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1
00:00:02,587 --> 00:00:04,147
Older Ted: Kids,
everyone has an opinion
2
00:00:04,172 --> 00:00:06,257
on how long it takes
to recover from a breakup.
3
00:00:06,716 --> 00:00:08,551
Half the length
of the relationship.
4
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:10,553
One week for every month
you were together.
5
00:00:10,761 --> 00:00:13,848
Exactly 10,000 drinks.
However long that takes.
6
00:00:13,931 --> 00:00:16,559
You can't measure
something like this in time.
7
00:00:16,642 --> 00:00:18,394
There's a series of steps.
8
00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:22,023
From her bed to the front
door. Bam! Out of there. Next!
9
00:00:22,899 --> 00:00:25,586
Older Ted: But I think you start to
recover the moment you meet that person
10
00:00:25,610 --> 00:00:27,904
who gets you back in the game.
11
00:00:28,613 --> 00:00:31,532
This is the story of
how I met that person.
12
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:43,419
Now, kids, if you want to go
swimming, you don't just dive in.
13
00:00:43,502 --> 00:00:45,963
First, you dip your
toe in the water.
14
00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:48,466
Hey.
15
00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:59,143
You check the temperature.
See how it feels.
16
00:01:00,061 --> 00:01:03,272
I'm Ted. Vicky.
17
00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:34,095
And then you slowly Wade in.
18
00:01:34,178 --> 00:01:35,930
I got left at the
altar a month ago.
19
00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:37,348
Or, you know, cannonball.
20
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:40,393
It was a complete disaster,
and ever since then,
21
00:01:40,476 --> 00:01:43,688
I haven't been able to
even look at another woman.
22
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:47,316
Except for the old lady on the
subway who breakdances for nickels.
23
00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:49,902
I don't look at her that way.
I just look at her.
24
00:01:49,986 --> 00:01:53,531
I mean, it's an old lady
breakdancing. And she is good.
25
00:01:54,365 --> 00:01:57,201
I'm going to give her
a dollar next time.
26
00:01:57,743 --> 00:02:00,329
Hey, let's pretend
I just said this.
27
00:02:00,413 --> 00:02:03,124
These elevator rides have
been the highlight of my week,
28
00:02:03,207 --> 00:02:06,085
and I'd love to see you
again Friday night.
29
00:02:06,168 --> 00:02:10,381
Not in the elevator. At
a restaurant, a nice one.
30
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:14,593
What do you say? Yes.
31
00:02:29,108 --> 00:02:31,148
Older Ted: Kids, I walked
in on a lot of crazy stuff
32
00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:33,112
at the old apartment
over the years.
33
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:39,577
Sorry, guys. I'm just going
to go with a bowl of fruit.
34
00:02:40,953 --> 00:02:43,080
It's been 12 minutes!
35
00:02:47,752 --> 00:02:49,712
Drop it! You first!
36
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:51,273
Ike, why are you pointing
your gun at me?
37
00:02:51,297 --> 00:02:54,342
Don't use my name!
Put the guns down, now!
38
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,974
But one of the craziest things
I ever walked in on
39
00:03:02,058 --> 00:03:05,436
happened when I was roommates
with your aunt Robin.
40
00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:12,109
Hey. Hey.
41
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,989
Who are you? Mitch.
42
00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:23,412
What are you doing, Mitch?
You must be the roommate.
43
00:03:23,496 --> 00:03:27,041
I'm on a date with Robin. She
had to step outside to take a call.
44
00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:28,844
I guess her cell phone
doesn't work in here.
45
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:31,921
Oh!
46
00:03:32,004 --> 00:03:35,549
Oh. Robin didn't use
the super-secret signal.
47
00:03:35,633 --> 00:03:38,260
We put this old takeout menu
on the doorknob.
48
00:03:38,344 --> 00:03:41,555
Place went out of business.
Mr. Wang's.
49
00:03:41,639 --> 00:03:44,767
Guess I don't have to
explain why that's funny.
50
00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:46,310
I'm gonna go.
51
00:03:49,063 --> 00:03:53,567
When you leave, take the seat
cushion with you. That's trash now.
52
00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:57,154
I think that I am more
than qualified for the job.
53
00:03:57,238 --> 00:04:01,700
My weaknesses? I would say
caring too much, working too hard,
54
00:04:01,784 --> 00:04:03,953
and putting my career
in front of my love life.
55
00:04:04,036 --> 00:04:06,997
Whoops!
That last one was real. What?
56
00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:14,088
Well, it appears our sweet,
innocent little Robin has taken a lover.
57
00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:16,507
A young blade by
the name of Mitch.
58
00:04:16,715 --> 00:04:18,759
Her blind date? Total bust.
59
00:04:18,843 --> 00:04:21,095
She's been sending me
text messages all night.
60
00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:24,849
She just let him go upstairs to
use the bathroom a second ago.
61
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,851
Excuse me a minute.
62
00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:33,065
Buddy, you are killing me. I'm kind
of in the middle of something here.
63
00:04:33,149 --> 00:04:34,233
Middle of what?
64
00:04:35,818 --> 00:04:39,447
This is my move.
It's called the naked man.
65
00:04:39,530 --> 00:04:42,116
The naked man? Goes like this.
66
00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,952
You're on a first date,
you've had a few drinks.
67
00:04:45,578 --> 00:04:47,848
Mitch: You make an excuse
to go up to the girl's apartment.
68
00:04:47,872 --> 00:04:49,592
So the bathroom's
right there. Okay, thanks.
69
00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:52,227
You know what,
I'm gonna grab this.
70
00:04:52,251 --> 00:04:54,462
Okay. Hello?
71
00:04:54,545 --> 00:04:59,633
Then, once she leaves the room,
you strip down naked and wait.
72
00:04:59,717 --> 00:05:03,262
When she comes back, she laughs.
73
00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:05,806
She's so charmed by your
confidence and bravado,
74
00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:08,100
she sleeps with you. Boom!
75
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:13,689
There is no way
that works! Two out of three times.
76
00:05:13,772 --> 00:05:15,441
Two out of three times?
77
00:05:15,524 --> 00:05:19,028
Two out of three times. You
just have to pick your spot.
78
00:05:19,111 --> 00:05:21,822
The naked man is best used
as a last resort,
79
00:05:21,906 --> 00:05:23,991
kind of a hail Mary
on a first date
80
00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:26,052
when you know there's not
going to be a second one.
81
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:27,762
How do you know there's
not gonna be a second date?
82
00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:30,664
Ted, look at me.
I'd rather not, Mitch.
83
00:05:30,748 --> 00:05:35,753
Robin is way out of my league.
I'm not smart, funny or handsome.
84
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,731
And as you can plainly see,
there's nothing impressive
85
00:05:37,755 --> 00:05:40,090
going on anywhere around here.
86
00:05:41,133 --> 00:05:44,011
My only shot with a girl like
Robin is the element of surprise.
87
00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:48,599
And, let's be honest, a
little pity. It's shock and...
88
00:05:50,976 --> 00:05:56,106
This doesn't really work. Two
out of three times. Guaranteed.
89
00:05:56,190 --> 00:05:59,568
No way. Two out of three times.
90
00:05:59,652 --> 00:06:02,363
He guaranteed it. Oh, come on.
91
00:06:02,446 --> 00:06:04,448
There is no way
that's gonna work on Robin.
92
00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:05,692
She's going to walk in there,
93
00:06:05,741 --> 00:06:07,661
take one look at that idiot
and send him packing.
94
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,620
Yeah,
she might kick his ass first.
95
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,539
Yeah, she might get
her gun and shoot him.
96
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:18,170
Barney: Go, go!
97
00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:23,092
My god! It worked.
98
00:06:23,175 --> 00:06:25,469
Mr. Wang's is back in business?
99
00:06:30,975 --> 00:06:33,352
The naked man works!
100
00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:36,564
This is gonna revolutionize
the one-night stand.
101
00:06:36,647 --> 00:06:41,443
This is like the forward pass in
football. The slam dunk in basketball.
102
00:06:41,527 --> 00:06:44,005
The haircutting technique where
they hold it between their fingers
103
00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:46,657
and cut right above it.
It's a total game-changer!
104
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:50,411
Barney, this guy slept with Robin,
who you claim to be in love with.
105
00:06:50,494 --> 00:06:52,788
How can you be
excited about this?
106
00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:57,793
Lily, the naked man
is bigger than me and Robin.
107
00:06:57,876 --> 00:07:01,255
All these years,
I have been busting my hump,
108
00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:05,634
with my secret identities
and my tricks and my gadgets.
109
00:07:05,718 --> 00:07:10,264
I mean, I'm like Batman. But
this Mitch fellow, he's Superman.
110
00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:12,558
He just rips off his clothes
and he's good to go.
111
00:07:12,641 --> 00:07:15,811
What kind of gadgets
are we talking about?
112
00:07:16,437 --> 00:07:18,290
So this is what it's gonna
be like, us living together?
113
00:07:18,314 --> 00:07:22,234
I come home, and guys you're dating are
just gonna be sitting on the couch, naked?
114
00:07:22,318 --> 00:07:23,652
I wish I could say no.
115
00:07:23,736 --> 00:07:27,948
I still cannot believe
the naked man worked on you.
116
00:07:28,032 --> 00:07:31,869
What can I say? Okay, I went
in there, and he was naked.
117
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:35,831
It was funny.
Ilaughed, helaughed.
118
00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:39,168
And then it just kind
of happened. I don't know.
119
00:07:41,545 --> 00:07:42,713
I call slut!
120
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,256
Whoa! Whoa!
121
00:07:44,340 --> 00:07:45,633
Excuse me?
122
00:07:45,716 --> 00:07:47,611
I'm sorry, Robin, but you
hooking up with this guy
123
00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:51,597
makes it seem like the only thing
standing between you and sex is clothes.
124
00:07:52,514 --> 00:07:55,517
I didn't just sleep with Mitch
because he was naked.
125
00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:58,103
Then why did you sleep
with him? Because he...
126
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:05,486
He... because I care
about Mitch. A lot.
127
00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:10,324
There was a connection
of specialness.
128
00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:12,826
Of specialness and feelings.
129
00:08:13,577 --> 00:08:16,789
It was because he was naked.
And I'm sorry, but I don't approve.
130
00:08:16,872 --> 00:08:21,335
There is only one reason to sleep
with somebody, and that is love.
131
00:08:23,754 --> 00:08:26,632
Yeah, Marshall's a big girl
because he believes in true love
132
00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,109
and just finished reading
the notebook
133
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:30,570
because the secretaries bullied
him intojoining Oprah's book club.
134
00:08:30,594 --> 00:08:32,680
Fine! But you know I'm right.
135
00:08:32,763 --> 00:08:36,392
Marshall, I love you, but there's
lots of reasons to have sex.
136
00:08:36,475 --> 00:08:38,143
Name one. I can name 50.
137
00:08:38,227 --> 00:08:41,939
No, you can't.
Number 1, last Thursday.
138
00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:51,073
Hey, Marshall,
want to do it? I'm up.
139
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:56,704
You befouled our marital bed
because you couldn't get to sleep?
140
00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:57,913
You're the one who said,
141
00:08:57,996 --> 00:09:02,668
"that shadow on the ceiling looks like a
scary, toothless clown. Good night, Lily."
142
00:09:02,793 --> 00:09:07,506
Fine! That's one. But I defy you
to name... I'm going to name 50.
143
00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:11,176
There's make-up sex,
break-up sex,
144
00:09:11,260 --> 00:09:14,388
and your-friend-just-told-you
-about-a-new-position sex.
145
00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:16,473
You're welcome.
146
00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:20,978
There's also revenge,
rebound, paratrooping.
147
00:09:21,812 --> 00:09:24,249
You know, when you go out of town,
but instead of getting a hotel room,
148
00:09:24,273 --> 00:09:26,960
you go straight to a bar with the
sole intention of hooking up with a girl
149
00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:28,104
so you have a place to stay?
150
00:09:28,152 --> 00:09:30,988
Oh, you mean
banging-for-roof. Slut!
151
00:09:31,697 --> 00:09:33,907
I don't do it. My college
roommate did it.
152
00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:36,243
Oh. No, no, Robin,
I just have a bad cough.
153
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,328
I don't really have a bad cough.
154
00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:41,832
We all know college roommate
means you, slut!
155
00:09:43,542 --> 00:09:45,669
Does anyone have a lozenge?
156
00:09:46,128 --> 00:09:49,214
I've got one.
Nothing-good-on -television sex.
157
00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:50,299
Hmm.
158
00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:54,636
Hotel-room sex.
Curiosity, as in,
159
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:58,223
I've always wondered what it's
like to have sex with a really tall girl.
160
00:09:58,307 --> 00:10:01,685
Not a big girl,
just a tall girl.
161
00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:05,939
Like, if a normal girl
162
00:10:06,023 --> 00:10:09,818
were seven,
seven-and-a-half-feet tall
163
00:10:09,902 --> 00:10:14,448
and wore a denim miniskirt.
164
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:18,035
I would have to know
what that is like. Okay.
165
00:10:20,162 --> 00:10:23,248
He-said-he-loved-you-but
-you're-not-ready -to-say-it-back-yet sex.
166
00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:24,833
Forty-three.
167
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:28,754
Wingman diving on the
friend grenade. Forty-four.
168
00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:32,049
The condoms are about
to expire. Forty-five.
169
00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:40,140
Wow! This is getting
a little hard. Forty-six!
170
00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:44,269
Okay, four more to go.
171
00:10:44,353 --> 00:10:48,607
You dropped a cheeto
on his lap, and when you reached for it,
172
00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:52,569
he thought you were making a
move, so you just went with it.
173
00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:56,073
Well, thank you for ruining the
memory of our six-month anniversary.
174
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,908
You got me cheetos.
175
00:10:58,534 --> 00:11:01,119
Look, can we just stop
with this stupid list, okay?
176
00:11:01,203 --> 00:11:04,498
You guys are making me sad.
No, I'm having fun.
177
00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:07,793
Man, this whole one-partner
thing sucks sometimes.
178
00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:11,171
I'm always talking about you.
I can't play "I never,"
179
00:11:11,255 --> 00:11:15,092
because then everyone would know
all the weird stuff I let you do to me.
180
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:18,554
The only weird thing I ever did to
you was open up my heart and soul,
181
00:11:18,637 --> 00:11:21,390
when all I had to do was strip
naked while you were out of the room.
182
00:11:21,473 --> 00:11:24,685
I didn't sleep with Mitch
because he was naked.
183
00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:26,603
Mitch and I have
something special.
184
00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:28,981
I mean, fingers crossed, guys.
He may be the one.
185
00:11:29,106 --> 00:11:33,694
The one? Mitch? The naked
man? You mean the naked genius.
186
00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:38,866
All these years I've been suiting up when
I should have been suiting down. That's it.
187
00:11:38,949 --> 00:11:41,368
I am doing
the naked man tonight.
188
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:43,036
Ted, so are you. What?
189
00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:46,015
With the elevator girl. You're going
out with her tonight, right? Naked man!
190
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,791
No. Barney, come on,
this is the first girl
191
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:49,635
I've had the courage
to ask out since Stella.
192
00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:50,836
Naked man!
193
00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:53,213
No, Barney, this is the
eighth outfit I tried on tonight.
194
00:11:53,297 --> 00:11:56,300
I got my hair out three times,
I'm a nervous wreck.
195
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,594
Are you wearing makeup?
196
00:11:59,303 --> 00:12:03,307
It's not makeup, okay? It's a
sunscreen with a subtle tint of...
197
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:08,854
It's made for men. Sue
me, I want my eyes to pop.
198
00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:14,401
Naked man!
No, Barney, I like Vicky.
199
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:15,764
This could actually
go somewhere.
200
00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:18,238
I don't want to do anything
stupid to jeopardize it.
201
00:12:18,322 --> 00:12:22,409
Well, I really like that girl,
202
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:25,412
but... oh! I didn't see
her from the back.
203
00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:28,749
I really like that girl.
204
00:12:28,832 --> 00:12:33,295
And I'm willing to jeopardize our
future together for one night of glory.
205
00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:35,923
Naked man!
206
00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:40,093
Older Ted: So, that night
we all set out to prove something.
207
00:12:40,177 --> 00:12:42,137
Robin wanted to
defend her honor.
208
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,556
Mitch, hey, baby, it's me.
209
00:12:46,058 --> 00:12:49,186
Robin. Do you want to grab
some dinner tonight?
210
00:12:50,729 --> 00:12:53,732
Because you're basically
my boyfriend!
211
00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:56,944
Lily needed to prove that
she could finish her list.
212
00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:59,863
I'm stuck. I can't think
of the last two.
213
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:03,742
Reason number 48,
214
00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:07,579
"to reinforce good behaviors
such as shaving and dental hygiene."
215
00:13:07,663 --> 00:13:09,456
Oh, now you're
conditioning me? Great!
216
00:13:09,539 --> 00:13:13,126
That explains why I always
get an erection when I floss.
217
00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:16,755
Older Ted: I had to prove that
as scary as it was to be dating again,
218
00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:19,466
I was over Stella and
ready to get back out there.
219
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:22,844
And Barney needed to prove that
he, too, could pull off the naked man.
220
00:13:23,095 --> 00:13:25,073
Hey, thank you for letting me
look at your aquarium.
221
00:13:25,097 --> 00:13:27,557
You're a real lifesaver.
Sure, no problem.
222
00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:31,061
I just need to use the
bathroom then I'll be on my way.
223
00:13:37,401 --> 00:13:40,946
Ted, I'm doing it.
I'm doing the naked man!
224
00:13:41,405 --> 00:13:42,489
Me, too!
225
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,330
I'm doing it! I'm doing
the naked man!
226
00:13:50,414 --> 00:13:52,958
That's great! What made
you change your mind?
227
00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:56,878
Well, the date with Vicky started off
okay, but it didn't go as well as I hoped.
228
00:13:57,462 --> 00:14:00,674
Oh, my god, Ted,
you are so funny.
229
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:03,760
And can I just say,
you have amazing eyes.
230
00:14:03,844 --> 00:14:05,846
What, these old things?
231
00:14:07,139 --> 00:14:09,349
Nice job, hotshot. I'm sorry...
232
00:14:09,433 --> 00:14:13,103
Save it! Go tell the manager
he owes us an appetizer.
233
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:17,733
One of the ones with shrimp!
You're welcome. You were saying?
234
00:14:17,983 --> 00:14:21,028
And then his cane
missed the top step,
235
00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:24,364
and he was falling for,
I swear, like, two minutes.
236
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:29,119
Oh, god, I love old people.
237
00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:33,790
Once I realized there was no
possible future in this relationship,
238
00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:36,084
I just decided to go for it.
Awesome.
239
00:14:36,168 --> 00:14:40,797
Okay, big question, what pose
will you display your naked man in?
240
00:14:41,298 --> 00:14:42,299
Huh.
241
00:14:42,466 --> 00:14:44,694
That is a big question. I
hadn't really thought about it.
242
00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:46,970
I was thinking the Superman.
243
00:14:49,139 --> 00:14:51,767
What about the captain Morgan?
244
00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:56,646
How about the "oops,
I didn't see you there"?
245
00:14:58,565 --> 00:14:59,983
The thinker.
246
00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:02,986
What about the heisman?
247
00:15:04,112 --> 00:15:05,489
Mr. Clean.
248
00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:09,576
The Burt Reynolds.
249
00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:19,503
It's so great to see you again.
250
00:15:22,506 --> 00:15:25,133
I really had a great
time last night.
251
00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:32,933
So, what is it like
managing a cpk?
252
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:34,994
I mean, whose idea was it
to put a pineapple in the...
253
00:15:35,018 --> 00:15:38,021
Okay, stop right there.
I know what this is.
254
00:15:38,396 --> 00:15:41,441
I've been on this date before.
This is the "I'm not a slut" date.
255
00:15:41,525 --> 00:15:44,152
What? That's crazy.
256
00:15:44,236 --> 00:15:47,030
Usually you read me so well,
but this time you're wrong.
257
00:15:47,114 --> 00:15:48,365
Come on, Robin.
258
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:52,327
One of us had a good time last
night, and we both know it was me.
259
00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:56,623
Mitchell something,
that is just not true.
260
00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:59,584
Really? How was the sex?
I didn't hate it.
261
00:15:59,668 --> 00:16:03,380
Robin, you've seen
my move. That's it.
262
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:08,552
I have nothing else to offer
you. I'm broke, I sweat when I eat,
263
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,905
and I'm in, like, five different
fantasy football leagues.
264
00:16:10,929 --> 00:16:14,141
It's all I talk about. Trust me,
you don't want to be around that.
265
00:16:14,224 --> 00:16:16,935
What? Yes, I do.
266
00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:19,479
Look, I didn't just sleep with
you because you were naked.
267
00:16:19,563 --> 00:16:21,148
Yeah, you did.
268
00:16:21,231 --> 00:16:23,209
And now you're trying to
pretend it was something more
269
00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:25,318
to make yourself feel better.
270
00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:28,905
Say what you will, at least
the naked man is honest.
271
00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:33,076
What about the
old coppertone baby?
272
00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:39,332
The olympic gymnast
who stuck the landing.
273
00:16:42,294 --> 00:16:44,588
Yeah, I got to go. Naked man!
274
00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,843
You have a really nice place!
275
00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:52,679
Vicky: Oh, thanks! Coming
from you, that's a real compliment.
276
00:16:52,762 --> 00:16:55,265
I just love that you're an
architect. It's so fascinating.
277
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:59,144
I could listen to you talk
about structural design all night.
278
00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:01,789
Older Ted: And then I noticed,
lying on her end table,
279
00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:04,357
a book of love poems
by Pablo neruda.
280
00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:06,818
The same edition I'd
had since college.
281
00:17:06,902 --> 00:17:08,904
And it was bookmarked
to my favorite poem.
282
00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:15,785
Maybe I was all wrong about this
girl. Maybe there was a future for us.
283
00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:18,413
Crap!
284
00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:26,630
Here we go.
285
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:28,965
Pablo neruda.
286
00:17:29,424 --> 00:17:32,719
Oh. Yeah, that book's a turd.
287
00:17:32,802 --> 00:17:35,722
Some douchey guy I hooked up
with left it here. It's all in Mexican.
288
00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:40,560
You know who writes
good poems? Jewel.
289
00:17:40,644 --> 00:17:43,605
Her teeth are crooked
and she lived in a car.
290
00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:46,149
So, she has stuff
to write about...
291
00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,234
Ta-da!
292
00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:01,039
Okay.
293
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:04,209
The naked man works.
294
00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:06,503
I just had decent sex
with an awful human being.
295
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:09,506
I am back!
Congratulations, buddy.
296
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:12,884
You're not the only one who
rocked the naked man tonight.
297
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,513
You just want to do it
to change the subject.
298
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:19,933
Yeah. Hey, that's number 49.
299
00:18:20,809 --> 00:18:24,938
Did it work?
It's like I just flossed.
300
00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:28,733
I love you. That's 50.
301
00:18:28,817 --> 00:18:30,068
Oh, yeah.
302
00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:34,281
Nice! What pose did you go
with? I went with "I've got boobs."
303
00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:36,366
And she nailed it.
304
00:18:37,867 --> 00:18:40,495
Oh, my god! Guys,
guys, guys! This is him.
305
00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:44,082
This is the naked man.
Ted, his name is Mitch.
306
00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:48,628
And he's my boyfriend. So... it's
okay, Robin. I no longer call slut.
307
00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:52,173
Okay. You can go.
Vvetedone. Thanks.
308
00:18:52,257 --> 00:18:55,093
No, Mitch, Mitch,
I have to thank you.
309
00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:57,387
We all tried the
naked man tonight. Oh.
310
00:18:57,470 --> 00:19:00,390
Oh! We should
see how Barney did.
311
00:19:03,685 --> 00:19:06,021
Hello? Hi, is Barney there?
312
00:19:07,689 --> 00:19:10,150
Oh, my god! What's
the matter with you?
313
00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:11,943
Get out!
I just have to grab my suit.
314
00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:14,612
It's very expensive. The tie
alone... get out of here right now!
315
00:19:14,738 --> 00:19:18,533
Get out, you sick son of a
bitch! All right. Okay. Call me.
316
00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:22,746
And if I see him again,
I'm calling the cops.
317
00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:28,501
Two out of three times.
318
00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:33,673
Mitch, I want you to know,
this night, crazy as it was,
319
00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:37,177
it got me out of my shell. That's
the beauty of the naked man.
320
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:41,348
It gives you exactly what
you need. No more, no less.
321
00:19:42,766 --> 00:19:47,562
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to replace
one of my fantasy football quarterbacks.
322
00:19:47,645 --> 00:19:49,731
He separated his shoulder!
323
00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:57,280
A toast to Mitch.
324
00:19:59,407 --> 00:20:03,036
By the sum of his parts,
he is just a man.
325
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:06,081
But what he does with those
parts, he becomes so much more.
326
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:11,378
Ted: He may not fit society's definition
of a hero, but he is the hero I needed.
327
00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:13,505
The hero who helped me recover
from the disaster
328
00:20:13,588 --> 00:20:16,758
of my failed almost-marriage
and get back into the game.
329
00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:22,514
He lives in the shadows. Is he a dream?
Truth? Fiction? Damnation? Salvation?
330
00:20:22,597 --> 00:20:27,268
He is all these things, and none
of them, for he is the naked man.
331
00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:32,190
Woman: Oh, my god!
332
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:45,787
Oh, thank god.
27596
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