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Older Ted: Kids, in our
sophomore year of college,
2
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:06,507
when aunt Lily came
back from spring break,
3
00:00:06,591 --> 00:00:09,051
uncle Marshall surprised
her at the airport.
4
00:00:09,135 --> 00:00:12,180
And she surprised him with a
six-pack of locally brewed beer.
5
00:00:12,263 --> 00:00:14,849
Fort lager-Dale! Get it?
6
00:00:14,932 --> 00:00:17,018
And with that,
a ritual was born.
7
00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:18,769
For the next 11 years,
8
00:00:18,853 --> 00:00:20,688
whenever either of them
would fly anywhere...
9
00:00:20,771 --> 00:00:23,441
Minne-cider! Get it?
10
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:26,194
The reunion was always
commemorated with a chauffeur sign
11
00:00:26,277 --> 00:00:28,196
and a six-pack from
wherever they'd been.
12
00:00:28,279 --> 00:00:32,158
Aspen yards ale! Get it?
13
00:00:32,241 --> 00:00:33,241
Actually, no.
14
00:00:33,284 --> 00:00:35,119
Me, neither. I was
hoping you would.
15
00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:39,540
But then, one night in January of
2009, the unthinkable happened.
16
00:00:39,624 --> 00:00:40,750
I'm not picking her up.
17
00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:42,043
What?
18
00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:44,587
Lin doesn't want me taking a
cab all the way to the airport
19
00:00:44,670 --> 00:00:47,006
just to take a cab all
the way back, you know?
20
00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:48,257
But the six-pack thing.
21
00:00:48,341 --> 00:00:51,552
Ted, that stuff was fun
when we were younger,
22
00:00:51,636 --> 00:00:53,054
but we've grown past that.
23
00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:56,224
As we mature, the
relationship matures with us.
24
00:00:56,307 --> 00:00:59,060
But, I mean, you guys are such
an inspiration to the rest of us,
25
00:00:59,143 --> 00:01:01,604
how you're so devoted
and connected.
26
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:05,316
I look at you guys, and that's
all I want in the whole world.
27
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:07,944
Ted, there's two college girls
outside, and they look easy!
28
00:01:10,863 --> 00:01:12,031
So, Arizona...
29
00:01:12,114 --> 00:01:13,741
You know, I've
always wanted to see
30
00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:15,576
what an Arizona
driver's license looks like.
31
00:01:15,660 --> 00:01:17,512
I already ran that play,
bro. They're 21. We're good.
32
00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:20,081
Thank god. So, what
brings you guys to town?
33
00:01:20,164 --> 00:01:21,582
Our band's got a gig.
34
00:01:21,666 --> 00:01:23,042
You're in a band?
35
00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:24,478
Hey, maybe we can
come see you play.
36
00:01:24,502 --> 00:01:26,337
Excuse us for a sec.
37
00:01:27,672 --> 00:01:29,312
Ted, what the hell is
the matter with you?
38
00:01:29,340 --> 00:01:30,758
We're not gonna
go see them play.
39
00:01:30,841 --> 00:01:31,926
Why not?
40
00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:35,471
If we see them play, we're no
better than the bleach-blonde bimbos
41
00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:38,099
who flash their boobs
at a Van halen concert.
42
00:01:38,182 --> 00:01:39,785
Yeah, but don't those
girls get to have sex
43
00:01:39,809 --> 00:01:41,269
with Van halen after the show?
44
00:01:41,352 --> 00:01:44,438
If you want to have sex with Van
halen, do it on your own time, Ted.
45
00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:47,191
We are not the "maybe we
can come see you play" guys.
46
00:01:47,275 --> 00:01:48,276
We're the other guys,
47
00:01:48,359 --> 00:01:53,072
the older guys who never showed up
and whose approval they now crave.
48
00:01:53,948 --> 00:01:55,032
So, we're their dads?
49
00:01:55,116 --> 00:01:56,450
Exactly.
50
00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:57,952
Okay.
51
00:01:59,078 --> 00:02:01,914
It's a big meeting, so I don't
think we're gonna make it.
52
00:02:01,998 --> 00:02:03,916
Maybe next time, kiddos.
53
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:05,394
But if you guys want to
meet up after your show,
54
00:02:05,418 --> 00:02:06,752
maybe we could
exchange numbers...
55
00:02:06,836 --> 00:02:08,337
Excuse us for a minute.
56
00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:12,091
Ted, have you gone
completely insane?
57
00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:14,093
We don't want
their phone numbers.
58
00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:15,237
Yeah. I don't know
what I was doing.
59
00:02:15,261 --> 00:02:16,846
I guess I panicked out there.
60
00:02:17,722 --> 00:02:19,807
When you exchange
numbers with a chick,
61
00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:22,476
you give them the
ability to call and cancel.
62
00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:25,813
If you set a date without a
number, they have to show up.
63
00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:28,316
Check and mate!
64
00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:31,319
The only digits
I need are these.
65
00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:34,322
Honka.
66
00:02:35,156 --> 00:02:36,574
Are you still their dad?
67
00:02:39,035 --> 00:02:41,787
So, why don't we just meet here
tomorrow night around 10:00?
68
00:02:41,871 --> 00:02:43,831
I think it's supposed to snow.
69
00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:45,624
What do we do if
there's a blizzard?
70
00:02:45,708 --> 00:02:47,335
Either way, we'll be here.
71
00:02:47,460 --> 00:02:49,128
Snow problem.
72
00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:51,922
Excuse us just onelastsecond.
73
00:02:53,591 --> 00:02:55,593
What is the problem now?
74
00:02:56,302 --> 00:02:57,345
Nice one.
75
00:02:57,428 --> 00:02:58,846
Yeah. Thanks
76
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:00,574
all right, we'll see
you tomorrow night.
77
00:03:00,598 --> 00:03:02,350
Totally. Awesome!
78
00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:04,685
"Totally." "awesome!"
79
00:03:04,769 --> 00:03:06,729
Man, these college
chicks sound stupid.
80
00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:07,897
Totally. Awesome.
81
00:03:07,980 --> 00:03:09,857
So, here's the thing,
tomorrow night,
82
00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:12,902
dress to move, it's
gonna be a mess!
83
00:03:13,277 --> 00:03:15,696
I still think we should've
gotten their numbers.
84
00:03:15,780 --> 00:03:18,240
You always assume
something is gonna go wrong.
85
00:03:18,324 --> 00:03:21,786
Ted, I promise you,
nothing is gonna go wrong.
86
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:24,330
Hey, it's starting to snow.
87
00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:52,525
Older Ted: Kids, the
blizzard of '09 was a monster.
88
00:03:52,608 --> 00:03:54,402
It snowed for
three days straight,
89
00:03:54,485 --> 00:03:57,488
which led to
three amazing stories.
90
00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:58,906
I'll start with me and Barney.
91
00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:01,659
It's pretty nasty out there.
I don't think they're coming.
92
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,786
Of course they're coming.
They have to.
93
00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:08,124
If icanland just one of these
girls, I'll have party school bingo.
94
00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:14,088
Come on, Ted.
You're the only one here.
95
00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:16,924
Oh, sorry. What's
party school bingo?
96
00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:21,929
Every year, playboy releases a list
of the top party schools in the country.
97
00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:25,891
I take the top 25, and
I make up a bingo card.
98
00:04:26,851 --> 00:04:30,479
All I need is Arizona tech,
which is crazy.
99
00:04:30,563 --> 00:04:33,774
In league play, that would
normally be designated a free space.
100
00:04:33,858 --> 00:04:37,611
So, how many people are in
on this party school bingo thing?
101
00:04:37,695 --> 00:04:40,739
Oh, it's just me.
So what's the point, then?
102
00:04:40,823 --> 00:04:43,742
The point is to
get five in a row.
103
00:04:44,869 --> 00:04:47,788
And what do you get
when you get five in a row?
104
00:04:49,707 --> 00:04:51,584
I get bingo.
105
00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:54,879
Thanks for coming by.
106
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:57,122
I monkeyed around with the
thermostat for about an hour
107
00:04:57,173 --> 00:04:59,341
before I realized
it was the intercom.
108
00:04:59,425 --> 00:05:01,552
Yeah, I heard you
swearing downstairs.
109
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,554
Hey, so, Lily's flight's
coming in tonight.
110
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,848
You're really not
gonna go pick her up?
111
00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:10,436
Robin, Robin, like
I said, as we mature,
112
00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:13,022
our relationship matures
with us.
113
00:05:13,105 --> 00:05:17,318
Yeah, well, if I know your wife, she's
gonna get you that six-pack anyway.
114
00:05:19,737 --> 00:05:23,073
Marshall? Marshall?
115
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,326
Puget stout.
116
00:05:25,409 --> 00:05:28,537
A most exquisite
Seattle microbrew.
117
00:05:28,621 --> 00:05:31,332
And speaking of six-packs...
118
00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:39,840
What are you doing?
I'm going to the airport.
119
00:05:39,924 --> 00:05:41,175
How could I be so stupid?
120
00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:42,927
Of course she's
bringing me a six-pack!
121
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:46,096
But this time, I didn't
bring him a six-pack.
122
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:50,434
Because as we mature, the
relationship matures with us.
123
00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:53,896
Well, he sounds like
a nice young man.
124
00:05:54,230 --> 00:05:57,942
I'll bet he surprises you
and picks you up anyway.
125
00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:01,570
Oh, baby.
126
00:06:01,654 --> 00:06:03,113
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
127
00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:07,493
Where's my beer?
We said we weren't gonna.
128
00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:11,205
I have beer.
129
00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:14,458
Wow. A six-pack and you're
an appropriate height for me.
130
00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:16,377
Let's go, new Lily.
131
00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:20,422
Oh, man, I got to get some beer.
132
00:06:20,506 --> 00:06:22,091
Folks, this is
your captain speaking.
133
00:06:22,174 --> 00:06:25,094
Looks like we're going to
be arriving an hour early.
134
00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:26,345
Yes!
135
00:06:27,805 --> 00:06:29,723
Drink up, boys.
I'm closing the bar.
136
00:06:29,807 --> 00:06:31,559
Whoa, no! It's only 9:00.
137
00:06:31,642 --> 00:06:33,435
And this place is raging, yo!
138
00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:38,524
Guys, I'm really sorry, but I got to
go set up cots in the church basement.
139
00:06:38,607 --> 00:06:40,568
It doubles as a shelter
on snowy nights like this.
140
00:06:40,651 --> 00:06:42,069
You selfish bastard!
141
00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:44,738
There are two very hot
girls coming here to meet us.
142
00:06:44,822 --> 00:06:46,633
Can't you just leave the
place open a little while longer?
143
00:06:46,657 --> 00:06:47,937
We'll keep an eye on everything.
144
00:06:47,992 --> 00:06:49,285
You two? No way.
145
00:06:49,368 --> 00:06:51,346
You wouldn't know the first
thing about running a bar.
146
00:06:51,370 --> 00:06:52,663
Serve the hotties first?
147
00:06:53,831 --> 00:06:54,873
Here's the keys.
148
00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:01,589
Here's the keys.
149
00:07:01,672 --> 00:07:05,050
As soon as your girls show up,
you turn off the lights and you lock up.
150
00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:07,614
And I don't want to come back
here and find this place trashed.
151
00:07:07,678 --> 00:07:09,888
Wow, seriously?
I can trust you guys.
152
00:07:09,972 --> 00:07:12,659
Older Ted: To understand what it
meant to us to get the keys to maclaren's,
153
00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:14,602
I have to take you back
a few years,
154
00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:16,445
to the night that I
uttered five little words
155
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:19,189
that every man, at some
point in his life, will say.
156
00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:20,399
We should buy a bar.
157
00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:22,901
Of course, we should buy a bar!
158
00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:25,946
We should totally buy a bar.
We should totally buy a bar.
159
00:07:26,030 --> 00:07:27,656
Our bar would be awesome.
160
00:07:27,740 --> 00:07:31,827
And dude, dude, dude, dude,
161
00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:36,540
the name of our bar, puzzles.
162
00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:40,085
People will be like,
"why is it called puzzles?"
163
00:07:40,169 --> 00:07:42,046
That's the puzzle.
164
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:45,591
That is
165
00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:48,135
a great name for a bar!
166
00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:51,096
And also, at
puzzles, no last call.
167
00:07:51,180 --> 00:07:52,389
No last call!
168
00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:54,850
Only when every
single person is finished
169
00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,935
having the greatest
night of his or her life
170
00:07:57,019 --> 00:07:58,479
do we stack the
chairs on the table
171
00:07:58,562 --> 00:08:01,982
and power down the
three-story Margarita waterfall.
172
00:08:02,066 --> 00:08:04,902
We should buy a bar.
We should buy a bar.
173
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,297
Older Ted: And like the other
ill-advised five-word sentences
174
00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:09,281
every man eventually
says in his life...
175
00:08:09,865 --> 00:08:11,742
I can jump that far.
176
00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:13,869
I'm gonna win her back.
177
00:08:14,578 --> 00:08:15,704
I can trust you guys.
178
00:08:15,788 --> 00:08:18,916
We would come to regret
it. We just didn't know it yet.
179
00:08:19,083 --> 00:08:23,003
Aruba, Jamaica
ooh I wanna take ya
180
00:08:23,087 --> 00:08:27,007
Bermuda, bahama
come on pretty mama
181
00:08:27,091 --> 00:08:30,386
key largo, montego
baby why don't we go
182
00:08:30,469 --> 00:08:33,514
ooh I wanna take
you down to kokomo
183
00:08:33,597 --> 00:08:37,643
we'll get there fast and
then we'll take it slow
184
00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:42,898
that's where we wanna
go way down in kokomo
185
00:08:45,109 --> 00:08:47,528
You have it? Awesome,
I'll be right there.
186
00:08:49,405 --> 00:08:51,573
Ranjit! Hello.
187
00:08:51,657 --> 00:08:53,701
I'm Rachel sondheimer.
188
00:08:53,784 --> 00:08:55,077
Wait a minute, Lily.
189
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:58,789
If you are getting off the
plane, where is Marshall?
190
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,249
And where is your six-pack?
191
00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:05,254
That's the problem. I have to get to
brewniverse in east Meadow in an hour.
192
00:09:05,337 --> 00:09:06,380
To the town car!
193
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:07,631
Thank you.
194
00:09:08,674 --> 00:09:10,718
Barkeep, triple sec.
195
00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:12,803
Coming right up, tap-minder.
196
00:09:13,971 --> 00:09:14,972
Hey!
197
00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:18,058
We'll get one.
198
00:09:19,810 --> 00:09:22,146
Order up! Order up. Okay.
199
00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:26,400
We'll get one.
200
00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:28,485
Oh, thank god you're still here.
201
00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:30,529
I don't know if you guys
have ever seen star wars,
202
00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:32,156
but it's like hoth out there.
203
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:33,240
Dibs.
204
00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:37,745
It reminds me of when I used to go
sledding with my dad, before he left.
205
00:09:37,828 --> 00:09:39,288
And dibs.
206
00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:41,457
So, can we warm
you up with a drink?
207
00:09:41,540 --> 00:09:44,001
Sure. Oh, by the
way, I invited the rest
208
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,353
of the band to come and meet us.
209
00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:48,213
We were hoping to get
drunk. I mean, really drunk.
210
00:09:48,297 --> 00:09:50,090
Like my dad used to.
211
00:09:50,174 --> 00:09:52,134
Dibsity, dibsity, dibsity.
212
00:09:52,885 --> 00:09:55,321
Well, I guess we could keep
the place open a little bit longer.
213
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:57,347
As long as it's
just you and the band.
214
00:10:00,017 --> 00:10:02,936
Melissa, what
kind of band is this?
215
00:10:03,020 --> 00:10:05,856
We're the Arizona tech
fighting hens marching band.
216
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,858
Go, heny go, heny
217
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:12,112
older Ted: And then, your uncle Barney and
I had one of our telepathic conversations.
218
00:10:12,196 --> 00:10:16,408
Dude, Carl's gonna kill us if we don't
kick everyone out of here right now.
219
00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:21,121
Aruba, Jamaica
ooh I wanna take ya
220
00:10:21,205 --> 00:10:22,664
Barney, I'm serious.
221
00:10:22,748 --> 00:10:24,583
We promised we wouldn't
mess the place up.
222
00:10:24,666 --> 00:10:28,712
Bermuda, bahama
come on pretty mama
223
00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:30,779
all right, I guess
you have a point.
224
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,176
The bar is open!
225
00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:37,679
Who wants a beer, huh?
226
00:10:40,682 --> 00:10:42,559
I still say this is stupid.
227
00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:43,852
What happened to,
228
00:10:43,936 --> 00:10:46,188
"as we mature, the
relationship matures with us"?
229
00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:49,817
That's just something Lily
read in psychology today.
230
00:10:51,068 --> 00:10:52,945
All right, she read it in cosmo.
231
00:10:53,028 --> 00:10:54,822
All right, I read it in cosmo.
232
00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:57,825
All right, it was cosmo
girl! Just drive, okay?
233
00:10:57,908 --> 00:10:59,576
I just don't get why
it's such a big deal
234
00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:01,662
that one little ritual
goes by the wayside.
235
00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:05,415
It's not just this, okay?
It's all of our little rituals.
236
00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:09,169
Do you know what we used to do
every day, the second I got home?
237
00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:12,756
Man, I don't want to hear
about your crazy monkey sex.
238
00:11:13,215 --> 00:11:15,968
We would tell each other
what we had to eat that day.
239
00:11:17,261 --> 00:11:21,348
Two eggs, a slice of cheese
pizza and some steamed veggies.
240
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:26,603
Everything bagel, chicken breast, some
celery sticks and a spoon of peanut butter.
241
00:11:27,437 --> 00:11:30,065
Crazy monkey sex?
Crazy monkey sex.
242
00:11:33,569 --> 00:11:37,656
Lily, tmi,
too many informations.
243
00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:41,326
And you know what else I
miss? Our lunchtime phone call.
244
00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:44,621
Hey, baby, it's
lunchtime, and I love you.
245
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:47,541
I reciprocate in principle,
246
00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:52,379
although with the caveat that there seems
to be a bit of a surplus here on my end.
247
00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:55,007
No, I love you more.
248
00:11:55,841 --> 00:11:59,761
Do we need to get in a room
together and bang this thing out?
249
00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:04,683
Those sound
like agreeable terms,
250
00:12:04,766 --> 00:12:07,269
although I may need
to adjust my briefs.
251
00:12:10,022 --> 00:12:11,648
Love you, too.
252
00:12:12,316 --> 00:12:17,195
But today when she called, I
let it go to voicemail. Voicemail!
253
00:12:17,279 --> 00:12:18,655
How could you?
254
00:12:18,739 --> 00:12:21,992
The thing I miss most is kissing
at midnight on new year's Eve.
255
00:12:22,117 --> 00:12:26,204
It was a new year's tradition. But
you know what we did this year?
256
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,041
Crazy monkey sex?
257
00:12:32,753 --> 00:12:35,255
Okay, all these cute,
adorable little rituals?
258
00:12:35,339 --> 00:12:36,840
Yeah. They're stupid.
259
00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:38,401
Telling each other
what you had to eat?
260
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:41,094
You're like
children playing house.
261
00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:44,222
Well, maybe you just
think they're stupid
262
00:12:44,306 --> 00:12:47,851
because you've never been in a
relationship long enough to develop them.
263
00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:48,936
What?
264
00:12:49,019 --> 00:12:50,330
Yeah, you don't
understand love, okay?
265
00:12:50,354 --> 00:12:54,149
You're like some robot who
sees a person crying and says,
266
00:12:54,358 --> 00:12:56,944
"why is that human leaking?"
267
00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:58,737
Yeah. Is that right?
268
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,614
Well, then, robot initiating
269
00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:02,366
pull-over-to-the-
side-of-the-road-
270
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:05,243
until-jackass-
apologizes-to-me sequence.
271
00:13:11,750 --> 00:13:15,003
My robot was, like,
a million times better.
272
00:13:18,882 --> 00:13:22,094
Hey, just so you know, the trough
in the bathroom is overflowing.
273
00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:24,388
There's no trough
in the bathroom.
274
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,682
And you just came
out of the kitchen.
275
00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:29,559
Ted, what's in a gin and tonic?
276
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:31,144
What's in a gin and tonic?
277
00:13:31,228 --> 00:13:33,939
Okay, running a bar sucks.
Let's just close up.
278
00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:35,857
No! No! There's no last call.
279
00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:38,318
Puzzles, go for Barney.
280
00:13:38,527 --> 00:13:40,407
Good. You're still
there. I'll be there in five.
281
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:43,490
Last call!
282
00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:51,933
Robin, there's a snowplow coming.
We have to get back on the road.
283
00:13:51,957 --> 00:13:55,043
You think the only way to be
in love is to have pet names.
284
00:13:55,127 --> 00:13:57,170
Or leave each other
stupid, little notes,
285
00:13:57,254 --> 00:14:00,882
or go charging off into a
blizzard for no good reason.
286
00:14:00,966 --> 00:14:02,944
Do you understand what's gonna
happen if that plow comes by?
287
00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:04,011
You know what you are?
288
00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:05,262
Okay. You're a love snob.
289
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,514
There's lots of ways
to be in a relationship,
290
00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:10,597
and you would know that if you ever
left your little love snob country club.
291
00:14:10,642 --> 00:14:13,353
We're going to get buried by
snow. That's going to happen.
292
00:14:13,437 --> 00:14:17,107
No, screw this. I'm not going
to sit here and be insulted.
293
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,776
We're not going to the
airport. We're going home.
294
00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:24,948
What just happened?
295
00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:33,540
Hey, hey, hi. We called earlier
about the Seattle microbrew.
296
00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:35,667
Yeah, good thing you
called when you did.
297
00:14:35,751 --> 00:14:39,755
I was getting ready to close up.
Storm of the century out there.
298
00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:42,382
Of course, it's only
'09, so storm of the
299
00:14:42,466 --> 00:14:44,718
century might be
a little bit premature.
300
00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:48,722
Let's say storm of the year.
Although, it is only January.
301
00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:52,309
We're kind of in a hurry,
so we'll take the beer now.
302
00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:54,352
You are a cute couple.
303
00:14:54,436 --> 00:14:56,229
Thank you. We're not a couple.
304
00:14:56,313 --> 00:14:58,690
Thank god. That would be weird.
305
00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:04,446
Well, here she is.
Supersonic tonic.
306
00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:08,033
No. This is a keg.
I need a six-pack.
307
00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:10,160
A keg's all I got.
We'll take the keg.
308
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:13,747
What? Oh, no. Last time I
had one of these in the car,
309
00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:18,126
iwound up chipping dried vomit
off the seat with a putty knife.
310
00:15:18,210 --> 00:15:22,589
I'm sorry, ranjit, but this is a ritual,
and I am bringing him this beer.
311
00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:26,384
If you could just
put it in the car.
312
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:29,096
I'll give you 50 bucks.
313
00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:30,639
To the town car.
314
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:39,689
Look, Robin, I'm sorry.
You're not a robot.
315
00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:43,860
I mean, if you are, you're
an incredibly advanced model,
316
00:15:43,944 --> 00:15:46,822
and the human race
doesn't stand a chance.
317
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:50,575
You just don't choose to show
your love through corny rituals,
318
00:15:50,659 --> 00:15:52,035
and that's fine.
319
00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:54,955
But maybe the reason Lily and
I do is because we always have,
320
00:15:55,038 --> 00:15:57,749
and we don't know any other way.
321
00:15:57,833 --> 00:16:02,796
One thing I do know is that if she's
there sitting at the airport alone,
322
00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:06,216
I have to go get her.
Those are the rules.
323
00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:10,887
Marshall, close your eyes.
324
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:14,432
I don't know how you heard any
of that as me hitting on you, but...
325
00:16:14,516 --> 00:16:15,934
Just do it.
326
00:16:24,109 --> 00:16:26,319
Now, let's go get your woman.
327
00:16:27,154 --> 00:16:29,114
All right, come on.
328
00:16:29,197 --> 00:16:32,159
You don't have to go home,
but you can't stay here.
329
00:16:32,242 --> 00:16:33,535
I've always wanted to say that.
330
00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:34,911
I mean, in a bar.
331
00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:37,289
I say it all the time at home.
332
00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:40,375
Dude, someday
we should buy a bar.
333
00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:43,837
And when we do, we are
never going to have last call.
334
00:16:45,255 --> 00:16:47,924
Come on, Barney.
We said no last call.
335
00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:49,426
We got to mean it.
336
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:51,094
Well, what are we
supposed to do?
337
00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:52,929
Carl's going to
be here any minute.
338
00:16:53,263 --> 00:16:54,723
Only one thing we can do.
339
00:16:57,809 --> 00:17:00,312
Dude, running a bar
is a pain in the ass.
340
00:17:00,395 --> 00:17:02,939
We should just stick
with what we know.
341
00:17:04,232 --> 00:17:05,692
We should start a band.
342
00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:07,194
Of course we
should start a band.
343
00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:09,237
How have we not
started a band yet?
344
00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:16,036
Older Ted: Kids, sometimes in life,
the planets align, everything links up,
345
00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:18,205
and your timing is perfect.
346
00:17:18,288 --> 00:17:19,497
Marshall?
347
00:17:19,581 --> 00:17:20,624
Lily?
348
00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:23,293
Marshall?
349
00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:25,879
Lily?
350
00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:41,937
This wasn't one of those times.
351
00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:45,649
Where is she?
352
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:47,317
Seattle.
353
00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:48,568
What?
354
00:17:48,652 --> 00:17:50,654
Her flight's canceled.
It never took off.
355
00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:53,490
No, no, she would've
called me and...
356
00:17:57,494 --> 00:18:01,581
Hey, baby, it's me. My flight's been
canceled because of some snowstorm
357
00:18:01,665 --> 00:18:03,917
and they couldn't
rebook me till Thursday,
358
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,544
so I'm stuck here
for another two days.
359
00:18:06,878 --> 00:18:09,673
But it's lunchtime,
and I love you.
360
00:18:11,299 --> 00:18:13,885
Older Ted: Like I said,
this was a three-day storm.
361
00:18:13,969 --> 00:18:15,178
Tuesday".
362
00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:16,554
I still say this is stupid.
363
00:18:16,638 --> 00:18:18,306
Wednesday
364
00:18:19,474 --> 00:18:20,767
and Thursday.
365
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:21,851
Microbrew.
366
00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:24,354
So, on Tuesday, when
Marshall heard that message...
367
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:26,731
She's not coming
in till Thursday.
368
00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:27,917
I mean, we came all
the way down here,
369
00:18:27,941 --> 00:18:29,901
and she's not coming
in till Thursday.
370
00:18:29,985 --> 00:18:31,695
I feel so stupid.
371
00:18:32,696 --> 00:18:36,032
Look, let's just... let's not
tell Lily about any of this, okay?
372
00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:38,285
Especially the part
about you hitting on me.
373
00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:39,786
I didn't hit on you.
374
00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:41,037
Exactly.
375
00:18:42,706 --> 00:18:44,165
Older Ted: Then on Wednesday...
376
00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:46,793
Oh, man, I can't believe you
drove all the way out there.
377
00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:47,895
Now you're just
going to turn around
378
00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:49,759
and drive all the way
out there again tomorrow.
379
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:52,799
Yeah, no. This whole
thing was a sign, you know?
380
00:18:52,882 --> 00:18:56,386
It's time to put that old ritual to
bed. I'm not going to pick her up.
381
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,471
And Robin really hit on you?
382
00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:01,057
Dude, it was weird.
383
00:19:01,933 --> 00:19:05,186
Bros, this party is awesome!
384
00:19:05,270 --> 00:19:07,188
You are true friends
of the fighting hens.
385
00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:10,984
If you ever need anything,
don't hesitate to ask.
386
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:13,737
Isthe flute section
seeing anyone?
387
00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:18,158
So, wait, you're really
not gonna pick her up?
388
00:19:18,241 --> 00:19:19,242
Yeah, really.
389
00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:22,662
So, the new year's kiss,
the lunchtime phone calls,
390
00:19:22,746 --> 00:19:25,248
the whole "this is
what I ate today" thing,
391
00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:27,917
you're really letting it all go?
392
00:19:29,294 --> 00:19:30,962
I really am.
393
00:19:31,046 --> 00:19:33,048
Older Ted: Which
brings us to Thursday.
394
00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:17,675
A muffin, a pastrami
sandwich and a bag of chips.
395
00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:20,887
And I know it's way past
lunchtime, but I love you.
396
00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:23,473
More and more each
day, I love you, Lily.
397
00:20:24,682 --> 00:20:26,142
Happy new year.
398
00:20:32,774 --> 00:20:33,959
Wait, does this mean
that I have to bring
399
00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:35,419
a marching band to
the airport from now on?
400
00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:37,821
Absolutely, it does. Oh, crap.
401
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,334
Man 1: Go, hens!
Man 2: Go, hens!
402
00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:55,755
Puzzles.
403
00:20:55,839 --> 00:20:58,425
That is a great band name.
404
00:21:01,052 --> 00:21:02,470
Hey, have you seen Amanda?
405
00:21:03,513 --> 00:21:04,848
Bingo!
31276
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