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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:01,387 --> 00:00:03,558
But some lives
change on a dime.
2
00:00:06,896 --> 00:00:09,054
I've never
really believed in God, but
3
00:00:09,089 --> 00:00:13,534
recently I managed to summon
almost superhuman strength.
4
00:00:13,536 --> 00:00:16,337
Two days ago, I witnessed
an auto accident.
5
00:00:16,339 --> 00:00:20,174
A taxi flipped over, and there
was a 3-year-old pinned underneath.
6
00:00:20,176 --> 00:00:21,943
I don't know where the power
came from,
7
00:00:21,945 --> 00:00:24,612
but I got down on the cement,
8
00:00:24,614 --> 00:00:27,849
and I managed
to do 900 push-ups.
9
00:00:27,851 --> 00:00:30,184
I don't consider myself a hero.
10
00:00:30,186 --> 00:00:32,954
I just did what any ripped
specimen of jacked man-meat
11
00:00:32,956 --> 00:00:34,756
would've done in that situation.
12
00:00:34,758 --> 00:00:37,158
I held a pretty sweet pose
until the coroner arrived
13
00:00:37,160 --> 00:00:40,094
to throw the boy in the trash
and ask for my autograph.
14
00:00:40,096 --> 00:00:42,029
I just...
15
00:00:42,031 --> 00:00:44,799
I don't understand
how I got so huge!
16
00:00:44,801 --> 00:00:47,167
I mean, check my 'bliques.
17
00:00:47,169 --> 00:00:50,271
They shredded.
18
00:00:50,273 --> 00:00:52,205
Father? Father?
19
00:00:52,207 --> 00:00:55,710
You are the new Christ.
20
00:00:56,712 --> 00:00:59,880
The crippled came from the world
over to be healed.
21
00:00:59,882 --> 00:01:02,949
Indeed, each time he showed them
his chiseled beef,
22
00:01:02,951 --> 00:01:06,420
miraculously,
they died psyched.
23
00:01:07,990 --> 00:01:13,494
Eyes once blind saw glory,
ears once deaf now pounded.
24
00:01:13,496 --> 00:01:16,196
Even...
had their problem fixed.
25
00:01:16,198 --> 00:01:19,266
Blimey now, come quick!
It's alive!
26
00:01:25,841 --> 00:01:27,808
Hunky Messiah renowned us.
27
00:01:27,810 --> 00:01:31,845
We're all beef in our souls
where it counts.
28
00:01:42,557 --> 00:01:47,493
That being said, humans have
an animal need to connect.
29
00:01:53,869 --> 00:01:55,269
Ugh, thank God you picked up.
30
00:01:55,293 --> 00:01:57,569
I'm having literally
the worst day ever.
31
00:01:57,571 --> 00:02:00,139
So at lunch today, Hannah said
she couldn't have brunch
32
00:02:00,141 --> 00:02:02,574
with me tomorrow because she's
having brunch with Bethany,
33
00:02:02,576 --> 00:02:04,096
but Bethany
she couldn't brunch with me
34
00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:06,045
because she's brunching
with Hannah,
35
00:02:06,047 --> 00:02:08,613
so then when I confronted them,
they said they don't think so,
36
00:02:08,615 --> 00:02:10,382
but other people think
I'm pissy trash,
37
00:02:10,384 --> 00:02:12,351
but, like, you don't
think that, do you?
38
00:02:12,353 --> 00:02:14,353
'Cause if you say, "Yes,"
then literally I will die
39
00:02:14,377 --> 00:02:17,289
because this is already, like,
the most literal day of my life!
40
00:02:17,291 --> 00:02:19,758
Li Quin Gwang was desperate to say
41
00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:22,761
how lucky she felt to gab
with a new gal pal,
42
00:02:22,763 --> 00:02:25,397
but she couldn't get
a word in edgewise,
43
00:02:25,399 --> 00:02:27,766
so she used the new app.
44
00:02:32,439 --> 00:02:35,907
Once given the chance to speak,
Ms. Gwang wondered
45
00:02:35,909 --> 00:02:38,977
if any language was rich enough
to convey her depth
46
00:02:38,979 --> 00:02:41,980
of appreciation
for this fellowship.
47
00:02:41,982 --> 00:02:45,884
She hoped silence would suffice.
48
00:02:45,886 --> 00:02:47,806
But it's like I don't even know
if I like brunch,
49
00:02:47,808 --> 00:02:49,528
but I wish you and me
could brunch sometime.
50
00:02:49,552 --> 00:02:51,990
And at that moment,
Ms. Gwang realized
51
00:02:51,992 --> 00:02:54,626
how she too could be literal.
52
00:03:04,804 --> 00:03:07,238
She was ready for brunch.
53
00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:10,808
Ah!
54
00:03:10,810 --> 00:03:14,612
To bust with life
was Jay Reese's thickest wish,
55
00:03:14,614 --> 00:03:16,314
but he felt so dead
in his heart.
56
00:03:16,316 --> 00:03:18,649
His chest was swarmed
by coffin worms
57
00:03:18,651 --> 00:03:22,486
desperate to wriggle in
for the feast of their lives.
58
00:03:22,488 --> 00:03:25,656
It might smell dead
in there now, fellas,
59
00:03:25,658 --> 00:03:27,691
but not after tonight.
60
00:03:31,731 --> 00:03:34,765
I'm here for a pick-up.
Reese.
61
00:03:34,767 --> 00:03:37,635
Reese, Reese.
62
00:03:37,637 --> 00:03:40,070
You had us recreate your old
high-school crush, right?
63
00:03:40,072 --> 00:03:42,205
Bring out the custom job
for Reese!
64
00:03:42,207 --> 00:03:44,074
Reese had no photos,
65
00:03:44,076 --> 00:03:46,544
so they had to construct her
from his description.
66
00:03:46,546 --> 00:03:50,147
All they told him was to imagine
a desert choked dead
67
00:03:50,149 --> 00:03:54,785
by a 1,000-year drought and that
she was the first spring rain.
68
00:03:54,787 --> 00:03:57,755
Exactly as pretty
as I remember.
69
00:03:57,757 --> 00:03:59,090
Yep, she ought to be
working nice.
70
00:03:59,091 --> 00:04:01,659
We took her out
for a test spin,
71
00:04:01,661 --> 00:04:04,127
put up a couple few miles
on her, right?
72
00:04:04,129 --> 00:04:07,165
Oh, okay.
Thanks.
73
00:04:07,166 --> 00:04:10,600
- Vroom, vroom, right, Mr. Reese?
- Yeah, I guess.
74
00:04:10,602 --> 00:04:12,068
You guess what?
75
00:04:12,070 --> 00:04:14,737
Uh, uh, I, um...
Vroom, vroom.
76
00:04:14,739 --> 00:04:16,973
If you say so.
Okay. We're all set.
77
00:04:16,975 --> 00:04:19,943
And, uh, did you want
dignity with that?
78
00:04:19,945 --> 00:04:24,013
- Like, what?
- Dignity, do you want any dignity?
79
00:04:24,015 --> 00:04:26,015
We can put a look of dignity
in her eyes
80
00:04:26,017 --> 00:04:28,017
or just keep the blank stare.
81
00:04:28,019 --> 00:04:32,990
- Uh, is the, um, dignity extra?
- Fifty cents more.
82
00:04:32,991 --> 00:04:38,628
Uh... I'm on
a philosopher's salary.
83
00:04:38,630 --> 00:04:39,897
I understand.
84
00:04:39,898 --> 00:04:42,499
This guy doesn't want any dignity.
85
00:04:42,501 --> 00:04:46,336
No dignity for Jay Reese!
And you're in luck.
86
00:04:46,337 --> 00:04:48,170
We're running a special promo
this month.
87
00:04:48,172 --> 00:04:50,106
Every custom
love doll you buy,
88
00:04:50,108 --> 00:04:52,708
we throw in a free doll
of your mother.
89
00:04:52,710 --> 00:04:54,343
Bring out the mom
on the Reese job!
90
00:04:54,345 --> 00:04:56,578
- Ah!
- It's Eudora Reese!
91
00:04:56,580 --> 00:04:58,780
- No, I don't want...
- Looks just like her, huh?
92
00:04:58,782 --> 00:05:01,384
Our team really does
their research.
93
00:05:01,386 --> 00:05:04,420
You can do anything
you want with her.
94
00:05:04,422 --> 00:05:06,222
Get me? Anything.
95
00:05:06,224 --> 00:05:09,425
Ew. I don't want to do sex
with Mommy.
96
00:05:09,427 --> 00:05:11,369
Who said anything about sex?
97
00:05:11,404 --> 00:05:13,963
- What's wrong with you?
- S-Sorry.
98
00:05:13,964 --> 00:05:16,032
I don't know what I'm supposed
to do with this.
99
00:05:16,034 --> 00:05:18,134
Punch her, strangling,
whatever you're into!
100
00:05:18,136 --> 00:05:20,568
Go on!
Sock her in the teeth.
101
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:21,904
Break her in.
102
00:05:21,905 --> 00:05:24,519
Vroom, vroom, right,
like how you said.
103
00:05:24,554 --> 00:05:26,574
I'm not... I would never
hurt my mom.
104
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:29,844
Not true. You're breaking
her heart right now.
105
00:05:29,846 --> 00:05:32,680
See?
Her eyes are totally wet for you.
106
00:05:32,682 --> 00:05:36,317
Oh, she's a squirter!
107
00:05:36,319 --> 00:05:40,455
Ooh, oh, why do you have her
making noises like that?
108
00:05:40,457 --> 00:05:43,358
Oh, yeah, she's programmed to say
109
00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:45,693
all the real stuff
your mom says.
110
00:05:45,695 --> 00:05:47,095
Oh, yeah, honey.
111
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:49,097
Can I make you an egg-salad
sandwich, baby?
112
00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:52,900
Mm, that'll put some meat
on your bones.
113
00:05:52,902 --> 00:05:54,701
Mm!
Ugh, god!
114
00:05:54,703 --> 00:05:57,071
When are you going
to give me some grandchildren?
115
00:05:57,073 --> 00:05:59,005
Ugh, yeah, give it to me!
116
00:05:59,007 --> 00:06:00,241
Give me grandchildren!
117
00:06:00,242 --> 00:06:01,543
Make me a grandma!
Do it!
118
00:06:01,544 --> 00:06:04,010
No, no, no, no, no, no!
I can't hear this!
119
00:06:04,012 --> 00:06:05,845
- Make her stop!
- Of course.
120
00:06:05,847 --> 00:06:08,815
- I've got something for that.
- Oh, honey.
121
00:06:08,817 --> 00:06:11,151
Cancel the whole thing!
It's all ruined!
122
00:06:11,153 --> 00:06:12,953
Uh, Mike, uh, hey,
I'm sorry.
123
00:06:12,955 --> 00:06:14,355
I didn't mean to upset you.
124
00:06:14,356 --> 00:06:16,723
Tell you what, take it.
The mom is free.
125
00:06:16,725 --> 00:06:18,858
It's not about the money.
I'm going.
126
00:06:18,860 --> 00:06:21,795
No, I mean, it's free.
It has free will.
127
00:06:21,797 --> 00:06:23,997
It wants to come
with you!
128
00:06:23,999 --> 00:06:25,799
Oh, I'm coming!
Oh, yeah!
129
00:06:25,801 --> 00:06:27,601
I'm coming!
130
00:06:27,603 --> 00:06:29,769
No, Mom!
I don't want it!
131
00:06:29,771 --> 00:06:34,107
- Go on! Get!
- Mm!?
132
00:06:34,109 --> 00:06:36,275
Fine. Let's go, Mom.
133
00:06:36,277 --> 00:06:38,945
Reese knew, every time
he got a girl,
134
00:06:38,947 --> 00:06:41,180
his mom would find
a way to ruin it.
135
00:06:41,182 --> 00:06:44,685
I guess you'll sleep in here.
Why don't you wash up?
136
00:06:44,686 --> 00:06:45,987
- I'll fix supper.
- Mm.
137
00:06:45,988 --> 00:06:48,622
After that, Reese was too
ashamed to see
138
00:06:48,624 --> 00:06:52,792
his real mom again, so he
began to lean on this one.
139
00:06:55,430 --> 00:06:58,197
The original mother simply
couldn't imagine
140
00:06:58,199 --> 00:07:03,135
what she had done to make
her child reject her so coldly,
141
00:07:03,137 --> 00:07:06,404
but his doll was determined
not to feel guilty.
142
00:07:06,406 --> 00:07:08,974
It wasn't her fault that woman
couldn't manage
143
00:07:08,976 --> 00:07:11,276
to keep her own son loyal,
144
00:07:11,278 --> 00:07:14,246
so they settled into
a cozy companionship...
145
00:07:14,248 --> 00:07:17,016
long afternoons
connecting over tea
146
00:07:17,018 --> 00:07:18,483
with an ease between them,
147
00:07:18,485 --> 00:07:21,620
although her prayers
often kept him up at night.
148
00:07:21,622 --> 00:07:24,156
Oh, God, oh, yeah, God.
149
00:07:24,158 --> 00:07:27,592
Oh, God.
oh, yeah, God, baby.
150
00:07:27,594 --> 00:07:28,862
Oh, yeah, God, baby.
151
00:07:28,863 --> 00:07:31,130
Oh, God,
yeah, God, baby.
152
00:07:31,132 --> 00:07:34,432
Yeah, God, baby, yeah, God,
baby, yeah, God, baby!
153
00:07:34,434 --> 00:07:36,467
And when he finally woke,
of course,
154
00:07:36,469 --> 00:07:39,904
she laid quite a humongous egg.
155
00:07:45,111 --> 00:07:47,311
The baby moms scampered
everywhere,
156
00:07:47,313 --> 00:07:49,047
dispensing kind advice
157
00:07:49,049 --> 00:07:52,116
and leaving tiny casseroles
around the house.
158
00:07:52,118 --> 00:07:54,518
They were competitive critters
who did favors
159
00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:56,287
and tricks to prove their love
160
00:07:56,289 --> 00:07:58,556
without asking for anything
in return
161
00:07:58,558 --> 00:08:01,625
and spent all day
making squeaks that meant,
162
00:08:01,627 --> 00:08:03,961
"I don't need anything,
so don't worry about me
163
00:08:03,963 --> 00:08:05,403
because I don't want
to make trouble,
164
00:08:05,427 --> 00:08:06,964
and you can ignore me if you like
165
00:08:06,966 --> 00:08:08,965
because all I want
is for you to be happy.
166
00:08:08,967 --> 00:08:11,068
Even though my leg hurts,
it's not a big deal,
167
00:08:11,070 --> 00:08:14,205
and I don't matter
because I'm just a mom."
168
00:08:14,207 --> 00:08:16,407
If he dared to help them
in any way,
169
00:08:16,409 --> 00:08:19,042
they'd break
into cute little riots.
170
00:08:21,247 --> 00:08:22,979
Exterminator.
171
00:08:22,981 --> 00:08:25,782
Uh, I didn't call anyone.
172
00:08:25,784 --> 00:08:27,585
Exterminator!
173
00:08:27,587 --> 00:08:29,553
Dad, what are you
doing here?
174
00:08:29,555 --> 00:08:31,955
I have no idea what
you're talking about.
175
00:08:31,957 --> 00:08:35,659
I'm just a regular
exterminator, okay?
176
00:08:35,661 --> 00:08:38,128
Now you put a tiny Bible
here for bait.
177
00:08:38,130 --> 00:08:42,099
They crawl in, and snap
goes their nagging neck.
178
00:08:42,101 --> 00:08:43,600
I don't want to hurt them.
179
00:08:43,602 --> 00:08:47,904
Aw, let me just do a couple
of them, please, please.
180
00:08:47,906 --> 00:08:50,891
For the first time in
his life, Reese understood
181
00:08:50,892 --> 00:08:53,877
how to give his father
what he truly wanted.
182
00:08:53,879 --> 00:08:56,246
Sure, Pop,
right through there.
183
00:08:58,482 --> 00:08:59,949
Thank you.
184
00:09:04,455 --> 00:09:06,688
He realized these sweet
creatures could help
185
00:09:06,690 --> 00:09:11,060
so many others not lucky enough
to know a mother's touch.
186
00:09:15,466 --> 00:09:17,800
This gave him the confidence
that he was ready
187
00:09:17,802 --> 00:09:22,071
to find a real partner,
maybe even get married.
188
00:09:22,073 --> 00:09:24,339
Unfortunately,
at that exact moment,
189
00:09:24,341 --> 00:09:26,642
the queen mother just happened
to grow old
190
00:09:26,644 --> 00:09:30,946
as a total coincidence and not
as an emotional manipulation.
191
00:09:30,948 --> 00:09:32,648
As her health deteriorated,
192
00:09:32,650 --> 00:09:34,817
he was strangely grateful
for the chance to care
193
00:09:34,819 --> 00:09:38,420
for the person who had nurtured
him when he was helpless.
194
00:09:38,422 --> 00:09:40,489
He couldn't help
but see an elegance
195
00:09:40,491 --> 00:09:42,991
to the full circle shape
our lives take.
196
00:09:42,993 --> 00:09:47,028
He was with her at the end
when she slipped into infinity.
197
00:09:47,030 --> 00:09:49,831
It's so big. Ah!
198
00:09:49,833 --> 00:09:51,566
Let it in.
199
00:09:51,568 --> 00:09:54,469
- Big.
- Relax. Let it in.
200
00:09:54,471 --> 00:09:56,805
Oh!
201
00:09:56,807 --> 00:09:59,408
The first time he brought
a woman to completion,
202
00:09:59,410 --> 00:10:00,810
his heart throbbed to life.
203
00:10:00,811 --> 00:10:03,478
His coffin worms were thrilled
for their brunch,
204
00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:06,281
but Reese missed the warmth
of his little friends
205
00:10:06,283 --> 00:10:08,583
as they ate away
at all things death,
206
00:10:08,585 --> 00:10:11,052
chomping a path
he'd be crazy enough to follow.
207
00:10:11,054 --> 00:10:13,254
You're so tight.
208
00:10:13,256 --> 00:10:15,656
He was ready for his brunch.
209
00:10:19,262 --> 00:10:21,329
Excuse me.
Can I get a water here, Miss?
210
00:10:21,331 --> 00:10:24,632
Holly Inglet had
quite enough messes.
211
00:10:28,138 --> 00:10:29,670
Didn't you go to Bantam
High School?
212
00:10:29,672 --> 00:10:32,373
So the day he finally felt rain
on his face
213
00:10:32,375 --> 00:10:34,075
after a 1,000-year drought,
214
00:10:34,077 --> 00:10:36,410
Reese raised
her the whole world,
215
00:10:38,248 --> 00:10:41,082
and no matter how hard
his old friends
216
00:10:41,084 --> 00:10:42,984
begged him to visit them
for tea,
217
00:10:42,986 --> 00:10:47,555
he never set foot on the ground
again, not after tonight.
218
00:10:47,557 --> 00:10:50,190
♪ There's blood in the kitchen ♪
219
00:10:50,192 --> 00:10:53,093
♪ There's blood in the hall ♪
220
00:10:53,095 --> 00:10:59,045
♪ There's blood in the parlor
where my lady did fall ♪
221
00:10:59,435 --> 00:11:05,385
♪ Long Lankin was hanged
on a gibbet so high ♪
222
00:11:05,508 --> 00:11:11,986
♪ And the false nurse was burned
in a fire close by ♪
223
00:11:13,502 --> 00:11:16,842
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