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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,319
Your jobs are just
getting weirder.
2
00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:04,839
A lighthouse?!
3
00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:07,479
A lighthouse! Off
the coast of Ireland!
4
00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:09,999
And get this - I don't even
have to clean any blood up!
5
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,759
One of the lighthouse
keepers went missing.
6
00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:13,119
They think he fell off a cliff.
7
00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:15,199
All they want me to do
is clean his bedroom out
8
00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:16,559
cos it's upsetting
the other keeper.
9
00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:17,959
You're not going on your own?
10
00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:19,399
Oh, love, you won't survive.
11
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:21,799
What are you on about?
I thrive on my own.
12
00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:23,799
I'm like that fish we
saw on Attenborough.
13
00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:25,799
The angler fish. Yeah.
14
00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:27,119
I'm the urban angler fish.
15
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:33,879
My prediction is that you'll
be texting me within a day
16
00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:36,679
because you're bricking it.
17
00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:38,919
Well, I won't. And you know why?
18
00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:40,399
You're the urban angler fish.
19
00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:42,240
Mm-hm. Yeah, I know sweetheart.
20
00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:46,960
Oh, Ireland...
21
00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:12,360
Really? Really?!
22
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,959
Lads, I'm trying to
have a moment out here.
23
00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:21,999
Ah, sorry about that.
24
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,919
It's just a wee tradition we
have here on the Merry Bow.
25
00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:26,599
You've done it four times now.
26
00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:28,759
I must be initiated.
27
00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:30,479
That's fair enough.
28
00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:32,680
You get out there
with the ocean.
29
00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:36,359
You ask the questions
you need the answers to.
30
00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:38,199
She'll give you what you need.
31
00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:40,240
You're never alone on the sea.
32
00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:42,760
Thank you.
33
00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:00,919
Five! That's five!
34
00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:01,960
Please!
35
00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:26,199
Remember, you're
cut off until we return.
36
00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:28,000
I want to be. Heh.
37
00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:31,239
We pass back here
sun-up on Monday.
38
00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:32,520
Don't miss pick-up.
39
00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:37,120
Oh!
40
00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:40,479
That's right, captain.
41
00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:41,719
I took my pants off.
42
00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:43,680
See you Monday.
43
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:50,640
Hey...
44
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:05,720
Hello, solitude, my old friend.
45
00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:08,919
Ah.
46
00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:13,480
The urban angler fish, he takes
nutrition from his environment.
47
00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:17,959
So...
48
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:21,999
Hello, my majestic friend.
49
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,040
May the herring
be plentiful today.
50
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,799
I'd give the
seaweed a miss. It's...
51
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:28,840
It's gross.
52
00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:39,719
Ah, you again.
53
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:40,760
Hmm.
54
00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:01,239
Why would anyone put
a pan of fish on the... ?
55
00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:03,440
Aaargh! Argh!
56
00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:06,240
Hey, hey! Hey, hey!
57
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:08,640
Ugh!
58
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:16,920
Gull!
59
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,079
Hivi! Hey!
60
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:49,680
You'll have the
door off its hinges.
61
00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:54,840
Sorry, were you not just
up there? How did you... ?
62
00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:57,279
You're bleeding.
63
00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:59,679
Oh, yeah, it was a seagull.
64
00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:01,599
No!
65
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,480
You mustn't anger the gulls.
66
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:06,359
They're sacred here.
67
00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:07,759
Oh.
68
00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:09,519
I think it was just
going for a fish.
69
00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:11,079
I'm fine, honestly.
It's nothing.
70
00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:12,839
Nothing?
71
00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:14,600
Nothing means nothing here.
72
00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:16,879
Yeah.
73
00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:21,439
Caa-aa-aa-aa-aw!
74
00:05:22,621 --> 00:05:23,800
Oh. Come along.
75
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,360
They told you I was coming?
76
00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:40,919
I'm the crime scene cleaner.
77
00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:43,679
Crime scene? Where's the crime?
78
00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:45,399
I've never been to
a lighthouse before.
79
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:48,039
I was quite relieved there were
no talking animals running around.
80
00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:49,239
Ohh...
81
00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:50,640
You remember Fraggle Rock?
82
00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:53,279
How did that theme tune go?
83
00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:55,480
If you sing a single word
84
00:05:55,483 --> 00:05:57,839
from that theme tune, I
swear by all that is holy,
85
00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:00,279
I will take a
knotted rope to you.
86
00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:02,280
Well, I do not like
the sound of that.
87
00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:07,239
So... you're the one that's
been charged to erase
88
00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:10,079
the memory of
Patrick O'Mally, huh?
89
00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:13,919
Oh... Yeah, I just think the
police thought it would be helpful...
90
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,400
Oh, to forget my only
companion of 30 years?
91
00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:22,199
To deny a hurt that gnaws
away at my very soul?
92
00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:23,480
Oh...
93
00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:26,640
Does it hurt? Huh?
94
00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:31,559
Oh... Yeah, it
does sting a bit.
95
00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:33,159
Ah.
96
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,959
Seems that Patrick's
friends do not want him
97
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:37,959
to be cleaned away, doesn't it?
98
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:39,759
What, the seagulls?
99
00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:41,320
I'll show you his room.
100
00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:46,040
This is not like
Fraggle Rock at all.
101
00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:53,159
Can I go up the
lighthouse at some point?
102
00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:57,039
The keeper is the only one
permitted in the light room.
103
00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:58,359
Oh...
104
00:06:58,360 --> 00:06:59,799
[OK.]
105
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:04,199
It's a shame cos, well,
it sounds silly, but, er...
106
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,879
..do you ever do one
of those shadow rabbits?
107
00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:12,720
I'll show you his room.
108
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:24,319
Cosy.
109
00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:26,119
Well, it's as he left it.
110
00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:27,519
Right.
111
00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:31,760
Well, I will be respectful
and I'll put things right.
112
00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:34,559
Where will I be sleeping?
113
00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:35,600
Here.
114
00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:37,800
Is that a problem?
115
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:43,439
In the dead man's room
with the creepy drawings?
116
00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:45,599
No. No, that's...
117
00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:46,800
I WANT that.
118
00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:51,039
I'm sorry about
your friend's passing.
119
00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:52,599
"Passing"? Was there a body?
120
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:55,559
They said that would have washed
out to sea when he fell off the cliffs.
121
00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:56,879
Swept out to sea?!
122
00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:58,440
He was in his bed, boy!
123
00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:01,519
Well, it can't have
happened here, there's...
124
00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:02,919
..there's no blood.
125
00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:09,799
Do you know how
the eagle hunts fish?
126
00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:11,399
I'm about to find out, aren't I?
127
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:12,999
It plucks them from the ocean,
128
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:15,600
drives its talons
through the fish's back.
129
00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:20,639
The flight to the nest is short
and the fish, gasping for breath,
130
00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:22,279
will usually survive,
131
00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:24,959
and it's there, high
in the tree tops,
132
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:29,240
that its wet eye watches on in
horror as the eagle eats it alive.
133
00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:32,000
Fucking nature.
134
00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,399
Salt water. Huh?
135
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:38,359
You're going to need to
bathe that bite in salt water
136
00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:39,759
for the infection.
137
00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:42,720
You should go down to the cove
in the morning. Let's say 8am?
138
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:45,959
Sorry...
139
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:48,759
You don't think your friend was
taken by a massive eagle, right?
140
00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:50,119
Of course he wasn't.
141
00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:51,160
Thank God for that.
142
00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:54,480
But I didn't say
he wasn't taken.
143
00:08:58,640 --> 00:08:59,959
I suppose you'll be
taking photographs?
144
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:02,999
Multiple photographs? Ghoulish
records of a lost man's room?
145
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:05,479
Something to titillate
the World Wide Web?
146
00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:07,279
Well, I'll take a
couple for my boss.
147
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:08,519
No, no, you do
what you have to do.
148
00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:10,160
You tell who you have to tell.
149
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:32,920
Agh! Of course,
no bloody signal.
150
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,640
No, Ruth, I'm not missing you.
151
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,040
So, er...
152
00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:55,319
Have you been here
for a long time or... ?
153
00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:56,679
30 summers since.
154
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,480
Blimey. And your friend?
155
00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:00,719
Keeper's mate!
156
00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:04,439
Patrick O'Mally was the keeper's
mate and he was with me throughout.
157
00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:05,519
Blimey.
158
00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:07,399
You must have got
though some box sets, eh?
159
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:08,879
Huh? You've got
Netflix, have you?
160
00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:12,519
Patrick and I did not need
the light box for company.
161
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:14,519
Christ! What did you
do for entertainment?
162
00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:16,399
Oh, I see! Writing
a book, are we?
163
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:19,639
Or a newspaper article
about the secrets of the island?
164
00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:21,039
Go right ahead.
165
00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:25,679
But if I see it written anywhere
that we were sleeping in the
166
00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:30,359
same bed, I will find you and I
will beat you with a steel pole.
167
00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:33,359
Steel pole?! What happened
to the knotted rope?!
168
00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:35,880
I'm just here to
clean! Calm down.
169
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:42,999
What did you mean, though, when
you said they're not happy with me?
170
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:46,119
His friends. Are we
talking about seagulls?
171
00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:49,559
Why do you think they are the
only sacred birds on the island?
172
00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:50,839
Huh?
173
00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:54,599
The souls of dead seamen
have to go somewhere.
174
00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:57,840
Oh, come on. Don't be daft.
175
00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:00,199
Funny, is it?!
176
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:03,119
I suppose the isolation
finally got to me, did it?!
177
00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:05,679
Drove me crazy?! Oh-ho-ho-ho!
178
00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:09,599
This is going in your
online internet blog, is it?
179
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:10,640
No.
180
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,719
Lost my mind to the
howling winds, did I?
181
00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:17,679
Smashed in his skull and
then disposed of his body?
182
00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:19,479
Is that what you're
thinking, is it?!
183
00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:20,560
Well, I wasn't!
184
00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:25,159
A madman who took
the life of his lover?
185
00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:26,360
No!
186
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:28,719
Sorry, were you lovers?
187
00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:34,479
You don't know the ways of the
island or its rules, cleaner man.
188
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,319
You spooked the gulls.
189
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:37,839
There's a price
to be paid for that.
190
00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:39,199
Mark these words! Mark them!
191
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:40,919
I'll mark them! I'll mark them!
192
00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:42,160
Finish your food.
193
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,919
You know, this... this
really is delicious, you know.
194
00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:53,119
There's lots of
different flavours in here.
195
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:54,279
I don't even...
196
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:55,520
..know what... some...
197
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,239
Sorry, is this a beak?!
198
00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:03,679
Do puffins not have beaks
where you're from, boy?
199
00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:05,039
Puffins?!
200
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:07,279
Are you deaf, boy?
It was puffin meat.
201
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:09,519
I don't think Chris Packham
would want us eating puffins.
202
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:13,359
I told you, 'tis only the seagulls
are sacred on this island.
203
00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:16,279
Yeah... But why are they angry?
204
00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:19,799
Because they know when
someone is going to be taken away.
205
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:21,439
Who do you think took him?
206
00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:23,400
Who... or what?
207
00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:28,719
The Oillipheist...
208
00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:29,959
What's the Oillipheist?
209
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:31,679
A deadly sea beast.
210
00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:34,199
The Oillipheist always
leaves one behind
211
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,080
to tell the tale
of its existence.
212
00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:38,680
But there are two of us.
213
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,840
Sleep well. You'll
need your sleep tonight.
214
00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:47,720
Were you recording
that on your little phone?
215
00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:50,280
No. Why would I?
216
00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:04,319
"The Oillipheist comes at night.
217
00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:05,880
"It can't be stopped.
218
00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:10,479
"But it always
leaves one behind.
219
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:13,639
"The dead souls of
fishermen turn to seagulls' form
220
00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:15,719
"to warn the living
of the Oillipheist."
221
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:35,200
Hivi! Agh!
222
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:37,680
Huh?
223
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:42,280
Don't Go by Hothouse Flowers
224
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:36,560
Shadow rabbits.
225
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:56,999
Aaaargh!
226
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:58,439
Where the hell are you going?
227
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,439
Only the keeper is permitted
in the light room! I told you!
228
00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:03,119
I wasn't going to...
229
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:05,559
Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow...
230
00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:06,959
Can you stop tapping my bite?!
231
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:09,360
Just do your job and leave!
232
00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:11,919
Hey.
233
00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:14,479
Why were you outside
in the rain last night?
234
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:15,639
The power lines.
235
00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:17,959
Sometimes the wind
blows them down.
236
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:20,559
We can't let
darkness back in here.
237
00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:21,600
Not again.
238
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:24,999
Salt water, remember?
239
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:26,919
We said the cove. 8am.
240
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:27,959
Ye-ee-ah?
241
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:29,000
Ye-ee-ah.
242
00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:48,719
I've barely slept,
mate, but I swear,
243
00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:50,520
I will knock you the fuck out.
244
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:01,960
What the... ?
245
00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:09,200
You're losing your mind.
246
00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:17,800
Agh.
247
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:27,640
Jellyfish!
248
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:41,359
What? That can't be it.
249
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:42,920
I thought it was an urban myth!
250
00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:46,719
I can't do it.
251
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:48,120
I can't put piss on my lips.
252
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:51,440
Oh...
253
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:08,759
'diculous.
254
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,399
I'm sorry.
255
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,919
There was no need for
me to behave like that.
256
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:15,800
It's hard, having company again.
257
00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:20,720
Oh, Jesus!
258
00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:24,000
Well...
259
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,919
..who is this pretty
little maid come to call?
260
00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:30,239
It's a bloody health and
safety disaster, this island.
261
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:32,959
To pluck but one kiss
from those cherry lips.
262
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:35,039
I suppose the jellyfish that
did this was trying to teach me
263
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:36,079
something, was it?
264
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:38,122
Jellyfish, eh? Well,
you're doing the right thing.
265
00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:40,559
Do you think? Mm.
266
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:41,679
Oh, OK.
267
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:45,079
I wasn't sure if it was just
an old wives' tale, but it does...
268
00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:46,999
What, drinking your
way through the pain?
269
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,039
I know a few old wives
that have done that.
270
00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:53,399
And I will not let a good
man drink whisky alone.
271
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,119
Ohhh!
272
00:17:55,120 --> 00:17:56,799
No, I don't...
273
00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:59,039
I don't think that's a
good idea, actually.
274
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:00,840
When is it a bad idea? Hivi.
275
00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:03,719
Let's bury the hatchet, huh?
276
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:05,559
You know what I
think the old lips need?
277
00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:07,839
Bit of bedrest, so...
Yeah, a few of these
278
00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:10,439
and you'll forget you
even have lips at all.
279
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:11,559
Slainte!
280
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:13,559
Mmm! Yes.
281
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:14,839
Are you not drinking yours?
282
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:18,439
Well... Ah, come on,
boy, get 'er down you.
283
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:19,999
Oh, she'll go.
284
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,399
She'll go down all right.
285
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:23,480
Soon...
286
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:26,079
Look, if you're not
going to drink that...
287
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:27,799
Hey! You won't take my drink!
288
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:29,239
Well, get her down
you, then, boy.
289
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:30,879
Here she goes. Come on!
290
00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:33,759
Now, straight down. Drink up
your medicine, all of it. Here we go.
291
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:35,119
Mmm! Go, go, go!
292
00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:36,479
Ooh, a sip... Finish it!
293
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:37,919
A sip is enough sometimes.
294
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:40,999
Finish it! O... K...
295
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:42,199
Go, go.
296
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:45,839
Oh, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
297
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:48,479
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
298
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:49,599
Boy, yeah!
299
00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:53,959
Of course, you know the
cure for jellyfish stings?
300
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,240
Hmm...
301
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:58,799
Only too well, my friend.
302
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:00,359
Only too well.
303
00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:02,079
And let me tell
you, the aftertaste...
304
00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:03,199
Kelp.
305
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:04,759
Kelp!
306
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,639
That's the cure.
307
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:08,680
Why haven't they
put kelp in the book?!
308
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:18,720
Mmm, kelp. Lovely kelp.
309
00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:33,959
We used to sit like
this for hours. Slainte.
310
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:35,039
Cheers.
311
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,119
Talking, singing.
312
00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:38,999
Proper songs, too.
313
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,599
Traditional shanty.
314
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:42,799
Oh, well, I'd love to
hear a traditional shanty.
315
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:44,719
No, I couldn't. No, please!
316
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:46,079
Oh, sure my voice is gone.
317
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,879
Just one. Well, all right,
let's see what I can do.
318
00:19:50,361 --> 00:19:51,839
? Ohh... Ohh...
319
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:54,879
? Oh, Mammy, speak to me
320
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:57,119
? What will we have for tea?
321
00:19:57,120 --> 00:19:59,679
? For sure, my belly's rumbling
322
00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:02,159
? And I can barely see
323
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,319
? His mother turned around
324
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,879
? She slumped down to the ground
325
00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:09,119
? You can't be fed,
your daddy's dead
326
00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:11,239
? His boat has run aground
327
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,399
? Now I must walk the streets
328
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:15,759
? For strangers, I will meet
329
00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:17,639
? To sell my wretched body
330
00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,199
? For to try and buy us meat. ?
331
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:22,680
Bloody hell, mate.
Keep it light, will you?
332
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:26,000
They all starve to
death in the end.
333
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:30,719
That was one of
O'Mally's favourites.
334
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:32,639
He loved that one.
335
00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:33,680
Ooh...
336
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:38,079
Do you think you should
get off the island for a while?
337
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:39,119
I can't.
338
00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:40,719
Come back to the
mainland with me.
339
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:42,679
Get some perspective.
340
00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:44,679
There's a bloke down my
local pub called Weasel,
341
00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:46,799
he can get four packs
of Maltesers in his mouth.
342
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,039
You're the one who should leave.
343
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,399
It only comes here
when there's two men.
344
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:53,519
"It"? The Olliethingy?
345
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:55,279
The Oillipheist.
346
00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:58,159
Yes, the sea beast that
came and took O'Mally,
347
00:20:58,160 --> 00:20:59,279
and we don't know where he is,
348
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:00,919
but he's going to come
back as a seagull?
349
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:03,679
Correct. And the Oillipheist's
angry now because I've come
350
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,389
and he's going to come
and take one of us?
351
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,559
You don't believe in anything
you don't understand, do you?
352
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:10,719
No.
353
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:13,839
Because all mysteries
get explained in the end.
354
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:16,680
So what did you see in
the cove this morning?
355
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:21,119
Aha!
356
00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:24,279
Well, I thought I saw a woman
with a tail sitting on a rock,
357
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:25,919
but obviously that's impossible.
358
00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:28,279
I did not see a
mermaid. Did you not?
359
00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:30,599
No, because one,
they don't exist,
360
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:32,959
and two, it didn't
look like a mermaid.
361
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,239
And how would the big,
long cleaner boy from the city
362
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:36,359
know what a mermaid looks like?
363
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:39,359
Oh, come on, we've all
seen Splash. Mermaids are fit.
364
00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:41,520
I'm not sexist, but...
365
00:21:41,523 --> 00:21:42,960
..she was rough.
366
00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:50,359
It's coming! It's coming for me!
367
00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:52,879
The only thing coming
for us is a bad hangover.
368
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:54,359
Get you to your room.
369
00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:57,079
Stay there until sunrise.
370
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,599
Do not come out, no
matter what you hear.
371
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:00,839
Mate!
372
00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:02,999
It's ridiculous!
373
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:06,279
Well, I hope you're still laughing
as the blood fills your mouth
374
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:08,960
from the crushing
weight of its mighty jaw.
375
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:29,719
Do you like my
sexy old man body?
376
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,959
See? You're useless alone.
377
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:36,999
Agh! Agh! No! The Oillipheist...
378
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,639
The Oillipheist always
leaves her mark.
379
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,080
Why?!
380
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:44,680
No, captain!
381
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:47,039
It's here!
382
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:48,519
What the f... ?! Get up!
383
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:51,040
Huh?! The
Oillipheist! It's here!
384
00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:54,160
It's cut the power
lines! Quickly!
385
00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:57,039
Mate, this is madness!
386
00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:58,479
There is no Oillipheist!
387
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,279
The light is out. It's
bitten through the wires.
388
00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:02,999
Yeah, well, it'll be a fault,
won't it? Radio the mainland.
389
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:04,239
No, I am going
to try and fix it.
390
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:06,399
You need to go up to the
light room to flip the trip.
391
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:09,359
Oh! I thought I wasn't
allowed in the light room.
392
00:23:09,360 --> 00:23:11,839
Argh! I may not be back!
393
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:12,919
Pray for me.
394
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:14,639
If that light does
not come on again,
395
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:17,349
the boat collecting you in the
morning may be dashed on the rocks.
396
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:20,399
It's probably a fuse, isn't it?
397
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,199
I'll radio the mainland.
398
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:23,759
Jesus.
399
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:25,119
Uh, breaker 1-9.
400
00:23:25,120 --> 00:23:27,319
What's your 20 for an
eyeball, good buddy?
401
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:28,759
Receiving...
402
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:30,000
What?!
403
00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:32,599
Breaker 1-9, what's
going on over there?
404
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:33,720
What the fuck?!
405
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:38,999
I have to face it for Patrick!
406
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,639
If the Oillipheist takes
me, it will leave you.
407
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:43,599
It always leaves
one, you'll be fine.
408
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:47,759
If you see Patrick, tell
him I'll join him soon.
409
00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:54,120
No. Awake.
410
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:12,640
I don't even know what a trip
switch looks like, you old goon.
411
00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:16,920
[OK.]
412
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:46,359
O'Malley?!
413
00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:47,880
It can't be!
414
00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:53,160
Argh!
415
00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:28,880
To you, Patrick.
416
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:31,880
Perhaps they'll listen now.
417
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:41,759
It was only down by the
sea that I worked it out.
418
00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:42,959
You set all this up.
419
00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:45,439
You staged the
myth of the Oillipheist.
420
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:47,159
There's no myth.
421
00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:52,399
Mate, you don't think that O'Mally
was taken by the Oillipheist?
422
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:53,519
He was!
423
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:54,959
I heard his screams!
424
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:56,679
Because you were pissed!
425
00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:57,799
No!
426
00:25:57,800 --> 00:26:00,759
Well, if it's real, why are
you pretending to be him?
427
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:02,399
Why all this pantomime?
428
00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:04,280
Because no-one will believe me!
429
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:07,319
The police, coroner...
430
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:09,520
I even had a reporter
sniffing around.
431
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:14,359
They don't listen,
they just wrote him off.
432
00:26:14,360 --> 00:26:16,239
"Fell off a cliff. Case closed."
433
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:20,600
So you thought you'd plant
some evidence for the nonbeliever?
434
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:27,199
Bad things happen to
good people for no reason.
435
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:30,599
He was my friend.
436
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:31,639
He fell off a cliff.
437
00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:33,559
No, he didn't, he
didn't, he didn't!
438
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:34,719
Never!
439
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:37,759
A strong man like that,
swept away by a little wind?
440
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:40,000
Never! Not a lighthouse man!
441
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:43,799
Maybe you're right.
442
00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:45,960
Just... tell them.
443
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:50,559
Tell anyone what happened here.
444
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:54,679
Tell them that the Oillipheist
took away my friend.
445
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:59,159
Did I really think you could get
it on to that Netflix or a podcast
446
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:01,639
on the World Wide
Web, yeah? Yeah?
447
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:03,120
I thought you
didn't have a telly.
448
00:27:04,120 --> 00:27:06,399
I have an iPad up my room.
449
00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:08,440
I turned off the Wi-Fi
when you arrived.
450
00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:13,160
Just tell them.
451
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:15,959
Promise me.
452
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:19,119
There's a pub near
Birmingham that's about to hear
453
00:27:19,120 --> 00:27:23,399
of the mysterious
disappearance of Patrick O'Mally.
454
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:25,119
I promise.
455
00:27:25,120 --> 00:27:26,520
And you were right.
456
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:30,839
She was a fine-looking mermaid.
457
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:32,920
You looked beautiful.
458
00:27:32,970 --> 00:27:37,520
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