrowing it. 195 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:37,319 I was going to bring it back. 196 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:40,239 Yeah? And if crows can nest in Buckingham Palace, 197 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:41,879 they'd eat pearl instead of seed. 198 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,800 Oh, yeah, cos that makes sense, doesn't it? You sick fuck! 199 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:50,439 Right, down. 200 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:52,639 Now, Mrs Barton will not take kindly 201 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:55,319 to there being a common thief in the grounds. 202 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:58,399 Look, I don't know what's going on here. 203 00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:03,839 You save it! She'll deal with you when she's good and ready. 204 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:06,039 Or I will. 205 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:08,599 THEY GRUNT 206 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:11,679 THEY CHUCKLE 207 00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:13,040 THEY GIGGLE 208 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:23,199 HE TAPS THE SWITCHHOOK 209 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,720 Gah! Of course it's dead. 210 00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:37,240 Argh! Argh! 211 00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:43,200 Argh! Argh! Argh! Argh! Argh! 212 00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:46,599 Damn you, Burger King! 213 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:48,679 Damn you to hell! 214 00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:49,800 Ugh! 215 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:54,439 What'll happen to him, Mrs Barton? 216 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:56,039 I don't think he meant any harm. 217 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:57,719 AS MRS BARTON: Oh, turned your head, did he? 218 00:13:57,720 --> 00:14:00,359 You'd do well to take this as a life lesson, young lady. 219 00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:03,199 Or would you like to end up heavily pregnant? Hmm? 220 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:06,279 The spawn of an outsized hoodlum growing within you? 221 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,479 She couldn't care for a littl'un! 222 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:10,559 She's had only brains she were born with 223 00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:12,559 hoofed from her head by Mr Pickles. 224 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:15,279 Why's she always so mean to me? 225 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:17,239 AS MRS BARTON: Lady Rice-Phillips is due any time 226 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:20,039 and she does not want to witness two northern cats brawling, 227 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,439 especially with Lord Palmeston's visit. 228 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:23,520 DOOR OPENS 229 00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:29,199 AS MRS BARTON: Well, well, well. 230 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,519 This is quite the state of affairs, isn't it? 231 00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:32,759 You're telling me! 232 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:35,719 Look, I was only borrowing the car! 233 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:37,839 And it was wrong, I'm sorry. 234 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:39,559 OK? Let me go. I'll walk home 235 00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:41,999 and I will never come back, all right? 236 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:45,439 You just be thankful I didn't let John Church dispense justice! 237 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:49,359 Yes, I suppose I should be thankful that I'm not being held captive 238 00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:52,879 by someone who's howling fucking mad! 239 00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:54,319 Huh! You... ! 240 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:57,039 Now, you pay no attention to him, John. 241 00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:59,560 The criminal mind is a cauldron of rage. 242 00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:05,599 AS JOHN CHURCH: I'll happily deal with him, ma'am. 243 00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,079 AS MRS BARTON: No, no, no, no, no. 244 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,599 There's no need for extreme measures, John. 245 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,160 Not yet, anyway. 246 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:17,720 She's here, she's here! Woo! 247 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,759 Let me out! 248 00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:28,639 Let me out, you fucking nutter! 249 00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:29,679 Eurgh! 250 00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:30,999 AS MRS BARTON: Lady Rice-Phillips, 251 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,239 may I be the first to welcome you back to Rosewood Hall. 252 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:37,119 LADY RICE-PHILLIPS: Ah. I take it Viscount Palmeston has confirmed? 253 00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:39,039 MRS BARTON: Oh, yes, indeed, ma'am. 254 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:42,279 LADY RICE-PHILLIPS: Good. We have matters to discuss. 255 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:43,600 BANGING ON DOOR 256 00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:49,120 AS MRS BARTON: What is all this fuss in here? I don't have time for... 257 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:54,280 IN POSH VOICE: Good day to you. 258 00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:59,359 Where did you get that hat? 259 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:01,679 Where did I get my own hat? 260 00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:03,599 Why, from, er... 261 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:05,040 ..from my own home! 262 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:08,200 From your home? 263 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:14,399 Do you not recognise me, Mrs Barton? 264 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:19,080 It has been a few years, but I would have thought that... 265 00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:25,040 ..Viscount Palmeston would not be a total stranger. 266 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:32,200 SHE GASPS 267 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:36,559 Ooh, Meirion! 268 00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:37,720 Meirion?! 269 00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:40,479 That's my first name?! 270 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:41,759 Yeah, er... 271 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:46,520 Yes, it is I - Meirion. 272 00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:58,919 But what were you doing in there? 273 00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:01,039 We had a petty criminal locked in! 274 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:04,359 Yes, I saw the braggard leap through the window. 275 00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:09,079 Naturally, I followed through to see if he had stolen any antiquities. 276 00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:11,639 Through the window?! That seems impossible. 277 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:13,440 He was grossly overweight. 278 00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:16,719 He was perhaps a little rotund. 279 00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:19,639 Oh, Meirion, he was grotesque. 280 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:21,719 Hugely tall, but terribly unfit. 281 00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:23,039 He can't have gone far. 282 00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:25,759 Well, you say that, but I did see him run away 283 00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:27,599 and he was fair like an Olympic sprinter, 284 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:30,679 so perhaps one shouldn't be quite so quick to judge. 285 00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:32,839 He really was... He was quite fast. 286 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:35,759 The important thing is you're here. 287 00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:38,679 Lady Rice is so looking forward to seeing you. 288 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:41,240 Yes, I just need to pop to my car. 289 00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:43,520 But, why? 290 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,679 I wish to get my pipe. 291 00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:51,679 You don't smoke a pipe, Meirion. 292 00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:54,039 No. No, I don't. 293 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:57,519 It is not a smoking pipe I wish to get, it is... 294 00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:00,239 ..a horn. A horn?! 295 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:01,879 Yes. 296 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:05,999 An alpine horn from my travels in the... 297 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:07,359 ..Alpine. 298 00:18:07,360 --> 00:18:09,639 I shall be playing for Lady Rice, so... 299 00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:12,039 Oh, wow. You're very cultured! DOOR RATTLES 300 00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:15,879 But I'm afraid for your safety I've locked all the doors and windows. 301 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:17,959 What? Why?! 302 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:21,639 Oh, yes, and Tippy took the cad's phone, so he will return, 303 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:24,359 but John Church will take care of him. 304 00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:27,439 He's been told to maim on sight. 305 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,839 Now, the Lady will be down imminently. 306 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:32,959 Wait till you see what Cook's done. 307 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:34,919 She's made your favourite - 308 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:36,520 battered rabbit. 309 00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:41,079 The fuck?! 310 00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:44,279 Seriously, I really would like to speak to Tippy, if I may? 311 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:45,759 BELL TINKLES 312 00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:48,479 Oh! The lady is ready! 313 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:50,759 Now, I hear that you two 314 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:54,559 have matters of great importance to discuss! 315 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:57,039 Yes, but before you go, before you go, 316 00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:59,399 I would just like to speak to Tippy. 317 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:00,999 Heed my cry! 318 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,440 HEED MY CRY! 319 00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:04,920 HE GRUNTS 320 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,360 HE WHIMPERS 321 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:19,879 OFF-SCREEN: Distinguished guests, Rosewood Hall is delighted 322 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:24,239 for you to welcome your host for this most special of evenings - 323 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:26,119 Lady Rice-Phillips. 324 00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:31,719 Duo Des Fleurs by Leo Delibes 325 00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:35,040 Oh, my fucking God. 326 00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:39,799 ? Ah, la-la-la 327 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:43,519 ? Dah, da-la-la 328 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:48,359 ? Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo 329 00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:50,079 ? Da-da-da 330 00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:52,519 ? Ooh, doo-doo-doo. ? 331 00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:54,399 Oh, Meirion. 332 00:19:54,400 --> 00:20:00,439 France was so cold without you there to warm our spirits. 333 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,959 SHE GIGGLES 334 00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:04,639 Look! 335 00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,159 We really have got to talk. 336 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:09,079 You know fine well, Meirion, 337 00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:12,959 that we have matters of great importance to discuss, 338 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:16,679 but not in front of the staff. 339 00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:21,319 No, they do not share our intellectual capabilities. 340 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:24,559 Now, you must be famished. 341 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:25,999 I shouldn't ruin the surprise, 342 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,359 but I've heard that cook has prepared... 343 00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:30,679 Yeah, she's battered a fucking rabbit. I've seen it. 344 00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,680 Oh! Naughty Merion! 345 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:36,840 Shall we? 346 00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:42,439 All right. You want to get crazy? 347 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:43,919 Let's get crazy. 348 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:45,959 Oh! 349 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:50,440 ? La, la-la-la, da-da-da. ? 350 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:53,639 Duo Des Fleurs by Leo Delibes 351 00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:56,159 ? Suivons le courant fuyant 352 00:20:56,160 --> 00:21:03,119 ? Dans l'onde fremissante 353 00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:09,759 ? D'une main nonchalante. ? 354 00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:13,799 Oh, Meirion, what is that scent? 355 00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:16,919 You smell as divine as ever. 356 00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:19,639 It's a mixture of Lynx and fear. 357 00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:23,999 Oh. Look, what do you want? 358 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,519 Oh, Meirion. 359 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:28,880 It shames me to say this but... 360 00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,719 ..I am bankrupted. 361 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:37,319 I need your help to save my beloved Rosewood Hall. 362 00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:40,639 Now, what I want is a union 363 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:43,280 betwixt our two great houses. 364 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:46,879 I've only got a flat. 365 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:48,599 And it's rented! 366 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:52,839 You're right, my darling, of course you are. 367 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:55,759 Our fortunes are misaligned. 368 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:56,800 Oh. 369 00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:02,959 So I can shoot, can I? If that's, er... 370 00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:04,399 ..cool? 371 00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:06,399 I'll, er... 372 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:07,920 I'll pop off. 373 00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,479 Yes, you're right. 374 00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:13,720 This isn't about money. 375 00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:18,239 This is about love. 376 00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:19,719 RECORD STOPS 377 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:20,760 What?! 378 00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:25,000 CROCKERY CLATTERS 379 00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:29,719 Argh! 380 00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:31,479 Hey! 381 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:34,399 Argh! Forgive me, I was foolish. 382 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,519 I should never have spoke of money! 383 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:41,479 Take me, fill me up as you did in Marrakech. 384 00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:43,239 Tippy! Tippy! 385 00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:45,959 Plunder my garden, Meirion. 386 00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:47,799 Argh! Tippy! 387 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:51,519 Take me! Oh, it's like mahogany. 388 00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:53,280 TIPPPPPYYYY! 389 00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:01,719 Begging your pardon, M'lady, 390 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,640 I-I just wondered if I could speak to the gentleman? 391 00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:09,760 AS LADY RICE-PHILLIPS: Well, this is highly irregular. 392 00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:14,520 Oh, I'm sorry, your ladyship. 393 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:20,000 AS LADY RICE-PHILLIPS: Well, be quick, child! 394 00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:24,520 Come here! 395 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:30,239 Tippy, what the hell's going on? 396 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:33,839 I know you're not Lord Palmeston. 397 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:36,999 You're in grave danger. 398 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,919 But there's been enough death in this house already. 399 00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:41,759 I can't let it go on. 400 00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:43,799 Tippy, get my phone! 401 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,999 OK. I'll get it. 402 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:49,119 You dance with the lady. 403 00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:51,000 Yeah. Good girl. 404 00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:58,760 HE HUMS 405 00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:01,720 DOOR CLOSES 406 00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:05,679 What the f... ! 407 00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:08,399 LADY RICE-PHILLIPS: Tippy, what are you doing? 408 00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:11,799 Get thee back here, lass, and I'll put thee hands in t'toaster. 409 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:14,679 Is that what you want, girl, toasted hands? 410 00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:16,840 Let the girl in, I say! 411 00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:22,200 Argh! 412 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:28,639 AS JOHN CHURCH: Get back in there, you swine! 413 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:32,720 Lady Rice, we have an impostor in our midst! 414 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:37,119 AS LADY RICE-PHILLIPS: Whatever do you mean, Church? 415 00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:40,840 AS JOHN CHURCH: This is not Viscount Palmeston! 416 00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:46,399 AS LADY RICE-PHILLIPS: Ah! Well, who the hell are you? 417 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:49,559 This villain has fooled us all! 418 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:51,399 AS MRS BARTON: I'm very sorry, your ladyship, 419 00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:53,919 but his disguise was flawless. 420 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:56,759 Please! Put the gun down. 421 00:24:56,760 --> 00:25:00,399 EAST-END ACCENT: I say, we do him. Here and now! 422 00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:01,519 Who the hell are you? 423 00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:03,279 AS MRS BARTON: Jibbers, that's not helpful. 424 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:04,879 Jibbers, you've got a fucking nerve. 425 00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:07,359 AS JOHN CHURCH: Don't use that kind of language in front of her ladyship 426 00:25:07,360 --> 00:25:10,199 or I'll blow that dirty mouth clean off. 427 00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:13,079 AS MRS BARTON: Your ladyship, I think that might be the best option. 428 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:16,119 AS LADY RICE-PHILLIPS: Yes, Mrs Barton, I fear you may be right. 429 00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:18,159 Oh, I can't watch! 430 00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:19,200 Watch what? 431 00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:22,479 Please! 432 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:23,719 Put the gun down. 433 00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:26,839 No! I can help! I can help all of you! 434 00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:28,679 AS JOHN CHURCH: It's a trick! 435 00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:30,479 AS JIBBERS: Just finish him. 436 00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:31,599 Tippy! 437 00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:33,439 AS MRS BARTON: Just get on with it, Church! 438 00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:34,799 Tippy, Tippy, come back! 439 00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:36,679 AS LADY RICE-PHILLIPS: Just get on with it, man! 440 00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,199 No, please! Tippy! 441 00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:40,119 I'm trying! 442 00:25:40,120 --> 00:25:41,359 AS LADY RICE-PHILLIPS: Tippy! 443 00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:44,519 I don't know what to do. 444 00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:46,999 Tippy! Come back! 445 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,840 OH, NO! NO! 446 00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:52,840 HE GASPS 447 00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:56,359 Oh... 448 00:25:56,360 --> 00:25:58,080 Tippy, thank God. 449 00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:02,080 There is no Tippy! 450 00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:05,440 There is no anyone. 451 00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:08,759 Well... 452 00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:10,560 ..I dread to ask who you are. 453 00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:13,520 I'm Sue. 454 00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:21,040 SHE SIGHS 455 00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:30,759 Did you call them, then? The police? 456 00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:32,519 I had to. 457 00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:34,160 How did you end up here? 458 00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:36,519 The house? 459 00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:37,560 Yeah. 460 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:40,200 It was on my post round. 461 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,120 I used to deliver here all the time 462 00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:47,439 But how did you end up living here? 463 00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:49,039 Knew this place was empty. 464 00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:53,559 I just thought that it would be good for a while. You know? 465 00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:55,639 Just till I got myself together. 466 00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:58,840 But, to be honest, just watched too much Downton. 467 00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:08,800 What happened, with the estate agent? Did you... ? 468 00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:12,240 I'll have to tell them. 469 00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:18,879 SHE INHALES SHAKILY 470 00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,599 I couldn't let him sell it. 471 00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:24,279 I've got nowhere else to go. 472 00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:25,880 I know people. 473 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:30,160 They'll give you a nice new house. 474 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:33,359 They'll let you help in the kitchen. 475 00:27:33,360 --> 00:27:34,759 SHE GASPS 476 00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:36,520 Will I make battered rabbit? 477 00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:41,280 Maybe. 478 00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:48,120 POLICE SIREN CHIRPS 479 00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:03,000 CAR DOOR CLOSES 480 00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:12,599 PHONE BUZZES 481 00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:16,639 All right? Did you get the pin? Yeah. 482 00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:17,959 Just come and get me. 483 00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:20,519 Nothing's wrong. The van's just broken down. 484 00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:22,799 Yeah, all right, Ruth, I was taken hostage. 485 00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:24,559 Yes, again! She had a gun. 486 00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:26,399 No, a real one this time. 487 00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:27,839 Are you laughing? 488 00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:29,520 Just come and get me, will you? 489 00:28:29,570 --> 00:28:34,120 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 34518

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