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Older Ted:
Kids, in the fall of 2008,
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00:00:04,255 --> 00:00:07,133
your aunt Robin was unemployed
and a little bit adrift.
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00:00:07,216 --> 00:00:09,635
So she valued her friendship
with Lily more than ever.
4
00:00:09,719 --> 00:00:12,555
Hey, so I hear Marshall
has to work late on Friday.
5
00:00:12,638 --> 00:00:14,682
You know what that means.
Ladies' night.
6
00:00:14,765 --> 00:00:17,685
Oh, actually one of the
teachers at my school, Jillian,
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00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:21,272
is having a birthday party.
Oh, okay.
8
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,398
What?
9
00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:25,776
It's just, I've never even heard
of this Jillian person before,
10
00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:29,530
and suddenly she's like your best
friend. You can't shut up about her.
11
00:00:29,614 --> 00:00:32,116
Don't be jealous. You
and I hang out all the time.
12
00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:33,993
Yeah, but Marshall's
always there.
13
00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:37,538
We don't get a lot of quality
time to talk, just the two of us.
14
00:00:37,622 --> 00:00:39,290
That's not true.
15
00:00:39,582 --> 00:00:42,418
So that's when the
story gets really good.
16
00:00:42,501 --> 00:00:44,378
So, we go to the...
17
00:00:44,462 --> 00:00:46,172
Hey. Hey.
18
00:00:47,215 --> 00:00:52,178
Place. And then that guy
asks about the thing with the stuff
19
00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:54,388
that I told you about
at that place that time.
20
00:00:54,472 --> 00:00:58,434
Long story short,
events transpired.
21
00:00:58,851 --> 00:01:02,438
Oh, my god. You and the
guy from the mayor's office
22
00:01:02,521 --> 00:01:07,235
did it in the UN building under the
desk of the ambassador from Zaire? Nice.
23
00:01:07,944 --> 00:01:09,737
I just wish we could
have some girl time.
24
00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:13,241
I love Marshall, but he's
always talk-blocking me.
25
00:01:13,324 --> 00:01:15,618
So come out with me
and Jillian then.
26
00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:19,413
Okay, but I don't want to
stay out too late because...
27
00:01:19,497 --> 00:01:23,292
Remember that thing last
month after I went to the place?
28
00:01:23,376 --> 00:01:27,255
Well, you-know-who said it's
fine, but she gave me some stuff.
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00:01:27,338 --> 00:01:30,174
You still got that
yeast infection, huh?
30
00:01:44,397 --> 00:01:45,398
Marshall,
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00:01:45,481 --> 00:01:48,067
I want you to enjoy this
moment. What moment?
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00:01:48,150 --> 00:01:52,280
The last moment of you and I
being even slightly in competition
33
00:01:52,363 --> 00:01:53,823
for the title
of Ted's best friend.
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00:01:53,906 --> 00:01:56,617
Marshall's my best friend.
Exactly. It's a tie.
35
00:01:56,993 --> 00:01:58,452
But all of that is
about to change.
36
00:01:58,536 --> 00:02:02,123
Ted, am I correct
that you are an architect?
37
00:02:02,206 --> 00:02:04,792
My best friend would
really know that, but go on.
38
00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:07,795
And what are you
currently designing?
39
00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:10,589
Actually, we're renovating
the New York public library.
40
00:02:10,673 --> 00:02:12,550
Wow, Ted, that's huge!
41
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:14,927
No, not the
New York public library.
42
00:02:15,011 --> 00:02:18,472
It's the new public library
in York, north Dakota.
43
00:02:18,556 --> 00:02:22,059
Their books are in two
sections, fishing and non-fishing.
44
00:02:22,685 --> 00:02:26,272
Then I think you are going to really
like what happened at work today.
45
00:02:26,689 --> 00:02:29,483
And so, while those bribes
did destabilize the regime
46
00:02:29,567 --> 00:02:31,819
and caused the death
of most of the royal family,
47
00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:35,614
it did lead to looser banking
regulations in rangoon.
48
00:02:35,698 --> 00:02:38,534
So yay us. Okay,
last order of business.
49
00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:40,721
It's been decided we're going
to move forward with plans
50
00:02:40,745 --> 00:02:44,081
for Goliath national bank's
new downtown headquarters.
51
00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:47,710
Well, who's gonna design it?
Was my first question.
52
00:02:48,127 --> 00:02:49,420
Who's gonna design it?
53
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:50,897
We've already approached
one firm about it.
54
00:02:50,921 --> 00:02:54,091
This Swedish architecture
collective called sven.
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00:02:54,759 --> 00:02:57,636
Sven? Sven?
56
00:02:58,262 --> 00:03:00,765
Older Ted: Sven was this
Swedish architecture collective
57
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:04,685
revered for their bold, innovative
designs. I hated those guys.
58
00:03:04,769 --> 00:03:08,856
I hate those guys. Swedish
architecture cohecfive.
59
00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:10,524
Lame. Pretentious.
60
00:03:10,608 --> 00:03:12,860
"We're not a company.
We're a collective."
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00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:15,613
I know. "We are Swedish.
62
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:20,368
"We are so cool with
ourbaguefies and our Eiffel Tower."
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00:03:20,451 --> 00:03:22,787
Dude, Sweden's not France.
You know that, right?
64
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:24,288
Oh, it's France.
65
00:03:25,289 --> 00:03:27,792
So anyway, I say to bilson...
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00:03:28,292 --> 00:03:30,294
Bilson, with all due respect...
67
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:33,672
No, I stand up,
and I say to bilson...
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00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:36,384
Bilson, with all due respect...
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00:03:36,467 --> 00:03:40,304
Music. Imagine
patriotic music playing.
70
00:03:41,847 --> 00:03:46,268
Bilson, with all due respect,
it would be terrible
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00:03:46,352 --> 00:03:51,649
if a job that could go to a
hard-working American architecture firm
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00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:54,610
went to a bunch of French guys.
73
00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:58,364
Where is our patriotism?
Our sense of country?
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00:03:58,447 --> 00:04:01,784
Our love of all that is...
Look, Stinson,
75
00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:04,787
no one hates every other country
in the world as much as I do,
76
00:04:04,870 --> 00:04:07,415
but you better have a point.
I do.
77
00:04:07,498 --> 00:04:11,836
I know a fantastic American architect
who would be perfect for the job.
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00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,254
Ted mosby.
79
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:16,257
So, all you gotta do is
come in, pitch your design,
80
00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:18,801
I get the board to approve it,
and the job is yours.
81
00:04:18,884 --> 00:04:21,929
Do you realize what a hero I would
be if I brought this project to my firm?
82
00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:23,332
And that's not even
the best part.
83
00:04:23,389 --> 00:04:25,599
All three of us are gonna
be working together.
84
00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:28,537
Ted can be on the conference call.
He can totally be on the conference call.
85
00:04:28,561 --> 00:04:30,604
What's the conference call?
The way it works is,
86
00:04:30,688 --> 00:04:33,023
one of us will duck into
the other's office and say...
87
00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:36,527
Marshall, the conference
call's about to start.
88
00:04:36,902 --> 00:04:38,696
I'm sorry, guys. I gotta go.
89
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:42,783
Barne y: And then we go up to
the roof of the building and drink beer.
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00:04:42,867 --> 00:04:44,952
This is awesome.
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00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:48,038
Drinking at work.
We're basically madmen.
92
00:04:48,122 --> 00:04:50,666
We are! We're such mad men!
93
00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:52,585
I'm gonna go smack
a secretary on the ass.
94
00:04:52,668 --> 00:04:55,671
That's totally what they
would do on that show.
95
00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:57,256
What show?
96
00:04:57,882 --> 00:05:02,219
And then, we throw crumpled
up beer cans at pigeons.
97
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:05,598
I don't do that.
I totally want to do that.
98
00:05:05,681 --> 00:05:07,183
Well, I am gonna
make that happen.
99
00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:10,436
Seriously, Barney, after
everything I went through with Stella,
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00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:13,647
getting me this opportunity...
It really means a lot.
101
00:05:13,731 --> 00:05:16,775
Older Ted: It really did. You
see, kids, when I became an architect,
102
00:05:16,859 --> 00:05:21,197
I had one dream, to contribute a
building to the skyline of New York City.
103
00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:23,908
I wanted to be able to point to
one of those buildings and say,
104
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:27,453
"see that one? That one
right there? That's mine."
105
00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:31,207
This job was my opportunity
to do just that.
106
00:05:36,629 --> 00:05:38,547
Wow! Your friend's having
her birthday here?
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00:05:38,631 --> 00:05:43,302
What's she turning, 19? No.
Believe me, this isn't her scene.
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00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:45,721
She probably just didn't know
what kind of place this was.
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00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:50,184
Lily! Over here, you sexy
bitch! We've got bottle service!
110
00:05:53,229 --> 00:05:56,774
Oh, my god! At school,
she's so quiet and normal.
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00:05:56,857 --> 00:06:00,736
I had no idea she's...
She's a woo girl.
112
00:06:01,946 --> 00:06:04,031
Older Ted: What's a
woo girl? Let me explain.
113
00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:05,866
A woo girl is a type
of young woman
114
00:06:05,950 --> 00:06:08,202
who, like the cuckoo bird
or the whip-poor-will,
115
00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:10,621
gets her name from the
signature sound she makes.
116
00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:15,125
Now, a "woo" can be elicited
in many different ways.
117
00:06:15,626 --> 00:06:17,461
From a certain song coming on
the jukebox...
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00:06:20,798 --> 00:06:23,634
Oh, my god, this song
is totally about me.
119
00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:26,929
To half-priced shots.
120
00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:31,141
From a ride on
a mechanical bull...
121
00:06:35,229 --> 00:06:36,772
To, well, pretty much anything.
122
00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:39,817
Oh, my god, I was worried
that I didn't feed the cat,
123
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,403
but then I remembered
that I did!
124
00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:49,159
I swear, at school Jillian
seems so unwoo-y.
125
00:06:49,994 --> 00:06:52,037
Yeah, she doesn't look woo-ish.
126
00:06:52,121 --> 00:06:54,081
Maybe she only observes
the high holidays,
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00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:58,294
like mardi gras and spring break.
Maybe she's just a cultural woo.
128
00:06:59,587 --> 00:07:02,548
Now, go easy on me.
It's a work in progress.
129
00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:06,760
Ted, this is amazing.
130
00:07:06,844 --> 00:07:10,681
The detail. The shading.
The playfulness of the lines.
131
00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:14,935
This is exactly what Princess
Leia would look like topless.
132
00:07:15,019 --> 00:07:16,604
My way of saying thanks.
133
00:07:16,687 --> 00:07:19,523
So, you want to see
my designs for the building?
134
00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:21,233
No, I'm good.
135
00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:24,820
Ted: Hey hey. Sogetflfls
Lily just texted me.
136
00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:28,699
She's at that bar giddy ups
with a bunch of woo girls.
137
00:07:31,035 --> 00:07:34,997
Oh, my god, you guys. My boob
just fell out of my top at the bar.
138
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,291
Trick! I pulled it out
for a free drink!
139
00:07:39,877 --> 00:07:43,505
So, Jillian, I hear when
you're not flashing bartenders,
140
00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:46,008
you teach the second grade.
What's that like?
141
00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:49,178
So rewarding. I don't know if
you're familiar with the rie technique,
142
00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:52,681
but it derives from the progressive
educational philosophy of Rudolf steiner,
143
00:07:52,765 --> 00:07:54,325
who founded the
Waldorf school, which...
144
00:07:55,392 --> 00:08:00,439
Oh, my god. I love this song! Come
on, you lazy skanks. Let's dance!
145
00:08:02,358 --> 00:08:04,818
You, too, you dumb whores.
146
00:08:04,902 --> 00:08:08,030
No, thank you,
you ignorant hussy.
147
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:13,202
Why, Lily aldrin, you sly minx.
148
00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:16,038
I've been saying for years
that our gang needed a woo girl,
149
00:08:16,121 --> 00:08:18,224
and here you've been hiding
a whole batch of them from me.
150
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:21,335
We do not need a woo girl.
No one needs a woo girl.
151
00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:26,298
Be careful, Lily. The world
absolutely needs woo girls.
152
00:08:26,382 --> 00:08:29,677
If there were no woo girls,
there'd be no girls gone wild,
153
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:33,889
no bachelorette parties,
no Las Vegas poolside bars.
154
00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:37,101
All the things that you hold
dearest, Lily, would be gone.
155
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,286
Those are none of the things...
156
00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:41,855
The souvenir shot glass
industry would collapse.
157
00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:46,944
So would the body glitter industry
and the stretch Hummer rental industry.
158
00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:52,658
Tiny cowboy hats would be
worn only by tiny cowboys.
159
00:08:53,409 --> 00:08:56,870
And when brown eyed girl
would come up on the jukebox,
160
00:08:56,954 --> 00:09:00,124
all you would hear
would be silence.
161
00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:03,794
And brown eyed girl.
162
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:07,965
But who would woo, Lily?
Who would woo?
163
00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:09,800
Would you?
164
00:09:10,926 --> 00:09:13,929
Would you woo?
165
00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:16,849
Who wants to name my boobs?
166
00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:24,314
Now if you'll excuse me, I have
a date with hannity and colmes.
167
00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:28,861
Older Ted: Over the next
couple of weeks, I dove into work.
168
00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:31,822
It felt great to be working on
something that I really cared about.
169
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,032
Finally, the morning of
the presentation arrived.
170
00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:40,748
And we believe this timeless design
will radiate the strength and stability
171
00:09:40,831 --> 00:09:44,334
that is Goliath national bank.
Thank you, gentlemen.
172
00:09:47,838 --> 00:09:50,549
Older Ted: I left there feeling
pretty good about my chances.
173
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:52,468
Later that night,
we ran into Barney.
174
00:09:52,551 --> 00:09:55,512
Hey, Barney!
Give me the good news.
175
00:09:56,138 --> 00:09:59,308
You didn't get it. What?
176
00:09:59,391 --> 00:10:02,060
The board decided
to go with sven.
177
00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:18,452
I can't believe I didn't get it. I
really thought I nailed the pitch.
178
00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:19,995
Why would they go with sven?
179
00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:22,289
I did everything I could
to change their minds.
180
00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:27,836
But they wouldn't budge. I'm
sorry. Wow, this really sucks.
181
00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:32,007
After the way these last
couple of months have gone,
182
00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:35,010
I guess I needed this more
than I thought I did.
183
00:10:35,469 --> 00:10:36,845
Hey,
184
00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:43,101
you want to go down to the current gnb
building and just, like... I don't know.
185
00:10:44,061 --> 00:10:46,230
Just pee on it a little bit?
186
00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:49,566
Yeah. Yeah, I think I need that.
187
00:10:51,527 --> 00:10:53,904
Finish your beer. Fill the tank.
188
00:10:57,825 --> 00:11:00,828
What happened?
Ted didn't get that job.
189
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:04,748
But that's not the biggest
disappointment of the day.
190
00:11:04,832 --> 00:11:07,292
What? We saw you woo.
191
00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:10,003
Saw who woo? Saw you woo.
192
00:11:10,087 --> 00:11:11,672
I didn't woo. You did, too.
193
00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:14,424
That's not true.
Your nose just grew.
194
00:11:14,925 --> 00:11:17,678
So what, you're like best
friends with Jillian now?
195
00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:21,598
No. It's just... you're
married, Lily, but I'm still single.
196
00:11:21,682 --> 00:11:25,227
Whenever I hang out with you, I'm usually
the third wheel to you and Marshall.
197
00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:27,563
Sometimes it's fun to go out
with other single women
198
00:11:27,646 --> 00:11:31,358
and do stuff that you
don't want to. Like what?
199
00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:34,278
Like woo, Lily. Like woo.
200
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:36,071
I can woo. That's not true.
201
00:11:36,154 --> 00:11:38,615
I can, too. Ifsjustnotyou.
202
00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:42,870
Bhson yeah?
203
00:11:42,953 --> 00:11:47,541
Hey. Look, I just want to say, I
know you guys went with sven,
204
00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:49,543
but Ted mosby is
tremendously talented,
205
00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:52,212
and I think he would
have done a hell of a job.
206
00:11:52,296 --> 00:11:54,798
I agree.
That's why I voted for him.
207
00:11:55,591 --> 00:11:56,675
So, then, it's agreed.
208
00:11:56,758 --> 00:12:00,470
From now on, all atm fees
are now called freedom charges.
209
00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:02,598
Conference call. Now.
210
00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:09,354
You got something you
want to tell me? Oh, damn it.
211
00:12:09,438 --> 00:12:12,441
I told Heather to put everything
back on your desk the way it was.
212
00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:16,653
Bilson told me he wanted to give
the job to Ted. So what happened?
213
00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:21,325
Okay, fine.
214
00:12:21,992 --> 00:12:25,203
Will radiate the
strength and stability
215
00:12:25,287 --> 00:12:28,790
that is Goliath national bank.
Thank you, gentlemen.
216
00:12:37,049 --> 00:12:40,135
So? That was great. I love it.
217
00:12:40,218 --> 00:12:44,389
Yes! Looks like we got our guy. I
don't think we even need to meet with...
218
00:12:46,016 --> 00:12:47,434
I am sven jorgensen.
219
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:51,355
With me are sven pilsen and
sven johanssen, and we are sven!
220
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:53,106
Sven! Sven!
221
00:12:53,190 --> 00:12:54,942
You are Goliath national bank.
222
00:12:55,025 --> 00:12:58,153
You are cutting edge.
You are new. You are fresh.
223
00:12:58,236 --> 00:13:00,739
Women want to be with you,
men wish to harm you,
224
00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:04,242
but the fool who dares
challenge you shall be crushed!
225
00:13:04,326 --> 00:13:07,204
Your headquarters will
tell the world of these facts.
226
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,873
And one more thing,
don't look now!
227
00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:14,294
Which of you is Barney Stinson,
head of the search committee?
228
00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:16,129
Oh, my god. That's me!
229
00:13:16,213 --> 00:13:19,383
You, Barney Stinson, are
a man of power and virility.
230
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:23,095
Your office shall be here, in
the head of a tyrannosaurus Rex!
231
00:13:23,178 --> 00:13:26,348
I never knew it till now, but
I've always dreamed of that.
232
00:13:26,431 --> 00:13:30,352
On your large desk of Honduran
rosewood shall be this button.
233
00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:34,064
What does the button do?
Press it! Press it for glory!
234
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:42,322
Yes! This is the most awesome
building in the universe.
235
00:13:42,406 --> 00:13:44,992
There is no way this building
could be more awesome.
236
00:13:45,075 --> 00:13:47,786
There is a strip club
in the letter n.
237
00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:54,459
What the hell is the matter
with you? This is Ted's big break!
238
00:13:54,543 --> 00:13:56,312
And then you sold him out
because you wanted to work
239
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:58,171
in the brain of
a tyrannosaurus Rex,
240
00:13:58,255 --> 00:14:00,358
which, incidentally, if you
knew anything about dinosaurs,
241
00:14:00,382 --> 00:14:04,636
is really, really small. Marshall,
this isn't about my office.
242
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:07,222
Ted's building was good.
Sven's was better.
243
00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:10,017
And I am not going to let the
fact that I am Ted's best friend
244
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:11,768
be a factor in business.
245
00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:13,496
You didn't pick sven's
building because it was better.
246
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,832
You picked it because you wanted
to work in a cool dinosaur office.
247
00:14:15,856 --> 00:14:19,985
That's a lie! I picked it
becauseit_
248
00:14:20,569 --> 00:14:22,863
It breathes fire, Marshall.
249
00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:25,407
Fire marshal.
250
00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:29,786
I didn't even notice. How
could you do this to Ted
251
00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:31,710
after everything he's
been through with Stella?
252
00:14:31,747 --> 00:14:33,248
You're just being selfish.
253
00:14:33,331 --> 00:14:37,419
Marshall, I would never make a
business decision for selfish reasons.
254
00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:40,172
I am a professional.
Now, come on.
255
00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:42,895
Let's get a nice daytime drunk
going, and throw empties at pigeons.
256
00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:45,052
No. No. For two reasons.
257
00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:48,138
One, pigeons are smarter than
you think. They hold grudges.
258
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:52,559
And, two, this is our last
conference call, Mr. Stinson.
259
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,728
There are repercussions
to screwing over a friend.
260
00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:56,354
Like what? Like this.
261
00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:00,192
Hey.
262
00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:27,344
Oh, my god, you guys. Last night,
we raised $10,000 for my charity
263
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:31,515
to help combat childhood
illiteracy. It's a really seflousissue.
264
00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:39,272
Someone just earned herself an ass-first
ride down the dance floor spank canyon!
265
00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:49,658
Lily, what are you doing here?
266
00:15:49,741 --> 00:15:52,994
Oh, just doing the fun things
you single girls do.
267
00:15:53,078 --> 00:15:55,497
What's with the
plastic fireman's hat?
268
00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:59,918
I didn't have a cowboy hat, and
today was fire safety day at school, so...
269
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:06,383
Oh, my god, bitch. This is our
anthem. Really? Who sings this?
270
00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:10,220
Is ll cool j still doing things?
271
00:16:11,847 --> 00:16:13,640
This is great, svens.
272
00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:16,059
You guys are so much
cooler than Marshall.
273
00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:18,395
He doesn't even own a unitard.
274
00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:22,232
Who wants a brew?
I don't understand.
275
00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:24,484
Where is the conference call?
276
00:16:24,568 --> 00:16:27,404
No, no. This is the
conference call. Get it?
277
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:31,491
In america, when we work late,
we lie about a conference call,
278
00:16:31,575 --> 00:16:34,452
and we come up here and we
drink a few beers. It's awesome.
279
00:16:34,536 --> 00:16:37,122
This is a waste of time.
Push-ups!
280
00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:42,794
Misty, you are such a slut.
Let's do another shot.
281
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:48,133
You're the slut, you skank.
Shots are on you.
282
00:16:49,843 --> 00:16:53,013
No, bitch, shots are on you.
You're such a whore.
283
00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:58,685
You're all a bunch of prostitutes.
You probably have stds.
284
00:17:02,814 --> 00:17:04,399
Let's go dance.
285
00:17:09,279 --> 00:17:11,656
Lily, this isn't working.
You shouldn't be here.
286
00:17:11,740 --> 00:17:15,285
I get it. Because I'm
happily married, I'm some kind of loser?
287
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:16,912
Exactly the opposite.
288
00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:20,290
Lily, why do you think
the woo girls have to woo
289
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:24,336
when they win a game of beer pong,
or when a hot guy takes his shirt off?
290
00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:29,507
It's because that is as good as life
gets for them. They're really sad people.
291
00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:32,403
And when they hang out with
someone who's got it all figured out,
292
00:17:32,427 --> 00:17:36,806
someone like you, it burns
them out. It takes away their woo.
293
00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:40,227
You're just saying that so I
don't feel like an old married lady.
294
00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:42,395
Look at those girls, Lily.
295
00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:46,024
Look at them and listen to
what their woos are really saying.
296
00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:14,052
Oh, those poor girls and Ted. I
just want to go give them all a hug.
297
00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:19,933
Lily, right now I'm like them. I'm
unemployed, I'm single, I'm a little lost.
298
00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:23,520
So every once in a while,
I need to woo.
299
00:18:23,812 --> 00:18:28,191
But when I need to talk about
something real, you're the one I turn to.
300
00:18:28,692 --> 00:18:31,319
You're my best friend.
And you're mine.
301
00:18:31,403 --> 00:18:34,364
And I promise I'll make
more time for just us.
302
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:37,200
Marshall doesn't have to tag
along to everything we do.
303
00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:39,786
Hey, have you guys tried these
purple hooter test tube shots?
304
00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:42,669
I've had like five of them. I don't
even think there's alcohol in here.
305
00:18:42,706 --> 00:18:45,250
Where'd you get that hat?
What hat?
306
00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:51,798
Hey. We fired sven. What?
307
00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:55,885
Yeah, those guys were idiots. I
mean, sure, they had some cool ideas.
308
00:18:55,969 --> 00:18:58,888
Some really cool ideas. Actually,
iwonder if it's not too late to...
309
00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:02,892
No! The point is,
you got the job.
310
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:04,019
Yeah. Really?
311
00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:06,855
The search committee realized
they made the wrong decision.
312
00:19:06,938 --> 00:19:11,651
Plus, you really mean a lot to
them and they want you to be happy.
313
00:19:11,735 --> 00:19:13,320
That's weird.
314
00:19:13,403 --> 00:19:17,032
Look, Ted, your design was
the best, and you deserve it.
315
00:19:19,117 --> 00:19:20,827
There's also something
that you should know
316
00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:24,331
about why you didn't get
the job in the first place.
317
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:26,416
You see, Ted... it was bilson.
318
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,001
Yeah, yeah.
319
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:31,588
Bilson just wanted to have
an office in a dinosaur head,
320
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:34,507
but Barney convinced him
that it was really, really stupid.
321
00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:38,053
Well, you know.
Oh. Thank you, Barney.
322
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:39,721
What... I can't believe this.
323
00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:42,724
I just got our firm the biggest
account we've ever had.
324
00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:48,313
Hey, next rounds on me.
325
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,778
Why'd you let me off the hook?
326
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:58,948
You did the right thing.
Seemed like you deserved a bye.
327
00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:03,203
Plus, it would have really bummed
Ted out, and he's finally happy right now.
328
00:20:03,286 --> 00:20:05,789
Yeah. Well.
329
00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:09,334
You really are
Ted's best friend.
330
00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:15,173
And so am I. It's a tie.
Thanks, Marshall.
331
00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:17,860
Older Ted: Marshall wound up caving
and telling me the truth about Barney,
332
00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,302
like ten minutes later.
333
00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:21,930
At which point we tied uncle
Barney to the mechanical bull,
334
00:20:22,013 --> 00:20:24,493
cranked it up to a setting called
"paint mixer," and went home.
335
00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:27,894
I love you, man.
Love you, too, buddy.
336
00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:29,562
Hey, you going to
ride the bull tonight?
337
00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:32,816
No, not if you paid me.
I have an inner ear thing.
338
00:20:32,982 --> 00:20:35,151
Older Ted: It was
a pretty great night.
339
00:20:38,530 --> 00:20:40,990
Three hours.
That's a bar record.
340
00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:43,785
That's right, ladies.
341
00:20:45,036 --> 00:20:49,082
Jillian, you know what'd be really
crazy and funny and stupid to do tonight?
342
00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:52,252
If you and me find a guy
and have a three-way.
343
00:20:52,836 --> 00:20:55,338
Maybe, if we found
the right guy.
344
00:20:56,089 --> 00:21:00,552
Yeah, and if we don't find the right
guy, maybe you and I could just...
345
00:21:00,635 --> 00:21:05,014
You know who was pretty cute?
That guy Ted. Let's go find him.
29635
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