All language subtitles for 12-Men-Of-Christmas_2009

# Christmastime is almost here again #

# People come
from far and near again #

# Isn't Christmastime
a wonderful thing #

# Deck the halls
and hang the mistletoe #

# Kiss the one you love
and let 'em know #

# Isn't Christmastime
a wonderful thing #

There are three things
that all New Yorkers strive for:

the perfect job,
the perfect apartment, and the perfect fiance:

How did I, E:J: Baxter, manage
to pull off that trifecta?

Because I never took "no"for an answer:::

even if it made me miserable:

J:, it's Susan Curtsonis:

Look, I really appreciate your interest...

but we're perfectly happy with
the public relations company we have.

Have a happy holiday.

Susan Curtsonis's office:

I'm sorry, but she's not here.

Actually, I wasn't calling to pitch her account.

I was calling you, Cindy.

- Despite the outcome, you have been a reaI class act.
- Thank you.

If I can ever be of any help

Look, thanks for calling,
but I've got to go spend my lunch hour...

standing in line trying to get Coldplay tickets.

I can't believe you did thisl

New Year's Eve and they're all sold out!

Ah, I knew you wanted them.

Just make sure to hold onto
those backstage passes.

I don't understand why Susan
won't take a meeting with you.

The thing is,
I just need 10 minutes of her time anywhere.

Doesn't even need to be her office.

That hair color can't be naturaI.

Where and when does she get
her roots done? Or her nails?

She had them all done yesterday.
But there is one place she goes.

You have approximately five minutes...

to tell me why I should switch agencies, E.J.

- Gotcha, Susan. The problem with the campaign
- No, E.J.

In here. You do spin, don't you?

Oh. Do I spin?

All right, you guys, take it up:

Out of that saddle, going into those push-ups:

In four, three

Down and up:
Here we go: Down and up:

Down and up: Two more:

Down, up. Last one.

Sit and sprint, as fast as you can.

Don't stop: Keep that head up:

Trip Advisor rates your flagship hoteI...

as only number 247 in New York.

Even if it's primarily a business hoteI...

I don't understand why your current campaign...

doesn't promise business travelers something
they can't get at home.

And one: Let's take it back up:

Front, front, side, side.

Front, front, side, side:

- For example
- Great job, guys: Keep it up:

Fashion launch party
celebrating our client Donatella Versace...

sipping our client, Laurent-Perrier champagne...

which gets featured at Conde Nast...

where my ex-assistant now works as an editor.

All the way up:

- Sharon Byrons?
- Call back.

- Jeff Field?
- Call back.

Jackie Bescher?

Call her back and tell her she'll have it in her
inbox in the morning when she wakes up.

- Now, you arranged for a car to
take us to the airport? - Uh-huh.

Everyone has my number at Le Toiny?

I don't know why you'd want anybody to bother
you in St. Barts, but uh-huh.

There's always an emergency.
Who else?

Uh, Ellen Plack.

Ah! Let's get her.
I just want to talk to Lillah for a second.

Oh, and can you send someone out to get
a bottle of ibuprofen?

An extra large bottle.

You did what?

What community college
R: class did you learn that one in?

Would you get with the program already?

Why do I have to spell out
everything all the time?

- I got the Curtsonis account.
- How the hell did you manage to convince her?

Ah, it's nothing.

Well, we'll have a drink
at the party later to celebrate.

Besides you, E.J., I do not have a single person
in this company who gets it.

Ah.

Well, maybe Noah.

But even you, his fiancee,
know he's hardly perfect.

Well, he'll do untiI perfect comes along.

# The days are short, the nights are long #

J:] Okay, Noah, who's next?

There's Mark Madden.

Fortune once called him the most lusted after
manageriaI star to never become CEO.

Poor guy.

Maybe he's waiting for the right offer, the
right time, and the right environment.

I love you, but if anyone
ever spun me like that I'd be out on a ledge.

Sorry, Noah. Force of habit.

Oh, F.Y. I.,
I made us an appointment with the caterer...

to taste the hot and cold amuse-bouche.

Why don't you handle that one by yourself?

I promise I will be amused by your bouche:

My contacts are killing me.

- Well, when you leave them
in too long, they dry out.

- Don't rub them.
- You always say that.

- And then you always rub them.
- Oh Oh, God.

- The left one just shifted. I think it's lost in my eye.
- Here, honey, let me see.

No, I got it.

Go take your cute little butt
for one last turn around the room.

- Then we'll go home.
- Sounds like a plan.

# Ask the children
They all know #

Hi, Roz. I'm at the Christmas party.

Alert, alert, alert. I just got a call.

Prada sample sale tomorrow.

You guys are going to Paris
next week. Don't you just want to shop there?

Well, of course. But there's no harm in looking.
Everything's at least 40% off.

Oh, we are so there.

Hey!

Oh! You wouldn't believe
what's going on in the bathroom behind me.

This is New York. I wouldn't believe it if there
wasn't something going on behind you.

Oh! He's wearing new
Dolce & Gabbana shoes. Nice.

Wait a minute. I not only know those shoes,
I schlepped them back from Milan!

Oh! Whoa!

Let me guess.
She's giving you your Christmas bonus.

- E.J., please don't make a big deaI out of this.
- Guess I don't rate.

All she gave me was a fruitcake.

Look, E.J., you're too smart
not to know that sometimes things just happen.

And once you process and accept them

- What am I missing?
- Call you back.

Darling, you know, I must admit
I really misjudged Noah.

You've got a great one here.
You really should be nice to him.

Oh, my

- Let me ask you something, Bill.
- It's Bob.

Have you ever broken a pair of heels
off some Gucci pumps?

Can't say that I have.

Oh, I gotta tell you
it's totally worth getting fired over.

I mean, I can find another job like that.

But do you do you know how hard it is
to find a guy like No

You mean Noah?

- Everybody said we were perfect for each other.
- Mmm.

I mean, perfect! I mean, everybody!

- Didn't you?
- I don't know him.

And you don't want to. He's a jackass!

But we had the same ambitions
and goals in life.

And yeah, yeah, I could've been a totaI girI
about the whole thing...

and waited for him to propose...

but I-I-I-I took the initiative
and he accepted the offer.

Well, it's quite

Killer ring.

Mmm.

This was one merger
I really thought was gonna last.

Hi.

- How are you?
- How do you think I am?

Okay, I deserve that.

I realize the reason you didn't call me back was
that you needed some space, some time to think.

Why'd you do it, Noah?

A million reasons,
probably none of them good enough.

Just give one good one.

I see.

Well, don't worry about me.

I'm fine. I'm great.

- Do I look not great?
- No, no.

You look amazing.

That's because I could give lessons in amazing.

This is not the right time to talk about this,
but I was hoping I could get my ring back.

I'm sorry. I realize what that must sound like.

No. Really, thank you.

You just made everything a lot easier.

- What's going on?
- I don't know. It's not coming off.

- Why? Did you gain weight?
- Yes, Noah!

I gained 50 pounds since I caught you
screwing Lillah last night.

- Here.
- I realize I acted like a jerk.

Okay, worse.

I don't blame you for hating me, E.J.

In spite of everything,
I still I really care about you.

If there's anything you need me to do
or anyone you need me to call

You are so thoughtfuI, Noah,
but I don't need your help.

My phone sheet is already five pages long.

Not one person has called me, Roz.

Well, maybe you should go somewhere
for a couple of days and just de-stress.

It's too late.
All the decent places are booked.

Do you want us to stay home
with you? You shouldn't be alone right now.

- I want you and Howie to go to Paris.
- Oh, Paris.

It's no big deaI. It's not like
there's anything exciting to do there.

- I can put the money towards
getting a new new face.

Go to Paris.

Since Mom and Dad are gone,
Christmas means nothing to me.

I have plenty to keep myself busy here.
And thanks for letting me stay.

]
# Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way #

# Oh, what fun it is to ride in
a one-horse open sleigh, hey #

Hey! Shoo.

All the way

Woman] You must believe in Mr: Kringle
and keep right on doing it:

- You must have faith in him.
- But he didn't get me the

That doesn't make sense, Mommy.

Faith is believing
in things when common sense tells you not to.

Girl]
Huh?

- Just because things don't turn
out the way you want them to:::

you've still got to believe in them:

Okay.

It's good, isn't it?

Four::: three::: two::: one:

Happy New Year!

Oh, hey. Hey.

Happy new year, Cathy. It's E.J. Baxter.

Yes! I know. I've been wanting
to call you for so long.

How are you?

I don't have to tell you
what a team player I am, Corey.

Mmm, I remember the day
I hired you as my assistant.

I thought if I could just buy stock in this guy

How right I was.

Sue, your problem is not your product,
but your lack of brand loyalty:

Last year, Simon,
in addition to juggling all my own accounts...

I was responsible for bringing in 18%
of all new business.

This isn't about me, Eve.

It's about what I can do
to help your business grow.

Yes. Yes.

You call me back at your earliest convenience.

Thank you. Thank you.

Good-bye.

I never knew there were so many variations of
Don't call us, we'll call you."

Oh, Lillah can't blackball you
all over the city.

She's done a damn good job so far.

How can this be happening, Roz? How?

- I'm really, really good.
- The best.

- Lost my livelihood, my
reputation, my 24-hour doorman. - Oh!

I understand most people wouldn't want to
cross Lillah by hiring me...

but there are legions
of her former victims out there.

- You'd think one of them would
- Well, you got that offer from Kaplan and McGuire.

I can't take that crappy,
two-bit job offer from that fleabag agency.

- What would that look like out there? Desperate City.
- You are not desperate.

Then again, I just don't want to
sit around and wait for an offer...

and be like, Oh, I'm just enjoying life,
taking my time, considering my options."

No one ever believes that spin:

E.J., E.J., honey, it is a horrible economy...

and you have only been looking
for a few months.

I promise you there's a great job
out there with your name on it.

None.

Well, there is this one offer,
but it's

- It's so ridiculous, I don't even want to discuss it.
- What?

The mayor of Kalispell, Montana
wants to hire me for a year...

to start a pilot program to lure
corporate retreats there.

This is a great idea!

N- No, Montana is exactly
where you should be:

Less pressure.

You will not be reminded of your life
in New York in any way in Montana.

That's because there is
no such place as Montana.

It's just a big hole
in the ground, says Montana."

Don't you remember
Daddy always told us...

the only people that lived in Montana are
the people that sweep the dirt off the sign?

You do also realize he was also an alcoholic
womanizer who made Bernie Madoff look honest?

- Maybe so, but he was sincere when he said it.
- Oh, he was. He was.

Honey, listen. If there was ever a time for you
to think beyond the box, this is it.

- And you know you could do that job in your sleep.
- What do I do when I'm awake?

Just think of it as a paid vacation.

You are going crazy sitting around here
waiting for the phone to ring.

You need to go somewhere where you will
not be constantly reminded of Noah...

and the situation,
and the fact that, you know...

your life hasn't turned out
exactly the way you had it planned out.

- I'm a New Yorker, Roz. I need the hustle and bustle.
- It's a year.

What's 12 months? You'll be back before
you're finished unpacking your purses.

- But
- But... what?

What if no one here wants me back?

Oh, honey.

Honey, they will.

Emma Jane. Oh, Emma Jane!

I have a good feeling about this.

# Well, they're lining up outside my door #

# To get a look at me #

# Hey, Lord
I'm in the thick of it now #

# Yeah, they're lining
up outside my door #

# To get a look at me #

# Hey, Lord
I'm in the thick of it now #

# But I keep ridin'#

# This ghost town highway #

# Honey, I keep drivin'#

- # I'm gonna do it my way #
- This is easy. This is not hard.

- # I remember walkin'#
- I have a master's degree.

# Down that lonesome road #

- Mmm. Okay.
- # Hey, Lord, I'm in the thick of it now #

# Yeah, they're lining up
outside my door #

# Just to thank me #

# Hey, Lord
I'm in the thick of it now #

# But I keep ridin'#

# This ghost town highway #

# Honey, I keep drivin'#

# I'm gonna do it my way #

# I remember walkin'#

# Down that lonesome road #

# Yea, Lord
I'm in the thick of it now #

# But I keep ridin'#

# This ghost town highway #

# Honey, I keep drivin'#

# I'm gonna do it my way #

Can I help you, ma'am?

Am I still in Montana?

# Yea, Lord
I'm in the thick of it now #

# Why, I said, Lord,
I'm in the thick of it now ##

Everything's cable ready
and wired for the Internet:

All this for $525 a month?

- Is that too much?
- No.

No. It's fine.

But I'm not signing any long-term lease.
I'm only gonna be here a year at most.

It's... no problem.

I can't tell you how happy
we are that you're here, E:J:

- Thank you, Mayor Baker.
- No, Bob, please.

Bob.

Let me introduce you to Jan Lucas.
This is E.J. Baxter.

Anything you need, Jan will help.

Great to meet you. We're so excited you're here.

Oh! Oh!

We didn't really get
a chance to talk specifics of what you expect.

What would I know?

I mean, you're the bigwig from New York:
I'm a mayor to 19,000 people:

If I knew how to deaI
with what large companies were looking for...

I wouldn't have brought you here
to do your magic.

Settle in and get started...

and we'll talk again later
after my zoning board meeting:

- Oh, just two little things.
- Yeah. Shoot.

Assistant and office.

Oh. Well, um

You and, uh

Um, uh Uh

- Jan.
- Jan! Jan.

Sorry.

Um, I'm putting together a brochure...

with a list of things that corporate executives
didn't know they could do here...

but I'm sure I must be missing something.

Well, there's Glacier NationaI Park
and Flathead Lake.

Yes, and those are wonderfuI,
but everybody already knows about them.

I'm looking for something that
will really create a splash.

I think people come here
wanting to experience...

- what they don't have at home.
- Yes.

Wilderness adventures,
rafting, fishing and hiking, and there's golf.

Yes. Uh, let's see. How is your theater?

Well, we're not exactly New York...

but Ray Prince
does a great salute to Elvis.

Wow.

Um, how good are your museums?

We don't have that many,
but the wildIife museum is really cooI.

- And the HistoricaI Society puts on a
- You know what? Thank you.

- I think I've got it. Thanks. That was a big help.
- Anytime.

One night this week
we have to go out for drinks.

We have the best bars and really great bands.

Maybe. I'll just get myself settled.

What are you doing a week from Sunday?

Um, there's a barbecue to raise money
for the search and rescue station.

I am working the bake sale
and I could really use some help.

Absolutely. I am freedom's prisoner.

Great.

Give my best to Big Wayne.

- Will.
- How you doing, Diane?

- I'm fine. But what's this I heard about your sister?
- Well, she moved to Tampa.

She was moving in, coming down
the stairs, took a wrong turn, slipped.

- Oh, no.
- Yeah, busted up her leg pretty good.

Not a good thing.
Ligaments, tendons, bone. Not good.

- How long is she gonna be in a cast?
- Like three months.

And it's her right foot.
If it's your right foot, you can't drive.

- Wow.
- People don't think about that.

So my parents constantly have to go
over there, driving her around

Excuse me. I am so sorry to hear about your
sister, but I need to pick up my package.

- This was left at my door.
- You need to sign, hon.

Oh. Sorry. Sorry.

- Go. Go right ahead. I'm It's fine.
- Thank you.

- I'm just used to doormen signing for me.
- Aren't we all?

Well, now,
you're obviously really important.

- So I'm gonna just I'll just wait.
- Thank you.

So, what are your big Saturday night plans?

Oh, you know.
We're having drinks at Joe Allen's.

And then I have house seats
at the new Mamet play.

Then we're going to this new place for dinner
by that former chef at Le Bernardin.

- Me too.
- Really?

Roz, have you forgotten
where I've been exiled to?

Oh, I'm I'm sorry.

Tell me about it.

I- I promise you, first thing Monday morning
I will send you a care package.

And now in national news,
two snowboarders were buried today:::

when a sudden avalanche hit
Glacier NationaI Park in Northwestern Montana.

- The area is popular:::
- Hey, quick. Turn on C.N.B.

with thrill-seekers looking for clean,
untouched powder:

Center officials estimated that the avalanche...

- was between 400 and 500 feet:
- I see it.

Search and rescue workers risked icy winds
and perilous conditions...

to locate the stranded athletes.

Our C.N.B. reporter spoke by phone
with squad physician Marci HempeI.

By the time we found them,
the men were suffering from hypothermia:

We airlifted them to Kalispell RegionaI and
we do expect them to make a full recovery.

But had we arrived even a few minutes later,
they might not have survived:

- Honey, is that anywhere near you?
- I think so.

I got it! I got it!

Nice play!

Yeah!

- Just what I was hoping for:
- Here you go. Thank you.

Thanks, Marci.

- Hi.
- Hi, Eric.

- Um, how much for one of these cupcakes?
- Uh, a dollar.

But after what you and the rescue squad
went through yesterday, it's on me.

Well, thank you.

- Eric, this is E.J. Baxter.
- Oh, hi.

- She just moved here from New York:
- Wow, New York.

- Must be a big adjustment, huh?
- Yeah.

You could say that.

- Um, so you were involved in that rescue yesterday?
- Yeah. Yeah, I was.

- That was something.
- You're being modest. You guys were fantastic.

We were lucky. We've been borrowing our
helicopter from Sam Simon.

Only he sold his place and is moving to Aspen.

So I don't know what we're gonna do
when that happens.

Anyway, um, thanks for the cupcake.

- It was nice to meet you, E.J.
- You, too.

Marci, why doesn't the search and
rescue squad have its own helicopter?

We're funded through the county.
These days we're lucky to get what we get.

It doesn't even begin to pay for repairs,
training, new equipment:

- Not even close.
- I really admire you guys.

- I could never do what you do, no matter how much I got paid.
- Oh, we don't get paid.

It's all volunteer.

Exactly. For instance,
Marci's husband Dave is a reaI estate agent.

- But he's also on rescue squad:
- Then why risk your lives?

'Cause we love it here. Because it's important.

- I got, like, seven of these cups now.
- Can I borrow one?

- Will you look at that?
- Oh, yeah:

That's E.J. Baxter.
Jan just introduced me to her.

- She just moved here from New York:
- Oh, we've met:

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

Mm-hmm. Hmm.

So, this is how you raise money.

Hey, we do it however we can.

We sponsor triathlons
and pancake breakfasts and raffles.

- And then there's
- I'm guessing people here really get into eating carbs.

Yeah. They passed a law.

I don't know who that guy is over there,
but he certainly has a high opinion of himself.

That's Will Albrecht:

- He's the George Clooney of Kalispell.
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, please. In New York,
he couldn't bribe his way past the velvet ropes.

Sighs]

Was that a good sigh or a bad sigh?

] Why does
every road in this state look exactly the same?

If only I could just hail a cab to this place:

Ah, yes:
The comforts of home:

] Oh, speaking of which,
can you do me a favor:::

and send me a 10-pound bag
of Fairways bold blend coffee?

They don't have coffee in Montana?

Yes, but I miss Fairway.

And now I have to blend my own because the
nearest Starbucks in this town is 10 miles away.

- Throwing my whole morning off.
- Where are you? You're breaking up.

My old client, Robert Lazarre, owns this chalet.

I got him to let me rent it
for C.E.O.s or corporate events.

Just need some great pictures
in order to entice them.

Oh. You should see this place.

- Is it dripping with macrame?
- Snob:

- Pot calls kettle.
- It really is incredible.

It's like the Montana version of Hearst Castle.

- Oh: You again:
- Can I help you?

You do realize this is a private residence?

Yeah. I'm aware of that.

You're not Robert Lazarre.

Not the last time I checked, no.

- He lets me use it whenever he's out of town.
- Oh, I see.

I just came to check it out.

Are you enjoying the view?

Let's just say Montana's
not all it's cracked up to be.

It'll grow on you.

Don't count on it.

I'm gonna go inside and go photograph
the inside of the house.

- Don't leave on my account.
- I'm not.

I believe I got what I came for.

Oh. Well, I'm flattered.

Don't be.

Did you find your way up the mountain okay?

Or did you need
roadside assistance to escort you?

Your reputation precedes you,
Ms. Baxter.

Better to have one than be invisible, Mr.

Oh, Albrecht. Will Albrecht.

You have a nice day, Mr. Albrecht.

I cannot believe you said that to Will.

What did he say?

I'm sure he's still trying to come up with a clever
comeback, but I can assure you he blushed.

All of him.

Did you get lost?

Now, why would you ask me that?

- Hey, Eric.
- Hey, Jan.

- Hey, E.J.
- Hey.

Uh, we had some extra
Kalispell calendars down at the bank.

I thought before we trashed them, maybe you
could use them here at the tourist board.

- Sure.
- Great.

So, E.J., uh, how are you settling in?

If there's anything you need...

you know, moving stuff or whatnot

Thank you. You're all so friendly here.

Do you all know each other,
or are you just members of the same cult?

No. We We just try to be nice.

Weird.

I'm taking E.J. out for drinks later on.
Maybe you'd like to join us.

I would. Oh.

I mean, I would, but we got a squad meeting
down at the rescue station.

No biggie. We'll do it another time.

Yeah. Absolutely. Another time.

- Thanks for the calendars.
- Oh, right. Yeah.

So, have a great day.

- Bye.
- Bye.

So, what's going on between you two?

Oh, we've been doing this protracted
dance around each other for months.

Every time he takes two steps closer to me,
he freaks and steps away.

Yeah.
Exactly what I want to hang on my wall.

Scenery I look at every day.

- I'm sure you'd rather be looking at him.
- Wouldn't you?

Who wouldn't?

Well, I hope you're up
for getting liquored up tonight, because I am.

Jan?

Plans have just changed.
We have someplace else we need to be.

Uh, excuse me:

- Did you say naked?
- You mean totally?

That's the basic idea of a naked calendar.

I'm sorry. Does someone have a cold?

No, um, but someone
needs her head examined...

if she thinks resorting
to cheap gimmicks is a good idea.

Okay, guys: Hear me out:

Now, in the past your fund-raising efforts
haven't really shown your true assets.

- Which are?
- You men.

You're great at what you do:

But you need new and updated equipment
in order to do your job:

What's going to happen if and when
there's another avalanche?

She's got a point. If tourists are worried for
their safety, they'll go to Idaho, or Aspen.

- Thank you:
- I don't think I'm gonna pose in my birthday suit.

I haven't been in a bathing suit since
I was, like, 22 or so.

Think of this as more sexy than naked, David.

But with humor,
and in good taste, of course:

I don't want my kids to see this.

No one is actually going to see anything.

- You'll have things to cover up.
- Cover what?

Certain... body parts.

No, I think he means what kind of things.

Oh: Sorry: Uh, tools of your trade:

Like the ax and the snowblower.
Helmets.

Okay: Okay, it's funny:

But here I have a detailed breakdown...

of other calendars similar to the ones
I'm talking about...

and what they've earned
over the past three years.

Exactly. It's a tired idea.

Between calendar sales, corporate
sponsorship and extra cash from the publicity:::

you'll see the difference between what
you've already raised and what you need.

That's if it sells out.

In any case, it's better than the $112
you've made from selling cupcakes.

Hey, look. I I get this. I do.

I'm just, um
I'm afraid about losing customers.

Ah. That's where you're wrong, Les.

- You own the kitchen design store, right?
- Yeah.

That means the majority
of your customers are women.

So when it comes time for them
to resurface their cabinets:::

they'll think of the hot search and rescue guy
hanging on their wall.

Okay, guys, guys, listen:
It's been done a million times:

And when no one buys it, I guarantee you

This idea isn't about you, Will.

Hey, don't you think some of us
are past our sell-by date?

Dave's right: I mean, who's gonna want
to buy a picture of him?

You know what? You're reaI men.

And there's nothing more appealing and sexy
than a man who's comfortable

In his own skin.

Exactly.

Exactly:

Now, I realize this idea
is slightly unconventionaI.

But you guys need to raise a lot of money.

And yes, you don't know me yet.

But I'm asking each and every one of you
to take a leap of faith.

When I moved here, I realized that this station
was at the core of Kalispell:

Every family has been touched by it
and depends on you:

You're right to be proud of what you do.

So I hope you all will do whatever it takes to
get the rescue station you so deserve.

I've heard people from New York don't like to
get touchy-feely, but you are awesome, E.J.

We really needed someone
like you to kick some butt.

Thank you.

Oh, good morning, Mr. Albrecht.

- Can I get you some coffee?
- Uh, no, thank you.

- I just came by to tell you
- I'm glad you did.

I don't think we should waste any more time.
I realized before I left

The squad voted no.

But, uh, thank you for thinking of us:

- What do you mean, no?
- Well, we are funded through the county's

In this economy, you're going to be waiting
a long time before you

I know that, which is why we supplement
our fund-raising with

Pancake breakfasts? Bake sales?

Even if the entire state of Montana had a
bake sale, you still wouldn't raise enough to

I'm sorry. Don't you want new equipment?

What I don't want is to make
a joke of the rescue squad.

Well, then explain something to me,
because I'm obviously missing something.

Yes, obviously.

So you don't mind being naked,
but you won't pose, even partially covered...

to raise money for something
you profess to believe in?

Why is this so important to you?

I was brought here to lure corporate retreats.

People aren't going to spend money
where they don't feeI safe.

Oh, so you're doing all this
for purely altruistic reasons...

to help people you'll never see or think about
again as soon as you can get out of here:::

with no thought whatsoever
how this can benefit your own career.

That is so unfair on so many levels. You're
saying it's bad if I look good?

Shh.

People will hear you.

You might get knocked off your pedestaI.

That man oughta be locked up.

That's just Will. He's always happiest when he's
got something to be angry about.

- He's really great when you get to know him.
- Yeah?

Well, they said even Hitler was charming
when he was courting Eva Braun.

Ugh.

Sighs]

You know, there are 13 men
on the rescue squad and only 12 months.

I don't even need him to pose.

- Maybe you should just forget about the whole thing.
- Now, why would I do that?

I don't want you to be disappointed
if it doesn't happen.

Oh, it's going to happen.
It just hasn't happened yet.

You're always saying E.J. is the expert, Bob.

If someone is willing to pay to see you
without your clothes on, I say go for it.

But, Bonnie, I have a position to uphold.

Will people still respect me if I pose?

I can assure you, Mayor Bob,
you will not lose your dignity.

He has dignity?

I can't believe you convinced Mayor Bob:

Well, he finally realized I'm a pit bull
and I wasn't gonna let it go untiI he gave in.

Jan, seven down, five to go.

You're right. It affects us all.

I would do it, but it would upset Laura.

Laura, you're not looking at the big picture.

No, I get it.
You're doing this so you can hit on Rick.

No, I'm not. I'm envious.

You're so lucky you have a husband who
puts your feelings above everybody else.

The rescue boat does need patching.

E.J., you did not have to do this.

Well, it's my way of saying thank you, Henry.

- I would've never gotten Rick without your help.
- Thank you. I appreciate it.

- Just don't eat too many before the shoot.
- Yeah.

As far as Andy and Jim, they're brothers, so
I was thinking of taking them to dinner and

- Together?
- Yes.

Trust me. You do not want to do that.

- Why don't I?
- Because they're not gonna listen.

They're gonna spend the whole time trying to
see which one's gonna get the waitress's number.

- Have they always been like that?
- Ever since Little League.

When they were on the same team,
they would strike out every time.

But when they were playing against each other,
suddenly they were hitting grand slams.

I think I can work with that.

- But in case they won't pose, you could arrest them.
- I can't do that.

- Club them into submission? Stun gun?
- Sorry. Not gonna happen.

Yeah, well, it was worth a shot.

- It's not happening, E.J.
- Okay. No biggie, Jim.

I guess it'll just be Andy.

It's not happening, E.J.
There's lots of other guys who'll do it.

I know. It's just that I would be offending you
if I asked Jim to pose and not you.

I know my brother,
and there's no way he's posing.

I'm not posing, E.J., and Andy won't if I won't.

- Too late, Jim.
- What? Andy said yes?

Jim said yes?

E.J., I can't believe what a stink this calendar
is creating around here.

- I say good for you.
- That's sweet.

Thanks, Diane.

- Well, Miss Baxter.
- Mr. Albrecht.

How about that?
We actually have something in common.

We both go to the post office
on Saturdays.

Hmm. I imagine a lot of people do.

I'm sure you're right. Enjoying your day?

- Mmm. Just doing errands.
- Me too.

You'll be surprised to know
that I haven't gotten lost once yet today.

Well, it's not even noon yet, so

Yeah, Saturday mornings
are all about errands for me.

But then I always head to
this little brunch place down the block.

- Nice.
- Yeah.

- It's reaI nice. It's got great food.
- Mmm. You enjoy yourself.

Oh, do you know where the nearest Kinko's is?

I never had a need to look before,
but since that calendar is actually happening...

Jan and I can't do all the copying
by ourselves, so

- We don't have a Kinko's.
- No Kinko's?

No Kinko's.

How can that be?

I thought there was a law that said there had to
be a Kinko's on every corner next to a Gap.

- We don't have a Gap either.
- That's not even funny.

But I think there's one in Billings.

I don't know what that is,
but I need to go there. How close is it?

Oh, it's not too bad. About 10 hours,
depending on the road conditions.

Ain't it awfuI?

- I'm not gonna be here forever, so don't worry.
- I'll try not to sweat it.

Just because I have a different way of doing
things doesn't make it wrong, just different.

I get that you don't think I belong here...

and you have zero respect
for what I'm trying to do.

But you know what?
I don't care. Not even remotely.

And I get that you think I act
like I've landed on the moon.

And you know what?
You don't have to tell me that.

Because for the past six months,
I've felt like I've been living on another planet.

So for the future, let's be polite...

and agree we disagree
and leave it at that, shall we?

Henry:

- Hey there, E.J.
- Hey. You're always so helpfuI.

- Can you tell me where to get copies made in this town?
- There's a place on Railway.

- And that's that way?
- Let me show you.

Very good. Elbow low and close.

It's all about
the naturaI flex of the rod.

I guess the fish aren't in a biting mood.

Otherwise your basket
would be totally full by now.

- Uh-huh.
- Jason, I'm serious.

Deep down, I'm a reaI outdoorsy kind of girI.

You didn't
have to sign up for a lesson to get me to pose.

I just wanted to say thank you for your support.

I know it was you who tried
to convince the guys.

I don't know what the big deaI is.

I'm for any good excuse to display the wares.

Whoa!

I got one! I got one!

No! I'm gonna land this sucker!
I'm gonna land this sucker!

- Whoo! I got it!
- ReeI it in there! ReeI it in!

You know what gets me?

People who have no problem
with graphic violence...

but are horrified by the slightest display
of the human body.

- No wonder the rest of the world thinks we're nuts.
- Mmm.

]
Speaking of the disapprovers:

Ah: Will:

He's a piece of work.

You know, the thing is,
we used to be best friends.

We practically grew up together.

And then when his sporting goods stores
became successfuI...

he had a chance to help me
get the job I really wanted.

- But instead, he made sure they didn't hire me.
- Why?

Will's all about Will.
Always has been, always will be.

- He dumped his fiancee the morning of their wedding.
- Shut up.

Oh, yeah.

No one really knows what happened,
but it was bad enough she left town first thing.

Well, she's better off.

The point is, life is too short.

Now, I don't let Will screw up my happiness.
Neither should you.

Marcus running with a pass down low!

Yeah! Now we're cookin'!

- Hey, E.J.
- Eric.

- I've been looking for you. Can we talk for a second?
- Sure.

What do you know about the Grizzlies?

I really had no idea there was
such a big bear problem up here.

- I meant the team.
- Oh, I knew that. Football.

- Basketball.
- I meant basketball.

- And football.
- Okay, you know what? Ignore him, E.J.

- All the U. M. Teams here are called the Grizzlies.
- Thank you.

- You want a drink?
- Sure.

It's on my tab.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- Now leave.
- Well, that's not very neighborly of you.

What? Do you want to be alone with Eric?

- Are you two on a date?
- What are you, 12?

You know what? You should stay here,
because when I tell Eric about your

How shall I put it? Shortcomings.

I bet he won't think twice about posing.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm. Saw it with my own green eyes.

- Have you asked Dr. Mike to pose yet?
- He said yes.

Well, while you were there,
did you get your eyes checked?

Because you obviously have
a depth perception problem.

There you go.

- What did I miss?
- Nothing.

- Not a thing.
- Mm-mmm.

Whoa. Red rover, red rover.

- Well, here's to that.
- I know. Cheers!

Hey, ladies.

Ugh! Is he always such a pig?

Hey. He wouldn't be my best friend
since sixth grade if he was.

Well, you're not in sixth grade anymore.

Eric, if you pose,
this calendar becomes a reality...

and the station will get everything that they

What is that?

- It's a powder hound.
- What? Um

- No?
- No, I-I

Excuse me. Could I please get a Lillet
on the rocks, please?

- A what?
- Oh, just make it a scotch, anything.

You ever heard of it?

Look, I-I know why this is important, E.J.,
and it isn't about Will.

I just I can't.
I mean, I hate getting my picture taken.

But you're so adorable.

I bet your mother has pictures of you
hanging up all over her house.

Oh, no. My My parents are very religious.

- I could never let them see it.
- Mmm, I see.

Eric, when they write your
obituary why wouldn't you want them to say...

amongst all the other good things...

that you did this charitable thing
for your entire community?

You know what? That That might be
the smartest thing you've ever said.

Thank you.

That's what I wanted to hear.

Cheers.

What are we celebrating?

The fact that this calendar
is actually going to happen.

Well, you haven't gotten me yet.

Ever heard of a baker's dozen? I only need 12.

You're the one I throw away.

I know I'm asking a huge favor,
Max, but I really want them to look great.

You're the only one I trust to shoot it.

- It's the printer.
- Tell them I need to discuss desaturation with them.

No, no: No, no, no:

- It has to be shot before you go to Paris for fashion week.
- She'll be right with you.

Really? Max, thank you. I love you.

I'll call you next week with the details, Max.
Thank you. I love you.

- Printer's waiting.
- Oh, crap.

Oh, Hank, man, you missed
a great game on Thursday.

I know.
I heard the Crusaders crushed Stillwater.

What? Are you kidding me?

- You waxed your chest?
- Yeah. We do have a shoot coming up.

Doesn't mean he can't look good.

Protein bar?

There's nothing wrong
with trying to stay in shape.

Oh. Oh, yeah?

How many reps you do with
your nose hair clippers, Scotty?

The whole point of this thing
was we were supposed to look naturaI.

You know, you are looking kind of pale, Les.

You know, you're not gonna get any darker
looking in that mirror there, buddy:

What I expected, you know?
This calendar is making everybody nuts.

You hear what Jan did to Bob?

She caught him eating a doughnut.

She grabs it out of his hand and says...

The idea is to sell the calendars."

I don't know.
Jan's never been so bossy before.

Well, she's never hung out with E.J. before.

I'm thinking of asking Jan out.

Yeah, well,
you know what you're getting yourself into.

Just don't expect her to act any different
once E.J. leaves town.

I mean, that is if Jan doesn't go with her.

Uh, you're probably right.

Anyway, it was just an idea.

I can't believe I never realized...

what a perverse movie The Wizard of Oz is.

Seriously, you've got this lonely girI...

who lives in
a black-and-white world in Kansas.

No friends. Well, except her dog.

If she stays there, she's gonna waste her life.

Then she gets to go
someplace exciting, in color.

Lots of adventure
and friends and a big future.

And all she can do is moan,
There's no place like home"?

I mean, by the end I was rooting for the witch.

J:, The Wizard of Oz?

You of all people wouldn't
be caught dead doing that in New York.

Well, I've seen The Wizard of Oz a million
times, but I've never seen it in a theater.

- It was really fun.
- And your date?

- It was fun too.
- Are you gonna see him again?

Uh-huh.
He asked me to go to an ab-sailing" party.

I've got to figure out what to wear.

Excuse me. What do you think?

Um, it's a look.

You're right!

I've got to find something
for a sailing party...

- and they haven't yet opened a Barney's in this town.
- Thank God.

A breath of fresh cynicism.
You can't be from around here.

Oh, I'm a New Yorker. I'm only here temporarily.

- You're not E.J. Baxter, are you?
- I am. Who are you?

- Sonya Kendall.
- GravitationaI NavigationaI G.P.S. Systems Sonya Kendall?

No other.

It used to be me and my ex-husband:::

untiI I bought him out as part
of our divorce settlement.

Since then, profits are up 15%.

- Nice.
- Mm-hmm.

When I got your press kit...

I was so impressed that I thought I'd take
a quiet look-see around.

But I'm worried this place is so quiet,
you'd swear it was a morgue.

Mmm, well, it's not what
you're used to in Chicago...

but it is the perfect place
for your corporate retreat.

Trust me. As a city girI, you can really
recharge your batteries here.

Well, my Zen master told me learning to fish
might relieve my stress.

Oh! Oh, I have
the perfect instructor for you.

His name is Jason. Call him.

I'm the last person on earth who'd ever thought
she'd get into fishing, but trust me.

- It's done wonders for me.
- Really?

Mm-hmm.

So is this sailing do on a yacht?

I'll be lucky if it's not a blowup raft.

Oh, hang on.

- Hello?
- Hey, it's me.

Oh, hang on.

Roz, I'll call you back.

- Hi, Jason.
- I'm so sorry.

But I'm not gonna be able to make it.

I'm stuck in bed with the weirdest allergic
reaction, or food poisoning.

My ears are all stuffed up. I'm so sorry.

Oh, no. I'm sorry. I hope you feeI better.

There'll be other parties. Do you need anything?

Yeah. For you to go without me
and have a great time.

Bye.

Hello.

Interesting outfit.

That's not a lake. Aren't we going sailing?

No. We're going abseiling.

You do know abseiling is
going down a mountain on a rope?

Doesn't everybody?

Where's Jason?

He's very sorry. He's not feeling well.

Mm-hmm.

Ow!

Eric.

You want to help me into this?

You know what? Ask Bonnie.
She's probably better at it than I am.

Okay. All set.

- Okay, I'm first.
- All right. Remember the motto.

- Safety first.
- And the other one?

- Don't die:
- That's right:

- Get the lead out, Eric. Let's go.
- Your wife's bossy, David.

You're preaching to the choir, man.

- You ready?
- Double back?

- Yeah, good. You good?
- Good.

- One.
- Two:

- Three.
- Let's go.

- Let's go:
- Whoo-hoo!

Whoo!

Looking good:

All rightl

E.J., why don't you give it a try?

Oh. Thanks.
But only my drinks are on the rocks.

You'll be surprised how much fun it is.

Mmm. Dangling over a cliff
is way out of my comfort zone.

Weren't you the one that wanted us all
to take a leap of faith?

Yeah, I thought that, uh,
stepping off the edge was your kind of thing.

- Well?
- Will, don't torment her.

, You don't have to do it
if you don't want to:

Don't let him goad you.
You can always hike down.

There's another way down?

Yeah: But it's a hiking trail, not an elevator:

You know what? I'm dying to do this.

Dying.

Off rappeI.

- You wanna go again?
- Let's do it.

- Race you to the top.
- All right!

Okay, so look.
Nothing can happen. All right?

You're clipped into that rope,
and that roped is anchored to that giant rock.

- So don't worry.
- Yeah. You're fine, E.J. Trust Will.

He can do this with his eyes closed.

Yeah, it's a good idea.

Ha: Funny:

Just out of curiosity...

how far, um, down is it?

Uh, that is, like, 90, 100 feet.

Look, just just just stare at your feet...

and feed the rope through nice and slow.

I can do it.
I got the safety lecture. I know what I'm doing.

Okay. Well, then...

lean back... very gently into your harness.

- This rope's gonna take my weight?
- Oh, yeah.

- That could take the weight of a bus and it wouldn't break.
- I'm not a bus.

No. No, you're you're not a bus.

You're not even a moped.

No.

Okay: There you go:

Lean back slowly. ReaI gently.

That's it:

Nice and easy. Feed the rope through.

Nice:

- Nice.
- You're doing great!

That's it.
Just feed the rope through nice and easy.

Great:

Great. You're doing great.

- Keep the legs wide apart.
- Slow and steady:

- Nice work, E:J:
- Yeah:

- Just take it slow:
- You're doing awesomel

You're doing great, E:J:

That's itl

How's the view?

Oh, this is fantastic!

I love itl
Wow:

It's very far::: down:

Keep going. You got it.

- See? Not so bad:
- That's it:

Just like I taught you:

Look at you! You're a pro!

Hey, E.J., you okay?

- What happened?
- Give me a helmet.

Will, what's wrong?

- What did she do?
- Can you see what's going on?

- I think she gripped up.
- Here I come!

, Stay calml

Will's comin'to get youl

All right, E.J.,
just hold tight. I'm on my way.

There we go.

You okay? Huh?

- Are you faint or dizzy?
- Mm-mmm.

- Okay, can you move?
- Mm-mmm. Mm-mmm. Mm-mmm.

Yeah, you can. You can move.
ReaI nice and easy. Just let the rope out.

- No.
- Why not?

- Fall.
- No. You can't You can't fall, okay?

I promise, you can't. I'm gonna help you down.

Okay. Now listen, E.J. I know you can do this.

So it's you I've got to trust?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm afraid so.

- Oh
- Your life is in my hands.

How about that?
Come on now. I know you can do this.

- You ready?
- Mm-hmm.

Let's go, really nice and slow.
Just let the rope out just a little.

- There. You got it. You're fine.
- Where's the floor?

It's right here.
You're coming. Great job.

That's great.

Hey, E:J: We saw what happened there:

- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

- Then again, I had a good teacher.
- Yeah. Yeah, you did.

Wait untiI Jason sees
the pictures that David took.

- He's gonna want to take you up here himself.
- Yeah.

- You think so?
- Yeah. I'm sure he'd love to.

Will, I just wanted to say...

thank you.

Yeah, take care.

Hey, it's Jason. You know what to do.

Hi, it's E.J. The flowers are gorgeous.

You really shouldn't have. But I'm glad you did.

I hope you're feeling better and

- You have a visitor.
- Who?

- Can I speak to you?
- By all means, Mr. Albrecht.

Sorry I didn't call first.

Apology accepted.

So tell me.
How can the Tourist Bureau help you today?

How do you stand it in here?
You know, really, uh really stuffy.

Sadly, the weather is beyond my controI.

- Shall I open a window?
- No, no, no, no. It's fine. I just, um

Well, first of all,
my business partners and I...

have been giving this calendar
some carefuI consideration.

And I've decided Um, uh, we've decided...

that, um, we'd like to sponsor it.

We'll pay for all the production costs,
which will, um...

make the, uh, finaI profit... higher.

Well, this is a very generous offer,
but I'm a little confused.

Uh Well, I admit that I still have my
misgivings about the whole thing.

But as long as the calendar's gonna go ahead,
we might as well...

try and make it as successfuI as possible.

So you're doing this
for purely altruistic reasons...

with no thoughts whatsoever
of how this might help your own business.

Um, look, i-it's a naturaI tie-in to our store.

But more importantly, I like... to help people.

AndAnd sometimes
people get hurt, you know?

And I don't know. You don't mean
for them to get hurt, but people

I'm sorry. What are you trying to say?

I have feelings for you.

And it's awfuI.

I mean, you are bossy:::

and you're rude and and way too opinionated:

And you're arrogant. God, are you arrogant.

I mean, you really do think that God created
the world with your help.

It's

I- I I'd hoped that these feelings would pass...

but, well, the heart feels what the heart feels.

- Even if it makes the stomach ill?
- I see we're on the same page.

I don't know when
I've ever heard it put more eloquently.

In the past when someone has told me
he has feelings for me that I don't share...

I've done whatever I could to ease the pain.

- But that was then!
- No, no, no.

Look, I'm just as repulsed by this as you are.

- Repulsed?
- No, no, no. Not repulsed.

Look. Would you rather me have lied
and pretended that I was happy?

- I can't imagine that you
- That I wouldn't be thrilled?

What woman could resist you
after hearing that?

You know, I wouldn't be interested in you...

if this was I Am Legend
and you were the last man on earth.

But even if I wasn't sickened by you...

the fact that you delight in
ruining other people's lives

Oh, whoa. Hold on. What?

Jason. Are you even
going to deny that you cost him a job?

Oh, yeah, Jason.

He's had a reaI tough time of it.

If I'm not being too rude,
can I ask you, how well do you know Jason?

Ah, well enough. And you're always rude.

Mmm. Well, excuse me
for warning you to be carefuI.

As to the other purpose of your visit

while we appreciate your very generous offer,
we already have a major sponsor.

Oh, really? Who?

A company much bigger than yours.

Hmm.

- E.J.?
- Hmm?

- What major sponsor?
- I will find one.

How do I get to Buffalo Hill Drive?

- Isn't it about time you got yourself a G.P.S.?
- I don't need a G.P.S.!

Actually, I do.

I love it: Real men instead of
the usual bunch of bruisers:::

on weekend detention.

My team and I all agree
we'd love to sponsor it, E.J.

That is fantastic news.
Thank you so much, Sonya.

Yes. Talk soon.

Yes.

Mike. Are you ready for tomorrow?

Why aren't you outside doing some crunches?

Mike, you can't back out now.

I've tried to convince myself
that I could do this.

I have exercised. I stayed off carbs.

I even... waxed.

But I can't pose.

It's naturaI to be nervous.
But just think about

The squad? Oh, believe me, I have.

You convinced me that this is a great idea.

I'll go door-to-door:
I'll sell as many calendars as I can:

Just show up tomorrow and see how you feeI.

It's killing me to know
that I'll be letting down the rescue squad.

Maybe a little drink will help you relax.
We can do that.

Even if I got blind drunk, I still
wouldn't be able to do it.

I wish you could convince me, but you can't.

E.J., I really need to talk to you.

- Max, I need a minute.
- I'm sorry...

but we really have a million details to discuss
about the shoot tomorrow.

- Nice.
- # If you're paying all your dues off #

- Won't look.
- # Come on, baby, take your shoes off #

- Uh, could you lose the jacket?
- # We're going back out on the dance floor #

# We're gonna show 'em
what you're made of #

# Shake it back #

# And now I got your attention #

# Got your body
purring like an engine #

Max, don't worry:

- Come on.
- I got it. David, come on out. We need to see you.

- It's cold. Ow.
- I know it's cold, but it's gonna

- It's not cold. There you go. That's great.
- Yeah, it is.

# I know you got rhythm
and I know you got soul #

# But there ain't nothin'
here for us, baby #

- # Gotta get outta town #
- # Get, get, get out #

- # We gotta get outta town #
- # Get, get, get out #

- # We gotta get outta town #
- # Get, get, get out #

- # We gotta get outta #
- Try this.

For me?

# Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na #

- # Well, if you're feeling kind of locked down #
- You want that.

# When you should be
feeling knocked out #

Rick, at me.

# I'm gonna stop your heart bleeding #

# Shake it back #

# Nine, eight, seven, six
five, four, three #

# Everything is backwards here #

- Here you go.
- This?

- Yeah. Good.
- All right.

- # Gotta get outta town #
- # Get, get, get out #

# We gotta get outta town #

- No, I don't think so.
- # We gotta get outta town #

# Get, get, get out #

- # We gotta get outta town #
- # Get, get, get out #

Ah.

Oh.

Sorry.

He likes you:

Buster. Uh

We just want you to pretend
that you're having fun, enjoying yourself.

And

- # I kiss you once #
- Very good.

# All right
I kiss you twice #

- Whoop.
- # That's fine, I kiss you three times #

# One more time
I kiss you four times #

# Baby, you're mine
you're mine #

# If you're chasing down
a lost cause #

# You gotta run at it
at full force #

# You can't be
pulling any punches #

# Oh, you know
you gotta live for something #

# Well, shake it back #

# Well, I know you got rhythm
and I know you got soul #

- That doesn't suck.
- That doesn't suck at all.

- # Gotta get outta town #
- # Get, get, get out #

- # I gotta get outta town #
- Buster.

# You gotta get outta town #

# Get, get, get out #

# You gotta get outta town #

- Oh.
- # Need to get outta town #

# Get, get, get out #

# Get, get, get, get outta town #

# Get, get, get out #

- # Get, get, get, get outta town #
- # Get, get, get out #

- # Get, get, get, get outta town #
- # Get, get, get out ##

- Heyl
- Heyl That's it:

You still don't have Mr. December.

Mm-hmm. Marci, are there any former members
of the squad we could ask?

Trust me, none that anyone
would ever want to look at...

even with their clothes on:

Maybe we could do a Christmas group shot.

- No. I want this to be so great
- Kalispell Tourism:

that not just the people around here buy it but,
say, People magazine or Oprah calls.

We get to explain to them why this was
important and why the guys stood behind it.

Okay. Thanks. I'll tell her.

We've got a Mr. December.

Ah.

Hey, it's Jason.

Sorry: I have to cancel again:

No, I'm not sick:
I might actually have a really good job:

I'll be out of town for a while:

I don't want to talk about it yet
because I know it'll jinx it:

But wish me good luck: Bye:

Dump him.

The E.J. I know wouldn't take that from a guy.

I know. It's bothering me
that it's not bothering me.

- Does the thought of him give you butterflies?
- No.

There's your answer:
He was never anything but the rebound guy:

- Oh, my God.
- I know. I'm damn good.

It's not that. It's the first time
I've driven to work without getting lost.

Eddie, can we get another round?

Say, do I know you?

What's goin' on?

I mean, I admit the face looks familiar but

Yeah, okay, Eddie. Cut the crap.

Sorry. I didn't mean to insult you guys. I didn't
recognize any of you with your clothes on.

- Sorry. Couldn't resist.
- You know

- Don't say it, Bob.
- I have to.

I'm serious. If you say it, I'll punch you.

- Did we just make the biggest mistake of our lives?
- Why did you have to say it?

Hey, guys. I've seen the photos.

And you have nothing to be ashamed of.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- You look incredibly hot:
- Come on.

You oughta use yours as
your next campaign poster, Mr. Mayor.

Well, there might be something to that.

- Can I have you sign mine?
- Like an autograph?

Yeah:

Check it out: Check it out:

That's enough, guys: This is a respectable
establishment: I know what to do with this:

Yeah, thank you.

Hah?

No, come on!

- These are really great.
- Mmm.

You've caught the essence
of each guy perfectly.

- Wait till you see them after they're Photoshopped.
- I don't know if we should.

- But they'II look so much sexier.
- I know, but

- And this is a bad thing?
- No: It is not a bad thing:

And you know me: I'm always the one
to scream for more airbrushing:::

so everyone looks perfect, but look at that:

True beauty right there.

Hi.

Oh, yes. Mr. December. Hello.

Hey, again.

You win. We go with the naturaI look.

Thank you, Max. They are fabulous.

Hmm.

So, no doubt...

that you can't believe that
I find the aesthetic appeaI

You need to shut up.

- Ooh. I'm, uh I'm sorry. I didn't mean to
- No, no. You shut up.

Was I really such
an uptight bitch when you met me?

Yeah, you were horrible.

I'm very sorry.

But you were lovely.
Was I really such an arrogant jerk?

- Nothing more than normaI.
- Ooh.

Well, I am very sorry.

But you were hot.

- I know.
- Oh, my God.

You know, I kept thinking
that I should probably...

you know, ask you to hand me a toweI so
I could cover up before I got out of the pooI.

But, no, somehow I just couldn't.

Remember how I pretended I wasn't looking?

- Mm-hmm.
- I was.

- Well, I hope so.
- Oh, but

Oh.

I'll get rid of that.

It fit perfectly.

On you, it's a maxi. On me, it's a mini.

I can't thank you enough.
And David thanks you even m

Hey, Marci.

Will?

Oh, no. You're not gonna find any, um...

drawn knives or smashed pots.

If you're coming home for the holidays,
you better make your reservations now.

- I don't think I'm gonna make it.
- But the calendar will have already been launched.

I just want to spend Christmas with Will.

Ooh, I thought Christmas
didn't mean anything to you.

- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Uh-huh: Uh-huh:

At least let us come out then for Thanksgiving.
We haven't seen you in a century.

Howie and I want to meet the people
who live in the hole in the ground.

Might be a little soon.
Will and I just want to hang in our own space.

But But you're having 12 people over
for Thanksgiving dinner.

I don't really think it's your kind of scene.

You're not gonna let me meet him till after
your third anniversary.

I'm at work. I gotta go. Bye.

Coffee shop on Meridian. Excellent.

What?

Oh.

That photo that was taken
right next to my place:

I think they turned out really nice.

# I like to rock #

# I like to rock #

Oh, come on, hon. Stand there. Perfect.

Oh, you've never looked cuter.

Wow: It's, like, professional:

I figured it would be this small little thing.

You look really good, Henry.
I think I look like crap.

No, Les.
You look great. I just look better.

- Excuse me. Would you guys sign my calendar?
- Sure.

- Thanks.
- Can I get you guys too?

- Yeah, I'll sign that.
- This is so exciting.

- Hey, E:J: Great party:
- Hi.

Hi.

Congratulations, darling.

I'm just mad about your new venture.

- Say beerl
- Beer!

Excellent, y'all. Congratulations. I told you.

Jan looks hot tonight:

Occasionally I can be wrong.

- Now we know why Laura didn't show.
- You two can't be sure.

- Maybe he's just
- No, trust me.

She is not hiring Rick to be her plumber.

I thought he and Laura were happy.

Oh, honey, I love you.

Great.

Thanks so much for your time. Thank you.

- I love this song.
- I, uh I can't dance.

Don't worry. I'll be gentle.

Come here.

I know you told me,
but I just didn't believe it.

- Hmm.
- Hell has frozen over.

# The last thing that
we talked about #

# Was the first thing that we #

- What?
- Dance.

Excuse me. Shall we?

- My butt's vibrating.
- Ignore it.

Just ignore it.

# So far so bad #

# Is all that I
can think about #

Thanks.

Have you seen this?

Someone's started a campaign
against the calendar.

They're saying children
shouldn't be allowed to see it.

- But no one's seen it.
- It's crazy.

- There's nothing pornographic about it.
- I know.

Still, the more they scream,
the more calendars we'll sell.

- Good.
- Good.

Uh Hello?

Playing hard to get. Very cute.

Now look, my spies e-mailed me
your saucy little calendar.

Darling, let's let bygones
be has-beens, shall we?

What's one pair of Gucci pumps
between friends?

Hi.

- E.J.
- Hi.

- I I
- Hi.

Oh. Sorry.

That's okay.

- Uh, you've been
- I know.

- I've been bad. No excuses.
- Oh, no. No, I'm glad you're back.

- Uh, did you get the job?
- Yeah.

That's great. That's great.
Um, tell me about it.

Well, it's in Chicago. And, uh

Oh, there you are.
I don't know how to thank you, E.J.

- For what?
- Well, I reeled in more than a fish.

I got a great boyfriend.

Well, he was just telling me
about his good fortune.

Oh.

She probably felt entitled to a souvenir.

Who knows? Maybe they're the answer
to each other's prayers.

Actually, we should publicize it.

LocaI calendar man strikes it rich."

I know you don't want to hear this, but Will was
right to warn you about Jason.

Yes, I know you'll kill me
if ever I mention it to him.

Mm-hmm. Good night.

Okay. Of course.

Oh.

Hello?

At least here me out, okay?

It's not often that I admit
that I made a... mistake.

Come back to work.
If it'll seaI the deaI, I'll fire Noah.

We're both too professionaI to let such
an unimpressive man come between us.

Oh, I totally agree, but I'm not sure E.J. will.

Who the hell is this?

Excuse me.
I think you might want to take this.

Hello?

What's the matter?

Don't tell anyone, but I think
E.J.'s moving back to New York.

It would be a lot more money,
a high-profile

It's a fantastic opportunity, E.J.

I mean, your job is is done here:::

and it's exactly what you've been waiting for.

Yeah, I've been thinking about it.

And I'd feeI I I don't know

uh, guilty for leaving...

before the publicity campaign
for the calendar is fully launched.

And I know I'd miss all my friends
at the rescue squad people I've met.

Well, I'm sure we'd miss you.

But we all know what
you had to give up to come here.

I suppose everybody would get along
just fine without me.

I can hardly expect them
to chain me down and force me to stay.

Exactly. You can't force people
to do something they can't do...

no matter how much you want 'em to.

You understand that, don't you?

I understand that perfectly.
People are who they are.

Right. And you know who I am.

I'm the player who dumped
his fiancee at the altar.

Now on a mission to bone and disown
every woman in the state.

Thanks for living up to your reputation.

Hello, Lillah, it's E.J.

Yes, could I start before Thanksgiving?
I want to hit the ground running.

Yep.

I am happy to announce that,
thanks to calendar sales:::

we expect to earn enough
for a new helicopter by New Year's.

And that's just the beginning.

We didn't do it to become famous.

We did it to show people that we care about
the search and rescue squad.

Now, truthfully, I'm a little worried
that staring at me for 30 days...

will send women into wild fits of passion,
but maybe that's not so bad.

It's all for the good of the town.

Taxil

I've gotten four phone calls
just this morning...

from companies wanting to have
their corporate retreats here.

Mmm. Too bad E.J.'s not here to see this.

Friday night? Let me see.

Yeah, I think Friday night could work.

Okay.

All right.

I'll see you then. Bye.

- Bob said Jan got a call from some Hollywood producers.
- Mmm.

Well, I think, uh, Matthew McConaughey's
gonna have to play me.

You know I love you more
than anything in the world, right?

But if Matthew McConaughey
plays you, I'm gonna play me.

# I still see your name
Still see your face #

# Remember the times
Still feel the trace #

# Of your perfume
walking out the door #

# I been livin'in my head #

# I can't get my feet
on the floor #

# I been livin'in my head #

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!

- Why are you acting like a tourist?
- I'm sorry.

Did I tell you about the condo Howie saw
in Tribeca? Two bedrooms, three baths.

And the kitchen is nicer
than the one I have at home.

Not that I would know
how to use anything in it. Hmm.

- How much?
- 4.9 miI.

All this for $525 a month?

Is that too much?

I'll take it.

You will?
Well, we were gonna make an offer.

- But if you if you really want it
- Want what?

- The condo?
- Oh. Uh, 4.9? Are you insane?

Perhaps. I forgot to refill my PaxiI.

Oh, honey, this place is sensationaI.

Oh. There's no sign on the door. It takes
'em a week to answer their unlisted number.

Stop it. Stop it.

Mother of pearI.

Oh. We should get one and just sniff it.

I'm guessing people here
really get into eating carbs.

Yeah. They passed a law.

Ugh. And I begged him,
Please play with the other dogs."

But he wouldn't. That's my fault. My fault.

I should've made more play dates
for him when he was little.

And he wouldn't have
so many socializing issues.

# I been livin'in my head #

- Where are you? Where are you?
- I'm sorry.

I know I'm not scintillating company.
Another Christmas alone.

- Honey:
- I can't get my feet on the floor

Give yourself some time, Emma Jane.

- I'm fine. Don't worry about me. I'm great.
- All right. All right.

- Did I say that with any sort of conviction?
- No.

I know it!

Don't forget this Sunday at 7:00 p. M...

the annuaI Christmas tree lighting
downtown on Main Street.

# I can't get my feet on the floor ##

- What?
- Hey, Will. It's me, Eric.

Climbers on Logan's Pass.
Teenagers, by the sound of it.

I'll be right there.

] Everybody knows
how delicious your chicken is:

And certainly our advertising campaign
will stress that.

But it is my job our job

to also begin to remove
the guilt of eating fast food...

with properly placed stories
that highlight consumer studies...

- that show the benefits of eating
- Excuse me.

- E.J., it's for you on six.
- She'll call back.

She said it was urgent.

Uh Okay. I'm sorry. Excuse me.

I'm sorry. One minute.

E.J. Baxter.

It's Jan. I'm really sorry to bother you.

Kind of in a meeting right now.
Can I call you back?

I've got some really bad news.
You might want to sit down.

- Why? What happened?
- Will's been in a bad accident.

He fell 50 feet during a rescue mission.

He's in Kalispell RegionaI.

- Is he going to be all right?
- They don't know.

I really think you should come out here.

I'm the last person he wants to see.

You probably don't want to hear this...

but Eric finally told me
that Will didn't walk out on his fiancee.

She walked out on him after he found out...

she slept with Jason
the night before their wedding.

He begged her to stay, and she left him,
which is why he couldn't ask you to stay.

- So what you're saying is
- Darlingl

Let's go. Okay? Everybody's got planes
to catch and places to go, right?

Love to, Lillah, but I can't.

I have a plane to catch too.

- Have you gone insane?
- Probably.

What?

Can I help you?

Yes. Can you please tell me
where the person is that was in this room?

He's gone.

Will. Wha

What are you doing here? I mean, I-I-I

I forgot something.

So did I.

Merry Christmas to me.

Mr. December is no longer available.

# Then a little white snow starts to fall #

More eggnog?
Or are you two just gonna get a room?

You want me to warm it up?

# Magic and dreams
coming true #

# Na, na, na, na, na ##