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1
00:00:00,671 --> 00:00:04,268
[♪ Marvel Studios fanfare
playing]
2
00:00:22,484 --> 00:00:25,025
[Deadpool scatting along]
♪ Ta ta ta ta ta ta ♪
3
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:27,731
♪ Ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ♪
4
00:00:27,731 --> 00:00:29,458
♪ Tan tan ta ♪
5
00:00:29,458 --> 00:00:30,866
♪ Tan tan tan tan ♪
6
00:00:30,866 --> 00:00:31,867
♪ Tan tan ta tan ♪
7
00:00:31,867 --> 00:00:33,495
- ♪ Tan tan tan tan! ♪
- [♪ fanfare concludes]
8
00:00:33,495 --> 00:00:36,971
[laughs] That logo music
just gets you pumped.
9
00:00:36,971 --> 00:00:38,170
- [♪ gentle music playing]
- Right?
10
00:00:38,170 --> 00:00:42,009
I’m sorry. I just,
I’m excited to be here.
It’s been a while.
11
00:00:42,009 --> 00:00:42,911
You know, for a long time,
12
00:00:42,911 --> 00:00:45,144
I wasn’t sure
I’d ever be back.
13
00:00:45,144 --> 00:00:45,914
Disney bought Fox,
14
00:00:45,914 --> 00:00:47,982
there was a whole
boring rights issue,
15
00:00:47,982 --> 00:00:48,785
blabbity-blabbity-blah.
16
00:00:48,785 --> 00:00:51,348
But then, it turned out,
they wanted me.
17
00:00:51,348 --> 00:00:54,758
The one guy who shouldn’t
even have his own movie,
18
00:00:54,758 --> 00:00:56,122
much less a franchise.
19
00:00:56,122 --> 00:00:59,158
[laughs] Marvel’s so stupid.
20
00:00:59,158 --> 00:01:01,127
Look, we know the title
of this thing.
21
00:01:01,127 --> 00:01:03,195
So, I know
what you’re wondering.
22
00:01:03,195 --> 00:01:04,064
How are we gonna do this
23
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:07,870
without dishonoring
Logan’s memory?
24
00:01:07,870 --> 00:01:09,938
And I’ll tell you how.
25
00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:10,774
We’re not.
26
00:01:10,774 --> 00:01:12,435
[♪ romantic music plays,
The Platters "Only You"]
27
00:01:12,435 --> 00:01:15,141
I’m gonna let you in
on a little secret.
28
00:01:15,141 --> 00:01:16,637
Wolverine is not dead.
29
00:01:16,637 --> 00:01:20,751
Sure, it made for a perfect
ending to a very sad story.
30
00:01:20,751 --> 00:01:21,510
But that’s not how
31
00:01:21,510 --> 00:01:23,611
regenerative healing
factors work.
32
00:01:23,611 --> 00:01:24,821
You think
I wanna be out here
33
00:01:24,821 --> 00:01:26,647
in beautiful downtown
North Dakota,
34
00:01:26,647 --> 00:01:30,057
digging up the one and only
Wolverine? No, thank you.
35
00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:32,829
But the fate of
my entire world is at stake.
36
00:01:32,829 --> 00:01:34,655
He may not
be living his best life,
37
00:01:34,655 --> 00:01:37,064
but he sure as hell ain’t
38
00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:39,429
- dead.
- [metal clanks]
39
00:01:41,563 --> 00:01:43,840
[crow cawing in distance]
40
00:01:43,939 --> 00:01:45,369
Bingo.
41
00:01:45,809 --> 00:01:47,206
Yahtzee.
42
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,703
[sighs]
43
00:01:49,703 --> 00:01:53,344
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
44
00:01:56,611 --> 00:01:57,920
Damn it!
45
00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:01,748
- Son of a bitch!
- [metal clangs]
46
00:02:02,958 --> 00:02:04,091
You...
47
00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:06,126
- [shovel snaps]
- [yelling]
48
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:09,063
Christ. Motherfucker!
49
00:02:09,063 --> 00:02:10,900
- My world is fuck...
- [♪ song stops]
50
00:02:10,900 --> 00:02:14,101
[laughs, snorts]
That was weird.
51
00:02:14,101 --> 00:02:14,838
I’m much calmer now.
52
00:02:14,838 --> 00:02:16,532
[♪ The Platter "Only You"
resumes playing]
53
00:02:16,532 --> 00:02:19,469
Look, I’m not a man
of science.
54
00:02:19,469 --> 00:02:22,978
But you seem
incredibly passed away.
55
00:02:22,978 --> 00:02:25,013
[flies buzzing]
56
00:02:25,244 --> 00:02:26,146
[sighs]
57
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:26,883
But it’s good to see ya.
58
00:02:26,883 --> 00:02:30,821
I gotta be honest,
I’ve always wanted
to ride with you, Log.
59
00:02:30,821 --> 00:02:31,745
You and me getting into it.
60
00:02:31,745 --> 00:02:35,716
Deadpool and Wolverine
just fuckin’ shit up.
61
00:02:35,716 --> 00:02:39,621
Can you imagine the fun,
the chaos...
62
00:02:39,621 --> 00:02:41,062
the residuals?
63
00:02:41,062 --> 00:02:42,195
[in Australian accent]
"G’day, mate.
64
00:02:42,195 --> 00:02:44,461
"There’s nothing that’ll
bring me back to life faster
65
00:02:44,461 --> 00:02:47,101
"than a big bag
of Marvel cash."
66
00:02:47,101 --> 00:02:50,731
[chuckles, in normal tone]
Me too, Hugh.
67
00:02:50,731 --> 00:02:53,107
But, no. No, no, no.
68
00:02:53,107 --> 00:02:57,738
[groans] You had to get
all noble and die for real.
69
00:02:57,738 --> 00:03:00,048
Goddamn it!
70
00:03:00,510 --> 00:03:03,887
I could really use
your help right now.
71
00:03:03,887 --> 00:03:06,153
[electrical whirring]
72
00:03:10,487 --> 00:03:13,292
[♪ tense music playing]
73
00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:15,866
Wait!
74
00:03:15,866 --> 00:03:17,967
I’m warning you,
I’m not alone.
75
00:03:17,967 --> 00:03:19,562
Wade Winston Wilson,
76
00:03:19,562 --> 00:03:22,664
you are under arrest by
the Time Variance Authority...
77
00:03:22,664 --> 00:03:23,533
[Deadpool sniffs] Oof.
78
00:03:23,533 --> 00:03:24,798
...for too many crimes
to list.
79
00:03:24,798 --> 00:03:26,008
- Come out...
- [Deadpool groans]
80
00:03:26,008 --> 00:03:27,075
...and we’ll extend you
the courtesy
81
00:03:27,075 --> 00:03:30,045
- of taking you in one piece.
- Death by day-player.
82
00:03:30,045 --> 00:03:31,145
Last chance.
83
00:03:31,145 --> 00:03:31,915
Throw out your weapons
84
00:03:31,915 --> 00:03:33,983
- and come out peacefully.
- [Deadpool sighs]
85
00:03:33,983 --> 00:03:36,183
[Deadpool] I’m not gonna
give you my weapons,
86
00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:38,779
but I promise not to use them.
87
00:03:38,779 --> 00:03:41,617
There are two hundred and six
bones in the human body.
88
00:03:41,617 --> 00:03:43,751
Two hundred and seven
if I’m watching Gossip Girl.
89
00:03:43,751 --> 00:03:45,225
[♪ pop music playing,
*NSYNC "Bye Bye Bye"]
90
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,656
- Here we go. Maximum effort.
- ♪ Hey, hey ♪
91
00:03:47,656 --> 00:03:49,361
[♪ song stops]
92
00:03:51,792 --> 00:03:54,971
- ♪ Bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
93
00:03:54,971 --> 00:03:55,598
Okay, peanut.
94
00:03:55,598 --> 00:03:58,337
Guess we’re getting
that team-up after all.
95
00:03:58,634 --> 00:04:02,077
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
96
00:04:05,839 --> 00:04:06,312
[grunts]
97
00:04:06,312 --> 00:04:08,149
♪ I’m doing this tonight ♪
98
00:04:08,149 --> 00:04:10,987
♪ You’re probably gonna
start a fight ♪
99
00:04:10,987 --> 00:04:11,581
[screaming]
100
00:04:11,581 --> 00:04:13,990
♪ I know this can’t be right ♪
101
00:04:13,990 --> 00:04:16,850
♪ Hey, baby, come on ♪
102
00:04:16,850 --> 00:04:19,292
♪ I loved you endlessly ♪
103
00:04:19,292 --> 00:04:21,690
♪ When you weren’t
there for me ♪
104
00:04:21,690 --> 00:04:27,729
♪ So now it’s time to leave
and make it alone ♪
105
00:04:27,729 --> 00:04:30,699
♪ I know that
I can’t take no more ♪
106
00:04:30,699 --> 00:04:32,206
[smooches]
107
00:04:32,635 --> 00:04:33,207
[exhales]
108
00:04:33,207 --> 00:04:35,671
♪ I wanna see you
out that door ♪
109
00:04:35,671 --> 00:04:38,311
- ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
110
00:04:38,311 --> 00:04:40,379
♪ Don’t wanna be
a fool for you ♪
111
00:04:40,379 --> 00:04:43,910
♪ Just another player
in your game for two ♪
112
00:04:43,910 --> 00:04:47,122
♪ You may hate me,
but it ain’t no lie ♪
113
00:04:47,122 --> 00:04:49,553
- ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
114
00:04:49,553 --> 00:04:51,621
♪ Don’t really wanna
make it tough ♪
115
00:04:51,621 --> 00:04:54,822
♪ I just wanna tell you
that I’ve had enough ♪
116
00:04:54,822 --> 00:04:58,793
♪ It might sound crazy,
but it ain’t no lie ♪
117
00:04:58,793 --> 00:05:02,764
♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
118
00:05:02,764 --> 00:05:04,865
♪ Just hit me with the truth ♪
119
00:05:04,865 --> 00:05:07,505
♪ Now, girl, you’re more
than welcome to ♪
120
00:05:07,505 --> 00:05:10,145
Maradona from outside the box!
121
00:05:10,145 --> 00:05:12,576
Goal!
122
00:05:12,576 --> 00:05:13,577
♪ Baby, come on ♪
123
00:05:13,577 --> 00:05:16,778
♪ I know that
I can’t take no more ♪
124
00:05:16,778 --> 00:05:18,846
- ♪ It ain’t no lie ♪
- [both yelling]
125
00:05:18,846 --> 00:05:21,651
♪ I wanna see you
out that door ♪
126
00:05:21,651 --> 00:05:24,357
- ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
127
00:05:24,357 --> 00:05:26,491
♪ Don’t wanna be
a fool for you ♪
128
00:05:26,491 --> 00:05:29,923
♪ Just another player
in your game for two ♪
129
00:05:29,923 --> 00:05:32,794
♪ You may hate me,
but it ain’t no lie ♪
130
00:05:32,794 --> 00:05:35,500
- ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
131
00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:37,667
♪ Don’t really wanna
make it tough ♪
132
00:05:37,667 --> 00:05:40,901
♪ I just wanna tell you
that I had enough ♪
133
00:05:40,901 --> 00:05:44,740
♪ Might sound crazy,
but it ain’t no lie ♪
134
00:05:44,740 --> 00:05:48,315
♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
135
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:54,024
♪ I don’t wanna be your fool ♪
136
00:05:54,024 --> 00:05:56,686
♪ In this game for two ♪
137
00:05:56,686 --> 00:05:59,656
♪ So I’m leavin’ you behind ♪
138
00:05:59,656 --> 00:06:01,064
Come on, big fella.
139
00:06:01,064 --> 00:06:02,593
♪ Bye, bye, bye, yeah ♪
140
00:06:02,593 --> 00:06:05,431
♪ I don’t wanna
make it tough ♪
141
00:06:05,431 --> 00:06:07,301
♪ But I’ve had enough ♪
142
00:06:07,301 --> 00:06:11,470
- ♪ And it ain’t no lie ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
143
00:06:11,470 --> 00:06:12,273
♪ Baby ♪
144
00:06:12,273 --> 00:06:13,736
♪ Don’t wanna be
a fool for you ♪
145
00:06:13,736 --> 00:06:15,507
♪ Just another player
in your game for two ♪
146
00:06:15,507 --> 00:06:20,347
♪ I don’t wanna be your fool,
but it ain’t no lie ♪
147
00:06:20,347 --> 00:06:22,844
- ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
148
00:06:22,844 --> 00:06:24,648
♪ Don’t really wanna
make it tough ♪
149
00:06:24,648 --> 00:06:28,355
♪ I just wanna tell you
that I had enough ♪
150
00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:31,622
♪ Might sound crazy,
but it ain’t no lie ♪
151
00:06:31,622 --> 00:06:34,460
- ♪ Bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
152
00:06:34,460 --> 00:06:36,561
- [♪ song ends]
- [gasps dramatically]
153
00:06:36,561 --> 00:06:39,795
[♪ operatic music playing]
154
00:06:39,795 --> 00:06:43,139
I am soaking wet right now.
155
00:06:44,107 --> 00:06:44,866
[roars]
156
00:06:44,866 --> 00:06:46,901
To be clear, I’m not proud
of any of this.
157
00:06:46,901 --> 00:06:50,707
The wanton violence,
the whiff of necrophilia.
158
00:06:50,707 --> 00:06:51,741
It isn’t who I am.
159
00:06:51,741 --> 00:06:53,545
It isn’t who I wanna be.
160
00:06:53,545 --> 00:06:54,216
Who I wanna be?
161
00:06:54,216 --> 00:06:56,449
Well, to help you
understand that,
162
00:06:56,449 --> 00:06:57,351
I’ve gotta take you back.
163
00:06:57,351 --> 00:06:59,848
A little joyride I took
through space and time,
164
00:06:59,848 --> 00:07:03,093
to the day
that changed everything.
165
00:07:03,093 --> 00:07:06,096
[♪ uptempo music building]
166
00:07:12,564 --> 00:07:14,764
[♪ music fades out]
167
00:07:14,764 --> 00:07:16,469
I can’t believe
I’m finally here.
168
00:07:16,469 --> 00:07:20,308
I’ve waited for this moment
for so long.
169
00:07:20,671 --> 00:07:23,872
Thank you, sir, for seeing me.
170
00:07:23,872 --> 00:07:25,907
I... I firmly believe
171
00:07:25,907 --> 00:07:27,073
that my services could be of
172
00:07:27,073 --> 00:07:29,548
great use
to your organization.
173
00:07:29,548 --> 00:07:30,153
Now, I know
174
00:07:30,153 --> 00:07:32,419
I was caught smashturbating
in the lobby of Stark Tower,
175
00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:33,849
- but I can assure you that--
- Smashturbating?
176
00:07:33,849 --> 00:07:34,916
I’m sorry, what...
what was that?
177
00:07:34,916 --> 00:07:39,052
No, I’m sorry. That...
That’s when you get those toy,
178
00:07:39,052 --> 00:07:39,756
Hulk hands, right?
179
00:07:39,756 --> 00:07:42,396
And then you just, you look
down, and you just...
180
00:07:42,396 --> 00:07:44,926
you brace yourself,
and you ravage the midsection.
181
00:07:44,926 --> 00:07:46,928
- Pinch the... Yeah. Okay.
- I get it. Okay, thank you.
182
00:07:46,928 --> 00:07:48,930
- The picture’s painted.
- You get the gist.
183
00:07:48,930 --> 00:07:51,636
Uh, what exactly
brings you here today?
184
00:07:51,636 --> 00:07:55,101
Why am I... Wow. Okay. Uh...
185
00:07:55,101 --> 00:07:56,003
I... I care.
186
00:07:56,003 --> 00:08:00,106
I know I turn everything
into a joke, but I...
187
00:08:00,975 --> 00:08:04,847
I care, and I wanna use
that feeling...
188
00:08:05,012 --> 00:08:07,454
for something important.
189
00:08:07,454 --> 00:08:08,587
I... I wanna matter.
190
00:08:08,587 --> 00:08:11,051
[♪ solemn music playing]
191
00:08:11,051 --> 00:08:14,087
I need to show my girl
that I matter.
192
00:08:14,956 --> 00:08:15,957
And...
193
00:08:15,957 --> 00:08:17,563
You know,
I feel like I’m wasting
194
00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:18,300
the good stuff here.
195
00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:19,994
Is the man not gonna
be joining us?
196
00:08:19,994 --> 00:08:20,764
- The man?
- Yeah.
197
00:08:20,764 --> 00:08:22,601
I should save this
if he’s gonna...
198
00:08:22,601 --> 00:08:25,208
Uh, as far as you’re concerned
right now, I’m the man.
199
00:08:25,208 --> 00:08:26,572
- No.
- The man is me.
200
00:08:26,572 --> 00:08:29,839
I am the man
in this circumstance.
201
00:08:29,839 --> 00:08:31,038
- Mm.
- He doesn’t do
202
00:08:31,038 --> 00:08:32,743
this kind of thing anymore.
203
00:08:32,743 --> 00:08:33,513
- Cameos?
- Meetings.
204
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,647
- Meetings.
- Entry-level meetings.
205
00:08:35,647 --> 00:08:36,252
Entry-level?
206
00:08:36,252 --> 00:08:38,012
Aren’t you the chauffeur...
207
00:08:38,012 --> 00:08:40,421
- maybe?
- I... Common misconception.
208
00:08:40,421 --> 00:08:42,016
- Okay.
- I did begin my career
209
00:08:42,016 --> 00:08:43,589
as Mr. Stark’s driver.
210
00:08:43,589 --> 00:08:44,590
- Okay.
- Quickly pivoted to...
211
00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:46,053
- Chauffeur.
- ...the Head of Security.
212
00:08:46,053 --> 00:08:48,121
The Head of...
Of course, yes, yes, yes.
213
00:08:48,121 --> 00:08:50,959
And why I am vetting
your resume.
214
00:08:50,959 --> 00:08:53,500
You seem to have left out
whether or not you had
215
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,634
any experience
as a member of a team.
216
00:08:55,634 --> 00:08:56,371
Could you maybe add
217
00:08:56,371 --> 00:08:57,471
a little bit
of perspective there?
218
00:08:57,471 --> 00:09:00,100
Oh. No, yes, of course.
I was Special Forces...
219
00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:01,134
- Okay.
- ...but I was...
220
00:09:01,134 --> 00:09:02,806
Mainly, I was team leader...
221
00:09:02,806 --> 00:09:03,675
founder, really, of X-Force.
222
00:09:03,675 --> 00:09:05,941
Sadly, they... they all
perished in action though.
223
00:09:05,941 --> 00:09:07,107
Oh. How exactly
did that happen?
224
00:09:07,107 --> 00:09:09,384
Well, the police say gravity,
but if...
225
00:09:09,384 --> 00:09:11,045
Just between us,
they didn’t test well
226
00:09:11,045 --> 00:09:12,486
- in the focus group.
- I see.
227
00:09:12,486 --> 00:09:14,554
- Particularly Cable.
- X-Force.
228
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:15,258
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
229
00:09:15,258 --> 00:09:16,358
Look, I can see
this isn’t going well.
230
00:09:16,358 --> 00:09:17,623
Please stop writing.
Look, I... I...
231
00:09:17,623 --> 00:09:20,725
I’m just...
I wanna be an Avenger.
232
00:09:21,627 --> 00:09:24,124
I wanna be an Avenger.
233
00:09:24,861 --> 00:09:26,764
Why do you wanna be
an Avenger?
234
00:09:26,764 --> 00:09:28,535
Look around you.
I mean, they’re the...
235
00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:29,866
they’re the best of the best.
236
00:09:29,866 --> 00:09:32,198
And... And what
they do matters.
237
00:09:32,198 --> 00:09:34,101
I need to be an Avenger.
238
00:09:34,101 --> 00:09:36,939
Sir, my girl
has kinda had it
with my shtick,
239
00:09:36,939 --> 00:09:37,841
and I... if I don’t, you know,
240
00:09:37,841 --> 00:09:40,745
turn things around and
do something with my "gifts,"
241
00:09:40,745 --> 00:09:42,945
I don’t think it’s gonna
really work out for me,
242
00:09:42,945 --> 00:09:44,980
and I wouldn’t blame her.
243
00:09:44,980 --> 00:09:49,886
Avengers are a very unique
group of superheroes
244
00:09:49,886 --> 00:09:50,623
that stand for something
245
00:09:50,623 --> 00:09:53,153
more than just fighting
and wearing costumes.
246
00:09:53,153 --> 00:09:56,893
I mean, people look up to us.
Kids look up to us.
247
00:09:56,893 --> 00:09:57,894
- They--
- I’m sorry. "Us"?
248
00:09:57,894 --> 00:10:00,699
I wasn’t aware
that you were an Avenger.
249
00:10:00,699 --> 00:10:01,799
Avengers-adjacent, technically.
250
00:10:01,799 --> 00:10:03,163
Oh, wow.
What’s your superpower?
251
00:10:03,163 --> 00:10:06,276
Is it parallel parking?
I am so sorry.
252
00:10:06,276 --> 00:10:06,870
That was cruel.
253
00:10:06,870 --> 00:10:09,708
I lash out when I’m nervous.
Won’t happen again.
254
00:10:09,708 --> 00:10:11,171
- Let’s cut to the chase.
- Please.
255
00:10:11,171 --> 00:10:12,414
You just said moments ago
256
00:10:12,414 --> 00:10:15,879
that you wanted to be
an Avenger because
257
00:10:15,879 --> 00:10:17,518
you need it.
258
00:10:17,518 --> 00:10:18,211
Yes, sir, I do.
259
00:10:18,211 --> 00:10:20,015
But the Avengers
don’t do the job
260
00:10:20,015 --> 00:10:21,082
because they need it.
261
00:10:21,082 --> 00:10:24,327
They do the job
because people need them.
262
00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:27,022
Do you see the distinction?
263
00:10:28,155 --> 00:10:30,223
Yes, sir.
264
00:10:30,465 --> 00:10:31,532
Please, Mr. Hogan.
265
00:10:31,532 --> 00:10:32,929
I don’t wanna spend
the rest of my life
266
00:10:32,929 --> 00:10:36,064
like an annoying
one-trick pony.
267
00:10:38,473 --> 00:10:39,969
All right.
268
00:10:39,969 --> 00:10:41,575
Oh, my God, you’re standing.
269
00:10:41,575 --> 00:10:43,742
Yeah, now’s the time
that we stand.
270
00:10:43,742 --> 00:10:44,204
Damn it.
271
00:10:44,204 --> 00:10:45,612
Now, the problem
might be that you’re
272
00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:47,878
reaching a little...
little too high.
273
00:10:47,878 --> 00:10:50,617
Aim for the middle,
and you’ll never miss.
274
00:10:50,617 --> 00:10:51,981
Right?
I think you got a good heart.
275
00:10:51,981 --> 00:10:53,587
I believe what you’re saying.
276
00:10:53,587 --> 00:10:55,721
But not everybody’s
the world-saving type.
277
00:10:55,721 --> 00:10:57,954
I’m not, and I’m happy.
278
00:10:57,954 --> 00:11:00,396
Right? I found my place.
279
00:11:00,726 --> 00:11:02,662
Find your place.
280
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,697
All right? Get back out there.
281
00:11:04,697 --> 00:11:06,798
- We’ll keep an eye on you.
- Okay.
282
00:11:06,798 --> 00:11:08,294
Good luck.
283
00:11:08,470 --> 00:11:11,000
- [Wade Wilson] Mm. Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
284
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:13,904
Fetch the car.
I wanna hit Shake Shack.
285
00:11:13,904 --> 00:11:16,203
Rejection makes me hungy.
286
00:11:16,478 --> 00:11:17,908
- No, no. Please.
- No?
287
00:11:17,908 --> 00:11:19,877
- Yeah, no, no, no.
- Okay.
288
00:11:19,877 --> 00:11:21,681
Okay, thank you.
289
00:11:22,583 --> 00:11:24,552
[Deadpool]
You know what they say.
290
00:11:24,552 --> 00:11:26,818
When one door closes,
291
00:11:27,016 --> 00:11:28,754
your locker at work opens.
292
00:11:28,754 --> 00:11:31,988
[♪ rousing music playing]
293
00:11:32,219 --> 00:11:34,155
[stapling]
294
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:39,765
Now let’s go sell
some certified
295
00:11:39,765 --> 00:11:41,833
pre-owned vehicles,
motherfu...
296
00:11:41,833 --> 00:11:43,538
[♪ music stops]
297
00:11:43,538 --> 00:11:48,004
Technically, the...
the Carnival’s not a minivan.
298
00:11:48,642 --> 00:11:49,236
It’s an MPV.
299
00:11:49,236 --> 00:11:51,843
So how does the Kia compare
to the Honda Odyssey?
300
00:11:51,843 --> 00:11:53,174
The Odyssey?
That’s a great question.
301
00:11:53,174 --> 00:11:55,176
- Um, it doesn’t fucking suck.
- [boy snickers]
302
00:11:55,176 --> 00:11:57,717
You know, you can answer
the question without swearing.
303
00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:00,687
I’m sorry, Tammy, I don’t...
I don’t have kids.
304
00:12:00,687 --> 00:12:02,348
Not that I haven’t
dreamt of that,
305
00:12:02,348 --> 00:12:05,692
but I don’t have
a lot of vaginal sex.
306
00:12:07,826 --> 00:12:09,091
[Peter] You’ll get ’em
next time, pal.
307
00:12:09,091 --> 00:12:10,158
- [Wade] Yeah.
- [Peter] And look,
308
00:12:10,158 --> 00:12:11,665
you can always go back
to superhero-ing.
309
00:12:11,665 --> 00:12:14,404
I mean, I know I’d like
to see you back in the suit.
310
00:12:14,404 --> 00:12:16,934
I don’t keep it in my locker
so that I can wear it.
311
00:12:16,934 --> 00:12:19,871
I keep it in my locker in case
we need to saddle up again.
312
00:12:19,871 --> 00:12:23,743
Hey, hey, hey.
What is that doing in there?
313
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,338
I’m done.
314
00:12:26,614 --> 00:12:28,077
I’m done.
315
00:12:28,077 --> 00:12:30,112
And I’m fine with being done.
316
00:12:30,112 --> 00:12:32,180
Look, is sales the best match?
317
00:12:32,180 --> 00:12:32,818
Probably not.
318
00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:36,756
Is this the life that I always
imagined for myself? Fuck no.
319
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:40,529
But this is the right fit
for me, Sugar Bear, it is.
320
00:12:40,529 --> 00:12:41,893
Okay, Mr. Wilson.
321
00:12:41,893 --> 00:12:43,532
I’m just saying,
once a month,
322
00:12:43,532 --> 00:12:45,534
we could go
on a little mission.
323
00:12:45,534 --> 00:12:48,702
We’re human beings.
We crave purpose.
324
00:12:48,702 --> 00:12:50,000
After all, we’re Deadpool.
325
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:52,937
Please stop saying that.
We’re not Deadpool.
326
00:12:52,937 --> 00:12:54,807
I’m not even Deadpool anymore.
327
00:12:54,807 --> 00:12:58,107
Well, if you’re gonna have
a midlife crisis, go big.
328
00:12:58,107 --> 00:12:59,779
A few years ago,
a friend of mine
329
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,979
got his nipples pierced
with a titanium chain
330
00:13:01,979 --> 00:13:05,884
that goes down and attaches
to his Van Johnson.
331
00:13:05,884 --> 00:13:07,754
[camera clicking]
332
00:13:09,492 --> 00:13:11,791
Are... Are you feeling
grumplestiltskin
333
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,991
’cause it’s your birthday?
334
00:13:15,124 --> 00:13:16,763
What?
335
00:13:17,027 --> 00:13:18,424
No.
336
00:13:19,062 --> 00:13:20,668
No.
337
00:13:22,703 --> 00:13:24,936
- Surprise!
- [♪ hip-hop music plays]
338
00:13:24,936 --> 00:13:28,401
Hey, you guys are lucky
I’m not armed.
339
00:13:28,610 --> 00:13:29,204
Get in here.
340
00:13:29,204 --> 00:13:31,712
If this were six years ago,
you’d all be dead.
341
00:13:31,712 --> 00:13:33,648
So then,
he gets out of the cab,
342
00:13:33,648 --> 00:13:34,649
and you will not believe it.
343
00:13:34,649 --> 00:13:36,552
I turn around,
and what do I find?
344
00:13:36,552 --> 00:13:38,411
- AirPods. His AirPods.
- His AirPods!
345
00:13:38,411 --> 00:13:39,346
- Come on.
- Crazy story.
346
00:13:39,346 --> 00:13:43,218
- Every time. Come on.
- [laughing]
Every single time.
347
00:13:43,449 --> 00:13:44,593
[Wade sighs]
348
00:13:44,593 --> 00:13:46,122
Make any sales today?
349
00:13:46,122 --> 00:13:47,090
You know I didn’t.
350
00:13:47,090 --> 00:13:48,993
Did you sell
any dreamcatchers on Etsy
351
00:13:48,993 --> 00:13:50,599
or whatever it is
that you do?
352
00:13:50,599 --> 00:13:52,568
Our rent’s due
in three days, Wade.
353
00:13:52,568 --> 00:13:53,998
I can’t keep carrying you.
354
00:13:53,998 --> 00:13:55,197
Relax. I have the money.
355
00:13:55,197 --> 00:13:58,134
I sold some old
blood pressure medication
356
00:13:58,134 --> 00:13:59,069
I found lying around.
357
00:13:59,069 --> 00:14:00,675
You tryin’ to kill me, motherfucker?
358
00:14:00,675 --> 00:14:02,578
I’m not the one
dousing everything in salt,
359
00:14:02,578 --> 00:14:05,207
- motherfucker.
- I pray every day
360
00:14:05,207 --> 00:14:07,011
that fire finds your body
361
00:14:07,011 --> 00:14:09,651
and finishes the job
God didn’t have
362
00:14:09,651 --> 00:14:11,048
- the nuts to do.
- That’s hurtful.
363
00:14:11,048 --> 00:14:12,918
If you could hear
the look on my face,
364
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:14,480
you’d smell how sad I am.
365
00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:15,855
You watched anything good?
366
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,857
Great British Bake Off.
367
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:18,484
Oh, goddamn.
368
00:14:18,484 --> 00:14:20,827
That show stood between me
and suicide for 10 years.
369
00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:23,731
Those are my feelings on
abortion, religious freedom,
370
00:14:23,731 --> 00:14:25,898
animal rights,
privacy rights, vaccines,
371
00:14:25,898 --> 00:14:27,999
free-market capitalism,
global climate change.
372
00:14:27,999 --> 00:14:31,464
Yeah, duh-duh-duh.
No, no speaking lines, Buck.
373
00:14:31,464 --> 00:14:33,675
- Hi, Yukio.
- Hi, Wade.
374
00:14:33,675 --> 00:14:35,908
Nice fake o’clock shadow.
375
00:14:35,908 --> 00:14:38,746
It’s a summer balayage.
From the French.
376
00:14:38,746 --> 00:14:42,816
It’s meant to mimic
the natural highlights
of the sun.
377
00:14:42,816 --> 00:14:44,851
- It’s a toupee.
- It’s a hair system.
378
00:14:44,851 --> 00:14:47,557
I love your hair system, Wade.
379
00:14:47,557 --> 00:14:48,723
Thank you. Heh.
380
00:14:48,723 --> 00:14:49,482
Wanna do some cocaine?
381
00:14:49,482 --> 00:14:52,958
Hey, cocaine is the one thing
that Feige said is off limits.
382
00:14:52,958 --> 00:14:54,597
What about
Bolivian marching powder?
383
00:14:54,597 --> 00:14:56,896
They know all the slang terms.
They have a list.
384
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:59,195
- Even snowboarding?
- Even disco dust.
385
00:14:59,195 --> 00:14:59,965
White girl interrupted?
386
00:14:59,965 --> 00:15:01,461
- Even Forrest Bump.
- Booger sugar?
387
00:15:01,461 --> 00:15:02,605
I wouldn’t even try
powdered gonuts.
388
00:15:02,605 --> 00:15:07,368
- Do you wanna build a snowman?
- Yes. But I can’t.
389
00:15:08,468 --> 00:15:09,612
Pull here.
390
00:15:09,612 --> 00:15:10,646
- Here?
- Yeah. [gasps]
391
00:15:10,646 --> 00:15:11,614
- [Yukio yelps]
- [laughter]
392
00:15:11,614 --> 00:15:14,309
- [Dopinder] What happened?
- That’s the fun part.
393
00:15:15,013 --> 00:15:16,586
Thanks for coming.
394
00:15:16,586 --> 00:15:17,620
Yeah.
395
00:15:17,620 --> 00:15:18,654
How’s work?
396
00:15:18,654 --> 00:15:20,722
Oh, I got a promotion.
397
00:15:21,085 --> 00:15:21,547
No way.
398
00:15:21,547 --> 00:15:25,452
Yeah. It’s mind-numbing middle
management, but I’m happy.
399
00:15:25,452 --> 00:15:27,091
That’s great.
400
00:15:27,861 --> 00:15:30,325
- You, uh, seeing anyone?
- How about you?
401
00:15:30,831 --> 00:15:32,668
Um... Yeah.
402
00:15:32,668 --> 00:15:35,605
A guy from work. Dermot.
403
00:15:35,605 --> 00:15:36,529
Dermot.
404
00:15:36,529 --> 00:15:38,003
- He’s kind.
- Good.
405
00:15:38,003 --> 00:15:39,609
Likes to go hiking.
406
00:15:39,609 --> 00:15:41,072
Hasn’t gotten me shot yet.
407
00:15:41,072 --> 00:15:43,569
Well, it’s the early days.
408
00:15:43,569 --> 00:15:45,681
[Vanessa chuckles]
409
00:15:47,078 --> 00:15:49,575
What about you?
You seeing anyone?
410
00:15:49,575 --> 00:15:50,180
[Wade] Mm...
411
00:15:50,180 --> 00:15:51,984
No, no, I live
in a one-bedroom apartment.
412
00:15:51,984 --> 00:15:54,316
I share a bed with Blind Al.
413
00:15:55,053 --> 00:15:56,956
- Okay.
- [laughs]
414
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:59,255
- All right.
- All right.
415
00:15:59,552 --> 00:16:03,424
[all] ♪ Happy birthday
to you ♪
416
00:16:03,424 --> 00:16:04,931
- Speech! Speech!
- [Yukio] Yes!
417
00:16:04,931 --> 00:16:07,934
All right.
Okay, okay, okay. Uh...
418
00:16:08,198 --> 00:16:08,968
Birthdays.
419
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,838
Boy, every spin
around the moon
420
00:16:10,838 --> 00:16:11,707
is a new adventure indeed.
421
00:16:11,707 --> 00:16:14,941
- Sun, dumbass.
- Okay, round-earther.
422
00:16:15,238 --> 00:16:17,911
- Where was I?
- The adventure of life.
423
00:16:17,911 --> 00:16:18,604
Right. Um...
424
00:16:18,604 --> 00:16:20,815
It’s been
a challenging few years.
425
00:16:20,815 --> 00:16:22,080
Haven’t seen you guys
in a while.
426
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:24,445
Been through a lot,
uh, change of life.
427
00:16:24,445 --> 00:16:27,052
- Menopause?
- Bitch, are you improv-ing?
428
00:16:27,052 --> 00:16:28,823
- Mm-mm.
- Sorry.
429
00:16:28,823 --> 00:16:30,726
[softly] I’m sorry that
you had to see that, Yukio.
430
00:16:30,726 --> 00:16:33,696
- [softly] It’s okay.
- Yeah.
431
00:16:34,092 --> 00:16:35,764
[sighs] But I’m happy.
432
00:16:35,764 --> 00:16:36,897
You know, and that’s... that’s
433
00:16:36,897 --> 00:16:40,032
because of each
and every one of you.
434
00:16:40,032 --> 00:16:41,803
I guess,
what I’m trying to say is
435
00:16:41,803 --> 00:16:43,739
how proud I am,
how grateful I am
436
00:16:43,739 --> 00:16:44,806
to be standing in a room
437
00:16:44,806 --> 00:16:48,238
with every single
person I love.
438
00:16:48,238 --> 00:16:51,142
[♪ soft music playing]
439
00:16:53,144 --> 00:16:55,685
I’m the luckiest man alive.
440
00:16:55,685 --> 00:16:57,181
[chuckles]
441
00:16:57,577 --> 00:16:58,314
Make a wish, buddy.
442
00:16:58,314 --> 00:17:01,515
Ten-four, good buddy.
[chuckles]
443
00:17:01,515 --> 00:17:03,154
Going down.
444
00:17:05,959 --> 00:17:07,697
[knock at door]
445
00:17:08,896 --> 00:17:09,864
Wade Wilson?
446
00:17:09,864 --> 00:17:10,964
Oh, yeah. Dancers.
447
00:17:10,964 --> 00:17:12,735
Dopinder must have
ordered you.
448
00:17:12,735 --> 00:17:15,034
Are those supposed
to be cop costumes?
449
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:15,903
Never mind.
450
00:17:15,903 --> 00:17:18,598
Take your clothes off
but leave the helmets.
451
00:17:18,598 --> 00:17:20,776
And this isn’t Pretty Woman.
452
00:17:20,776 --> 00:17:21,777
We’re kissing. All right?
453
00:17:21,777 --> 00:17:24,813
What song do you guys
normally dance to?
454
00:17:24,813 --> 00:17:28,212
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
455
00:17:28,212 --> 00:17:29,378
Is that supposed to be scary?
456
00:17:29,378 --> 00:17:31,677
Pegging isn’t new for me, friendo.
457
00:17:31,677 --> 00:17:33,855
But it is for Disney.
458
00:17:33,855 --> 00:17:34,581
Ah, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta!
459
00:17:34,581 --> 00:17:36,517
Okay, I’ve never been
a natural bottom,
460
00:17:36,517 --> 00:17:38,618
so we’re gonna
take things real slow.
461
00:17:38,618 --> 00:17:40,961
And I want some
crazy eye contact.
462
00:17:40,961 --> 00:17:41,621
Not you.
You.
463
00:17:41,621 --> 00:17:43,964
Can’t see your eyes
through the mask,
but I can feel them.
464
00:17:43,964 --> 00:17:45,526
We’re gonna move on
down the hallway
465
00:17:45,526 --> 00:17:47,660
so we can spare a cleanup
on aisle asshole.
466
00:17:47,660 --> 00:17:49,563
How’s everyone feel
about this plan?
467
00:17:49,563 --> 00:17:50,267
I don’t like you.
468
00:17:50,267 --> 00:17:52,599
Yes. Let’s hold on
to that attitude.
469
00:17:52,599 --> 00:17:54,810
And we’re gonna do it angry.
470
00:17:54,810 --> 00:17:56,372
[grunts]
471
00:17:57,274 --> 00:17:58,880
[grunts]
472
00:18:01,982 --> 00:18:04,578
[♪ suspenseful music playing]
473
00:18:04,578 --> 00:18:06,712
[Wade moans softly]
474
00:18:06,888 --> 00:18:08,648
[Wade grunts]
475
00:18:12,553 --> 00:18:14,390
[Voice] Mr. Wilson...
476
00:18:14,764 --> 00:18:18,130
you appear to have soiled
yourself while unconscious.
477
00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:21,034
I wasn’t unconscious.
Who are you?
478
00:18:21,034 --> 00:18:22,596
I go by the name of Paradox.
479
00:18:22,596 --> 00:18:26,666
Mr. Paradox. And you’re
sitting here at the TVA.
480
00:18:26,666 --> 00:18:28,602
The Time Variance Authority.
481
00:18:28,602 --> 00:18:30,637
We’re really
a watchdog organization,
482
00:18:30,637 --> 00:18:33,574
except we’re more lighthearted
than that sounds,
483
00:18:33,574 --> 00:18:37,050
with a sort of
throwback, ironic twist.
484
00:18:37,050 --> 00:18:38,645
And we’re in charge
of defending
485
00:18:38,645 --> 00:18:40,856
what’s known
as the Sacred Timeline.
486
00:18:40,856 --> 00:18:44,585
Holy fuck. That is a shit-ton
of exposition for a threequel.
487
00:18:44,585 --> 00:18:46,587
Is this because
I used Cable’s time machine?
488
00:18:46,587 --> 00:18:48,897
Brought a couple of people
back to life,
489
00:18:48,897 --> 00:18:49,656
then I destroyed it.
490
00:18:49,656 --> 00:18:50,899
- That was a long time ago.
- Yes,
491
00:18:50,899 --> 00:18:53,759
we’re aware of your abuse
of your timeline.
492
00:18:53,759 --> 00:18:56,597
[chuckles] And you were
so abusive of it.
493
00:18:56,597 --> 00:18:59,567
Uh, no, it has nothing
to do with that.
494
00:18:59,567 --> 00:19:01,206
Walk with me.
495
00:19:02,438 --> 00:19:05,375
[♪ mysterious music playing]
496
00:19:05,848 --> 00:19:09,082
I brought you here,
Mr. Wilson, to tell you
497
00:19:09,082 --> 00:19:10,578
that you’re special.
498
00:19:10,578 --> 00:19:13,988
In fact, you’ve been chosen
for a higher purpose,
499
00:19:13,988 --> 00:19:16,551
a purpose unclear even to me.
500
00:19:16,551 --> 00:19:18,289
But one that could
501
00:19:18,289 --> 00:19:20,962
save the entire
Sacred Timeline
502
00:19:20,962 --> 00:19:23,932
from a possibly grisly fate
sometime in the future,
503
00:19:23,932 --> 00:19:27,232
which may very well
need to be...
504
00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:28,794
avenged.
505
00:19:28,794 --> 00:19:31,203
This Sacred Timeline,
506
00:19:31,467 --> 00:19:34,173
I assume I’m going to marvel
507
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:35,702
at how
508
00:19:35,702 --> 00:19:37,605
cinematic it feels?
509
00:19:37,605 --> 00:19:38,848
Gratuitous cameos,
510
00:19:38,848 --> 00:19:41,708
indiscriminate use of
Variants, the whole package?
511
00:19:41,708 --> 00:19:43,809
Well, you tell me.
512
00:19:43,809 --> 00:19:45,382
[device beeps]
513
00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:50,189
[♪ heroic music playing]
514
00:19:50,926 --> 00:19:52,323
Cap!
515
00:19:58,593 --> 00:20:00,969
You are no longer lost, Wade.
516
00:20:00,969 --> 00:20:03,763
You can be a hero
among heroes.
517
00:20:03,763 --> 00:20:06,172
We’ve been surveilling you
for quite a while.
518
00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:10,242
- Subway station.
- A TVA outpost, yes.
519
00:20:10,539 --> 00:20:12,706
- And what is that?
- Hmm?
520
00:20:14,774 --> 00:20:17,051
Is that me? Is that Thor?
521
00:20:17,513 --> 00:20:19,449
- Is he crying?
- Uh, let’s not
522
00:20:19,449 --> 00:20:20,648
- get ahead of ourselves.
- [gasps]
523
00:20:20,648 --> 00:20:21,990
That happens
in the distant future.
524
00:20:21,990 --> 00:20:23,717
Why is Thor crying?
Quick! Tell me.
525
00:20:23,717 --> 00:20:25,158
Do not speak to her.
Stop that. Eyes on me.
526
00:20:25,158 --> 00:20:27,787
I brought you here
to offer you an opportunity.
527
00:20:27,787 --> 00:20:29,789
The opportunity
you sought years ago,
528
00:20:29,789 --> 00:20:31,626
but for which
you were not ready.
529
00:20:31,626 --> 00:20:32,858
We believe you’re ready now.
530
00:20:32,858 --> 00:20:35,003
Ready for a chance
to leave your timeline
531
00:20:35,003 --> 00:20:36,939
and join the greatest
universe of all.
532
00:20:36,939 --> 00:20:39,469
I am about to
give you the thing
you’ve always wanted.
533
00:20:39,469 --> 00:20:41,042
Oh, I smell
what you’re steppin’ in.
534
00:20:41,042 --> 00:20:42,736
The power
in the Marvel Universe
535
00:20:42,736 --> 00:20:44,771
is about to change forever.
536
00:20:46,212 --> 00:20:47,708
I am the Messiah...
537
00:20:47,708 --> 00:20:50,051
[♪ heavenly music building]
538
00:20:50,051 --> 00:20:52,746
I am...
539
00:20:52,746 --> 00:20:55,419
- [♪ music stops]
- ...Marvel Jesus.
540
00:20:55,749 --> 00:20:57,586
Can you excuse me
for just a moment?
541
00:20:57,586 --> 00:20:59,885
I’m just gonna go over here.
542
00:21:02,492 --> 00:21:03,823
Suck it, Fox!
543
00:21:03,823 --> 00:21:05,132
I’m going to Disneyland.
544
00:21:05,132 --> 00:21:07,266
[grunts] Get fucked!
545
00:21:10,236 --> 00:21:10,863
Where do I sign?
546
00:21:10,863 --> 00:21:11,897
Oh, there’s no need
for paperwork.
547
00:21:11,897 --> 00:21:14,801
Good. Not to brag,
but I do not read.
548
00:21:14,801 --> 00:21:15,439
[chuckles] Oh.
549
00:21:15,439 --> 00:21:18,409
There is one thing
I will need, though.
550
00:21:20,114 --> 00:21:21,874
[♪ rousing music playing]
551
00:21:21,874 --> 00:21:24,580
[laughs] Oh, fuck off!
552
00:21:24,580 --> 00:21:27,154
Adorn me, Beardo.
553
00:21:41,069 --> 00:21:43,830
- [squeaks]
- [elevator dings]
554
00:21:43,830 --> 00:21:47,141
[♪ hip-hop music plays, Fergie
ft. Ludacris "Glamorous"]
555
00:21:47,141 --> 00:21:48,538
Fuckin’ A!
556
00:21:48,538 --> 00:21:50,144
Uhh! It’s perfect! FYI,
557
00:21:50,144 --> 00:21:54,115
your tailor is a predator,
but I love it. Snug.
558
00:21:54,115 --> 00:21:54,808
No camel toe.
559
00:21:54,808 --> 00:21:58,779
New car smell
and adamantium katanas?
560
00:21:58,779 --> 00:22:00,583
You shouldn’t have.
561
00:22:00,583 --> 00:22:02,090
Go ahead. Take it in.
562
00:22:02,090 --> 00:22:05,027
And yes, your underwear
is getting tighter.
563
00:22:05,027 --> 00:22:06,820
That guy knows
what I’m talking about.
564
00:22:06,820 --> 00:22:08,624
His clothes says
middle management,
565
00:22:08,624 --> 00:22:11,561
but his eyes say
fuck-y fuck-y.
566
00:22:11,561 --> 00:22:13,563
Yes. You look very nice.
567
00:22:13,563 --> 00:22:14,267
[Deadpool] "Nice"?
568
00:22:14,267 --> 00:22:16,500
Your buddy here is ready
to throw it all away for me.
569
00:22:16,500 --> 00:22:17,567
- You callin’ your wife?
- HR.
570
00:22:17,567 --> 00:22:18,733
[Deadpool] Does your wife
work in HR?
571
00:22:18,733 --> 00:22:21,538
[Mr. Paradox] I’m really glad
you’re taking this so well.
572
00:22:21,538 --> 00:22:23,012
[Deadpool]
Oh, I’m taking it well.
573
00:22:23,012 --> 00:22:25,674
I have never had a problem
traveling for work.
574
00:22:25,674 --> 00:22:27,709
That said,
we should talk vacation days.
575
00:22:27,709 --> 00:22:30,514
I’m more of a one-week-on-
one-week-off kind of guy.
576
00:22:30,514 --> 00:22:31,680
I think it’s what they do
in Denmark.
577
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:33,715
You know, you’ll never see
a Danish flag on the moon,
578
00:22:33,715 --> 00:22:35,519
but [chuckles]
goddamn it, they’re happy.
579
00:22:35,519 --> 00:22:38,885
Now, let’s power up your
little Amazon Fire phone there
580
00:22:38,885 --> 00:22:39,688
and zip me back home
581
00:22:39,688 --> 00:22:42,493
so I can let my friends know
that they’ve been upgraded
582
00:22:42,493 --> 00:22:43,131
to disciples.
583
00:22:43,131 --> 00:22:46,035
Yeah. I don’t think you...
quite understand.
584
00:22:46,035 --> 00:22:48,730
Um, you will not be returning
to your home
585
00:22:48,730 --> 00:22:51,898
because there will be
no home to return to.
586
00:22:51,898 --> 00:22:52,800
Come again?
587
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,736
This time in my ears.
588
00:22:56,210 --> 00:22:57,805
[device beeps]
589
00:22:57,805 --> 00:23:01,974
This is your universe,
Mr. Wilson.
590
00:23:02,084 --> 00:23:02,942
That
591
00:23:02,942 --> 00:23:04,977
is what happens
when a universe
592
00:23:04,977 --> 00:23:06,946
loses their Anchor Being.
593
00:23:06,946 --> 00:23:08,915
See how it decays
from the inside?
594
00:23:08,915 --> 00:23:11,786
- This is how a reality dies.
- What’s an Anchor Being?
595
00:23:11,786 --> 00:23:14,822
An Anchor Being is an entity
of such vital importance
596
00:23:14,822 --> 00:23:15,559
that when they die,
597
00:23:15,559 --> 00:23:18,793
their whole world slowly
withers out of existence.
598
00:23:18,793 --> 00:23:21,697
You’ve just won the lottery
because I didn’t die.
599
00:23:21,697 --> 00:23:24,073
It was just a little midlife
crisis. I’m better now.
600
00:23:24,073 --> 00:23:27,208
Oh, no, no, no. [laughing]
601
00:23:28,704 --> 00:23:30,002
[Deadpool laughs along]
602
00:23:30,002 --> 00:23:32,708
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, I love to laugh.
603
00:23:32,708 --> 00:23:35,579
Can you imagine
if you were the Anchor Being?
604
00:23:35,579 --> 00:23:37,647
- [Deadpool, dully] Yeah.
- [laughs] Oh!
605
00:23:37,647 --> 00:23:41,222
- Yeah.
- No, it isn’t you, Mr. Wilson.
606
00:23:41,222 --> 00:23:42,355
Your Anchor Being died
607
00:23:42,355 --> 00:23:45,589
in an act
of self-sacrifice so epic
608
00:23:45,589 --> 00:23:48,163
that it sent shivers
down the Timeline.
609
00:23:48,163 --> 00:23:52,167
I am referring,
of course, to...
610
00:23:52,794 --> 00:23:57,271
Logan. The Wolverine.
611
00:23:59,504 --> 00:24:02,903
[weakly] Don’t be
what they made you.
612
00:24:02,903 --> 00:24:06,841
[♪ sentimental slow rock
music playing]
613
00:24:11,076 --> 00:24:11,912
[crying]
614
00:24:11,912 --> 00:24:15,784
Ah, so this is
what it feels like...
615
00:24:16,818 --> 00:24:18,655
[Deadpool] Logan.
616
00:24:18,886 --> 00:24:20,393
Of course.
617
00:24:20,624 --> 00:24:22,054
Logan.
618
00:24:23,055 --> 00:24:24,265
[Deadpool groans]
619
00:24:24,265 --> 00:24:25,530
[yelling] Logan?
620
00:24:25,530 --> 00:24:27,433
The guy with forks for hands?
621
00:24:27,433 --> 00:24:29,996
- That Wolverine?
- [device beeps]
622
00:24:29,996 --> 00:24:31,701
Yeah, I got it.
You can turn your
623
00:24:31,701 --> 00:24:34,143
retro graphics of death
off now. Make it stop.
624
00:24:34,143 --> 00:24:35,870
We’re not doing it,
Mr. Wilson.
625
00:24:35,870 --> 00:24:37,905
We certainly can’t stop it.
626
00:24:38,972 --> 00:24:40,039
[Deadpool]
How long have we got?
627
00:24:40,039 --> 00:24:42,745
In most cases,
couple thousand years.
628
00:24:42,745 --> 00:24:44,010
- Well, sweet.
- Well, most cases
629
00:24:44,010 --> 00:24:46,518
aren’t fast enough.
Not for me.
630
00:24:46,518 --> 00:24:47,684
[Deadpool]
What does that mean?
631
00:24:47,684 --> 00:24:49,719
It means
that I have been tasked
632
00:24:49,719 --> 00:24:52,590
with overseeing
the end of your universe.
633
00:24:52,590 --> 00:24:53,360
And regardless of what
634
00:24:53,360 --> 00:24:55,692
the pencil pushers upstairs
would prefer,
635
00:24:55,692 --> 00:24:56,264
I will not
636
00:24:56,264 --> 00:24:59,828
waste my life watching it die
slowly of natural causes.
637
00:24:59,828 --> 00:25:02,061
We used to just prune
these things. Simple.
638
00:25:02,061 --> 00:25:04,063
Elegant. Efficient.
But I’m told the TVA
639
00:25:04,063 --> 00:25:06,505
doesn’t like to do that
anymore. Well, I do.
640
00:25:06,505 --> 00:25:08,474
And no matter what
my so-called superiors say,
641
00:25:08,474 --> 00:25:11,543
the multiverse does not
need a babysitter.
642
00:25:11,543 --> 00:25:13,215
We need a mercy killer.
643
00:25:13,215 --> 00:25:14,876
And in this instance,
644
00:25:14,876 --> 00:25:18,880
I am the mercy killer. Ha!
645
00:25:19,683 --> 00:25:21,190
[chuckles]
646
00:25:21,685 --> 00:25:22,323
[device beeps]
647
00:25:22,323 --> 00:25:23,852
[Deadpool] What in
the MacGuffin is that?
648
00:25:23,852 --> 00:25:26,888
[Mr. Paradox] That’s
a Time Ripper, Mr. Wilson.
649
00:25:26,888 --> 00:25:27,988
An accelerant.
650
00:25:27,988 --> 00:25:30,760
Once completed,
it will allow me to destroy
651
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:32,762
the spacetime matrix
of your universe.
652
00:25:32,762 --> 00:25:35,567
You see, I don’t want
to work for the TVA.
653
00:25:35,567 --> 00:25:36,799
I want to be the TVA.
654
00:25:36,799 --> 00:25:39,967
And the first step involves
showing this organization
655
00:25:39,967 --> 00:25:41,738
how much more efficient
it can become.
656
00:25:41,738 --> 00:25:43,872
To wit, I will be
giving your universe
657
00:25:43,872 --> 00:25:45,973
a swift and compassionate end.
658
00:25:45,973 --> 00:25:47,480
And don’t worry, your friends
won’t feel a thing.
659
00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:51,682
It’ll be over just like this.
"Oh, what’s that?" [groans]
660
00:25:51,781 --> 00:25:53,321
Trust me.
661
00:26:04,761 --> 00:26:07,566
You’re gonna Old Yeller
my fucking universe?
662
00:26:07,566 --> 00:26:09,568
Mm... In your parlance, yes.
663
00:26:09,568 --> 00:26:10,899
Two in the heart,
one in the head.
664
00:26:10,899 --> 00:26:13,099
Look, Mr. Wilson,
you have two choices.
665
00:26:13,099 --> 00:26:14,639
You can either rejoin
your loved ones
666
00:26:14,639 --> 00:26:16,905
and collectively cease
to exist in,
667
00:26:16,905 --> 00:26:19,809
I’d say, 72 hours. Or...
668
00:26:19,809 --> 00:26:22,075
you join the Sacred Timeline.
669
00:26:22,075 --> 00:26:25,078
And you end your days
of insignificance
670
00:26:25,078 --> 00:26:27,454
and mediocrity.
671
00:26:27,454 --> 00:26:28,785
Wade.
672
00:26:28,785 --> 00:26:30,853
Wade, you can finally,
673
00:26:30,853 --> 00:26:33,922
finally matter.
674
00:26:36,826 --> 00:26:40,929
- [Hulk roars]
- [♪ sentimental music playing]
675
00:26:42,568 --> 00:26:45,307
That’s all
I’ve ever really wanted.
676
00:26:45,307 --> 00:26:47,100
I know.
677
00:26:47,199 --> 00:26:48,475
I know.
678
00:26:48,475 --> 00:26:50,972
And you know I’m...
I’m nothing if not
679
00:26:50,972 --> 00:26:53,106
morally flexible. [chuckles]
680
00:26:53,106 --> 00:26:54,811
[chuckles]
681
00:26:55,042 --> 00:26:56,747
Yep, yep.
682
00:26:58,210 --> 00:26:59,486
I’ll do it.
683
00:26:59,486 --> 00:27:00,080
Wise choice.
684
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:01,554
The Sacred Timeline’s happy
to have you.
685
00:27:01,554 --> 00:27:02,885
[Deadpool] I was actually
talking about finding
686
00:27:02,885 --> 00:27:05,855
the Wolverine and breaking
your fucking nose.
687
00:27:06,218 --> 00:27:07,824
[groans]
688
00:27:07,824 --> 00:27:09,298
[♪ soft rock music plays,
Goo Goo Dolls "Iris"]
689
00:27:09,298 --> 00:27:11,927
♪ And I’d give up forever
to touch you ♪
690
00:27:11,927 --> 00:27:16,899
♪ ’Cause I know
that you feel me somehow ♪
691
00:27:16,899 --> 00:27:18,736
[♪ song stops]
692
00:27:18,868 --> 00:27:20,870
Find him. Find him!
693
00:27:20,870 --> 00:27:23,477
[Deadpool]
And boy, did he ever.
694
00:27:23,477 --> 00:27:24,742
[grunting]
695
00:27:24,742 --> 00:27:27,173
Which brings us back to this.
696
00:27:27,943 --> 00:27:30,077
The desecration
of the sacred corpse.
697
00:27:30,077 --> 00:27:34,246
- [♪ dramatic music playing]
- [yelling and grunting]
698
00:27:34,785 --> 00:27:37,216
- Oh, my God!
- [yells]
699
00:27:37,557 --> 00:27:40,659
Oh! My own fucking arm!
700
00:27:40,659 --> 00:27:41,495
[soldier 1 yells]
701
00:27:41,495 --> 00:27:43,123
- [soldier 1 screams]
- [grunting]
702
00:27:43,123 --> 00:27:45,158
- [soldier 1 screaming]
- Now we’re talkin’!
703
00:27:45,158 --> 00:27:46,830
[soldier 1] Not like this!
704
00:27:46,830 --> 00:27:48,469
No, dear God! No!
705
00:27:48,469 --> 00:27:51,065
[Deadpool] I’m sorry!
Wolverine-ing is hard!
706
00:27:51,065 --> 00:27:52,506
[soldier 2] Make it stop!
707
00:27:52,506 --> 00:27:53,837
[Deadpool] Mangold tried.
708
00:27:53,837 --> 00:27:56,378
[soldiers screaming]
709
00:27:56,708 --> 00:27:58,743
You sick fuck!
710
00:27:58,743 --> 00:27:59,810
Logan was a hero.
711
00:27:59,810 --> 00:28:01,581
And the only thing
worth a shit
712
00:28:01,581 --> 00:28:03,616
to ever come out of Canada.
713
00:28:03,616 --> 00:28:05,211
[soldier 1 cries out]
714
00:28:05,211 --> 00:28:07,081
[soldier 2 screams]
715
00:28:10,524 --> 00:28:12,988
[Deadpool]
Get my country’s name
716
00:28:12,988 --> 00:28:15,958
out of your fuckin’ mouth.
717
00:28:16,057 --> 00:28:18,730
And my sword. Give me that.
718
00:28:20,501 --> 00:28:21,062
[exhales]
719
00:28:21,062 --> 00:28:24,197
Oh, I gotta find me
another Logan.
720
00:28:24,197 --> 00:28:25,000
An alive one.
721
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:27,739
Don’t get up, guys.
I’ll see myself out.
722
00:28:27,739 --> 00:28:31,875
[♪ synth rock music playing,
"The Power of Love"]
723
00:28:35,648 --> 00:28:37,078
Logan!
724
00:28:39,619 --> 00:28:42,391
I’m gonna need you
to come with me.
725
00:28:42,952 --> 00:28:44,723
Who’s asking?
726
00:28:44,855 --> 00:28:45,592
[♪ music stops]
727
00:28:45,592 --> 00:28:47,726
[Deadpool] Oh, look at
this little Hairy Lou Retton.
728
00:28:47,726 --> 00:28:50,663
Did you stick the landing,
little guy?
729
00:28:50,663 --> 00:28:51,532
Yes, you did!
730
00:28:51,532 --> 00:28:53,226
Comic-accurate short king.
731
00:28:53,226 --> 00:28:55,602
Such a cute wittle Wolvie.
732
00:28:55,602 --> 00:28:56,933
Cue the fuckin’ montage, baby.
733
00:28:56,933 --> 00:28:58,935
- [♪ synth rock music resumes]
- Ahoy!
734
00:28:58,935 --> 00:29:01,509
Everything seems
to be on fire.
735
00:29:01,509 --> 00:29:02,609
You have a dragon?
736
00:29:02,609 --> 00:29:05,909
Ooh, you have Anchor Being
written all over--
737
00:29:05,909 --> 00:29:08,142
[grunting]
738
00:29:08,714 --> 00:29:09,275
[growling]
739
00:29:09,275 --> 00:29:13,587
♪ Make a one man weep,
make another man sing ♪
740
00:29:13,587 --> 00:29:15,754
♪ Change a hawk...♪
741
00:29:15,754 --> 00:29:16,249
Patch!
742
00:29:16,249 --> 00:29:20,429
- [engine revving]
- Oh, now we’re talkin’.
743
00:29:20,627 --> 00:29:21,727
Oh, yeah.
744
00:29:21,727 --> 00:29:24,994
That’s the whole goddamn
package right there.
745
00:29:25,566 --> 00:29:26,061
Howdy!
746
00:29:26,061 --> 00:29:28,503
I’m just... I’m auditioning
Anchor Beings.
747
00:29:28,503 --> 00:29:32,364
Oh. Yeah, that’s gonna need
some coconut oil.
748
00:29:33,772 --> 00:29:34,773
[grunts]
749
00:29:34,773 --> 00:29:36,038
[crow cawing]
750
00:29:36,038 --> 00:29:38,172
What in the fuck?
751
00:29:38,172 --> 00:29:40,515
[laughs] Are you okay?
752
00:29:40,515 --> 00:29:41,142
Oh, yes, yes.
753
00:29:41,142 --> 00:29:42,913
Classic John Byrne
brown and tan.
754
00:29:42,913 --> 00:29:45,014
Now, you fought the Hulk
in this outfit. No?
755
00:29:45,014 --> 00:29:47,885
- [deep growl]
- [♪ song stops]
756
00:29:47,885 --> 00:29:50,019
I’m Marvel Jesus,
you dull creature,
757
00:29:50,019 --> 00:29:50,756
and I will not-- [yells]
758
00:29:50,756 --> 00:29:53,352
- [Deadpool groans]
- [♪ song resumes playing]
759
00:29:53,759 --> 00:29:55,728
[grunting]
760
00:29:57,697 --> 00:29:59,963
- [thunder rumbles]
- [groaning]
761
00:29:59,963 --> 00:30:04,198
It’s not you. We’re just going
in a different direction.
762
00:30:05,672 --> 00:30:06,739
[engine revving]
763
00:30:06,739 --> 00:30:07,509
You know, from behind,
764
00:30:07,509 --> 00:30:08,675
you look a little bit
like Henry--
765
00:30:08,675 --> 00:30:10,072
- Oh, my fuck!
- [♪ song stops]
766
00:30:10,072 --> 00:30:13,174
The Cavillrine.
The legends are true.
767
00:30:13,174 --> 00:30:16,749
And may I say, sir,
on behalf of all humanity,
768
00:30:16,749 --> 00:30:18,487
this just feels right.
769
00:30:18,487 --> 00:30:19,884
We will treat you
so much better
770
00:30:19,884 --> 00:30:21,182
than those shit fucks
down the street.
771
00:30:21,182 --> 00:30:23,492
- You were just leavin’.
- [Deadpool] No, sir.
772
00:30:23,492 --> 00:30:26,121
Not while the fate
of my universe is at--
773
00:30:27,859 --> 00:30:29,388
[man grunts]
774
00:30:29,388 --> 00:30:30,059
[choking]
775
00:30:30,059 --> 00:30:31,863
This one looks promising.
776
00:30:31,863 --> 00:30:33,700
Down you go.
777
00:30:34,569 --> 00:30:35,966
[Logan] Again.
778
00:30:35,966 --> 00:30:38,463
I told you.
You’re not welcome here.
779
00:30:38,463 --> 00:30:39,838
You’re not welcome anywhere.
780
00:30:39,838 --> 00:30:40,806
Now get the fuck
out of my bar.
781
00:30:40,806 --> 00:30:43,677
Just give me one more drink
and then I’ll leave.
782
00:30:43,677 --> 00:30:45,470
[bartender] That’s not
how it works.
783
00:30:45,470 --> 00:30:48,275
[Deadpool] It does now.
Leave the bottle.
784
00:30:48,275 --> 00:30:49,210
I know you, bub?
785
00:30:49,210 --> 00:30:51,850
Nope. But I know you.
786
00:30:51,850 --> 00:30:53,984
Everybody knows me.
787
00:30:54,820 --> 00:30:56,052
I’m the Wolverine.
788
00:30:56,052 --> 00:30:57,757
Yes, you are.
789
00:30:57,757 --> 00:31:01,123
And I’m gonna need you
to come with me right now.
790
00:31:01,453 --> 00:31:02,861
Look, lady,
I’m not interested.
791
00:31:02,861 --> 00:31:04,665
Really gettin’
into your cups here.
792
00:31:04,665 --> 00:31:06,865
Why would I go with you?
793
00:31:07,162 --> 00:31:09,197
Because, unfortunately,
794
00:31:09,197 --> 00:31:09,802
I need you,
795
00:31:09,802 --> 00:31:15,038
and even more unfortunately,
my entire world needs you.
796
00:31:15,038 --> 00:31:17,403
You two gonna fuck or fight?
797
00:31:20,549 --> 00:31:22,111
You gonna take that from him?
798
00:31:22,111 --> 00:31:23,178
- Yep.
- [scoffs]
799
00:31:23,178 --> 00:31:25,477
I can tell you have a sort
of don’t-get-too-close-
800
00:31:25,477 --> 00:31:27,622
I’ll-only-break-your-heart
vibe going here,
801
00:31:27,622 --> 00:31:28,590
but every other Wolverine
802
00:31:28,590 --> 00:31:29,822
would’ve really hurt me
by now.
803
00:31:29,822 --> 00:31:30,889
And I’m sort of
on the tick-tick.
804
00:31:30,889 --> 00:31:32,693
- So, upsy-daisy. Here we go.
- Whoa, whoa.
805
00:31:32,693 --> 00:31:33,925
- Up you go.
- Hey, hey!
806
00:31:33,925 --> 00:31:35,795
I got you, big guy.
807
00:31:36,697 --> 00:31:38,094
Oh.
808
00:31:38,765 --> 00:31:39,634
Whiskey dick of the claws.
809
00:31:39,634 --> 00:31:41,669
It’s quite common
in Wolverines over 40.
810
00:31:41,669 --> 00:31:42,395
You don’t want this.
811
00:31:42,395 --> 00:31:45,068
You’re right. I don’t.
And you don’t want this.
812
00:31:45,068 --> 00:31:46,806
Unless you wanna
take a deep breath
813
00:31:46,806 --> 00:31:48,104
through your fuckin’ forehead,
814
00:31:48,104 --> 00:31:50,469
I suggest you reconsider.
815
00:31:50,469 --> 00:31:52,174
Let’s go, peanut.
816
00:31:53,945 --> 00:31:55,848
[laughing]
817
00:31:55,848 --> 00:31:58,653
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
818
00:31:58,653 --> 00:32:00,182
Watch this.
819
00:32:00,512 --> 00:32:03,185
All right. That-- Whoa.
820
00:32:03,185 --> 00:32:04,824
Easy.
821
00:32:07,860 --> 00:32:08,828
Good God.
822
00:32:08,828 --> 00:32:11,930
Thirsty little honey badger,
aren’t ya?
823
00:32:12,161 --> 00:32:13,525
It’s okay. Keep goin’.
824
00:32:13,525 --> 00:32:16,704
Audiences are accustomed
to long run times.
825
00:32:17,067 --> 00:32:20,004
[grunts, groans]
826
00:32:20,004 --> 00:32:21,203
[body thuds]
827
00:32:21,203 --> 00:32:23,942
[sighs]
Guess you’ll have to do.
828
00:32:23,942 --> 00:32:25,680
Okay, here we--
829
00:32:25,878 --> 00:32:28,683
Oh! Look at those jammies.
830
00:32:28,683 --> 00:32:32,082
That only took
20 fucking years.
831
00:32:32,082 --> 00:32:34,579
One Anchor Being
coming right up!
832
00:32:34,579 --> 00:32:36,889
On your left, baby girl.
833
00:32:36,889 --> 00:32:37,626
This Logan has the same
834
00:32:37,626 --> 00:32:39,859
he-can-do-anything-
even-musicals look.
835
00:32:39,859 --> 00:32:42,059
And bonus, he’s actually
wearing a costume
836
00:32:42,059 --> 00:32:43,489
like he’s not
embarrassed to be
837
00:32:43,489 --> 00:32:45,062
in a superhero movie for once.
838
00:32:45,062 --> 00:32:46,558
I don’t understand.
839
00:32:46,558 --> 00:32:47,460
You said my universe is dying
840
00:32:47,460 --> 00:32:49,968
because this sack of nuts
got himself killed.
841
00:32:49,968 --> 00:32:52,531
- Well, problem solved.
- My God.
842
00:32:52,531 --> 00:32:57,712
You actually think you can
replace an Anchor Being
843
00:32:57,712 --> 00:32:58,845
with this?
844
00:32:58,845 --> 00:33:01,980
I wouldn’t have accepted
any other Wolverine, BT dubs.
845
00:33:01,980 --> 00:33:03,817
But you have outdone yourself
846
00:33:03,817 --> 00:33:06,083
and brought me
the worst Wolverine!
847
00:33:06,083 --> 00:33:07,788
What do you mean,
the worst one?
848
00:33:07,788 --> 00:33:08,723
Mr. Wilson.
849
00:33:08,723 --> 00:33:12,617
This Wolverine let down
his entire world.
850
00:33:12,617 --> 00:33:15,697
He’s the stuff of legend,
but not in a good way.
851
00:33:15,697 --> 00:33:17,061
And what he did,
852
00:33:17,061 --> 00:33:17,765
well,
853
00:33:17,765 --> 00:33:21,197
some things are just
beyond forgiveness.
854
00:33:23,067 --> 00:33:23,562
Okay.
855
00:33:23,562 --> 00:33:26,807
How do I... How do I make
this right? I’ll do anything.
856
00:33:26,807 --> 00:33:29,634
I gave you
a chance at greatness.
857
00:33:29,634 --> 00:33:32,472
Because my superiors
deemed you "special."
858
00:33:32,472 --> 00:33:34,276
Clearly not special
in a good way.
859
00:33:34,276 --> 00:33:35,046
Apparently you have some
860
00:33:35,046 --> 00:33:37,543
important future purpose
to serve.
861
00:33:37,543 --> 00:33:38,687
With Thor. He holds me.
862
00:33:38,687 --> 00:33:40,051
But I did my duty.
863
00:33:40,051 --> 00:33:42,218
I gave you the opportunity
to be somebody.
864
00:33:42,218 --> 00:33:43,989
And instead of
accepting my offering
865
00:33:43,989 --> 00:33:47,058
with humility and gratitude,
you broke my nose.
866
00:33:47,058 --> 00:33:47,795
[sighs] It looks great.
867
00:33:47,795 --> 00:33:49,797
And you decimated
dozens of my men
868
00:33:49,797 --> 00:33:51,128
with the exhumed corpse
of a hero.
869
00:33:51,128 --> 00:33:53,966
Dishonoring not only
his remains but his memory.
870
00:33:53,966 --> 00:33:55,462
What are you, the Internet?
871
00:33:55,462 --> 00:33:57,739
Your world is dying!
872
00:33:57,739 --> 00:33:59,004
Thank you very much.
873
00:33:59,004 --> 00:34:01,105
And there’s no stopping it.
874
00:34:02,139 --> 00:34:04,207
[muffled]
The humane thing to do
875
00:34:04,207 --> 00:34:04,944
is to make it quick.
876
00:34:04,944 --> 00:34:07,243
Is the thought
of vaporizing my universe
877
00:34:07,243 --> 00:34:08,541
making you peckish?
878
00:34:08,541 --> 00:34:09,278
I’m eating my feelings.
879
00:34:09,278 --> 00:34:10,719
I’m about to lose everything
that I’ve ever cared about
880
00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:14,613
because that hairy thundercunt
from down undercunt
881
00:34:14,613 --> 00:34:15,251
finally dies,
882
00:34:15,251 --> 00:34:17,792
and he’s standing
right behind me, isn’t he?
883
00:34:17,792 --> 00:34:19,794
Welcome to the MCU,
by the way.
884
00:34:19,794 --> 00:34:21,895
You’re joining at a bit
of a low point.
885
00:34:21,895 --> 00:34:24,029
As for you,
I wanna talk to your boss.
886
00:34:24,029 --> 00:34:25,492
I want you to get him
on the phone
887
00:34:25,492 --> 00:34:27,527
and you tell him,
her, or them,
888
00:34:27,527 --> 00:34:30,838
that Marvel H. Christ
isn’t playing.
889
00:34:35,634 --> 00:34:37,141
Holy shit.
890
00:34:37,141 --> 00:34:38,747
I just heard a symphony
891
00:34:38,747 --> 00:34:41,211
of buttholes clenching
all at once.
892
00:34:41,211 --> 00:34:41,816
You’re off grid.
893
00:34:41,816 --> 00:34:43,675
Your bosses don’t know
what you sick fucks
894
00:34:43,675 --> 00:34:44,643
are doing down here.
895
00:34:44,643 --> 00:34:45,578
Well, I’ll tell you what.
896
00:34:45,578 --> 00:34:47,789
I have a black belt
in Karen...
897
00:34:47,789 --> 00:34:48,713
And I’m gonna go upstairs
898
00:34:48,713 --> 00:34:52,156
and I’m gonna tell ’em
all about you and your--
899
00:34:52,156 --> 00:34:54,059
Oh, silence is nice, isn’t it?
900
00:34:54,059 --> 00:34:54,895
Where the fuck did he go?
901
00:34:54,895 --> 00:34:57,557
To the trash heap.
You’ll fit right in.
902
00:34:57,557 --> 00:34:59,163
[growls]
903
00:34:59,163 --> 00:35:00,164
Whew.
904
00:35:00,164 --> 00:35:02,397
That was close. [chuckles]
905
00:35:04,806 --> 00:35:08,040
[muffled rhythmic thumping]
906
00:35:10,845 --> 00:35:13,848
[muffled footsteps thumping]
907
00:35:17,478 --> 00:35:19,216
[groaning]
908
00:35:21,988 --> 00:35:25,156
[Deadpool] Don’t just
stand there, you ape.
909
00:35:25,156 --> 00:35:26,795
Give me a hand up.
910
00:35:26,795 --> 00:35:28,456
- [claws clang]
- Nope. I’m actually okay.
911
00:35:28,456 --> 00:35:31,965
- Thank you very much. [groans]
- [Wolverine grunting]
912
00:35:31,965 --> 00:35:33,065
[Wolverine]
Where the hell are we?
913
00:35:33,065 --> 00:35:35,562
[Deadpool] I don’t know.
Looks kind of Mad Max-y.
914
00:35:35,562 --> 00:35:38,136
But that would be
IP infringement, right?
915
00:35:38,136 --> 00:35:39,038
Fucking jokes.
916
00:35:39,038 --> 00:35:41,172
- [grunts]
- [Deadpool yelps]
917
00:35:41,172 --> 00:35:42,734
[bones crack]
918
00:35:42,734 --> 00:35:43,878
[Deadpool] Fuck! Fuck.
919
00:35:43,878 --> 00:35:45,110
Were you even listening
back there?
920
00:35:45,110 --> 00:35:48,542
If we don’t make it back
to that Mr. Paradox asshole,
921
00:35:48,542 --> 00:35:50,082
everyone I know is gonna die.
922
00:35:50,082 --> 00:35:51,952
Not my fuckin’ problem.
923
00:35:51,952 --> 00:35:53,448
Oh, is that all you got?
924
00:35:53,448 --> 00:35:56,825
Is that what you said
when your world went to shit?
925
00:35:56,825 --> 00:35:59,454
[breathing heavily]
Come again?
926
00:35:59,454 --> 00:36:01,456
Yeah, I heard all about you.
927
00:36:01,456 --> 00:36:03,623
How you screwed up everything.
928
00:36:03,623 --> 00:36:04,459
You should be thankin’ me
929
00:36:04,459 --> 00:36:06,164
for pulling you out
of that bed you shit in.
930
00:36:06,164 --> 00:36:09,167
[groans] You back-stabbing
son of a bitch!
931
00:36:09,167 --> 00:36:10,872
[yells]
932
00:36:13,501 --> 00:36:14,733
[shouts, groans]
933
00:36:14,733 --> 00:36:16,009
Are you ready to be calm now?
934
00:36:16,009 --> 00:36:18,880
- [grunts]
- [Deadpool yelps]
935
00:36:21,245 --> 00:36:22,851
[groans]
936
00:36:23,214 --> 00:36:25,018
Rest in pieces, Fox. [grunts]
937
00:36:25,018 --> 00:36:28,648
[♪ tense song intro playing,
AC/DC "Hells Bells"]
938
00:36:28,648 --> 00:36:30,991
[bird screeching]
939
00:36:40,231 --> 00:36:43,003
I don’t want to fight you, peanut.
940
00:36:43,168 --> 00:36:44,796
Doesn’t matter what you did.
941
00:36:44,796 --> 00:36:47,436
- I just need your help.
- [grunts]
942
00:36:48,008 --> 00:36:50,373
I don’t fuckin’ care.
943
00:36:51,077 --> 00:36:52,980
Uh... Uh-oh.
944
00:36:52,980 --> 00:36:55,048
[breathes heavily]
945
00:36:58,216 --> 00:37:01,648
Fuck. This is gonna hurt.
946
00:37:05,091 --> 00:37:06,928
All right.
947
00:37:06,928 --> 00:37:07,753
Fuck it.
948
00:37:07,753 --> 00:37:09,722
Let’s give the people
what they came for.
949
00:37:09,722 --> 00:37:13,594
- [♪ song stops]
- Let’s fuckin’ go.
950
00:37:13,594 --> 00:37:16,069
Get your special sock out, nerds.
951
00:37:16,069 --> 00:37:18,797
It’s gonna get good.
952
00:37:18,973 --> 00:37:20,700
[grunts]
953
00:37:24,638 --> 00:37:27,212
[♪ hard rock music playing,
AC/DC "Hells Bells"]
954
00:37:27,212 --> 00:37:28,873
[growls]
955
00:37:29,577 --> 00:37:31,381
[gunshots]
956
00:37:39,224 --> 00:37:41,358
[both grunting]
957
00:37:43,558 --> 00:37:44,966
[groans]
958
00:37:51,038 --> 00:37:51,698
[screams]
959
00:37:51,698 --> 00:37:54,305
♪ Hell’s bells ♪
960
00:37:54,943 --> 00:37:58,045
♪ I’ll give you
black sensations ♪
961
00:37:58,045 --> 00:38:00,476
♪ Up and down your spine ♪
962
00:38:00,476 --> 00:38:03,985
♪ If you’re into evil,
you’re a friend of mine ♪
963
00:38:03,985 --> 00:38:07,747
♪ See my white light flashing
as I split the night ♪
964
00:38:07,747 --> 00:38:10,750
- [grunts, growls]
- [Deadpool chuckles] Ew.
965
00:38:11,190 --> 00:38:11,652
Gotcha!
966
00:38:11,652 --> 00:38:15,425
♪ I got my bell, I’m gonna
take you to hell ♪
967
00:38:15,425 --> 00:38:18,428
♪ I’m gonna get you,
Satan get you ♪
968
00:38:18,428 --> 00:38:20,826
- Baby Knife!
- [groans]
969
00:38:23,631 --> 00:38:25,105
- [screams]
- Let’s see you grow
970
00:38:25,105 --> 00:38:25,831
your fuckin’ head back.
971
00:38:25,831 --> 00:38:27,767
Wait, wait, wait!
I can fix it! I can fix it.
972
00:38:27,767 --> 00:38:31,012
- Fix what?
- Whatever it is that you did.
973
00:38:31,012 --> 00:38:33,113
Whatever made you so bad.
974
00:38:33,113 --> 00:38:34,114
Those... Those
975
00:38:34,114 --> 00:38:37,546
pricks in the TVA.
You heard him.
976
00:38:37,546 --> 00:38:38,745
They have the power
to end my universe,
977
00:38:38,745 --> 00:38:43,288
but they also have
the power to change yours.
978
00:38:43,651 --> 00:38:47,622
We get back there,
and we can fix your world.
979
00:38:47,622 --> 00:38:49,294
Together.
980
00:38:50,064 --> 00:38:51,824
I promise.
981
00:38:52,693 --> 00:38:54,431
They can fix it.
982
00:38:55,036 --> 00:38:56,037
[man] Hey!
983
00:38:56,037 --> 00:38:58,171
We fight each other, we lose.
984
00:38:58,171 --> 00:38:59,535
[Deadpool] Dear God, it’s him.
985
00:38:59,535 --> 00:39:01,603
- Who?
- [Deadpool] The one.
986
00:39:01,603 --> 00:39:04,540
The superhero equivalent
to comfort food, or Molly.
987
00:39:04,540 --> 00:39:07,741
White guys’ answer
to all the disappointments.
988
00:39:07,741 --> 00:39:09,116
And another A-lister.
989
00:39:09,116 --> 00:39:09,875
Fair warning, gorgeous.
990
00:39:09,875 --> 00:39:12,020
You’re going to encounter
some indelicate language,
991
00:39:12,020 --> 00:39:15,023
a smidge of ass play,
but we’ve been prohibited
992
00:39:15,023 --> 00:39:16,552
from using cocaine. On camera.
993
00:39:16,552 --> 00:39:18,686
- [man] They’re coming.
- [Deadpool] Who’s "they"?
994
00:39:18,686 --> 00:39:22,393
- [engines revving]
- [♪ menacing music playing]
995
00:39:25,891 --> 00:39:28,201
Oh, they’re driving angry.
996
00:39:32,766 --> 00:39:33,239
[grunts]
997
00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:34,999
Now that’s
a superhero landing.
998
00:39:34,999 --> 00:39:38,145
[♪ menacing music continues]
999
00:39:40,972 --> 00:39:42,545
[♪ music stops]
1000
00:39:42,545 --> 00:39:43,414
I got this.
1001
00:39:43,414 --> 00:39:46,318
[♪ menacing music resumes]
1002
00:39:50,223 --> 00:39:51,818
[sniffs]
1003
00:39:55,921 --> 00:39:57,989
[engines revving]
1004
00:40:07,471 --> 00:40:08,472
Stay close.
1005
00:40:08,472 --> 00:40:10,408
[Deadpool] Aye, aye, Cap’n.
1006
00:40:11,145 --> 00:40:12,905
You got this.
1007
00:40:13,543 --> 00:40:18,713
Cassandra is gonna be giddy
when she sees what we caught.
1008
00:40:18,977 --> 00:40:19,945
You can’t run.
1009
00:40:19,945 --> 00:40:20,880
Everybody knows that.
1010
00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:24,015
You see anyone runnin’,
dick for brains?
1011
00:40:24,015 --> 00:40:25,522
You’re not gonna love
what happens next.
1012
00:40:25,522 --> 00:40:27,887
- [Deadpool] Oh. Oh, my God.
- [♪ rousing music playing]
1013
00:40:27,887 --> 00:40:30,560
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, he’s gonna say it.
1014
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:31,627
- Ah! Fuck.
- [Deadpool] Ha!
1015
00:40:31,627 --> 00:40:33,024
Oh, my God! He’s gonna say it!
1016
00:40:33,024 --> 00:40:34,795
- Say what?
- Avengers, assemble...
1017
00:40:34,795 --> 00:40:37,237
- Flame on!
- I’m sorry, what now?
1018
00:40:38,865 --> 00:40:41,835
[♪ epic music playing]
1019
00:40:52,714 --> 00:40:55,156
[groans, panting]
1020
00:40:56,157 --> 00:40:58,522
[screaming in distance]
1021
00:40:58,522 --> 00:41:00,128
- [clang]
- Ohh!
1022
00:41:00,128 --> 00:41:01,492
Fuck!
1023
00:41:01,492 --> 00:41:02,922
Ahhh!
1024
00:41:03,087 --> 00:41:04,561
[grunts]
1025
00:41:04,561 --> 00:41:07,663
- We don’t know that guy.
- [Deadpool] We thought we did.
1026
00:41:07,663 --> 00:41:09,137
I know you.
1027
00:41:09,137 --> 00:41:12,338
- [Deadpool] Holy sh--
- [Sabretooth snarls]
1028
00:41:12,569 --> 00:41:13,504
[growls]
1029
00:41:13,504 --> 00:41:14,901
Sabretooth.
1030
00:41:14,901 --> 00:41:16,672
Your brother.
1031
00:41:16,837 --> 00:41:17,937
Ready to die?
1032
00:41:17,937 --> 00:41:21,809
[Deadpool] Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait! Time!
1033
00:41:21,809 --> 00:41:23,008
You look ridiculous.
1034
00:41:23,008 --> 00:41:25,780
People have waited decades
for this fight.
1035
00:41:25,780 --> 00:41:27,683
It’s not gonna be easy.
Baby Knife.
1036
00:41:27,683 --> 00:41:29,784
Shoot the double,
you take him down.
1037
00:41:29,784 --> 00:41:32,083
Side control, then full mount,
1038
00:41:32,083 --> 00:41:33,018
and you ground and pound
1039
00:41:33,018 --> 00:41:34,756
till he makes no sound
because he’s dead.
1040
00:41:34,756 --> 00:41:36,923
- Shut the fuck up!
- [Deadpool] Oh, my God!
1041
00:41:36,923 --> 00:41:39,662
Okay. Good luck.
I’m a huge fan.
1042
00:41:39,662 --> 00:41:41,829
[breathing heavily]
1043
00:41:42,929 --> 00:41:44,370
[laughs]
1044
00:41:45,063 --> 00:41:48,341
[roars]
1045
00:41:51,179 --> 00:41:52,609
- [gurgling]
- [Deadpool] What is it, girl?
1046
00:41:52,609 --> 00:41:55,810
- Is there trouble at the well?
- [flesh squelching]
1047
00:41:59,913 --> 00:42:01,915
[laughs] Big trouble.
1048
00:42:01,915 --> 00:42:03,081
Behold!
1049
00:42:03,081 --> 00:42:06,854
The head
of your precious queen,
1050
00:42:06,854 --> 00:42:08,262
Furiosa!
1051
00:42:08,691 --> 00:42:10,594
I have the Wolverine!
1052
00:42:10,594 --> 00:42:13,927
I alone control her!
1053
00:42:13,927 --> 00:42:16,160
You come for me,
1054
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:19,306
you come for her.
1055
00:42:19,768 --> 00:42:21,704
So sorry.
I know it’s pronounced "him."
1056
00:42:21,704 --> 00:42:24,212
I’m gender blind.
It’s my cross to bear.
1057
00:42:24,212 --> 00:42:25,543
Who’s next?
1058
00:42:25,543 --> 00:42:26,874
- Toad!
- [snarls]
1059
00:42:26,874 --> 00:42:28,678
You’re up.
1060
00:42:30,878 --> 00:42:32,044
[yells]
1061
00:42:32,044 --> 00:42:33,749
[both grunt]
1062
00:42:35,014 --> 00:42:35,916
[Deadpool] Uh-oh.
1063
00:42:35,916 --> 00:42:37,687
- Oh, holy sh--
- Fuck.
1064
00:42:37,687 --> 00:42:39,117
[thud]
1065
00:42:39,821 --> 00:42:42,428
[creatures squeaking]
1066
00:42:46,058 --> 00:42:48,665
[Deadpool groans, mumbles]
1067
00:42:48,665 --> 00:42:50,931
[Deadpool] God of Thunder.
1068
00:42:51,833 --> 00:42:53,670
[Deadpool grunts]
1069
00:42:54,033 --> 00:42:55,540
How long was I asleep?
1070
00:42:55,540 --> 00:42:56,970
Not all of you was asleep.
1071
00:42:56,970 --> 00:42:58,906
- [Deadpool grunts]
- Don’t bother.
1072
00:42:58,906 --> 00:43:00,842
They’re very thorough.
1073
00:43:00,842 --> 00:43:04,076
If you know where we are,
start talking.
1074
00:43:04,076 --> 00:43:05,682
You’re in The Void.
1075
00:43:05,682 --> 00:43:07,519
Think of it as purgatory.
1076
00:43:07,519 --> 00:43:10,115
Reed called it
a metaphysical junkyard.
1077
00:43:10,115 --> 00:43:11,490
Where anything useless goes
1078
00:43:11,490 --> 00:43:13,492
before it gets
annihilated forever.
1079
00:43:13,492 --> 00:43:16,627
And where the TVA sends
people that don’t play nice
1080
00:43:16,627 --> 00:43:18,057
with the rest
of the multiverse.
1081
00:43:18,057 --> 00:43:19,465
- Like you?
- And you.
1082
00:43:19,465 --> 00:43:22,061
[Deadpool] What does
the annihilating?
1083
00:43:22,061 --> 00:43:22,633
Alioth.
1084
00:43:22,633 --> 00:43:24,030
[Deadpool]
Alioth is in this thing?
1085
00:43:24,030 --> 00:43:26,032
From Loki,
Season 1, Episode 5?
1086
00:43:26,032 --> 00:43:29,200
Everyone here
is on the run from Alioth.
1087
00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:30,740
Most don’t make it.
1088
00:43:30,740 --> 00:43:32,511
There’s a resistance, though.
1089
00:43:32,511 --> 00:43:35,613
Other people like us
that managed to survive.
1090
00:43:35,613 --> 00:43:36,977
They’re hidin’ out
in the borderlands,
1091
00:43:36,977 --> 00:43:39,914
trying to find a way
the fuck outta here.
1092
00:43:39,914 --> 00:43:41,179
Then that’s where we go.
1093
00:43:41,179 --> 00:43:43,016
[Deadpool] "We"? Us? A team?
1094
00:43:43,016 --> 00:43:45,953
The answer is yes.
Shake on it.
1095
00:43:45,953 --> 00:43:46,723
Fuck! You nicked it.
1096
00:43:46,723 --> 00:43:48,725
Just got the tip with
your little steak knife.
1097
00:43:48,725 --> 00:43:51,497
These "others" can help us
get back to the TVA.
1098
00:43:51,497 --> 00:43:52,531
Make ’em fix things.
1099
00:43:52,531 --> 00:43:54,731
[laughs sardonically]
1100
00:43:54,731 --> 00:43:55,831
Something funny, bub?
1101
00:43:55,831 --> 00:43:58,196
She might have somethin’
to say about that.
1102
00:43:58,196 --> 00:44:00,000
Who’s "she"?
1103
00:44:00,737 --> 00:44:01,672
In The Void,
1104
00:44:01,672 --> 00:44:04,202
you’re either food for Alioth
1105
00:44:04,202 --> 00:44:06,039
or you work for her.
1106
00:44:06,039 --> 00:44:09,141
[♪ stirring music playing]
1107
00:44:18,458 --> 00:44:20,086
[engine roars]
1108
00:44:27,995 --> 00:44:29,898
[metal creaking]
1109
00:44:29,997 --> 00:44:32,131
[heavy metallic thud]
1110
00:44:39,039 --> 00:44:41,239
[engine roaring]
1111
00:44:51,557 --> 00:44:54,692
[♪ tense music playing]
1112
00:45:03,261 --> 00:45:04,636
[grunts]
1113
00:45:04,636 --> 00:45:06,330
[growls quietly]
1114
00:45:06,737 --> 00:45:08,134
[grunts]
1115
00:45:18,177 --> 00:45:21,213
[Deadpool] Huh.
Paul Rudd finally aged.
1116
00:45:21,213 --> 00:45:22,885
Oh, you must be
this year’s Juggernaut.
1117
00:45:22,885 --> 00:45:24,986
- Thank you.
- I’d keep your voices down.
1118
00:45:24,986 --> 00:45:26,526
She don’t like the chatter.
1119
00:45:26,526 --> 00:45:28,429
She’s gonna love you.
1120
00:45:28,759 --> 00:45:32,026
[♪ slow dramatic
music building]
1121
00:45:43,477 --> 00:45:45,512
[Deadpool] Is it...
Is that Charles?
1122
00:45:45,512 --> 00:45:47,943
Hey... Hey, Chuck! It’s us!
1123
00:45:47,943 --> 00:45:49,450
That’s not Chuck.
1124
00:45:49,450 --> 00:45:51,144
Ah, shit.
1125
00:45:51,683 --> 00:45:52,717
[Deadpool] Oh, ableism. Great.
1126
00:45:52,717 --> 00:45:56,017
That’s not gonna go over well
with the woke mob.
1127
00:45:56,017 --> 00:45:57,623
A Wolverine.
1128
00:45:57,623 --> 00:46:00,989
I wondered when
I’d get one of you.
1129
00:46:00,989 --> 00:46:01,792
You’re one of Xavier’s.
1130
00:46:01,792 --> 00:46:04,091
[Deadpool] You-You know him?
You know Chuck?
1131
00:46:04,091 --> 00:46:05,499
Oh, I knew him.
1132
00:46:05,499 --> 00:46:06,434
We shared a womb.
1133
00:46:06,434 --> 00:46:09,096
Tried to strangle
the sly little fellow
1134
00:46:09,096 --> 00:46:09,833
with my umbilical cord.
1135
00:46:09,833 --> 00:46:13,903
[Deadpool] Amen. I’ve never
loved roommates. Mine’s blind.
1136
00:46:13,903 --> 00:46:15,740
Except she can see cocaine.
1137
00:46:15,740 --> 00:46:16,543
For some... reason.
1138
00:46:16,543 --> 00:46:20,514
You want to chime in,
Your Majesty? I’m dying here.
1139
00:46:20,514 --> 00:46:21,108
Who are you?
1140
00:46:21,108 --> 00:46:24,111
Charles Xavier’s twin,
Cassandra Nova.
1141
00:46:24,111 --> 00:46:26,047
- Bullshit!
- I was an anal birth.
1142
00:46:26,047 --> 00:46:28,489
Hmm. You two are cute.
1143
00:46:28,489 --> 00:46:31,052
I have a good feeling
about this.
1144
00:46:33,054 --> 00:46:34,187
And I’ve been trying to catch
1145
00:46:34,187 --> 00:46:37,091
this little firefly for years.
1146
00:46:37,091 --> 00:46:38,158
Haven’t I, Johnny?
1147
00:46:38,158 --> 00:46:41,700
Aw... You picked the wrong
time to make new friends.
1148
00:46:41,700 --> 00:46:44,098
[Deadpool] Oh, Johnny told us
all about you.
1149
00:46:44,098 --> 00:46:45,836
- Maybe shut up now.
- Yeah, maybe don’t--
1150
00:46:45,836 --> 00:46:47,233
[Deadpool]
We’re just talkin’ here.
1151
00:46:47,233 --> 00:46:47,970
Yeah, Johnny told us
1152
00:46:47,970 --> 00:46:49,807
you’re a psychotic
megalomaniacal asshole.
1153
00:46:49,807 --> 00:46:54,911
His words, not mine.
Hellbent on domination
and pain.
1154
00:46:55,076 --> 00:46:56,847
You said all that about me?
1155
00:46:56,847 --> 00:46:57,848
No! No! I don’t...
1156
00:46:57,848 --> 00:47:01,412
- I didn’t say any of that!
- Sticks and stones, Johnny!
1157
00:47:02,083 --> 00:47:03,953
Don’t let her intimidate you.
1158
00:47:03,953 --> 00:47:05,856
It’s like you said
in the convoy.
1159
00:47:05,856 --> 00:47:07,693
This finger-lickin’
dead-inside
1160
00:47:07,693 --> 00:47:10,696
pixie slab of third rate
dime-store nut-milk
1161
00:47:10,696 --> 00:47:12,566
can eat your delicious
cinnamon ring
1162
00:47:12,566 --> 00:47:14,667
and kick rocks
all the way to bald hell.
1163
00:47:14,667 --> 00:47:16,603
Okay. I have never said
any of those words
1164
00:47:16,603 --> 00:47:19,067
- in my entire life!
- [Deadpool] Ha! The modesty.
1165
00:47:19,067 --> 00:47:21,542
People think
I’m a shit talker.
1166
00:47:21,542 --> 00:47:22,510
But this guy...
1167
00:47:22,510 --> 00:47:23,676
[smooches] Next level.
1168
00:47:23,676 --> 00:47:25,403
What? This... I... We...
1169
00:47:25,403 --> 00:47:26,745
I don’t even know
what half of that means!
1170
00:47:26,745 --> 00:47:28,879
- This... I...
- My hat’s off to you, sir.
1171
00:47:28,879 --> 00:47:29,748
- Truly.
- What? This...
1172
00:47:29,748 --> 00:47:32,146
I didn’t... He’s...
That’s... I...
1173
00:47:32,146 --> 00:47:33,411
I... I don’t--
1174
00:47:33,411 --> 00:47:36,249
- [Deadpool gasps]
- [heart beats]
1175
00:47:38,383 --> 00:47:39,758
[Deadpool]
Not my favorite Chris.
1176
00:47:39,758 --> 00:47:40,990
You stupid piece of shit.
1177
00:47:40,990 --> 00:47:42,024
You just got him
fucking killed!
1178
00:47:42,024 --> 00:47:43,663
[Deadpool] Hey!
We’re all grieving!
1179
00:47:43,663 --> 00:47:46,732
PS, do you know what
he was doing to the budget?
1180
00:47:46,732 --> 00:47:48,426
[shushing]
1181
00:47:49,097 --> 00:47:51,165
Alioth is hungry.
1182
00:47:51,165 --> 00:47:53,002
[Deadpool] There’s been
some kind of mistake.
1183
00:47:53,002 --> 00:47:54,872
Big yellow is
a back-up Anchor Being,
1184
00:47:54,872 --> 00:47:57,941
and I’m Marvel Jesus.
MJ, if you’re nasty.
1185
00:47:57,941 --> 00:47:58,777
This may be hard to hear,
1186
00:47:58,777 --> 00:48:00,504
but there’s
another British villain
1187
00:48:00,504 --> 00:48:01,978
who’s gonna destroy
my universe,
1188
00:48:01,978 --> 00:48:02,748
and I’m gonna stop him.
1189
00:48:02,748 --> 00:48:04,585
Oh, honey,
you don’t really strike me
1190
00:48:04,585 --> 00:48:06,950
as the world-saving type.
1191
00:48:06,950 --> 00:48:08,721
[thunder rumbling in distance]
1192
00:48:08,721 --> 00:48:10,019
Did I hit a nerve?
1193
00:48:10,019 --> 00:48:12,923
[Deadpool] I didn’t want it
to come to this.
1194
00:48:12,923 --> 00:48:13,627
Either you help us
1195
00:48:13,627 --> 00:48:14,892
or my friend here
is gonna sing
1196
00:48:14,892 --> 00:48:17,191
the entire second act
of Music Man
1197
00:48:17,191 --> 00:48:18,995
with zero warm-up.
1198
00:48:18,995 --> 00:48:20,029
Where’d you get the chair?
1199
00:48:20,029 --> 00:48:21,129
[Cassandra Nova]
Well, once in a while,
1200
00:48:21,129 --> 00:48:23,527
I do get a Charles
through here.
1201
00:48:23,527 --> 00:48:24,803
Never mine, though.
1202
00:48:24,803 --> 00:48:27,608
No. He didn’t care to find me.
1203
00:48:27,608 --> 00:48:31,007
[Deadpool groans] Gen Z
and their trauma-bragging!
1204
00:48:31,007 --> 00:48:34,582
Can’t you just stuff it down,
turn it into accomplishment
1205
00:48:34,582 --> 00:48:36,177
or cancer like the rest of us?
1206
00:48:36,177 --> 00:48:38,113
But I’m not like
the rest of you.
1207
00:48:38,113 --> 00:48:39,719
Except maybe the Wolverine.
1208
00:48:39,719 --> 00:48:42,854
Now, we could be
truly terrifying together.
1209
00:48:42,854 --> 00:48:44,020
You’re that scary, huh?
1210
00:48:44,020 --> 00:48:46,088
The TVA certainly thought so.
1211
00:48:46,088 --> 00:48:48,827
They sent me here
before I could walk.
1212
00:48:48,827 --> 00:48:50,598
And you know,
it’s the best thing
1213
00:48:50,598 --> 00:48:52,633
that ever happened to me.
1214
00:48:52,633 --> 00:48:53,227
I love it here.
1215
00:48:53,227 --> 00:48:54,393
[Deadpool] You live
in a garbage dump.
1216
00:48:54,393 --> 00:48:58,166
I think we both know who lives
in the garbage dump.
1217
00:48:58,166 --> 00:48:59,640
The Void is a paradise.
1218
00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:03,743
I can wield my power here
without shame.
1219
00:49:03,743 --> 00:49:06,174
Unfortunately I had
no Charles Xavier
1220
00:49:06,174 --> 00:49:08,176
to teach me temperance.
1221
00:49:08,176 --> 00:49:10,178
What about your Charles?
1222
00:49:10,178 --> 00:49:12,015
Did he protect you?
1223
00:49:12,015 --> 00:49:14,017
Did he make you feel safe?
1224
00:49:14,017 --> 00:49:15,986
We’re mutants.
We’re never safe.
1225
00:49:15,986 --> 00:49:19,154
- [roars]
- [Cassandra whoops]
1226
00:49:19,154 --> 00:49:20,826
[chuckles]
1227
00:49:20,826 --> 00:49:22,289
[whoops]
1228
00:49:23,862 --> 00:49:25,094
[Deadpool] Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
1229
00:49:25,094 --> 00:49:26,898
I don’t...
I don’t want the smoke.
1230
00:49:26,898 --> 00:49:28,064
I don’t have
any beef with you.
1231
00:49:28,064 --> 00:49:29,901
I just want
to save my friends.
1232
00:49:29,901 --> 00:49:30,836
I just... I want to go home.
1233
00:49:30,836 --> 00:49:33,003
Well, the thing is,
I could get you home.
1234
00:49:33,003 --> 00:49:34,708
- Good.
- But I don’t want to.
1235
00:49:34,708 --> 00:49:37,942
[Deadpool] Not good.
[groaning]
1236
00:49:39,504 --> 00:49:41,605
What do you want, Wade Wilson?
1237
00:49:41,605 --> 00:49:44,751
[Deadpool straining] Your...
fingers are inside me,
1238
00:49:44,751 --> 00:49:45,510
but not in a good way.
1239
00:49:45,510 --> 00:49:48,854
My brother could enter
one’s mind with a thought.
1240
00:49:48,854 --> 00:49:51,021
I have to get my hands dirty.
1241
00:49:51,021 --> 00:49:54,321
- [Deadpool groaning]
- [shushing]
1242
00:49:54,486 --> 00:49:56,323
I’ve got you.
1243
00:49:57,830 --> 00:50:00,063
[whispers] I’ve got you...
1244
00:50:01,427 --> 00:50:03,704
[Wade, muffled]
What do you mean?
1245
00:50:04,100 --> 00:50:07,675
I can’t... I can’t reach you.
You’re not here.
1246
00:50:07,675 --> 00:50:08,709
I’m right here.
1247
00:50:08,709 --> 00:50:11,877
- No, you’re not. I can’t...
- I’m right here.
1248
00:50:11,877 --> 00:50:15,111
Then show me.
You got to do something.
1249
00:50:15,782 --> 00:50:16,541
Show you what?
1250
00:50:16,541 --> 00:50:20,347
Show me you care about
something bigger than you.
1251
00:50:20,347 --> 00:50:25,583
Ever since they turned you
down, you took a knee.
1252
00:50:25,583 --> 00:50:28,355
Baby, you never got back up.
1253
00:50:29,488 --> 00:50:31,589
I know you’re
going through something.
1254
00:50:31,589 --> 00:50:33,866
Let me go through it with you.
1255
00:50:33,866 --> 00:50:37,738
- Your crazy matches my crazy.
- Your crazy matches my crazy.
1256
00:50:40,301 --> 00:50:42,105
Where’d you go?
1257
00:50:42,105 --> 00:50:44,206
[Wade] Oh, my God.
1258
00:50:44,635 --> 00:50:46,505
[♪ melancholy music playing]
1259
00:50:46,505 --> 00:50:48,881
You just say it. Okay?
1260
00:50:48,881 --> 00:50:49,915
Say, "I don’t want you.
1261
00:50:49,915 --> 00:50:51,851
"I don’t want to be with you."
1262
00:50:51,851 --> 00:50:53,611
Go ahead. Say it.
Say... Say, "I don’t..."
1263
00:50:53,611 --> 00:50:54,953
Say it.
You don’t wanna be with me.
1264
00:50:54,953 --> 00:50:56,790
Tell me that
and I’ll walk away.
1265
00:50:56,790 --> 00:50:57,681
Say, "I don’t want you."
1266
00:50:57,681 --> 00:51:00,959
[♪ melancholy music continues]
1267
00:51:04,259 --> 00:51:05,689
[sighs] Fuck...
1268
00:51:05,689 --> 00:51:09,132
You’ll never fucking matter.
1269
00:51:12,597 --> 00:51:13,664
What?
1270
00:51:13,664 --> 00:51:16,777
- You’ll never fucking matter.
- Fucking matter.
1271
00:51:16,777 --> 00:51:20,077
[♪ melancholy music continues]
1272
00:51:22,343 --> 00:51:25,511
- [Vanessa] You’ll...
- [Cassandra] You’ll...
1273
00:51:25,511 --> 00:51:27,381
- never...
- never...
1274
00:51:27,381 --> 00:51:28,679
- fucking...
- fucking...
1275
00:51:28,679 --> 00:51:32,353
- matter.
- matter...
1276
00:51:33,420 --> 00:51:34,927
[Deadpool]
She never said that.
1277
00:51:34,927 --> 00:51:35,829
- [Cassandra] No.
- [groans]
1278
00:51:35,829 --> 00:51:38,194
[in mocking tone]
But I bet she thought it.
1279
00:51:38,194 --> 00:51:38,931
[Deadpool splutters]
1280
00:51:38,931 --> 00:51:41,659
[Deadpool groans]
You are so mean!
1281
00:51:41,659 --> 00:51:43,100
My brain could taste
your fingers,
1282
00:51:43,100 --> 00:51:44,772
and they tasted like hate!
1283
00:51:44,772 --> 00:51:47,973
And where in God’s name
is the intimacy coordinator?
1284
00:51:47,973 --> 00:51:50,778
You’re so lost, Mr. Wilson.
1285
00:51:50,778 --> 00:51:54,012
And long before you came here.
1286
00:51:54,738 --> 00:51:55,475
This is Baby Knife.
1287
00:51:55,475 --> 00:51:57,114
She’s gonna fuck you
in the face now.
1288
00:51:57,114 --> 00:51:57,884
If you want to kill me,
1289
00:51:57,884 --> 00:52:00,150
it’s going to take
more than a little blade.
1290
00:52:00,150 --> 00:52:01,679
[Deadpool] How about six?
1291
00:52:01,679 --> 00:52:05,859
[laughs mockingly]
My boy’s wicked strong.
1292
00:52:05,859 --> 00:52:07,586
That’s my big boy.
1293
00:52:07,586 --> 00:52:09,258
Yes, you are.
1294
00:52:09,258 --> 00:52:10,930
[groans]
1295
00:52:11,194 --> 00:52:12,800
[laughs]
1296
00:52:14,692 --> 00:52:16,001
[Cassandra]
Well, this has been fun.
1297
00:52:16,001 --> 00:52:18,597
But the big guy needs to eat,
and the rent is due.
1298
00:52:18,597 --> 00:52:21,336
- [eerie roar]
- [thunder roaring]
1299
00:52:22,469 --> 00:52:23,536
By the way,
1300
00:52:23,536 --> 00:52:25,043
you’re the rent.
1301
00:52:25,043 --> 00:52:27,738
[rumbling]
1302
00:52:35,053 --> 00:52:36,780
[roars]
1303
00:52:39,453 --> 00:52:41,158
[henchmen screaming]
1304
00:52:43,655 --> 00:52:46,526
- [electrical whine]
- Come on! Fuck!
1305
00:52:46,526 --> 00:52:48,099
- [engine starts]
- You comin’ or what?
1306
00:52:48,099 --> 00:52:49,936
[Deadpool] Coming!
1307
00:52:59,176 --> 00:53:02,344
[engine sputtering
in distance]
1308
00:53:04,016 --> 00:53:06,678
- [distant scream]
- [engine bursts]
1309
00:53:06,678 --> 00:53:08,020
[grunting]
1310
00:53:08,020 --> 00:53:09,219
[both groan]
1311
00:53:09,219 --> 00:53:09,989
What you thinkin’ ’bout?
1312
00:53:09,989 --> 00:53:11,584
- Get the fuck off of me!
- Shh, shh, shh.
1313
00:53:11,584 --> 00:53:13,718
- [strains] Almost done.
- Almost done what?
1314
00:53:13,718 --> 00:53:15,929
Getting my knife out
of your buttocks,
1315
00:53:15,929 --> 00:53:17,689
- pervert!
- Aah! Fuck!
1316
00:53:17,689 --> 00:53:19,427
Get your mind out of my pants!
1317
00:53:19,427 --> 00:53:22,595
- I’m telling Blake.
- New rules.
1318
00:53:22,595 --> 00:53:23,200
I talk now.
1319
00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:24,971
That’s gonna be very hard
on the audience.
1320
00:53:24,971 --> 00:53:27,534
Shut the fuck up!
1321
00:53:27,534 --> 00:53:28,304
Let me fuckin’ think.
1322
00:53:28,304 --> 00:53:31,340
Now we gotta get back
to Paradox, right?
1323
00:53:32,836 --> 00:53:33,606
Right?
1324
00:53:33,606 --> 00:53:36,510
Je m’excuse. Am I allowed
to speak now or--
1325
00:53:36,510 --> 00:53:39,414
Just nod, asshole.
1326
00:53:40,646 --> 00:53:41,152
Right.
1327
00:53:41,152 --> 00:53:42,483
Then we find the others
that poor kid, Johnny,
1328
00:53:42,483 --> 00:53:43,924
was talking about
before you got him killed!
1329
00:53:43,924 --> 00:53:45,816
[Deadpool] "Poor kid."
He’s, like, 50!
1330
00:53:45,816 --> 00:53:46,850
Yeah, if there’s
a chance they know
1331
00:53:46,850 --> 00:53:48,423
how to get out of here,
we find ’em.
1332
00:53:48,423 --> 00:53:50,755
And make those TVA fuckers
fix my shit
1333
00:53:50,755 --> 00:53:52,097
like you fucking promised!
1334
00:53:52,097 --> 00:53:53,857
[Deadpool] I smell quest.
1335
00:53:53,857 --> 00:53:55,859
[sniffing]
1336
00:53:56,563 --> 00:53:58,136
I smell food.
1337
00:53:59,863 --> 00:54:04,945
So what made you finally wear
an honest-to-God costume?
1338
00:54:05,407 --> 00:54:07,442
Mine’s red
so they can’t see me bleed.
1339
00:54:07,442 --> 00:54:10,577
But I could see how
yellow would be useful too.
1340
00:54:10,577 --> 00:54:12,810
Have you been checked
for ADHD?
1341
00:54:12,810 --> 00:54:13,778
Mm-mm.
1342
00:54:13,778 --> 00:54:15,714
But I’ve had several STDs,
1343
00:54:15,714 --> 00:54:18,453
which were probably caused
by ADHD.
1344
00:54:18,453 --> 00:54:19,960
Fuck!
1345
00:54:20,092 --> 00:54:22,028
What are you looking for?
1346
00:54:22,028 --> 00:54:23,997
Oh. Thank fuck.
1347
00:54:23,997 --> 00:54:25,966
No, no, no, no, no.
That’s rubbing alcohol.
1348
00:54:25,966 --> 00:54:27,726
You don’t want to drink--
Oh, yeah.
1349
00:54:27,726 --> 00:54:29,860
There you go. Fuck that liver.
1350
00:54:29,860 --> 00:54:30,696
[exhales]
1351
00:54:30,696 --> 00:54:33,303
- Good. Okay.
- [sighs]
1352
00:54:33,666 --> 00:54:35,437
What the fuck are those?
1353
00:54:35,668 --> 00:54:36,141
Oh.
1354
00:54:36,141 --> 00:54:38,143
Back in civilian life,
I wear a toupee,
1355
00:54:38,143 --> 00:54:40,178
but nobody knows. [chuckles]
1356
00:54:40,178 --> 00:54:41,949
[laughing]
1357
00:54:42,543 --> 00:54:44,677
Everybody knows.
1358
00:54:46,118 --> 00:54:47,482
Wanna talk about
what’s haunting you,
1359
00:54:47,482 --> 00:54:50,287
or should we wait
for a third act flashback?
1360
00:54:50,287 --> 00:54:53,059
Ah... Go fuck yourself.
1361
00:54:55,787 --> 00:54:57,327
You know...
1362
00:54:57,855 --> 00:55:01,232
in my world, you’re...
[clears throat]
1363
00:55:01,760 --> 00:55:03,036
You’re well regarded.
1364
00:55:03,036 --> 00:55:05,302
Yeah, well, not in mine.
1365
00:55:05,302 --> 00:55:07,700
They don’t like me much
in mine either.
1366
00:55:07,700 --> 00:55:08,635
You don’t say.
1367
00:55:08,635 --> 00:55:11,704
I wanted to be something,
you know. I...
1368
00:55:11,704 --> 00:55:13,574
Shit, I wanted
to be an Avenger.
1369
00:55:13,574 --> 00:55:15,510
- Fuck the Avengers.
- Yeah.
1370
00:55:15,510 --> 00:55:19,118
I didn’t make the cut, though.
Same with the X-Men...
1371
00:55:20,185 --> 00:55:21,054
When my girlfriend left me,
1372
00:55:21,054 --> 00:55:23,617
- and I just--
- You had a girlfriend?
1373
00:55:23,617 --> 00:55:25,091
Yeah.
1374
00:55:25,091 --> 00:55:26,059
Vanessa.
1375
00:55:26,059 --> 00:55:28,424
When we met, she was a dancer.
1376
00:55:28,919 --> 00:55:30,789
We had a whole life.
1377
00:55:31,493 --> 00:55:32,824
It was good.
1378
00:55:32,824 --> 00:55:35,860
But, oh, boy, I just... Mwah.
1379
00:55:36,234 --> 00:55:38,731
Fucked that right up.
1380
00:55:39,039 --> 00:55:39,963
But you,
1381
00:55:39,963 --> 00:55:40,898
you were an X-Man.
1382
00:55:40,898 --> 00:55:44,044
Fuck that.
You were the X-Man. You...
1383
00:55:45,210 --> 00:55:47,113
The Wolverine.
1384
00:55:48,642 --> 00:55:51,051
He was a hero in my world.
1385
00:55:52,250 --> 00:55:53,977
Yeah, well...
1386
00:55:54,450 --> 00:55:56,287
he ain’t shit in mine.
1387
00:56:00,588 --> 00:56:04,328
You said, "Logan was a hero."
What happened?
1388
00:56:04,823 --> 00:56:06,231
He died.
1389
00:56:06,495 --> 00:56:06,957
How?
1390
00:56:06,957 --> 00:56:09,894
Well, technically,
you were chest-fucked
by a tree, but,
1391
00:56:09,894 --> 00:56:11,797
really, you just
ran out of batteries
1392
00:56:11,797 --> 00:56:13,898
- trying to save someone.
- Who?
1393
00:56:13,898 --> 00:56:16,109
The shitheels
that grew her in a lab
1394
00:56:16,109 --> 00:56:18,408
called her "X-23." But...
1395
00:56:18,540 --> 00:56:19,640
she was just a kid.
1396
00:56:19,640 --> 00:56:23,809
A younger, daintier,
somehow meaner version of you.
1397
00:56:23,809 --> 00:56:25,778
You died trying to save her.
1398
00:56:25,778 --> 00:56:26,746
It was beautiful.
1399
00:56:26,746 --> 00:56:29,683
Look, mijo,
I know you’re hurtin’.
1400
00:56:29,683 --> 00:56:31,949
My blind, elderly,
African-American roommate,
1401
00:56:31,949 --> 00:56:35,458
Blind Al, always says that
pain teaches us who we are.
1402
00:56:35,458 --> 00:56:37,493
Sometimes we need to listen
to that pain
1403
00:56:37,493 --> 00:56:38,395
instead of running from it.
1404
00:56:38,395 --> 00:56:39,759
- Holy shit.
- Yeah, she’s wise.
1405
00:56:39,759 --> 00:56:43,026
No, no, no. That’s her name?
You call her "Blind Al"?
1406
00:56:43,026 --> 00:56:44,731
Well, she’s blind.
1407
00:56:44,731 --> 00:56:45,369
[dog barking]
1408
00:56:45,369 --> 00:56:49,670
[♪ ballad music plays, Chris
de Burgh "The Lady in Red"]
1409
00:56:54,939 --> 00:56:59,581
♪ I’ve never seen you looking
so lovely as you did tonight ♪
1410
00:56:59,581 --> 00:57:06,819
♪ I’ve never seen you shine
so bright, mm-hmm, hmm ♪
1411
00:57:06,819 --> 00:57:11,428
♪ The lady in red ♪
1412
00:57:12,759 --> 00:57:16,664
♪ Is dancing with me ♪
1413
00:57:16,961 --> 00:57:18,930
♪ Cheek to cheek ♪
1414
00:57:18,930 --> 00:57:21,834
♪ There’s nobody here...♪
1415
00:57:21,834 --> 00:57:23,000
Look at you!
1416
00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:23,770
She’s coming with us.
1417
00:57:23,770 --> 00:57:25,904
- No, she’s not. Fuck no!
- Oh, yes, she is.
1418
00:57:25,904 --> 00:57:27,070
- Oh, yes--
- [man] Sorry!
1419
00:57:27,070 --> 00:57:30,150
- [♪ song stops]
- Sorry about that!
1420
00:57:30,150 --> 00:57:32,680
Come here, girl! [chuckles]
1421
00:57:32,680 --> 00:57:33,846
Who are you?
1422
00:57:33,846 --> 00:57:34,847
Oh, I’m Deadpool.
1423
00:57:34,847 --> 00:57:36,486
And I guess
you’re Deadpool too.
1424
00:57:36,486 --> 00:57:38,554
But in here, everybody
calls me "Nicepool."
1425
00:57:38,554 --> 00:57:40,919
Oh, my goodness.
Wait till you see Ladypool.
1426
00:57:40,919 --> 00:57:41,689
She is gorgeous.
1427
00:57:41,689 --> 00:57:44,494
She just had a baby too.
And... [blows sharply]
1428
00:57:44,494 --> 00:57:45,088
Can’t even tell.
1429
00:57:45,088 --> 00:57:46,958
I don’t think you’re supposed
to say that.
1430
00:57:46,958 --> 00:57:48,201
That’s okay.
1431
00:57:48,201 --> 00:57:50,170
I identify as a feminist.
1432
00:57:50,170 --> 00:57:51,798
Right.
1433
00:57:52,733 --> 00:57:53,767
Are those gold-plated,
1434
00:57:53,767 --> 00:57:56,539
...50 caliber Desert Eagle
pistoleros?
1435
00:57:56,539 --> 00:57:57,309
’Course.
1436
00:57:57,309 --> 00:57:58,805
To match my ear huggie.
1437
00:57:58,805 --> 00:57:59,872
Can I have ’em?
1438
00:57:59,872 --> 00:58:01,907
[laughs] Over my dead body.
1439
00:58:01,907 --> 00:58:02,677
[chuckles] You’re fun.
1440
00:58:02,677 --> 00:58:05,845
And I guess you’ve
already met Mary Puppins.
1441
00:58:05,845 --> 00:58:07,077
AKA Dogpool.
1442
00:58:07,077 --> 00:58:08,188
Careful where you put
your hands.
1443
00:58:08,188 --> 00:58:10,850
She’s ninety percent g-spot,
and she’ll let you know it.
1444
00:58:10,850 --> 00:58:14,986
You let this little flirt out
of your sight for one second
1445
00:58:14,986 --> 00:58:17,164
and she starts shopping
for a new papa.
1446
00:58:17,164 --> 00:58:19,056
If you can’t be
a responsible pet owner,
1447
00:58:19,056 --> 00:58:22,092
then maybe you don’t deserve
this little unicorn.
1448
00:58:22,092 --> 00:58:24,732
Guilty on all charges,
Your Honor.
1449
00:58:24,732 --> 00:58:25,799
Shan’t happen again.
1450
00:58:25,799 --> 00:58:26,965
Why are you so nice?
1451
00:58:26,965 --> 00:58:28,571
Oh, it costs nothing
to be kind.
1452
00:58:28,571 --> 00:58:30,540
Shutting the fuck up
is also free.
1453
00:58:30,540 --> 00:58:32,245
- Caliente.
- This is Logan.
1454
00:58:32,245 --> 00:58:32,971
He’s usually shirtless,
1455
00:58:32,971 --> 00:58:35,974
but he’s let himself go
since the divorce.
1456
00:58:36,612 --> 00:58:38,878
Where’s your mask?
1457
00:58:40,847 --> 00:58:41,683
Come on, guys.
1458
00:58:41,683 --> 00:58:43,454
[bird screeches in distance]
1459
00:58:43,454 --> 00:58:44,081
Ugh, this guy.
1460
00:58:44,081 --> 00:58:45,885
We’re looking
for a group of survivors.
1461
00:58:45,885 --> 00:58:46,721
Oh, they’re out there.
1462
00:58:46,721 --> 00:58:48,426
Yeah, but merc to merc,
you better hope
1463
00:58:48,426 --> 00:58:50,659
that you don’t run
into the Deadpool corps.
1464
00:58:50,659 --> 00:58:51,396
Yeah, they’re crazy.
1465
00:58:51,396 --> 00:58:53,057
They will chop you up
into a thousand pieces
1466
00:58:53,057 --> 00:58:54,091
and hide you
all over The Void.
1467
00:58:54,091 --> 00:58:56,126
If they could only process
their childhood trauma,
1468
00:58:56,126 --> 00:58:58,095
they’d go on one heck
of a healing journey.
1469
00:58:58,095 --> 00:58:59,800
Look, we’re headed
for the borderlands.
1470
00:58:59,800 --> 00:59:00,669
You know where it is?
1471
00:59:00,669 --> 00:59:03,606
Yeah, that...
that’s 12 klicks due west.
1472
00:59:03,606 --> 00:59:05,245
I can lend you my ride,
if you like.
1473
00:59:05,245 --> 00:59:08,006
It would be my honor.
1474
00:59:09,843 --> 00:59:10,448
[birds chirping]
1475
00:59:10,448 --> 00:59:12,780
[Deadpool] Oh, no, no, no, no.
Absolutely not.
1476
00:59:12,780 --> 00:59:15,046
Uh-uh. What the...
No! No!
1477
00:59:15,046 --> 00:59:16,146
Just get in the car.
1478
00:59:16,146 --> 00:59:17,114
This isn’t a car.
1479
00:59:17,114 --> 00:59:19,490
This is
a Honda fuckin’ Odyssey.
1480
00:59:19,490 --> 00:59:21,756
Throttle response
sucks a cock.
1481
00:59:21,756 --> 00:59:22,724
Dated infotainment system.
1482
00:59:22,724 --> 00:59:24,825
When Honda saw
that untreated chlamydia
1483
00:59:24,825 --> 00:59:25,595
was makin’ a comeback,
1484
00:59:25,595 --> 00:59:28,796
they invented
the Honda Odyssey to compete.
1485
00:59:28,796 --> 00:59:31,601
Get in the fucking car.
1486
00:59:31,601 --> 00:59:33,867
She’ll get you there
safe and sound.
1487
00:59:33,867 --> 00:59:35,572
Old Betsy always does.
1488
00:59:35,572 --> 00:59:38,509
You’re gonna have to
give me my dog back, though.
1489
00:59:38,509 --> 00:59:39,642
[Deadpool] I know. Listen.
1490
00:59:39,642 --> 00:59:40,742
- [Dogpool whimpers]
- Yes, child.
1491
00:59:40,742 --> 00:59:43,481
If you ever wanna give her up,
or if she needs a new home,
1492
00:59:43,481 --> 00:59:45,879
or if something
should happen to you,
1493
00:59:45,879 --> 00:59:46,616
I’d love to be her papa.
1494
00:59:46,616 --> 00:59:49,421
[laughs] What would
ever happen to me?
1495
00:59:49,421 --> 00:59:51,324
[Deadpool] Lots of stuff.
1496
00:59:54,151 --> 00:59:55,493
- Jesus.
- [Deadpool] No!
1497
00:59:55,493 --> 00:59:56,725
We’re running away. [grunts]
1498
00:59:56,725 --> 00:59:58,925
- [Wolverine] Give me that.
- The corn was too dense, girl!
1499
00:59:58,925 --> 00:59:59,992
- [Wolverine] There.
- Come here!
1500
00:59:59,992 --> 01:00:02,434
- [Deadpool] Fuck!
- [Nicepool] Hello!
1501
01:00:03,534 --> 01:00:04,370
- [engine starts]
- Bye.
1502
01:00:04,370 --> 01:00:07,703
[♪ Avril Lavigne "I’m With
You" plays on car stereo]
1503
01:00:07,703 --> 01:00:08,165
[sighs]
1504
01:00:08,165 --> 01:00:12,004
♪ It’s a damn cold night ♪
1505
01:00:12,004 --> 01:00:16,811
♪ Trying to figure out
this life ♪
1506
01:00:16,811 --> 01:00:19,781
♪ Won’t you take me
by the hand?♪
1507
01:00:19,781 --> 01:00:21,816
♪ Take me somewhere new ♪
1508
01:00:21,816 --> 01:00:26,920
♪ I don’t know who you are
But I ♪
1509
01:00:26,920 --> 01:00:30,121
♪ I’m with you...♪
1510
01:00:30,121 --> 01:00:32,090
[Deadpool] Okay,
I’m just gonna ask...
1511
01:00:32,090 --> 01:00:32,959
What’s with the suit?
1512
01:00:32,959 --> 01:00:34,763
First thing I did
when I flamed out,
1513
01:00:34,763 --> 01:00:35,962
- I took mine off.
- Drop it.
1514
01:00:35,962 --> 01:00:36,864
[Deadpool] It’s not that ugly.
1515
01:00:36,864 --> 01:00:38,932
- Stop talking about my suit.
- Did you make it yourself?
1516
01:00:38,932 --> 01:00:39,867
- Been there.
- Quit. Now.
1517
01:00:39,867 --> 01:00:43,134
The X-Men make you wear it?
Those sons of fuckin’ bitches.
1518
01:00:43,134 --> 01:00:44,740
They are not your friends,
I’ll tell you that.
1519
01:00:44,740 --> 01:00:47,479
Friends don’t let friends
leave the house lookin’ like
1520
01:00:47,479 --> 01:00:49,646
they fight crime
for the Los Angeles Rams.
1521
01:00:49,646 --> 01:00:50,581
Shut the fuck up
about this, or--
1522
01:00:50,581 --> 01:00:52,946
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Watch
your frown lines, angel baby.
1523
01:00:52,946 --> 01:00:54,046
I’m just trying
to bond a little bit.
1524
01:00:54,046 --> 01:00:56,455
Yeah, well, then talk
about somethin’ else.
1525
01:00:56,455 --> 01:00:57,885
Fine.
1526
01:01:00,657 --> 01:01:02,956
Pshew. Pshew, pshew.
1527
01:01:02,956 --> 01:01:03,891
Pshew!
1528
01:01:03,891 --> 01:01:05,959
- Stop it.
- Pshew.
1529
01:01:05,959 --> 01:01:07,763
If they can fix your world,
what’s the first thing
1530
01:01:07,763 --> 01:01:09,094
you’re gonna do
when you get out of here?
1531
01:01:09,094 --> 01:01:10,700
Get some
rubbing alcohol shots,
1532
01:01:10,700 --> 01:01:11,998
maybe a wiper fluid chaser?
1533
01:01:11,998 --> 01:01:13,967
- What did you say?
- I said when you get back,
1534
01:01:13,967 --> 01:01:15,606
what’s the first thing
you’re gonna do?
1535
01:01:15,606 --> 01:01:17,839
No, no, no. Before that.
1536
01:01:18,004 --> 01:01:20,776
If... they can fix your world?
1537
01:01:21,040 --> 01:01:22,448
[grunts]
1538
01:01:24,010 --> 01:01:26,012
What do you mean, "if"?
1539
01:01:26,012 --> 01:01:27,046
- I mean--
- You lied to me.
1540
01:01:27,046 --> 01:01:27,948
You don’t have a fucking clue
1541
01:01:27,948 --> 01:01:30,247
if they can help me
fix things, do you?
1542
01:01:30,247 --> 01:01:31,688
No. I mean-- Ow!
1543
01:01:31,688 --> 01:01:33,987
Fuck! Fuck! I didn’t lie!
1544
01:01:33,987 --> 01:01:38,156
- You lied!
- No! I made an educated wish!
1545
01:01:39,190 --> 01:01:41,324
Because I need you.
1546
01:01:41,467 --> 01:01:44,965
This. This is why. Right here.
1547
01:01:44,965 --> 01:01:46,901
’Cause if we don’t do
something, they die.
1548
01:01:46,901 --> 01:01:49,574
I don’t know anything
about saving worlds.
1549
01:01:49,574 --> 01:01:50,608
And why would I even care?
1550
01:01:50,608 --> 01:01:54,711
Because my entire world
is right here in this picture.
1551
01:01:54,711 --> 01:01:56,108
It’s only nine people,
1552
01:01:56,108 --> 01:01:59,386
and I have no idea
how to save it alone.
1553
01:01:59,386 --> 01:02:02,081
I know how to fuck people up
for money. But you,
1554
01:02:02,081 --> 01:02:04,721
you know how to save ’em!
1555
01:02:04,853 --> 01:02:05,953
At least
the other Wolverine did.
1556
01:02:05,953 --> 01:02:07,020
- [flesh squelching]
- [groans]
1557
01:02:07,020 --> 01:02:10,463
Fuck! I guess I’m stuck
with the worst one.
1558
01:02:10,463 --> 01:02:12,531
Did you say you made
1559
01:02:12,531 --> 01:02:15,567
an educated fucking wish?
1560
01:02:15,567 --> 01:02:17,932
They call me
"The Merc with the Mouth."
1561
01:02:17,932 --> 01:02:20,000
They don’t call me
"Truthful Timmy,
1562
01:02:20,000 --> 01:02:23,003
"the Blowjob Queen
of Saskatoon."
1563
01:02:23,003 --> 01:02:24,939
[grunts in pain]
1564
01:02:26,138 --> 01:02:27,744
One more word.
1565
01:02:27,744 --> 01:02:31,781
Please give me one.
[breathing heavily]
1566
01:02:33,552 --> 01:02:34,652
Gubernatorial.
1567
01:02:34,652 --> 01:02:37,050
[yelps] Oh, fuck!
1568
01:02:37,490 --> 01:02:40,086
You know what?
You’re a fucking joke.
1569
01:02:40,691 --> 01:02:42,022
No wonder the Avengers
didn’t take you.
1570
01:02:42,022 --> 01:02:45,564
Or the X-Men. And they’ll take
fucking anyone.
1571
01:02:45,564 --> 01:02:46,532
I mean, you are
1572
01:02:46,532 --> 01:02:51,130
a ridiculous, immature,
half-wit moron.
1573
01:02:51,130 --> 01:02:53,066
I have never met
1574
01:02:53,066 --> 01:02:53,770
a sadder,
1575
01:02:53,770 --> 01:02:56,872
more attention-starved,
jabbering little prick
1576
01:02:56,872 --> 01:02:57,708
in my entire life.
1577
01:02:57,708 --> 01:02:59,974
And that says a lot,
’cause I’ve been alive
1578
01:02:59,974 --> 01:03:03,043
for more than
200 fuckin’ years,
1579
01:03:03,043 --> 01:03:03,879
and I’ll tell ya,
1580
01:03:03,879 --> 01:03:05,947
that bald chick
was right about one thing.
1581
01:03:05,947 --> 01:03:08,378
You will never save the world!
1582
01:03:08,378 --> 01:03:11,524
You couldn’t even save
a relationship
1583
01:03:11,524 --> 01:03:12,756
with a goddamn stripper!
1584
01:03:12,756 --> 01:03:15,385
And motherfucker, I wish
I could say you’d die alone,
1585
01:03:15,385 --> 01:03:18,993
but it’s one of God’s
best jokes that you can’t die,
1586
01:03:18,993 --> 01:03:21,391
except that’s on all of us!
1587
01:03:24,504 --> 01:03:27,232
Oh, you got nothing to say,
Mouth?
1588
01:03:27,232 --> 01:03:29,201
[breathing heavily]
1589
01:03:35,614 --> 01:03:37,946
[Deadpool]
I’m gonna fight you now.
1590
01:03:37,946 --> 01:03:39,552
[laughs]
1591
01:03:39,552 --> 01:03:41,851
[snorts] Oh, are you?
1592
01:03:44,557 --> 01:03:46,493
[song plays on radio,
song changing]
1593
01:03:46,493 --> 01:03:50,123
[♪ upbeat pop music plays,
"You’re the One That I Want"]
1594
01:03:50,123 --> 01:03:50,761
[grunting]
1595
01:03:50,761 --> 01:03:53,390
- [groaning]
- Mm. Not talkin’ now, are ya?
1596
01:03:53,390 --> 01:03:55,634
♪ And I’m losing control ♪
1597
01:03:55,634 --> 01:04:00,001
♪ ’Cause the power
you’re supplying ♪
1598
01:04:00,001 --> 01:04:02,201
[Deadpool]
Oh, you dirty bitch.
1599
01:04:04,137 --> 01:04:04,775
[growls]
1600
01:04:04,775 --> 01:04:07,470
- [yelling]
- ♪ You better shape up ♪
1601
01:04:07,470 --> 01:04:09,615
♪ ’Cause I need a man ♪
1602
01:04:09,615 --> 01:04:10,781
[both grunting]
1603
01:04:10,781 --> 01:04:14,015
♪ And my heart is set on you ♪
1604
01:04:14,015 --> 01:04:16,413
♪ You better shape up ♪
1605
01:04:16,413 --> 01:04:18,789
- [laughs]
- [Deadpool] Whoo!
1606
01:04:18,987 --> 01:04:19,449
[grunts]
1607
01:04:19,449 --> 01:04:21,627
♪ To my heart,
I must be true ♪
1608
01:04:21,627 --> 01:04:25,763
♪ Nothing left,
nothing left for me to do ♪
1609
01:04:25,763 --> 01:04:28,535
♪ You’re the one that I want ♪
1610
01:04:28,535 --> 01:04:30,493
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪
1611
01:04:30,493 --> 01:04:32,968
♪ The one that I want ♪
1612
01:04:32,968 --> 01:04:34,101
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪
1613
01:04:34,101 --> 01:04:36,136
- [straining]
- No, no, no! [screams]
1614
01:04:36,136 --> 01:04:37,071
[screams in high pitch]
1615
01:04:37,071 --> 01:04:38,545
- ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
- [bones crack]
1616
01:04:38,545 --> 01:04:44,012
♪ The one I need
Oh, yes, indeed...♪
1617
01:04:46,179 --> 01:04:48,016
[choking]
1618
01:04:51,217 --> 01:04:53,054
[yells]
1619
01:04:54,484 --> 01:04:56,893
- Baby Knife!
- [screams]
1620
01:04:58,092 --> 01:04:58,796
[♪ song stops]
1621
01:04:58,796 --> 01:05:02,426
I take it all back.
The Honda Odyssey fucks hard.
1622
01:05:02,426 --> 01:05:03,801
Too bad you don’t,
needle dick.
1623
01:05:03,801 --> 01:05:05,033
Oh, we’re just
gettin’ started, bub.
1624
01:05:05,033 --> 01:05:07,871
- [yells]
- [♪ song resumes playing]
1625
01:05:07,871 --> 01:05:09,906
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪
1626
01:05:09,906 --> 01:05:11,842
[Deadpool] Oh, you... Fuck!
1627
01:05:11,842 --> 01:05:13,613
- [Deadpool groaning loudly]
- ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
1628
01:05:13,613 --> 01:05:15,978
- ♪ The one I need ♪
- [groaning stops]
1629
01:05:15,978 --> 01:05:18,750
♪ Oh, yes, indeed ♪
1630
01:05:18,750 --> 01:05:20,587
♪ You’re the one that I want ♪
1631
01:05:20,587 --> 01:05:21,885
[♪ song fades out]
1632
01:05:21,885 --> 01:05:23,854
[birds chirping]
1633
01:05:25,625 --> 01:05:27,825
[leaves rustling]
1634
01:05:30,124 --> 01:05:33,226
[♪ ominous music playing]
1635
01:05:34,700 --> 01:05:36,636
[car door opens and closes]
1636
01:05:36,636 --> 01:05:38,297
[engine starts]
1637
01:05:49,572 --> 01:05:52,751
[♪ cryptic music playing]
1638
01:05:52,751 --> 01:05:54,819
[water dripping]
1639
01:06:04,059 --> 01:06:05,896
[Deadpool] Thor!
1640
01:06:08,129 --> 01:06:08,899
Where are we?
1641
01:06:08,899 --> 01:06:11,968
No clue, but...
I like it here.
1642
01:06:11,968 --> 01:06:15,906
- [door opens]
- [♪ cryptic music intensifies]
1643
01:06:18,139 --> 01:06:19,569
[grunting]
1644
01:06:19,569 --> 01:06:21,945
[Deadpool] Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
1645
01:06:21,945 --> 01:06:25,113
[♪ sentimental music playing]
1646
01:06:30,756 --> 01:06:32,659
- [♪ music pauses]
- [low growl]
1647
01:06:32,659 --> 01:06:36,190
[♪ dramatic electronic
music playing]
1648
01:06:45,100 --> 01:06:47,740
[electrical humming]
1649
01:06:52,569 --> 01:06:54,109
[cat meows]
1650
01:07:09,487 --> 01:07:10,928
[♪ music fades out]
1651
01:07:10,928 --> 01:07:12,127
Okay.
1652
01:07:12,127 --> 01:07:16,329
Look at you... all.
You must be the others.
1653
01:07:16,461 --> 01:07:17,231
Terrific.
1654
01:07:17,231 --> 01:07:20,531
So just to refresh, you are
1655
01:07:20,531 --> 01:07:21,400
- Wonder--
- Elektra.
1656
01:07:21,400 --> 01:07:23,666
[Deadpool] Elektra?
Yes. Who could forget?
1657
01:07:23,666 --> 01:07:27,142
And you. I was not expecting
to see you here.
1658
01:07:27,142 --> 01:07:29,045
I thought you were, you know,
1659
01:07:29,045 --> 01:07:31,245
retired. [chuckles]
1660
01:07:31,443 --> 01:07:32,950
Retarded?
1661
01:07:33,643 --> 01:07:34,721
[Deadpool] "Retired."
1662
01:07:34,721 --> 01:07:35,447
I’m already in The Void.
1663
01:07:35,447 --> 01:07:36,580
I’m not trying
to get canceled again.
1664
01:07:36,580 --> 01:07:39,726
- I don’t like you.
- [Deadpool] You never did.
1665
01:07:40,089 --> 01:07:42,927
And who’s this
succulent reminder
1666
01:07:42,927 --> 01:07:44,654
of my own inadequacies?
1667
01:07:44,654 --> 01:07:45,523
Look at you.
1668
01:07:45,523 --> 01:07:48,427
You look like the
superhero version of Hawkeye.
1669
01:07:48,427 --> 01:07:51,969
The name’s Remy LeBeau,
Le Diable Blanc.
1670
01:07:51,969 --> 01:07:53,036
But you can call me
the Gambit.
1671
01:07:53,036 --> 01:07:55,665
[Deadpool] It’s been a while
since I’ve seen Sling Blade.
1672
01:07:55,665 --> 01:07:57,238
Hit me again.
1673
01:07:57,238 --> 01:07:58,041
They call me the Gambit.
1674
01:07:58,041 --> 01:07:59,504
[Deadpool] Do they?
Are you sure you didn’t
1675
01:07:59,504 --> 01:08:00,912
just really,
really want them to,
1676
01:08:00,912 --> 01:08:03,112
but it never quite worked out?
1677
01:08:03,541 --> 01:08:04,641
[speaks indistinctly]
1678
01:08:04,641 --> 01:08:08,117
You know, we never had
a Wolverine up in here.
1679
01:08:08,117 --> 01:08:08,887
But I can tell you now,
1680
01:08:08,887 --> 01:08:10,790
it’s just a common courtesy
to ask
1681
01:08:10,790 --> 01:08:12,517
before you drink up
all of my liquor.
1682
01:08:12,517 --> 01:08:15,091
Well, it’s a good thing
I don’t give a fuck.
1683
01:08:15,091 --> 01:08:18,160
[laughs, speaks indistinctly]
1684
01:08:18,798 --> 01:08:20,228
Fuck.
1685
01:08:21,460 --> 01:08:24,331
- [bottle smashes]
- [Deadpool] So embarrassing.
1686
01:08:24,837 --> 01:08:25,497
Boo, boo, boo.
1687
01:08:25,497 --> 01:08:26,564
Well, now that
that’s settled, look,
1688
01:08:26,564 --> 01:08:27,807
we came a long way
to find you three.
1689
01:08:27,807 --> 01:08:30,073
- There’s four of us.
- [Deadpool] There’s four...
1690
01:08:30,073 --> 01:08:31,701
Hey, wait. Is it Magneto?
1691
01:08:31,701 --> 01:08:34,011
Dear sweet God in heaven,
let it be Magneto,
1692
01:08:34,011 --> 01:08:35,078
- because with him--
- He’s dead.
1693
01:08:35,078 --> 01:08:36,948
[Deadpool] Fuck!
Now Disney gets cheap?
1694
01:08:36,948 --> 01:08:39,049
It’s like Pinocchio jammed
his face in my ass
1695
01:08:39,049 --> 01:08:41,051
- and started lying like crazy.
- Ooh, you nasty!
1696
01:08:41,051 --> 01:08:43,680
Mon petit rouge. Laissez
les bons temps rouler, huh?
1697
01:08:43,680 --> 01:08:46,716
[Deadpool] Not a single word.
What do you do exactly?
1698
01:08:46,716 --> 01:08:49,224
Charge the playing cards
and make ’em go boom!
1699
01:08:49,224 --> 01:08:51,864
[Deadpool] Your power’s
close-up magic. That’s good.
1700
01:08:51,864 --> 01:08:53,800
We’re not totally
fucked at all.
1701
01:08:53,800 --> 01:08:55,098
So who brought us here?
1702
01:08:55,098 --> 01:08:57,133
[Voice] That would be me.
1703
01:08:58,662 --> 01:09:01,973
[♪ pensive music playing]
1704
01:09:06,736 --> 01:09:08,672
Don’t make me regret it.
1705
01:09:09,013 --> 01:09:12,819
[Deadpool] Holy shit. Logan.
That’s her. That’s X-23.
1706
01:09:12,819 --> 01:09:15,382
She’s the one
I told you about.
1707
01:09:18,649 --> 01:09:21,190
Hey, how did you all get stuck
in The Void?
1708
01:09:21,190 --> 01:09:22,719
There was a knock at the door.
1709
01:09:22,719 --> 01:09:24,930
- TVA sent me here.
- Me, too.
1710
01:09:24,930 --> 01:09:25,788
Well, maybe I was born here.
1711
01:09:25,788 --> 01:09:27,130
It’s... It’s hard
to know for sure.
1712
01:09:27,130 --> 01:09:30,496
TVA decided
our universe was dying.
1713
01:09:30,496 --> 01:09:33,840
And I never even got a chance
to fight for it.
1714
01:09:35,402 --> 01:09:37,701
[Elektra] People like us
don’t go quietly.
1715
01:09:37,701 --> 01:09:39,879
TVA knows that,
so they took us out.
1716
01:09:39,879 --> 01:09:42,409
[smooches]
The answer is yes. I’m in.
1717
01:09:42,409 --> 01:09:44,180
- In what?
- [Deadpool] A team.
1718
01:09:44,180 --> 01:09:46,512
Me, you, you, and me.
All of us together.
1719
01:09:46,512 --> 01:09:47,810
Let’s get the fuck
out of this place.
1720
01:09:47,810 --> 01:09:49,779
Don’t listen to him.
He’s a fucking liar!
1721
01:09:49,779 --> 01:09:51,748
[Deadpool]
It was an educated wish!
1722
01:09:51,748 --> 01:09:54,190
- Ha!
- [Deadpool] Look.
1723
01:09:54,553 --> 01:09:56,489
We’ve been inside
Cassandra’s lair.
1724
01:09:56,489 --> 01:09:59,096
The only way out of The Void
is through her.
1725
01:09:59,096 --> 01:10:01,065
She can get us home.
She told us.
1726
01:10:01,065 --> 01:10:03,496
Wait a minute,
you’ve been inside?
1727
01:10:03,496 --> 01:10:05,135
- And you made it out alive?
- Bullshit.
1728
01:10:05,135 --> 01:10:07,038
- Nobody’s ever done that.
- [Deadpool] We did.
1729
01:10:07,038 --> 01:10:10,602
Every time one of us
has gone up against her,
1730
01:10:10,602 --> 01:10:11,174
they die.
1731
01:10:11,174 --> 01:10:13,880
The Punisher, the Quicksilver,
the Daredevil.
1732
01:10:13,880 --> 01:10:15,673
[Deadpool] Daredevil?
I’m so sorry.
1733
01:10:15,673 --> 01:10:18,049
- It’s fine.
- [Deadpool] Okay.
1734
01:10:18,841 --> 01:10:22,548
Even that sweet, baby angel,
Johnny Storm.
1735
01:10:22,548 --> 01:10:24,154
He up and gone missing like,
1736
01:10:24,154 --> 01:10:25,958
what, two days ago?
1737
01:10:25,958 --> 01:10:27,817
[Deadpool] Ugh. That’s so sad.
1738
01:10:27,817 --> 01:10:31,227
Wherever this Johnny fella is,
I’m sure he’s thriving.
1739
01:10:31,227 --> 01:10:31,964
[Wolverine chuckles]
1740
01:10:31,964 --> 01:10:34,791
Look, there’s...
there’s strength in numbers.
1741
01:10:34,791 --> 01:10:35,462
All right? Us...
1742
01:10:35,462 --> 01:10:36,529
plus, you guys.
We can put Cassandra
1743
01:10:36,529 --> 01:10:39,004
over our knee and force her
to let us out of The Void.
1744
01:10:39,004 --> 01:10:40,764
I know what it means
to feel self-doubt.
1745
01:10:40,764 --> 01:10:42,007
- I don’t feel that at all.
- I’m good.
1746
01:10:42,007 --> 01:10:44,405
[Deadpool] Gnawing at your gut
like a coked-up tapeworm.
1747
01:10:44,405 --> 01:10:46,077
It’s like you’re holding up
a mirror to my soul.
1748
01:10:46,077 --> 01:10:47,947
[Deadpool] You guys
may not have been able
1749
01:10:47,947 --> 01:10:49,707
to save your universes.
1750
01:10:49,707 --> 01:10:51,610
But you can avenge them.
1751
01:10:51,610 --> 01:10:53,216
It’s what Johnny
would have wanted.
1752
01:10:53,216 --> 01:10:56,923
Wait. You knew Johnny?
1753
01:10:57,055 --> 01:10:57,990
[chuckles] Oh, yeah.
1754
01:10:57,990 --> 01:10:59,618
Dickhead here talked him
into a team-up,
1755
01:10:59,618 --> 01:11:02,456
and Johnny came down with
a little case of the deads.
1756
01:11:02,456 --> 01:11:03,688
[Deadpool] No, no, no.
We don’t know that.
1757
01:11:03,688 --> 01:11:06,064
It was just a flesh wound.
He may have survived.
1758
01:11:06,064 --> 01:11:08,858
If he survived that,
he is prayin’ for death.
1759
01:11:08,858 --> 01:11:10,530
[Deadpool] Thank you,
Doctor Wolverine!
1760
01:11:10,530 --> 01:11:12,939
- Spill it!
- What’d you do to Johnny, huh?
1761
01:11:12,939 --> 01:11:14,006
Talk or I’m gonna
start dealin’.
1762
01:11:14,006 --> 01:11:16,734
[Deadpool] Okay. Okay.
Hey, hey, hey.
1763
01:11:16,734 --> 01:11:17,306
Look.
1764
01:11:17,306 --> 01:11:19,704
He ran his fat-ass mouth
about Cassandra.
1765
01:11:19,704 --> 01:11:21,079
Then she zip-zapped his skin,
1766
01:11:21,079 --> 01:11:23,048
leaving his organs to splash
crudely onto the ground
1767
01:11:23,048 --> 01:11:26,678
while the soil
greedily drank his blood.
It was horrible.
1768
01:11:26,678 --> 01:11:27,811
He was like a brother to me.
1769
01:11:27,811 --> 01:11:31,353
Look, he died before he could
make a difference. But...
1770
01:11:31,353 --> 01:11:32,816
- [laughs]
- Look, maybe you couldn’t
1771
01:11:32,816 --> 01:11:33,960
save your worlds, but...
1772
01:11:33,960 --> 01:11:36,556
but Jesus Christ,
you can save mine!
1773
01:11:36,556 --> 01:11:38,822
I don’t give a shit
about your world, but
1774
01:11:38,822 --> 01:11:42,133
if these two made it out of
there alive, maybe together,
1775
01:11:42,133 --> 01:11:43,827
we can get back in
and take her down.
1776
01:11:43,827 --> 01:11:46,896
Where I come from,
we call that suicide, Chere.
1777
01:11:46,896 --> 01:11:49,173
[Deadpool] If we can block
her psychic powers,
1778
01:11:49,173 --> 01:11:51,241
we can get a leg up.
I know it.
1779
01:11:51,241 --> 01:11:52,979
Now, I know Magneto’s dead.
1780
01:11:52,979 --> 01:11:55,377
But I’d venture to guess
that his helmet is lying
1781
01:11:55,377 --> 01:11:57,676
- around here somewhere--
- Cassandra melted the helmet.
1782
01:11:57,676 --> 01:11:58,985
- [Deadpool] Fuck!
- After she killed him.
1783
01:11:58,985 --> 01:12:00,844
- [Deadpool] Fuck!
- She don’t play.
1784
01:12:00,844 --> 01:12:02,417
She knows that helmet
was the only way
1785
01:12:02,417 --> 01:12:03,880
to protect anyone
from her powers.
1786
01:12:03,880 --> 01:12:06,223
The only other helmet that
strong is Juggernaut’s,
1787
01:12:06,223 --> 01:12:07,092
but he works for Cassandra.
1788
01:12:07,092 --> 01:12:08,456
[Deadpool]
Juggernaut’s helmet.
That’s it.
1789
01:12:08,456 --> 01:12:10,392
Yeah, and we done be knowing
that lid ain’t comin’ off
1790
01:12:10,392 --> 01:12:11,998
without that dome
gonna come off wit’it.
1791
01:12:11,998 --> 01:12:13,494
[Deadpool] I’m so sorry, beautiful.
1792
01:12:13,494 --> 01:12:14,330
I want this to be gentle.
1793
01:12:14,330 --> 01:12:16,200
Who is your dialect coach?
The Minions?
1794
01:12:16,200 --> 01:12:20,732
I feel like we are missing
critical exposition here.
1795
01:12:20,732 --> 01:12:24,835
I’m sick of this shit.
I’m sick of hiding.
1796
01:12:24,835 --> 01:12:27,244
Let’s face it,
our worlds forgot about us.
1797
01:12:27,244 --> 01:12:29,180
Or never learned about us.
1798
01:12:29,180 --> 01:12:30,775
The heroes we were.
1799
01:12:30,775 --> 01:12:32,018
Lives we saved.
1800
01:12:32,018 --> 01:12:33,184
Or wanted to save.
1801
01:12:33,184 --> 01:12:35,582
Maybe these two
are our chance.
1802
01:12:35,582 --> 01:12:36,781
[gurgling]
1803
01:12:36,781 --> 01:12:38,519
To be remembered.
1804
01:12:38,519 --> 01:12:40,257
The way we deserve.
1805
01:12:40,851 --> 01:12:41,984
[Deadpool] Yes.
1806
01:12:41,984 --> 01:12:43,590
An ending.
1807
01:12:43,590 --> 01:12:44,888
- Legacy.
- [Deadpool] Yes!
1808
01:12:44,888 --> 01:12:46,098
Yes! Let this man cook.
1809
01:12:46,098 --> 01:12:47,627
This is what
I’m talking about.
1810
01:12:47,627 --> 01:12:49,794
Big slow-motion fights,
sad music.
1811
01:12:49,794 --> 01:12:50,663
Everybody working together.
1812
01:12:50,663 --> 01:12:52,698
Who knows if you live or die?
That sorta thing.
1813
01:12:52,698 --> 01:12:55,140
- Who’s ready?
- I was born ready.
1814
01:12:55,140 --> 01:12:56,471
[Deadpool] Yes!
Gambit?
1815
01:12:56,471 --> 01:12:57,241
I ain’t know my daddy,
1816
01:12:57,241 --> 01:12:59,144
but I’m sure I shot out
of his dick ready.
1817
01:12:59,144 --> 01:13:00,772
[Deadpool] Jesus Christ,
that is graphic.
1818
01:13:00,772 --> 01:13:02,741
Yeah. He was layin’ them
buttery nuts all up in my mama
1819
01:13:02,741 --> 01:13:04,842
and I shot out there
and I said, "What’s up, Doc?"
1820
01:13:04,842 --> 01:13:07,746
[Deadpool laughs]
Johnny must have loved you.
1821
01:13:07,746 --> 01:13:10,188
X-23, what’s it gonna be?
1822
01:13:10,188 --> 01:13:10,881
The name’s Laura.
1823
01:13:10,881 --> 01:13:14,093
- Let’s fucking go.
- [Deadpool] Let’s fucking go!
1824
01:13:14,093 --> 01:13:15,193
It’s on like chicken and corn.
1825
01:13:15,193 --> 01:13:17,063
- [Deadpool] Yeah!
- We’re doing this.
1826
01:13:17,063 --> 01:13:17,822
You’re all fuckin’ dead.
1827
01:13:17,822 --> 01:13:21,166
[Deadpool] My God!
Read the room.
1828
01:13:23,894 --> 01:13:26,303
[crickets chirping]
1829
01:13:29,768 --> 01:13:30,604
[exhales]
1830
01:13:30,604 --> 01:13:35,147
Hey, hey. I’m not lookin’
for company. Get out of here.
1831
01:13:36,610 --> 01:13:38,150
You remind me of him.
1832
01:13:38,150 --> 01:13:39,514
Angry. Drunk. Mean...
1833
01:13:39,514 --> 01:13:42,847
- Sounds like a great guy--
- Wasn’t finished.
1834
01:13:43,650 --> 01:13:46,257
Showed up when
it mattered the most.
1835
01:13:47,852 --> 01:13:50,162
Couldn’t help it.
1836
01:13:51,229 --> 01:13:52,659
[sighs]
1837
01:13:52,659 --> 01:13:54,826
You might not know it, but...
1838
01:13:54,958 --> 01:13:56,696
you’re a good man, Logan.
1839
01:13:56,696 --> 01:13:58,170
[chuckles]
1840
01:13:58,170 --> 01:14:00,238
You might not know it,
but apparently,
1841
01:14:00,238 --> 01:14:02,306
I’m the worst Logan.
1842
01:14:03,142 --> 01:14:06,035
I got to have a life
because of you.
1843
01:14:08,004 --> 01:14:10,677
I got to grow up
because of you.
1844
01:14:12,041 --> 01:14:13,119
A lot of kids did.
1845
01:14:13,119 --> 01:14:16,386
A lot of kids didn’t grow up
because of me.
1846
01:14:17,783 --> 01:14:20,192
Trust me, kid, I’m no hero.
1847
01:14:20,753 --> 01:14:22,722
That suit says different.
1848
01:14:22,722 --> 01:14:25,758
- Yeah. Do you like it?
- Mm.
1849
01:14:26,627 --> 01:14:29,333
Scott used to beg me
to wear it.
1850
01:14:30,829 --> 01:14:34,206
So did Jean, Storm, Beast.
1851
01:14:35,735 --> 01:14:36,967
All of them.
1852
01:14:36,967 --> 01:14:40,839
They wanted me to be part
of the team, but I wouldn’t.
1853
01:14:40,839 --> 01:14:45,415
Told ’em they all look
fucking ridiculous. I mean...
1854
01:14:45,943 --> 01:14:49,980
I couldn’t have ’em thinkin’
I wanted to be there.
1855
01:14:54,457 --> 01:14:57,086
And then one day,
while I was off on my own,
1856
01:14:57,086 --> 01:14:58,890
the humans came...
1857
01:14:58,890 --> 01:15:00,991
and went mutant hunting.
1858
01:15:01,563 --> 01:15:02,828
I can guess the rest.
1859
01:15:02,828 --> 01:15:04,665
No, no, let me...
1860
01:15:05,237 --> 01:15:07,096
Let me say it. I...
1861
01:15:09,065 --> 01:15:10,902
I need to say it.
1862
01:15:12,101 --> 01:15:15,544
By the time I stumbled home
shitfaced from the bar,
1863
01:15:15,544 --> 01:15:17,381
it was too late.
1864
01:15:20,142 --> 01:15:22,848
They were dead. Every...
[stifling sob]
1865
01:15:24,421 --> 01:15:27,325
[♪ mournful music playing]
1866
01:15:27,589 --> 01:15:32,088
This suit’s all I got to
remind me of who they were.
1867
01:15:33,562 --> 01:15:35,124
And what I did.
1868
01:15:42,472 --> 01:15:43,968
[sniffles]
1869
01:15:47,004 --> 01:15:49,908
We’re headed to Cassandra’s
at sunup.
1870
01:15:50,040 --> 01:15:52,746
Have fun. Not my fight.
1871
01:15:54,880 --> 01:15:57,685
We won’t pull this off
without you.
1872
01:16:03,152 --> 01:16:07,959
Hey. Whoever you think I am,
you got the wrong guy.
1873
01:16:09,895 --> 01:16:12,403
You were always the wrong guy.
1874
01:16:17,870 --> 01:16:21,071
[♪ mournful music continues]
1875
01:16:35,459 --> 01:16:37,692
[cell phone ringing]
1876
01:16:37,692 --> 01:16:38,187
What?
1877
01:16:38,187 --> 01:16:40,024
Alioth didn’t get them.
[sniffs]
1878
01:16:40,024 --> 01:16:43,467
Cassandra wanted to
play with them herself first.
1879
01:16:43,467 --> 01:16:44,094
They got away.
1880
01:16:44,094 --> 01:16:45,865
- Did they find the others?
- No.
1881
01:16:45,865 --> 01:16:46,899
Good. All right. Phew.
1882
01:16:46,899 --> 01:16:49,066
- The others found them.
- Oh, very cute.
1883
01:16:49,066 --> 01:16:50,738
Well done, Pyro.
Classic bait and switch.
1884
01:16:50,738 --> 01:16:53,411
- You really got me there.
- Relax.
1885
01:16:53,411 --> 01:16:55,875
If they come after Nova,
she’ll handle it.
1886
01:16:55,875 --> 01:16:57,679
Cassandra is
a lunatic wild card.
1887
01:16:57,679 --> 01:16:59,945
Why do you think we put her
there in the first place?
1888
01:16:59,945 --> 01:17:02,046
Thank God she’s never chosen
to leave The Void.
1889
01:17:02,046 --> 01:17:05,489
The Time Ripper is hours away
from completion.
1890
01:17:05,489 --> 01:17:06,853
I cannot take any chances.
1891
01:17:06,853 --> 01:17:07,986
Well, maybe not.
1892
01:17:07,986 --> 01:17:09,493
But I can.
1893
01:17:09,493 --> 01:17:10,087
For a price.
1894
01:17:10,087 --> 01:17:11,990
Why do you have to
say it in that silly voice?
1895
01:17:11,990 --> 01:17:12,628
It’s so icky.
1896
01:17:12,628 --> 01:17:15,125
- You want it done or not?
- All right. Your price.
1897
01:17:15,125 --> 01:17:17,226
Take her out.
1898
01:17:17,226 --> 01:17:18,667
Ugh. Mutants.
1899
01:17:18,667 --> 01:17:20,031
[♪ hip-hop music plays,
T.I. "Bring ’Em Out"]
1900
01:17:20,031 --> 01:17:22,770
♪ Bring ’em out,
bring ’em out ♪
1901
01:17:22,770 --> 01:17:24,574
♪ It’s hard to yell when
the bar-rel’s in your mouth ♪
1902
01:17:24,574 --> 01:17:26,037
- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ Swizzy! ♪
1903
01:17:26,037 --> 01:17:29,843
♪ Bring ’em out,
bring ’em out ♪
1904
01:17:29,843 --> 01:17:31,680
♪ T-I-P, coming live
from the V.I.P.♪
1905
01:17:31,680 --> 01:17:33,880
♪ Heard the nightlife
lost life without me ♪
1906
01:17:33,880 --> 01:17:36,553
♪ Both the feds and the state
wanna see ’bout me ♪
1907
01:17:36,553 --> 01:17:40,953
♪ The whole city got biz-zerk,
he got three...♪
1908
01:17:40,953 --> 01:17:41,690
Ooh! Look at that there!
1909
01:17:41,690 --> 01:17:42,889
You see them biggum hands
come closed.
1910
01:17:42,889 --> 01:17:44,429
Ain’t not a wonna gettin’ up
inside there.
1911
01:17:44,429 --> 01:17:45,727
[Deadpool] I think what
Gambit’s trying to say is
1912
01:17:45,727 --> 01:17:48,862
getting Juggernaut’s helmet
ain’t gonna be easy.
1913
01:17:48,862 --> 01:17:50,633
I’m just making
stuff up at this...
1914
01:17:50,633 --> 01:17:51,667
- Yeah. Tilt up to Blade.
- Gun!
1915
01:17:51,667 --> 01:17:53,867
♪ Mississippi to Philly,
Albuquerque to Chatt-Town ♪
1916
01:17:53,867 --> 01:17:56,903
♪ If I hit you in the face,
you gon’ be suing and shit ♪
1917
01:17:56,903 --> 01:17:59,169
[Deadpool] Where’d he get
that little beauty?
1918
01:17:59,169 --> 01:18:00,676
That’s Punisher’s AT4.
1919
01:18:00,676 --> 01:18:03,613
Which Punisher? There’s been,
like, five of them.
1920
01:18:03,613 --> 01:18:04,944
There’s only been one Blade,
1921
01:18:04,944 --> 01:18:06,385
and there’s only ever
gonna be one Blade.
1922
01:18:06,385 --> 01:18:08,585
♪ Who got a flow and a live
show better than mine? ♪
1923
01:18:08,585 --> 01:18:11,753
♪ I got a packed
house yellin’♪
1924
01:18:11,753 --> 01:18:12,985
Incoming!
1925
01:18:12,985 --> 01:18:14,756
Ahhh!
1926
01:18:14,756 --> 01:18:16,120
♪ Bring ’em out,
bring ’em out ♪
1927
01:18:16,120 --> 01:18:17,495
♪ Ayy, from the back,
they yellin ♪
1928
01:18:17,495 --> 01:18:18,859
♪ Bring ’em out,
bring ’em out ♪
1929
01:18:18,859 --> 01:18:20,322
♪ Ayy, all
the dope boys yellin’ ♪
1930
01:18:20,322 --> 01:18:21,697
♪ Bring ’em out,
bring ’em out ♪
1931
01:18:21,697 --> 01:18:23,028
♪ Ayy, from the back,
they yellin ♪
1932
01:18:23,028 --> 01:18:25,096
- [♪ song stops]
- [fire roaring]
1933
01:18:27,538 --> 01:18:29,672
[tires screeching]
1934
01:18:30,607 --> 01:18:32,268
♪ Mic check,
one-two, one-two ♪
1935
01:18:32,268 --> 01:18:33,808
♪ You wanna beef
with the King?♪
1936
01:18:33,808 --> 01:18:34,875
♪ What is you gon’ do?♪
1937
01:18:34,875 --> 01:18:36,745
♪ Will you show up on the
scene with two guns drew?♪
1938
01:18:36,745 --> 01:18:39,682
♪ Or you and your friend and
play a little two-on-two?♪
1939
01:18:39,682 --> 01:18:41,145
♪ If you knew half
of what I knew ♪
1940
01:18:41,145 --> 01:18:42,619
♪ Then you’d be
hitting the deck ♪
1941
01:18:42,619 --> 01:18:43,917
♪ I got a tool and a vest ♪
1942
01:18:43,917 --> 01:18:45,017
♪ I can get some respect ♪
1943
01:18:45,017 --> 01:18:46,821
♪ Yeah, what other Southern
rapper hood-er than this? ♪
1944
01:18:46,821 --> 01:18:49,219
♪ I got rich, and I’m still
on some hooligan shit ♪
1945
01:18:49,219 --> 01:18:50,825
♪ Standing in your
front yard yellin’♪
1946
01:18:50,825 --> 01:18:52,189
♪ Bring ’em out,
bring ’em out ♪
1947
01:18:52,189 --> 01:18:53,597
♪ Ayy, all
my hot girls yellin’ ♪
1948
01:18:53,597 --> 01:18:54,961
♪ Bring ’em out,
bring ’em out ♪
1949
01:18:54,961 --> 01:18:56,435
♪ Ayy, all
the dope boys yellin’ ♪
1950
01:18:56,435 --> 01:18:58,129
♪ Bring ’em out,
bring ’em out ♪
1951
01:18:58,129 --> 01:19:00,065
[♪ song stops]
1952
01:19:02,738 --> 01:19:03,673
[♪ song resumes]
1953
01:19:03,673 --> 01:19:07,369
♪ Hands in the air now! ♪
1954
01:19:07,369 --> 01:19:10,449
♪ Hands-hands in the-
in the air-air now! ♪
1955
01:19:10,449 --> 01:19:11,450
♪ I can’t hear you! ♪
1956
01:19:11,450 --> 01:19:16,455
♪ Bring ’em out,
bring ’em out ♪
1957
01:19:16,455 --> 01:19:18,149
[♪ song ends]
1958
01:19:19,150 --> 01:19:20,987
Ooh, this is gonna be good.
1959
01:19:20,987 --> 01:19:23,627
You know how long
I’ve been waiting for this?
1960
01:19:23,627 --> 01:19:25,860
Whoo! I’m about to make
a name for myself here.
1961
01:19:25,860 --> 01:19:27,631
I don’t think you guys
walk away from this.
1962
01:19:27,631 --> 01:19:29,600
You just make sure people know
what happened here today.
1963
01:19:29,600 --> 01:19:32,262
And when you get out of here,
you have a drink for me, yeah?
1964
01:19:32,262 --> 01:19:34,770
You just stay on our six
and get inside.
1965
01:19:34,770 --> 01:19:37,641
We’ll make sure
you get the package.
1966
01:19:37,641 --> 01:19:38,741
And we’ll get our ending.
1967
01:19:38,741 --> 01:19:42,173
[♪ thrilling music playing]
1968
01:19:55,054 --> 01:19:57,155
[♪ music fades out]
1969
01:19:59,630 --> 01:20:01,665
[all yelling]
1970
01:20:05,900 --> 01:20:09,200
[♪ epic music playing]
1971
01:20:10,608 --> 01:20:12,335
[all grunting]
1972
01:20:34,698 --> 01:20:35,567
[groans]
1973
01:20:35,567 --> 01:20:37,602
[electrical roar and hum]
1974
01:20:37,602 --> 01:20:39,362
[crackling]
1975
01:20:49,438 --> 01:20:50,241
And boom!
1976
01:20:50,241 --> 01:20:52,342
[all grunting]
1977
01:20:52,551 --> 01:20:54,377
[laughs, grunts]
1978
01:21:19,776 --> 01:21:20,744
[♪ music stops]
1979
01:21:20,744 --> 01:21:24,044
Heh. Some motherfuckers still
trying to ice skate uphill.
1980
01:21:24,044 --> 01:21:26,046
[henchmen yelling]
1981
01:21:28,279 --> 01:21:29,852
[slurps]
1982
01:21:29,852 --> 01:21:30,655
[footsteps]
1983
01:21:30,655 --> 01:21:33,086
You two escaping,
I could live with.
1984
01:21:33,086 --> 01:21:36,826
But coming back? Willingly?
1985
01:21:37,695 --> 01:21:39,092
Boys are so silly.
1986
01:21:39,092 --> 01:21:40,126
[Deadpool]
I just need to get home.
1987
01:21:40,126 --> 01:21:42,601
Well, that’s not on the menu,
I’m afraid.
1988
01:21:42,601 --> 01:21:46,528
It’s death or enslavement.
A la carte, of course.
1989
01:21:46,528 --> 01:21:48,937
- Upsy-daisy.
- [grunting]
1990
01:21:53,744 --> 01:21:54,206
Finally,
1991
01:21:54,206 --> 01:21:56,681
it’s nice to give someone else
a chance to talk.
1992
01:21:56,681 --> 01:21:58,540
Not my strong suit.
1993
01:21:58,540 --> 01:22:00,982
[groaning and grunting]
1994
01:22:02,621 --> 01:22:04,656
[straining]
1995
01:22:12,928 --> 01:22:14,391
[yells]
1996
01:22:15,524 --> 01:22:16,096
[exhales]
1997
01:22:16,096 --> 01:22:18,263
You shouldn’t have done that.
1998
01:22:19,638 --> 01:22:20,606
[grunts]
1999
01:22:20,606 --> 01:22:22,905
[groaning]
2000
01:22:24,137 --> 01:22:26,040
[grunting]
2001
01:22:30,649 --> 01:22:32,244
[yells]
2002
01:22:32,618 --> 01:22:34,081
[growls]
2003
01:22:36,182 --> 01:22:37,447
[screams]
2004
01:22:37,447 --> 01:22:39,284
Adios, pendejo.
2005
01:22:39,922 --> 01:22:40,582
[yells]
2006
01:22:40,582 --> 01:22:43,453
You are an interesting one,
aren’t you?
2007
01:22:43,453 --> 01:22:47,226
I do feel like you get lost
behind all of his...
2008
01:22:47,226 --> 01:22:49,734
[imitates yapping]
2009
01:22:49,734 --> 01:22:53,771
Deadpools are a dime a dozen
here in The Void.
2010
01:22:54,035 --> 01:22:55,773
But you...
2011
01:22:55,773 --> 01:22:59,436
What’s going on in here?
2012
01:22:59,777 --> 01:23:01,845
[groaning]
2013
01:23:02,604 --> 01:23:04,881
[screaming]
2014
01:23:05,816 --> 01:23:08,082
- [screaming stops]
- [leaves rustling]
2015
01:23:08,082 --> 01:23:10,348
[distant female voice] Logan!
2016
01:23:12,086 --> 01:23:14,154
[Cassandra] Interesting...
2017
01:23:14,451 --> 01:23:17,190
Not what I expected back here.
2018
01:23:17,663 --> 01:23:19,665
Behind the anger.
2019
01:23:22,932 --> 01:23:24,032
You’re hiding.
2020
01:23:24,032 --> 01:23:25,803
- From them.
- [sighs]
2021
01:23:25,803 --> 01:23:28,740
From all the ones
you let down.
2022
01:23:30,709 --> 01:23:32,436
So much pain.
2023
01:23:34,537 --> 01:23:36,506
I walked away.
2024
01:23:36,506 --> 01:23:38,541
They called after me and I...
2025
01:23:38,541 --> 01:23:40,246
I walked away.
2026
01:23:40,818 --> 01:23:41,610
I always do.
2027
01:23:41,610 --> 01:23:43,722
- [child] Logan!
- I know.
2028
01:23:45,119 --> 01:23:47,286
That’s not all you did.
2029
01:23:47,616 --> 01:23:48,122
Is it?
2030
01:23:48,122 --> 01:23:50,762
- [groans]
- [flesh squelches]
2031
01:23:51,796 --> 01:23:53,831
You found them.
2032
01:23:54,128 --> 01:23:55,833
The X-Men.
2033
01:23:59,001 --> 01:24:00,739
[distant screaming]
2034
01:24:00,739 --> 01:24:01,234
Dead.
2035
01:24:01,234 --> 01:24:04,237
[♪ mournful music playing]
2036
01:24:04,237 --> 01:24:06,140
Piled like wood.
2037
01:24:06,844 --> 01:24:09,110
[Cassandra] What did you do?
2038
01:24:10,980 --> 01:24:12,476
I started killing.
2039
01:24:12,476 --> 01:24:16,183
And I couldn’t stop.
I didn’t wanna stop.
2040
01:24:16,513 --> 01:24:19,791
[Cassandra] All those bad men.
2041
01:24:19,791 --> 01:24:21,254
[groans]
2042
01:24:23,091 --> 01:24:25,764
It’s not just the bad ones.
2043
01:24:26,655 --> 01:24:28,426
My little animal.
2044
01:24:29,900 --> 01:24:34,036
And I turned the whole world
against the X-Men.
2045
01:24:34,036 --> 01:24:35,664
Blade!
2046
01:24:40,603 --> 01:24:42,308
Just once...
2047
01:24:42,847 --> 01:24:46,917
I wanna be the man
that Charles thought I was.
2048
01:24:47,676 --> 01:24:49,150
Logan...
2049
01:24:49,612 --> 01:24:54,353
in The Void,
you can be what you are.
2050
01:24:55,992 --> 01:24:58,225
I just wanna be free.
2051
01:24:58,225 --> 01:25:00,557
I can set you free.
2052
01:25:00,557 --> 01:25:02,361
[panting]
2053
01:25:05,166 --> 01:25:06,937
[yelps]
2054
01:25:10,974 --> 01:25:16,782
I can silence
all those voices.
2055
01:25:16,782 --> 01:25:18,740
[silence falls]
2056
01:25:20,819 --> 01:25:22,381
[exhales]
2057
01:25:23,547 --> 01:25:25,120
I’ve got you.
2058
01:25:27,056 --> 01:25:28,827
I’ve got you.
2059
01:25:28,992 --> 01:25:30,389
No.
2060
01:25:31,159 --> 01:25:32,897
I got you.
2061
01:25:33,194 --> 01:25:34,657
[indistinct whining]
2062
01:25:34,657 --> 01:25:36,626
[grunting in pain]
2063
01:25:36,626 --> 01:25:37,759
[gasps]
2064
01:25:37,759 --> 01:25:39,838
[yelling]
2065
01:25:39,838 --> 01:25:42,005
[Cassandra grunts] Get it off!
2066
01:25:42,005 --> 01:25:43,435
[Deadpool]
You’re gonna send us home,
2067
01:25:43,435 --> 01:25:45,140
or I’m gonna twist
your fucking head off.
2068
01:25:45,140 --> 01:25:47,604
- [laughs]
- Why are you laughing?
2069
01:25:47,604 --> 01:25:48,506
I can’t send you home
2070
01:25:48,506 --> 01:25:51,817
unless you get this thing
off my head.
2071
01:25:51,817 --> 01:25:52,675
And as soon as you do that,
2072
01:25:52,675 --> 01:25:55,447
I’m going to boil your brains
on an atomic level
2073
01:25:55,447 --> 01:25:58,648
whilst flicking my bean
to the Enya box set.
2074
01:25:58,648 --> 01:26:00,188
[Deadpool]
There’s an Enya box set?
2075
01:26:00,188 --> 01:26:01,783
Either you kill me
2076
01:26:01,783 --> 01:26:03,653
or I kill you.
2077
01:26:03,862 --> 01:26:05,556
Both wonderful options.
2078
01:26:05,556 --> 01:26:07,261
[Deadpool]
You want me to do it?
2079
01:26:07,261 --> 01:26:07,866
No, I’ll do it.
2080
01:26:07,866 --> 01:26:09,098
[Deadpool] I have
her neck right here.
2081
01:26:09,098 --> 01:26:10,968
- It’s really no problem.
- You’ll screw it up.
2082
01:26:10,968 --> 01:26:12,871
[Deadpool]
Oh, come on, Mr. PG-13,
2083
01:26:12,871 --> 01:26:13,729
except the last one!
2084
01:26:13,729 --> 01:26:16,732
- [gunshots]
- What the fuck?
2085
01:26:16,842 --> 01:26:19,702
- [gasping]
- [chuckles] You have no idea
2086
01:26:19,702 --> 01:26:20,439
what it’s like!
2087
01:26:20,439 --> 01:26:23,772
Day after day.
Shovel the shit.
2088
01:26:23,772 --> 01:26:25,180
Fetch the meats.
2089
01:26:25,180 --> 01:26:28,986
I have spent my entire exis--
2090
01:26:29,954 --> 01:26:31,417
Not everyone gets a speech.
2091
01:26:31,417 --> 01:26:33,925
- [groaning]
- She’s gonna die.
2092
01:26:33,925 --> 01:26:35,861
[Deadpool] Okay. Hey, hey.
If I take this helmet off,
2093
01:26:35,861 --> 01:26:37,720
do you promise
you won’t kill us?
2094
01:26:37,720 --> 01:26:39,029
- Fuck!
- [Cassandra] I promise...
2095
01:26:39,029 --> 01:26:40,459
I will kill you first thing.
2096
01:26:40,459 --> 01:26:42,868
[Deadpool] Oh!
Why are you like this?
2097
01:26:42,868 --> 01:26:43,759
I wish I knew.
2098
01:26:43,759 --> 01:26:45,101
- Take it off.
- [Deadpool] What?
2099
01:26:45,101 --> 01:26:46,135
- Take it off.
- [Deadpool] Why?
2100
01:26:46,135 --> 01:26:47,697
- Just take it off.
- This is our only chance
2101
01:26:47,697 --> 01:26:50,832
- to fix our shit!
- Take it off!
2102
01:26:51,910 --> 01:26:53,604
I am wearing this suit.
2103
01:26:53,604 --> 01:26:57,245
And that means
a lot of things,
but most of all...
2104
01:26:57,949 --> 01:26:59,951
it means I’m an X-Man.
2105
01:27:00,182 --> 01:27:02,349
And I know your brother.
2106
01:27:03,515 --> 01:27:04,780
As much as I want
to fucking kill you,
2107
01:27:04,780 --> 01:27:07,618
every bone in my body
wants to fucking kill you,
2108
01:27:07,618 --> 01:27:12,095
he would not let me stand here
and watch you die!
2109
01:27:13,789 --> 01:27:15,824
Take your hands off.
2110
01:27:16,825 --> 01:27:18,761
This is for him.
2111
01:27:19,828 --> 01:27:21,907
This is for Charles.
2112
01:27:23,634 --> 01:27:25,834
[Cassandra panting]
2113
01:27:28,804 --> 01:27:30,542
[exhales deeply]
2114
01:27:30,542 --> 01:27:32,445
- [grunts]
- [Deadpool] Hey, no, no, no!
2115
01:27:32,445 --> 01:27:35,052
Don’t you dare
do me like Johnny!
2116
01:27:40,651 --> 01:27:42,422
My brother loved you.
2117
01:27:43,654 --> 01:27:45,392
He loved all of us.
2118
01:27:45,689 --> 01:27:47,097
Hmm.
2119
01:27:47,889 --> 01:27:49,726
Must be nice.
2120
01:27:49,825 --> 01:27:52,069
He would’ve loved you, too.
2121
01:27:54,104 --> 01:27:56,106
If he knew about you...
2122
01:27:56,975 --> 01:27:58,042
if he knew where you were,
2123
01:27:58,042 --> 01:28:00,836
he would’ve torn a hole
in the fucking universe
2124
01:28:00,836 --> 01:28:02,706
to bring you home.
2125
01:28:05,841 --> 01:28:07,447
This is my home.
2126
01:28:07,447 --> 01:28:10,879
Well, then at least
let us save his.
2127
01:28:13,959 --> 01:28:16,423
You want to hear
something crazy?
2128
01:28:16,852 --> 01:28:21,296
An amateur magician rolled
through here a while back.
2129
01:28:21,560 --> 01:28:23,133
I killed him, of course.
2130
01:28:23,133 --> 01:28:26,763
Wore his skin around
for four days.
2131
01:28:27,038 --> 01:28:27,973
But
2132
01:28:27,973 --> 01:28:29,700
I found this
2133
01:28:29,700 --> 01:28:31,570
little trinket
2134
01:28:31,570 --> 01:28:33,836
on his lovely fingers.
2135
01:28:33,836 --> 01:28:35,838
[Deadpool] Strange!
2136
01:28:36,839 --> 01:28:37,477
[Deadpool gasps]
2137
01:28:37,477 --> 01:28:41,019
- Marvel sparkle circle.
- [Wolverine] What is that?
2138
01:28:41,019 --> 01:28:42,779
This is your way home.
2139
01:28:42,779 --> 01:28:44,880
I do owe you
for saving my life.
2140
01:28:44,880 --> 01:28:46,519
But let’s keep
things interesting.
2141
01:28:46,519 --> 01:28:48,620
I’d say you have
about four seconds
2142
01:28:48,620 --> 01:28:50,919
before you’re Alioth’s food.
2143
01:28:51,095 --> 01:28:53,295
[Alioth growling]
2144
01:28:54,164 --> 01:28:56,265
[Deadpool chuckles] Race ya.
2145
01:28:58,465 --> 01:29:00,632
[♪ slow jazz plays, Jimmy
Durante "I’ll Be Seeing You"]
2146
01:29:00,632 --> 01:29:04,240
♪ I’ll be seeing you ♪
2147
01:29:04,240 --> 01:29:09,674
♪ In all the old
familiar places ♪
2148
01:29:09,674 --> 01:29:15,350
♪ That this heart
of mine embraces ♪
2149
01:29:15,350 --> 01:29:18,188
♪ All day through ♪
2150
01:29:20,652 --> 01:29:25,261
♪ In that small cafe ♪
2151
01:29:25,426 --> 01:29:30,068
- ♪ The park across the way ♪
- [screaming]
2152
01:29:30,893 --> 01:29:35,304
♪ The children’s carousel ♪
2153
01:29:35,304 --> 01:29:41,673
♪ The chestnut trees,
the wishing well ♪
2154
01:29:42,575 --> 01:29:46,183
♪ I’ll be seeing you ♪
2155
01:29:46,183 --> 01:29:50,583
♪ In every lovely
summer’s day ♪
2156
01:29:50,583 --> 01:29:51,155
[screams]
2157
01:29:51,155 --> 01:29:55,984
♪ I’ll find you
in the morning sun ♪
2158
01:29:55,984 --> 01:30:01,297
♪ And when the night is new ♪
2159
01:30:02,760 --> 01:30:09,338
♪ I’ll be looking
at the moon ♪
2160
01:30:09,800 --> 01:30:15,872
♪ But I’ll be seeing you ♪
2161
01:30:15,872 --> 01:30:17,874
[Alioth snarls]
2162
01:30:18,347 --> 01:30:21,042
[Peter] And as I said,
we’ve got
a standard three-year
2163
01:30:21,042 --> 01:30:22,450
bumper to bumper warranty.
2164
01:30:22,450 --> 01:30:24,012
Glad you gave us
a second chance.
2165
01:30:24,012 --> 01:30:25,651
And don’t worry.
Wade and I are a team,
2166
01:30:25,651 --> 01:30:28,324
so I’ll see he gets
half the commission--
2167
01:30:28,456 --> 01:30:29,160
[all gasp]
2168
01:30:29,160 --> 01:30:30,161
- [Deadpool groans]
- Whoa.
2169
01:30:30,161 --> 01:30:32,163
[Deadpool]
That feels like a Kia.
2170
01:30:32,163 --> 01:30:36,101
It’s a fucking Kia Carnival,
isn’t it? [groans]
2171
01:30:36,464 --> 01:30:39,566
Holy shit. That’s Deadpool.
2172
01:30:39,566 --> 01:30:40,402
And that’s Wolverine.
2173
01:30:40,402 --> 01:30:42,063
[Deadpool]
You’re damn straight it is.
2174
01:30:42,063 --> 01:30:42,998
Fox killed him.
2175
01:30:42,998 --> 01:30:43,735
Disney brought him back.
2176
01:30:43,735 --> 01:30:46,408
They’re going to make him
do this till he’s 90.
2177
01:30:46,540 --> 01:30:47,838
Let’s go.
2178
01:30:47,838 --> 01:30:49,543
[Peter] I’ll clock you out!
2179
01:30:49,543 --> 01:30:51,380
[Deadpool] Forever!
2180
01:30:51,743 --> 01:30:53,250
Forever.
2181
01:30:59,916 --> 01:31:00,620
Wakey-wakey.
2182
01:31:00,620 --> 01:31:03,293
- [snorts] God?
- [chuckles]
2183
01:31:03,392 --> 01:31:07,088
Now, you put all these bullets
in my belly,
2184
01:31:07,088 --> 01:31:09,728
and I’m gonna find out why.
2185
01:31:09,728 --> 01:31:11,334
Whoa, whoa!
2186
01:31:11,433 --> 01:31:12,797
I’ll just say it.
2187
01:31:12,797 --> 01:31:15,030
You don’t have to stick
your fingers in me.
2188
01:31:15,030 --> 01:31:18,176
Jesus, just ask sometimes.
2189
01:31:18,176 --> 01:31:19,837
Fine.
2190
01:31:20,607 --> 01:31:21,905
Really?
2191
01:31:21,905 --> 01:31:23,104
Hands in pockets.
2192
01:31:23,104 --> 01:31:24,743
[breathing heavily]
2193
01:31:24,743 --> 01:31:26,382
Guy named Paradox.
2194
01:31:26,382 --> 01:31:27,614
He said he’d get me
out of The Void.
2195
01:31:27,614 --> 01:31:30,518
All I know is
he works for the TVA.
2196
01:31:30,518 --> 01:31:31,189
The TVA.
2197
01:31:31,189 --> 01:31:32,487
We had an agreement.
2198
01:31:32,487 --> 01:31:34,687
I don’t think this guy cares.
2199
01:31:34,687 --> 01:31:37,085
Huh. He will.
2200
01:31:37,085 --> 01:31:37,690
Hey, people!
2201
01:31:37,690 --> 01:31:40,088
How much longer before
the Time Ripper is active?
2202
01:31:40,088 --> 01:31:41,562
We’re running
the final safety checks.
2203
01:31:41,562 --> 01:31:44,664
Oh, okay. All right.
Thanks for all
your hard work, Ralph.
2204
01:31:44,664 --> 01:31:46,204
- Take your time.
- Really?
2205
01:31:46,204 --> 01:31:47,964
No, you drooling boob!
2206
01:31:47,964 --> 01:31:48,734
No! We have company.
2207
01:31:48,734 --> 01:31:52,672
Cancel the safety checks.
We need to be live now!
2208
01:31:52,672 --> 01:31:54,971
Oh, I hate you so much.
2209
01:31:56,544 --> 01:31:57,138
No! Stop!
2210
01:31:57,138 --> 01:31:58,612
Piss off! You’re too late.
2211
01:31:58,612 --> 01:32:00,911
- You’re fuckin’ done.
- Why was Thor crying?
2212
01:32:00,911 --> 01:32:01,813
[Mr. Paradox] How dare you!
2213
01:32:01,813 --> 01:32:04,519
No one comes back
from The Void.
2214
01:32:04,519 --> 01:32:06,884
Tell that to Cassandra Nova.
2215
01:32:07,016 --> 01:32:10,085
[♪ choral music playing]
2216
01:32:14,760 --> 01:32:17,697
Paradox. We have a problem.
2217
01:32:17,928 --> 01:32:19,666
[bones snap]
2218
01:32:19,798 --> 01:32:21,833
[Cassandra] Paradox.
2219
01:32:22,636 --> 01:32:25,903
Well, you are doughier than
you looked in Pyro’s head.
2220
01:32:25,903 --> 01:32:27,212
You tried to kill me.
2221
01:32:27,212 --> 01:32:28,807
I literally have no i--
2222
01:32:28,807 --> 01:32:30,875
[Cassandra]
You come for the king,
2223
01:32:30,875 --> 01:32:32,943
you better kill the king.
2224
01:32:32,943 --> 01:32:33,680
[Deadpool] Oh-ho-ho!
2225
01:32:33,680 --> 01:32:35,913
Welcome to
the skull fuck club, Paradox.
2226
01:32:35,913 --> 01:32:38,652
You know she doesn’t
wash that hand.
2227
01:32:38,652 --> 01:32:40,489
- Oh.
- [grunting strainfully]
2228
01:32:40,489 --> 01:32:42,117
What’s this?
2229
01:32:42,821 --> 01:32:44,086
A Time Ripper?
2230
01:32:44,086 --> 01:32:44,724
Naughty boy.
2231
01:32:44,724 --> 01:32:45,758
[Deadpool] Oh, no.
We’re on it.
2232
01:32:45,758 --> 01:32:47,232
We’re gonna head down
and dismantle
that thing now.
2233
01:32:47,232 --> 01:32:50,092
We got ya, boo.
You just keep
playing those keys.
2234
01:32:50,092 --> 01:32:52,600
I don’t want to destroy it.
2235
01:32:52,600 --> 01:32:53,601
I want to use it.
2236
01:32:53,601 --> 01:32:57,198
Now, shoo. Mummy and Daddy
are having a conversation.
2237
01:32:57,198 --> 01:32:59,310
[both yelling]
2238
01:33:02,742 --> 01:33:03,479
[groans]
2239
01:33:03,479 --> 01:33:05,613
You know, the funny thing is,
2240
01:33:05,613 --> 01:33:07,109
I was happy in The Void.
2241
01:33:07,109 --> 01:33:11,047
You sent your trash to me.
Alioth and I cleaned it up.
2242
01:33:11,047 --> 01:33:12,917
Everyone was happy.
2243
01:33:12,917 --> 01:33:16,789
And then you had to
go and piss on
my side of the fence.
2244
01:33:16,789 --> 01:33:19,693
And so now the fence
must come down.
2245
01:33:19,693 --> 01:33:21,662
I’m going to use
your little Time Ripper.
2246
01:33:21,662 --> 01:33:24,401
And I’m going to destroy
this universe
2247
01:33:24,401 --> 01:33:27,162
and the next and the next
and the next
2248
01:33:27,162 --> 01:33:31,199
until all that’s left
is The Void.
2249
01:33:31,199 --> 01:33:33,509
And I get to play God.
2250
01:33:33,509 --> 01:33:35,071
- Come on.
- [Mr. Paradox groans]
2251
01:33:35,071 --> 01:33:35,973
Now you’re going to show me
2252
01:33:35,973 --> 01:33:37,777
how to use
this fancy gadget of yours.
2253
01:33:37,777 --> 01:33:39,779
And don’t worry,
I’ve called some friends
2254
01:33:39,779 --> 01:33:42,386
to make sure
we’re not disturbed.
2255
01:33:44,520 --> 01:33:45,719
- [knock at door]
- Sorry to bother, madam,
2256
01:33:45,719 --> 01:33:47,490
but there’s something
you need to see.
2257
01:33:47,490 --> 01:33:50,592
We’re getting indications
of an unsanctioned Time Ripper
2258
01:33:50,592 --> 01:33:53,694
activating on Earth-10005.
2259
01:33:54,662 --> 01:33:56,697
Whose district is that?
2260
01:33:56,895 --> 01:33:58,303
Paradox.
2261
01:34:05,805 --> 01:34:08,643
[Mr. Paradox gasps, exhales]
2262
01:34:08,643 --> 01:34:11,041
Well, thank you so much
for your help, darling.
2263
01:34:11,041 --> 01:34:13,681
God. Good to get out
of that head.
2264
01:34:13,681 --> 01:34:16,354
Whew! What a mess!
2265
01:34:16,948 --> 01:34:19,049
[both groaning]
2266
01:34:23,251 --> 01:34:23,856
[Deadpool] Stop!
2267
01:34:23,856 --> 01:34:25,990
Let’s give it a beat
for the extras to clear.
2268
01:34:25,990 --> 01:34:29,224
Go, go, go, go, go!
Oh, my God!
2269
01:34:33,129 --> 01:34:36,638
- Oh. My. God.
- Fuck.
2270
01:34:36,638 --> 01:34:40,906
[♪ classic rock music plays,
"Make Me Lose Control"]
2271
01:34:43,744 --> 01:34:45,977
[Deadpool] It’s her!
2272
01:34:45,977 --> 01:34:48,980
- Come on, girl!
- [Dogpool barks]
2273
01:34:49,684 --> 01:34:50,146
[barks]
2274
01:34:50,146 --> 01:34:51,818
♪ Was love always this good ♪
2275
01:34:51,818 --> 01:34:54,953
♪ Or could this be
just the start? ♪
2276
01:34:54,953 --> 01:34:56,889
Come on, girl!
2277
01:34:56,889 --> 01:34:58,319
♪ Baby, baby ♪
2278
01:34:58,319 --> 01:35:03,467
♪ Turn the radio up
for that sweet sound ♪
2279
01:35:03,467 --> 01:35:07,834
♪ Hold me close,
never let me go ♪
2280
01:35:07,834 --> 01:35:10,738
♪ Keep this feelin’ alive... ♪
2281
01:35:10,738 --> 01:35:11,739
That’s my girl!
2282
01:35:11,739 --> 01:35:13,037
We don’t have to be apart
2283
01:35:13,037 --> 01:35:15,171
ever, ever again.
Never, ever...
2284
01:35:15,171 --> 01:35:16,777
- Sorry!
- [Deadpool] Fuck!
2285
01:35:16,777 --> 01:35:17,481
[♪ song stops]
2286
01:35:17,481 --> 01:35:19,109
What’s Cafe Gratitude
doing here?
2287
01:35:19,109 --> 01:35:20,649
- Sorry about that.
- [Dogpool whimpering]
2288
01:35:20,649 --> 01:35:23,080
[Deadpool] Tremble not,
sweet Mary Puppins.
2289
01:35:23,080 --> 01:35:24,851
[whispers] I’ll handle him.
2290
01:35:24,851 --> 01:35:25,786
Come here, girl.
Papa’s here.
2291
01:35:25,786 --> 01:35:29,086
[Deadpool] Hey, do not insult
this animal’s autonomy.
2292
01:35:29,086 --> 01:35:31,528
She can decide
who her papa is.
2293
01:35:31,528 --> 01:35:32,529
What’s it gonna be, girl, huh?
2294
01:35:32,529 --> 01:35:34,663
Original recipe
or Van Milder here?
2295
01:35:34,663 --> 01:35:39,503
Ah, that’s funny. I can gently
tap the fourth wall too.
2296
01:35:39,503 --> 01:35:41,263
The Proposal.
2297
01:35:41,901 --> 01:35:42,869
[Deadpool] The fuck was that?
2298
01:35:42,869 --> 01:35:44,904
Bitch, you think
that’s what I do?
2299
01:35:44,904 --> 01:35:45,872
Both of you shut up.
2300
01:35:45,872 --> 01:35:48,204
- [sniffs]
- You smell somethin’?
2301
01:35:48,204 --> 01:35:48,908
Yeah, you.
2302
01:35:48,908 --> 01:35:51,075
- [sniffs]
- A lot of you.
2303
01:35:51,075 --> 01:35:54,815
[♪ dramatic mysterious
music playing]
2304
01:36:05,595 --> 01:36:06,090
[tink]
2305
01:36:06,090 --> 01:36:08,730
Told you there were
a lot of Deadpools over there.
2306
01:36:08,730 --> 01:36:11,865
[♪ dramatic music continues]
2307
01:36:20,577 --> 01:36:22,403
[Deadpool] That’s bad.
2308
01:36:39,992 --> 01:36:41,895
[neck cracks]
2309
01:36:42,863 --> 01:36:43,798
[♪ music fades out]
2310
01:36:43,798 --> 01:36:45,569
I take it
they’re not friendly.
2311
01:36:45,569 --> 01:36:46,295
[Nicepool] Goodness, no.
2312
01:36:46,295 --> 01:36:47,967
Sorry about this, boys.
Mission over.
2313
01:36:47,967 --> 01:36:51,773
Cause of death, one hundred
kill-thirsty Deadpools.
2314
01:36:51,773 --> 01:36:52,400
They’re dumb.
2315
01:36:52,400 --> 01:36:53,643
But they can fight.
Not me, though.
2316
01:36:53,643 --> 01:36:56,778
Would love to get in the mix,
but I have low bone density
2317
01:36:56,778 --> 01:36:58,648
and I have to keep
my face safe.
2318
01:36:58,648 --> 01:36:59,880
[Deadpool smooches]
Hold, please.
2319
01:36:59,880 --> 01:37:02,850
- Oh, God.
- [Deadpool] All right. Look.
2320
01:37:02,850 --> 01:37:04,346
Guys!
2321
01:37:04,852 --> 01:37:06,117
Deadpool Prime here.
2322
01:37:06,117 --> 01:37:08,086
- Our fight isn’t with you--
- [kid] Hey!
2323
01:37:08,086 --> 01:37:09,120
When I want your opinion,
2324
01:37:09,120 --> 01:37:11,694
I’ll take Wolverine’s dick
out of your mouth.
2325
01:37:11,694 --> 01:37:13,531
That’s Kidpool.
She’s the dirtiest.
2326
01:37:13,531 --> 01:37:14,565
[Deadpool]
Can we just be done?
2327
01:37:14,565 --> 01:37:16,765
[Ladypool] Ooh,
we’re just getting started.
2328
01:37:16,765 --> 01:37:17,733
[Deadpool] No, no, no, no, no.
2329
01:37:17,733 --> 01:37:21,132
With the whole
multiverse thing.
2330
01:37:21,539 --> 01:37:22,771
It’s not great.
2331
01:37:22,771 --> 01:37:24,641
It’s just been miss
2332
01:37:24,641 --> 01:37:26,137
after miss
2333
01:37:26,137 --> 01:37:27,468
after miss.
2334
01:37:27,468 --> 01:37:29,943
Look, The Wizard of Oz
did the multiverse first,
2335
01:37:29,943 --> 01:37:33,243
and they did it best.
The gays knew it.
2336
01:37:33,243 --> 01:37:34,145
But we didn’t listen.
2337
01:37:34,145 --> 01:37:36,884
Let’s just take the L
and move on.
2338
01:37:36,884 --> 01:37:39,689
I think it’s been
steadily great since Endgame.
2339
01:37:39,689 --> 01:37:41,724
[Ladypool]
What are you talking about?
2340
01:37:41,724 --> 01:37:42,956
The multiverse is over.
2341
01:37:42,956 --> 01:37:44,452
[Cowboypool]
Cassandy gonna destroy
2342
01:37:44,452 --> 01:37:46,058
the fuck outta every timeline.
2343
01:37:46,058 --> 01:37:47,697
Heh. Y’all can’t do shit
about it.
2344
01:37:47,697 --> 01:37:48,599
[Deadpool] Do you not get it?
2345
01:37:48,599 --> 01:37:49,963
If we don’t go down
to the subway
2346
01:37:49,963 --> 01:37:50,832
and stop her, we all die.
2347
01:37:50,832 --> 01:37:52,130
[Cowboypool]
Say, the boss lady
2348
01:37:52,130 --> 01:37:53,131
don’t want no disturbances.
2349
01:37:53,131 --> 01:37:55,265
You wanna get down
to the subway,
2350
01:37:55,265 --> 01:37:56,706
you gotta go through us.
2351
01:37:56,706 --> 01:37:57,740
Uzi time, baby.
2352
01:37:57,740 --> 01:37:58,873
[Ladypool] Uzi time, baby.
2353
01:37:58,873 --> 01:38:00,875
[Deadpool] Look alive!
2354
01:38:00,974 --> 01:38:02,778
[Headpool yells]
2355
01:38:08,784 --> 01:38:09,246
[grunts]
2356
01:38:09,246 --> 01:38:11,215
- I think I’m hit.
- [Wolverine] No shit.
2357
01:38:11,215 --> 01:38:11,985
You did that on purpose.
2358
01:38:11,985 --> 01:38:14,053
[Deadpool]
I did no such thing!
2359
01:38:14,053 --> 01:38:14,790
Listen to me, gorgeous.
2360
01:38:14,790 --> 01:38:16,858
How long does it take
for you to regenerate?
2361
01:38:16,858 --> 01:38:18,794
Regenerate?
2362
01:38:19,729 --> 01:38:22,831
- [crow caws]
- [Dogpool grunts]
2363
01:38:22,831 --> 01:38:23,491
[retches]
2364
01:38:23,491 --> 01:38:25,669
You really are
God’s perfect idiot,
aren’t you?
2365
01:38:25,669 --> 01:38:27,297
- I’m okay.
- [Deadpool] How dare you!
2366
01:38:27,297 --> 01:38:28,969
You insensitive
son of a bitch!
2367
01:38:28,969 --> 01:38:31,675
How was I supposed to know
he doesn’t regenerate?
2368
01:38:31,675 --> 01:38:32,676
I’m not a medicine woman.
2369
01:38:32,676 --> 01:38:35,470
Look. A donut cart.
They’re practically hospitals.
2370
01:38:35,470 --> 01:38:36,405
- What?
- [Deadpool] They sell
2371
01:38:36,405 --> 01:38:37,615
- portable triage units.
- They don’t.
2372
01:38:37,615 --> 01:38:38,913
[Deadpool] I’m gonna
get you to safety.
2373
01:38:38,913 --> 01:38:41,817
- He’s not.
- [Deadpool] Deep breath.
2374
01:38:48,516 --> 01:38:49,121
[panting]
2375
01:38:49,121 --> 01:38:50,925
Hey, why are we stopping?
2376
01:38:50,925 --> 01:38:52,091
[Deadpool]
I’m just catching my breath.
2377
01:38:52,091 --> 01:38:55,490
What, are your legs on
vacation? You’re dead weight!
2378
01:38:55,490 --> 01:38:56,557
That’s because I’m paralyzed.
2379
01:38:56,557 --> 01:38:59,637
[Deadpool]
We all have problems.
Listen to me.
2380
01:38:59,637 --> 01:39:01,265
You’re gonna live.
2381
01:39:01,672 --> 01:39:02,937
Look at me, Nicepool.
2382
01:39:02,937 --> 01:39:05,170
[gunfire continues]
2383
01:39:06,908 --> 01:39:08,877
You’re gonna live.
2384
01:39:09,042 --> 01:39:10,747
Say it!
2385
01:39:10,747 --> 01:39:11,880
I’m gonna live.
2386
01:39:11,880 --> 01:39:14,179
Say it with me.
You’re gonna live.
2387
01:39:14,179 --> 01:39:16,082
[fumbling] I’m gonna live!
2388
01:39:16,082 --> 01:39:20,152
[Deadpool] Ha-hah!
Say it louder!
2389
01:39:20,152 --> 01:39:22,022
I’m gonna live--
2390
01:39:24,629 --> 01:39:26,257
[gunfire]
2391
01:39:30,228 --> 01:39:32,296
Hold your fire!
2392
01:39:33,561 --> 01:39:35,673
Sweet little puppy.
2393
01:39:44,682 --> 01:39:46,178
[Deadpool grunting]
God damn it!
2394
01:39:46,178 --> 01:39:48,686
I don’t think
he’s gonna make it.
2395
01:39:48,686 --> 01:39:50,182
God, he loved his face.
2396
01:39:50,182 --> 01:39:53,020
I can taste his final thought.
2397
01:39:53,020 --> 01:39:54,659
He was so afraid.
2398
01:39:54,659 --> 01:39:55,484
But he died a hero.
2399
01:39:55,484 --> 01:39:57,387
He died from murder,
you dumb fuck.
2400
01:39:57,387 --> 01:40:00,423
[Deadpool] And all I have
to remember him by
2401
01:40:00,588 --> 01:40:02,128
are these two gold-plated,
2402
01:40:02,128 --> 01:40:04,900
...50 caliber
Desert Eagle pistoleros.
2403
01:40:04,900 --> 01:40:06,429
This is for him.
2404
01:40:06,561 --> 01:40:07,903
Are you ready?
2405
01:40:07,903 --> 01:40:09,971
I get to kill a hundred yous?
2406
01:40:09,971 --> 01:40:11,808
Fuck yeah, I’m ready.
2407
01:40:11,808 --> 01:40:13,634
Hey, you don’t want
to see this, bub.
2408
01:40:13,634 --> 01:40:14,536
[Deadpool] That’s a good girl.
2409
01:40:14,536 --> 01:40:18,683
[♪ ’80s pop music plays,
Madonna "Like a Prayer"]
2410
01:40:19,046 --> 01:40:23,380
♪ Life is a mystery ♪
2411
01:40:23,380 --> 01:40:27,648
♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪
2412
01:40:27,648 --> 01:40:32,653
♪ I hear you call my name ♪
2413
01:40:32,653 --> 01:40:37,394
♪ And it feels like ♪
2414
01:40:37,394 --> 01:40:40,199
♪ Home... ♪
2415
01:40:51,782 --> 01:40:52,981
[Deadpool] Holy shit.
2416
01:40:52,981 --> 01:40:55,918
You save the good stuff
for special occasions?
2417
01:40:55,918 --> 01:40:56,721
Killing, mostly.
2418
01:40:56,721 --> 01:40:58,184
[Deadpool]
What’s the wind resistance
2419
01:40:58,184 --> 01:40:59,119
on those blowjob handles?
2420
01:40:59,119 --> 01:41:01,022
- [grunts]
- [laughs] I’m sorry.
2421
01:41:01,022 --> 01:41:04,058
I’m just a catty bitch
when I’m jealous.
2422
01:41:04,058 --> 01:41:05,994
All right, let’s do this.
2423
01:41:05,994 --> 01:41:07,897
Maximum effort.
2424
01:41:09,866 --> 01:41:11,736
[♪ song pauses]
2425
01:41:14,629 --> 01:41:16,774
[Deadpools yelling]
2426
01:41:16,873 --> 01:41:18,138
- [♪ song resumes playing]
- [all grunting]
2427
01:41:18,138 --> 01:41:21,570
♪ When you call my name
It’s like a little prayer ♪
2428
01:41:21,570 --> 01:41:25,816
♪ I’m down on my knees
I want to take you there ♪
2429
01:41:25,816 --> 01:41:29,952
♪ In the midnight hour
I can feel your power ♪
2430
01:41:29,952 --> 01:41:34,957
♪ Just like a prayer
You know I’ll take you there ♪
2431
01:41:34,957 --> 01:41:38,829
♪ Life is a mystery ♪
2432
01:41:38,829 --> 01:41:42,965
♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪
2433
01:41:42,965 --> 01:41:46,903
♪ I hear you call my name ♪
2434
01:41:46,903 --> 01:41:47,772
You’re dead.
2435
01:41:47,772 --> 01:41:52,700
♪ And it feels like ♪
2436
01:41:53,778 --> 01:41:54,944
[Deadpools yelling]
2437
01:41:54,944 --> 01:41:56,737
♪ Let the choir sing ♪
2438
01:41:56,737 --> 01:42:00,851
♪ When you call my name
It’s like a little prayer ♪
2439
01:42:00,851 --> 01:42:05,218
♪ I’m down on my knees
I wanna take you there ♪
2440
01:42:05,218 --> 01:42:09,321
♪ In the midnight hour
I can feel your power ♪
2441
01:42:09,321 --> 01:42:13,831
♪ Just like a prayer
You know I’ll take you there ♪
2442
01:42:13,831 --> 01:42:15,800
Motherfucker.
2443
01:42:15,800 --> 01:42:17,032
I wish I were deaf.
2444
01:42:17,032 --> 01:42:18,132
♪ I’ll take you there ♪
2445
01:42:18,132 --> 01:42:19,661
♪ It’s like a dream to me ♪
2446
01:42:19,661 --> 01:42:21,762
♪ Oh oh, yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪
2447
01:42:21,762 --> 01:42:24,875
♪ Just like a prayer,
I’ll take you there ♪
2448
01:42:24,875 --> 01:42:26,371
♪ Oh yeah, yeah ♪
2449
01:42:26,371 --> 01:42:28,978
♪ It’s like a dream to me ♪
2450
01:42:28,978 --> 01:42:31,849
♪ Oh, oh ♪
2451
01:42:31,849 --> 01:42:36,315
♪ It’s like a prayer... ♪
2452
01:42:36,546 --> 01:42:39,483
[crying Deadpool] I don’t
wanna die. I don’t wanna die.
2453
01:42:39,483 --> 01:42:41,122
I don’t wanna...
2454
01:42:47,931 --> 01:42:50,934
[♪ outro music playing]
2455
01:42:52,067 --> 01:42:54,003
- [♪ song ends]
- [Deadpool grunts]
2456
01:42:54,003 --> 01:42:55,532
[Deadpool] Come on.
2457
01:42:55,532 --> 01:42:56,170
Oh, I blew it.
2458
01:42:56,170 --> 01:42:58,568
After all that, the only thing
they’re gonna remember
2459
01:42:58,568 --> 01:43:01,208
is that God-awful dismount!
2460
01:43:01,637 --> 01:43:03,672
[giggling]
2461
01:43:04,739 --> 01:43:06,983
What you laughing at,
you little fucker?
2462
01:43:06,983 --> 01:43:08,215
[Babypool] Uh-oh.
2463
01:43:08,215 --> 01:43:09,513
[Deadpool] Uh-oh.
2464
01:43:09,513 --> 01:43:11,614
[Babypool cooing]
2465
01:43:11,614 --> 01:43:13,517
[Babypool giggling]
2466
01:43:13,517 --> 01:43:16,025
I guess these ones regenerate.
2467
01:43:16,927 --> 01:43:19,930
Come on.
We don’t have time for this.
2468
01:43:19,930 --> 01:43:21,096
[Peter] Deadpools!
2469
01:43:21,096 --> 01:43:22,999
Stand down.
2470
01:43:23,131 --> 01:43:26,200
[♪ heroic music playing]
2471
01:43:32,734 --> 01:43:34,208
This Deadpool’s with me.
2472
01:43:34,208 --> 01:43:35,638
[Deadpool] Oh, no.
2473
01:43:35,638 --> 01:43:36,738
[Ladypool] Holy shit.
2474
01:43:36,738 --> 01:43:38,674
[Kidpool]
That’s fuckin’ Peter!
2475
01:43:38,674 --> 01:43:40,918
[Deadpools cheering]
2476
01:43:41,083 --> 01:43:42,678
[Deadpool] Wait, you...
You guys know Peter?
2477
01:43:42,678 --> 01:43:45,087
[Ladypool] You kidding me?
Every Deadpool has a Peter.
2478
01:43:45,087 --> 01:43:47,848
[Cowboypool] Shit.
Peter’s a goddamn legend
2479
01:43:47,848 --> 01:43:49,586
in every Deadpool’s world.
2480
01:43:49,586 --> 01:43:51,896
Peter- san. Hai.
2481
01:43:51,896 --> 01:43:54,195
[Deadpools cheering]
2482
01:43:58,034 --> 01:43:58,661
[Peter laughs]
2483
01:43:58,661 --> 01:44:00,630
[Deadpools chanting]
Peter. Peter. Peter.
2484
01:44:00,630 --> 01:44:03,941
Peter. Peter. Peter.
Peter. Peter. Peter.
2485
01:44:03,941 --> 01:44:07,010
- Peter. Peter. Peter.
- [Peter laughing]
2486
01:44:07,010 --> 01:44:09,342
[Deadpool] Enjoy my Peter.
2487
01:44:09,342 --> 01:44:13,951
- [♪ tense music playing]
- [Time Ripper thrumming]
2488
01:44:28,724 --> 01:44:31,001
[Time Ripper whirring]
2489
01:44:36,138 --> 01:44:36,864
Oh, now you’re here.
2490
01:44:36,864 --> 01:44:38,800
Oh, well, you’re too late.
It’s all over.
2491
01:44:38,800 --> 01:44:39,504
Not yet, it’s not.
2492
01:44:39,504 --> 01:44:41,572
[Deadpool] Whoa. No, no, no.
We’re very close.
2493
01:44:41,572 --> 01:44:42,980
Homestretch, folks. Promise.
2494
01:44:42,980 --> 01:44:44,377
Quick, let’s up the stakes.
2495
01:44:44,377 --> 01:44:45,576
If she steals
the Time Ripper’s energy,
2496
01:44:45,576 --> 01:44:48,414
she has the power to shred
the fabric of all realities
2497
01:44:48,414 --> 01:44:50,680
until there is nothing left
but The Void.
2498
01:44:50,680 --> 01:44:52,055
How do we shut it down?
2499
01:44:52,055 --> 01:44:53,155
I don’t know.
2500
01:44:53,155 --> 01:44:54,684
[Mr. Paradox grunts]
2501
01:44:54,684 --> 01:44:55,520
[Wolverine] How about now?
2502
01:44:55,520 --> 01:44:56,851
[Deadpool] The mask
is really intimidating, huh?
2503
01:44:56,851 --> 01:44:59,623
It’s like Batman,
except he can move his neck.
2504
01:44:59,623 --> 01:45:01,757
Okay, look, look, look.
2505
01:45:01,757 --> 01:45:04,397
The Ripper is fed from
a secure chamber below ground.
2506
01:45:04,397 --> 01:45:07,862
It is powered by twin matter
and anti-matter feeds
2507
01:45:07,862 --> 01:45:09,501
converging inside the device.
2508
01:45:09,501 --> 01:45:10,304
Now, Cassandra Nova
2509
01:45:10,304 --> 01:45:11,503
is redirecting
the Ripper’s power
2510
01:45:11,503 --> 01:45:13,802
to eliminate all timelines,
starting with this one.
2511
01:45:13,802 --> 01:45:14,869
Theoretically,
you could stop her
2512
01:45:14,869 --> 01:45:16,772
by short-circuiting the feeds
in the chamber below.
2513
01:45:16,772 --> 01:45:19,610
One of you were to create a
circuit between the two feeds,
2514
01:45:19,610 --> 01:45:22,877
then the released power
would destroy the machine.
2515
01:45:22,877 --> 01:45:24,846
- But, well... But--
- [Deadpool] Come on, man.
2516
01:45:24,846 --> 01:45:26,848
If you’re not gonna swallow,
spit it out.
2517
01:45:26,848 --> 01:45:30,819
Whoever formed the bridge
would be annihilated.
2518
01:45:30,819 --> 01:45:31,556
I could live with that.
2519
01:45:31,556 --> 01:45:33,030
[Deadpool] Yeah, I could live
with that, too, actually.
2520
01:45:33,030 --> 01:45:34,427
You know, we survive anything.
We’re like cockroaches.
2521
01:45:34,427 --> 01:45:35,791
- [Deadpool chuckles]
- [Mr. Paradox] Not this time.
2522
01:45:35,791 --> 01:45:38,002
This is matter
and anti-matter.
2523
01:45:38,002 --> 01:45:39,828
They do not play nicely
with each other.
2524
01:45:39,828 --> 01:45:43,436
When they mix in your body,
you will be atomized.
2525
01:45:43,436 --> 01:45:45,438
Trust the laws of physics
if you don’t trust me.
2526
01:45:45,438 --> 01:45:48,243
Even if you lived long enough
to make the circuit,
2527
01:45:48,243 --> 01:45:51,741
you will die down there.
2528
01:45:56,713 --> 01:45:58,385
[crackling]
2529
01:46:04,886 --> 01:46:07,889
[♪ dramatic choral
music playing]
2530
01:46:07,889 --> 01:46:09,792
[moaning]
2531
01:46:16,040 --> 01:46:17,437
[Wolverine] Hold off. Hold.
2532
01:46:17,437 --> 01:46:18,669
You heard
that asshole upstairs.
2533
01:46:18,669 --> 01:46:23,641
Even if we pull this off,
we’re dead. Permanently.
2534
01:46:23,641 --> 01:46:26,941
- That’s why it’s got to be me.
- What?
2535
01:46:29,944 --> 01:46:31,814
Look, man... [panting]
2536
01:46:31,814 --> 01:46:34,553
you didn’t ask
for any of this.
2537
01:46:34,553 --> 01:46:36,060
You were right.
2538
01:46:36,060 --> 01:46:37,589
I lied.
2539
01:46:37,589 --> 01:46:38,920
I lied right to your face
2540
01:46:38,920 --> 01:46:42,165
just to get you to help me.
And you did.
2541
01:46:42,561 --> 01:46:44,662
You didn’t lie.
2542
01:46:45,696 --> 01:46:47,962
You made an educated wish.
2543
01:46:50,635 --> 01:46:52,032
Come on.
2544
01:46:52,032 --> 01:46:55,035
You got a whole world
to go back to.
2545
01:46:55,970 --> 01:46:57,741
I got nothin’.
2546
01:46:59,116 --> 01:47:00,876
I got nothin’.
2547
01:47:05,155 --> 01:47:06,915
Give me this.
2548
01:47:13,559 --> 01:47:15,132
Hey.
2549
01:47:18,432 --> 01:47:21,402
I waited a long time
for this team-up.
2550
01:47:22,964 --> 01:47:24,900
You know something?
2551
01:47:25,835 --> 01:47:28,035
You were the best Wolverine.
2552
01:47:28,035 --> 01:47:31,214
[♪ sentimental music playing]
2553
01:47:36,076 --> 01:47:38,947
Say hi to your friends for me.
2554
01:47:46,988 --> 01:47:48,891
[Wolverine grunts]
2555
01:47:50,728 --> 01:47:51,630
No!
2556
01:47:51,630 --> 01:47:52,268
Open the door!
2557
01:47:52,268 --> 01:47:54,963
[Deadpool] I can’t hear you
over all the noble sacrifice.
2558
01:47:54,963 --> 01:47:56,536
Why are you
fucking doing this?
2559
01:47:56,536 --> 01:48:00,705
[Deadpool]
Because I’m Marvel Jesus.
2560
01:48:01,772 --> 01:48:03,279
Or Spock.
2561
01:48:03,939 --> 01:48:05,006
Hard to say.
2562
01:48:05,006 --> 01:48:06,876
[glass squeaks]
2563
01:48:07,646 --> 01:48:09,252
[smooches]
2564
01:48:09,549 --> 01:48:10,979
[Wolverine] Wade!
2565
01:48:10,979 --> 01:48:13,784
You fucking idiot!
2566
01:48:16,457 --> 01:48:19,493
[Deadpool laughs]
Sorry, I’m just stalling.
2567
01:48:19,493 --> 01:48:22,397
I think I’m nervous
about dying.
2568
01:48:22,628 --> 01:48:23,695
This should be me.
2569
01:48:23,695 --> 01:48:26,126
[Deadpool] Say hi to
my friends for me, peanut.
2570
01:48:26,126 --> 01:48:26,830
[Wolverine] Wade!
2571
01:48:26,830 --> 01:48:28,964
You want to be
an annoying prick,
do it this side!
2572
01:48:28,964 --> 01:48:31,703
You’re gonna die in there,
you dumb fuck!
2573
01:48:31,703 --> 01:48:33,870
[breathing heavily]
2574
01:48:38,105 --> 01:48:39,975
Hey! You don’t need
to do this.
2575
01:48:39,975 --> 01:48:43,044
[Deadpool] I’m not doing it
’cause I need it.
2576
01:48:43,044 --> 01:48:45,849
I’m doing it
because they do.
2577
01:48:45,849 --> 01:48:47,389
[grunts]
2578
01:48:49,116 --> 01:48:51,426
[straining]
2579
01:48:56,695 --> 01:48:58,301
No!
2580
01:48:58,730 --> 01:49:00,369
[grunting]
2581
01:49:01,964 --> 01:49:04,065
[straining]
2582
01:49:11,578 --> 01:49:13,008
[grunts]
2583
01:49:14,141 --> 01:49:16,286
[straining]
2584
01:49:22,182 --> 01:49:24,052
[exhales]
2585
01:49:24,052 --> 01:49:26,087
[continues straining]
2586
01:49:26,890 --> 01:49:29,156
He’s not gonna make it.
2587
01:49:32,060 --> 01:49:33,930
[strains]
2588
01:49:37,241 --> 01:49:39,001
It’s over.
2589
01:49:40,277 --> 01:49:41,872
[grunts]
2590
01:49:42,037 --> 01:49:43,907
[straining]
2591
01:49:46,481 --> 01:49:48,747
[continues straining]
2592
01:49:51,046 --> 01:49:51,651
[screaming]
2593
01:49:51,651 --> 01:49:52,982
[choir]
♪ When you call my name ♪
2594
01:49:52,982 --> 01:49:54,753
♪ It’s like a little prayer ♪
2595
01:49:54,753 --> 01:49:56,788
♪ I’m down on my knees ♪
2596
01:49:56,788 --> 01:49:58,559
♪ I want to take you there ♪
2597
01:49:58,559 --> 01:50:02,464
♪ In the midnight hour
I can feel your power ♪
2598
01:50:02,464 --> 01:50:06,864
♪ Just like a prayer
You know I’ll take you there ♪
2599
01:50:06,864 --> 01:50:07,601
[grunting]
2600
01:50:07,601 --> 01:50:09,537
♪ Take you there ♪
2601
01:50:09,537 --> 01:50:13,508
♪ Life is a mystery ♪
2602
01:50:13,508 --> 01:50:16,973
♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪
2603
01:50:16,973 --> 01:50:17,875
[straining]
2604
01:50:17,875 --> 01:50:21,615
- ♪ I hear you call my name ♪
- [grunting]
2605
01:50:21,615 --> 01:50:24,948
- ♪ And it feels like ♪
- [straining]
2606
01:50:25,850 --> 01:50:30,822
- ♪ And it feels like home ♪
- [straining]
2607
01:50:30,822 --> 01:50:32,824
[rumbling]
2608
01:50:38,929 --> 01:50:40,931
[yelling]
2609
01:50:40,931 --> 01:50:43,065
[screaming]
2610
01:50:44,473 --> 01:50:45,573
[♪ music fades]
2611
01:50:45,573 --> 01:50:47,839
[Deadpool] The Wolverine.
2612
01:50:47,839 --> 01:50:50,743
He’s a hero in my world.
2613
01:50:51,579 --> 01:50:53,240
[Wolverine] Whoever
you think I am,
2614
01:50:53,240 --> 01:50:55,385
you got the wrong guy.
2615
01:50:55,616 --> 01:50:58,784
[Laura] You were always
the wrong guy...
2616
01:50:59,521 --> 01:51:00,357
till you weren’t.
2617
01:51:00,357 --> 01:51:03,019
♪ Life is a mystery ♪
2618
01:51:03,019 --> 01:51:04,119
[Mr. Paradox] Wade.
2619
01:51:04,119 --> 01:51:06,055
♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪
2620
01:51:06,055 --> 01:51:10,664
Wade. You can finally,
finally matter.
2621
01:51:10,664 --> 01:51:12,996
♪ I hear you call my name ♪
2622
01:51:12,996 --> 01:51:18,342
♪ And it feels like ♪
2623
01:51:18,507 --> 01:51:22,610
♪ Home ♪
2624
01:51:22,610 --> 01:51:23,545
[straining]
2625
01:51:23,545 --> 01:51:27,142
♪ I hear your voice ♪
2626
01:51:27,142 --> 01:51:27,846
Vanessa.
2627
01:51:27,846 --> 01:51:30,618
♪ It’s like an angel sighing ♪
2628
01:51:30,618 --> 01:51:31,421
I wanna see Vanessa.
2629
01:51:31,421 --> 01:51:36,085
♪ I have no choice
I hear your voice ♪
2630
01:51:36,085 --> 01:51:37,790
♪ Feels like flying ♪
2631
01:51:37,790 --> 01:51:43,829
For the first time in my life,
I am proud to wear this suit.
2632
01:51:44,093 --> 01:51:46,733
It means I’m an X-Man.
2633
01:51:48,603 --> 01:51:49,571
I am the X-Man.
2634
01:51:49,571 --> 01:51:50,935
♪ I can feel your power ♪
2635
01:51:50,935 --> 01:51:55,775
♪ Just like a prayer
You know I’ll take you there ♪
2636
01:51:55,775 --> 01:51:56,380
[screaming]
2637
01:51:56,380 --> 01:51:59,845
♪ When you call my name
It’s like a little prayer ♪
2638
01:51:59,845 --> 01:52:02,881
♪ I’m down on my knees ♪
2639
01:52:02,881 --> 01:52:03,486
[screaming]
2640
01:52:03,486 --> 01:52:08,018
♪ In the midnight hour
I can feel your power ♪
2641
01:52:08,018 --> 01:52:09,019
♪ Just like a prayer ♪
2642
01:52:09,019 --> 01:52:14,431
♪ You know I’ll take you,
take you, take you ♪
2643
01:52:15,993 --> 01:52:18,061
[♪ song fades out]
2644
01:52:24,441 --> 01:52:27,301
[♪ solemn music playing]
2645
01:52:34,110 --> 01:52:36,277
[woman] Paradox.
2646
01:52:37,487 --> 01:52:38,818
You’ve been busy.
2647
01:52:38,818 --> 01:52:39,654
Well, somebody had to be.
2648
01:52:39,654 --> 01:52:41,821
We had some strange readings
from this location.
2649
01:52:41,821 --> 01:52:42,888
You wouldn’t know
anything about
2650
01:52:42,888 --> 01:52:45,528
an unsanctioned Time Ripper,
would you?
2651
01:52:45,528 --> 01:52:47,123
Uh, no. No.
I wouldn’t know anything
2652
01:52:47,123 --> 01:52:48,861
about an unsanctioned
Time Ripper.
2653
01:52:48,861 --> 01:52:50,896
Maybe you should ask
Cassandra Nova.
2654
01:52:50,896 --> 01:52:51,666
Because I was assured
2655
01:52:51,666 --> 01:52:54,064
that she was safely held
in The Void. But no,
2656
01:52:54,064 --> 01:52:56,000
she was here.
And she fondled my brain.
2657
01:52:56,000 --> 01:52:58,739
- How did you let this happen?
- You weren’t involved at all?
2658
01:52:58,739 --> 01:53:01,808
In stopping her, yes!
Yes, I was.
2659
01:53:01,808 --> 01:53:02,743
But not nearly enough.
2660
01:53:02,743 --> 01:53:06,450
Not as much as the men
who went down there after her.
2661
01:53:06,780 --> 01:53:08,243
My men.
2662
01:53:08,518 --> 01:53:10,047
My friends.
2663
01:53:10,784 --> 01:53:11,411
I warned them.
2664
01:53:11,411 --> 01:53:13,215
That they would be completely
obliterated if they went.
2665
01:53:13,215 --> 01:53:15,789
But they went anyway. Like...
2666
01:53:16,889 --> 01:53:17,989
Like heroes.
2667
01:53:17,989 --> 01:53:19,760
[♪ somber music playing]
2668
01:53:19,760 --> 01:53:22,323
Because that’s who they were.
2669
01:53:23,995 --> 01:53:26,767
They just did
what they had to do.
2670
01:53:26,866 --> 01:53:29,770
With no concern
for their own safety.
2671
01:53:31,937 --> 01:53:35,710
The fact that we are
all still standing here
2672
01:53:35,710 --> 01:53:39,439
is a testament
to their heroism.
2673
01:53:42,013 --> 01:53:43,784
Anyway, there’s nothing
you or I can do
2674
01:53:43,784 --> 01:53:45,687
to bring them back now.
2675
01:53:46,182 --> 01:53:48,855
[Deadpool] He has risen,
baby girl.
2676
01:53:48,855 --> 01:53:49,350
Fuck!
2677
01:53:49,350 --> 01:53:53,321
♪ And I don’t want
the world to see me ♪
2678
01:53:53,321 --> 01:53:58,326
♪ ’Cause I don’t think
that they’d understand ♪
2679
01:53:58,326 --> 01:54:02,506
♪ When everything’s
made to be broken ♪
2680
01:54:02,506 --> 01:54:08,644
♪ I just want you
to know who I am ♪
2681
01:54:08,644 --> 01:54:09,810
[Deadpool]
Found your new Anchor Being.
2682
01:54:09,810 --> 01:54:12,582
And we’re doing just fine,
you piece of shit.
2683
01:54:12,582 --> 01:54:14,848
- [female TVA agent] Mm.
- [male TVA agent] Mm-hmm.
2684
01:54:14,848 --> 01:54:15,618
Fine indeed.
2685
01:54:15,618 --> 01:54:19,149
[Deadpool] All right.
Put your greasy tits away,
2686
01:54:19,149 --> 01:54:20,018
you preening slut.
2687
01:54:20,018 --> 01:54:22,592
- [sighs]
- I don’t understand.
2688
01:54:22,592 --> 01:54:23,450
How are you two still alive?
2689
01:54:23,450 --> 01:54:25,826
[Deadpool] You were right. One
of us would have been killed.
2690
01:54:25,826 --> 01:54:27,828
- [gasps]
- But you put a Deadpool
2691
01:54:27,828 --> 01:54:28,664
and a Wolverine together,
2692
01:54:28,664 --> 01:54:31,535
make ’em hold hands
while listening to Madonna...
2693
01:54:31,535 --> 01:54:33,603
indestructible, motherfucker.
2694
01:54:33,603 --> 01:54:35,935
Let’s get this Deadpool
Variant back to The Void.
2695
01:54:35,935 --> 01:54:37,497
[Deadpool] Wait, hold on.
What?
2696
01:54:37,497 --> 01:54:38,498
[Peter] Nope. Actually...
2697
01:54:38,498 --> 01:54:40,577
This one’s homegrown, like me.
2698
01:54:40,577 --> 01:54:41,908
He belongs here.
2699
01:54:41,908 --> 01:54:42,502
And you are?
2700
01:54:42,502 --> 01:54:46,242
Peterpool.
But you can call me Peter.
2701
01:54:47,078 --> 01:54:49,047
And I hope that you do.
2702
01:54:54,151 --> 01:54:56,120
What the fuck
is happening here?
2703
01:54:56,120 --> 01:54:57,517
You are under judgment
2704
01:54:57,517 --> 01:54:59,728
for operating
an unsanctioned Time Ripper.
2705
01:54:59,728 --> 01:55:01,092
- Take him.
- I was just doing what
2706
01:55:01,092 --> 01:55:02,896
you don’t have
the guts to do.
2707
01:55:02,896 --> 01:55:03,633
[Deadpool smooches]
2708
01:55:03,633 --> 01:55:07,428
Get your insolent hands
off me! Get off!
2709
01:55:07,967 --> 01:55:10,365
I’m grateful, gentlemen.
2710
01:55:10,574 --> 01:55:11,300
Let’s hold the bows.
2711
01:55:11,300 --> 01:55:13,841
You led an Omega-level mutant
to this timeline.
2712
01:55:13,841 --> 01:55:15,502
- [Deadpool] You’re welcome.
- And you
2713
01:55:15,502 --> 01:55:17,075
shouldn’t even be
near this timeline.
2714
01:55:17,075 --> 01:55:19,616
- [Deadpool] He’s welcome.
- And you
2715
01:55:19,616 --> 01:55:21,717
look damn good in that suit.
2716
01:55:21,717 --> 01:55:23,378
I’m so sorry.
2717
01:55:23,620 --> 01:55:25,248
[device beeping]
2718
01:55:26,953 --> 01:55:29,384
I wanna show you something.
2719
01:55:29,923 --> 01:55:30,517
Something huge.
2720
01:55:30,517 --> 01:55:33,729
[Deadpool] That’s what
Scoutmaster Kevin used to say.
2721
01:55:34,697 --> 01:55:35,995
Do you see that?
2722
01:55:35,995 --> 01:55:38,701
Your universe is regenerating.
2723
01:55:38,866 --> 01:55:40,527
Whatever you did here,
2724
01:55:40,527 --> 01:55:42,705
you not only saved your world.
2725
01:55:42,705 --> 01:55:46,203
You spared your timeline
from extinction.
2726
01:55:47,534 --> 01:55:48,139
I’d rest up.
2727
01:55:48,139 --> 01:55:50,746
I have a feeling your work
is only just getting started.
2728
01:55:50,746 --> 01:55:53,573
[Deadpool whispers]
Till you’re 90.
2729
01:55:53,573 --> 01:55:54,442
Wait! Um...
2730
01:55:54,442 --> 01:55:58,314
We couldn’t have made it out
of The Void without some help
2731
01:55:58,314 --> 01:56:01,922
from some people
that the world kind of...
2732
01:56:01,922 --> 01:56:02,516
kind of forgot.
2733
01:56:02,516 --> 01:56:05,761
Is there any way that
you could maybe find a way
2734
01:56:05,761 --> 01:56:07,763
to bring them home?
2735
01:56:08,698 --> 01:56:09,490
I’ll see what I can do.
2736
01:56:09,490 --> 01:56:12,163
[Deadpool] And, um,
I promised my friend here
2737
01:56:12,163 --> 01:56:15,529
that the TVA could undo
some pretty awful shit
2738
01:56:15,529 --> 01:56:16,167
in his timeline.
2739
01:56:16,167 --> 01:56:17,938
What would you say to that?
2740
01:56:17,938 --> 01:56:18,873
Change the past?
2741
01:56:18,873 --> 01:56:21,139
[Deadpool] Well, he did
help me save the world.
2742
01:56:21,139 --> 01:56:24,780
And his past made him
the man who did it.
2743
01:56:24,780 --> 01:56:28,179
There’s nothing to fix,
Mr. Wilson.
2744
01:56:29,114 --> 01:56:30,786
Logan.
2745
01:56:32,953 --> 01:56:35,989
- [Deadpool] Shawarma? Yeah.
- I could eat.
2746
01:56:44,492 --> 01:56:48,100
You know, the Avengers
discovered shawarma.
2747
01:56:48,100 --> 01:56:50,806
They’d be lucky to have you.
2748
01:56:53,842 --> 01:56:56,207
[dog barking]
2749
01:56:57,142 --> 01:56:59,749
- Oh.
- Oh, come on.
2750
01:56:59,749 --> 01:57:01,278
Fuck off!
2751
01:57:01,575 --> 01:57:02,884
Come here, my little cunchkin.
2752
01:57:02,884 --> 01:57:04,754
- [Dogpool barks]
- Yes, it’s you.
2753
01:57:04,754 --> 01:57:06,987
You’re a survivor.
2754
01:57:06,987 --> 01:57:07,647
Mwah.
2755
01:57:07,647 --> 01:57:10,320
Oh, all is right in the world.
2756
01:57:11,024 --> 01:57:12,762
Yes, it is.
2757
01:57:13,554 --> 01:57:15,732
So what are you gonna do next?
2758
01:57:16,029 --> 01:57:19,230
I’ll figure it out.
I always do.
2759
01:57:19,527 --> 01:57:21,133
All right.
2760
01:57:21,133 --> 01:57:22,431
So I’ll probably
see you around?
2761
01:57:22,431 --> 01:57:26,336
[♪ soul music playing,
"You’re All I Need to Get By"]
2762
01:57:27,909 --> 01:57:29,669
Probably not.
2763
01:57:32,177 --> 01:57:33,948
See you, bub.
2764
01:57:42,858 --> 01:57:44,684
[Wade] Logan.
2765
01:57:50,525 --> 01:57:52,769
Al. I’m back.
2766
01:57:52,769 --> 01:57:53,594
About damn time.
2767
01:57:53,594 --> 01:57:56,630
You holdin’? I’m all outta
devil’s dandruff,
2768
01:57:56,630 --> 01:57:58,940
and I’m shaking
like an angry vibrator.
2769
01:57:58,940 --> 01:58:01,745
Thank you, Al.
We have company.
2770
01:58:01,745 --> 01:58:04,044
Althea, this is...
2771
01:58:04,044 --> 01:58:04,748
This is Logan.
2772
01:58:04,748 --> 01:58:06,607
- Nice to meet you, Logan.
- Nice to meet you, too.
2773
01:58:06,607 --> 01:58:10,578
And this little ancient anal
shit-knot is Mary Puppins.
2774
01:58:10,578 --> 01:58:12,855
Or as I like to call her,
Dogpool.
2775
01:58:12,855 --> 01:58:15,957
You want to treat yourself
to a little stroke?
2776
01:58:15,957 --> 01:58:19,125
- Get the tongue. There it is.
- Oh, my God! Motherfucker!
2777
01:58:19,125 --> 01:58:23,558
Right? It’s like an armadillo
fucked a gremlin, angrily,
2778
01:58:23,558 --> 01:58:25,131
- in a bed of gonorrhea...
- Wow.
2779
01:58:25,131 --> 01:58:28,695
...and didn’t stop till
the sun came up. [chuckles]
2780
01:58:28,904 --> 01:58:30,565
Everyone wants to matter.
2781
01:58:30,565 --> 01:58:34,173
Turns out that you don’t need
to be Marvel Jesus to do it.
2782
01:58:34,173 --> 01:58:37,946
You just need to open
your eyes and look around.
2783
01:58:37,946 --> 01:58:39,849
And if you’re lucky,
2784
01:58:39,849 --> 01:58:41,983
you’ll find a few friends.
2785
01:58:41,983 --> 01:58:43,886
Old friends,
2786
01:58:43,886 --> 01:58:46,416
and some new ones too.
2787
01:58:47,582 --> 01:58:49,221
[laughter]
2788
01:58:49,892 --> 01:58:53,159
Give me the fucking dog.
Talk to the girl.
2789
01:58:57,163 --> 01:58:59,297
[indistinct chatter]
2790
01:59:03,136 --> 01:59:04,005
Oh, hi.
2791
01:59:04,005 --> 01:59:06,238
- Hi.
- [both laugh]
2792
01:59:06,238 --> 01:59:07,877
[Wade clears throat]
2793
01:59:07,877 --> 01:59:09,703
You’ve been busy.
2794
01:59:11,947 --> 01:59:14,180
I did it for you.
2795
01:59:14,675 --> 01:59:18,646
And even if you don’t want me,
I... I did it for you.
2796
01:59:27,193 --> 01:59:28,656
Turns out,
2797
01:59:28,656 --> 01:59:30,427
I am the world-saving type.
2798
01:59:30,427 --> 01:59:34,002
Just look around this table
if you want proof.
2799
01:59:34,101 --> 01:59:35,839
And the best part?
2800
01:59:35,839 --> 01:59:38,732
Sometimes the people we save,
2801
01:59:38,732 --> 01:59:40,140
they save us right back.
2802
01:59:40,140 --> 01:59:41,702
[♪ "You’re All I Need
to Get By" continues playing]
2803
01:59:41,702 --> 01:59:45,541
♪ We’ve got
the right foundation ♪
2804
01:59:45,541 --> 01:59:50,414
♪ And with the love
and determination ♪
2805
01:59:50,414 --> 02:00:00,414
♪ You’re all,
you’re all I need ♪
2806
02:00:01,722 --> 02:00:03,262
♪ You’re all ♪
2807
02:00:03,262 --> 02:00:09,301
♪ You’re all
I need to get by ♪
2808
02:00:11,831 --> 02:00:14,801
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
2809
02:00:14,801 --> 02:00:19,344
[♪ alt. rock music plays,
Green Day "Time of Your Life"]
2810
02:00:19,949 --> 02:00:22,842
[Charles] You’re not
the only one with gifts.
2811
02:00:22,842 --> 02:00:24,811
What is this place?
2812
02:00:33,226 --> 02:00:38,264
♪ Another turning point,
a fork stuck in the road ♪
2813
02:00:38,264 --> 02:00:43,863
♪ Time grabs you by the wrist,
directs you where to go ♪
2814
02:00:43,863 --> 02:00:44,336
[groans]
2815
02:00:44,336 --> 02:00:47,977
♪ So make the best of this
test and don’t ask why ♪
2816
02:00:47,977 --> 02:00:52,674
♪ It’s not a question, but
a lesson learned in time ♪
2817
02:00:52,674 --> 02:00:54,280
- Nice suit.
- Zip it, Stan Lee.
2818
02:00:54,280 --> 02:00:55,743
♪ It’s something
unpredictable ♪
2819
02:00:55,743 --> 02:00:57,844
♪ But in the end is right ♪
2820
02:00:57,844 --> 02:01:02,750
♪ I hope you had
the time of your life... ♪
2821
02:01:02,750 --> 02:01:03,322
[laughter]
2822
02:01:03,322 --> 02:01:05,390
I really like the, uh...
the art in
the Deadpool comics.
2823
02:01:05,390 --> 02:01:07,755
You know, I just always felt
a kind of a kinship to him.
2824
02:01:07,755 --> 02:01:10,461
And I just thought,
I’d like to
play that guy someday.
2825
02:01:10,461 --> 02:01:15,829
♪ So take the photographs and
still frames in your mind ♪
2826
02:01:15,829 --> 02:01:20,834
♪ Hang it on a shelf in
good health and good time ♪
2827
02:01:20,834 --> 02:01:25,982
♪ Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial ♪
2828
02:01:25,982 --> 02:01:28,952
♪ For what it’s worth,
it was worth ♪
2829
02:01:28,952 --> 02:01:31,878
- ♪ All the while ♪
- [applause]
2830
02:01:31,878 --> 02:01:32,450
[cheering]
2831
02:01:32,450 --> 02:01:33,814
♪ It’s something
unpredictable ♪
2832
02:01:33,814 --> 02:01:35,420
♪ But in the end is right ♪
2833
02:01:35,420 --> 02:01:39,160
♪ I hope you had
the time of your life... ♪
2834
02:01:39,160 --> 02:01:43,065
I was there for three weeks
before I shot a single thing.
2835
02:01:43,065 --> 02:01:45,463
At our first day of shooting,
2836
02:01:45,463 --> 02:01:46,794
I was so nervous, man.
2837
02:01:46,794 --> 02:01:49,005
Everyone was sort of going,
"Who’s this guy?"
2838
02:01:49,005 --> 02:01:50,974
You know,
there was a lot of that and,
2839
02:01:50,974 --> 02:01:52,734
you know,
"Is he gonna deliver or not?"
2840
02:01:52,734 --> 02:01:55,836
You can feel
all that kind of pressure.
2841
02:01:55,836 --> 02:02:00,412
It’s always the suit’s fault.
Never the actor.
2842
02:02:07,518 --> 02:02:08,123
[screaming]
2843
02:02:08,123 --> 02:02:09,322
- This is...
- The only way.
2844
02:02:09,322 --> 02:02:12,028
♪ It’s something
unpredictable ♪
2845
02:02:12,028 --> 02:02:13,755
♪ But in the end is right ♪
2846
02:02:13,755 --> 02:02:18,793
♪ I hope you had
the time of your life ♪
2847
02:02:18,793 --> 02:02:22,071
Ah, so this is
what it feels like.
2848
02:02:23,831 --> 02:02:25,635
And there’s the lights.
2849
02:02:25,635 --> 02:02:26,900
For medical research.
2850
02:02:26,900 --> 02:02:29,474
- Bye-bye, video. [smooches]
- [man] Bye.
2851
02:02:29,474 --> 02:02:31,179
[♪ song ends]
2852
02:02:34,677 --> 02:02:37,812
[♪ instrumental music playing]
2853
02:06:42,529 --> 02:06:45,829
[Deadpool] I’m tired of
these absolutely vile rumors
2854
02:06:45,829 --> 02:06:47,897
that I got Johnny killed.
2855
02:06:48,095 --> 02:06:49,998
Let’s look at the tape.
2856
02:06:50,603 --> 02:06:51,571
In The Void,
2857
02:06:51,571 --> 02:06:53,771
you’re either food for Alioth
2858
02:06:53,771 --> 02:06:55,740
or you work for her.
2859
02:06:57,907 --> 02:06:59,040
[Deadpool] Go on, Johnny.
2860
02:06:59,040 --> 02:07:01,174
And I’ll tell you
who "her" is.
2861
02:07:01,174 --> 02:07:01,779
Cassandra Nova.
2862
02:07:01,779 --> 02:07:03,979
A megalomaniacal,
psychotic asshole.
2863
02:07:03,979 --> 02:07:05,618
A finger licking
dead-inside pixie slab
2864
02:07:05,618 --> 02:07:08,016
of third rate
dime-store nut-milk.
And I’ll tell you
2865
02:07:08,016 --> 02:07:09,556
- what she can do.
- [Deadpool] I’m listening.
2866
02:07:09,556 --> 02:07:11,525
She can lick my goddamn
cinnamon ring clean
2867
02:07:11,525 --> 02:07:12,889
and kick rocks
all the way to bald hell.
2868
02:07:12,889 --> 02:07:15,496
In fact, I don’t give a shit
if she removes all my skin
2869
02:07:15,496 --> 02:07:18,092
and pops me like some
nightmarish blood balloon.
2870
02:07:18,092 --> 02:07:18,862
If the last thing I do
2871
02:07:18,862 --> 02:07:20,996
in this godforsaken
cum-gutter existence
2872
02:07:20,996 --> 02:07:22,932
is light
that fuck-box on fire,
2873
02:07:22,932 --> 02:07:23,669
I still won’t die happy.
2874
02:07:23,669 --> 02:07:24,967
[Deadpool laughs]
Holy shit, girl. You crazy.
2875
02:07:24,967 --> 02:07:28,201
That’s right, Wade.
I won’t be happy
until I’ve urinated
2876
02:07:28,201 --> 02:07:29,708
on her freshly
barbecued corpse
2877
02:07:29,708 --> 02:07:31,512
and husk-fucked
the charred remains
2878
02:07:31,512 --> 02:07:33,448
while gargling
Juggernaut’s juggernuts.
2879
02:07:33,448 --> 02:07:35,582
- [Deadpool] Wow!
- And you can quote me.
2880
02:07:35,582 --> 02:07:36,946
[Deadpool] ’Kay.
2881
02:07:36,946 --> 02:07:38,981
Got you, fuckface.
2882
02:07:38,981 --> 02:07:43,981
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2883
02:07:38,981 --> 02:07:48,981
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