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1
00:00:12,558 --> 00:00:15,152
Bene edamus
2
00:00:15,398 --> 00:00:17,912
Bene bibamus
3
00:00:17,958 --> 00:00:23,271
Epulas semper concelebramus
4
00:00:23,318 --> 00:00:25,786
Quod imperat regina
5
00:00:25,838 --> 00:00:28,511
Nil impediat doctrina
6
00:00:28,558 --> 00:00:32,187
Sed choro sonoro
7
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Dives in omnia
8
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Sed choro sonoro
9
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:40,027
Dives in omnia
10
00:00:40,078 --> 00:00:45,630
Collegium, Collegium acclamus
11
00:00:45,678 --> 00:00:50,798
Porterhouse! Porterhouse!
12
00:00:50,838 --> 00:00:56,708
To live and die in Porterhouse!
13
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Dives in omnia
14
00:01:26,118 --> 00:01:27,597
Aah!
15
00:01:27,638 --> 00:01:31,916
- Good evening, Sir Cathcart.
- Well, look at you, Dean!
16
00:01:31,958 --> 00:01:34,233
All done up in your fig!
17
00:01:34,278 --> 00:01:36,712
(Chuckles)
18
00:01:36,758 --> 00:01:39,795
Trouble in college, l hear.
Skullion tipped the wink.
19
00:01:39,838 --> 00:01:45,834
Did he, indeed? Well, Cathcart, l'm afraid
we've been landed with a fool for a Master.
20
00:01:45,878 --> 00:01:49,712
Course you have.
Clever fellows often are, you know.
21
00:01:49,758 --> 00:01:52,830
They get carried away
by what's going on in their silly heads,
22
00:01:52,878 --> 00:01:55,950
and can't cope with people, life.
23
00:01:55,998 --> 00:01:58,956
- Lost the nose for it.
- Quite so, Cathcart.
24
00:01:58,998 --> 00:02:00,033
Mm.
25
00:02:02,158 --> 00:02:03,750
- Have you got a box?
- Box?
26
00:02:03,798 --> 00:02:07,393
Yeah, television box.
Ain't myself, but my gardener has.
27
00:02:07,438 --> 00:02:09,349
Lets me come in and watch it sometimes.
28
00:02:09,398 --> 00:02:11,958
There's a woofter on it called Carrington.
29
00:02:11,998 --> 00:02:14,558
- Cornelius Carrington.
- Yes, l think l've...
30
00:02:14,598 --> 00:02:18,750
Sort of a romantic Tory
television personality.
31
00:02:18,798 --> 00:02:20,754
Ain't that what you call them? l don't know.
32
00:02:20,798 --> 00:02:23,596
Nasty piece of work.
33
00:02:23,638 --> 00:02:27,233
- Old Porterhusian.
- Ah! Young Carrington.
34
00:02:27,278 --> 00:02:31,032
Does this, you know,
investigative journalism.
35
00:02:31,078 --> 00:02:33,717
Give him a scent and off he'll go.
36
00:02:34,638 --> 00:02:36,629
Same club as me.
37
00:02:36,678 --> 00:02:39,750
Can't think why.
Should have been blackballed.
38
00:02:40,478 --> 00:02:42,548
Why do you bring up young Carrington?
39
00:02:42,598 --> 00:02:44,589
Oh, didn't l say?
40
00:02:45,678 --> 00:02:48,067
Got the ponce up for a couple of days.
41
00:02:48,118 --> 00:02:50,916
Likes staying in great houses, you see.
A snob.
42
00:02:50,958 --> 00:02:54,633
And he wants to do something on Godber.
43
00:02:54,678 --> 00:02:57,636
- Ah!
- Ah. Come in and meet him.
44
00:03:00,438 --> 00:03:03,874
Ah, there you are. You remember the Dean.
45
00:03:03,918 --> 00:03:05,556
Yes, indeed. How are you?
46
00:03:05,598 --> 00:03:08,431
Discipline Dean. Romany Rye. Scott?
47
00:03:08,478 --> 00:03:12,391
Well, well, young Carrington.
Still keeping up the sport?
48
00:03:12,438 --> 00:03:15,794
- Do you have brandy, Cathcart?
- Mmm, Balzac.
49
00:03:15,838 --> 00:03:18,875
l never was a sporting man, Dean.
50
00:03:18,918 --> 00:03:24,788
Oh, no, that's right. l recall you showed
a peculiar interest in politics.
51
00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:28,547
- Joined a lot of societies.
- Dear God, man, you didn't?
52
00:03:28,598 --> 00:03:30,668
One of the subversives, eh?
53
00:03:30,718 --> 00:03:34,267
Well, l'd hardly call
the United Nations Association subversive.
54
00:03:34,318 --> 00:03:36,627
Must be. Stands to reason.
55
00:03:36,678 --> 00:03:39,715
Wouldn't exist if they weren't trying
to subvert something or another.
56
00:03:39,758 --> 00:03:42,955
Well, we haven't seen you
for a very long time, young man.
57
00:03:42,998 --> 00:03:45,148
l do appear on the television
at least once a week.
58
00:03:45,198 --> 00:03:48,588
Ah. One doesn't watch that.
No, l meant in college.
59
00:03:48,638 --> 00:03:54,315
To my knowledge you've not revisited us
since, what, 197 4?
60
00:03:54,358 --> 00:03:56,713
Something like that. l lead a busy life.
61
00:03:56,758 --> 00:03:59,716
Well...Prost!
62
00:03:59,758 --> 00:04:01,191
Prost, indeed!
63
00:04:01,238 --> 00:04:04,275
l'm told
by those who know about these things
64
00:04:04,318 --> 00:04:09,073
you've made some name for yourself
in the entertainment industry.
65
00:04:09,118 --> 00:04:15,114
Not entertainment.
l consider myself a maker of opinion.
66
00:04:15,158 --> 00:04:16,910
Bloody opinion!
67
00:04:16,958 --> 00:04:22,351
Still, you are one of the few distinguished
men College can claim in recent years.
68
00:04:22,398 --> 00:04:25,390
lf distinction is the word for television.
69
00:04:26,598 --> 00:04:30,273
Yes, l can see you and the college
have changed very little, Dean.
70
00:04:33,598 --> 00:04:35,270
(Manic giggling)
71
00:04:43,998 --> 00:04:46,956
l must get rid of them. l must get rid of them.
72
00:05:00,958 --> 00:05:02,949
Oh, how can l ever get rid of...
73
00:05:26,318 --> 00:05:28,036
(Knocking)
74
00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:30,273
(Foxton) What's going on in there?
75
00:05:30,318 --> 00:05:33,594
Erm... Sorry, Foxton, l've got diarrhoea.
76
00:05:34,678 --> 00:05:37,146
ls that you, Zipser?
77
00:05:37,198 --> 00:05:39,507
Erm... Yes, Foxton.
78
00:05:39,558 --> 00:05:42,356
Well, hurry up. l need a pee.
79
00:05:42,398 --> 00:05:44,832
Yes.
80
00:05:45,798 --> 00:05:47,789
Yes, coming, Foxton.
81
00:06:05,398 --> 00:06:07,389
Get out of the way, you bloody oaf.
82
00:06:07,438 --> 00:06:09,747
- Yes, Foxton.
- Got a hoover bag in there?
83
00:06:09,798 --> 00:06:11,789
No, Foxton.
84
00:06:20,518 --> 00:06:24,352
ln Porterhouse
we have tried to remain steadfast,
85
00:06:24,398 --> 00:06:27,037
when others have preferred mere fashion.
86
00:06:27,078 --> 00:06:29,433
But Sir Godber must be altering all that.
87
00:06:29,478 --> 00:06:31,594
That tithead!
88
00:06:31,638 --> 00:06:34,027
He was always considered
a clever politician.
89
00:06:34,078 --> 00:06:37,957
No. Looks clever. Damn fool.
90
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:42,435
Different in the old days.
Looked damn fools, were clever.
91
00:06:43,198 --> 00:06:46,474
The British always did best
when they were chinless wonders.
92
00:06:46,518 --> 00:06:50,352
Confused the foreigners, you see.
Put the other fellow off.
93
00:06:50,398 --> 00:06:52,673
Can't take you seriously.
94
00:06:53,598 --> 00:06:57,034
Then, when he's off guard,
95
00:06:57,998 --> 00:07:00,466
you give it to him in the goolies!
96
00:07:04,838 --> 00:07:07,557
Never fails. Out like a light.
97
00:07:13,718 --> 00:07:15,709
Hey, come out, you.
98
00:07:40,318 --> 00:07:43,754
- What's going on?
- Some sod's using our toilet.
99
00:07:46,358 --> 00:07:48,349
Come on, you. Use your own loo.
100
00:07:57,158 --> 00:07:59,149
(Banging on door)
101
00:07:59,798 --> 00:08:01,868
Come out, come out, wherever you are!
102
00:08:03,758 --> 00:08:06,352
lt's bloody old Zipser!
Shall we throw him in the fountain?
103
00:08:06,398 --> 00:08:09,708
No, no, let him go. Clever man, Zipser.
104
00:08:12,278 --> 00:08:14,269
Good God!
105
00:08:15,438 --> 00:08:19,113
So tradition is in conflict with change.
106
00:08:19,158 --> 00:08:23,993
He's outraged the fellows, threatened
the servants, proposes to admit women,
107
00:08:24,038 --> 00:08:27,587
and generally brought us
to a quite explosive situation.
108
00:08:29,438 --> 00:08:31,827
Of course,
109
00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:36,076
our small problems
can hardly interest a man like yourself,
110
00:08:36,118 --> 00:08:38,996
from the great world of the media,
111
00:08:39,038 --> 00:08:41,472
as l think it is called.
112
00:08:41,518 --> 00:08:43,668
No. Do go on.
113
00:08:44,798 --> 00:08:47,995
Sir Cathcart thinks there might be
a programme in this.
114
00:08:48,038 --> 00:08:50,506
- Yes.
- l do a show, you know.
115
00:08:50,558 --> 00:08:52,150
No, clearly, you don't.
116
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:57,830
Questioned By Carrington, a searching look
at British institutions in change.
117
00:08:57,878 --> 00:09:01,757
So, an explosive situation.
118
00:09:24,438 --> 00:09:26,315
Sod off, Foxton.
119
00:09:27,558 --> 00:09:29,947
Head Porter here, Mr Zipser.
Open the door.
120
00:09:29,998 --> 00:09:32,990
What? Mr Skull.
121
00:09:37,238 --> 00:09:38,671
Just one minute.
122
00:09:38,718 --> 00:09:43,394
- l'm having a bath.
- No bathroom in there, Mr Zipser.
123
00:09:49,478 --> 00:09:51,673
- What is it, Mr Skull?
- l need to talk, Mr Zipser.
124
00:09:51,718 --> 00:09:55,108
- About that very confidential matter.
- Confidential?
125
00:09:55,158 --> 00:09:58,673
lntimate matter, sir. Not something
that can be dealt with through a door.
126
00:10:00,278 --> 00:10:03,748
- What about?
- lt's about being...examined, sir.
127
00:10:05,638 --> 00:10:07,993
- Examined?
- Yes, that's right, Mr Zipser.
128
00:10:08,038 --> 00:10:10,506
- Now, can l come in?
- No, not now.
129
00:10:10,558 --> 00:10:13,550
lt's very important, sir. Career at stake.
130
00:10:14,438 --> 00:10:16,349
Oh.
131
00:10:16,398 --> 00:10:18,389
Erm...
132
00:10:19,198 --> 00:10:21,587
Come back in the morning. l'm not very well.
133
00:10:21,638 --> 00:10:23,629
Yeah, but Mr...
134
00:10:23,678 --> 00:10:25,669
All right, then, Mr Zipser.
135
00:10:37,398 --> 00:10:39,389
(Telephone)
136
00:10:44,038 --> 00:10:46,029
Hello. Samaritans. Can we help?
137
00:10:49,598 --> 00:10:52,749
Samaritans? Please, can you help me?
138
00:10:52,798 --> 00:10:54,789
(Muffled) l'm in terrible trouble.
139
00:10:54,838 --> 00:10:57,432
l'm sorry, young man,
you'll have to speak up.
140
00:10:57,478 --> 00:11:01,471
Now, just pull yourself together
and enunciate quite clearly, and...
141
00:11:01,518 --> 00:11:03,668
Lady Mary.
142
00:11:03,718 --> 00:11:06,186
l'm sure l know that voice.
143
00:11:06,238 --> 00:11:08,229
l'm going mad.
144
00:11:08,998 --> 00:11:10,989
l'll never get rid of them.
145
00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:20,069
Float them away!
146
00:11:22,398 --> 00:11:24,389
(Bell tolls)
147
00:11:28,318 --> 00:11:32,755
- Midnight, Mr Skullion. A nasty night.
- Yeah.
148
00:11:32,798 --> 00:11:36,996
- l think everything's quiet.
- Right, well, you get off home then, Walter.
149
00:11:37,038 --> 00:11:41,828
- Well, Dean's not back yet.
- Don't worry, l'll lock up. l'll see to the Dean.
150
00:11:41,878 --> 00:11:44,073
l wonder how he got on with Sir Cathcart.
151
00:11:44,118 --> 00:11:46,313
Hmm.
152
00:11:46,358 --> 00:11:48,349
Yes, we have ways.
153
00:11:49,758 --> 00:11:51,988
- (Chuckles)
- Yes, Mr Skullion.
154
00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:54,948
- Night, then.
- Good night, Walter.
155
00:12:25,758 --> 00:12:27,749
(Escaping gas)
156
00:12:41,318 --> 00:12:43,309
(Pop)
157
00:14:36,198 --> 00:14:38,189
(Clock chimes)
158
00:14:40,318 --> 00:14:42,786
(Slurring) lt's past my bedtime, Cathcart.
159
00:14:43,598 --> 00:14:45,429
Young Carrington.
160
00:14:46,318 --> 00:14:48,434
Good to meet an old Porterhusian again.
161
00:14:48,478 --> 00:14:51,550
l'm afraid l've been rather a bore,
162
00:14:51,598 --> 00:14:55,147
chatting away like this
about our petty college scandals.
163
00:14:55,198 --> 00:14:58,668
No, l'd like to hear more.
Can l could and see you in college?
164
00:14:58,718 --> 00:15:02,916
Any time. Drop in for tea.
l do a splendid toasted crumpet.
165
00:15:02,958 --> 00:15:04,949
Oh... Erm... Oh...
166
00:15:04,998 --> 00:15:10,755
But of course, much of what l've said
is quite between ourselves.
167
00:15:10,798 --> 00:15:13,949
l don't know,
sounds like a good programme to me.
168
00:15:13,998 --> 00:15:18,992
Nothing the British public likes better
than old buildings, tradition, nostalgia.
169
00:15:19,038 --> 00:15:22,110
Ain't l right, Carrington?
That's what the box is for.
170
00:15:22,158 --> 00:15:24,911
There's something in that, Sir Cathcart.
171
00:16:02,158 --> 00:16:03,830
l waited up for you, sir.
172
00:16:03,878 --> 00:16:06,950
- Are you all right, sir?
- Ah! Thank you, Skullion.
173
00:16:08,438 --> 00:16:12,750
- Very hospitable, isn't he, Sir Cathcart?
- Exactly so, Skullion, yes.
174
00:16:14,278 --> 00:16:16,712
Was he, erm... Was he very helpful, sir?
175
00:16:16,758 --> 00:16:21,036
l think we'll see some changes, Skullion.
Yes, l really think we will.
176
00:16:21,078 --> 00:16:23,990
Mm. Er...
Erm, sir, shall l help you to your room?
177
00:16:24,038 --> 00:16:26,313
Nonsense, Skullion. l can manage.
Good night.
178
00:16:26,358 --> 00:16:27,711
Yes, good night, sir.
179
00:16:48,478 --> 00:16:50,469
(Squeaking)
180
00:16:53,078 --> 00:16:55,069
God!
181
00:17:00,558 --> 00:17:02,549
Come here.
182
00:17:08,518 --> 00:17:11,510
(Bursting)
183
00:17:50,358 --> 00:17:52,349
(Rubbery squeaking)
184
00:17:53,998 --> 00:17:55,989
(Dean) What would you say this was?
185
00:18:03,158 --> 00:18:05,353
l don't really like to say, sir.
186
00:18:05,398 --> 00:18:07,275
l just found it in the quad.
187
00:18:08,158 --> 00:18:09,989
Oh, yeah?
188
00:18:10,038 --> 00:18:13,587
Floating about, as at some fair.
189
00:18:14,678 --> 00:18:16,396
Very unnatural they are, sir.
190
00:18:16,438 --> 00:18:18,156
Quite.
191
00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:22,032
Like some gigantic cocktail sausage.
192
00:18:27,878 --> 00:18:30,597
l want them cleared away, Skullion,
before it gets light.
193
00:18:30,638 --> 00:18:32,754
The college's reputation is at stake.
194
00:18:32,798 --> 00:18:35,756
We don't want to become
the laughing stock of the university.
195
00:18:35,798 --> 00:18:37,470
No, sir.
196
00:18:37,518 --> 00:18:39,907
Clear 'em away, yes. The quad, you said?
197
00:18:39,958 --> 00:18:44,429
Yes, and don't disturb me.
l'm feeling very... (Slurs)
198
00:19:30,358 --> 00:19:32,349
Oh! Oh! Oh!
199
00:19:41,758 --> 00:19:43,749
Gotcha! Gotcha!
200
00:19:55,398 --> 00:19:57,958
Ah! Heeyah! Hurgh!
201
00:19:59,598 --> 00:20:01,589
Ooh!
202
00:20:30,398 --> 00:20:33,117
Oh, go, go, go, will you?
203
00:20:40,438 --> 00:20:42,429
Get down, get down!
204
00:20:47,718 --> 00:20:50,994
Bloody kill 'em, smash 'em to...
Where are they coming from?
205
00:21:15,398 --> 00:21:17,389
(Snoring)
206
00:21:21,758 --> 00:21:24,352
Yoo-hoo! Mr Zipser!
207
00:21:24,398 --> 00:21:27,435
Mr Zipser, it's me.
208
00:21:27,478 --> 00:21:29,708
What?
209
00:21:29,758 --> 00:21:33,876
- What time is it?
- Half past four, my darling.
210
00:21:36,838 --> 00:21:39,193
Half past four?
211
00:21:44,478 --> 00:21:47,276
l've seen the way you look at me, love.
212
00:21:47,318 --> 00:21:49,878
l know what you're thinking.
213
00:21:49,918 --> 00:21:53,035
Well, l feel the same.
214
00:21:53,078 --> 00:21:55,512
The same?
You're not supposed to do that, Mrs Biggs.
215
00:21:55,558 --> 00:21:58,436
- This your first time, dear?
- (Gasps)
216
00:21:58,478 --> 00:22:03,632
Don't you worry. You just lie there a minute
and contain yourself.
217
00:22:05,038 --> 00:22:07,757
l'm going to light the gas.
218
00:22:08,598 --> 00:22:11,908
Nothing like a nice, warm fire for after.
219
00:22:14,158 --> 00:22:15,876
After what?
220
00:22:15,918 --> 00:22:17,909
Silly boy!
221
00:22:25,958 --> 00:22:28,631
lt's all coming true, Mr Zipser.
222
00:22:30,158 --> 00:22:32,718
But it's against the college rules. Erm...
223
00:22:32,758 --> 00:22:34,749
Uh...
224
00:22:36,398 --> 00:22:38,434
We can't do this, Mrs Biggs.
225
00:22:39,158 --> 00:22:42,594
l've been gated.
l'm not allowed to do anything for a week.
226
00:22:44,398 --> 00:22:47,913
l ought to be concentrating...on my thesis.
227
00:22:48,638 --> 00:22:52,472
- Do you want me sent down?
- Do what you like, dear. (Giggles)
228
00:22:53,638 --> 00:22:55,629
l'm all yours.
229
00:23:01,598 --> 00:23:03,589
- (Gasps)
- (Chuckles)
230
00:23:06,718 --> 00:23:09,186
Oh! Ohh.
231
00:23:10,158 --> 00:23:12,149
Oh, Mrs Biggs!
232
00:23:13,518 --> 00:23:15,270
- Mrs Biggs!
- That's right.
233
00:23:20,518 --> 00:23:23,112
Now, Mr Zipser,
234
00:23:23,158 --> 00:23:26,070
not too quick.
235
00:23:26,118 --> 00:23:28,154
- Not too quick.
- Mrs Biggs!
236
00:23:37,398 --> 00:23:40,151
Godber? What is it? What's happening?
237
00:23:43,998 --> 00:23:46,592
l think the Bull Tower's collapsed.
238
00:23:46,638 --> 00:23:48,594
Collapsed?
239
00:23:48,638 --> 00:23:52,108
Now, Mary, calm yourself.
Remember you're a Samaritan.
240
00:23:52,158 --> 00:23:54,513
Now, l'm going down there
to give all the help l can.
241
00:23:54,558 --> 00:23:57,516
l want you to telephone
the ambulance and the fire brigade.
242
00:23:57,558 --> 00:24:01,551
- You mean people are hurt?
- Bound to be, Mary. lt went up like a bomb.
243
00:24:17,878 --> 00:24:19,948
Skullion! Stop that.
244
00:24:22,878 --> 00:24:26,951
Go and open the gates. The fire engine
and the ambulance are on their way.
245
00:24:26,998 --> 00:24:30,468
- Can't do that, sir.
- What did you say?
246
00:24:30,518 --> 00:24:34,193
Can't let strangers in here with all these
filthy things hanging about.
247
00:24:34,238 --> 00:24:37,867
- lt wouldn't be right.
- There are people hurt in here, man.
248
00:24:39,678 --> 00:24:44,069
Sir, the college would be
the laughing stock of the university.
249
00:24:44,118 --> 00:24:46,632
You'll pay for this, Skullion!
250
00:24:46,678 --> 00:24:48,953
You, go and open the gates at once.
251
00:24:50,678 --> 00:24:53,556
You've got no sense of tradition,
you haven't!
252
00:24:56,318 --> 00:25:02,587
To live and die in Porterhouse
253
00:25:04,598 --> 00:25:06,589
(Sirens)
254
00:25:06,638 --> 00:25:13,316
Collegium, Collegium
255
00:25:14,038 --> 00:25:19,715
Porterhouse
256
00:25:19,758 --> 00:25:25,515
Collegium, Collegium
257
00:25:27,158 --> 00:25:29,149
Bene vivere
258
00:25:30,198 --> 00:25:33,668
Et ludere
259
00:25:34,318 --> 00:25:36,309
Vivamus
260
00:25:37,118 --> 00:25:42,670
To live in Porterhouse
261
00:25:42,718 --> 00:25:45,710
Porterhouse
262
00:25:46,438 --> 00:25:52,434
Splendidum collegium
263
00:25:56,998 --> 00:25:59,034
He told me to open the gates, sir,
264
00:25:59,078 --> 00:26:01,751
and he still had them filthy things
all lying about.
265
00:26:01,798 --> 00:26:05,074
You yourself said the college would be
the laughing stock of the university.
266
00:26:05,118 --> 00:26:07,916
- The Master is upset. We all are.
- Well, yes, sir.
267
00:26:21,318 --> 00:26:23,115
- Who is it, Arthur?
- lt's a woman.
268
00:26:23,158 --> 00:26:25,149
lt can't be. Women aren't allowed.
269
00:26:25,198 --> 00:26:27,189
lt is. lt's Mrs Biggs.
270
00:26:27,238 --> 00:26:29,229
(Both) Mrs Biggs?
271
00:26:40,398 --> 00:26:45,074
''The influence of pumpernickel on
the politics of 16th century Westphalia''?
272
00:26:46,038 --> 00:26:48,029
My God, it's Zipser!
273
00:26:48,078 --> 00:26:50,990
And Mrs Biggs.
What were they doing together?
274
00:26:51,038 --> 00:26:54,155
Oh, yes. The young man
came to discuss it with me.
275
00:26:54,198 --> 00:26:56,154
He was obsessed with her, you know.
276
00:26:56,198 --> 00:26:58,632
Obsessed with his bedder?
ln heaven's name, why?
277
00:26:58,678 --> 00:27:00,077
Lust, you know.
278
00:27:00,118 --> 00:27:03,793
Good, decent, honest, old-fashioned lust.
279
00:27:08,798 --> 00:27:10,709
Since it is ordained
280
00:27:10,758 --> 00:27:16,151
that the office of burial not be used
for any that die unbaptised,
281
00:27:16,198 --> 00:27:20,988
excommunicate
or having laid violent hands on themselves,
282
00:27:22,078 --> 00:27:25,309
let us commit our young Zipser
to the stony ground,
283
00:27:25,358 --> 00:27:30,990
praying that he be delivered at last
from that burning burden of the flesh
284
00:27:31,038 --> 00:27:35,111
that so long and so tragically
consumed him.
285
00:27:36,078 --> 00:27:41,710
Requiescat in pacem
286
00:27:41,758 --> 00:27:44,147
Amen
287
00:27:44,398 --> 00:27:47,435
Amen
288
00:28:01,198 --> 00:28:03,109
l must say, the quail is quite delicious.
289
00:28:03,158 --> 00:28:05,752
The coroner's inquest
has given me an appetite.
290
00:28:05,798 --> 00:28:08,073
l had feared a less magnanimous verdict.
291
00:28:08,118 --> 00:28:11,508
Suicide while of unsound mind
completely vindicates the college.
292
00:28:11,558 --> 00:28:14,755
Suicide.
Now, that's an interesting topic to consider.
293
00:28:14,798 --> 00:28:16,789
The coroner already has, Chaplain.
294
00:28:16,838 --> 00:28:20,308
Yes, we haven't had a decent suicide
in college for years.
295
00:28:20,358 --> 00:28:26,035
ln the old days, hardly a week went by
without some chap taking the easy way out.
296
00:28:26,078 --> 00:28:28,990
ln my view, it's the decline of morality.
297
00:28:29,038 --> 00:28:32,713
Undergraduates
aren't conscience stricken any more.
298
00:28:32,758 --> 00:28:37,627
ln the old days,
they used to call us Slaughterhouse.
299
00:28:37,678 --> 00:28:40,715
The name may well come back, Praelector.
300
00:28:40,758 --> 00:28:43,830
Oh, but was Zipser really
of unsound mind?
301
00:28:43,878 --> 00:28:47,234
Or is it, of course, as the coroner said?
302
00:28:48,118 --> 00:28:50,951
He was in the grip of an irrational impulse.
303
00:28:50,998 --> 00:28:53,034
Evidently he was in the grip of Mrs Biggs,
304
00:28:53,078 --> 00:28:55,512
but that could well amount
to the same thing.
305
00:28:55,558 --> 00:28:59,949
Few of us can claim a moment
of sexual satisfaction, however fatal,
306
00:28:59,998 --> 00:29:02,831
that leaves behind a bill
of half a million pounds.
307
00:29:02,878 --> 00:29:05,028
That is what it will cost
to rebuild the Tower?
308
00:29:05,078 --> 00:29:06,670
So the Bursar tells me.
309
00:29:06,718 --> 00:29:08,868
Well, l trust the Master will learn his lesson,
310
00:29:08,918 --> 00:29:12,593
and count the cost of the sexual
permissiveness he encourages.
311
00:29:12,638 --> 00:29:14,629
lncidentally, where is the Bursar?
312
00:29:16,398 --> 00:29:18,958
Rubber is a substitute placenta.
313
00:29:18,998 --> 00:29:21,910
The bedder
was an obvious mother substitute.
314
00:29:21,958 --> 00:29:24,472
lt's perfectly obvious, Bursar.
315
00:29:24,518 --> 00:29:26,554
The poor boy was a fetishist.
316
00:29:26,598 --> 00:29:30,147
And filling those things with gas
an obscure form of penis envy.
317
00:29:30,198 --> 00:29:35,226
l assure you, Godber, the penis these days
attracts no envy whatsoever.
318
00:29:36,998 --> 00:29:42,356
No, what all this goes to show is that single
sex colleges create dangerous frustrations.
319
00:29:42,958 --> 00:29:46,348
We must make Porterhouse coeducational
as soon as possible.
320
00:29:46,398 --> 00:29:49,947
Well, l fear there can be no reform
at this time, Lady Mary.
321
00:29:49,998 --> 00:29:52,796
Rebuilding the tower will cost half a million.
322
00:29:52,838 --> 00:29:57,116
And given the appalling publicity we have
received, l have little hope of any appeal.
323
00:29:57,158 --> 00:29:59,718
Then don't rebuild the tower, Bursar.
324
00:29:59,758 --> 00:30:02,272
Now's the chance for the new building,
Lady Mary Hall.
325
00:30:02,318 --> 00:30:05,435
Well, either way, the same problem applies,
Lady Mary.
326
00:30:06,318 --> 00:30:08,991
We shall have to fall back on our own funds.
327
00:30:09,038 --> 00:30:11,791
Which, as Sir Godber knows,
are less than nil.
328
00:30:11,838 --> 00:30:14,910
Proving what l said all along,
the need for economies.
329
00:30:14,958 --> 00:30:17,518
But l dare say you agree with the Dean,
Bursar.
330
00:30:17,558 --> 00:30:21,073
l think the days of the Dean's influence
are numbered, Master.
331
00:30:21,118 --> 00:30:23,871
Some of the younger Fellows
are beginning to face facts
332
00:30:23,918 --> 00:30:26,113
and see the need for a new realism.
333
00:30:26,158 --> 00:30:30,356
Excellent. May l take it
that you are one of them, Bursar?
334
00:30:30,398 --> 00:30:32,354
lndeed, Master.
335
00:30:32,398 --> 00:30:35,276
Ah, l think we ought to have some wine.
336
00:30:35,318 --> 00:30:38,435
Elaine, le vin de elderberry, s'il vous pla�t.
337
00:30:39,078 --> 00:30:40,591
ln that case, Bursar,
338
00:30:40,638 --> 00:30:44,711
l think we ought to test College Council
tomorrow with my new proposals.
339
00:30:46,198 --> 00:30:48,234
New proposals, Master?
340
00:30:48,278 --> 00:30:52,157
Mmm. College servants cost us
two hundred thousand a year, at least.
341
00:30:52,198 --> 00:30:54,837
When High Table is abolished,
we shall need very few of them.
342
00:30:54,878 --> 00:30:58,757
Quite, and we'll start by getting rid
of that insolent head porter.
343
00:30:58,798 --> 00:31:03,110
Skullion?
But he's been here 45 years, milady.
344
00:31:03,158 --> 00:31:06,230
Far too long. He thinks he owns the college.
345
00:31:06,278 --> 00:31:09,111
He reached the end of my patience
the night the Tower blew up.
346
00:31:09,158 --> 00:31:13,197
He wouldn't open the gate to the rescue
services until he'd tidied the quad.
347
00:31:13,238 --> 00:31:16,150
He's obtuse, but loyal and conscientious.
348
00:31:16,198 --> 00:31:18,951
And only five years to go to retirement.
349
00:31:18,998 --> 00:31:23,389
But we don't need two porters, Bursar.
Walter can do the job.
350
00:31:23,438 --> 00:31:26,874
Or a woman.
He's only a glorified receptionist.
351
00:31:26,918 --> 00:31:28,909
Well... (Gulps)
352
00:31:28,958 --> 00:31:32,348
- You're not afraid of Skullion, are you?
- Oh, no, milady.
353
00:31:32,398 --> 00:31:37,472
Oh, there's one other thing you must do,
if Mr Zipser is not to have died in vain.
354
00:31:37,518 --> 00:31:40,715
- What's that, Mary?
- lnstall a contraceptive machine.
355
00:31:40,758 --> 00:31:43,909
- Well, l'm not sure...
- There's one in the men's lavatory at King's.
356
00:31:43,958 --> 00:31:45,755
Well, there would be, wouldn't there?
357
00:31:45,798 --> 00:31:50,997
Well, l insist you get contraceptives,
Godber. As soon as possible.
358
00:31:51,038 --> 00:31:53,950
Pas devant les domestiques, Mary.
359
00:31:53,998 --> 00:31:56,831
Godber, she is French.
360
00:32:17,398 --> 00:32:21,596
Walter, go and help Dr Messmer
before he strangles himself.
361
00:32:21,638 --> 00:32:23,435
l'm going off to College Council.
362
00:32:28,318 --> 00:32:30,912
You'd be safer writing your book,
Dr Messmer.
363
00:32:34,038 --> 00:32:37,633
(Dean) Gentlemen, we must bring home
to the Master that in the wake of the tragedy,
364
00:32:37,678 --> 00:32:40,238
our task is to reconstruct the old college.
365
00:32:40,278 --> 00:32:42,951
Times have changed.
That must be made clear.
366
00:32:42,998 --> 00:32:45,228
Yes, Dean. We know.
367
00:32:52,158 --> 00:32:57,357
- Morning, Skullion.
- Morning, gentlemen. Morning, sir.
368
00:32:58,358 --> 00:33:01,555
Right, come on, down to the boiler house
underneath the old library.
369
00:33:01,598 --> 00:33:04,829
- What for, Mr Skullion?
- lt's the Head Porter's intelligence system,
370
00:33:04,878 --> 00:33:07,233
used since time immemorial.
371
00:33:09,758 --> 00:33:11,111
Come on!
372
00:33:12,758 --> 00:33:16,273
Mind yourself on these steps, Cheffy.
l'll put the light on.
373
00:33:16,318 --> 00:33:18,309
All right?
374
00:33:20,158 --> 00:33:23,628
Mind these pipes here.
Here's where it should be.
375
00:33:23,678 --> 00:33:26,112
Now then, see that box there?
376
00:33:26,158 --> 00:33:29,070
Hand that box up.
377
00:33:29,118 --> 00:33:31,109
That's it.
378
00:33:31,918 --> 00:33:33,909
You just get up here behind me.
379
00:33:38,478 --> 00:33:40,469
Put your ear here.
380
00:33:40,518 --> 00:33:43,749
(Dean) Master, they say,
one of the consequences...
381
00:33:43,798 --> 00:33:46,676
So this is how you know, you old bugger!
382
00:33:46,718 --> 00:33:48,276
Ssh!
383
00:33:48,318 --> 00:33:50,593
(Master) l now see that
some of the objections
384
00:33:50,638 --> 00:33:52,788
made to me last week were correct.
385
00:33:52,838 --> 00:33:57,150
l realise that my hopes of raising funds
elsewhere were misguided.
386
00:33:57,198 --> 00:33:59,189
Gentlemen, you were right.
387
00:33:59,238 --> 00:34:03,675
Whatever Porterhouse wishes to do,
it must do from its own resources.
388
00:34:03,718 --> 00:34:08,951
Then l think we may agree reluctantly
that an infinite postponement is inevitable.
389
00:34:08,998 --> 00:34:13,435
Agree?
There's something wrong here, Cheffy.
390
00:34:13,478 --> 00:34:16,356
So the cost of rebuilding
our beloved Bull Tower
391
00:34:16,398 --> 00:34:19,310
must come from college funds themselves.
392
00:34:19,358 --> 00:34:21,076
The cost is half a million.
393
00:34:21,118 --> 00:34:24,952
l understood last week you said
we had no funds at all.
394
00:34:24,998 --> 00:34:26,317
Exactly.
395
00:34:26,358 --> 00:34:30,590
So our building fund must come from
economies we can make within the college.
396
00:34:30,638 --> 00:34:32,594
Oh, yes? What economies?
397
00:34:32,638 --> 00:34:36,426
l am happy to say that our fine Bursar
has been most industrious,
398
00:34:36,478 --> 00:34:39,117
and has produced an admirable plan,
399
00:34:39,158 --> 00:34:41,991
which l hope you will pass without dissent.
400
00:34:42,038 --> 00:34:45,792
l understand it should raise
just exactly half a million.
401
00:34:45,838 --> 00:34:48,557
Thank you, Master. Yes.
402
00:34:48,598 --> 00:34:51,715
This should be just what is required.
403
00:34:51,758 --> 00:34:56,274
Document one
shows the number of college servants.
404
00:34:56,318 --> 00:35:01,187
Abolishing High Table
would mean we need very few of them.
405
00:35:01,238 --> 00:35:05,151
- My bloody kitchens again!
- Ssh, ssh!
406
00:35:05,198 --> 00:35:10,147
- ..same proposals as last week.
- No. That is step one.
407
00:35:10,198 --> 00:35:15,511
Document two is a proposal
for selling college properties
408
00:35:15,558 --> 00:35:17,549
for commercial redevelopment.
409
00:35:17,598 --> 00:35:19,509
But we have no college properties.
410
00:35:19,558 --> 00:35:22,231
Well, except for the houses
on Rhyder Street.
411
00:35:22,278 --> 00:35:24,155
(Master) Precisely.
412
00:35:24,198 --> 00:35:28,476
Not all Fellows may be aware that we own a
number of slum properties in Rhyder Street.
413
00:35:28,518 --> 00:35:32,511
ln a development area!
A property company is already interested.
414
00:35:32,558 --> 00:35:34,037
Slum properties?
415
00:35:34,078 --> 00:35:39,027
Master, those properties
are leased in perpetuity to the servants.
416
00:35:39,078 --> 00:35:41,717
lt compensates for their very low wages.
417
00:35:41,758 --> 00:35:44,830
Them are our houses
he's talking about, Cheffy.
418
00:35:44,878 --> 00:35:48,029
They can't get rid of 'em.
They're ours to retire to.
419
00:35:48,078 --> 00:35:51,832
lf we dispense with college servants,
we would not need their houses.
420
00:35:51,878 --> 00:35:53,516
lt's perfectly legal.
421
00:35:53,558 --> 00:35:57,631
lt's completely immoral.
College is its servants.
422
00:35:57,678 --> 00:36:00,750
(Master) Do you know a better way
of raising half a million pounds?
423
00:36:00,798 --> 00:36:03,028
Our houses, Mr Skullion!
424
00:36:03,078 --> 00:36:07,594
Well, l'm not standing for it.
l'm just not standing...
425
00:36:07,638 --> 00:36:09,117
(Rattles)
426
00:36:10,878 --> 00:36:14,666
- What was that?
- Our dilapidated central heating, Master.
427
00:36:16,758 --> 00:36:19,272
(Master) So, gentlemen,
that is the Bursar's plan.
428
00:36:19,318 --> 00:36:21,593
- Our only way.
- lt is not the Bursar's plan.
429
00:36:21,638 --> 00:36:25,108
lt is a yet more terrible version
of your own proposals.
430
00:36:25,158 --> 00:36:28,992
No one has mentioned document three.
What is this?
431
00:36:29,038 --> 00:36:33,475
A proposal to install
a contrapuntial machine?
432
00:36:33,518 --> 00:36:35,588
A contraceptive machine.
433
00:36:35,638 --> 00:36:38,357
Lady Mary assures me,
with her knowledge of youth,
434
00:36:38,398 --> 00:36:41,993
that had this college had one,
the tragedy would have been avoided.
435
00:36:42,038 --> 00:36:43,630
That caps it all.
436
00:36:43,678 --> 00:36:47,148
- How very well put.
- (Chortles)
437
00:36:47,198 --> 00:36:50,235
You are not fit to be Master of Porterhouse.
438
00:36:50,278 --> 00:36:54,669
Oh, Dean, l am aware of your views
and of your recent activities.
439
00:36:54,718 --> 00:36:59,508
You have continued the attempt
to undermine me and divide the college.
440
00:36:59,558 --> 00:37:03,107
ln view of our agreement,
l should resign here and now.
441
00:37:03,158 --> 00:37:07,390
After the Tower,
we should not survive another scandal.
442
00:37:07,438 --> 00:37:10,475
Exactly. My decision
now rests entirely on your vote.
443
00:37:10,518 --> 00:37:14,067
l stay if these proposals
are accepted in their entirety.
444
00:37:14,118 --> 00:37:16,109
Contents?
445
00:37:18,998 --> 00:37:20,875
lt's inevitable, Dean.
446
00:37:20,918 --> 00:37:23,193
You've tried, failed.
447
00:37:31,478 --> 00:37:34,914
Not contents. l can accept one abstention.
448
00:37:34,958 --> 00:37:36,949
The proposals are carried.
449
00:37:36,998 --> 00:37:40,593
l withdraw my resignation
and look forward to working with you,
450
00:37:41,558 --> 00:37:47,747
or most of you, on the task we now face,
the rebuilding of our dear college.
451
00:37:51,518 --> 00:37:55,033
l don't believe it. The times we've carried
them splifflicated to their rooms!
452
00:37:55,078 --> 00:37:57,353
The secrets we've kept, the insults we took!
453
00:37:57,398 --> 00:38:00,788
College said they'd look after us.
That's why we took the pittance they paid.
454
00:38:00,838 --> 00:38:04,387
Look after us for life, Cheffy. That's
what they said. They've got no right to do it.
455
00:38:04,438 --> 00:38:07,032
- But it's legal, like he said.
- lt may be, but it ain't moral.
456
00:38:07,078 --> 00:38:10,150
- l'm going to tell the sodding Bursar...
- Skullion!
457
00:38:10,198 --> 00:38:13,429
No, Cheffy, they're our houses. Our houses.
458
00:38:13,478 --> 00:38:16,595
No, it's excellent news, Master.
459
00:38:16,638 --> 00:38:21,473
l've just spoken to Mercantile Properties and
they've upped their offer for Rhyder Street.
460
00:38:21,518 --> 00:38:27,275
Six hundred thousand, providing the college
servants leave quickly and without trouble.
461
00:38:27,318 --> 00:38:30,549
Shall l, erm... l'll call you back, Master.
462
00:38:31,478 --> 00:38:34,390
- Skullion. What is it?
- l want to talk to you, sir.
463
00:38:34,438 --> 00:38:36,952
- What's going on in this college?
- You'd better sit down.
464
00:38:36,998 --> 00:38:40,957
l can say what l've got to say standing up.
You've got no right to do what you're doing.
465
00:38:40,998 --> 00:38:43,956
- l can't think what you're talking about.
- Yes, you do!
466
00:38:43,998 --> 00:38:45,875
l'm talking about these changes.
467
00:38:45,918 --> 00:38:49,274
Skullion, College cannot carry on
as it has in the past.
468
00:38:49,318 --> 00:38:52,037
You must realise yourself
finances are in a very poor way.
469
00:38:52,078 --> 00:38:54,228
Especially since the tragedy
of poor Mr Zipser.
470
00:38:54,278 --> 00:38:57,236
Mr Zipser!
What do you care about Mr Zipser?
471
00:38:57,278 --> 00:38:59,314
You're putting in these machines, ain't you?
472
00:38:59,358 --> 00:39:02,236
- Machines?
- Yes, machines for Frenchies.
473
00:39:02,278 --> 00:39:05,236
And you're opening up the college
to women. l call it disgusting.
474
00:39:05,278 --> 00:39:09,032
Those things are none of your business,
Skullion. You're a college servant.
475
00:39:09,078 --> 00:39:12,787
A servant? What do you think a servant is?
Don't you think a servant has some rights?
476
00:39:12,838 --> 00:39:15,511
ln a college like this,
servants are a very large expense.
477
00:39:15,558 --> 00:39:18,516
Porterhouse has no choice
but to make some changes and economies.
478
00:39:18,558 --> 00:39:21,868
Yes! Oh, yes! l know what you mean.
479
00:39:21,918 --> 00:39:25,672
- Yes, the kitchens.
- What do you know about the kitchens?
480
00:39:25,718 --> 00:39:29,711
Oh, l know. Self-service in the hall.
lsn't that what the Master wants?
481
00:39:29,758 --> 00:39:33,876
l don't know how you got your information,
Skullion, but no-one should have told you.
482
00:39:33,918 --> 00:39:37,035
Should or not, l know. l know a lot.
483
00:39:37,958 --> 00:39:40,836
You ought to have gone
to the Porterhouse Society.
484
00:39:40,878 --> 00:39:43,551
They wouldn't have seen
the kitchens change.
485
00:39:44,518 --> 00:39:48,067
And now you're going to try and sell
Rhyder Street. Well, you got no right!
486
00:39:48,118 --> 00:39:51,190
We was promised those houses
in Lord Wurford's day.
487
00:39:51,238 --> 00:39:53,388
- Oh, l see. You know about that, too.
- Yes!
488
00:39:53,438 --> 00:39:56,032
Those houses are not yours.
They belong to the college.
489
00:39:56,078 --> 00:39:59,787
Now, Skullion, nobody likes
doing these things, certainly not l.
490
00:39:59,838 --> 00:40:02,830
- Well, don't do 'em, then.
- But that is our only source of revenue.
491
00:40:02,878 --> 00:40:04,869
lt's always money.
492
00:40:06,878 --> 00:40:09,267
Everything's always blamed on money.
493
00:40:15,918 --> 00:40:18,671
Right.
494
00:40:18,718 --> 00:40:21,312
Right, l've thought about this a lot.
495
00:40:22,078 --> 00:40:25,957
College has been good to me up to now,
so l'm going to help it.
496
00:40:26,798 --> 00:40:28,993
l can't do anything until l go to the bank.
497
00:40:29,038 --> 00:40:31,677
What on earth do you mean, Skullion?
498
00:40:31,718 --> 00:40:35,427
You don't remember Lord Wurford, do you?
No, you wouldn't. You'd only just come.
499
00:40:35,478 --> 00:40:37,469
Well, he was a real Master, he was.
500
00:40:38,838 --> 00:40:43,468
Anyway, he left me a few shares in his will
for a rainy day.
501
00:40:43,518 --> 00:40:45,588
l reckon my rainy day has come.
502
00:40:47,318 --> 00:40:50,116
l'm going to give them to the college.
503
00:40:50,158 --> 00:40:53,355
Providing you leave Rhyder Street alone.
504
00:40:53,398 --> 00:40:56,310
l don't know how much they're worth.
A thousand, maybe two.
505
00:40:56,358 --> 00:40:58,918
Don't be so ridiculous, Skullion.
506
00:40:58,958 --> 00:41:02,030
Have you any idea
of the kind of sums involved?
507
00:41:02,078 --> 00:41:06,754
- You'll need them for your retirement.
- l'm not retiring.
508
00:41:06,798 --> 00:41:09,710
The Master and l
have been discussing your future.
509
00:41:09,758 --> 00:41:12,192
- What?
- You're not a young man.
510
00:41:12,238 --> 00:41:15,548
- Your temper gets worse.
- Temper gets worse?
511
00:41:15,598 --> 00:41:17,793
Temper? What temper?
512
00:41:17,838 --> 00:41:22,116
We feel it would be in your best interests
to seek other employment.
513
00:41:25,518 --> 00:41:29,670
- Sacked?
- No, not sacked, Skullion.
514
00:41:29,718 --> 00:41:34,473
But for everyone's sake, it would be better
if you looked for another job.
515
00:41:34,518 --> 00:41:37,316
You've sacked me?
516
00:41:42,238 --> 00:41:45,435
After all these years in this college?
517
00:41:46,678 --> 00:41:50,717
- And you've sacked me?
- Now, Skullion!
518
00:41:50,758 --> 00:41:54,148
No, it's not you, is it? lt's him!
519
00:42:01,518 --> 00:42:04,749
Porterhouse! Porterhouse!
520
00:42:04,798 --> 00:42:09,997
To live and die in Porterhouse!
521
00:42:10,038 --> 00:42:12,677
You don't understand, Cathcart.
522
00:42:12,718 --> 00:42:17,075
Sir Godber's trying to destroy
something absolutely fundamental,
523
00:42:17,118 --> 00:42:19,234
the future of oligarchy in Britain.
524
00:42:19,278 --> 00:42:21,792
- Eh?
- Who has always run this country?
525
00:42:21,838 --> 00:42:24,671
Where do we find
our prime ministers, diplomats,
526
00:42:24,718 --> 00:42:27,471
theatre directors, actors,
scientists, businessmen?
527
00:42:27,518 --> 00:42:30,237
Even our most famous spies.
528
00:42:30,278 --> 00:42:32,269
Oh, BBC, Dean.
529
00:42:32,318 --> 00:42:36,231
Oxbridge, Cathcart.
Great colleges, like Porterhouse.
530
00:42:36,278 --> 00:42:39,827
For 500 years, we've been
taking every Tom, Dick and Harry,
531
00:42:39,878 --> 00:42:41,709
and turning them into gentlemen.
532
00:42:41,758 --> 00:42:44,352
They may not be gentlemen
when they come,
533
00:42:44,398 --> 00:42:46,673
but they damn well are when they leave.
534
00:42:46,718 --> 00:42:48,549
- lsn't that right?
- Right.
535
00:42:48,598 --> 00:42:52,068
Oh, l've know some real bounders
in my time.
536
00:42:52,118 --> 00:42:55,667
Used to put them in the fountain.
Did them no end of good.
537
00:42:55,718 --> 00:43:00,838
Exactly. Godber Evans is one of those
on whom it just didn't take,
538
00:43:00,878 --> 00:43:03,551
and his revenge
is to turn College into some...
539
00:43:03,598 --> 00:43:08,149
cross between Fitzwilliam
and a hostel for townies.
540
00:43:08,198 --> 00:43:13,431
Who'd want their sons to be educated
in a self-service hamburger bar?
541
00:43:13,478 --> 00:43:18,916
Or an academic gents' lavatory
full of contraceptive machines?
542
00:43:20,998 --> 00:43:25,230
My God! He's not going to start
handing out johnnies?
543
00:43:25,278 --> 00:43:26,950
Yes, Cathcart.
544
00:43:26,998 --> 00:43:30,957
ln my day you were sent down
if you were caught riveting a dolly.
545
00:43:30,998 --> 00:43:34,673
ln any case, you can't put rubber
between yourself and life.
546
00:43:34,718 --> 00:43:37,152
(Skullion shouting)
547
00:43:41,638 --> 00:43:45,028
l've come to tell the General.
l've been sacked.
548
00:43:45,078 --> 00:43:48,070
- What?
- lmpossible. You can't have been.
549
00:43:48,118 --> 00:43:52,634
l have, sir. lt was the Bursar. He said
it was about time l found other employment.
550
00:43:52,678 --> 00:43:56,432
Me, at my age! After 45 years in the college.
551
00:43:56,478 --> 00:44:01,916
- But, dear God, man, you are the college!
- l'll talk to the Bursar when l get back.
552
00:44:01,958 --> 00:44:06,429
lt'll do no good, sir.
The Master put him up to it.
553
00:44:06,478 --> 00:44:10,756
First he kicks all the servants
out of Rhyder Street. Then he sacks me.
554
00:44:10,798 --> 00:44:13,596
Sir Godber's selling it
for property development.
555
00:44:13,638 --> 00:44:15,629
Oh, can't do that, don't look right.
556
00:44:15,678 --> 00:44:18,795
Old retainers. Got to stable 'em somewhere.
557
00:44:18,838 --> 00:44:21,033
Seven Masters l served.
558
00:44:21,078 --> 00:44:24,627
The first, when l came there 45 years ago,
was Lord Wurford.
559
00:44:24,678 --> 00:44:27,636
He was a real gentleman.
Remembered me in his will.
560
00:44:27,678 --> 00:44:29,509
Yeah, he knew what he owed.
561
00:44:29,558 --> 00:44:34,837
- Even to the servants.
- All right, you old bugger.
562
00:44:36,158 --> 00:44:38,672
What do you want now, hmm?
563
00:44:38,718 --> 00:44:41,357
l want my job. l want what's due me.
564
00:44:41,398 --> 00:44:44,629
And l want those that l helped to help me.
565
00:44:45,598 --> 00:44:48,749
There's a lot of very big names
owe their careers to me, sir.
566
00:44:48,798 --> 00:44:51,596
- l've got the list.
- List of what?
567
00:44:51,638 --> 00:44:54,391
You leave this to us, hmm?
568
00:44:55,478 --> 00:44:59,187
Go and ask Cook to give you a cup of tea.
569
00:45:00,958 --> 00:45:02,471
Yes, sir.
570
00:45:04,318 --> 00:45:06,878
Good man.
571
00:45:06,918 --> 00:45:08,909
Thank you, sir.
572
00:45:11,398 --> 00:45:12,990
What list is that?
573
00:45:13,038 --> 00:45:16,269
Eh? Oh, never you mind, Dean.
574
00:45:16,318 --> 00:45:20,914
No, this is serious. You'd better find that
Bursar and tell him he can't sack Skullion.
575
00:45:20,958 --> 00:45:24,837
Head porter knows everything
that's going on in the college.
576
00:45:25,958 --> 00:45:28,233
Always a slippery sod, that Bursar.
577
00:45:28,278 --> 00:45:30,508
No, it wasn't him. He wouldn't dare.
578
00:45:30,558 --> 00:45:33,914
lt was that Sir Godber.
Just cos l stood up to him.
579
00:45:34,878 --> 00:45:38,871
Anyway, Cheffy, you coming in for a minute?
580
00:45:46,798 --> 00:45:49,437
- Go on, in you go.
- Funny, us neighbours.
581
00:45:49,478 --> 00:45:53,357
This is the first time l've been in.
l always respected your privacy.
582
00:45:53,398 --> 00:45:56,868
Slum properties! lt's like a little palace.
583
00:45:56,918 --> 00:46:00,957
Yeah, well, you sit yourself
down there, Cheffy.
584
00:46:00,998 --> 00:46:02,954
That's it.
585
00:46:02,998 --> 00:46:04,989
(Grunts)
586
00:46:08,038 --> 00:46:12,907
You know, Cheffy, l never
thought about my life. l did as l was told.
587
00:46:13,918 --> 00:46:17,433
Always listened to 'em.
Always did everything l could for 'em.
588
00:46:17,478 --> 00:46:19,867
That's right, Mr Skullion.
589
00:46:19,918 --> 00:46:23,877
Of course, in the old days,
well, they were worth respecting.
590
00:46:23,918 --> 00:46:27,069
Oh, yes. Very fair, very generous.
591
00:46:28,878 --> 00:46:31,392
Old Lord Wurford, you know,
left me a very nice legacy.
592
00:46:31,438 --> 00:46:33,110
Oh, yes.
593
00:46:33,158 --> 00:46:36,833
You know, l offered that to the Bursar
and he turns round and he sacks me.
594
00:46:36,878 --> 00:46:39,267
You've always done well for yourself,
Mr Skullion.
595
00:46:39,318 --> 00:46:42,310
That and your racing tips,
you must have a bit put by.
596
00:46:42,358 --> 00:46:44,349
l'm all right that way.
597
00:46:48,518 --> 00:46:51,191
Hmm, now, let's see.
598
00:46:58,798 --> 00:47:01,631
Ah, Lord Wurford's shares.
599
00:47:01,678 --> 00:47:04,636
Must have enough for a nice place
and a comfortable retirement, eh?
600
00:47:04,678 --> 00:47:06,350
l don't want that.
601
00:47:06,398 --> 00:47:08,832
l want my house. l want my job.
602
00:47:09,878 --> 00:47:11,869
l want my respect.
603
00:47:11,918 --> 00:47:14,432
l've been at Porterhouse
longer than anyone.
604
00:47:16,958 --> 00:47:19,836
What do you think they'll say about it? Eh?
605
00:47:23,278 --> 00:47:27,954
Oh, yes, Cheffy. More famous names there
than you'd care to mention.
606
00:47:27,998 --> 00:47:31,752
Royals, bishops, ministers,
members of Parliament.
607
00:47:31,798 --> 00:47:33,868
And they all owe their careers to me.
608
00:47:33,918 --> 00:47:36,830
Good Lord! What's these?
609
00:47:36,878 --> 00:47:40,553
- Skullion's Scholars?
- Yes. Kept a list.
610
00:47:40,598 --> 00:47:43,192
Still get a Christmas card from some of 'em.
611
00:47:43,238 --> 00:47:46,275
Don't worry, Cheffy. They'll see me all right.
612
00:47:47,518 --> 00:47:49,315
They better had,
613
00:47:49,358 --> 00:47:53,909
or a lot of very famous people
are going to be in for a lot of trouble.
49863
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