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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:17,567 --> 00:00:21,867 Captions made possible by HOME BOX OFFICE 4 00:00:21,867 --> 00:00:26,000 A DIVISION OF TIME WARNER ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY, L.P. 5 00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:32,767 ♪ IS IT REAL ♪ 6 00:00:32,767 --> 00:00:33,533 ♪ OH, MY GOD ♪ 7 00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:34,867 ♪ IS IT REAL ♪ 8 00:00:34,867 --> 00:00:35,900 ♪ OH, MY GOD ♪ 9 00:00:35,900 --> 00:00:37,066 ♪ IS IT REAL ♪ 10 00:00:37,066 --> 00:00:38,300 ♪ OH, MY GOD ♪ 11 00:00:38,300 --> 00:00:40,667 EXCUSE ME... 12 00:00:40,667 --> 00:00:43,000 YES, THERE'S A PARTY OVER HERE ! 13 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:45,667 PARTY OVER HERE, PARTY OVER HERE... 14 00:00:45,667 --> 00:00:48,433 EVERYBODY SCREAM ! 15 00:00:48,433 --> 00:00:52,133 HERE'S A LITTLE SOMETHING THAT NEEDS TO BE HEARD... 16 00:00:52,133 --> 00:00:55,533 ( rappin' ) 17 00:01:08,367 --> 00:01:12,166 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... 18 00:01:12,166 --> 00:01:16,467 LIVE, FROM THE WORLD FAMOUS APOLLO THEATER, 19 00:01:16,467 --> 00:01:19,700 IN HARLEM, NEW YORK, 20 00:01:19,700 --> 00:01:21,767 ARE YOU READY ? 21 00:01:24,533 --> 00:01:26,567 ARE YOU READY ? 22 00:01:28,367 --> 00:01:33,266 PLEASE WELCOME MR. CHRIS ROCK ! 23 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:37,467 ( applause ) 24 00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:27,300 WHAT'S UP ? 25 00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:29,767 NEW YORK ! 26 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,834 THERE'S BROOKLYN IN THE HOUSE ! 27 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:40,033 WELL, I'M FROM BROOKLYN. 28 00:02:40,033 --> 00:02:41,967 SHIT, LOOK AT THIS, 29 00:02:41,967 --> 00:02:44,400 WHITE PEOPLE UP TOP TONIGHT. 30 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,834 I WAS JUST IN MY HOTEL, A LITTLE WHILE AGO, 31 00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,200 ON MY WAY HERE, 32 00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:52,200 AND I GOT IN THE ELEVATOR, RIGHT ? 33 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:53,600 I'M GETTING IN THE ELEVATOR, 34 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:56,333 AND THESE TWO HIGH SCHOOL WHITE BOYS 35 00:02:56,333 --> 00:03:01,000 TRIED TO GET ON WITH ME, AND I JUST DOVE OFF. 36 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:04,000 I'M SAYING, Y'ALL AIN'T KILLIN' ME ! 37 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:05,934 ( applause ) 38 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:12,200 I AM SCARED OF YOUNG WHITE BOYS. 39 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:17,000 IF YOU WHITE AND UNDER 21, I'M RUNNING FOR THE HILLS ! 40 00:03:18,900 --> 00:03:22,233 WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE WHITE KIDS 41 00:03:22,233 --> 00:03:24,567 SHOOTIN' UP THE SCHOOL ? 42 00:03:24,567 --> 00:03:27,700 THEY DON'T EVEN WAIT 'TIL THREE O'CLOCK EITHER ! 43 00:03:29,934 --> 00:03:31,834 KILLING PEOPLE IN THE MORNING, 44 00:03:31,834 --> 00:03:33,867 THAT AIN'T RIGHT ! 45 00:03:33,867 --> 00:03:37,066 THE TRENCH COAT MAFIA... 46 00:03:37,066 --> 00:03:42,367 "NO ONE WOULD PLAY WITH US, WE HAD NO FRIENDS !" 47 00:03:42,367 --> 00:03:44,133 TRENCH COAT MAFIA. 48 00:03:44,133 --> 00:03:45,767 HEY I SAW THE YEARBOOK PICTURE, 49 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:48,000 IT WAS SIX OF 'EM ! 50 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,633 I DIDN'T HAVE SIX FRIENDS IN HIGH SCHOOL, 51 00:03:50,633 --> 00:03:53,533 I DON'T GOT SIX FRIENDS NOW ! 52 00:03:53,533 --> 00:03:56,967 SHIT, THAT'S THREE-ON-THREE WITH A HALF COURT. 53 00:03:56,967 --> 00:03:59,734 WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE KIDS ? 54 00:03:59,734 --> 00:04:01,500 I GOT PEOPLE TELLING ME, COME ON, CHRIS, 55 00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:03,467 COME UP TO A SCHOOL, TALK TO THE KIDS. 56 00:04:03,467 --> 00:04:06,100 I'M LIKE, FUCK THE KIDS ! 57 00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:09,400 DO YOU GOT A VEST ?! 58 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,800 MAYBE I'LL THINK ABOUT IT. 59 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:16,100 EVERYBODY WANNA KNOW WHAT THE KIDS WAS LISTENING TO. 60 00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:18,800 WHAT KIND OF MUSIC WAS THEY LISTENING TO ? 61 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,000 OR WHAT KIND OF MOVIES WAS THEY WATCHING, 62 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:24,367 WHO GIVES A FUCK WHAT THEY WAS WATCHING ! 63 00:04:24,367 --> 00:04:26,867 WHATEVER HAPPENED TO CRAZY ? 64 00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:29,233 ( applause ) 65 00:04:35,033 --> 00:04:39,767 WHAT HAPPENED TO CRAZY ? YOU CAN'T BE CRAZY NO MORE ? 66 00:04:39,767 --> 00:04:43,266 DID WE ELIMINATE CRAZY FROM THE DICTIONARY ? 67 00:04:43,266 --> 00:04:47,600 FUCK THE RECORD, FUCK THE MOVIE, CRAZY ! 68 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:49,867 WHEN I WAS A KID, THEY USED TO SEPARATE 69 00:04:49,867 --> 00:04:53,333 THE CRAZY KIDS FROM EVERYBODY. 70 00:04:53,333 --> 00:04:55,033 WHEN I WAS A KID, 71 00:04:55,033 --> 00:04:58,767 THE CRAZY KIDS WENT TO SCHOOL IN A LITTLE-ASS BUS. 72 00:04:58,767 --> 00:05:04,600 THEY HAD A CLASS AT THE END OF THE SCHOOL. 73 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:08,200 AND THEY USED TO GET OUT OF SCHOOL AT 2:30. 74 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:12,467 JUST IN CASE THEY WENT CRAZY, 75 00:05:12,467 --> 00:05:15,600 THEY WOULD ONLY HURT OTHER CRAZY KIDS ! 76 00:05:22,300 --> 00:05:24,934 AND WE WAS ALL SAFE, WE WAS ALL SAFE. 77 00:05:24,934 --> 00:05:27,333 THE WORLD COMING TO AN END. 78 00:05:27,333 --> 00:05:28,667 THE WORLD COMING TO AN END. 79 00:05:28,667 --> 00:05:30,066 YOU GONNA HAVE LITTLE WHITE KIDS SAYING, 80 00:05:30,066 --> 00:05:32,700 I WANNA GO TO A BLACK SCHOOL WHERE IT'S SAFE. 81 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:37,800 THAT'S RIGHT, MAN. 82 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:39,934 AND EVERYBODY TALKING ABOUT GUN CONTROL. 83 00:05:39,934 --> 00:05:42,467 GOTTA GET RID OF THE GUNS. 84 00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:44,467 FUCK THAT, I LIKE GUNS. 85 00:05:44,467 --> 00:05:47,266 YOU GOT A GUN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORK OUT. 86 00:05:47,266 --> 00:05:51,300 I AIN'T WORKING OUT, I AIN'T JOGGING. 87 00:05:51,300 --> 00:05:55,433 YOU GOT PECS ? I GOT TEX ! 88 00:05:55,433 --> 00:05:58,700 FUCK THAT SHIT. 89 00:05:58,700 --> 00:06:00,200 YOU DON'T NEED NO GUN CONTROL, 90 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:01,433 YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED ? 91 00:06:01,433 --> 00:06:03,266 WE NEED SOME BULLET CONTROL. 92 00:06:03,266 --> 00:06:06,066 WE NEED TO CONTROL THE BULLETS, 93 00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:07,467 THAT'S RIGHT. 94 00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:10,233 I THINK ALL BULLETS SHOULD COST $5,000. 95 00:06:10,233 --> 00:06:12,433 $5,000 FOR A BULLET. 96 00:06:12,433 --> 00:06:13,700 YOU KNOW WHY ? 97 00:06:13,700 --> 00:06:15,567 BECAUSE IF A BULLET COST $5,000 98 00:06:15,567 --> 00:06:18,100 THERE WILL BE NO MORE INNOCENT BYSTANDERS. 99 00:06:19,867 --> 00:06:22,200 THAT'D BE IT. 100 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:24,867 BE IT. 101 00:06:24,867 --> 00:06:27,433 EVERY TIME SOMEBODY GET SHOT, 102 00:06:27,433 --> 00:06:30,800 DAMN, HE MUSTA DID SOMETHING. 103 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:34,333 SHIT, THEY PUT $50,000 WORTH OF BULLETS IN HIS HEAD ! 104 00:06:37,900 --> 00:06:40,367 AND PEOPLE WILL THINK BEFORE THEY KILL SOMEBODY 105 00:06:40,367 --> 00:06:42,533 IF A BULLET COST $5,000. 106 00:06:42,533 --> 00:06:44,867 MAN, I WOULD BLOW YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF 107 00:06:44,867 --> 00:06:46,767 IF I COULD AFFORD IT ! 108 00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:52,166 I'M GONNA GET ME ANOTHER JOB, 109 00:06:52,166 --> 00:06:54,033 I'M GONNA START SAVING SOME MONEY, 110 00:06:54,033 --> 00:06:56,133 AND YOU A DEAD MAN ! 111 00:06:56,133 --> 00:07:00,166 YOU BETTER HOPE I CAN'T GET NO BULLETS ON LAYAWAY. 112 00:07:02,133 --> 00:07:04,467 EVEN IF YOU GET SHOT BY A STRAY BULLET 113 00:07:04,467 --> 00:07:06,633 YOU WON'T HAVE TO GO TO NO DOCTOR TO GET IT TAKEN OUT, 114 00:07:06,633 --> 00:07:10,233 WHOEVER SHOT YOU WOULD TAKE THEIR BULLET BACK. 115 00:07:10,233 --> 00:07:13,066 I BELIEVE YOU GOT MY PROPERTY. 116 00:07:16,567 --> 00:07:18,834 THAT'S RIGHT, MAN. 117 00:07:18,834 --> 00:07:21,633 SEE, EVERYBODY BLAME THE KIDS, IT'S FUCKING CRAZY. 118 00:07:21,633 --> 00:07:23,834 EVERYBODY WANNA BE MAD AT THE KIDS 119 00:07:23,834 --> 00:07:25,467 FOR SHOOTING UP THE SCHOOL. 120 00:07:25,467 --> 00:07:27,533 WHAT ABOUT THE PARENTS ? 121 00:07:27,533 --> 00:07:30,200 ( applause ) 122 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:33,000 THE PARENTS IS REALLY FUCKED UP, MAN. 123 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,100 THE DAMN PARENTS NEED TO GO TO JAIL 124 00:07:35,100 --> 00:07:38,333 FOR SOME OF THIS FUCKING SHIT, MAN. 125 00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:42,233 'CAUSE EVERYBODY KNOW THAT CRAZY-ASS KID 126 00:07:42,233 --> 00:07:44,133 THAT WENT TO JAIL, YOU GO, 127 00:07:44,133 --> 00:07:46,367 MAN, HE AIN'T NEVER HAD A CHANCE. 128 00:07:46,367 --> 00:07:49,200 IF YOU'D HAVE KNOW HIS MAMA, YOU KNOW HE WAS GONNA BE THERE. 129 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:51,200 I WAS AT THE CLUB THE OTHER NIGHT, 130 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:53,300 I WAS DOWN, CHILLIN' AT THE CLUB, 131 00:07:53,300 --> 00:07:55,200 CHILLIN' WITH THIS GIRL, SHE WAS DANCIN', 132 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:56,734 AND IT'S ABOUT TWO IN THE MORNING, 133 00:07:56,734 --> 00:07:57,934 TALKING TO HER, 134 00:07:57,934 --> 00:08:00,533 AND REALIZED SHE HAD TWO KIDS AT HOME. 135 00:08:00,533 --> 00:08:02,734 NOW, I DON'T MIND THE TWO KIDS AT HOME, 136 00:08:02,734 --> 00:08:04,266 THAT'S ALL GOOD, BUT I'M LIKE, 137 00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:06,367 WHAT THE FUCK IS YOU DOING IN THE CLUB 138 00:08:06,367 --> 00:08:08,066 AT TWO IN THE FUCKING MORNING 139 00:08:08,066 --> 00:08:10,433 ON A WEDNESDAY NIGHT ?! 140 00:08:10,433 --> 00:08:12,867 WHAT THE FUCK YOU DOING HERE ? 141 00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:16,033 IS IT YOUR BIRTHDAY ? 142 00:08:16,033 --> 00:08:19,567 DID YOU GET A RAISE ? 143 00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:21,934 WELL, YOU GOT TO GET THE FUCK OUT ! 144 00:08:21,934 --> 00:08:24,433 YOU GO, I'M KICKING YOU THE FUCK OUT, YES, 145 00:08:24,433 --> 00:08:27,400 BYE, BYE, YEAH, GO TAKE CARE OF THEM KIDS 146 00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:30,367 BEFORE THEY ROB ME IN 10 YEARS ! 147 00:08:32,333 --> 00:08:34,600 YEAH, MAN, YOU GOTTA GET YOUR KID ON 148 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,100 OR YOUR GROOVE ON, 149 00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:39,066 YOU CAN'T GET BOTH ON AT THE SAME TIME. 150 00:08:39,066 --> 00:08:41,200 I'M TIRED OF THIS SHIT. 151 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:42,700 A BUNCH OF GIRLS, LIKE, 152 00:08:42,700 --> 00:08:44,767 YOU DON'T NEED NO MAN TO HELP YOU RAISE NO CHILD. 153 00:08:44,767 --> 00:08:46,100 YOU DON'T NEED NO MAN. 154 00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:49,767 SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH THE BULLSHIT. 155 00:08:49,767 --> 00:08:52,033 YEAH, YOU CAN DO IT WITHOUT A MAN, 156 00:08:52,033 --> 00:08:54,633 BUT THAT DON'T MEAN IT'S TO BE DONE. 157 00:08:54,633 --> 00:08:58,533 YOU CAN DRIVE A CAR WITH YOUR FEET IF YOU WANT TO. 158 00:08:58,533 --> 00:09:02,700 THAT DON'T MAKE IT A GOOD FUCKING IDEA ! 159 00:09:09,867 --> 00:09:12,800 SHIT, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. 160 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:15,133 YOU CAN BE THE BADDEST MAMA ON EARTH. 161 00:09:15,133 --> 00:09:17,300 I DON'T GIVE A FUCK HOW GOOD YOU ARE. 162 00:09:17,300 --> 00:09:19,400 AIN'T NOTHING YOU CAN SAY MORE POWERFUL THAN, 163 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,700 I'M GONNA TELL YOUR DADDY. 164 00:09:21,700 --> 00:09:25,533 CAN'T FUCK WITH IT, CAN'T COME CLOSE, 165 00:09:25,533 --> 00:09:26,767 I'M GONNA TELL YOUR DADDY. 166 00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,433 YOU COULD HAVE A GUN AT THE KID'S HEAD, 167 00:09:28,433 --> 00:09:29,967 I'LL BLOW YO FUCKING HEAD OFF. 168 00:09:29,967 --> 00:09:31,100 SO, WHAT ? 169 00:09:31,100 --> 00:09:32,000 I'M GONNA TELL YOUR DADDY. 170 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:34,200 OKAY, OKAY, OKAY ! 171 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,667 CAN'T FUCK WITH IT, MAN. 172 00:09:36,667 --> 00:09:39,367 I'M TIRED OF BUMPING INTO THESE GIRLS AT THE CLUB, 173 00:09:39,367 --> 00:09:41,734 ALL LATE, ON A FUCKIN' WEEK NIGHT. 174 00:09:41,734 --> 00:09:46,233 I GOT A LITTLE COUSIN, GOT LEFT BACK IN THE FIRST GRADE. 175 00:09:46,233 --> 00:09:49,800 LEFT BACK IN THE FIRST GRADE 176 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,767 'CAUSE HIS MAMA OUT GETTIN' THE GROOVE ON. 177 00:09:52,767 --> 00:09:55,100 YOU KNOW HOW DUMB YOU GOT TO BE 178 00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:59,567 TO GET LEFT BACK IN THE FIRST GRADE ? 179 00:09:59,567 --> 00:10:01,600 WHAT'S FOUR PLUS FOUR ? 180 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,500 JELL-O. 181 00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:07,867 BUT THAT AIN'T HIS FAULT, THAT THE MAMA FAULT. 182 00:10:07,867 --> 00:10:12,066 THAT THE MAMA FUCKING FAULT, THAT'S RIGHT. 183 00:10:12,066 --> 00:10:14,133 I'M TELLING MY COUSIN, 184 00:10:14,133 --> 00:10:16,433 TINA, TALK TO YOUR FUCKING KID. 185 00:10:16,433 --> 00:10:18,800 TALK TO HIM, TEACH HIM SOME SHIT. 186 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:21,066 IF YOU SAID MORE WORDS TO HIM THAN, 187 00:10:21,066 --> 00:10:22,533 MOMMY BE BACK, 188 00:10:22,533 --> 00:10:24,934 HE MIGHT KNOW SOMETHING ! 189 00:10:32,166 --> 00:10:33,767 THAT'S RIGHT. 190 00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:36,500 AND IT'S REAL EASY TO TELL WHO KID'S GONNA BE FUCKED UP. 191 00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:38,233 IT DON'T TAKE NO SCIENTIST 192 00:10:38,233 --> 00:10:40,500 TO TELL WHO'S GONNA HAVE SOME FUCKED UP KIDS. 193 00:10:40,500 --> 00:10:43,467 IF THE KID CALL HIS GRANDMAMA "MOMMY", 194 00:10:43,467 --> 00:10:47,333 AND HIS MOMMY, PAM, HE GOIN' TO JAIL. 195 00:10:54,667 --> 00:10:57,033 YOU AIN'T SAVING NO COLLEGE MONEY, 196 00:10:57,033 --> 00:10:59,300 YOU SAVING BAIL MONEY. 197 00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:02,333 THAT MONEY GOING TO JOHNNIE COCHRAN. 198 00:11:02,333 --> 00:11:05,533 THAT'S RIGHT, THE KID CAN'T READ, 199 00:11:05,533 --> 00:11:09,667 THAT'S MAMA FAULT, MAMA FUCKING FAULT. 200 00:11:09,667 --> 00:11:11,900 NOW, IF THE KID CAN'T READ 201 00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:13,800 'CAUSE AIN'T NO LIGHTS IN THE HOUSE, 202 00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:16,500 THAT'S DADDY FAULT. 203 00:11:20,367 --> 00:11:22,433 HE GOT THIS SHIT DOWN. 204 00:11:22,433 --> 00:11:25,033 NOBODY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT DADDY. 205 00:11:25,033 --> 00:11:26,900 THERE'S SOME REAL DADDIES OUT THERE. 206 00:11:26,900 --> 00:11:29,400 I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE GUY THAT JUST FUCKED YOU AND LEFT, 207 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:30,834 FUCK HIM, OKAY ? 208 00:11:30,834 --> 00:11:32,834 I'M TALKIN' ABOUT THE REAL DADDIES. 209 00:11:32,834 --> 00:11:35,233 THERE'S STILL SOME MOTHERFUCKERS OUT THERE 210 00:11:35,233 --> 00:11:38,266 THAT HANDLE THEIR BUSINESS. 211 00:11:41,333 --> 00:11:44,166 MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA ACT LIKE BROTHERS... 212 00:11:44,166 --> 00:11:46,400 THERE'S SOME BROTHERS WHO HANDLE THEIR BUSINESS. 213 00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:50,166 BUT NOBODY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT DADDY. 214 00:11:50,166 --> 00:11:53,100 EVERYBODY TAKE DADDY FOR GRANTED. 215 00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:54,633 JUST LISTEN TO THE RADIO. 216 00:11:54,633 --> 00:11:56,734 EVERYTHING'S MAMA, DEAR MAMA, 217 00:11:56,734 --> 00:11:59,834 ALWAYS LOVE MY MAMA, MAMA, MAMA, MAMA. 218 00:11:59,834 --> 00:12:01,567 WHAT'S THE DADDY SONG ? 219 00:12:01,567 --> 00:12:03,800 PAPA WAS A ROLLING STONE ! 220 00:12:08,934 --> 00:12:13,100 NOBODY GIVE A FUCK, NOBODY APPRECIATES DADDY. 221 00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:15,834 NOW, MAMA GOT THE ROUGHEST JOB, I AIN'T GONNA FRONT. 222 00:12:15,834 --> 00:12:18,834 BUT AT LEAST PEOPLE APPRECIATE MAMA. 223 00:12:18,834 --> 00:12:21,633 THAT'S RIGHT, EVERY TIME MAMA DO SOMETHING RIGHT, 224 00:12:21,633 --> 00:12:23,633 MAMA GET A COMPLIMENT. 225 00:12:23,633 --> 00:12:27,066 'CAUSE WOMEN NEED TO HEAR COMPLIMENTS ALL THE TIME. 226 00:12:27,066 --> 00:12:30,900 WOMEN NEED FOOD, WATER, AND COMPLIMENTS. 227 00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:35,033 THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT. 228 00:12:35,033 --> 00:12:38,667 AND AN OCCASIONAL PAIR OF SHOES. 229 00:12:38,667 --> 00:12:40,800 THAT'S RIGHT. 230 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:43,367 WOMEN GOT TO HEAR IT ALL THE TIME 231 00:12:43,367 --> 00:12:45,266 OR THEY LOSE THEIR MIND. 232 00:12:45,266 --> 00:12:47,734 AND MAKE SURE YOU THANK YOUR MAMA FOR EVERYTHING. 233 00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:49,300 TELL YOUR MAMA HOW GOOD THE FOOD IS. 234 00:12:49,300 --> 00:12:51,166 TELL YOUR MAMA HOW NICE THE HOUSE LOOKS. 235 00:12:51,166 --> 00:12:53,200 TELL YOUR MAMA HOW NICE HER HAIR LOOKS. 236 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:54,667 DID YOU TELL YOUR MAMA ? 237 00:12:54,667 --> 00:12:56,767 YOU BETTER GO IN THERE AND TELL YOUR MAMA. 238 00:12:56,767 --> 00:12:58,333 THAT'S RIGHT, TELL YOUR MAMA, 239 00:12:58,333 --> 00:12:59,934 TELL YOUR MAMA, TELL YOUR MAMA. 240 00:12:59,934 --> 00:13:03,567 NOBODY EVER TELLS DADDY SHIT ! 241 00:13:03,567 --> 00:13:05,867 I'M TALKING ABOUT THE REAL DADDY 242 00:13:05,867 --> 00:13:07,700 THAT HANDLE THE FUCKIN' BUSINESS. 243 00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:08,800 NOBODY EVER SAY, 244 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,700 DADDY, THANKS FOR KNOCKING OUT THIS RENT. 245 00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:17,433 HEY, DADDY, I SURE LOVE THIS HOT WATER. 246 00:13:17,433 --> 00:13:21,433 HEY, DADDY, THIS EASY TO READ WITH ALL THIS LIGHT. 247 00:13:22,667 --> 00:13:25,266 NOBODY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT DADDY. 248 00:13:25,266 --> 00:13:27,934 I'M TALKIN' ABOUT DADDY THAT HANDLE HIS BUSINESS. 249 00:13:27,934 --> 00:13:29,700 NOBODY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT DADDY. 250 00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:33,033 THINK ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT THE REAL DADDY DOES. 251 00:13:33,033 --> 00:13:34,800 PAY THE BILLS, BUY THE FOOD, 252 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:36,767 PUT A FUCKING ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD. 253 00:13:36,767 --> 00:13:40,900 EVERYTHING YOU COULD EVER ASK FOR... 254 00:13:40,900 --> 00:13:45,000 MAKE YOUR WORLD A BETTER, SAFER PLACE. 255 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:47,900 AND WHAT DOES DADDY GET FOR ALL HIS WORK ? 256 00:13:47,900 --> 00:13:51,233 THE BIG PIECE OF CHICKEN, THAT'S ALL DADDY GET, 257 00:13:51,233 --> 00:13:55,633 IS THE BIG PIECE OF CHICKEN. 258 00:13:55,633 --> 00:13:58,333 THAT'S RIGHT, AND SOME WOMEN 259 00:13:58,333 --> 00:14:01,533 DON'T WANNA GIVE UP THE BIG PIECE OF CHICKEN. 260 00:14:01,533 --> 00:14:03,900 WHO THE FUCK IS YOU 261 00:14:03,900 --> 00:14:07,834 TO KEEP THE BIG PIECE OF CHICKEN ? 262 00:14:07,834 --> 00:14:11,633 HOW DARE YOU KEEP THE BIG PIECE OF CHICKEN ! 263 00:14:11,633 --> 00:14:16,400 A MAN CAN'T WORK 12 HOURS AND COME HOME TO A WING ! 264 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:21,700 WHEN I WAS A KID, 265 00:14:21,700 --> 00:14:24,200 MY MAMA WOULD LOSE HER MIND IF ONE OF US ATE 266 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,533 THE BIG PIECE OF CHICKEN BY ACCIDENT. 267 00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:29,600 WHAT THE FUCK, YOU ATE THE BIG PIECE OF CHICKEN ?! 268 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:33,100 OH, LORD, NO, NO, NO, 269 00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:37,033 NOW I GOT TO TAKE SOME CHICKEN AND SEW IT UP. 270 00:14:37,033 --> 00:14:40,300 GIVE ME TWO WINGS AND A PORK CHOP ! 271 00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:43,233 DADDY'LL NEVER KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. 272 00:14:45,467 --> 00:14:48,500 JUST CAN'T DO IT, CAN'T DO IT, CAN'T DO IT. 273 00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:50,500 I DON'T KNOW, MAN, THE WORLD'S NUTS. 274 00:14:50,500 --> 00:14:52,333 IT'S ALL GOOD FOR CLINTON. 275 00:14:52,333 --> 00:14:54,100 ANYTHING, ANY TIME SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS, 276 00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:55,667 IT'S GOOD FOR BILL CLINTON. 277 00:14:55,667 --> 00:14:57,900 IT JUST GETS PEOPLE OFF HIS ASS. 278 00:14:57,900 --> 00:15:00,400 STOP THINKING ABOUT ME, KIDS GOT SHOT, 279 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,800 GOOD, GOOD, PEOPLE NOT THINKING ABOUT ME. 280 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:07,033 OOH, TORNADOES, GOOD, GOOD, 281 00:15:07,033 --> 00:15:09,967 PEOPLE AIN'T THINKING ABOUT ME. 282 00:15:09,967 --> 00:15:12,433 CLINTON DAMN NEAR GOT IMPEACHED, FOR WHAT ? 283 00:15:12,433 --> 00:15:14,233 FOR WHAT ? 284 00:15:14,233 --> 00:15:18,667 LIED ABOUT A BLOWJOB SO HIS WIFE WOULDN'T FIND OUT. 285 00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:22,033 IS THAT AGAINST THE LAW ? 286 00:15:22,033 --> 00:15:26,367 DO YOU NEED THE SUPREME COURT FOR THAT ONE ? 287 00:15:26,367 --> 00:15:29,834 YOU COULD HAVE TOOK THAT ONE TO "THE PEOPLE'S COURT" ! 288 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:42,600 COULDA TOOK THAT ONE TO "JUDGE JUDY". 289 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:44,734 SHE'D KNOCK IT OUT IN A HALF HOUR 290 00:15:44,734 --> 00:15:47,133 PLUS COMMERCIALS. 291 00:15:47,133 --> 00:15:49,734 WHAT THE FUCK DID CLINTON DO ?! 292 00:15:49,734 --> 00:15:53,133 THEY WAS CHARGING HIM WITH SHIT I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WAS CRIMES. 293 00:15:53,133 --> 00:15:54,700 OOH, YOU GOT HER SOME GIFTS. 294 00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:57,233 SO, WHAT, HE GOT HER GIFTS, THAT'S HIS FRIEND. 295 00:15:57,233 --> 00:16:00,600 YOU CAN'T BUY YOUR FRIEND A GIFT ? 296 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:02,433 TRIED TO GET HER A JOB... 297 00:16:02,433 --> 00:16:04,867 YOU CAN'T GET YOUR FRIEND A JOB ? 298 00:16:04,867 --> 00:16:07,633 SHIT, 80% OF THE PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM 299 00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:10,900 GOT THEIR JOB BECAUSE A FRIEND RECOMMENDED THEM. 300 00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:13,700 ( cheers and applause ) 301 00:16:13,700 --> 00:16:18,333 IT'S AGAINST THE LAW TO GET YOUR FRIEND A JOB ? 302 00:16:18,333 --> 00:16:21,300 SHIT, SHE BLEW HIM FOR A COUPLE MONTHS, 303 00:16:21,300 --> 00:16:24,867 THE LEAST HE COULD DO IS GIVE HER A RECOMMENDATION ! 304 00:16:32,333 --> 00:16:36,133 IT'S THE LEAST HE COULD DO. 305 00:16:36,133 --> 00:16:40,533 SEE, EVERYBODY EXPECTS THIS HOLY BEHAVIOR, 306 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,600 'CAUSE HE THE PRESIDENT. 307 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:44,934 EXPECT HIM TO BEHAVE THIS HOLY WAY. 308 00:16:44,934 --> 00:16:46,133 HE'S JUST THE PRESIDENT. 309 00:16:46,133 --> 00:16:48,100 HE AIN'T REVEREND CLINTON. 310 00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:50,166 IT AIN'T PASTOR CLINTON. 311 00:16:50,166 --> 00:16:52,934 IT AIN'T MAHARAJAH CLINTON. 312 00:16:52,934 --> 00:16:55,100 IT IS JUST BILL CLINTON. 313 00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:57,200 HE JUST A MAN, A MAN GONNA BE A MAN. 314 00:16:57,200 --> 00:17:01,400 A MAN IS BASICALLY AS FAITHFUL AS HIS OPTIONS. 315 00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:10,033 THAT'S HOW FAITHFUL A MAN IS. 316 00:17:10,033 --> 00:17:12,266 NO MORE, NO LESS. 317 00:17:12,266 --> 00:17:14,166 AND YOU SEE ALL THESE FAT REPUBLICAN GUYS GOIN', 318 00:17:14,166 --> 00:17:15,800 I WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING. 319 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:17,133 THIS IS A TRAVESTY. 320 00:17:17,133 --> 00:17:20,233 I'M LIKE, NOBODY IS TRYIN' TO BLOW YOU ! 321 00:17:22,700 --> 00:17:27,133 AIN'T NO 20-YEAR-OLD GIRLS TRYING TO BLOW ORRIN HATCH ! 322 00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:31,500 AIN'T NOBODY TRYING TO GIVE NEWT GINGRICH SOME ! 323 00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:33,300 I DON'T GIVE A FUCK, YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA HEAR 324 00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:34,567 NEWT GINGRICH GO, 325 00:17:34,567 --> 00:17:37,467 MAN, I WISH THESE HO'S WOULD BACK UP OFF ME. 326 00:17:39,033 --> 00:17:42,934 I WISH THEY WOULD JUST BACK THE FUCK UP OFF ME. 327 00:17:42,934 --> 00:17:45,967 LET A PLAYER PLAY, SHIT ! 328 00:17:45,967 --> 00:17:48,200 THAT'S RIGHT. 329 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:51,367 IT'S DAMN NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR A MAN TO TURN DOWN SEX. 330 00:17:51,367 --> 00:17:55,133 IT'S HARD FOR A MAN TO TURN DOWN SEX. 331 00:17:55,133 --> 00:17:57,233 WE CAN STOP CHASING IT. 332 00:17:57,233 --> 00:18:00,567 EVEN THAT REQUIRES SOME REHAB. 333 00:18:00,567 --> 00:18:03,400 BUT IT'S HARD FOR A MAN TO STOP. 334 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:06,867 IF IT CHASED US, WE CAN'T RUN THAT FAST. 335 00:18:06,867 --> 00:18:10,500 IT'S GONNA CATCH US, WE'RE LIKE... 336 00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:12,867 OH, SHIT, PULLED A HAMSTRING, 337 00:18:12,867 --> 00:18:15,200 YA GOT ME, YA GOT ME. 338 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:18,066 YOU CAN'T RUN THAT FAST. 339 00:18:18,066 --> 00:18:20,367 SEE, IT'S EASY FOR WOMEN TO TURN DOWN SEX. 340 00:18:20,367 --> 00:18:22,934 IT AIN'T SHIT FOR Y'ALL TO TURN DOWN SEX. 341 00:18:22,934 --> 00:18:25,934 IT AIN'T NO THING FOR Y'ALL TO TURN DOWN SEX. 342 00:18:25,934 --> 00:18:28,066 Y'ALL LIKE, WHY CAN'T YOU TURN IT DOWN ? 343 00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:30,233 I DO IT ALL THE TIME, I DO IT ALL THE TIME. 344 00:18:30,233 --> 00:18:32,166 WHY CAN'T YOU SAY NO ? I SAY NO. 345 00:18:32,166 --> 00:18:33,533 SEE, IT'S EASY FOR Y'ALL, 346 00:18:33,533 --> 00:18:35,000 YOU KNOW WHY ? 347 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,133 'CAUSE EVERY WOMAN IN HERE, EVER SINCE YOU WERE 13, 348 00:18:37,133 --> 00:18:40,734 EVERY GUY YOU MET'S BEEN TRYING TO FUCK YOU. 349 00:18:40,734 --> 00:18:44,166 THAT'S RIGHT. 350 00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:47,800 WOMEN ARE OFFERED DICK EVERY DAY. 351 00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:49,400 EVERY WOMAN IN HERE, 352 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:52,867 GETS OFFERED DICK AT LEAST THREE TIMES A WEEK. 353 00:18:52,867 --> 00:18:56,433 THREE TIMES A DAY, SHIT ! 354 00:18:56,433 --> 00:19:01,700 THAT'S RIGHT, EVERY TIME A MAN'S BEING NICE TO YOU, 355 00:19:01,700 --> 00:19:04,700 ALL HE'S DOING IS OFFERING DICK. 356 00:19:04,700 --> 00:19:07,967 THAT'S ALL IT IS, THAT'S ALL IT IS. 357 00:19:07,967 --> 00:19:11,533 UH, UH, CAN I GET THAT FOR YOU ? 358 00:19:11,533 --> 00:19:13,600 HOW ABOUT SOME DICK ? 359 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,900 CAN I HELP YOU WITH THAT ? 360 00:19:20,900 --> 00:19:23,333 CAN I HELP YOU TO SOME DICK ? 361 00:19:23,333 --> 00:19:26,166 DO YOU NEED SOME DICK ? 362 00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:29,734 NOBODY OFFERS US SHIT. 363 00:19:29,734 --> 00:19:33,333 WE GOT TO FEND FOR OURSELVES. 364 00:19:33,333 --> 00:19:36,066 WE CAN'T BELIEVE IT WHEN WE GET AN OFFER. 365 00:19:36,066 --> 00:19:37,967 DAMN, THIS IS MY LUCKY DAY. 366 00:19:37,967 --> 00:19:41,533 THAT'S RIGHT, MAN, THAT'S RIGHT. 367 00:19:41,533 --> 00:19:44,367 SEE, NOW THIS WHOLE MONICA LEWINSKY SCANDAL, 368 00:19:44,367 --> 00:19:47,133 A LOT OF THIS SHIT IS HILLARY'S FAULT. 369 00:19:47,133 --> 00:19:50,333 THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID IT, 370 00:19:50,333 --> 00:19:53,800 I SAID IT. IT HAD TO BE SAID. 371 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:55,900 SOMEBODY GOT TO SAY IT. 372 00:19:55,900 --> 00:19:58,667 EVERYBODY'S LIKE, OOH, HILLARY'S A HERO... 373 00:19:58,667 --> 00:20:03,066 NO, SHE AIN'T, AQUAMAN'S A HERO. 374 00:20:03,066 --> 00:20:05,834 HE CAN TALK TO THE FISHES. 375 00:20:05,834 --> 00:20:08,667 WHAT THE FUCK CAN HILLARY DO ? 376 00:20:08,667 --> 00:20:11,467 A LOT OF THIS SHIT IS HILLARY'S FAULT. 377 00:20:11,467 --> 00:20:14,000 'CAUSE LADIES, YOU KNOW YOUR MAN. 378 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:17,133 YOU KNOW YOUR MAN BETTER THAN HE KNOW HIMSELF. 379 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,600 YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF MAN YOU GOT. 380 00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,266 YOU KNOW IF YOU GOT THE CRAZY, 381 00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:28,934 NEED-A-BLOWJOB ALL-THE-TIME MAN. 382 00:20:28,934 --> 00:20:34,266 SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA SAVE YOUR MAN FROM HIMSELF. 383 00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:36,333 SO, YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS 384 00:20:36,333 --> 00:20:39,100 IF HE DON'T GET HIS MEDICINE ! 385 00:20:46,500 --> 00:20:50,300 SO, HILLARY CLINTON PUT US ALL IN DANGER. 386 00:20:50,300 --> 00:20:53,633 SHE PUT THE SECURITY OF THE FREE WORLD IN JEOPARDY, 387 00:20:53,633 --> 00:20:56,066 AND SHE NEEDS TO SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES 388 00:20:56,066 --> 00:20:58,233 FOR HER ACTIONS. 389 00:20:58,233 --> 00:20:59,834 THAT'S RIGHT, SHE THE FIRST LADY. 390 00:20:59,834 --> 00:21:02,100 SHE SUPPOSED TO BE THE FIRST ONE ON HER KNEES 391 00:21:02,100 --> 00:21:03,934 TO SUCK HIS DICK ! 392 00:21:11,367 --> 00:21:13,100 SHIT ! 393 00:21:14,700 --> 00:21:16,900 SHIT, THAT'S RIGHT. 394 00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:19,633 MONICA LEWINSKY SHOULDN'T HAVE EVEN STOOD A CHANCE. 395 00:21:19,633 --> 00:21:22,033 HILLARY SUPPOSED TO ALREADY BE DOWN THERE LIKE, 396 00:21:22,033 --> 00:21:24,333 HEY, HEY, I GOT IT, I GOT IT. 397 00:21:24,333 --> 00:21:28,934 I GOT IT, I GOT THE DICK. 398 00:21:28,934 --> 00:21:31,667 TICKLE HIS ASS OR SOMETHING, 399 00:21:31,667 --> 00:21:33,600 TICKLE HIS ASS. 400 00:21:39,333 --> 00:21:43,000 YEAH, YEAH, GRAB THE BALLS, MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL. 401 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:46,934 AND THEY ALWAYS BEEN ON CLINTON. 402 00:21:46,934 --> 00:21:48,800 ALWAYS, BEFORE ANY OF THIS SHIT HAPPENED, 403 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:50,266 THEY WERE ON CLINTON. 404 00:21:50,266 --> 00:21:52,333 WHAT WAS THEY ON HIM FOR ? GAYS IN THE MILITARY. 405 00:21:52,333 --> 00:21:54,033 EVERYBODY SAYS, OOH, DON'T LET THEM IN. 406 00:21:54,033 --> 00:21:56,467 HEY, IF THEY WANNA FIGHT, LET THEM FIGHT. 407 00:21:56,467 --> 00:21:59,567 'CAUSE I AIN'T FIGHTING. 408 00:21:59,567 --> 00:22:02,166 I WOULDN'T GIVE A FUCK IF I SAW A RUSSIAN TANK 409 00:22:02,166 --> 00:22:05,734 ROLLING DOWN FLATBUSH AVENUE. 410 00:22:05,734 --> 00:22:09,700 I AIN'T SHOOTING NOBODY. 411 00:22:09,700 --> 00:22:12,033 SO, CALL ME A FAGGOT. 412 00:22:12,033 --> 00:22:13,300 WHEN THE WAR IS OVER, 413 00:22:13,300 --> 00:22:16,333 I'LL BE THE FAGGOT WITH TWO LEGS, THANK YOU. 414 00:22:18,133 --> 00:22:19,767 YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUCKED UP ? 415 00:22:19,767 --> 00:22:21,233 EVERYBODY GETS HOMOPHOBIC. 416 00:22:21,233 --> 00:22:22,967 PEOPLE, YOU NEED TO CUT THAT SHIT OUT. 417 00:22:22,967 --> 00:22:27,233 'CAUSE EVERYBODY IN THIS ROOM GOT AT LEAST A GAY COUSIN. 418 00:22:27,233 --> 00:22:30,967 EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU GOT A GAY COUSIN. 419 00:22:30,967 --> 00:22:33,633 YOU KNEW HE WAS GAY WHEN Y'ALL WAS KIDS. 420 00:22:33,633 --> 00:22:36,767 YOU WAS PLAYING BALL, HE WAS JUMPING ROPE. 421 00:22:36,767 --> 00:22:41,200 HE DIDN'T TURN GAY, HE WAS GAY THEN. 422 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:44,133 HE JUST DIDN'T HAVE NOBODY TO BE GAY WITH. 423 00:22:44,133 --> 00:22:45,800 SHIT, I GOT A GAY UNCLE. 424 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:48,300 CALL HIM AUNT TOM. 425 00:22:50,867 --> 00:22:54,934 EVERY CHRISTMAS, HE COME OVER WITH HIS "FRIEND". 426 00:22:57,333 --> 00:23:00,033 SEE, IT DON'T MAKE NO SENSE TO HATE NOBODY. 427 00:23:00,033 --> 00:23:01,700 IT DON'T MAKE NO SENSE TO BE A RACIST, 428 00:23:01,700 --> 00:23:04,500 SEXIST OR NOTHING... IT DON'T. 429 00:23:04,500 --> 00:23:06,900 ( applause and cheers ) 430 00:23:09,734 --> 00:23:11,367 IT DON'T MAKE NO SENSE. 431 00:23:11,367 --> 00:23:14,734 'CAUSE WHOEVER YOU HATE WILL END UP IN YOUR FAMILY. 432 00:23:14,734 --> 00:23:17,300 THAT'S RIGHT, YOU DON'T LIKE GAYS, 433 00:23:17,300 --> 00:23:19,367 YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A GAY SON. 434 00:23:19,367 --> 00:23:20,867 YOU DON'T LIKE PUERTO RICANS ? 435 00:23:20,867 --> 00:23:22,367 YOUR DAUGHTER'S GONNA COME HOME WITH 436 00:23:22,367 --> 00:23:24,533 LIVIN' LA VIDA LOCA ! 437 00:23:30,367 --> 00:23:33,333 NAH-NAH-NAH-NAH ! 438 00:23:33,333 --> 00:23:36,633 DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THAT SHIT ? 439 00:23:36,633 --> 00:23:39,600 THAT'S A CATCHY-ASS SONG. 440 00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:41,200 YOU JUST WANT TO JUMP UP ON SHIT. 441 00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:43,266 LIVING LA VIDA LOCA ! 442 00:23:43,266 --> 00:23:45,667 LIVING LA VIDA LOCA ! 443 00:23:45,667 --> 00:23:48,333 ( applause ) 444 00:23:52,100 --> 00:23:54,233 I FEEL THAT SHIT, I'LL BE DRIVING... 445 00:23:54,233 --> 00:23:56,734 LIVING LA VIDA LOCA ! 446 00:23:56,734 --> 00:23:58,700 I LOVE THAT SHIT. 447 00:23:58,700 --> 00:24:02,166 THAT AIN'T GOING NOWHERE, THAT'S GONNA BE OUT A LONG TIME. 448 00:24:02,166 --> 00:24:04,033 THAT SHIT IS LIKE THE PUERTO RICAN, 449 00:24:04,033 --> 00:24:06,467 "WHOOPS, THERE IT IS" ! 450 00:24:08,900 --> 00:24:11,000 I WAS TALKIN' ABOUT MY GAY UNCLE, 451 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,767 SEE, YOUR UNCLES PREPARE YOU FOR LIFE. 452 00:24:13,767 --> 00:24:16,266 IF YOU GOT ENOUGH UNCLES, THEY'LL PREPARE YOU FOR LIFE. 453 00:24:16,266 --> 00:24:18,767 'CAUSE UNCLES, YOU GOT EVERY TYPE OF A UNCLE. 454 00:24:18,767 --> 00:24:20,467 YOU GOT YOUR GAY UNCLE, 455 00:24:20,467 --> 00:24:23,734 YOU GOT YOUR ALCOHOLIC UNCLE, 456 00:24:23,734 --> 00:24:27,100 YOU GOT YOUR STEALING UNCLE. 457 00:24:27,100 --> 00:24:30,400 YOU GOT YOUR MOLESTER UNCLE. 458 00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:33,400 EVERYBODY GOT THAT ONE MOLESTER UNCLE. 459 00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:36,467 YOUR MAMA'S LIKE, WHERE THEM KIDS AT ? 460 00:24:37,967 --> 00:24:39,333 THEY'RE WITH JOHNNY. 461 00:24:39,333 --> 00:24:41,367 GET THEM KIDS, GET THEM KIDS ! 462 00:24:41,367 --> 00:24:43,200 HURRY UP, GET THOSE KIDS ! 463 00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:45,467 DON'T LEAVE THEM WITH YOUR UNCLE JOHNNY ! 464 00:24:45,467 --> 00:24:49,333 DON'T YOU LEAVE THEM WITH YOUR UNCLE JOHNNY ! 465 00:24:51,567 --> 00:24:54,133 LATER ON, YOU GET MOLESTED, 466 00:24:54,133 --> 00:24:56,000 YOUR MAMA GET MAD AT YOU. 467 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:57,800 THAT'S WHAT YOU GET ! 468 00:24:57,800 --> 00:24:59,300 HANGING AROUND FUCKIN' JOHNNY, 469 00:24:59,300 --> 00:25:01,000 I TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT SHIT ! 470 00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:02,700 NOW, WALK IT OFF ! 471 00:25:11,433 --> 00:25:14,033 THAT'S YOUR FAMILY. 472 00:25:14,033 --> 00:25:16,000 I DON'T KNOW, IT'S ALL ABOUT CLINTON. 473 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:17,700 ONE THING CLINTON DID I DIDN'T LIKE, 474 00:25:17,700 --> 00:25:20,000 RAISE TAXES, TAXES ALL HIGH AND SHIT. 475 00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:21,734 YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUCKED UP ABOUT TAXES ? 476 00:25:21,734 --> 00:25:25,133 YOU DON'T EVEN PAY TAX, THEY TAKE TAX. 477 00:25:25,133 --> 00:25:28,333 YOU GET YOUR CHECK, MONEY GONE. 478 00:25:28,333 --> 00:25:31,967 THAT AIN'T A PAYMENT, THAT'S A JACK ! 479 00:25:31,967 --> 00:25:33,700 GOT ALL THESE TAXES, 480 00:25:33,700 --> 00:25:37,200 CITY TAX, STATE TAX, SOCIAL SECURITY TAX. 481 00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:39,633 YOU DON'T GET THE MONEY 'TIL YOUR 65. 482 00:25:39,633 --> 00:25:43,233 MEANWHILE THE AVERAGE BLACK MAN DIES AT 54 ! 483 00:25:45,767 --> 00:25:48,867 SHIT, WE SHOULD GET SOCIAL SECURITY AT 29 ! 484 00:25:55,233 --> 00:25:58,066 WHAT THE FUCK, MAN ? WE DON'T LIVE THAT LONG ! 485 00:25:58,066 --> 00:25:59,767 HYPERTENSION, HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, 486 00:25:59,767 --> 00:26:02,700 NYPD, SOMETHING WILL GET YOU ! 487 00:26:11,867 --> 00:26:15,000 WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE POLICE ? 488 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:16,800 MY GOD ! 489 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:19,200 I'M SCARED, I DIDN'T GET RID OF NO GUNS, 490 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:20,767 FUCK THAT SHIT. 491 00:26:20,767 --> 00:26:23,166 AND, I HAD A COP PULL ME OVER THE OTHER DAY, 492 00:26:23,166 --> 00:26:24,533 SCARED ME SO BAD, 493 00:26:24,533 --> 00:26:28,200 MADE ME THINK I STOLE MY OWN CAR ! 494 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:31,000 GET OUT THE CAR, GET OUT THE FUCKING CAR ! 495 00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:32,166 YOU STOLE THIS CAR ! 496 00:26:32,166 --> 00:26:34,967 I'M LIKE, DAMN, MAYBE I DID ! 497 00:26:34,967 --> 00:26:38,000 OH, LORD, I DONE STOLE A CAR. 498 00:26:39,533 --> 00:26:41,934 YOU KNOW WHAT'S WORSE THAN TAXES ? 499 00:26:41,934 --> 00:26:43,433 INSURANCE. 500 00:26:43,433 --> 00:26:45,867 YOU GOT TO HAVE SOME INSURANCE. 501 00:26:45,867 --> 00:26:48,200 THEY SHOULDN'T CALL IT INSURANCE, 502 00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:51,367 THEY SHOULD CALL IT "IN CASE OF SHIT". 503 00:26:51,367 --> 00:26:56,266 I GIVE A COMPANY SOME MONEY IN CASE SHIT HAPPENS. 504 00:26:56,266 --> 00:26:58,700 NOW, IF SHIT DON'T HAPPEN, 505 00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:01,967 SHOULDN'T I GET MY MONEY BACK ? 506 00:27:09,700 --> 00:27:11,233 THAT'S RIGHT, MAN, 507 00:27:11,233 --> 00:27:13,000 YOU BETTER HAVE SOME MEDICAL INSURANCE 508 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:14,700 OR YOU GONNA DIE. 509 00:27:14,700 --> 00:27:16,200 THAT'S RIGHT, EVERYBODY, 510 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:17,734 OOH, YOU GOT TO EAT RIGHT AND EXERCISE. 511 00:27:17,734 --> 00:27:19,967 NO YOU DON'T, YOU NEED SOME COVERAGE. 512 00:27:19,967 --> 00:27:22,867 COVERAGE WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE. 513 00:27:22,867 --> 00:27:24,734 THAT'S RIGHT, I MEAN WE ALL GONNA DIE, 514 00:27:24,734 --> 00:27:26,300 BUT AT LEAST IF YOU GOT SOME COVERAGE, 515 00:27:26,300 --> 00:27:29,100 YOU WILL DIE ON A MATTRESS ! 516 00:27:29,100 --> 00:27:31,000 THAT'S RIGHT. 517 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:32,834 WHEN I WAS A KID, WE DIDN'T HAVE NO INSURANCE, 518 00:27:32,834 --> 00:27:34,900 WE DIDN'T HAVE A DAMN THING. 519 00:27:34,900 --> 00:27:36,600 YOU HAD TO BE DAMN NEAR DEAD 520 00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:38,066 TO SEE THE DOCTOR. 521 00:27:38,066 --> 00:27:41,066 YOU HAD TO BE WAY PAST ROBITUSSIN. 522 00:27:41,066 --> 00:27:44,400 THAT'S ALL WE HAD WHEN I WAS A KID, ROBITUSSIN. 523 00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:47,800 NO MATTER WHAT YOU GOT, ROBITUSSIN BETTER HANDLE IT. 524 00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:49,567 DADDY, I GOT ASTHMA. 525 00:27:49,567 --> 00:27:51,133 ROBITUSSIN. 526 00:27:51,133 --> 00:27:52,367 I GOT CANCER. 527 00:27:52,367 --> 00:27:54,100 ROBITUSSIN. 528 00:27:54,100 --> 00:27:57,467 I BROKE MY LEG, DADDY POURED ROBITUSSIN ON IT. 529 00:27:57,467 --> 00:28:01,734 YEAH, BOY, LET THAT 'TUSSIN GET IN THERE, BOY. 530 00:28:01,734 --> 00:28:06,133 YEAH, BOY, LET THAT 'TUSSIN GET ON DOWN TO THE BONE. 531 00:28:06,133 --> 00:28:08,867 THE 'TUSSIN OUGHT TO STRAIGHTEN OUT THE BONE, 532 00:28:08,867 --> 00:28:10,066 IT'S GOOD. 533 00:28:10,066 --> 00:28:11,433 IF YOU RUN OUT OF 'TUSSIN, 534 00:28:11,433 --> 00:28:13,967 PUT SOME WATER IN A JAR, SHAKE IT UP, MORE 'TUSSIN. 535 00:28:13,967 --> 00:28:16,100 MORE 'TUSSIN ! 536 00:28:19,133 --> 00:28:22,066 Y'ALL LIKE DOCTORS 'CAUSE THEY DON'T CURE SHIT. 537 00:28:22,066 --> 00:28:24,567 THEY DON'T CURE NOTHING. 538 00:28:24,567 --> 00:28:26,333 SAME DISEASES BEEN HANGING OUT 539 00:28:26,333 --> 00:28:27,900 SINCE I WAS A KID, MAN. 540 00:28:27,900 --> 00:28:30,867 WHAT'S THE LAST SHIT A DOCTOR CURED, POLIO ? 541 00:28:30,867 --> 00:28:33,367 YOU KNOW HOW LONG AGO POLIO WAS ? 542 00:28:33,367 --> 00:28:36,233 THAT'S LIKE THE FIRST SEASON OF "LUCY". 543 00:28:36,233 --> 00:28:40,367 SHIT, FRED HAD AN AFRO WITH FINGERWAVES ! 544 00:28:40,367 --> 00:28:42,967 HAVE YOU EVER MET ANYBODY WITH POLIO ? 545 00:28:42,967 --> 00:28:45,433 ANYBODY FEEL A LITTLE 'POLY AROUND YOU ? 546 00:28:45,433 --> 00:28:48,367 NO, THAT'S RIGHT, THEY DON'T CURE SHIT. 547 00:28:48,367 --> 00:28:50,433 THE SAME DISEASES BEEN HANGING OUT SINCE I WAS A KID. 548 00:28:50,433 --> 00:28:52,433 AIDS, SICKLE CELL, TUBERCULOSIS, CANCER, 549 00:28:52,433 --> 00:28:55,767 JERRY'S KIDS STILL LIMPING AROUND ! 550 00:28:55,767 --> 00:28:58,333 I'VE BEEN WATCHING THE JERRY LEWIS TELETHON 551 00:28:58,333 --> 00:29:02,300 FOR PROBABLY ABOUT 15, 16 YEARS NOW, 552 00:29:02,300 --> 00:29:06,367 NOT ONE STITCH OF PROGRESS WHATSOEVER. 553 00:29:06,367 --> 00:29:09,367 C'MON, MAN, LIE TO ME, JERRY, 554 00:29:09,367 --> 00:29:11,567 LIE TO ME ! 555 00:29:11,567 --> 00:29:13,767 WHAT THE FUCK YOU DOING, JERRY ? 556 00:29:13,767 --> 00:29:15,233 PUT A STICK IN THE KID'S BACK, 557 00:29:15,233 --> 00:29:18,266 PROP HIM UP OR SOME SHIT ! 558 00:29:18,266 --> 00:29:21,700 C'MON, C'MON, CALL STEVEN SPIELBERG, 559 00:29:21,700 --> 00:29:24,433 GET SOME SPECIAL EFFECTS ON THIS SHIT ! 560 00:29:24,433 --> 00:29:26,633 GET GEORGE LUCAS ON THE CASE ! 561 00:29:26,633 --> 00:29:30,266 C.G.I., MOTHERFUCKER, C.G.I ! 562 00:29:30,266 --> 00:29:31,500 WHAT THE FUCK ? 563 00:29:31,500 --> 00:29:32,834 TIE SOME STRING AROUND HIM, 564 00:29:32,834 --> 00:29:35,133 MAKE A CRIPPLE PUPPET OR SOMETHIN' ! 565 00:29:35,133 --> 00:29:36,734 LIE TO ME ! 566 00:29:36,734 --> 00:29:38,467 WHERE THE FUCK'S THE MONEY GOIN' ? 567 00:29:38,467 --> 00:29:39,867 WHERE'S THE MONEY GOING ? 568 00:29:39,867 --> 00:29:42,066 WHAT, TO KEEP JERRY'S HAIR BLACK ?! 569 00:29:46,667 --> 00:29:48,367 WHERE'S THE MONEY GOING ? 570 00:29:48,367 --> 00:29:50,066 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, THINK ABOUT IT. 571 00:29:50,066 --> 00:29:52,033 FRANK SINATRA, DEAD, DEAN MARTIN, DEAD, 572 00:29:52,033 --> 00:29:53,433 SAMMY DAVIS, DEAD. 573 00:29:53,433 --> 00:29:56,200 JERRY LEWIS GOT A FULL HEAD OF BLACK HAIR. 574 00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:59,433 AND IF YOU AIN'T GONNA CURE THE DISEASE, 575 00:29:59,433 --> 00:30:02,533 CUT THE KIDS A CHECK ! 576 00:30:02,533 --> 00:30:05,000 THAT'S RIGHT, YOU KNOW THE LITTLE BOY'S 577 00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:07,767 GETTING READY TO DIE, GET HIM A TABLE DANCE ! 578 00:30:14,567 --> 00:30:17,533 GET HIM A TABLE DANCE, FOR CHRIST SAKES ! 579 00:30:17,533 --> 00:30:20,033 I'M SURE THE "MAKE-A-WISH" PEOPLE HEAR THAT REQUEST 580 00:30:20,033 --> 00:30:21,834 EVERY NOW AND THEN. 581 00:30:21,834 --> 00:30:23,767 GET THE BOY A TABLE DANCE. 582 00:30:23,767 --> 00:30:24,867 WHAT DO YOU WANT JIMMY ? 583 00:30:24,867 --> 00:30:26,033 YOU'RE GETTIN' READY TO DIE, 584 00:30:26,033 --> 00:30:27,166 YOU WANNA MEET JIMMY CARREY ? 585 00:30:27,166 --> 00:30:29,900 NO, I WANT SOME BIG TITTIES IN MY FACE ! 586 00:30:29,900 --> 00:30:33,600 IT'S MY LAST WISH, C'MON. 587 00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:36,133 THAT'S RIGHT, MAN. 588 00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:40,700 THAT'S RIGHT, WE GOT AIDS OUT THERE, 589 00:30:40,700 --> 00:30:42,400 YOU THINK THEY'RE GONNA CURE AIDS ? 590 00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:46,000 NO, THEY CAN'T EVEN CURE ATHLETES FOOT ! 591 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:51,166 THEY AIN'T CURING AIDS, SHIT, THEY AIN'T NEVER CURING AIDS, 592 00:30:51,166 --> 00:30:53,500 AIN'T NEVER CURING AIDS. 593 00:30:53,500 --> 00:30:55,166 DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT SHIT. 594 00:30:55,166 --> 00:30:56,533 THEY AIN'T CURIN' IT, 595 00:30:56,533 --> 00:30:58,300 'CAUSE THERE AIN'T NO MONEY IN THE CURE. 596 00:30:58,300 --> 00:31:00,066 THE MONEY'S IN THE MEDICINE. 597 00:31:00,066 --> 00:31:03,567 THAT'S HOW YOU GET PAID, ON THE COMEBACK. 598 00:31:03,567 --> 00:31:06,266 THAT'S HOW A DRUG DEALER MAKES HIS MONEY, 599 00:31:06,266 --> 00:31:08,233 ON THE COMEBACK, 600 00:31:08,233 --> 00:31:09,967 THAT'S ALL THE GOVERNMENT IS. 601 00:31:09,967 --> 00:31:11,867 A BUNCH OF MOTHERFUCKING DRUG DEALERS, 602 00:31:11,867 --> 00:31:13,433 ON THE COMEBACK. 603 00:31:13,433 --> 00:31:16,266 THEY AIN'T CURING NO AIDS. 604 00:31:16,266 --> 00:31:18,900 THAT'S ALL IT IS. 605 00:31:18,900 --> 00:31:21,767 YOU THINK THEY'RE GONNA CURE AIDS ? 606 00:31:21,767 --> 00:31:23,567 THEY'RE STILL MAD AT ALL THE MONEY THEY LOST 607 00:31:23,567 --> 00:31:25,533 ON POLIO ! 608 00:31:25,533 --> 00:31:27,066 CURING AIDS, 609 00:31:27,066 --> 00:31:29,033 SHIT, THAT'S LIKE CADILLAC MAKING A CAR 610 00:31:29,033 --> 00:31:31,166 THAT'LL LAST FOR 50 YEARS ! 611 00:31:31,166 --> 00:31:32,867 AND YOU KNOW THEY CAN DO IT. 612 00:31:32,867 --> 00:31:35,433 BUT THEY AIN'T GONNA DO NOTHING THAT FUCKING DUMB. 613 00:31:35,433 --> 00:31:37,533 SHIT, THEY GOT METAL ON THE SPACE SHUTTLE 614 00:31:37,533 --> 00:31:39,066 THAT CAN GO AROUND THE MOON, 615 00:31:39,066 --> 00:31:42,300 AND WITHSTAND TEMPERATURES OF UP TO 20,000 DEGREES. 616 00:31:42,300 --> 00:31:44,300 YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU DON'T THINK THEY CAN MAKE 617 00:31:44,300 --> 00:31:47,200 AN ELDORADO WITH A FUCKIN' BUMPER THAT DON'T FALL OFF ?! 618 00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:55,600 THEY CAN, BUT THEY WON'T. 619 00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:57,266 SO WHAT THEY WILL DO WITH AIDS 620 00:31:57,266 --> 00:31:59,800 IS THE SAME THING THEY DO WITH EVERYTHING ELSE. 621 00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:02,700 THEY WILL FIGURE OUT A WAY FOR YOU TO LIVE WITH IT. 622 00:32:02,700 --> 00:32:05,700 THEY DON'T CURE SHIT, THEY JUST PATCH IT UP. 623 00:32:05,700 --> 00:32:08,300 GET YOU TO THE NEXT STOP. 624 00:32:08,300 --> 00:32:10,667 SO THEY CAN GET MORE OF YOUR MONEY. 625 00:32:10,667 --> 00:32:12,133 THAT'S RIGHT, THEY AIN'T GONNA CURE IT. 626 00:32:12,133 --> 00:32:14,233 HOPEFULLY, IN OUR LIFETIME, 627 00:32:14,233 --> 00:32:15,533 THAT'S RIGHT, YOU'RE GONNA SEE SOMEBODY GO, 628 00:32:15,533 --> 00:32:17,300 YO, MAN, YOU WEREN'T AT WORK YESTERDAY. 629 00:32:17,300 --> 00:32:18,400 WHAT'S UP ? 630 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:20,700 HEY, MY AIDS IS ACTING UP. 631 00:32:20,700 --> 00:32:22,233 YOU KNOW WHEN THE WEATHER GET LIKE THIS, 632 00:32:22,233 --> 00:32:24,433 MY AIDS JUST POP UP. 633 00:32:24,433 --> 00:32:27,700 BUT I TOOK SOME ROBITUSSIN, I'M FINE NOW ! 634 00:32:33,100 --> 00:32:35,667 THAT'S RIGHT, MAN, AIDS IS SCARY MAN. 635 00:32:35,667 --> 00:32:39,500 I TOOK MY AIDS TEST, PASSED IT, GOT 65. 636 00:32:41,934 --> 00:32:45,100 YOU KNOW WHAT'S SCARY ABOUT THE AIDS TEST ? 637 00:32:45,100 --> 00:32:49,567 YOU DON'T GET THE RESULTS BACK FOR FIVE DAYS. 638 00:32:49,567 --> 00:32:52,734 FIVE DAYS, THAT'S A LONG TIME. 639 00:32:52,734 --> 00:32:54,934 AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IN THOSE FIVE DAYS ? 640 00:32:54,934 --> 00:32:57,300 YOU START REFLECTING. 641 00:32:57,300 --> 00:33:00,700 YOU START THINKING ABOUT EVERY NASTY, 642 00:33:00,700 --> 00:33:05,867 SKANK-ASS, QUESTIONABLE PIECE OF SEX YOU EVER HAD, 643 00:33:05,867 --> 00:33:09,100 AND EVERYBODY GOT A FEW. 644 00:33:09,100 --> 00:33:10,166 AND YOU'RE LIKE, 645 00:33:10,166 --> 00:33:12,734 OH, GOD, WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING ?! 646 00:33:12,734 --> 00:33:17,233 1993, WHOA, SHE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TEETH ! 647 00:33:17,233 --> 00:33:22,200 OH, GOD, WHAT THE FUCK WAS ON MY MIND ? 648 00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:24,000 IT'S LIKE THE MOVIE "SCROOGE" 649 00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,333 AND THE GHOST OF PUSSY PAST COMES ! 650 00:33:31,266 --> 00:33:35,000 REMEMBER ME, I'M ITCHY, THE STRIPPER FROM MIAMI ! 651 00:33:41,567 --> 00:33:43,600 YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE HAPPENS 652 00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:45,266 AFTER YOU TAKE AN AIDS TEST ? 653 00:33:45,266 --> 00:33:46,700 YOU START CALLING UP PEOPLE 654 00:33:46,700 --> 00:33:48,700 TO SEE IF THEY'RE ALIVE. 655 00:33:48,700 --> 00:33:50,433 HELLO, CAN I SPEAK TO LISA ? 656 00:33:50,433 --> 00:33:52,300 THIS IS LISA... CLICK ! 657 00:33:57,467 --> 00:33:59,500 HELLO, CAN I SPEAK TO TAMMY ? 658 00:33:59,500 --> 00:34:01,834 TAMMY DEAD. 659 00:34:03,300 --> 00:34:05,266 WHAT HAPPENED ? 660 00:34:05,266 --> 00:34:07,266 SHE GOT HIT BY A BUS. 661 00:34:07,266 --> 00:34:10,233 THANK THE LORD ! THANK THE LORD ! 662 00:34:10,233 --> 00:34:13,800 YES, YES, YES, YES ! 663 00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:17,600 GO GREYHOUND. 664 00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:20,834 YEAH, SHE GOT HIT BY A BUS ! 665 00:34:20,834 --> 00:34:23,033 LIVIN' LA VIDA LOCA ! 666 00:34:34,166 --> 00:34:36,500 MAN, AT LEAST THEY'RE STILL WORKING ON AIDS. 667 00:34:36,500 --> 00:34:38,333 AT LEAST THEY'RE TRYIN' TO GET RID OF AIDS. 668 00:34:38,333 --> 00:34:40,700 THERE'S SOME DISEASES, THEY JUST GAVE UP ON. 669 00:34:40,700 --> 00:34:42,233 THERE'S SOME DISEASES, YOU GET 'EM, 670 00:34:42,233 --> 00:34:44,367 YOU ON YOUR OWN. 671 00:34:44,367 --> 00:34:46,700 THEY AIN'T GONNA HAVE NO TELETHON FOR YOU, 672 00:34:46,700 --> 00:34:50,133 R. KELLY AIN'T SINGING NO SONG. 673 00:34:50,133 --> 00:34:53,300 YOU JUST GOT THIS SHIT, THAT'S RIGHT. 674 00:34:53,300 --> 00:34:55,300 YOU GET PARALYZED, THEY DON'T GOT SHIT FOR YOU. 675 00:34:55,300 --> 00:34:57,700 LOOK AT CHRISTOPHER REEVE, PARALYZED. 676 00:34:57,700 --> 00:34:59,367 SUPERMAN CAN'T WALK, 677 00:34:59,367 --> 00:35:02,133 WHAT KIND OF SORRY-ASS SHIT IS THAT ?! 678 00:35:02,133 --> 00:35:05,200 SUPERMAN CAN'T WALK, WHAT'S NEXT ? 679 00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:08,967 AQUAMAN GONNA DROWN IN THE TUB ?! 680 00:35:08,967 --> 00:35:12,533 WHAT THE FUCK KINDA INJUSTICE IS THIS ?! 681 00:35:12,533 --> 00:35:14,300 SUPERMAN CAN'T WALK. 682 00:35:14,300 --> 00:35:17,166 THE HULK GONNA GET THE GOUT, WHAT THE FUCK ?! 683 00:35:17,166 --> 00:35:20,033 SUPERMAN CAN'T WALK. 684 00:35:20,033 --> 00:35:21,633 NOW YOU GO TELL THE DOCTOR YOU PARALYZED, 685 00:35:21,633 --> 00:35:23,500 THEY GOT SHIT FOR YA, LIKE, 686 00:35:23,500 --> 00:35:25,200 DOC, I'M PARALYZED, WHAT YOU GOT ? 687 00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:26,467 WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THIS CHAIR 688 00:35:26,467 --> 00:35:29,000 AND ROLL YOUR ASS AROUND TOWN ! 689 00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:32,400 IS THAT ALL THE FUCK YOU GOT IS A GODAMN CHAIR ?! 690 00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:34,266 WHERE THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE THIS PRESCRIPTION, 691 00:35:34,266 --> 00:35:36,633 TO A FURNITURE STORE, MOTHERFUCKER ?! 692 00:35:36,633 --> 00:35:39,633 I GOTTA GO TO IKEA, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT ? 693 00:35:39,633 --> 00:35:42,934 I SAID I CAN'T WALK, I DIDN'T SAY I CAN'T SIT ! 694 00:35:42,934 --> 00:35:45,667 THAT'S RIGHT, AND IF YOU GO BLIND, 695 00:35:45,667 --> 00:35:47,633 THEY DON'T GOT SHIT FOR YOU. 696 00:35:47,633 --> 00:35:49,033 LOOK AT STEVIE WONDER, 697 00:35:49,033 --> 00:35:51,467 BEEN BLIND FOR FORTY-SOMETHING YEARS, 698 00:35:51,467 --> 00:35:53,367 GOT ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD, 699 00:35:53,367 --> 00:35:56,467 DON'T KNOW IF HE GOT HUNDREDS OR ONES ! 700 00:36:04,233 --> 00:36:07,800 IT'S JUST A STACK TO STEVIE, IT'S JUST A STACK. 701 00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:10,567 STEVIE CAN'T SEE SHIT. 702 00:36:10,567 --> 00:36:13,600 CAN'T SEE THE DAY, THE NIGHT, THE SHADOW, THE SHADE, 703 00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:15,233 CAN'T EVEN GET A PEEK ! 704 00:36:15,233 --> 00:36:17,934 JUST A PEEK, CAN WE HELP STEVIE GET A PEEK ? 705 00:36:17,934 --> 00:36:19,500 GET A FUCKIN' PEEK ! 706 00:36:19,500 --> 00:36:23,200 THE MAN WROTE SONGS... 707 00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:25,266 CAN WE GET THIS BROTHER A PEEK ? 708 00:36:25,266 --> 00:36:28,100 JUST A PEEK, JUST A FUCKING PEEK ! 709 00:36:28,100 --> 00:36:30,800 IS THAT ASKING FOR TOO MUCH ? 710 00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:34,133 JUST A, HEH-HEH, THAT'S IT. 711 00:36:38,867 --> 00:36:40,867 AND YOU TELL THE DOCTOR YOU'RE BLIND 712 00:36:40,867 --> 00:36:42,533 AND HE DON'T GOT SHIT FOR YOU. 713 00:36:42,533 --> 00:36:44,266 DOC, I'M BLIND, WHAT YOU GOT ? 714 00:36:44,266 --> 00:36:45,767 WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THIS DOG 715 00:36:45,767 --> 00:36:49,300 AND HAVE THE DOG DRAG YOUR BLIND ASS AROUND TOWN. 716 00:36:49,300 --> 00:36:51,734 THAT'S ALL YOU GOT, A DAMN DOG ! 717 00:36:51,734 --> 00:36:54,734 MAN, IF I COULD SEE, I'D WHOOP YOUR ASS ! 718 00:36:54,734 --> 00:36:56,400 A FUCKING DOG, 719 00:36:56,400 --> 00:36:57,867 WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU ?! 720 00:36:57,867 --> 00:36:59,900 COME ON, GIVE ME A MIDGET OR SOMETHING ! 721 00:36:59,900 --> 00:37:03,600 THAT'S RIGHT, BLIND PEOPLE SHOULD GET MIDGETS. 722 00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:06,100 ALL BLIND PEOPLE SHOULD GET MIDGETS. 723 00:37:06,100 --> 00:37:08,333 IT'S HARD ENOUGH LIVING LIFE WHEN YOU'RE BLIND. 724 00:37:08,333 --> 00:37:11,500 NOW, THEY GOTTA LEARN HOW TO TALK DOG. 725 00:37:11,500 --> 00:37:13,233 WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS THAT ? 726 00:37:13,233 --> 00:37:16,433 YOU CAN'T SEE, SO YOU CAN'T READ THE DOG'S LIPS ! 727 00:37:16,433 --> 00:37:18,266 YOU JUST LISTEN, WOOF, WOOF ! 728 00:37:18,266 --> 00:37:20,433 WHAT, WHAT, MY SHOELACE UNTIED ? 729 00:37:20,433 --> 00:37:22,033 WHAT ? 730 00:37:22,033 --> 00:37:23,500 WOOF, WOOF, WOOF, WOOF ! 731 00:37:23,500 --> 00:37:26,000 IS IT COLD OUTSIDE ? WHAT, WHAT, WHAT ? 732 00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:27,500 WOOF, WOOF ! 733 00:37:27,500 --> 00:37:30,066 IS SOMEBODY AT THE DOOR, WHAT, MOTHERFUCKER, WHAT ? 734 00:37:31,333 --> 00:37:33,900 JUST GIVE BLIND PEOPLE MIDGETS. 735 00:37:33,900 --> 00:37:35,600 AND IF YOU'RE A MIDGET, IT'S ALREADY HARD ENOUGH 736 00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:37,400 TO GET A JOB. 737 00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:39,800 JUST HAVE THE MIDGET TELL THE BLIND MAN WHERE TO GO. 738 00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:41,867 BE A SEEING-EYE MAN. 739 00:37:41,867 --> 00:37:43,667 JUST WALK IN FRONT OF THE BLIND MAN LIKE, 740 00:37:43,667 --> 00:37:45,667 YO MAN, YOU GOTTA MAKE A LEFT. 741 00:37:47,500 --> 00:37:50,000 MAKE A LEFT, BROTHER, MAKE A LEFT. 742 00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:55,567 RACISM EVERYWHERE, EVERYBODY PISSED OFF. 743 00:37:55,567 --> 00:37:57,600 BLACK PEOPLE YELLIN' RACISM. 744 00:37:57,600 --> 00:38:00,433 WHITE PEOPLE YELLIN' REVERSE RACISM. 745 00:38:00,433 --> 00:38:04,066 CHINESE PEOPLE YELLIN' SIDEWAYS RACISM ! 746 00:38:04,066 --> 00:38:06,066 AND THE INDIANS AIN'T YELLING SHIT 747 00:38:06,066 --> 00:38:08,033 'CAUSE THEY DEAD ! 748 00:38:08,033 --> 00:38:09,633 SO, EVERYBODY BITCH ABOUT HOW BAD 749 00:38:09,633 --> 00:38:11,000 THEIR PEOPLE GOT IT. 750 00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:13,867 NOBODY GOT IT WORSE THAN THE AMERICAN INDIAN. 751 00:38:13,867 --> 00:38:16,834 EVERYBODY NEED TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN. 752 00:38:16,834 --> 00:38:19,400 INDIANS GOT IT BAD. 753 00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:21,233 INDIANS GOT IT THE WORST. 754 00:38:21,233 --> 00:38:22,934 YOU KNOW HOW BAD THE INDIANS GOT IT ? 755 00:38:22,934 --> 00:38:26,133 WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU MET TWO INDIANS ? 756 00:38:26,133 --> 00:38:28,967 YOU AIN'T NEVER MET TWO INDIANS ! 757 00:38:28,967 --> 00:38:32,367 SHIT, I HAVE SEEN A POLAR BEAR RIDE A TRICYCLE 758 00:38:32,367 --> 00:38:33,834 IN MY LIFETIME. 759 00:38:33,834 --> 00:38:36,066 I HAVE NEVER SEEN AN INDIAN FAMILY 760 00:38:36,066 --> 00:38:38,667 THAT'S CHILLIN' OUT AT THE RED LOBSTER ! 761 00:38:38,667 --> 00:38:41,233 NEVER SEEN IT. 762 00:38:41,233 --> 00:38:44,233 EVERYBODY WANNA SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT, 763 00:38:44,233 --> 00:38:46,500 SHIT, I SEE TREES EVERY FUCKING DAY ! 764 00:38:46,500 --> 00:38:48,367 I DON'T NEVER SEE NO INDIANS. 765 00:38:48,367 --> 00:38:50,300 I WENT TO THE MACY'S THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE 766 00:38:50,300 --> 00:38:51,600 THIS YEAR, 767 00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:53,867 THEY DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH INDIANS FOR THAT SHIT ! 768 00:38:53,867 --> 00:38:55,266 THEY HAD BUNCH OF PILGRIMS, 769 00:38:55,266 --> 00:38:56,867 WHEN IT CAME TIME FOR THE INDIANS, 770 00:38:56,867 --> 00:38:58,433 THEY HAD THREE REAL INDIANS, 771 00:38:58,433 --> 00:39:00,467 AND THE REST WAS A BUNCH OF PUERTO RICANS 772 00:39:00,467 --> 00:39:02,967 WITH FEATHERS IN THEIR HAIR ! 773 00:39:07,300 --> 00:39:09,133 WHAT THE FUCK ? 774 00:39:09,133 --> 00:39:12,200 SHIT, I KNOW PUERTO RICANS WHEN I SEE 'EM ! 775 00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:15,700 YOU CAN'T SLIP A PUERTO RICAN BY ME. 776 00:39:15,700 --> 00:39:19,600 THAT'S NOT POCAHONTAS, THAT'S JENNIFER LOPEZ ! 777 00:39:25,433 --> 00:39:28,667 RACISM EVERYWHERE. 778 00:39:28,667 --> 00:39:31,934 WHO'S THE MADDEST PEOPLE ? WHITE PEOPLE ! 779 00:39:31,934 --> 00:39:34,967 NOT Y'ALL, Y'ALL ARE ALRIGHT. 780 00:39:34,967 --> 00:39:37,667 YOU PAID MONEY TO SEE ME, WE COOL. 781 00:39:37,667 --> 00:39:40,133 THE FEUD IS OVER. 782 00:39:40,133 --> 00:39:42,233 NO, YOU WATCH THE TV, YOU WATCH "60 MINUTES", 783 00:39:42,233 --> 00:39:44,533 YOU SEE WHITE PEOPLE PISSED OFF, MAN. 784 00:39:44,533 --> 00:39:47,166 MAD, THE WHITE MAN THINKS HE'S LOSING THE COUNTRY. 785 00:39:47,166 --> 00:39:48,500 YOU WATCH THE NEWS, 786 00:39:48,500 --> 00:39:51,533 WE'RE LOSING EVERYTHING, WE'RE FUCKING LOSING. 787 00:39:51,533 --> 00:39:54,567 AFFIRMATIVE ACTION, AND ILLEGAL ALIENS, 788 00:39:54,567 --> 00:39:56,600 AND WE'RE LOSING THE COUNTRY. 789 00:39:56,600 --> 00:39:59,000 LOSING ? SHUT THE FUCK UP. 790 00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:01,333 WHITE PEOPLE AIN'T LOSING SHIT. 791 00:40:01,333 --> 00:40:03,734 AND IF Y'ALL LOSING, WHO'S WINNING ? 792 00:40:03,734 --> 00:40:05,967 IT AIN'T US... 793 00:40:07,467 --> 00:40:09,867 ( audience cheers ) 794 00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:15,800 IT AIN'T US, HAVE YOU DRIVEN AROUND THIS MOTHERFUCKER ? 795 00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:18,767 IT AIN'T US, SHIT, SHIT, 796 00:40:18,767 --> 00:40:20,633 THERE AIN'T A WHITE MAN IN THIS ROOM 797 00:40:20,633 --> 00:40:22,700 THAT WOULD CHANGE PLACES WITH ME. 798 00:40:22,700 --> 00:40:25,567 NONE OF YOU, NONE OF YOU WOULD CHANGE PLACES WITH ME. 799 00:40:25,567 --> 00:40:27,266 AND I'M RICH ! 800 00:40:40,500 --> 00:40:43,934 THAT'S HOW GOOD IT IS TO BE WHITE. 801 00:40:43,934 --> 00:40:48,300 THERE'S A WHITE, ONE-LEGGED, BUSBOY IN HERE RIGHT NOW, 802 00:40:48,300 --> 00:40:51,500 THAT WON'T CHANGE PLACES WITH MY BLACK ASS. 803 00:40:51,500 --> 00:40:53,400 NO, MAN, I DON'T WANNA SWITCH, 804 00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:55,533 I WANNA RIDE THIS WHITE THING OUT. 805 00:40:55,533 --> 00:40:57,934 SEE WHERE IT TAKES ME. 806 00:40:57,934 --> 00:41:00,033 THAT'S RIGHT, 807 00:41:00,033 --> 00:41:03,166 'CAUSE WHEN YOU WHITE, THE SKY'S THE LIMIT. 808 00:41:03,166 --> 00:41:05,934 WHEN YOU BLACK, THE LIMIT'S THE SKY ! 809 00:41:12,467 --> 00:41:14,300 THAT'S RIGHT, MAN. 810 00:41:14,300 --> 00:41:15,700 NOW, WHEN IT COMES TO RACISM, 811 00:41:15,700 --> 00:41:17,467 DO YOU KNOW WHO THE MOST RACIST PEOPLE ARE, 812 00:41:17,467 --> 00:41:19,934 FOR REAL, THE REAL MOST RACIST PEOPLE ? 813 00:41:19,934 --> 00:41:22,700 OLD BLACK MEN. 814 00:41:22,700 --> 00:41:24,800 YOU FIND A BROTHER, OVER 60, 815 00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:26,934 I KNOW SOME OF YOU WHITE PEOPLE KNOW AN OLD BLACK MAN. 816 00:41:26,934 --> 00:41:29,066 YOU GO, OH, WILLIE, AT THE JOB, HE'S SO NICE. 817 00:41:29,066 --> 00:41:31,333 WILLIE HATES YOUR GUTS. 818 00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:39,467 NOTHING MORE RACIST THAN AN OLD BLACK MAN. 819 00:41:39,467 --> 00:41:40,834 YOU KNOW WHY ? 820 00:41:40,834 --> 00:41:43,233 'CAUSE AN OLD BLACK MAN WENT THROUGH SOME REAL RACISM. 821 00:41:43,233 --> 00:41:46,100 HE DIDN'T GO THROUGH THAT, I-CAN'T-GET-A-CAB SHIT. 822 00:41:46,100 --> 00:41:48,834 HE WAS THE CAB. 823 00:41:48,834 --> 00:41:51,000 A WHITE MAN JUST JUMPED ON HIS BACK, 824 00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:52,700 MAIN STREET ! 825 00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:02,000 LEFT, NIGGER, LEFT, NIGGER, 826 00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:04,967 LEFT, YOU FUCKING NIGGER ! 827 00:42:07,333 --> 00:42:09,200 YOU KNOW WHAT'S WILD ABOUT THE OLD BLACK MEN ? 828 00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:11,233 AN OLD BLACK MAN, HE AIN'T GONNA LET YOU 829 00:42:11,233 --> 00:42:12,533 FUCK UP HIS MONEY. 830 00:42:12,533 --> 00:42:14,367 WHENEVER AN OLD BLACK MAN SEES AN OLD WHITE MAN, 831 00:42:14,367 --> 00:42:17,266 THE OLD BLACK MAN ALWAYS KISSES THE OLD WHITE MAN'S ASS. 832 00:42:17,266 --> 00:42:19,233 HOW YA DOIN' SIR ? PLEASED TO MEET YOU. 833 00:42:19,233 --> 00:42:21,400 WHATEVER I CAN GET YOU, YOU LET ME KNOW. 834 00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:24,000 AS SOON AS THE WHITE MAN GET OUT OF SIGHT, HE'S LIKE, 835 00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:27,266 CRACKER-ASS CRACKER ! 836 00:42:27,266 --> 00:42:28,767 CRACKER-ASS CRACKER, 837 00:42:28,767 --> 00:42:30,266 I'LL PUT MY FOOT IN THE CRACK OF YOU'RE ASS, 838 00:42:30,266 --> 00:42:31,734 CRACKER-ASS CRACKER ! 839 00:42:31,734 --> 00:42:34,033 I WISH THAT CRACKER WOULDA SAID SOME SHIT TO ME, 840 00:42:34,033 --> 00:42:37,867 SALTINE-ASSED, MOTHERFUCKER, CRACKER ! 841 00:42:37,867 --> 00:42:41,667 CRACKER, KISS MY ASS YOU FUCKIN' CRACKER ! 842 00:42:41,667 --> 00:42:43,400 THE WHITE MAN COME BACK, 843 00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:45,233 HOWDY, SIR ! 844 00:43:04,066 --> 00:43:06,033 I GOT AN UNCLE, REAL CRAZY. 845 00:43:06,033 --> 00:43:08,100 MY UNCLE "B", 55-YEARS-OLD, 846 00:43:08,100 --> 00:43:11,367 HATES THE WHITE PEOPLE, MARRIED TO A WHITE LADY. 847 00:43:11,367 --> 00:43:13,800 AND HE SITS AROUND GOING, YOU KNOW, 848 00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:15,734 THESE CRACKERS AIN'T SHIT... 849 00:43:15,734 --> 00:43:18,367 EXCEPT FOR SUSIE. 850 00:43:18,367 --> 00:43:21,800 HE TRIED TO EXPLAIN THE WHOLE THING TO ME ONE DAY. 851 00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:23,900 HE SAID, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, I GOT A WHITE WIFE, 852 00:43:23,900 --> 00:43:25,467 I LOVE HER, SHE LOVE ME. 853 00:43:25,467 --> 00:43:26,867 THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS. 854 00:43:26,867 --> 00:43:28,934 BUT I'LL TELL YOU THIS, IF THE REVOLUTION EVER COME, 855 00:43:28,934 --> 00:43:31,500 I'LL KILL HER FIRST, 856 00:43:31,500 --> 00:43:35,867 JUST TO SHOW THESE CRACKERS I MEAN BUSINESS ! 857 00:43:35,867 --> 00:43:41,166 MOTHERFUCKER CRACKER-ASS, MOTHERFUCKER CRACKER ! 858 00:43:41,166 --> 00:43:43,567 SHIT, CRACKER, MOTHERFUCKER... ! 859 00:43:43,567 --> 00:43:46,567 OH, HEY, HI, HONEY ! 860 00:43:46,567 --> 00:43:50,433 MOTHERFUCKER CRACKER, I KILL MY CRACKER KIDS, TOO ! 861 00:43:54,734 --> 00:43:57,333 THAT'S RIGHT, MAN, THAT'S RIGHT. 862 00:43:57,333 --> 00:43:59,500 I DON'T KNOW, BLACK, WHAT WE NEED Y'ALL, 863 00:43:59,500 --> 00:44:01,133 I THINK WE NEED A NEW LEADER. 864 00:44:01,133 --> 00:44:04,200 WE DIDN'T HAVE A BLACK LEADER IN A WHILE. 865 00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:05,834 IN A LONG TIME. 866 00:44:05,834 --> 00:44:07,700 SOMEBODY THAT MOVES YOU. 867 00:44:07,700 --> 00:44:10,066 YOU KNOW, WE HAD MARTIN LUTHER KING, MALCOLM X, 868 00:44:10,066 --> 00:44:11,567 AND EVER SINCE THEM, 869 00:44:11,567 --> 00:44:14,200 A BUNCH OF SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS. 870 00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:17,166 WHY NOT HAVE THE REAL THING ? 871 00:44:17,166 --> 00:44:19,166 I WANT A MOTHERFUCKER TO MOVE ME. 872 00:44:19,166 --> 00:44:20,667 WHO DO WE GOT ? LET ME BREAK EVERYBODY DOWN. 873 00:44:20,667 --> 00:44:22,500 WE GOT AL SHARPTON, ALRIGHT. 874 00:44:22,500 --> 00:44:24,033 AL SHARPTON, ALRIGHT. 875 00:44:24,033 --> 00:44:26,233 HE AIN'T MALCOLM OR MARTIN, 876 00:44:26,233 --> 00:44:28,200 BUT IF YOU GET YOUR ASS WHOOPED BY THE COPS, 877 00:44:28,200 --> 00:44:30,467 HE'S THE GUY TO CALL. 878 00:44:30,467 --> 00:44:35,000 OF COURSE, AL KINDA LOOKS LIKE BOOKMAN FROM "GOOD TIMES" 879 00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:38,033 BUT DON'T LET THAT FUCK YOU UP. 880 00:44:38,033 --> 00:44:40,700 WHO ELSE WE GOT ? JESSE JACKSON. 881 00:44:40,700 --> 00:44:42,100 JESSE, ALRIGHT. 882 00:44:42,100 --> 00:44:44,867 JESSE WENT OVER THERE, JESSE GOT THEM HOSTAGES. 883 00:44:44,867 --> 00:44:47,000 I DON'T KNOW HOW THE HELL HE DID THAT SHIT. 884 00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:49,233 HE WENT OVER THERE WITH NO MONEY, 885 00:44:49,233 --> 00:44:51,734 NO SWEET POTATO PIE. 886 00:44:51,734 --> 00:44:53,834 WHAT THE FUCK DID JESSE SAY ? 887 00:44:53,834 --> 00:44:54,900 JESSE MUST HAVE BEEN LIKE, 888 00:44:54,900 --> 00:44:56,467 HEY, DO YOU WANT THE UNITED STATES 889 00:44:56,467 --> 00:44:58,066 TO REALLY BE MAD AT YOU ? 890 00:44:58,066 --> 00:45:00,400 GIVE THE HOSTAGES TO ME ! 891 00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:12,100 THAT'S WHAT HE SAID, YOU KNOW... 892 00:45:12,100 --> 00:45:13,300 WHO ELSE WE GOT, FARRAKHAN, 893 00:45:13,300 --> 00:45:14,700 FARRAKHAN GET EVERYBODY TOGETHER 894 00:45:14,700 --> 00:45:17,300 FOR THE MILLION MAN MARCH AND EVERYTHING. 895 00:45:17,300 --> 00:45:19,600 BUT FARRAKHAN DON'T LIKE THE JEWS. 896 00:45:19,600 --> 00:45:21,500 I GET MY HAIR CUT ON DEKALB AVENUE, 897 00:45:21,500 --> 00:45:23,133 I NEVER BEEN IN THE BARBER SHOP, 898 00:45:23,133 --> 00:45:25,433 AND HEARD A BUNCHA BROTHERS TALKIN' ABOUT JEWS. 899 00:45:25,433 --> 00:45:27,066 BLACK PEOPLE DON'T HATE JEWS, 900 00:45:27,066 --> 00:45:29,266 BLACK PEOPLE HATE WHITE PEOPLE ! 901 00:45:29,266 --> 00:45:31,734 WE DON'T GOT TIME TO DICE WHITE PEOPLE UP 902 00:45:31,734 --> 00:45:34,000 INTO LITTLE GROUPS. 903 00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:36,033 I HATE EVERYBODY ! 904 00:45:36,033 --> 00:45:37,934 I DON'T CARE IF YOU JUST GOT HERE. 905 00:45:37,934 --> 00:45:39,367 HEY, I'M ROMANIAN. 906 00:45:39,367 --> 00:45:41,834 YOU ROMANIAN CRACKER ! 907 00:45:44,767 --> 00:45:47,266 WE NEED A FUCKING LEADER, MAN. 908 00:45:47,266 --> 00:45:48,734 AND THEN WHEN WE GOT NO LEADERS, 909 00:45:48,734 --> 00:45:49,934 WHEN SOMETHIN' HAPPEN, 910 00:45:49,934 --> 00:45:51,400 WE MAKE THE SHIT BIGGER THAN IT IS. 911 00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:53,500 IT'S BIG BUT DON'T MAKE IT BIGGER THAN IT IS. 912 00:45:53,500 --> 00:45:54,734 I'M WATCHING THE NEWS 913 00:45:54,734 --> 00:45:56,567 AND TUPAC SHAKUR WAS ASSASSINATED. 914 00:45:56,567 --> 00:45:58,834 BIGGIE SMALLS, ASSASSINATED. 915 00:45:58,834 --> 00:46:01,000 STRUCK DOWN BY ASSASSINS BULLETS... 916 00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:04,200 IT'S LIKE, NO, THEY WASN'T ! 917 00:46:04,200 --> 00:46:06,600 MARTIN LUTHER KING WAS ASSASSINATED. 918 00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:09,500 MALCOLM X WAS ASSASSINATED. 919 00:46:09,500 --> 00:46:13,133 JOHN F. KENNEDY WAS ASSASSINATED. 920 00:46:13,133 --> 00:46:15,700 THEM TWO NIGGERS GOT SHOT. 921 00:46:25,100 --> 00:46:28,066 SHIT, I LOVE TUPAC, I LOVE BIGGIE, 922 00:46:28,066 --> 00:46:31,300 BUT SCHOOL WILL BE OPEN ON THEIR BIRTHDAY ! 923 00:46:32,934 --> 00:46:34,967 I DON'T THINK YOU'RE GONNA SEE THEIR PICTURES 924 00:46:34,967 --> 00:46:37,266 HANGING UP IN YOUR GRANDMAMA LIVING ROOM. 925 00:46:37,266 --> 00:46:40,734 THAT'S ABRAHAM, MARTIN AND PAC. 926 00:46:44,333 --> 00:46:46,333 AND RIGHT HERE, 927 00:46:46,333 --> 00:46:49,033 I GOT ONE OF JESUS AND BIGGIE ON THE SEESAW ! 928 00:46:51,133 --> 00:46:54,100 JESUS ALWAYS IN THE AIR. 929 00:46:57,066 --> 00:46:59,133 WE NEED A LEADER, MAN. 930 00:46:59,133 --> 00:47:01,133 YOU KNOW WHO I THINK THE BLACK LEADER SHOULD BE ? 931 00:47:01,133 --> 00:47:03,300 WHO I THINK THE BLACK LEADER SHOULD BE ? 932 00:47:03,300 --> 00:47:04,633 ( audience ) WHO ? 933 00:47:04,633 --> 00:47:06,767 PAT REILLY. 934 00:47:06,767 --> 00:47:09,467 COUCH PAT REILLY. 935 00:47:09,467 --> 00:47:14,367 NO MAN HAS LEAD MORE BLACK MEN TO THE PROMISE LAND... 936 00:47:16,834 --> 00:47:19,400 THAN COUCH PAT REILLY. 937 00:47:19,400 --> 00:47:21,433 HE MAY NOT GET US TO THE MOUNTAINTOP, 938 00:47:21,433 --> 00:47:23,834 BUT HE'LL GET US TO THE PLAY-OFFS. 939 00:47:23,834 --> 00:47:26,967 AND THAT'S ALL WE WANT, THAT'S ALL WE WANT. 940 00:47:26,967 --> 00:47:28,934 WE GOT A LOT OF WOMEN HERE TONIGHT. 941 00:47:28,934 --> 00:47:30,934 LOVE THE WOMEN, LOVE THE WOMEN. 942 00:47:30,934 --> 00:47:33,500 ( applause ) 943 00:47:33,500 --> 00:47:35,667 YOU KNOW WHO MY FAVORITE WOMEN ARE ? 944 00:47:35,667 --> 00:47:38,533 BIG, FAT, BLACK WOMEN. 945 00:47:38,533 --> 00:47:42,100 GIVE ME A SISTER ABOUT 350 POUNDS. 946 00:47:42,100 --> 00:47:44,200 THE BEST PEOPLE IN THE WHOLE WORLD. 947 00:47:44,200 --> 00:47:45,734 YOU KNOW WHY ? 948 00:47:45,734 --> 00:47:47,400 'CAUSE WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY WHERE NOBODY LIKES 949 00:47:47,400 --> 00:47:49,133 WHO THE FUCK THEY ARE. 950 00:47:49,133 --> 00:47:52,166 EVERYBODY'S ON PROZAC OR SOME SHIT. 951 00:47:52,166 --> 00:47:55,467 EVERYBODY'S GETTING COSMETIC SURGERY. 952 00:47:55,467 --> 00:47:58,133 NOBODY LIKES WHO THE FUCK THEY ARE 953 00:47:58,133 --> 00:48:01,200 EXCEPT FAT, BLACK WOMEN. 954 00:48:01,200 --> 00:48:04,967 FAT, BLACK WOMEN DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU THINK. 955 00:48:04,967 --> 00:48:07,767 SHE GOING OUT ON FRIDAY NIGHT. 956 00:48:07,767 --> 00:48:11,300 SHE GOT AN OUTFIT ON, AND SHIT MATCH. 957 00:48:11,300 --> 00:48:13,233 SHE GOT THE PUMPS ON, 958 00:48:13,233 --> 00:48:16,433 AND THE PUMP FAT COMING OUT THE PUMP... 959 00:48:21,400 --> 00:48:25,967 THAT'S RIGHT, LOOK LIKE THEY BAKING BREAD IN HER SHOE. 960 00:48:31,367 --> 00:48:34,333 HEY BABY, YOUR FOOT READY YET ? 961 00:48:34,333 --> 00:48:37,667 I'LL JUST SPRINKLE SOME CINNAMON ON IT. 962 00:48:37,667 --> 00:48:40,166 THAT'S RIGHT, SHE GOT AN ANKLET ON, 963 00:48:40,166 --> 00:48:42,667 AND THE ANKLET HOLDIN' ON FOR DEAR LIFE. 964 00:48:42,667 --> 00:48:44,734 AHH ! 965 00:48:47,767 --> 00:48:49,633 BLACK WOMEN DON'T GIVE A FUCK. 966 00:48:49,633 --> 00:48:53,800 SHE LIKE, I'M SEXY, I AM SEXY, YES, I AM ! 967 00:48:53,800 --> 00:48:58,300 I AM THE SEXIEST MOTHERFUCKER HERE TONIGHT ! 968 00:48:58,300 --> 00:48:59,667 YEAH, I GOT A GUT, 969 00:48:59,667 --> 00:49:02,133 THERE'S SOME GOOD PUSSY UNDER THIS GUT ! 970 00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:18,233 THAT'S RIGHT, YOU WANT SOME OF THIS SO YOU CAN 971 00:49:18,233 --> 00:49:20,367 LIVIN' LA VIDA LOCA ! 972 00:49:23,734 --> 00:49:26,900 LOVE THE WOMEN, MAN, WOMEN, WOMEN, WOMEN. 973 00:49:26,900 --> 00:49:28,333 WHAT DO Y'ALL WANT ? 974 00:49:28,333 --> 00:49:30,000 WHAT THE FUCK DO Y'ALL WANT ? 975 00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:31,633 DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT ? 976 00:49:31,633 --> 00:49:33,400 DO KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING TO ? 977 00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:36,033 DO YOU LIKE THE THINGS THAT LIFE IS SHOWIN' YOU ? 978 00:49:36,033 --> 00:49:37,967 DO YOU KNOW ? 979 00:49:37,967 --> 00:49:39,900 WHAT THE FUCK DO WOMEN WANT ? 980 00:49:39,900 --> 00:49:42,633 I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT, EVERYTHING. 981 00:49:42,633 --> 00:49:45,734 THAT'S EVERY WOMAN'S ANSWER, EVERYTHING. 982 00:49:45,734 --> 00:49:47,467 WOMEN WANT EVERY FUCKING THING. 983 00:49:47,467 --> 00:49:51,100 WOMEN ACT LIKE LIFE WAS A BIG SALE OR SHIT. 984 00:49:51,100 --> 00:49:54,834 I WANT TO GET THE MOST SHIT BEFORE THINGS CLOSE DOWN. 985 00:49:54,834 --> 00:49:56,734 THAT'S WHAT THE FUCK LIFE IS, 986 00:49:56,734 --> 00:49:58,667 TO A WOMAN, EVERYTHING. 987 00:49:58,667 --> 00:50:00,934 YOU KNOW WHAT MEN WANT, DO YOU KNOW WHAT MEN WANT ? 988 00:50:00,934 --> 00:50:04,967 FOOD, SEX, SILENCE, THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT ! 989 00:50:04,967 --> 00:50:07,133 FOOD, SEX, SILENCE. 990 00:50:07,133 --> 00:50:10,834 FEED ME, FUCK ME, SHUT THE FUCK UP ! 991 00:50:20,400 --> 00:50:23,467 OUR GOALS SEEM VERY ATTAINABLE, DON'T THEY ? 992 00:50:23,467 --> 00:50:26,100 WOMEN, WOMEN, WOMEN, IT'S HARD TO FIGURE WOMEN OUT. 993 00:50:26,100 --> 00:50:27,567 IT'S HARD BEING A GUY. 994 00:50:27,567 --> 00:50:29,266 WE ALWAYS THINK WE CAN BUY SEX. 995 00:50:29,266 --> 00:50:31,166 LIKE, IF I TAKE HER HERE, SHE'LL GIVE ME SOME. 996 00:50:31,166 --> 00:50:33,266 IF I BUY HER THIS, SHE'LL GIVE ME SOME. 997 00:50:33,266 --> 00:50:35,300 NOTHING GET YOU NOTHING. 998 00:50:35,300 --> 00:50:37,100 WOMEN KNOW IF SHE'S GONNA FUCK YOU 999 00:50:37,100 --> 00:50:39,700 WITHIN THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES OF MEETING YOU. 1000 00:50:39,700 --> 00:50:41,900 WOMEN KNOW RIGHT AWAY. 1001 00:50:41,900 --> 00:50:45,133 THEY'RE SHAKIN' HANDS LIKE, I'M GONNA FUCK HIM. 1002 00:50:52,133 --> 00:50:55,867 I HOPE HE DON'T SAY NOTHING TOO STUPID. 1003 00:50:55,867 --> 00:50:59,266 THAT'S RIGHT FELLAS, DON'T SAY NOTHING TOO STUPID. 1004 00:50:59,266 --> 00:51:02,834 BECAUSE WOMEN ARE ALL ABOUT THE MOOD. 1005 00:51:02,834 --> 00:51:04,400 IF SHE'S IN THE MOOD TO FUCK YOU, 1006 00:51:04,400 --> 00:51:06,667 SHUT UP AND LET IT HAPPEN. 1007 00:51:06,667 --> 00:51:08,500 'CAUSE IF YOU SAY THE WRONG THING 1008 00:51:08,500 --> 00:51:11,467 THEM PANTIES ARE COMING UP MIGHTY FAST. 1009 00:51:11,467 --> 00:51:13,033 WHAT'D YOU SAY ? 1010 00:51:22,633 --> 00:51:24,400 AND SHE BE ON THE PHONE WITH HER GIRLFRIEND, 1011 00:51:24,400 --> 00:51:26,533 YEAH, CHILD, I WAS GONNA GIVE HIM SOME, 1012 00:51:26,533 --> 00:51:28,533 BUT HE JUST STARTED TALKING. 1013 00:51:28,533 --> 00:51:32,066 YACKETY, YAK, YAK, YAK, YAK... 1014 00:51:32,066 --> 00:51:34,567 I HATE A YACKING MAN, CHILD. 1015 00:51:34,567 --> 00:51:37,033 RELATIONSHIPS, EASY TO GET INTO, 1016 00:51:37,033 --> 00:51:38,667 HARD TO MAINTAIN. 1017 00:51:38,667 --> 00:51:40,300 WHY ARE THEY SO HARD TO MAINTAIN 1018 00:51:40,300 --> 00:51:42,400 BECAUSE IT'S HARD TO KEEP UP THE LIE. 1019 00:51:42,400 --> 00:51:45,600 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T GET NOBODY BEING YOU. 1020 00:51:45,600 --> 00:51:47,934 YOU GOT TO LIE TO GET SOMEBODY. 1021 00:51:47,934 --> 00:51:50,500 YOU CAN'T GET NOBODY LOOKING LIKE YOU LOOK, 1022 00:51:50,500 --> 00:51:52,567 ACTING LIKE YOU ACT, 1023 00:51:52,567 --> 00:51:54,367 SOUNDING LIKE YOU SOUND. 1024 00:51:54,367 --> 00:51:56,533 WHEN YOU MEET SOMEBODY FOR THE FIRST TIME, 1025 00:51:56,533 --> 00:51:58,266 YOU'RE NOT MEETING THEM, 1026 00:51:58,266 --> 00:52:00,700 YOU'RE MEETING THEIR REPRESENTATIVE. 1027 00:52:04,700 --> 00:52:07,066 THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT. 1028 00:52:07,066 --> 00:52:09,033 WHO ARE THE BIGGEST LIARS, MEN OR WOMEN ? 1029 00:52:09,033 --> 00:52:11,233 ( audience yelling ) 1030 00:52:14,367 --> 00:52:16,734 HEY, HEY, HEY, 1031 00:52:16,734 --> 00:52:21,033 MEN LIE THE MOST, WOMEN TELL THE BIGGEST LIES. 1032 00:52:21,033 --> 00:52:23,333 MEN, WE LIE ALL THE TIME. 1033 00:52:23,333 --> 00:52:26,033 WE LIE SO MUCH IT'S DAMN NEAR A LANGUAGE. 1034 00:52:26,033 --> 00:52:29,433 TO CALL A MAN OUT FOR LYING 1035 00:52:29,433 --> 00:52:32,300 IS LIKE PLAYING BASKETBALL WITH A RETARDED KID 1036 00:52:32,300 --> 00:52:34,934 AND CALLIN' HIM FOR DOUBLE DRIBBLE. 1037 00:52:34,934 --> 00:52:37,734 YOU GOTTA LET SOME SHIT SLIDE. 1038 00:52:37,734 --> 00:52:40,133 YOU JUST GOTTA LET SOME SHIT SLIDE. 1039 00:52:40,133 --> 00:52:44,367 MEN, WE LIE ALL THE TIME, WE LIE ALL THE TIME. 1040 00:52:44,367 --> 00:52:45,967 YOU KNOW WHAT A MAN'S LIE IS LIKE ? 1041 00:52:45,967 --> 00:52:48,367 A MAN'S LIE IS LIKE, I WAS AT TONY'S HOUSE. 1042 00:52:48,367 --> 00:52:50,767 I'M AT KENNY'S HOUSE, THAT'S A MAN'S LIE. 1043 00:52:50,767 --> 00:52:53,967 A WOMEN'S LIE IS LIKE, IT'S YOUR BABY. 1044 00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:04,967 OOH, WE'VE ALL HEARD THAT ONE. 1045 00:53:04,967 --> 00:53:07,300 HEY, IT DON'T EVEN LOOK LIKE ME. 1046 00:53:07,300 --> 00:53:09,800 OH, HE'S GOT YOUR HAT. 1047 00:53:09,800 --> 00:53:12,500 THAT'S RIGHT. 1048 00:53:12,500 --> 00:53:14,967 WHO THE BIGGEST LIARS ? WOMEN THE BIGGEST LIARS. 1049 00:53:14,967 --> 00:53:17,533 LOOK AT YOU, ALL OF YOU. 1050 00:53:17,533 --> 00:53:20,800 YOU'RE A FUCKING LIAR... YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU ! 1051 00:53:20,800 --> 00:53:25,767 YOU A LIAR, YOU A LIAR ! 1052 00:53:25,767 --> 00:53:28,900 YOU'RE ALL LIARS, ALL OF YOU, FUCKING LIARS. 1053 00:53:28,900 --> 00:53:31,233 MASTERS OF THE LIE, THE VISUAL LIE. 1054 00:53:31,233 --> 00:53:34,000 LOOK AT YOU, YOU GOT ON HEELS, 1055 00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:36,533 YOU AIN'T THAT TALL. 1056 00:53:36,533 --> 00:53:40,200 YOU GOT ON MAKE-UP, YOUR FACE DON'T LOOK LIKE THAT. 1057 00:53:40,200 --> 00:53:43,333 YOU GOT A WEAVE, YOUR HAIR AIN'T THAT LONG ! 1058 00:53:43,333 --> 00:53:47,467 YOU GOT A WONDER BRA ON, YOUR TITTIES AIN'T THAT BIG ! 1059 00:53:47,467 --> 00:53:50,066 EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS A LIE, 1060 00:53:50,066 --> 00:53:52,233 AND YOU EXPECT ME TO TELL THE TRUTH ? 1061 00:53:52,233 --> 00:53:54,333 FUCK YOU ! 1062 00:54:01,433 --> 00:54:06,734 MEN, WE LIE, WE LIVE LIES, THAT'S WHY WE SO CRAZY. 1063 00:54:06,734 --> 00:54:09,633 EVERY NOW AND THEN, WE CATCH OURSELVES LIVIN' A LIE. 1064 00:54:09,633 --> 00:54:13,233 WE CREATE A WHOLE LIE-WORLD AROUND US. 1065 00:54:13,233 --> 00:54:14,533 FOR INSTANCE, 1066 00:54:14,533 --> 00:54:18,734 EVERY MAN IN THIS ROOM IS HIDING SOME PORNO IN HIS HOUSE. 1067 00:54:18,734 --> 00:54:22,767 EVERY MAN HERE GOT A PORNOGRAPHY STASH IN THE CRIB. 1068 00:54:22,767 --> 00:54:27,767 NOT AN ILLEGAL AMOUNT, JUST ENOUGH TO GET YOU BY. 1069 00:54:27,767 --> 00:54:31,867 AND WHEN WE HIDE PORNO, WE GO ALL OUT. 1070 00:54:31,867 --> 00:54:33,800 IT AIN'T BEHIND THE 'FRIDGERATOR OR UNDER THE BED. 1071 00:54:33,800 --> 00:54:37,100 NO, WE BECOME BATMAN WHEN IT'S TIME TO HIDE SOME PORNO. 1072 00:54:37,100 --> 00:54:39,533 THAT'S RIGHT, YOU HIT THE LIGHT SWITCH, 1073 00:54:39,533 --> 00:54:42,133 THE WHOLE BOOKSHELF SHIFTS TO THE SIDE, 1074 00:54:42,133 --> 00:54:46,600 YOU GO DOWN TWO FLIGHTS OF STAIRS INTO YOUR PORNO CELLAR. 1075 00:54:46,600 --> 00:54:50,734 JANET JACK-ME, TOBY KHAN, 1076 00:54:50,734 --> 00:54:52,800 GINA JAMESON, THAT'S RIGHT. 1077 00:54:52,800 --> 00:54:57,333 BUT WOMEN ALWAYS FIND THE PORNO, 1078 00:54:57,333 --> 00:54:59,700 BUT THEY DON'T FIND IT IN THE PORNO HIDING PLACE, 1079 00:54:59,700 --> 00:55:01,400 OH, NO, NO. 1080 00:55:01,400 --> 00:55:03,367 WHERE DO WOMEN FIND THE PORNO AT ? 1081 00:55:03,367 --> 00:55:05,934 IN THE VCR. 1082 00:55:05,934 --> 00:55:08,467 AND FELLAS ARE LIKE, 1083 00:55:08,467 --> 00:55:12,700 DAMN, HOW CAN I BE SO DUMB TO LEAVE IT IN THE VCR ? 1084 00:55:12,700 --> 00:55:14,000 I'LL TELL YOU WHY. 1085 00:55:14,000 --> 00:55:15,200 'CAUSE WHEN YOU'RE JERKIN' OFF, 1086 00:55:15,200 --> 00:55:17,867 YOU AIN'T IN YOUR RIGHT STATE OF MIND. 1087 00:55:22,133 --> 00:55:26,000 YOUR BRAIN'S ALL CLOUDY AND FOGGY. 1088 00:55:26,000 --> 00:55:27,900 I'LL TELL YOU EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED. 1089 00:55:27,900 --> 00:55:30,200 ONE DAY, YOUR WOMAN LEFT EARLY. 1090 00:55:30,200 --> 00:55:32,800 YOU HAD THE WHOLE HOUSE TO YOURSELF, 1091 00:55:32,800 --> 00:55:37,300 SO YOU SAID, HEY, LET ME GET A LITTLE JERK BEFORE WORK. 1092 00:55:37,300 --> 00:55:41,300 SO, YOU IN THE HOUSE, GETTIN' YOUR JERK ON, 1093 00:55:41,300 --> 00:55:43,934 NICE GOOD JERK, TOO. 1094 00:55:43,934 --> 00:55:47,300 YOU KNOW THAT, AIN'T-NOBODY-IN-THE-HOUSE JERK. 1095 00:55:47,300 --> 00:55:48,734 THAT'S A GOOD JERK, 1096 00:55:48,734 --> 00:55:50,834 IT AIN'T LIKE THAT SOMEBODY-IN-THE-NEXT-ROOM JERK. 1097 00:55:50,834 --> 00:55:54,100 THAT'S A BAD JERK, LIKE, WHO'S THAT ? 1098 00:55:54,100 --> 00:55:57,233 I DON'T LIKE THAT JERK. 1099 00:55:57,233 --> 00:56:00,100 I'M TALKIN' ABOUT THE GOOD JERK, 1100 00:56:00,100 --> 00:56:01,934 THAT NOBODY-AIN'T-HOME JERK. 1101 00:56:01,934 --> 00:56:04,567 SO, YOU GET THE VASELINE READY, 1102 00:56:04,567 --> 00:56:07,033 AND YOU JUST LOOK AT YOUR DICK AND GO, 1103 00:56:07,033 --> 00:56:10,300 SCREAM IF YOU WANT TO, NO ONE'S GONNA HEAR. 1104 00:56:12,233 --> 00:56:15,200 AND RIGHT THEN THE RELATIONSHIP'S IN TROUBLE. 1105 00:56:15,200 --> 00:56:16,800 'CAUSE IF YOU CAN'T SHARE WHAT YOU'RE LIKE, 1106 00:56:16,800 --> 00:56:18,133 YOU'RE GONNA HAVE SOME PROBLEMS. 1107 00:56:18,133 --> 00:56:19,900 BUT WHEN YOU REALLY LOVE SOMEBODY, 1108 00:56:19,900 --> 00:56:21,533 YOU GOT TO LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM. 1109 00:56:21,533 --> 00:56:23,567 YOU GOT TO LOVE THE CRUST OF A MOTHERFUCKER. 1110 00:56:23,567 --> 00:56:25,934 YOU CAN'T JUST LOVE THE WHITE PART OF THE BREAD. 1111 00:56:25,934 --> 00:56:27,834 YOU GOT TO LOVE THE CRUST, THE CRUMBS, 1112 00:56:27,834 --> 00:56:30,300 THE LITTLE FUCKIN' CRUMBS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE TOASTER, 1113 00:56:30,300 --> 00:56:32,166 THAT'S WHAT THE REAL MOTHERFUCKER IS. 1114 00:56:32,166 --> 00:56:35,000 WHATEVER YOU INTO, YOUR WOMAN GOTTA BE INTO, TOO, 1115 00:56:35,000 --> 00:56:36,533 AND VICE-VERSA, 1116 00:56:36,533 --> 00:56:38,400 OR THE SHIT AIN'T GONNA WORK. 1117 00:56:38,400 --> 00:56:41,767 IT AIN'T GONNA WORK, IT AIN'T GONNA WORK. 1118 00:56:41,767 --> 00:56:43,900 THAT'S RIGHT, IF YOU BORN AGAIN, 1119 00:56:43,900 --> 00:56:46,367 YOUR WOMAN GOTTA BE BORN AGAIN, TOO. 1120 00:56:46,367 --> 00:56:47,734 IF YOU A CRACK HEAD, 1121 00:56:47,734 --> 00:56:49,500 YOUR WOMAN GOTTA BE A CRACK HEAD, TOO, 1122 00:56:49,500 --> 00:56:51,767 OR THE SHIT WON'T WORK. 1123 00:56:51,767 --> 00:56:53,367 YOU CAN'T BE LIKE, I'M GOING TO CHURCH, 1124 00:56:53,367 --> 00:56:54,333 WHERE YOU GOIN' ? 1125 00:56:54,333 --> 00:56:56,567 HIT THE PIPE ! 1126 00:56:56,567 --> 00:57:00,333 THAT RELATIONSHIP AIN'T GOIN' NOWHERE. 1127 00:57:00,333 --> 00:57:03,934 TWO CRACK HEADS CAN STAY TOGETHER FOREVER. 1128 00:57:03,934 --> 00:57:05,867 THAT'S RIGHT, WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN ? 1129 00:57:05,867 --> 00:57:07,767 THEY'RE GONNA STOP FUCKING, THAT'S RIGHT. 1130 00:57:07,767 --> 00:57:09,533 THEY'LL STOP TALKING, STOP FUCKIN'. 1131 00:57:09,533 --> 00:57:11,066 FELLAS, YOU EVER BEEN IN BED WITH YOUR WOMAN, 1132 00:57:11,066 --> 00:57:13,900 YOUR BOTH TALKING DIRTY AND YOU GO TOO FAR ? 1133 00:57:13,900 --> 00:57:17,367 YOU SAY SOME SHIT THAT GETS YOU KICKED OUT OF BED. 1134 00:57:17,367 --> 00:57:19,800 AND THE WOMAN'S LIKE, FUCK ME, 1135 00:57:19,800 --> 00:57:21,200 HARDER, HARDER, HARDER ! 1136 00:57:21,200 --> 00:57:23,133 FUCK ME, DADDY, FUCK ME, SPANK ME, FUCK ME ! 1137 00:57:23,133 --> 00:57:24,100 ALRIGHT, YOU HO ! 1138 00:57:24,100 --> 00:57:26,867 WHO YOU CALLING A HO ?! 1139 00:57:26,867 --> 00:57:30,300 WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING A HO ?! 1140 00:57:30,300 --> 00:57:32,834 UNTIE ME ! 1141 00:57:37,734 --> 00:57:40,400 I AIN'T NO EXPERT OR NO SHIT, BUT, YO, FELLAS, 1142 00:57:40,400 --> 00:57:42,834 IF YOU'RE GONNA TALK DIRTY TO YOUR WOMAN, 1143 00:57:42,834 --> 00:57:45,400 YOU GOT TO TALK WITH AUTHORITY. 1144 00:57:45,400 --> 00:57:48,333 YOU CAN GET A WOMAN TO DO ANY NASTY LITTLE THING YOU WANT. 1145 00:57:48,333 --> 00:57:49,767 YOU SAY THAT SHIT LIKE A MAN, 1146 00:57:49,767 --> 00:57:50,867 MAKE A LITTLE EYE CONTACT, 1147 00:57:50,867 --> 00:57:52,233 PUT A LITTLE BASS IN YOUR VOICE, 1148 00:57:52,233 --> 00:57:53,734 SHE WILL DO THAT SHIT. 1149 00:57:53,734 --> 00:57:55,300 SHE WANTS TO DO THAT SHIT. 1150 00:57:55,300 --> 00:57:58,100 SHE'S DYIN' TO DO THAT SHIT. 1151 00:57:58,100 --> 00:58:01,967 YOUR WOMAN IS NASTIER THAN YOU EVER IMAGINED. 1152 00:58:01,967 --> 00:58:06,033 BUT YOU GOTTA COME CORRECT, 1153 00:58:06,033 --> 00:58:08,800 BECAUSE ANYTHING YOU MUMBLE AIN'T GETTING DONE. 1154 00:58:08,800 --> 00:58:11,800 YOU CAN'T BE IN BED, ALL UNSURE, LIKE, 1155 00:58:11,800 --> 00:58:14,333 EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME. 1156 00:58:14,333 --> 00:58:16,800 EXCUSE ME, I WAS WONDERING... 1157 00:58:16,800 --> 00:58:20,000 MA'AM, I HAVE A REQUEST HERE. 1158 00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:22,400 COULD YOU, UM, LICK MY BALLS ? 1159 00:58:22,400 --> 00:58:24,333 HUH ?! 1160 00:58:24,333 --> 00:58:26,800 I AIN'T LICKING NOTHING. 1161 00:58:26,800 --> 00:58:28,867 LICK YOUR OWN BALLS ! 1162 00:58:28,867 --> 00:58:31,200 SEE, IF YOU'D SAID IT RIGHT YOU'D BEEN IN THERE ! 1163 00:58:31,200 --> 00:58:34,133 NOW YOU GOT DRY BALLS. 1164 00:58:34,133 --> 00:58:37,300 THAT'S RIGHT, CONFIDENCE ALWAYS WINS. 1165 00:58:37,300 --> 00:58:39,567 DO YOU REALIZE THAT IT'S 1999. 1166 00:58:39,567 --> 00:58:41,467 SOME WOMEN STILL DON'T GIVE HEAD ? 1167 00:58:41,467 --> 00:58:43,433 NINETY-FUCKIN'-NINE. 1168 00:58:43,433 --> 00:58:45,333 WHEN EVER I MEET A GIRL THAT DOESN'T GIVE HEAD, 1169 00:58:45,333 --> 00:58:46,900 I LOOK AT 'EM LIKE A DAMN BETAMAX, 1170 00:58:46,900 --> 00:58:49,000 THEY STILL MAKE YOU ?! 1171 00:58:52,967 --> 00:58:55,200 AND WHEN IT COMES TO HEAD, THERE'S THREE TYPES OF WOMEN. 1172 00:58:55,200 --> 00:58:56,767 THREE TYPES OF WOMEN WHEN IT COMES TO HEAD. 1173 00:58:56,767 --> 00:58:58,633 A) WOMEN THAT DON'T GIVE HEAD. 1174 00:58:58,633 --> 00:59:00,767 BYE, LEAVE, SEE YA ! 1175 00:59:00,767 --> 00:59:03,800 B) WOMEN THAT GIVE YOU JUST ENOUGH HEAD 1176 00:59:03,800 --> 00:59:05,433 TO SHUT YOU UP. 1177 00:59:05,433 --> 00:59:07,100 YOU EVER MEET THEM WOMEN ? THEY'RE LIKE... 1178 00:59:07,100 --> 00:59:08,834 HEY, YOU OKAY ? 1179 00:59:22,233 --> 00:59:24,700 I HATE THEM WOMEN ! 1180 00:59:24,700 --> 00:59:26,700 AND NUMBER THREE, MY FAVORITE WOMAN, 1181 00:59:26,700 --> 00:59:28,400 A WOMAN THAT LIKE NOTHING BETTER 1182 00:59:28,400 --> 00:59:30,500 THAN TO SUCK A DICK. 1183 00:59:30,500 --> 00:59:33,133 THAT'S RIGHT, GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU ! 1184 00:59:33,133 --> 00:59:34,600 THAT'S RIGHT, 1185 00:59:34,600 --> 00:59:37,233 YOU MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE IN. 1186 00:59:37,233 --> 00:59:39,000 I WANT YOU TO SUCK MY DICK 1187 00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:41,066 LIKE YOU THINK THE ANTIDOTE'S IN IT ! 1188 00:59:41,066 --> 00:59:42,867 LIKE YOU TRYING TO GET SOME ROBITUSSIN 1189 00:59:42,867 --> 00:59:45,000 OUT OF THAT MOTHERFUCKER ! 1190 00:59:50,467 --> 00:59:52,000 THAT'S RIGHT, RELATIONSHIPS. 1191 00:59:52,000 --> 00:59:53,667 EASY TO GET INTO, HARD TO MAINTAIN. 1192 00:59:53,667 --> 00:59:55,133 WHY ARE THEY SO HARD TO MAINTAIN ? 1193 00:59:55,133 --> 00:59:57,734 'CAUSE AT SOME POINT YOU JUST STOP TALKING. 1194 00:59:57,734 --> 01:00:00,166 THAT'S RIGHT, EVERYBODY STOPS TALKING, 1195 01:00:00,166 --> 01:00:01,767 AFTER A WHILE. 1196 01:00:01,767 --> 01:00:04,467 YOU KNOW HOW IT IS, YOU COME HOME AND YOU START NODDIN'. 1197 01:00:04,467 --> 01:00:07,467 YEAH, YEAH, WE COOL, YEAH, YEAH. 1198 01:00:07,467 --> 01:00:09,633 I'M GONNA GET A LITTLE SOMETHING TO EAT. 1199 01:00:09,633 --> 01:00:11,066 WHY DO YOU STOP TALKING ? 1200 01:00:11,066 --> 01:00:12,433 'CAUSE AT SOME POINT, 1201 01:00:12,433 --> 01:00:15,633 YOU HAVE HEARD EVERYTHING THIS PERSON HAS TO SAY. 1202 01:00:15,633 --> 01:00:18,834 AND IT MAKES YOU SICK TO YOUR STOMACH. 1203 01:00:18,834 --> 01:00:21,166 YOU KNOW WHAT THEY'RE GONNA SAY 1204 01:00:21,166 --> 01:00:23,667 BEFORE IT EVEN COMES OUT OF THEIR MOUTH, 1205 01:00:23,667 --> 01:00:26,967 AND YOU JUST WANNA STAB THEM IN THE NECK WITH A PENCIL ! 1206 01:00:26,967 --> 01:00:29,767 YOUR CAN'T TAKE THE SHIT NO MORE ! 1207 01:00:29,767 --> 01:00:32,166 AND THEY'RE LIKE, REMEMBER THAT TIME ? 1208 01:00:32,166 --> 01:00:34,367 YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT TIME !! 1209 01:00:34,367 --> 01:00:35,567 UH, I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT... 1210 01:00:35,567 --> 01:00:37,567 YEAH, YOU TOLD ME ABOUT THE TIME !! 1211 01:00:37,567 --> 01:00:39,533 STOP TELLING ME THE SAME SHIT, 1212 01:00:39,533 --> 01:00:42,467 OVER AND OVER AGAIN ! 1213 01:00:42,467 --> 01:00:44,200 WHY DON'T YOU GO OUT AND GET KIDNAPED 1214 01:00:44,200 --> 01:00:46,367 AND HAVE SOME NEW SHIT HAPPEN TO YOU ! 1215 01:00:47,800 --> 01:00:52,000 FELLAS, YOU GOTTA TALK, YOU GOTTA TALK. 1216 01:00:52,000 --> 01:00:53,800 FELLAS, YOU GOT TO TALK. 1217 01:00:53,800 --> 01:00:55,166 THAT'S WOMEN'S BIGGEST COMPLAINT, 1218 01:00:55,166 --> 01:00:58,500 YOU DON'T TALK, YOU DON'T TALK... 1219 01:00:58,500 --> 01:01:00,333 YOU NEED TO TALK, LET'S TALK. 1220 01:01:00,333 --> 01:01:01,934 YOU DON'T TALK. 1221 01:01:01,934 --> 01:01:03,700 WOMEN LOVE TO TALK. 1222 01:01:03,700 --> 01:01:05,834 IF THEY WERE TALKING IN THE OLYMPICS, 1223 01:01:05,834 --> 01:01:08,367 A MAN WOULDN'T STAND A CHANCE. 1224 01:01:08,367 --> 01:01:11,066 WOMEN LOVE TO TALK, BUT THEY WANNA TALK TO YOU. 1225 01:01:11,066 --> 01:01:12,367 THEY WANNA TALK TO THEIR MAN. 1226 01:01:12,367 --> 01:01:15,900 BUT WOMEN DON'T WANT YOU TO, TALK-TALK. 1227 01:01:15,900 --> 01:01:19,200 WOMEN JUST WANT YOU TO LISTEN-LISTEN. 1228 01:01:19,200 --> 01:01:21,533 ALL A WOMAN REALLY WANTS YOU TO DO 1229 01:01:21,533 --> 01:01:24,033 IS ASK HER THE CORRECT QUESTIONS 1230 01:01:24,033 --> 01:01:27,533 THAT WILL ALLOW HER TO RUN HER FUCKING MOUTH ! 1231 01:01:30,400 --> 01:01:33,734 YOU SET HER UP, SHE'LL KNOCK 'EM DOWN. 1232 01:01:33,734 --> 01:01:35,834 FELLAS, YOU WANT YOUR WOMAN TO BE HAPPY ? 1233 01:01:35,834 --> 01:01:38,400 ALL YOU GOT TO SAY IS, HOW WAS YOUR DAY ? 1234 01:01:38,400 --> 01:01:41,266 HOW WAS YOUR DAY ? HONEY, HOW WAS YOUR DAY ? 1235 01:01:41,266 --> 01:01:42,500 YOU KNOW WHY ? 1236 01:01:42,500 --> 01:01:44,000 'CAUSE "HOW WAS YOUR DAY ?" 1237 01:01:44,000 --> 01:01:46,500 IS A 45 MINUTE CONVERSATION TO A WOMAN. 1238 01:01:46,500 --> 01:01:48,633 AND AS A MAN, YOU DON'T REALLY GOTTA TALK. 1239 01:01:48,633 --> 01:01:50,667 YOU GOTTA JUST ACT LIKE YOU'RE TALKIN'. 1240 01:01:50,667 --> 01:01:52,500 UH-HUH... GET OUTTA HERE ! 1241 01:01:52,500 --> 01:01:54,433 NO, I DON'T BELIEVE IT ! 1242 01:01:54,433 --> 01:01:55,734 YOU DON'T SAY ? 1243 01:01:55,734 --> 01:01:57,200 REALLY, GET OUTTA HERE ! 1244 01:01:57,200 --> 01:01:58,834 GO ON, I DON'T BELIEVE IT. 1245 01:01:58,834 --> 01:02:00,533 YOU DON'T SAY ? GET OUT OF HERE ! 1246 01:02:00,533 --> 01:02:03,100 I TOLD YOU THAT BITCH CRAZY ! 1247 01:02:03,100 --> 01:02:05,266 YOU GOTTA THROW IN, 1248 01:02:05,266 --> 01:02:07,433 "I TOLD YOU THAT BITCH CRAZY." 1249 01:02:07,433 --> 01:02:08,834 YOU KNOW WHY ? 1250 01:02:08,834 --> 01:02:11,333 'CAUSE EVERY WOMAN'S GOT ANOTHER WOMAN AT HER JOB 1251 01:02:11,333 --> 01:02:14,600 THAT SHE CAN'T STAND. 1252 01:02:14,600 --> 01:02:17,700 AND WOMEN, Y'ALL EXAGGERATE EVERYTHING. 1253 01:02:17,700 --> 01:02:19,600 YOU ALWAYS TURN IT INTO SOME "DYNASTY" SHIT. 1254 01:02:19,600 --> 01:02:22,266 SHE'S TRYING TO DESTROY ME ! 1255 01:02:22,266 --> 01:02:23,867 WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ? 1256 01:02:23,867 --> 01:02:26,967 YOU WRAP UP BAGS AT J.C. PENNEY'S ! 1257 01:02:26,967 --> 01:02:29,900 WHAT SHE DOING, RIPPING UP YOUR PAPER ?! 1258 01:02:29,900 --> 01:02:32,000 FELLAS, YOU GOTTA TALK. 1259 01:02:32,000 --> 01:02:33,967 WOMEN, THE EXACT OPPOSITE. 1260 01:02:33,967 --> 01:02:36,200 Y'ALL GOTTA LEARN WHEN NOT TO TALK. 1261 01:02:36,200 --> 01:02:37,767 THAT'S RIGHT. 1262 01:02:37,767 --> 01:02:40,100 YOU EVER NOTICE HOW NO MAN COMES HOME STRAIGHT FROM WORK ? 1263 01:02:40,100 --> 01:02:42,033 NO MAN COMES HOME STRAIGHT FROM WORK. 1264 01:02:42,033 --> 01:02:44,734 A MAN GET OFF OF WORK, HE GOT TO GO SOMEWHERE. 1265 01:02:44,734 --> 01:02:46,600 HE GOT TO DRINK SOMETHING, 1266 01:02:46,600 --> 01:02:48,066 HE GOT TO SMOKE SOMETHING, 1267 01:02:48,066 --> 01:02:49,700 HE GOT TO WATCH THE GAME, 1268 01:02:49,700 --> 01:02:51,400 HE GOT TO HANG WITH THE BOYS, 1269 01:02:51,400 --> 01:02:53,100 HE GOT TO TAKE A DRIVE. 1270 01:02:53,100 --> 01:02:56,400 HE GOT TO DO SOMETHING THAT WILL MENTALLY PREPARE HIM 1271 01:02:56,400 --> 01:02:58,934 FOR ALL THE TALKING HE GONNA HEAR 1272 01:02:58,934 --> 01:03:02,100 WHEN HE GET HOME. 1273 01:03:02,100 --> 01:03:05,166 LADIES, LADIES, 1274 01:03:05,166 --> 01:03:07,066 IT AIN'T THAT YOU TALK TOO MUCH, 1275 01:03:07,066 --> 01:03:09,000 YOU JUST TALK TOO MUCH 1276 01:03:09,000 --> 01:03:11,066 AS SOON AS WE GET IN THE FUCKIN' DOOR. 1277 01:03:11,066 --> 01:03:12,800 LET A MAN GET SITUATED. 1278 01:03:12,800 --> 01:03:15,033 WE DON'T NEED TO HEAR EVERYTHING RIGHT AWAY. 1279 01:03:15,033 --> 01:03:16,500 SOON AS YOU TAKE ONE STEP IN, 1280 01:03:16,500 --> 01:03:19,633 YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS... ! 1281 01:03:19,633 --> 01:03:23,000 HEY, LET ME GET MY OTHER FOOT 1282 01:03:23,000 --> 01:03:24,467 IN THE FUCKIN' DOOR ! 1283 01:03:24,467 --> 01:03:25,800 LET ME GET SOMETHING TO EAT ! 1284 01:03:25,800 --> 01:03:27,433 LET ME GET SOMETHING TO DRINK ! 1285 01:03:27,433 --> 01:03:29,100 LET ME TAKE A SHIT ! 1286 01:03:29,100 --> 01:03:33,066 GO IN THE FUCKIN' KITCHEN AND GET ME MY BIG PIECE OF CHICKEN ! 1287 01:03:33,066 --> 01:03:36,133 I'M OUT OF HERE, THANK YOU NEW YORK ! 1288 01:03:36,133 --> 01:03:39,734 ( cheers ) 1289 01:03:48,600 --> 01:03:51,834 ( rapping ) 1290 01:03:56,767 --> 01:03:59,133 SAY YEAH, MOTHERFUCKER, COME ON ! 1291 01:03:59,133 --> 01:04:01,333 SAY YEAH, MOTHERFUCKER, COME ON ! 1292 01:04:01,333 --> 01:04:03,133 ALRIGHT, Y'ALL. 1293 01:04:03,133 --> 01:04:04,433 SAY, CHRIS ! 1294 01:04:04,433 --> 01:04:05,700 ( audience ) CHRIS ! 1295 01:04:05,700 --> 01:04:06,800 SAY, CHRIS ROCK ! 1296 01:04:06,800 --> 01:04:07,800 CHRIS ROCK ! 1297 01:04:07,800 --> 01:04:09,100 SAY, SLICK RICK ! 1298 01:04:09,100 --> 01:04:10,200 SLICK RICK ! 1299 01:04:10,200 --> 01:04:11,467 SAY, DOUG E. FRESH ! 1300 01:04:11,467 --> 01:04:13,934 DOUG E. FRESH ! 1301 01:04:14,967 --> 01:04:17,033 LET ME SEE YOU DANCE, NIGGER ! 1302 01:04:17,033 --> 01:04:19,600 YEAH, Y'ALL. 1303 01:04:19,600 --> 01:04:22,734 ( rapping ) 1304 01:04:25,000 --> 01:04:28,800 CAPTIONS COPYRIGHT 1999 HOME BOX OFFICE 1305 01:04:28,800 --> 01:04:32,867 A DIVISION OF TIME WARNER ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY, L.P. 1306 01:04:32,867 --> 01:04:37,033 Captioned by HBO COMMUNICATIONS CENTER 89923

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