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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,638 --> 00:00:04,173 [♪ Marvel Studios fanfare playing] 2 00:00:23,903 --> 00:00:25,937 [Deadpool scatting along] ♪ Ta ta ta ta ta ta ♪ 3 00:00:25,970 --> 00:00:28,471 ♪ Ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ♪ 4 00:00:28,504 --> 00:00:30,304 ♪ Tan tan ta ♪ 5 00:00:30,337 --> 00:00:31,669 ♪ Tan tan tan tan ♪ 6 00:00:31,702 --> 00:00:33,071 ♪ Tan tan ta tan ♪ 7 00:00:33,104 --> 00:00:34,670 - ♪ Tan tan tan tan! ♪ - [♪ fanfare concludes] 8 00:00:34,703 --> 00:00:37,969 [laughs] That logo music just gets you pumped. 9 00:00:38,003 --> 00:00:39,602 - [♪ gentle music playing] - Right? 10 00:00:39,636 --> 00:00:42,702 I'm sorry. I just, I'm excited to be here. It's been a while. 11 00:00:42,736 --> 00:00:43,868 You know, for a long time, 12 00:00:43,902 --> 00:00:45,702 I wasn't sure I'd ever be back. 13 00:00:45,736 --> 00:00:46,869 Disney bought Fox, 14 00:00:46,903 --> 00:00:48,569 there was a whole boring rights issue, 15 00:00:48,602 --> 00:00:49,736 blabbity-blabbity-blah. 16 00:00:49,769 --> 00:00:52,668 But then, it turned out, they wanted me. 17 00:00:52,701 --> 00:00:55,336 The one guy who shouldn't even have his own movie, 18 00:00:55,370 --> 00:00:56,869 much less a franchise. 19 00:00:56,903 --> 00:01:00,136 [laughs] Marvel's so stupid. 20 00:01:00,170 --> 00:01:02,070 Look, we know the title of this thing. 21 00:01:02,103 --> 00:01:03,868 So, I know what you're wondering. 22 00:01:03,902 --> 00:01:05,035 How are we gonna do this 23 00:01:05,069 --> 00:01:08,436 without dishonoring Logan's memory? 24 00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:09,835 And I'll tell you how. 25 00:01:10,601 --> 00:01:11,834 We're not. 26 00:01:11,867 --> 00:01:13,567 [♪ romantic music plays, The Platters "Only You"] 27 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:15,701 I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. 28 00:01:15,735 --> 00:01:18,035 Wolverine is not dead. 29 00:01:18,069 --> 00:01:21,302 Sure, it made for a perfect ending to a very sad story. 30 00:01:21,335 --> 00:01:22,401 But that's not how 31 00:01:22,435 --> 00:01:24,634 regenerative healing factors work. 32 00:01:24,667 --> 00:01:25,901 You think I wanna be out here 33 00:01:25,934 --> 00:01:28,035 in beautiful downtown North Dakota, 34 00:01:28,069 --> 00:01:31,268 digging up the one and only Wolverine? No, thank you. 35 00:01:31,301 --> 00:01:33,866 But the fate of my entire world is at stake. 36 00:01:33,900 --> 00:01:35,368 He may not be living his best life, 37 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:37,700 but he sure as hell ain't 38 00:01:37,734 --> 00:01:39,334 - dead. - [metal clanks] 39 00:01:42,234 --> 00:01:43,733 [crow cawing in distance] 40 00:01:44,267 --> 00:01:45,267 Bingo. 41 00:01:46,101 --> 00:01:47,101 Yahtzee. 42 00:01:48,401 --> 00:01:49,599 [sighs] 43 00:01:50,333 --> 00:01:53,233 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 44 00:01:56,900 --> 00:01:57,900 Damn it! 45 00:01:58,766 --> 00:02:01,665 - Son of a bitch! - [metal clangs] 46 00:02:03,300 --> 00:02:04,799 You... 47 00:02:04,832 --> 00:02:06,699 - [shovel snaps] - [yelling] 48 00:02:06,733 --> 00:02:10,033 Christ. Motherfucker! 49 00:02:10,067 --> 00:02:11,698 - My world is fuck... - [♪ song stops] 50 00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:14,632 [laughs, snorts] That was weird. 51 00:02:14,664 --> 00:02:15,898 I'm much calmer now. 52 00:02:15,932 --> 00:02:17,399 [♪ The Platter "Only You" resumes playing] 53 00:02:17,433 --> 00:02:20,332 Look, I'm not a man of science. 54 00:02:20,366 --> 00:02:23,366 But you seem incredibly passed away. 55 00:02:23,398 --> 00:02:24,898 [flies buzzing] 56 00:02:25,532 --> 00:02:26,664 [sighs] 57 00:02:26,697 --> 00:02:28,232 But it's good to see ya. 58 00:02:28,266 --> 00:02:31,498 I gotta be honest, I've always wanted to ride with you, Log. 59 00:02:31,532 --> 00:02:32,831 You and me getting into it. 60 00:02:32,864 --> 00:02:36,596 Deadpool and Wolverine just fuckin' shit up. 61 00:02:36,630 --> 00:02:39,597 Can you imagine the fun, the chaos... 62 00:02:40,098 --> 00:02:41,098 the residuals? 63 00:02:42,031 --> 00:02:43,298 [in Australian accent] "G'day, mate. 64 00:02:43,331 --> 00:02:45,264 "There's nothing that'll bring me back to life faster 65 00:02:45,297 --> 00:02:48,098 "than a big bag of Marvel cash." 66 00:02:48,131 --> 00:02:50,696 [chuckles, in normal tone] Me too, Hugh. 67 00:02:51,298 --> 00:02:54,230 But, no. No, no, no. 68 00:02:54,264 --> 00:02:58,131 [groans] You had to get all noble and die for real. 69 00:02:58,165 --> 00:02:59,931 Goddamn it! 70 00:03:01,497 --> 00:03:03,762 I could really use your help right now. 71 00:03:04,530 --> 00:03:06,064 [electrical whirring] 72 00:03:11,197 --> 00:03:13,196 [♪ tense music playing] 73 00:03:14,562 --> 00:03:15,761 Wait! 74 00:03:16,694 --> 00:03:18,496 I'm warning you, I'm not alone. 75 00:03:18,530 --> 00:03:20,729 Wade Winston Wilson, 76 00:03:20,762 --> 00:03:23,229 you are under arrest by the Time Variance Authority... 77 00:03:23,263 --> 00:03:24,296 [Deadpool sniffs] Oof. 78 00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:25,628 ...for too many crimes to list. 79 00:03:25,661 --> 00:03:26,862 - Come out... - [Deadpool groans] 80 00:03:26,896 --> 00:03:28,163 ...and we'll extend you the courtesy 81 00:03:28,196 --> 00:03:30,430 - of taking you in one piece. - Death by day-player. 82 00:03:30,463 --> 00:03:31,694 Last chance. 83 00:03:31,728 --> 00:03:32,962 Throw out your weapons 84 00:03:32,996 --> 00:03:34,962 - and come out peacefully. - [Deadpool sighs] 85 00:03:34,995 --> 00:03:36,861 [Deadpool] I'm not gonna give you my weapons, 86 00:03:36,895 --> 00:03:40,029 but I promise not to use them. 87 00:03:40,063 --> 00:03:42,861 There are two hundred and six bones in the human body. 88 00:03:42,895 --> 00:03:45,028 Two hundred and seven if I'm watching Gossip Girl. 89 00:03:45,062 --> 00:03:46,327 [♪ pop music playing, *NSYNC "Bye Bye Bye"] 90 00:03:46,361 --> 00:03:48,161 - Here we go. Maximum effort. - ♪ Hey, hey ♪ 91 00:03:48,194 --> 00:03:49,262 [♪ song stops] 92 00:03:53,327 --> 00:03:55,394 - ♪ Bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 93 00:03:55,428 --> 00:03:56,593 Okay, peanut. 94 00:03:56,627 --> 00:03:58,227 Guess we're getting that team-up after all. 95 00:03:59,928 --> 00:04:01,961 - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 96 00:04:06,127 --> 00:04:06,960 [grunts] 97 00:04:06,994 --> 00:04:09,461 ♪ I'm doing this tonight ♪ 98 00:04:09,494 --> 00:04:11,394 ♪ You're probably gonna start a fight ♪ 99 00:04:11,428 --> 00:04:12,461 [screaming] 100 00:04:12,494 --> 00:04:14,860 ♪ I know this can't be right ♪ 101 00:04:14,894 --> 00:04:17,792 ♪ Hey, baby, come on ♪ 102 00:04:17,826 --> 00:04:20,493 ♪ I loved you endlessly ♪ 103 00:04:20,527 --> 00:04:23,160 ♪ When you weren't there for me ♪ 104 00:04:23,193 --> 00:04:28,893 ♪ So now it's time to leave and make it alone ♪ 105 00:04:28,926 --> 00:04:31,060 ♪ I know that I can't take no more ♪ 106 00:04:31,093 --> 00:04:32,093 [smooches] 107 00:04:33,026 --> 00:04:34,426 [exhales] 108 00:04:34,459 --> 00:04:37,259 ♪ I wanna see you out that door ♪ 109 00:04:37,292 --> 00:04:39,558 - ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 110 00:04:39,590 --> 00:04:41,725 ♪ Don't wanna be a fool for you ♪ 111 00:04:41,758 --> 00:04:45,259 ♪ Just another player in your game for two ♪ 112 00:04:45,292 --> 00:04:48,724 ♪ You may hate me, but it ain't no lie ♪ 113 00:04:48,757 --> 00:04:50,859 - ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 114 00:04:50,893 --> 00:04:53,092 ♪ Don't really wanna make it tough ♪ 115 00:04:53,125 --> 00:04:56,191 ♪ I just wanna tell you that I've had enough ♪ 116 00:04:56,224 --> 00:04:59,689 ♪ It might sound crazy, but it ain't no lie ♪ 117 00:04:59,723 --> 00:05:02,657 ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ 118 00:05:03,657 --> 00:05:06,258 ♪ Just hit me with the truth ♪ 119 00:05:06,291 --> 00:05:08,191 ♪ Now, girl, you're more than welcome to ♪ 120 00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:10,091 Maradona from outside the box! 121 00:05:10,458 --> 00:05:13,358 Goal! 122 00:05:13,391 --> 00:05:14,723 ♪ Baby, come on ♪ 123 00:05:14,757 --> 00:05:17,990 ♪ I know that I can't take no more ♪ 124 00:05:18,023 --> 00:05:20,090 - ♪ It ain't no lie ♪ - [both yelling] 125 00:05:20,123 --> 00:05:23,257 ♪ I wanna see you out that door ♪ 126 00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:25,623 - ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 127 00:05:25,656 --> 00:05:27,856 ♪ Don't wanna be a fool for you ♪ 128 00:05:27,890 --> 00:05:31,190 ♪ Just another player in your game for two ♪ 129 00:05:31,223 --> 00:05:34,390 ♪ You may hate me, but it ain't no lie ♪ 130 00:05:34,424 --> 00:05:36,790 - ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 131 00:05:36,823 --> 00:05:38,989 ♪ Don't really wanna make it tough ♪ 132 00:05:39,022 --> 00:05:42,190 ♪ I just wanna tell you that I had enough ♪ 133 00:05:42,223 --> 00:05:45,588 ♪ Might sound crazy, but it ain't no lie ♪ 134 00:05:45,622 --> 00:05:48,189 ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ 135 00:05:51,622 --> 00:05:54,922 ♪ I don't wanna be your fool ♪ 136 00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:57,621 ♪ In this game for two ♪ 137 00:05:57,654 --> 00:06:00,188 ♪ So I'm leavin' you behind ♪ 138 00:06:00,221 --> 00:06:01,922 Come on, big fella. 139 00:06:01,955 --> 00:06:03,722 ♪ Bye, bye, bye, yeah ♪ 140 00:06:03,755 --> 00:06:06,288 ♪ I don't wanna make it tough ♪ 141 00:06:06,321 --> 00:06:08,788 ♪ But I've had enough ♪ 142 00:06:08,821 --> 00:06:12,056 - ♪ And it ain't no lie ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 143 00:06:12,089 --> 00:06:13,055 ♪ Baby ♪ 144 00:06:13,088 --> 00:06:15,055 ♪ Don't wanna be a fool for you ♪ 145 00:06:15,088 --> 00:06:17,021 ♪ Just another player in your game for two ♪ 146 00:06:17,055 --> 00:06:21,821 ♪ I don't wanna be your fool, but it ain't no lie ♪ 147 00:06:21,854 --> 00:06:24,121 - ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 148 00:06:24,155 --> 00:06:25,988 ♪ Don't really wanna make it tough ♪ 149 00:06:26,021 --> 00:06:29,652 ♪ I just wanna tell you that I had enough ♪ 150 00:06:29,686 --> 00:06:33,120 ♪ Might sound crazy, but it ain't no lie ♪ 151 00:06:33,154 --> 00:06:35,454 - ♪ Bye, bye, bye ♪ - ♪ Bye, bye ♪ 152 00:06:35,487 --> 00:06:37,320 - [♪ song ends] - [gasps dramatically] 153 00:06:37,354 --> 00:06:39,720 [♪ operatic music playing] 154 00:06:40,486 --> 00:06:43,020 I am soaking wet right now. 155 00:06:44,387 --> 00:06:46,020 [roars] 156 00:06:46,054 --> 00:06:48,119 To be clear, I'm not proud of any of this. 157 00:06:48,153 --> 00:06:51,253 The wanton violence, the whiff of necrophilia. 158 00:06:51,286 --> 00:06:52,386 It isn't who I am. 159 00:06:52,420 --> 00:06:53,987 It isn't who I wanna be. 160 00:06:54,019 --> 00:06:55,053 Who I wanna be? 161 00:06:55,086 --> 00:06:57,119 Well, to help you understand that, 162 00:06:57,153 --> 00:06:58,186 I've gotta take you back. 163 00:06:58,219 --> 00:07:00,886 A little joyride I took through space and time, 164 00:07:00,919 --> 00:07:03,852 to the day that changed everything. 165 00:07:03,886 --> 00:07:05,986 [♪ uptempo music building] 166 00:07:13,252 --> 00:07:14,685 [♪ music fades out] 167 00:07:15,619 --> 00:07:17,452 I can't believe I'm finally here. 168 00:07:17,485 --> 00:07:20,184 I've waited for this moment for so long. 169 00:07:21,384 --> 00:07:23,751 Thank you, sir, for seeing me. 170 00:07:24,519 --> 00:07:26,550 I... I firmly believe 171 00:07:26,583 --> 00:07:27,918 that my services could be of 172 00:07:27,951 --> 00:07:29,917 great use to your organization. 173 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,117 Now, I know 174 00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:33,418 I was caught smashturbating in the lobby of Stark Tower, 175 00:07:33,451 --> 00:07:34,718 - but I can assure you that... - Smashturbating? 176 00:07:34,751 --> 00:07:36,051 I'm sorry, what... what was that? 177 00:07:36,084 --> 00:07:39,549 No, I'm sorry. That... That's when you get those toy, 178 00:07:39,582 --> 00:07:40,850 Hulk hands, right? 179 00:07:40,884 --> 00:07:43,550 And then you just, you look down, and you just... 180 00:07:43,583 --> 00:07:46,151 you brace yourself, and you ravage the midsection. 181 00:07:46,184 --> 00:07:47,884 - Pinch the... Yeah. Okay. - I get it. Okay, thank you. 182 00:07:47,917 --> 00:07:49,817 - The picture's painted. - You get the gist. 183 00:07:49,850 --> 00:07:52,283 Uh, what exactly brings you here today? 184 00:07:52,316 --> 00:07:55,483 Why am I... Wow. Okay. Uh... 185 00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:57,016 I... I care. 186 00:07:57,050 --> 00:07:59,983 I know I turn everything into a joke, but I... 187 00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:04,749 I care, and I wanna use that feeling... 188 00:08:05,582 --> 00:08:07,983 for something important. 189 00:08:08,016 --> 00:08:09,315 I... I wanna matter. 190 00:08:09,349 --> 00:08:11,982 [♪ solemn music playing] 191 00:08:12,015 --> 00:08:13,982 I need to show my girl that I matter. 192 00:08:15,282 --> 00:08:16,783 And... 193 00:08:16,816 --> 00:08:18,082 You know, I feel like I'm wasting 194 00:08:18,115 --> 00:08:18,948 the good stuff here. 195 00:08:18,982 --> 00:08:20,515 Is the man not gonna be joining us? 196 00:08:20,547 --> 00:08:21,581 - The man? - Yeah. 197 00:08:21,615 --> 00:08:23,748 I should save this if he's gonna... 198 00:08:23,782 --> 00:08:25,782 Uh, as far as you're concerned right now, I'm the man. 199 00:08:25,815 --> 00:08:27,448 - No. - The man is me. 200 00:08:27,481 --> 00:08:30,448 I am the man in this circumstance. 201 00:08:30,481 --> 00:08:31,681 - Mm. - He doesn't do 202 00:08:31,715 --> 00:08:33,281 this kind of thing anymore. 203 00:08:33,314 --> 00:08:34,348 - Cameos? - Meetings. 204 00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:36,015 - Meetings. - Entry-level meetings. 205 00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:36,882 Entry-level? 206 00:08:36,915 --> 00:08:38,914 Aren't you the chauffeur... 207 00:08:38,947 --> 00:08:41,214 - maybe? - I... Common misconception. 208 00:08:41,248 --> 00:08:42,580 - Okay. - I did begin my career 209 00:08:42,614 --> 00:08:44,380 as Mr. Stark's driver. 210 00:08:44,414 --> 00:08:45,448 - Okay. - Quickly pivoted to... 211 00:08:45,481 --> 00:08:46,981 - Chauffeur. - ...the Head of Security. 212 00:08:47,014 --> 00:08:48,981 The Head of... Of course, yes, yes, yes. 213 00:08:49,014 --> 00:08:52,013 And why I am vetting your resume. 214 00:08:52,047 --> 00:08:54,414 You seem to have left out whether or not you had 215 00:08:54,447 --> 00:08:56,148 any experience as a member of a team. 216 00:08:56,181 --> 00:08:57,014 Could you maybe add 217 00:08:57,048 --> 00:08:58,280 a little bit of perspective there? 218 00:08:58,313 --> 00:09:00,713 Oh. No, yes, of course. I was Special Forces... 219 00:09:00,746 --> 00:09:01,780 - Okay. - ...but I was... 220 00:09:01,813 --> 00:09:03,446 Mainly, I was team leader... 221 00:09:03,479 --> 00:09:04,746 founder, really, of X-Force. 222 00:09:04,780 --> 00:09:06,713 Sadly, they... they all perished in action though. 223 00:09:06,746 --> 00:09:08,080 Oh. How exactly did that happen? 224 00:09:08,113 --> 00:09:10,312 Well, the police say gravity, but if... 225 00:09:10,346 --> 00:09:11,813 Just between us, they didn't test well 226 00:09:11,846 --> 00:09:13,312 - in the focus group. - I see. 227 00:09:13,346 --> 00:09:15,046 - Particularly Cable. - X-Force. 228 00:09:15,079 --> 00:09:15,946 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 229 00:09:15,980 --> 00:09:17,013 Look, I can see this isn't going well. 230 00:09:17,047 --> 00:09:18,514 Please stop writing. Look, I... I... 231 00:09:18,546 --> 00:09:20,613 I'm just... I wanna be an Avenger. 232 00:09:22,212 --> 00:09:24,012 I wanna be an Avenger. 233 00:09:25,746 --> 00:09:27,645 Why do you wanna be an Avenger? 234 00:09:27,678 --> 00:09:29,212 Look around you. I mean, they're the... 235 00:09:29,246 --> 00:09:30,645 they're the best of the best. 236 00:09:30,678 --> 00:09:32,712 And... And what they do matters. 237 00:09:32,745 --> 00:09:35,145 I need to be an Avenger. 238 00:09:35,178 --> 00:09:37,612 Sir, my girl has kinda had it with my shtick, 239 00:09:37,645 --> 00:09:38,945 and I... if I don't, you know, 240 00:09:38,978 --> 00:09:41,778 turn things around and do something with my "gifts," 241 00:09:41,811 --> 00:09:43,544 I don't think it's gonna really work out for me, 242 00:09:43,577 --> 00:09:44,978 and I wouldn't blame her. 243 00:09:46,111 --> 00:09:50,411 Avengers are a very unique group of superheroes 244 00:09:50,444 --> 00:09:51,644 that stand for something 245 00:09:51,677 --> 00:09:54,310 more than just fighting and wearing costumes. 246 00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:57,577 I mean, people look up to us. Kids look up to us. 247 00:09:57,611 --> 00:09:58,811 - They... - I'm sorry. "Us"? 248 00:09:58,844 --> 00:10:01,512 I wasn't aware that you were an Avenger. 249 00:10:01,544 --> 00:10:02,576 Avengers-adjacent, technically. 250 00:10:02,610 --> 00:10:03,977 Oh, wow. What's your superpower? 251 00:10:04,010 --> 00:10:06,644 Is it parallel parking? I am so sorry. 252 00:10:06,677 --> 00:10:07,977 That was cruel. 253 00:10:08,010 --> 00:10:10,410 I lash out when I'm nervous. Won't happen again. 254 00:10:10,444 --> 00:10:11,777 - Let's cut to the chase. - Please. 255 00:10:11,810 --> 00:10:13,376 You just said moments ago 256 00:10:13,410 --> 00:10:15,742 that you wanted to be an Avenger because 257 00:10:16,343 --> 00:10:17,910 you need it. 258 00:10:17,943 --> 00:10:18,977 Yes, sir, I do. 259 00:10:19,010 --> 00:10:20,576 But the Avengers don't do the job 260 00:10:20,610 --> 00:10:22,043 because they need it. 261 00:10:22,076 --> 00:10:24,209 They do the job because people need them. 262 00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:26,910 Do you see the distinction? 263 00:10:28,543 --> 00:10:30,109 Yes, sir. 264 00:10:30,976 --> 00:10:32,510 Please, Mr. Hogan. 265 00:10:32,542 --> 00:10:33,709 I don't wanna spend the rest of my life 266 00:10:33,742 --> 00:10:35,941 like an annoying one-trick pony. 267 00:10:38,842 --> 00:10:39,842 All right. 268 00:10:40,675 --> 00:10:42,443 Oh, my God, you're standing. 269 00:10:42,476 --> 00:10:43,975 Yeah, now's the time that we stand. 270 00:10:44,008 --> 00:10:44,841 Damn it. 271 00:10:44,875 --> 00:10:46,442 Now, the problem might be that you're 272 00:10:46,475 --> 00:10:48,875 reaching a little... little too high. 273 00:10:48,908 --> 00:10:51,475 Aim for the middle, and you'll never miss. 274 00:10:51,509 --> 00:10:52,674 Right? I think you got a good heart. 275 00:10:52,708 --> 00:10:54,608 I believe what you're saying. 276 00:10:54,641 --> 00:10:56,241 But not everybody's the world-saving type. 277 00:10:56,274 --> 00:10:57,941 I'm not, and I'm happy. 278 00:10:58,509 --> 00:11:00,274 Right? I found my place. 279 00:11:01,141 --> 00:11:02,541 Find your place. 280 00:11:03,442 --> 00:11:05,540 All right? Get back out there. 281 00:11:05,573 --> 00:11:07,140 - We'll keep an eye on you. - Okay. 282 00:11:07,173 --> 00:11:08,174 Good luck. 283 00:11:09,307 --> 00:11:11,874 - [Wade Wilson] Mm. Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm. 284 00:11:11,907 --> 00:11:14,508 Fetch the car. I wanna hit Shake Shack. 285 00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:16,073 Rejection makes me hungy. 286 00:11:17,073 --> 00:11:18,607 - No, no. Please. - No? 287 00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:20,240 - Yeah, no, no, no. - Okay. 288 00:11:20,273 --> 00:11:21,540 Okay, thank you. 289 00:11:23,474 --> 00:11:25,173 [Deadpool] You know what they say. 290 00:11:25,206 --> 00:11:26,706 When one door closes, 291 00:11:27,739 --> 00:11:29,508 your locker at work opens. 292 00:11:29,540 --> 00:11:31,873 [♪ rousing music playing] 293 00:11:32,606 --> 00:11:34,040 [stapling] 294 00:11:39,306 --> 00:11:40,606 Now let's go sell some certified 295 00:11:40,639 --> 00:11:42,340 pre-owned vehicles, motherfu... 296 00:11:42,373 --> 00:11:43,572 [♪ music stops] 297 00:11:44,705 --> 00:11:47,872 Technically, the... the Carnival's not a minivan. 298 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:50,105 It's an MPV. 299 00:11:50,139 --> 00:11:52,671 So how does the Kia compare to the Honda Odyssey? 300 00:11:52,705 --> 00:11:54,172 The Odyssey? That's a great question. 301 00:11:54,205 --> 00:11:56,304 - Um, it doesn't fucking suck. - [boy snickers] 302 00:11:56,339 --> 00:11:58,838 You know, you can answer the question without swearing. 303 00:11:58,872 --> 00:12:01,506 I'm sorry, Tammy, I don't... I don't have kids. 304 00:12:01,538 --> 00:12:03,304 Not that I haven't dreamt of that, 305 00:12:03,339 --> 00:12:05,571 but I don't have a lot of vaginal sex. 306 00:12:08,737 --> 00:12:09,938 [Peter] You'll get 'em next time, pal. 307 00:12:09,972 --> 00:12:11,038 - [Wade] Yeah. - [Peter] And look, 308 00:12:11,071 --> 00:12:12,771 you can always go back to superhero-ing. 309 00:12:12,804 --> 00:12:15,537 I mean, I know I'd like to see you back in the suit. 310 00:12:15,570 --> 00:12:18,203 I don't keep it in my locker so that I can wear it. 311 00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:20,871 I keep it in my locker in case we need to saddle up again. 312 00:12:20,904 --> 00:12:24,070 Hey, hey, hey. What is that doing in there? 313 00:12:24,103 --> 00:12:25,203 I'm done. 314 00:12:26,970 --> 00:12:27,970 I'm done. 315 00:12:28,770 --> 00:12:30,771 And I'm fine with being done. 316 00:12:30,804 --> 00:12:32,604 Look, is sales the best match? 317 00:12:32,637 --> 00:12:34,070 Probably not. 318 00:12:34,103 --> 00:12:37,870 Is this the life that I always imagined for myself? Fuck no. 319 00:12:37,903 --> 00:12:41,003 But this is the right fit for me, Sugar Bear, it is. 320 00:12:41,037 --> 00:12:42,636 Okay, Mr. Wilson. 321 00:12:42,669 --> 00:12:44,370 I'm just saying, once a month, 322 00:12:44,404 --> 00:12:46,470 we could go on a little mission. 323 00:12:46,504 --> 00:12:49,302 We're human beings. We crave purpose. 324 00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:50,970 After all, we're Deadpool. 325 00:12:51,003 --> 00:12:53,603 Please stop saying that. We're not Deadpool. 326 00:12:53,636 --> 00:12:55,902 I'm not even Deadpool anymore. 327 00:12:55,935 --> 00:12:58,802 Well, if you're gonna have a midlife crisis, go big. 328 00:12:58,835 --> 00:13:00,769 A few years ago, a friend of mine 329 00:13:00,802 --> 00:13:03,069 got his nipples pierced with a titanium chain 330 00:13:03,102 --> 00:13:06,369 that goes down and attaches to his Van Johnson. 331 00:13:06,403 --> 00:13:07,634 [camera clicking] 332 00:13:10,403 --> 00:13:12,403 Are... Are you feeling grumplestiltskin 333 00:13:12,436 --> 00:13:13,868 'cause it's your birthday? 334 00:13:15,436 --> 00:13:16,634 What? 335 00:13:17,301 --> 00:13:18,301 No. 336 00:13:19,335 --> 00:13:20,535 No. 337 00:13:23,734 --> 00:13:25,734 - Surprise! - [♪ hip-hop music plays] 338 00:13:25,768 --> 00:13:28,268 Hey, you guys are lucky I'm not armed. 339 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:30,034 Get in here. 340 00:13:30,067 --> 00:13:32,468 If this were six years ago, you'd all be dead. 341 00:13:32,502 --> 00:13:34,268 So then, he gets out of the cab, 342 00:13:34,301 --> 00:13:35,435 and you will not believe it. 343 00:13:35,468 --> 00:13:37,434 I turn around, and what do I find? 344 00:13:37,467 --> 00:13:39,133 - AirPods. His AirPods. - His AirPods! 345 00:13:39,166 --> 00:13:40,367 - Come on. - Crazy story. 346 00:13:40,401 --> 00:13:43,100 - Every time. Come on. - [laughing] Every single time. 347 00:13:43,867 --> 00:13:45,134 [Wade sighs] 348 00:13:45,166 --> 00:13:46,600 Make any sales today? 349 00:13:46,633 --> 00:13:48,033 You know I didn't. 350 00:13:48,066 --> 00:13:49,799 Did you sell any dreamcatchers on Etsy 351 00:13:49,832 --> 00:13:51,467 or whatever it is that you do? 352 00:13:51,501 --> 00:13:53,166 Our rent's due in three days, Wade. 353 00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:54,501 I can't keep carrying you. 354 00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:56,133 Relax. I have the money. 355 00:13:56,166 --> 00:13:58,665 I sold some old blood pressure medication 356 00:13:58,699 --> 00:13:59,966 I found lying around. 357 00:13:59,998 --> 00:14:01,633 You tryin' to kill me, motherfucker? 358 00:14:01,666 --> 00:14:03,334 I'm not the one dousing everything in salt, 359 00:14:03,367 --> 00:14:05,799 - motherfucker. - I pray every day 360 00:14:05,832 --> 00:14:07,832 that fire finds your body 361 00:14:07,865 --> 00:14:10,333 and finishes the job God didn't have 362 00:14:10,366 --> 00:14:12,033 - the nuts to do. - That's hurtful. 363 00:14:12,066 --> 00:14:13,532 If you could hear the look on my face, 364 00:14:13,565 --> 00:14:15,098 you'd smell how sad I am. 365 00:14:15,132 --> 00:14:16,433 You watched anything good? 366 00:14:16,466 --> 00:14:18,233 Great British Bake Off. 367 00:14:18,266 --> 00:14:19,598 Oh, goddamn. 368 00:14:19,631 --> 00:14:21,931 That show stood between me and suicide for 10 years. 369 00:14:21,965 --> 00:14:24,631 Those are my feelings on abortion, religious freedom, 370 00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:26,831 animal rights, privacy rights, vaccines, 371 00:14:26,865 --> 00:14:29,064 free-market capitalism, global climate change. 372 00:14:29,097 --> 00:14:32,132 Yeah, duh-duh-duh. No, no speaking lines, Buck. 373 00:14:32,166 --> 00:14:34,265 - Hi, Yukio. - Hi, Wade. 374 00:14:34,298 --> 00:14:36,797 Nice fake o'clock shadow. 375 00:14:36,830 --> 00:14:40,064 It's a summer balayage. From the French. 376 00:14:40,097 --> 00:14:43,630 It's meant to mimic the natural highlights of the sun. 377 00:14:43,663 --> 00:14:45,563 - It's a toupee. - It's a hair system. 378 00:14:45,597 --> 00:14:47,930 I love your hair system, Wade. 379 00:14:47,964 --> 00:14:49,264 Thank you. Heh. 380 00:14:49,297 --> 00:14:50,729 Wanna do some cocaine? 381 00:14:50,763 --> 00:14:53,864 Hey, cocaine is the one thing that Feige said is off limits. 382 00:14:53,897 --> 00:14:55,697 What about Bolivian marching powder? 383 00:14:55,730 --> 00:14:57,829 They know all the slang terms. They have a list. 384 00:14:57,863 --> 00:14:59,696 - Even snowboarding? - Even disco dust. 385 00:14:59,729 --> 00:15:00,763 White girl interrupted? 386 00:15:00,796 --> 00:15:02,363 - Even Forrest Bump. - Booger sugar? 387 00:15:02,397 --> 00:15:03,630 I wouldn't even try powdered gonuts. 388 00:15:03,663 --> 00:15:07,230 - Do you wanna build a snowman? - Yes. But I can't. 389 00:15:08,829 --> 00:15:10,230 Pull here. 390 00:15:10,263 --> 00:15:11,363 - Here? - Yeah. [gasps] 391 00:15:11,397 --> 00:15:12,628 - [Yukio yelps] - [laughter] 392 00:15:12,661 --> 00:15:14,164 - [Dopinder] What happened? - That's the fun part. 393 00:15:15,497 --> 00:15:16,828 Thanks for coming. 394 00:15:16,862 --> 00:15:17,962 Yeah. 395 00:15:17,995 --> 00:15:19,196 How's work? 396 00:15:19,230 --> 00:15:20,595 Oh, I got a promotion. 397 00:15:21,362 --> 00:15:22,728 No way. 398 00:15:22,762 --> 00:15:25,862 Yeah. It's mind-numbing middle management, but I'm happy. 399 00:15:25,895 --> 00:15:26,962 That's great. 400 00:15:28,728 --> 00:15:30,195 - You, uh, seeing anyone? - How about you? 401 00:15:31,229 --> 00:15:33,163 Um... Yeah. 402 00:15:33,196 --> 00:15:35,828 A guy from work. Dermot. 403 00:15:35,862 --> 00:15:37,061 Dermot. 404 00:15:37,095 --> 00:15:38,496 - He's kind. - Good. 405 00:15:38,528 --> 00:15:40,195 Likes to go hiking. 406 00:15:40,229 --> 00:15:41,660 Hasn't gotten me shot yet. 407 00:15:41,694 --> 00:15:44,028 Well, it's the early days. 408 00:15:44,061 --> 00:15:45,528 [Vanessa chuckles] 409 00:15:47,894 --> 00:15:49,927 What about you? You seeing anyone? 410 00:15:49,961 --> 00:15:50,893 [Wade] Mm... 411 00:15:50,926 --> 00:15:52,626 No, no, I live in a one-bedroom apartment. 412 00:15:52,659 --> 00:15:54,195 I share a bed with Blind Al. 413 00:15:55,594 --> 00:15:57,660 - Okay. - [laughs] 414 00:15:57,694 --> 00:15:59,128 - All right. - All right. 415 00:16:00,659 --> 00:16:04,161 [all] ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 416 00:16:04,194 --> 00:16:05,726 - Speech! Speech! - [Yukio] Yes! 417 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:07,793 All right. Okay, okay, okay. Uh... 418 00:16:08,559 --> 00:16:09,659 Birthdays. 419 00:16:09,693 --> 00:16:11,427 Boy, every spin around the moon 420 00:16:11,460 --> 00:16:12,526 is a new adventure indeed. 421 00:16:12,559 --> 00:16:14,793 - Sun, dumbass. - Okay, round-earther. 422 00:16:16,128 --> 00:16:18,260 - Where was I? - The adventure of life. 423 00:16:18,293 --> 00:16:19,394 Right. Um... 424 00:16:19,427 --> 00:16:21,658 It's been a challenging few years. 425 00:16:21,692 --> 00:16:23,026 Haven't seen you guys in a while. 426 00:16:23,060 --> 00:16:25,427 Been through a lot, uh, change of life. 427 00:16:25,460 --> 00:16:27,494 - Menopause? - Bitch, are you improv-ing? 428 00:16:27,525 --> 00:16:29,925 - Mm-mm. - Sorry. 429 00:16:29,959 --> 00:16:31,459 [softly] I'm sorry that you had to see that, Yukio. 430 00:16:31,493 --> 00:16:33,558 - [softly] It's okay. - Yeah. 431 00:16:34,658 --> 00:16:36,426 [sighs] But I'm happy. 432 00:16:36,459 --> 00:16:37,759 You know, and that's... that's 433 00:16:37,792 --> 00:16:40,891 because of each and every one of you. 434 00:16:40,924 --> 00:16:42,591 I guess, what I'm trying to say is 435 00:16:42,624 --> 00:16:44,225 how proud I am, how grateful I am 436 00:16:44,258 --> 00:16:45,558 to be standing in a room 437 00:16:45,592 --> 00:16:48,824 with every single person I love. 438 00:16:48,858 --> 00:16:50,991 [♪ soft music playing] 439 00:16:53,790 --> 00:16:55,691 I'm the luckiest man alive. 440 00:16:56,026 --> 00:16:57,026 [chuckles] 441 00:16:58,091 --> 00:16:58,990 Make a wish, buddy. 442 00:16:59,025 --> 00:17:01,890 Ten-four, good buddy. [chuckles] 443 00:17:01,923 --> 00:17:03,025 Going down. 444 00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:07,557 [knock at door] 445 00:17:09,291 --> 00:17:10,324 Wade Wilson? 446 00:17:10,357 --> 00:17:11,757 Oh, yeah. Dancers. 447 00:17:11,790 --> 00:17:13,656 Dopinder must have ordered you. 448 00:17:13,690 --> 00:17:15,392 Are those supposed to be cop costumes? 449 00:17:15,425 --> 00:17:16,923 Never mind. 450 00:17:16,957 --> 00:17:19,290 Take your clothes off but leave the helmets. 451 00:17:19,324 --> 00:17:20,623 And this isn't Pretty Woman. 452 00:17:21,391 --> 00:17:22,722 We're kissing. All right? 453 00:17:22,756 --> 00:17:24,655 What song do you guys normally dance to? 454 00:17:25,757 --> 00:17:28,856 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 455 00:17:28,889 --> 00:17:30,224 Is that supposed to be scary? 456 00:17:30,257 --> 00:17:32,223 Pegging isn't new for me, friendo. 457 00:17:32,256 --> 00:17:33,756 But it is for Disney. 458 00:17:34,390 --> 00:17:35,522 Ah, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta! 459 00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,423 Okay, I've never been a natural bottom, 460 00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:39,423 so we're gonna take things real slow. 461 00:17:39,456 --> 00:17:41,390 And I want some crazy eye contact. 462 00:17:41,423 --> 00:17:42,888 Not you. You. 463 00:17:42,921 --> 00:17:44,855 Can't see your eyes through the mask, but I can feel them. 464 00:17:44,888 --> 00:17:46,555 We're gonna move on down the hallway 465 00:17:46,589 --> 00:17:48,555 so we can spare a cleanup on aisle asshole. 466 00:17:48,589 --> 00:17:50,023 How's everyone feel about this plan? 467 00:17:50,056 --> 00:17:50,956 I don't like you. 468 00:17:50,989 --> 00:17:53,222 Yes. Let's hold on to that attitude. 469 00:17:53,255 --> 00:17:55,022 And we're gonna do it angry. 470 00:17:55,055 --> 00:17:56,223 [grunts] 471 00:17:57,521 --> 00:17:58,721 [grunts] 472 00:18:02,787 --> 00:18:05,088 [♪ suspenseful music playing] 473 00:18:05,122 --> 00:18:06,588 [Wade moans softly] 474 00:18:07,322 --> 00:18:08,521 [Wade grunts] 475 00:18:13,122 --> 00:18:14,254 [Voice] Mr. Wilson... 476 00:18:15,987 --> 00:18:18,988 you appear to have soiled yourself while unconscious. 477 00:18:19,022 --> 00:18:21,653 I wasn't unconscious. Who are you? 478 00:18:21,687 --> 00:18:23,619 I go by the name of Paradox. 479 00:18:23,652 --> 00:18:27,287 Mr. Paradox. And you're sitting here at the TVA. 480 00:18:27,321 --> 00:18:29,421 The Time Variance Authority. 481 00:18:29,454 --> 00:18:31,719 We're really a watchdog organization, 482 00:18:31,753 --> 00:18:34,420 except we're more lighthearted than that sounds, 483 00:18:34,453 --> 00:18:37,853 with a sort of throwback, ironic twist. 484 00:18:37,886 --> 00:18:39,487 And we're in charge of defending 485 00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:42,153 what's known as the Sacred Timeline. 486 00:18:42,186 --> 00:18:45,551 Holy fuck. That is a shit-ton of exposition for a threequel. 487 00:18:45,585 --> 00:18:47,552 Is this because I used Cable's time machine? 488 00:18:47,586 --> 00:18:49,387 Brought a couple of people back to life, 489 00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:50,487 then I destroyed it. 490 00:18:50,519 --> 00:18:51,919 - That was a long time ago. - Yes, 491 00:18:51,953 --> 00:18:54,685 we're aware of your abuse of your timeline. 492 00:18:54,718 --> 00:18:57,453 [chuckles] And you were so abusive of it. 493 00:18:57,487 --> 00:18:59,953 Uh, no, it has nothing to do with that. 494 00:18:59,986 --> 00:19:01,053 Walk with me. 495 00:19:03,219 --> 00:19:05,219 [♪ mysterious music playing] 496 00:19:06,817 --> 00:19:09,551 I brought you here, Mr. Wilson, to tell you 497 00:19:09,585 --> 00:19:11,684 that you're special. 498 00:19:11,717 --> 00:19:14,650 In fact, you've been chosen for a higher purpose, 499 00:19:14,684 --> 00:19:17,018 a purpose unclear even to me. 500 00:19:17,051 --> 00:19:18,985 But one that could 501 00:19:19,019 --> 00:19:22,052 save the entire Sacred Timeline 502 00:19:22,085 --> 00:19:24,783 from a possibly grisly fate sometime in the future, 503 00:19:24,816 --> 00:19:27,450 which may very well need to be... 504 00:19:27,484 --> 00:19:29,318 avenged. 505 00:19:29,351 --> 00:19:31,051 This Sacred Timeline, 506 00:19:32,118 --> 00:19:34,051 I assume I'm going to marvel 507 00:19:34,450 --> 00:19:35,683 at how 508 00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:38,050 cinematic it feels? 509 00:19:38,083 --> 00:19:39,951 Gratuitous cameos, 510 00:19:39,984 --> 00:19:42,151 indiscriminate use of Variants, the whole package? 511 00:19:42,183 --> 00:19:44,183 Well, you tell me. 512 00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:45,217 [device beeps] 513 00:19:47,850 --> 00:19:50,050 [♪ heroic music playing] 514 00:19:51,183 --> 00:19:52,183 Cap! 515 00:19:59,283 --> 00:20:01,782 You are no longer lost, Wade. 516 00:20:01,816 --> 00:20:04,782 You can be a hero among heroes. 517 00:20:04,816 --> 00:20:06,982 We've been surveilling you for quite a while. 518 00:20:07,016 --> 00:20:10,083 - Subway station. - A TVA outpost, yes. 519 00:20:11,249 --> 00:20:12,548 - And what is that? - Hmm? 520 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:16,882 Is that me? Is that Thor? 521 00:20:18,281 --> 00:20:20,149 - Is he crying? - Uh, let's not 522 00:20:20,182 --> 00:20:21,514 - get ahead of ourselves. - [gasps] 523 00:20:21,547 --> 00:20:22,815 That happens in the distant future. 524 00:20:22,849 --> 00:20:24,714 Why is Thor crying? Quick! Tell me. 525 00:20:24,748 --> 00:20:26,215 Do not speak to her. Stop that. Eyes on me. 526 00:20:26,248 --> 00:20:28,646 I brought you here to offer you an opportunity. 527 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,647 The opportunity you sought years ago, 528 00:20:30,681 --> 00:20:32,248 but for which you were not ready. 529 00:20:32,281 --> 00:20:33,814 We believe you're ready now. 530 00:20:33,848 --> 00:20:35,914 Ready for a chance to leave your timeline 531 00:20:35,948 --> 00:20:38,247 and join the greatest universe of all. 532 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:40,281 I am about to give you the thing you've always wanted. 533 00:20:40,315 --> 00:20:41,848 Oh, I smell what you're steppin' in. 534 00:20:41,881 --> 00:20:43,347 The power in the Marvel Universe 535 00:20:43,381 --> 00:20:44,613 is about to change forever. 536 00:20:46,713 --> 00:20:48,447 I am the Messiah... 537 00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:50,248 [♪ heavenly music building] 538 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:52,613 I am... 539 00:20:53,780 --> 00:20:55,280 - [♪ music stops] - ...Marvel Jesus. 540 00:20:56,612 --> 00:20:58,213 Can you excuse me for just a moment? 541 00:20:58,246 --> 00:20:59,746 I'm just gonna go over here. 542 00:21:02,913 --> 00:21:04,313 Suck it, Fox! 543 00:21:04,346 --> 00:21:05,612 I'm going to Disneyland. 544 00:21:05,645 --> 00:21:07,113 [grunts] Get fucked! 545 00:21:10,612 --> 00:21:11,645 Where do I sign? 546 00:21:11,679 --> 00:21:12,780 Oh, there's no need for paperwork. 547 00:21:12,813 --> 00:21:15,179 Good. Not to brag, but I do not read. 548 00:21:15,213 --> 00:21:16,079 [chuckles] Oh. 549 00:21:16,113 --> 00:21:18,245 There is one thing I will need, though. 550 00:21:20,846 --> 00:21:22,380 [♪ rousing music playing] 551 00:21:22,413 --> 00:21:25,013 [laughs] Oh, fuck off! 552 00:21:25,046 --> 00:21:27,012 Adorn me, Beardo. 553 00:21:41,845 --> 00:21:43,677 - [squeaks] - [elevator dings] 554 00:21:45,178 --> 00:21:47,444 [♪ hip-hop music plays, Fergie ft. Ludacris "Glamorous"] 555 00:21:47,478 --> 00:21:49,011 Fuckin' A! 556 00:21:49,044 --> 00:21:51,178 Uhh! It's perfect! FYI, 557 00:21:51,212 --> 00:21:54,478 your tailor is a predator, but I love it. Snug. 558 00:21:54,510 --> 00:21:55,643 No camel toe. 559 00:21:55,677 --> 00:21:59,276 New car smell and adamantium katanas? 560 00:21:59,310 --> 00:22:01,110 You shouldn't have. 561 00:22:01,144 --> 00:22:03,044 Go ahead. Take it in. 562 00:22:03,077 --> 00:22:05,810 And yes, your underwear is getting tighter. 563 00:22:05,844 --> 00:22:07,609 That guy knows what I'm talking about. 564 00:22:07,642 --> 00:22:09,343 His clothes says middle management, 565 00:22:09,377 --> 00:22:12,044 but his eyes say fuck-y fuck-y. 566 00:22:12,077 --> 00:22:14,011 Yes. You look very nice. 567 00:22:14,044 --> 00:22:15,110 [Deadpool] "Nice"? 568 00:22:15,143 --> 00:22:17,176 Your buddy here is ready to throw it all away for me. 569 00:22:17,210 --> 00:22:18,476 - You callin' your wife? - HR. 570 00:22:18,508 --> 00:22:19,909 [Deadpool] Does your wife work in HR? 571 00:22:19,943 --> 00:22:22,310 [Mr. Paradox] I'm really glad you're taking this so well. 572 00:22:22,343 --> 00:22:24,043 [Deadpool] Oh, I'm taking it well. 573 00:22:24,076 --> 00:22:26,608 I have never had a problem traveling for work. 574 00:22:26,641 --> 00:22:28,776 That said, we should talk vacation days. 575 00:22:28,809 --> 00:22:31,409 I'm more of a one-week-on- one-week-off kind of guy. 576 00:22:31,442 --> 00:22:32,876 I think it's what they do in Denmark. 577 00:22:32,909 --> 00:22:34,676 You know, you'll never see a Danish flag on the moon, 578 00:22:34,709 --> 00:22:36,641 but [chuckles] goddamn it, they're happy. 579 00:22:36,676 --> 00:22:39,375 Now, let's power up your little Amazon Fire phone there 580 00:22:39,408 --> 00:22:40,875 and zip me back home 581 00:22:40,908 --> 00:22:42,875 so I can let my friends know that they've been upgraded 582 00:22:42,908 --> 00:22:43,942 to disciples. 583 00:22:43,975 --> 00:22:47,009 Yeah. I don't think you... quite understand. 584 00:22:47,042 --> 00:22:49,742 Um, you will not be returning to your home 585 00:22:49,775 --> 00:22:52,242 because there will be no home to return to. 586 00:22:52,275 --> 00:22:53,309 Come again? 587 00:22:53,341 --> 00:22:54,574 This time in my ears. 588 00:22:56,607 --> 00:22:57,807 [device beeps] 589 00:22:58,674 --> 00:23:01,807 This is your universe, Mr. Wilson. 590 00:23:02,307 --> 00:23:03,607 That 591 00:23:03,641 --> 00:23:05,606 is what happens when a universe 592 00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:07,807 loses their Anchor Being. 593 00:23:07,841 --> 00:23:10,007 See how it decays from the inside? 594 00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,874 - This is how a reality dies. - What's an Anchor Being? 595 00:23:12,907 --> 00:23:15,307 An Anchor Being is an entity of such vital importance 596 00:23:15,340 --> 00:23:16,539 that when they die, 597 00:23:16,573 --> 00:23:19,906 their whole world slowly withers out of existence. 598 00:23:19,940 --> 00:23:22,773 You've just won the lottery because I didn't die. 599 00:23:22,806 --> 00:23:24,640 It was just a little midlife crisis. I'm better now. 600 00:23:24,674 --> 00:23:27,040 Oh, no, no, no. [laughing] 601 00:23:29,206 --> 00:23:30,840 [Deadpool laughs along] 602 00:23:30,873 --> 00:23:33,673 - Oh, my God. - Oh, I love to laugh. 603 00:23:33,706 --> 00:23:36,406 Can you imagine if you were the Anchor Being? 604 00:23:36,439 --> 00:23:38,538 - [Deadpool, dully] Yeah. - [laughs] Oh! 605 00:23:38,572 --> 00:23:41,106 - Yeah. - No, it isn't you, Mr. Wilson. 606 00:23:41,772 --> 00:23:43,238 Your Anchor Being died 607 00:23:43,272 --> 00:23:46,505 in an act of self-sacrifice so epic 608 00:23:46,538 --> 00:23:48,905 that it sent shivers down the Timeline. 609 00:23:48,939 --> 00:23:52,005 I am referring, of course, to... 610 00:23:53,338 --> 00:23:57,105 Logan. The Wolverine. 611 00:24:00,537 --> 00:24:03,005 [weakly] Don't be what they made you. 612 00:24:03,905 --> 00:24:06,671 [♪ sentimental slow rock music playing] 613 00:24:11,304 --> 00:24:12,903 [crying] 614 00:24:12,937 --> 00:24:15,637 Ah, so this is what it feels like... 615 00:24:17,304 --> 00:24:18,503 [Deadpool] Logan. 616 00:24:19,237 --> 00:24:20,237 Of course. 617 00:24:20,903 --> 00:24:21,903 Logan. 618 00:24:23,535 --> 00:24:24,604 [Deadpool groans] 619 00:24:24,637 --> 00:24:26,170 [yelling] Logan? 620 00:24:26,204 --> 00:24:28,170 The guy with forks for hands? 621 00:24:28,204 --> 00:24:30,770 - That Wolverine? - [device beeps] 622 00:24:30,803 --> 00:24:32,603 Yeah, I got it. You can turn your 623 00:24:32,636 --> 00:24:34,937 retro graphics of death off now. Make it stop. 624 00:24:34,970 --> 00:24:36,470 We're not doing it, Mr. Wilson. 625 00:24:36,502 --> 00:24:37,737 We certainly can't stop it. 626 00:24:39,803 --> 00:24:40,836 [Deadpool] How long have we got? 627 00:24:40,869 --> 00:24:43,535 In most cases, couple thousand years. 628 00:24:43,569 --> 00:24:44,837 - Well, sweet. - Well, most cases 629 00:24:44,870 --> 00:24:47,303 aren't fast enough. Not for me. 630 00:24:47,336 --> 00:24:48,436 [Deadpool] What does that mean? 631 00:24:48,470 --> 00:24:50,635 It means that I have been tasked 632 00:24:50,669 --> 00:24:53,102 with overseeing the end of your universe. 633 00:24:53,135 --> 00:24:54,068 And regardless of what 634 00:24:54,102 --> 00:24:56,003 the pencil pushers upstairs would prefer, 635 00:24:56,036 --> 00:24:57,269 I will not 636 00:24:57,302 --> 00:25:00,835 waste my life watching it die slowly of natural causes. 637 00:25:00,868 --> 00:25:03,002 We used to just prune these things. Simple. 638 00:25:03,035 --> 00:25:05,003 Elegant. Efficient. But I'm told the TVA 639 00:25:05,036 --> 00:25:07,535 doesn't like to do that anymore. Well, I do. 640 00:25:07,569 --> 00:25:09,369 And no matter what my so-called superiors say, 641 00:25:09,402 --> 00:25:12,002 the multiverse does not need a babysitter. 642 00:25:12,035 --> 00:25:13,701 We need a mercy killer. 643 00:25:13,735 --> 00:25:15,435 And in this instance, 644 00:25:15,469 --> 00:25:18,735 I am the mercy killer. Ha! 645 00:25:20,034 --> 00:25:21,034 [chuckles] 646 00:25:22,101 --> 00:25:23,001 [device beeps] 647 00:25:23,034 --> 00:25:24,900 [Deadpool] What in the MacGuffin is that? 648 00:25:24,934 --> 00:25:27,267 [Mr. Paradox] That's a Time Ripper, Mr. Wilson. 649 00:25:27,301 --> 00:25:28,934 An accelerant. 650 00:25:28,967 --> 00:25:31,667 Once completed, it will allow me to destroy 651 00:25:31,700 --> 00:25:33,734 the spacetime matrix of your universe. 652 00:25:33,767 --> 00:25:36,067 You see, I don't want to work for the TVA. 653 00:25:36,101 --> 00:25:37,967 I want to be the TVA. 654 00:25:38,001 --> 00:25:40,734 And the first step involves showing this organization 655 00:25:40,767 --> 00:25:42,633 how much more efficient it can become. 656 00:25:42,667 --> 00:25:44,499 To wit, I will be giving your universe 657 00:25:44,532 --> 00:25:47,066 a swift and compassionate end. 658 00:25:47,100 --> 00:25:48,700 And don't worry, your friends won't feel a thing. 659 00:25:48,734 --> 00:25:51,499 It'll be over just like this. "Oh, what's that?" [groans] 660 00:25:52,100 --> 00:25:53,165 Trust me. 661 00:26:05,732 --> 00:26:08,165 You're gonna Old Yeller my fucking universe? 662 00:26:08,199 --> 00:26:10,399 Mm... In your parlance, yes. 663 00:26:10,433 --> 00:26:11,832 Two in the heart, one in the head. 664 00:26:11,865 --> 00:26:13,932 Look, Mr. Wilson, you have two choices. 665 00:26:13,965 --> 00:26:15,466 You can either rejoin your loved ones 666 00:26:15,498 --> 00:26:17,366 and collectively cease to exist in, 667 00:26:17,399 --> 00:26:20,432 I'd say, 72 hours. Or... 668 00:26:20,466 --> 00:26:22,998 you join the Sacred Timeline. 669 00:26:23,031 --> 00:26:25,432 And you end your days of insignificance 670 00:26:25,465 --> 00:26:27,698 and mediocrity. 671 00:26:27,732 --> 00:26:29,298 Wade. 672 00:26:29,331 --> 00:26:31,198 Wade, you can finally, 673 00:26:31,231 --> 00:26:33,764 finally matter. 674 00:26:37,931 --> 00:26:40,764 - [Hulk roars] - [♪ sentimental music playing] 675 00:26:43,364 --> 00:26:45,497 That's all I've ever really wanted. 676 00:26:45,530 --> 00:26:46,930 I know. 677 00:26:47,431 --> 00:26:49,364 I know. 678 00:26:49,398 --> 00:26:51,564 And you know I'm... I'm nothing if not 679 00:26:51,597 --> 00:26:52,997 morally flexible. [chuckles] 680 00:26:53,430 --> 00:26:54,629 [chuckles] 681 00:26:55,363 --> 00:26:56,563 Yep, yep. 682 00:26:58,597 --> 00:26:59,830 I'll do it. 683 00:26:59,863 --> 00:27:00,763 Wise choice. 684 00:27:00,796 --> 00:27:02,629 The Sacred Timeline's happy to have you. 685 00:27:02,663 --> 00:27:03,830 [Deadpool] I was actually talking about finding 686 00:27:03,863 --> 00:27:05,695 the Wolverine and breaking your fucking nose. 687 00:27:06,464 --> 00:27:07,663 [groans] 688 00:27:09,063 --> 00:27:10,496 [♪ soft rock music plays, Goo Goo Dolls "Iris"] 689 00:27:10,529 --> 00:27:13,262 ♪ And I'd give up forever to touch you ♪ 690 00:27:13,296 --> 00:27:17,328 ♪ 'Cause I know that you feel me somehow ♪ 691 00:27:17,363 --> 00:27:18,563 [♪ song stops] 692 00:27:19,364 --> 00:27:21,729 Find him. Find him! 693 00:27:21,762 --> 00:27:23,762 [Deadpool] And boy, did he ever. 694 00:27:23,795 --> 00:27:25,429 [grunting] 695 00:27:25,463 --> 00:27:26,995 Which brings us back to this. 696 00:27:28,929 --> 00:27:31,228 The desecration of the sacred corpse. 697 00:27:31,261 --> 00:27:34,095 - [♪ dramatic music playing] - [yelling and grunting] 698 00:27:35,362 --> 00:27:37,060 - Oh, my God! - [yells] 699 00:27:38,060 --> 00:27:41,095 Oh! My own fucking arm! 700 00:27:41,128 --> 00:27:42,294 [soldier 1 yells] 701 00:27:42,327 --> 00:27:44,094 - [soldier 1 screams] - [grunting] 702 00:27:44,127 --> 00:27:45,728 - [soldier 1 screaming] - Now we're talkin'! 703 00:27:45,761 --> 00:27:47,260 [soldier 1] Not like this! 704 00:27:47,294 --> 00:27:49,462 No, dear God! No! 705 00:27:49,494 --> 00:27:51,627 [Deadpool] I'm sorry! Wolverine-ing is hard! 706 00:27:51,661 --> 00:27:53,060 [soldier 2] Make it stop! 707 00:27:53,094 --> 00:27:54,294 [Deadpool] Mangold tried. 708 00:27:54,328 --> 00:27:56,194 [soldiers screaming] 709 00:27:57,094 --> 00:27:59,160 You sick fuck! 710 00:27:59,194 --> 00:28:00,561 Logan was a hero. 711 00:28:00,594 --> 00:28:02,160 And the only thing worth a shit 712 00:28:02,194 --> 00:28:03,593 to ever come out of Canada. 713 00:28:04,126 --> 00:28:05,159 [soldier 1 cries out] 714 00:28:05,727 --> 00:28:06,926 [soldier 2 screams] 715 00:28:11,361 --> 00:28:13,560 [Deadpool] Get my country's name 716 00:28:13,593 --> 00:28:15,792 out of your fuckin' mouth. 717 00:28:16,692 --> 00:28:18,559 And my sword. Give me that. 718 00:28:20,826 --> 00:28:21,692 [exhales] 719 00:28:21,726 --> 00:28:24,159 Oh, I gotta find me another Logan. 720 00:28:24,592 --> 00:28:25,925 An alive one. 721 00:28:25,958 --> 00:28:28,925 Don't get up, guys. I'll see myself out. 722 00:28:28,958 --> 00:28:31,692 [♪ synth rock music playing, "The Power of Love"] 723 00:28:35,891 --> 00:28:36,891 Logan! 724 00:28:40,426 --> 00:28:42,225 I'm gonna need you to come with me. 725 00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:44,558 Who's asking? 726 00:28:45,359 --> 00:28:46,658 [♪ music stops] 727 00:28:46,691 --> 00:28:48,623 [Deadpool] Oh, look at this little Hairy Lou Retton. 728 00:28:48,657 --> 00:28:50,524 Did you stick the landing, little guy? 729 00:28:51,058 --> 00:28:52,092 Yes, you did! 730 00:28:52,124 --> 00:28:53,791 Comic-accurate short king. 731 00:28:53,825 --> 00:28:56,224 Such a cute wittle Wolvie. 732 00:28:56,258 --> 00:28:57,890 Cue the fuckin' montage, baby. 733 00:28:57,924 --> 00:28:59,623 - [♪ synth rock music resumes] - Ahoy! 734 00:28:59,657 --> 00:29:01,924 Everything seems to be on fire. 735 00:29:01,957 --> 00:29:03,590 You have a dragon? 736 00:29:03,623 --> 00:29:06,190 Ooh, you have Anchor Being written all over... 737 00:29:06,223 --> 00:29:07,956 [grunting] 738 00:29:09,023 --> 00:29:10,124 [growling] 739 00:29:10,157 --> 00:29:13,757 ♪ Make a one man weep, make another man sing ♪ 740 00:29:14,358 --> 00:29:15,990 ♪ Change a hawk... ♪ 741 00:29:16,023 --> 00:29:17,056 Patch! 742 00:29:17,090 --> 00:29:20,257 - [engine revving] - Oh, now we're talkin'. 743 00:29:20,956 --> 00:29:22,657 Oh, yeah. 744 00:29:22,689 --> 00:29:24,823 That's the whole goddamn package right there. 745 00:29:25,823 --> 00:29:26,756 Howdy! 746 00:29:26,789 --> 00:29:29,522 I'm just... I'm auditioning Anchor Beings. 747 00:29:29,556 --> 00:29:32,190 Oh. Yeah, that's gonna need some coconut oil. 748 00:29:33,990 --> 00:29:35,122 [grunts] 749 00:29:35,155 --> 00:29:36,457 [crow cawing] 750 00:29:36,489 --> 00:29:38,655 What in the fuck? 751 00:29:38,688 --> 00:29:40,488 [laughs] Are you okay? 752 00:29:40,889 --> 00:29:41,823 Oh, yes, yes. 753 00:29:41,856 --> 00:29:43,822 Classic John Byrne brown and tan. 754 00:29:43,855 --> 00:29:45,822 Now, you fought the Hulk in this outfit. No? 755 00:29:45,855 --> 00:29:47,822 - [deep growl] - [♪ song stops] 756 00:29:48,722 --> 00:29:50,488 I'm Marvel Jesus, you dull creature, 757 00:29:50,521 --> 00:29:51,688 and I will not... [yells] 758 00:29:51,722 --> 00:29:53,189 - [Deadpool groans] - [♪ song resumes playing] 759 00:29:54,089 --> 00:29:55,555 [grunting] 760 00:29:58,487 --> 00:30:01,154 - [thunder rumbles] - [groaning] 761 00:30:01,189 --> 00:30:04,021 It's not you. We're just going in a different direction. 762 00:30:06,021 --> 00:30:07,221 [engine revving] 763 00:30:07,254 --> 00:30:08,288 You know, from behind, 764 00:30:08,321 --> 00:30:09,455 you look a little bit like Henry... 765 00:30:09,487 --> 00:30:10,886 - Oh, my fuck! - [♪ song stops] 766 00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:14,188 The Cavillrine. The legends are true. 767 00:30:14,221 --> 00:30:17,221 And may I say, sir, on behalf of all humanity, 768 00:30:17,254 --> 00:30:19,221 this just feels right. 769 00:30:19,254 --> 00:30:20,786 We will treat you so much better 770 00:30:20,820 --> 00:30:22,120 than those shit fucks down the street. 771 00:30:22,153 --> 00:30:24,421 - You were just leavin'. - [Deadpool] No, sir. 772 00:30:24,455 --> 00:30:25,953 Not while the fate of my universe is at... 773 00:30:28,220 --> 00:30:29,220 [man grunts] 774 00:30:29,786 --> 00:30:30,619 [choking] 775 00:30:30,653 --> 00:30:32,188 This one looks promising. 776 00:30:32,221 --> 00:30:33,519 Down you go. 777 00:30:34,953 --> 00:30:35,953 [Logan] Again. 778 00:30:36,786 --> 00:30:39,052 I told you. You're not welcome here. 779 00:30:39,086 --> 00:30:40,518 You're not welcome anywhere. 780 00:30:40,552 --> 00:30:41,819 Now get the fuck out of my bar. 781 00:30:41,852 --> 00:30:44,519 Just give me one more drink and then I'll leave. 782 00:30:44,553 --> 00:30:46,354 [bartender] That's not how it works. 783 00:30:46,387 --> 00:30:48,585 [Deadpool] It does now. Leave the bottle. 784 00:30:48,618 --> 00:30:49,685 I know you, bub? 785 00:30:49,719 --> 00:30:52,287 Nope. But I know you. 786 00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:53,819 Everybody knows me. 787 00:30:55,286 --> 00:30:56,419 I'm the Wolverine. 788 00:30:56,453 --> 00:30:58,818 Yes, you are. 789 00:30:58,851 --> 00:31:00,951 And I'm gonna need you to come with me right now. 790 00:31:02,285 --> 00:31:03,685 Look, lady, I'm not interested. 791 00:31:03,719 --> 00:31:05,118 Really gettin' into your cups here. 792 00:31:05,152 --> 00:31:06,684 Why would I go with you? 793 00:31:07,651 --> 00:31:09,517 Because, unfortunately, 794 00:31:09,551 --> 00:31:10,884 I need you, 795 00:31:10,917 --> 00:31:14,985 and even more unfortunately, my entire world needs you. 796 00:31:15,651 --> 00:31:17,218 You two gonna fuck or fight? 797 00:31:21,185 --> 00:31:22,616 You gonna take that from him? 798 00:31:22,650 --> 00:31:24,185 - Yep. - [scoffs] 799 00:31:24,218 --> 00:31:26,352 I can tell you have a sort of don't-get-too-close- 800 00:31:26,385 --> 00:31:28,185 I'll-only-break-your-heart vibe going here, 801 00:31:28,218 --> 00:31:29,250 but every other Wolverine 802 00:31:29,284 --> 00:31:30,583 would've really hurt me by now. 803 00:31:30,616 --> 00:31:31,817 And I'm sort of on the tick-tick. 804 00:31:31,850 --> 00:31:33,318 - So, upsy-daisy. Here we go. - Whoa, whoa. 805 00:31:33,352 --> 00:31:34,385 - Up you go. - Hey, hey! 806 00:31:34,418 --> 00:31:35,616 I got you, big guy. 807 00:31:36,917 --> 00:31:37,917 Oh. 808 00:31:39,351 --> 00:31:40,550 Whiskey dick of the claws. 809 00:31:40,583 --> 00:31:42,117 It's quite common in Wolverines over 40. 810 00:31:42,150 --> 00:31:43,117 You don't want this. 811 00:31:43,150 --> 00:31:45,817 You're right. I don't. And you don't want this. 812 00:31:45,849 --> 00:31:47,417 Unless you wanna take a deep breath 813 00:31:47,451 --> 00:31:48,649 through your fuckin' forehead, 814 00:31:48,682 --> 00:31:50,882 I suggest you reconsider. 815 00:31:50,916 --> 00:31:51,982 Let's go, peanut. 816 00:31:54,250 --> 00:31:56,383 [laughing] 817 00:31:56,416 --> 00:31:58,482 Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. 818 00:31:59,015 --> 00:32:00,015 Watch this. 819 00:32:01,015 --> 00:32:03,048 All right. That... Whoa. 820 00:32:03,449 --> 00:32:04,649 Easy. 821 00:32:08,183 --> 00:32:09,715 Good God. 822 00:32:09,748 --> 00:32:11,748 Thirsty little honey badger, aren't ya? 823 00:32:12,681 --> 00:32:14,416 It's okay. Keep goin'. 824 00:32:14,450 --> 00:32:16,514 Audiences are accustomed to long run times. 825 00:32:17,415 --> 00:32:19,815 [grunts, groans] 826 00:32:20,382 --> 00:32:21,847 [body thuds] 827 00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:24,248 [sighs] Guess you'll have to do. 828 00:32:24,282 --> 00:32:25,481 Okay, here we... 829 00:32:26,449 --> 00:32:29,382 Oh! Look at those jammies. 830 00:32:29,415 --> 00:32:32,780 That only took 20 fucking years. 831 00:32:32,814 --> 00:32:35,048 One Anchor Being coming right up! 832 00:32:35,082 --> 00:32:37,348 On your left, baby girl. 833 00:32:37,381 --> 00:32:38,480 This Logan has the same 834 00:32:38,513 --> 00:32:40,747 he-can-do-anything- even-musicals look. 835 00:32:40,780 --> 00:32:42,846 And bonus, he's actually wearing a costume 836 00:32:42,879 --> 00:32:44,114 like he's not embarrassed to be 837 00:32:44,147 --> 00:32:45,513 in a superhero movie for once. 838 00:32:45,547 --> 00:32:47,181 I don't understand. 839 00:32:47,214 --> 00:32:48,414 You said my universe is dying 840 00:32:48,448 --> 00:32:50,879 because this sack of nuts got himself killed. 841 00:32:50,913 --> 00:32:53,546 - Well, problem solved. - My God. 842 00:32:53,579 --> 00:32:57,980 You actually think you can replace an Anchor Being 843 00:32:58,014 --> 00:32:59,980 with this? 844 00:33:00,014 --> 00:33:02,579 I wouldn't have accepted any other Wolverine, BT dubs. 845 00:33:02,612 --> 00:33:04,611 But you have outdone yourself 846 00:33:04,645 --> 00:33:06,846 and brought me the worst Wolverine! 847 00:33:06,879 --> 00:33:08,113 What do you mean, the worst one? 848 00:33:08,146 --> 00:33:09,612 Mr. Wilson. 849 00:33:09,645 --> 00:33:13,611 This Wolverine let down his entire world. 850 00:33:13,645 --> 00:33:16,013 He's the stuff of legend, but not in a good way. 851 00:33:16,046 --> 00:33:17,280 And what he did, 852 00:33:17,313 --> 00:33:18,678 well, 853 00:33:18,712 --> 00:33:21,012 some things are just beyond forgiveness. 854 00:33:23,312 --> 00:33:24,644 Okay. 855 00:33:24,677 --> 00:33:27,578 How do I... How do I make this right? I'll do anything. 856 00:33:27,611 --> 00:33:30,577 I gave you a chance at greatness. 857 00:33:30,610 --> 00:33:33,211 Because my superiors deemed you "special." 858 00:33:33,244 --> 00:33:34,711 Clearly not special in a good way. 859 00:33:34,744 --> 00:33:35,778 Apparently you have some 860 00:33:35,812 --> 00:33:37,979 important future purpose to serve. 861 00:33:38,012 --> 00:33:39,112 With Thor. He holds me. 862 00:33:39,145 --> 00:33:40,944 But I did my duty. 863 00:33:40,979 --> 00:33:43,011 I gave you the opportunity to be somebody. 864 00:33:43,044 --> 00:33:45,011 And instead of accepting my offering 865 00:33:45,044 --> 00:33:47,510 with humility and gratitude, you broke my nose. 866 00:33:47,544 --> 00:33:48,577 [sighs] It looks great. 867 00:33:48,610 --> 00:33:50,544 And you decimated dozens of my men 868 00:33:50,577 --> 00:33:52,178 with the exhumed corpse of a hero. 869 00:33:52,211 --> 00:33:54,543 Dishonoring not only his remains but his memory. 870 00:33:54,576 --> 00:33:55,910 What are you, the Internet? 871 00:33:55,944 --> 00:33:58,178 Your world is dying! 872 00:33:58,211 --> 00:33:59,576 Thank you very much. 873 00:33:59,609 --> 00:34:00,910 And there's no stopping it. 874 00:34:02,943 --> 00:34:04,642 [muffled] The humane thing to do 875 00:34:04,675 --> 00:34:05,742 is to make it quick. 876 00:34:05,775 --> 00:34:07,676 Is the thought of vaporizing my universe 877 00:34:07,710 --> 00:34:08,978 making you peckish? 878 00:34:09,010 --> 00:34:10,143 I'm eating my feelings. 879 00:34:10,177 --> 00:34:11,775 I'm about to lose everything that I've ever cared about 880 00:34:11,809 --> 00:34:14,977 because that hairy thundercunt from down undercunt 881 00:34:15,010 --> 00:34:15,943 finally dies, 882 00:34:15,976 --> 00:34:18,576 and he's standing right behind me, isn't he? 883 00:34:18,608 --> 00:34:20,575 Welcome to the MCU, by the way. 884 00:34:20,608 --> 00:34:22,775 You're joining at a bit of a low point. 885 00:34:22,809 --> 00:34:24,841 As for you, I wanna talk to your boss. 886 00:34:24,874 --> 00:34:26,276 I want you to get him on the phone 887 00:34:26,309 --> 00:34:28,309 and you tell him, her, or them, 888 00:34:28,343 --> 00:34:30,642 that Marvel H. Christ isn't playing. 889 00:34:35,942 --> 00:34:36,942 Holy shit. 890 00:34:37,608 --> 00:34:39,541 I just heard a symphony 891 00:34:39,574 --> 00:34:41,507 of buttholes clenching all at once. 892 00:34:41,541 --> 00:34:42,674 You're off grid. 893 00:34:42,708 --> 00:34:44,108 Your bosses don't know what you sick fucks 894 00:34:44,141 --> 00:34:45,175 are doing down here. 895 00:34:45,208 --> 00:34:46,375 Well, I'll tell you what. 896 00:34:46,408 --> 00:34:48,342 I have a black belt in Karen... 897 00:34:48,375 --> 00:34:49,674 And I'm gonna go upstairs 898 00:34:49,708 --> 00:34:52,041 and I'm gonna tell 'em all about you and your... 899 00:34:52,807 --> 00:34:54,606 Oh, silence is nice, isn't it? 900 00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:55,740 Where the fuck did he go? 901 00:34:55,773 --> 00:34:57,741 To the trash heap. You'll fit right in. 902 00:34:57,774 --> 00:34:59,375 [growls] 903 00:34:59,408 --> 00:35:00,707 Whew. 904 00:35:00,740 --> 00:35:02,208 That was close. [chuckles] 905 00:35:05,407 --> 00:35:07,840 [muffled rhythmic thumping] 906 00:35:11,441 --> 00:35:13,639 [muffled footsteps thumping] 907 00:35:17,773 --> 00:35:19,007 [groaning] 908 00:35:23,007 --> 00:35:25,572 [Deadpool] Don't just stand there, you ape. 909 00:35:25,605 --> 00:35:27,638 Give me a hand up. 910 00:35:27,671 --> 00:35:29,572 - [claws clang] - Nope. I'm actually okay. 911 00:35:29,605 --> 00:35:31,772 - Thank you very much. [groans] - [Wolverine grunting] 912 00:35:32,805 --> 00:35:33,973 [Wolverine] Where the hell are we? 913 00:35:34,006 --> 00:35:36,439 [Deadpool] I don't know. Looks kind of Mad Max-y. 914 00:35:36,471 --> 00:35:38,472 But that would be IP infringement, right? 915 00:35:38,505 --> 00:35:39,739 Fucking jokes. 916 00:35:39,771 --> 00:35:41,505 - [grunts] - [Deadpool yelps] 917 00:35:41,538 --> 00:35:43,206 [bones crack] 918 00:35:43,239 --> 00:35:44,638 [Deadpool] Fuck! Fuck. 919 00:35:44,671 --> 00:35:46,138 Were you even listening back there? 920 00:35:46,172 --> 00:35:49,139 If we don't make it back to that Mr. Paradox asshole, 921 00:35:49,173 --> 00:35:50,504 everyone I know is gonna die. 922 00:35:50,538 --> 00:35:52,372 Not my fuckin' problem. 923 00:35:52,405 --> 00:35:54,571 Oh, is that all you got? 924 00:35:54,604 --> 00:35:56,804 Is that what you said when your world went to shit? 925 00:35:57,637 --> 00:36:00,038 [breathing heavily] Come again? 926 00:36:00,072 --> 00:36:02,072 Yeah, I heard all about you. 927 00:36:02,105 --> 00:36:04,172 How you screwed up everything. 928 00:36:04,205 --> 00:36:05,338 You should be thankin' me 929 00:36:05,371 --> 00:36:07,037 for pulling you out of that bed you shit in. 930 00:36:07,071 --> 00:36:09,339 [groans] You back-stabbing son of a bitch! 931 00:36:09,372 --> 00:36:10,670 [yells] 932 00:36:13,837 --> 00:36:15,338 [shouts, groans] 933 00:36:15,371 --> 00:36:16,703 Are you ready to be calm now? 934 00:36:16,736 --> 00:36:18,669 - [grunts] - [Deadpool yelps] 935 00:36:21,438 --> 00:36:22,636 [groans] 936 00:36:23,837 --> 00:36:26,203 Rest in pieces, Fox. [grunts] 937 00:36:26,236 --> 00:36:29,070 [♪ tense song intro playing, AC/DC "Hells Bells"] 938 00:36:29,104 --> 00:36:30,804 [bird screeching] 939 00:36:41,003 --> 00:36:42,803 I don't want to fight you, peanut. 940 00:36:43,769 --> 00:36:45,535 Doesn't matter what you did. 941 00:36:45,568 --> 00:36:47,235 - I just need your help. - [grunts] 942 00:36:48,501 --> 00:36:50,170 I don't fuckin' care. 943 00:36:51,402 --> 00:36:53,369 Uh... Uh-oh. 944 00:36:53,402 --> 00:36:54,836 [breathes heavily] 945 00:36:58,768 --> 00:37:01,468 Fuck. This is gonna hurt. 946 00:37:05,401 --> 00:37:06,868 All right. 947 00:37:07,134 --> 00:37:08,701 Fuck it. 948 00:37:08,734 --> 00:37:10,634 Let's give the people what they came for. 949 00:37:10,667 --> 00:37:13,467 - [♪ song stops] - Let's fuckin' go. 950 00:37:14,401 --> 00:37:16,500 Get your special sock out, nerds. 951 00:37:16,534 --> 00:37:18,599 It's gonna get good. 952 00:37:19,168 --> 00:37:20,500 [grunts] 953 00:37:25,834 --> 00:37:27,367 [♪ hard rock music playing, AC/DC "Hells Bells"] 954 00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:28,666 [growls] 955 00:37:29,866 --> 00:37:31,168 [gunshots] 956 00:37:39,565 --> 00:37:41,167 [both grunting] 957 00:37:43,766 --> 00:37:44,766 [groans] 958 00:37:51,334 --> 00:37:52,367 [screams] 959 00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:54,100 ♪ Hell's bells ♪ 960 00:37:56,032 --> 00:37:58,865 ♪ I'll give you black sensations ♪ 961 00:37:58,899 --> 00:38:01,766 ♪ Up and down your spine ♪ 962 00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:05,333 ♪ If you're into evil, you're a friend of mine ♪ 963 00:38:05,366 --> 00:38:08,631 ♪ See my white light flashing as I split the night ♪ 964 00:38:08,664 --> 00:38:10,564 - [grunts, growls] - [Deadpool chuckles] Ew. 965 00:38:11,399 --> 00:38:12,732 Gotcha! 966 00:38:12,765 --> 00:38:16,597 ♪ I got my bell, I'm gonna take you to hell ♪ 967 00:38:16,631 --> 00:38:19,031 ♪ I'm gonna get you, Satan get you ♪ 968 00:38:19,065 --> 00:38:20,630 - Baby Knife! - [groans] 969 00:38:24,398 --> 00:38:25,531 - [screams] - Let's see you grow 970 00:38:25,564 --> 00:38:26,731 your fuckin' head back. 971 00:38:26,764 --> 00:38:28,664 Wait, wait, wait! I can fix it! I can fix it. 972 00:38:28,698 --> 00:38:30,831 - Fix what? - Whatever it is that you did. 973 00:38:31,563 --> 00:38:33,065 Whatever made you so bad. 974 00:38:33,464 --> 00:38:34,864 Those... Those 975 00:38:34,898 --> 00:38:37,496 pricks in the TVA. You heard him. 976 00:38:38,496 --> 00:38:39,730 They have the power to end my universe, 977 00:38:39,763 --> 00:38:43,097 but they also have the power to change yours. 978 00:38:44,664 --> 00:38:47,897 We get back there, and we can fix your world. 979 00:38:47,930 --> 00:38:49,097 Together. 980 00:38:50,363 --> 00:38:51,629 I promise. 981 00:38:53,030 --> 00:38:54,230 They can fix it. 982 00:38:55,330 --> 00:38:56,630 [man] Hey! 983 00:38:56,663 --> 00:38:58,763 We fight each other, we lose. 984 00:38:58,797 --> 00:39:00,196 [Deadpool] Dear God, it's him. 985 00:39:00,229 --> 00:39:02,595 - Who? - [Deadpool] The one. 986 00:39:02,630 --> 00:39:05,529 The superhero equivalent to comfort food, or Molly. 987 00:39:05,562 --> 00:39:08,196 White guys' answer to all the disappointments. 988 00:39:08,229 --> 00:39:09,528 And another A-lister. 989 00:39:09,561 --> 00:39:10,963 Fair warning, gorgeous. 990 00:39:10,996 --> 00:39:13,063 You're going to encounter some indelicate language, 991 00:39:13,096 --> 00:39:15,629 a smidge of ass play, but we've been prohibited 992 00:39:15,662 --> 00:39:17,528 from using cocaine. On camera. 993 00:39:17,561 --> 00:39:19,795 - [man] They're coming. - [Deadpool] Who's "they"? 994 00:39:19,828 --> 00:39:22,195 - [engines revving] - [♪ menacing music playing] 995 00:39:26,461 --> 00:39:27,995 Oh, they're driving angry. 996 00:39:32,962 --> 00:39:33,795 [grunts] 997 00:39:33,828 --> 00:39:35,695 Now that's a superhero landing. 998 00:39:35,728 --> 00:39:37,928 [♪ menacing music continues] 999 00:39:41,428 --> 00:39:42,827 [♪ music stops] 1000 00:39:42,860 --> 00:39:44,062 I got this. 1001 00:39:44,095 --> 00:39:46,094 [♪ menacing music resumes] 1002 00:39:50,427 --> 00:39:51,627 [sniffs] 1003 00:39:56,361 --> 00:39:57,794 [engines revving] 1004 00:40:07,793 --> 00:40:09,026 Stay close. 1005 00:40:09,060 --> 00:40:10,193 [Deadpool] Aye, aye, Cap'n. 1006 00:40:11,491 --> 00:40:12,693 You got this. 1007 00:40:14,759 --> 00:40:18,491 Cassandra is gonna be giddy when she sees what we caught. 1008 00:40:19,326 --> 00:40:20,426 You can't run. 1009 00:40:20,491 --> 00:40:21,726 Everybody knows that. 1010 00:40:21,758 --> 00:40:24,926 You see anyone runnin', dick for brains? 1011 00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:26,793 You're not gonna love what happens next. 1012 00:40:26,826 --> 00:40:28,825 - [Deadpool] Oh. Oh, my God. - [♪ rousing music playing] 1013 00:40:28,858 --> 00:40:31,159 Oh, my God. Oh, my God, he's gonna say it. 1014 00:40:31,192 --> 00:40:32,224 - Ah! Fuck. - [Deadpool] Ha! 1015 00:40:32,258 --> 00:40:33,792 Oh, my God! He's gonna say it! 1016 00:40:33,825 --> 00:40:35,559 - Say what? - Avengers, assemble... 1017 00:40:35,592 --> 00:40:37,025 - Flame on! - I'm sorry, what now? 1018 00:40:39,425 --> 00:40:41,625 [♪ epic music playing] 1019 00:40:53,157 --> 00:40:54,958 [groans, panting] 1020 00:40:56,625 --> 00:40:58,924 [screaming in distance] 1021 00:40:58,958 --> 00:41:00,324 - [clang] - Ohh! 1022 00:41:00,357 --> 00:41:01,691 Fuck! 1023 00:41:01,724 --> 00:41:02,724 Ahhh! 1024 00:41:03,290 --> 00:41:04,489 [grunts] 1025 00:41:05,657 --> 00:41:07,958 - We don't know that guy. - [Deadpool] We thought we did. 1026 00:41:07,991 --> 00:41:10,057 I know you. 1027 00:41:10,090 --> 00:41:12,123 - [Deadpool] Holy sh... - [Sabretooth snarls] 1028 00:41:12,756 --> 00:41:13,790 [growls] 1029 00:41:13,823 --> 00:41:14,823 Sabretooth. 1030 00:41:15,257 --> 00:41:16,456 Your brother. 1031 00:41:17,190 --> 00:41:18,957 Ready to die? 1032 00:41:18,990 --> 00:41:21,690 [Deadpool] Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Time! 1033 00:41:22,256 --> 00:41:23,855 You look ridiculous. 1034 00:41:23,889 --> 00:41:26,589 People have waited decades for this fight. 1035 00:41:26,623 --> 00:41:28,455 It's not gonna be easy. Baby Knife. 1036 00:41:28,489 --> 00:41:30,389 Shoot the double, you take him down. 1037 00:41:30,423 --> 00:41:32,522 Side control, then full mount, 1038 00:41:32,555 --> 00:41:33,922 and you ground and pound 1039 00:41:33,956 --> 00:41:35,623 till he makes no sound because he's dead. 1040 00:41:35,656 --> 00:41:37,623 - Shut the fuck up! - [Deadpool] Oh, my God! 1041 00:41:37,656 --> 00:41:40,089 Okay. Good luck. I'm a huge fan. 1042 00:41:40,122 --> 00:41:41,622 [breathing heavily] 1043 00:41:43,121 --> 00:41:44,155 [laughs] 1044 00:41:45,255 --> 00:41:46,689 [roars] 1045 00:41:46,722 --> 00:41:48,122 [roars] 1046 00:41:52,121 --> 00:41:53,654 - [gurgling] - [Deadpool] What is it, girl? 1047 00:41:53,688 --> 00:41:55,587 - Is there trouble at the well? - [flesh squelching] 1048 00:42:00,421 --> 00:42:02,088 [laughs] Big trouble. 1049 00:42:02,120 --> 00:42:03,788 Behold! 1050 00:42:03,821 --> 00:42:07,021 The head of your precious queen, 1051 00:42:07,055 --> 00:42:08,055 Furiosa! 1052 00:42:09,187 --> 00:42:11,020 I have the Wolverine! 1053 00:42:11,054 --> 00:42:14,220 I alone control her! 1054 00:42:14,254 --> 00:42:16,554 You come for me, 1055 00:42:16,587 --> 00:42:19,087 you come for her. 1056 00:42:20,687 --> 00:42:22,586 So sorry. I know it's pronounced "him." 1057 00:42:22,620 --> 00:42:24,486 I'm gender blind. It's my cross to bear. 1058 00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:25,953 Who's next? 1059 00:42:25,986 --> 00:42:27,120 - Toad! - [snarls] 1060 00:42:27,154 --> 00:42:28,453 You're up. 1061 00:42:31,053 --> 00:42:32,320 [yells] 1062 00:42:32,353 --> 00:42:33,552 [both grunt] 1063 00:42:35,452 --> 00:42:36,485 [Deadpool] Uh-oh. 1064 00:42:36,519 --> 00:42:37,887 - Oh, holy sh... - Fuck. 1065 00:42:37,919 --> 00:42:38,919 [thud] 1066 00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:42,219 [creatures squeaking] 1067 00:42:46,619 --> 00:42:48,619 [Deadpool groans, mumbles] 1068 00:42:49,219 --> 00:42:50,719 [Deadpool] God of Thunder. 1069 00:42:52,252 --> 00:42:53,452 [Deadpool grunts] 1070 00:42:54,518 --> 00:42:56,052 How long was I asleep? 1071 00:42:56,085 --> 00:42:57,719 Not all of you was asleep. 1072 00:42:57,752 --> 00:42:59,352 - [Deadpool grunts] - Don't bother. 1073 00:42:59,386 --> 00:43:01,651 They're very thorough. 1074 00:43:01,685 --> 00:43:03,918 If you know where we are, start talking. 1075 00:43:04,518 --> 00:43:06,184 You're in The Void. 1076 00:43:06,217 --> 00:43:08,319 Think of it as purgatory. 1077 00:43:08,352 --> 00:43:10,685 Reed called it a metaphysical junkyard. 1078 00:43:10,718 --> 00:43:12,284 Where anything useless goes 1079 00:43:12,318 --> 00:43:14,518 before it gets annihilated forever. 1080 00:43:14,551 --> 00:43:17,384 And where the TVA sends people that don't play nice 1081 00:43:17,418 --> 00:43:18,551 with the rest of the multiverse. 1082 00:43:18,584 --> 00:43:20,318 - Like you? - And you. 1083 00:43:20,352 --> 00:43:21,850 [Deadpool] What does the annihilating? 1084 00:43:22,318 --> 00:43:23,351 Alioth. 1085 00:43:23,384 --> 00:43:24,817 [Deadpool] Alioth is in this thing? 1086 00:43:24,850 --> 00:43:26,916 From Loki, Season 1, Episode 5? 1087 00:43:26,950 --> 00:43:29,117 Everyone here is on the run from Alioth. 1088 00:43:29,650 --> 00:43:31,317 Most don't make it. 1089 00:43:31,351 --> 00:43:33,384 There's a resistance, though. 1090 00:43:33,418 --> 00:43:36,449 Other people like us that managed to survive. 1091 00:43:36,482 --> 00:43:37,849 They're hidin' out in the borderlands, 1092 00:43:37,883 --> 00:43:40,351 trying to find a way the fuck outta here. 1093 00:43:40,384 --> 00:43:41,749 Then that's where we go. 1094 00:43:41,783 --> 00:43:43,749 [Deadpool] "We"? Us? A team? 1095 00:43:43,783 --> 00:43:45,816 The answer is yes. Shake on it. 1096 00:43:46,417 --> 00:43:47,649 Fuck! You nicked it. 1097 00:43:47,683 --> 00:43:49,716 Just got the tip with your little steak knife. 1098 00:43:49,749 --> 00:43:51,916 These "others" can help us get back to the TVA. 1099 00:43:51,950 --> 00:43:52,982 Make 'em fix things. 1100 00:43:53,015 --> 00:43:55,182 [laughs sardonically] 1101 00:43:55,215 --> 00:43:56,682 Something funny, bub? 1102 00:43:56,715 --> 00:43:58,482 She might have somethin' to say about that. 1103 00:43:58,516 --> 00:43:59,783 Who's "she"? 1104 00:44:01,049 --> 00:44:02,249 In The Void, 1105 00:44:02,282 --> 00:44:04,015 you're either food for Alioth 1106 00:44:04,648 --> 00:44:06,682 or you work for her. 1107 00:44:06,715 --> 00:44:08,915 [♪ stirring music playing] 1108 00:44:18,815 --> 00:44:19,882 [engine roars] 1109 00:44:28,315 --> 00:44:29,681 [metal creaking] 1110 00:44:30,481 --> 00:44:31,914 [heavy metallic thud] 1111 00:44:39,348 --> 00:44:41,013 [engine roaring] 1112 00:44:52,147 --> 00:44:54,479 [♪ tense music playing] 1113 00:45:03,446 --> 00:45:04,912 [grunts] 1114 00:45:04,946 --> 00:45:06,112 [growls quietly] 1115 00:45:06,912 --> 00:45:07,912 [grunts] 1116 00:45:18,945 --> 00:45:21,979 [Deadpool] Huh. Paul Rudd finally aged. 1117 00:45:22,012 --> 00:45:23,778 Oh, you must be this year's Juggernaut. 1118 00:45:23,811 --> 00:45:25,544 - Thank you. - I'd keep your voices down. 1119 00:45:25,577 --> 00:45:26,978 She don't like the chatter. 1120 00:45:27,011 --> 00:45:28,210 She's gonna love you. 1121 00:45:29,611 --> 00:45:31,811 [♪ slow dramatic music building] 1122 00:45:44,312 --> 00:45:46,044 [Deadpool] Is it... Is that Charles? 1123 00:45:46,077 --> 00:45:48,311 Hey... Hey, Chuck! It's us! 1124 00:45:48,344 --> 00:45:49,677 That's not Chuck. 1125 00:45:49,710 --> 00:45:50,910 Ah, shit. 1126 00:45:52,278 --> 00:45:53,777 [Deadpool] Oh, ableism. Great. 1127 00:45:53,810 --> 00:45:56,311 That's not gonna go over well with the woke mob. 1128 00:45:56,344 --> 00:45:58,377 A Wolverine. 1129 00:45:58,411 --> 00:46:00,842 I wondered when I'd get one of you. 1130 00:46:01,443 --> 00:46:02,677 You're one of Xavier's. 1131 00:46:02,710 --> 00:46:04,377 [Deadpool] You-You know him? You know Chuck? 1132 00:46:04,411 --> 00:46:05,876 Oh, I knew him. 1133 00:46:05,909 --> 00:46:07,311 We shared a womb. 1134 00:46:07,344 --> 00:46:09,509 Tried to strangle the sly little fellow 1135 00:46:09,542 --> 00:46:10,975 with my umbilical cord. 1136 00:46:11,008 --> 00:46:14,442 [Deadpool] Amen. I've never loved roommates. Mine's blind. 1137 00:46:14,475 --> 00:46:16,142 Except she can see cocaine. 1138 00:46:16,176 --> 00:46:17,609 For some... reason. 1139 00:46:17,642 --> 00:46:20,775 You want to chime in, Your Majesty? I'm dying here. 1140 00:46:20,808 --> 00:46:21,809 Who are you? 1141 00:46:21,842 --> 00:46:24,842 Charles Xavier's twin, Cassandra Nova. 1142 00:46:24,875 --> 00:46:26,509 - Bullshit! - I was an anal birth. 1143 00:46:26,542 --> 00:46:29,275 Hmm. You two are cute. 1144 00:46:29,309 --> 00:46:30,841 I have a good feeling about this. 1145 00:46:33,675 --> 00:46:34,775 And I've been trying to catch 1146 00:46:34,808 --> 00:46:36,875 this little firefly for years. 1147 00:46:37,508 --> 00:46:39,175 Haven't I, Johnny? 1148 00:46:39,208 --> 00:46:42,574 Aw... You picked the wrong time to make new friends. 1149 00:46:42,608 --> 00:46:44,974 [Deadpool] Oh, Johnny told us all about you. 1150 00:46:45,007 --> 00:46:46,541 - Maybe shut up now. - Yeah, maybe don't... 1151 00:46:46,574 --> 00:46:47,640 [Deadpool] We're just talkin' here. 1152 00:46:47,674 --> 00:46:48,807 Yeah, Johnny told us 1153 00:46:48,840 --> 00:46:51,007 you're a psychotic megalomaniacal asshole. 1154 00:46:51,041 --> 00:46:54,674 His words, not mine. Hellbent on domination and pain. 1155 00:46:55,640 --> 00:46:57,207 You said all that about me? 1156 00:46:57,241 --> 00:46:58,940 No! No! I don't... 1157 00:46:58,973 --> 00:47:01,207 - I didn't say any of that! - Sticks and stones, Johnny! 1158 00:47:02,707 --> 00:47:04,707 Don't let her intimidate you. 1159 00:47:04,740 --> 00:47:06,607 It's like you said in the convoy. 1160 00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:08,572 This finger-lickin' dead-inside 1161 00:47:08,606 --> 00:47:11,506 pixie slab of third rate dime-store nut-milk 1162 00:47:11,539 --> 00:47:13,374 can eat your delicious cinnamon ring 1163 00:47:13,408 --> 00:47:15,506 and kick rocks all the way to bald hell. 1164 00:47:15,539 --> 00:47:17,606 Okay. I have never said any of those words 1165 00:47:17,639 --> 00:47:19,773 - in my entire life! - [Deadpool] Ha! The modesty. 1166 00:47:19,806 --> 00:47:21,805 People think I'm a shit talker. 1167 00:47:21,838 --> 00:47:22,940 But this guy... 1168 00:47:22,973 --> 00:47:24,073 [smooches] Next level. 1169 00:47:24,107 --> 00:47:26,240 What? This... I... We... 1170 00:47:26,273 --> 00:47:27,606 I don't even know what half of that means! 1171 00:47:27,639 --> 00:47:29,373 - This... I... - My hat's off to you, sir. 1172 00:47:29,407 --> 00:47:30,438 - Truly. - What? This... 1173 00:47:30,471 --> 00:47:32,438 I didn't... He's... That's... I... 1174 00:47:32,471 --> 00:47:34,106 I... I don't... 1175 00:47:34,140 --> 00:47:36,039 - [Deadpool gasps] - [heart beats] 1176 00:47:39,172 --> 00:47:40,272 [Deadpool] Not my favorite Chris. 1177 00:47:40,306 --> 00:47:41,672 You stupid piece of shit. 1178 00:47:41,704 --> 00:47:42,771 You just got him fucking killed! 1179 00:47:42,804 --> 00:47:44,672 [Deadpool] Hey! We're all grieving! 1180 00:47:44,705 --> 00:47:46,971 PS, do you know what he was doing to the budget? 1181 00:47:47,004 --> 00:47:48,205 [shushing] 1182 00:47:49,505 --> 00:47:52,072 Alioth is hungry. 1183 00:47:52,105 --> 00:47:53,772 [Deadpool] There's been some kind of mistake. 1184 00:47:53,805 --> 00:47:55,771 Big yellow is a back-up Anchor Being, 1185 00:47:55,804 --> 00:47:58,437 and I'm Marvel Jesus. MJ, if you're nasty. 1186 00:47:58,470 --> 00:47:59,504 This may be hard to hear, 1187 00:47:59,537 --> 00:48:01,238 but there's another British villain 1188 00:48:01,271 --> 00:48:02,371 who's gonna destroy my universe, 1189 00:48:02,405 --> 00:48:03,537 and I'm gonna stop him. 1190 00:48:03,570 --> 00:48:05,072 Oh, honey, you don't really strike me 1191 00:48:05,105 --> 00:48:06,737 as the world-saving type. 1192 00:48:07,671 --> 00:48:09,104 [thunder rumbling in distance] 1193 00:48:09,138 --> 00:48:10,970 Did I hit a nerve? 1194 00:48:11,003 --> 00:48:12,703 [Deadpool] I didn't want it to come to this. 1195 00:48:13,337 --> 00:48:14,371 Either you help us 1196 00:48:14,405 --> 00:48:15,736 or my friend here is gonna sing 1197 00:48:15,770 --> 00:48:17,569 the entire second act of Music Man 1198 00:48:17,603 --> 00:48:18,836 with zero warm-up. 1199 00:48:19,536 --> 00:48:20,803 Where'd you get the chair? 1200 00:48:20,836 --> 00:48:21,869 [Cassandra Nova] Well, once in a while, 1201 00:48:21,902 --> 00:48:23,937 I do get a Charles through here. 1202 00:48:23,970 --> 00:48:25,370 Never mine, though. 1203 00:48:25,404 --> 00:48:28,569 No. He didn't care to find me. 1204 00:48:28,603 --> 00:48:32,170 [Deadpool groans] Gen Z and their trauma-bragging! 1205 00:48:32,203 --> 00:48:35,137 Can't you just stuff it down, turn it into accomplishment 1206 00:48:35,170 --> 00:48:36,769 or cancer like the rest of us? 1207 00:48:36,802 --> 00:48:38,635 But I'm not like the rest of you. 1208 00:48:38,669 --> 00:48:40,602 Except maybe the Wolverine. 1209 00:48:40,635 --> 00:48:43,269 Now, we could be truly terrifying together. 1210 00:48:43,303 --> 00:48:44,602 You're that scary, huh? 1211 00:48:44,635 --> 00:48:46,936 The TVA certainly thought so. 1212 00:48:46,969 --> 00:48:49,602 They sent me here before I could walk. 1213 00:48:49,635 --> 00:48:51,102 And you know, it's the best thing 1214 00:48:51,136 --> 00:48:52,901 that ever happened to me. 1215 00:48:52,935 --> 00:48:53,801 I love it here. 1216 00:48:53,834 --> 00:48:55,169 [Deadpool] You live in a garbage dump. 1217 00:48:55,202 --> 00:48:58,567 I think we both know who lives in the garbage dump. 1218 00:48:58,601 --> 00:49:00,434 The Void is a paradise. 1219 00:49:00,467 --> 00:49:04,567 I can wield my power here without shame. 1220 00:49:04,601 --> 00:49:06,567 Unfortunately I had no Charles Xavier 1221 00:49:06,601 --> 00:49:08,567 to teach me temperance. 1222 00:49:08,601 --> 00:49:10,567 What about your Charles? 1223 00:49:10,601 --> 00:49:11,900 Did he protect you? 1224 00:49:12,533 --> 00:49:14,700 Did he make you feel safe? 1225 00:49:14,733 --> 00:49:16,668 We're mutants. We're never safe. 1226 00:49:16,701 --> 00:49:19,101 - [roars] - [Cassandra whoops] 1227 00:49:19,434 --> 00:49:20,633 [chuckles] 1228 00:49:21,001 --> 00:49:22,068 [whoops] 1229 00:49:24,766 --> 00:49:25,800 [Deadpool] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 1230 00:49:25,833 --> 00:49:27,600 I don't... I don't want the smoke. 1231 00:49:27,633 --> 00:49:28,800 I don't have any beef with you. 1232 00:49:28,833 --> 00:49:30,433 I just want to save my friends. 1233 00:49:30,466 --> 00:49:31,732 I just... I want to go home. 1234 00:49:31,766 --> 00:49:33,599 Well, the thing is, I could get you home. 1235 00:49:33,632 --> 00:49:35,401 - Good. - But I don't want to. 1236 00:49:35,433 --> 00:49:37,700 [Deadpool] Not good. [groaning] 1237 00:49:40,100 --> 00:49:42,632 What do you want, Wade Wilson? 1238 00:49:42,666 --> 00:49:45,166 [Deadpool straining] Your... fingers are inside me, 1239 00:49:45,199 --> 00:49:46,433 but not in a good way. 1240 00:49:46,466 --> 00:49:49,432 My brother could enter one's mind with a thought. 1241 00:49:49,465 --> 00:49:51,765 I have to get my hands dirty. 1242 00:49:51,798 --> 00:49:54,099 - [Deadpool groaning] - [shushing] 1243 00:49:54,831 --> 00:49:56,100 I've got you. 1244 00:49:58,432 --> 00:49:59,831 [whispers] I've got you... 1245 00:50:02,232 --> 00:50:03,464 [Wade, muffled] What do you mean? 1246 00:50:05,098 --> 00:50:07,933 I can't... I can't reach you. You're not here. 1247 00:50:07,966 --> 00:50:09,631 I'm right here. 1248 00:50:09,665 --> 00:50:12,631 - No, you're not. I can't... - I'm right here. 1249 00:50:12,665 --> 00:50:14,864 Then show me. You got to do something. 1250 00:50:16,098 --> 00:50:17,531 Show you what? 1251 00:50:17,564 --> 00:50:21,430 Show me you care about something bigger than you. 1252 00:50:21,463 --> 00:50:25,497 Ever since they turned you down, you took a knee. 1253 00:50:26,164 --> 00:50:28,132 Baby, you never got back up. 1254 00:50:30,298 --> 00:50:32,164 I know you're going through something. 1255 00:50:32,197 --> 00:50:35,064 Let me go through it with you. 1256 00:50:35,097 --> 00:50:37,497 - Your crazy matches my crazy. - Your crazy matches my crazy. 1257 00:50:40,597 --> 00:50:41,997 Where'd you go? 1258 00:50:42,496 --> 00:50:43,964 [Wade] Oh, my God. 1259 00:50:45,330 --> 00:50:46,931 [♪ melancholy music playing] 1260 00:50:46,964 --> 00:50:48,663 You just say it. Okay? 1261 00:50:49,363 --> 00:50:50,397 Say, "I don't want you. 1262 00:50:50,429 --> 00:50:52,862 "I don't want to be with you." 1263 00:50:52,896 --> 00:50:54,363 Go ahead. Say it. Say... Say, "I don't..." 1264 00:50:54,397 --> 00:50:55,828 Say it. You don't wanna be with me. 1265 00:50:55,862 --> 00:50:57,330 Tell me that and I'll walk away. 1266 00:50:57,363 --> 00:50:58,397 Say, "I don't want you." 1267 00:50:58,429 --> 00:51:00,728 [♪ melancholy music continues] 1268 00:51:04,561 --> 00:51:06,229 [sighs] Fuck... 1269 00:51:06,262 --> 00:51:08,896 You'll never fucking matter. 1270 00:51:12,795 --> 00:51:14,628 What? 1271 00:51:14,662 --> 00:51:17,461 - You'll never fucking matter. - Fucking matter. 1272 00:51:17,495 --> 00:51:19,828 [♪ melancholy music continues] 1273 00:51:23,396 --> 00:51:26,028 - [Vanessa] You'll... - [Cassandra] You'll... 1274 00:51:26,061 --> 00:51:27,995 - never... - never... 1275 00:51:28,029 --> 00:51:29,262 - fucking... - fucking... 1276 00:51:29,296 --> 00:51:32,129 - matter. - matter... 1277 00:51:34,161 --> 00:51:35,494 [Deadpool] She never said that. 1278 00:51:35,527 --> 00:51:36,626 - [Cassandra] No. - [groans] 1279 00:51:36,660 --> 00:51:38,594 [in mocking tone] But I bet she thought it. 1280 00:51:38,627 --> 00:51:39,661 [Deadpool splutters] 1281 00:51:39,694 --> 00:51:42,427 [Deadpool groans] You are so mean! 1282 00:51:42,460 --> 00:51:43,593 My brain could taste your fingers, 1283 00:51:43,626 --> 00:51:45,760 and they tasted like hate! 1284 00:51:45,793 --> 00:51:48,494 And where in God's name is the intimacy coordinator? 1285 00:51:48,527 --> 00:51:51,328 You're so lost, Mr. Wilson. 1286 00:51:51,360 --> 00:51:53,760 And long before you came here. 1287 00:51:55,160 --> 00:51:56,193 This is Baby Knife. 1288 00:51:56,227 --> 00:51:57,492 She's gonna fuck you in the face now. 1289 00:51:57,525 --> 00:51:58,793 If you want to kill me, 1290 00:51:58,827 --> 00:52:00,693 it's going to take more than a little blade. 1291 00:52:00,726 --> 00:52:02,526 [Deadpool] How about six? 1292 00:52:02,559 --> 00:52:06,226 [laughs mockingly] My boy's wicked strong. 1293 00:52:06,259 --> 00:52:07,893 That's my big boy. 1294 00:52:07,926 --> 00:52:09,394 Yes, you are. 1295 00:52:09,426 --> 00:52:10,692 [groans] 1296 00:52:11,360 --> 00:52:12,558 [laughs] 1297 00:52:15,458 --> 00:52:17,026 [Cassandra] Well, this has been fun. 1298 00:52:17,059 --> 00:52:19,326 But the big guy needs to eat, and the rent is due. 1299 00:52:19,359 --> 00:52:21,092 - [eerie roar] - [thunder roaring] 1300 00:52:22,759 --> 00:52:23,792 By the way, 1301 00:52:23,825 --> 00:52:25,259 you're the rent. 1302 00:52:25,293 --> 00:52:27,491 [rumbling] 1303 00:52:35,225 --> 00:52:36,557 [roars] 1304 00:52:39,892 --> 00:52:40,926 [henchmen screaming] 1305 00:52:44,424 --> 00:52:47,257 - [electrical whine] - Come on! Fuck! 1306 00:52:47,291 --> 00:52:48,456 - [engine starts] - You comin' or what? 1307 00:52:48,490 --> 00:52:49,691 [Deadpool] Coming! 1308 00:52:59,891 --> 00:53:02,090 [engine sputtering in distance] 1309 00:53:04,790 --> 00:53:06,489 - [distant scream] - [engine bursts] 1310 00:53:06,957 --> 00:53:08,290 [grunting] 1311 00:53:08,323 --> 00:53:09,622 [both groan] 1312 00:53:09,656 --> 00:53:10,723 What you thinkin' 'bout? 1313 00:53:10,758 --> 00:53:12,423 - Get the fuck off of me! - Shh, shh, shh. 1314 00:53:12,456 --> 00:53:14,555 - [strains] Almost done. - Almost done what? 1315 00:53:14,589 --> 00:53:16,489 Getting my knife out of your buttocks, 1316 00:53:16,522 --> 00:53:18,256 - pervert! - Aah! Fuck! 1317 00:53:18,290 --> 00:53:20,157 Get your mind out of my pants! 1318 00:53:20,190 --> 00:53:22,522 - I'm telling Blake. - New rules. 1319 00:53:22,890 --> 00:53:23,757 I talk now. 1320 00:53:23,790 --> 00:53:25,323 That's gonna be very hard on the audience. 1321 00:53:25,356 --> 00:53:27,956 Shut the fuck up! 1322 00:53:27,989 --> 00:53:28,989 Let me fuckin' think. 1323 00:53:29,023 --> 00:53:31,089 Now we gotta get back to Paradox, right? 1324 00:53:33,023 --> 00:53:34,621 Right? 1325 00:53:34,655 --> 00:53:36,856 Je m'excuse. Am I allowed to speak now or... 1326 00:53:36,889 --> 00:53:39,155 Just nod, asshole. 1327 00:53:40,856 --> 00:53:41,856 Right. 1328 00:53:41,889 --> 00:53:43,421 Then we find the others that poor kid, Johnny, 1329 00:53:43,454 --> 00:53:44,688 was talking about before you got him killed! 1330 00:53:44,722 --> 00:53:46,521 [Deadpool] "Poor kid." He's, like, 50! 1331 00:53:46,554 --> 00:53:47,587 Yeah, if there's a chance they know 1332 00:53:47,620 --> 00:53:49,254 how to get out of here, we find 'em. 1333 00:53:49,288 --> 00:53:51,255 And make those TVA fuckers fix my shit 1334 00:53:51,289 --> 00:53:52,588 like you fucking promised! 1335 00:53:52,621 --> 00:53:54,088 [Deadpool] I smell quest. 1336 00:53:54,122 --> 00:53:55,620 [sniffing] 1337 00:53:56,888 --> 00:53:57,888 I smell food. 1338 00:54:01,022 --> 00:54:04,688 So what made you finally wear an honest-to-God costume? 1339 00:54:06,254 --> 00:54:08,419 Mine's red so they can't see me bleed. 1340 00:54:08,452 --> 00:54:11,288 But I could see how yellow would be useful too. 1341 00:54:11,321 --> 00:54:12,954 Have you been checked for ADHD? 1342 00:54:12,987 --> 00:54:14,288 Mm-mm. 1343 00:54:14,321 --> 00:54:16,419 But I've had several STDs, 1344 00:54:16,452 --> 00:54:18,619 which were probably caused by ADHD. 1345 00:54:18,653 --> 00:54:19,720 Fuck! 1346 00:54:20,618 --> 00:54:22,221 What are you looking for? 1347 00:54:22,254 --> 00:54:23,820 Oh. Thank fuck. 1348 00:54:24,887 --> 00:54:26,753 No, no, no, no, no. That's rubbing alcohol. 1349 00:54:26,786 --> 00:54:28,287 You don't want to drink... Oh, yeah. 1350 00:54:28,320 --> 00:54:29,719 There you go. Fuck that liver. 1351 00:54:30,120 --> 00:54:31,152 [exhales] 1352 00:54:31,185 --> 00:54:33,053 - Good. Okay. - [sighs] 1353 00:54:34,086 --> 00:54:35,186 What the fuck are those? 1354 00:54:35,819 --> 00:54:36,686 Oh. 1355 00:54:36,719 --> 00:54:38,653 Back in civilian life, I wear a toupee, 1356 00:54:38,686 --> 00:54:40,386 but nobody knows. [chuckles] 1357 00:54:40,418 --> 00:54:41,686 [laughing] 1358 00:54:42,819 --> 00:54:44,418 Everybody knows. 1359 00:54:46,852 --> 00:54:48,418 Wanna talk about what's haunting you, 1360 00:54:48,451 --> 00:54:50,685 or should we wait for a third act flashback? 1361 00:54:50,718 --> 00:54:52,819 Ah... Go fuck yourself. 1362 00:54:56,085 --> 00:54:57,085 You know... 1363 00:54:58,652 --> 00:55:00,984 in my world, you're... [clears throat] 1364 00:55:02,219 --> 00:55:03,417 You're well regarded. 1365 00:55:03,450 --> 00:55:05,085 Yeah, well, not in mine. 1366 00:55:06,051 --> 00:55:07,984 They don't like me much in mine either. 1367 00:55:08,018 --> 00:55:09,417 You don't say. 1368 00:55:09,450 --> 00:55:11,516 I wanted to be something, you know. I... 1369 00:55:12,385 --> 00:55:14,118 Shit, I wanted to be an Avenger. 1370 00:55:14,151 --> 00:55:16,549 - Fuck the Avengers. - Yeah. 1371 00:55:16,583 --> 00:55:18,851 I didn't make the cut, though. Same with the X-Men... 1372 00:55:20,784 --> 00:55:21,850 When my girlfriend left me, 1373 00:55:21,883 --> 00:55:23,450 - and I just... - You had a girlfriend? 1374 00:55:23,817 --> 00:55:24,851 Yeah. 1375 00:55:25,250 --> 00:55:26,617 Vanessa. 1376 00:55:26,651 --> 00:55:28,183 When we met, she was a dancer. 1377 00:55:29,350 --> 00:55:30,548 We had a whole life. 1378 00:55:31,783 --> 00:55:33,384 It was good. 1379 00:55:33,416 --> 00:55:35,617 But, oh, boy, I just... Mwah. 1380 00:55:36,683 --> 00:55:38,482 Fucked that right up. 1381 00:55:39,182 --> 00:55:40,316 But you, 1382 00:55:40,349 --> 00:55:41,683 you were an X-Man. 1383 00:55:41,716 --> 00:55:43,783 Fuck that. You were the X-Man. You... 1384 00:55:45,515 --> 00:55:46,850 The Wolverine. 1385 00:55:49,149 --> 00:55:50,782 He was a hero in my world. 1386 00:55:52,547 --> 00:55:53,750 Yeah, well... 1387 00:55:54,916 --> 00:55:56,049 he ain't shit in mine. 1388 00:56:01,481 --> 00:56:04,082 You said, "Logan was a hero." What happened? 1389 00:56:04,982 --> 00:56:05,982 He died. 1390 00:56:06,649 --> 00:56:07,981 How? 1391 00:56:08,015 --> 00:56:10,614 Well, technically, you were chest-fucked by a tree, but, 1392 00:56:10,648 --> 00:56:12,413 really, you just ran out of batteries 1393 00:56:12,446 --> 00:56:14,682 - trying to save someone. - Who? 1394 00:56:14,715 --> 00:56:16,582 The shitheels that grew her in a lab 1395 00:56:16,615 --> 00:56:18,148 called her "X-23." But... 1396 00:56:18,948 --> 00:56:20,648 she was just a kid. 1397 00:56:20,681 --> 00:56:24,315 A younger, daintier, somehow meaner version of you. 1398 00:56:24,348 --> 00:56:26,115 You died trying to save her. 1399 00:56:26,148 --> 00:56:27,614 It was beautiful. 1400 00:56:27,648 --> 00:56:30,614 Look, mijo, I know you're hurtin'. 1401 00:56:30,648 --> 00:56:33,047 My blind, elderly, African-American roommate, 1402 00:56:33,080 --> 00:56:36,314 Blind Al, always says that pain teaches us who we are. 1403 00:56:36,347 --> 00:56:38,014 Sometimes we need to listen to that pain 1404 00:56:38,047 --> 00:56:39,080 instead of running from it. 1405 00:56:39,114 --> 00:56:40,747 - Holy shit. - Yeah, she's wise. 1406 00:56:40,780 --> 00:56:43,380 No, no, no. That's her name? You call her "Blind Al"? 1407 00:56:43,412 --> 00:56:44,614 Well, she's blind. 1408 00:56:45,047 --> 00:56:46,281 [dog barking] 1409 00:56:46,314 --> 00:56:49,412 [♪ ballad music plays, Chris de Burgh "The Lady in Red"] 1410 00:56:56,380 --> 00:57:00,979 ♪ I've never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight ♪ 1411 00:57:01,013 --> 00:57:06,612 ♪ I've never seen you shine so bright, mm-hmm, hmm ♪ 1412 00:57:07,512 --> 00:57:11,178 ♪ The lady in red ♪ 1413 00:57:13,444 --> 00:57:16,411 ♪ Is dancing with me ♪ 1414 00:57:17,612 --> 00:57:19,678 ♪ Cheek to cheek ♪ 1415 00:57:19,711 --> 00:57:22,078 ♪ There's nobody here... ♪ 1416 00:57:22,112 --> 00:57:23,410 Look at you! 1417 00:57:23,443 --> 00:57:24,544 She's coming with us. 1418 00:57:24,578 --> 00:57:26,479 - No, she's not. Fuck no! - Oh, yes, she is. 1419 00:57:26,512 --> 00:57:27,912 - Oh, yes... - [man] Sorry! 1420 00:57:27,945 --> 00:57:30,645 - [♪ song stops] - Sorry about that! 1421 00:57:30,678 --> 00:57:32,911 Come here, girl! [chuckles] 1422 00:57:32,944 --> 00:57:34,211 Who are you? 1423 00:57:34,244 --> 00:57:35,578 Oh, I'm Deadpool. 1424 00:57:35,611 --> 00:57:37,378 And I guess you're Deadpool too. 1425 00:57:37,410 --> 00:57:39,478 But in here, everybody calls me "Nicepool." 1426 00:57:39,511 --> 00:57:41,177 Oh, my goodness. Wait till you see Ladypool. 1427 00:57:41,211 --> 00:57:42,577 She is gorgeous. 1428 00:57:42,610 --> 00:57:44,744 She just had a baby too. And... [blows sharply] 1429 00:57:44,777 --> 00:57:45,711 Can't even tell. 1430 00:57:45,745 --> 00:57:47,211 I don't think you're supposed to say that. 1431 00:57:47,244 --> 00:57:48,677 That's okay. 1432 00:57:48,710 --> 00:57:50,310 I identify as a feminist. 1433 00:57:50,343 --> 00:57:51,543 Right. 1434 00:57:53,176 --> 00:57:54,477 Are those gold-plated, 1435 00:57:54,509 --> 00:57:56,644 .50 caliber Desert Eagle pistoleros? 1436 00:57:56,677 --> 00:57:57,677 'Course. 1437 00:57:57,710 --> 00:57:59,043 To match my ear huggie. 1438 00:57:59,076 --> 00:58:00,377 Can I have 'em? 1439 00:58:00,409 --> 00:58:02,310 [laughs] Over my dead body. 1440 00:58:02,342 --> 00:58:03,576 [chuckles] You're fun. 1441 00:58:03,609 --> 00:58:06,076 And I guess you've already met Mary Puppins. 1442 00:58:06,110 --> 00:58:07,876 AKA Dogpool. 1443 00:58:07,910 --> 00:58:09,243 Careful where you put your hands. 1444 00:58:09,277 --> 00:58:12,009 She's ninety percent g-spot, and she'll let you know it. 1445 00:58:12,042 --> 00:58:15,708 You let this little flirt out of your sight for one second 1446 00:58:15,742 --> 00:58:17,876 and she starts shopping for a new papa. 1447 00:58:17,910 --> 00:58:20,042 If you can't be a responsible pet owner, 1448 00:58:20,075 --> 00:58:22,842 then maybe you don't deserve this little unicorn. 1449 00:58:22,875 --> 00:58:25,108 Guilty on all charges, Your Honor. 1450 00:58:25,141 --> 00:58:26,174 Shan't happen again. 1451 00:58:26,208 --> 00:58:27,675 Why are you so nice? 1452 00:58:27,708 --> 00:58:29,309 Oh, it costs nothing to be kind. 1453 00:58:29,342 --> 00:58:31,141 Shutting the fuck up is also free. 1454 00:58:31,174 --> 00:58:32,608 - Caliente. - This is Logan. 1455 00:58:32,642 --> 00:58:33,774 He's usually shirtless, 1456 00:58:33,807 --> 00:58:35,707 but he's let himself go since the divorce. 1457 00:58:36,975 --> 00:58:38,608 Where's your mask? 1458 00:58:41,174 --> 00:58:42,208 Come on, guys. 1459 00:58:42,241 --> 00:58:43,741 [bird screeches in distance] 1460 00:58:43,774 --> 00:58:44,741 Ugh, this guy. 1461 00:58:44,774 --> 00:58:46,307 We're looking for a group of survivors. 1462 00:58:46,340 --> 00:58:47,441 Oh, they're out there. 1463 00:58:47,475 --> 00:58:49,241 Yeah, but merc to merc, you better hope 1464 00:58:49,275 --> 00:58:51,041 that you don't run into the Deadpool corps. 1465 00:58:51,074 --> 00:58:52,041 Yeah, they're crazy. 1466 00:58:52,074 --> 00:58:53,741 They will chop you up into a thousand pieces 1467 00:58:53,774 --> 00:58:55,040 and hide you all over The Void. 1468 00:58:55,073 --> 00:58:57,041 If they could only process their childhood trauma, 1469 00:58:57,074 --> 00:58:58,908 they'd go on one heck of a healing journey. 1470 00:58:58,941 --> 00:59:00,207 Look, we're headed for the borderlands. 1471 00:59:00,240 --> 00:59:01,507 You know where it is? 1472 00:59:01,540 --> 00:59:04,307 Yeah, that... that's 12 klicks due west. 1473 00:59:04,339 --> 00:59:05,640 I can lend you my ride, if you like. 1474 00:59:05,673 --> 00:59:07,741 It would be my honor. 1475 00:59:10,107 --> 00:59:11,107 [birds chirping] 1476 00:59:11,140 --> 00:59:13,306 [Deadpool] Oh, no, no, no, no. Absolutely not. 1477 00:59:13,339 --> 00:59:15,439 Uh-uh. What the... No! No! 1478 00:59:15,473 --> 00:59:16,506 Just get in the car. 1479 00:59:16,538 --> 00:59:17,706 This isn't a car. 1480 00:59:17,740 --> 00:59:20,206 This is a Honda fuckin' Odyssey. 1481 00:59:20,239 --> 00:59:22,239 Throttle response sucks a cock. 1482 00:59:22,273 --> 00:59:23,473 Dated infotainment system. 1483 00:59:23,506 --> 00:59:25,239 When Honda saw that untreated chlamydia 1484 00:59:25,272 --> 00:59:26,438 was makin' a comeback, 1485 00:59:26,472 --> 00:59:29,172 they invented the Honda Odyssey to compete. 1486 00:59:29,206 --> 00:59:32,305 Get in the fucking car. 1487 00:59:32,339 --> 00:59:34,272 She'll get you there safe and sound. 1488 00:59:34,305 --> 00:59:36,538 Old Betsy always does. 1489 00:59:36,572 --> 00:59:38,972 You're gonna have to give me my dog back, though. 1490 00:59:39,006 --> 00:59:40,339 [Deadpool] I know. Listen. 1491 00:59:40,373 --> 00:59:41,871 - [Dogpool whimpers] - Yes, child. 1492 00:59:41,905 --> 00:59:44,205 If you ever wanna give her up, or if she needs a new home, 1493 00:59:44,238 --> 00:59:46,237 or if something should happen to you, 1494 00:59:46,271 --> 00:59:47,471 I'd love to be her papa. 1495 00:59:47,504 --> 00:59:49,905 [laughs] What would ever happen to me? 1496 00:59:49,938 --> 00:59:51,071 [Deadpool] Lots of stuff. 1497 00:59:54,638 --> 00:59:56,004 - Jesus. - [Deadpool] No! 1498 00:59:56,037 --> 00:59:57,837 We're running away. [grunts] 1499 00:59:57,870 --> 00:59:59,638 - [Wolverine] Give me that. - The corn was too dense, girl! 1500 00:59:59,671 --> 01:00:00,704 - [Wolverine] There. - Come here! 1501 01:00:00,738 --> 01:00:02,170 - [Deadpool] Fuck! - [Nicepool] Hello! 1502 01:00:04,037 --> 01:00:05,170 - [engine starts] - Bye. 1503 01:00:05,204 --> 01:00:07,803 [♪ Avril Lavigne "I'm With You" plays on car stereo] 1504 01:00:07,837 --> 01:00:08,671 [sighs] 1505 01:00:08,704 --> 01:00:13,004 ♪ It's a damn cold night ♪ 1506 01:00:13,037 --> 01:00:17,802 ♪ Trying to figure out this life ♪ 1507 01:00:17,836 --> 01:00:20,536 ♪ Won't you take me by the hand? ♪ 1508 01:00:20,570 --> 01:00:22,903 ♪ Take me somewhere new ♪ 1509 01:00:22,936 --> 01:00:27,569 ♪ I don't know who you are But I ♪ 1510 01:00:27,602 --> 01:00:30,003 ♪ I'm with you... ♪ 1511 01:00:30,969 --> 01:00:32,502 [Deadpool] Okay, I'm just gonna ask... 1512 01:00:32,535 --> 01:00:33,669 What's with the suit? 1513 01:00:33,702 --> 01:00:35,402 First thing I did when I flamed out, 1514 01:00:35,435 --> 01:00:36,502 - I took mine off. - Drop it. 1515 01:00:36,535 --> 01:00:37,868 [Deadpool] It's not that ugly. 1516 01:00:37,902 --> 01:00:39,502 - Stop talking about my suit. - Did you make it yourself? 1517 01:00:39,535 --> 01:00:40,969 - Been there. - Quit. Now. 1518 01:00:41,003 --> 01:00:44,068 The X-Men make you wear it? Those sons of fuckin' bitches. 1519 01:00:44,102 --> 01:00:45,801 They are not your friends, I'll tell you that. 1520 01:00:45,835 --> 01:00:48,335 Friends don't let friends leave the house lookin' like 1521 01:00:48,369 --> 01:00:50,202 they fight crime for the Los Angeles Rams. 1522 01:00:50,235 --> 01:00:51,569 Shut the fuck up about this, or... 1523 01:00:51,602 --> 01:00:53,701 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Watch your frown lines, angel baby. 1524 01:00:53,735 --> 01:00:54,935 I'm just trying to bond a little bit. 1525 01:00:54,968 --> 01:00:56,601 Yeah, well, then talk about somethin' else. 1526 01:00:56,635 --> 01:00:57,635 Fine. 1527 01:01:01,068 --> 01:01:02,701 Pshew. Pshew, pshew. 1528 01:01:03,201 --> 01:01:04,302 Pshew! 1529 01:01:04,335 --> 01:01:06,901 - Stop it. - Pshew. 1530 01:01:06,934 --> 01:01:08,567 If they can fix your world, what's the first thing 1531 01:01:08,600 --> 01:01:09,701 you're gonna do when you get out of here? 1532 01:01:09,735 --> 01:01:11,201 Get some rubbing alcohol shots, 1533 01:01:11,235 --> 01:01:12,901 maybe a wiper fluid chaser? 1534 01:01:12,934 --> 01:01:14,700 - What did you say? - I said when you get back, 1535 01:01:14,734 --> 01:01:15,967 what's the first thing you're gonna do? 1536 01:01:16,001 --> 01:01:17,567 No, no, no. Before that. 1537 01:01:18,567 --> 01:01:20,500 If... they can fix your world? 1538 01:01:21,167 --> 01:01:22,167 [grunts] 1539 01:01:24,400 --> 01:01:25,966 What do you mean, "if"? 1540 01:01:26,567 --> 01:01:27,599 - I mean... - You lied to me. 1541 01:01:27,633 --> 01:01:28,799 You don't have a fucking clue 1542 01:01:28,833 --> 01:01:30,500 if they can help me fix things, do you? 1543 01:01:30,533 --> 01:01:32,166 No. I mean... Ow! 1544 01:01:32,200 --> 01:01:34,833 Fuck! Fuck! I didn't lie! 1545 01:01:34,866 --> 01:01:37,900 - You lied! - No! I made an educated wish! 1546 01:01:39,599 --> 01:01:41,066 Because I need you. 1547 01:01:42,033 --> 01:01:45,832 This. This is why. Right here. 1548 01:01:45,865 --> 01:01:47,765 'Cause if we don't do something, they die. 1549 01:01:47,798 --> 01:01:50,032 I don't know anything about saving worlds. 1550 01:01:50,065 --> 01:01:51,599 And why would I even care? 1551 01:01:51,633 --> 01:01:55,099 Because my entire world is right here in this picture. 1552 01:01:55,132 --> 01:01:56,932 It's only nine people, 1553 01:01:56,965 --> 01:02:00,366 and I have no idea how to save it alone. 1554 01:02:00,398 --> 01:02:02,565 I know how to fuck people up for money. But you, 1555 01:02:02,598 --> 01:02:04,465 you know how to save 'em! 1556 01:02:05,465 --> 01:02:06,632 At least the other Wolverine did. 1557 01:02:06,665 --> 01:02:07,864 - [flesh squelching] - [groans] 1558 01:02:07,898 --> 01:02:10,831 Fuck! I guess I'm stuck with the worst one. 1559 01:02:10,864 --> 01:02:12,998 Did you say you made 1560 01:02:13,031 --> 01:02:16,365 an educated fucking wish? 1561 01:02:16,397 --> 01:02:18,597 They call me "The Merc with the Mouth." 1562 01:02:18,631 --> 01:02:20,697 They don't call me "Truthful Timmy, 1563 01:02:20,730 --> 01:02:22,731 "the Blowjob Queen of Saskatoon." 1564 01:02:23,266 --> 01:02:24,664 [grunts in pain] 1565 01:02:26,430 --> 01:02:27,631 One more word. 1566 01:02:28,596 --> 01:02:31,497 Please give me one. [breathing heavily] 1567 01:02:33,863 --> 01:02:34,997 Gubernatorial. 1568 01:02:35,030 --> 01:02:36,796 [yelps] Oh, fuck! 1569 01:02:38,297 --> 01:02:39,830 You know what? You're a fucking joke. 1570 01:02:41,463 --> 01:02:42,897 No wonder the Avengers didn't take you. 1571 01:02:42,930 --> 01:02:45,796 Or the X-Men. And they'll take fucking anyone. 1572 01:02:45,830 --> 01:02:47,230 I mean, you are 1573 01:02:47,264 --> 01:02:50,896 a ridiculous, immature, half-wit moron. 1574 01:02:51,395 --> 01:02:53,264 I have never met 1575 01:02:53,297 --> 01:02:54,563 a sadder, 1576 01:02:54,596 --> 01:02:57,197 more attention-starved, jabbering little prick 1577 01:02:57,230 --> 01:02:58,562 in my entire life. 1578 01:02:58,595 --> 01:03:00,662 And that says a lot, 'cause I've been alive 1579 01:03:00,695 --> 01:03:03,364 for more than 200 fuckin' years, 1580 01:03:03,396 --> 01:03:04,662 and I'll tell ya, 1581 01:03:04,695 --> 01:03:06,462 that bald chick was right about one thing. 1582 01:03:06,495 --> 01:03:09,162 You will never save the world! 1583 01:03:09,196 --> 01:03:11,895 You couldn't even save a relationship 1584 01:03:11,928 --> 01:03:13,729 with a goddamn stripper! 1585 01:03:13,762 --> 01:03:16,428 And motherfucker, I wish I could say you'd die alone, 1586 01:03:16,462 --> 01:03:19,494 but it's one of God's best jokes that you can't die, 1587 01:03:19,527 --> 01:03:21,128 except that's on all of us! 1588 01:03:25,196 --> 01:03:27,594 Oh, you got nothing to say, Mouth? 1589 01:03:27,628 --> 01:03:28,927 [breathing heavily] 1590 01:03:36,295 --> 01:03:38,027 [Deadpool] I'm gonna fight you now. 1591 01:03:38,060 --> 01:03:39,927 [laughs] 1592 01:03:39,960 --> 01:03:41,593 [snorts] Oh, are you? 1593 01:03:45,295 --> 01:03:47,727 [song plays on radio, song changing] 1594 01:03:47,760 --> 01:03:50,327 [♪ upbeat pop music plays, "You're the One That I Want"] 1595 01:03:50,361 --> 01:03:51,626 [grunting] 1596 01:03:51,659 --> 01:03:54,160 - [groaning] - Mm. Not talkin' now, are ya? 1597 01:03:54,194 --> 01:03:56,727 ♪ And I'm losing control ♪ 1598 01:03:56,759 --> 01:04:00,659 ♪ 'Cause the power you're supplying ♪ 1599 01:04:00,692 --> 01:04:01,926 [Deadpool] Oh, you dirty bitch. 1600 01:04:04,261 --> 01:04:05,826 [growls] 1601 01:04:05,859 --> 01:04:08,159 - [yelling] - ♪ You better shape up ♪ 1602 01:04:08,193 --> 01:04:09,826 ♪ 'Cause I need a man ♪ 1603 01:04:09,858 --> 01:04:11,559 [both grunting] 1604 01:04:11,591 --> 01:04:14,692 ♪ And my heart is set on you ♪ 1605 01:04:14,726 --> 01:04:17,059 ♪ You better shape up ♪ 1606 01:04:17,093 --> 01:04:18,525 - [laughs] - [Deadpool] Whoo! 1607 01:04:19,126 --> 01:04:20,193 [grunts] 1608 01:04:20,226 --> 01:04:22,791 ♪ To my heart, I must be true ♪ 1609 01:04:22,825 --> 01:04:26,458 ♪ Nothing left, nothing left for me to do ♪ 1610 01:04:26,491 --> 01:04:28,491 ♪ You're the one that I want ♪ 1611 01:04:29,259 --> 01:04:31,125 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪ 1612 01:04:31,158 --> 01:04:32,690 ♪ The one that I want ♪ 1613 01:04:33,557 --> 01:04:34,791 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪ 1614 01:04:34,825 --> 01:04:36,491 - [straining] - No, no, no! [screams] 1615 01:04:36,524 --> 01:04:37,991 [screams in high pitch] 1616 01:04:38,025 --> 01:04:39,657 - ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ - [bones crack] 1617 01:04:39,690 --> 01:04:43,724 ♪ The one I need Oh, yes, indeed... ♪ 1618 01:04:46,391 --> 01:04:47,757 [choking] 1619 01:04:51,358 --> 01:04:52,789 [yells] 1620 01:04:55,058 --> 01:04:56,624 - Baby Knife! - [screams] 1621 01:04:58,457 --> 01:04:59,723 [♪ song stops] 1622 01:04:59,756 --> 01:05:03,090 I take it all back. The Honda Odyssey fucks hard. 1623 01:05:03,123 --> 01:05:04,489 Too bad you don't, needle dick. 1624 01:05:04,522 --> 01:05:05,789 Oh, we're just gettin' started, bub. 1625 01:05:05,823 --> 01:05:07,589 - [yells] - [♪ song resumes playing] 1626 01:05:08,623 --> 01:05:10,389 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪ 1627 01:05:10,422 --> 01:05:11,922 [Deadpool] Oh, you... Fuck! 1628 01:05:13,123 --> 01:05:14,688 - [Deadpool groaning loudly] - ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 1629 01:05:14,722 --> 01:05:16,623 - ♪ The one I need ♪ - [groaning stops] 1630 01:05:16,656 --> 01:05:19,422 ♪ Oh, yes, indeed ♪ 1631 01:05:19,456 --> 01:05:21,056 ♪ You're the one that I want ♪ 1632 01:05:21,090 --> 01:05:22,123 [♪ song fades out] 1633 01:05:22,156 --> 01:05:23,588 [birds chirping] 1634 01:05:25,990 --> 01:05:27,555 [leaves rustling] 1635 01:05:30,755 --> 01:05:32,954 [♪ ominous music playing] 1636 01:05:35,223 --> 01:05:36,855 [car door opens and closes] 1637 01:05:36,889 --> 01:05:38,022 [engine starts] 1638 01:05:50,189 --> 01:05:52,454 [♪ cryptic music playing] 1639 01:05:53,021 --> 01:05:54,554 [water dripping] 1640 01:06:04,320 --> 01:06:05,620 [Deadpool] Thor! 1641 01:06:08,420 --> 01:06:09,453 Where are we? 1642 01:06:09,486 --> 01:06:12,920 No clue, but... I like it here. 1643 01:06:12,953 --> 01:06:15,619 - [door opens] - [♪ cryptic music intensifies] 1644 01:06:18,354 --> 01:06:20,386 [grunting] 1645 01:06:20,419 --> 01:06:22,585 [Deadpool] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 1646 01:06:22,619 --> 01:06:24,819 [♪ sentimental music playing] 1647 01:06:31,552 --> 01:06:33,418 - [♪ music pauses] - [low growl] 1648 01:06:33,452 --> 01:06:35,919 [♪ dramatic electronic music playing] 1649 01:06:45,484 --> 01:06:47,452 [electrical humming] 1650 01:06:52,818 --> 01:06:53,818 [cat meows] 1651 01:07:10,018 --> 01:07:11,051 [♪ music fades out] 1652 01:07:11,085 --> 01:07:12,951 Okay. 1653 01:07:12,985 --> 01:07:16,050 Look at you... all. You must be the others. 1654 01:07:16,682 --> 01:07:17,717 Terrific. 1655 01:07:17,750 --> 01:07:21,017 So just to refresh, you are 1656 01:07:21,050 --> 01:07:21,984 - Wonder... - Elektra. 1657 01:07:22,017 --> 01:07:24,483 [Deadpool] Elektra? Yes. Who could forget? 1658 01:07:24,515 --> 01:07:27,650 And you. I was not expecting to see you here. 1659 01:07:27,683 --> 01:07:29,383 I thought you were, you know, 1660 01:07:29,416 --> 01:07:30,950 retired. [chuckles] 1661 01:07:31,649 --> 01:07:32,649 Retarded? 1662 01:07:34,050 --> 01:07:35,083 [Deadpool] "Retired." 1663 01:07:35,116 --> 01:07:36,149 I'm already in The Void. 1664 01:07:36,183 --> 01:07:37,350 I'm not trying to get canceled again. 1665 01:07:37,382 --> 01:07:39,449 - I don't like you. - [Deadpool] You never did. 1666 01:07:40,816 --> 01:07:43,283 And who's this succulent reminder 1667 01:07:43,316 --> 01:07:44,883 of my own inadequacies? 1668 01:07:44,916 --> 01:07:46,481 Look at you. 1669 01:07:46,514 --> 01:07:49,250 You look like the superhero version of Hawkeye. 1670 01:07:49,283 --> 01:07:52,648 The name's Remy LeBeau, Le Diable Blanc. 1671 01:07:52,681 --> 01:07:54,083 But you can call me the Gambit. 1672 01:07:54,116 --> 01:07:55,916 [Deadpool] It's been a while since I've seen Sling Blade. 1673 01:07:55,948 --> 01:07:56,948 Hit me again. 1674 01:07:57,648 --> 01:07:58,816 They call me the Gambit. 1675 01:07:58,849 --> 01:08:00,183 [Deadpool] Do they? Are you sure you didn't 1676 01:08:00,216 --> 01:08:01,414 just really, really want them to, 1677 01:08:01,448 --> 01:08:02,816 but it never quite worked out? 1678 01:08:03,948 --> 01:08:05,414 [speaks indistinctly] 1679 01:08:05,448 --> 01:08:07,882 You know, we never had a Wolverine up in here. 1680 01:08:08,548 --> 01:08:09,548 But I can tell you now, 1681 01:08:09,581 --> 01:08:11,581 it's just a common courtesy to ask 1682 01:08:11,615 --> 01:08:13,349 before you drink up all of my liquor. 1683 01:08:13,381 --> 01:08:15,614 Well, it's a good thing I don't give a fuck. 1684 01:08:15,647 --> 01:08:17,881 [laughs, speaks indistinctly] 1685 01:08:18,948 --> 01:08:19,948 Fuck. 1686 01:08:22,413 --> 01:08:24,047 - [bottle smashes] - [Deadpool] So embarrassing. 1687 01:08:25,114 --> 01:08:26,181 Boo, boo, boo. 1688 01:08:26,214 --> 01:08:27,314 Well, now that that's settled, look, 1689 01:08:27,348 --> 01:08:28,746 we came a long way to find you three. 1690 01:08:28,781 --> 01:08:30,513 - There's four of us. - [Deadpool] There's four... 1691 01:08:30,547 --> 01:08:32,580 Hey, wait. Is it Magneto? 1692 01:08:32,613 --> 01:08:34,679 Dear sweet God in heaven, let it be Magneto, 1693 01:08:34,713 --> 01:08:35,746 - because with him... - He's dead. 1694 01:08:35,780 --> 01:08:37,814 [Deadpool] Fuck! Now Disney gets cheap? 1695 01:08:37,846 --> 01:08:39,881 It's like Pinocchio jammed his face in my ass 1696 01:08:39,914 --> 01:08:42,247 - and started lying like crazy. - Ooh, you nasty! 1697 01:08:42,280 --> 01:08:44,679 Mon petit rouge. Laissez les bons temps rouler, huh? 1698 01:08:44,713 --> 01:08:47,578 [Deadpool] Not a single word. What do you do exactly? 1699 01:08:47,612 --> 01:08:50,180 Charge the playing cards and make 'em go boom! 1700 01:08:50,213 --> 01:08:52,479 [Deadpool] Your power's close-up magic. That's good. 1701 01:08:52,512 --> 01:08:54,146 We're not totally fucked at all. 1702 01:08:54,180 --> 01:08:55,545 So who brought us here? 1703 01:08:55,578 --> 01:08:56,846 [Voice] That would be me. 1704 01:08:59,279 --> 01:09:01,678 [♪ pensive music playing] 1705 01:09:07,112 --> 01:09:08,378 Don't make me regret it. 1706 01:09:09,980 --> 01:09:13,478 [Deadpool] Holy shit. Logan. That's her. That's X-23. 1707 01:09:13,511 --> 01:09:15,112 She's the one I told you about. 1708 01:09:19,544 --> 01:09:21,711 Hey, how did you all get stuck in The Void? 1709 01:09:21,745 --> 01:09:23,345 There was a knock at the door. 1710 01:09:23,377 --> 01:09:25,410 - TVA sent me here. - Me, too. 1711 01:09:25,444 --> 01:09:26,510 Well, maybe I was born here. 1712 01:09:26,544 --> 01:09:27,811 It's... It's hard to know for sure. 1713 01:09:27,844 --> 01:09:31,410 TVA decided our universe was dying. 1714 01:09:31,444 --> 01:09:33,544 And I never even got a chance to fight for it. 1715 01:09:36,211 --> 01:09:38,376 [Elektra] People like us don't go quietly. 1716 01:09:38,409 --> 01:09:40,611 TVA knows that, so they took us out. 1717 01:09:40,644 --> 01:09:43,044 [smooches] The answer is yes. I'm in. 1718 01:09:43,078 --> 01:09:45,011 - In what? - [Deadpool] A team. 1719 01:09:45,043 --> 01:09:47,244 Me, you, you, and me. All of us together. 1720 01:09:47,277 --> 01:09:48,675 Let's get the fuck out of this place. 1721 01:09:48,710 --> 01:09:50,442 Don't listen to him. He's a fucking liar! 1722 01:09:50,476 --> 01:09:52,277 [Deadpool] It was an educated wish! 1723 01:09:52,310 --> 01:09:53,910 - Ha! - [Deadpool] Look. 1724 01:09:55,344 --> 01:09:57,309 We've been inside Cassandra's lair. 1725 01:09:57,343 --> 01:09:59,776 The only way out of The Void is through her. 1726 01:09:59,810 --> 01:10:01,710 She can get us home. She told us. 1727 01:10:01,743 --> 01:10:04,276 Wait a minute, you've been inside? 1728 01:10:04,309 --> 01:10:06,042 - And you made it out alive? - Bullshit. 1729 01:10:06,076 --> 01:10:07,842 - Nobody's ever done that. - [Deadpool] We did. 1730 01:10:07,876 --> 01:10:10,474 Every time one of us has gone up against her, 1731 01:10:10,809 --> 01:10:11,810 they die. 1732 01:10:11,843 --> 01:10:14,609 The Punisher, the Quicksilver, the Daredevil. 1733 01:10:14,642 --> 01:10:16,309 [Deadpool] Daredevil? I'm so sorry. 1734 01:10:16,343 --> 01:10:17,742 - It's fine. - [Deadpool] Okay. 1735 01:10:19,709 --> 01:10:23,042 Even that sweet, baby angel, Johnny Storm. 1736 01:10:23,076 --> 01:10:24,507 He up and gone missing like, 1737 01:10:24,541 --> 01:10:26,474 what, two days ago? 1738 01:10:26,507 --> 01:10:28,808 [Deadpool] Ugh. That's so sad. 1739 01:10:28,841 --> 01:10:31,574 Wherever this Johnny fella is, I'm sure he's thriving. 1740 01:10:31,608 --> 01:10:32,742 [Wolverine chuckles] 1741 01:10:32,775 --> 01:10:35,008 Look, there's... there's strength in numbers. 1742 01:10:35,041 --> 01:10:36,141 All right? Us... 1743 01:10:36,175 --> 01:10:37,506 plus, you guys. We can put Cassandra 1744 01:10:37,540 --> 01:10:39,808 over our knee and force her to let us out of The Void. 1745 01:10:39,841 --> 01:10:41,507 I know what it means to feel self-doubt. 1746 01:10:41,541 --> 01:10:43,075 - I don't feel that at all. - I'm good. 1747 01:10:43,108 --> 01:10:45,341 [Deadpool] Gnawing at your gut like a coked-up tapeworm. 1748 01:10:45,373 --> 01:10:46,908 It's like you're holding up a mirror to my soul. 1749 01:10:46,941 --> 01:10:48,274 [Deadpool] You guys may not have been able 1750 01:10:48,307 --> 01:10:50,040 to save your universes. 1751 01:10:50,074 --> 01:10:52,242 But you can avenge them. 1752 01:10:52,274 --> 01:10:53,573 It's what Johnny would have wanted. 1753 01:10:53,607 --> 01:10:56,640 Wait. You knew Johnny? 1754 01:10:57,440 --> 01:10:58,673 [chuckles] Oh, yeah. 1755 01:10:58,707 --> 01:11:00,673 Dickhead here talked him into a team-up, 1756 01:11:00,707 --> 01:11:03,307 and Johnny came down with a little case of the deads. 1757 01:11:03,341 --> 01:11:04,640 [Deadpool] No, no, no. We don't know that. 1758 01:11:04,673 --> 01:11:06,874 It was just a flesh wound. He may have survived. 1759 01:11:06,907 --> 01:11:09,673 If he survived that, he is prayin' for death. 1760 01:11:09,707 --> 01:11:11,340 [Deadpool] Thank you, Doctor Wolverine! 1761 01:11:11,372 --> 01:11:13,539 - Spill it! - What'd you do to Johnny, huh? 1762 01:11:13,572 --> 01:11:14,740 Talk or I'm gonna start dealin'. 1763 01:11:14,773 --> 01:11:16,439 [Deadpool] Okay. Okay. Hey, hey, hey. 1764 01:11:16,906 --> 01:11:17,739 Look. 1765 01:11:17,772 --> 01:11:20,205 He ran his fat-ass mouth about Cassandra. 1766 01:11:20,239 --> 01:11:22,005 Then she zip-zapped his skin, 1767 01:11:22,038 --> 01:11:24,173 leaving his organs to splash crudely onto the ground 1768 01:11:24,206 --> 01:11:27,139 while the soil greedily drank his blood. It was horrible. 1769 01:11:27,173 --> 01:11:28,938 He was like a brother to me. 1770 01:11:28,972 --> 01:11:32,105 Look, he died before he could make a difference. But... 1771 01:11:32,138 --> 01:11:33,173 - [laughs] - Look, maybe you couldn't 1772 01:11:33,206 --> 01:11:34,639 save your worlds, but... 1773 01:11:34,672 --> 01:11:37,404 but Jesus Christ, you can save mine! 1774 01:11:37,438 --> 01:11:39,905 I don't give a shit about your world, but 1775 01:11:39,938 --> 01:11:42,873 if these two made it out of there alive, maybe together, 1776 01:11:42,905 --> 01:11:44,805 we can get back in and take her down. 1777 01:11:44,838 --> 01:11:47,805 Where I come from, we call that suicide, Chere. 1778 01:11:47,838 --> 01:11:49,805 [Deadpool] If we can block her psychic powers, 1779 01:11:49,838 --> 01:11:51,704 we can get a leg up. I know it. 1780 01:11:51,737 --> 01:11:53,771 Now, I know Magneto's dead. 1781 01:11:53,805 --> 01:11:56,403 But I'd venture to guess that his helmet is lying 1782 01:11:56,437 --> 01:11:58,470 - around here somewhere... - Cassandra melted the helmet. 1783 01:11:58,503 --> 01:11:59,670 - [Deadpool] Fuck! - After she killed him. 1784 01:11:59,704 --> 01:12:01,670 - [Deadpool] Fuck! - She don't play. 1785 01:12:01,704 --> 01:12:03,136 She knows that helmet was the only way 1786 01:12:03,170 --> 01:12:04,804 to protect anyone from her powers. 1787 01:12:04,837 --> 01:12:06,704 The only other helmet that strong is Juggernaut's, 1788 01:12:06,737 --> 01:12:07,971 but he works for Cassandra. 1789 01:12:08,004 --> 01:12:09,502 [Deadpool] Juggernaut's helmet. That's it. 1790 01:12:09,536 --> 01:12:11,203 Yeah, and we done be knowing that lid ain't comin' off 1791 01:12:11,237 --> 01:12:12,636 without that dome gonna come off wit'it. 1792 01:12:12,669 --> 01:12:13,937 [Deadpool] I'm so sorry, beautiful. 1793 01:12:13,971 --> 01:12:14,837 I want this to be gentle. 1794 01:12:14,871 --> 01:12:17,136 Who is your dialect coach? The Minions? 1795 01:12:17,170 --> 01:12:20,435 I feel like we are missing critical exposition here. 1796 01:12:21,636 --> 01:12:24,604 I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of hiding. 1797 01:12:25,637 --> 01:12:27,669 Let's face it, our worlds forgot about us. 1798 01:12:27,703 --> 01:12:29,501 Or never learned about us. 1799 01:12:29,536 --> 01:12:30,969 The heroes we were. 1800 01:12:31,002 --> 01:12:32,302 Lives we saved. 1801 01:12:32,336 --> 01:12:33,702 Or wanted to save. 1802 01:12:33,735 --> 01:12:35,769 Maybe these two are our chance. 1803 01:12:35,803 --> 01:12:37,102 [gurgling] 1804 01:12:37,135 --> 01:12:38,869 To be remembered. 1805 01:12:38,902 --> 01:12:39,969 The way we deserve. 1806 01:12:41,102 --> 01:12:42,169 [Deadpool] Yes. 1807 01:12:42,202 --> 01:12:44,001 An ending. 1808 01:12:44,034 --> 01:12:45,236 - Legacy. - [Deadpool] Yes! 1809 01:12:45,269 --> 01:12:46,735 Yes! Let this man cook. 1810 01:12:46,768 --> 01:12:48,269 This is what I'm talking about. 1811 01:12:48,302 --> 01:12:50,268 Big slow-motion fights, sad music. 1812 01:12:50,301 --> 01:12:51,501 Everybody working together. 1813 01:12:51,535 --> 01:12:53,367 Who knows if you live or die? That sorta thing. 1814 01:12:53,400 --> 01:12:55,535 - Who's ready? - I was born ready. 1815 01:12:55,568 --> 01:12:56,835 [Deadpool] Yes! Gambit? 1816 01:12:56,869 --> 01:12:57,802 I ain't know my daddy, 1817 01:12:57,835 --> 01:12:59,801 but I'm sure I shot out of his dick ready. 1818 01:12:59,834 --> 01:13:01,734 [Deadpool] Jesus Christ, that is graphic. 1819 01:13:01,767 --> 01:13:03,701 Yeah. He was layin' them buttery nuts all up in my mama 1820 01:13:03,734 --> 01:13:05,735 and I shot out there and I said, "What's up, Doc?" 1821 01:13:05,768 --> 01:13:08,201 [Deadpool laughs] Johnny must have loved you. 1822 01:13:08,235 --> 01:13:10,500 X-23, what's it gonna be? 1823 01:13:10,534 --> 01:13:11,767 The name's Laura. 1824 01:13:11,801 --> 01:13:14,600 - Let's fucking go. - [Deadpool] Let's fucking go! 1825 01:13:14,633 --> 01:13:15,868 It's on like chicken and corn. 1826 01:13:15,901 --> 01:13:17,399 - [Deadpool] Yeah! - We're doing this. 1827 01:13:17,433 --> 01:13:18,500 You're all fuckin' dead. 1828 01:13:18,534 --> 01:13:20,867 [Deadpool] My God! Read the room. 1829 01:13:24,266 --> 01:13:26,000 [crickets chirping] 1830 01:13:29,967 --> 01:13:31,666 [exhales] 1831 01:13:31,700 --> 01:13:34,832 Hey, hey. I'm not lookin' for company. Get out of here. 1832 01:13:37,000 --> 01:13:38,499 You remind me of him. 1833 01:13:38,533 --> 01:13:40,365 Angry. Drunk. Mean... 1834 01:13:40,398 --> 01:13:42,565 - Sounds like a great guy... - Wasn't finished. 1835 01:13:44,364 --> 01:13:45,967 Showed up when it mattered the most. 1836 01:13:48,199 --> 01:13:49,866 Couldn't help it. 1837 01:13:51,332 --> 01:13:52,532 [sighs] 1838 01:13:53,198 --> 01:13:54,532 You might not know it, but... 1839 01:13:55,432 --> 01:13:56,866 you're a good man, Logan. 1840 01:13:56,899 --> 01:13:57,899 [chuckles] 1841 01:13:58,899 --> 01:14:00,565 You might not know it, but apparently, 1842 01:14:00,599 --> 01:14:01,998 I'm the worst Logan. 1843 01:14:03,831 --> 01:14:05,732 I got to have a life because of you. 1844 01:14:08,632 --> 01:14:10,364 I got to grow up because of you. 1845 01:14:12,363 --> 01:14:13,930 A lot of kids did. 1846 01:14:13,964 --> 01:14:16,098 A lot of kids didn't grow up because of me. 1847 01:14:18,297 --> 01:14:19,898 Trust me, kid, I'm no hero. 1848 01:14:21,231 --> 01:14:23,297 That suit says different. 1849 01:14:23,331 --> 01:14:25,463 - Yeah. Do you like it? - Mm. 1850 01:14:27,331 --> 01:14:29,030 Scott used to beg me to wear it. 1851 01:14:31,297 --> 01:14:33,897 So did Jean, Storm, Beast. 1852 01:14:35,963 --> 01:14:37,997 All of them. 1853 01:14:38,030 --> 01:14:41,763 They wanted me to be part of the team, but I wouldn't. 1854 01:14:41,797 --> 01:14:45,096 Told 'em they all look fucking ridiculous. I mean... 1855 01:14:46,930 --> 01:14:49,696 I couldn't have 'em thinkin' I wanted to be there. 1856 01:14:55,361 --> 01:14:57,396 And then one day, while I was off on my own, 1857 01:14:57,430 --> 01:14:58,696 the humans came... 1858 01:14:59,263 --> 01:15:00,696 and went mutant hunting. 1859 01:15:01,962 --> 01:15:03,128 I can guess the rest. 1860 01:15:03,162 --> 01:15:04,362 No, no, let me... 1861 01:15:05,595 --> 01:15:06,795 Let me say it. I... 1862 01:15:09,395 --> 01:15:10,596 I need to say it. 1863 01:15:13,062 --> 01:15:15,728 By the time I stumbled home shitfaced from the bar, 1864 01:15:15,761 --> 01:15:17,061 it was too late. 1865 01:15:20,862 --> 01:15:22,561 They were dead. Every... [stifling sob] 1866 01:15:25,027 --> 01:15:27,027 [♪ mournful music playing] 1867 01:15:28,628 --> 01:15:31,794 This suit's all I got to remind me of who they were. 1868 01:15:33,794 --> 01:15:34,827 And what I did. 1869 01:15:42,660 --> 01:15:43,660 [sniffles] 1870 01:15:47,793 --> 01:15:49,594 We're headed to Cassandra's at sunup. 1871 01:15:50,393 --> 01:15:52,427 Have fun. Not my fight. 1872 01:15:55,659 --> 01:15:57,392 We won't pull this off without you. 1873 01:16:04,159 --> 01:16:07,658 Hey. Whoever you think I am, you got the wrong guy. 1874 01:16:10,426 --> 01:16:12,092 You were always the wrong guy. 1875 01:16:18,492 --> 01:16:20,758 [♪ mournful music continues] 1876 01:16:35,824 --> 01:16:37,791 [cell phone ringing] 1877 01:16:37,824 --> 01:16:38,657 What? 1878 01:16:38,691 --> 01:16:40,991 Alioth didn't get them. [sniffs] 1879 01:16:41,024 --> 01:16:43,691 Cassandra wanted to play with them herself first. 1880 01:16:43,724 --> 01:16:44,557 They got away. 1881 01:16:44,591 --> 01:16:46,224 - Did they find the others? - No. 1882 01:16:46,258 --> 01:16:47,623 Good. All right. Phew. 1883 01:16:47,656 --> 01:16:49,724 - The others found them. - Oh, very cute. 1884 01:16:49,757 --> 01:16:51,624 Well done, Pyro. Classic bait and switch. 1885 01:16:51,657 --> 01:16:54,157 - You really got me there. - Relax. 1886 01:16:54,190 --> 01:16:56,523 If they come after Nova, she'll handle it. 1887 01:16:56,556 --> 01:16:58,690 Cassandra is a lunatic wild card. 1888 01:16:58,723 --> 01:17:00,857 Why do you think we put her there in the first place? 1889 01:17:00,890 --> 01:17:02,990 Thank God she's never chosen to leave The Void. 1890 01:17:03,023 --> 01:17:05,922 The Time Ripper is hours away from completion. 1891 01:17:05,956 --> 01:17:07,056 I cannot take any chances. 1892 01:17:07,089 --> 01:17:08,223 Well, maybe not. 1893 01:17:08,257 --> 01:17:09,690 But I can. 1894 01:17:09,723 --> 01:17:10,790 For a price. 1895 01:17:10,823 --> 01:17:12,223 Why do you have to say it in that silly voice? 1896 01:17:12,257 --> 01:17:13,556 It's so icky. 1897 01:17:13,590 --> 01:17:15,423 - You want it done or not? - All right. Your price. 1898 01:17:15,456 --> 01:17:16,956 Take her out. 1899 01:17:17,488 --> 01:17:19,622 Ugh. Mutants. 1900 01:17:19,655 --> 01:17:20,755 [♪ hip-hop music plays, T.I. "Bring 'Em Out"] 1901 01:17:20,789 --> 01:17:21,889 ♪ Bring 'em out, bring 'em out ♪ 1902 01:17:21,922 --> 01:17:23,622 ♪ Bring 'em out, bring 'em out ♪ 1903 01:17:23,655 --> 01:17:25,622 ♪ It's hard to yell when the bar-rel's in your mouth ♪ 1904 01:17:25,655 --> 01:17:26,921 - ♪ Come on ♪ - ♪ Swizzy! ♪ 1905 01:17:26,955 --> 01:17:28,488 ♪ Bring 'em out, bring 'em out ♪ 1906 01:17:29,454 --> 01:17:30,689 ♪ Bring 'em out, bring 'em out ♪ 1907 01:17:30,722 --> 01:17:32,789 ♪ T-I-P, coming live from the V.I.P. ♪ 1908 01:17:32,822 --> 01:17:35,188 ♪ Heard the nightlife lost life without me ♪ 1909 01:17:35,223 --> 01:17:37,754 ♪ Both the feds and the state wanna see 'bout me ♪ 1910 01:17:37,788 --> 01:17:40,655 ♪ The whole city got biz-zerk, he got three... ♪ 1911 01:17:41,323 --> 01:17:42,455 Ooh! Look at that there! 1912 01:17:42,488 --> 01:17:43,721 You see them biggum hands come closed. 1913 01:17:43,754 --> 01:17:45,322 Ain't not a wonna gettin' up inside there. 1914 01:17:45,354 --> 01:17:46,588 [Deadpool] I think what Gambit's trying to say is 1915 01:17:46,621 --> 01:17:49,520 getting Juggernaut's helmet ain't gonna be easy. 1916 01:17:49,553 --> 01:17:51,189 I'm just making stuff up at this... 1917 01:17:51,223 --> 01:17:53,020 - Yeah. Tilt up to Blade. - Gun! 1918 01:17:53,054 --> 01:17:55,255 ♪ Mississippi to Philly, Albuquerque to Chatt-Town ♪ 1919 01:17:55,288 --> 01:17:57,787 ♪ If I hit you in the face, you gon' be suing and shit ♪ 1920 01:17:57,820 --> 01:17:59,520 [Deadpool] Where'd he get that little beauty? 1921 01:17:59,553 --> 01:18:01,621 That's Punisher's AT4. 1922 01:18:01,654 --> 01:18:04,054 Which Punisher? There's been, like, five of them. 1923 01:18:04,087 --> 01:18:05,753 There's only been one Blade, 1924 01:18:05,787 --> 01:18:07,720 and there's only ever gonna be one Blade. 1925 01:18:07,753 --> 01:18:09,619 ♪ Who got a flow and a live show better than mine? ♪ 1926 01:18:09,652 --> 01:18:11,620 ♪ I got a packed house yellin' ♪ 1927 01:18:11,954 --> 01:18:13,087 Incoming! 1928 01:18:13,119 --> 01:18:14,486 Ahhh! 1929 01:18:15,752 --> 01:18:16,919 ♪ Bring 'em out, bring 'em out ♪ 1930 01:18:16,953 --> 01:18:18,452 ♪ Ayy, from the back, they yellin ♪ 1931 01:18:18,485 --> 01:18:19,619 ♪ Bring 'em out, bring 'em out ♪ 1932 01:18:19,652 --> 01:18:20,752 ♪ Ayy, all the dope boys yellin' ♪ 1933 01:18:20,786 --> 01:18:21,953 ♪ Bring 'em out, bring 'em out ♪ 1934 01:18:21,986 --> 01:18:23,221 ♪ Ayy, from the back, they yellin ♪ 1935 01:18:23,254 --> 01:18:24,786 - [♪ song stops] - [fire roaring] 1936 01:18:27,853 --> 01:18:29,352 [tires screeching] 1937 01:18:31,552 --> 01:18:33,253 ♪ Mic check, one-two, one-two ♪ 1938 01:18:33,286 --> 01:18:34,452 ♪ You wanna beef with the King? ♪ 1939 01:18:34,485 --> 01:18:35,918 ♪ What is you gon' do? ♪ 1940 01:18:35,952 --> 01:18:38,118 ♪ Will you show up on the scene with two guns drew? ♪ 1941 01:18:38,153 --> 01:18:40,718 ♪ Or you and your friend and play a little two-on-two? ♪ 1942 01:18:40,751 --> 01:18:41,985 ♪ If you knew half of what I knew ♪ 1943 01:18:42,018 --> 01:18:43,253 ♪ Then you'd be hitting the deck ♪ 1944 01:18:43,286 --> 01:18:44,618 ♪ I got a tool and a vest ♪ 1945 01:18:44,651 --> 01:18:46,153 ♪ I can get some respect ♪ 1946 01:18:46,186 --> 01:18:47,818 ♪ Yeah, what other Southern rapper hood-er than this? ♪ 1947 01:18:47,852 --> 01:18:50,351 ♪ I got rich, and I'm still on some hooligan shit ♪ 1948 01:18:50,384 --> 01:18:51,785 ♪ Standing in your front yard yellin' ♪ 1949 01:18:51,818 --> 01:18:52,952 ♪ Bring 'em out, bring 'em out ♪ 1950 01:18:52,985 --> 01:18:54,351 ♪ Ayy, all my hot girls yellin' ♪ 1951 01:18:54,384 --> 01:18:55,518 ♪ Bring 'em out, bring 'em out ♪ 1952 01:18:55,551 --> 01:18:56,651 ♪ Ayy, all the dope boys yellin' ♪ 1953 01:18:56,685 --> 01:18:57,851 ♪ Bring 'em out, bring 'em out ♪ 1954 01:18:58,451 --> 01:18:59,750 [♪ song stops] 1955 01:19:03,152 --> 01:19:04,384 [♪ song resumes] 1956 01:19:04,418 --> 01:19:06,285 ♪ Hands in the air now! ♪ 1957 01:19:06,319 --> 01:19:08,417 ♪ Hands in the air now! ♪ 1958 01:19:08,450 --> 01:19:11,016 ♪ Hands-hands in the- in the air-air now! ♪ 1959 01:19:11,050 --> 01:19:12,185 ♪ I can't hear you! ♪ 1960 01:19:12,219 --> 01:19:14,417 ♪ Bring 'em out, bring 'em out ♪ 1961 01:19:14,450 --> 01:19:16,816 ♪ Bring 'em out, bring 'em out ♪ 1962 01:19:16,850 --> 01:19:17,850 [♪ song ends] 1963 01:19:19,649 --> 01:19:21,883 Ooh, this is gonna be good. 1964 01:19:21,916 --> 01:19:24,417 You know how long I've been waiting for this? 1965 01:19:24,450 --> 01:19:26,683 Whoo! I'm about to make a name for myself here. 1966 01:19:26,716 --> 01:19:28,683 I don't think you guys walk away from this. 1967 01:19:28,716 --> 01:19:30,716 You just make sure people know what happened here today. 1968 01:19:30,749 --> 01:19:32,916 And when you get out of here, you have a drink for me, yeah? 1969 01:19:32,950 --> 01:19:35,416 You just stay on our six and get inside. 1970 01:19:35,449 --> 01:19:38,049 We'll make sure you get the package. 1971 01:19:38,083 --> 01:19:39,317 And we'll get our ending. 1972 01:19:39,349 --> 01:19:41,849 [♪ thrilling music playing] 1973 01:19:55,548 --> 01:19:56,849 [♪ music fades out] 1974 01:19:59,881 --> 01:20:01,347 [all yelling] 1975 01:20:06,348 --> 01:20:08,881 [♪ epic music playing] 1976 01:20:10,848 --> 01:20:12,013 [all grunting] 1977 01:20:34,780 --> 01:20:35,980 [groans] 1978 01:20:36,014 --> 01:20:37,780 [electrical roar and hum] 1979 01:20:37,813 --> 01:20:39,047 [crackling] 1980 01:20:49,612 --> 01:20:50,445 And boom! 1981 01:20:50,478 --> 01:20:52,012 [all grunting] 1982 01:20:52,745 --> 01:20:54,046 [laughs, grunts] 1983 01:21:20,111 --> 01:21:21,810 [♪ music stops] 1984 01:21:21,844 --> 01:21:24,311 Heh. Some motherfuckers still trying to ice skate uphill. 1985 01:21:24,343 --> 01:21:25,711 [henchmen yelling] 1986 01:21:28,344 --> 01:21:29,543 [slurps] 1987 01:21:30,078 --> 01:21:31,311 [footsteps] 1988 01:21:31,343 --> 01:21:33,543 You two escaping, I could live with. 1989 01:21:33,577 --> 01:21:36,510 But coming back? Willingly? 1990 01:21:38,011 --> 01:21:39,710 Boys are so silly. 1991 01:21:39,743 --> 01:21:40,876 [Deadpool] I just need to get home. 1992 01:21:40,909 --> 01:21:43,509 Well, that's not on the menu, I'm afraid. 1993 01:21:43,542 --> 01:21:47,044 It's death or enslavement. A la carte, of course. 1994 01:21:47,077 --> 01:21:48,610 - Upsy-daisy. - [grunting] 1995 01:21:53,809 --> 01:21:54,809 Finally, 1996 01:21:54,842 --> 01:21:56,977 it's nice to give someone else a chance to talk. 1997 01:21:57,010 --> 01:21:58,843 Not my strong suit. 1998 01:21:58,876 --> 01:22:00,642 [groaning and grunting] 1999 01:22:02,842 --> 01:22:04,342 [straining] 2000 01:22:13,009 --> 01:22:14,075 [yells] 2001 01:22:15,708 --> 01:22:16,542 [exhales] 2002 01:22:16,576 --> 01:22:17,943 You shouldn't have done that. 2003 01:22:19,708 --> 01:22:20,741 [grunts] 2004 01:22:20,775 --> 01:22:22,575 [groaning] 2005 01:22:24,309 --> 01:22:25,707 [grunting] 2006 01:22:30,707 --> 01:22:31,908 [yells] 2007 01:22:32,674 --> 01:22:33,740 [growls] 2008 01:22:36,374 --> 01:22:37,707 [screams] 2009 01:22:37,740 --> 01:22:38,975 Adios, pendejo. 2010 01:22:40,008 --> 01:22:41,373 [yells] 2011 01:22:41,407 --> 01:22:44,373 You are an interesting one, aren't you? 2012 01:22:44,407 --> 01:22:47,507 I do feel like you get lost behind all of his... 2013 01:22:47,540 --> 01:22:49,574 [imitates yapping] 2014 01:22:50,640 --> 01:22:53,439 Deadpools are a dime a dozen here in The Void. 2015 01:22:54,207 --> 01:22:56,073 But you... 2016 01:22:56,106 --> 01:22:59,107 What's going on in here? 2017 01:22:59,941 --> 01:23:01,506 [groaning] 2018 01:23:02,806 --> 01:23:04,539 [screaming] 2019 01:23:06,538 --> 01:23:08,606 - [screaming stops] - [leaves rustling] 2020 01:23:08,639 --> 01:23:10,040 [distant female voice] Logan! 2021 01:23:12,538 --> 01:23:13,839 [Cassandra] Interesting... 2022 01:23:14,973 --> 01:23:16,872 Not what I expected back here. 2023 01:23:17,973 --> 01:23:19,339 Behind the anger. 2024 01:23:23,172 --> 01:23:24,471 You're hiding. 2025 01:23:24,505 --> 01:23:26,438 - From them. - [sighs] 2026 01:23:26,470 --> 01:23:28,405 From all the ones you let down. 2027 01:23:30,939 --> 01:23:32,105 So much pain. 2028 01:23:34,771 --> 01:23:36,971 I walked away. 2029 01:23:37,004 --> 01:23:38,737 They called after me and I... 2030 01:23:38,771 --> 01:23:39,905 I walked away. 2031 01:23:41,005 --> 01:23:42,105 I always do. 2032 01:23:42,139 --> 01:23:43,404 - [child] Logan! - I know. 2033 01:23:45,470 --> 01:23:46,971 That's not all you did. 2034 01:23:47,736 --> 01:23:48,571 Is it? 2035 01:23:48,604 --> 01:23:50,437 - [groans] - [flesh squelches] 2036 01:23:52,004 --> 01:23:53,504 You found them. 2037 01:23:54,305 --> 01:23:55,503 The X-Men. 2038 01:23:59,337 --> 01:24:00,804 [distant screaming] 2039 01:24:00,838 --> 01:24:01,670 Dead. 2040 01:24:01,703 --> 01:24:03,904 [♪ mournful music playing] 2041 01:24:04,436 --> 01:24:05,803 Piled like wood. 2042 01:24:07,369 --> 01:24:08,770 [Cassandra] What did you do? 2043 01:24:11,270 --> 01:24:13,237 I started killing. 2044 01:24:13,270 --> 01:24:15,870 And I couldn't stop. I didn't wanna stop. 2045 01:24:17,102 --> 01:24:19,837 [Cassandra] All those bad men. 2046 01:24:19,870 --> 01:24:20,937 [groans] 2047 01:24:23,569 --> 01:24:25,435 It's not just the bad ones. 2048 01:24:26,969 --> 01:24:28,102 My little animal. 2049 01:24:30,803 --> 01:24:33,836 And I turned the whole world against the X-Men. 2050 01:24:34,136 --> 01:24:35,335 Blade! 2051 01:24:40,802 --> 01:24:41,969 Just once... 2052 01:24:43,734 --> 01:24:46,568 I wanna be the man that Charles thought I was. 2053 01:24:47,733 --> 01:24:48,835 Logan... 2054 01:24:50,302 --> 01:24:54,035 in The Void, you can be what you are. 2055 01:24:56,367 --> 01:24:57,935 I just wanna be free. 2056 01:24:58,567 --> 01:25:00,334 I can set you free. 2057 01:25:00,735 --> 01:25:02,035 [panting] 2058 01:25:05,234 --> 01:25:06,600 [yelps] 2059 01:25:11,633 --> 01:25:16,934 I can silence all those voices. 2060 01:25:16,967 --> 01:25:18,399 [silence falls] 2061 01:25:20,967 --> 01:25:22,034 [exhales] 2062 01:25:23,800 --> 01:25:24,800 I've got you. 2063 01:25:27,300 --> 01:25:28,499 I've got you. 2064 01:25:29,066 --> 01:25:30,067 No. 2065 01:25:31,332 --> 01:25:32,566 I got you. 2066 01:25:33,532 --> 01:25:34,933 [indistinct whining] 2067 01:25:34,966 --> 01:25:36,665 [grunting in pain] 2068 01:25:36,699 --> 01:25:37,899 [gasps] 2069 01:25:37,933 --> 01:25:39,598 [yelling] 2070 01:25:40,332 --> 01:25:42,699 [Cassandra grunts] Get it off! 2071 01:25:42,732 --> 01:25:44,200 [Deadpool] You're gonna send us home, 2072 01:25:44,233 --> 01:25:45,766 or I'm gonna twist your fucking head off. 2073 01:25:45,799 --> 01:25:47,431 - [laughs] - Why are you laughing? 2074 01:25:47,965 --> 01:25:49,232 I can't send you home 2075 01:25:49,265 --> 01:25:52,233 unless you get this thing off my head. 2076 01:25:52,265 --> 01:25:53,498 And as soon as you do that, 2077 01:25:53,531 --> 01:25:56,232 I'm going to boil your brains on an atomic level 2078 01:25:56,265 --> 01:25:59,264 whilst flicking my bean to the Enya box set. 2079 01:25:59,298 --> 01:26:00,463 [Deadpool] There's an Enya box set? 2080 01:26:00,497 --> 01:26:01,998 Either you kill me 2081 01:26:02,032 --> 01:26:03,331 or I kill you. 2082 01:26:04,199 --> 01:26:06,199 Both wonderful options. 2083 01:26:06,231 --> 01:26:07,430 [Deadpool] You want me to do it? 2084 01:26:07,463 --> 01:26:08,497 No, I'll do it. 2085 01:26:08,530 --> 01:26:09,864 [Deadpool] I have her neck right here. 2086 01:26:09,897 --> 01:26:11,564 - It's really no problem. - You'll screw it up. 2087 01:26:11,597 --> 01:26:13,165 [Deadpool] Oh, come on, Mr. PG-13, 2088 01:26:13,198 --> 01:26:14,231 except the last one! 2089 01:26:14,264 --> 01:26:16,397 - [gunshots] - What the fuck? 2090 01:26:17,596 --> 01:26:19,864 - [gasping] - [chuckles] You have no idea 2091 01:26:19,897 --> 01:26:20,965 what it's like! 2092 01:26:20,998 --> 01:26:23,931 Day after day. Shovel the shit. 2093 01:26:23,964 --> 01:26:25,629 Fetch the meats. 2094 01:26:25,664 --> 01:26:28,629 I have spent my entire exis... 2095 01:26:30,429 --> 01:26:32,031 Not everyone gets a speech. 2096 01:26:32,064 --> 01:26:34,897 - [groaning] - She's gonna die. 2097 01:26:34,931 --> 01:26:36,496 [Deadpool] Okay. Hey, hey. If I take this helmet off, 2098 01:26:36,529 --> 01:26:38,297 do you promise you won't kill us? 2099 01:26:38,329 --> 01:26:39,461 - Fuck! - [Cassandra] I promise... 2100 01:26:39,495 --> 01:26:41,162 I will kill you first thing. 2101 01:26:41,196 --> 01:26:43,063 [Deadpool] Oh! Why are you like this? 2102 01:26:43,096 --> 01:26:44,396 I wish I knew. 2103 01:26:44,429 --> 01:26:45,629 - Take it off. - [Deadpool] What? 2104 01:26:45,663 --> 01:26:46,863 - Take it off. - [Deadpool] Why? 2105 01:26:46,896 --> 01:26:48,328 - Just take it off. - This is our only chance 2106 01:26:48,361 --> 01:26:50,495 - to fix our shit! - Take it off! 2107 01:26:52,230 --> 01:26:54,562 I am wearing this suit. 2108 01:26:54,595 --> 01:26:56,895 And that means a lot of things, but most of all... 2109 01:26:58,296 --> 01:26:59,594 it means I'm an X-Man. 2110 01:27:00,494 --> 01:27:02,030 And I know your brother. 2111 01:27:04,296 --> 01:27:05,695 As much as I want to fucking kill you, 2112 01:27:05,728 --> 01:27:08,527 every bone in my body wants to fucking kill you, 2113 01:27:08,561 --> 01:27:11,761 he would not let me stand here and watch you die! 2114 01:27:14,129 --> 01:27:15,494 Take your hands off. 2115 01:27:17,028 --> 01:27:18,427 This is for him. 2116 01:27:20,161 --> 01:27:21,560 This is for Charles. 2117 01:27:23,961 --> 01:27:25,494 [Cassandra panting] 2118 01:27:28,994 --> 01:27:30,326 [exhales deeply] 2119 01:27:31,294 --> 01:27:33,061 - [grunts] - [Deadpool] Hey, no, no, no! 2120 01:27:33,094 --> 01:27:34,694 Don't you dare do me like Johnny! 2121 01:27:41,027 --> 01:27:42,093 My brother loved you. 2122 01:27:43,993 --> 01:27:45,060 He loved all of us. 2123 01:27:45,760 --> 01:27:46,760 Hmm. 2124 01:27:48,127 --> 01:27:49,392 Must be nice. 2125 01:27:50,293 --> 01:27:51,726 He would've loved you, too. 2126 01:27:54,426 --> 01:27:55,760 If he knew about you... 2127 01:27:57,392 --> 01:27:58,793 if he knew where you were, 2128 01:27:58,826 --> 01:28:01,092 he would've torn a hole in the fucking universe 2129 01:28:01,126 --> 01:28:02,357 to bring you home. 2130 01:28:06,026 --> 01:28:07,092 This is my home. 2131 01:28:08,159 --> 01:28:10,559 Well, then at least let us save his. 2132 01:28:14,492 --> 01:28:16,092 You want to hear something crazy? 2133 01:28:17,859 --> 01:28:20,958 An amateur magician rolled through here a while back. 2134 01:28:21,891 --> 01:28:23,792 I killed him, of course. 2135 01:28:23,826 --> 01:28:26,424 Wore his skin around for four days. 2136 01:28:27,091 --> 01:28:28,125 But 2137 01:28:28,158 --> 01:28:29,891 I found this 2138 01:28:29,925 --> 01:28:31,891 little trinket 2139 01:28:31,925 --> 01:28:34,125 on his lovely fingers. 2140 01:28:34,158 --> 01:28:35,490 [Deadpool] Strange! 2141 01:28:37,025 --> 01:28:38,323 [Deadpool gasps] 2142 01:28:38,356 --> 01:28:40,658 - Marvel sparkle circle. - [Wolverine] What is that? 2143 01:28:41,390 --> 01:28:43,422 This is your way home. 2144 01:28:43,455 --> 01:28:45,490 I do owe you for saving my life. 2145 01:28:45,524 --> 01:28:47,124 But let's keep things interesting. 2146 01:28:47,157 --> 01:28:49,057 I'd say you have about four seconds 2147 01:28:49,090 --> 01:28:50,590 before you're Alioth's food. 2148 01:28:51,389 --> 01:28:52,956 [Alioth growling] 2149 01:28:54,624 --> 01:28:55,924 [Deadpool chuckles] Race ya. 2150 01:28:59,657 --> 01:29:01,256 [♪ slow jazz plays, Jimmy Durante "I'll Be Seeing You"] 2151 01:29:01,290 --> 01:29:05,256 ♪ I'll be seeing you ♪ 2152 01:29:05,290 --> 01:29:10,656 ♪ In all the old familiar places ♪ 2153 01:29:10,689 --> 01:29:15,023 ♪ That this heart of mine embraces ♪ 2154 01:29:15,956 --> 01:29:17,856 ♪ All day through ♪ 2155 01:29:21,321 --> 01:29:24,923 ♪ In that small cafe ♪ 2156 01:29:26,489 --> 01:29:29,721 - ♪ The park across the way ♪ - [screaming] 2157 01:29:31,655 --> 01:29:36,354 ♪ The children's carousel ♪ 2158 01:29:36,388 --> 01:29:41,320 ♪ The chestnut trees, the wishing well ♪ 2159 01:29:43,221 --> 01:29:47,154 ♪ I'll be seeing you ♪ 2160 01:29:47,188 --> 01:29:50,720 ♪ In every lovely summer's day ♪ 2161 01:29:50,754 --> 01:29:51,720 [screams] 2162 01:29:51,754 --> 01:29:56,720 ♪ I'll find you in the morning sun ♪ 2163 01:29:56,754 --> 01:30:00,954 ♪ And when the night is new ♪ 2164 01:30:03,686 --> 01:30:08,986 ♪ I'll be looking at the moon ♪ 2165 01:30:10,520 --> 01:30:16,020 ♪ But I'll be seeing you ♪ 2166 01:30:16,053 --> 01:30:17,520 [Alioth snarls] 2167 01:30:19,486 --> 01:30:21,419 [Peter] And as I said, we've got a standard three-year 2168 01:30:21,452 --> 01:30:22,952 bumper to bumper warranty. 2169 01:30:22,985 --> 01:30:24,685 Glad you gave us a second chance. 2170 01:30:24,718 --> 01:30:26,452 And don't worry. Wade and I are a team, 2171 01:30:26,486 --> 01:30:27,986 so I'll see he gets half the commission... 2172 01:30:28,619 --> 01:30:29,653 [all gasp] 2173 01:30:29,686 --> 01:30:30,785 - [Deadpool groans] - Whoa. 2174 01:30:30,819 --> 01:30:33,019 [Deadpool] That feels like a Kia. 2175 01:30:33,052 --> 01:30:35,752 It's a fucking Kia Carnival, isn't it? [groans] 2176 01:30:36,919 --> 01:30:39,885 Holy shit. That's Deadpool. 2177 01:30:39,919 --> 01:30:41,119 And that's Wolverine. 2178 01:30:41,152 --> 01:30:42,218 [Deadpool] You're damn straight it is. 2179 01:30:42,251 --> 01:30:43,285 Fox killed him. 2180 01:30:43,317 --> 01:30:44,518 Disney brought him back. 2181 01:30:44,552 --> 01:30:46,051 They're going to make him do this till he's 90. 2182 01:30:46,685 --> 01:30:48,251 Let's go. 2183 01:30:48,285 --> 01:30:49,819 [Peter] I'll clock you out! 2184 01:30:49,852 --> 01:30:51,018 [Deadpool] Forever! 2185 01:30:51,784 --> 01:30:52,884 Forever. 2186 01:31:00,118 --> 01:31:01,151 Wakey-wakey. 2187 01:31:01,185 --> 01:31:02,951 - [snorts] God? - [chuckles] 2188 01:31:04,217 --> 01:31:07,517 Now, you put all these bullets in my belly, 2189 01:31:07,551 --> 01:31:09,384 and I'm gonna find out why. 2190 01:31:09,918 --> 01:31:10,983 Whoa, whoa! 2191 01:31:11,717 --> 01:31:13,550 I'll just say it. 2192 01:31:13,583 --> 01:31:15,416 You don't have to stick your fingers in me. 2193 01:31:15,449 --> 01:31:17,950 Jesus, just ask sometimes. 2194 01:31:18,250 --> 01:31:19,484 Fine. 2195 01:31:20,650 --> 01:31:21,650 Really? 2196 01:31:22,184 --> 01:31:23,383 Hands in pockets. 2197 01:31:23,416 --> 01:31:24,982 [breathing heavily] 2198 01:31:25,016 --> 01:31:27,049 Guy named Paradox. 2199 01:31:27,082 --> 01:31:28,284 He said he'd get me out of The Void. 2200 01:31:28,316 --> 01:31:30,550 All I know is he works for the TVA. 2201 01:31:30,583 --> 01:31:31,483 The TVA. 2202 01:31:31,516 --> 01:31:32,949 We had an agreement. 2203 01:31:32,982 --> 01:31:34,882 I don't think this guy cares. 2204 01:31:34,916 --> 01:31:36,882 Huh. He will. 2205 01:31:37,282 --> 01:31:38,550 Hey, people! 2206 01:31:38,583 --> 01:31:40,749 How much longer before the Time Ripper is active? 2207 01:31:40,782 --> 01:31:42,715 We're running the final safety checks. 2208 01:31:42,749 --> 01:31:45,015 Oh, okay. All right. Thanks for all your hard work, Ralph. 2209 01:31:45,048 --> 01:31:46,515 - Take your time. - Really? 2210 01:31:46,549 --> 01:31:48,249 No, you drooling boob! 2211 01:31:48,283 --> 01:31:49,582 No! We have company. 2212 01:31:49,615 --> 01:31:52,948 Cancel the safety checks. We need to be live now! 2213 01:31:52,981 --> 01:31:54,614 Oh, I hate you so much. 2214 01:31:56,681 --> 01:31:57,514 No! Stop! 2215 01:31:57,548 --> 01:31:59,415 Piss off! You're too late. 2216 01:31:59,448 --> 01:32:01,315 - You're fuckin' done. - Why was Thor crying? 2217 01:32:01,348 --> 01:32:02,381 [Mr. Paradox] How dare you! 2218 01:32:02,414 --> 01:32:04,948 No one comes back from The Void. 2219 01:32:04,981 --> 01:32:06,548 Tell that to Cassandra Nova. 2220 01:32:07,548 --> 01:32:09,748 [♪ choral music playing] 2221 01:32:15,214 --> 01:32:17,346 Paradox. We have a problem. 2222 01:32:18,113 --> 01:32:19,314 [bones snap] 2223 01:32:20,114 --> 01:32:21,481 [Cassandra] Paradox. 2224 01:32:23,647 --> 01:32:26,213 Well, you are doughier than you looked in Pyro's head. 2225 01:32:26,246 --> 01:32:27,480 You tried to kill me. 2226 01:32:27,513 --> 01:32:29,446 I literally have no i... 2227 01:32:29,480 --> 01:32:31,313 [Cassandra] You come for the king, 2228 01:32:31,346 --> 01:32:33,213 you better kill the king. 2229 01:32:33,246 --> 01:32:34,346 [Deadpool] Oh-ho-ho! 2230 01:32:34,380 --> 01:32:36,579 Welcome to the skull fuck club, Paradox. 2231 01:32:36,612 --> 01:32:39,146 You know she doesn't wash that hand. 2232 01:32:39,180 --> 01:32:40,647 - Oh. - [grunting strainfully] 2233 01:32:40,680 --> 01:32:41,779 What's this? 2234 01:32:43,046 --> 01:32:44,246 A Time Ripper? 2235 01:32:44,280 --> 01:32:45,312 Naughty boy. 2236 01:32:45,345 --> 01:32:46,712 [Deadpool] Oh, no. We're on it. 2237 01:32:46,746 --> 01:32:48,078 We're gonna head down and dismantle that thing now. 2238 01:32:48,112 --> 01:32:50,512 We got ya, boo. You just keep playing those keys. 2239 01:32:50,546 --> 01:32:52,345 I don't want to destroy it. 2240 01:32:52,879 --> 01:32:54,546 I want to use it. 2241 01:32:54,579 --> 01:32:57,378 Now, shoo. Mummy and Daddy are having a conversation. 2242 01:32:57,411 --> 01:32:58,945 [both yelling] 2243 01:33:02,778 --> 01:33:03,912 [groans] 2244 01:33:03,945 --> 01:33:05,878 You know, the funny thing is, 2245 01:33:05,912 --> 01:33:08,077 I was happy in The Void. 2246 01:33:08,111 --> 01:33:11,344 You sent your trash to me. Alioth and I cleaned it up. 2247 01:33:11,378 --> 01:33:14,011 Everyone was happy. 2248 01:33:14,044 --> 01:33:17,411 And then you had to go and piss on my side of the fence. 2249 01:33:17,443 --> 01:33:20,311 And so now the fence must come down. 2250 01:33:20,344 --> 01:33:22,311 I'm going to use your little Time Ripper. 2251 01:33:22,344 --> 01:33:25,111 And I'm going to destroy this universe 2252 01:33:25,144 --> 01:33:27,811 and the next and the next and the next 2253 01:33:27,844 --> 01:33:31,510 until all that's left is The Void. 2254 01:33:31,544 --> 01:33:34,110 And I get to play God. 2255 01:33:34,143 --> 01:33:35,477 - Come on. - [Mr. Paradox groans] 2256 01:33:35,510 --> 01:33:36,676 Now you're going to show me 2257 01:33:36,709 --> 01:33:38,377 how to use this fancy gadget of yours. 2258 01:33:38,409 --> 01:33:40,377 And don't worry, I've called some friends 2259 01:33:40,410 --> 01:33:42,010 to make sure we're not disturbed. 2260 01:33:45,177 --> 01:33:46,442 - [knock at door] - Sorry to bother, madam, 2261 01:33:46,476 --> 01:33:48,509 but there's something you need to see. 2262 01:33:48,543 --> 01:33:50,976 We're getting indications of an unsanctioned Time Ripper 2263 01:33:51,010 --> 01:33:53,342 activating on Earth-10005. 2264 01:33:54,976 --> 01:33:56,342 Whose district is that? 2265 01:33:56,942 --> 01:33:57,942 Paradox. 2266 01:34:06,243 --> 01:34:08,375 [Mr. Paradox gasps, exhales] 2267 01:34:09,408 --> 01:34:11,675 Well, thank you so much for your help, darling. 2268 01:34:11,708 --> 01:34:13,909 God. Good to get out of that head. 2269 01:34:13,942 --> 01:34:15,974 Whew! What a mess! 2270 01:34:17,141 --> 01:34:18,707 [both groaning] 2271 01:34:23,441 --> 01:34:24,575 [Deadpool] Stop! 2272 01:34:24,608 --> 01:34:26,607 Let's give it a beat for the extras to clear. 2273 01:34:26,641 --> 01:34:28,874 Go, go, go, go, go! Oh, my God! 2274 01:34:33,507 --> 01:34:36,440 - Oh. My. God. - Fuck. 2275 01:34:37,674 --> 01:34:40,540 [♪ classic rock music plays, "Make Me Lose Control"] 2276 01:34:44,040 --> 01:34:45,673 [Deadpool] It's her! 2277 01:34:46,540 --> 01:34:48,606 - Come on, girl! - [Dogpool barks] 2278 01:34:49,740 --> 01:34:50,606 [barks] 2279 01:34:50,640 --> 01:34:52,873 ♪ Was love always this good ♪ 2280 01:34:52,907 --> 01:34:55,141 ♪ Or could this be just the start? ♪ 2281 01:34:55,175 --> 01:34:56,540 Come on, girl! 2282 01:34:57,473 --> 01:34:59,406 ♪ Baby, baby ♪ 2283 01:34:59,439 --> 01:35:04,473 ♪ Turn the radio up for that sweet sound ♪ 2284 01:35:04,506 --> 01:35:08,438 ♪ Hold me close, never let me go ♪ 2285 01:35:08,472 --> 01:35:10,872 ♪ Keep this feelin' alive... ♪ 2286 01:35:10,906 --> 01:35:12,107 That's my girl! 2287 01:35:12,140 --> 01:35:13,572 We don't have to be apart 2288 01:35:13,605 --> 01:35:15,605 ever, ever again. Never, ever... 2289 01:35:15,639 --> 01:35:17,006 - Sorry! - [Deadpool] Fuck! 2290 01:35:17,038 --> 01:35:18,071 [♪ song stops] 2291 01:35:18,106 --> 01:35:19,838 What's Cafe Gratitude doing here? 2292 01:35:19,871 --> 01:35:21,372 - Sorry about that. - [Dogpool whimpering] 2293 01:35:21,404 --> 01:35:23,539 [Deadpool] Tremble not, sweet Mary Puppins. 2294 01:35:23,572 --> 01:35:25,338 [whispers] I'll handle him. 2295 01:35:25,372 --> 01:35:26,704 Come here, girl. Papa's here. 2296 01:35:26,738 --> 01:35:29,604 [Deadpool] Hey, do not insult this animal's autonomy. 2297 01:35:29,638 --> 01:35:31,970 She can decide who her papa is. 2298 01:35:32,004 --> 01:35:33,139 What's it gonna be, girl, huh? 2299 01:35:33,173 --> 01:35:35,571 Original recipe or Van Milder here? 2300 01:35:35,604 --> 01:35:39,737 Ah, that's funny. I can gently tap the fourth wall too. 2301 01:35:39,770 --> 01:35:40,904 The Proposal. 2302 01:35:42,370 --> 01:35:43,504 [Deadpool] The fuck was that? 2303 01:35:43,538 --> 01:35:45,172 Bitch, you think that's what I do? 2304 01:35:45,205 --> 01:35:46,471 Both of you shut up. 2305 01:35:46,504 --> 01:35:48,304 - [sniffs] - You smell somethin'? 2306 01:35:48,337 --> 01:35:49,370 Yeah, you. 2307 01:35:49,403 --> 01:35:51,737 - [sniffs] - A lot of you. 2308 01:35:51,770 --> 01:35:54,437 [♪ dramatic mysterious music playing] 2309 01:36:05,670 --> 01:36:06,836 [tink] 2310 01:36:06,869 --> 01:36:09,271 Told you there were a lot of Deadpools over there. 2311 01:36:09,303 --> 01:36:11,502 [♪ dramatic music continues] 2312 01:36:20,902 --> 01:36:22,036 [Deadpool] That's bad. 2313 01:36:40,202 --> 01:36:41,535 [neck cracks] 2314 01:36:43,301 --> 01:36:44,401 [♪ music fades out] 2315 01:36:44,434 --> 01:36:45,835 I take it they're not friendly. 2316 01:36:45,868 --> 01:36:46,735 [Nicepool] Goodness, no. 2317 01:36:46,768 --> 01:36:48,834 Sorry about this, boys. Mission over. 2318 01:36:48,867 --> 01:36:51,934 Cause of death, one hundred kill-thirsty Deadpools. 2319 01:36:51,967 --> 01:36:52,801 They're dumb. 2320 01:36:52,834 --> 01:36:54,668 But they can fight. Not me, though. 2321 01:36:54,701 --> 01:36:57,368 Would love to get in the mix, but I have low bone density 2322 01:36:57,401 --> 01:36:59,268 and I have to keep my face safe. 2323 01:36:59,300 --> 01:37:00,567 [Deadpool smooches] Hold, please. 2324 01:37:00,600 --> 01:37:02,467 - Oh, God. - [Deadpool] All right. Look. 2325 01:37:03,001 --> 01:37:04,001 Guys! 2326 01:37:05,169 --> 01:37:06,867 Deadpool Prime here. 2327 01:37:06,901 --> 01:37:08,467 - Our fight isn't with you... - [kid] Hey! 2328 01:37:08,500 --> 01:37:09,933 When I want your opinion, 2329 01:37:09,966 --> 01:37:12,299 I'll take Wolverine's dick out of your mouth. 2330 01:37:12,332 --> 01:37:14,100 That's Kidpool. She's the dirtiest. 2331 01:37:14,133 --> 01:37:15,300 [Deadpool] Can we just be done? 2332 01:37:15,333 --> 01:37:17,201 [Ladypool] Ooh, we're just getting started. 2333 01:37:17,234 --> 01:37:18,268 [Deadpool] No, no, no, no, no. 2334 01:37:18,300 --> 01:37:20,766 With the whole multiverse thing. 2335 01:37:21,699 --> 01:37:23,033 It's not great. 2336 01:37:23,066 --> 01:37:24,399 It's just been miss 2337 01:37:24,766 --> 01:37:26,267 after miss 2338 01:37:26,299 --> 01:37:28,332 after miss. 2339 01:37:28,366 --> 01:37:30,665 Look, The Wizard of Oz did the multiverse first, 2340 01:37:30,698 --> 01:37:33,532 and they did it best. The gays knew it. 2341 01:37:33,565 --> 01:37:34,765 But we didn't listen. 2342 01:37:34,799 --> 01:37:37,799 Let's just take the L and move on. 2343 01:37:37,832 --> 01:37:40,398 I think it's been steadily great since Endgame. 2344 01:37:40,431 --> 01:37:41,999 [Ladypool] What are you talking about? 2345 01:37:42,032 --> 01:37:43,598 The multiverse is over. 2346 01:37:43,632 --> 01:37:44,898 [Cowboypool] Cassandy gonna destroy 2347 01:37:44,931 --> 01:37:46,632 the fuck outta every timeline. 2348 01:37:46,665 --> 01:37:48,132 Heh. Y'all can't do shit about it. 2349 01:37:48,166 --> 01:37:49,199 [Deadpool] Do you not get it? 2350 01:37:49,232 --> 01:37:50,331 If we don't go down to the subway 2351 01:37:50,365 --> 01:37:51,398 and stop her, we all die. 2352 01:37:51,431 --> 01:37:52,531 [Cowboypool] Say, the boss lady 2353 01:37:52,564 --> 01:37:53,731 don't want no disturbances. 2354 01:37:53,764 --> 01:37:55,532 You wanna get down to the subway, 2355 01:37:55,565 --> 01:37:56,831 you gotta go through us. 2356 01:37:56,864 --> 01:37:58,099 Uzi time, baby. 2357 01:37:58,132 --> 01:37:59,166 [Ladypool] Uzi time, baby. 2358 01:37:59,199 --> 01:38:00,497 [Deadpool] Look alive! 2359 01:38:01,132 --> 01:38:02,397 [Headpool yells] 2360 01:38:08,798 --> 01:38:09,664 [grunts] 2361 01:38:09,697 --> 01:38:11,497 - I think I'm hit. - [Wolverine] No shit. 2362 01:38:11,531 --> 01:38:12,563 You did that on purpose. 2363 01:38:12,596 --> 01:38:14,329 [Deadpool] I did no such thing! 2364 01:38:14,363 --> 01:38:15,530 Listen to me, gorgeous. 2365 01:38:15,563 --> 01:38:16,998 How long does it take for you to regenerate? 2366 01:38:17,031 --> 01:38:18,430 Regenerate? 2367 01:38:20,330 --> 01:38:22,596 - [crow caws] - [Dogpool grunts] 2368 01:38:22,964 --> 01:38:24,463 [retches] 2369 01:38:24,496 --> 01:38:26,330 You really are God's perfect idiot, aren't you? 2370 01:38:26,364 --> 01:38:27,763 - I'm okay. - [Deadpool] How dare you! 2371 01:38:27,797 --> 01:38:29,830 You insensitive son of a bitch! 2372 01:38:29,863 --> 01:38:32,030 How was I supposed to know he doesn't regenerate? 2373 01:38:32,063 --> 01:38:33,562 I'm not a medicine woman. 2374 01:38:33,595 --> 01:38:35,930 Look. A donut cart. They're practically hospitals. 2375 01:38:35,963 --> 01:38:36,830 - What? - [Deadpool] They sell 2376 01:38:36,863 --> 01:38:38,296 - portable triage units. - They don't. 2377 01:38:38,329 --> 01:38:39,463 [Deadpool] I'm gonna get you to safety. 2378 01:38:39,496 --> 01:38:41,428 - He's not. - [Deadpool] Deep breath. 2379 01:38:48,662 --> 01:38:49,495 [panting] 2380 01:38:49,529 --> 01:38:51,629 Hey, why are we stopping? 2381 01:38:51,662 --> 01:38:52,962 [Deadpool] I'm just catching my breath. 2382 01:38:52,996 --> 01:38:55,929 What, are your legs on vacation? You're dead weight! 2383 01:38:55,962 --> 01:38:57,529 That's because I'm paralyzed. 2384 01:38:57,562 --> 01:38:59,862 [Deadpool] We all have problems. Listen to me. 2385 01:38:59,896 --> 01:39:00,896 You're gonna live. 2386 01:39:01,996 --> 01:39:03,195 Look at me, Nicepool. 2387 01:39:03,228 --> 01:39:04,795 [gunfire continues] 2388 01:39:07,163 --> 01:39:08,494 You're gonna live. 2389 01:39:09,062 --> 01:39:10,461 Say it! 2390 01:39:10,896 --> 01:39:12,427 I'm gonna live. 2391 01:39:12,461 --> 01:39:14,527 Say it with me. You're gonna live. 2392 01:39:14,560 --> 01:39:16,727 [fumbling] I'm gonna live! 2393 01:39:16,760 --> 01:39:20,294 [Deadpool] Ha-hah! Say it louder! 2394 01:39:20,327 --> 01:39:21,660 I'm gonna live... 2395 01:39:24,760 --> 01:39:25,894 [gunfire] 2396 01:39:30,393 --> 01:39:31,927 Hold your fire! 2397 01:39:33,860 --> 01:39:35,293 Sweet little puppy. 2398 01:39:45,292 --> 01:39:46,792 [Deadpool grunting] God damn it! 2399 01:39:46,826 --> 01:39:48,927 I don't think he's gonna make it. 2400 01:39:48,960 --> 01:39:50,659 God, he loved his face. 2401 01:39:50,692 --> 01:39:53,260 I can taste his final thought. 2402 01:39:53,292 --> 01:39:54,926 He was so afraid. 2403 01:39:54,959 --> 01:39:56,126 But he died a hero. 2404 01:39:56,160 --> 01:39:58,193 He died from murder, you dumb fuck. 2405 01:39:58,226 --> 01:40:00,059 [Deadpool] And all I have to remember him by 2406 01:40:00,993 --> 01:40:02,725 are these two gold-plated, 2407 01:40:02,758 --> 01:40:05,026 .50 caliber Desert Eagle pistoleros. 2408 01:40:05,059 --> 01:40:06,058 This is for him. 2409 01:40:06,758 --> 01:40:08,325 Are you ready? 2410 01:40:08,359 --> 01:40:10,260 I get to kill a hundred yous? 2411 01:40:10,292 --> 01:40:11,658 Fuck yeah, I'm ready. 2412 01:40:12,525 --> 01:40:14,058 Hey, you don't want to see this, bub. 2413 01:40:14,092 --> 01:40:15,324 [Deadpool] That's a good girl. 2414 01:40:15,358 --> 01:40:18,291 [♪ '80s pop music plays, Madonna "Like a Prayer"] 2415 01:40:19,591 --> 01:40:24,058 ♪ Life is a mystery ♪ 2416 01:40:24,092 --> 01:40:28,357 ♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪ 2417 01:40:28,390 --> 01:40:33,191 ♪ I hear you call my name ♪ 2418 01:40:33,224 --> 01:40:37,024 ♪ And it feels like ♪ 2419 01:40:37,924 --> 01:40:39,825 ♪ Home... ♪ 2420 01:40:52,091 --> 01:40:53,656 [Deadpool] Holy shit. 2421 01:40:53,689 --> 01:40:56,056 You save the good stuff for special occasions? 2422 01:40:56,090 --> 01:40:57,422 Killing, mostly. 2423 01:40:57,456 --> 01:40:58,555 [Deadpool] What's the wind resistance 2424 01:40:58,588 --> 01:40:59,689 on those blowjob handles? 2425 01:40:59,723 --> 01:41:01,757 - [grunts] - [laughs] I'm sorry. 2426 01:41:01,791 --> 01:41:04,422 I'm just a catty bitch when I'm jealous. 2427 01:41:04,456 --> 01:41:06,123 All right, let's do this. 2428 01:41:06,157 --> 01:41:07,522 Maximum effort. 2429 01:41:10,157 --> 01:41:11,356 [♪ song pauses] 2430 01:41:14,923 --> 01:41:16,388 [Deadpools yelling] 2431 01:41:17,687 --> 01:41:19,089 - [♪ song resumes playing] - [all grunting] 2432 01:41:19,122 --> 01:41:22,756 ♪ When you call my name It's like a little prayer ♪ 2433 01:41:22,789 --> 01:41:26,989 ♪ I'm down on my knees I want to take you there ♪ 2434 01:41:27,022 --> 01:41:31,222 ♪ In the midnight hour I can feel your power ♪ 2435 01:41:31,256 --> 01:41:35,487 ♪ Just like a prayer You know I'll take you there ♪ 2436 01:41:35,521 --> 01:41:39,486 ♪ Life is a mystery ♪ 2437 01:41:39,520 --> 01:41:43,654 ♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪ 2438 01:41:43,688 --> 01:41:47,021 ♪ I hear you call my name ♪ 2439 01:41:47,054 --> 01:41:48,286 You're dead. 2440 01:41:48,319 --> 01:41:52,320 ♪ And it feels like ♪ 2441 01:41:54,054 --> 01:41:55,520 [Deadpools yelling] 2442 01:41:55,553 --> 01:41:57,987 ♪ Let the choir sing ♪ 2443 01:41:58,020 --> 01:42:01,988 ♪ When you call my name It's like a little prayer ♪ 2444 01:42:02,021 --> 01:42:06,419 ♪ I'm down on my knees I wanna take you there ♪ 2445 01:42:06,452 --> 01:42:10,552 ♪ In the midnight hour I can feel your power ♪ 2446 01:42:10,586 --> 01:42:13,987 ♪ Just like a prayer You know I'll take you there ♪ 2447 01:42:14,020 --> 01:42:15,418 Motherfucker. 2448 01:42:16,153 --> 01:42:17,653 I wish I were deaf. 2449 01:42:17,686 --> 01:42:18,719 ♪ I'll take you there ♪ 2450 01:42:18,752 --> 01:42:20,518 ♪ It's like a dream to me ♪ 2451 01:42:20,551 --> 01:42:22,753 ♪ Oh oh, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ 2452 01:42:22,787 --> 01:42:25,385 ♪ Just like a prayer, I'll take you there ♪ 2453 01:42:25,418 --> 01:42:27,052 ♪ Oh yeah, yeah ♪ 2454 01:42:27,086 --> 01:42:29,351 ♪ It's like a dream to me ♪ 2455 01:42:29,384 --> 01:42:32,485 ♪ Oh, oh ♪ 2456 01:42:32,519 --> 01:42:35,919 ♪ It's like a prayer... ♪ 2457 01:42:37,618 --> 01:42:39,617 [crying Deadpool] I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die. 2458 01:42:39,651 --> 01:42:40,751 I don't wanna... 2459 01:42:48,350 --> 01:42:50,550 [♪ outro music playing] 2460 01:42:52,751 --> 01:42:54,252 - [♪ song ends] - [Deadpool grunts] 2461 01:42:54,284 --> 01:42:55,684 [Deadpool] Come on. 2462 01:42:55,718 --> 01:42:56,818 Oh, I blew it. 2463 01:42:56,851 --> 01:42:58,950 After all that, the only thing they're gonna remember 2464 01:42:58,984 --> 01:43:00,817 is that God-awful dismount! 2465 01:43:01,751 --> 01:43:03,283 [giggling] 2466 01:43:05,483 --> 01:43:07,184 What you laughing at, you little fucker? 2467 01:43:07,217 --> 01:43:08,415 [Babypool] Uh-oh. 2468 01:43:08,449 --> 01:43:09,717 [Deadpool] Uh-oh. 2469 01:43:09,750 --> 01:43:11,382 [Babypool cooing] 2470 01:43:11,917 --> 01:43:13,950 [Babypool giggling] 2471 01:43:13,984 --> 01:43:15,650 I guess these ones regenerate. 2472 01:43:17,549 --> 01:43:20,150 Come on. We don't have time for this. 2473 01:43:20,183 --> 01:43:21,216 [Peter] Deadpools! 2474 01:43:21,250 --> 01:43:22,617 Stand down. 2475 01:43:23,617 --> 01:43:25,817 [♪ heroic music playing] 2476 01:43:33,016 --> 01:43:34,415 This Deadpool's with me. 2477 01:43:34,449 --> 01:43:35,916 [Deadpool] Oh, no. 2478 01:43:35,949 --> 01:43:37,314 [Ladypool] Holy shit. 2479 01:43:37,348 --> 01:43:38,916 [Kidpool] That's fuckin' Peter! 2480 01:43:38,949 --> 01:43:40,515 [Deadpools cheering] 2481 01:43:41,815 --> 01:43:43,682 [Deadpool] Wait, you... You guys know Peter? 2482 01:43:43,716 --> 01:43:45,783 [Ladypool] You kidding me? Every Deadpool has a Peter. 2483 01:43:45,816 --> 01:43:48,215 [Cowboypool] Shit. Peter's a goddamn legend 2484 01:43:48,249 --> 01:43:49,782 in every Deadpool's world. 2485 01:43:49,815 --> 01:43:52,148 Peter-san. Hai. 2486 01:43:52,181 --> 01:43:53,815 [Deadpools cheering] 2487 01:43:58,214 --> 01:43:59,313 [Peter laughs] 2488 01:43:59,347 --> 01:44:01,347 [Deadpools chanting] Peter. Peter. Peter. 2489 01:44:01,380 --> 01:44:04,648 Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. 2490 01:44:04,681 --> 01:44:07,347 - Peter. Peter. Peter. - [Peter laughing] 2491 01:44:07,380 --> 01:44:09,014 [Deadpool] Enjoy my Peter. 2492 01:44:10,347 --> 01:44:13,548 - [♪ tense music playing] - [Time Ripper thrumming] 2493 01:44:29,046 --> 01:44:30,613 [Time Ripper whirring] 2494 01:44:36,412 --> 01:44:37,513 Oh, now you're here. 2495 01:44:37,546 --> 01:44:39,013 Oh, well, you're too late. It's all over. 2496 01:44:39,046 --> 01:44:40,212 Not yet, it's not. 2497 01:44:40,246 --> 01:44:41,945 [Deadpool] Whoa. No, no, no. We're very close. 2498 01:44:41,979 --> 01:44:43,345 Homestretch, folks. Promise. 2499 01:44:43,378 --> 01:44:45,080 Quick, let's up the stakes. 2500 01:44:45,113 --> 01:44:46,478 If she steals the Time Ripper's energy, 2501 01:44:46,513 --> 01:44:49,146 she has the power to shred the fabric of all realities 2502 01:44:49,179 --> 01:44:50,945 until there is nothing left but The Void. 2503 01:44:50,979 --> 01:44:52,212 How do we shut it down? 2504 01:44:52,246 --> 01:44:53,410 I don't know. 2505 01:44:53,444 --> 01:44:55,045 [Mr. Paradox grunts] 2506 01:44:55,079 --> 01:44:56,311 [Wolverine] How about now? 2507 01:44:56,345 --> 01:44:57,545 [Deadpool] The mask is really intimidating, huh? 2508 01:44:57,578 --> 01:44:59,879 It's like Batman, except he can move his neck. 2509 01:44:59,912 --> 01:45:01,545 Okay, look, look, look. 2510 01:45:02,712 --> 01:45:05,278 The Ripper is fed from a secure chamber below ground. 2511 01:45:05,311 --> 01:45:08,344 It is powered by twin matter and anti-matter feeds 2512 01:45:08,377 --> 01:45:09,811 converging inside the device. 2513 01:45:09,844 --> 01:45:10,677 Now, Cassandra Nova 2514 01:45:10,711 --> 01:45:12,011 is redirecting the Ripper's power 2515 01:45:12,044 --> 01:45:14,377 to eliminate all timelines, starting with this one. 2516 01:45:14,410 --> 01:45:15,779 Theoretically, you could stop her 2517 01:45:15,812 --> 01:45:17,778 by short-circuiting the feeds in the chamber below. 2518 01:45:17,811 --> 01:45:20,409 One of you were to create a circuit between the two feeds, 2519 01:45:20,443 --> 01:45:23,743 then the released power would destroy the machine. 2520 01:45:23,777 --> 01:45:25,577 - But, well... But... - [Deadpool] Come on, man. 2521 01:45:25,611 --> 01:45:27,711 If you're not gonna swallow, spit it out. 2522 01:45:27,744 --> 01:45:31,077 Whoever formed the bridge would be annihilated. 2523 01:45:31,110 --> 01:45:32,443 I could live with that. 2524 01:45:32,476 --> 01:45:33,810 [Deadpool] Yeah, I could live with that, too, actually. 2525 01:45:33,843 --> 01:45:35,309 You know, we survive anything. We're like cockroaches. 2526 01:45:35,343 --> 01:45:36,244 - [Deadpool chuckles] - [Mr. Paradox] Not this time. 2527 01:45:36,276 --> 01:45:38,643 This is matter and anti-matter. 2528 01:45:38,676 --> 01:45:40,710 They do not play nicely with each other. 2529 01:45:40,743 --> 01:45:44,209 When they mix in your body, you will be atomized. 2530 01:45:44,243 --> 01:45:46,309 Trust the laws of physics if you don't trust me. 2531 01:45:46,343 --> 01:45:48,476 Even if you lived long enough to make the circuit, 2532 01:45:48,510 --> 01:45:51,342 you will die down there. 2533 01:45:56,877 --> 01:45:58,009 [crackling] 2534 01:46:05,576 --> 01:46:07,976 [♪ dramatic choral music playing] 2535 01:46:08,009 --> 01:46:09,408 [moaning] 2536 01:46:16,442 --> 01:46:18,008 [Wolverine] Hold off. Hold. 2537 01:46:18,041 --> 01:46:19,542 You heard that asshole upstairs. 2538 01:46:19,575 --> 01:46:24,273 Even if we pull this off, we're dead. Permanently. 2539 01:46:24,306 --> 01:46:26,542 - That's why it's got to be me. - What? 2540 01:46:30,306 --> 01:46:32,306 Look, man... [panting] 2541 01:46:32,340 --> 01:46:34,673 you didn't ask for any of this. 2542 01:46:34,707 --> 01:46:36,040 You were right. 2543 01:46:36,075 --> 01:46:37,273 I lied. 2544 01:46:37,974 --> 01:46:39,641 I lied right to your face 2545 01:46:39,673 --> 01:46:41,774 just to get you to help me. And you did. 2546 01:46:42,707 --> 01:46:44,272 You didn't lie. 2547 01:46:46,073 --> 01:46:47,573 You made an educated wish. 2548 01:46:50,640 --> 01:46:51,640 Come on. 2549 01:46:52,640 --> 01:46:54,639 You got a whole world to go back to. 2550 01:46:56,140 --> 01:46:57,339 I got nothin'. 2551 01:46:59,272 --> 01:47:00,473 I got nothin'. 2552 01:47:05,338 --> 01:47:06,539 Give me this. 2553 01:47:13,572 --> 01:47:14,738 Hey. 2554 01:47:19,139 --> 01:47:21,005 I waited a long time for this team-up. 2555 01:47:23,239 --> 01:47:24,505 You know something? 2556 01:47:26,238 --> 01:47:27,838 You were the best Wolverine. 2557 01:47:28,605 --> 01:47:30,805 [♪ sentimental music playing] 2558 01:47:36,537 --> 01:47:38,571 Say hi to your friends for me. 2559 01:47:47,237 --> 01:47:48,505 [Wolverine grunts] 2560 01:47:50,737 --> 01:47:51,771 No! 2561 01:47:51,804 --> 01:47:53,003 Open the door! 2562 01:47:53,036 --> 01:47:55,537 [Deadpool] I can't hear you over all the noble sacrifice. 2563 01:47:55,570 --> 01:47:57,170 Why are you fucking doing this? 2564 01:47:57,203 --> 01:48:00,303 [Deadpool] Because I'm Marvel Jesus. 2565 01:48:01,870 --> 01:48:02,870 Or Spock. 2566 01:48:04,070 --> 01:48:05,103 Hard to say. 2567 01:48:05,137 --> 01:48:06,469 [glass squeaks] 2568 01:48:07,736 --> 01:48:08,836 [smooches] 2569 01:48:09,770 --> 01:48:11,203 [Wolverine] Wade! 2570 01:48:11,237 --> 01:48:13,402 You fucking idiot! 2571 01:48:17,268 --> 01:48:20,069 [Deadpool laughs] Sorry, I'm just stalling. 2572 01:48:20,102 --> 01:48:22,002 I think I'm nervous about dying. 2573 01:48:22,869 --> 01:48:24,502 This should be me. 2574 01:48:24,535 --> 01:48:26,335 [Deadpool] Say hi to my friends for me, peanut. 2575 01:48:26,368 --> 01:48:27,635 [Wolverine] Wade! 2576 01:48:27,668 --> 01:48:29,668 You want to be an annoying prick, do it this side! 2577 01:48:29,702 --> 01:48:31,935 You're gonna die in there, you dumb fuck! 2578 01:48:31,969 --> 01:48:33,468 [breathing heavily] 2579 01:48:38,702 --> 01:48:40,769 Hey! You don't need to do this. 2580 01:48:40,802 --> 01:48:42,702 [Deadpool] I'm not doing it 'cause I need it. 2581 01:48:43,535 --> 01:48:45,834 I'm doing it because they do. 2582 01:48:45,868 --> 01:48:47,001 [grunts] 2583 01:48:49,268 --> 01:48:51,034 [straining] 2584 01:48:56,701 --> 01:48:57,900 No! 2585 01:48:58,833 --> 01:48:59,968 [grunting] 2586 01:49:02,100 --> 01:49:03,667 [straining] 2587 01:49:11,566 --> 01:49:12,600 [grunts] 2588 01:49:14,266 --> 01:49:15,867 [straining] 2589 01:49:22,299 --> 01:49:23,666 [exhales] 2590 01:49:24,399 --> 01:49:25,699 [continues straining] 2591 01:49:27,166 --> 01:49:28,766 He's not gonna make it. 2592 01:49:32,166 --> 01:49:33,532 [strains] 2593 01:49:37,332 --> 01:49:38,599 It's over. 2594 01:49:40,266 --> 01:49:41,465 [grunts] 2595 01:49:42,165 --> 01:49:43,499 [straining] 2596 01:49:46,765 --> 01:49:48,331 [continues straining] 2597 01:49:51,199 --> 01:49:52,332 [screaming] 2598 01:49:52,365 --> 01:49:53,432 [choir] ♪ When you call my name ♪ 2599 01:49:53,464 --> 01:49:55,364 ♪ It's like a little prayer ♪ 2600 01:49:55,397 --> 01:49:57,464 ♪ I'm down on my knees ♪ 2601 01:49:57,498 --> 01:49:59,730 ♪ I want to take you there ♪ 2602 01:49:59,764 --> 01:50:03,664 ♪ In the midnight hour I can feel your power ♪ 2603 01:50:03,698 --> 01:50:06,930 ♪ Just like a prayer You know I'll take you there ♪ 2604 01:50:06,964 --> 01:50:08,097 [grunting] 2605 01:50:08,131 --> 01:50:10,030 ♪ Take you there ♪ 2606 01:50:10,063 --> 01:50:14,131 ♪ Life is a mystery ♪ 2607 01:50:14,165 --> 01:50:17,063 ♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪ 2608 01:50:17,096 --> 01:50:18,829 [straining] 2609 01:50:18,863 --> 01:50:22,530 - ♪ I hear you call my name ♪ - [grunting] 2610 01:50:22,563 --> 01:50:24,563 - ♪ And it feels like ♪ - [straining] 2611 01:50:26,896 --> 01:50:30,896 - ♪ And it feels like home ♪ - [straining] 2612 01:50:30,930 --> 01:50:32,430 [rumbling] 2613 01:50:39,028 --> 01:50:40,628 [yelling] 2614 01:50:41,062 --> 01:50:42,662 [screaming] 2615 01:50:44,729 --> 01:50:45,928 [♪ music fades] 2616 01:50:45,962 --> 01:50:47,429 [Deadpool] The Wolverine. 2617 01:50:48,295 --> 01:50:50,328 He's a hero in my world. 2618 01:50:52,362 --> 01:50:53,496 [Wolverine] Whoever you think I am, 2619 01:50:53,529 --> 01:50:54,962 you got the wrong guy. 2620 01:50:56,394 --> 01:50:58,394 [Laura] You were always the wrong guy... 2621 01:50:59,827 --> 01:51:00,861 till you weren't. 2622 01:51:00,894 --> 01:51:03,328 ♪ Life is a mystery ♪ 2623 01:51:03,361 --> 01:51:04,762 [Mr. Paradox] Wade. 2624 01:51:04,795 --> 01:51:06,794 ♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪ 2625 01:51:06,827 --> 01:51:11,293 Wade. You can finally, finally matter. 2626 01:51:11,327 --> 01:51:13,461 ♪ I hear you call my name ♪ 2627 01:51:13,495 --> 01:51:17,927 ♪ And it feels like ♪ 2628 01:51:18,861 --> 01:51:22,694 ♪ Home ♪ 2629 01:51:22,727 --> 01:51:24,027 [straining] 2630 01:51:24,061 --> 01:51:27,094 ♪ I hear your voice ♪ 2631 01:51:27,128 --> 01:51:28,393 Vanessa. 2632 01:51:28,427 --> 01:51:30,926 ♪ It's like an angel sighing ♪ 2633 01:51:30,960 --> 01:51:32,327 I wanna see Vanessa. 2634 01:51:32,360 --> 01:51:36,593 ♪ I have no choice I hear your voice ♪ 2635 01:51:36,626 --> 01:51:38,826 ♪ Feels like flying ♪ 2636 01:51:38,860 --> 01:51:43,427 For the first time in my life, I am proud to wear this suit. 2637 01:51:44,392 --> 01:51:46,326 It means I'm an X-Man. 2638 01:51:48,725 --> 01:51:50,193 I am the X-Man. 2639 01:51:50,227 --> 01:51:52,127 ♪ I can feel your power ♪ 2640 01:51:52,160 --> 01:51:55,859 ♪ Just like a prayer You know I'll take you there ♪ 2641 01:51:55,892 --> 01:51:57,093 [screaming] 2642 01:51:57,127 --> 01:52:00,425 ♪ When you call my name It's like a little prayer ♪ 2643 01:52:00,458 --> 01:52:02,959 ♪ I'm down on my knees ♪ 2644 01:52:02,992 --> 01:52:04,625 [screaming] 2645 01:52:04,658 --> 01:52:08,525 ♪ In the midnight hour I can feel your power ♪ 2646 01:52:08,558 --> 01:52:10,092 ♪ Just like a prayer ♪ 2647 01:52:10,126 --> 01:52:14,025 ♪ You know I'll take you, take you, take you ♪ 2648 01:52:16,358 --> 01:52:17,657 [♪ song fades out] 2649 01:52:24,891 --> 01:52:26,891 [♪ solemn music playing] 2650 01:52:34,225 --> 01:52:35,857 [woman] Paradox. 2651 01:52:37,723 --> 01:52:39,158 You've been busy. 2652 01:52:39,191 --> 01:52:40,423 Well, somebody had to be. 2653 01:52:40,456 --> 01:52:42,323 We had some strange readings from this location. 2654 01:52:42,356 --> 01:52:43,556 You wouldn't know anything about 2655 01:52:43,590 --> 01:52:46,091 an unsanctioned Time Ripper, would you? 2656 01:52:46,125 --> 01:52:47,723 Uh, no. No. I wouldn't know anything 2657 01:52:47,757 --> 01:52:49,423 about an unsanctioned Time Ripper. 2658 01:52:49,456 --> 01:52:51,157 Maybe you should ask Cassandra Nova. 2659 01:52:51,190 --> 01:52:52,323 Because I was assured 2660 01:52:52,356 --> 01:52:54,757 that she was safely held in The Void. But no, 2661 01:52:54,790 --> 01:52:57,023 she was here. And she fondled my brain. 2662 01:52:57,057 --> 01:52:59,323 - How did you let this happen? - You weren't involved at all? 2663 01:52:59,356 --> 01:53:02,056 In stopping her, yes! Yes, I was. 2664 01:53:02,089 --> 01:53:03,622 But not nearly enough. 2665 01:53:03,655 --> 01:53:06,023 Not as much as the men who went down there after her. 2666 01:53:06,756 --> 01:53:07,822 My men. 2667 01:53:08,622 --> 01:53:09,622 My friends. 2668 01:53:10,955 --> 01:53:12,123 I warned them. 2669 01:53:12,156 --> 01:53:13,621 That they would be completely obliterated if they went. 2670 01:53:13,654 --> 01:53:15,388 But they went anyway. Like... 2671 01:53:17,022 --> 01:53:18,422 Like heroes. 2672 01:53:18,455 --> 01:53:20,156 [♪ somber music playing] 2673 01:53:20,189 --> 01:53:21,921 Because that's who they were. 2674 01:53:24,622 --> 01:53:26,355 They just did what they had to do. 2675 01:53:27,488 --> 01:53:29,354 With no concern for their own safety. 2676 01:53:32,653 --> 01:53:36,188 The fact that we are all still standing here 2677 01:53:36,222 --> 01:53:39,021 is a testament to their heroism. 2678 01:53:42,587 --> 01:53:44,020 Anyway, there's nothing you or I can do 2679 01:53:44,054 --> 01:53:45,287 to bring them back now. 2680 01:53:46,754 --> 01:53:48,854 [Deadpool] He has risen, baby girl. 2681 01:53:48,887 --> 01:53:49,955 Fuck! 2682 01:53:49,988 --> 01:53:54,452 ♪ And I don't want the world to see me ♪ 2683 01:53:54,486 --> 01:53:59,353 ♪ 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand ♪ 2684 01:53:59,386 --> 01:54:03,486 ♪ When everything's made to be broken ♪ 2685 01:54:03,519 --> 01:54:09,285 ♪ I just want you to know who I am ♪ 2686 01:54:09,319 --> 01:54:10,519 [Deadpool] Found your new Anchor Being. 2687 01:54:10,552 --> 01:54:13,352 And we're doing just fine, you piece of shit. 2688 01:54:13,385 --> 01:54:14,919 - [female TVA agent] Mm. - [male TVA agent] Mm-hmm. 2689 01:54:14,953 --> 01:54:16,419 Fine indeed. 2690 01:54:16,452 --> 01:54:19,352 [Deadpool] All right. Put your greasy tits away, 2691 01:54:19,385 --> 01:54:20,452 you preening slut. 2692 01:54:20,486 --> 01:54:22,953 - [sighs] - I don't understand. 2693 01:54:22,986 --> 01:54:24,418 How are you two still alive? 2694 01:54:24,451 --> 01:54:26,319 [Deadpool] You were right. One of us would have been killed. 2695 01:54:26,352 --> 01:54:28,153 - [gasps] - But you put a Deadpool 2696 01:54:28,186 --> 01:54:29,518 and a Wolverine together, 2697 01:54:29,551 --> 01:54:31,918 make 'em hold hands while listening to Madonna... 2698 01:54:31,952 --> 01:54:34,384 indestructible, motherfucker. 2699 01:54:34,418 --> 01:54:36,485 Let's get this Deadpool Variant back to The Void. 2700 01:54:36,518 --> 01:54:37,818 [Deadpool] Wait, hold on. What? 2701 01:54:37,852 --> 01:54:38,886 [Peter] Nope. Actually... 2702 01:54:38,918 --> 01:54:40,650 This one's homegrown, like me. 2703 01:54:40,684 --> 01:54:41,985 He belongs here. 2704 01:54:42,018 --> 01:54:43,052 And you are? 2705 01:54:43,085 --> 01:54:45,817 Peterpool. But you can call me Peter. 2706 01:54:47,318 --> 01:54:48,617 And I hope that you do. 2707 01:54:54,750 --> 01:54:56,382 What the fuck is happening here? 2708 01:54:56,417 --> 01:54:58,250 You are under judgment 2709 01:54:58,283 --> 01:55:00,283 for operating an unsanctioned Time Ripper. 2710 01:55:00,317 --> 01:55:01,484 - Take him. - I was just doing what 2711 01:55:01,517 --> 01:55:03,118 you don't have the guts to do. 2712 01:55:03,151 --> 01:55:04,217 [Deadpool smooches] 2713 01:55:04,249 --> 01:55:07,017 Get your insolent hands off me! Get off! 2714 01:55:08,218 --> 01:55:09,951 I'm grateful, gentlemen. 2715 01:55:10,816 --> 01:55:11,816 Let's hold the bows. 2716 01:55:11,851 --> 01:55:14,449 You led an Omega-level mutant to this timeline. 2717 01:55:14,483 --> 01:55:16,150 - [Deadpool] You're welcome. - And you 2718 01:55:16,183 --> 01:55:17,649 shouldn't even be near this timeline. 2719 01:55:17,683 --> 01:55:19,950 - [Deadpool] He's welcome. - And you 2720 01:55:19,983 --> 01:55:21,815 look damn good in that suit. 2721 01:55:21,850 --> 01:55:22,950 I'm so sorry. 2722 01:55:23,715 --> 01:55:24,850 [device beeping] 2723 01:55:27,349 --> 01:55:28,983 I wanna show you something. 2724 01:55:30,050 --> 01:55:31,348 Something huge. 2725 01:55:31,381 --> 01:55:33,315 [Deadpool] That's what Scoutmaster Kevin used to say. 2726 01:55:34,815 --> 01:55:36,381 Do you see that? 2727 01:55:36,415 --> 01:55:38,281 Your universe is regenerating. 2728 01:55:39,149 --> 01:55:40,915 Whatever you did here, 2729 01:55:40,949 --> 01:55:43,248 you not only saved your world. 2730 01:55:43,281 --> 01:55:45,781 You spared your timeline from extinction. 2731 01:55:47,648 --> 01:55:48,815 I'd rest up. 2732 01:55:48,849 --> 01:55:51,281 I have a feeling your work is only just getting started. 2733 01:55:51,315 --> 01:55:53,647 [Deadpool whispers] Till you're 90. 2734 01:55:53,681 --> 01:55:55,414 Wait! Um... 2735 01:55:55,447 --> 01:55:59,049 We couldn't have made it out of The Void without some help 2736 01:55:59,082 --> 01:56:02,014 from some people that the world kind of... 2737 01:56:02,048 --> 01:56:03,347 kind of forgot. 2738 01:56:03,380 --> 01:56:05,981 Is there any way that you could maybe find a way 2739 01:56:06,014 --> 01:56:07,346 to bring them home? 2740 01:56:08,948 --> 01:56:10,280 I'll see what I can do. 2741 01:56:10,314 --> 01:56:12,814 [Deadpool] And, um, I promised my friend here 2742 01:56:12,848 --> 01:56:15,613 that the TVA could undo some pretty awful shit 2743 01:56:15,646 --> 01:56:16,513 in his timeline. 2744 01:56:16,546 --> 01:56:18,013 What would you say to that? 2745 01:56:18,047 --> 01:56:19,546 Change the past? 2746 01:56:19,580 --> 01:56:21,848 [Deadpool] Well, he did help me save the world. 2747 01:56:21,881 --> 01:56:24,480 And his past made him the man who did it. 2748 01:56:25,346 --> 01:56:27,746 There's nothing to fix, Mr. Wilson. 2749 01:56:29,114 --> 01:56:30,346 Logan. 2750 01:56:33,712 --> 01:56:35,579 - [Deadpool] Shawarma? Yeah. - I could eat. 2751 01:56:45,245 --> 01:56:47,678 You know, the Avengers discovered shawarma. 2752 01:56:48,478 --> 01:56:50,378 They'd be lucky to have you. 2753 01:56:53,979 --> 01:56:55,779 [dog barking] 2754 01:56:57,478 --> 01:56:59,779 - Oh. - Oh, come on. 2755 01:56:59,812 --> 01:57:00,846 Fuck off! 2756 01:57:01,979 --> 01:57:03,377 Come here, my little cunchkin. 2757 01:57:03,411 --> 01:57:04,945 - [Dogpool barks] - Yes, it's you. 2758 01:57:04,978 --> 01:57:06,978 You're a survivor. 2759 01:57:07,011 --> 01:57:08,045 Mwah. 2760 01:57:08,078 --> 01:57:09,912 Oh, all is right in the world. 2761 01:57:11,145 --> 01:57:12,344 Yes, it is. 2762 01:57:13,978 --> 01:57:15,310 So what are you gonna do next? 2763 01:57:16,610 --> 01:57:18,810 I'll figure it out. I always do. 2764 01:57:19,610 --> 01:57:20,711 All right. 2765 01:57:21,643 --> 01:57:23,376 So I'll probably see you around? 2766 01:57:23,410 --> 01:57:25,910 [♪ soul music playing, "You're All I Need to Get By"] 2767 01:57:28,044 --> 01:57:29,242 Probably not. 2768 01:57:32,310 --> 01:57:33,509 See you, bub. 2769 01:57:43,010 --> 01:57:44,275 [Wade] Logan. 2770 01:57:50,677 --> 01:57:52,409 Al. I'm back. 2771 01:57:52,876 --> 01:57:54,342 About damn time. 2772 01:57:54,375 --> 01:57:57,175 You holdin'? I'm all outta devil's dandruff, 2773 01:57:57,209 --> 01:57:59,374 and I'm shaking like an angry vibrator. 2774 01:57:59,408 --> 01:58:01,309 Thank you, Al. We have company. 2775 01:58:02,009 --> 01:58:03,608 Althea, this is... 2776 01:58:04,209 --> 01:58:05,441 This is Logan. 2777 01:58:05,475 --> 01:58:07,508 - Nice to meet you, Logan. - Nice to meet you, too. 2778 01:58:07,540 --> 01:58:11,175 And this little ancient anal shit-knot is Mary Puppins. 2779 01:58:11,209 --> 01:58:13,641 Or as I like to call her, Dogpool. 2780 01:58:13,675 --> 01:58:15,607 You want to treat yourself to a little stroke? 2781 01:58:16,942 --> 01:58:20,074 - Get the tongue. There it is. - Oh, my God! Motherfucker! 2782 01:58:20,108 --> 01:58:24,109 Right? It's like an armadillo fucked a gremlin, angrily, 2783 01:58:24,141 --> 01:58:25,941 - in a bed of gonorrhea... - Wow. 2784 01:58:25,974 --> 01:58:28,273 ...and didn't stop till the sun came up. [chuckles] 2785 01:58:29,307 --> 01:58:31,675 Everyone wants to matter. 2786 01:58:31,708 --> 01:58:35,041 Turns out that you don't need to be Marvel Jesus to do it. 2787 01:58:35,074 --> 01:58:37,674 You just need to open your eyes and look around. 2788 01:58:38,239 --> 01:58:39,439 And if you're lucky, 2789 01:58:40,239 --> 01:58:42,108 you'll find a few friends. 2790 01:58:42,141 --> 01:58:43,439 Old friends, 2791 01:58:44,272 --> 01:58:46,006 and some new ones too. 2792 01:58:47,674 --> 01:58:48,806 [laughter] 2793 01:58:50,572 --> 01:58:52,741 Give me the fucking dog. Talk to the girl. 2794 01:58:57,405 --> 01:58:58,873 [indistinct chatter] 2795 01:59:03,107 --> 01:59:04,305 Oh, hi. 2796 01:59:04,338 --> 01:59:06,438 - Hi. - [both laugh] 2797 01:59:06,472 --> 01:59:08,039 [Wade clears throat] 2798 01:59:08,072 --> 01:59:09,271 You've been busy. 2799 01:59:12,139 --> 01:59:13,740 I did it for you. 2800 01:59:15,572 --> 01:59:18,206 And even if you don't want me, I... I did it for you. 2801 01:59:27,337 --> 01:59:29,071 Turns out, 2802 01:59:29,105 --> 01:59:31,336 I am the world-saving type. 2803 01:59:31,369 --> 01:59:33,572 Just look around this table if you want proof. 2804 01:59:34,370 --> 01:59:35,572 And the best part? 2805 01:59:36,304 --> 01:59:38,304 Sometimes the people we save, 2806 01:59:39,138 --> 01:59:41,070 they save us right back. 2807 01:59:41,104 --> 01:59:42,572 [♪ "You're All I Need to Get By" continues playing] 2808 01:59:42,605 --> 01:59:46,536 ♪ We've got the right foundation ♪ 2809 01:59:46,571 --> 01:59:51,303 ♪ And with the love and determination ♪ 2810 01:59:51,336 --> 01:59:56,637 ♪ You're all, you're all I need ♪ 2811 01:59:56,670 --> 02:00:02,136 ♪ You're all, you're all I need ♪ 2812 02:00:02,169 --> 02:00:04,170 ♪ You're all ♪ 2813 02:00:04,204 --> 02:00:08,869 ♪ You're all I need to get by ♪ 2814 02:00:12,268 --> 02:00:15,869 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 2815 02:00:15,902 --> 02:00:18,902 [♪ alt. rock music plays, Green Day "Time of Your Life"] 2816 02:00:20,635 --> 02:00:23,035 [Charles] You're not the only one with gifts. 2817 02:00:23,068 --> 02:00:24,402 What is this place? 2818 02:00:34,502 --> 02:00:39,501 ♪ Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road ♪ 2819 02:00:39,534 --> 02:00:43,801 ♪ Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go ♪ 2820 02:00:43,835 --> 02:00:45,102 [groans] 2821 02:00:45,135 --> 02:00:49,233 ♪ So make the best of this test and don't ask why ♪ 2822 02:00:49,266 --> 02:00:53,167 ♪ It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time ♪ 2823 02:00:53,201 --> 02:00:55,102 - Nice suit. - Zip it, Stan Lee. 2824 02:00:55,134 --> 02:00:56,400 ♪ It's something unpredictable ♪ 2825 02:00:56,433 --> 02:00:59,000 ♪ But in the end is right ♪ 2826 02:00:59,034 --> 02:01:02,800 ♪ I hope you had the time of your life... ♪ 2827 02:01:02,834 --> 02:01:04,000 [laughter] 2828 02:01:04,034 --> 02:01:06,468 I really like the, uh... the art in the Deadpool comics. 2829 02:01:06,500 --> 02:01:08,800 You know, I just always felt a kind of a kinship to him. 2830 02:01:08,834 --> 02:01:11,700 And I just thought, I'd like to play that guy someday. 2831 02:01:11,733 --> 02:01:17,033 ♪ So take the photographs and still frames in your mind ♪ 2832 02:01:17,066 --> 02:01:21,899 ♪ Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time ♪ 2833 02:01:21,933 --> 02:01:26,833 ♪ Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial ♪ 2834 02:01:26,866 --> 02:01:29,766 ♪ For what it's worth, it was worth ♪ 2835 02:01:29,799 --> 02:01:31,932 - ♪ All the while ♪ - [applause] 2836 02:01:31,965 --> 02:01:33,065 [cheering] 2837 02:01:33,099 --> 02:01:34,264 ♪ It's something unpredictable ♪ 2838 02:01:34,298 --> 02:01:36,532 ♪ But in the end is right ♪ 2839 02:01:36,566 --> 02:01:40,132 ♪ I hope you had the time of your life... ♪ 2840 02:01:40,165 --> 02:01:43,431 I was there for three weeks before I shot a single thing. 2841 02:01:43,465 --> 02:01:45,699 At our first day of shooting, 2842 02:01:45,733 --> 02:01:47,565 I was so nervous, man. 2843 02:01:47,598 --> 02:01:49,765 Everyone was sort of going, "Who's this guy?" 2844 02:01:49,798 --> 02:01:51,765 You know, there was a lot of that and, 2845 02:01:51,798 --> 02:01:53,363 you know, "Is he gonna deliver or not?" 2846 02:01:53,397 --> 02:01:55,565 You can feel all that kind of pressure. 2847 02:01:56,631 --> 02:01:59,964 It's always the suit's fault. Never the actor. 2848 02:02:07,630 --> 02:02:08,464 [screaming] 2849 02:02:08,497 --> 02:02:10,164 - This is... - The only way. 2850 02:02:10,198 --> 02:02:12,664 ♪ It's something unpredictable ♪ 2851 02:02:12,697 --> 02:02:14,796 ♪ But in the end is right ♪ 2852 02:02:14,830 --> 02:02:19,296 ♪ I hope you had the time of your life ♪ 2853 02:02:19,329 --> 02:02:21,629 Ah, so this is what it feels like. 2854 02:02:24,063 --> 02:02:25,864 And there's the lights. 2855 02:02:25,897 --> 02:02:27,564 For medical research. 2856 02:02:27,597 --> 02:02:29,696 - Bye-bye, video. [smooches] - [man] Bye. 2857 02:02:29,730 --> 02:02:30,730 [♪ song ends] 2858 02:02:35,196 --> 02:02:37,396 [♪ instrumental music playing] 2859 02:06:43,351 --> 02:06:46,118 [Deadpool] I'm tired of these absolutely vile rumors 2860 02:06:46,151 --> 02:06:47,451 that I got Johnny killed. 2861 02:06:48,317 --> 02:06:49,550 Let's look at the tape. 2862 02:06:50,750 --> 02:06:51,984 In The Void, 2863 02:06:52,018 --> 02:06:53,950 you're either food for Alioth 2864 02:06:53,983 --> 02:06:55,284 or you work for her. 2865 02:06:58,217 --> 02:06:59,550 [Deadpool] Go on, Johnny. 2866 02:06:59,583 --> 02:07:01,216 And I'll tell you who "her" is. 2867 02:07:01,249 --> 02:07:02,284 Cassandra Nova. 2868 02:07:02,317 --> 02:07:04,550 A megalomaniacal, psychotic asshole. 2869 02:07:04,583 --> 02:07:06,616 A finger licking dead-inside pixie slab 2870 02:07:06,650 --> 02:07:08,749 of third rate dime-store nut-milk. And I'll tell you 2871 02:07:08,782 --> 02:07:10,216 - what she can do. - [Deadpool] I'm listening. 2872 02:07:10,249 --> 02:07:12,118 She can lick my goddamn cinnamon ring clean 2873 02:07:12,151 --> 02:07:13,783 and kick rocks all the way to bald hell. 2874 02:07:13,817 --> 02:07:16,283 In fact, I don't give a shit if she removes all my skin 2875 02:07:16,316 --> 02:07:18,316 and pops me like some nightmarish blood balloon. 2876 02:07:18,348 --> 02:07:19,449 If the last thing I do 2877 02:07:19,482 --> 02:07:21,415 in this godforsaken cum-gutter existence 2878 02:07:21,449 --> 02:07:23,117 is light that fuck-box on fire, 2879 02:07:23,150 --> 02:07:24,316 I still won't die happy. 2880 02:07:24,349 --> 02:07:25,982 [Deadpool laughs] Holy shit, girl. You crazy. 2881 02:07:26,016 --> 02:07:28,615 That's right, Wade. I won't be happy until I've urinated 2882 02:07:28,649 --> 02:07:30,215 on her freshly barbecued corpse 2883 02:07:30,248 --> 02:07:32,049 and husk-fucked the charred remains 2884 02:07:32,084 --> 02:07:33,982 while gargling Juggernaut's juggernuts. 2885 02:07:34,016 --> 02:07:35,615 - [Deadpool] Wow! - And you can quote me. 2886 02:07:35,649 --> 02:07:37,083 [Deadpool] 'Kay. 2887 02:07:37,116 --> 02:07:38,548 Got you, fuckface. 208433