All language subtitles for DCs Legends of Tomorrow_S07E09_Lowest Common Demoninator.English (CC)

Wait. Did everybody make it?

-No. Bishop's dead.
-We have to go back.

We can't leave a man behind now.
We have to go back.

Gwyn, he sacrificed himself for us.

We cannot go back or more of us could die.

I need a moment.

-Uh, are we in John's mansion?
-Yeah. In the pocket dimension, I think.

Does it still open to the factory?

[screaming]

Not unless something terrible
happened to that factory.

The portal must have closed
when the last person exited the manor.

So, right now,
there's no doorway back to Earth.

It's okay. We can still time jump.

No, we can't.
Not until we know exactly where and when.

We can't afford to have another mistake.

What? What do you mean?

We told her to go home,
and this feels like home to me.

Home is 2022, not here.

It was all really chaotic. I just--

Gidget, are you okay?

You look a little… Oh, she has a fever.

Oh, man. Okay, well, if Gideon is unwell,
it's definitely not safe to jump,

-so we are trapped in the mansion.
-In Hell.

More like we're trapped
three inches from Hell.

It's gonna be all right, guys.
Gideon probably just needs a rest.

And, luckily,
we landed outside the timeline,

which means Evil Gideon can't find us,

and now, we have a chance
to come up with our game plan.

-That was the whole--
-Tactics. We need to think tactics.

Give me ten minutes.
I'll have a murder board drawn up,

and we can do some planning.

It tolls for thee.

[eerie voices in distance]

Hello?

Is someone there?

Hello?

[eerie voices continue]

-Gwyn!
-Alun?

Wow, babe, this is your
most complicated murder board yet.

-All right, bottom line is…
-Nice.

Yeah. Evil Gideon's manufacturing robots
to hunt us down.

After all we have done
to protect the timeline?

So, what we need, ideas, good ideas.

How to defeat robots.

How to travel
without being detected by Evil Gideon.

Hey, Gideon.

Didn't see you
at the murder board meeting. You okay?

I thought I was doing the right thing
coming here,

but they're all so disappointed in me.

It all happened so fast.
I just went with my gut.

What if next time I get confused
and I just jump us all into a tornado?

-I could kill us all.
-No. No, you did good.

You brought us to safety.
Don't be so hard on yourself.

So, what did I miss at the meeting?

Oh, you know, they were talking about why
Evil Gideon wants to kill all the Legends.

I'm sure she thinks they're
an unpredictable and destructive force

that needs to be eradicated.

Just a guess.

Looks like someone restocked the kitchen.
Have an apple.

Oh.

Is it getting hot in here
or is it just me?

Well…

If you're referring to the increase in
temperature in the house, you're correct.

Oh.

If you're insinuating
we should go upstairs and fool around,

also correct.

Oh.

[both giggling]

Guys.

I'm thinking about maybe asking Astra out.

Oh.

Our baby boy is all growns up.

I just feel, like, clarity, you know?

Like, I haven't smoked weed or done
edibles since we got time stranded,

and I feel so present,

and now, I just can't stop
thinking about her.

That's great. Just be yourself,
and, you know, don't make it weird.

Be myself, don't make it weird.

You're Behrad. You're the cool, chill guy
everyone wants to hang out with.

Be cool and chill.
That's why people like me.

-Exactly.
-All right. Thanks, guys.

We crushed that.
I love helping a little bro.

Because you're time bros?

No. Because I'm getting
so serious with my Zari.

He's like a future little brother-in-law.

I guess that makes us in-laws
in some weird way.

Yeah, but you're like my best bud,
so like a time bro-ette.

Thank you, but I hate that.

Is it hot in here?
Feels like a million degrees.

Yeah, something is not right.

Gwyn!

Are we in Hell?

Oh, Lord, and all you saints and martyrs,
aid me now.

Okay, calm down, Gwyn.

-I mean, what's the worst that can happen?
-"The worst that can happen"?

We are in the very bowels of Hell,
Esperanza.

The horrors that await us
are beyond the limits of imaginations.

Yeah, out there.

But, I mean, we would have
seen something come in, right?

-[electricity crackling]
-[rattling]

[sighs]

You might want to keep praying, Gwyn.

-You left the door to Hell open?
-What were you thinking?

Yes, I'm sorry.
You see, I thought I heard voices,

and so I opened the door.
I'm a grand fool. I know.

There's no telling what nightmare got in.

Where I come from,

the only thing worse than pests
are pests that make themselves at home.

Yeah. Okay, let's split up
and sweep the house.

We can't fight Evil Gideon
if we're all possessed.

Or can we?

No. No, bad idea.
Sweep the house. Tell everyone.

-Go ahead.
-Right.

Hey, you ever feel like
someone's watching you?

Well, I was a child celebrity.
I feel weird when I'm not being watched.

But, yeah, I do know what you mean.

[yelps]

-Oh!
-Ew! Oh, my God.

Disgusting.

Who knows what kind of magic goo
John was hoarding in here. Ugh.

Disgust…

[clears throat]

There's, um…

There's gotta be something
to wear around here.

Mmm-hmm. I guess somewhere in here. Right?

I don't like this.
We didn't plan for a Hell detour.

Yeah, I know.

We got robots and Evil Gideon
and now this.

I'm at capacity.

[loud thudding]

[door slams]

Something is definitely up there.

[thud]

-Did you hear that?
-Hear what?

[yelps]

Behrad, don't sneak up on people in Hell!

-You idiot.
-Sorry.

[exhales deeply]

You look like John.

You look like my Zari.

What's happening?

I think we're being manipulated.

-No. [gasps]
-Yes.

[screaming]

[screaming]

Why are you attacking us?

"Us"?

-Greetings.
-Oh, my…

Oh, my… Damn.

Why, why, why, why?

Ohh!

Gideon!

Why are there three of them?

God, God save me now.

Hi, everyone. This is, uh, mortifying.

This had better be consensual, Gary,
or I'm gonna rip off your--

It's entirely consensual.

In fact, I was the one
to instigate our first tryst.

All right.
How long has this been going on?

-Including the foreplay, approximately--
-[all] No, no, no.

I mean, when did you guys,
like, first hook up?

Uh, the Chernobyl nuclear meltdown
was our first date.

-[Gary] Yeah.
-Oh, lovely. Sounds very romantic.

That's why Gideon's been so unfocused.

[Sara] Yeah. And why we ended up here.

Gary said that the manor feels like home,

so that must be the reason
Gideon brought us here

instead of our actual home,
because of him!

-Oh, my God. That's such a nice thought.
-Aw, that's so sweet.

This is like a bad reality show.
Thank you very much for that.

That's it.
I know what's infesting the house.

Well, enlighten us, Miss Logue.

It's The Cursed Crew.

And they're watching us,
trying to get a glimpse of the real world.

-What are you talking about?
-Let me show you.

[chanting]

[all exclaim]

We are on a reality show from Hell.

You're saying there's just creepers
just watching us?

Yeah, like everywhere?

[Astra] Yeah, they're following us around,
filming us.

I don't like the idea of creepers
watching us for their own amusement.

Not for their amusement, for their curse.

Back in the '90s, there was this film crew
that was so desperate for a hit show,

they sold their souls
to this demon called Harris Ledes.

The terms of the deal state
that they can't leave his employment

unless they capture something authentic,
something real.

Ugh, sounds like a bunch of sad sacks.

No, we need to be careful.

Through Harris's unholy magic,

they can twist emotions
to amplify conflict.

They love drama.

Unless we want
to vacate this place forever,

I have to confront Harris.

You want to go out there?

I can handle myself.

But you all need to handle yourselves.

If you feel your emotions
getting amped up, don't succumb.

And just keep your heads till I get back,
and please don't turn on each other.

Oh, man, this is gonna be just like KUWTT.

KUWTT. Keeping Up With The Tarazis.

The reality show about my own family
that I was re-cast on.

Oof.

That's right.
I forgot what a bummer you were on it.

-I'm starting to remember, though.
-Mmm.

I'm joking. It's a jo…

Wow.

-Miss Spooner?
-Uh-huh.

May I have a word? I just, uh…

Would you mind informing me
as to exactly what this "reality TV" is?

[chuckles]

Don't worry, stick with me.
I've watched like 40 seasons of Survivor.

Hey, we should form an alliance.

I had an ally once.

And perhaps being stuck in Hell is proof

that I have strayed too far
from getting his back.

Yup, uh… Never mind.
Forget it. Offer rescinded.

You're too weird for an alliance.

You'd only hold me back.

Reality TV show or not,

we need to find a way
to deal with Evil Gideon and her robots.

Okay, plan, plan.

Let's, uh… free associate.

Mmm. Free associate?
Okay, I guess I'm listening.

-Robots.
-Robots, yes.

Robots don't like water.
Water is on the ocean.

[gasps] We need to go to our beach house
on the ocean.

What?

What?

Babe, look, I'm… I'm drained, okay?

I just… I need a break.

Just like a little private island
with a yacht for day trips.

-I mean, is that so much to ask for?
-Yes!

[exhales] We don't have time for this.
I don't under… Okay.

-Do you not want to do the work?
-Of course I want to do the work.

All I do is work.
I'm Sara Lance. I'm crazy about work.

But I am also crazy about personal chefs
and hers-and-hers massages.

-Hmm?
-Who are you?

[Nate exhales deeply]

You know what,
I have this all figured out.

These super basic,
lazy reality show wannabes

are trying to foist
the friends-to-lovers trope on us.

That's why they did the stunt
with the shirt goo.

Yeah. Luckily we are way too TV savvy
to fall for that, especially me.

It's like, if we haven't
hooked up already,

why would we hook up now?

We got this.

We're gonna be the friends
that never fight.

Hmm? All we have to do
is not sleep with each other.

You and me? That's crazy.
Never in a million years.

Well… Yeah. I mean, you know,
because we're just friends.

Obviously I'm genetically identical
to your girlfriend,

so I understand why you would
unconsciously be drawn to me.

To be honest,
just the idea of it is like blah.

[laughs] Okay. Okay. Uh…

Not to, like, press the issue,
but, um, look at me.

I dress better than her.
I live in your timeline.

In fact, the only real difference
between us is our personalities.

And surely you're not saying that I,

the person who you called
your "time bro-ette"

not 20 minutes ago,
have a bad personality.

Surely not.

Did I say "never in a million years"?

I meant to say never in ten million years!

-Mmm-hmm. Yeah? Yeah?
-Yeah. Yeah.

[grunts]

[Dr. Davies clears throat]

Miss Lance, when we first met,
we made a deal.

And I have fulfilled
my end of the bargain.

I gave you time travel.

But you have not upheld your side
by helping me complete my sacred mission.

Instead, you have brought me
to the burning inferno of Hell itself.

And therefore,
with all due respect, Miss Lance,

I must remind you
of your obligations to me.

I do not have time for this.

But you promised me.
Please, we must save Alun.

Yes, Gwyn, okay,
I have not forgotten about our deal.

I owe you one person to save.

No problem. You got it.
We'll talk about it later.

I am very sorry, Miss Lance,
but this is not good enough!

What do you want then?
Do you need me to write it down?

Is that gonna make you happy? Fine. Here.

Gwyn can save one person
from the timeline.

Signed, Sara Lance.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to plan.

Thank you.

-Thank you. I appreciate it.
-Yeah.

-Yes!
-Plan a holiday.

[laughter]

Oh, my God!

[cat-call whistle]

Excuse me, young lady,
will you put some clothes on?

No way. It's called strategy.

Being naked is "strategy"?

You know,
it psyches the other players out.

Everyone trusts the naked guy
because what could they be hiding?

Hmm?

But, Gwyn, what I'm hiding is all in here.

That's very, very good.
That's very, very good.

[people screaming in distance]

Lowest Common Demon-inator Productions.
How may I…

Astra Logue? Uh, is that really you?

Unlucky for you, I'm back.

And you're gonna do exactly as I say.

[screaming]

[assistant groaning]

[man] Astra Logue.

It's been too long.

Ooh. You look awful. [laughs]
It's not your fault, though.

Being outside of Hell
is bad for your pores, bad for your karma.

Harris. Still negging like it's 2007.

Oh, it's called trolling now.
And these souls that I'm trolling,

they're gonna be
ripping each other apart by mid-season.

Those are my souls you're messing with,

so hands off.

Oh.

Astra, hey, I…
I didn't know you were still in the biz.

Hey, look, I would never
want to step on your toes,

scuff those gorgeous heels. [purring]

[cackles]

Look, I'll tell you what, souls are yours.

I'll pull the crew back
to Kitchen Night Terrors.

Good. Then we don't have a problem.

Sir, we found this soul
lurking around outside,

following her.

[grunts]

I made this weird, didn't I?

[Harris] So, what was the plan
with this one, huh?

Classic flaying? Exsanguination?

[gasps excitedly]

-Puddling, huh?
-[mouthing] "Puddling"?

[chuckles]

Puddling is when we remove all your bones.

You just turn into a human puddle,
and we splash in you.

-Not that.
-[blows raspberry]

So, what do you say,
take this one together?

For old times, huh?

[Harris] Mmm…

[sighs in disgust]

No. Astra?

You've, ah… You've become
one of them! Disgusting!

Next thing you know,
she's gonna be talking about found family

and having a conscience.

So what if she does have a conscience?

That's part of what makes her amazing.

-She's come so far.
-Behrad, shut up!

What?

Behrad, was it?

See, the thing that you think
makes her amazing,

actually now makes her…

Vulnerable.

Down here, she's any demon's plaything.

Though… Whoa.

She's really mad at you.
I'm not detecting much push back.

Fight it, Astra.
But if you can't, I totally get it.

[sighs]

Yuck.

So chill. You're a nice guy. Yeah.

Here's the thing about nice guys,

they are all over the place
down here in Hell.

The nicer they are,
the more secrets they got buried.

So, I wonder…

[chuckles]

what have you really
got all locked up in here?

[sniffs]

Or maybe, is it… nothing?

You've got… [grunts] It's so boring!

Boring. I'm bored. [blows raspberry]

Why did you follow me? I had this handled.

Yeah, no, duh. I saw what you did
to that guy at the front desk.

I just wanted to make sure
you weren't triggered by being back.

-What's that supposed to mean?
-Hey, wait, wait, wait.

Save it for the cameras.

Please, no!

[yelps]

No, no, no. Ugh! I can't be here!

So, you either think
that I'm too weak to go solo

or I'm just gonna backslide
into being a monster.

-I thought we were friends.
-We are.

But… [whispers] I don't want to talk
in front of the cameras.

There's not really another option.

They're still here
because you followed me!

Mmm…

Well, I enjoyed every bit of that.

And not just the chocolate,
the sex was great too.

Mmm…

What's wrong?

What are we doing?

Maybe they're right.

Maybe this thing between us
is clouding my judgment.

Maybe it's all being heightened
by this Hell house.

The last thing the Legends need
is for their time pilot

to be obsessed
with your sweet, little bottom.

No. No.

Hell house or not,
our judgment isn't clouded.

You do genuinely admire
my sweet, little bottom,

and I do genuinely love you.

I have to go.

Uh… No, that was
the reality show effect.

I know it's too soon to talk about love.
That's weeks away, even a month.

I'm sorry, I just need some time to think.

[door closes]

[exhales]

You are in over your head this time.

How so?

Hello?

How are you in over your head?

Who's talking?

You, hopefully.

I don't want to share my emotions
with a disembodied voice.

Don't you? Just a little?

Well, I guess it would be nice to unload.

-This is just between you and me?
-Of course.

This has all been quite overwhelming.

My human side, well, it's been developing
all sorts of new feelings,

and I particularly hate this one
called self-doubt.

-Your human side?
-Yes.

Sometimes I wish
I could turn off my emotions

and just approach things
more analytically,

like my CPU was designed.

That would be quite dangerous.

Well, some people would say,
in these peculiar circumstances,

that unchecked emotions
could be much more dangerous.

Maybe you're right.

[upbeat electronic music playing]

-Gideon?
-I'm dumping you, Gary.

It's over.

What?

I need to devote my full energy
to my work.

-[hesitates] But my bottom…
-Please don't make a scene.

You'll only embarrass yourself.

-[thud]
-[sobs]

You're not thinking about
what Nate said, are you?

"Ten million years." Ha!

I'm just not as laid back
as the other Zari.

I simply take advantage of my genes

to utilize a little variety
in my appearance.

Tell me this,
is it a crime to admit that I am,

empirically speaking, very hot?

Perhaps the mere sight of you makes him…

I don't know, nervous for some reason.

You know what, you're right. He's nervous.

But why? We're just friends.

There's no reason for him
to be nervous around me.

Maybe it's the other Zari.

Why would he be nervous around her?
They're in love, moving in.

That's a big step. It's…

Oh, my God!

[gasps]

-That's it.
-What?

He doesn't want to move into the totem.

-Oh.
-How could he do this to her?

Gidget!
We have to protect that little nerd.

-You're on my team, right?
-Of course I am.

Of course. Oh, my God. I love you.

[grunting]

Hey.

I saw you talking to Zari.
What did she say?

I shouldn't. It was in confidence.

I'll just say,
it's interesting that she thinks

she utilizes her genes
better than your Zari.

What?

She thinks my Zari is ugly?

-She thinks she's better than her?
-I cannot say.

Hey, good talk. Spot buddies for life.

-Nice!
-[Gideon] Ouch.

Deep into planning.

Refreshing.

The rest of the Legends
are concerned with more trivial matters.

I was thinking though, this current plan,

how are you going to prevent
any harm to Alun

throughout the rest of the war?

I mean, there is, after all,
four more years of it.

[chanting]

It's too bad you cannot save them all.

Those poor men.

Perhaps we can save all of them.

[doorknob rattling]

-[groans]
-Why go back out there?

Oh, you're talking to me now?

I am just wondering
why you want to go back out there,

being that it's the source of your trauma?

My trauma?

Behrad, I grew up in Hell. It sucked.

But I survived by pushing through,
not hiding.

What the hell are you hiding from?

Me?

I'm B. I'm chill.

I don't have trauma.
That's my whole thing.

Frankly, I think you're projecting,
which I hear is quite common.

[scoffs] Oh…

Please! Grow up!

[chanting, groans]

[groans]

Men are cowards.

[grunting]

Nate, I think there's
something wrong with me. [sobs]

My boy Gary,
he's broken-hearted right now.

But Natey-H
still has to drop these truth bombs.

Look, just when you think
you can trust a woman,

she turns around and shows her true self.

That's why you can't trust dames.

You can only trust gains.

[sobbing] No…

Nate? He sucks to be around right now.

I need to find someone more level-headed.

What do you mean, "Gideon is different"?

She just came to me about an alliance.

Want to start a secret double alliance?

Hmm?

[sobs]

Ugh.

Gary's head just isn't in the game.

If he can't get it together,
then he's out.

Of what? I'm not sure yet. But…

I know I'm ahead.

Co-Cap, once you're finished
coming up with a brilliant plan,

we need to talk about how bro Nate
is going to ruin flannel Zari's life.

I have come up with the perfect plan
to defeat Evil Gideon.

Pack your sunscreen
and your hangover remedies

because the Legends are going to Cabo!

That's her plan?

Of course a trip would be nice,
but we have business to take care of,

we have messes to clean up.

We can't just go to the beach
every time life gets hard. [scoffs]

Oh, no. I'm turning into
the implanted memories of my mother.

Wash your hands! It's time for dinner!

These Legends are going
to have to listen to me now.

If I had it my way, the only "Z"
we would have at dinner is ziti.

Oh!

I mean, honestly,
and this is a true question,

did that self-tanner seep into his brain?

And that is how you make a rabbit trap.

[grunts]

Table's set and the knives are out.

I hope everyone's hungry

because they're about to get a mouthful
of the meal I just cooked.

And my opinions.

Oh, crap.

So, I get down to dinner,

and the Legends have done
literally nothing I told them.

The place is a powder keg.

Without human emotions
clouding my judgment,

I'll make sure the Legends
get exactly what they deserve.

I don't think Behrad will be joining us.
He is hiding in bed.

Oh. Just like he spent
most of his teenage years.

Ew.

No, not like that.

He just didn't want to be on camera,
so we had to re-cast him.

-You re-cast your own brother?
-Mmm-hmm.

[Dr. Davies] Let us pray.

Our… [bleep] who art in… [bleep]

hallowed be thy… [bleep]

thy… [bleep] come, thy…
[bleep] be done--

Beautiful words.

Uh, Avs, I just want to say thank you
for this beautiful meal.

-You're welcome.
-Fake.

Excuse me?

I think that this is now
a wonderful opportunity

to bring up the plan

with regards to what
Miss Lance promised me.

What is he talking about?

She promised me
that I could save one life,

and that life is Archduke Franz Ferdinand.

[utensils clattering]

By preventing the assassination
of Archduke Franz Ferdinand,

we shall prevent the entire Great War.

How dare you misrepresent me?

You led me to believe

that you wanted to save
one inconsequential person

from the timeline,
not your entire generation.

No. Thank you.

Babe, listen to me, you know I would
never promise something like that.

-And he is clearly a liar.
-I am not a liar.

-I am not talking to you.
-That's it!

I am done cleaning up after you,
after all of you!

I am not the den mother.

-And would you put some clothes on?
-Ah!

[Dr. Davies] Oh, my.

Look what you did.

-Ava, wait!
-[Dr. Davies] A promise is a promise!

Perfect. Oh, let's really
turn the heat up.

I want to see them
rip each other's limbs off!

So, Spooner, whose faction
did you decide to join, Nate or Zari's?

Oh, my gosh!

You're trying to team up against me?

Well, good luck
getting anyone on your side.

Oh, my God, you're such a backstabber.
Nobody wants to be on your side.

-Everyone's on my side.
-No.

All you ever do
is talk crap about my Zari,

and that woman is a saint!

They both make good points.

But just know that
whichever alliance I join,

I promise I will betray it.

You know what,
since we're already in Hell,

there's only one way to settle this.

This is the weirdest vibe yet.
What's going on?

-She called you ugly.
-Nate doesn't want to move into the totem.

-I totally want to live in the totem.
-No, I did not say that.

And also, I believe
she's trying to sleep with me.

-Upstairs, she said that to me.
-My God. That's literally not true.

Hey. Are we in Hell right now?

[groans] Yeah. And we're all under
the effects of a demon's reality show.

Huh.

Okay. That, uh… that makes sense.

It does?

Yeah. Because I have
the uncontrollable urge to do this.

[exclaims]

How could I?

Babe, I'm really sorry, okay?
I just really needed a break,

and have a reset
and swim with dolphins, babe.

-Would you stop with the vacation?
-That's all I need! I just…

This is divine punishment!

Enough! This is exactly what he wants!
You are all complete idiots!

We're getting out of here.

Gideon, I need your brain!
Put on the colander!

We will figure out an exorcism top side!

[Gideon] Excellent.

We should all simply pile into
Gwyn's ramshackle time contraption,

and I'll take you out of here.

It'll be a breeze.

"A breeze"? No!

She'll kill us all!

I've been trying to tell you,
she's not herself.

She'll time jump us into a tornado.

Gary, don't do anything crazy.

I'm trying to save your life,
so help me… [bleep]

-I'll eat this.
-Eat…

-No, no, no, no.
-Get back here!

Gary! Gary!

[all] No!

Get him!

[Harris] Wow! Sounds
really tense down there, huh?

Back off. Those are my friends.

Yeah, of course.
Your friends who love you.

You know, they sure could use
a chill and cool Behrad right about now

to calm things down.

So, I'm just gonna be that guy, forever?

Well, the real question is,
who are you without this,

and who would want
to hang out with this mess?

Let's slice him open.

[whimpering]

Go, go, go!

Go, go!

[Behrad screams]

You guys wanna make asses
of yourselves for the cameras?

Is that what you want?

Because I know what it gets you.

I have countless memories
of cameras in my face

every time I was scared,
every time I cried.

You wanna know about
the first time I ever failed?

Don't worry. Keeping Up With The Tarazis
had a whole episode about it.

I figured out the way to beat it
was to be unflappable.

Chill. Pop a gummy, lay low, relax.

If they don't see it get to you,
they don't have the power.

But… it gets to me.

A lot of things do.

I'm sad sometimes.

I'm scared a lot.

I died and I never talked about it.

Because maybe I'm afraid
if I'm honest with anyone,

they'll end up hating me.

All I wanted to do was ask you out.

And now I'm crying
for all of Hell to see and laugh at me.

For my friends to realize
they never knew the real me.

And for the girl I like
to run far away from me.

But I'm done now.

Here's the honest truth.

When it comes to you, Astra,
I lose all my cool.

I'm just B.

[laughs] Oh, oh, oh! [exclaims]

Ooh!

Ahh!

It's gone. Ah, my shows!

-[sign-off tone]
-What happened?

He got real.

-Is it over?
-[Astra] The curse is lifted.

Your contract with Harris is terminated.

Get the hell out of here.

[Gary] Gideon?

Are you in there?

Gary, I'm so sorry.

-Here, babe, let me do this.
-No, it's all right.

It's not, and I know it's not.

Look, even when my brain
was on a vacation episode

of The Real Housewives,
I knew you were right.

Go on.

I let you take on
too much responsibility for the mission,

and it's not fair.

You are not the house mom,
you are the co-captain.

And a very beautiful, sexy co-captain.

So, when were you gonna tell me about
this promise that you've made to Gwyn?

-You--
-Pardon the intrusion, ladies,

but, uh, if you are attending
the mea culpas,

then I have to admit
that I got a little carried away.

I'm not very well acquainted
with the rules of time travel yet,

but even I know
that one cannot simply stop the Great War.

I'm sorry, Gwyn.
But I will uphold my promise, all right?

-We're gonna find a way to save your guy.
-[inhales sharply]

As cleanly as possible.

No timeline explosions.

[sighs]

I guess it is sweet
you were both looking out for me.

Girl, of course.

Look, I love you.

I love you, I love you, I love you,
and I cannot wait to live with you.

I know.

Besides, do you know how many aunties
are very psyched for your arrival?

-Mmm-mmm.
-Hmm.

Which reminds me, I, uh…
I gotta get back.

You are going to stay
and apologize to each other, yeah?

By the way,
sorry about the whole wine thing.

Okay, bye.

[both] I'm sorry…

It's okay.

-Honestly, the voice…
-My voice?

-It was, it was. And your…
-You can't be serious right now.

[both] All is forgiven.

Yes.

[exhales deeply]

How did you know
that would work with the camera guys?

I didn't. Just wanted to say how I felt.

Right, yeah. The reality show
made everyone say crazy things.

Not me.

That was genuine.

A genuine, full-blown freak out

in front of the hot girl
I've had a crush on forever.

Well…

Who knows? Maybe that girl
has a little crush on you too.

I'm sorry. I'm just in my own head.

Is, uh, something wrong?

-Don't you want to?
-Oh.

I want to really bad,

but I might need a minute to figure out
what being unchill and sober is like…

before I'm the best boyfriend
you've ever had.

If you want to go slow… that's cool.

You know, you guys are so dorky.

-Oh.
-Spooner! The cameras are gone!

I got so comfortable,
I didn't even realize it.

[Gary] House meeting!

Just… Clothes. Put on clothes.

[Gary] House meeting, everyone!

[Zari] Sure. Why not?

-Gary, the reality show is over.
-Yes.

And I, for one, am very pleased.
You call that entertainment?

No, I don't.
No, we are having this house meeting

because there are apologies
that need to happen.

Gary, it's okay.
Gwyn and Sara and I talked it out.

Yeah. And Nate and I are besties again.

No. Apologies to me and Gideon, you jerks.

She wouldn't have had
to switch over to robo-mode

if you guys didn't make her
second guess herself,

and then make her feel guilty
about our relationship.

Thank you, Gary.

Look, I've noticed
that you've all found love

in some of the most chaotic of times,

and you've still done your jobs
with terrific aplomb.

So the fact that you think
that Gary and I cannot find comfort

in each other's sweet embrace
is a bit hypocritical.

Um…

Yeah. Actually, you're…
You're completely right.

And we're sorry.

-Yeah.
-Sorry.

-Yeah.
-We're sorry.

It's quite nice feeling emotional again.

It's like a warm and gooey feeling

as opposed to
a cold and calculated urge to murder.

[Nate] Say what?

I'm just kidding.
I'm quite funny actually.

-She was kidding.
-So funny.

But, hey, since you are
a part of this team

and a supercomputer, so you tell us,
where do you think we should go?

I'm glad you asked, Captain,

because I've given it
much tactical and emotional consideration,

and I think I want to trust my gut,
as us humans say.

And my gut is telling me
to plot a course for Sarajevo in 1914.

We need to save Archduke Franz Ferdinand
and stop World War I.

[laughter]

[all] What?

[theme music playing]