Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX
2
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
3
00:00:17,567 --> 00:00:21,867
Captions made possible by
HOME BOX OFFICE
4
00:00:21,867 --> 00:00:26,000
A DIVISION OF TIME WARNER
ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY, L.P.
5
00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:32,767
♪ IS IT REAL ♪
6
00:00:32,767 --> 00:00:33,533
♪ OH, MY GOD ♪
7
00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:34,867
♪ IS IT REAL ♪
8
00:00:34,867 --> 00:00:35,900
♪ OH, MY GOD ♪
9
00:00:35,900 --> 00:00:37,066
♪ IS IT REAL ♪
10
00:00:37,066 --> 00:00:38,300
♪ OH, MY GOD ♪
11
00:00:38,300 --> 00:00:40,667
EXCUSE ME...
12
00:00:40,667 --> 00:00:43,000
YES, THERE'S A PARTY
OVER HERE !
13
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:45,667
PARTY OVER HERE,
PARTY OVER HERE...
14
00:00:45,667 --> 00:00:48,433
EVERYBODY SCREAM !
15
00:00:48,433 --> 00:00:52,133
HERE'S A LITTLE SOMETHING
THAT NEEDS TO BE HEARD...
16
00:00:52,133 --> 00:00:55,533
( rappin' )
17
00:01:08,367 --> 00:01:12,166
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...
18
00:01:12,166 --> 00:01:16,467
LIVE, FROM THE WORLD FAMOUS
APOLLO THEATER,
19
00:01:16,467 --> 00:01:19,700
IN HARLEM, NEW YORK,
20
00:01:19,700 --> 00:01:21,767
ARE YOU READY ?
21
00:01:24,533 --> 00:01:26,567
ARE YOU READY ?
22
00:01:28,367 --> 00:01:33,266
PLEASE WELCOME
MR. CHRIS ROCK !
23
00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:37,467
( applause )
24
00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:27,300
WHAT'S UP ?
25
00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:29,767
NEW YORK !
26
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,834
THERE'S BROOKLYN
IN THE HOUSE !
27
00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:40,033
WELL,
I'M FROM BROOKLYN.
28
00:02:40,033 --> 00:02:41,967
SHIT, LOOK AT THIS,
29
00:02:41,967 --> 00:02:44,400
WHITE PEOPLE
UP TOP TONIGHT.
30
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,834
I WAS JUST IN MY HOTEL,
A LITTLE WHILE AGO,
31
00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,200
ON MY WAY HERE,
32
00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:52,200
AND I GOT IN
THE ELEVATOR, RIGHT ?
33
00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:53,600
I'M GETTING IN
THE ELEVATOR,
34
00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:56,333
AND THESE TWO
HIGH SCHOOL WHITE BOYS
35
00:02:56,333 --> 00:03:01,000
TRIED TO GET ON WITH ME,
AND I JUST DOVE OFF.
36
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:04,000
I'M SAYING,
Y'ALL AIN'T KILLIN' ME !
37
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:05,934
( applause )
38
00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:12,200
I AM SCARED
OF YOUNG WHITE BOYS.
39
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:17,000
IF YOU WHITE AND UNDER 21,
I'M RUNNING FOR THE HILLS !
40
00:03:18,900 --> 00:03:22,233
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG
WITH THESE WHITE KIDS
41
00:03:22,233 --> 00:03:24,567
SHOOTIN' UP
THE SCHOOL ?
42
00:03:24,567 --> 00:03:27,700
THEY DON'T EVEN WAIT
'TIL THREE O'CLOCK EITHER !
43
00:03:29,934 --> 00:03:31,834
KILLING PEOPLE
IN THE MORNING,
44
00:03:31,834 --> 00:03:33,867
THAT AIN'T RIGHT !
45
00:03:33,867 --> 00:03:37,066
THE TRENCH COAT MAFIA...
46
00:03:37,066 --> 00:03:42,367
"NO ONE WOULD PLAY WITH US,
WE HAD NO FRIENDS !"
47
00:03:42,367 --> 00:03:44,133
TRENCH COAT MAFIA.
48
00:03:44,133 --> 00:03:45,767
HEY I SAW
THE YEARBOOK PICTURE,
49
00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:48,000
IT WAS SIX OF 'EM !
50
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,633
I DIDN'T HAVE SIX FRIENDS
IN HIGH SCHOOL,
51
00:03:50,633 --> 00:03:53,533
I DON'T GOT
SIX FRIENDS NOW !
52
00:03:53,533 --> 00:03:56,967
SHIT, THAT'S THREE-ON-THREE
WITH A HALF COURT.
53
00:03:56,967 --> 00:03:59,734
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG
WITH THESE KIDS ?
54
00:03:59,734 --> 00:04:01,500
I GOT PEOPLE TELLING ME,
COME ON, CHRIS,
55
00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:03,467
COME UP TO A SCHOOL,
TALK TO THE KIDS.
56
00:04:03,467 --> 00:04:06,100
I'M LIKE,
FUCK THE KIDS !
57
00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:09,400
DO YOU GOT A VEST ?!
58
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,800
MAYBE I'LL
THINK ABOUT IT.
59
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:16,100
EVERYBODY WANNA KNOW WHAT
THE KIDS WAS LISTENING TO.
60
00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:18,800
WHAT KIND OF MUSIC
WAS THEY LISTENING TO ?
61
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,000
OR WHAT KIND OF MOVIES
WAS THEY WATCHING,
62
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:24,367
WHO GIVES A FUCK
WHAT THEY WAS WATCHING !
63
00:04:24,367 --> 00:04:26,867
WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO CRAZY ?
64
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:29,233
( applause )
65
00:04:35,033 --> 00:04:39,767
WHAT HAPPENED TO CRAZY ?
YOU CAN'T BE CRAZY NO MORE ?
66
00:04:39,767 --> 00:04:43,266
DID WE ELIMINATE CRAZY
FROM THE DICTIONARY ?
67
00:04:43,266 --> 00:04:47,600
FUCK THE RECORD,
FUCK THE MOVIE, CRAZY !
68
00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:49,867
WHEN I WAS A KID,
THEY USED TO SEPARATE
69
00:04:49,867 --> 00:04:53,333
THE CRAZY KIDS
FROM EVERYBODY.
70
00:04:53,333 --> 00:04:55,033
WHEN I WAS A KID,
71
00:04:55,033 --> 00:04:58,767
THE CRAZY KIDS WENT TO SCHOOL
IN A LITTLE-ASS BUS.
72
00:04:58,767 --> 00:05:04,600
THEY HAD A CLASS AT
THE END OF THE SCHOOL.
73
00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:08,200
AND THEY USED TO GET OUT
OF SCHOOL AT 2:30.
74
00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:12,467
JUST IN CASE
THEY WENT CRAZY,
75
00:05:12,467 --> 00:05:15,600
THEY WOULD ONLY
HURT OTHER CRAZY KIDS !
76
00:05:22,300 --> 00:05:24,934
AND WE WAS ALL SAFE,
WE WAS ALL SAFE.
77
00:05:24,934 --> 00:05:27,333
THE WORLD
COMING TO AN END.
78
00:05:27,333 --> 00:05:28,667
THE WORLD COMING
TO AN END.
79
00:05:28,667 --> 00:05:30,066
YOU GONNA HAVE LITTLE
WHITE KIDS SAYING,
80
00:05:30,066 --> 00:05:32,700
I WANNA GO TO A BLACK SCHOOL
WHERE IT'S SAFE.
81
00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:37,800
THAT'S RIGHT, MAN.
82
00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:39,934
AND EVERYBODY TALKING
ABOUT GUN CONTROL.
83
00:05:39,934 --> 00:05:42,467
GOTTA GET RID OF
THE GUNS.
84
00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:44,467
FUCK THAT,
I LIKE GUNS.
85
00:05:44,467 --> 00:05:47,266
YOU GOT A GUN,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORK OUT.
86
00:05:47,266 --> 00:05:51,300
I AIN'T WORKING OUT,
I AIN'T JOGGING.
87
00:05:51,300 --> 00:05:55,433
YOU GOT PECS ?
I GOT TEX !
88
00:05:55,433 --> 00:05:58,700
FUCK THAT SHIT.
89
00:05:58,700 --> 00:06:00,200
YOU DON'T NEED
NO GUN CONTROL,
90
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:01,433
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED ?
91
00:06:01,433 --> 00:06:03,266
WE NEED SOME
BULLET CONTROL.
92
00:06:03,266 --> 00:06:06,066
WE NEED TO CONTROL
THE BULLETS,
93
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:07,467
THAT'S RIGHT.
94
00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:10,233
I THINK ALL BULLETS
SHOULD COST $5,000.
95
00:06:10,233 --> 00:06:12,433
$5,000 FOR A BULLET.
96
00:06:12,433 --> 00:06:13,700
YOU KNOW WHY ?
97
00:06:13,700 --> 00:06:15,567
BECAUSE IF A BULLET
COST $5,000
98
00:06:15,567 --> 00:06:18,100
THERE WILL BE NO MORE
INNOCENT BYSTANDERS.
99
00:06:19,867 --> 00:06:22,200
THAT'D BE IT.
100
00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:24,867
BE IT.
101
00:06:24,867 --> 00:06:27,433
EVERY TIME
SOMEBODY GET SHOT,
102
00:06:27,433 --> 00:06:30,800
DAMN, HE MUSTA
DID SOMETHING.
103
00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:34,333
SHIT, THEY PUT $50,000 WORTH
OF BULLETS IN HIS HEAD !
104
00:06:37,900 --> 00:06:40,367
AND PEOPLE WILL THINK
BEFORE THEY KILL SOMEBODY
105
00:06:40,367 --> 00:06:42,533
IF A BULLET COST
$5,000.
106
00:06:42,533 --> 00:06:44,867
MAN, I WOULD BLOW YOUR
FUCKING HEAD OFF
107
00:06:44,867 --> 00:06:46,767
IF I COULD AFFORD IT !
108
00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:52,166
I'M GONNA GET ME
ANOTHER JOB,
109
00:06:52,166 --> 00:06:54,033
I'M GONNA START
SAVING SOME MONEY,
110
00:06:54,033 --> 00:06:56,133
AND YOU A DEAD MAN !
111
00:06:56,133 --> 00:07:00,166
YOU BETTER HOPE I CAN'T GET
NO BULLETS ON LAYAWAY.
112
00:07:02,133 --> 00:07:04,467
EVEN IF YOU GET SHOT
BY A STRAY BULLET
113
00:07:04,467 --> 00:07:06,633
YOU WON'T HAVE TO GO TO
NO DOCTOR TO GET IT TAKEN OUT,
114
00:07:06,633 --> 00:07:10,233
WHOEVER SHOT YOU WOULD
TAKE THEIR BULLET BACK.
115
00:07:10,233 --> 00:07:13,066
I BELIEVE
YOU GOT MY PROPERTY.
116
00:07:16,567 --> 00:07:18,834
THAT'S RIGHT, MAN.
117
00:07:18,834 --> 00:07:21,633
SEE, EVERYBODY BLAME THE KIDS,
IT'S FUCKING CRAZY.
118
00:07:21,633 --> 00:07:23,834
EVERYBODY WANNA BE
MAD AT THE KIDS
119
00:07:23,834 --> 00:07:25,467
FOR SHOOTING UP
THE SCHOOL.
120
00:07:25,467 --> 00:07:27,533
WHAT ABOUT
THE PARENTS ?
121
00:07:27,533 --> 00:07:30,200
( applause )
122
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:33,000
THE PARENTS IS
REALLY FUCKED UP, MAN.
123
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,100
THE DAMN PARENTS
NEED TO GO TO JAIL
124
00:07:35,100 --> 00:07:38,333
FOR SOME OF THIS
FUCKING SHIT, MAN.
125
00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:42,233
'CAUSE EVERYBODY KNOW
THAT CRAZY-ASS KID
126
00:07:42,233 --> 00:07:44,133
THAT WENT TO JAIL,
YOU GO,
127
00:07:44,133 --> 00:07:46,367
MAN, HE AIN'T NEVER
HAD A CHANCE.
128
00:07:46,367 --> 00:07:49,200
IF YOU'D HAVE KNOW HIS MAMA,
YOU KNOW HE WAS GONNA BE THERE.
129
00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:51,200
I WAS AT THE CLUB
THE OTHER NIGHT,
130
00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:53,300
I WAS DOWN,
CHILLIN' AT THE CLUB,
131
00:07:53,300 --> 00:07:55,200
CHILLIN' WITH THIS GIRL,
SHE WAS DANCIN',
132
00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:56,734
AND IT'S ABOUT
TWO IN THE MORNING,
133
00:07:56,734 --> 00:07:57,934
TALKING TO HER,
134
00:07:57,934 --> 00:08:00,533
AND REALIZED
SHE HAD TWO KIDS AT HOME.
135
00:08:00,533 --> 00:08:02,734
NOW, I DON'T MIND
THE TWO KIDS AT HOME,
136
00:08:02,734 --> 00:08:04,266
THAT'S ALL GOOD,
BUT I'M LIKE,
137
00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:06,367
WHAT THE FUCK IS
YOU DOING IN THE CLUB
138
00:08:06,367 --> 00:08:08,066
AT TWO IN
THE FUCKING MORNING
139
00:08:08,066 --> 00:08:10,433
ON A WEDNESDAY NIGHT ?!
140
00:08:10,433 --> 00:08:12,867
WHAT THE FUCK
YOU DOING HERE ?
141
00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:16,033
IS IT YOUR
BIRTHDAY ?
142
00:08:16,033 --> 00:08:19,567
DID YOU
GET A RAISE ?
143
00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:21,934
WELL, YOU GOT TO
GET THE FUCK OUT !
144
00:08:21,934 --> 00:08:24,433
YOU GO, I'M KICKING YOU
THE FUCK OUT, YES,
145
00:08:24,433 --> 00:08:27,400
BYE, BYE, YEAH,
GO TAKE CARE OF THEM KIDS
146
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:30,367
BEFORE THEY ROB ME
IN 10 YEARS !
147
00:08:32,333 --> 00:08:34,600
YEAH, MAN, YOU GOTTA
GET YOUR KID ON
148
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,100
OR YOUR GROOVE ON,
149
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:39,066
YOU CAN'T GET BOTH ON
AT THE SAME TIME.
150
00:08:39,066 --> 00:08:41,200
I'M TIRED
OF THIS SHIT.
151
00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:42,700
A BUNCH OF GIRLS, LIKE,
152
00:08:42,700 --> 00:08:44,767
YOU DON'T NEED NO MAN
TO HELP YOU RAISE NO CHILD.
153
00:08:44,767 --> 00:08:46,100
YOU DON'T NEED NO MAN.
154
00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:49,767
SHUT THE FUCK UP
WITH THE BULLSHIT.
155
00:08:49,767 --> 00:08:52,033
YEAH, YOU CAN DO IT
WITHOUT A MAN,
156
00:08:52,033 --> 00:08:54,633
BUT THAT DON'T MEAN
IT'S TO BE DONE.
157
00:08:54,633 --> 00:08:58,533
YOU CAN DRIVE A CAR
WITH YOUR FEET IF YOU WANT TO.
158
00:08:58,533 --> 00:09:02,700
THAT DON'T MAKE IT
A GOOD FUCKING IDEA !
159
00:09:09,867 --> 00:09:12,800
SHIT, I DON'T
GIVE A FUCK.
160
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:15,133
YOU CAN BE THE BADDEST
MAMA ON EARTH.
161
00:09:15,133 --> 00:09:17,300
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK
HOW GOOD YOU ARE.
162
00:09:17,300 --> 00:09:19,400
AIN'T NOTHING YOU CAN SAY
MORE POWERFUL THAN,
163
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,700
I'M GONNA
TELL YOUR DADDY.
164
00:09:21,700 --> 00:09:25,533
CAN'T FUCK WITH IT,
CAN'T COME CLOSE,
165
00:09:25,533 --> 00:09:26,767
I'M GONNA
TELL YOUR DADDY.
166
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,433
YOU COULD HAVE
A GUN AT THE KID'S HEAD,
167
00:09:28,433 --> 00:09:29,967
I'LL BLOW YO
FUCKING HEAD OFF.
168
00:09:29,967 --> 00:09:31,100
SO, WHAT ?
169
00:09:31,100 --> 00:09:32,000
I'M GONNA
TELL YOUR DADDY.
170
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:34,200
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY !
171
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,667
CAN'T FUCK
WITH IT, MAN.
172
00:09:36,667 --> 00:09:39,367
I'M TIRED OF BUMPING INTO
THESE GIRLS AT THE CLUB,
173
00:09:39,367 --> 00:09:41,734
ALL LATE,
ON A FUCKIN' WEEK NIGHT.
174
00:09:41,734 --> 00:09:46,233
I GOT A LITTLE COUSIN, GOT
LEFT BACK IN THE FIRST GRADE.
175
00:09:46,233 --> 00:09:49,800
LEFT BACK IN
THE FIRST GRADE
176
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,767
'CAUSE HIS MAMA OUT
GETTIN' THE GROOVE ON.
177
00:09:52,767 --> 00:09:55,100
YOU KNOW HOW DUMB
YOU GOT TO BE
178
00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:59,567
TO GET LEFT BACK
IN THE FIRST GRADE ?
179
00:09:59,567 --> 00:10:01,600
WHAT'S FOUR
PLUS FOUR ?
180
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,500
JELL-O.
181
00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:07,867
BUT THAT AIN'T HIS FAULT,
THAT THE MAMA FAULT.
182
00:10:07,867 --> 00:10:12,066
THAT THE MAMA FUCKING
FAULT, THAT'S RIGHT.
183
00:10:12,066 --> 00:10:14,133
I'M TELLING
MY COUSIN,
184
00:10:14,133 --> 00:10:16,433
TINA, TALK TO
YOUR FUCKING KID.
185
00:10:16,433 --> 00:10:18,800
TALK TO HIM,
TEACH HIM SOME SHIT.
186
00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:21,066
IF YOU SAID MORE
WORDS TO HIM THAN,
187
00:10:21,066 --> 00:10:22,533
MOMMY BE BACK,
188
00:10:22,533 --> 00:10:24,934
HE MIGHT KNOW
SOMETHING !
189
00:10:32,166 --> 00:10:33,767
THAT'S RIGHT.
190
00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:36,500
AND IT'S REAL EASY TO TELL
WHO KID'S GONNA BE FUCKED UP.
191
00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:38,233
IT DON'T TAKE
NO SCIENTIST
192
00:10:38,233 --> 00:10:40,500
TO TELL WHO'S GONNA
HAVE SOME FUCKED UP KIDS.
193
00:10:40,500 --> 00:10:43,467
IF THE KID CALL
HIS GRANDMAMA "MOMMY",
194
00:10:43,467 --> 00:10:47,333
AND HIS MOMMY, PAM,
HE GOIN' TO JAIL.
195
00:10:54,667 --> 00:10:57,033
YOU AIN'T SAVING
NO COLLEGE MONEY,
196
00:10:57,033 --> 00:10:59,300
YOU SAVING
BAIL MONEY.
197
00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:02,333
THAT MONEY GOING
TO JOHNNIE COCHRAN.
198
00:11:02,333 --> 00:11:05,533
THAT'S RIGHT,
THE KID CAN'T READ,
199
00:11:05,533 --> 00:11:09,667
THAT'S MAMA FAULT,
MAMA FUCKING FAULT.
200
00:11:09,667 --> 00:11:11,900
NOW, IF THE KID
CAN'T READ
201
00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:13,800
'CAUSE AIN'T NO LIGHTS
IN THE HOUSE,
202
00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:16,500
THAT'S DADDY FAULT.
203
00:11:20,367 --> 00:11:22,433
HE GOT
THIS SHIT DOWN.
204
00:11:22,433 --> 00:11:25,033
NOBODY GIVE A FUCK
ABOUT DADDY.
205
00:11:25,033 --> 00:11:26,900
THERE'S SOME REAL
DADDIES OUT THERE.
206
00:11:26,900 --> 00:11:29,400
I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE GUY
THAT JUST FUCKED YOU AND LEFT,
207
00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:30,834
FUCK HIM, OKAY ?
208
00:11:30,834 --> 00:11:32,834
I'M TALKIN' ABOUT
THE REAL DADDIES.
209
00:11:32,834 --> 00:11:35,233
THERE'S STILL SOME
MOTHERFUCKERS OUT THERE
210
00:11:35,233 --> 00:11:38,266
THAT HANDLE
THEIR BUSINESS.
211
00:11:41,333 --> 00:11:44,166
MOTHERFUCKERS
WANNA ACT LIKE BROTHERS...
212
00:11:44,166 --> 00:11:46,400
THERE'S SOME BROTHERS
WHO HANDLE THEIR BUSINESS.
213
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:50,166
BUT NOBODY GIVE
A FUCK ABOUT DADDY.
214
00:11:50,166 --> 00:11:53,100
EVERYBODY TAKE DADDY
FOR GRANTED.
215
00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:54,633
JUST LISTEN
TO THE RADIO.
216
00:11:54,633 --> 00:11:56,734
EVERYTHING'S MAMA,
DEAR MAMA,
217
00:11:56,734 --> 00:11:59,834
ALWAYS LOVE MY MAMA,
MAMA, MAMA, MAMA.
218
00:11:59,834 --> 00:12:01,567
WHAT'S THE DADDY SONG ?
219
00:12:01,567 --> 00:12:03,800
PAPA WAS
A ROLLING STONE !
220
00:12:08,934 --> 00:12:13,100
NOBODY GIVE A FUCK,
NOBODY APPRECIATES DADDY.
221
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:15,834
NOW, MAMA GOT THE ROUGHEST JOB,
I AIN'T GONNA FRONT.
222
00:12:15,834 --> 00:12:18,834
BUT AT LEAST PEOPLE
APPRECIATE MAMA.
223
00:12:18,834 --> 00:12:21,633
THAT'S RIGHT, EVERY TIME
MAMA DO SOMETHING RIGHT,
224
00:12:21,633 --> 00:12:23,633
MAMA GET A COMPLIMENT.
225
00:12:23,633 --> 00:12:27,066
'CAUSE WOMEN NEED TO HEAR
COMPLIMENTS ALL THE TIME.
226
00:12:27,066 --> 00:12:30,900
WOMEN NEED FOOD,
WATER, AND COMPLIMENTS.
227
00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:35,033
THAT'S RIGHT,
THAT'S RIGHT.
228
00:12:35,033 --> 00:12:38,667
AND AN OCCASIONAL
PAIR OF SHOES.
229
00:12:38,667 --> 00:12:40,800
THAT'S RIGHT.
230
00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:43,367
WOMEN GOT TO HEAR IT
ALL THE TIME
231
00:12:43,367 --> 00:12:45,266
OR THEY LOSE
THEIR MIND.
232
00:12:45,266 --> 00:12:47,734
AND MAKE SURE YOU THANK
YOUR MAMA FOR EVERYTHING.
233
00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:49,300
TELL YOUR MAMA
HOW GOOD THE FOOD IS.
234
00:12:49,300 --> 00:12:51,166
TELL YOUR MAMA
HOW NICE THE HOUSE LOOKS.
235
00:12:51,166 --> 00:12:53,200
TELL YOUR MAMA
HOW NICE HER HAIR LOOKS.
236
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:54,667
DID YOU TELL
YOUR MAMA ?
237
00:12:54,667 --> 00:12:56,767
YOU BETTER GO IN THERE
AND TELL YOUR MAMA.
238
00:12:56,767 --> 00:12:58,333
THAT'S RIGHT,
TELL YOUR MAMA,
239
00:12:58,333 --> 00:12:59,934
TELL YOUR MAMA,
TELL YOUR MAMA.
240
00:12:59,934 --> 00:13:03,567
NOBODY EVER TELLS
DADDY SHIT !
241
00:13:03,567 --> 00:13:05,867
I'M TALKING ABOUT
THE REAL DADDY
242
00:13:05,867 --> 00:13:07,700
THAT HANDLE
THE FUCKIN' BUSINESS.
243
00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:08,800
NOBODY EVER SAY,
244
00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,700
DADDY, THANKS FOR
KNOCKING OUT THIS RENT.
245
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:17,433
HEY, DADDY, I SURE
LOVE THIS HOT WATER.
246
00:13:17,433 --> 00:13:21,433
HEY, DADDY, THIS EASY TO READ
WITH ALL THIS LIGHT.
247
00:13:22,667 --> 00:13:25,266
NOBODY GIVE A FUCK
ABOUT DADDY.
248
00:13:25,266 --> 00:13:27,934
I'M TALKIN' ABOUT DADDY
THAT HANDLE HIS BUSINESS.
249
00:13:27,934 --> 00:13:29,700
NOBODY GIVE A FUCK
ABOUT DADDY.
250
00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:33,033
THINK ABOUT EVERYTHING
THAT THE REAL DADDY DOES.
251
00:13:33,033 --> 00:13:34,800
PAY THE BILLS,
BUY THE FOOD,
252
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:36,767
PUT A FUCKING ROOF
OVER YOUR HEAD.
253
00:13:36,767 --> 00:13:40,900
EVERYTHING YOU COULD
EVER ASK FOR...
254
00:13:40,900 --> 00:13:45,000
MAKE YOUR WORLD
A BETTER, SAFER PLACE.
255
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:47,900
AND WHAT DOES DADDY GET
FOR ALL HIS WORK ?
256
00:13:47,900 --> 00:13:51,233
THE BIG PIECE OF CHICKEN,
THAT'S ALL DADDY GET,
257
00:13:51,233 --> 00:13:55,633
IS THE BIG
PIECE OF CHICKEN.
258
00:13:55,633 --> 00:13:58,333
THAT'S RIGHT,
AND SOME WOMEN
259
00:13:58,333 --> 00:14:01,533
DON'T WANNA GIVE UP
THE BIG PIECE OF CHICKEN.
260
00:14:01,533 --> 00:14:03,900
WHO THE FUCK
IS YOU
261
00:14:03,900 --> 00:14:07,834
TO KEEP THE BIG
PIECE OF CHICKEN ?
262
00:14:07,834 --> 00:14:11,633
HOW DARE YOU KEEP
THE BIG PIECE OF CHICKEN !
263
00:14:11,633 --> 00:14:16,400
A MAN CAN'T WORK 12 HOURS
AND COME HOME TO A WING !
264
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:21,700
WHEN I WAS A KID,
265
00:14:21,700 --> 00:14:24,200
MY MAMA WOULD LOSE HER MIND
IF ONE OF US ATE
266
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,533
THE BIG PIECE OF
CHICKEN BY ACCIDENT.
267
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:29,600
WHAT THE FUCK, YOU ATE
THE BIG PIECE OF CHICKEN ?!
268
00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:33,100
OH, LORD,
NO, NO, NO,
269
00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:37,033
NOW I GOT TO TAKE SOME
CHICKEN AND SEW IT UP.
270
00:14:37,033 --> 00:14:40,300
GIVE ME TWO WINGS
AND A PORK CHOP !
271
00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:43,233
DADDY'LL NEVER
KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
272
00:14:45,467 --> 00:14:48,500
JUST CAN'T DO IT,
CAN'T DO IT, CAN'T DO IT.
273
00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:50,500
I DON'T KNOW, MAN,
THE WORLD'S NUTS.
274
00:14:50,500 --> 00:14:52,333
IT'S ALL GOOD
FOR CLINTON.
275
00:14:52,333 --> 00:14:54,100
ANYTHING, ANY TIME
SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS,
276
00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:55,667
IT'S GOOD
FOR BILL CLINTON.
277
00:14:55,667 --> 00:14:57,900
IT JUST GETS
PEOPLE OFF HIS ASS.
278
00:14:57,900 --> 00:15:00,400
STOP THINKING ABOUT ME,
KIDS GOT SHOT,
279
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,800
GOOD, GOOD, PEOPLE
NOT THINKING ABOUT ME.
280
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:07,033
OOH, TORNADOES,
GOOD, GOOD,
281
00:15:07,033 --> 00:15:09,967
PEOPLE AIN'T
THINKING ABOUT ME.
282
00:15:09,967 --> 00:15:12,433
CLINTON DAMN NEAR
GOT IMPEACHED, FOR WHAT ?
283
00:15:12,433 --> 00:15:14,233
FOR WHAT ?
284
00:15:14,233 --> 00:15:18,667
LIED ABOUT A BLOWJOB
SO HIS WIFE WOULDN'T FIND OUT.
285
00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:22,033
IS THAT
AGAINST THE LAW ?
286
00:15:22,033 --> 00:15:26,367
DO YOU NEED
THE SUPREME COURT
FOR THAT ONE ?
287
00:15:26,367 --> 00:15:29,834
YOU COULD HAVE TOOK THAT ONE
TO "THE PEOPLE'S COURT" !
288
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:42,600
COULDA TOOK THAT ONE
TO "JUDGE JUDY".
289
00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:44,734
SHE'D KNOCK IT OUT
IN A HALF HOUR
290
00:15:44,734 --> 00:15:47,133
PLUS COMMERCIALS.
291
00:15:47,133 --> 00:15:49,734
WHAT THE FUCK
DID CLINTON DO ?!
292
00:15:49,734 --> 00:15:53,133
THEY WAS CHARGING HIM WITH SHIT
I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WAS CRIMES.
293
00:15:53,133 --> 00:15:54,700
OOH, YOU GOT HER
SOME GIFTS.
294
00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:57,233
SO, WHAT, HE GOT HER GIFTS,
THAT'S HIS FRIEND.
295
00:15:57,233 --> 00:16:00,600
YOU CAN'T BUY YOUR
FRIEND A GIFT ?
296
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:02,433
TRIED TO GET
HER A JOB...
297
00:16:02,433 --> 00:16:04,867
YOU CAN'T GET
YOUR FRIEND A JOB ?
298
00:16:04,867 --> 00:16:07,633
SHIT, 80% OF THE PEOPLE
IN THIS ROOM
299
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:10,900
GOT THEIR JOB BECAUSE
A FRIEND RECOMMENDED THEM.
300
00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:13,700
( cheers and applause )
301
00:16:13,700 --> 00:16:18,333
IT'S AGAINST THE LAW
TO GET YOUR FRIEND A JOB ?
302
00:16:18,333 --> 00:16:21,300
SHIT, SHE BLEW HIM
FOR A COUPLE MONTHS,
303
00:16:21,300 --> 00:16:24,867
THE LEAST HE COULD DO
IS GIVE HER A RECOMMENDATION !
304
00:16:32,333 --> 00:16:36,133
IT'S THE LEAST
HE COULD DO.
305
00:16:36,133 --> 00:16:40,533
SEE, EVERYBODY EXPECTS
THIS HOLY BEHAVIOR,
306
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,600
'CAUSE HE
THE PRESIDENT.
307
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:44,934
EXPECT HIM TO BEHAVE
THIS HOLY WAY.
308
00:16:44,934 --> 00:16:46,133
HE'S JUST
THE PRESIDENT.
309
00:16:46,133 --> 00:16:48,100
HE AIN'T
REVEREND CLINTON.
310
00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:50,166
IT AIN'T
PASTOR CLINTON.
311
00:16:50,166 --> 00:16:52,934
IT AIN'T
MAHARAJAH CLINTON.
312
00:16:52,934 --> 00:16:55,100
IT IS JUST
BILL CLINTON.
313
00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:57,200
HE JUST A MAN,
A MAN GONNA BE A MAN.
314
00:16:57,200 --> 00:17:01,400
A MAN IS BASICALLY
AS FAITHFUL AS HIS OPTIONS.
315
00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:10,033
THAT'S HOW FAITHFUL
A MAN IS.
316
00:17:10,033 --> 00:17:12,266
NO MORE, NO LESS.
317
00:17:12,266 --> 00:17:14,166
AND YOU SEE ALL THESE
FAT REPUBLICAN GUYS GOIN',
318
00:17:14,166 --> 00:17:15,800
I WOULD NEVER
DO SUCH A THING.
319
00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:17,133
THIS IS A TRAVESTY.
320
00:17:17,133 --> 00:17:20,233
I'M LIKE, NOBODY IS
TRYIN' TO BLOW YOU !
321
00:17:22,700 --> 00:17:27,133
AIN'T NO 20-YEAR-OLD GIRLS
TRYING TO BLOW ORRIN HATCH !
322
00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:31,500
AIN'T NOBODY TRYING TO GIVE
NEWT GINGRICH SOME !
323
00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:33,300
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK,
YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA HEAR
324
00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:34,567
NEWT GINGRICH GO,
325
00:17:34,567 --> 00:17:37,467
MAN, I WISH THESE HO'S
WOULD BACK UP OFF ME.
326
00:17:39,033 --> 00:17:42,934
I WISH THEY WOULD JUST
BACK THE FUCK UP OFF ME.
327
00:17:42,934 --> 00:17:45,967
LET A PLAYER PLAY, SHIT !
328
00:17:45,967 --> 00:17:48,200
THAT'S RIGHT.
329
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:51,367
IT'S DAMN NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE
FOR A MAN TO TURN DOWN SEX.
330
00:17:51,367 --> 00:17:55,133
IT'S HARD FOR A MAN
TO TURN DOWN SEX.
331
00:17:55,133 --> 00:17:57,233
WE CAN STOP CHASING IT.
332
00:17:57,233 --> 00:18:00,567
EVEN THAT
REQUIRES SOME REHAB.
333
00:18:00,567 --> 00:18:03,400
BUT IT'S HARD
FOR A MAN TO STOP.
334
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:06,867
IF IT CHASED US,
WE CAN'T RUN THAT FAST.
335
00:18:06,867 --> 00:18:10,500
IT'S GONNA CATCH US,
WE'RE LIKE...
336
00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:12,867
OH, SHIT,
PULLED A HAMSTRING,
337
00:18:12,867 --> 00:18:15,200
YA GOT ME, YA GOT ME.
338
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:18,066
YOU CAN'T RUN
THAT FAST.
339
00:18:18,066 --> 00:18:20,367
SEE, IT'S EASY FOR WOMEN
TO TURN DOWN SEX.
340
00:18:20,367 --> 00:18:22,934
IT AIN'T SHIT FOR Y'ALL
TO TURN DOWN SEX.
341
00:18:22,934 --> 00:18:25,934
IT AIN'T NO THING
FOR Y'ALL TO TURN DOWN SEX.
342
00:18:25,934 --> 00:18:28,066
Y'ALL LIKE, WHY CAN'T
YOU TURN IT DOWN ?
343
00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:30,233
I DO IT ALL THE TIME,
I DO IT ALL THE TIME.
344
00:18:30,233 --> 00:18:32,166
WHY CAN'T YOU SAY NO ?
I SAY NO.
345
00:18:32,166 --> 00:18:33,533
SEE, IT'S
EASY FOR Y'ALL,
346
00:18:33,533 --> 00:18:35,000
YOU KNOW WHY ?
347
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,133
'CAUSE EVERY WOMAN IN HERE,
EVER SINCE YOU WERE 13,
348
00:18:37,133 --> 00:18:40,734
EVERY GUY YOU MET'S
BEEN TRYING TO FUCK YOU.
349
00:18:40,734 --> 00:18:44,166
THAT'S RIGHT.
350
00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:47,800
WOMEN ARE OFFERED
DICK EVERY DAY.
351
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:49,400
EVERY WOMAN
IN HERE,
352
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:52,867
GETS OFFERED DICK
AT LEAST THREE TIMES A WEEK.
353
00:18:52,867 --> 00:18:56,433
THREE TIMES
A DAY, SHIT !
354
00:18:56,433 --> 00:19:01,700
THAT'S RIGHT, EVERY TIME
A MAN'S BEING NICE TO YOU,
355
00:19:01,700 --> 00:19:04,700
ALL HE'S DOING
IS OFFERING DICK.
356
00:19:04,700 --> 00:19:07,967
THAT'S ALL IT IS,
THAT'S ALL IT IS.
357
00:19:07,967 --> 00:19:11,533
UH, UH, CAN I
GET THAT FOR YOU ?
358
00:19:11,533 --> 00:19:13,600
HOW ABOUT
SOME DICK ?
359
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,900
CAN I HELP YOU
WITH THAT ?
360
00:19:20,900 --> 00:19:23,333
CAN I HELP YOU
TO SOME DICK ?
361
00:19:23,333 --> 00:19:26,166
DO YOU NEED
SOME DICK ?
362
00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:29,734
NOBODY OFFERS
US SHIT.
363
00:19:29,734 --> 00:19:33,333
WE GOT TO FEND
FOR OURSELVES.
364
00:19:33,333 --> 00:19:36,066
WE CAN'T BELIEVE IT
WHEN WE GET AN OFFER.
365
00:19:36,066 --> 00:19:37,967
DAMN, THIS IS
MY LUCKY DAY.
366
00:19:37,967 --> 00:19:41,533
THAT'S RIGHT, MAN,
THAT'S RIGHT.
367
00:19:41,533 --> 00:19:44,367
SEE, NOW THIS WHOLE
MONICA LEWINSKY SCANDAL,
368
00:19:44,367 --> 00:19:47,133
A LOT OF THIS SHIT
IS HILLARY'S FAULT.
369
00:19:47,133 --> 00:19:50,333
THAT'S RIGHT,
I SAID IT,
370
00:19:50,333 --> 00:19:53,800
I SAID IT.
IT HAD TO BE SAID.
371
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:55,900
SOMEBODY
GOT TO SAY IT.
372
00:19:55,900 --> 00:19:58,667
EVERYBODY'S LIKE,
OOH, HILLARY'S A HERO...
373
00:19:58,667 --> 00:20:03,066
NO, SHE AIN'T,
AQUAMAN'S A HERO.
374
00:20:03,066 --> 00:20:05,834
HE CAN TALK
TO THE FISHES.
375
00:20:05,834 --> 00:20:08,667
WHAT THE FUCK
CAN HILLARY DO ?
376
00:20:08,667 --> 00:20:11,467
A LOT OF THIS SHIT
IS HILLARY'S FAULT.
377
00:20:11,467 --> 00:20:14,000
'CAUSE LADIES,
YOU KNOW YOUR MAN.
378
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:17,133
YOU KNOW YOUR MAN
BETTER THAN HE KNOW HIMSELF.
379
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,600
YOU KNOW WHAT
KIND OF MAN YOU GOT.
380
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,266
YOU KNOW IF YOU GOT
THE CRAZY,
381
00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:28,934
NEED-A-BLOWJOB
ALL-THE-TIME MAN.
382
00:20:28,934 --> 00:20:34,266
SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA
SAVE YOUR MAN FROM HIMSELF.
383
00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:36,333
SO, YOU KNOW
WHAT HAPPENS
384
00:20:36,333 --> 00:20:39,100
IF HE DON'T GET
HIS MEDICINE !
385
00:20:46,500 --> 00:20:50,300
SO, HILLARY CLINTON
PUT US ALL IN DANGER.
386
00:20:50,300 --> 00:20:53,633
SHE PUT THE SECURITY
OF THE FREE WORLD IN JEOPARDY,
387
00:20:53,633 --> 00:20:56,066
AND SHE NEEDS TO SUFFER
THE CONSEQUENCES
388
00:20:56,066 --> 00:20:58,233
FOR HER ACTIONS.
389
00:20:58,233 --> 00:20:59,834
THAT'S RIGHT,
SHE THE FIRST LADY.
390
00:20:59,834 --> 00:21:02,100
SHE SUPPOSED TO BE
THE FIRST ONE ON HER KNEES
391
00:21:02,100 --> 00:21:03,934
TO SUCK HIS DICK !
392
00:21:11,367 --> 00:21:13,100
SHIT !
393
00:21:14,700 --> 00:21:16,900
SHIT, THAT'S RIGHT.
394
00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:19,633
MONICA LEWINSKY SHOULDN'T
HAVE EVEN STOOD A CHANCE.
395
00:21:19,633 --> 00:21:22,033
HILLARY SUPPOSED TO
ALREADY BE DOWN THERE LIKE,
396
00:21:22,033 --> 00:21:24,333
HEY, HEY,
I GOT IT, I GOT IT.
397
00:21:24,333 --> 00:21:28,934
I GOT IT,
I GOT THE DICK.
398
00:21:28,934 --> 00:21:31,667
TICKLE HIS ASS
OR SOMETHING,
399
00:21:31,667 --> 00:21:33,600
TICKLE HIS ASS.
400
00:21:39,333 --> 00:21:43,000
YEAH, YEAH, GRAB THE BALLS,
MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL.
401
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:46,934
AND THEY ALWAYS
BEEN ON CLINTON.
402
00:21:46,934 --> 00:21:48,800
ALWAYS, BEFORE ANY
OF THIS SHIT HAPPENED,
403
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:50,266
THEY WERE ON CLINTON.
404
00:21:50,266 --> 00:21:52,333
WHAT WAS THEY ON HIM FOR ?
GAYS IN THE MILITARY.
405
00:21:52,333 --> 00:21:54,033
EVERYBODY SAYS,
OOH, DON'T LET THEM IN.
406
00:21:54,033 --> 00:21:56,467
HEY, IF THEY WANNA FIGHT,
LET THEM FIGHT.
407
00:21:56,467 --> 00:21:59,567
'CAUSE I AIN'T
FIGHTING.
408
00:21:59,567 --> 00:22:02,166
I WOULDN'T GIVE A FUCK
IF I SAW A RUSSIAN TANK
409
00:22:02,166 --> 00:22:05,734
ROLLING DOWN
FLATBUSH AVENUE.
410
00:22:05,734 --> 00:22:09,700
I AIN'T
SHOOTING NOBODY.
411
00:22:09,700 --> 00:22:12,033
SO, CALL ME A FAGGOT.
412
00:22:12,033 --> 00:22:13,300
WHEN THE WAR IS OVER,
413
00:22:13,300 --> 00:22:16,333
I'LL BE THE FAGGOT
WITH TWO LEGS, THANK YOU.
414
00:22:18,133 --> 00:22:19,767
YOU KNOW
WHAT'S FUCKED UP ?
415
00:22:19,767 --> 00:22:21,233
EVERYBODY GETS
HOMOPHOBIC.
416
00:22:21,233 --> 00:22:22,967
PEOPLE, YOU NEED TO
CUT THAT SHIT OUT.
417
00:22:22,967 --> 00:22:27,233
'CAUSE EVERYBODY IN THIS ROOM
GOT AT LEAST A GAY COUSIN.
418
00:22:27,233 --> 00:22:30,967
EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU
GOT A GAY COUSIN.
419
00:22:30,967 --> 00:22:33,633
YOU KNEW HE WAS GAY
WHEN Y'ALL WAS KIDS.
420
00:22:33,633 --> 00:22:36,767
YOU WAS PLAYING BALL,
HE WAS JUMPING ROPE.
421
00:22:36,767 --> 00:22:41,200
HE DIDN'T TURN GAY,
HE WAS GAY THEN.
422
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:44,133
HE JUST DIDN'T HAVE
NOBODY TO BE GAY WITH.
423
00:22:44,133 --> 00:22:45,800
SHIT, I GOT
A GAY UNCLE.
424
00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:48,300
CALL HIM AUNT TOM.
425
00:22:50,867 --> 00:22:54,934
EVERY CHRISTMAS,
HE COME OVER WITH HIS "FRIEND".
426
00:22:57,333 --> 00:23:00,033
SEE, IT DON'T MAKE NO SENSE
TO HATE NOBODY.
427
00:23:00,033 --> 00:23:01,700
IT DON'T MAKE NO SENSE
TO BE A RACIST,
428
00:23:01,700 --> 00:23:04,500
SEXIST OR NOTHING...
IT DON'T.
429
00:23:04,500 --> 00:23:06,900
( applause and cheers )
430
00:23:09,734 --> 00:23:11,367
IT DON'T MAKE
NO SENSE.
431
00:23:11,367 --> 00:23:14,734
'CAUSE WHOEVER YOU HATE
WILL END UP IN YOUR FAMILY.
432
00:23:14,734 --> 00:23:17,300
THAT'S RIGHT,
YOU DON'T LIKE GAYS,
433
00:23:17,300 --> 00:23:19,367
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
A GAY SON.
434
00:23:19,367 --> 00:23:20,867
YOU DON'T LIKE
PUERTO RICANS ?
435
00:23:20,867 --> 00:23:22,367
YOUR DAUGHTER'S
GONNA COME HOME WITH
436
00:23:22,367 --> 00:23:24,533
LIVIN' LA VIDA LOCA !
437
00:23:30,367 --> 00:23:33,333
NAH-NAH-NAH-NAH !
438
00:23:33,333 --> 00:23:36,633
DON'T YOU JUST
LOVE THAT SHIT ?
439
00:23:36,633 --> 00:23:39,600
THAT'S A CATCHY-ASS SONG.
440
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:41,200
YOU JUST WANT TO
JUMP UP ON SHIT.
441
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:43,266
LIVING
LA VIDA LOCA !
442
00:23:43,266 --> 00:23:45,667
LIVING
LA VIDA LOCA !
443
00:23:45,667 --> 00:23:48,333
( applause )
444
00:23:52,100 --> 00:23:54,233
I FEEL THAT SHIT,
I'LL BE DRIVING...
445
00:23:54,233 --> 00:23:56,734
LIVING
LA VIDA LOCA !
446
00:23:56,734 --> 00:23:58,700
I LOVE THAT SHIT.
447
00:23:58,700 --> 00:24:02,166
THAT AIN'T GOING NOWHERE,
THAT'S GONNA BE OUT A LONG TIME.
448
00:24:02,166 --> 00:24:04,033
THAT SHIT IS LIKE
THE PUERTO RICAN,
449
00:24:04,033 --> 00:24:06,467
"WHOOPS,
THERE IT IS" !
450
00:24:08,900 --> 00:24:11,000
I WAS TALKIN' ABOUT
MY GAY UNCLE,
451
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,767
SEE, YOUR UNCLES
PREPARE YOU FOR LIFE.
452
00:24:13,767 --> 00:24:16,266
IF YOU GOT ENOUGH UNCLES,
THEY'LL PREPARE YOU FOR LIFE.
453
00:24:16,266 --> 00:24:18,767
'CAUSE UNCLES, YOU GOT
EVERY TYPE OF A UNCLE.
454
00:24:18,767 --> 00:24:20,467
YOU GOT YOUR
GAY UNCLE,
455
00:24:20,467 --> 00:24:23,734
YOU GOT YOUR
ALCOHOLIC UNCLE,
456
00:24:23,734 --> 00:24:27,100
YOU GOT YOUR
STEALING UNCLE.
457
00:24:27,100 --> 00:24:30,400
YOU GOT YOUR
MOLESTER UNCLE.
458
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:33,400
EVERYBODY GOT THAT
ONE MOLESTER UNCLE.
459
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:36,467
YOUR MAMA'S LIKE,
WHERE THEM KIDS AT ?
460
00:24:37,967 --> 00:24:39,333
THEY'RE WITH JOHNNY.
461
00:24:39,333 --> 00:24:41,367
GET THEM KIDS,
GET THEM KIDS !
462
00:24:41,367 --> 00:24:43,200
HURRY UP,
GET THOSE KIDS !
463
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:45,467
DON'T LEAVE THEM
WITH YOUR UNCLE JOHNNY !
464
00:24:45,467 --> 00:24:49,333
DON'T YOU LEAVE THEM
WITH YOUR UNCLE JOHNNY !
465
00:24:51,567 --> 00:24:54,133
LATER ON,
YOU GET MOLESTED,
466
00:24:54,133 --> 00:24:56,000
YOUR MAMA
GET MAD AT YOU.
467
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:57,800
THAT'S WHAT YOU GET !
468
00:24:57,800 --> 00:24:59,300
HANGING AROUND
FUCKIN' JOHNNY,
469
00:24:59,300 --> 00:25:01,000
I TOLD YOU
ABOUT THAT SHIT !
470
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:02,700
NOW, WALK IT OFF !
471
00:25:11,433 --> 00:25:14,033
THAT'S YOUR FAMILY.
472
00:25:14,033 --> 00:25:16,000
I DON'T KNOW,
IT'S ALL ABOUT CLINTON.
473
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:17,700
ONE THING CLINTON DID
I DIDN'T LIKE,
474
00:25:17,700 --> 00:25:20,000
RAISE TAXES,
TAXES ALL HIGH AND SHIT.
475
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:21,734
YOU KNOW WHAT'S
FUCKED UP ABOUT TAXES ?
476
00:25:21,734 --> 00:25:25,133
YOU DON'T EVEN PAY TAX,
THEY TAKE TAX.
477
00:25:25,133 --> 00:25:28,333
YOU GET YOUR CHECK,
MONEY GONE.
478
00:25:28,333 --> 00:25:31,967
THAT AIN'T A PAYMENT,
THAT'S A JACK !
479
00:25:31,967 --> 00:25:33,700
GOT ALL THESE TAXES,
480
00:25:33,700 --> 00:25:37,200
CITY TAX, STATE TAX,
SOCIAL SECURITY TAX.
481
00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:39,633
YOU DON'T GET THE MONEY
'TIL YOUR 65.
482
00:25:39,633 --> 00:25:43,233
MEANWHILE THE AVERAGE
BLACK MAN DIES AT 54 !
483
00:25:45,767 --> 00:25:48,867
SHIT, WE SHOULD GET
SOCIAL SECURITY AT 29 !
484
00:25:55,233 --> 00:25:58,066
WHAT THE FUCK, MAN ?
WE DON'T LIVE THAT LONG !
485
00:25:58,066 --> 00:25:59,767
HYPERTENSION,
HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE,
486
00:25:59,767 --> 00:26:02,700
NYPD, SOMETHING
WILL GET YOU !
487
00:26:11,867 --> 00:26:15,000
WHAT THE FUCK IS UP
WITH THE POLICE ?
488
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:16,800
MY GOD !
489
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:19,200
I'M SCARED, I DIDN'T
GET RID OF NO GUNS,
490
00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:20,767
FUCK THAT SHIT.
491
00:26:20,767 --> 00:26:23,166
AND, I HAD A COP
PULL ME OVER THE OTHER DAY,
492
00:26:23,166 --> 00:26:24,533
SCARED ME SO BAD,
493
00:26:24,533 --> 00:26:28,200
MADE ME THINK
I STOLE MY OWN CAR !
494
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:31,000
GET OUT THE CAR,
GET OUT THE FUCKING CAR !
495
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:32,166
YOU STOLE THIS CAR !
496
00:26:32,166 --> 00:26:34,967
I'M LIKE, DAMN,
MAYBE I DID !
497
00:26:34,967 --> 00:26:38,000
OH, LORD,
I DONE STOLE A CAR.
498
00:26:39,533 --> 00:26:41,934
YOU KNOW WHAT'S
WORSE THAN TAXES ?
499
00:26:41,934 --> 00:26:43,433
INSURANCE.
500
00:26:43,433 --> 00:26:45,867
YOU GOT TO HAVE
SOME INSURANCE.
501
00:26:45,867 --> 00:26:48,200
THEY SHOULDN'T
CALL IT INSURANCE,
502
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:51,367
THEY SHOULD CALL IT
"IN CASE OF SHIT".
503
00:26:51,367 --> 00:26:56,266
I GIVE A COMPANY SOME MONEY
IN CASE SHIT HAPPENS.
504
00:26:56,266 --> 00:26:58,700
NOW, IF SHIT
DON'T HAPPEN,
505
00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:01,967
SHOULDN'T I GET
MY MONEY BACK ?
506
00:27:09,700 --> 00:27:11,233
THAT'S RIGHT, MAN,
507
00:27:11,233 --> 00:27:13,000
YOU BETTER HAVE
SOME MEDICAL INSURANCE
508
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:14,700
OR YOU GONNA DIE.
509
00:27:14,700 --> 00:27:16,200
THAT'S RIGHT,
EVERYBODY,
510
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:17,734
OOH, YOU GOT TO
EAT RIGHT AND EXERCISE.
511
00:27:17,734 --> 00:27:19,967
NO YOU DON'T,
YOU NEED SOME COVERAGE.
512
00:27:19,967 --> 00:27:22,867
COVERAGE WILL
SAVE YOUR LIFE.
513
00:27:22,867 --> 00:27:24,734
THAT'S RIGHT, I MEAN
WE ALL GONNA DIE,
514
00:27:24,734 --> 00:27:26,300
BUT AT LEAST IF YOU
GOT SOME COVERAGE,
515
00:27:26,300 --> 00:27:29,100
YOU WILL DIE
ON A MATTRESS !
516
00:27:29,100 --> 00:27:31,000
THAT'S RIGHT.
517
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:32,834
WHEN I WAS A KID,
WE DIDN'T HAVE NO INSURANCE,
518
00:27:32,834 --> 00:27:34,900
WE DIDN'T HAVE
A DAMN THING.
519
00:27:34,900 --> 00:27:36,600
YOU HAD TO BE
DAMN NEAR DEAD
520
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:38,066
TO SEE THE DOCTOR.
521
00:27:38,066 --> 00:27:41,066
YOU HAD TO BE
WAY PAST ROBITUSSIN.
522
00:27:41,066 --> 00:27:44,400
THAT'S ALL WE HAD
WHEN I WAS A KID, ROBITUSSIN.
523
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:47,800
NO MATTER WHAT YOU GOT,
ROBITUSSIN BETTER HANDLE IT.
524
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:49,567
DADDY,
I GOT ASTHMA.
525
00:27:49,567 --> 00:27:51,133
ROBITUSSIN.
526
00:27:51,133 --> 00:27:52,367
I GOT CANCER.
527
00:27:52,367 --> 00:27:54,100
ROBITUSSIN.
528
00:27:54,100 --> 00:27:57,467
I BROKE MY LEG,
DADDY POURED ROBITUSSIN ON IT.
529
00:27:57,467 --> 00:28:01,734
YEAH, BOY, LET THAT 'TUSSIN
GET IN THERE, BOY.
530
00:28:01,734 --> 00:28:06,133
YEAH, BOY, LET THAT 'TUSSIN
GET ON DOWN TO THE BONE.
531
00:28:06,133 --> 00:28:08,867
THE 'TUSSIN OUGHT TO
STRAIGHTEN OUT THE BONE,
532
00:28:08,867 --> 00:28:10,066
IT'S GOOD.
533
00:28:10,066 --> 00:28:11,433
IF YOU RUN
OUT OF 'TUSSIN,
534
00:28:11,433 --> 00:28:13,967
PUT SOME WATER IN A JAR,
SHAKE IT UP, MORE 'TUSSIN.
535
00:28:13,967 --> 00:28:16,100
MORE 'TUSSIN !
536
00:28:19,133 --> 00:28:22,066
Y'ALL LIKE DOCTORS
'CAUSE THEY DON'T CURE SHIT.
537
00:28:22,066 --> 00:28:24,567
THEY DON'T
CURE NOTHING.
538
00:28:24,567 --> 00:28:26,333
SAME DISEASES
BEEN HANGING OUT
539
00:28:26,333 --> 00:28:27,900
SINCE I WAS A KID, MAN.
540
00:28:27,900 --> 00:28:30,867
WHAT'S THE LAST SHIT
A DOCTOR CURED, POLIO ?
541
00:28:30,867 --> 00:28:33,367
YOU KNOW HOW LONG
AGO POLIO WAS ?
542
00:28:33,367 --> 00:28:36,233
THAT'S LIKE
THE FIRST SEASON OF "LUCY".
543
00:28:36,233 --> 00:28:40,367
SHIT, FRED HAD AN AFRO
WITH FINGERWAVES !
544
00:28:40,367 --> 00:28:42,967
HAVE YOU EVER MET
ANYBODY WITH POLIO ?
545
00:28:42,967 --> 00:28:45,433
ANYBODY FEEL A LITTLE
'POLY AROUND YOU ?
546
00:28:45,433 --> 00:28:48,367
NO, THAT'S RIGHT,
THEY DON'T CURE SHIT.
547
00:28:48,367 --> 00:28:50,433
THE SAME DISEASES BEEN HANGING
OUT SINCE I WAS A KID.
548
00:28:50,433 --> 00:28:52,433
AIDS, SICKLE CELL,
TUBERCULOSIS, CANCER,
549
00:28:52,433 --> 00:28:55,767
JERRY'S KIDS
STILL LIMPING AROUND !
550
00:28:55,767 --> 00:28:58,333
I'VE BEEN WATCHING
THE JERRY LEWIS TELETHON
551
00:28:58,333 --> 00:29:02,300
FOR PROBABLY ABOUT
15, 16 YEARS NOW,
552
00:29:02,300 --> 00:29:06,367
NOT ONE STITCH
OF PROGRESS WHATSOEVER.
553
00:29:06,367 --> 00:29:09,367
C'MON, MAN,
LIE TO ME, JERRY,
554
00:29:09,367 --> 00:29:11,567
LIE TO ME !
555
00:29:11,567 --> 00:29:13,767
WHAT THE FUCK
YOU DOING, JERRY ?
556
00:29:13,767 --> 00:29:15,233
PUT A STICK
IN THE KID'S BACK,
557
00:29:15,233 --> 00:29:18,266
PROP HIM UP
OR SOME SHIT !
558
00:29:18,266 --> 00:29:21,700
C'MON, C'MON,
CALL STEVEN SPIELBERG,
559
00:29:21,700 --> 00:29:24,433
GET SOME SPECIAL EFFECTS
ON THIS SHIT !
560
00:29:24,433 --> 00:29:26,633
GET GEORGE LUCAS
ON THE CASE !
561
00:29:26,633 --> 00:29:30,266
C.G.I.,
MOTHERFUCKER,
C.G.I !
562
00:29:30,266 --> 00:29:31,500
WHAT THE FUCK ?
563
00:29:31,500 --> 00:29:32,834
TIE SOME STRING
AROUND HIM,
564
00:29:32,834 --> 00:29:35,133
MAKE A CRIPPLE
PUPPET OR SOMETHIN' !
565
00:29:35,133 --> 00:29:36,734
LIE TO ME !
566
00:29:36,734 --> 00:29:38,467
WHERE THE FUCK'S
THE MONEY GOIN' ?
567
00:29:38,467 --> 00:29:39,867
WHERE'S
THE MONEY GOING ?
568
00:29:39,867 --> 00:29:42,066
WHAT, TO KEEP
JERRY'S HAIR BLACK ?!
569
00:29:46,667 --> 00:29:48,367
WHERE'S THE MONEY GOING ?
570
00:29:48,367 --> 00:29:50,066
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,
THINK ABOUT IT.
571
00:29:50,066 --> 00:29:52,033
FRANK SINATRA, DEAD,
DEAN MARTIN, DEAD,
572
00:29:52,033 --> 00:29:53,433
SAMMY DAVIS, DEAD.
573
00:29:53,433 --> 00:29:56,200
JERRY LEWIS GOT A FULL
HEAD OF BLACK HAIR.
574
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:59,433
AND IF YOU AIN'T GONNA
CURE THE DISEASE,
575
00:29:59,433 --> 00:30:02,533
CUT THE KIDS
A CHECK !
576
00:30:02,533 --> 00:30:05,000
THAT'S RIGHT, YOU KNOW
THE LITTLE BOY'S
577
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:07,767
GETTING READY TO DIE,
GET HIM A TABLE DANCE !
578
00:30:14,567 --> 00:30:17,533
GET HIM A TABLE DANCE,
FOR CHRIST SAKES !
579
00:30:17,533 --> 00:30:20,033
I'M SURE THE "MAKE-A-WISH"
PEOPLE HEAR THAT REQUEST
580
00:30:20,033 --> 00:30:21,834
EVERY NOW AND THEN.
581
00:30:21,834 --> 00:30:23,767
GET THE BOY
A TABLE DANCE.
582
00:30:23,767 --> 00:30:24,867
WHAT DO YOU
WANT JIMMY ?
583
00:30:24,867 --> 00:30:26,033
YOU'RE GETTIN'
READY TO DIE,
584
00:30:26,033 --> 00:30:27,166
YOU WANNA MEET
JIMMY CARREY ?
585
00:30:27,166 --> 00:30:29,900
NO, I WANT SOME
BIG TITTIES IN MY FACE !
586
00:30:29,900 --> 00:30:33,600
IT'S MY LAST WISH, C'MON.
587
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:36,133
THAT'S RIGHT, MAN.
588
00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:40,700
THAT'S RIGHT, WE GOT
AIDS OUT THERE,
589
00:30:40,700 --> 00:30:42,400
YOU THINK THEY'RE
GONNA CURE AIDS ?
590
00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:46,000
NO, THEY CAN'T EVEN CURE
ATHLETES FOOT !
591
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:51,166
THEY AIN'T CURING AIDS, SHIT,
THEY AIN'T NEVER CURING AIDS,
592
00:30:51,166 --> 00:30:53,500
AIN'T NEVER
CURING AIDS.
593
00:30:53,500 --> 00:30:55,166
DON'T EVEN THINK
ABOUT THAT SHIT.
594
00:30:55,166 --> 00:30:56,533
THEY AIN'T CURIN' IT,
595
00:30:56,533 --> 00:30:58,300
'CAUSE THERE AIN'T
NO MONEY IN THE CURE.
596
00:30:58,300 --> 00:31:00,066
THE MONEY'S
IN THE MEDICINE.
597
00:31:00,066 --> 00:31:03,567
THAT'S HOW YOU GET PAID,
ON THE COMEBACK.
598
00:31:03,567 --> 00:31:06,266
THAT'S HOW A DRUG DEALER
MAKES HIS MONEY,
599
00:31:06,266 --> 00:31:08,233
ON THE COMEBACK,
600
00:31:08,233 --> 00:31:09,967
THAT'S ALL
THE GOVERNMENT IS.
601
00:31:09,967 --> 00:31:11,867
A BUNCH OF MOTHERFUCKING
DRUG DEALERS,
602
00:31:11,867 --> 00:31:13,433
ON THE COMEBACK.
603
00:31:13,433 --> 00:31:16,266
THEY AIN'T
CURING NO AIDS.
604
00:31:16,266 --> 00:31:18,900
THAT'S ALL IT IS.
605
00:31:18,900 --> 00:31:21,767
YOU THINK THEY'RE
GONNA CURE AIDS ?
606
00:31:21,767 --> 00:31:23,567
THEY'RE STILL MAD
AT ALL THE MONEY THEY LOST
607
00:31:23,567 --> 00:31:25,533
ON POLIO !
608
00:31:25,533 --> 00:31:27,066
CURING AIDS,
609
00:31:27,066 --> 00:31:29,033
SHIT, THAT'S LIKE
CADILLAC MAKING A CAR
610
00:31:29,033 --> 00:31:31,166
THAT'LL LAST
FOR 50 YEARS !
611
00:31:31,166 --> 00:31:32,867
AND YOU KNOW
THEY CAN DO IT.
612
00:31:32,867 --> 00:31:35,433
BUT THEY AIN'T GONNA DO
NOTHING THAT FUCKING DUMB.
613
00:31:35,433 --> 00:31:37,533
SHIT, THEY GOT METAL
ON THE SPACE SHUTTLE
614
00:31:37,533 --> 00:31:39,066
THAT CAN GO AROUND
THE MOON,
615
00:31:39,066 --> 00:31:42,300
AND WITHSTAND TEMPERATURES
OF UP TO 20,000 DEGREES.
616
00:31:42,300 --> 00:31:44,300
YOU MEAN TO TELL ME
YOU DON'T THINK THEY CAN MAKE
617
00:31:44,300 --> 00:31:47,200
AN ELDORADO WITH A FUCKIN'
BUMPER THAT DON'T FALL OFF ?!
618
00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:55,600
THEY CAN,
BUT THEY WON'T.
619
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:57,266
SO WHAT THEY WILL
DO WITH AIDS
620
00:31:57,266 --> 00:31:59,800
IS THE SAME THING THEY DO
WITH EVERYTHING ELSE.
621
00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:02,700
THEY WILL FIGURE OUT A WAY
FOR YOU TO LIVE WITH IT.
622
00:32:02,700 --> 00:32:05,700
THEY DON'T CURE SHIT,
THEY JUST PATCH IT UP.
623
00:32:05,700 --> 00:32:08,300
GET YOU TO
THE NEXT STOP.
624
00:32:08,300 --> 00:32:10,667
SO THEY CAN GET
MORE OF YOUR MONEY.
625
00:32:10,667 --> 00:32:12,133
THAT'S RIGHT,
THEY AIN'T GONNA CURE IT.
626
00:32:12,133 --> 00:32:14,233
HOPEFULLY,
IN OUR LIFETIME,
627
00:32:14,233 --> 00:32:15,533
THAT'S RIGHT, YOU'RE
GONNA SEE SOMEBODY GO,
628
00:32:15,533 --> 00:32:17,300
YO, MAN, YOU WEREN'T
AT WORK YESTERDAY.
629
00:32:17,300 --> 00:32:18,400
WHAT'S UP ?
630
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:20,700
HEY, MY AIDS
IS ACTING UP.
631
00:32:20,700 --> 00:32:22,233
YOU KNOW WHEN THE WEATHER
GET LIKE THIS,
632
00:32:22,233 --> 00:32:24,433
MY AIDS
JUST POP UP.
633
00:32:24,433 --> 00:32:27,700
BUT I TOOK SOME ROBITUSSIN,
I'M FINE NOW !
634
00:32:33,100 --> 00:32:35,667
THAT'S RIGHT, MAN,
AIDS IS SCARY MAN.
635
00:32:35,667 --> 00:32:39,500
I TOOK MY AIDS TEST,
PASSED IT, GOT 65.
636
00:32:41,934 --> 00:32:45,100
YOU KNOW WHAT'S SCARY
ABOUT THE AIDS TEST ?
637
00:32:45,100 --> 00:32:49,567
YOU DON'T GET THE RESULTS
BACK FOR FIVE DAYS.
638
00:32:49,567 --> 00:32:52,734
FIVE DAYS,
THAT'S A LONG TIME.
639
00:32:52,734 --> 00:32:54,934
AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS
IN THOSE FIVE DAYS ?
640
00:32:54,934 --> 00:32:57,300
YOU START
REFLECTING.
641
00:32:57,300 --> 00:33:00,700
YOU START THINKING
ABOUT EVERY NASTY,
642
00:33:00,700 --> 00:33:05,867
SKANK-ASS, QUESTIONABLE
PIECE OF SEX YOU EVER HAD,
643
00:33:05,867 --> 00:33:09,100
AND EVERYBODY
GOT A FEW.
644
00:33:09,100 --> 00:33:10,166
AND YOU'RE LIKE,
645
00:33:10,166 --> 00:33:12,734
OH, GOD, WHAT THE FUCK
WAS I THINKING ?!
646
00:33:12,734 --> 00:33:17,233
1993, WHOA,
SHE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TEETH !
647
00:33:17,233 --> 00:33:22,200
OH, GOD, WHAT THE FUCK
WAS ON MY MIND ?
648
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:24,000
IT'S LIKE
THE MOVIE "SCROOGE"
649
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,333
AND THE GHOST
OF PUSSY PAST COMES !
650
00:33:31,266 --> 00:33:35,000
REMEMBER ME, I'M ITCHY,
THE STRIPPER FROM MIAMI !
651
00:33:41,567 --> 00:33:43,600
YOU KNOW
WHAT ELSE HAPPENS
652
00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:45,266
AFTER YOU TAKE
AN AIDS TEST ?
653
00:33:45,266 --> 00:33:46,700
YOU START
CALLING UP PEOPLE
654
00:33:46,700 --> 00:33:48,700
TO SEE IF
THEY'RE ALIVE.
655
00:33:48,700 --> 00:33:50,433
HELLO,
CAN I SPEAK
TO LISA ?
656
00:33:50,433 --> 00:33:52,300
THIS IS LISA... CLICK !
657
00:33:57,467 --> 00:33:59,500
HELLO,
CAN I SPEAK
TO TAMMY ?
658
00:33:59,500 --> 00:34:01,834
TAMMY DEAD.
659
00:34:03,300 --> 00:34:05,266
WHAT HAPPENED ?
660
00:34:05,266 --> 00:34:07,266
SHE GOT HIT BY A BUS.
661
00:34:07,266 --> 00:34:10,233
THANK THE LORD !
THANK THE LORD !
662
00:34:10,233 --> 00:34:13,800
YES, YES, YES, YES !
663
00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:17,600
GO GREYHOUND.
664
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:20,834
YEAH, SHE GOT
HIT BY A BUS !
665
00:34:20,834 --> 00:34:23,033
LIVIN' LA VIDA LOCA !
666
00:34:34,166 --> 00:34:36,500
MAN, AT LEAST THEY'RE
STILL WORKING ON AIDS.
667
00:34:36,500 --> 00:34:38,333
AT LEAST THEY'RE TRYIN'
TO GET RID OF AIDS.
668
00:34:38,333 --> 00:34:40,700
THERE'S SOME DISEASES,
THEY JUST GAVE UP ON.
669
00:34:40,700 --> 00:34:42,233
THERE'S SOME DISEASES,
YOU GET 'EM,
670
00:34:42,233 --> 00:34:44,367
YOU ON YOUR OWN.
671
00:34:44,367 --> 00:34:46,700
THEY AIN'T GONNA HAVE
NO TELETHON FOR YOU,
672
00:34:46,700 --> 00:34:50,133
R. KELLY AIN'T
SINGING NO SONG.
673
00:34:50,133 --> 00:34:53,300
YOU JUST GOT
THIS SHIT, THAT'S RIGHT.
674
00:34:53,300 --> 00:34:55,300
YOU GET PARALYZED,
THEY DON'T GOT SHIT FOR YOU.
675
00:34:55,300 --> 00:34:57,700
LOOK AT CHRISTOPHER REEVE,
PARALYZED.
676
00:34:57,700 --> 00:34:59,367
SUPERMAN CAN'T WALK,
677
00:34:59,367 --> 00:35:02,133
WHAT KIND OF
SORRY-ASS SHIT IS THAT ?!
678
00:35:02,133 --> 00:35:05,200
SUPERMAN CAN'T WALK,
WHAT'S NEXT ?
679
00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:08,967
AQUAMAN GONNA
DROWN IN THE TUB ?!
680
00:35:08,967 --> 00:35:12,533
WHAT THE FUCK KINDA
INJUSTICE IS THIS ?!
681
00:35:12,533 --> 00:35:14,300
SUPERMAN
CAN'T WALK.
682
00:35:14,300 --> 00:35:17,166
THE HULK GONNA GET THE GOUT,
WHAT THE FUCK ?!
683
00:35:17,166 --> 00:35:20,033
SUPERMAN CAN'T WALK.
684
00:35:20,033 --> 00:35:21,633
NOW YOU GO TELL THE DOCTOR
YOU PARALYZED,
685
00:35:21,633 --> 00:35:23,500
THEY GOT SHIT
FOR YA, LIKE,
686
00:35:23,500 --> 00:35:25,200
DOC, I'M PARALYZED,
WHAT YOU GOT ?
687
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:26,467
WHY DON'T YOU
TAKE THIS CHAIR
688
00:35:26,467 --> 00:35:29,000
AND ROLL YOUR ASS
AROUND TOWN !
689
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:32,400
IS THAT ALL THE FUCK YOU GOT
IS A GODAMN CHAIR ?!
690
00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:34,266
WHERE THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO
TAKE THIS PRESCRIPTION,
691
00:35:34,266 --> 00:35:36,633
TO A FURNITURE STORE,
MOTHERFUCKER ?!
692
00:35:36,633 --> 00:35:39,633
I GOTTA GO TO IKEA,
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT ?
693
00:35:39,633 --> 00:35:42,934
I SAID I CAN'T WALK,
I DIDN'T SAY I CAN'T SIT !
694
00:35:42,934 --> 00:35:45,667
THAT'S RIGHT,
AND IF YOU GO BLIND,
695
00:35:45,667 --> 00:35:47,633
THEY DON'T GOT
SHIT FOR YOU.
696
00:35:47,633 --> 00:35:49,033
LOOK AT STEVIE WONDER,
697
00:35:49,033 --> 00:35:51,467
BEEN BLIND FOR
FORTY-SOMETHING YEARS,
698
00:35:51,467 --> 00:35:53,367
GOT ALL THE MONEY
IN THE WORLD,
699
00:35:53,367 --> 00:35:56,467
DON'T KNOW IF HE GOT
HUNDREDS OR ONES !
700
00:36:04,233 --> 00:36:07,800
IT'S JUST A STACK TO STEVIE,
IT'S JUST A STACK.
701
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:10,567
STEVIE CAN'T
SEE SHIT.
702
00:36:10,567 --> 00:36:13,600
CAN'T SEE THE DAY, THE NIGHT,
THE SHADOW, THE SHADE,
703
00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:15,233
CAN'T EVEN GET A PEEK !
704
00:36:15,233 --> 00:36:17,934
JUST A PEEK,
CAN WE HELP STEVIE GET A PEEK ?
705
00:36:17,934 --> 00:36:19,500
GET A FUCKIN' PEEK !
706
00:36:19,500 --> 00:36:23,200
THE MAN
WROTE SONGS...
707
00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:25,266
CAN WE GET THIS
BROTHER A PEEK ?
708
00:36:25,266 --> 00:36:28,100
JUST A PEEK,
JUST A FUCKING PEEK !
709
00:36:28,100 --> 00:36:30,800
IS THAT ASKING
FOR TOO MUCH ?
710
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:34,133
JUST A, HEH-HEH,
THAT'S IT.
711
00:36:38,867 --> 00:36:40,867
AND YOU TELL
THE DOCTOR YOU'RE BLIND
712
00:36:40,867 --> 00:36:42,533
AND HE DON'T GOT
SHIT FOR YOU.
713
00:36:42,533 --> 00:36:44,266
DOC, I'M BLIND,
WHAT YOU GOT ?
714
00:36:44,266 --> 00:36:45,767
WHY DON'T YOU
TAKE THIS DOG
715
00:36:45,767 --> 00:36:49,300
AND HAVE THE DOG DRAG
YOUR BLIND ASS AROUND TOWN.
716
00:36:49,300 --> 00:36:51,734
THAT'S ALL YOU GOT,
A DAMN DOG !
717
00:36:51,734 --> 00:36:54,734
MAN, IF I COULD SEE,
I'D WHOOP YOUR ASS !
718
00:36:54,734 --> 00:36:56,400
A FUCKING DOG,
719
00:36:56,400 --> 00:36:57,867
WHAT THE FUCK
IS WRONG WITH YOU ?!
720
00:36:57,867 --> 00:36:59,900
COME ON, GIVE ME
A MIDGET OR SOMETHING !
721
00:36:59,900 --> 00:37:03,600
THAT'S RIGHT, BLIND PEOPLE
SHOULD GET MIDGETS.
722
00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:06,100
ALL BLIND PEOPLE
SHOULD GET MIDGETS.
723
00:37:06,100 --> 00:37:08,333
IT'S HARD ENOUGH LIVING LIFE
WHEN YOU'RE BLIND.
724
00:37:08,333 --> 00:37:11,500
NOW, THEY GOTTA LEARN
HOW TO TALK DOG.
725
00:37:11,500 --> 00:37:13,233
WHAT KIND OF
SHIT IS THAT ?
726
00:37:13,233 --> 00:37:16,433
YOU CAN'T SEE, SO YOU CAN'T
READ THE DOG'S LIPS !
727
00:37:16,433 --> 00:37:18,266
YOU JUST LISTEN,
WOOF, WOOF !
728
00:37:18,266 --> 00:37:20,433
WHAT, WHAT,
MY SHOELACE UNTIED ?
729
00:37:20,433 --> 00:37:22,033
WHAT ?
730
00:37:22,033 --> 00:37:23,500
WOOF,
WOOF, WOOF, WOOF !
731
00:37:23,500 --> 00:37:26,000
IS IT COLD OUTSIDE ?
WHAT, WHAT, WHAT ?
732
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:27,500
WOOF, WOOF !
733
00:37:27,500 --> 00:37:30,066
IS SOMEBODY AT THE DOOR,
WHAT, MOTHERFUCKER, WHAT ?
734
00:37:31,333 --> 00:37:33,900
JUST GIVE
BLIND PEOPLE MIDGETS.
735
00:37:33,900 --> 00:37:35,600
AND IF YOU'RE A MIDGET,
IT'S ALREADY HARD ENOUGH
736
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:37,400
TO GET A JOB.
737
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:39,800
JUST HAVE THE MIDGET TELL
THE BLIND MAN WHERE TO GO.
738
00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:41,867
BE A SEEING-EYE MAN.
739
00:37:41,867 --> 00:37:43,667
JUST WALK IN FRONT
OF THE BLIND MAN LIKE,
740
00:37:43,667 --> 00:37:45,667
YO MAN, YOU GOTTA
MAKE A LEFT.
741
00:37:47,500 --> 00:37:50,000
MAKE A LEFT,
BROTHER, MAKE A LEFT.
742
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:55,567
RACISM EVERYWHERE,
EVERYBODY PISSED OFF.
743
00:37:55,567 --> 00:37:57,600
BLACK PEOPLE
YELLIN' RACISM.
744
00:37:57,600 --> 00:38:00,433
WHITE PEOPLE YELLIN'
REVERSE RACISM.
745
00:38:00,433 --> 00:38:04,066
CHINESE PEOPLE YELLIN'
SIDEWAYS RACISM !
746
00:38:04,066 --> 00:38:06,066
AND THE INDIANS
AIN'T YELLING SHIT
747
00:38:06,066 --> 00:38:08,033
'CAUSE THEY DEAD !
748
00:38:08,033 --> 00:38:09,633
SO, EVERYBODY BITCH
ABOUT HOW BAD
749
00:38:09,633 --> 00:38:11,000
THEIR PEOPLE GOT IT.
750
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:13,867
NOBODY GOT IT WORSE
THAN THE AMERICAN INDIAN.
751
00:38:13,867 --> 00:38:16,834
EVERYBODY NEED
TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN.
752
00:38:16,834 --> 00:38:19,400
INDIANS
GOT IT BAD.
753
00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:21,233
INDIANS GOT IT
THE WORST.
754
00:38:21,233 --> 00:38:22,934
YOU KNOW HOW BAD
THE INDIANS GOT IT ?
755
00:38:22,934 --> 00:38:26,133
WHEN'S THE LAST TIME
YOU MET TWO INDIANS ?
756
00:38:26,133 --> 00:38:28,967
YOU AIN'T NEVER
MET TWO INDIANS !
757
00:38:28,967 --> 00:38:32,367
SHIT, I HAVE SEEN
A POLAR BEAR RIDE A TRICYCLE
758
00:38:32,367 --> 00:38:33,834
IN MY LIFETIME.
759
00:38:33,834 --> 00:38:36,066
I HAVE NEVER
SEEN AN INDIAN FAMILY
760
00:38:36,066 --> 00:38:38,667
THAT'S CHILLIN' OUT
AT THE RED LOBSTER !
761
00:38:38,667 --> 00:38:41,233
NEVER SEEN IT.
762
00:38:41,233 --> 00:38:44,233
EVERYBODY WANNA
SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT,
763
00:38:44,233 --> 00:38:46,500
SHIT, I SEE TREES
EVERY FUCKING DAY !
764
00:38:46,500 --> 00:38:48,367
I DON'T NEVER
SEE NO INDIANS.
765
00:38:48,367 --> 00:38:50,300
I WENT TO THE MACY'S
THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE
766
00:38:50,300 --> 00:38:51,600
THIS YEAR,
767
00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:53,867
THEY DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH
INDIANS FOR THAT SHIT !
768
00:38:53,867 --> 00:38:55,266
THEY HAD
BUNCH OF PILGRIMS,
769
00:38:55,266 --> 00:38:56,867
WHEN IT CAME TIME
FOR THE INDIANS,
770
00:38:56,867 --> 00:38:58,433
THEY HAD
THREE REAL INDIANS,
771
00:38:58,433 --> 00:39:00,467
AND THE REST WAS
A BUNCH OF PUERTO RICANS
772
00:39:00,467 --> 00:39:02,967
WITH FEATHERS
IN THEIR HAIR !
773
00:39:07,300 --> 00:39:09,133
WHAT THE FUCK ?
774
00:39:09,133 --> 00:39:12,200
SHIT, I KNOW PUERTO RICANS
WHEN I SEE 'EM !
775
00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:15,700
YOU CAN'T SLIP
A PUERTO RICAN BY ME.
776
00:39:15,700 --> 00:39:19,600
THAT'S NOT POCAHONTAS,
THAT'S JENNIFER LOPEZ !
777
00:39:25,433 --> 00:39:28,667
RACISM EVERYWHERE.
778
00:39:28,667 --> 00:39:31,934
WHO'S THE MADDEST PEOPLE ?
WHITE PEOPLE !
779
00:39:31,934 --> 00:39:34,967
NOT Y'ALL,
Y'ALL ARE ALRIGHT.
780
00:39:34,967 --> 00:39:37,667
YOU PAID MONEY
TO SEE ME, WE COOL.
781
00:39:37,667 --> 00:39:40,133
THE FEUD IS OVER.
782
00:39:40,133 --> 00:39:42,233
NO, YOU WATCH THE TV,
YOU WATCH "60 MINUTES",
783
00:39:42,233 --> 00:39:44,533
YOU SEE WHITE PEOPLE
PISSED OFF, MAN.
784
00:39:44,533 --> 00:39:47,166
MAD, THE WHITE MAN THINKS
HE'S LOSING THE COUNTRY.
785
00:39:47,166 --> 00:39:48,500
YOU WATCH THE NEWS,
786
00:39:48,500 --> 00:39:51,533
WE'RE LOSING EVERYTHING,
WE'RE FUCKING LOSING.
787
00:39:51,533 --> 00:39:54,567
AFFIRMATIVE ACTION,
AND ILLEGAL ALIENS,
788
00:39:54,567 --> 00:39:56,600
AND WE'RE
LOSING THE COUNTRY.
789
00:39:56,600 --> 00:39:59,000
LOSING ?
SHUT THE FUCK UP.
790
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:01,333
WHITE PEOPLE
AIN'T LOSING SHIT.
791
00:40:01,333 --> 00:40:03,734
AND IF Y'ALL LOSING,
WHO'S WINNING ?
792
00:40:03,734 --> 00:40:05,967
IT AIN'T US...
793
00:40:07,467 --> 00:40:09,867
( audience cheers )
794
00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:15,800
IT AIN'T US, HAVE YOU DRIVEN
AROUND THIS MOTHERFUCKER ?
795
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:18,767
IT AIN'T US,
SHIT, SHIT,
796
00:40:18,767 --> 00:40:20,633
THERE AIN'T A WHITE MAN
IN THIS ROOM
797
00:40:20,633 --> 00:40:22,700
THAT WOULD CHANGE
PLACES WITH ME.
798
00:40:22,700 --> 00:40:25,567
NONE OF YOU, NONE OF YOU
WOULD CHANGE PLACES WITH ME.
799
00:40:25,567 --> 00:40:27,266
AND I'M RICH !
800
00:40:40,500 --> 00:40:43,934
THAT'S HOW GOOD IT IS
TO BE WHITE.
801
00:40:43,934 --> 00:40:48,300
THERE'S A WHITE, ONE-LEGGED,
BUSBOY IN HERE RIGHT NOW,
802
00:40:48,300 --> 00:40:51,500
THAT WON'T CHANGE PLACES
WITH MY BLACK ASS.
803
00:40:51,500 --> 00:40:53,400
NO, MAN,
I DON'T WANNA SWITCH,
804
00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:55,533
I WANNA RIDE
THIS WHITE THING OUT.
805
00:40:55,533 --> 00:40:57,934
SEE WHERE
IT TAKES ME.
806
00:40:57,934 --> 00:41:00,033
THAT'S RIGHT,
807
00:41:00,033 --> 00:41:03,166
'CAUSE WHEN YOU WHITE,
THE SKY'S THE LIMIT.
808
00:41:03,166 --> 00:41:05,934
WHEN YOU BLACK,
THE LIMIT'S THE SKY !
809
00:41:12,467 --> 00:41:14,300
THAT'S RIGHT, MAN.
810
00:41:14,300 --> 00:41:15,700
NOW, WHEN IT COMES
TO RACISM,
811
00:41:15,700 --> 00:41:17,467
DO YOU KNOW WHO THE MOST
RACIST PEOPLE ARE,
812
00:41:17,467 --> 00:41:19,934
FOR REAL, THE REAL
MOST RACIST PEOPLE ?
813
00:41:19,934 --> 00:41:22,700
OLD BLACK MEN.
814
00:41:22,700 --> 00:41:24,800
YOU FIND A BROTHER,
OVER 60,
815
00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:26,934
I KNOW SOME OF YOU WHITE PEOPLE
KNOW AN OLD BLACK MAN.
816
00:41:26,934 --> 00:41:29,066
YOU GO, OH, WILLIE,
AT THE JOB, HE'S SO NICE.
817
00:41:29,066 --> 00:41:31,333
WILLIE
HATES YOUR GUTS.
818
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:39,467
NOTHING MORE RACIST
THAN AN OLD BLACK MAN.
819
00:41:39,467 --> 00:41:40,834
YOU KNOW WHY ?
820
00:41:40,834 --> 00:41:43,233
'CAUSE AN OLD BLACK MAN
WENT THROUGH SOME REAL RACISM.
821
00:41:43,233 --> 00:41:46,100
HE DIDN'T GO THROUGH THAT,
I-CAN'T-GET-A-CAB SHIT.
822
00:41:46,100 --> 00:41:48,834
HE WAS THE CAB.
823
00:41:48,834 --> 00:41:51,000
A WHITE MAN
JUST JUMPED ON HIS BACK,
824
00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:52,700
MAIN STREET !
825
00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:02,000
LEFT, NIGGER,
LEFT, NIGGER,
826
00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:04,967
LEFT, YOU
FUCKING NIGGER !
827
00:42:07,333 --> 00:42:09,200
YOU KNOW WHAT'S WILD
ABOUT THE OLD BLACK MEN ?
828
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:11,233
AN OLD BLACK MAN,
HE AIN'T GONNA LET YOU
829
00:42:11,233 --> 00:42:12,533
FUCK UP HIS MONEY.
830
00:42:12,533 --> 00:42:14,367
WHENEVER AN OLD BLACK MAN
SEES AN OLD WHITE MAN,
831
00:42:14,367 --> 00:42:17,266
THE OLD BLACK MAN ALWAYS
KISSES THE OLD WHITE MAN'S ASS.
832
00:42:17,266 --> 00:42:19,233
HOW YA DOIN' SIR ?
PLEASED TO MEET YOU.
833
00:42:19,233 --> 00:42:21,400
WHATEVER I CAN GET YOU,
YOU LET ME KNOW.
834
00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:24,000
AS SOON AS THE WHITE MAN
GET OUT OF SIGHT, HE'S LIKE,
835
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:27,266
CRACKER-ASS CRACKER !
836
00:42:27,266 --> 00:42:28,767
CRACKER-ASS
CRACKER,
837
00:42:28,767 --> 00:42:30,266
I'LL PUT MY FOOT
IN THE CRACK OF YOU'RE ASS,
838
00:42:30,266 --> 00:42:31,734
CRACKER-ASS CRACKER !
839
00:42:31,734 --> 00:42:34,033
I WISH THAT CRACKER
WOULDA SAID SOME SHIT TO ME,
840
00:42:34,033 --> 00:42:37,867
SALTINE-ASSED,
MOTHERFUCKER, CRACKER !
841
00:42:37,867 --> 00:42:41,667
CRACKER, KISS MY ASS
YOU FUCKIN' CRACKER !
842
00:42:41,667 --> 00:42:43,400
THE WHITE MAN
COME BACK,
843
00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:45,233
HOWDY, SIR !
844
00:43:04,066 --> 00:43:06,033
I GOT AN UNCLE,
REAL CRAZY.
845
00:43:06,033 --> 00:43:08,100
MY UNCLE "B",
55-YEARS-OLD,
846
00:43:08,100 --> 00:43:11,367
HATES THE WHITE PEOPLE,
MARRIED TO A WHITE LADY.
847
00:43:11,367 --> 00:43:13,800
AND HE SITS AROUND
GOING, YOU KNOW,
848
00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:15,734
THESE CRACKERS
AIN'T SHIT...
849
00:43:15,734 --> 00:43:18,367
EXCEPT FOR SUSIE.
850
00:43:18,367 --> 00:43:21,800
HE TRIED TO EXPLAIN
THE WHOLE THING TO ME ONE DAY.
851
00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:23,900
HE SAID, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
I GOT A WHITE WIFE,
852
00:43:23,900 --> 00:43:25,467
I LOVE HER,
SHE LOVE ME.
853
00:43:25,467 --> 00:43:26,867
THAT'S ALL
THAT MATTERS.
854
00:43:26,867 --> 00:43:28,934
BUT I'LL TELL YOU THIS,
IF THE REVOLUTION EVER COME,
855
00:43:28,934 --> 00:43:31,500
I'LL KILL HER FIRST,
856
00:43:31,500 --> 00:43:35,867
JUST TO SHOW THESE CRACKERS
I MEAN BUSINESS !
857
00:43:35,867 --> 00:43:41,166
MOTHERFUCKER CRACKER-ASS,
MOTHERFUCKER CRACKER !
858
00:43:41,166 --> 00:43:43,567
SHIT, CRACKER,
MOTHERFUCKER... !
859
00:43:43,567 --> 00:43:46,567
OH, HEY, HI, HONEY !
860
00:43:46,567 --> 00:43:50,433
MOTHERFUCKER CRACKER,
I KILL MY CRACKER KIDS, TOO !
861
00:43:54,734 --> 00:43:57,333
THAT'S RIGHT, MAN,
THAT'S RIGHT.
862
00:43:57,333 --> 00:43:59,500
I DON'T KNOW, BLACK,
WHAT WE NEED Y'ALL,
863
00:43:59,500 --> 00:44:01,133
I THINK WE NEED
A NEW LEADER.
864
00:44:01,133 --> 00:44:04,200
WE DIDN'T HAVE A BLACK
LEADER IN A WHILE.
865
00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:05,834
IN A LONG TIME.
866
00:44:05,834 --> 00:44:07,700
SOMEBODY
THAT MOVES YOU.
867
00:44:07,700 --> 00:44:10,066
YOU KNOW, WE HAD
MARTIN LUTHER KING, MALCOLM X,
868
00:44:10,066 --> 00:44:11,567
AND EVER SINCE THEM,
869
00:44:11,567 --> 00:44:14,200
A BUNCH OF
SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS.
870
00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:17,166
WHY NOT HAVE
THE REAL THING ?
871
00:44:17,166 --> 00:44:19,166
I WANT A MOTHERFUCKER
TO MOVE ME.
872
00:44:19,166 --> 00:44:20,667
WHO DO WE GOT ?
LET ME BREAK EVERYBODY DOWN.
873
00:44:20,667 --> 00:44:22,500
WE GOT AL SHARPTON,
ALRIGHT.
874
00:44:22,500 --> 00:44:24,033
AL SHARPTON,
ALRIGHT.
875
00:44:24,033 --> 00:44:26,233
HE AIN'T MALCOLM
OR MARTIN,
876
00:44:26,233 --> 00:44:28,200
BUT IF YOU GET YOUR ASS
WHOOPED BY THE COPS,
877
00:44:28,200 --> 00:44:30,467
HE'S THE GUY TO CALL.
878
00:44:30,467 --> 00:44:35,000
OF COURSE, AL KINDA LOOKS
LIKE BOOKMAN FROM "GOOD TIMES"
879
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:38,033
BUT DON'T LET THAT
FUCK YOU UP.
880
00:44:38,033 --> 00:44:40,700
WHO ELSE WE GOT ?
JESSE JACKSON.
881
00:44:40,700 --> 00:44:42,100
JESSE, ALRIGHT.
882
00:44:42,100 --> 00:44:44,867
JESSE WENT OVER THERE,
JESSE GOT THEM HOSTAGES.
883
00:44:44,867 --> 00:44:47,000
I DON'T KNOW HOW
THE HELL HE DID THAT SHIT.
884
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:49,233
HE WENT OVER THERE
WITH NO MONEY,
885
00:44:49,233 --> 00:44:51,734
NO SWEET POTATO PIE.
886
00:44:51,734 --> 00:44:53,834
WHAT THE FUCK
DID JESSE SAY ?
887
00:44:53,834 --> 00:44:54,900
JESSE MUST
HAVE BEEN LIKE,
888
00:44:54,900 --> 00:44:56,467
HEY, DO YOU WANT
THE UNITED STATES
889
00:44:56,467 --> 00:44:58,066
TO REALLY BE
MAD AT YOU ?
890
00:44:58,066 --> 00:45:00,400
GIVE THE HOSTAGES TO ME !
891
00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:12,100
THAT'S WHAT HE SAID,
YOU KNOW...
892
00:45:12,100 --> 00:45:13,300
WHO ELSE WE GOT,
FARRAKHAN,
893
00:45:13,300 --> 00:45:14,700
FARRAKHAN GET
EVERYBODY TOGETHER
894
00:45:14,700 --> 00:45:17,300
FOR THE MILLION MAN MARCH
AND EVERYTHING.
895
00:45:17,300 --> 00:45:19,600
BUT FARRAKHAN
DON'T LIKE THE JEWS.
896
00:45:19,600 --> 00:45:21,500
I GET MY HAIR CUT
ON DEKALB AVENUE,
897
00:45:21,500 --> 00:45:23,133
I NEVER BEEN IN
THE BARBER SHOP,
898
00:45:23,133 --> 00:45:25,433
AND HEARD A BUNCHA BROTHERS
TALKIN' ABOUT JEWS.
899
00:45:25,433 --> 00:45:27,066
BLACK PEOPLE
DON'T HATE JEWS,
900
00:45:27,066 --> 00:45:29,266
BLACK PEOPLE
HATE WHITE PEOPLE !
901
00:45:29,266 --> 00:45:31,734
WE DON'T GOT TIME
TO DICE WHITE PEOPLE UP
902
00:45:31,734 --> 00:45:34,000
INTO LITTLE GROUPS.
903
00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:36,033
I HATE EVERYBODY !
904
00:45:36,033 --> 00:45:37,934
I DON'T CARE
IF YOU JUST GOT HERE.
905
00:45:37,934 --> 00:45:39,367
HEY, I'M ROMANIAN.
906
00:45:39,367 --> 00:45:41,834
YOU ROMANIAN
CRACKER !
907
00:45:44,767 --> 00:45:47,266
WE NEED A FUCKING
LEADER, MAN.
908
00:45:47,266 --> 00:45:48,734
AND THEN WHEN
WE GOT NO LEADERS,
909
00:45:48,734 --> 00:45:49,934
WHEN SOMETHIN' HAPPEN,
910
00:45:49,934 --> 00:45:51,400
WE MAKE THE SHIT
BIGGER THAN IT IS.
911
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:53,500
IT'S BIG BUT DON'T
MAKE IT BIGGER THAN IT IS.
912
00:45:53,500 --> 00:45:54,734
I'M WATCHING
THE NEWS
913
00:45:54,734 --> 00:45:56,567
AND TUPAC SHAKUR
WAS ASSASSINATED.
914
00:45:56,567 --> 00:45:58,834
BIGGIE SMALLS,
ASSASSINATED.
915
00:45:58,834 --> 00:46:01,000
STRUCK DOWN BY
ASSASSINS BULLETS...
916
00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:04,200
IT'S LIKE,
NO, THEY WASN'T !
917
00:46:04,200 --> 00:46:06,600
MARTIN LUTHER KING
WAS ASSASSINATED.
918
00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:09,500
MALCOLM X
WAS ASSASSINATED.
919
00:46:09,500 --> 00:46:13,133
JOHN F. KENNEDY
WAS ASSASSINATED.
920
00:46:13,133 --> 00:46:15,700
THEM TWO NIGGERS
GOT SHOT.
921
00:46:25,100 --> 00:46:28,066
SHIT, I LOVE TUPAC,
I LOVE BIGGIE,
922
00:46:28,066 --> 00:46:31,300
BUT SCHOOL WILL BE OPEN
ON THEIR BIRTHDAY !
923
00:46:32,934 --> 00:46:34,967
I DON'T THINK YOU'RE GONNA
SEE THEIR PICTURES
924
00:46:34,967 --> 00:46:37,266
HANGING UP IN YOUR
GRANDMAMA LIVING ROOM.
925
00:46:37,266 --> 00:46:40,734
THAT'S ABRAHAM,
MARTIN AND PAC.
926
00:46:44,333 --> 00:46:46,333
AND RIGHT HERE,
927
00:46:46,333 --> 00:46:49,033
I GOT ONE OF
JESUS AND BIGGIE ON THE SEESAW !
928
00:46:51,133 --> 00:46:54,100
JESUS ALWAYS
IN THE AIR.
929
00:46:57,066 --> 00:46:59,133
WE NEED
A LEADER, MAN.
930
00:46:59,133 --> 00:47:01,133
YOU KNOW WHO I THINK THE BLACK
LEADER SHOULD BE ?
931
00:47:01,133 --> 00:47:03,300
WHO I THINK THE BLACK
LEADER SHOULD BE ?
932
00:47:03,300 --> 00:47:04,633
( audience )
WHO ?
933
00:47:04,633 --> 00:47:06,767
PAT REILLY.
934
00:47:06,767 --> 00:47:09,467
COUCH PAT REILLY.
935
00:47:09,467 --> 00:47:14,367
NO MAN HAS LEAD MORE BLACK MEN
TO THE PROMISE LAND...
936
00:47:16,834 --> 00:47:19,400
THAN COUCH
PAT REILLY.
937
00:47:19,400 --> 00:47:21,433
HE MAY NOT GET US
TO THE MOUNTAINTOP,
938
00:47:21,433 --> 00:47:23,834
BUT HE'LL GET US
TO THE PLAY-OFFS.
939
00:47:23,834 --> 00:47:26,967
AND THAT'S ALL WE WANT,
THAT'S ALL WE WANT.
940
00:47:26,967 --> 00:47:28,934
WE GOT A LOT OF WOMEN
HERE TONIGHT.
941
00:47:28,934 --> 00:47:30,934
LOVE THE WOMEN,
LOVE THE WOMEN.
942
00:47:30,934 --> 00:47:33,500
( applause )
943
00:47:33,500 --> 00:47:35,667
YOU KNOW WHO MY
FAVORITE WOMEN ARE ?
944
00:47:35,667 --> 00:47:38,533
BIG, FAT, BLACK WOMEN.
945
00:47:38,533 --> 00:47:42,100
GIVE ME A SISTER
ABOUT 350 POUNDS.
946
00:47:42,100 --> 00:47:44,200
THE BEST PEOPLE
IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
947
00:47:44,200 --> 00:47:45,734
YOU KNOW WHY ?
948
00:47:45,734 --> 00:47:47,400
'CAUSE WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY
WHERE NOBODY LIKES
949
00:47:47,400 --> 00:47:49,133
WHO THE FUCK
THEY ARE.
950
00:47:49,133 --> 00:47:52,166
EVERYBODY'S ON
PROZAC OR SOME SHIT.
951
00:47:52,166 --> 00:47:55,467
EVERYBODY'S GETTING
COSMETIC SURGERY.
952
00:47:55,467 --> 00:47:58,133
NOBODY LIKES
WHO THE FUCK THEY ARE
953
00:47:58,133 --> 00:48:01,200
EXCEPT FAT,
BLACK WOMEN.
954
00:48:01,200 --> 00:48:04,967
FAT, BLACK WOMEN DON'T
GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU THINK.
955
00:48:04,967 --> 00:48:07,767
SHE GOING OUT
ON FRIDAY NIGHT.
956
00:48:07,767 --> 00:48:11,300
SHE GOT AN OUTFIT ON,
AND SHIT MATCH.
957
00:48:11,300 --> 00:48:13,233
SHE GOT THE PUMPS ON,
958
00:48:13,233 --> 00:48:16,433
AND THE PUMP FAT
COMING OUT THE PUMP...
959
00:48:21,400 --> 00:48:25,967
THAT'S RIGHT, LOOK LIKE
THEY BAKING BREAD IN HER SHOE.
960
00:48:31,367 --> 00:48:34,333
HEY BABY, YOUR FOOT
READY YET ?
961
00:48:34,333 --> 00:48:37,667
I'LL JUST SPRINKLE
SOME CINNAMON ON IT.
962
00:48:37,667 --> 00:48:40,166
THAT'S RIGHT,
SHE GOT AN ANKLET ON,
963
00:48:40,166 --> 00:48:42,667
AND THE ANKLET
HOLDIN' ON FOR DEAR LIFE.
964
00:48:42,667 --> 00:48:44,734
AHH !
965
00:48:47,767 --> 00:48:49,633
BLACK WOMEN
DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
966
00:48:49,633 --> 00:48:53,800
SHE LIKE, I'M SEXY,
I AM SEXY, YES, I AM !
967
00:48:53,800 --> 00:48:58,300
I AM THE SEXIEST
MOTHERFUCKER HERE TONIGHT !
968
00:48:58,300 --> 00:48:59,667
YEAH, I GOT A GUT,
969
00:48:59,667 --> 00:49:02,133
THERE'S SOME GOOD PUSSY
UNDER THIS GUT !
970
00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:18,233
THAT'S RIGHT, YOU WANT
SOME OF THIS SO YOU CAN
971
00:49:18,233 --> 00:49:20,367
LIVIN' LA VIDA LOCA !
972
00:49:23,734 --> 00:49:26,900
LOVE THE WOMEN, MAN,
WOMEN, WOMEN, WOMEN.
973
00:49:26,900 --> 00:49:28,333
WHAT DO Y'ALL WANT ?
974
00:49:28,333 --> 00:49:30,000
WHAT THE FUCK
DO Y'ALL WANT ?
975
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:31,633
DO YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU WANT ?
976
00:49:31,633 --> 00:49:33,400
DO KNOW WHERE
YOU'RE GOING TO ?
977
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:36,033
DO YOU LIKE THE THINGS
THAT LIFE IS SHOWIN' YOU ?
978
00:49:36,033 --> 00:49:37,967
DO YOU KNOW ?
979
00:49:37,967 --> 00:49:39,900
WHAT THE FUCK
DO WOMEN WANT ?
980
00:49:39,900 --> 00:49:42,633
I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT,
EVERYTHING.
981
00:49:42,633 --> 00:49:45,734
THAT'S EVERY WOMAN'S
ANSWER, EVERYTHING.
982
00:49:45,734 --> 00:49:47,467
WOMEN WANT
EVERY FUCKING THING.
983
00:49:47,467 --> 00:49:51,100
WOMEN ACT LIKE LIFE
WAS A BIG SALE OR SHIT.
984
00:49:51,100 --> 00:49:54,834
I WANT TO GET THE MOST SHIT
BEFORE THINGS CLOSE DOWN.
985
00:49:54,834 --> 00:49:56,734
THAT'S WHAT
THE FUCK LIFE IS,
986
00:49:56,734 --> 00:49:58,667
TO A WOMAN,
EVERYTHING.
987
00:49:58,667 --> 00:50:00,934
YOU KNOW WHAT MEN WANT,
DO YOU KNOW WHAT MEN WANT ?
988
00:50:00,934 --> 00:50:04,967
FOOD, SEX, SILENCE,
THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT !
989
00:50:04,967 --> 00:50:07,133
FOOD, SEX, SILENCE.
990
00:50:07,133 --> 00:50:10,834
FEED ME, FUCK ME,
SHUT THE FUCK UP !
991
00:50:20,400 --> 00:50:23,467
OUR GOALS SEEM VERY
ATTAINABLE, DON'T THEY ?
992
00:50:23,467 --> 00:50:26,100
WOMEN, WOMEN, WOMEN,
IT'S HARD TO FIGURE WOMEN OUT.
993
00:50:26,100 --> 00:50:27,567
IT'S HARD BEING A GUY.
994
00:50:27,567 --> 00:50:29,266
WE ALWAYS THINK
WE CAN BUY SEX.
995
00:50:29,266 --> 00:50:31,166
LIKE, IF I TAKE HER HERE,
SHE'LL GIVE ME SOME.
996
00:50:31,166 --> 00:50:33,266
IF I BUY HER THIS,
SHE'LL GIVE ME SOME.
997
00:50:33,266 --> 00:50:35,300
NOTHING GET YOU NOTHING.
998
00:50:35,300 --> 00:50:37,100
WOMEN KNOW IF
SHE'S GONNA FUCK YOU
999
00:50:37,100 --> 00:50:39,700
WITHIN THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES
OF MEETING YOU.
1000
00:50:39,700 --> 00:50:41,900
WOMEN KNOW
RIGHT AWAY.
1001
00:50:41,900 --> 00:50:45,133
THEY'RE SHAKIN' HANDS LIKE,
I'M GONNA FUCK HIM.
1002
00:50:52,133 --> 00:50:55,867
I HOPE HE DON'T SAY
NOTHING TOO STUPID.
1003
00:50:55,867 --> 00:50:59,266
THAT'S RIGHT FELLAS,
DON'T SAY NOTHING TOO STUPID.
1004
00:50:59,266 --> 00:51:02,834
BECAUSE WOMEN ARE
ALL ABOUT THE MOOD.
1005
00:51:02,834 --> 00:51:04,400
IF SHE'S IN THE MOOD
TO FUCK YOU,
1006
00:51:04,400 --> 00:51:06,667
SHUT UP
AND LET IT HAPPEN.
1007
00:51:06,667 --> 00:51:08,500
'CAUSE IF YOU SAY
THE WRONG THING
1008
00:51:08,500 --> 00:51:11,467
THEM PANTIES ARE COMING UP
MIGHTY FAST.
1009
00:51:11,467 --> 00:51:13,033
WHAT'D YOU SAY ?
1010
00:51:22,633 --> 00:51:24,400
AND SHE BE ON THE PHONE
WITH HER GIRLFRIEND,
1011
00:51:24,400 --> 00:51:26,533
YEAH, CHILD, I WAS
GONNA GIVE HIM SOME,
1012
00:51:26,533 --> 00:51:28,533
BUT HE JUST
STARTED TALKING.
1013
00:51:28,533 --> 00:51:32,066
YACKETY, YAK,
YAK, YAK, YAK...
1014
00:51:32,066 --> 00:51:34,567
I HATE A YACKING MAN, CHILD.
1015
00:51:34,567 --> 00:51:37,033
RELATIONSHIPS,
EASY TO GET INTO,
1016
00:51:37,033 --> 00:51:38,667
HARD TO MAINTAIN.
1017
00:51:38,667 --> 00:51:40,300
WHY ARE THEY SO HARD
TO MAINTAIN
1018
00:51:40,300 --> 00:51:42,400
BECAUSE IT'S HARD
TO KEEP UP THE LIE.
1019
00:51:42,400 --> 00:51:45,600
'CAUSE YOU CAN'T GET
NOBODY BEING YOU.
1020
00:51:45,600 --> 00:51:47,934
YOU GOT TO LIE
TO GET SOMEBODY.
1021
00:51:47,934 --> 00:51:50,500
YOU CAN'T GET NOBODY
LOOKING LIKE YOU LOOK,
1022
00:51:50,500 --> 00:51:52,567
ACTING LIKE YOU ACT,
1023
00:51:52,567 --> 00:51:54,367
SOUNDING
LIKE YOU SOUND.
1024
00:51:54,367 --> 00:51:56,533
WHEN YOU MEET SOMEBODY
FOR THE FIRST TIME,
1025
00:51:56,533 --> 00:51:58,266
YOU'RE NOT MEETING THEM,
1026
00:51:58,266 --> 00:52:00,700
YOU'RE MEETING
THEIR REPRESENTATIVE.
1027
00:52:04,700 --> 00:52:07,066
THAT'S RIGHT,
THAT'S RIGHT.
1028
00:52:07,066 --> 00:52:09,033
WHO ARE THE BIGGEST LIARS,
MEN OR WOMEN ?
1029
00:52:09,033 --> 00:52:11,233
( audience yelling )
1030
00:52:14,367 --> 00:52:16,734
HEY, HEY, HEY,
1031
00:52:16,734 --> 00:52:21,033
MEN LIE THE MOST,
WOMEN TELL THE BIGGEST LIES.
1032
00:52:21,033 --> 00:52:23,333
MEN, WE LIE
ALL THE TIME.
1033
00:52:23,333 --> 00:52:26,033
WE LIE SO MUCH IT'S
DAMN NEAR A LANGUAGE.
1034
00:52:26,033 --> 00:52:29,433
TO CALL A MAN OUT
FOR LYING
1035
00:52:29,433 --> 00:52:32,300
IS LIKE PLAYING BASKETBALL
WITH A RETARDED KID
1036
00:52:32,300 --> 00:52:34,934
AND CALLIN' HIM
FOR DOUBLE DRIBBLE.
1037
00:52:34,934 --> 00:52:37,734
YOU GOTTA LET
SOME SHIT SLIDE.
1038
00:52:37,734 --> 00:52:40,133
YOU JUST GOTTA
LET SOME SHIT SLIDE.
1039
00:52:40,133 --> 00:52:44,367
MEN, WE LIE ALL THE TIME,
WE LIE ALL THE TIME.
1040
00:52:44,367 --> 00:52:45,967
YOU KNOW WHAT
A MAN'S LIE IS LIKE ?
1041
00:52:45,967 --> 00:52:48,367
A MAN'S LIE IS LIKE,
I WAS AT TONY'S HOUSE.
1042
00:52:48,367 --> 00:52:50,767
I'M AT KENNY'S HOUSE,
THAT'S A MAN'S LIE.
1043
00:52:50,767 --> 00:52:53,967
A WOMEN'S LIE IS LIKE,
IT'S YOUR BABY.
1044
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:04,967
OOH, WE'VE ALL
HEARD THAT ONE.
1045
00:53:04,967 --> 00:53:07,300
HEY, IT DON'T EVEN
LOOK LIKE ME.
1046
00:53:07,300 --> 00:53:09,800
OH, HE'S GOT
YOUR HAT.
1047
00:53:09,800 --> 00:53:12,500
THAT'S RIGHT.
1048
00:53:12,500 --> 00:53:14,967
WHO THE BIGGEST LIARS ?
WOMEN THE BIGGEST LIARS.
1049
00:53:14,967 --> 00:53:17,533
LOOK AT YOU,
ALL OF YOU.
1050
00:53:17,533 --> 00:53:20,800
YOU'RE A FUCKING LIAR...
YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU !
1051
00:53:20,800 --> 00:53:25,767
YOU A LIAR,
YOU A LIAR !
1052
00:53:25,767 --> 00:53:28,900
YOU'RE ALL LIARS,
ALL OF YOU, FUCKING LIARS.
1053
00:53:28,900 --> 00:53:31,233
MASTERS OF THE LIE,
THE VISUAL LIE.
1054
00:53:31,233 --> 00:53:34,000
LOOK AT YOU,
YOU GOT ON HEELS,
1055
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:36,533
YOU AIN'T THAT TALL.
1056
00:53:36,533 --> 00:53:40,200
YOU GOT ON MAKE-UP,
YOUR FACE DON'T LOOK LIKE THAT.
1057
00:53:40,200 --> 00:53:43,333
YOU GOT A WEAVE,
YOUR HAIR AIN'T THAT LONG !
1058
00:53:43,333 --> 00:53:47,467
YOU GOT A WONDER BRA ON,
YOUR TITTIES AIN'T THAT BIG !
1059
00:53:47,467 --> 00:53:50,066
EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU
IS A LIE,
1060
00:53:50,066 --> 00:53:52,233
AND YOU EXPECT ME
TO TELL THE TRUTH ?
1061
00:53:52,233 --> 00:53:54,333
FUCK YOU !
1062
00:54:01,433 --> 00:54:06,734
MEN, WE LIE, WE LIVE LIES,
THAT'S WHY WE SO CRAZY.
1063
00:54:06,734 --> 00:54:09,633
EVERY NOW AND THEN, WE CATCH
OURSELVES LIVIN' A LIE.
1064
00:54:09,633 --> 00:54:13,233
WE CREATE A WHOLE
LIE-WORLD AROUND US.
1065
00:54:13,233 --> 00:54:14,533
FOR INSTANCE,
1066
00:54:14,533 --> 00:54:18,734
EVERY MAN IN THIS ROOM IS HIDING
SOME PORNO IN HIS HOUSE.
1067
00:54:18,734 --> 00:54:22,767
EVERY MAN HERE GOT A
PORNOGRAPHY STASH IN THE CRIB.
1068
00:54:22,767 --> 00:54:27,767
NOT AN ILLEGAL AMOUNT,
JUST ENOUGH TO GET YOU BY.
1069
00:54:27,767 --> 00:54:31,867
AND WHEN WE HIDE PORNO,
WE GO ALL OUT.
1070
00:54:31,867 --> 00:54:33,800
IT AIN'T BEHIND
THE 'FRIDGERATOR
OR UNDER THE BED.
1071
00:54:33,800 --> 00:54:37,100
NO, WE BECOME BATMAN WHEN
IT'S TIME TO HIDE SOME PORNO.
1072
00:54:37,100 --> 00:54:39,533
THAT'S RIGHT,
YOU HIT THE LIGHT SWITCH,
1073
00:54:39,533 --> 00:54:42,133
THE WHOLE BOOKSHELF
SHIFTS TO THE SIDE,
1074
00:54:42,133 --> 00:54:46,600
YOU GO DOWN TWO FLIGHTS
OF STAIRS INTO YOUR
PORNO CELLAR.
1075
00:54:46,600 --> 00:54:50,734
JANET JACK-ME,
TOBY KHAN,
1076
00:54:50,734 --> 00:54:52,800
GINA JAMESON,
THAT'S RIGHT.
1077
00:54:52,800 --> 00:54:57,333
BUT WOMEN ALWAYS
FIND THE PORNO,
1078
00:54:57,333 --> 00:54:59,700
BUT THEY DON'T FIND IT
IN THE PORNO HIDING PLACE,
1079
00:54:59,700 --> 00:55:01,400
OH, NO, NO.
1080
00:55:01,400 --> 00:55:03,367
WHERE DO WOMEN
FIND THE PORNO AT ?
1081
00:55:03,367 --> 00:55:05,934
IN THE VCR.
1082
00:55:05,934 --> 00:55:08,467
AND FELLAS ARE LIKE,
1083
00:55:08,467 --> 00:55:12,700
DAMN, HOW CAN I BE SO DUMB
TO LEAVE IT IN THE VCR ?
1084
00:55:12,700 --> 00:55:14,000
I'LL TELL YOU WHY.
1085
00:55:14,000 --> 00:55:15,200
'CAUSE WHEN
YOU'RE JERKIN' OFF,
1086
00:55:15,200 --> 00:55:17,867
YOU AIN'T IN YOUR
RIGHT STATE OF MIND.
1087
00:55:22,133 --> 00:55:26,000
YOUR BRAIN'S
ALL CLOUDY AND FOGGY.
1088
00:55:26,000 --> 00:55:27,900
I'LL TELL YOU
EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED.
1089
00:55:27,900 --> 00:55:30,200
ONE DAY,
YOUR WOMAN LEFT EARLY.
1090
00:55:30,200 --> 00:55:32,800
YOU HAD THE WHOLE HOUSE
TO YOURSELF,
1091
00:55:32,800 --> 00:55:37,300
SO YOU SAID, HEY, LET ME GET
A LITTLE JERK BEFORE WORK.
1092
00:55:37,300 --> 00:55:41,300
SO, YOU IN THE HOUSE,
GETTIN' YOUR JERK ON,
1093
00:55:41,300 --> 00:55:43,934
NICE GOOD JERK, TOO.
1094
00:55:43,934 --> 00:55:47,300
YOU KNOW THAT,
AIN'T-NOBODY-IN-THE-HOUSE
JERK.
1095
00:55:47,300 --> 00:55:48,734
THAT'S A GOOD JERK,
1096
00:55:48,734 --> 00:55:50,834
IT AIN'T LIKE THAT
SOMEBODY-IN-THE-NEXT-ROOM JERK.
1097
00:55:50,834 --> 00:55:54,100
THAT'S A BAD JERK,
LIKE, WHO'S THAT ?
1098
00:55:54,100 --> 00:55:57,233
I DON'T LIKE THAT JERK.
1099
00:55:57,233 --> 00:56:00,100
I'M TALKIN' ABOUT
THE GOOD JERK,
1100
00:56:00,100 --> 00:56:01,934
THAT NOBODY-AIN'T-HOME JERK.
1101
00:56:01,934 --> 00:56:04,567
SO, YOU GET
THE VASELINE READY,
1102
00:56:04,567 --> 00:56:07,033
AND YOU JUST LOOK AT
YOUR DICK AND GO,
1103
00:56:07,033 --> 00:56:10,300
SCREAM IF YOU WANT TO,
NO ONE'S GONNA HEAR.
1104
00:56:12,233 --> 00:56:15,200
AND RIGHT THEN
THE RELATIONSHIP'S IN TROUBLE.
1105
00:56:15,200 --> 00:56:16,800
'CAUSE IF YOU CAN'T
SHARE WHAT YOU'RE LIKE,
1106
00:56:16,800 --> 00:56:18,133
YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE SOME PROBLEMS.
1107
00:56:18,133 --> 00:56:19,900
BUT WHEN YOU REALLY
LOVE SOMEBODY,
1108
00:56:19,900 --> 00:56:21,533
YOU GOT TO LOVE
EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM.
1109
00:56:21,533 --> 00:56:23,567
YOU GOT TO LOVE THE CRUST
OF A MOTHERFUCKER.
1110
00:56:23,567 --> 00:56:25,934
YOU CAN'T JUST LOVE
THE WHITE PART OF THE BREAD.
1111
00:56:25,934 --> 00:56:27,834
YOU GOT TO LOVE THE CRUST,
THE CRUMBS,
1112
00:56:27,834 --> 00:56:30,300
THE LITTLE FUCKIN' CRUMBS
AT THE BOTTOM OF THE TOASTER,
1113
00:56:30,300 --> 00:56:32,166
THAT'S WHAT THE REAL
MOTHERFUCKER IS.
1114
00:56:32,166 --> 00:56:35,000
WHATEVER YOU INTO,
YOUR WOMAN GOTTA BE INTO, TOO,
1115
00:56:35,000 --> 00:56:36,533
AND VICE-VERSA,
1116
00:56:36,533 --> 00:56:38,400
OR THE SHIT
AIN'T GONNA WORK.
1117
00:56:38,400 --> 00:56:41,767
IT AIN'T GONNA WORK,
IT AIN'T GONNA WORK.
1118
00:56:41,767 --> 00:56:43,900
THAT'S RIGHT,
IF YOU BORN AGAIN,
1119
00:56:43,900 --> 00:56:46,367
YOUR WOMAN GOTTA BE
BORN AGAIN, TOO.
1120
00:56:46,367 --> 00:56:47,734
IF YOU A CRACK HEAD,
1121
00:56:47,734 --> 00:56:49,500
YOUR WOMAN GOTTA BE
A CRACK HEAD, TOO,
1122
00:56:49,500 --> 00:56:51,767
OR THE SHIT
WON'T WORK.
1123
00:56:51,767 --> 00:56:53,367
YOU CAN'T BE LIKE,
I'M GOING TO CHURCH,
1124
00:56:53,367 --> 00:56:54,333
WHERE YOU GOIN' ?
1125
00:56:54,333 --> 00:56:56,567
HIT THE PIPE !
1126
00:56:56,567 --> 00:57:00,333
THAT RELATIONSHIP
AIN'T GOIN' NOWHERE.
1127
00:57:00,333 --> 00:57:03,934
TWO CRACK HEADS
CAN STAY TOGETHER FOREVER.
1128
00:57:03,934 --> 00:57:05,867
THAT'S RIGHT,
WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN ?
1129
00:57:05,867 --> 00:57:07,767
THEY'RE GONNA STOP FUCKING,
THAT'S RIGHT.
1130
00:57:07,767 --> 00:57:09,533
THEY'LL STOP TALKING,
STOP FUCKIN'.
1131
00:57:09,533 --> 00:57:11,066
FELLAS, YOU EVER BEEN
IN BED WITH YOUR WOMAN,
1132
00:57:11,066 --> 00:57:13,900
YOUR BOTH TALKING DIRTY
AND YOU GO TOO FAR ?
1133
00:57:13,900 --> 00:57:17,367
YOU SAY SOME SHIT THAT
GETS YOU KICKED OUT OF BED.
1134
00:57:17,367 --> 00:57:19,800
AND THE WOMAN'S LIKE,
FUCK ME,
1135
00:57:19,800 --> 00:57:21,200
HARDER, HARDER, HARDER !
1136
00:57:21,200 --> 00:57:23,133
FUCK ME, DADDY, FUCK ME,
SPANK ME, FUCK ME !
1137
00:57:23,133 --> 00:57:24,100
ALRIGHT, YOU HO !
1138
00:57:24,100 --> 00:57:26,867
WHO YOU
CALLING A HO ?!
1139
00:57:26,867 --> 00:57:30,300
WHO THE FUCK ARE
YOU CALLING A HO ?!
1140
00:57:30,300 --> 00:57:32,834
UNTIE ME !
1141
00:57:37,734 --> 00:57:40,400
I AIN'T NO EXPERT OR NO SHIT,
BUT, YO, FELLAS,
1142
00:57:40,400 --> 00:57:42,834
IF YOU'RE GONNA TALK
DIRTY TO YOUR WOMAN,
1143
00:57:42,834 --> 00:57:45,400
YOU GOT TO TALK
WITH AUTHORITY.
1144
00:57:45,400 --> 00:57:48,333
YOU CAN GET A WOMAN TO DO
ANY NASTY LITTLE THING YOU WANT.
1145
00:57:48,333 --> 00:57:49,767
YOU SAY THAT SHIT
LIKE A MAN,
1146
00:57:49,767 --> 00:57:50,867
MAKE A LITTLE
EYE CONTACT,
1147
00:57:50,867 --> 00:57:52,233
PUT A LITTLE BASS
IN YOUR VOICE,
1148
00:57:52,233 --> 00:57:53,734
SHE WILL DO THAT SHIT.
1149
00:57:53,734 --> 00:57:55,300
SHE WANTS
TO DO THAT SHIT.
1150
00:57:55,300 --> 00:57:58,100
SHE'S DYIN'
TO DO THAT SHIT.
1151
00:57:58,100 --> 00:58:01,967
YOUR WOMAN IS NASTIER
THAN YOU EVER IMAGINED.
1152
00:58:01,967 --> 00:58:06,033
BUT YOU GOTTA
COME CORRECT,
1153
00:58:06,033 --> 00:58:08,800
BECAUSE ANYTHING YOU MUMBLE
AIN'T GETTING DONE.
1154
00:58:08,800 --> 00:58:11,800
YOU CAN'T BE IN BED,
ALL UNSURE, LIKE,
1155
00:58:11,800 --> 00:58:14,333
EXCUSE ME,
EXCUSE ME.
1156
00:58:14,333 --> 00:58:16,800
EXCUSE ME,
I WAS WONDERING...
1157
00:58:16,800 --> 00:58:20,000
MA'AM, I HAVE
A REQUEST HERE.
1158
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:22,400
COULD YOU, UM,
LICK MY BALLS ?
1159
00:58:22,400 --> 00:58:24,333
HUH ?!
1160
00:58:24,333 --> 00:58:26,800
I AIN'T
LICKING NOTHING.
1161
00:58:26,800 --> 00:58:28,867
LICK YOUR
OWN BALLS !
1162
00:58:28,867 --> 00:58:31,200
SEE, IF YOU'D SAID IT RIGHT
YOU'D BEEN IN THERE !
1163
00:58:31,200 --> 00:58:34,133
NOW YOU GOT
DRY BALLS.
1164
00:58:34,133 --> 00:58:37,300
THAT'S RIGHT,
CONFIDENCE ALWAYS WINS.
1165
00:58:37,300 --> 00:58:39,567
DO YOU REALIZE THAT
IT'S 1999.
1166
00:58:39,567 --> 00:58:41,467
SOME WOMEN STILL
DON'T GIVE HEAD ?
1167
00:58:41,467 --> 00:58:43,433
NINETY-FUCKIN'-NINE.
1168
00:58:43,433 --> 00:58:45,333
WHEN EVER I MEET A GIRL
THAT DOESN'T GIVE HEAD,
1169
00:58:45,333 --> 00:58:46,900
I LOOK AT 'EM
LIKE A DAMN BETAMAX,
1170
00:58:46,900 --> 00:58:49,000
THEY STILL
MAKE YOU ?!
1171
00:58:52,967 --> 00:58:55,200
AND WHEN IT COMES TO HEAD,
THERE'S THREE TYPES OF WOMEN.
1172
00:58:55,200 --> 00:58:56,767
THREE TYPES OF WOMEN
WHEN IT COMES TO HEAD.
1173
00:58:56,767 --> 00:58:58,633
A) WOMEN THAT
DON'T GIVE HEAD.
1174
00:58:58,633 --> 00:59:00,767
BYE, LEAVE,
SEE YA !
1175
00:59:00,767 --> 00:59:03,800
B) WOMEN THAT GIVE YOU
JUST ENOUGH HEAD
1176
00:59:03,800 --> 00:59:05,433
TO SHUT YOU UP.
1177
00:59:05,433 --> 00:59:07,100
YOU EVER MEET THEM WOMEN ?
THEY'RE LIKE...
1178
00:59:07,100 --> 00:59:08,834
HEY, YOU OKAY ?
1179
00:59:22,233 --> 00:59:24,700
I HATE THEM WOMEN !
1180
00:59:24,700 --> 00:59:26,700
AND NUMBER THREE,
MY FAVORITE WOMAN,
1181
00:59:26,700 --> 00:59:28,400
A WOMAN THAT LIKE
NOTHING BETTER
1182
00:59:28,400 --> 00:59:30,500
THAN TO SUCK A DICK.
1183
00:59:30,500 --> 00:59:33,133
THAT'S RIGHT,
GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU !
1184
00:59:33,133 --> 00:59:34,600
THAT'S RIGHT,
1185
00:59:34,600 --> 00:59:37,233
YOU MAKE THE WORLD
A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE IN.
1186
00:59:37,233 --> 00:59:39,000
I WANT YOU TO
SUCK MY DICK
1187
00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:41,066
LIKE YOU THINK
THE ANTIDOTE'S IN IT !
1188
00:59:41,066 --> 00:59:42,867
LIKE YOU TRYING TO GET
SOME ROBITUSSIN
1189
00:59:42,867 --> 00:59:45,000
OUT OF THAT
MOTHERFUCKER !
1190
00:59:50,467 --> 00:59:52,000
THAT'S RIGHT,
RELATIONSHIPS.
1191
00:59:52,000 --> 00:59:53,667
EASY TO GET INTO,
HARD TO MAINTAIN.
1192
00:59:53,667 --> 00:59:55,133
WHY ARE THEY SO HARD
TO MAINTAIN ?
1193
00:59:55,133 --> 00:59:57,734
'CAUSE AT SOME POINT
YOU JUST STOP TALKING.
1194
00:59:57,734 --> 01:00:00,166
THAT'S RIGHT,
EVERYBODY STOPS TALKING,
1195
01:00:00,166 --> 01:00:01,767
AFTER A WHILE.
1196
01:00:01,767 --> 01:00:04,467
YOU KNOW HOW IT IS, YOU COME
HOME AND YOU START NODDIN'.
1197
01:00:04,467 --> 01:00:07,467
YEAH, YEAH, WE COOL,
YEAH, YEAH.
1198
01:00:07,467 --> 01:00:09,633
I'M GONNA GET A LITTLE
SOMETHING TO EAT.
1199
01:00:09,633 --> 01:00:11,066
WHY DO YOU
STOP TALKING ?
1200
01:00:11,066 --> 01:00:12,433
'CAUSE AT SOME POINT,
1201
01:00:12,433 --> 01:00:15,633
YOU HAVE HEARD EVERYTHING
THIS PERSON HAS TO SAY.
1202
01:00:15,633 --> 01:00:18,834
AND IT MAKES YOU
SICK TO YOUR STOMACH.
1203
01:00:18,834 --> 01:00:21,166
YOU KNOW WHAT
THEY'RE GONNA SAY
1204
01:00:21,166 --> 01:00:23,667
BEFORE IT EVEN
COMES OUT OF THEIR MOUTH,
1205
01:00:23,667 --> 01:00:26,967
AND YOU JUST WANNA
STAB THEM IN THE NECK
WITH A PENCIL !
1206
01:00:26,967 --> 01:00:29,767
YOUR CAN'T TAKE
THE SHIT NO MORE !
1207
01:00:29,767 --> 01:00:32,166
AND THEY'RE LIKE,
REMEMBER THAT TIME ?
1208
01:00:32,166 --> 01:00:34,367
YEAH, I REMEMBER
THAT TIME !!
1209
01:00:34,367 --> 01:00:35,567
UH, I EVER
TELL YOU ABOUT...
1210
01:00:35,567 --> 01:00:37,567
YEAH, YOU TOLD ME
ABOUT THE TIME !!
1211
01:00:37,567 --> 01:00:39,533
STOP TELLING ME
THE SAME SHIT,
1212
01:00:39,533 --> 01:00:42,467
OVER AND OVER AGAIN !
1213
01:00:42,467 --> 01:00:44,200
WHY DON'T YOU GO OUT
AND GET KIDNAPED
1214
01:00:44,200 --> 01:00:46,367
AND HAVE SOME NEW SHIT
HAPPEN TO YOU !
1215
01:00:47,800 --> 01:00:52,000
FELLAS, YOU GOTTA TALK,
YOU GOTTA TALK.
1216
01:00:52,000 --> 01:00:53,800
FELLAS,
YOU GOT TO TALK.
1217
01:00:53,800 --> 01:00:55,166
THAT'S WOMEN'S
BIGGEST COMPLAINT,
1218
01:00:55,166 --> 01:00:58,500
YOU DON'T TALK,
YOU DON'T TALK...
1219
01:00:58,500 --> 01:01:00,333
YOU NEED TO TALK,
LET'S TALK.
1220
01:01:00,333 --> 01:01:01,934
YOU DON'T TALK.
1221
01:01:01,934 --> 01:01:03,700
WOMEN LOVE
TO TALK.
1222
01:01:03,700 --> 01:01:05,834
IF THEY WERE
TALKING IN THE OLYMPICS,
1223
01:01:05,834 --> 01:01:08,367
A MAN WOULDN'T
STAND A CHANCE.
1224
01:01:08,367 --> 01:01:11,066
WOMEN LOVE TO TALK,
BUT THEY WANNA TALK TO YOU.
1225
01:01:11,066 --> 01:01:12,367
THEY WANNA TALK
TO THEIR MAN.
1226
01:01:12,367 --> 01:01:15,900
BUT WOMEN DON'T WANT
YOU TO, TALK-TALK.
1227
01:01:15,900 --> 01:01:19,200
WOMEN JUST WANT YOU TO
LISTEN-LISTEN.
1228
01:01:19,200 --> 01:01:21,533
ALL A WOMAN REALLY
WANTS YOU TO DO
1229
01:01:21,533 --> 01:01:24,033
IS ASK HER
THE CORRECT QUESTIONS
1230
01:01:24,033 --> 01:01:27,533
THAT WILL ALLOW HER
TO RUN HER FUCKING MOUTH !
1231
01:01:30,400 --> 01:01:33,734
YOU SET HER UP,
SHE'LL KNOCK 'EM DOWN.
1232
01:01:33,734 --> 01:01:35,834
FELLAS, YOU WANT
YOUR WOMAN TO BE HAPPY ?
1233
01:01:35,834 --> 01:01:38,400
ALL YOU GOT TO SAY IS,
HOW WAS YOUR DAY ?
1234
01:01:38,400 --> 01:01:41,266
HOW WAS YOUR DAY ?
HONEY, HOW WAS YOUR DAY ?
1235
01:01:41,266 --> 01:01:42,500
YOU KNOW WHY ?
1236
01:01:42,500 --> 01:01:44,000
'CAUSE
"HOW WAS YOUR DAY ?"
1237
01:01:44,000 --> 01:01:46,500
IS A 45 MINUTE CONVERSATION
TO A WOMAN.
1238
01:01:46,500 --> 01:01:48,633
AND AS A MAN,
YOU DON'T REALLY GOTTA TALK.
1239
01:01:48,633 --> 01:01:50,667
YOU GOTTA JUST
ACT LIKE YOU'RE TALKIN'.
1240
01:01:50,667 --> 01:01:52,500
UH-HUH...
GET OUTTA HERE !
1241
01:01:52,500 --> 01:01:54,433
NO, I DON'T
BELIEVE IT !
1242
01:01:54,433 --> 01:01:55,734
YOU DON'T SAY ?
1243
01:01:55,734 --> 01:01:57,200
REALLY,
GET OUTTA HERE !
1244
01:01:57,200 --> 01:01:58,834
GO ON,
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
1245
01:01:58,834 --> 01:02:00,533
YOU DON'T SAY ?
GET OUT OF HERE !
1246
01:02:00,533 --> 01:02:03,100
I TOLD YOU
THAT BITCH CRAZY !
1247
01:02:03,100 --> 01:02:05,266
YOU GOTTA THROW IN,
1248
01:02:05,266 --> 01:02:07,433
"I TOLD YOU THAT
BITCH CRAZY."
1249
01:02:07,433 --> 01:02:08,834
YOU KNOW WHY ?
1250
01:02:08,834 --> 01:02:11,333
'CAUSE EVERY WOMAN'S
GOT ANOTHER WOMAN AT HER JOB
1251
01:02:11,333 --> 01:02:14,600
THAT SHE CAN'T STAND.
1252
01:02:14,600 --> 01:02:17,700
AND WOMEN, Y'ALL
EXAGGERATE EVERYTHING.
1253
01:02:17,700 --> 01:02:19,600
YOU ALWAYS TURN IT INTO
SOME "DYNASTY" SHIT.
1254
01:02:19,600 --> 01:02:22,266
SHE'S TRYING
TO DESTROY ME !
1255
01:02:22,266 --> 01:02:23,867
WHAT THE FUCK
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?
1256
01:02:23,867 --> 01:02:26,967
YOU WRAP UP BAGS
AT J.C. PENNEY'S !
1257
01:02:26,967 --> 01:02:29,900
WHAT SHE DOING,
RIPPING UP YOUR PAPER ?!
1258
01:02:29,900 --> 01:02:32,000
FELLAS,
YOU GOTTA TALK.
1259
01:02:32,000 --> 01:02:33,967
WOMEN,
THE EXACT OPPOSITE.
1260
01:02:33,967 --> 01:02:36,200
Y'ALL GOTTA LEARN
WHEN NOT TO TALK.
1261
01:02:36,200 --> 01:02:37,767
THAT'S RIGHT.
1262
01:02:37,767 --> 01:02:40,100
YOU EVER NOTICE HOW NO MAN
COMES HOME STRAIGHT FROM WORK ?
1263
01:02:40,100 --> 01:02:42,033
NO MAN COMES HOME
STRAIGHT FROM WORK.
1264
01:02:42,033 --> 01:02:44,734
A MAN GET OFF OF WORK,
HE GOT TO GO SOMEWHERE.
1265
01:02:44,734 --> 01:02:46,600
HE GOT TO
DRINK SOMETHING,
1266
01:02:46,600 --> 01:02:48,066
HE GOT TO SMOKE
SOMETHING,
1267
01:02:48,066 --> 01:02:49,700
HE GOT TO
WATCH THE GAME,
1268
01:02:49,700 --> 01:02:51,400
HE GOT TO HANG
WITH THE BOYS,
1269
01:02:51,400 --> 01:02:53,100
HE GOT TO TAKE A DRIVE.
1270
01:02:53,100 --> 01:02:56,400
HE GOT TO DO SOMETHING
THAT WILL MENTALLY PREPARE HIM
1271
01:02:56,400 --> 01:02:58,934
FOR ALL THE TALKING
HE GONNA HEAR
1272
01:02:58,934 --> 01:03:02,100
WHEN HE GET HOME.
1273
01:03:02,100 --> 01:03:05,166
LADIES, LADIES,
1274
01:03:05,166 --> 01:03:07,066
IT AIN'T THAT YOU
TALK TOO MUCH,
1275
01:03:07,066 --> 01:03:09,000
YOU JUST TALK
TOO MUCH
1276
01:03:09,000 --> 01:03:11,066
AS SOON AS
WE GET IN THE FUCKIN' DOOR.
1277
01:03:11,066 --> 01:03:12,800
LET A MAN
GET SITUATED.
1278
01:03:12,800 --> 01:03:15,033
WE DON'T NEED TO HEAR
EVERYTHING RIGHT AWAY.
1279
01:03:15,033 --> 01:03:16,500
SOON AS YOU TAKE
ONE STEP IN,
1280
01:03:16,500 --> 01:03:19,633
YOU'RE NOT GONNA
BELIEVE THIS... !
1281
01:03:19,633 --> 01:03:23,000
HEY, LET ME GET
MY OTHER FOOT
1282
01:03:23,000 --> 01:03:24,467
IN THE FUCKIN' DOOR !
1283
01:03:24,467 --> 01:03:25,800
LET ME GET
SOMETHING TO EAT !
1284
01:03:25,800 --> 01:03:27,433
LET ME GET SOMETHING
TO DRINK !
1285
01:03:27,433 --> 01:03:29,100
LET ME TAKE
A SHIT !
1286
01:03:29,100 --> 01:03:33,066
GO IN THE FUCKIN' KITCHEN AND
GET ME MY BIG PIECE OF CHICKEN !
1287
01:03:33,066 --> 01:03:36,133
I'M OUT OF HERE,
THANK YOU NEW YORK !
1288
01:03:36,133 --> 01:03:39,734
( cheers )
1289
01:03:48,600 --> 01:03:51,834
( rapping )
1290
01:03:56,767 --> 01:03:59,133
SAY YEAH,
MOTHERFUCKER,
COME ON !
1291
01:03:59,133 --> 01:04:01,333
SAY YEAH,
MOTHERFUCKER,
COME ON !
1292
01:04:01,333 --> 01:04:03,133
ALRIGHT, Y'ALL.
1293
01:04:03,133 --> 01:04:04,433
SAY, CHRIS !
1294
01:04:04,433 --> 01:04:05,700
( audience )
CHRIS !
1295
01:04:05,700 --> 01:04:06,800
SAY, CHRIS ROCK !
1296
01:04:06,800 --> 01:04:07,800
CHRIS ROCK !
1297
01:04:07,800 --> 01:04:09,100
SAY, SLICK RICK !
1298
01:04:09,100 --> 01:04:10,200
SLICK RICK !
1299
01:04:10,200 --> 01:04:11,467
SAY, DOUG E. FRESH !
1300
01:04:11,467 --> 01:04:13,934
DOUG E. FRESH !
1301
01:04:14,967 --> 01:04:17,033
LET ME SEE YOU
DANCE, NIGGER !
1302
01:04:17,033 --> 01:04:19,600
YEAH, Y'ALL.
1303
01:04:19,600 --> 01:04:22,734
( rapping )
1304
01:04:25,000 --> 01:04:28,800
CAPTIONS COPYRIGHT 1999
HOME BOX OFFICE
1305
01:04:28,800 --> 01:04:32,867
A DIVISION OF TIME WARNER
ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY, L.P.
1306
01:04:32,867 --> 01:04:37,033
Captioned by
HBO COMMUNICATIONS CENTER
89923
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.