All language subtitles for Freddie Mercury - The Untold Story (2000)

All right.

The way I look at myself,
if I ever do, I'm a man of extremes.

I think every character
is made up of a load of ingredients.

I just think I have a very soft side
and a very hard side.

So if the right person gets me,
they'll find I'm very vulnerable

and I can be a real baby,
if they find me at the right time.

At the same time,
I'm very strong and hard.

There's no half measures with me.

This film tells the untold story
surrounding Freddie Mercury,

casting light on the man
behind the music,

and tracing his strangely
unpublicized roots to exotic shores.

Come with us on a journey
back through time and culture

to the land and birth
of Farrokh Bulsara.

Though only a tiny speck in the atlas,

Zanzibar casts long shadows
across the imagination.

Whether the 19508 reality
of this old Arab trading post

matched the perceived glamour
of Sinbad, sultans, slaves and spices

is, of course, another matter.

When it comes to throwing light
on those early days,

no one alive could possibly
surpass this guide.

I'm Jer Bulsara, Freddie's mummy.

Nothing in Zanzibar
acknowledges or celebrates

the importance of Freddie Mercury,

a situation that artist John da Silva,
an elder schoolfriend of Freddie's,

would like to see rectified.

There must be something, a plaque,
on Freddie Mercury.

I think Freddie
has built himself up so well.

In fact, Zanzibar would
certainly gain from that.

I'm Kash Cooke, Freddie's sister.

It's very tropical,
beautiful beaches, beautiful sea.

Very hot.

And that's exactly What it is.

Unspoilt.

Dirty. Smelly.

It's all right as a holiday place,
but not to live in, I'm afraid.

He was born on 5th September 1946.

Funnily enough, it happened
to be on our Parsee New Year's Day.

In this very hospital,
the Government Hospital, Zanzibar,

on 5th September 1946,

Farrokh Bulsara first saw
the dazzling light of the world.

The name we selected was Farrokh.
That was his birth name.

That was a name at that time
very fashionable in the Parsees.

I just wanted to name him that.

The world into which
little Farrokh was born

was a placid, tropical paradise,

whose ancient white walls
and thin, ramshackle streets

allowed fleeting glimpses of green leaves

against azure waters
and white coral sands.

Born into a high-ranking Parsee family
working for the British government,

he was in the public eye
virtually from birth,

after his baby picture won
a local photo of the year contest.

For ourselves, very sociable,
very friendly people.

But for the children, like Freddie,
growing up,

there wasn't much to do.

Not much excitement.

The start of Farrokh's day
is his walk to school

down these narrow Stone Town streets...

...soaking up the cultural flavours

of the Arab traders, East African
fishermen and colonial expatriates

he rubs shoulders with.

Stopping off along the way
at Camlurs Restaurant,

whose courtyard was his favoured
sanctuary and social nexus,

a place for games and gossip
of the kind exchanged by adults

on the city's white stone benches.

Even then, his favourite spot
was Stone Town's harbour,

where he would watch the passing ships,

dreaming of faraway places
and foreign music.

He used to play different music.

Indian music, folk music, English.

He used to pick up one of the records
and start singing.

He had a variety of tastes in music.

When we used to go
to functions and parties

he used to sing, obviously,
Whenever somebody asked him.

He used to feel so proud
to make everybody happy.

Even at that age.

Happiness is the most important thing.

If I'm happy, then it shows in my work.

Basically, I just want to be happy

and make a lot of money
and buy a lot of things.

In this photo shop,
the Capital Arts Studio,

the very first pictures of Farrokh
were taken.

Many people...

They were young and now they are
big men, they remember my studio.

"Since we were very young and
we come to take photographs today,

"it's the same studio, you didn't change."

I say I want to keep it like that.

Bring your children and grandchildren,
you'll find the same.

Almost every Zanzibar?“
has sat for pictures in this room,

unchanged since the days
when Farrokh posed here.

This man, the current owner's father,
photographed Farrokh

just as he documented the rest
of the island's Parsee community,

then a far larger group.

His father is my uncle. My father's brother.

That is how we are connected.
He is my first cousin.

When he was very young, a small child,

that is, about three to four years old,

when his mother went to work,
she used to leave him with my mother.

Because my mother was a housewife.

Both his parents were working.

There were lots of Parsees here
at that time.

We all used to have gatherings,

especially when we had
our religious feast days.

We had our fire temple here.

We used to go there,
have parties there.

Sometimes we gathered
at somebody's place

and have big parties.

It was here in Zanzibar's fire temple,
at the age of seven,

that Freddie was confirmed into
the faith with a navjote ceremony,

the poignant Parsee initiation ritual

undertaken by the followers
of the ancient prophet Zarathustra.

The main difference that I see

between Zoroastrianism
and the other religions of the world,

is, for us, life is a celebration.

He was interested in Western music.

You'd be playing records,

looking at the fashion magazines
and pop magazines

to try and see What the outside world
is doing.

Although by the time
we got the magazines,

they were a couple of months old.

But it was still news.

That was the only way to be
up to date with the Western world.

Farrokh's yearning to see foreign lands
was granted at age eight and a half

when his parents decided his education
would be better sewed

by a spell in an Indian boarding school.

In the summer of 1955,
he set sail on an epic journey

across a vast expanse of ocean,

leaving all that was familiar behind him.

After an eight-week journey,
Farrokh arrives in Bombay,

the northwestern Indian port that
his Parsee ancestors helped build.

He combats the stress of being
an eight-year-old alone at sea for so long

by picturing the continent
that awaits him.

Like most visitors, his first sight
of the city is the Gateway to India.

A city of 16 million inhabitants,

Bombay is pure culture shock
for little Farrokh.

Hailing from a town of 60,000,

he is dazed and confused
by the noise and bustle.

With a sense of joyous anticipation
commingling with his fear of the unknown,

he sets off on the train journey southeast.

Hour after hour, the Indian countryside
flies past Farrokh's eyes.

But his sense of wonder
is tempered by homesickness,

worries about his sister's
emotional wellbeing,

anxiety about What awaits him,

and a general sadness that he must
pay for a superior education

with this enormous separation
from family and home.

In transit through Pune,

a bastion during Gandhi's campaign
for Indian independence,

he is confronted for the first time
by the depths of the continent's poverty.

The bus takes him on to Panchgani,

the Mecca of the Maharasthra province,

1,334 metres above sea level.

In 1955, before his ninth birthday,

and at the end of a 60-day journey
since leaving his parents in Zanzibar,

Farrokh arrives in the town
that will be his home for eight years,

and enrols at St Peter's
Church of England School.

My name is Roy Robinson.

I am currently the officiating principal
at St Peter's School, Panchgani.

The school was founded
in the year 1902.

It is a residential public school
which presents boys

for the Indian Cenificate of
Secondary Education examination.

Farrokh Bulsara came to St Peter's
as a boarder from Zanzibar

in the year 1955.

The exact date on which he came

was the 14th February.

He was good in sports, music and art.

He soon came to be known as Freddie.

Unfortunately, Freddie left St Peter's

on the 25m February 1963,

having failed
in the class-ten examination.

A thorough root through
the original school journals

reveals that Freddie
acted in a variety of plays,

more often than not
playing women 's parts.

At school festivities,
he began singing in public,

wowing the assembly
with standards like '0 Sole Mio

and the Champ Of The Gypsies.

He was an accomplished boxer,
a good singer,

an outstanding pianist,
an unbeatable table-tennis player,

and a thoroughly mediocre
cross-country runner.

Panchgani, February 51h 1958.

Dear Mum and Dad, I hope you are
all well and Kashmira's cold is better.

Don't worry, I'm fine.

Me and my friends at the Ashley House
are like a second family.

The teachers are very strict.

Discipline is most important
here at St Peter's.

I'm very happy to tell you
that! was awarded the big trophy.

Best all-rounder, junior.

I received a big trophy
and they even took a photograph,

which will appear
in the annual school magazine.

I'm very proud and I hope you are too.

Send my love to Kash.
I love my little sister, as I love you all.

Farrokh.

Very loving, both of them,
for each other.

He always adored his sister.

I recall it was time for him
to go back to boarding school

and we were getting him
ready to go to the ship.

He wanted to give me a paning gift.

I picked these lovely hair slides.
I said, "I want those."

He says, "You can't have those, that's
too much money. Have something else."

"Ifl can't have those,
I don't want anyihing."

I remember him saying, "All right, then."

And he bought me those.

So I can remember that very well.

He was so generous even then.
That was his nature.

I like to feel
that I am just being my honest self.

As far as I'm concerned,
I want to pack in as much of life and fun,

having a good time, as much as I can,

Within the years I have.

When he used to come on holidays,
they were so much attached.

I could see the difference
when he had to go back to school.

But we couldn't help it.

Back in Bombay,

Freddie absorbs different influences
from various cultures.

During shorter holidays,
he stays here with his aunt, Sheroo Khory.

It is she who discovers
the first signs of his artistic talent.

Once when,
I think he was nine years old,

Freddie used
to come running after breakfast,

and the radio was on,
and when the music finished

he went to the stool again
and played that tune.

"I must get him music lessons.
He's got an ear for music."

Panchgani, April 10011961.

Dear Mum and Dad, I am so glad

that you agreed
to let me have piano lessons.

I'm really enjoying it. Mrs Smith is
very nice. I'm making good progress.

I'm practising a lot
and I really like every minute of it.

But I have to tell you
about something else.

Bruce Murray had the idea
to form a band

and asked me if I wanted to be in it.

We will call ourselves the Hectics.

Apart from Bruce and myself,
Victory Rana,

Derrick Branche and Farang Irani
will be in the band.

Tomorrow we will meet
for our first rehearsal.

I'm very excited about this.
Love, Farrokh.

These days, founding Hectics
member Farang Irani

runs a restaurant in Bombay.

The founder of the group
was Bruce Murray.

Then Freddie, as he was, Farrokh,
was on the piano.

The three of them got together.

Freddie's first crush at school
was Gita Choksi,

who we visit in Bombay
and who will later return to Panchgani

to take us on a tour
of key original locations.

Apart from being Freddie's
first unrequited love,

Gita was one of the first
and most passionate Hectics fans.

Today, she works in a travel agency.

It was a very simple, uncomplicated life.

Boy meets girl.
Girl holds hands with boy.

If you had a kiss, it was like,
"Oh, my God!"

A crucial romantic function
of the St Peter's School choir

was the rare opportunity for pupils

from the boys' and girls' schools
to interact.

Most of the girls who were with us
had their brothers in St Peter's.

But we never got a chance to meet.

The only time you could meet
the boys was in church.

In the choir, the girls and boys sat together.

So that's how we passed
all the little love letters.

We were after all the other boys
who were way-out good-looking,

never thought anything about him,
he was very nondescript,

buckteeth, greased-flat hair.

I know that he did have
a very soft spot for Gita.

But she wasn't interested in him.

Gita was a favourite amongst all of us.

If Freddie did like me, he didn't tell me.

Panchgani, March 15m 1962.

Dear Mum and Dad,
as I write this letter to you,

I am so angry because a terrible
injustice happened to me.

Let me tell you. We were all in
the dormitory at Lawrence Villa.

Victory, Farang, Derrick
and all the other boys.

Suddenly, Bruce started to hit me.

"Let's box, bucky, " he said,
and although I said no, he just started.

Within a few moments, against my will,
there was a boxing match

and! was in the middle of it.

The boys were all shouting
and throwing pillows at us.

Because of the noise,
Mr Davis entered and stopped the fight.

Bruce lied and said I was the one
who started the fight,

and that he was just defending himself.

All the boys backed him up,
so Mr Bazin, the principal,

decided I had to be punished.

What a terrible punishment
they picked for me.

I had to go to the barber's shop
and have my hair cut really short.

I hated Bruce for that.
You know how much I love my hair.

It'll never be the same again.

I am so sad and angry. Farrokh.

School, attention.

School, right turn.

India is my country.

All Indians are my brothers and sisters.

I love my country.

That this rigidly
authoritarian establishment,

Whose traditions have remained
unchanged for half a century,

should produce one of the world's
most original human beings

may seem ironic.

But Freddie's unique individuality

developed
as a natural teenage response

to the school's pressure to conform.

I said, "Would you like to paint?"
"Yes, I would."

Because I knew he had
painted those Christmas cards.

So I got him some oil paint.

I said you draw the outline first
of the horses.

It was the first time that I found
that he had talents.

Alongside his musical enthusiasm,

Freddie was
also a gifted visual artist.

Mrs Smith, the daughter
of Freddie's art teacher,

remembers one of his most
surprising idiosyncrasies.

When Freddie called people "darling",
we were terribly shocked.

It was something that was
not spoken about in public.

We were all shocked.

You don't hear boys saying
"darling" to another boy.

You didn't say it to a girl
in public in those days.

To hear anyone say "darling"
to another boy...

We're standing here today
on What I consider hallowed ground.

This is the stage and the hall
of St Peter's High School,

Where Freddie and the Hectics
first started the band and the show.

Believe me, I have goosebumps
on my arms, chills down my spine,

because I am going back
almost 40 years.

They practised in the hall.

Elvis Presley, Pat Boone,
yes, were there,

but the Hectics were here
in flesh and blood. That was wonderful.

There was Freddie on the piano,

Victory on the drums,

Farang played the bass.

This bass was a unique instrument.

It was a tea chest,
literally a wooden tea chest,

with a bamboo on one end and a Wire,
maybe two Wires, I can't remember.

Only one string, there was.

That was the bass they used
in those days.

But they made wonderful music.

Our band, the Hectics, are playing
at St Peter's tonight. Better be there.

Hi, folks, live at St Peter's,
Panchgani, the Hectics.

We staned playing in the school first.

Then Mr Davis, he is the one
who actually encouraged us.

He was playing the piano.

Remove the piano,
there was nothing left ofthe Hectics.

All the symptoms were there.

Plenty of noise,

and, I should say, very melodious.

Even people like myself
enjoyed their music.

He didn't have stage fright,

otherwise he would be a shy boy.

But when he went on the keyboard,
he would be in a bliss, playing.

Like, I would put it crudely,

like getting multiple orgasms.

Freddie and the Hectics were more
imponant to us than Elvis Presley.

We were very proud of them.

Especially us girls associated
with the boys on a regular basis.

The Whole environment, Panchgani,
the atmosphere,

the climate, the upbringing,

it was so peaceful,
it gave you a lot oftime...

to cultivate your dream.

His dream was to become a musician.

Which he achieved.

I think that was a very, very nice place...

to give birth to a star like Freddie,

and a nice starting point, I would say.

Before he leaves boarding school,

the 14-year-old Freddie jets
in a friend's autograph book,

"Modern paintings are like women.

"You can't enjoy them
if you try to understand them."

Freddie had been back in Zanzibar
for two years

when in January 1964,
a bloody revolution broke out,

and the Bulsaras fled the island
for the safety of England.

It was very frightening,
it was really frightening.

Everybody was rushing around
and didn't know What to do.

Because we had young children,

we had to decide to leave the country.

They settled in Feltham, a tough,
working-class suburb near Heathrow.

If Freddie had a choice

he would have been born
at the age of about 21 in Feltham.

Not even a dramatic drop in living standards

could dampen Freddie's enthusiasm
for this development.

When we first came,
it was summenime. It was in May, I think.

But still we felt cold.

My first impression of England,
I didn't like it

cos it was so cold.

I thought, Why did my mum and dad
bring us here?

We had few known things
What to do in England.

First of all,
we wouldn't have any servants.

We had to do things ourselves.

Eventually, we'll have to go out
to work to earn a living.

So we knew a little bit of background
of what we were going to expect.

Freddie was so excited to come here,
he kept on saying,

"We'll all help together. We'll do it."

That kept us going.

One of Freddie's first jobs

was packing crates
on this industrial estate.

Teased for having women 's hands,
he defiantly told his co-Workers

that he was going to be an artist.

He always kept on telling us,
we will do something in this place,

because he always loved
to come to England.

Freddie stood out against other...

boys of his age.

At that time, the fashion for hairstyle
was a long and shaggy Iook.

But when we arrived,
Freddie had that very...

the old-fashioned Cliff Richard look,
very shiny,

the hair going backwards,
standing up. That kind of look.

Whenever we would go out together
or come home from a bus stop,

I'd walk behind him because I didn't
want people to think I was with him.

Everybody dressed so differently.

He, being an artist,
his eyes were always for the best things.

Of course, with long hair, at that time.

I said, "This is no good."

He said,
"Everybody's having it, Mum."

The college boys are doing it,
the neighbour's son is,

so I let him do it.

I had to let him carry on.

It was difficult in the beginning
but we all did it.

Freddie was ineligible for art school
as he had no academic qualifications.

So, in the autumn of 1964,
just as he was turning 18,

he enrolled
at Isleworth Polytechnic School...

...Ieaving in the spring of '66,
with an A-grade A level under his belt.

I can't relax in bed all day
and just do nothing.

I think that's a waste oftime.

I hardly read books.
I think that's a waste oftime.

People will kill me for this.

I have to be doing something every day.
I want to earn my keep.

I don't wake up every morning
and say, have I dried up?

He's looking after me.

In autumn 1966,
Freddie joined Ealing School of Art,

Where he studied graphic design.

It was here that he at last became

part of the bohemian
musical world of '603 London.

My name is Jerry Hibben.

I met Freddie at Ealing when we were
studying graphics in the late '603.

My name's John Taylor. I was
the bass player in Ibex and Wreckage,

a band that I shared with Freddie
in 1968.

I'm Derek Ridgers, a photographer.
I met Freddie at Ealing An School.

I'm Peter Straker.

I was lucky enough
to know Freddie Mercury.

I consider myself
one of his best friends.

The Ealing School of An
had produced Pete Townshend,

Ronnie Wood.

It had a tradition of producing
good musicians.

He used to talk about that,

that so many people from an college
had done pop music.

I didn't take much notice ofthat
at that time,

thinking that it was
one ofthose things, let us see.

Hard work wasn't high on the agenda
at art school in those days.

But Freddie's time there produced
a wealth of beautiful drawings,

portraits, pop-art paintings
and fashion sketches,

seen here for the first time since then.

I distinctly remember
Freddie sketching everybody.

When he was learning to draw,

film and pop idols
had been Freddie's first models.

He was a great anist.
Line drawings, pencil.

He had this Whole catalogue of stuff.

Hendrix, he did a load of pictures
of Hendrix, which were brilliant.

He was a great anist. He liked...

I mean, his idea of colour
and colour grading astounded me.

Sometimes,
I'd have some homework to do

and have to draw something.

I'd ask him to do it for me.
Which he hated.

But he did it to help me because
I helped him, modelled for him.

So then I knew if he's done
my homework, I'd get good marks.

He had a really good eye for detail.

Halfway through his course,
Freddie switched to fashion

and produced a number of garments
for catwalk shows.

I had some very old linen tablecloths
from India.

One day, he had sought it out
and he had put a pattern on

and cut it and made a Nehru shin.

He went to London in that
with all those things. I was annoyed.

"You used my beautiful tablecloth."

I did my diploma in graphics.
I was gonna be a graphics illustrator.

Obviously, I can paint.

While I was going through college,
Iwas very interested in music.

I joined other bands
and I got to know Brian and Roger.

We had quite different lifestyles.

But we always got on.

We never really had a big argument.

He had his own little world even then.

He behaved like a star.
"Who is this guy?"

He was always dressed immaculately
and rather outrageously.

He would go round with a pompom
on the end of a string,

pomming everybody,
being a local character.

He used to wear a lot of White.

Which is strange at an school.

Even then you realised
that he was, in the core, very shy.

But he used these various devices,

he was already cloaking himself
in a persona,

being something
rather larger than life.

Everyone treated him
like he was a star, although he wasn't.

I like the world to listen to my music,

and I want anybody and everybody
to come and listen to me

and look at me when I'm playing.

With hindsight, you think he must've
stood out, been leader ofthe gang,

and he wasn't really,

because his nature was actually kind
and gentle, actually relatively quiet.

There was a trend earlier on,
a few years ago, with the punk movement.

They said, we want to play
to the small audiences,

because we're being intimate.
Load of rubbish.

Everybody who wants to be a star
wants the biggest audiences.

Because everyone at Ealing
was into music,

the seriousness of Freddie's ambition

was not immediately obvious to all.

In the beginning,
I didn't realise how serious he was.

I thought he was a flamboyant
character and a very good anist.

I thought that probably music
was a hobby for him

and that he would become an anist.

My advice to Freddie
was that he shouldn't follow it up.

He should stick to What he knows,
stick to graphics.

I'm Tim Staffell,
I was the original singer in Smile,

which was the band
which came before Queen.

I guess that ifl hadn't stepped aside

the world might've been a different place.

Once we'd got to Ealing, to an college,

there were several of us
who used to indulge ourselves

and go down into the gents'
and sing harmony vocals in the echo...

the echoey environment
that was the gents' toilet at Ealing.

Which, I suppose, gave rise
to the way the Queen sound developed.

Roger and I both thought
that he was very good on showmanship

but we weren't sure if he really had
the technical singing thing.

Freddie's chance to join a band
came unexpectedly in 1968

with the arrival in London
of Liverpool blues trio Ibex.

On their first night in town,
they met Smile, with Freddie in tow.

He needed a band
and Ibex needed a better singer.

At the time, he was very shaky vocally.
He was still developing.

You'd be doing the same thing
like you did.

OK. Look, let's get on with it.

Fred's nickname Within the band -

he was quite camp
and we all made the most ofthat -

we called him the Old Queen.

Just privately.

His mic-stand technique,
this half-mic-stand thing,

I think, traces back to Ibex.

In those days,
you're talking 1968, '69,

equipment wasn't very good,
very professional.

I think it was just he was swinging
a mic stand around

and the bottom fell off
and he couldn't get it back on.

Nobody had road managers.
Well, we didn't in those days.

So nobody came rushing
to fit it back to the thing,

and he just pranced around
and made the most of it.

He had this unwavering belief

and this ambition to make it,

and to be the biggest thing,
or as big as anyihing else.

When we left Hampton...

and moved on to college,

Brian and I were the only two
who really wanted to carry on

with some kind of serious approach.

Smile evolved out ofthat.
We advenised for a drummer

and we got Roger.

Smile were a great band.
They were really good.

I remember some gig that we played,

which was us as Smile,
me and Tim Staffell...

and Roger.

Freddie came along.
I don't remember Where it was.

He used to often come along
and see us play.

At that stage, he's just an enthusiast.

He offers comments.
He says, "This is really good.

"It's great how you use light and shade,

"you're aware of building up
atmospheres, bringing them down,

"but you're not dressing right
and you're not addressing the audience.

"You should do this.
There's opponunities to connect."

I could see that I wasn't going
in that direction with Brian and Roger.

So I moved on

and tried to find something that was
more in line with What I wanted to do.

Tim got the most disillusioned
and said,

"I'm going to join this group
called Humpy Bong."

Humpy Bong were
an offshoot ofthe Bee Gees.

Their drummer had set up this group.

They had an appearance on
Top Of The Pops, which was big-time.

Tim said, "I'm going with these guys.
I'm going to go for it."

Freddie was always there and said,
"I'll sing.

"We can do this, put the band
together like this, et cetera, do this."

We gradually went, OK.

It was exactly right. Freddie wanted
to do the theatrical stuff

that Smile was moving towards.

I gradually got uncomfonable with it
and moved away.

Good job I did.

I could do with a fraction
ofthe money.

But I've had a really good time.

Ijust didn't have it in me
to do What Freddie did.

I was never a showman.

I really wasn't the writer
that Freddie was.

So I tend to view it these days as...

I'm glad I got out ofthe way.

Ifl hadn't,
the world wouldn't have had Queen.

He wrote this song for the first album

called My Fairy King.

There's a line in that,

"Oh, Mother Mercury,
What have you done to me?"

And it was after that,
that he said to me,

"I'm going to become Mercury.

"The mother in this song is my mother
and I will become Mercury."

We all went...

Thinking, "Is he mad?"

But again he was serious and he changed
his name to Freddie Mercury.

He'd cast himself a role.

He became...

the actor.

Most ofthe stuffl do is pretending,
it's like acting.

You go on stage
and I pretend to be a macho man.

In my videos, you go through

all the different characters,
pretending.

I think changing his name was pan of
him assuming this different skin.

Ithink it helped him be
this person that he wanted to be.

The young Bulsara person
was still there,

but for the public,
he was this different character.

This god.

My name is Mick Rock.

I took a lot of early key images
of Queen and Freddie

and was a close friend of Freddie's.

My name is Mary Austin.

I'm a long-term friend of Freddie.

We were very into the fashion world
of Kensington, if you can call it that.

Biba was one of the great places
for fashion at that time.

Underground fashion.
Not haute couture in any sense, but...

the fashion of the people.

Part of the attraction was the girls
who worked there were so beautiful.

They were dressed just right.
They were well presented as well.

We used to just go in there
to enjoy the scenery.

I know Freddie did as well.

One of those ladies was Mary Austin.

I met Mary at a echoed
in Imperial College, my own college,

and just got chatting to her
because she was sitting behind me.

I was pretty shy but I plucked up
the courage to ask her out.

We went out a few times.
She was very wary of anyone.

We'd go out for a drink, say good night,
and quick peck on the cheek.

We never got beyond that.

But there came a point Where
Freddie staned to talk to me about her.

Freddie wanted to go outwith her.

I said, "We're not really going out.
We're just good friends.

"I'II introduce you to her." So I did.

He would come in with...

Occasionally, he was brave enough
to come in on his own,

but most times he would come
with Roger or somebody.

He would smile
and say hello in passing,

which became quite often.

I think this went on
for about five or six months.

Finally, he asked me if I wanted
to go out on a date.

It was a very emotional attachment
for the two of them immediately.

Five months later,
we were living together

and continued that
for six years, I think.

She looked after Freddie.

But he was very considerate
towards her.

Whatever was going on,
that was a love affair.

He'd had relationships with girls.

But, looking back on it,
I don't think his hean was ever in it.

With Mary, it obviously was.

They were very sweet.
They were like a married couple.

This was obviously true love.

It worked also because Freddie,
like I said, was underneath very shy

and she was as well.

I think they were a good match.
I could see that.

Yes, to me, it was a marriage.
She is my common-law Wife.

We carry on like we were married.

Marriage is a term for other people.

We believed in each other.
Fuck everybody else.

It's fair to say
that she was the love of his life.

After six years together,

Mary's suspicion something was
going wrong with their domestic idyll

was confirmed.

A watershed conversation with Freddie

changed the nature
of their relationship forever.

I think, if I were to be really honest,

that would've been...

I think I realised -
well, I know I realised -

when he first joined
John Reid Enterprises.

I really did realise then...

Why the relationship had changed.

I didn't know he was with,
or who he was seeing,

but I had a good idea then.

But I wasn't absolutely sure.

So I knew that this man wasn't
at one with himself over something.

I could see that he was
feeling bad about something.

Wasn't feeling comfonable,
avoiding situations, which wasn't Freddie.

These things weren't the person
that I first met.

It was a relief, really,
to actually hear it from him,

to have surmised
that that was the problem,

probably for the last two years
of the six years we were together...

to know that I had more or less
guessed right.

So it was a great relief for me.

I felt that a huge burden
had been lifted.

I enjoyed the fact that he was able
to be honest and frank with me.

But certainly
once that had been discussed,

he was a different person again.

He was like the person I'd known
in the early years.

He was more at one with himself,
more relaxed, more happy.

I don't think he ever thought
that I would be supportive...

of him...

say, of him becoming a gay.

But I was.
Because it was pan of himself.

It was nice to see Freddie
at one with himself, more than nice.

It was wonderful. He was such...

a happy person.

You couldn't deny Freddie
the right to be at one with himself.

I see it as a Iove...a love that.

...that you accept
and somehow understand

because you want
the person inside to grow,

and you're fascinated
to see this person Within

totally at ease
and at one with themselves.

There's a great feeling, a great...

almost euphoric feeling

that you are Witnessing the development.

It's just...

He gave so much,
so how could you not give?

Freddie had great taste.

And...the surroundings
of his beautiful home

sometimes led to a really rather relaxed,
sophisticated evening.

But other times,
there was the odd Wild moment

which I would
I think need to consult my lawyer

before talking about in great detail.

Freddie knew how to give a pafly.

Freddie threw many of the Wildest
parties in the history of rock.

This footage was shot
at one of the greatest of all,

his 3ch birthday in Munich.

We walk in and there were
trolls and dwarves

and ogres and thieves and ballerinas

and transvestites and transsexuals, and...

I think there's two or three people
ofthe third sex there.

Are we X-rated?

He did have
the most extraordinary parfies.

There was a dwan' covered in liver.

He laid on a platter and Whenever
anybody dug this knife into him,

he would go like that.

The Whole plate of liver
would quiver. Like péte.

So it was like a moving pété pastiche.

I had no intention
of going in a pool with anybody.

I wound up in flagrante delicto,
under the catering table.

It was wretched excess,
the worst thing I've ever been to.

I'll probably go to hell because ofthat.

It's nice memories, though.

It became the longest party.
I stayed for three weeks.

It scared a lot of people,
especially the locals. We could take it.

I'm used to my grandmother
crawling with a knife in her teeth.

I remember driving in his Rolls-Royce
in London if we were jolly

and I'd put my head
out the Window and stan singing

I Could Have Danced All Night
at the top of my voice.

He, on the other side,
frightening people.

Freddie tended to do things
in the grand style,

like flying 80 people off to Barcelona
for a pafly.

I don't see him as a Volvo-estate man
primarily.

He spent his money for himself

but not as the first thing,
for others, let them have fun,

because I only have fun ifl can
see others happy, Whatever it is.

Out comes the Ribena and it begins.

Or you'll run.
You think, I can't, I've got to go.

There was flamenco dancers, fireworks.

It was extraordinary,
it was like being on a Fellini set.

It was one ofthose panies

Where you had to come dressed
as your favourite person.

He just came dressed as himself,
obviously.

I'm Jim Hutton, Freddie's last lover.

Freddie's sexuality, never
a straightforward matter,

was shaped by the experimental,
liberal attitudes of the late '60s and '70s.

The bisexual thing, the androgynous,
the boy-girl, the he-she,

the ambiguity,
that was the spirit of the time.

Freddie was right
in the middle ofthat,

spiritually, emotionally, sexually.

He was clearly a man of his time.

I think pan of it
was the fashion of the day.

But pan of it was very much him.

He was always
a bit larger than anybody else

and would go a bit more
to extremes than anyone else.

That appealed to me.

David Bowie was my friend,

and Freddie was one step beyond David
in terms of how camp he was.

As far as Freddie was concerned,
his sexuality was his own business.

There were a lot ofthings
that Freddie kept to himself.

I suppose that was one ofthem, really.

I don't think he discussed it,
other than with Mary.

He felt that was one side of him
that he didn't want anyone to know about.

Freddie didn't have to shout
to demonstrate. He lived gay.

If you went anywhere near him
or were involved with him,

he was gay.

He had his boyfriends.

He didn't hide it, but, on the other hand,
he didn't show off about it.

He liked to keep a mystique about him.

The signs are there
for anyone to see, but then again...

What are signs?

I could see somebody mincing down
the street and say, "He's gay."

Not necessarily so.

I think he's somebody who just lived his life
how he wanted, very much,

and really didn't want
to become a figurehead

for the gay movement, panicularly.

There were at least two occasions
in the press

Where he admitted to being gay.

But they don't really...
It's there in black and White.

But people don't pick up on it.

You don't acquiesce or deny,
or anyihing, you just...

If he was a youngster today...

a young 30-year-old, 40-year-old,

it wouldn't bother him

because things have changed
so much over the years.

In which, I suppose, in a way,
he played his pan.

I'm not scared of doing
What I want to do, before I hide...

Like when I went out,
I had to perform a little as well,

in not letting them down.

Because Freddie Mercury...
I don't know What it means,

but he had to react in a cenain way,
What the press had told people.

A lot ofthe time, I used to do that,
so that I was actually living...

in a way, living a false image of myself.

And now I'm not worried.

Ifl make a fool of myself,
if I fall into a dustbin,

which I have many times,
I don't worry, I'm having a good time.

I suppose every gay person...

they don't want their parents to know.

They do, but it's hard
to actually break the news to them.

I think ifthey knew he was gay,
it wouldn't have made much difference.

I don't think he needed to tell them.

I think he knew the general public knew.

In his later years, Freddie returned to
a life of monogamous domestic bliss

shared this time with Jim Hutton,

who he used to introduce
to people as his husband.

It was excess in every direction.
I was extremely promiscuous.

But I've stopped all that, having sex,
and started growing tulips.

The gay scene is so flippant, anyway.

I suppose there comes a time
in everyone's life to settle down.

I wanted a genuine tranquil
after the storm.

But finding that wonderful person
is very hard.

There is the solace which I've got,
it's like I don't have to try so hard.

I don't have to prove myself. I have
a very understanding relationship.

It sounds so boring.

He used to get a little bit
irritated with me sometimes.

Things like his cats.

The cats would often come to me
instead of him.

He used to get a bit shitty about that.

At the end ofthe day, he would say,
"I've got somebody to go home to."

No matter Where you are, once
you've got someone to come home to,

that's when you feel more secure.

I'm very happy with my relationship
at the moment.

I really couldn't ask for better.

I've finally found a niche
that! was looking for all my life.

And no fucker in this universe
is going to upset it.

I do like to think his last years...

were as happy as they could
have possibly ever been.

Though Freddie had a background
in fashion design,

he turned to professional help
for stage costumes.

Diana Moseley's creations would
eventually give rein to his fantasies.

But when in 1973, Queen needed
outfits for their Olympia concerts,

he and Brian showed up
at Zandra Rhodes's loft.

I'd made clothes previously
for T. Rex.

So maybe they'd seen those.

In the early days, for Freddie,
there was still this search of image.

Freddie was a freethinker,

because if you look at the Whole
transition and the different ways

that he changed looks,

I think that shows
a wonderful free spirit.

He wanted black nail varnish.
He wanted and he would shop.

He had overnight this clear idea

of What he was going to wear and Why.

She brought the materials
and said, have a bit ofthis, this.

She said, "I see you
as something rather big,

"very dramatic and flowing."

The very first costume that I did
for Freddie

was like a tiny, narrow,
rather ethnic bodice,

and then wonderful fan pleating,
so that he could lift his arms.

He fits in with glam rock
and definitely not with punk.

They had a bit more magic,
not so much in-your-face as glam rock.

They were perhaps
a bit more fairy tale-like.

Perhaps. A bit gentler.

I made fairy-tale clothes
for Princess Diana

and rather wonderful flights of
the imagination for Freddie Mercury.

Because he was bridging that gap
from first of all,

going through that Whole thing
of being very made-up,

one ofthe first people to do that,
to do the butterfly thing,

then going through
to the economy of another look,

so it's rather exciting that he went
through so many different changes.

The only thing in fashion that you can
rely on is the fact that it changes.

I was just one ofthe changes.
But a very glamorous one.

In 1984, Freddie hired Diana Moseley

to style the video
for! Was Born To Love You.

She went on to dress the Magic Tour

and organise Freddie's private wardrobe
and public costumes.

Born To Love You was going to have
nothing but women in. No men.

It was going to have 1,000 in
but only ended up with 300.

This one, he was their warrior.
It was his love song.

So I dressed him in White.

White and silver, but he was this son of...

Romeo, for want of a better word,

with a battle jacket on.

Freddie wasn't into it,
as people might have thought.

He would dress properly for an occasion

but he wasn't
a complete fashion addict.

With the Magic Tour,
the one thing we all hooked on,

or got everyone to think about,
was White.

Using that, because it's so fantastic
for lighting in the big stadiums.

The guys right at the back
get to see something.

I remember Freddie on that occasion
phoning up from Sweden,

Where they did their opening nights
on the tour.

"It isn't working. We need something else.
I've got to do something.

"I've had this idea.
The others don't like it but I do.

"I want a crown and I want a cloak
with the ermine in."

All I said was, "You want a metal crown,
as real as we can make it?"

He said yes. 80 that was it.

I suppose that's What Freddie liked.

[picked up on What he was talking
about quickly and was true to it.

They went over the top a few times.

Alarming lapses of taste.

Some of it was not in good taste
but it was always tongue-in-cheek.

Freddie's attempts to imbue
rock music with elements of opera

were scorned by the rock press.

The classical world, however,
took his ambitions much more seriously,

and on several notable occasions,
he got to realise his dreams.

I am Montserrat Caballé.

I am the voice that sang
with Freddie Mercury

the song Barcelona,
the song from my city.

In May 1983, Freddie's love of opera

led to him see Pavarotti
singing Verdi in Covent Garden.

That night, an unexpected
and unforgettable love affair was born.

The performance was
Un Ballo In Maschera, an opera by Verdi.

What happens is the tenor
gets a big aria,

almost as soon as he comes on.

Freddie was, "Look, that's good.

"He sings just like he does
on the records."

Then a trio comes up Where
the soprano appears for the first time.

It's actually some beautiful music.

We didn't plan it,

but it was Montserrat
who was actually singing.

He didn't know the name.
He didn't know anyihing about her.

She came on.
She sang in that first bit.

At the end of her bit,
his jawjust dropped, jaw fell open.

He says,
"When is she coming back again?

"I want to hear more ofthis woman.
Who is it?"

I said, "It's Montserrat Caballé,
a Spanish soprano."

He says, "Have you got
any of her recordings?

"I want to listen to it. I want to hear her."

That was how it all staned.

He phoned me up in a great state
of excitement.

He said, "You'll never guess.
I've had a message

"to say that Montserrat Caballé

"would like to meet me.
I'm not going Without you."

It's amazing. I'm going into opera.
Forget rock and roll.

The meeting was set up
for about two o'clock.

Freddie was just pacing up and down.

I've never seen him so nervous.

I had to keep looking out the door
of the salon,

every two, three minutes,
to see as and when she was arriving.

They finally arrived about quaner past two.

It was a magical sight in the foyer.

The crowds just split up.
Like the paning ofthe Red Sea.

Montserrat just came through.

Here is the room Where we first met.

When I entered the room...

he was so cold in his hands.

I was very cold too.

But I could feel his cold hands
and I thought, he's cooler than me.

He's nervous too, so that's good.

When people are nervous,
that means both are expecting

something from the other one.

A piano was in the corner.

Well prepared.

So we stepped up from the table
and we went to the corner.

He was playing
and I was beginning to sing.

We could go on
for hours and hours and hours.

So when we finished,
we look at each other,

and I knew it,
that he has conquered me.

After a memorable performance
at Covent Garden,

Freddie, Montserrat and Mike Moran
went back to Garden Lodge

and spontaneously improvised
around the piano until sunrise.

It was a very special night,
a very, very special night.

A wonderful night.

I will never forget.

It was so wonderful that we don't
realise the time passed so fast

and then someone says,
"It's almost six.

"I think you have to stop,
because you have sung a concert."

I say, ”I'm tired but it's wonderful, ”

Every five minutes, he would say,
"You've got to go, catch a flight."

She says, "You don't want me here?"

He says, "I do,

"but I don't want to get into trouble
because you're tired and late."

You're not tired?
You must rest a little.

- You want me to go?
- I don't want you to go.

I think you must rest.

I come to terrible risk?

I can sing till six in the morning.

I think it was six o'clock in the morning
when I left home

and all the people was in the street,
there was lots of people...

surprised I spent the night
at Freddie's home.

I just thought,
maybe one song or a duet.

She said, "Only one song?
Are you sure? "Only one song?"

I said, "Let's see how we get on.
If you like more of my music..."

She said, "How many songs does
a normal rock-and-roll album have?"

I said, "Something like ten."
"We'll do ten songs, then."

She just said, "Yes, write ten songs.
Tomorrow."

Musicians understand each other
very well.

They're married in music.

This is What was happening
with Freddie and with me.

It's such a challenge.

It's going to be great. I've never
thought of writing songs in that way.

Now she's said
she wants to do duets with me,

I have to think in a totally different way.

He loved me a lot. And I loved him too.

For him, it was normal,
but for me, no.

I told him, "Listen, do you think
I have to perform with you?

"I don't feel like...
I am old, I am big, I don't know."

He says, "Listen.

"Music has not age."

Of all the things he did Without Queen,

I think he was most proud of this.

For the opera world,
it has been a revolution, a real revolution.

The song was absolutely wonderful.

I still get goosebumps when I hear it.
I've heard it 10,000 times.

It was operatic, over the top,
melodramatic.

But in many respects, it was true opera.

He was just beside himself with
happiness this was gonna happen.

And everything had to be perfect.

There were flowers put in
the control room for her arrival.

I remember him insisting
that the studio in London

redecorate the ladies' bathroom

just in case she might use it.

I remember Fred saying to me,

"I can't go on stage
and do my usual thing,

"because she's an opera singer.
Maybe I'd better tone down the act."

Of course,
What he'd temporarily forgotten

was this was an operatic diva.

When she went on stage,
she was like a bloody volcano.

As soon as she started,
he looked over at me,

"Bloody hell, I've got competition here."

It was actually quite a fiery combination.

It was a marvellous moment
of my life, this one year together.

I will always remember.

One of the most surprising, beautiful,
and happy...of my life.

I mean, it was like an extension,
a Window open to the world.

Many, many people, young people,

come today to the opera.

They always say,
"We wanted so much to find out

"who is the woman that screams
so much with Freddie?"

"We are very thankful
to him and to you

"because this way, we have met

"two worlds coming together
for the first time."

One day, he was saying in front
of many friends, we were together,

"I love music and she is the music."

I have many proposals many times
to do it again.

Something with other colleagues
and things.

But, you know...

it has to be...

it has to be something very special
that follows Freddie and me together.

Very special.

In the early '80$, tired of stardom
and the attendant invasion of his privacy,

Freddie left England for a spell
of exile and enjoyment.

The party town that best suited
his needs was New York.

I'm Reinhold Mack.

I happened to produce
some of the Queen albums

and one of Freddie Mercury's
solo albums.

I'm Walter Yetnikoff.
I was Freddie Mercury's record boss

when we released his solo album,
Mr Bad Guy.

But there was also Munich,
with its liberating anonymity.

Everybody knew who he was,

but they also knew
he didn't want to be known,

so everybody would go on the other
side of the street, going...

But leave him alone.

Nobody really treated him
as being the star.

They didn't want autographs,
just took him for What he was,

the nice guy paying for lots of drinks.

When I went to Rio,
I missed the Carnival.

They have Fasching over here,
so I got into that.

My God, they do know how to boogie.

They just don't stop.
So I was upside down for days.

They didn't tell me that the Fasching
comes to an end on Shrove Tuesday.

I burned myself out
a few days before.

I live life to the full.
Every day is Fasching for me.

I liked him because he was
very bouncy, effusive, enthusiastic.

And son of drunk.

I'm using the term advisedly.
I think Freddie Mercury was a genius.

If you are a genius, you have certain
liberties given to you by society.

You can act a little different.
You're expected to.

I liked the music that I heard in the studio.

To hell with it,
I'll have Freddie Mercury, not Queen.

It's quite outrageous.

I think it's new for me as well
because I've actually allowed...

an orchestra to go mad,
rather than restrict them.

I said, play all the notes that you
haven't played in your life before.

So they all went completely crazy.

So there's basically a world war
going on on that track.

Though loved by the fans, the Mr Bad Guy
album was a commercial flop.

It did about 160,000,

which for another person
would have been an interesting result.

For an offshoot of Queen,
it was a great disappointment.

It was certainly not one of my best deals
I've ever done.

Despite the fact it was not a success,
I'm glad we did this thing together

as pan of my memory bank.

The fact that it didn't work,
shoot me, fuck it.

I don't know if you'll edit that out or not.

He was absolutely genius.

Mike is an absolute genius.

I told him that many times
and he said...

Absolute genius.

When we were doing Hot Space,
we started in Switzerland,

then went on to Munich.

As time went by, it got longer and longer
and people didn't show up,

people went skiing.

Freddie became the godfather
of one of my children,

simply because I made a bet.

I said I think it's easier to conceive
and give birth to a child

than getting this album finished.

I think I won by about a week.

Freddie took the godfather thing
terribly serious.

He gave him a set of cutlery
and teddy bears ten miles high.

All sorts of stuff.

Really constantly asked, is he eating
all right, What are you feeding him?

I think he cared more
than his mother did.

In New York,
you could walk on the Wild side.

That was Why I was here

and clearly Why many other people,
including Freddie,

were drawn to spend a lot of time here.

If we were going
to The Saint in New York...

he would join the queue of people to get in

rather than just go to the front
and just get ushered in

because he didn't want to be seen
to be famous.

But everybody would then say,
"It's Freddie Mercury in the queue."

Freddie was an adventurer. We were
both interested in blurring the lines.

You could do that in New York
like no other city in the world.

In the late '703 and into the '803,
it was really...

If you want to talk about decadence,

this was the place
to be truly decadent.

You could be the extreme part
of your personality.

That was what was exciting
about New York.

Of course, that's What killed
a lot of people over the years

and nearly got me eventually.

I'm sure that it was here that...

that Freddie contracted...

the illness that killed him.

Though he once thought
Montreux tediously quiet,

Freddie's increasing appreciation
of its tranquil beauty

led him from the late '80$ onwards

to buy a flat there and occupy
his time with its decoration.

This distracted him partially from
the far more serious matter at hand.

Though they all heard about it
in different ways,

the news that Freddie
was HIV-positive

was equally devastating
for all those close to him.

I received a telephone call
from Freddie's GP...

to say that he had had no response
from telephone calls

and would I remind him to call,

which I did,
subsequently got calls back,

saying, "I still haven't had a call."

Sol pursued... In the end, I was told

Why the GP
needed to speak to Freddie.

I felt my heart fall out of my boots.

I suppose anyone's
immediate reaction is, are you sure?

"Yes, I am sure, darling.
The best doctor. The best of everything."

A natural reaction, I suppose,
is to say, "Let's find somebody else."

He then just said to me, "Listen.

"The door is always open
if you want to leave."

My reaction was,
I said, "Don't be so silly.

"I'm not going to walk out over this."

One of our family visits,
we were in his bedroom,

just me and Roger,
and he just told us.

I was in the kitchen on my own
and he came down from upstairs.

He said,
"I've got something to tell you."

"Yeah, OK."

"Look, you know I'm sick, don't you?"

I said, "I've got a good idea."
He said, "You know What it is?"

I said, yeah.

He said, "That's it. You know. That's it.

"It won't be talked about any more.
We do not speak about it."

And then at one point, he decided

to invite us
all over to the house for a meeting,

and he just told us the absolute facts,

the facts that we were really
starting to realise anyway.

Really, that produced a coming together,
a closing of the ranks.

The way he was telling me that.

"I am seropositive," he says.

"I developed the illness."

I say, "But you are so strong.

"You sing like you sing."

"Yes, I still can do it," he says.

"But it comes a moment, no more,
and I know that.

"And I want you to know.

"Because it's my duty
to tell you this."

I say, "No, it's not duty.

"But I am very thankful
that you have told me,

"because that means
I have your friendship

"and this is as important
as anything to me."

Everything had to be treated
very normally. He had to be too.

If he found that you were flagging,
you were becoming too emotional,

then he would naturally
push you back in line

and bring forward who he felt
that he could rely on

for What he needed.

Because of his illness - he had it -

so he didn't need someone else
to remind him all the time.

He used to love us
and respect us so much

that he didn't want to mm us.

We knew all along
and we didn't want to displease him

because we loved him equally well,
as much.

But that was sad.

At first, I couldn't believe
What he was telling me.

Basically,
it was just going above my head.

It was only later in the months
as he deteriorated

that it started to sink in.

But even then, I just kept on hoping
he would come out of it.

We knew in August, September,
that he was really "I.

He was in Montreux.

Always he used to be with us
on my birthday.

This birthday,
he sent me flowers from Montreux.

He said, "Sorry, Mum, this time
I can't be with you on your birthday

"but I'll make it up."

But, of course, it was October
and he was very ill.

It was very sad at that time.

He would never
dwell on things like that

because, for him, life was incredible

and had to be pursued
the best way possible at all times.

That's Why he never stopped
being creative.

He could've easily given up
and disappeared somewhere

and lived the rest of his life in isolation,
but he did not do that.

It's another example
of how brave the man was.

He was out working
until he could actually work no more.

One regret was that there was
still music in him when he died.

It was there, it was in his brain,

but because of the body,
he wasn't able to produce it.

If he didn't have the music,

he wouldn't have lasted as long,
he really wouldn't.

And still with that immense humour
and that immense drive.

That's What people will never know
that weren't around at the time,

he still had that incredible commitment,

that incredible
commitment to perfection.

All you're doing
is making his life easier,

making him able to deal
with his life a little bit easier,

giving him
that little bit more quality of life.

The hardest part was the fact that you
knew Whatever you were doing...

wasn't curing him.

You were going to spend a year,
two years, doing this for this guy,

and he still would die at the end.

At first, I didn't believe it.

"No, it must be something else."

It's a very hard thing to realise

if it's somebody
that's very close to you.

I had some comfortable cashmere,
soft silk clothes made for him.

Because even
wearing clothing was hurting him.

I sat and played Scrabble with him,
helped move furniture around,

so the other guys could have
a bit of a break in the house.

He was a spirit to the last.

He said, "I can't drink champagne
any more, you drink it for me."

A bottle of champagne to myself.

Freddie watching.

He wouldn't let the illness

get in between his friends
and people around him.

He suffered so dreadfully.

But he never told anybody about it.

When we were doing
the Slightly Mad video,

Freddie was
on a completely different plane.

Normally, under the lighting,
everybody gets very hot.

Freddie had thermals on underneath
all the clothing I'd put on him,

underneath all the lights.

He had no body weight at all.

I was absolutely amazed
how he carried it through.

He even timed his own death.

The best thing we could do
for Freddie was just to talk to him,

let him know that
Whatever he decided was right.

If he wanted to go,
don't hang around for us.

We're gonna be around afterwards.
Don't wait.

Don't hang on to this life if it's not
right for you. If you're ready, go.

The last six months or 30,
Elton was a regular visitor.

He cared so much about Freddie.

Sometimes he might only be able
to stay for five, ten minutes.

You could see the emotion in his face
when he left. He really cared for him.

The last weeks of his life,
there was a lot of media outside...

which we tried to keep away,

but the odd statements
that were made by them outside

were particularly unpleasant.

The very last time he came,

he knew it was the last time
he'd see Freddie,

because Freddie
had already stopped the drugs

for a week and a half,

and Elton had to go off to Paris
to do some work.

Elton said, "No, I've had enough
of this sneaking around."

He came in his Bentley,
his big, dark green Bentley,

and parked
straight outside Garden Lodge.

The press came running over to him.
"What are you doing here?"

He says, "I've just come to see
my friend," and came in the door.

The statement was
one of the hardest things to do,

because, not only for himself,
but he knew he would never be going

outside the doors
of Garden Lodge again.

He knew he wouldn't have to worry
about photographs.

Once the statement was done,
he knew his life was over, sort of thing.

One of the reasons
that it took so much

was because it was going to make
public liars out of all of us around him.

Because everybody had denied
him having the disease.

To friends, family, everything else.

He certainly wanted to protect
his parents, sister, his family.

I think he wanted to protect
everybody Within the house too

that were taking care of him
and looking after him,

so that they weren't hassled.

He didn't want people
to see him deteriorating.

He didn't want to put them
through the upset.

We went downstairs
and we played a game of Scrabble.

And I drank champagne.

Just the two of us.

As I left,

he said, "Thank you for spending
the afternoon with an old man."

I saw a man become incredibly brave.

I saw a man become
incredibly emotional at times.

I saw depths of this person

that was an exaggeration
of What was,

that had been primarily there
all those years.

And respected and admired him
even more.

He would sleep, wake up, sleep.

The television would be on.

Sometimes he'd talk
for a few minutes.

But it was just sitting there,
holding hands,

so that he knew
someone was there with him.

The Sunday morning, early,
his breathing changed.

We called the doctor
and he explained

that basically he had gone into a coma.

Mary came and went.

His parents called up, but the doctor
said, "Don't let them come now.

"He might be better later on."
That sort of thing.

We just stopped people from coming
because of the state he was in.

As the doctor was over in the mews,
just getting into his car,

Jim and I were up there,
we were going to change his clothes,

and noticed that his chest wasn't
moving. He had stopped breathing.

I went up.

I just said to Phoebe, Peter,
"He's gone."

The usual thing is to see
if he is breathing, the mirror.

I just looked at him and said,
"He's gone."

Phoned Mary.

He'd given himself...

a limit, and I think, personally,

that when he couldn't record any more,

or have the energy
to do that any more,

then it would be the end.

Because his life, really,
had been his work.

I think his joy had been that.

I think Without it...

he wouldn't have been
strong enough to face...

What he had to face.

So he did it on his own terms.

It was very, very upsetting, because...

Obviously, I knew it was coming,

but I just didn't want it to come.

I can picture it, when it happened,
the day, the time.

It was still a shock because I didn't
think it would be coming when it did.

I was hoping, there'll be a cure,
just got to hang on,

it'll come, but even now,
there is no cure, isn't there?

The medications, obviously,
they're getting there.

It's a pity it didn't happen
a few years ago.

That's life.

I suppose his time was up
and that was it.

He suddenly announced one day
after Sunday lunch,

"I know exactly
Where I want you to put me.

"But no one's to know because
I don't want anyone to dig me up,"

were his exact words.

"I just want to rest in peace."

I think in the end being natural
and being genuine is what wins.

In the end, all the mistakes
and excuses are down to me.

I'd like to feel
that I'm just being my honest self.

I don't give a shit
what people say about me.

I don't regret any of the things I did.
I'm just me. I'm just me.

C'est la vie.

I'm a very loving person.

How about that?

If I had to do it all over again, Why not?
I'd do it slightly differently.

I still love you.