All language subtitles for Follow That Dream (1962) eng

What a wonderful life

This life I'm livin'

What a wonderful life

Livin' the life of ease

Oh, oh

Well, I got no job to worry me

No big bad boss to hurry me

It's a wonderful life

Life's good to me

It's a wonderful road

This road I'm travelin'

It's a wonderful road

Heading beyond the hills

Oh, yeah

Well, it may go straight,
or it may detour

But one thing
that I know for sure

It's a wonderful life

Life's good to me

I don't know where I'm going,
don't care where I'm going

Like the four winds a-blowin',
I go on

Laughing the day away,
loving the night away

Till the moon is gone

It's a wonderful life

This life I'm livin'

What a wonderful life

Livin' the life I love

Oh, yeah

Well, I've got neighbors

I've got friends

Anywhere the rainbow ends

It's a wonderful life

Life's good to me

I don't know where I'm goin',
don't care where I'm goin'

Like the four winds a-blowin',
I go on

Laughing the day away,
loving the night away

Till the moon is gone

It's a wonderful life

This life I'm livin'

What a wonderful life

Livin' the life I love

Oh, yeah

Well, I've got neighbors

I've got friends

Just about anywhere
the rainbow ends

It's a wonderful life

Life's good to me

It's a wonderful life

Life's good to me

Oh, it's a crazy life

Life's good to me

- Pop!
- No.

We ain't stopping the car again.

We don't want to stop. We want
to know, are we good boys?

Yeah, yeah. You're good boys.

All right, Toby,
give 'em a piece of candy.

Thank you.

- It ain't even.
- I know.

- Now it is.
- Yeah.

- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

starfrosch.com #hot100 mines the gems
from the underground. -- Wired Germany

You ain't gonna use that road,
are you, Pop?

Why not?

Well, that signs says
"closed to the public."

Well, we ain't the public.
We're part of the government.

They send me checks.
I keep them busy and happy.

We're depending on each other.
We ain't the public, Toby.

Damn it, I lost my traction.

Don't get upset, pa.
I'll lift her off.

You'll do nothing of the kind.
You're getting $63.80 a month...

because the army
totally disabled your back.

Now, how is it going to look...

if somebody comes along, and
you're lifting up an automobile?

My back don't feel
totally disabled.

It don't matter
how your back feels.

It's what the army doctors say
that counts.

I keep telling you, Pop...

they examined me right after
my first judo lesson.

It was a little twisted up,
but it twisted back next lesson.

- Toby, we'll get out.
- That's OK.

Didn't twist your back again,
did you, son?

No, sir,
I just used mostly my hands.

- Good. Good.
- I wonder where the road goes.

It's hard to tell
just from looking at one end.

- Hey, Pop?
- Yeah, Holly?

Listen, I've been taking notice.

We haven't passed a house
or even a gas station...

the whole time
we've been on this road.

Well, it stands to reason.
It's a brand-new road.

Country ain't caught up
with it yet.

Doesn't your gas gauge
read empty?

When my gas gauge says empty...

it's still got three gallons
left in it.

I can't understand it.

Where you going, son?

I'm gonna jog up the highway
and get some gasoline.

You gonna do
nothing of the kind.

Why not?

One of those government
highway patrol wagons...

is gonna come along here
any minute.

Now, Pop, there won't be
any patrolling...

if this road
doesn't go anywhere.

Well, why wouldn't this road
want to go nowhere?

Maybe the government
run out of money...

before they could finish it.

How many times
I have to tell you...

that the government
don't run out of money?

Only people run out of money.
The government's loaded.

Wake me up when that truck
patrols by here.

All right, Pop.

Gee, Toby,
it's gonna to be gettin' dark...

in a couple of hours.

I don't see
how we can prevent it.

I'm awful thirsty.
So are the children.

I'm sorry, Holly,
but I don't happen to have...

any drinkin' water on me
right now.

I wonder what's keeping
that patrol car.

- Toby!
- Yeah?

We could dig for some.

Well, there's always
what you call ground water...

and it... it doesn't mix
with the saltwater...

so if you dig down to water
level, you can get the fresh.

Well, another thing
I don't have on me is a shovel.

Why, it's soft ground.

All you need is
sort of a scoop or something.

There ought to be something
around here we could use.

- What about this?
- Oh, no, not your pop's fender.

Oh, I'll put it back on
before he wakes up.

I hit one.

- Did not.
- I did so.

Just keep throwing.
We need more coconuts.

Higher.

Higher. That's it. Higher.

- Hey, Pop, you want to try one?
- No, I don't want to try one.

Higher.

Here you go, Ariadne.

You're just as happy as
a house cat, ain't you?

Women like doing things
for other people.

Don't men ever feel like that?

- What'd I say that was so funny?
- Oh, nothing.

I was just remembering
after your folks died...

when Pop took you in...

what a skinny, scrawny
little thing you were...

all eyes and elbows.

And now you're practically...

well, like you said,
practically a woman.

- Toby.
- Huh?

- Will you look at me?
- Mm-hmm.

No, I mean real good.

I know you're a woman, Holly...

and I know I said
"practically"...

and that bothers you, don't it?

Yeah, well, I am 19 years old,
and I'm... I'm kind of well-built.

Yep. I know that, too.
And I'm glad of it.

- Are you, Toby?
- Uh-huh.

Because I'm trying not
to notice things like that...

and you're a good one
to practice not noticing on.

Well, why me? And, well, what's
wrong with noticing girls?

Well, that's how they catch you.
Pop told me all about it...

the day I got sent home
from band practice...

for grabbing Amy Plotkin.

- You remember Amy?
- Yeah, I remember Amy.

You know anything about sex,
Holly?

Of course I do.

Who told you?

Oh, l... I don't remember.

Never you mind.

You've been living with us
since you was thirteen.

You know about it then?

Oh, Toby, leave me alone.

I'm sorry, honey.
I didn't aim to make you mad.

I was just trying to explain
what you asked me.

Well, then explain.
Don't ask questions.

Well, it's just like Pop said.
Women are natural nesters.

Just look at the way you took
to nesting right here...

cooking dinner and everything,
starting from scratch.

Well, I would dearly
love to know...

what's so awful about nesting.

It's just being married
and having a house.

Well, nothing, except doing it
when you don't want to.

I think a man
ought to be allowed...

to wait until he wants to.

Women don't aim to let you wait.

That's why I use my education
agin' 'em.

Your education?

Mm-hmm. Multiplication tables.

Anytime some pretty gal is
standing around bothering me...

I just close my eyes,
and I say...

"One times one is one,
and one times two is two"...

and right on through the eights.

Most of the time, I only have
to get to the sixes...

and they get disgusted
and go away.

I can imagine.

Of course,
it don't do much good...

if they hang on through the 8s,
because I forget the 9ses.

That's what happened
that night...

behind the bowling alley
with Gertrude.

I forgot the nineses.

- Toby?
- Huh?

When... when you say that you
want to wait, do you want to?

Does that mean that you...
you don't want to fall in love?

Doesn't everybody
want to fall in love?

Not me. Not judging
from the kind of love...

I seen people fall into.

Pop had a song
that explained it pretty well.

Let me see,
how did that thing go?

Show me a girl

With a dimple on her cheek

Butter melts in her mouth

When she opens it to speak

Show me a girl

Who is acting so refined

And I'll show you a girl

With one thing on her mind

So I say, you know what?

She says, what?

I say, what?

Oh, I'm not the marrying kind

Oh, you've got what it takes

And it takes what you got

But I'm not the marrying kind

Don't kiss me, don't claw me

Don't pet me, don't paw me

I won't leave my freedom behind

So I say, you know what?

She says, what?

I say, what?

Oh, I'm not the marrying kind

You know what?

She says, what?

I say, what?

Thanks a lot,
but I'm not the marrying kind

Don't kiss me, don't claw me

Don't pet me, don't paw me

I won't leave my freedom behind

So I say, you know what?

She says, what?

I say, what?

Oh, I'm not the marrying kind

I'm not, I'm not,
I'm not, I'm not

Now you've got what I'm not

I'm not the marrying kind

Oh, I'm not the marrying kind

No, I'm not the marrying kind

Come on, Ariadne.

The governor's
scheduled to start...

from the coast highway at 11:00.

I'd hate to miss the dedication.

You certainly got
a right to be...

mighty proud of this project,
Mr. King.

Not a tin can or a gum wrapper
along the whole thirty miles.

Stop!

Stop, quick!

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Bang! Bang! Bang!

What... what in the name of...

Bang! Bang! Bang!

What's going on here?

I reckon you're
from the government...

and I will say it's about time.

I am the state supervisor
of highways...

and I want to know
what you're doing here.

See, we ran out of gas
here on this road.

Don't give me that stuff.
You've been camping here.

Well, we couldn't camp
nowhere else...

because this is where
we ran out of gas.

I think... I think
you're within fifty feet...

of the center line of that road.

That means that
legally speaking...

you're on the thoroughfare.

You could be arrested
for obstructing traffic.

- I don't see any jam-up here.
- That doesn't matter.

You can't just camp on a public
thoroughfare as if you owned it.

The way you're talking,
a body'd think you owned it.

I am ordering you to pack
your junk in that jalopy...

and clear out.

On foot, huh? Huh?

You claim you're out of gas,
do you?

Yes, sir. And I'm mighty near
out of patience...

with this kind of government.

Joe, break out
that spare can of gas.

I want your name and address.

You're going to be billed
for it.

We're the Kwimpers
from Cranberry County...

just over the state line.

Just care of the county... they
always know where to find us.

- You're his son?
- That's right.

And she is your wife?
And those are your children?

Oh, uh, no, sir.
Me and Pop, we're the Kwimpers.

Teddy and Eddy sittin'
over there on that car...

they're some sort of
fourth cousin or something.

After their folks died,
we just sort of took 'em in.

They don't cost us much,
though...

on account of we collect aid
for dependent children.

That teenager there,
she's Holly Jones.

She used to be our baby-sitter.

Her folks got killed
in an auto accident.

She's just stayed with us
ever since.

And that little girl,
she was orphaned just last year.

She's just three years old.
Her name's Ariadne.

All right. All right. You're
a self-appointed orphanage.

Now, will you kindly
get this mess loaded?

Yes, sir.
I was just trying to...

Now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

He can't load nothing. He's on
total disability for a bad back.

- Aw, Pop.
- Total disability?

What do you collect,
unemployment compensation?

Well, relief is...

Lately,
he's been favoring relief.

All wards
of the government, huh?

Well, look here. In 15 minutes,
the governor of this state...

is gonna drive along this road
and dedicate it...

and he's not gonna be looking
at any mess like this.

Yes, sir.

I don't know why I should
explain anything to you...

but this road, this road...

is part of a big
public betterment program.

Over there,
we'll have a bird sanctuary.

Well, that'll be nice.

Yeah.
Back there, a wildlife preserve.

- That'll be nice, too.
- Mr. King!

Here come a bunch of cars.
It must be the governor.

Oh, no. He's early.

- I got the gasoline.
- Never mind about the gas.

Let's get this place cleaned up.

Just a moment.

You must be insane.

You said yourself
the public thoroughfare...

is fifty feet
from the center line.

Well, the fifty feet
ends right there.

Teddy and Eddy just measured it.
Right, boys?

- Right.
- Right.

Back. Back. Back.

What's it matter where it ends?

This is state property,
you idiot.

This is private property.

Oh, no. He's stopping.

Mr. King? What seems to be
the trouble here?

Governor, your excellency, I'm
very sorry, but these people...

are obstructing
a public thoroughfare.

We'll get rid of them
right away, your excellency.

Trooper, sergeant,
arrest these people.

- Good morning, governor.
- Yes, sir.

Good morning, sir.

Mr. Governor,
if you appointed this man...

I think it best you get
out of the car right now...

and put him straight.

A man like you
has got to know the law...

and it's on the record now.

You witnessed his violation
of a citizen's rights.

Are you a student
of the law, sir?

A student? Why...

I know that the police can't
come on private property...

unless they's got a warrant
or is chasing people.

Now, nobody can chase us
on account of we ain't running.

So, it's best they get off
that private property...

- right, governor? Right?
- Well...

Sir, it's not private property.

It's fill land, put there
by the highway division.

Well, you know
what the law states...

about homesteading,
don't you, governor?

Well, we're homesteading from
the end of the thoroughfare...

to the edge of the river.

Oh, homesteaders, eh?

Homesteaders!

Any public land
can be homesteaded, can't it?

Yes, sir.
If they put up a roof...

and stay on it for six months,
they own it.

The boy's right, governor.
Well, there's the roof.

Uh, they're on private property.
Would you get back a mite?

- They're trespassing.
- All right, officers, get off.

Respect private property
at all times, gentlemen.

That's the law.

Well, justice has been rendered.

I'll see you later, Mr. King.

Let's move along.

- Take care of yourself.
- Thank you, sir.

Nice parade.

He's a nice fellow.

Let's give three cheers for Pop.

- Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!
- Stop that, you brats.

- Brats?
- Who you calling brats?

I'll take care of it.
Run along and play, kids.

You gonna stand
on our property...

and you're gonna give orders
like you were entitled to?

That's a good idea. Play it up
while you've got the chance.

Oh, yes,
there's a homestead law...

and you've taken
good advantage of it...

but there's other laws,
Kwimper...

laws that might cause you
a lot of unpleasantness.

Such as? Go ahead, quote 'em.

One, for instance,
provides that...

none of you receive
any more welfare benefits...

from your home state.

You're residents here now?

I shall so notify
the proper authorities.

Pop, he...

Pop, you want me to throw
this fella off our property?

No, no, no.
No, just leave him be.

We'll listen, and we'll learn.

Learn this, too, then. That well
is probably unhygenic.

That lean-to doesn't conform...

to any zoning restriction
I know of.

Kwimper, I'm proud of my job...

and of my responsibility
to the people.

I owe them my best efforts to
run your sort out of this area.

You'll be hearing from me
shortly. Come along, Joe.

Funny thing... I was just about
to give him back his land...

when he turned nasty.

Now I don't know what to do.

Pop, didn't you mean
what you said...

about homesteading and all?

Damn it, I ought to stay here...

but it's
an awful lot of bother...

just to take that uppity-heimer
down a peg.

I got to think it over, Tobe.

- What... what... what...
- I got think it over, Tobe.

- Toby?
- Huh?

Cross your fingers and pray.

Pray for what, Holly?

To homestead.

To stay here,
to stay here for always.

Why, that don't make
a bit of sense to me.

What's wrong with our own home?

After Gertrude Patterson leaves,
that is.

Oh, it not our home,
it's your home.

But if... if we built
a place here...

it would really be part mine...

and not just a place
I was allowed to move into.

Be my first real home.

I'm sorry, Toby,
if that sounds ungrateful.

That's natural, honey.
I mean...

women are just natural nesters,
just like Pop said.

Toby, a body
would think a grown man...

could make up his own mind
about things.

Well, I agree with you there.

I kind of like to make
my own decisions, too...

but I usually wind up
doing what Pop wants, anyway.

Don't... don't you understand
that I want to stay?

I want to stay so much.

I didn't realize
it meant that much to you.

Just don't get upset about it.
I'll fix it.

How?

You mean you haven't learned
how to handle...

a contrary man like Pop yet?

Watch this. Hey, Pop!

- Pop?
- Huh? Huh? Huh?

- We'd better get out of here.
- Who says?

Well, that King fellow's gonna
make an awful lot of trouble.

I'll break him off
like a dry twig.

- Well, maybe so and maybe not.
- No maybe about it.

Well, it's just that
me and Holly here...

we don't think
you can handle a man...

as big and powerful
as a highway supervisor.

Well, that settle's it.

We're staying.
We're homesteadin'.

We ain't leaving here
till I say so.

But, Pop,
how can we possibly manage?

How will we manage?
That's my department.

I'll take care
of the brain work.

You young folks,
you take care of the work work.

Toby...

Toby, I could kiss you for that.

One times one is one.
One times two is two.

Wow! That's a monster.

Is it good to eat?

Well, we ain't never
going to know.

He's too big to handle
for this gear.

What do you got there, a tarpon?

I don't know, but whatever
it is, it's a whopper.

It's too big to catch
with a diaper pin.

I'm trying to get rid of him...

just as much as
he's trying to get rid of me.

Trying to get rid of him?

I've been paying sixty-five
a day for charter boats...

and never hooked one like that.

I'd give twenty dollars
to play him.

- You're mighty welcome, sir.
- Well, thank you!

Just try not to lose the diaper
pin if you can help it.

The dia... uh, no. Thank you.

- Excuse me, sir.
- Mm-hmm.

- Hey, Pop.
- Hi, son.

- Get all the shopping done?
- I think so.

Did you have enough money
for everything?

Yep, and a couple
of luxury items, too.

I went to a junkyard,
and I bought us a john.

Oh.

Ain't it a lover?

Sure is, Pop.

I bought some cheap lumber, too.

I'm gonna build it
its own little house.

Is that a telegram, Pop?

Yeah, from the government
back home.

That King fellow didn't waste
no time getting us cut off.

Well, don't you worry, Pop.
We'll manage.

Ain't nobody can fret a family
got its own private john.

Nobody.

- Need some help, sir?
- No, thanks.

He's putting up
a pretty good fight.

Yeah.

- Did you hurt yourself?
- Are you all right?

I'm fine. I never had
so much fun in my life.

I'm glad
you didn't hurt yourself.

Did you see
the size of that one?

The hook straightened out.

It wasn't... it wasn't
much of a hook, though.

It was just a diaper pin
is all it was.

A diaper pin, a pole,
and a piece of string...

and I had more action than
with $1,000 worth of equipment.

Oh, oh, oh. Nope.
Here's your twenty dollars.

Oh, I couldn't take that.

All I done was lend you a fish,
and it was a public fish anyway.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, Holly, I can bend this
back into a hook again.

I'm with you, sister.
Money's like a fish.

Anytime you can hook it,
you hook it.

I'll be back.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, I know what
you're thinking, Toby.

It's a shame to take money
from a crazy man.

But we need this, and...

the way he talked,
he had plenty.

Imagine paying money to fish.

Here. It's yours.

No, give it to Pop.

- So long.
- Bye.

- Holly.
- Hmm?

Did you hear
what that fella said...

about paying sixty-five dollars
a day just to fish?

Yeah.

Kind of funny, isn't it?

All the fish out here you want,
for free.

The bait's free.
Hooks don't cost much.

- You've given me an idea.
- I have?

It's such a wonderful idea.

Oh, Toby,
you're gonna be proud of me.

Sure you don't need
anything else?

Nope. This is just fine.

Now, really, there are fish
up there by the millions.

Thanks for the information.
I'll pass it along.

- You do that. Bye.
- Bye.

Oh, a big one.
You got a beauty there, miss.

Oh! There's a beauty
if I ever saw one.

Wish you'd caught that, huh?

Two cups. One with, one without.

One with and one without.

Throw in a couple of doughnuts,
please!

Couple of doughnuts.

- More wood, Teddy.
- Yeah, Pop.

Eighty-nine, ninety...

ninety-one,
ninety-one and a half...

- Is she asleep?
- Mm-hmm.

Ninety-two dollars, Pop.

Ninety-two.
That's fine for one day, son.

That's what comes of
stickin' up for your rights.

Not running like a scalded dog,
the way you wanted me to.

Oh, you was right, Pop.
I was wrong.

Well, we better start
a bank account.

Uh-uh. Never had nothin'
to do with no banks.

Ain't gonna start now.

Now, Pop, banks pay interest...

and you double your money
before you...

But I hate them.
Don't you, Toby?

Oh, I never even seen
the inside of a bank.

I don't aim to.

Me, neither.

Gonna make a few improvements.

Lots, Pop.

What we first need
is a line of pilings offshore.

We do?

So we can build a dock.

- A dock?
- Let me handle this, Pop.

I understand her
a little better than you do.

Now, what do we need
a dock for, honey?

Silly.
So we can tie up our rowboats.

Oh, rowboats.

We need a rowboat, so we can
row out to our yacht, Pop.

Else how could we get out to
that island where our hotel is?

Now, will you two stop it?
I mean this.

We need rowboats so we can rent
them out to our fishing parties.

Right now, our customers are
fishing off of that bridge...

and it belongs
to the state highway.

Now, how long is it
before that Mr. King...

is gonna put a stop to it?

Be damned if she's right.

- She is?
- Well, of course I am.

So I talked to some folks...

and it figures out we can get
some used rowboats...

build a dock, and have
a real fishing place...

for about two thousand dollars.

Two thousand dollars?

You done busted a buckle, honey.

No, no. I been asking around.
There's a very good chance...

we can borrow the money
from the bank.

Well, that would sure change
my opinion about banks.

You mean they'll lend you
the money...

just for the asking of it?

Oh, no, and the interest.

You gotta pay them back
a little more than they pay out.

Oh! That's how they do it.

Yeah, Pop. Well, will you go?

Will you go to the bank
and borrow two thousand dollars?

Well, if it's that easy,
let Toby do it.

- You mean me?
- Holy lke!

Here I am dealing with banks...

got my own fleet of rowboats,
my own docks...

all because I wouldn't let
some government man...

tell me where I could stand
and where I couldn't.

See, there's a lot of money
in not doing what you're told.

Yes, sir.
Teddy, Eddy, let that learn ya.

If you wanna get along in life,
never do what you're told.

Oh, for heaven's sakes, don't
tell them a thing like that.

It ain't no wronger
than telling 'em...

they always gotta take orders.

Some folks tell you what to do

They think
they know more than you

They insist that
they're givin' sound advice

But as sure as you're livin'

It ain't sound, it ain't nice

It just doesn't sound
like sound advice

Some folks like to be the boss

They get up on their high horse

Oh, they say that
you're gettin' sound advice

Well, there's one thing
I'm bettin'

It ain't wise, it ain't nice

You won't like the sound
of their advice

Sound advice we're a-givin'

Sound advice

Just as sure as you're livin'

If you're smart,
you'll think twice

When they start to sound off
with advice

Don't listen
to their sound advice

Toby, fifteen minutes left.

Kinda like a church, ain't it?

Yeah.

What they got them
poor fellas locked up for?

They're tellers. They
cash checks and make change...

and things like that.

Oh.
Do they do the lendin', too?

Well, I suppose so.

No. No, there.
Through the glass door.

Now, Toby, you make sure
and don't forget to tell them...

that we grossed
ninety-two dollars on Sunday.

And that you're in the army...
that's for character reference.

OK? Now go on.

Hey, aren't you coming with me?

No, I can't go in.
I'm not dressed.

You don't look no crummier
than I do.

Come on, now.
It's different for a man.

Now, you go on, Toby.
I'll be standing here prayin'.

Anything I can do for you?

No, I don't believe
I have any use...

for a policeman right now.
Thank you.

All right.

- Oh, pardon me, please.
- Oh, yes, sir.

Thank you.

- What do you want?
- Money.

Money?

There's nothing to be afraid of.

In fact,
I'm just as scared as you are.

What's that you're saying?

Feelin' sick, huh?

Help. Help. Help.

You look like you need help.

Help! Help!

Help! Help!

- Get your hands up.
- Who, me?

Come on, get 'em up.

You want me to drop
this fella on the floor?

- He's got a hostage.
- Open the dang door, will ya?

Soon as I open this door...

get him
before he can go for his gun.

Watch out we don't hit
Mr. Binkley.

This man's in bad shape.

He ain't gonna get no better if
you fellas don't do what I say.

One of you better
call him an ambulance.

Hold it right there,
or I'll blow your head off.

The way your waving
that thing around...

you're likely to hit
most anybody.

And you better
put yours down, too.

Thank you.

Why don't somebody
get him a doctor?

Watch out, Mr. Endicott,
he's got a gun!

Hello, Toby.

Are you holding up this bank?

No, sir.
Is somebody holdin' it up?

Where'd you get that gun?

Oh, I took it away from him.

He was over there
waving it around.

He might shoot somebody.

I'll bet it's even loaded.

- Let me have it, please.
- Yes, sir.

Thank you.

What have you done to George?

Nothing. I just picked him up.
He... he fainted.

Are you all right, sir?

I don't know.

- Who are you?
- A friend of mine.

He runs that fishing place
out on the new highway.

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you...

All right, guard.
Open up the door, please.

It's all right, folks.
Nothing to be frightened about.

Just a mistake.
Everything will be all right.

Toby! Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm all right, Holly.
I'm all right.

- Hello, Mr. Endicott.
- Hello, dear.

Well, maybe you can tell me
what this is all about.

Well... I don't know. It just
seemed to happen all at once.

Well, Mr. Binkley
yelled for help...

No, I didn't.

George, remember
you're a vice president.

Please get off
the depositors' table.

Well, l... I didn't yell for help.

- Toby did.
- Well, I thought he was sick.

This man
broke into the bank vault...

I understand, guard.
Here's your gun.

- Just go about your business.
- Yes, sir.

Well, let's get down
to fundamentals.

Now, young lady, what are you
and this gentleman...

doing in our little bank?

We want to borrow
two thousand dollars.

Please?

Well, you went
to the right person.

George here is our loan officer.

Well, could we have the money
right now, sir?

You see, the parking meter's
running outside.

Well, Toby, we don't do things
quite that fast here.

Why don't we come to my office?

I think George
needs to sit down.

Come along. Come along, George.

Well, so if
we can get the dock...

and the boats
and the outboard motors...

we could rent them, make a lot
of money, and build a house.

Well, George here is the man
you're gonna have to convince.

You frightened him to death.

Now it's his turn
to frighten you.

Mr. Kwimper,
the bank must have security now.

Well, that is to say
that we have to be sure...

that we'll get our money back.

Now, this is Mrs. Kwimper?

Oh, no, sir.
She just lives with me.

Oh.
Oh, well, I didn't mean to pry.

I think you're getting
the wrong impression, George.

How long have you lived
with the Kwimpers?

Since I've been about thirteen.
Toby's pa took me in.

For the same reason he took in
Ariadne and the twins.

We had no place to go.

Get the picture, George?

Oh, thank you. Yes. Yes, sir.

Now, this land
that you're living on...

well, is it... is it mortgaged?

Well, I don't know, sir.
We don't own it.

We're homesteadin'.

Well, we can't very well
lend you money...

on property you don't own yet.

Well, we own our john.

I didn't quite catch that.

Our john.

And I guess we own the house
that we built for it, too.

Oh. Oh, yes.

Uh, well, let's move on here.
Yes. Now, how about your car?

Well, that car
means an awful lot to Pop...

even though
it only cost fifty dollars.

Besides, it's got fried hubcaps.

Of course.

Well, George,
you've got to admit...

he's been giving you
honest answers.

Not cagey ones, but honest.

A week ago, he refused to take
$20 for a public fish.

Oh, that's very commendable.
I think... how's that?

Well, it doesn't really matter.

I happen to have a very
high opinion of honesty.

Oh, yes, sir. Of course.

But is it security?

It just might be that this is
the only real security there is.

Well, sir, l... I became
a vice president of this bank...

because I made it a habit
never to contradict the boss.

This bank is about to lend you
two thousand dollars.

We're very grateful, sir...

but I don't wanna try
to fool anybody.

Now, that car of Pop's
is in a terrible mess.

Oh, it doesn't matter, Toby.

What we're making
is known as a character loan.

We do it now and then...

but not often enough
for the good of our souls.

Don't you agree, George?

Oh! Oh, yes. Yes, sir.

Well, nice having done
business with you, Toby.

Thank you, Mr. Endicott.

- And you, Holly.
- Thank you, sir.

- Oh, Mr. King?
- Yes?

Miss Claypoole's office
just called.

She has your memo,
and she can see you now.

Good. Call her back and
tell her I'll be right there.

Yes, sir.

Well, I gather you don't think
highly of these Kwimper people.

You gather good.

They sound half hillbilly,
half hobo to me.

With a tincture of bowery bum,
and possibly wino.

Well, Arthur, if this memo
of yours is correct...

this is a case for the police,
not the social welfare.

Does the memo imply
they've broken the law?

I don't recall
making any such statement.

Well, it says,
"A social contagion...

"that aims its poison
of indifference and sloth...

"at the soul
of our social structure."

Well, is that funny?

No. Sorry, Arthur. You do get
a bit stuffy when you get angry.

Yes, Alisha. When a few
parasitic individuals...

set themselves
above the interests...

of six million taxpayers,
I get angry...

and stuffy and determined!

Well, if these people
are what you represent...

the state welfare can make them
want to be someplace else.

But I'm afraid
I can't take your word for it.

I'll have to interview them.

Alisha, how dare you imply
I'd misrepresent this situation.

Arthur, keep your shirt on.

You've already admitted
you were angry.

Now, what welfare officer
would take...

the recommendations
of an angry man, hmm?

Remember, I didn't take
this job for livelihood.

I enjoy my work.

I must say,
interviewing the Kwimpers...

does look like a lot of fun.

Good morning, Holly!

- Good morning, folks!
- Did you get my yarn I needed?

Yeah! I'll bring it over
in a few minutes!

Pop? Toby? It's last Sunday's.

The man at the fishing tackle
place saved it for me.

Now listen.

"New bay development
open to homesteading.

"New enterprise
to cater for fishing parties.

"The exact status at this
newly created bay development...

"is a bit of a puzzle.

"It cannot be restricted...

"by municipal or county
ordinances...

"as it lies
outside their jurisdiction."

Hold on, Holly. You're turnin'
my head with talkin' so fast.

Look, Holly. Son.

That means that
the city or the county...

ain't got no say over us.

Even their police can't come
in here and tell us what to do.

That's why we got
a lot of neighbors.

See, folks can take
so much government...

then they gotta bust out
and go where there ain't none.

- Understand, son?
- I think so, Pop.

Kind of funny, all them fellas
livin' in one trailer, ain't it?

Ain't no business of ours.

Too much pressure.

- Too much pressure.
- Yep.

You know, maybe we should
pay 'em a call, huh?

Sounds to me
like they got enough callers.

Well, I just don't feel right
acting standoffish to neighbors.

Well, suit yourself, Holly.

Toby, come on with me.
I'll take them some coffee.

Don't want to go empty-handed.

It's your move, Pop.

I know it, son.

Here. Here's a fresh one.
Be careful.

All right, punk,
where do you think you're going?

- Hold it right there.
- Give me that.

Watch it.
You'll make me spill it.

- What have you got there?
- Hey, look at the Popsie.

She's got a knife on her!
Give me that! Ow! Ooh!

Come here, see!

What is this?

This punk threw acid on my hand!

You better watch it, Carmine.

That dame,
she slashed me with a knife.

I never did
anything of the kind.

All right, hold it, you two.
Put a flash on 'em.

Look, we're just trying
to be neighborly.

I'm sorry you fellas got hurt,
but you done it yourself.

A pot of coffee
and a can opener.

A couple of great muscle men
you are.

Holly here made you some coffee.
Would you like to try some?

Sure thing. Hey, you two
must be from next door.

- Yeah. Glad to meet you.
- Pleased to meet you.

Would you like to come inside,
meet my partner Nick?

If you put some butter on it,
it'll take the sting out of it.

- Come on in.
- Thanks.

- What's that?
- What's what?

Oh, Holly
ain't never been nowhere.

That's a pool table, honey.

First one I've seen
without pockets, though.

Yeah, well,
you just double the bet...

and make yourself
some easy money, Sam.

What'd you do,
send out for something?

No, Nick.
These people are from next door.

They brought us some coffee.

Coffee? What for?

You drink it.

Is he kidding?

I don't think so.
He's like that.

Well, Toby and I just like
to be neighborly, that's all.

Sure. You want me
to pour you a cup?

No, no, no. Bud, look.
We're not neighbors.

This is a floating game, see?

We just stick around
in one place...

until it gets too hot,
then we move along. Get it?

Oh, sure. Well, they tell me...

it don't get hot around here
till about the middle of July.

He is like that, ain't he?

No, you see,
it gets hot for us...

anyplace we go
after a couple days.

Well, if it gets hot anyplace,
what'd you come here for?

Well, it was on the way.

Oh. Then you're not just
running away...

from the government?

What was that?

Well, Toby thinks maybe you saw
that piece in the paper...

about there being no government.

No what kind of government?

Well, it said that the state
built this here land...

and the county
ain't got no say-so over it.

The city neither.

Hey, could this be
on the level?

You know, it sounds screwy
enough. It could be kosher.

That's what
it sounds like to me.

Oh, baby. This kind
of a chance comes along...

once in a lifetime.

Carmine, you know,
this can turn out...

to be an east coast Las Vegas.

Sure.

Oh, you mean because
there's no police here.

Now you're diggin' it,
little lady.

Yes, but what about
after we file?

- File what?
- Our claim.

Once we've lived here for six
months, we can claim the land.

Pop says it'll be
part of the county then.

Oh. Well, this land claim idea
don't sound too good.

Well, I bet it would
if Pop explained it to ya.

Yeah? Where is he?
In that woodpile next door?

He wasn't in the woodpile
when we left. He was...

Well, let's visit him
anyway, yeah?

- After you. Please.
- Thank you, sir.

Oh.
Oh, baby, is this a sweet deal.

Carmine,
nobody's gonna mess it up.

You're not planning
any rough stuff?

We do it nice if we can.

Your kid here tells me...

you're gonna put in
a claim for this land.

Mm. That's about the size of it.

Well, that'd be a big mistake.
Bring the cops here.

Right nice of you to warn us,
but I knowed all about it.

Well, I like to do things nice
if I can.

Now, there's
two thousand dollars.

Carmine and me
wanna buy your place.

- Oh, no. You can't...
- We ain't gonna sell.

We got $2,000 in this
without countin' the brain work.

All right, I'll make it five...

and the government
will give you capital gains.

Don't mention the government
to me.

I try to help
the government out...

with everything
they want to do...

with relief, with compensation,
with disability.

They cut me off. If that's
the way they feel about it...

don't mention
the government to me.

Uh, he's your father?

That's my Pop.

Yeah, that figures. All right,
I'll go a little higher...

but don't push it too hard.

Well, if Pop says we don't sell,
we don't sell.

You don't sell?

Well, I tried to do it nice.

There it is, Alisha.

A perfect example of how
a tenement slum commences.

Which one is the Kwimpers'?

The hideosity with the dock.

What about
the rest of the homesteaders?

You planning
to get rid of those, too?

I certainly am,
one way or another.

Once you've got rid
of the Kwimpers.

How long will it take you?

Well, Arthur, it's not going
to be any quick thing.

State welfare requires
a complete list of interviews...

with everybody concerned.

Very well. Start interviewing.

How long has he been here?

It doesn't matter. He's got
the I.Q. Of a grasshopper.

With those shoulders, he sure
looks like a genius to me.

Introduce me, Arthur.

Kwimper, this is
Miss Alisha Claypoole.

She is
our state welfare supervisor.

- Oh, how do, ma'am?
- Oh, stay right where you are.

- You can go now, Arthur.
- But...

- Thank you, Arthur.
- Hmm.

- What's your first name?
- Toby.

- Mine's Alisha.
- Oh, how do, Alisha?

Oh, please relax.

Did you understand
what Arthur King meant...

when he mentioned your I.Q.?

I reckon he meant I'm not smart.

I hope he didn't
hurt your feelings.

No, ma'am. There's a couple
of things I am smart about...

and one of them is not lettin'
my feelings get hurt easy.

That's smart. It's even wise.

Anybody ever tell you
you're very handsome?

Only girls.

Don't you like girls?

Oh, I like girls all right...

except when
they start to bother me.

A young, virile man like you...

I should think
you'd love to be bothered.

Well, the botherin' part's
all right...

but I ain't gonna marry no girl
and build no house...

just so I can be
bothered regular.

Mm-hmm.

The flight from paternity.
Oedipus is everywhere.

- I beg your pardon, ma'am?
- Nothing.

You know, Toby, that
the state welfare department...

is deeply interested in you.

How come?

'Cause you're
a very interesting man.

I am?

Exquisite proportions.
Why, your legs are amazing.

Uh-uh-uh, that tickles, ma'am.
That tickles.

That's because I hit
a very sensitive nerve that...

If you are finished
tickling Toby's leg...

I'd like him to do a chore.

Who would this be?

That's Holly. Hello, Holly.
Say howdy do to Alisha.

A member of the Kwimper family?

Oh, Holly's practically
a sister to me.

- What does practically mean?
- Oh, we're not related.

Alisha here is
a state welfare supervisor.

Oh, that's lucky.

Somebody's welfare around here
needs supervising.

Come and help me
fill the water barrel.

I just filled it last night.

Well, it fell over. I think
the twins must've pushed it.

Look, that barrel weighs
200 or 300 pounds, Holly.

The twins couldn't have
turned it over.

Maybe they had a little help.

I'll fill it for you later,
honey.

Much later.

Right now, Alisha's gotta
figure out my welfare.

I've never seen Holly
look so upset.

She must be awful thirsty.

Toby, look at me.

You know, total naivete
is a hard thing to believe...

but I believe it.

Oh, what'd you say, ma'am?

Never mind. It's a compliment.

Oh, thank you.

I'll give you one, just
as soon as I can make one up.

Can't you think of a compliment
without making it up?

Well...

Try.

Try real hard.

Hey, Toby!

How are the fish runnin' today?

You ain't got your mind on work,
though, have you? Whee-hee!

This is about as private
as a subway. Come with me.

Well, I ain't got any secrets.

Well, we just can't have a good
interview with people intruding.

Oh.

- You comfortable?
- Yes, ma'am.

- You need another pillow or...
- No, this is fine. Thank you.

Well, Toby, I need to know
my subject inside out...

every intimate detail,
in order to prescribe help.

Well, I didn't know
you was fixin' to help me...

seein' you're friends
to Mr. King and all.

Oh, don't worry about
Arthur King.

State welfare wants to help you.

That's what the word "welfare"
means, isn't it?

Yes, ma'am.
I never said it didn't.

Well, let's start
with the word association test.

Now, I'll say a word...

and you say the first word
that pops into your head.

No, this is a test
to probe your subconscious.

We all know our motives
on the conscious level...

and those are the ones
we often try to conceal.

Now, if you answer me
right away...

I'll know the motives
you're trying to conceal...

and I'll know the real reasons
for the things you do and say.

Oh.

Now, I gotta think about that
a little bit.

Are you ready?

- Yep. Should I stand up?
- Oh, no, no. Just relax.

Now... first word.

- Hurt.
- Ow.

Well, I don't think
that's a word.

Doesn't matter.

Second word. Ready?

- Help.
- Help.

No, Toby,
you don't repeat the word.

You just say
what the word suggests to you.

Nobody yells, "Help."
They always yell, "Help, help!"

So I was waiting
for the other "Help"...

And when you didn't say "Help,"
well, I said "Help."

I see. This isn't gonna be
quite as easy as I expected.

Uh, now the third word.

- Steal.
- Home.

Oh, you poor boy.

You think somebody's
trying to steal your home.

- Willie Mays stole home.
- Who's Willie May?

Not May. Mays.
He's a baseball player.

Never mind. The association
speaks for itself.

Now, number four.

Girl.

Dad.

- Holy Moses.
- Somethin' wrong?

Toby, I just have to ask you
to explain that one for me.

Well, that's the song
they're playing.

On top of old Smoky

Where things get real hot

Where girls are a problem

Which dad knows I've got

That's pretty good.
Sing some more.

Follow that dream

I've got to follow that

Keep a-movin, move along

Keep a-movin'

I've gotta follow that dream
wherever that dream may lead

I gotta follow that dream
to find the love I need

When your heart gets restless

Time to move along

When your heart gets weary

Time to sing a song

But when a dream is calling you

There's just one thing
that you can do

You've gotta follow that dream
wherever that dream may lead

You gotta follow that dream
to find the love you need

Keep a-movin', move along

Keep a-movin'

Gotta find me someone

Whose heart is free

Someone to look for

My dream with me

And when I find her

I may find out

That's what my dreams

Are all about

I've gotta follow that dream
wherever that dream may lead

I gotta follow that dream
to find the love I need

I've gotta follow that dream
wherever that dream may lead

I gotta follow that dream
to find the love I need

Keep a-movin', move along

Keep a-movin', move along

Keep a-movin', move along

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Any more words?

Yes. Love.

Thirty.

You think love begins
at thirty?

No, ma'am.
Love is when you ain't got any.

- Any what?
- Any points, like in tennis.

Love-fifteen,
love-thirty, love-forty.

Maybe I should have said
love-fifteen...

but it ain't what I thought of.

That's all right.

I just misunderstood you.

Now the last word... sex.

One times one is one.
One times two is two.

One times three is three.

Fascinating answers.
Fascinating.

Did I pass the test?

What you just did
spontaneously...

was express the realization
that with one person...

or one of any species,
sex is a sterile thing...

that can't produce more
than the original number...

that it started with.

But as soon as there are two,
it becomes productive.

Yes, ma'am...

and that's something
you have to watch out for.

Toby,
don't spoil the poetry of it.

Well...

Oh, that's enough work
for this afternoon.

Let's just lie back
and enjoy the afternoon sun.

You like me like this, Toby?

You're awful close.

Toby, just put your arm
around me...

and do whatever you think of.

Just like you did in the test.

I didn't know the government
give this kind of test.

Toby.

Now...

One times one is one.
One times two is two.

One times three is three.

- One times four is four.
- Toby!

- Toby, where are ya?
- That's the end.

No, that's Holly.

Toby, you've got to come home
right away.

- What happened?
- Somebody opened the bait box.

Now, who would do
a fool thing like that?

Holly and I know,
don't we, Holly?

Well, come on.
We got customers waiting.

OK. How'd you happen
to find us, Holly?

Well, I just saw you
turn off the highway...

and I followed the dirt road
till the tire tracks stopped.

- Smart girl. Good tracking.
- Just like an Indian squaw.

Well, at least
we finished the test.

- I'm sorry I gotta go, Alisha.
- Just as well.

I'll be with you
in a minute, Toby.

OK.

- Miss Claypoole?
- Yes?

I don't like
being called a squaw.

- Did I hear a splash?
- Your friend went swimming.

Oh, I see. Swimmin'?

Yeah.

- Holly?
- Yeah?

What word would you say
if I were to say a word like...

like "boys"?

I wouldn't say anything.

You wouldn't say anything?
Why not?

I'd wait for you to finish
whatever you started to say.

You would have done no better
at the test than I done, then.

You were doing just fine
when I arrived.

I was doing
the multiplication tables.

Were you, Toby?

- Were you really?
- Yep.

You know what?
Right after dinner...

I'm gonna teach you
the nines tables...

and right on
through the twelves.

- You hear me?
- Uh-huh.

You know, Holly,
I can't help but worry...

about why Alisha came here.

Whatever it was,
Mr. King put her up to it.

I sure hope
I didn't say nothin' wrong.

They'll use it against us
as sure as baby rabbits.

Especially after
you pushed her in that water.

Oh, Toby, how'd you know?

Still too much pressure.

I gotta fix that.

Hi, Mr. Endicott. Come on in.

- Hi, folks.
- Good morning, Mr. Endicott.

Morning, Toby, boys.

I thought I'd get
a little early fishing in today.

- Have a cup of coffee?
- Don't mind if I do. Thanks.

Quite a few changes
around here lately.

Yeah. Noisy ones, too.

Why don't they
turn down that radio?

That ain't no radio.
It's an orchestra.

At 6:00 in the morning?

It's been playing
all night long.

Every night.

- Have you talked to 'em?
- I talked to 'em.

They said if it's too noisy,
they'd buy us out.

Not only that. They threw
dead fish in our water barrel...

cut loose our rowboats
from the moorings...

and somebody dropped a green
paint bomb in the john...

while it was occupied... by me.

Call the cops.

Yeah, but the cops
ain't got no say here.

Only federal cops.

When we called the FBI
and asked them...

to help us get some sleep,
they got right snippy.

You know, we ought to elect
our own sheriff.

Could we have our own sheriff?

Well, you might at that.

If you got all your neighbors
together and elected one...

the state might grant you
a city charter.

Of course,
it'd be a mighty small city...

but then there have been
smaller ones.

I'll have my lawyers
check into it.

- What was that?
- Somebody made an eight.

The hard way.

- Don't forget your hat.
- Oh, Holly.

Now, you were elected sheriff.
You gotta look like one.

I don't like all this fuss.

Look, son, this is your
first official act as sheriff.

It's like being
part of the government.

I don't know
whether I like that.

Well, go ahead, son.
Do your best, now, will you?

All right, Pop.

Come on. Two!

- Where's Nick?
- In the office.

Thank you.

Come in.

- Evening.
- Hi.

Well, if it isn't
our new sheriff.

- Come on in, Toby. Sit down.
- Thank you, sir.

- Make yourself comfortable.
- Would you like a drink?

No, thanks, sir.

You know, it's gonna be
a wonderful feeling...

having you around here
to protect us.

- It is?
- Yeah.

Carmine and me and the boys...

we're all gonna be able
to sleep a lot better now.

I sure hope so.

Say, sheriff, we were wondering,
what's gonna be your policy?

Policy?

I pledge allegiance
to the flag...

and the country
for which it stands.

One nation, indivisible, with...

No. That's not
what we want to know. Is it?

Well, it'll do for openers.

No, what we were really
interested in, sheriff...

is what ordinances
are you going to enforce?

Oh, I guess
I'm gonna enforce 'em all.

Ain't no need to favor
one over another.

All what?
I mean, what are the local laws?

Well, the same as anywhere else.
People ain't gonna be allowed...

to make a nuisance
of themselves...

like you and Nick here
have been doing.

Well, that's not a law
the way you're saying it.

I mean,
a law has to be spelled out...

so a man knows
what he's paying off for, right?

Well, I guess a man
generally knows...

when he's wrong,
and I guess you're right.

So I'll lay it out
the best I can.

Folks all agreed
that 11:00 at night...

would be a good time
to stop drinkin' liquor...

and raising ruckuses
and everything...

so if you fellas will just
close up shop at 11:00...

you won't have
no trouble at all.

Oh, if we just close up shop
at 11:00 at night...

we won't have any trouble
at all, huh?

Now, listen, are you nuts?

Our joint doesn't get started
till 11:00.

I know that, Nick,
and a lot of folks...

would rather take a lickin'
than close up at 11:00...

but you fellas are lucky.

What are you talkin' about?

Operating out of a trailer,
you can just up and move away...

without losing
a single night's business.

Oh, we can, huh? Thanks.

Oh, well, you'd have
thought of that, Nick.

No, I don't think so, no.

That's the way
it's gonna be, huh?

I mean, there's no point
in discussing...

a more sensible arrangement,
like, let's say, 2:00 or 3:00?

It wouldn't work out, Carmine.

See, the folks have gotta
have their rest, you know?

Well, if you'll excuse me,
I'll go about my business.

Where you going?

I'm going out
and tell the folks...

they have to go home at 11:00.

- I can't let you do that, Toby.
- Oh? Why not?

Oh, 'cause I like you.
And the boys like you.

- Right, boys?
- Right, Nick!

Now, being a sheriff
can be a very dangerous thing.

Like, if you walk around
out there with that badge on...

you might make
some of our players nervous.

And some of our players
get very rough...

when they get nervous, see?

You don't want to be
no sheriff, Toby.

Terrible things happen
to sheriffs.

Like what, Nick?

- Blackie, Al, tell him.
- Sure, boss.

- Explain it to him good.
- The full treatment?

Yeah. The full treatment.

Oh, I appreciate it very much,
Nick.

My pleasure.

If you'll excuse us...

Carmine and I have
some business to take care of.

Sure. Sure.

Nice talking to you again.

Let me tell you
about some of the things...

a sheriff runs up against.

First, don't you have
a gun or a club?

Oh, I don't see no need for it.

I figure if a man's
gonna be a peace officer...

he shouldn't go around
looking unpeaceful.

No gun, no club.

Well, I can wrestle.
I can wrestle real good, though.

Yeah, but suppose
someone sneaked up behind you.

Yeah, and grabbed your arms
like this.

And another one
was in front of you...

and he had a sap like this...

and he wrapped it
around his wrist like this.

You'd be helpless,
wouldn't you?

Unless I done something
like this.

Fellas?

Fellas?

Blackie? I'm sorry.
I was just showing you... AI?

Blackie?

I think they've had enough time.

Now, why don't you run
the station wagon around back...

and we'll hand his body
out through the window.

What'll I do with him?

Well, if he's still breathing...

drop him off
at the nearest hospital.

What happened?

They was showing me
how I shouldn't get hurt.

I wish they'd wake up
so I could apologize to them.

I don't think
they can hear me now.

No, I don't think so, either.

Al?

Al!

Hey, Blackie.

Blackie!

I didn't mean to hurt 'em.

Ladies and gentlemen!

Could I have your attention,
please?

Hey!

Hey!

Hey, what are you doing?

Well, I figure if I flick
these lights a little bit...

I get some attention.

You can't do that.

Oh, yes, I can. It's easy.
Watch.

Ladies and gentlemen...

He did it! He did it!

They're wrecking
the whole joint.

Who you calling?

I'm sick and tired
of you bush leaguers.

I'm gonna get
some real pros down here.

- Operator.
- Long distance.

May I help you?

Yeah, of course you can help me.
Get me Detroit.

What you wanna lock someone
out of there for?

Son, that's inhuman.

Oh, it ain't for lockin' out,
Pop. It's for lockin' in.

You see,
if I had to arrest somebody...

this is about the only place
we can use for a jail.

Could be inconvenient.

Toby? Someone just called
from the gas station.

One of our rowboats
washed up down the point.

Well, I'll hike down there
and row it back.

- Can I go with you?
- Sure.

- Here.
- No, Holly.

I don't want to be
no sheriff now.

Now, a sheriff wears his hat
all the time.

That's just like a woman.

Now, Toby, why is it that...

every time you don't like
what I do, I'm a woman...

and every time you're pleased
with me, I'm a little girl?

That's just because
you ain't neither one.

You're just a little nuisance,
that's all.

Just a little nuisance.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Well, signal's off.
- Oh, no. They're still on.

- Good.
- Only the joker isn't home.

Blackie saw him
go down the highway...

about twenty minutes ago.

He's got a broad with him.

And he's wearing a hat
like the white hunter.

You know, like a sun helmet.

- He's got a deputy's badge.
- I got it.

- Thanks for thinking of me.
- Yeah, yeah, sure.

Count it, Pete.

Well, that's that.

- Nick?
- Yeah?

Let's go fishing.

- Fishing?
- Hey, Blackie.

There's a couple of hurricane
lamps in the back room.

Bring them over to the pier.

We get a couple of fishing rods,
and we go fishing.

What, have you gone nuts?

We get the old man to help us
with the bait and everything.

- Carmine, I don't want to go...
- Wait a minute.

You don't like the alibi?

We go fishing.

Golly, that was close.

- You all right, Holly?
- Yeah.

Darn fools. They must be
drunker than a bunch of skunks.

They looked like they were
trying to run us down.

Oh, now,
just 'cause they're drunk...

don't mean they tried to do it
on purpose.

See? They must be drunk.

They done went and got
themselves stuck in the sand.

Honey, you get out in the woods
and wait a little while.

Why? What are you gonna do?

Well, I'm the sheriff, ain't I?

I gotta teach them drunks
a lesson.

If they done that on purpose...

I don't want to have to worry
about you gettin' hurt.

Now, move along, now. Move on.

- We're stuck.
- No kidding.

All right.
You and Pete get out and push.

And what are you gonna do,
grunt?

Never mind.
I think I can make it.

I'm the sheriff here, fellas...

and I can't give you these keys
back till you're fit to drive.

Take care of the sheriff, Pete.

Turn on the music.

And make it loud.
I like it loud.

Well, what are you waiting for?

- Where's your gun?
- Well, I got it.

Now, what I want
to talk to you fellas about...

Get the artillery!

Holly?

Holly!

Holly?

Over here.

Boy, them guys are drunk
out of their minds.

- One of 'em tried to shoot me.
- No!

They must be on a hunting trip
or something.

The whole car's full of guns.

They're coming after you!

Yeah, I know. I guess
I'd better try to sober 'em up.

Now, you stay here, Holly.

Hey, fellas!

I'm over here, fellas.

They told us this character
didn't carry no gun, right?

Right. I seen him pretty good.

- Yeah, yeah, he was empty.
- Good.

Hold it.

I think we got him.

- I don't see him.
- Neither do I.

But he's around here somewhere.

- Let me have the flashlight.
- Here.

Hey!

You didn't even get close,
fellas!

Mighty poor hunters!

- Sounds like he's over there.
- Nah. Over there.

No, there he is. See the hat?

Hold it. Spread out a little.

And when
I turn the flashlight on him...

give him everything you've got.

OK, move.

- Louie.
- Yeah?

I thought I told you
to spread out.

- Well, I was...
- Never mind. Stay close.

I'm a better shot
than you are, anyway.

Here, take the flashlight.

Well, you know drunks oughtn't
to be shootin' guns, anyway.

Hey, Louie! Pete! Louie! Pete!

Pete, come here.

What's the matter?
What happened?

- What happened?
- I don't know. He got my gun.

- How did he do that?
- What's the difference?

- He got it.
- Where's your flash?

- He got that, too.
- Why don't we get out of here?

- Which way is out?
- Shh!

He might hear us.

There he is.

Now blast him.

This time I know we got him.

What is this?

- You see him?
- No.

- Me, neither.
- What are you shootin' at?

All right, fellas,
you're surrounded.

You want to keep on
makin' trouble...

I'll give you one guess
who's gonna be sorry.

Look, mac, it was all
a mistake, you know?

It's always a mistake
to get drunk.

Hey, you quit, and we'll quit.

I ain't quittin' till
I get them guns off of you.

All of them. Just drop 'em
right there and move away.

Now, that ain't reasonable, mac.
Nothin' doin'.

All right, Charlie, Harry,
let 'em have it.

OK, OK! You can have
the stinkin' hardware! Dump it.

Turn to your right
and keep walkin'.

All right, that's far enough.

I'll put the car keys back
in the ignition for you, fellas.

Oh, wait a minute, mac.

You're not gonna leave us
in this jungle, are you?

Well, you gotta sober up
somewhere.

I would lock you up,
but the three of you...

would be kind of cramped
in our john.

Yeah. Look, after we sober up,
how do we get out of here?

Well, when the sun comes up...

you just walk
straight towards it...

and that'll take you
back to the road.

You fellas better not
hang around here anymore.

Don't worry, mac.

Good night.

- Good night.
- Good night.

How long you been
in this business?

- Ten years.
- Twelve.

You meet all kinds of people.

Those terrible men
tryin' to kill you...

I just don't understand it.

It don't make no sense
to me, either.

Holly...

somebody's sneakin'
around our porch.

It might be Pop.

No, it ain't Pop.
He's down on the dock.

Here, hold this.

Gotcha.

No!

No need being so touchy
about a little joke.

- What was he doing here?
- I don't know.

He was carrying this stuff here.

What is it?

Kerosene.
It must belong to Nick.

I better take it back
over to them.

- Hi, Toby!
- Hi, kids.

Where's the boat?

We'll have to drive down
and load it onto the car.

Come on,
we'll tell Pop about it.

- Hey, I got another one!
- Good, good, good.

You pay for the fish
by the pound...

you pay for the line
by the yard...

then keep fishin', keep fishin'.
Good, good.

That's a big one.
Did ya see that?

- Yeah, big one, big one.
- Evening, folks.

- Hello, Tobe.
- How's the fishing?

Good, good.

Don't make no move, Nick.
Look what he got.

Yeah, I see it, I see it.

What kinda gun's
that you got there, son?

Oh, just a little
old burp gun, Pop.

Boom, boom, boom,
boom, boom, boom!

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,
boom, boom, boom, boom, boom!

What will those kids take
to lay off that stuff?

All right, kids, quit it.

You're gettin' the dock
all bloody and everything.

Nick, I think I'm gonna be sick.

You feelin' sick
at your stomach, huh?

Oh, that's bad.

Makes you feel like
you're gonna die, don't it?

He's drivin' me nuts
playing around like this.

Well, I ain't playin'.
Uh, Pop?

I'm gonna need the car
for a little while...

on account
of something happening...

back out there in the woods.

Help yourself, son.

You gentlemen be interested in
takin' a little ride with me?

- OK, boys, ready for bed.
- Do we have to?

Yeah, you have to. Go on.

- Evening, gentlemen.
- Evening.

Oh, Toby, do you have
to carry that awful gun around?

It's just
to scare people with, Holly.

- Is he kiddin'?
- I just don't know anymore.

Oh, your friend Blackie...

he left a jug of kerosene
and a package under our porch.

I took them back to your place.

- You what?
- Our place?

Yeah,
it's right inside the door.

You can find it easy enough.

We can, huh?

Ten, nine...

eight, seven...

six, five...

Do you do the multiplication
tables, too, Nick?

Three, two, one.

I'll be doggoned.
Your place blowed up, Nick.

It's on fire, too.

- He must be kidding.
- I'm still not sure.

We're gettin' out of here...
for good.

Do you think he'll let us?

Let you? The sheriff ain't got
no say-so about where you go.

Come on.

Me, I'm just as glad
they're gone.

I never did cotton up to 'em.

It ain't nice to say, Pop...

but I never did truly believe
them fellas was honest.

Never did.

Pop! Pop!

They took the kids away!
They took the kids away!

Take it easy now, Holly.
Take it easy.

Just slow down, honey.
Tell us what happened.

I went to the school
to pick up the twins...

and I had Ariadne with me...

and they wouldn't
let the twins go.

- They took Ariadne, too.
- Who did?

I don't know.

He had a policeman
and a state trooper...

and he said that he was taking
them to the welfare department.

He said that it was the law...

and that there was nothing
he could do about it.

The welfare department.

That means that Claypoole woman
had something to do with this.

You're quite right, Mr. Kwimper.

What are you two
doing in my house?

One for you, one for you,
and one for you.

Mr. King, you're a witness
that action took place legally.

Well, you can witness this, too.
This here is our sheriff...

and he's gonna arrest this
woman for snitchin' our kids.

We're gonna get
those kids back...

or she's gonna get locked up
in the john... prison, I mean.

The children
are under the custody...

of the state welfare
department...

by the court order
of Judge Waterman.

Judge Waterman
respects my opinion...

as state welfare supervisor...

and it is my opinion
that you people...

are simply not fit
to raise children!

What a dirty thing you are...
a dirty, dirty, dirty thing.

Well, that's quite
a vocabulary you've got.

Now you just hold on, ma'am.
You just hold on.

Did them twins
do something wrong?

No, the twins
did nothing wrong...

nothing they could help,
considering their environment.

The hearing is at 9:00
tomorrow morning...

but we might consent
to a postponement.

- All right, what's the catch?
- Quite simple.

If you were planning to go
back where you came from...

the court would probably
relinquish jurisdiction...

let you take your problems
home with you.

We're supposed to up
and leave our property here?

It's not your proper...

As a public servant,
I must tell you again.

This whole area was put in
for the public's benefit.

How can you get your hat on
with your head so crooked?

Do you think the people
is one thing...

and the public
is another thing?

You're like every department
jackass I ever knowed!

You do nothin'
for a single solitary soul...

and then it's because
you're pretending...

you're doing something
for everybody, for the public!

Who do you think the public is
but me and him and her?

God, please turn your head away.
And you and you.

Now get outta here
and leave us alone.

But don't you...

Don't argue with him, Arthur.
Let's go.

That's mighty fine talkin', Pop.

I'd have done better
to save my guns for tomorrow.

We'll get the kids back,
won't we, Pop?

I ain't gonna lie to ya, Holly.
I'm worried, right worried.

Everybody please rise.

This is a hearing
based on a request...

by the Department
of Public Welfare...

for a court order
giving the department...

control and guardianship over
these three children I see here.

Mr. Kwimper,
are you represented by counsel?

Come again, judge?

- Have you got a lawyer?
- No, sir.

I don't believe in 'em.
Never did.

- Don't you, indeed?
- No, sir.

Well, suit yourself.

Thank you, judge.

Now, then, since this is
a hearing and not a trial...

let's keep it
simple and informal.

Miss Claypoole,
would you start us off?

Thank you.

Your honor, the Department
of Public Welfare...

is charged
with the responsibility...

of ministering to the well-being
of all its citizens...

particularly those
of its children.

The cases
of these three children...

have caused the department
deep concern.

Why, the twins live in a home...

that's hardly more
than a breeding ground...

for delinquency and crime.

The Kwimper adults are immoral,
defiant of authority...

and strongly suspected
of illicitly obtaining funds...

from government agencies.

And they are also known
to have associated closely...

with gangsters.

I shall document each of these
charges when the time comes.

As part of our proof
that the Kwimpers are unfit...

to raise children,
I shall ask Mr. King...

to report on his dealings
with the Kwimper family.

By taking advantage
of a technicality, your honor...

these people
set their own interests...

above those
of six million taxpayers.

When I tried to persuade
the Kwimpers...

to abandon their anti-social
point of view...

I received nothing but abuse...

in the course of which
the elder Kwimper boasted...

that he habitually received
relief funds...

as well as aid
to dependent children.

I later learned
that Toby Kwimper...

served in the army,
where he tricked the doctors...

into awarding him
a total disability allowance.

I use the word "tricked"
advisedly.

I can prove that he suffers...

from no physical
disqualifications at all.

- Anything more?
- Quite a lot, your honor.

The department
should like to point out...

that the Kwimpers
have no legal status...

as guardians for these children.

Moreover,
the Kwimpers encouraged...

two notorious gangsters
to set up...

a gambling establishment
in their neighborhood.

Subsequently, the Kwimpers
quarreled with the gangsters...

burned down
their establishment...

and finally drove them out
at gunpoint.

Yes, I heard something
about that... frightening.

Terrible.

So is the fact
that an unmarried girl...

by the name of Holly Jones
lives with the Kwimpers...

in a relationship that
I would not care to explore.

Well, goodness.

What a terrible thing to say.

Be quiet.

You will have an opportunity
to answer the charges.

One final point, your honor.

As a qualified psychologist...

I gave Toby Kwimper
a word association test...

which is designed to reveal
basic motivations.

It was during the process
of giving this test...

that I was attacked
and knocked down by Miss Jones.

And you people claim that
you don't need a lawyer, hmm?

What did the test reveal?

Attitudes that were shocking to
the entire welfare department.

I submit a copy to the court.

Well, what have you to say
about all this?

Judge, would you mind
if we hashed this over...

by ourselves
for a little while?

Hash it over, by all means.

Thank you, judge.

Know what I think, Pop?
I think we don't look so good.

It's unfair.
She's twisted every single fact.

Well, somebody's gotta
untwist it.

Well, good for you, Pop.

Not me. I'll get mad,
and that won't do any good.

You take care of the two of us.

Me? I ain't very good
at talking...

We won't be no worse off
than we are now.

- Please, Toby.
- Go ahead, son. Go ahead.

- I don't know, Pop.
- Please. Please, son.

I'll probably make a mess
of things, judge...

but Pop and Holly here,
they got faith in me...

so here goes.

You may still hire a lawyer.

Well, Pop's already said no
to that...

and Pop's usually right
about everything he says.

First off, maybe I was wrong...

when I wanted to throw Mr. King
off the property.

- Very gracious of you.
- Yes, sir.

There's no need for me
to get ornery...

just because Mr. King
got a little nasty.

And just what nasty thing
did Mr. King do?

Well, he tried to throw us
off the property...

that he had no say-so about.

Got our backs up and everything.

Uh, judge,
would it be legal-like...

if I were to answer
some of the things...

that were said agin' me
personal?

You may choose
the order of your rebuttal.

- That means it's all right?
- Yes.

Well, about my back.

They told me at Fort Dix
that I strained my back...

after my first judo lesson.

I told the docs
that it straightened out...

after the next lesson and it
wasn't nothin' to begin with...

but they said it was, and
I had to go on total disability.

Now, I'm willing to admit
that a doctor might know...

just a little bit more
than me...

so I've been takin' the checks
ever since.

But the way it's worked out...

I might've done
the wrong thing...

and if I did, I'm awful sorry.

Are you defending yourself
or making a confession?

I'm just trying to tell what
happened. Is that all right?

Well, it's pretty unusual,
but go on.

Judge, it don't do me no good...

to talk against people
who ain't here to answer back...

but all we done
to Nick and Carmine...

was just return a package
they left at our house.

We didn't know
there was a bomb in it.

If we'd have known it, we would
have thrown it in the bay.

And we didn't chase 'em
off at gunpoint, either.

When their place blowed up,
they just up and beat it.

Well, if you can prove that...

it takes care
of an important point.

Oh, I can prove it, judge, but
it don't seem important to me.

It doesn't, eh? Why not?

Well, if I was a judge
in charge of deciding...

who was to bring up
three nice kids...

I'd just be wondering
if Pop was a good man...

and if Holly was...

was a good woman.

You can ask the twins
about Holly.

I mean, they're just kids,
but kids know who they love...

and who taught 'em everything
they know and made 'em like it.

Dog me,
Holly is just a kid, too...

but they don't come no better...
and smart, too.

If it weren't for her, we'd
really be on relief right now...

or starvin' to death.

I've already pointed out
why he'd be prejudiced...

on that point, your honor.

I reckon I'm prejudiced on
a lot of points you made, ma'am.

First of all, I'm prejudiced...

against
twistin' the truth around...

and I'm prejudiced
against hurtin' kids...

particularly of hurting them...

just 'cause
I'm sore at their folks.

- Judge, can I say something?
- Go ahead.

I don't like to say this, judge.

I don't like to talk
against a woman's good name...

but for the sake of the kids,
though, I gotta do it.

Well, you certainly
have me interested.

Hell ain't got no fury
like a woman scorned.

Yes?

That's all, judge.

Well, Mr. Kwimper...

your observation
may or may not be accurate.

I couldn't say which myself...

but I would like to know
why you said it.

I said it because it's true,
judge.

That Miss Claypoole there...

she went after Toby
like he come with green coupons.

She was leanin' on him,
she was ticklin' him...

she was kissin' him...

and when he paid her
no never mind...

she set out to give us what
hell ain't got no fury like.

Your honor, I shall not dignify
that falsehood with a denial.

I should simply like
to point out...

that it is not I
who am on trial here.

No one is on trial here,
Miss Claypoole.

This is a hearing.

Now, do you support
what your father just said?

I'd rather not answer that, sir.

Very well. Briefly, then, did
Miss Claypoole ever kiss you?

Yes, sir.

Really, your honor,
what do you expect them to say?

Why, they'll clutch
at any straw.

Please be seated,
Miss Claypoole...

and we'll have
no further interruptions.

Continue.

I was talkin' about Pop...

and how it might help you
to know the kind of man he is.

Pop don't like
to be talked about...

and I most generally try
to do what he likes.

I can't help myself this time,
though.

My pop's an ornery man, judge.
That's because he's so smart.

He can't stand it
when people act stupid.

Well, I ain't so bright
myself...

and it's a wonder to me that
we get along as well as we do.

Many times,
I was minded to go against him.

I thought maybe
there was more to livin'...

then just enjoying it
the way Pop taught me.

But I was never dumb enough
to go agin' him, judge...

and it usually turned out
I was glad I didn't.

Now, it's a fact that Ariadne
and the twins and Holly...

ain't no kin to Pop.

Now, don't that make you
stop and think, judge?

You name me another man...

that would take in
three hungry children...

just because they ain't got
no place to go...

and no one to turn to.

Pop ain't got no money.
He ain't never had.

Why'd he take in
three strange kids?

I'll tell you why, judge.
It's 'cause he's a good man.

He's always been good to me...

and he's always been
good to them.

He always will be, too.

Now, that's all
that matters here today...

and if you don't know that,
judge, you ain't no judge.

Your honor, may I remind you
of my findings...

in this man's
word association test?

He may mean well consciously...

but his subconscious
motivations...

are all that really matter.

Well, have you anything to say
about that test?

Yes, sir.
Could I say it in private?

- Very well.
- Thank you.

Counsel for the defense
points out...

and very correctly...

that his test
has nothing to do with the case.

It is his father...

who is the children's
presumptive guardian.

Well, let his father take
the test. I have one right here.

That was counsel's suggestion.

Yes?

That's a good idea.

Mr. Kwimper? Please.

You gettin' light in the head?

Mr. Kwimper...

do you understand
the word association test?

The test that Toby took?

- That's right.
- Yes.

Would you sit down there,
please?

Very well. We may proceed.

Ready?

Yep.

Court.

Child.

- We're cooked.
- Mm-hmm.

Moon.

Election.

House.

Those will be sufficient,
your honor.

All right. Thank you very much,
Mr. Kwimper.

You're welcome, judge.

Can you analyze
these answers now?

I believe so.

Very well, we'll proceed.

Court, crime.

Well, that's a simple-minded
response of a criminal nature.

A court is where you go
when you've committed a crime.

Oh, now, wait a minute...
never mind.

Child, labor.

Well, that's obvious.

He thinks of children in terms
of exploiting their labor.

Oh, now, really.
I think that is...

Your honor, I have
a master's degree in psychology.

Moon, shine.

Well, that's
an illegal liquor...

drunk by illiterate,
irresponsible alcoholics.

What about Shine On,
Harvest Moon? That's a song.

What's that got to do
with alcoholics?

You don't understand, your hon...

That's enough! Your request
for a court order is denied.

Your honor, I don't think you
understand. Any qualified...

Miss Claypoole,
you're the one...

who doesn't understand
this test.

Those answers were not
Mr. Kwimper's, they were mine!

That was counsel's suggestion.

And you, Mr. Kwimper,
were right...

about not needing a lawyer.

You couldn't have had
a better one.

Well, this court has had
a remarkable experience today.

It's had the rare privilege
of listening to an honest man.

And it's had
a further privilege.

It has heard the history
of a little settlement...

a little colony...

that overcame hardships, fought
back men of evil purpose...

and survived all kinds...

of legalistic and financial
difficulties.

It's gratifying to know that
the spirit of the pioneer...

the spirit that made this
the greatest country...

in the world,
ladies and gentlemen...

it's thrilling to know
that this spirit...

is still functioning today.

Our government needs it
more than ever, don't you think?

I agree, judge.

I'm willing to admit
that I've been...

letting the government down
a little lately.

I haven't been taking
any relief...

or unemployment insurance,
but...

I'm willing to let
bygones be bygones.

We'll get together sometime.

Yes.

Case dismissed.

I knowed it! I knowed it!

- Teddy! Eddy!
- Pop!

Angel

Angel

Angel

With those angel eyes

Come and take this earth boy

Up to paradise

Angel

May I hold you tight?

Never kissed an angel

Let me kiss one tonight

If I said I love you

Would I be speaking
out of turn?

I'm only human

But I'm willing to learn

Angel

Make my wish come true

Let me be in heaven

Here on earth with you

Angel

Never kissed an angel

Let me kiss one tonight

If I said I love you

Would I be speaking
out of turn?

I'm only human

But I'm willing to learn

Angel

Make my wish come true

Let me be in heaven

Here on earth with you

Angel

Angel

- Hello, Holly.
- Hello, Toby.

- You look awful pretty tonight.
- Thank you.

Too bad ain't nobody here
to see you.

Isn't it, though?

- Toby?
- Hmm?

I want the truth.

What did that Claypoole woman
do to make you kiss her?

Oh, you know, Holly. You know.

No, I don't. Now, you answer me.

Oh, we was lyin'
on them pillows, remember?

Mm-hmm, I remember.

- I was lyin' on...
- I want you to show me...

exactly what happened,
step by step.

Now...

you were lying down like this...

- Mm-hmm.
- And then what?

And she kind of leaned down
real close to me.

- Like this?
- Mm-hmm.

And she run her fingers
over my forehead.

Like this?

Well, not so much
like you was ironing a shirt.

It was a little softer.

That's it.

And then she made me
put my arms around her.

- Like this?
- Mm-hmm.

And she leaned down
and kissed me...

and I guess I kissed her.

Toby, you're doing
that darn times table.

But you know something? I never
got to the twelves so fast.

Twelve times twelve
is a hundred and forty-four.

What bothers me
is what comes after the twelves.

Me, Toby. Me.

I ought to fix that.

She's loaded with pressure.

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