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["She Drives Me Crazy"
by Fine Young Cannibals playing]
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00:00:15,552 --> 00:00:17,155
- Oh, my God.
- [Gwen] I've been getting
3
00:00:17,155 --> 00:00:18,792
all these, like,
TikTok algorithms
4
00:00:18,792 --> 00:00:21,364
about where to put your couch
in your house.
5
00:00:21,364 --> 00:00:23,669
So what if you just put your
couch at, like, a slight angle?
6
00:00:23,669 --> 00:00:25,806
That way you can watch TV at...
7
00:00:25,806 --> 00:00:27,810
- like, a slight angle.
- Every single one
8
00:00:27,810 --> 00:00:30,148
of these essays is so bad.
9
00:00:30,148 --> 00:00:32,587
This is the, like, Red Badge
of Courage midterm paper thing?
10
00:00:32,587 --> 00:00:35,626
Red Badge of Courage
garbage paper, I guess.
11
00:00:35,626 --> 00:00:37,396
It's like...
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00:00:37,396 --> 00:00:39,166
I-I don't know how these kids
didn't get this book.
13
00:00:39,166 --> 00:00:40,302
It's so simple.
14
00:00:40,302 --> 00:00:42,139
Like, a young kid
goes off to war.
15
00:00:42,139 --> 00:00:45,278
Cowardice, honor. This essay
just starts with the word "Hey."
16
00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:47,817
"Hey, The Red Badge of Courage
is a book about courage."
17
00:00:47,817 --> 00:00:50,121
- Hey, that sounds bad.
- I am a kind,
18
00:00:50,121 --> 00:00:52,426
patient teacher.
Maybe I've been too lenient?
19
00:00:52,426 --> 00:00:55,165
You know what, honestly, I bet
they didn't even read the book.
20
00:00:55,165 --> 00:00:56,702
They probably just used
Biff Notes.
21
00:00:56,702 --> 00:00:58,471
What's Biff Notes?
That's like CliffNotes?
22
00:00:58,471 --> 00:00:59,708
He's, like, a TikTok book guy.
23
00:00:59,708 --> 00:01:01,611
Summarizes, like,
high school books.
24
00:01:01,611 --> 00:01:03,448
- [clears throat]
I don't think I've seen him.
- He, like...
25
00:01:03,448 --> 00:01:05,218
he's a queer guy. Queer guy.
26
00:01:05,218 --> 00:01:06,688
You think I know who he is
'cause he's queer?
27
00:01:06,688 --> 00:01:07,790
He did a dance
with Penn Jillette,
28
00:01:07,790 --> 00:01:09,293
and Teller wasn't there.
29
00:01:09,293 --> 00:01:10,295
They just think
they're gonna, like,
30
00:01:10,295 --> 00:01:11,598
get away with this
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00:01:11,598 --> 00:01:13,134
because I'm gonna try
to keep the peace
32
00:01:13,134 --> 00:01:14,436
and give them good grades
or something.
33
00:01:14,436 --> 00:01:15,840
[stammers]
I'm not gonna do that.
34
00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:18,411
They wanted a war,
they're gonna get a war.
35
00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:19,614
Don't ask, don't tell.
36
00:01:19,614 --> 00:01:21,317
- Gwen.
- Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
37
00:01:21,317 --> 00:01:23,221
That was, like, the first
war thing I thought of.
38
00:01:23,221 --> 00:01:25,358
What do you think of the couch?
39
00:01:25,358 --> 00:01:26,862
You moved that?
40
00:01:26,862 --> 00:01:29,299
♪ She drives me crazy ♪
41
00:01:31,203 --> 00:01:33,307
- ♪ Like no one else ♪
- [Evan] Here you go.
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00:01:35,244 --> 00:01:36,882
♪ She drives me crazy. ♪
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00:01:36,882 --> 00:01:38,317
- Here you go.
- Yo.
44
00:01:38,317 --> 00:01:39,921
An "F"? What is this?
45
00:01:39,921 --> 00:01:41,558
I didn't even know
this was, like, a grade
46
00:01:41,558 --> 00:01:43,327
- you guys could still give out.
- You didn't?
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00:01:43,327 --> 00:01:45,498
Are you being deadass right now?
With all due respect.
48
00:01:45,498 --> 00:01:46,868
You realize this is, like,
a fourth of our grade.
49
00:01:46,868 --> 00:01:48,639
- Right here.
- Exactly.
50
00:01:48,639 --> 00:01:50,508
- You can't do this.
- What do you mean
I can't do this?
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00:01:50,508 --> 00:01:52,312
I didn't do this. You did this.
52
00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:54,483
- This is your grade
that you got.
- Whatever.
53
00:01:54,483 --> 00:01:56,320
I gave you guys a month
to read this book.
54
00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:57,590
Mr. Marquez,
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00:01:57,590 --> 00:01:59,359
your feelings are valid.
We've all learned
56
00:01:59,359 --> 00:02:00,896
our lesson here, and...
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00:02:00,896 --> 00:02:02,499
now you can give us B's.
58
00:02:02,499 --> 00:02:03,769
B's are good grades.
59
00:02:03,769 --> 00:02:06,407
You didn't earn good grades!
60
00:02:06,407 --> 00:02:07,509
I am the teacher.
61
00:02:07,509 --> 00:02:09,246
This is not up for discussion.
62
00:02:09,246 --> 00:02:10,783
And that's the end of this.
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00:02:10,783 --> 00:02:12,352
I'm posting ads on Backpage.
64
00:02:12,352 --> 00:02:13,655
Because with grades like this,
65
00:02:13,655 --> 00:02:15,424
I'm gonna have
to hit the corner, sir.
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00:02:16,528 --> 00:02:17,864
You're my hero right now.
Seriously.
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00:02:17,864 --> 00:02:19,634
- [laughs]
- I've always wanted to fail
68
00:02:19,634 --> 00:02:20,936
- a student. It's, like...
- Yeah.
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00:02:20,936 --> 00:02:23,207
...impossible
to fail someone in P.E.
70
00:02:23,207 --> 00:02:25,345
- They earned F's,
so they get F's. Good for them.
- [Rick laughs]
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00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:27,349
Dude,
you're like George Clooney,
72
00:02:27,349 --> 00:02:29,386
doing funny-ass pranks
on these kids.
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00:02:29,386 --> 00:02:32,660
It's not a prank. They're real
grades that I'm giving the kids.
74
00:02:32,660 --> 00:02:34,898
Wait, George Clooney
does pranks?
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00:02:34,898 --> 00:02:36,635
I got to help these kids
get into college.
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00:02:36,635 --> 00:02:37,937
So if you're, like,
giving them F's,
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00:02:37,937 --> 00:02:39,541
that can honestly be
the difference
78
00:02:39,541 --> 00:02:40,676
between them getting
into a shitty college
79
00:02:40,676 --> 00:02:42,647
and a super shitty college.
80
00:02:42,647 --> 00:02:44,818
Then get them to do the work to
get into a good college, Rick.
81
00:02:44,818 --> 00:02:47,657
Okay, you're being
fucking crazy right now. What?
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00:02:47,657 --> 00:02:49,527
I'm just really glad I don't
have to deal with any of this,
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00:02:49,527 --> 00:02:52,265
'cause all of my students
are well above average.
84
00:02:52,265 --> 00:02:53,635
- All of 'em?
- [Gwen] Mm-hmm.
85
00:02:53,635 --> 00:02:54,671
It's impossible
for all your students
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00:02:54,671 --> 00:02:55,940
to be well above average.
87
00:02:55,940 --> 00:02:57,710
Some of your students
must be average.
88
00:02:57,710 --> 00:02:59,814
I'm just a good... teacher.
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00:02:59,814 --> 00:03:01,283
Why would it...
90
00:03:01,283 --> 00:03:02,687
I'm-I'm confused.
What are you saying?
91
00:03:02,687 --> 00:03:03,956
I think some of your students
are cheating.
92
00:03:03,956 --> 00:03:05,860
No one's ever cheated
in my class.
93
00:03:05,860 --> 00:03:07,797
They're not cheating or they're
not getting caught cheating?
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00:03:07,797 --> 00:03:09,466
[Rick]
Let me tell you something.
People cheat
95
00:03:09,466 --> 00:03:10,836
- all the time.
- [Gwen] They're not cheating.
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00:03:10,836 --> 00:03:12,439
Cheating is trying. It's okay.
97
00:03:12,439 --> 00:03:13,575
- What?
- [Grant] Evan, come.
98
00:03:13,575 --> 00:03:14,744
- Now. Come, come.
- What? What?
99
00:03:14,744 --> 00:03:15,746
- Come.
- I'm eating!
100
00:03:15,746 --> 00:03:17,617
Yeah. You're done.
101
00:03:17,617 --> 00:03:19,888
Why am I getting calls
from parents telling me
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00:03:19,888 --> 00:03:22,292
- you failed a bunch of kids in
your 11th grade English class?
- [door closes]
103
00:03:22,292 --> 00:03:24,564
Because I failed a bunch of kids
in my 11th grade English class.
104
00:03:24,564 --> 00:03:27,269
- I'm gonna die.
- They deserved these grades,
Grant.
105
00:03:27,269 --> 00:03:28,605
- Look at this.
- Mm-hmm.
106
00:03:28,605 --> 00:03:30,609
- Read that.
-"As an A.I. language model,
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00:03:30,609 --> 00:03:31,978
I am not able
to complete this request."
108
00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:33,816
Why is he not able
to complete this request?
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00:03:33,816 --> 00:03:34,984
It means ChatGPT wrote it.
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00:03:34,984 --> 00:03:36,955
That not allowed?
It's the future.
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00:03:36,955 --> 00:03:38,859
- Look at this one.
- [groans] Okay.
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00:03:38,859 --> 00:03:40,629
"So that's what's up
with The Red Badge of Courage."
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00:03:40,629 --> 00:03:41,998
And then he underlines it
and he puts
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00:03:41,998 --> 00:03:43,735
the "cool guy
with sunglasses" emoji.
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00:03:43,735 --> 00:03:45,773
- It's a clear point of view.
- This is crazy.
116
00:03:45,773 --> 00:03:48,779
Okay, Evan,
do you remember the mom,
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00:03:48,779 --> 00:03:51,317
Linda Harrison, who complained
about you kissing Malcolm
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00:03:51,317 --> 00:03:52,887
in front of her son?
Remember that?
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00:03:52,887 --> 00:03:54,691
Yes, of course I remember
Linda Harrison.
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00:03:54,691 --> 00:03:57,864
She tried to have me fired
for the sin of kissing a man--
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00:03:57,864 --> 00:03:59,601
Well, you just failed
her younger son.
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00:03:59,601 --> 00:04:01,437
- Oh, shit.
- Mm-hmm. And it took her all
123
00:04:01,437 --> 00:04:03,040
of 11 seconds
after your class let out
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00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:05,579
to call my office directly
and demand a meeting with you.
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00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,516
- I'm not meeting with her.
- Oh, no, no,
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00:04:07,516 --> 00:04:09,052
no, no, no, no, no.
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00:04:09,052 --> 00:04:11,758
If you refuse to meet with her,
you will be fired.
128
00:04:11,758 --> 00:04:13,461
- That's not fair.
- It's not.
129
00:04:13,461 --> 00:04:15,766
But if you don't placate
this woman, then I will be fired
130
00:04:15,766 --> 00:04:17,637
and a new principal
will be hired--
131
00:04:17,637 --> 00:04:20,910
hand-selected by Linda Harrison
and her obedient followers.
132
00:04:20,910 --> 00:04:23,381
And then, and then do you think
that a new person
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00:04:23,381 --> 00:04:26,387
sitting in this chair
will indulge
134
00:04:26,387 --> 00:04:29,794
your-your-your noble,
principled bullshit?!
135
00:04:29,794 --> 00:04:31,798
Who's running the school, Grant?
136
00:04:31,798 --> 00:04:33,501
Is it us or is it them?
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00:04:33,501 --> 00:04:35,505
Them. Them. Her. Her.
138
00:04:35,505 --> 00:04:38,377
Hell hath no wrath
like a concerned parent, Evan.
139
00:04:38,377 --> 00:04:41,618
Do you have any idea
how much sway she has?
140
00:04:41,618 --> 00:04:43,354
Sway? What do you mean, sway?
This is a public school.
141
00:04:43,354 --> 00:04:44,791
What, is she funding
the government?
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00:04:44,791 --> 00:04:46,661
Boosters, Evan.
She and her husband Dale,
143
00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:48,665
they're massive boosters, okay?
144
00:04:48,665 --> 00:04:49,968
Their restaurant donates
145
00:04:49,968 --> 00:04:52,573
a... [mouths] load
of money to this school.
146
00:04:52,573 --> 00:04:54,544
Well, listen, tell her
147
00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:56,948
thank you for the concern.
I really appreciate her...
148
00:04:56,948 --> 00:04:58,552
- feelings
about how I run my class.
- You're meeting with her.
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00:04:58,552 --> 00:05:00,421
Evan, don't even mess around.
150
00:05:00,421 --> 00:05:02,025
- You are meeting
with her tonight.
- But, Grant, if there's
151
00:05:02,025 --> 00:05:03,962
- one thing I'm not doing today,
it is--
- Tonight.
152
00:05:03,962 --> 00:05:05,498
We have a reservation
for Linda Harrison.
153
00:05:05,498 --> 00:05:07,068
I can make women love me.
Women love me.
154
00:05:07,068 --> 00:05:09,072
- Cash only.
Look at this. Cash only.
- [Linda] Yoo-hoo!
155
00:05:09,072 --> 00:05:11,377
- Oh, I don't have any cash.
- Wow.
- Well, look what the cat
156
00:05:11,377 --> 00:05:12,713
dragged in.
157
00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:15,051
- You must be Mr. Evan Marquez.
- Linda.
158
00:05:15,051 --> 00:05:17,523
- Harrison. Nice to meet you.
- Linda Harrison. That's right.
159
00:05:17,523 --> 00:05:18,792
And you are
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00:05:18,792 --> 00:05:20,395
- Ms.--
- Gwen. I'm his best friend.
161
00:05:20,395 --> 00:05:21,965
- I'm Ms. Sanders. I--
- You're Ms. Sanders.
162
00:05:21,965 --> 00:05:23,568
- Blake speaks so highly of you.
- Yes. [stammers] Oh!
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00:05:23,568 --> 00:05:24,971
But he didn't tell me
about that head of hair.
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00:05:24,971 --> 00:05:27,442
Thank you. [laughs]
And I like your head...
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00:05:27,442 --> 00:05:28,845
- as well.
- Thank you so much.
166
00:05:28,845 --> 00:05:30,014
And I like that little hair
you have there.
167
00:05:30,014 --> 00:05:31,584
- Yeah.
- All right, y'all,
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00:05:31,584 --> 00:05:33,722
get on in there.
We got you at a VIP table.
169
00:05:33,722 --> 00:05:35,792
Deanna, stand up straight.
You look like a shepherd's hook.
170
00:05:36,761 --> 00:05:38,665
Winston!
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00:05:38,665 --> 00:05:39,968
Now, I don't care
where those nuggets are headed.
172
00:05:39,968 --> 00:05:41,571
You bring 'em on back over here.
173
00:05:41,571 --> 00:05:43,474
That's what we call a reroute.
[laughing]
174
00:05:43,474 --> 00:05:46,447
- [forced chuckle]
- Chicken nuggets
as an appetizer-- that's genius.
175
00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:48,117
They're actually steak nuggets.
176
00:05:48,117 --> 00:05:49,721
I invented 'em.
177
00:05:49,721 --> 00:05:51,558
And we're into
the patent process right now
178
00:05:51,558 --> 00:05:53,127
with the lawyers. You know,
Dale's getting into it with 'em.
179
00:05:53,127 --> 00:05:54,463
You know how that is.
180
00:05:54,463 --> 00:05:55,833
- Yeah. Yeah.
- We don't.
181
00:05:55,833 --> 00:05:57,770
- We've seen Shark Tank.
- Yeah.
182
00:05:57,770 --> 00:05:59,039
Oh, shit, these are good.
183
00:05:59,039 --> 00:06:00,141
You wanted to talk, Linda?
184
00:06:00,141 --> 00:06:01,645
Yes. And let's chat about that.
185
00:06:01,645 --> 00:06:03,447
As soon as we get some Sprites.
Winston?
186
00:06:03,447 --> 00:06:04,751
Honey, I'm-a reel you back on in
187
00:06:04,751 --> 00:06:06,888
over here.
Come on, my little trout.
188
00:06:06,888 --> 00:06:08,457
- Can we get three Sprites?
- Absolutely.
189
00:06:08,457 --> 00:06:10,128
- Now?
- Yeah.
190
00:06:10,128 --> 00:06:12,465
- Is he the only waiter here?
- No, but he's my favorite.
191
00:06:12,465 --> 00:06:14,871
We put double syrup
in the Sprites.
192
00:06:14,871 --> 00:06:16,140
And that's why I didn't ask
y'all what you wanted to drink.
193
00:06:16,140 --> 00:06:17,843
Because nobody gets out of here
194
00:06:17,843 --> 00:06:19,781
without trying my double Sprite.
195
00:06:19,781 --> 00:06:20,883
Another invention?
196
00:06:20,883 --> 00:06:23,487
It is.
[laughs] It is.
197
00:06:23,487 --> 00:06:25,458
- This is crazy. I love Sprite.
- [laughs] You know,
198
00:06:25,458 --> 00:06:27,730
Dale calls me
"Willy Wonka with a boob job."
199
00:06:27,730 --> 00:06:29,166
I said, "Dale,
don't you go around here
200
00:06:29,166 --> 00:06:30,936
telling everybody
I have a boob job." [laughing]
201
00:06:30,936 --> 00:06:32,807
I've considered--
202
00:06:32,807 --> 00:06:34,544
Don't. Gwendolyn, do not.
203
00:06:34,544 --> 00:06:36,981
I am afraid every time I fly.
204
00:06:38,685 --> 00:06:40,689
- So you wanted to talk
about the--
- Oh, Lord.
205
00:06:40,689 --> 00:06:42,927
You're all such good company,
I just about forgot. Okay,
206
00:06:42,927 --> 00:06:44,496
so, Mr. Marquez,
207
00:06:44,496 --> 00:06:45,632
the grades.
208
00:06:45,632 --> 00:06:47,202
Like, what are we thinking here?
209
00:06:47,202 --> 00:06:49,907
Uh, we are thinking
that the grades
210
00:06:49,907 --> 00:06:52,747
should accurately reflect
the work.
211
00:06:52,747 --> 00:06:54,784
Mm-hmm. Lord, I hear that.
212
00:06:54,784 --> 00:06:56,621
I'm just thinking...
[laughs]
213
00:06:56,621 --> 00:06:58,925
...can't we change 'em?
[chuckles]
214
00:06:58,925 --> 00:07:00,529
Just, like, a little bit?
215
00:07:00,529 --> 00:07:01,798
Like, just one time.
Just a little boost.
216
00:07:01,798 --> 00:07:02,899
What do you think, Gwen?
217
00:07:04,537 --> 00:07:05,939
Well,
218
00:07:05,939 --> 00:07:07,943
you can, 'cause you are
the teacher. Like...
219
00:07:07,943 --> 00:07:09,547
Or no.
220
00:07:09,547 --> 00:07:11,050
He could, but he won't.
221
00:07:11,050 --> 00:07:12,820
- This feels like mixed signals.
- [Evan] Linda,
222
00:07:12,820 --> 00:07:14,891
are the grades
really what this is about?
223
00:07:14,891 --> 00:07:16,528
Yes. Why?
224
00:07:16,528 --> 00:07:18,064
There's not another...
225
00:07:18,064 --> 00:07:19,066
thing?
226
00:07:19,066 --> 00:07:20,536
Like what?
227
00:07:20,536 --> 00:07:22,573
Like what happened in the fall.
228
00:07:22,573 --> 00:07:24,209
You were having me investigated
for kissing my boyfriend
229
00:07:24,209 --> 00:07:25,546
- in front of a group of stud--
- Oh, honey.
230
00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:27,082
Water, bridge, you, me.
231
00:07:27,082 --> 00:07:28,719
Okay?
232
00:07:28,719 --> 00:07:30,254
I do not care that you're...
[whispers] gay.
233
00:07:30,254 --> 00:07:32,693
I don't care one bit
that you're... [whispers] gay.
234
00:07:32,693 --> 00:07:34,864
As long as you don't care that
I sneak a little drop of gin
235
00:07:34,864 --> 00:07:36,968
into my double Sprite at lunch.
236
00:07:36,968 --> 00:07:39,574
[laughs]
We both got our little things.
237
00:07:39,574 --> 00:07:41,243
- Yeah.
- [Evan] Regardless,
I-I will have
238
00:07:41,243 --> 00:07:43,582
to stand firm
in the grades as they are.
239
00:07:43,582 --> 00:07:46,086
I'm an educator,
and it's my duty to give
240
00:07:46,086 --> 00:07:48,190
accurate grades.
241
00:07:49,593 --> 00:07:50,963
[chuckles softly]
242
00:07:50,963 --> 00:07:52,600
Well, shoot. [laughs]
243
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:55,973
I admit, I wanted us
to see eye to eye on this.
244
00:07:55,973 --> 00:07:57,142
I can tell we don't,
245
00:07:57,142 --> 00:07:58,879
and we can just move on, honey.
246
00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:00,716
- Really?
- As a business owner,
247
00:08:00,716 --> 00:08:02,753
I got to do what I got to do
to stay within my integrity,
248
00:08:02,753 --> 00:08:04,857
and you got to do the same
as a teacher.
249
00:08:04,857 --> 00:08:05,993
And I respect it.
250
00:08:05,993 --> 00:08:07,830
Wow.
251
00:08:07,830 --> 00:08:09,967
- [chuckles] Okay.
- It shows strength.
It shows courage.
252
00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:12,740
- [Gwen] I agree. Yeah. Yeah.
- Thank you.
- This has been nice.
253
00:08:12,740 --> 00:08:14,577
I'm actually-- Sorry, I thought
this was gonna be much more
254
00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:15,879
- of a problem.
- [chuckles]
It was a little scary.
255
00:08:15,879 --> 00:08:16,915
Now, listen,
everything's on la casa.
256
00:08:16,915 --> 00:08:18,017
I have to excuse myself.
257
00:08:18,017 --> 00:08:19,152
Oh, you're leaving us?
258
00:08:19,152 --> 00:08:20,889
Chef Gary is really on one.
259
00:08:20,889 --> 00:08:22,693
For the specials tonight,
let me tell you what,
260
00:08:22,693 --> 00:08:25,264
he wants to put a duck burger
on a butter pretzel bun,
261
00:08:25,264 --> 00:08:26,701
and I think he's crazy.
262
00:08:26,701 --> 00:08:27,903
Although, so crazy,
263
00:08:27,903 --> 00:08:29,306
it just might work.
[laughs]
264
00:08:29,306 --> 00:08:31,878
- All right, bye.
- Bye.
265
00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:33,147
I hate to see her go, but I love
266
00:08:33,147 --> 00:08:34,683
- to watch her walk away.
- Gwendolyn.
267
00:08:40,194 --> 00:08:42,031
- [school bell rings]
- Sorry I'm late, guys.
268
00:08:42,031 --> 00:08:44,904
I just had this whole thing
happen with my car insurance,
269
00:08:44,904 --> 00:08:46,373
and they were not taking
my payment
270
00:08:46,373 --> 00:08:47,943
because it was a credit card.
And then I--
271
00:08:47,943 --> 00:08:49,346
Yoo-hoo. Visitor alert.
272
00:08:49,346 --> 00:08:51,918
[chuckles]
Hey, Mr. Marquez.
273
00:08:51,918 --> 00:08:54,189
He's uninsured.
Let's write that down.
274
00:08:54,189 --> 00:08:55,224
- [typing]
- What-what are you doing here,
Linda?
275
00:08:55,224 --> 00:08:56,795
I thought we moved on from this.
276
00:08:56,795 --> 00:08:58,632
Oh, we have.
We've moved on to the next level
277
00:08:58,632 --> 00:08:59,901
of sorting this problem out.
278
00:08:59,901 --> 00:09:01,170
The next level?
279
00:09:01,170 --> 00:09:02,973
Okay, well, I don't know
if you know this,
280
00:09:02,973 --> 00:09:04,710
but you're not allowed
to just be in my classroom.
281
00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:06,915
You have to have my permission
to observe my class.
282
00:09:06,915 --> 00:09:09,219
I actually do know that, which
is why I went over your head
283
00:09:09,219 --> 00:09:11,356
and already got authorization
from the school board.
284
00:09:11,356 --> 00:09:13,360
[whispers]
Mom, stop. This is embarrassing.
285
00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:14,964
Blake, tuck in
your Billabong shirt.
286
00:09:14,964 --> 00:09:16,333
- [snickering]
- All the way around, sir.
287
00:09:16,333 --> 00:09:17,803
Everyone,
288
00:09:17,803 --> 00:09:18,872
eyes on me.
289
00:09:18,872 --> 00:09:20,676
This is Dr. Doug.
290
00:09:20,676 --> 00:09:22,345
He is a teaching expert.
291
00:09:22,345 --> 00:09:25,151
Okay? And he and I are gonna be
just observing class today.
292
00:09:25,151 --> 00:09:26,955
So drink a glass of Act Right.
You know what I mean?
293
00:09:26,955 --> 00:09:28,190
[chuckles]
I'm just kidding.
294
00:09:28,190 --> 00:09:30,194
Be yourselves.
295
00:09:33,100 --> 00:09:34,670
I'll be right back.
296
00:09:34,670 --> 00:09:37,174
Dramatically exits?
Let's write that down.
297
00:09:38,143 --> 00:09:39,814
Yeah, if there's power up here,
I could definitely jerry-rig
298
00:09:39,814 --> 00:09:41,416
- a little camera for you.
- [Gwen] Good.
299
00:09:41,416 --> 00:09:43,020
'Cause I want to prove to you
that they're not cheating.
300
00:09:43,020 --> 00:09:44,289
So put the cameras
wherever you want.
301
00:09:44,289 --> 00:09:46,159
- Can you put 'em back there?
- Yeah.
302
00:09:46,159 --> 00:09:48,097
It's a drop ceiling. There's a--
It's a whole world up there.
303
00:09:48,097 --> 00:09:49,901
- Huh.
- I don't know.
304
00:09:49,901 --> 00:09:51,370
I get a couple cameras,
we'll get the footage
305
00:09:51,370 --> 00:09:53,007
and watch it together
over drinks?
306
00:09:53,007 --> 00:09:54,009
We could...
307
00:09:54,009 --> 00:09:55,812
What?
308
00:09:57,081 --> 00:09:58,450
[quietly]
Linda is in my class.
309
00:09:58,450 --> 00:10:00,254
- [squeals]
- No, no, no, no. It's not good.
310
00:10:00,254 --> 00:10:01,824
That whole thing
where she was being nice
311
00:10:01,824 --> 00:10:04,362
and friendly last night,
that was a front.
312
00:10:04,362 --> 00:10:05,699
- Oh, my God.
- And now she brought,
313
00:10:05,699 --> 00:10:07,368
like, a teaching expert to class
314
00:10:07,368 --> 00:10:10,007
to observe me and try
to take me down or something.
315
00:10:10,007 --> 00:10:11,443
- She's a bitch. Always been.
- What?
- Yeah.
316
00:10:11,443 --> 00:10:13,113
Can you come and sit in?
I need, like, manpower.
317
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:14,182
It's your free period, right?
318
00:10:14,182 --> 00:10:16,186
- Yes. What?
- Can I come?
319
00:10:16,186 --> 00:10:18,725
- I only needed Gwen,
but, sure, more is better.
- Yes, buddy.
320
00:10:18,725 --> 00:10:19,894
- [grunts]
- Oh, God.
321
00:10:19,894 --> 00:10:21,263
[Rick]
You should check out
322
00:10:21,263 --> 00:10:23,067
Michigan State.
They got bomb pad thai.
323
00:10:23,067 --> 00:10:24,402
You probably can't get in there
324
00:10:24,402 --> 00:10:26,774
'cause your grades are bunk.
[chuckles]
325
00:10:26,774 --> 00:10:28,477
- But, yo--
- Rick, come sit
in Evan's class with us!
326
00:10:28,477 --> 00:10:30,147
Oh, I'm there! Hell yeah.
327
00:10:30,147 --> 00:10:32,151
You like skinny noodle
or thick noodle?
328
00:10:32,151 --> 00:10:35,124
Huh? Michigan State's got both!
329
00:10:35,124 --> 00:10:36,260
- Get it 360.
- [shutter clicking]
330
00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:38,230
Everything. Like IMAX, almost.
331
00:10:39,232 --> 00:10:40,468
[Evan]
What is he doing?
332
00:10:40,468 --> 00:10:42,205
Can you please put
that iPad down?
333
00:10:42,205 --> 00:10:44,175
You're not allowed
to take pictures in here, okay?
334
00:10:44,175 --> 00:10:45,879
- He is documenting.
We are just observing.
- [door closes]
335
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:47,750
It's gonna be like
we're not even here, honey.
336
00:10:47,750 --> 00:10:49,085
Well, I went ahead and gathered
some other board-certified
337
00:10:49,085 --> 00:10:51,290
teachers to observe
this observation.
338
00:10:51,290 --> 00:10:54,029
Oh. [laughs] It's really good
you have the gym teacher here.
339
00:10:54,029 --> 00:10:55,498
- Hey, Markie.
- Linda.
340
00:10:55,498 --> 00:10:56,935
- Looking all like a Shrek today.
- [shutter clicking]
341
00:10:56,935 --> 00:10:58,370
It's just "Shrek."
There's only one.
342
00:10:58,370 --> 00:10:59,774
- Ah, stunning.
- Hey, Gwen.
343
00:10:59,774 --> 00:11:01,310
- Shut up.
- Okay.
344
00:11:01,310 --> 00:11:03,047
So, now that we have six
adults in here, let's continue
345
00:11:03,047 --> 00:11:04,449
our somewhat tumultuous journey
346
00:11:04,449 --> 00:11:07,322
through
The Red Badge of Courage.
347
00:11:07,322 --> 00:11:08,892
Didn't we already write
those essays?
348
00:11:08,892 --> 00:11:10,896
Yes, but, Kayla,
since that didn't quite work,
349
00:11:10,896 --> 00:11:12,465
we're gonna stay with that book
until the information
350
00:11:12,465 --> 00:11:14,302
has been
effectively communicated.
351
00:11:14,302 --> 00:11:16,774
Aren't we getting behind
on the state curriculum here?
352
00:11:16,774 --> 00:11:18,778
Shouldn't we be moving on
to To Kill a Mockingbird?
353
00:11:18,778 --> 00:11:20,816
- Doug, shut up.
- Lot of questions for a doctor.
354
00:11:20,816 --> 00:11:22,051
Markie, do you even have
a master's?
355
00:11:22,051 --> 00:11:23,520
What'd you major in, ranch?
356
00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:25,224
I'm sorry, I thought
you were just observing.
357
00:11:25,224 --> 00:11:27,362
Easily distracted.
Write that down.
358
00:11:27,362 --> 00:11:28,497
- Don't. What are you writing?
- Are you writing this
in Wingdings?
359
00:11:28,497 --> 00:11:29,499
- What is that?
- Stop it.
360
00:11:29,499 --> 00:11:30,802
Okay, how about this?
361
00:11:30,802 --> 00:11:32,806
I'm ordering you to leave, okay?
362
00:11:32,806 --> 00:11:35,378
- [students oohing]
- Observation over.
363
00:11:35,378 --> 00:11:38,150
Actually, my Parent's Rights
state that I can be here,
364
00:11:38,150 --> 00:11:40,354
- so I will be remaining.
- That doesn't exist.
365
00:11:40,354 --> 00:11:41,858
You're out of order.
366
00:11:41,858 --> 00:11:44,229
This whole, this whole classroom
is out of order.
367
00:11:44,229 --> 00:11:46,266
Linda, this isn't a courtroom.
368
00:11:46,266 --> 00:11:47,335
I object.
369
00:11:47,335 --> 00:11:48,805
I don't know what is going on.
370
00:11:48,805 --> 00:11:50,474
And why will he not
stop typing?!
371
00:11:50,474 --> 00:11:52,011
- I'll take care of this.
- Just put "OOO," and that stands
372
00:11:52,011 --> 00:11:53,882
- for "out of order."
- Who wants an iPad?
373
00:11:53,882 --> 00:11:56,854
- Just keep teaching, Evan.
- So, The Red Badge of Courage...
374
00:11:56,854 --> 00:11:58,123
And she's what?
She's allowed to bring
375
00:11:58,123 --> 00:12:00,161
this teaching expert
into my classroom
376
00:12:00,161 --> 00:12:01,898
- without asking?
- Well, technically, no.
377
00:12:01,898 --> 00:12:03,868
But in a world where
I want to keep my job, yes.
378
00:12:03,868 --> 00:12:05,237
I mean, she's probably
just gathering evidence.
379
00:12:05,237 --> 00:12:07,308
Gathering evidence
for what, Grant?
380
00:12:07,308 --> 00:12:08,578
For the parents-faculty
town hall meeting
381
00:12:08,578 --> 00:12:10,047
that she called for tonight.
382
00:12:10,047 --> 00:12:12,051
- She called a town hall meeting?
- Yes.
383
00:12:12,051 --> 00:12:13,588
- She's allowed to do that?
- Well, technically, no,
384
00:12:13,588 --> 00:12:15,358
but in a world where
I want to keep my--
385
00:12:15,358 --> 00:12:17,095
You knew about this?
Wh-Wh-Why wouldn't you tell me?
386
00:12:17,095 --> 00:12:18,999
Because I was hoping she
wouldn't gather any evidence.
387
00:12:18,999 --> 00:12:21,503
Evan, look, if we don't
make it through this,
388
00:12:21,503 --> 00:12:23,842
I just want to say that it's
been an honor and a privilege
389
00:12:23,842 --> 00:12:25,077
- serving with you.
- Oh, shut up.
390
00:12:29,553 --> 00:12:31,256
My associates are handing out
the findings fro
391
00:12:31,256 --> 00:12:32,860
- in the classroom.
- Could you, uh, pass that down?
392
00:12:32,860 --> 00:12:34,329
That's gonna be Dr. Doug,
y'all know Winston.
393
00:12:34,329 --> 00:12:36,199
Tell him not to hide
his light under a bushel.
394
00:12:36,199 --> 00:12:38,003
You let it shine, Winston.
395
00:12:38,003 --> 00:12:39,840
- You're just gonna let
this happen to me?
- Shh.
396
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:40,942
Anyway, I think perhaps
what is most stark
397
00:12:40,942 --> 00:12:42,913
about our findings today
398
00:12:42,913 --> 00:12:45,217
is that Mr. Marquez is unable
to even teach his class
399
00:12:45,217 --> 00:12:47,923
without the assistance of
several other teachers present.
400
00:12:47,923 --> 00:12:50,361
I mean, does the state
have funding
401
00:12:50,361 --> 00:12:53,067
for such an extensive
support system?
402
00:12:53,067 --> 00:12:55,371
Linda, you brought a teaching
expert to my classroom.
403
00:12:55,371 --> 00:12:57,208
- [Grant] Mr. Marquez.
- You came to my class
unannounced.
404
00:12:57,208 --> 00:12:59,412
- Okay? I needed backup.
- Mr. Marquez. Mr., Mr. Marquez.
405
00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:01,383
Mrs. Harrison has the floor.
406
00:13:01,383 --> 00:13:02,853
Thank you, Grant.
407
00:13:02,853 --> 00:13:04,322
Everybody just open
to page four.
408
00:13:04,322 --> 00:13:05,324
Let's all do it together.
409
00:13:05,324 --> 00:13:07,395
She used to be so sweet.
410
00:13:07,395 --> 00:13:09,232
Like, I don't even know
who this woman is.
411
00:13:09,232 --> 00:13:11,002
This book was,
like, really well-made.
412
00:13:11,002 --> 00:13:12,371
Where did they get this picture
of you, by the way?
413
00:13:12,371 --> 00:13:13,641
- Look at that.
- Oh, my God.
414
00:13:13,641 --> 00:13:14,944
You're built
like a baby seal, man.
415
00:13:14,944 --> 00:13:16,113
I told you to post that.
416
00:13:16,113 --> 00:13:17,515
Hold on,
I have to listen to this.
417
00:13:17,515 --> 00:13:19,152
'Cause whether this requires
an adjustment
418
00:13:19,152 --> 00:13:21,924
or-- honey, God forbid--
a removal,
419
00:13:21,924 --> 00:13:24,062
that's just something
we need to talk about.
420
00:13:24,062 --> 00:13:25,197
She said removal?
421
00:13:25,197 --> 00:13:26,534
[exasperated sigh]
422
00:13:26,534 --> 00:13:28,103
I think everybody's with me here
423
00:13:28,103 --> 00:13:31,243
when I say we want
our children...
424
00:13:31,243 --> 00:13:32,980
to thrive and to learn.
425
00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:34,249
[murmured agreements]
426
00:13:34,249 --> 00:13:36,052
Let me hear one more time
in the back.
427
00:13:36,052 --> 00:13:37,188
[all]
Amen.
428
00:13:37,188 --> 00:13:38,490
[Linda]
What we don't want
429
00:13:38,490 --> 00:13:40,094
is our children
subjected to things
430
00:13:40,094 --> 00:13:42,365
that we have not agreed to.
431
00:13:42,365 --> 00:13:44,169
- Am I right?
- [murmured agreements]
432
00:13:44,169 --> 00:13:47,609
Like receiving failing grades
on passing work.
433
00:13:47,609 --> 00:13:50,014
- Can I get an amen?
- I'm so sorry, I don't want
to be dramatic...
434
00:13:50,014 --> 00:13:52,318
- [shutter clicks]
- ...but this woman has
a personal vendetta against me.
435
00:13:52,318 --> 00:13:54,088
I'm not the only one
who's been affected
436
00:13:54,088 --> 00:13:55,559
by Mr. Marquez's actions.
437
00:13:55,559 --> 00:13:57,228
I'd like to bring to speak
a beautiful,
438
00:13:57,228 --> 00:13:59,600
incredible and talented
Latina single mother.
439
00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:01,002
- Luisa.
- [applause]
440
00:14:01,002 --> 00:14:02,137
Come on, Luisa.
441
00:14:03,340 --> 00:14:05,044
Actually, I'm not single.
442
00:14:05,044 --> 00:14:06,313
- I am married for nine years.
- [feedback squeals]
443
00:14:06,313 --> 00:14:07,481
Congratulations.
444
00:14:08,951 --> 00:14:10,354
My son was on the football team.
445
00:14:10,354 --> 00:14:12,458
And then he got an F,
and now they say
446
00:14:12,458 --> 00:14:14,496
- that he can't play anymore.
- [exclaims]
447
00:14:14,496 --> 00:14:15,632
[Linda]
That's his future!
448
00:14:15,632 --> 00:14:18,337
We are angry, Mr. Marquez.
449
00:14:18,337 --> 00:14:20,641
[speaking Spanish]
450
00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:23,046
[speaking Spanish]
451
00:14:26,452 --> 00:14:28,456
Hey, Siri,
open Google Translate.
452
00:14:31,964 --> 00:14:33,935
[speaking Spanish]
453
00:14:33,935 --> 00:14:36,641
I'mma call a cállate!
454
00:14:36,641 --> 00:14:39,078
We all know Dr. Doug can't
even write that down.
455
00:14:40,314 --> 00:14:41,283
Now, that was beautiful.
456
00:14:41,283 --> 00:14:43,320
And cultural.
457
00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,157
Okay? And I thank you, Luisa.
458
00:14:45,157 --> 00:14:46,727
She's using my own people
against me.
459
00:14:46,727 --> 00:14:48,497
And that goes to show that I'm
not the only one affected
460
00:14:48,497 --> 00:14:50,569
- by Mr. Marquez's actions, and--
- Excuse me.
461
00:14:50,569 --> 00:14:53,173
- Sorry. Please.
Linda. If you don't mind.
- S-- Sure.
462
00:14:53,173 --> 00:14:55,144
- Oh, my God.
- [Sharon] I'm sorry,
but there is
463
00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:56,313
a more pressing matter.
464
00:14:56,313 --> 00:14:57,481
Oh, here we go.
465
00:14:57,481 --> 00:14:59,018
We all need to be aware
466
00:14:59,018 --> 00:15:01,189
that our kids are playing
a new sex game.
467
00:15:01,189 --> 00:15:02,559
[parents gasp]
468
00:15:02,559 --> 00:15:04,162
[Sharon]
When I say the phrase
469
00:15:04,162 --> 00:15:06,634
"reverse glory hole,"
what do you picture?
470
00:15:06,634 --> 00:15:09,640
Okay. All right. And-and
that does sound terrifying.
471
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:11,577
Earmark the, uh,
the reverse glory hole.
472
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:13,480
- Let's write that down.
- I appreciate you.
We're gonna deal
473
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,184
with that later.
We're gonna keep an eye on it.
474
00:15:15,184 --> 00:15:17,021
I would really love
the opportunity to speak now
475
00:15:17,021 --> 00:15:18,992
- since this is all about me.
- Yeah. Yeah. I got one more
476
00:15:18,992 --> 00:15:20,528
reminder before I sit down. I'm
gonna quit taking y'all's time.
477
00:15:24,235 --> 00:15:25,772
Y'all get some food real quick.
478
00:15:25,772 --> 00:15:28,010
We got Winston
on the carving station!
479
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,780
- We got two chocolate fountains.
- [whooping and applause]
480
00:15:29,780 --> 00:15:33,621
And we have a boatload
of my favorite and yours...
481
00:15:33,621 --> 00:15:35,257
[whispering]
steak nuggets.
482
00:15:35,257 --> 00:15:37,461
- [cheering]
- [laughs] Dig in, y'all.
483
00:15:37,461 --> 00:15:39,165
I was hoping that was for us.
484
00:15:39,165 --> 00:15:41,169
Maybe just drill a peephole
right here at your desk.
485
00:15:41,169 --> 00:15:43,507
And they take the exam,
you drop your keys,
486
00:15:43,507 --> 00:15:45,110
catch 'em in the act.
487
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:46,714
How you doing over there?
488
00:15:46,714 --> 00:15:49,185
I'm not good, you know?
This woman,
489
00:15:49,185 --> 00:15:52,058
it's like I close my eyes
and she's all I can see.
490
00:15:52,058 --> 00:15:54,362
And she's staring at me
491
00:15:54,362 --> 00:15:55,699
with her blonde updo.
492
00:15:55,699 --> 00:15:59,540
I feel like the town hall
went fine.
493
00:15:59,540 --> 00:16:01,142
It wasn't fine, Gwen.
494
00:16:01,142 --> 00:16:03,347
You know it didn't go fine.
495
00:16:03,347 --> 00:16:05,619
They're acting like they were
gonna carry me out of town
496
00:16:05,619 --> 00:16:08,591
on a pitchfork
like a big steak nugget.
497
00:16:08,591 --> 00:16:11,196
But they got distracted
by the food in the end.
498
00:16:11,196 --> 00:16:13,333
I don't think they'll
remember what happened.
499
00:16:13,333 --> 00:16:14,737
It's just,
everyone's on her side.
500
00:16:14,737 --> 00:16:17,408
I'm not gonna win this.
I can't win this.
501
00:16:17,408 --> 00:16:21,149
Are you giving up?
Evan Marquez giving up.
502
00:16:21,149 --> 00:16:24,088
We have her right where
we want her, man. [claps]
503
00:16:25,090 --> 00:16:27,094
- How?
- Do you ever wonder why
504
00:16:27,094 --> 00:16:29,265
her restaurants
are all cash only?
505
00:16:29,265 --> 00:16:30,802
All right, let's go
right in the cleavage.
506
00:16:30,802 --> 00:16:32,338
There we go.
507
00:16:32,338 --> 00:16:34,142
This is just so crazy
to wear a wire.
508
00:16:34,142 --> 00:16:36,580
It's the only way out of this,
buddy, seriously.
509
00:16:36,580 --> 00:16:39,218
[Evan] Okay, explain
the tax fraud thing to me again
510
00:16:39,218 --> 00:16:42,091
'cause I only get about 40%
of any conversation about money.
511
00:16:42,091 --> 00:16:43,595
All right.
512
00:16:43,595 --> 00:16:45,431
It's simple but complicated
at the same time, right?
513
00:16:45,431 --> 00:16:47,569
Biggest restaurant in Austin.
514
00:16:47,569 --> 00:16:50,542
Arguably the fanciest.
Cash only.
515
00:16:50,542 --> 00:16:52,646
Why do you think that is?
It's obvious.
516
00:16:52,646 --> 00:16:54,583
They're skimming
right off the top.
517
00:16:54,583 --> 00:16:56,319
Cooking the books. Okay?
518
00:16:56,319 --> 00:16:58,658
And their cover is
that they donate to the school.
519
00:16:58,658 --> 00:17:02,198
It throws the IRS off the scent.
It's fraud. It's bad.
520
00:17:02,198 --> 00:17:04,737
- It just sounds
like such a conspiracy theory.
- I know, right?
521
00:17:04,737 --> 00:17:07,809
But all conspiracy theories
are 90% true.
522
00:17:20,668 --> 00:17:22,673
- You got this, Evan.
- [doorbell rings]
523
00:17:22,673 --> 00:17:24,877
- [barking]
- [Linda] Come on in,
Mr. Marquez.
524
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,245
Hey.
525
00:17:27,281 --> 00:17:28,250
Oh, my Lord.
526
00:17:28,250 --> 00:17:29,620
Y'all hush.
527
00:17:29,620 --> 00:17:31,557
Hush, I said!
528
00:17:31,557 --> 00:17:32,793
[Evan]
Thanks so much
for agreeing to meet.
529
00:17:32,793 --> 00:17:34,429
Hey, Brad, Steven.
530
00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:36,433
You about to lose
your privileges.
531
00:17:36,433 --> 00:17:38,571
So many nice...
[clears throat] dogs.
532
00:17:38,571 --> 00:17:40,240
Lord have mercy,
you about to drive me to drink.
533
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:41,677
It's a very, very
beautiful house. [chuckles]
534
00:17:41,677 --> 00:17:43,815
The recession was
very good to us.
535
00:17:43,815 --> 00:17:45,585
- Wasn't it, Kevin?
- Sorry, is there a way to--
536
00:17:45,585 --> 00:17:47,455
- [whimpers]
- [Evan] I just wanted to be able
537
00:17:47,455 --> 00:17:49,660
- to hear what you were saying.
- I can hear you just fine.
538
00:17:49,660 --> 00:17:51,496
- You said you wanted
a few minutes of my time...
- [dog howls]
539
00:17:51,496 --> 00:17:53,166
[clears throat]
Floor's yours.
540
00:17:53,166 --> 00:17:55,839
Yes. Uh, I was gonna say,
your restaurant,
541
00:17:55,839 --> 00:17:57,441
- the c-- the cash only--
- You know what?
542
00:17:57,441 --> 00:17:59,178
It's a wild pheasant
down by the fence line.
543
00:17:59,178 --> 00:18:00,782
That's what's making
these dogs nuts.
544
00:18:00,782 --> 00:18:02,586
- [dog whimpers]
- Come with me.
545
00:18:02,586 --> 00:18:04,155
- I got to do something.
- [racks shotgun]
546
00:18:04,155 --> 00:18:05,859
Oh, my God.
547
00:18:05,859 --> 00:18:08,330
So that is just
sitting there. Okay.
548
00:18:08,330 --> 00:18:11,135
- Ah!
- Damn. That fucker can move.
549
00:18:11,904 --> 00:18:14,208
You ever dealt with pheasant?
550
00:18:14,208 --> 00:18:15,612
So hard to kill,
551
00:18:15,612 --> 00:18:17,582
- and they don't even taste good.
- Yeah.
552
00:18:17,582 --> 00:18:21,455
Pheasant is definitely one
of my least favorite meats.
553
00:18:22,257 --> 00:18:25,264
You know, speaking of meat,
your restaurant was amazing.
554
00:18:25,264 --> 00:18:27,168
I thought it was so good
555
00:18:27,168 --> 00:18:28,838
and I, I thought it was cute
how you guys did
556
00:18:28,838 --> 00:18:30,340
that cash-only thing.
557
00:18:30,340 --> 00:18:32,746
I was like, "Okay.
558
00:18:32,746 --> 00:18:35,317
Why would someone do a cash-only
thing?" 'Cause I was--
559
00:18:35,317 --> 00:18:36,486
Right, Mr. Marquez,
560
00:18:36,486 --> 00:18:37,889
let's just cut to the chase.
561
00:18:37,889 --> 00:18:39,459
I know you're here
to grovel for your job,
562
00:18:39,459 --> 00:18:40,628
but if you can just
change those grades,
563
00:18:40,628 --> 00:18:42,197
you won't have to.
564
00:18:46,272 --> 00:18:48,376
Yeah. I-I hear that.
565
00:18:48,376 --> 00:18:50,314
College is real important
to our family,
566
00:18:50,314 --> 00:18:53,220
and Blake's GPA is right
on the cusp of dropping him
567
00:18:53,220 --> 00:18:55,457
to a lower level
of potential universities.
568
00:18:55,457 --> 00:18:57,294
[sighs]
569
00:18:57,294 --> 00:19:00,635
We need him in a good college,
like his older brother.
570
00:19:00,635 --> 00:19:02,639
His older brother.
Your gay son.
571
00:19:02,639 --> 00:19:05,645
[coughs]
My son.
572
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,515
Part of me wants to ask
if you still think
573
00:19:07,515 --> 00:19:10,889
that just by being
his out-gay teacher,
574
00:19:10,889 --> 00:19:13,628
I turned him gay,
but I would hope you're
575
00:19:13,628 --> 00:19:16,499
evolved enough by now
to realize that's not possible.
576
00:19:16,499 --> 00:19:17,869
Well...
577
00:19:17,869 --> 00:19:20,240
I certainly think
he was encouraged.
578
00:19:22,311 --> 00:19:24,248
- [gunshot]
- Ah!
579
00:19:26,319 --> 00:19:27,656
[sighs]
Anyway,
580
00:19:27,656 --> 00:19:29,760
he is thriving at school.
581
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:31,664
Do you talk to him at all?
582
00:19:31,664 --> 00:19:33,668
Of course I talk to him.
He's my son.
583
00:19:33,668 --> 00:19:35,738
And I love him, and...
[sighs]
584
00:19:35,738 --> 00:19:38,510
...despite what you think
I think about his preferences,
585
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:39,880
I love him no matter what.
586
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:41,015
And as long as he keeps it
out of Austin,
587
00:19:41,015 --> 00:19:42,517
it's fine by me.
588
00:19:44,421 --> 00:19:46,359
Why would he need
to keep it out of Austin?
589
00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:48,898
Austin's a perfectly
gay-friendly place.
590
00:19:48,898 --> 00:19:50,668
Not the circles I run in.
591
00:19:50,668 --> 00:19:52,806
They don't understand, so...
592
00:19:52,806 --> 00:19:54,308
I'm not gonna have
my life turned upside down
593
00:19:54,308 --> 00:19:55,778
'cause of something like that.
594
00:19:57,447 --> 00:19:59,518
You have a secret.
595
00:20:01,022 --> 00:20:02,826
A woman like me has
many secrets.
596
00:20:02,826 --> 00:20:04,028
No, I mean,
597
00:20:04,028 --> 00:20:05,698
you have a secret,
598
00:20:05,698 --> 00:20:07,836
like the fact that your son
is gay is a secret.
599
00:20:07,836 --> 00:20:09,773
For you.
600
00:20:09,773 --> 00:20:13,648
Like, you're scared if you told
the people in your life this,
601
00:20:13,648 --> 00:20:16,418
that they would kick you out
of your whole social structure.
602
00:20:17,487 --> 00:20:19,860
Well, exactly.
So you do understand.
603
00:20:19,860 --> 00:20:22,932
Yeah, I do. I just...
604
00:20:23,868 --> 00:20:28,509
I wonder if you realize that's
exactly how your son feels.
605
00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:31,082
He feels like he has
this thing about him
606
00:20:31,082 --> 00:20:32,619
that if he told
the wrong people,
607
00:20:32,619 --> 00:20:35,725
would get him kicked out
of his life, right?
608
00:20:35,725 --> 00:20:36,961
And that's how you're feeling,
609
00:20:36,961 --> 00:20:39,031
and that's how
I felt growing up.
610
00:20:42,839 --> 00:20:44,843
So we're all feeling
the same thing.
611
00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:47,314
See what I'm saying?
612
00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:52,992
Wow, you really healed me.
Thanks.
613
00:20:53,994 --> 00:20:55,565
- Oh.
- [sighs]
614
00:20:55,565 --> 00:20:56,700
- [water splashes]
- [laughs]
615
00:20:56,700 --> 00:20:58,036
I got him.
616
00:20:58,036 --> 00:21:00,574
Oh, right between
his beady little eyes.
617
00:21:01,677 --> 00:21:04,850
Um, why don't you just...
618
00:21:04,850 --> 00:21:06,452
let 'em redo the essay?
619
00:21:06,452 --> 00:21:07,989
You don't have
to change the grades,
620
00:21:07,989 --> 00:21:11,362
and then whichever one is
better, you count that one.
621
00:21:11,362 --> 00:21:13,333
Yeah, that's reasonable.
622
00:21:13,333 --> 00:21:14,869
Great.
623
00:21:17,542 --> 00:21:19,846
You know, it was a good thing
that you were recording
624
00:21:19,846 --> 00:21:22,051
that whole conversation
and now you can just go back
625
00:21:22,051 --> 00:21:25,525
and listen to that little speech
you gave whenever you want.
626
00:21:25,525 --> 00:21:28,864
["She Drives Me Crazy" by
Fine Young Cannibals playing]
627
00:21:28,864 --> 00:21:30,535
And, guys,
before I wrap up class,
628
00:21:30,535 --> 00:21:32,504
I wanted to say I'm gonna
give you all a redo
629
00:21:32,504 --> 00:21:33,808
on your Red Badge
of Courage essays
630
00:21:33,808 --> 00:21:35,778
to try to get a better grade.
631
00:21:35,778 --> 00:21:37,381
I believe in second chances.
632
00:21:37,381 --> 00:21:38,651
So, congratulations.
633
00:21:38,651 --> 00:21:40,788
- [Gwen shouts]
- Oh, my God.
634
00:21:40,788 --> 00:21:41,990
[Gwen coughing]
635
00:21:44,896 --> 00:21:46,399
[groans]
Sorry.
636
00:21:46,399 --> 00:21:49,806
[chuckles] God, I got turned
around up there.
637
00:21:49,806 --> 00:21:52,411
Were you trying to catch
your students cheating?
638
00:21:52,411 --> 00:21:53,547
Yeah. Yeah.
639
00:21:53,547 --> 00:21:55,083
I didn't catch anyone cheating.
640
00:21:55,083 --> 00:21:56,887
Basically, all the kids are
just watching Snapchat.
641
00:21:56,887 --> 00:21:59,091
That's what I figured out.
642
00:21:59,091 --> 00:22:00,929
[clicks lips]
I got to get out of here.
643
00:22:00,929 --> 00:22:02,665
Class dismissed.
644
00:22:03,734 --> 00:22:05,772
[grunting]
Come on, now.
645
00:22:05,772 --> 00:22:06,974
I got you.
646
00:22:06,974 --> 00:22:08,176
Okay.
647
00:22:08,176 --> 00:22:09,980
♪ She drives me crazy ♪
648
00:22:09,980 --> 00:22:11,984
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
649
00:22:11,984 --> 00:22:14,589
♪ Like no one else ♪
650
00:22:14,589 --> 00:22:16,092
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
651
00:22:16,092 --> 00:22:18,698
♪ She drives me crazy ♪
652
00:22:18,698 --> 00:22:22,370
♪ And I can't help myself ♪
653
00:22:23,439 --> 00:22:25,476
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
654
00:22:42,845 --> 00:22:45,450
♪ She drives me crazy ♪
655
00:22:45,450 --> 00:22:47,121
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
656
00:22:47,121 --> 00:22:49,726
♪ Like no one else ♪
657
00:22:49,726 --> 00:22:51,730
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
658
00:22:51,730 --> 00:23:03,119
♪ She drives me crazy
and I can't help myself. ♪
48137
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