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1
00:02:30,153 --> 00:02:32,197
0900.
2
00:02:34,616 --> 00:02:37,786
In a few short hours,
I was going into combat...
3
00:02:38,161 --> 00:02:40,747
...against my own children.
4
00:02:40,914 --> 00:02:43,792
Anyone who has a child
knows what I'm talking about.
5
00:02:43,959 --> 00:02:47,921
That's the real war:
Our generation against theirs.
6
00:02:49,422 --> 00:02:52,092
Standing on that deck,
surrounded by thousands of men...
7
00:02:52,259 --> 00:02:57,305
...I suddenly felt smaller and lonelier
than I'd ever felt in my life.
8
00:02:57,472 --> 00:03:00,559
I'd been through this same Golden Gate
when Frances had died...
9
00:03:00,725 --> 00:03:03,144
...and I'd come home
on emergency leave.
10
00:03:03,311 --> 00:03:05,522
Now I was back for good.
11
00:03:05,689 --> 00:03:08,108
I'd left more than my heart
in San Francisco:
12
00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:10,277
Ten children, to be exact.
13
00:03:11,194 --> 00:03:15,031
As we sailed under that bridge, I didn't
know I was passing under my future...
14
00:03:15,198 --> 00:03:17,826
...because while I was going home
to face my family...
15
00:03:18,034 --> 00:03:21,037
...Helen was bringing hers
to a new life in a new city.
16
00:03:21,204 --> 00:03:23,081
And don't think I wasn't frightened.
17
00:03:23,248 --> 00:03:24,833
I had become a Navy widow.
18
00:03:25,041 --> 00:03:27,878
I thought it was a good idea
to get a fresh start...
19
00:03:28,044 --> 00:03:30,630
...where the surroundings
wouldn't remind me of Dick.
20
00:03:30,839 --> 00:03:34,176
But four of my surroundings
looked exactly like him.
21
00:03:34,342 --> 00:03:36,136
What troubled me more
than anything...
22
00:03:36,303 --> 00:03:39,931
...was the kids seemed more upset
about leaving their friends in Seattle...
23
00:03:40,098 --> 00:03:41,892
...than by the loss of their father.
24
00:03:42,058 --> 00:03:45,562
It took me a long time to learn
how little I knew about children...
25
00:03:45,729 --> 00:03:47,814
...especially my own.
26
00:03:48,023 --> 00:03:50,942
As the ship sailed into the bay,
I took a good look around...
27
00:03:51,109 --> 00:03:53,904
...because I knew I'd completed
my last tour aboard her.
28
00:03:54,112 --> 00:03:56,907
My brother and his wife
had been taking care of my kids...
29
00:03:57,115 --> 00:03:59,367
...but now it was Daddy's turn.
30
00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:04,623
So I started down the gangplank...
31
00:04:04,831 --> 00:04:06,917
...certain I was doing the right thing...
32
00:04:07,083 --> 00:04:09,878
...nobly sacrificing myself
for my children...
33
00:04:10,337 --> 00:04:12,797
...giving up my world for theirs.
34
00:04:12,964 --> 00:04:17,219
Pulling away forever from ships
and oceans and homecomings...
35
00:04:17,385 --> 00:04:19,137
...to take up shore duty.
36
00:04:19,304 --> 00:04:21,139
Papa came marching home...
37
00:04:21,306 --> 00:04:23,642
...secure in the knowledge
that they needed me...
38
00:04:23,808 --> 00:04:26,728
...and would be overjoyed
I'd come back to take care of them.
39
00:04:26,895 --> 00:04:30,023
But they controlled
their feelings beautifully.
40
00:04:30,190 --> 00:04:32,984
It was the sort of welcome
that could make any father...
41
00:04:33,151 --> 00:04:37,030
...review his position on
the entire question of birth control.
42
00:04:37,197 --> 00:04:39,533
Incredible as it may sound,
they blame me...
43
00:04:39,699 --> 00:04:42,118
...for neglecting their mother
all those years.
44
00:04:42,285 --> 00:04:45,080
But it seemed to me
there was enough physical evidence...
45
00:04:45,247 --> 00:04:48,041
...that I hadn't
neglected her completely.
46
00:04:48,250 --> 00:04:51,795
What they really couldn't understand
was why I was allowing my brother...
47
00:04:51,962 --> 00:04:55,590
...and his wife to take Germaine
and Joan away from the family.
48
00:04:56,675 --> 00:05:00,762
Here you go, baby.
Come on, come with Uncle Howard.
49
00:05:01,930 --> 00:05:05,684
Oh, you couldn't take care of
two little babies, Frank. Not yet.
50
00:05:05,851 --> 00:05:07,936
They'll be happier with us for a while.
51
00:05:08,103 --> 00:05:10,689
I hope you can learn
to manage the rest.
52
00:05:10,856 --> 00:05:13,608
You've hardly been home long enough
to learn their names.
53
00:05:13,775 --> 00:05:17,028
I'm home now. I'll manage.
Don't you worry.
54
00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:22,367
Goodbye, pumpkin. Bye, baby.
Don't give them any trouble.
55
00:05:22,659 --> 00:05:24,369
If you live through this...
56
00:05:24,536 --> 00:05:27,581
...the Navy's going to have to get
a new kind of medal for you.
57
00:05:27,747 --> 00:05:30,625
- Good luck, Frank.
- Good luck. You're gonna need it.
58
00:05:30,792 --> 00:05:34,212
- Goodbye, Joan. Goodbye, Germaine.
- Goodbye.
59
00:05:41,887 --> 00:05:45,056
Well, let's get something to eat.
60
00:05:49,102 --> 00:05:51,396
They're not going to an orphanage,
you know.
61
00:05:51,563 --> 00:05:54,191
They'll be half a mile away.
You can see them any time.
62
00:05:54,357 --> 00:05:55,692
Susan, Louise, come on.
63
00:05:56,026 --> 00:05:58,612
It's only until I get things
straightened out here.
64
00:05:58,778 --> 00:06:01,990
And then what? You planning on
auctioning off the rest of us?
65
00:06:02,157 --> 00:06:05,660
Where would I find a bidder? Come on,
in the kitchen. Let's get dinner.
66
00:06:05,827 --> 00:06:08,747
Which one of us do you wanna cook?
67
00:06:16,087 --> 00:06:18,715
The war was on.
68
00:06:19,257 --> 00:06:22,427
I put an ad in the paper
for a housekeeper that brought results.
69
00:06:22,594 --> 00:06:25,013
The first one lasted an entire day.
70
00:06:38,109 --> 00:06:40,153
The second one lasted seven days.
71
00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:42,822
We discovered she was hiding
from the police.
72
00:06:43,198 --> 00:06:46,409
After a week with us,
she turned herself in.
73
00:06:54,709 --> 00:06:57,045
No wonder men go down
to the sea in ships.
74
00:06:57,212 --> 00:07:00,298
I'd have gone back in a life raft.
75
00:07:01,633 --> 00:07:04,636
I had rented an ideal house
close to the Navy base...
76
00:07:04,803 --> 00:07:08,139
...so I could work part-time
in the dispensary, close to the school...
77
00:07:08,306 --> 00:07:12,811
...close to the playground and a little
too close to the boy next door.
78
00:07:16,898 --> 00:07:19,067
I was broad-minded about it, though.
79
00:07:19,234 --> 00:07:21,361
I was gonna give that boy
two more seconds...
80
00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:24,489
...before I went out there
and broke it up.
81
00:07:27,242 --> 00:07:30,704
I hate ants. I hate ants. I hate ants!
82
00:07:31,371 --> 00:07:34,332
Come on, this is really stupid.
83
00:07:34,499 --> 00:07:38,211
Listen, what are you doing? What
are you...? You hate ants. Never mind.
84
00:07:38,378 --> 00:07:39,796
Now, that belongs to her.
85
00:07:39,963 --> 00:07:43,341
What is the matter with you?
You've been acting like this all week.
86
00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:46,636
Mother, how's a person
supposed to hear?
87
00:07:46,803 --> 00:07:50,640
Colleen, I'd like to know what's going
on between you and that boy.
88
00:07:50,807 --> 00:07:53,476
And I don't care if he does look like
Paul Newman.
89
00:07:53,685 --> 00:07:56,229
- Is the spanking over?
- No, it is not over.
90
00:07:56,396 --> 00:07:58,231
Listen, what's gotten into you lately?
91
00:07:58,398 --> 00:08:00,901
Where is that good little boy
that used to live here?
92
00:08:01,109 --> 00:08:04,070
I'll never be a good boy again.
I'm never gonna be good.
93
00:08:04,237 --> 00:08:06,323
I don't wanna die.
94
00:08:06,698 --> 00:08:08,366
What are you talking about?
95
00:08:08,575 --> 00:08:12,704
Nicky told me that the good die young,
and that's why Daddy died.
96
00:08:12,996 --> 00:08:18,251
You can hit me and you can hit me,
but I'll never be a good boy again.
97
00:08:21,963 --> 00:08:23,924
Funny. Beginning
of the school year...
98
00:08:24,090 --> 00:08:25,884
...had never been a problem
to Frances.
99
00:08:26,051 --> 00:08:28,803
The girls passed their dresses down
from one to another...
100
00:08:28,970 --> 00:08:31,306
...and it all sort of came out even.
101
00:08:38,522 --> 00:08:41,733
Have you ever been 5 years old
and forced to appear in public...
102
00:08:41,900 --> 00:08:47,072
...in a dress that had three former
owners, restyled by an old sail maker?
103
00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:50,951
Five years old and no future at all.
104
00:09:40,083 --> 00:09:45,172
And then one day, Frank and I just
happened to run into each other.
105
00:09:52,304 --> 00:09:56,558
I'd been wrapped up in my children
for so long that getting this close...
106
00:09:56,725 --> 00:10:02,439
...to an attractive woman set my
early warning radar pulsing frantically.
107
00:10:04,524 --> 00:10:08,153
I was glad to have a reason
for a second look myself.
108
00:10:13,074 --> 00:10:14,910
You requisition those Fresnel lenses?
109
00:10:15,076 --> 00:10:18,288
I'll answer that tomorrow.
The working day has ceased.
110
00:10:18,455 --> 00:10:21,041
Just starting for me.
Drop me at the house.
111
00:10:21,208 --> 00:10:23,585
Frank, do you realise
that at this very hour...
112
00:10:23,752 --> 00:10:26,880
...the Officers' Club is jam-packed
with two-legged goodies.
113
00:10:27,047 --> 00:10:29,716
We owe it to our brethren at sea
to do unto others...
114
00:10:29,883 --> 00:10:32,969
...as they would
if they had our chance.
115
00:10:36,223 --> 00:10:38,141
Darrell, it may come as a shock...
116
00:10:38,308 --> 00:10:40,602
...but there are other things
besides girls.
117
00:10:40,769 --> 00:10:42,771
Yeah, women.
118
00:10:42,938 --> 00:10:44,940
Now, don't tell me
it isn't on your mind.
119
00:10:45,106 --> 00:10:49,110
Any fella who has 10 children
just doesn't quit cold turkey.
120
00:10:49,277 --> 00:10:52,280
And if you'd only just...
121
00:10:52,447 --> 00:10:55,825
Why don't you watch where you're...
Oh, hello.
122
00:10:56,034 --> 00:10:57,494
Hi.
123
00:10:57,661 --> 00:11:01,873
Well, old Sam the hermit gets out
of the cave once in a while, huh?
124
00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:05,252
She had my Cream of Wheat
and I had her Post Toasties.
125
00:11:05,418 --> 00:11:08,880
- What?
- Saw her at the commissary, that's all.
126
00:11:09,047 --> 00:11:10,423
Frank, what's wrong with you?
127
00:11:10,590 --> 00:11:12,801
You gonna be an old maid
the rest of your life?
128
00:11:12,968 --> 00:11:15,554
You really think that's what Frances
would've wanted?
129
00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:17,597
Probably not, but give me time.
130
00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:20,600
Time?
You're a borderline case already.
131
00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:23,770
You may only have a few more
cruises left in you.
132
00:11:30,026 --> 00:11:34,155
- Come on in. I'll buy you a beer.
- I thought you'd never ask me.
133
00:11:36,032 --> 00:11:38,618
You can stop worrying about me.
Things are looking up.
134
00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:42,497
I finally found a housekeeper
who seems to have staying power.
135
00:11:42,664 --> 00:11:46,751
Soon I'll ask you to loan me
your little black book, but right now...
136
00:11:47,002 --> 00:11:49,004
Where you going, Mrs. Anderson?
137
00:11:49,171 --> 00:11:51,089
Mrs. Anderson was last week.
138
00:11:51,256 --> 00:11:55,510
I'm Mrs. Ferguson,
and you can mail me my check.
139
00:11:55,802 --> 00:11:58,430
She left her broomstick.
140
00:12:01,725 --> 00:12:05,604
All right, what happened this time?
141
00:12:05,770 --> 00:12:08,481
Who did what to Mrs. Ferguson?
142
00:12:08,648 --> 00:12:10,901
All right, one at a time.
One at a time.
143
00:12:11,109 --> 00:12:13,195
- She and Louise had a fight.
- A bad fight.
144
00:12:13,361 --> 00:12:16,198
Louise wouldn't come out
of the bathroom for an hour.
145
00:12:16,406 --> 00:12:18,491
She went in, and they were yelling.
146
00:12:18,658 --> 00:12:21,286
- Is that strawberry jam on your hands?
- Raspberry.
147
00:12:21,494 --> 00:12:24,539
I guess she started shaking her...
Or she slipped on the soap.
148
00:12:24,706 --> 00:12:27,918
- Anyway, she fell.
- She didn't fall, she fainted...
149
00:12:28,084 --> 00:12:29,711
...right on the floor.
150
00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:33,715
When Mrs. Ferguson came out, I was
kind of mad, and I had to push her.
151
00:12:36,676 --> 00:12:39,638
Wait a minute. Hold it!
Louise fainted? Where is she?
152
00:12:39,804 --> 00:12:42,140
She's in her room crying,
and she won't come out.
153
00:12:42,307 --> 00:12:43,683
We tried.
154
00:12:46,019 --> 00:12:48,271
I think she's dying.
155
00:12:48,438 --> 00:12:51,483
- And what have you been playing with?
- Ink.
156
00:12:51,650 --> 00:12:53,527
Indelible.
157
00:12:55,403 --> 00:12:57,280
Louise.
158
00:12:57,739 --> 00:13:00,867
Louise, what in the world happened
between you and Mrs. Ferguson?
159
00:13:01,034 --> 00:13:03,245
I don't wanna talk about it.
Leave me alone.
160
00:13:03,411 --> 00:13:05,497
Mary said you fainted.
Is something wrong?
161
00:13:05,664 --> 00:13:09,417
No. I just wish I could get out of this
house and drown myself, that's all.
162
00:13:09,584 --> 00:13:11,545
At least I'd be alone.
163
00:13:11,711 --> 00:13:14,548
Let me take you to the dispensary,
have them check you out.
164
00:13:14,714 --> 00:13:18,093
No. I don't wanna see any doctors,
and I don't want them to see me!
165
00:13:18,260 --> 00:13:21,012
- But, Louise...
- No, please. I don't want to.
166
00:13:21,179 --> 00:13:23,765
No, stop it! I don't want to.
167
00:13:23,932 --> 00:13:27,769
No, put me down!
I don't wanna go, please.
168
00:13:27,936 --> 00:13:29,980
Stop it, I don't want to.
169
00:13:36,278 --> 00:13:38,446
Mr. Beardsley?
170
00:13:38,697 --> 00:13:40,198
- How is she?
- Oh, she's fine.
171
00:13:40,365 --> 00:13:42,367
Nothing to worry about.
May I talk to you?
172
00:13:44,035 --> 00:13:45,537
Privately.
173
00:13:45,704 --> 00:13:48,331
I forgot my Post Toasties.
174
00:13:51,668 --> 00:13:55,130
We've scarcely met, but I feel
that I must talk to you about this.
175
00:13:55,297 --> 00:13:56,631
Of course.
176
00:13:56,798 --> 00:13:58,925
Your daughter tells me
that you're a widower?
177
00:13:59,467 --> 00:14:00,844
Yes, that's right.
178
00:14:01,636 --> 00:14:03,763
I'm awfully sorry.
179
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:08,226
Louise seems to feel the loss
of her mother very deeply.
180
00:14:08,393 --> 00:14:13,481
On top of that, she's going through
a very trying time emotionally.
181
00:14:13,815 --> 00:14:16,401
I don't quite understand.
Am I being stupid?
182
00:14:17,944 --> 00:14:22,574
No, you're being a man,
which is sometimes the same thing.
183
00:14:23,408 --> 00:14:25,785
You can learn to do
the shopping for the family...
184
00:14:25,952 --> 00:14:28,788
...and maybe even do the dishes...
185
00:14:30,832 --> 00:14:33,627
...but that doesn't exactly
make you a mother.
186
00:14:33,793 --> 00:14:36,671
Well, I'm not really cut out for the job.
187
00:14:36,838 --> 00:14:41,760
Well, it seems that it's not been easy...
188
00:14:41,927 --> 00:14:44,471
...for Louise to explain to you that...
189
00:14:49,059 --> 00:14:51,436
You know...
190
00:14:51,603 --> 00:14:55,398
...a tree can blossom in the middle
of a busy city...
191
00:14:55,565 --> 00:14:57,567
...but a young girl needs privacy...
192
00:14:57,901 --> 00:15:00,654
...and she hasn't been able
to find it at home.
193
00:15:00,904 --> 00:15:04,991
So if she's been emotional or upset
or even a little bit hysterical...
194
00:15:05,158 --> 00:15:10,205
...it's because she's growing up
and suddenly changing.
195
00:15:11,373 --> 00:15:13,708
Is that all? Why didn't she tell me?
196
00:15:13,959 --> 00:15:16,461
Because you would've said,
" Is that all?"
197
00:15:17,671 --> 00:15:19,506
She said that she's been very upset...
198
00:15:19,673 --> 00:15:23,426
...about having to share
her room at home, and...
199
00:15:23,593 --> 00:15:26,513
Today, when the maid walked in
while she was taking a bath...
200
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:29,808
...she was so embarrassed that she...
- Poor Louise.
201
00:15:29,975 --> 00:15:32,686
Stopped being a little girl,
and I never noticed.
202
00:15:32,853 --> 00:15:37,107
Well, if it's any help, I understand.
203
00:15:37,357 --> 00:15:40,819
I'm a widow, and I have
the same problem in reverse.
204
00:15:40,986 --> 00:15:44,447
Now I'm sorry.
Have you been alone very long?
205
00:15:45,574 --> 00:15:47,868
Forever.
206
00:15:48,118 --> 00:15:49,452
Almost a year now.
207
00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:51,454
I know what you mean.
208
00:15:52,831 --> 00:15:57,377
Dick was a navigator.
He crashed, routine training flight.
209
00:15:57,919 --> 00:16:00,755
- Navy?
- What else is there?
210
00:16:00,922 --> 00:16:04,342
Children?
They say it's toughest on the kids...
211
00:16:04,509 --> 00:16:08,388
...but they haven't convinced me.
- I know.
212
00:16:09,014 --> 00:16:10,891
And right now I think you have...
213
00:16:11,057 --> 00:16:13,727
...a rather difficult assignment
with your daughter.
214
00:16:13,894 --> 00:16:16,730
I think you should go in
and talk to her and take her home.
215
00:16:17,689 --> 00:16:19,316
Thank you, Mrs?
216
00:16:19,608 --> 00:16:21,276
North. Helen.
217
00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:23,862
Thank you, North Helen.
218
00:16:25,614 --> 00:16:29,075
- When are you on duty here?
- Afternoons. Five days a week.
219
00:16:29,242 --> 00:16:33,246
Any of my kids get sick on
the weekend, I'll hold them over.
220
00:16:41,755 --> 00:16:43,798
Hi.
221
00:16:44,424 --> 00:16:46,468
- How do you feel?
- I'm fine.
222
00:16:46,635 --> 00:16:49,638
- Can I go home now?
- Sure.
223
00:16:50,597 --> 00:16:52,766
Turn around.
224
00:18:28,570 --> 00:18:32,032
- Hello.
- Oh, is this North Helen?
225
00:18:33,450 --> 00:18:37,496
- Yes. Who is this?
- This is Frank Beardsley.
226
00:18:37,662 --> 00:18:40,207
Oh, are you having more problems?
227
00:18:40,373 --> 00:18:45,170
No, no. I just called to thank you for
helping me with my daughter today.
228
00:18:45,337 --> 00:18:48,882
Well, now, that's the worst reason
I ever heard...
229
00:18:49,049 --> 00:18:52,135
...for calling a woman
at 11:00 at night.
230
00:18:52,302 --> 00:18:55,055
Well, I'm a little out of practise.
231
00:18:55,263 --> 00:18:58,642
Well, as a matter of fact, so am I.
232
00:18:59,392 --> 00:19:02,062
Oh, for heaven's sake,
ask her out to dinner.
233
00:19:02,229 --> 00:19:03,563
Who's that?
234
00:19:03,730 --> 00:19:07,108
- What are you doing on this phone?
- I have to make an important call...
235
00:19:07,275 --> 00:19:10,237
...and he gets off duty
at the taco stand at 11: 15.
236
00:19:10,403 --> 00:19:13,073
Colleen, hang up.
237
00:19:13,823 --> 00:19:15,450
- I'm sorry.
- Don't be.
238
00:19:15,617 --> 00:19:17,911
I could never have done it
without her.
239
00:19:18,078 --> 00:19:21,414
How about dinner? Tomorrow night.
240
00:19:22,541 --> 00:19:23,875
Well...
241
00:19:24,042 --> 00:19:26,086
Mother, it's 11: 14.
242
00:19:26,253 --> 00:19:28,088
What time would you like
to pick me up?
243
00:19:28,255 --> 00:19:30,173
- About 1900?
- Aye, aye, sir.
244
00:19:30,340 --> 00:19:32,467
- Good night, Helen.
- Good night, Frank.
245
00:19:32,634 --> 00:19:34,427
Good night, Colleen.
246
00:19:40,559 --> 00:19:43,520
Mother, don't blink.
You've got to let the glue dry.
247
00:19:43,687 --> 00:19:47,023
But I look ridiculous
with all this goop on my eyes.
248
00:19:47,190 --> 00:19:49,860
- Mommy, you're beautiful.
- You sure are.
249
00:19:50,026 --> 00:19:53,738
Thank you, but is it necessary
that I wear these eyelashes?
250
00:19:53,905 --> 00:19:55,699
I got your father without them.
251
00:19:55,866 --> 00:19:58,243
- But you were younger then.
- Yeah.
252
00:19:58,410 --> 00:20:01,788
- Here. Here goes the other side.
- Hold steady.
253
00:20:02,664 --> 00:20:05,500
Okay, let me take it now.
254
00:20:06,126 --> 00:20:07,460
- Mother.
- What?
255
00:20:07,627 --> 00:20:12,048
Is he handsome?
I mean, in an old sort of way.
256
00:20:12,215 --> 00:20:15,093
- Gee, I can hardly wait to meet him.
- Me too.
257
00:20:15,844 --> 00:20:19,681
Let's not overwhelm him with family.
Not the first date, huh?
258
00:20:19,848 --> 00:20:23,518
- You mean he doesn't know about us?
- Of course he does, darling.
259
00:20:23,685 --> 00:20:25,979
All of us?
260
00:20:26,396 --> 00:20:28,815
Mother, that's so romantic.
261
00:20:28,982 --> 00:20:31,902
- You lied to him.
- I did not lie to him.
262
00:20:32,068 --> 00:20:34,821
I just didn't have the nerve
to tell him the whole truth.
263
00:20:34,988 --> 00:20:40,243
I understand. No man wants a liaison
with a woman with eight children.
264
00:20:40,410 --> 00:20:42,746
- What's a liaison?
- An affair.
265
00:20:42,913 --> 00:20:45,332
- That's what I thought.
- Me too.
266
00:20:45,499 --> 00:20:48,877
I am not having an affair,
and I'm not having a liaison.
267
00:20:49,044 --> 00:20:50,378
I'm merely going to dinner.
268
00:20:50,545 --> 00:20:52,214
As soon as I tell him about you...
269
00:20:52,380 --> 00:20:55,759
...he'll bring me home
in plenty of time for dessert.
270
00:21:01,806 --> 00:21:03,975
Mike, see that it's lights out
by 10:00.
271
00:21:04,142 --> 00:21:07,062
- Ten o'clock?
- We're back in kindergarten?
272
00:21:07,270 --> 00:21:10,899
- They stay up later in prison.
- Would you like to move?
273
00:21:11,066 --> 00:21:12,859
When you finish with the slot cars...
274
00:21:13,026 --> 00:21:15,070
...spend 10 minutes
with your geometry book.
275
00:21:15,237 --> 00:21:16,571
Flowers, Pop?
276
00:21:16,780 --> 00:21:20,492
Is that corny. How do you expect
to make any time with that approach?
277
00:21:20,700 --> 00:21:23,870
We are just going to dinner.
It isn't going to be a love- in.
278
00:21:24,079 --> 00:21:26,623
- You can say that again.
- No such luck.
279
00:21:26,832 --> 00:21:29,459
Did you tell the lady
you have 10 little children...
280
00:21:29,626 --> 00:21:33,129
...two of them given away?
- You bet he didn't.
281
00:21:33,296 --> 00:21:36,174
He'll hand her those flowers,
then give her a snow job...
282
00:21:36,341 --> 00:21:41,346
...on how lonely it is here at home.
- You listen to me.
283
00:21:41,513 --> 00:21:44,891
Every time in the last year that I've
dared take a woman to dinner...
284
00:21:45,058 --> 00:21:47,894
...or been reckless enough
to bring her home to meet you...
285
00:21:48,061 --> 00:21:51,523
...you've done all you could to make
her unwelcome. Well, I've had it.
286
00:21:51,773 --> 00:21:54,192
I'm doing all I can for you,
little as that is...
287
00:21:54,359 --> 00:21:56,611
...I think I deserve
some consideration.
288
00:21:56,778 --> 00:21:59,030
I suppose I'm being unfair.
Who did this?
289
00:21:59,531 --> 00:22:02,450
My generation is the givers,
your generation, the takers.
290
00:22:02,617 --> 00:22:05,787
Well, it's time to strike a blow
for freedom.
291
00:22:05,954 --> 00:22:08,790
From now on,
I intend to think of myself first.
292
00:22:08,957 --> 00:22:11,668
If this be treason,
make the most of it.
293
00:22:11,918 --> 00:22:15,881
- But are you gonna tell her?
- Yes, I'm going to tell her.
294
00:22:20,010 --> 00:22:22,137
You're gonna be a knockout
tonight, Mom.
295
00:22:22,304 --> 00:22:26,141
- Yeah, Mom, you're beautiful.
- Thank you, darling.
296
00:22:26,725 --> 00:22:29,352
Good heavens,
what did you do to this dress?
297
00:22:29,519 --> 00:22:31,980
Mother,
it was practically an antique.
298
00:22:32,147 --> 00:22:33,815
We just shortened it a little.
299
00:22:33,982 --> 00:22:38,695
- A little? I look like a teenybopper.
- Well, what's wrong with that?
300
00:22:38,862 --> 00:22:40,906
- I can't go out in this.
- Why not?
301
00:22:41,072 --> 00:22:42,824
Your legs are better than mine.
302
00:22:42,991 --> 00:22:46,244
It'll be okay as soon as we shorten
the slip. Give me those pins.
303
00:22:46,411 --> 00:22:48,455
Oh, heavens. Jean, run downstairs...
304
00:22:48,622 --> 00:22:51,833
...and tell Tommy to whistle
the minute he sees Mr. Beardsley.
305
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:54,127
- But I wanna watch.
- Please, Jean.
306
00:22:54,294 --> 00:22:57,255
- The minute he sees Mr. Beardsley.
- Will you stand still?
307
00:22:57,422 --> 00:22:59,216
You'll get this pin stuck in you.
308
00:22:59,382 --> 00:23:01,259
I'm put together with pins and glue.
309
00:23:01,426 --> 00:23:04,387
If there's a strong wind,
I'm in trouble.
310
00:23:04,554 --> 00:23:08,016
- There he is. Hurry up. Hurry up.
- He's coming!
311
00:23:08,308 --> 00:23:11,061
- Look at him.
- Wow, look at that car!
312
00:23:11,228 --> 00:23:13,313
- He's in the Navy.
- Look at that jacket.
313
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:16,191
Look at those stripes.
He's got flowers for Mom.
314
00:23:16,358 --> 00:23:20,487
- Yeah, blue eyes.
- Boy, I bet you that guy's rich.
315
00:23:22,989 --> 00:23:25,242
- All right.
- No!
316
00:23:25,408 --> 00:23:26,952
- Pass it on.
- The door.
317
00:23:27,118 --> 00:23:28,453
Get away from the door.
318
00:23:28,620 --> 00:23:34,292
Get away from that door. Get away.
Get back. Get back.
319
00:23:37,879 --> 00:23:39,297
- Hello there.
- Hello.
320
00:23:39,464 --> 00:23:42,592
Well, we better hurry. I know
how you like to get places on time.
321
00:23:42,759 --> 00:23:44,636
- I do?
- Yeah. Where are we going?
322
00:23:44,803 --> 00:23:47,305
San Francisco. Little place...
I brought you flowers.
323
00:23:47,472 --> 00:23:49,683
Thank you.
Why, they're beautiful.
324
00:23:49,850 --> 00:23:52,143
Shouldn't you put them in the house,
in water?
325
00:23:52,310 --> 00:23:55,522
Of course.
I don't know what I was thinking.
326
00:23:57,858 --> 00:23:59,818
They're my favourite.
327
00:23:59,985 --> 00:24:02,445
Beautiful night, isn't it?
328
00:24:03,446 --> 00:24:05,532
I had a wonderful time at dinner.
329
00:24:05,699 --> 00:24:08,034
I didn't know whether it was the food
or Frank...
330
00:24:08,201 --> 00:24:10,620
...or the fact that I didn't have
to do the dishes.
331
00:24:10,787 --> 00:24:13,915
I couldn't stop talking. I told her
about Frances, the Navy...
332
00:24:14,082 --> 00:24:17,169
...about the new carrier
landing system I was working on.
333
00:24:17,335 --> 00:24:19,963
I told her about everything
but the children.
334
00:24:20,130 --> 00:24:22,841
Funny how that never came up.
335
00:24:23,008 --> 00:24:27,304
I guess I figured it would be easier
over an Irish coffee.
336
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:35,562
While Frank was getting the drinks...
337
00:24:35,729 --> 00:24:40,650
...I was trying to figure out the most
graceful way to break it to him.
338
00:24:48,783 --> 00:24:52,537
By the way, I have eight children.
339
00:24:57,292 --> 00:25:01,963
Speaking of eight children,
that's what I have.
340
00:25:04,466 --> 00:25:07,802
Have I mentioned
that I have eight children?
341
00:25:11,097 --> 00:25:14,059
I have eight children.
342
00:25:14,226 --> 00:25:18,188
Well, don't look at me. I just got here.
343
00:25:20,815 --> 00:25:22,943
Excuse me, please.
344
00:25:24,778 --> 00:25:26,363
Pardon me.
345
00:25:26,530 --> 00:25:27,989
That's all right.
346
00:25:28,156 --> 00:25:32,494
- That's why I come in this place.
- What's your excuse?
347
00:25:33,537 --> 00:25:35,747
Pardon me, sir.
348
00:25:44,464 --> 00:25:47,008
- I'm sorry, I...
- That's all right.
349
00:25:47,175 --> 00:25:49,719
- That's why I come to this place.
- What?
350
00:25:49,886 --> 00:25:53,348
That's a line I picked up
on my way back from the bar.
351
00:25:53,765 --> 00:25:56,726
I don't know, you may have
to drink this through your ear.
352
00:25:56,893 --> 00:26:01,356
Frank, there's something
I wanna tell you.
353
00:26:01,523 --> 00:26:03,400
What?
354
00:26:04,693 --> 00:26:08,572
That was a wonderful dinner
we had tonight.
355
00:26:08,738 --> 00:26:12,284
- I enjoyed all eight courses.
- So did I.
356
00:26:12,450 --> 00:26:15,162
- Speaking of children...
- We weren't speaking of children.
357
00:26:15,328 --> 00:26:17,747
- Thank goodness.
- Tonight, there are no children...
358
00:26:17,914 --> 00:26:21,418
...in the world.
We're all alone on this desert island.
359
00:26:21,585 --> 00:26:25,547
Just you and me
and a native who makes Irish coffee.
360
00:26:25,964 --> 00:26:28,550
I'll drink to that.
361
00:26:33,972 --> 00:26:35,682
- Helen.
- Yes, Frank?
362
00:26:35,849 --> 00:26:38,268
There's something I've been meaning
to tell you.
363
00:26:38,435 --> 00:26:41,479
- What?
- No, I want you to look at me first.
364
00:26:42,981 --> 00:26:45,400
No, look at me.
365
00:26:46,943 --> 00:26:50,155
- Just a moment.
- May I have a light?
366
00:26:53,700 --> 00:26:56,369
Not on your life, sweetheart.
367
00:27:06,338 --> 00:27:08,215
Ridiculous.
368
00:27:13,803 --> 00:27:15,305
- Something wrong?
- No.
369
00:27:15,472 --> 00:27:17,724
No, no.
What did you want to tell me?
370
00:27:17,891 --> 00:27:21,561
Well, this is the last time
I'm going to bring up the subject...
371
00:27:21,728 --> 00:27:23,939
...but you do like children,
don't you?
372
00:27:24,105 --> 00:27:27,150
- Yeah. Yeah, within reason.
- In that case, the hell with it.
373
00:27:27,317 --> 00:27:29,402
No. No, no,
as long as you brought it up...
374
00:27:29,569 --> 00:27:31,988
...there's something
I've been meaning to tell you.
375
00:27:32,155 --> 00:27:35,116
- What?
- Well...
376
00:27:36,785 --> 00:27:39,162
What?
377
00:27:39,371 --> 00:27:41,832
- What's the matter?
- I beg your pardon.
378
00:27:41,998 --> 00:27:45,293
- Something wrong?
- Yes. Yes, Frank...
379
00:27:45,460 --> 00:27:47,838
...I have this terrible craving
for a cigarette.
380
00:27:48,004 --> 00:27:51,424
I don't know what I'll do if I don't get
a cigarette. I may have a fit.
381
00:27:51,591 --> 00:27:53,718
Could you get me a pack
from the machine?
382
00:27:53,885 --> 00:27:56,555
What brand? King-size or regular?
Filter or non-filter?
383
00:27:56,721 --> 00:27:58,181
- Yeah, wonderful.
- What?
384
00:27:58,348 --> 00:28:01,017
- And hurry.
- Well, here, hold this.
385
00:28:09,067 --> 00:28:11,403
Hello, nurse.
386
00:28:12,362 --> 00:28:15,824
- Darrell.
- Well, Helen.
387
00:28:15,991 --> 00:28:18,326
Hello, Darrell.
388
00:28:18,535 --> 00:28:20,829
Your Irish coffee is winking at me.
389
00:28:20,996 --> 00:28:23,206
- Darrell, help me.
- Does this happen often...
390
00:28:23,373 --> 00:28:26,835
...or only during the moulting season?
- Hurry, please.
391
00:28:27,002 --> 00:28:30,130
Now, don't you worry, honey.
I'm very good at this.
392
00:28:30,297 --> 00:28:33,884
I've got an admiral
with a loose toupee.
393
00:28:35,427 --> 00:28:37,470
Coming through.
394
00:28:40,765 --> 00:28:42,851
Pardon me.
395
00:28:43,018 --> 00:28:44,853
I'm sorry.
396
00:28:45,020 --> 00:28:48,023
Back for seconds?
397
00:28:53,737 --> 00:28:56,156
Darrell, what are you doing here?
Chaperoning?
398
00:28:56,323 --> 00:28:59,743
Oh, no, I've been here since yesterday.
Haven't been able to get out.
399
00:28:59,910 --> 00:29:01,495
You mean you haven't been trying.
400
00:29:01,661 --> 00:29:05,165
- Cigarette?
- No, thanks. I don't smoke.
401
00:29:05,999 --> 00:29:08,877
- What did you do to your eye?
- What did you do to my eye?
402
00:29:09,044 --> 00:29:11,546
Don't listen to him. It's perfect.
403
00:29:11,713 --> 00:29:13,590
Let's drink to the perfect couple.
404
00:29:13,757 --> 00:29:16,510
Two people who have
so much in common.
405
00:29:16,676 --> 00:29:19,095
It's positively nauseating.
406
00:29:19,262 --> 00:29:20,805
To our nurse.
407
00:29:21,014 --> 00:29:23,892
You know, I just found out
that she has a family of...
408
00:29:24,059 --> 00:29:28,396
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- That's all right. I'm used to it.
409
00:29:28,563 --> 00:29:33,068
Over at Frank's, when they pass
the soup, it's like Niagara Falls.
410
00:29:33,235 --> 00:29:36,071
He probably hasn't mentioned it,
but he happens to have a...
411
00:29:36,238 --> 00:29:38,865
- Gosh, I'm sorry.
- Sure is a rough sea tonight.
412
00:29:39,032 --> 00:29:41,034
Yeah, it's very crowded in here.
413
00:29:41,201 --> 00:29:43,453
Yeah, speaking of crowds...
414
00:29:43,620 --> 00:29:47,040
...you know, you two kids
really belong to each other.
415
00:29:47,207 --> 00:29:49,376
I just found out
that she's the mother of...
416
00:29:49,543 --> 00:29:52,712
Squeezing through...
Who pushed me?
417
00:29:52,879 --> 00:29:56,091
- Here, let me help you.
- Hey, if you two wanna be alone...
418
00:29:56,258 --> 00:29:58,802
...give a guy a hint.
- Let's get out of here.
419
00:29:58,969 --> 00:30:00,303
Sorry.
420
00:30:14,985 --> 00:30:16,403
Frank.
421
00:30:18,071 --> 00:30:20,282
What? How could you lose your slip?
422
00:30:20,448 --> 00:30:23,952
Don't ask questions.
It's back there someplace.
423
00:30:24,119 --> 00:30:27,414
Do something
about that floating eyelash.
424
00:30:47,142 --> 00:30:50,187
Oh, you are a tiger, aren't you?
425
00:31:05,118 --> 00:31:09,623
Frank, before we go any further,
there's something I have to tell you.
426
00:31:09,789 --> 00:31:12,167
- Now what fell off?
- No, no, nothing like that.
427
00:31:12,334 --> 00:31:14,836
I wish it were something that trivial.
428
00:31:16,129 --> 00:31:19,883
Frank, I have eight children.
429
00:31:20,217 --> 00:31:23,762
- Eight children!
- Four boys, four girls.
430
00:31:23,929 --> 00:31:26,139
Different ages.
431
00:31:26,848 --> 00:31:30,352
Frank. Frank, we're on a cable car.
432
00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:33,855
- Of course.
- I get sick on cable cars.
433
00:31:34,064 --> 00:31:36,441
- Wait till you hear what I tell you.
- What?
434
00:31:36,608 --> 00:31:40,654
- I have 10 children.
- Ten?
435
00:31:40,987 --> 00:31:44,324
Ten? Ten!
436
00:31:44,491 --> 00:31:47,494
Three boys, five girls.
437
00:31:48,328 --> 00:31:52,374
- That's only eight.
- And two on loan-out.
438
00:31:52,999 --> 00:31:55,627
Frank, eight and 10 is...
439
00:31:55,836 --> 00:31:58,088
Ridiculous.
440
00:31:58,255 --> 00:32:03,552
Helen, let's get off this damn thing.
Now I'm feeling sick.
441
00:32:16,314 --> 00:32:19,484
Frank, what do you mean,
"two on loan-out"?
442
00:32:19,651 --> 00:32:21,444
Well, a man alone...
443
00:32:21,611 --> 00:32:25,490
...I just haven't been able to keep
a family that large together.
444
00:32:25,657 --> 00:32:28,618
My brother and sister- in-law
have the two youngest.
445
00:32:28,785 --> 00:32:32,247
- That's awful.
- That's what my kids keep telling me.
446
00:32:32,414 --> 00:32:36,710
They hate me for it,
and I'm on their side.
447
00:32:50,849 --> 00:32:53,143
I wish you had known Dick.
448
00:32:53,310 --> 00:32:56,438
- What was he like?
- Like you, in many ways.
449
00:32:56,605 --> 00:33:00,692
All wrapped up in the Navy
and his children.
450
00:33:01,776 --> 00:33:04,488
And in you?
451
00:33:17,375 --> 00:33:21,379
Frank, I wanna thank you
for a wonderful evening.
452
00:33:21,546 --> 00:33:23,924
It was nice knowing you.
453
00:33:24,257 --> 00:33:26,676
It was nice knowing you.
454
00:33:31,097 --> 00:33:32,807
- You know what?
- What?
455
00:33:32,974 --> 00:33:35,852
- I'd like to buy you something.
- Oh, that isn't necessary.
456
00:33:36,019 --> 00:33:39,606
Souvenir of our first and last date.
457
00:33:45,612 --> 00:33:48,573
- How about that Buddha?
- Oh, no.
458
00:33:48,740 --> 00:33:50,826
That looks like real jade.
459
00:33:50,992 --> 00:33:54,871
- How about that little fan?
- Fifty-five cents' worth of memories?
460
00:33:55,038 --> 00:33:57,916
That's a pretty little lady.
461
00:34:05,006 --> 00:34:06,883
- You have excellent taste.
- Thank you.
462
00:34:07,050 --> 00:34:09,177
This is a Chinese goddess...
463
00:34:09,344 --> 00:34:12,973
...who confers her magical powers
on all who gaze upon her.
464
00:34:13,139 --> 00:34:15,225
- What is she called?
- Kuan Yin.
465
00:34:15,392 --> 00:34:18,979
- What does that mean?
- Joyous symbol of fertility.
466
00:34:34,744 --> 00:34:36,705
Wave him off.
Bring him around again.
467
00:34:36,872 --> 00:34:40,041
3-4-Paddles. Wave it off
and bring it around again.
468
00:34:40,333 --> 00:34:42,377
Why didn't you tell me
she had eight kids?
469
00:34:42,544 --> 00:34:43,879
Why didn't I tell you?
470
00:34:44,045 --> 00:34:46,965
I got third-degree Irish coffee burns
trying to tell you.
471
00:34:47,132 --> 00:34:49,301
But don't you worry about a thing.
472
00:34:49,467 --> 00:34:52,387
I've got a few less-crowded ladies
who'll knock your hat off.
473
00:34:52,554 --> 00:34:54,806
Let's drop the subject. I've had it.
474
00:34:54,973 --> 00:34:56,933
You haven't,
and that's what worries me.
475
00:34:57,100 --> 00:35:00,353
- You've been in dry dock too long.
- Ask him to move the ball around.
476
00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:03,064
Come in low, check the red cell
and come on in.
477
00:35:03,231 --> 00:35:05,233
3-4-Paddles, move the ball around.
478
00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:07,235
Check the red cell and bring it on in.
479
00:35:07,611 --> 00:35:10,447
It's no use. What girl is gonna want
to spend an evening...
480
00:35:10,614 --> 00:35:13,658
...with a man who has 10 children?
- A girl who doesn't know it.
481
00:35:13,825 --> 00:35:15,535
- Want me to lie?
- Of course not.
482
00:35:15,702 --> 00:35:18,747
- Don't bring the subject up until after.
- Here he comes.
483
00:35:30,425 --> 00:35:32,594
3-4-Paddles. Nice pass.
484
00:35:32,761 --> 00:35:35,388
Now, I know a quiet little
Japanese restaurant.
485
00:35:35,555 --> 00:35:37,849
I'll make the reservations.
486
00:35:38,517 --> 00:35:39,893
Madeleine Love.
487
00:35:40,060 --> 00:35:43,438
Now, there is a girl
who is definitely not a talker.
488
00:35:45,649 --> 00:35:47,859
What sort of a girl is she?
489
00:35:56,701 --> 00:35:59,120
Does that answer your question?
490
00:36:01,998 --> 00:36:05,085
No, Darrell, and stop trying
to arrange my life.
491
00:36:05,252 --> 00:36:07,295
Helen, I'm surprised
you haven't met him.
492
00:36:07,462 --> 00:36:08,797
Make a fist.
493
00:36:10,006 --> 00:36:11,967
I haven't done anything yet.
494
00:36:12,133 --> 00:36:14,928
I was practising.
He's a wonderful doctor...
495
00:36:15,095 --> 00:36:16,847
...the kind who scrubs for a date.
496
00:36:17,013 --> 00:36:19,474
Tremendous reputation.
Nine handicap.
497
00:36:19,641 --> 00:36:21,226
Now.
498
00:36:23,979 --> 00:36:25,313
No more dates.
499
00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:28,358
Don't think of him as a date,
think of him as a meal.
500
00:36:28,525 --> 00:36:31,194
Now, I know a quiet little
Japanese restaurant.
501
00:36:31,361 --> 00:36:33,363
I'll make the reservations.
502
00:36:33,530 --> 00:36:35,157
Don't rush me.
503
00:36:38,201 --> 00:36:39,703
What does he look like?
504
00:36:39,870 --> 00:36:43,331
I hate to use the word "Adonis,"
but there's no other way to say it.
505
00:36:43,498 --> 00:36:46,751
A touch of grey at the temples,
very distinguished.
506
00:36:47,794 --> 00:36:50,088
Is he tall?
507
00:36:50,255 --> 00:36:53,800
He used to be a basketball player.
508
00:36:55,719 --> 00:36:57,929
I had to lie, of course.
509
00:36:58,096 --> 00:37:01,224
But anybody who knew Frank and
Helen knew they belonged together.
510
00:37:01,391 --> 00:37:05,187
All I had to do was let them stumble
over each other a few times.
511
00:37:05,353 --> 00:37:07,898
You have to do that
with the marrying kind of people.
512
00:37:08,064 --> 00:37:12,319
So I told her that Dr. Ashford
was about 6'2", 6'3".
513
00:37:13,695 --> 00:37:17,240
A harmless little white lie.
514
00:37:18,158 --> 00:37:21,369
I wondered if the doctor would
be so attentive if I told him...
515
00:37:21,536 --> 00:37:24,789
...I had three children taller
than he was.
516
00:37:30,587 --> 00:37:33,507
Darrell's arrangement for my
evening hadn't uttered a word...
517
00:37:33,673 --> 00:37:36,551
...since I pick ed her up. I had
no idea what was on her mind...
518
00:37:36,718 --> 00:37:39,763
...until we drew up in front
of the restaurant.
519
00:37:43,391 --> 00:37:46,144
There. I hate suspense, don't you?
520
00:37:46,311 --> 00:37:47,979
Now you know and I know.
521
00:37:48,146 --> 00:37:50,565
Let's have a quick dinner.
522
00:37:56,363 --> 00:37:58,323
Keep the motor running.
523
00:38:17,717 --> 00:38:19,970
Darrell said we had a lot in common.
524
00:38:22,013 --> 00:38:25,433
After all, you're a nurse,
I'm a doctor.
525
00:38:26,142 --> 00:38:27,769
What's your specialty?
526
00:38:27,936 --> 00:38:30,105
Obstetrics.
527
00:38:30,272 --> 00:38:33,316
Darrell had a malicious
sense of humour.
528
00:38:39,781 --> 00:38:43,160
I was upset that Frank
had seen me with Dr. Ashford.
529
00:38:43,326 --> 00:38:45,245
I don't know why.
530
00:38:51,376 --> 00:38:55,088
For some stupid reason,
I had the feeling I was being unfaithful.
531
00:38:55,255 --> 00:38:58,300
And Madeleine had
only taken off my shoes.
532
00:38:58,592 --> 00:39:02,470
The doctor's bedside manner
was a little previous.
533
00:39:06,933 --> 00:39:09,769
I was embarrassed to think
that Frank might be watching.
534
00:39:09,936 --> 00:39:11,271
He was.
535
00:39:13,190 --> 00:39:15,483
You're not worshipping me.
536
00:39:22,240 --> 00:39:23,783
Thank you.
537
00:39:26,328 --> 00:39:29,331
Helen, I might as well be honest.
538
00:39:29,498 --> 00:39:35,295
I'm a very lonely man. There are times
that I feel I could kick over the traces.
539
00:39:35,462 --> 00:39:38,173
- I'm not lonely at all.
- Give up this race for money.
540
00:39:38,340 --> 00:39:41,718
- I'm the mother of eight children.
- Travel to all the romantic places.
541
00:39:41,885 --> 00:39:44,804
- I have eight.
- If I could find someone to go with me.
542
00:39:44,971 --> 00:39:47,265
- Doctor. Doctor.
- I'd like to find places...
543
00:39:47,432 --> 00:39:49,726
I don't think you've
been paying attention.
544
00:39:49,893 --> 00:39:54,189
I said, I am the mother
of eight children.
545
00:39:57,400 --> 00:40:01,446
I've always admired a woman
with a sense of humour.
546
00:40:07,369 --> 00:40:11,748
Meanwhile, back at the ranch,
it was round-up time.
547
00:40:13,458 --> 00:40:15,418
That's a very handsome family.
548
00:40:15,585 --> 00:40:18,171
- Very handsome.
- Thank you.
549
00:40:19,631 --> 00:40:20,966
Excuse me a moment, please?
550
00:40:21,132 --> 00:40:22,843
Oh, of course.
551
00:40:42,737 --> 00:40:44,573
Dr. Ashford?
552
00:40:59,462 --> 00:41:01,131
Wasn't that your date?
553
00:41:01,298 --> 00:41:02,799
Yes, it was.
554
00:41:03,383 --> 00:41:05,510
He had an emergency.
555
00:41:05,677 --> 00:41:08,930
- Come on, I'll take you home. Hop in.
- Oh, no, I wouldn't dream...
556
00:41:09,097 --> 00:41:11,933
- Madeleine doesn't mind, do you?
- Are you kidding?
557
00:41:12,100 --> 00:41:14,394
- You see?
- Well...
558
00:41:37,501 --> 00:41:40,879
She's my oldest girl. She's going
with this boy who rides a motorcycle.
559
00:41:41,046 --> 00:41:43,340
Has hair practically
down to his shoulders...
560
00:41:43,507 --> 00:41:45,634
...and I think it's bleached.
561
00:41:46,009 --> 00:41:49,471
She never talks to me about him,
never brings him in so I can meet him.
562
00:41:49,638 --> 00:41:52,599
- I hardly know what to do.
- You can't tell her not to see him.
563
00:41:52,766 --> 00:41:55,435
- It's like shooting off the starting gun.
- I know.
564
00:41:55,602 --> 00:41:59,272
You know, she's barely 16, and when
he brings her home at night...
565
00:41:59,439 --> 00:42:02,067
...they stay outside
for about half an hour, kissing.
566
00:42:02,234 --> 00:42:04,736
Heavens to Betsy!
What will they think of next?
567
00:42:04,903 --> 00:42:06,488
My Veronica, she's 7.
568
00:42:06,655 --> 00:42:10,826
She's so boy crazy, I'm afraid she's
gonna get married before she's 9.
569
00:42:14,162 --> 00:42:17,541
She doesn't care about school.
Only thing she can read are pictures.
570
00:42:17,707 --> 00:42:20,544
Yeah, yeah. Well, Tommy's
almost 9. He can hardly read.
571
00:42:20,710 --> 00:42:23,255
But Jean, who's only 7,
reads better than he does.
572
00:42:23,421 --> 00:42:24,714
I have that in spades.
573
00:42:24,881 --> 00:42:27,175
Louise is 12,
she corrects Rusty's spelling.
574
00:42:27,342 --> 00:42:30,178
Well, Tommy can help
Colleen and Janette with their math...
575
00:42:30,345 --> 00:42:33,598
...but he can't read.
- I don't believe this conversation.
576
00:42:33,765 --> 00:42:35,350
Did you put something
in my sugar?
577
00:42:35,517 --> 00:42:38,061
I have a strange feeling
I'm taking a trip.
578
00:42:38,228 --> 00:42:40,063
- How many kids do you have?
- Ten.
579
00:42:40,856 --> 00:42:44,818
Helen, there's no reason for us
to avoid seeing each other.
580
00:42:45,402 --> 00:42:48,113
Well, I think we certainly
could be friends.
581
00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:51,950
The fact I'm a man and you're a woman
doesn't have anything to do with it.
582
00:42:52,117 --> 00:42:54,369
And then the papa bear
said to the mama bear:
583
00:42:54,536 --> 00:42:57,164
"Who's been sleeping in my bed?"
584
00:42:57,330 --> 00:42:59,457
Oh, come on,
drop me off at the exit.
585
00:42:59,624 --> 00:43:03,044
Then you two can work yourselves
up to a wild game of post office.
586
00:43:03,211 --> 00:43:05,005
No, I couldn't do that to you.
587
00:43:05,172 --> 00:43:08,466
Oh, please, daddy, I'd prefer it.
Ten kids?
588
00:43:08,633 --> 00:43:10,886
I'm nervous just sitting next to you.
589
00:43:11,094 --> 00:43:12,929
- Helen.
- Yes?
590
00:43:13,096 --> 00:43:16,850
Why am I pretending? I want to see
you again, and not just to be friends...
591
00:43:17,017 --> 00:43:18,894
...and not just to talk about children.
592
00:43:19,060 --> 00:43:21,521
- I want to see you again too.
- Know something else?
593
00:43:21,688 --> 00:43:24,816
In spite of all the aggravation
and the misery and the yelling...
594
00:43:24,983 --> 00:43:28,195
...I'm glad I have 10 children.
- And I'm glad I have my eight.
595
00:43:28,361 --> 00:43:31,281
And I'm glad I'm careful.
596
00:43:32,699 --> 00:43:34,618
Between our work
and the children...
597
00:43:34,784 --> 00:43:38,538
...we somehow were able
to steal a few hours alone.
598
00:45:26,438 --> 00:45:29,566
When every place we went was better
because we were together...
599
00:45:29,733 --> 00:45:32,527
...and I suddenly realised
the emptiness was gone...
600
00:45:32,694 --> 00:45:36,156
...and the world just might
be worth living in again...
601
00:45:36,323 --> 00:45:38,950
...I knew it was time for the acid test.
602
00:45:39,117 --> 00:45:42,245
I invited Helen to my house
to meet my mafia.
603
00:45:44,831 --> 00:45:46,833
Here she comes!
Here she comes!
604
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:48,335
What does she look like?
605
00:45:48,502 --> 00:45:51,588
Mean. You can see it in her eyes.
606
00:45:56,927 --> 00:45:59,054
Frank, I'm frightened.
607
00:45:59,221 --> 00:46:01,139
Now, don't worry.
608
00:46:01,306 --> 00:46:04,601
I had a long talk with the children.
They're going to love you.
609
00:46:06,061 --> 00:46:08,230
Who locked the door?
610
00:46:13,109 --> 00:46:14,778
Sorry, Dad.
611
00:46:15,821 --> 00:46:17,989
I'll talk to you later.
612
00:46:18,156 --> 00:46:20,700
Well, group, this is Mrs. North.
613
00:46:20,867 --> 00:46:22,869
- Helen.
- You know Louise.
614
00:46:23,036 --> 00:46:24,538
- Oh, yes. Hello, Louise.
- Hi.
615
00:46:24,704 --> 00:46:26,039
- And Mike.
- Mike.
616
00:46:26,206 --> 00:46:27,999
- And Rusty and Rosemary.
- Hello.
617
00:46:28,166 --> 00:46:29,501
- Susan.
- Hello, Susan.
618
00:46:29,668 --> 00:46:31,002
- Veronica.
- Hello, Veronica.
619
00:46:31,169 --> 00:46:32,379
- And Greg.
- Greg.
620
00:46:32,546 --> 00:46:33,880
You've met the family...
621
00:46:34,047 --> 00:46:35,841
...why don't we have a drink.
- Frank.
622
00:46:36,007 --> 00:46:38,885
- Yeah?
- This is only seven.
623
00:46:40,679 --> 00:46:42,013
Mary. Where's Mary?
624
00:46:42,180 --> 00:46:43,723
She's hiding.
625
00:46:45,976 --> 00:46:48,353
Mary, come on, let's not play games.
626
00:46:50,355 --> 00:46:52,732
Hello, Mary. I'm Aunt Helen.
627
00:46:52,899 --> 00:46:55,694
You are not!
I don't want another mother!
628
00:46:55,861 --> 00:46:58,613
I don't want another mother!
629
00:47:01,700 --> 00:47:04,578
Frank, I think I'm ready
for that drink now.
630
00:47:04,744 --> 00:47:07,164
Mike, you think you can
handle the bar?
631
00:47:07,330 --> 00:47:09,207
What would you like, Aunt Helen?
632
00:47:09,374 --> 00:47:12,419
I'd like a light screwdriver, please.
Very light.
633
00:47:12,586 --> 00:47:14,504
That's orange juice
with a shot of vodka.
634
00:47:14,671 --> 00:47:17,424
- I know, Dad.
- I'm sorry. I'll have Scotch and water.
635
00:47:17,591 --> 00:47:19,050
I know, Dad.
636
00:47:19,217 --> 00:47:21,928
I keep forgetting Mike is 18.
637
00:47:22,596 --> 00:47:25,557
Frank, do you really think it was
a good idea, my coming here?
638
00:47:25,724 --> 00:47:29,895
Of course. If you hadn't,
you might have been hit by a truck.
639
00:47:30,061 --> 00:47:32,063
Everything's gonna be all right.
640
00:47:32,647 --> 00:47:34,524
You're sitting on my painting!
641
00:47:34,691 --> 00:47:36,485
Oh, I'm sorry, dear.
642
00:47:36,651 --> 00:47:38,695
It's all right.
643
00:48:02,135 --> 00:48:04,804
- You wanna fill that with orange juice?
- Who's it for?
644
00:48:04,971 --> 00:48:07,098
- Aunt Helen.
- Mike, these are finished.
645
00:48:07,265 --> 00:48:08,892
Susan's gonna help you.
646
00:48:09,059 --> 00:48:11,686
Susie, take these in there, will you?
Thank you.
647
00:48:12,312 --> 00:48:15,023
Okay, I'm gonna put these
on the table.
648
00:48:30,163 --> 00:48:31,915
Hey, Rusty.
649
00:48:32,666 --> 00:48:37,170
- You wanna be a cocktail waitress?
- All right. Which is which?
650
00:48:37,379 --> 00:48:39,756
Aunt Helen, Uncle Daddy.
651
00:49:02,154 --> 00:49:04,114
- What's this?
- An alligator.
652
00:49:04,281 --> 00:49:07,200
- A flying alligator?
- See the two little babies?
653
00:49:07,367 --> 00:49:10,912
Two little babies.
And these are from Mars, I suppose.
654
00:49:11,079 --> 00:49:14,624
They're very good.
Oh, thank you. Rusty?
655
00:49:14,791 --> 00:49:16,626
Hold it, Susan.
656
00:49:16,793 --> 00:49:19,254
How about a toast
to our guest, everybody.
657
00:49:19,880 --> 00:49:23,800
Through the teeth and over the gums.
Look out, stomach, here it comes.
658
00:49:23,967 --> 00:49:26,511
Hold the Dylan Thomas
till later, Greg.
659
00:49:26,678 --> 00:49:29,014
To our charming dinner guest...
660
00:49:29,181 --> 00:49:32,350
...welcome aboard.
- Thank you. Thank you.
661
00:49:57,876 --> 00:49:59,836
It's delicious.
662
00:50:06,510 --> 00:50:10,639
That's just wonderful.
And where was Veronica born?
663
00:50:10,805 --> 00:50:12,474
- In Japan.
- In Japan.
664
00:50:12,641 --> 00:50:17,062
I call her my little fortune cookie
because she came right after dinner.
665
00:50:24,486 --> 00:50:25,821
That's funny.
666
00:50:27,739 --> 00:50:29,616
Where's the fire?
667
00:50:29,783 --> 00:50:31,117
Dinner is served.
668
00:50:31,284 --> 00:50:32,619
Oh, dinner is served.
669
00:50:32,786 --> 00:50:35,705
I want you to know Rosemary
and Louise cooked this dinner.
670
00:50:35,872 --> 00:50:40,210
Oh, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
That's absolutely wonderful, Rosemary.
671
00:50:40,377 --> 00:50:43,088
- I'm Susan.
- Oh, of course you are.
672
00:50:43,255 --> 00:50:46,925
- And don't you ever change, honey.
- Let's go, Susan.
673
00:50:47,884 --> 00:50:50,428
You have a wonderful family.
674
00:50:50,595 --> 00:50:54,099
They're all just wonderful.
Absolutely wonderful.
675
00:50:54,266 --> 00:50:56,601
Wonderful, wonderful,
beautiful children.
676
00:50:56,768 --> 00:50:58,103
Just so wonderful.
677
00:50:58,770 --> 00:51:00,897
Watch that first step.
That's a dilly.
678
00:51:01,064 --> 00:51:03,150
Greg, will you hold
the chair for our guest?
679
00:51:03,316 --> 00:51:04,651
Sure.
680
00:51:04,818 --> 00:51:06,319
Thank you, Greg.
681
00:51:08,280 --> 00:51:09,614
Thank you, Greg.
682
00:51:12,450 --> 00:51:14,995
- I'm hungry!
- Veronica.
683
00:51:17,622 --> 00:51:19,207
Bless us, O Lord...
684
00:51:22,419 --> 00:51:24,087
Pardon me.
685
00:51:24,671 --> 00:51:28,383
And these, thy gifts,
which we are about to receive...
686
00:51:31,011 --> 00:51:32,512
Pardon me.
687
00:51:33,722 --> 00:51:36,433
From thy bounty through
Christ our Lord.
688
00:51:36,600 --> 00:51:38,268
Amen.
689
00:51:38,435 --> 00:51:42,272
- You all right?
- Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
690
00:51:43,690 --> 00:51:47,319
I'm hungry. Can I have a potato?
691
00:51:55,911 --> 00:51:57,412
Pass it around.
692
00:51:59,039 --> 00:52:01,166
- I'm hungry!
- I want some bread.
693
00:52:01,333 --> 00:52:04,503
- Hey, come on, I want the bread.
- Can I have some milk?
694
00:52:06,213 --> 00:52:08,048
Here, want some milk?
695
00:52:08,465 --> 00:52:09,925
I can do it myself.
696
00:52:10,091 --> 00:52:13,220
Sure, you can do it yourself.
Certainly you can.
697
00:52:13,386 --> 00:52:14,888
Sure you can.
698
00:52:15,055 --> 00:52:18,475
Boy, is it warm in here!
Don't you think it's warm in here?
699
00:52:18,642 --> 00:52:20,519
- Want some potatoes?
- Yes.
700
00:52:21,686 --> 00:52:23,230
There we go.
701
00:52:23,396 --> 00:52:25,732
- You want some potatoes?
- Okay.
702
00:52:25,899 --> 00:52:29,694
- Okay, there you are.
- Hey! You got it on my dress!
703
00:52:35,534 --> 00:52:36,868
I'm...
704
00:52:40,956 --> 00:52:42,374
Oh, good heavens!
705
00:52:45,085 --> 00:52:46,461
Oh, I'm so...
706
00:52:48,046 --> 00:52:53,218
I'm sorry, honey.
Oh, I'm so sorry. I...
707
00:52:54,261 --> 00:52:56,471
Rosemary,
help Veronica get cleaned up.
708
00:52:57,305 --> 00:53:00,475
- I didn't mean it.
- I'll clean her up.
709
00:53:02,894 --> 00:53:04,229
I'm sorry.
710
00:53:04,396 --> 00:53:08,817
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know
what's wrong with me.
711
00:53:08,984 --> 00:53:10,902
What a terrible thing to do.
712
00:53:11,069 --> 00:53:12,654
I'm...
713
00:53:16,408 --> 00:53:17,742
I'm sorry.
714
00:53:21,788 --> 00:53:23,415
Dick, I feel sick again.
715
00:53:23,582 --> 00:53:26,626
- It's Frank.
- Oh, Lord, what have I done?
716
00:53:26,793 --> 00:53:28,837
- You haven't done anything.
- Yes, I have.
717
00:53:29,004 --> 00:53:31,590
I've fallen in love,
that's what I've done.
718
00:53:31,756 --> 00:53:35,302
I promised myself
I'd never fall in love again.
719
00:53:35,468 --> 00:53:38,180
And I wanted to make such
a good impression on you...
720
00:53:38,346 --> 00:53:41,933
...and your children, and now
I've been acting like an idiot.
721
00:53:42,100 --> 00:53:43,810
And I don't know why.
722
00:53:43,977 --> 00:53:46,480
I don't know why.
723
00:53:46,646 --> 00:53:47,898
I just feel...
724
00:53:48,064 --> 00:53:51,443
Oh, if this damn room would stop
rolling around, maybe I could find...
725
00:53:51,610 --> 00:53:53,737
...someplace to be sick.
- Louise...
726
00:53:53,904 --> 00:53:57,324
...you better show Mrs. North
the bathroom and help her.
727
00:53:57,491 --> 00:53:59,534
- This way.
- I don't know why.
728
00:53:59,701 --> 00:54:01,995
I don't know why.
729
00:54:11,463 --> 00:54:15,383
The court of inquiry
is now in session.
730
00:54:33,568 --> 00:54:36,029
You didn't have
to wait dinner for me.
731
00:54:36,196 --> 00:54:38,990
We've decided to use
our company manners.
732
00:54:39,157 --> 00:54:42,494
Helen, the boys have
something to tell you.
733
00:54:42,661 --> 00:54:46,665
Mrs. North, I apologise for putting
all that gin in your drink.
734
00:54:46,832 --> 00:54:49,584
Oh, that's what did it.
735
00:54:49,751 --> 00:54:51,920
And I apologise for all that vodka.
736
00:54:52,087 --> 00:54:53,672
And I apologise for the Scotch.
737
00:54:55,340 --> 00:54:57,008
Scotch, vodka and...
738
00:54:57,175 --> 00:55:00,136
Helen, you've been the victim
of an alcoholic Pearl Harbor.
739
00:55:00,303 --> 00:55:02,264
It's amazing you survived at all.
740
00:55:02,430 --> 00:55:04,516
Your bartenders will be
dealt with later.
741
00:55:04,683 --> 00:55:06,893
Oh, please.
Please, Frank, don't blame them.
742
00:55:07,060 --> 00:55:08,728
At least what they did was honest.
743
00:55:08,895 --> 00:55:12,315
They don't want another mother,
and I don't blame them.
744
00:55:12,649 --> 00:55:13,942
And you, Frank...
745
00:55:14,109 --> 00:55:16,653
Frank, I think you should
be on your ship at sea.
746
00:55:16,820 --> 00:55:18,655
That's where you belong.
747
00:55:19,322 --> 00:55:21,992
And if the children don't
want me, I understand.
748
00:55:22,242 --> 00:55:24,327
Now, hear this.
749
00:55:24,494 --> 00:55:28,790
My interest in you has nothing to do
with securing a mother for my children.
750
00:55:28,957 --> 00:55:30,917
They don't deserve anyone
as good as you.
751
00:55:31,084 --> 00:55:34,546
Furthermore, I have no desire
to go back to sea.
752
00:55:34,713 --> 00:55:38,008
In fact, if you'll have me, Helen...
753
00:55:38,175 --> 00:55:40,260
...I'll be happy to remain
ashore forever...
754
00:55:40,427 --> 00:55:42,220
...because I happen to love you.
755
00:55:42,387 --> 00:55:44,931
And nobody put anything in my drink.
756
00:55:45,098 --> 00:55:47,976
- Frank, do you mean that?
- Of course I mean it.
757
00:55:48,143 --> 00:55:50,770
That's why I said it in front
of so many witnesses...
758
00:55:50,937 --> 00:55:53,148
...untrustworthy though they may be.
759
00:55:54,858 --> 00:55:56,359
Oh, Frank.
760
00:56:04,034 --> 00:56:06,161
I give it six months.
761
00:56:34,022 --> 00:56:35,524
It was a typical wedding.
762
00:56:35,690 --> 00:56:39,069
Enemies of the bride on the right,
enemies of the groom on the left.
763
00:56:39,236 --> 00:56:42,197
I've seen firing squads
with more compassion.
764
00:56:42,364 --> 00:56:44,324
When I saw all the children lined up...
765
00:56:44,491 --> 00:56:48,245
...I wondered if Frank and I really
had the right to do this to them.
766
00:56:48,411 --> 00:56:52,707
All you had to do was look at those
faces to guess what they were thinking.
767
00:56:52,874 --> 00:56:54,876
All those photographers outside...
768
00:56:55,043 --> 00:56:58,505
...they're gonna plaster our pictures
all over the newspapers and TV.
769
00:56:58,672 --> 00:57:01,299
We won't be a family,
we're going to be a freak show.
770
00:57:01,466 --> 00:57:05,262
When the kids at school find out
about this, I'm gonna kill myself.
771
00:57:05,428 --> 00:57:07,264
I wonder why they're
getting married.
772
00:57:07,430 --> 00:57:10,767
Can there possibly be a physical thing
between them too?
773
00:57:10,934 --> 00:57:12,978
At their age?
774
00:57:14,813 --> 00:57:17,482
She has mean eyes.
775
00:57:17,774 --> 00:57:20,902
How can I do it to them?
How can I do it to Frank?
776
00:57:21,069 --> 00:57:25,532
All I have to do is be very calm,
turn around and run.
777
00:57:25,699 --> 00:57:28,326
On your mark, get set...
778
00:57:28,493 --> 00:57:30,078
Helen.
779
00:57:33,832 --> 00:57:37,085
Damn the torpedoes.
Full speed ahead.
780
00:58:14,080 --> 00:58:15,665
- Here.
- What do you do with this?
781
00:58:15,832 --> 00:58:17,751
Throw it, stupid.
782
00:58:18,793 --> 00:58:19,878
Hey!
783
00:58:30,388 --> 00:58:31,973
Cut it out!
784
00:58:40,941 --> 00:58:42,943
The snow came
a little early this year.
785
00:58:48,114 --> 00:58:49,658
He started it!
786
00:58:50,992 --> 00:58:54,454
That's no way to act at a wedding.
That's not nice!
787
00:58:54,621 --> 00:58:56,790
Don't worry.
We'll take care of the children.
788
00:58:56,957 --> 00:58:59,668
- Sure. Even if it kills us.
- It's only for the weekend.
789
00:58:59,835 --> 00:59:02,337
We'll be back Monday.
Goodbye, Janette.
790
00:59:02,504 --> 00:59:04,130
- Goodbye, Mommy.
- Be a good girl.
791
00:59:04,297 --> 00:59:05,924
- Goodbye, Tommy.
- See you.
792
00:59:06,091 --> 00:59:07,467
Goodbye, Greg.
793
00:59:07,759 --> 00:59:09,344
Goodbye, Mike.
794
00:59:12,764 --> 00:59:14,182
Goodbye, Jean.
795
00:59:14,349 --> 00:59:16,726
Goodbye, Veronica.
Goodbye, Mary.
796
00:59:16,893 --> 00:59:19,688
Goodbye, Louise.
Bye, Jean.
797
00:59:20,021 --> 00:59:21,314
You already kissed me.
798
00:59:21,481 --> 00:59:22,649
Oh, I'm sorry.
799
00:59:22,816 --> 00:59:26,153
By the time they finish saying goodbye,
the honeymoon will be over.
800
00:59:26,319 --> 00:59:28,530
Goodbye, Colleen.
Take care of the little ones.
801
00:59:28,697 --> 00:59:31,283
Goodbye, Phillip. What's that?
802
00:59:31,449 --> 00:59:32,784
Nothing.
803
00:59:34,244 --> 00:59:35,662
Maybe pneumonia.
804
00:59:35,829 --> 00:59:37,914
Oh, good heavens. Frank. Frank?
805
00:59:38,081 --> 00:59:40,500
Frank, tell me if you
think he has a fever.
806
00:59:40,792 --> 00:59:42,711
I do it back here.
807
00:59:42,878 --> 00:59:44,379
- He might.
- Oh, dear.
808
00:59:44,880 --> 00:59:48,341
- Do I have to go to school?
- Frank, I can't leave if Phillip's sick.
809
00:59:48,508 --> 00:59:52,804
Never in our entire married life will all
of our kids be healthy at the same time.
810
00:59:52,971 --> 00:59:55,682
But last year he had asthma.
His lungs haven't been too...
811
00:59:55,849 --> 00:59:58,351
- What's the matter?
- Something's wrong with Phillip.
812
00:59:58,518 --> 01:00:00,979
Get him to bed. Call the doctor.
We'll phone you...
813
01:00:01,146 --> 01:00:03,857
...soon as we check
into our hospital. I mean, our hotel.
814
01:00:04,024 --> 01:00:07,986
If it's the flu, call me right away. If it's
anything more serious, I'll call you.
815
01:00:08,153 --> 01:00:11,823
No, I couldn't do that. I wouldn't know.
Well, I better call you every hour.
816
01:00:11,990 --> 01:00:14,951
Make him stay in bed,
and until you're sure what he has...
817
01:00:15,118 --> 01:00:17,287
...keep the other children
out of the room.
818
01:00:17,454 --> 01:00:20,999
Be sure and tell the doctor
that he's allergic to penicillin...
819
01:00:21,166 --> 01:00:23,710
...all of the sulphas
and some of the mycins.
820
01:00:23,877 --> 01:00:27,088
- Also tell him that last year he had...
- Helen.
821
01:00:27,255 --> 01:00:29,257
We'll go away some other time.
822
01:00:29,758 --> 01:00:32,344
Oh, Frank, thank you.
823
01:00:44,231 --> 01:00:46,858
I thought I saw the house cringe
as we drove up.
824
01:00:47,025 --> 01:00:50,904
It had been a dignified old Victorian
home when Frank and I found it.
825
01:00:51,071 --> 01:00:54,199
The only one large enough
that we could afford.
826
01:00:54,366 --> 01:00:57,494
The plumbing wasn't the most modern,
the roof had to be repaired.
827
01:00:57,661 --> 01:01:01,873
But we had both fallen in love with it
when we learned it had four bathrooms.
828
01:01:09,506 --> 01:01:13,176
So in we marched:
The bride, the groom...
829
01:01:13,343 --> 01:01:15,387
...one bottle of champagne...
830
01:01:15,554 --> 01:01:17,889
And 16 children.
831
01:01:19,724 --> 01:01:24,104
Come on, darling, finish your tea.
Mother's tired and wants to go to bed.
832
01:01:26,606 --> 01:01:28,400
Now, is there anything else
you want?
833
01:01:28,567 --> 01:01:30,569
Yeah, I wanna go home.
834
01:01:30,735 --> 01:01:33,071
We are home, dear.
This is where we live now.
835
01:01:33,238 --> 01:01:36,199
Then why can't I be Phillip anymore?
836
01:01:36,366 --> 01:01:38,118
Well, who says you can't be?
837
01:01:38,285 --> 01:01:40,162
That man.
838
01:01:42,164 --> 01:01:43,915
- Frank?
- Yes.
839
01:01:44,082 --> 01:01:46,334
And he says my name
is 12-Blue- D.
840
01:01:46,501 --> 01:01:50,630
And if I forget I'm 12-Blue- D,
I can't get into the bathroom.
841
01:01:50,797 --> 01:01:55,302
Well, now, that's nothing
to be upset about, darling.
842
01:01:55,468 --> 01:01:58,263
That's just a system
that he learned in the Navy.
843
01:01:58,430 --> 01:02:00,056
Now, you stop worrying.
844
01:02:00,223 --> 01:02:03,560
I'm going to find out what's keeping
that doctor. You stay in bed.
845
01:02:04,644 --> 01:02:08,482
There you are, Janette.
You are 8-Red- B.
846
01:02:10,942 --> 01:02:13,945
And, Mary, you are 14-Red- C.
847
01:02:14,112 --> 01:02:16,406
- Veronica.
- What am I, again?
848
01:02:16,573 --> 01:02:17,616
You're 14-Red- C.
849
01:02:17,782 --> 01:02:20,619
Everybody's got a number
from the oldest to the youngest.
850
01:02:20,785 --> 01:02:23,788
All the bathrooms are a colour,
all the bedrooms are a letter.
851
01:02:23,955 --> 01:02:28,210
And that makes you number 14,
bathroom Red and room C.
852
01:02:28,376 --> 01:02:30,712
And this chart shows you
where it all is.
853
01:02:30,879 --> 01:02:32,589
Could you just point?
854
01:02:32,756 --> 01:02:35,133
It's right around the corner,
down the hall, love.
855
01:02:35,300 --> 01:02:36,343
Thank you.
856
01:02:36,510 --> 01:02:40,222
And, Veronica, you are 13-Red- A.
857
01:02:40,388 --> 01:02:41,932
- Thank you.
- You are welcome.
858
01:02:42,098 --> 01:02:44,142
Well, skipper, how goes the battle?
859
01:02:44,309 --> 01:02:46,728
They're fighting it,
but you can't beat the system.
860
01:02:46,895 --> 01:02:50,899
- I'm sorry if I upset your wedding night.
- I thought it was yours too.
861
01:02:51,066 --> 01:02:53,527
I didn't wanna sound anxious.
862
01:02:53,693 --> 01:02:56,613
Susan, you are 9-Red- A.
863
01:02:56,780 --> 01:02:58,782
If I can find it.
864
01:02:58,949 --> 01:03:00,325
Champagne iced?
865
01:03:00,492 --> 01:03:03,578
Yes, it's in our bedroom,
in a shiny new bucket.
866
01:03:03,745 --> 01:03:07,165
- Louise, you are 7-Red- C.
- All right.
867
01:03:07,332 --> 01:03:10,669
If we stay on schedule, my system
will have these kids bedded down...
868
01:03:10,836 --> 01:03:13,630
...in a half-hour,
and it's our turn next.
869
01:03:13,797 --> 01:03:16,174
Greg, you are 6-Blue- B.
870
01:03:16,341 --> 01:03:19,427
Aye, aye, sir.
I'll send up a flare if I get lost.
871
01:03:19,594 --> 01:03:21,763
- How's Phillip?
- That's what I'd like to know.
872
01:03:21,930 --> 01:03:24,266
- What's keeping that doctor?
- Probably the rain.
873
01:03:24,432 --> 01:03:27,060
Tommy, you are 10-Blue- D.
874
01:03:27,227 --> 01:03:29,729
Why can't I have my own room
to myself, like Mike?
875
01:03:29,896 --> 01:03:31,231
You're not the oldest. Next.
876
01:03:31,398 --> 01:03:33,859
You mean because
I'm not in your family.
877
01:03:34,025 --> 01:03:36,194
- Tommy!
- Now, look, you're all in my family.
878
01:03:36,361 --> 01:03:39,990
You have a beautiful room, D. It's
around the corner, down the main hall.
879
01:03:40,157 --> 01:03:41,950
Honey, wait. That's where Phillip is.
880
01:03:42,117 --> 01:03:43,285
- Phillip?
- Yes.
881
01:03:43,451 --> 01:03:45,162
Yes, number 12. You're right.
882
01:03:45,328 --> 01:03:47,831
I know he has the flu.
No one should sleep in there.
883
01:03:47,998 --> 01:03:49,666
That's the beauty of this system.
884
01:03:49,833 --> 01:03:51,793
It can be changed in an instant.
885
01:03:52,711 --> 01:03:54,754
All right, now hear this.
Now hear this.
886
01:03:54,921 --> 01:03:57,215
All C's and D's report
to the quarterdeck.
887
01:03:57,382 --> 01:04:00,385
There's been a slight rearrangement.
It may affect B.
888
01:04:00,552 --> 01:04:02,262
Everybody back!
889
01:04:03,597 --> 01:04:07,601
All right, lights are out
for a minute. Don't worry...
890
01:04:07,767 --> 01:04:10,520
...we have some emergency
candles right in here.
891
01:04:12,564 --> 01:04:14,691
- Helen.
- Yes, dear.
892
01:04:15,609 --> 01:04:19,905
Frank, do you think there's a power
failure all over or just in the house?
893
01:04:25,494 --> 01:04:28,830
Greg, take these downstairs.
Get some light downstairs.
894
01:04:32,334 --> 01:04:33,752
Where's 6-Blue- B?
895
01:04:33,919 --> 01:04:36,755
I found my room, but there's rain
coming through the roof.
896
01:04:36,922 --> 01:04:39,466
That's not possible.
They just finished re- shingling.
897
01:04:39,633 --> 01:04:41,384
Well, they'll finish on Monday.
898
01:04:41,551 --> 01:04:44,221
- I'll go get some pots and pans.
- How old is this house?
899
01:04:44,387 --> 01:04:46,097
Never mind. It's gonna be beautiful.
900
01:04:46,264 --> 01:04:49,309
- Take care of the little ones.
- Sister's locked in the bathroom.
901
01:04:49,476 --> 01:04:51,895
- What sister?
- I don't know her name yet.
902
01:04:52,062 --> 01:04:56,942
But she can't get out
and we can't get in. And it's my turn.
903
01:05:11,623 --> 01:05:13,792
Oh, my God, I'm too late.
904
01:05:13,959 --> 01:05:16,711
No, doctor, we're not praying.
The lights went out.
905
01:05:16,878 --> 01:05:18,755
Come on in. I'll give you a candle.
906
01:05:19,631 --> 01:05:21,049
What happened to the key?
907
01:05:21,216 --> 01:05:24,636
It fell out and the lights went out
and I can't find it.
908
01:05:24,803 --> 01:05:28,306
- Well, light your candle.
- I came in here before the candles.
909
01:05:30,642 --> 01:05:34,062
Well, look, I'm gonna pass
you a match through the keyhole.
910
01:05:34,229 --> 01:05:37,274
You light it, find the key
and unlock the door, okay?
911
01:05:37,440 --> 01:05:38,650
Okay.
912
01:05:38,817 --> 01:05:41,444
Here comes the match. You see it?
913
01:05:43,488 --> 01:05:45,657
- Got it?
- I got it.
914
01:05:45,949 --> 01:05:47,868
- Well, light it.
- I can't.
915
01:05:48,034 --> 01:05:49,077
Why not?
916
01:05:49,244 --> 01:05:51,371
Mommy won't let me play
with matches.
917
01:05:51,538 --> 01:05:54,583
- Helen!
- Yes, dear, I'm coming.
918
01:05:54,958 --> 01:05:58,295
Tell her it's all right to light a match,
find the key, open the door.
919
01:05:58,461 --> 01:06:00,213
- Who's in there?
- One of yours.
920
01:06:00,380 --> 01:06:02,591
The one that's not allowed
to light matches.
921
01:06:02,757 --> 01:06:07,095
Oh, Jean. Jean, darling, it's all right
to light a match this time, sweetheart.
922
01:06:07,262 --> 01:06:09,890
All right, show's over.
Everybody back to your room.
923
01:06:10,056 --> 01:06:12,309
Go back to your room.
You go back. You go back.
924
01:06:12,476 --> 01:06:15,061
- I'm the doctor.
- Hold your candle higher, will you?
925
01:06:15,228 --> 01:06:18,315
Jean? Jean, darling.
926
01:06:21,610 --> 01:06:23,320
I did it, I did it.
927
01:06:23,487 --> 01:06:25,739
- You certainly did.
- Here's your flashlight.
928
01:06:25,906 --> 01:06:27,532
Now, go to your room, dear.
929
01:06:27,866 --> 01:06:32,746
I'm 11-Red- A. I'm 11-Red- A.
I'm 11-Red- A.
930
01:06:32,996 --> 01:06:34,498
Concussion?
931
01:06:34,664 --> 01:06:38,877
Oh, no, no. It's not her, it's my...
Our boy Phillip.
932
01:06:39,044 --> 01:06:42,088
I don't know whether
I'm 14-Red- X or what.
933
01:06:42,255 --> 01:06:44,966
How do you get
any food around here?
934
01:06:45,133 --> 01:06:47,469
What's the name
of this organisation?
935
01:06:47,636 --> 01:06:50,514
No, I'm sorry it's a little confusing,
but, you see...
936
01:06:50,680 --> 01:06:52,307
...we were just married today.
937
01:06:53,475 --> 01:06:57,312
Congratulations. The next
20 years ought to be a lulu.
938
01:06:57,479 --> 01:06:59,898
- It's our room!
- Get out!
939
01:07:00,065 --> 01:07:03,527
Oh, no. You'll have to excuse me.
You go right down there.
940
01:07:05,987 --> 01:07:07,781
You can say that again.
941
01:07:07,948 --> 01:07:10,617
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
942
01:07:10,784 --> 01:07:12,702
It's our room!
943
01:07:13,745 --> 01:07:15,622
What are you two boys
doing in here?
944
01:07:15,789 --> 01:07:17,457
- It's our room.
- Yeah, room B.
945
01:07:17,624 --> 01:07:19,501
Janette, Colleen,
I'm surprised at you.
946
01:07:19,668 --> 01:07:22,587
- Get out of the boys' room this instant.
- But it's our room.
947
01:07:22,754 --> 01:07:24,089
It's on that board!
948
01:07:24,256 --> 01:07:25,966
We're on the board too, you know!
949
01:07:26,132 --> 01:07:28,009
Get out of our room!
950
01:07:28,218 --> 01:07:30,679
Hey, knock it off!
What's going on in here?
951
01:07:30,846 --> 01:07:32,264
What is this?
952
01:07:32,430 --> 01:07:36,101
Your blues and greens are wonderful,
but your he's and she's are mixed up.
953
01:07:37,936 --> 01:07:39,896
Thank goodness. Let there be light.
954
01:07:40,063 --> 01:07:41,982
All right, boys,
pack your gear together.
955
01:07:42,149 --> 01:07:44,568
We'll straighten this out.
Get your stuff together.
956
01:07:44,734 --> 01:07:47,279
- Girls, come on, get to bed.
- I can't find my pyjamas.
957
01:07:47,445 --> 01:07:50,991
- Well, sleep without them one night.
- I'd rather die.
958
01:07:51,158 --> 01:07:53,660
You don't care what happens
to our family, do you?
959
01:07:53,827 --> 01:07:56,454
- Colleen.
- Mommy! Mommy!
960
01:07:56,621 --> 01:07:59,166
There's a man trying to take
everybody's temperature.
961
01:07:59,332 --> 01:08:03,128
- Oh, good heavens.
- All right, come on, let's get organised.
962
01:08:10,260 --> 01:08:12,888
Oh, you found him, doctor.
963
01:08:13,054 --> 01:08:16,933
No, that's not him. This one
doesn't have a temperature either.
964
01:08:17,100 --> 01:08:19,311
But that's Phillip.
He's the one that's sick.
965
01:08:19,478 --> 01:08:23,815
Pulse, normal. Blood pressure,
normal. Temperature, 98.6.
966
01:08:23,982 --> 01:08:27,235
In medical school,
they told us that means healthy.
967
01:08:28,987 --> 01:08:30,363
Phillip.
968
01:08:30,530 --> 01:08:33,366
I feel better now. He's a good doctor.
969
01:08:36,745 --> 01:08:39,247
Good news, Mr. Beardsley.
Your son's not sick at all.
970
01:08:39,414 --> 01:08:40,999
Oh, great. But keep it quiet.
971
01:08:41,166 --> 01:08:44,252
I'll never get the C's and D's
back into B.
972
01:08:44,920 --> 01:08:46,588
Sorry.
973
01:08:46,755 --> 01:08:48,840
Would you do me a favour
and call my wife...
974
01:08:49,007 --> 01:08:51,468
...and tell her I'm on the way home?
975
01:08:51,635 --> 01:08:54,054
- Tell her thank you.
- For what?
976
01:08:54,221 --> 01:08:55,972
We don't have any children.
977
01:09:26,837 --> 01:09:30,549
- Is this the Beardsleys' new house?
- We've come to deliver the babies.
978
01:09:32,384 --> 01:09:34,135
Have a heart.
979
01:09:34,302 --> 01:09:36,930
Leave them
on somebody else's doorstep.
980
01:09:41,852 --> 01:09:43,562
Here we go.
981
01:09:46,189 --> 01:09:47,607
Dad! Dad! Come quick!
982
01:09:47,774 --> 01:09:49,985
They've brought
Joan and Germaine home.
983
01:09:50,152 --> 01:09:51,862
Come on. Come on.
984
01:09:54,823 --> 01:09:57,242
Joan! Germaine!
985
01:09:57,534 --> 01:09:59,369
Hi, everybody.
986
01:10:04,291 --> 01:10:06,793
It sure was nice of you
to bring them in the rain.
987
01:10:06,960 --> 01:10:10,630
Blame your crazy father. He insisted
the family had to be complete tonight.
988
01:10:11,006 --> 01:10:14,301
When he used that Navy voice,
we didn't wanna be court-martialed.
989
01:10:14,467 --> 01:10:17,846
They can't argue, and I needed
someone here on my side.
990
01:10:18,054 --> 01:10:20,432
- Let me see that little angel.
- Bye- bye.
991
01:10:20,599 --> 01:10:24,060
- We'll bring their things in the morning.
- Thank you, Nancy. Good night.
992
01:10:24,227 --> 01:10:26,480
Good night, Helen. Good luck, Frank.
993
01:10:26,646 --> 01:10:28,648
What a little doll.
994
01:10:29,691 --> 01:10:32,277
Well, Murderers' Row is now complete.
995
01:10:32,444 --> 01:10:36,156
- Can I hold my sister?
- Let's get one thing straight.
996
01:10:36,323 --> 01:10:39,117
There's no more "mine"
and there's no more "yours. "
997
01:10:39,284 --> 01:10:42,496
From now on,
everyone and everything is ours.
998
01:10:43,121 --> 01:10:45,749
All right, troop, to bed, to bed.
999
01:10:48,126 --> 01:10:50,170
- Is this our house now?
- Yes, dear.
1000
01:10:50,337 --> 01:10:52,881
Can we invite some friends over?
1001
01:11:20,367 --> 01:11:22,702
Mrs. Beardsley.
1002
01:11:27,290 --> 01:11:29,876
Hey, you look beautiful.
1003
01:11:30,043 --> 01:11:34,047
- You mean for a mother of 18?
- I mean for a bride.
1004
01:11:48,270 --> 01:11:52,524
Frank, this is gonna sound silly,
but you know something?
1005
01:11:52,691 --> 01:11:56,069
- I'm nervous.
- You know something? So am I.
1006
01:12:00,240 --> 01:12:04,244
What did that girl say about you?
You are a tiger.
1007
01:12:06,496 --> 01:12:11,042
A slightly grey, slightly middle- aged,
but very much in love tiger.
1008
01:12:12,752 --> 01:12:16,798
Oh, Frank. Frank, do you think
it can work out?
1009
01:12:16,965 --> 01:12:19,968
Will we ever, ever really be
just one family?
1010
01:12:20,135 --> 01:12:25,223
Of course, but it's up to you and me
to set an example...
1011
01:12:25,390 --> 01:12:28,894
...tonight, in togetherness.
1012
01:12:38,361 --> 01:12:40,155
There's rain coming in our room.
1013
01:12:40,322 --> 01:12:42,741
- Can we sleep here?
- Please?
1014
01:12:49,247 --> 01:12:52,459
Hey. I'm not gonna sleep
in that big room all alone...
1015
01:12:52,626 --> 01:12:54,794
...if I'm not even sick.
1016
01:13:08,683 --> 01:13:10,310
Togetherness.
1017
01:13:13,688 --> 01:13:16,441
Every morning at four bells,
our day began.
1018
01:13:16,608 --> 01:13:19,402
After all, running a family
of 18 children isn't simple...
1019
01:13:19,569 --> 01:13:23,281
...but it can be done.
The secret is organisation.
1020
01:13:23,448 --> 01:13:26,284
A job for everyone
and everyone on the job.
1021
01:13:26,451 --> 01:13:29,663
I was always the first one
to spring into action.
1022
01:13:41,466 --> 01:13:45,846
Mutiny was simply not tolerated.
My crew grumbled but obeyed.
1023
01:13:46,012 --> 01:13:49,307
They knew their captain only did what
was best for all.
1024
01:13:49,474 --> 01:13:53,061
Up anchor, man the mizzen,
fire when ready.
1025
01:14:00,735 --> 01:14:02,654
Mission accomplished.
1026
01:14:04,656 --> 01:14:07,033
Tommy's job was to check
the weather report...
1027
01:14:07,200 --> 01:14:09,619
...to determine
the uniform of the day.
1028
01:14:09,786 --> 01:14:12,038
Twenty percent chance of rain.
1029
01:14:15,709 --> 01:14:18,295
My job was to brush my teeth.
1030
01:14:19,880 --> 01:14:21,923
It wasn't easy.
1031
01:14:43,528 --> 01:14:47,365
Maybe if he'd helped me sooner,
they wouldn't be falling out.
1032
01:14:48,074 --> 01:14:51,161
Even without teeth,
breakfast at the Beardsleys' included...
1033
01:14:51,328 --> 01:14:53,246
...5 pounds of bacon...
1034
01:14:54,372 --> 01:14:56,458
...2 gallons of oatmeal...
1035
01:14:57,042 --> 01:14:58,835
...three dozen eggs...
1036
01:15:04,466 --> 01:15:07,844
...and 40 pieces of toast,
unless I missed.
1037
01:15:09,846 --> 01:15:12,390
And that was only to hold them
until lunch.
1038
01:15:12,599 --> 01:15:15,310
Which they couldn't prepare
without the old skipper.
1039
01:15:15,477 --> 01:15:20,357
After 20 happy years in the Navy,
I had at least learned how to deal.
1040
01:15:44,673 --> 01:15:49,094
Breakfast was the best meal of the day,
if you had long arms.
1041
01:15:49,928 --> 01:15:53,140
I don't care much for eggs anyway.
1042
01:15:57,644 --> 01:16:01,565
And I can live without bacon
if I have to.
1043
01:16:02,357 --> 01:16:04,776
Although some people are pigs
about it.
1044
01:16:07,612 --> 01:16:10,991
But if a fellow can't even have a piece
of toast, he's finished.
1045
01:16:11,158 --> 01:16:13,410
I could starve to death
right at this table...
1046
01:16:13,577 --> 01:16:15,829
...and nobody would even stop eating.
1047
01:16:18,206 --> 01:16:21,001
- School bus is coming.
- Get your rain boots on!
1048
01:16:27,757 --> 01:16:31,052
Phillip, stop dawdling.
Now, come on, dear.
1049
01:16:31,219 --> 01:16:35,640
There was nothing else to do.
I had to invent the oatmeal sandwich.
1050
01:16:37,225 --> 01:16:38,560
Come on, Phillip.
1051
01:16:38,727 --> 01:16:41,605
This is where my system proved
so valuable.
1052
01:16:41,771 --> 01:16:45,901
The rain boots were all in one closet,
where they could be reached instantly.
1053
01:16:46,067 --> 01:16:50,113
We had learned to buy boots and shoes
and clothes in wholesale lots.
1054
01:16:50,280 --> 01:16:53,783
Sizes didn't matter, because eventually
everything fit everybody.
1055
01:16:54,993 --> 01:16:57,037
Almost everybody.
1056
01:17:12,260 --> 01:17:14,721
Don't worry, fella, just keep growing.
1057
01:17:14,888 --> 01:17:17,182
Someday you can fill my boots.
1058
01:17:21,478 --> 01:17:23,271
That's my brother.
1059
01:17:40,163 --> 01:17:43,875
We got some wild things planned.
You've gotta come. It'll be out of sight.
1060
01:17:44,042 --> 01:17:46,086
- Hi, Larry.
- Hey.
1061
01:17:47,087 --> 01:17:50,131
The gang is throwing a freak-out
tonight at the beach house.
1062
01:17:50,298 --> 01:17:52,759
Tell your parents we're going
to a movie.
1063
01:17:52,926 --> 01:17:54,261
Oh, Larry, I couldn't.
1064
01:17:54,469 --> 01:17:57,889
Here we go again. Why not?
1065
01:17:58,098 --> 01:18:01,643
- I heard about those parties.
- I can't wait to find out if it's true.
1066
01:18:01,852 --> 01:18:03,687
Well, I'm not going.
1067
01:18:03,854 --> 01:18:06,189
- You are unbelievable.
- I am?
1068
01:18:06,356 --> 01:18:08,233
It's that ridiculous family of yours.
1069
01:18:08,400 --> 01:18:11,111
You're medieval.
You're so hung up, it's pathetic.
1070
01:18:11,278 --> 01:18:13,155
Do you know what you are?
A sex maniac.
1071
01:18:13,363 --> 01:18:17,784
If I'm a sex maniac, I'm the most
frustrated sex maniac in the world.
1072
01:18:17,951 --> 01:18:21,496
- And I'm almost out of high school!
- Big deal!
1073
01:18:30,297 --> 01:18:32,507
That's fine. All right, children...
1074
01:18:32,674 --> 01:18:36,553
...finish up your problems
and bring in your papers.
1075
01:18:44,144 --> 01:18:49,149
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Phillip.
1076
01:18:50,358 --> 01:18:52,527
You didn't sign your paper properly.
1077
01:18:52,736 --> 01:18:55,822
- Your name is Phillip North.
- I'm Phillip Beardsley.
1078
01:18:55,989 --> 01:18:58,492
We all went to church
and we were all married.
1079
01:18:58,658 --> 01:19:01,953
- I'm Phillip Beardsley.
- No, dear, not legally...
1080
01:19:02,120 --> 01:19:05,999
...and we must sign our legal names
in school, mustn't we?
1081
01:19:06,208 --> 01:19:08,919
- Beardsley.
- No, dear, North.
1082
01:19:09,085 --> 01:19:12,714
- North! North! North!
- Beardsley! Beardsley! Beardsley!
1083
01:19:35,821 --> 01:19:39,157
I got here as fast as I could,
Sister Mary. What is it this time?
1084
01:19:39,324 --> 01:19:41,076
Why don't you ask Phillip.
1085
01:19:42,744 --> 01:19:44,204
Phillip.
1086
01:19:46,665 --> 01:19:49,543
- Darling, what happened?
- Nothing.
1087
01:19:49,709 --> 01:19:52,629
- Who did that to you?
- One of the kids.
1088
01:19:52,796 --> 01:19:54,673
She started it.
1089
01:19:55,131 --> 01:19:58,552
- She says I'm not legal.
- What?
1090
01:19:58,760 --> 01:20:02,848
- And Mike isn't my brother.
- Of course he's your brother.
1091
01:20:03,014 --> 01:20:06,017
- Then my name is Phillip Beardsley.
- Phillip North.
1092
01:20:07,227 --> 01:20:09,271
There she goes again.
1093
01:20:11,898 --> 01:20:16,528
Sister, couldn't you just call him
Phillip Beardsley?
1094
01:20:16,736 --> 01:20:21,158
I'm sorry, but the school requires
that we use their legal names.
1095
01:20:21,366 --> 01:20:23,410
Let's go to another school.
1096
01:20:25,162 --> 01:20:30,167
I understand your legal problem,
but you must try to understand mine.
1097
01:20:30,333 --> 01:20:34,796
You see, I'm trying to bring
two families together...
1098
01:20:35,839 --> 01:20:40,010
...and this is the first sign
that I may be succeeding.
1099
01:20:40,177 --> 01:20:43,972
I really would appreciate it if you'd let
Phillip sign his name Beardsley.
1100
01:20:44,181 --> 01:20:46,516
But legally it's North.
1101
01:20:48,101 --> 01:20:52,063
But it's more important
that emotionally it's Beardsley.
1102
01:20:52,898 --> 01:20:54,900
North.
1103
01:20:55,066 --> 01:20:57,819
- Beardsley.
- North.
1104
01:20:58,445 --> 01:21:01,531
Beardsley! Beardsley! Beardsley!
1105
01:21:01,740 --> 01:21:03,783
Watch out, Mom.
You might get a black eye.
1106
01:21:08,705 --> 01:21:12,167
You mean, I adopt your children
and you want to adopt mine?
1107
01:21:12,334 --> 01:21:15,545
Yes, that way we'll really be
one family.
1108
01:21:16,213 --> 01:21:18,798
Your children will have a mother,
legally...
1109
01:21:18,965 --> 01:21:23,094
...and mine will have a father, legally.
That way they'll be protected.
1110
01:21:23,261 --> 01:21:27,516
You know, in case anything should
happen to either one of us.
1111
01:21:31,895 --> 01:21:34,523
- Strawberry or raspberry?
- Apricot.
1112
01:21:34,731 --> 01:21:39,486
Do you know that in California
it costs $250 just to adopt one child?
1113
01:21:39,653 --> 01:21:42,280
- Really?
- That's a lot of money for a formality.
1114
01:21:42,489 --> 01:21:44,950
A black eye isn't a formality.
1115
01:21:47,452 --> 01:21:49,496
- How much milk?
- Twenty quarts.
1116
01:21:49,746 --> 01:21:52,916
Sixteen, 18, 20.
1117
01:21:53,083 --> 01:21:55,168
What we ought to adopt is a cow.
1118
01:21:56,545 --> 01:21:59,339
These are for Dad.
1119
01:22:09,724 --> 01:22:12,936
Two hundred and fifty times 18
is $4500.
1120
01:22:13,854 --> 01:22:16,940
- How did you figure that out so fast?
- Sheer panic.
1121
01:22:17,149 --> 01:22:18,900
Well, hello, Mr. Beardsley.
1122
01:22:19,067 --> 01:22:21,194
Should I wrap it,
or you gonna eat it here?
1123
01:22:21,403 --> 01:22:24,156
All right, Harry,
just call out the reserves.
1124
01:22:24,364 --> 01:22:27,742
Dave, Jack, it's an emergency.
The Beardsleys are here. More boxes.
1125
01:22:27,951 --> 01:22:31,121
Frank, you know what I'd like
for Christmas?
1126
01:22:31,288 --> 01:22:32,914
- What?
- Don't buy me anything.
1127
01:22:33,582 --> 01:22:36,293
The most expensive gift in the world
is when a wife says:
1128
01:22:36,459 --> 01:22:39,838
- " Don't buy me anything. "
- Look, if we didn't...
1129
01:22:40,005 --> 01:22:43,717
...give each other Christmas gifts,
and if we didn't get the new car...
1130
01:22:43,884 --> 01:22:46,261
...and we cut down
on all the little things...
1131
01:22:46,428 --> 01:22:50,348
...the things we don't really need,
the little luxuries...
1132
01:22:50,515 --> 01:22:53,226
...couldn't we afford to
adopt our kids?
1133
01:22:59,983 --> 01:23:03,945
Thank you, Dad. Would you put these
back there, please?
1134
01:23:22,464 --> 01:23:25,091
- Is that it?
- That's it.
1135
01:23:34,851 --> 01:23:36,436
Would you care to check it?
1136
01:23:42,567 --> 01:23:45,654
How could you decide something
like that without asking us?
1137
01:23:46,321 --> 01:23:49,741
Colleen, we thought you children
would be happy to be adopted.
1138
01:23:49,950 --> 01:23:52,494
Happy to forget
our real father's name?
1139
01:23:52,661 --> 01:23:56,498
- Get lost in a jungle full of Beardsleys?
- Now, just a minute.
1140
01:23:56,706 --> 01:23:59,918
Mother, that's the most awful thing
I've ever heard.
1141
01:24:00,085 --> 01:24:02,587
He's gone a year,
and you're trying to wipe him...
1142
01:24:02,754 --> 01:24:04,965
...out of your life
as if he never existed.
1143
01:24:05,590 --> 01:24:07,884
And I thought you loved him.
1144
01:24:21,064 --> 01:24:23,692
- I like Beardsley.
- You be quiet!
1145
01:24:23,859 --> 01:24:27,737
- And no, I don't want any dessert.
- I'll take his.
1146
01:24:31,032 --> 01:24:33,994
Sorry, I didn't think I was
committing a federal offence.
1147
01:24:34,161 --> 01:24:36,163
Thought they'd want me for a father.
1148
01:24:36,371 --> 01:24:38,665
Yeah, well, now you know
what they think of you.
1149
01:24:38,832 --> 01:24:41,376
Stay out of it.
It's their problem.
1150
01:24:41,585 --> 01:24:44,754
Now, wait a minute, Rosemary.
It's not just their problem.
1151
01:24:44,921 --> 01:24:47,883
I was planning on adopting
all you children too.
1152
01:24:48,091 --> 01:24:50,302
- Was that part of the deal?
- Yes.
1153
01:24:50,469 --> 01:24:54,473
I thought everybody understood that.
We want this to be one family.
1154
01:24:55,849 --> 01:24:57,434
Excuse me.
1155
01:24:59,311 --> 01:25:02,647
- What's the matter with him?
- What do you think?
1156
01:25:02,814 --> 01:25:04,316
I gotta do my homework.
1157
01:25:06,109 --> 01:25:09,070
Homework? He's really shook.
1158
01:25:09,362 --> 01:25:11,198
Why shouldn't he be?
1159
01:25:11,406 --> 01:25:15,035
We loved our mother just as much
as they loved their father.
1160
01:25:15,202 --> 01:25:17,120
I know that, Rosemary.
1161
01:25:17,329 --> 01:25:19,581
And now you're asking us
to bury her again?
1162
01:25:19,748 --> 01:25:21,458
Who's getting buried?
1163
01:25:22,334 --> 01:25:26,296
- Come on, we'll get you washed.
- Excuse me.
1164
01:25:27,422 --> 01:25:30,467
I can't eat if everybody's gonna cry!
1165
01:25:35,222 --> 01:25:38,308
Frank, how could we have been
so wrong?
1166
01:25:38,475 --> 01:25:41,978
- I feel like a murderer.
- Merry Christmas, everybody!
1167
01:25:43,522 --> 01:25:46,024
Merry, merry, merry...
1168
01:25:49,611 --> 01:25:51,279
Merry.
1169
01:25:52,239 --> 01:25:53,782
What a let- down.
1170
01:25:54,157 --> 01:25:57,285
I walked in here,
full of the old Christmas spirit...
1171
01:25:57,452 --> 01:26:00,372
...ready to tell you the good news,
and it's a disaster area.
1172
01:26:00,539 --> 01:26:03,041
What's the good news?
I could use some right now.
1173
01:26:03,208 --> 01:26:05,085
- Didn't Frank tell you?
- No.
1174
01:26:05,252 --> 01:26:07,420
Didn't you know you married Edison,
the man?
1175
01:26:07,587 --> 01:26:10,132
- I am?
- That Fresnel- lens landing system...
1176
01:26:10,298 --> 01:26:13,176
...Frank and I worked on
has been accepted by the Navy.
1177
01:26:13,343 --> 01:26:16,638
- Frank, that's wonderful!
- It's only been accepted for testing.
1178
01:26:16,805 --> 01:26:19,182
Well, it's going on shake- down
on the Big E.
1179
01:26:19,349 --> 01:26:21,726
- Hey, that's cool.
- When are you taking it out?
1180
01:26:21,893 --> 01:26:23,520
I'm not taking it out.
1181
01:26:23,687 --> 01:26:27,357
Since your father is anchored here,
I volunteered to handle it for him.
1182
01:26:27,566 --> 01:26:29,901
But, Dad,
how come you're not taking it out?
1183
01:26:30,068 --> 01:26:33,155
It just might be I felt it wasn't right
to leave my family.
1184
01:26:34,197 --> 01:26:36,658
But a shake- down,
that's only a couple of weeks.
1185
01:26:37,159 --> 01:26:38,660
You always used to.
1186
01:26:38,869 --> 01:26:41,663
- Well, things are a little different now.
- That stinks.
1187
01:26:41,830 --> 01:26:44,791
- That really stinks.
- I'd rather not talk about it, okay?
1188
01:26:46,710 --> 01:26:48,670
Big mouth.
1189
01:26:51,756 --> 01:26:54,843
- Frank.
- You really sank the Navy, didn't you?
1190
01:27:09,691 --> 01:27:11,485
- Frank.
- Yeah?
1191
01:27:11,651 --> 01:27:14,571
You really do wanna go to sea again,
don't you?
1192
01:27:15,489 --> 01:27:19,409
I'm not going to pretend.
There's no halo on me.
1193
01:27:19,576 --> 01:27:22,078
Sure, I suppose I'm a little envious
of Darrell.
1194
01:27:22,245 --> 01:27:26,958
But when I signed on for this cruise,
I knew it was for the duration.
1195
01:27:27,250 --> 01:27:30,545
You make me feel
as if I'm World War III.
1196
01:27:30,712 --> 01:27:32,130
Well, you shouldn't.
1197
01:27:33,215 --> 01:27:36,593
Helen, I want you to know something,
if you don't already know it.
1198
01:27:36,760 --> 01:27:39,471
I'm happier than I've ever been
in my life.
1199
01:27:39,638 --> 01:27:42,182
I've already gotten
what I want for Christmas.
1200
01:27:42,349 --> 01:27:43,892
Thank you.
1201
01:27:45,477 --> 01:27:49,064
- I'm glad you adopted me.
- So am I.
1202
01:28:05,080 --> 01:28:08,166
He's been here! He's been here!
Santa Claus has been here!
1203
01:28:08,333 --> 01:28:10,836
Santa Claus has been here.
Santa Claus has been here.
1204
01:28:11,002 --> 01:28:14,756
Santa Claus has been here.
Santa Claus has been here.
1205
01:28:14,923 --> 01:28:16,758
- Santa Claus!
- Let me out!
1206
01:28:16,925 --> 01:28:19,719
Get out!
Let me get to the Christmas tree!
1207
01:28:19,886 --> 01:28:22,180
Let me out!
I wanna get to the Christmas tree!
1208
01:28:32,440 --> 01:28:36,444
Frank! Frank, where are you?
You're missing Christmas!
1209
01:28:37,028 --> 01:28:38,488
Frank!
1210
01:28:40,740 --> 01:28:43,618
Frank! Where are you?
You're missing everything.
1211
01:28:46,496 --> 01:28:49,166
Frank, you're missing it!
Where are you?
1212
01:28:56,673 --> 01:28:58,925
Frank, what are you doing in here?
1213
01:28:59,092 --> 01:29:02,262
- I'm an elf.
- But you haven't been to bed at all.
1214
01:29:02,429 --> 01:29:06,183
I've had six scooters, three wagons,
a fire engine. This is the last bicycle.
1215
01:29:06,349 --> 01:29:09,603
- General Motors couldn't have kept up.
- Well, hurry up, dear.
1216
01:29:11,980 --> 01:29:14,566
Does anybody know where
the package is for your dad?
1217
01:29:14,733 --> 01:29:17,235
- The red- and-white package.
- Here it is!
1218
01:29:17,402 --> 01:29:21,072
- Oh, thank you, darling. Thank you.
- Hey, what do you know?
1219
01:29:21,239 --> 01:29:24,701
Santa Claus brought so many presents
he had to leave some in the closet.
1220
01:29:24,868 --> 01:29:27,245
Does it have my name on it?
For Phillip North?
1221
01:29:27,412 --> 01:29:30,123
I wrote him my legal name.
I didn't want any trouble.
1222
01:29:30,290 --> 01:29:32,501
Let's see, it says
" Phillip North Beardsley. "
1223
01:29:32,667 --> 01:29:36,046
- That takes care of the situation.
- Oh, boy!
1224
01:29:42,511 --> 01:29:45,180
It had my name on it, all right.
1225
01:29:45,388 --> 01:29:48,183
We'll get an elf over here
to fix it up. Greg.
1226
01:29:48,350 --> 01:29:50,811
Get off it, darling. He'll fix it.
1227
01:29:51,770 --> 01:29:53,855
- You're not an elf.
- Well, I'm practising.
1228
01:29:54,022 --> 01:29:55,607
All right, come on.
1229
01:29:57,609 --> 01:30:00,737
Frank, this is for you.
1230
01:30:03,615 --> 01:30:05,116
Well, go ahead, open it.
1231
01:30:05,283 --> 01:30:09,329
- Mommy, look what I got!
- That's beautiful, darling.
1232
01:30:22,843 --> 01:30:26,138
Susan, don't eat the ornaments
off the tree until later.
1233
01:30:26,304 --> 01:30:29,432
I think Santa Claus made a mistake.
Maybe this is for Tommy, huh?
1234
01:30:29,599 --> 01:30:32,227
No, dear, I think this is for you.
1235
01:30:34,229 --> 01:30:36,773
- I don't get it.
- Bon voyage.
1236
01:30:36,940 --> 01:30:38,400
What are you talking about?
1237
01:30:38,567 --> 01:30:41,987
Everybody else got what they really
wanted for Christmas. Why not you?
1238
01:30:42,154 --> 01:30:44,698
- Dad can go on the Enterprise?
- That's great!
1239
01:30:44,865 --> 01:30:47,993
Just a minute. Did it ever occur
to anybody that I might know...
1240
01:30:48,160 --> 01:30:52,122
...where my duty lies and prefer
to stay here, look after my family...?
1241
01:30:52,289 --> 01:30:55,167
Complain for a few more minutes,
dear, before you agree.
1242
01:30:55,333 --> 01:30:57,794
I'm gonna answer the phone.
1243
01:30:59,629 --> 01:31:02,215
- If she thinks I have any intention of...
- How long?
1244
01:31:02,382 --> 01:31:04,217
About six weeks.
1245
01:31:05,844 --> 01:31:08,847
Well, when are we gonna sing
Christmas carols, huh?
1246
01:31:10,765 --> 01:31:15,270
Doctor, this is Christmas,
not April Fool. Are you sure?
1247
01:31:15,437 --> 01:31:19,316
My dear Mrs. Beardsley, the reason
I am in my office on Christmas Day...
1248
01:31:19,483 --> 01:31:22,611
...is because I wanted
to check the lab report personally.
1249
01:31:22,777 --> 01:31:26,948
You do not have indigestion,
ileitis or diverticulitis.
1250
01:31:27,115 --> 01:31:30,202
What you have is a simple case
of pregnancy.
1251
01:31:30,368 --> 01:31:32,162
P-R-E-G...
1252
01:31:32,329 --> 01:31:35,457
Doctor, if anybody knows
how to spell it, I do.
1253
01:31:36,625 --> 01:31:39,544
- Thanks for calling.
- Merry Christmas.
1254
01:31:54,684 --> 01:31:57,437
- Who was it?
- Wrong number.
1255
01:32:39,312 --> 01:32:41,898
And so the skipper
went back to sea...
1256
01:32:42,065 --> 01:32:44,860
...protesting until the ship
was out of hearing.
1257
01:32:48,238 --> 01:32:51,241
Darling, always the same,
days speed by...
1258
01:32:51,408 --> 01:32:53,785
...but the nights go very slowly.
1259
01:32:53,952 --> 01:32:57,998
You missed a wonderful day today.
Susan stopped eating.
1260
01:32:58,165 --> 01:33:03,003
A boy invited her to her first dance,
and she insisted on buying this dress.
1261
01:33:03,170 --> 01:33:04,838
As you can see by the picture...
1262
01:33:05,005 --> 01:33:08,133
...she's still got a few pounds
to go before Saturday night.
1263
01:33:08,300 --> 01:33:11,136
Oh, what we girls go through
for our men.
1264
01:33:20,270 --> 01:33:21,813
Dearest mother of 18:
1265
01:33:21,980 --> 01:33:26,276
Military security being what it is,
I can't tell you where we are...
1266
01:33:26,443 --> 01:33:29,029
...but the enclosed photograph
of Darrell and me...
1267
01:33:29,196 --> 01:33:32,491
...may give you some idea.
I'm the sexy one.
1268
01:33:34,409 --> 01:33:37,412
Mike's letter was from the president
of the United States.
1269
01:33:37,579 --> 01:33:40,040
It said, "Greetings..."
1270
01:33:43,502 --> 01:33:46,755
Deep breath. Hold it. Exhale.
1271
01:33:46,922 --> 01:33:48,465
That's fine, son. Name.
1272
01:33:48,632 --> 01:33:50,717
- Michael Francis Beardsley.
- Hello, Mike.
1273
01:33:50,884 --> 01:33:53,303
Hi, doc. What are you doing
at the draft board?
1274
01:33:53,470 --> 01:33:56,056
Sacrificing one afternoon a week
for my country.
1275
01:33:56,223 --> 01:33:58,850
- How's your mother feeling?
- You mean my stepmother.
1276
01:33:59,017 --> 01:34:00,894
She's fine, I guess.
1277
01:34:03,146 --> 01:34:06,608
- No morning sickness?
- No, doc, I feel fine.
1278
01:34:07,108 --> 01:34:08,568
Not you, your mother.
1279
01:34:08,777 --> 01:34:12,364
Now, why should she have...?
Morning sickness!
1280
01:34:13,114 --> 01:34:16,618
- We need a sample of your blood.
- Take it all.
1281
01:34:20,163 --> 01:34:22,791
Hi, Mike.
How did the physical go?
1282
01:34:22,958 --> 01:34:26,044
Well, they took inventory.
I had enough parts.
1283
01:34:26,211 --> 01:34:29,673
Mike, how do you really feel
about the whole thing?
1284
01:34:30,382 --> 01:34:32,425
Yeah, I understand.
1285
01:34:34,928 --> 01:34:36,805
Where are the girls?
Should you do that?
1286
01:34:36,972 --> 01:34:39,224
Why shouldn't I?
What's the matter with you?
1287
01:34:39,391 --> 01:34:43,103
Nothing with me, but I think
you're out of your mind.
1288
01:34:44,729 --> 01:34:46,148
Does it show that much?
1289
01:34:46,314 --> 01:34:48,900
No, but guess who the doctor was
at the draft board.
1290
01:34:49,067 --> 01:34:52,195
Oh, I ought to report him
to the Medical Association.
1291
01:34:52,362 --> 01:34:54,406
No, he's gonna report you.
1292
01:34:55,824 --> 01:34:58,326
Bring that over for me, will you?
1293
01:35:02,330 --> 01:35:05,250
You knew about it Christmas Day,
didn't you?
1294
01:35:05,709 --> 01:35:08,670
- And you still let Dad ship out?
- Yes.
1295
01:35:08,837 --> 01:35:10,213
Why?
1296
01:35:10,380 --> 01:35:12,466
He wanted so much to go.
1297
01:35:12,632 --> 01:35:16,303
Two people can't live with an ocean
between them for the rest of their lives.
1298
01:35:16,470 --> 01:35:20,140
- If you write him about it, I'll shoot you.
- You would, too.
1299
01:35:20,307 --> 01:35:23,393
I'd just as soon he didn't know
about this draft thing either.
1300
01:35:23,560 --> 01:35:25,562
Why not? Can't we tell him anything?
1301
01:35:25,729 --> 01:35:30,150
No, I'm thinking about the Marines.
That would drive him out of his skull.
1302
01:35:30,317 --> 01:35:31,651
Okay.
1303
01:35:33,069 --> 01:35:37,574
- Do you really want this baby?
- Very much.
1304
01:35:37,782 --> 01:35:41,953
You see, he won't have to worry
whether he's a Beardsley or a North.
1305
01:35:47,584 --> 01:35:50,796
The Navy, like a woman,
has a way of changing its mind.
1306
01:35:50,962 --> 01:35:55,634
Our short cruise was extended
so often, we lost all track of time...
1307
01:35:55,801 --> 01:35:59,888
...until one day when the mail plane
caught up with us.
1308
01:36:06,978 --> 01:36:09,648
- Darrell, we're pregnant!
- We're what?
1309
01:36:09,815 --> 01:36:12,567
Mike's letter! Helen and I,
we're gonna have a baby.
1310
01:36:12,776 --> 01:36:14,611
- Our first.
- Your first? Wait a minute.
1311
01:36:14,778 --> 01:36:17,739
You can't even count. No wonder
it happened. When is she due?
1312
01:36:17,906 --> 01:36:20,408
When is she due?
The idiot, he doesn't say.
1313
01:36:20,575 --> 01:36:22,619
- Oh, no.
- Let me read Helen's letter again.
1314
01:36:22,786 --> 01:36:25,121
- Open some of those for me.
- Yeah, okay.
1315
01:36:25,288 --> 01:36:27,374
Here's one from Mary.
I can tell by the jam.
1316
01:36:27,541 --> 01:36:30,043
- Helen doesn't mention it.
- Phillip gave you a tooth.
1317
01:36:30,210 --> 01:36:32,212
Thanks. Colleen's in love.
1318
01:36:32,379 --> 01:36:35,048
What, again? Wait a minute.
What are we doing?
1319
01:36:35,215 --> 01:36:38,260
You've had enough training.
Can't you figure out the date?
1320
01:36:38,426 --> 01:36:40,512
It can't be soon.
Helen would've told me.
1321
01:36:40,679 --> 01:36:42,973
Now, maybe she doesn't
tell you everything.
1322
01:36:43,140 --> 01:36:46,810
Unless Veronica is an impressionist,
number 19 is about to be launched.
1323
01:36:51,398 --> 01:36:54,401
I've gotta get on that mail plane
before it takes off.
1324
01:38:07,474 --> 01:38:11,436
Veronica's artistic endeav our
was not quite accurate.
1325
01:38:11,603 --> 01:38:14,272
A month later, we were still waiting
for the stork.
1326
01:38:14,439 --> 01:38:17,818
Every night we would go to bed
wondering if this were D-day.
1327
01:38:18,026 --> 01:38:20,487
Naturally, Helen was the most
nervous of all...
1328
01:38:20,654 --> 01:38:24,241
...and it was compounded by
the tension about Mike and the draft.
1329
01:38:24,407 --> 01:38:28,578
She kept getting more excitable,
anxious and emotional.
1330
01:38:28,745 --> 01:38:31,206
Why can't a woman be more
like a man?
1331
01:38:32,916 --> 01:38:34,417
- Frank?
- What?
1332
01:38:34,584 --> 01:38:37,170
Don't make so much noise,
you'll wake the children.
1333
01:38:37,337 --> 01:38:39,631
I just want a glass of water.
1334
01:38:41,758 --> 01:38:44,719
- Why are you making that terrible face?
- I have indigestion.
1335
01:38:44,886 --> 01:38:46,763
How often do you have
that indigestion?
1336
01:38:46,930 --> 01:38:49,099
- About every 15 minutes.
- That's it!
1337
01:38:49,266 --> 01:38:51,184
Stay calm. Everything's organised.
1338
01:38:54,020 --> 01:38:56,690
Don't worry, everything's...
I've laid it all on.
1339
01:38:56,857 --> 01:38:59,401
Don't rush, now, Frank. I'm all right.
1340
01:38:59,568 --> 01:39:02,487
- There's plenty of time, but hurry!
- We'll get you there.
1341
01:39:08,451 --> 01:39:10,162
Stay calm.
1342
01:39:10,328 --> 01:39:12,747
Red alert! Red alert!
1343
01:39:12,956 --> 01:39:15,584
Red alert! Red alert!
1344
01:39:19,129 --> 01:39:21,756
Mike! Get the car out of the garage
and warm it up.
1345
01:39:21,923 --> 01:39:24,718
- Nicky, get her bag, quickly.
- We've done this before.
1346
01:39:24,885 --> 01:39:26,219
Rosemary, Louise, Tommy...
1347
01:39:26,386 --> 01:39:28,763
...get blankets and pillows
for the station wagon.
1348
01:39:28,930 --> 01:39:31,433
- Phillip, what are you doing?
- Going to the bathroom.
1349
01:39:31,600 --> 01:39:34,519
- What, is the stork coming?
- Maybe a whole flock of storks.
1350
01:39:34,686 --> 01:39:36,605
I never thought of that.
1351
01:39:36,855 --> 01:39:39,649
- Hey, Mike! What...?
- What's happened?
1352
01:39:39,816 --> 01:39:42,360
Hey, stop it! Hey, Mike!
1353
01:39:42,944 --> 01:39:44,404
What is this?
1354
01:39:44,946 --> 01:39:47,407
Will you knock it off. Now, listen...
1355
01:39:47,574 --> 01:39:51,912
Larry, what are you...? Mike! Break
it up. Knock it off. What is all this?
1356
01:39:52,078 --> 01:39:54,206
Larry, why are you in our house
at this hour?
1357
01:39:54,372 --> 01:39:56,708
- Dad, Mom wants you right away.
- Get the car.
1358
01:39:56,875 --> 01:40:00,921
I'm hysterical enough without your
help. What's going on around here?
1359
01:40:01,254 --> 01:40:04,090
Nothing. That's the whole problem
with your daughter.
1360
01:40:04,299 --> 01:40:09,346
Mike! Will you cut it out.
Look at you. You two, are you crazy?
1361
01:40:09,513 --> 01:40:11,598
My bike!
1362
01:40:11,765 --> 01:40:13,475
You all right?
1363
01:40:17,145 --> 01:40:19,689
What happened? Hey, man,
don't you know how to drive?
1364
01:40:19,856 --> 01:40:22,651
- Look what you did to my bike.
- My mother's having a baby.
1365
01:40:22,818 --> 01:40:25,737
The bike's jammed under the car.
We may never get it loose.
1366
01:40:25,904 --> 01:40:29,699
Dad! Mom said they're coming
six minutes apart!
1367
01:40:29,908 --> 01:40:33,036
- What are we gonna do?
- Get a crowbar and pry it loose.
1368
01:40:33,203 --> 01:40:36,248
- What?
- Not you!
1369
01:40:39,459 --> 01:40:42,504
- Daddy, can I go to bed now?
- Of course.
1370
01:40:42,671 --> 01:40:46,133
Please, I can't talk to Mother right now.
I've got to talk to somebody.
1371
01:40:46,299 --> 01:40:47,717
Well, talk fast.
1372
01:40:47,884 --> 01:40:51,429
Well, Larry says he'll never speak
to me again unless I grow up.
1373
01:40:51,596 --> 01:40:54,975
He says I'm being ridiculous,
and I don't love him. But I do love him.
1374
01:40:55,142 --> 01:40:57,519
- Am I ridiculous?
- You're not being ridiculous.
1375
01:40:57,686 --> 01:41:00,188
Well, do all the other girls,
like Larry says?
1376
01:41:00,355 --> 01:41:02,065
And am I just being old-fashioned?
1377
01:41:02,274 --> 01:41:05,527
The same idiots were passing
the same rumours when I was your age.
1378
01:41:05,777 --> 01:41:09,072
If all girls did, how come I always
ended up with ones who didn't?
1379
01:41:09,239 --> 01:41:10,657
But it's all different now.
1380
01:41:10,824 --> 01:41:14,327
They wrote Fanny Hill in 1742, and they
haven't found anything new since.
1381
01:41:14,494 --> 01:41:18,415
- Who's Fanny Hill?
- Go to bed, that's who Fanny Hill is.
1382
01:41:20,792 --> 01:41:23,879
- Ready, honey?
- Thank you, dear. Oh, boy, am I ready.
1383
01:41:24,045 --> 01:41:26,715
Frank, I think maybe you're
gonna have to help me.
1384
01:41:26,882 --> 01:41:29,301
- You all right?
- Yeah, I'm all right, dear.
1385
01:41:31,470 --> 01:41:34,598
I know this is a terrible time
to talk about it, but Larry said...
1386
01:41:34,764 --> 01:41:38,185
I've got a message for Larry.
You tell him this is what it's all about.
1387
01:41:38,351 --> 01:41:40,770
- This is the real happening.
- Come on, Tommy.
1388
01:41:40,937 --> 01:41:43,982
If you wanna know what love really is,
take a look around you.
1389
01:41:44,149 --> 01:41:46,860
- What are you talking about?
- Take a look at your mother.
1390
01:41:47,027 --> 01:41:48,487
- Not now.
- Yes, now.
1391
01:41:48,653 --> 01:41:50,447
It's giving life that counts.
1392
01:41:50,614 --> 01:41:53,241
Till you're ready for it,
the rest is just a big fraud.
1393
01:41:53,408 --> 01:41:56,995
All the crazy haircuts in the world
won't keep it turning.
1394
01:41:57,204 --> 01:42:00,457
Life isn't a love- in, it's the dishes
and the orthodontist...
1395
01:42:00,624 --> 01:42:02,501
...and the shoe repairman...
1396
01:42:02,667 --> 01:42:04,878
...and ground round
instead of roast beef.
1397
01:42:05,045 --> 01:42:06,421
I'll tell you something else.
1398
01:42:06,588 --> 01:42:08,882
Going to bed with a man
doesn't prove your love.
1399
01:42:09,049 --> 01:42:12,302
It's getting up in the morning
and facing the drab, miserable...
1400
01:42:12,469 --> 01:42:14,888
...wonderful everyday world
with him that counts.
1401
01:42:15,055 --> 01:42:16,932
- Are you all right, Mother?
- Yes, dear.
1402
01:42:17,098 --> 01:42:20,227
- Now, you kids get back to bed. Go on.
- Go to bed.
1403
01:42:20,393 --> 01:42:23,271
- Good night, Mommy.
- Bye, Mommy. Bye.
1404
01:42:24,981 --> 01:42:26,650
You all right?
1405
01:42:27,108 --> 01:42:30,529
I suppose having 19 kids
is carrying it a bit too far.
1406
01:42:30,695 --> 01:42:33,949
But if we had it to do over,
who would we skip? You?
1407
01:42:34,616 --> 01:42:38,119
- All together, now. One, two, three!
- Come on, this is light.
1408
01:42:38,286 --> 01:42:40,747
- You got it out?
- God, that's a heavy bike.
1409
01:42:41,248 --> 01:42:43,583
- Okay, we got it out, Dad.
- Take it easy.
1410
01:42:43,750 --> 01:42:45,418
I'll get your legs.
1411
01:42:47,838 --> 01:42:51,591
Thank you, Frank. I never quite knew
how to explain it to her.
1412
01:42:51,758 --> 01:42:56,054
If we don't get you to the hospital fast,
the rest of it will be explained here.
1413
01:43:03,687 --> 01:43:05,355
See you later, Dad.
1414
01:43:08,316 --> 01:43:12,529
- Where's he going?
- Hey, Dad, the hospital is that way!
1415
01:43:19,744 --> 01:43:21,121
- Bye!
- Bye!
1416
01:43:25,876 --> 01:43:28,628
You'd think that was their first one.
1417
01:43:29,129 --> 01:43:32,466
Why don't you get a haircut!
1418
01:43:36,094 --> 01:43:39,639
Oh, I'm sorry, Frank,
I'll ask the nurse.
1419
01:43:39,806 --> 01:43:43,018
- They won't let the children in.
- I told you, hospital rules.
1420
01:43:43,185 --> 01:43:45,687
Could you hold him up
to the window so they can see?
1421
01:43:45,854 --> 01:43:48,940
- My husband says they're waiting.
- Of course.
1422
01:43:51,818 --> 01:43:53,320
Is my family out there?
1423
01:43:53,778 --> 01:43:56,948
Not only the family, he must have
brought the whole neighbourhood.
1424
01:43:57,365 --> 01:43:59,618
That neighbourhood is my family.
1425
01:44:00,785 --> 01:44:03,079
Honey, you'd better lie down.
1426
01:44:03,246 --> 01:44:05,832
And if I were you, I wouldn't get up
for three months.
1427
01:44:12,297 --> 01:44:14,174
Is he my brother or your brother?
1428
01:44:14,341 --> 01:44:16,218
He's both our brothers.
1429
01:44:16,384 --> 01:44:20,639
- Even to a nun, like Sister Mary?
- Even to Sister Mary.
1430
01:44:20,806 --> 01:44:23,266
Boy, is he lucky.
1431
01:44:29,105 --> 01:44:32,567
Petitioner Francis Louis Beardsley,
step forward, please.
1432
01:44:39,491 --> 01:44:41,952
You are married to the mother
of these children?
1433
01:44:42,118 --> 01:44:44,454
- Yes, sir.
- Has your wife consented...
1434
01:44:44,621 --> 01:44:48,416
...to adoption of the minor children?
- It was her idea.
1435
01:44:48,625 --> 01:44:51,169
If I'm gonna be adopted,
why can't I talk?
1436
01:44:51,336 --> 01:44:55,674
Don't question the workings
of a democracy, young man.
1437
01:44:55,924 --> 01:44:58,301
At least until you're 7.
1438
01:45:00,387 --> 01:45:03,557
- Has your wife consented?
- Yes, sir.
1439
01:45:04,141 --> 01:45:07,561
Will you execute an agreement
in the presence of the court...
1440
01:45:07,727 --> 01:45:11,731
...that the children shall
be treated in all respects as your...?
1441
01:45:13,733 --> 01:45:15,861
All right. Thank you.
1442
01:45:17,904 --> 01:45:21,867
That the children shall be treated in
every respect as your lawful children...
1443
01:45:22,033 --> 01:45:26,663
...and shall hereafter be known
as Colleen Marie Beardsley...
1444
01:45:26,830 --> 01:45:29,541
...Janette Dean Beardsley...
1445
01:45:29,708 --> 01:45:32,752
...Nicholas Richard Beardsley...
1446
01:45:32,919 --> 01:45:35,589
...Thomas Roderick Beardsley...
1447
01:45:35,755 --> 01:45:38,383
...Jean Louise Beardsley...
1448
01:45:38,550 --> 01:45:41,678
...Phillip Anthony Beardsley...
- I'm legal.
1449
01:45:44,473 --> 01:45:47,309
Gerald Joseph Beardsley...
1450
01:45:47,642 --> 01:45:50,854
...and Teresa Rose Beardsley.
1451
01:45:52,564 --> 01:45:56,151
Will you hand these to the clerk,
please? Thank you.
1452
01:45:58,528 --> 01:46:00,405
Helen North Beardsley.
1453
01:46:00,614 --> 01:46:02,365
Yes, sir.
1454
01:46:05,118 --> 01:46:07,621
There's been great fear expressed
by many people...
1455
01:46:07,787 --> 01:46:11,291
...that no one woman can give
this large number of children...
1456
01:46:11,458 --> 01:46:13,418
...sufficient attention and affection...
1457
01:46:13,585 --> 01:46:16,087
...to allow them to grow up
in a healthy atmosphere.
1458
01:46:16,296 --> 01:46:20,217
But in this court's investigation of your
home, the reverse seems to be true.
1459
01:46:20,383 --> 01:46:24,471
All the children seem to be happy,
well-fed and normal...
1460
01:46:24,638 --> 01:46:27,015
...the house amazingly clean
and in good order.
1461
01:46:28,558 --> 01:46:31,937
My wife has two children,
one poodle and a full-time maid...
1462
01:46:32,103 --> 01:46:34,898
...and can't seem to manage anything.
What is your secret?
1463
01:46:35,524 --> 01:46:39,069
Well, sir, a great deal of love...
1464
01:46:39,236 --> 01:46:41,321
...a little discipline...
1465
01:46:41,488 --> 01:46:43,824
...and a husband
who doesn't criticise.
1466
01:46:46,785 --> 01:46:49,246
Michael Francis Beardsley...
1467
01:46:49,412 --> 01:46:52,124
...Charles William Beardsley...
1468
01:46:52,666 --> 01:46:57,337
...and so forth and so forth Beardsley.
Will the minors step forward, please?
1469
01:47:01,591 --> 01:47:04,261
- Michael Francis Beardsley, do you...?
- Yes, sir, I do.
1470
01:47:04,427 --> 01:47:06,471
I haven't asked the question yet.
1471
01:47:06,638 --> 01:47:10,100
I leave for Camp Pendleton in an hour.
I was trying to speed things up.
1472
01:47:10,725 --> 01:47:13,228
Besides, it doesn't matter much
what this court does.
1473
01:47:13,395 --> 01:47:15,397
You see, we held our
own meeting yesterday.
1474
01:47:15,564 --> 01:47:18,733
If you're interested in democracy,
Helen North Beardsley...
1475
01:47:18,900 --> 01:47:22,404
...was unanimously elected
our mother, for life.
1476
01:47:22,571 --> 01:47:24,865
Three cheers for
Helen North Beardsley.
1477
01:47:30,328 --> 01:47:32,330
Mommy, pick me up!
1478
01:47:34,958 --> 01:47:36,418
Mommy, pick me up!
1479
01:47:42,841 --> 01:47:45,385
- Oh, here he comes.
- Here he comes.
1480
01:47:48,180 --> 01:47:50,974
Well, let's not get sticky about this.
1481
01:47:51,308 --> 01:47:53,351
Never saw you carry a bag
for your mother.
1482
01:47:53,518 --> 01:47:56,271
- Mom's not in the Marines.
- That's what you think.
1483
01:47:56,438 --> 01:48:00,901
Mike, I know this sounds crazy, but it's
gonna be lonesome around here.
1484
01:48:01,067 --> 01:48:03,236
With this mob?
1485
01:48:04,821 --> 01:48:08,200
Good luck. You sure you don't want
us to drive you to the bus station?
1486
01:48:08,366 --> 01:48:10,911
No, thanks, Dad. I'd rather walk.
1487
01:48:11,912 --> 01:48:13,538
Bye, Mike.
1488
01:48:17,459 --> 01:48:18,794
So long, Mike.
1489
01:48:18,960 --> 01:48:21,546
- Now, you take it easy, Phillip.
- Okay.
1490
01:48:35,060 --> 01:48:36,353
I don't know what to say.
1491
01:48:36,812 --> 01:48:39,773
How about Washington's farewell
to the troops?
1492
01:48:41,817 --> 01:48:44,736
Well, so long.
Don't everybody write at once, huh?
1493
01:48:44,903 --> 01:48:47,823
- So long, Mike.
- Goodbye, Mike.
124537
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