All language subtitles for Top Gear S03E03 - Hammond Nearly Drowns

CLARKSON: En el programa de hoy,

El espléndido nuevo Bentley Continental,

El nuevo y robusto Legacy de Subaru,

y hago humo en un Saab caliente.

Buenas noches y bienvenidos al nuevo Bentley Continental GT.

Ahora bien, GT, como seguramente ya sabes, significa Gran Tourer.

Así que lo llevé a un gran recorrido por la sala de espera de Dios,

La Riviera Inglesa.

Mi destino real, como puedes ver

En el sistema de navegación por satélite aquí,

es Budleigh Salterton.

Y es que antiguamente, ellos eran los que habrían comprado uno.

"Hola, mi nombre es Budleigh Salterton.

"y tengo un Bentley Continental GT."

CLARKSON: Bueno, esa es la imagen antigua de Bentley.

Pero hoy las cosas han cambiado.

CLARKSON: No hay manera de que la aristocracia compre este coche.

Quiero decir, hoy en día tienen que quemar a sus hijos.

Sólo para mantener el calor.

Y todos sus muebles se mantienen unidos por las polillas que se los comieron.

En todas sus casas hace corrientes de aire y frío...

Mira, hay una casa aristocrática clásica allí.

Mira eso.

CLARKSON: Porque esto cuesta £110.000,

No es un coche para gente que insulta a sus hijos.

Creo que es más para gente a la que le gusta burlarse de sus novias.

Futbolistas. La gente se llamaba Gary y Wayne.

Presumiblemente, es por eso que esta cosa tiene un doble turbocompresor.

Motor W12 de 6,0 litros.

Porque, verás, de esa manera podrás conseguir en las tiendas

a tu prueba de drogas en un abrir y cerrar de ojos.

CLARKSON: 550 CV colosales

da una velocidad máxima de 198 mph

y de 0 a 60 en 4,7 segundos.

En otras palabras, esto superará en potencia a un Ferrari 575.

Normalmente, haría cualquier cosa para evitar el A303,

Porque siempre te quedas atrapado detrás de alguien con orejas enormes

en un Rover 214 registrado con J.

O, por supuesto, una caravana.

Pero en este caso no hay ningún problema, ya que simplemente hay que poner la palanca de cambios en "S",

para el modo de factor de curvatura de Star Trek,

y luego active los turbos.

¡Guau!

-(EL MOTOR ACELERA) -(CLARKSON SE RÍE)

Eso es muy rápido.

Solo necesitas un pequeño espacio. ¡Y ahí está!

(El motor ruge)

(NEUMÁTICOS CHIRRIENDO)

(SE RISAS) ¡No puedo explicarte lo rápido que es esto!

Y sin embargo, a pesar de este poder feroz,

y es feroz,

No tiene sentido cuando estás aquí

que estás en un corredor despojado y agazapado.

Es tranquilo y cómodo.

Hay madera y hay cuero.

Es como ir a 5.000 mph.

en la bolsa de esponja de Douglas Bader.

CLARKSON: Te hace sentir orgulloso de ser inglés,

Aunque el motor proviene de Volkswagen,

y el piso, y la caja de cambios y la mayoría de los accesorios y herrajes.

Aún así, debido a que también tiene un sistema de tracción en las cuatro ruedas Volkswagen,

Este gran matón tiene un agarre tenaz,

Útil en las sinuosas carreteras de Devon.

Es extraordinario. Para un coche que pesa lo mismo que un Range Rover,

Realmente se siente ágil y vivo.

Incluso se detiene correctamente,

porque tiene los frenos más grandes jamás instalados en un automóvil.

Y además es un bruto muy guapo.

Aunque fue diseñado por un belga,

Se verá bien estacionado entre los pilares.

de la mansión de un futbolista en Cheshire.

Sin embargo, detrás de la apariencia del siglo XVIII,

El interior está menos logrado.

En primer lugar, está esta puerta.

Tienes que ser una máquina de carne para cerrarla correctamente.

Eso es todo.

Y luego, si eres una máquina de carne,

Lo encontrarás un poco apretado aquí,

Principalmente por estos apoyabrazos.

Te obligan a conducir como si tuvieras algún tipo de lesión deportiva.

Y si los bajas, escucha...

(CRUJIENTE)

-Continúa conduciendo... -(CONTINÚA EL crujido)

¿Cuánto tiempo pasará antes de que eso te vuelva loco?

Son completamente inútiles.

Hablando de eso,

Este botón aquí le permite ajustar la dureza de la suspensión.

Así es.

¿Por qué necesitas eso?

¿Por qué querrías que tu Bentley fuera más incómodo?

Realmente es tan útil como el botón de repetición de alarma de un detector de humo.

CLARKSON: Pero una ligera sensación de claustrofobia

Y algún que otro botón tonto no es nada.

En comparación con el mayor problema del Continental:

Su hermano mayor.

El viejo Arnage de cuatro puertas es una sinfonía de pompa y solemnidad,

esperanza y gloria, poder absoluto corruptor, ¡absolutamente!

Oh, no es muy bueno,

Pero hay una sensación de ocasión cuando lo conduces.

Esto es al revés. Brillante, sensacionalmente rápido,

Se maneja muy bien y es casi seguro que será confiable.

Pero te deja una sensación de frío.

En realidad, es un poco como Budleigh Salterton.

A primera vista, te gustaría vivir aquí.

Suena bien, un pequeño pueblo en la costa de Devon.

You'd like a piece
of that action.

But actually,
there isn't any action.

In a recent survey,
Budleigh Salterton was named

as Britain's most over-priced,
dreary place.

Everything is here,
except the sparkle.

And that is what
the Bentley's missing.

The sparkle, the X factor
that turns a really good car,

which it is,
into a great one...

Which it isn't.

MAY: That's a bit harsh,
Jeremy.
-No!

Yes, you're right,
it was harsh.

But, the thing is,
it was cruel but fair,

because when you drive
the Phantom, which BMW made,

they've captured the essence
of Rolls Royce with that car.

When you drive this,
it is brilliant,

make no mistake,

but it does feel like
a big Volkswagen.

All right, but,
it isn't actually putting
anybody off.

And here's the problem.
They can make 3500 of these
a year, that's all.

They already have
3,500 orders for next year
just from America.

I know, and the sort of people
who've ordered these things

aren't the kind of people
who like to be kept waiting.

Bentley were telling me
the other night,

when I ran into a few
of them at a party,
and they were saying

that they've had people
phone up saying,

"If I don't have my car
by Easter, you're not welcome
in my restaurant,"

or, "You're not welcome
in my football club."

They even had one
who called up and said,

"If I don't have mine
by Christmas, you're not
welcome in my country."

(ALL LAUGHING)

Right. The news.

Now, we've heard from Nissan
this week about a recall.

Recalls, if you don't know,
is when a manufacturer
holds up his hand and says,

"There's a problem with one
of our cars,

"bring it in
and we'll fix it,"
and they tell the owners.

Usually it's a few thousand,
maybe a few hundred thousand.

This particular recall

is for two and a half
million Nissans!

Two and a half million cars...

What we were thinking was,
"Where do you get
the envelopes from?"

I mean, if you walk into
the local envelope
supplier and go,

"I would like two
and a half million..."

And then you've got
the photocopying
down at Prontaprint.

-"Er, could you copy
this for me, please?"
-Somebody's given the list!

Write to these people,
tell them.

But the bit that
I like to think about
particularly is,

at some point,
there must have been a moment

in an office when somebody
realised, "Ooh!"

And they had that long walk
down the corridor to the big
office and sort of... (KNOCKS)

Yes, what is it Watkins?

-You better not have
mucked up again!
-Um...

MAY: Not another recall,
is it?

How many is it this time?
100,000? 200,000?
Come on, give me the worst.

Two and a half million, sir.

Two and a half million cars,
I mean how much is that
gonna cost in stamps?

Just before you get the car
in to actually fix it!

Two and a half million stamps!

Last week we were
having a bit of a row
about sports cars,

and you championed
the S2000 Honda,
which was...

HAMMOND: Rubbish.
MAY: Rubbish.

Interestingly enough,
Honda have improved it.
They've given it...

-Impossible to improve!
-No, they've given it a clock
and a fruitier horn tone.

Oh, that's nice.
Does it look any different?

-Look at that.
-MAY: Look at that.

-HAMMOND: Oh, no,
it is a sports car.
-CLARKSON: Majesty.

MAY: You still lost,
though, didn't you?

-Am I right about
the Honda S2000?
-No.

Hands up if you think
I'm right.

Hands up for the S2000.

-That's about three people.
-That's a majority!

-That was about three people!
-Three hundred.

And you still lost.

-If it had been dry,
and if your two cars...
-Hadn't turned up.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-It would have won.

Would it have won with
a new horn tone?

No, the new horn tone
is simply because
of the speed it goes,

you need a richer
horn tone to get the...

I was going to use
the wrong word there,

to get your cars
out of the way.

It's so the deaf old buggers
driving it,

cause it's a Honda, can hear
the horn's working at all.

Can I talk about
something else now, please?

The police, it seems,

are tired of people ripping up
and destroying their
speed cameras,

which apparently does go on.

So they've decided
instead they're going
to use old people.

Sounds like a very good idea.

Well, they're going to arm...
It's a pilot scheme.

They're going to arm
vigilantes with speed guns

and then send them out
into their communities
to zap people.

-To shop their neighbours.
-What...

What kind of a person
is going to say,

"Yes, that's the job for me,
I'll get a speed camera."

-It's a job for Paul Burrell.
-There you go.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-HAMMOND: Everybody
hates you already.

He's done his employers,
now I'm gonna do
my neighbours and friends.

But what kind of a country
are we living in

where people actually
think that there will be
people who say,

"Yes, I want to go and catch
that bloke at number 27
doing 31 miles an hour."

And the point is,
the only people who have
the time to do this,

and even the police
I'm sure will admit this,
are retired people.

It's gonna be old people
in cardigans, with little...

Yes. Actually, we're safe.
We're safe.

Let's imagine the scene
in your little village.

"Ooh, Doris,
I think there's a car coming.

"Get your radar gun,
let's go out
and have a look."

"Oh, have you turned
the kettle off?

"Have we locked all
the windows? Have you
been to the lavatory, Bill?

"Because you need to,
you haven't been for quite
some time.

"Have you locked the door?
Have we got the cats
inside or out?"

"Oh, I don't know,
here he comes,
come on be quick, get your...

"That's not your radar gun,
love, that's your hairdryer."

"Ooh, Bill...

"Ooh, Bill, you've come out
in your slippers!"

I've thought about this,
actually.

If you want to do it
really cleverly,

if you didn't like
your neighbour,
just ring him up at work,

tell him the house is on fire

and sit at the end
of their road with
your radar gun.

HAMMOND: Gotcha!

This is an unusual thing.
Jeremy, you want to sit back
and have a nap or something,

'cause you're not
gonna be very interested.
It's about a bike.

-Oh, excellent.
-(SIGHS) God!

This is the Dodge Tomahawk.
They built one of these things
and it's by Chrysler.

They put the engine
out of the Viper, you know,
the great big engine.

About 420 mph,
possibly, potential speed.

Let's have a look
at this thing.

It's absolutely astonishing.

They've built one.
They're going to actually
sell them through mail order.

CLARKSON: I don't think
that's a bike.

It's got four wheels
and a Dodge Viper engine.

-I call that a car.
-HAMMOND: I think they
may have been confused.

CLARKSON: We don't do bikes
on this programme.

HAMMOND: What is his problem?

Can I just ask
you though, Jeremy...
I'm interested in this.

What is it that you don't
get about bikes?
I want to try and help you.

I just don't want to dress up
like a Power Ranger

and drive to a pub
and drink orange juice
all afternoon.

You like these cars
that you get involved with
and so do I,

and I'd never give up
a car, but a bike,
you are much more...

Back me up,
at one with a bike.
Your body...

You're at one with the bike
until you hit the tree

and then you're at one
with that.

I think it's simply
that you know,

you know deep down,
in your heart of hearts,

if you were on a bike,
you would look ridiculous.

-Yes.
-I would.

Because everyone on a bike,
with that leather arse...

Look at that!
Look at my bottom.

I've got a zigzag blue thing
on the front of my suit

and I'm wearing a hat
like a terrorist.

-Have you ever fallen
out of a car?
-No.

-Well, there you are.
-Actually, I have.

Driving down the M40,
here's a hump... (VOCALISES)

"I've fallen out!"

That's user error,
it's not obligatory.

-Can I just move it on?
-HAMMOND: Yes, please.

Heard a great story this week.
You know Travelodge?

The people... Little hotels
at the side of the road.

They've decided that now
they will open up their rooms,

rent them for half an hour
at a time to tired motorists.

-During the day.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

For a fiver.

So a gentleman
and a lady motorist

decide they need a little bit
of a break...

-I immediately thought
the same as you.
-Little nap!

A gentleman
and a lady motorist
are driving along

and say let's have a "nap".

For half an hour, for a fiver,
in the Travelodge.

But no, they're actually
saying the rooms
are only single occupancy.

They'll only allow you
in there on your own.

So why would you want
to have a nap?

I've just been looking at this
picture of Pamela Anderson
and I need a nap...

For five minutes.

Now, imagine
you're driving along one day,

and suddenly
you veer off into a lake.

It does happen. Seriously.

It does happen. Seriously.

Every year in Britain
more people drown in cars
than on boating lakes.

It's absolutely true.
So, I decided...

Well, Jeremy
and James decided

that I should investigate this
by drowning myself.

HAMMOND: First,
stunt coordinator
Sean Rogers

took me aside
for a quiet word.

This is not to scare you.

It's just to show you
how quickly this car
could fill up.

All right?

(MECHANISM GRINDS)

HAMMOND: Okay.

If you wait, we're talking
about the water coming in,
coming in...

-And that's it.
-Now it's gone.

-That's quick, isn't it?
-That's right.

So you haven't got time
to muck about.

HAMMOND: Now, obviously,
it isn't a good idea to simply
drive a car into a lake

and see what happens.

Instead, we've got ourselves
a tank and some safety divers.

Now, all I need to do
is learn some basic
diving techniques,

just in case things go wrong.

Before we did
the stunt for real,

I had to go underwater
to practise the emergency
hand signals,

in case there was a problem
and the divers had
to give me air.

Then, just to spice things
up a bit,

they ripped my face mask off
without warning.

And sure enough,
within seconds,
I was breathing water.

Not a good start.

And then to add insult
to my likely injuries,

I got first sight
of my potential coffin.

An F-reg Vauxhall Carlton.
Not even a GSI.

Oh, thank you.

As the time approached
to actually do this,

even though I knew I had
a host of safety people around
me to make sure I was okay,

I've got to confess,
my nerves were on edge.

Okay, I'm swinging
above the water...

In a car.

About to have
a horrible accident.

Real fear.

A real sense of fear.

Okay.

-ROGERS: Richard,
are you okay?
-I'm okay.

-ROGERS: Ready, Fred?
-Ready.

ROGERS: Divers, ready?

ROGERS: Okay, standby.

Five, four,

three, two, one, action!

And we'll find out later
if I die.

But first,

here's yet another
Jaguar concept car.

This one is called the R-D6.

It's made almost entirely
of aluminium.
It's very light.

And it's powered, remarkably,
by a turbo-charged,
V6 diesel engine.

The bit I really like
is the inside.
Have a look at this.

Now have a look at that.
Black leather,

all those shiny bits
and those red lights
down the footwell.

Now, clearly a Jaguar designer
got completely lashed
in a vodka bar

and thought, "I'll make it
look like this then."

So, obviously there will
be a bouncer on the door,

telling you you can't come in
because you got trainers on.

It's a gorgeous looking thing,

but here's the thing
I don't get about
Jaguar concept cars.

Two years ago, about then,
they showed us the XK180.

And there it is, that was
to show us what Jaguars
of the future will look like.

But then last year,
they did the R-Coupe,

to show us what Jaguars
of the future will look like.

Now they're back again
with this to show us

what Jaguars of the future
will look like.

Now look, Jaguar,
you have made your point.

Just make the car!

Right, let's meet
this week's guest.

He's an actor,
he's a comedian,

he's responsible for Marion
and Geoff, which I just love,
terrific television programme.

And if we look down here,
I think I'm right in saying

he's the first Welshman
we've ever had on.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Rob Brydon!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

-Jeremy!
-All right? Take a seat.

Hello!

CLARKSON: So, um...

Now, we know the Scottish have
given us really everything
that matters in the world.

Yes.

And it would be cheap to say
the Welsh have given
us nothing.

Here we go. Yes.

No, really, because we were
working it out

and really the Welsh have
given the theatre everybody.

-Burton. Zeta-Jones. Hopkins.
-Yes, but, but, but...

You see, you forget
the big names, the big
theatrical media names.

Sian Lloyd, the weather girl.

Yeah, she's...

-H from Steps.
-Is he Welsh as well?

I think H actually,
he's got a mini Graceland
now up in North Wales,

where he comes from.

And they get up to six
or seven visitors a year.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

It is an astonishing thing,
when you think about
the great performances,

it is Hopkins at the National,

and it is Burton
at the Old Vic, whatever.

You, not really been there,
have you?

You're more famous
for your car advertisement
voice-overs.

He is!

Every time you hear a car
advert on the television,

I can pretty much guarantee
he is the voice.

How many have you done?
There's the Ford Mondeo
Tom and Jerry, that was you.

-I think that's still running,
yeah. Yeah.
-That's still running.

-What were the other ones?
-I think the Renault Scenic,
at the moment.

How does that one go?

(LAUGHS)

I've forgotten it.

Okay, you have to quiet
for it, ready?

(CLEARS THROAT)

In the recent NCAP Euro
crash tests,

only one car in its class
got five stars for safety...

The new Renault Scenic.

It's him!

-Now, Marion and Geoff .
-Hmm.

-I can't tell you
how much I love it.
-Thank you.

I'm not just being nice

because it's you, and you know
you're visiting England
and everything,

I really genuinely...

I can't, I just can't miss it.

A chap was telling me here
he's just the same.
He just can't miss this thing.

What gave you the idea...
Have you seen it?

It's basically...
You're a sort
of minicab driver,

graduated now to be
a chauffeur and sit talking
about your miserable life.

Well, Keith Barrett
is his name,

and his wife, Marion,
has left him for a man
called Geoff.

So in the first series,
he was a minicab driver.

In the second series,
he's graduated to become
a chauffeur.

And he just sits there
telling you about his life,

but he always sees
the sort of silver lining.

Somebody once said
in a newspaper thing,

he'd see the silver lining
in a mushroom cloud.

He would. And the thing is,
it's not comedy, is it?

I mean, I wanna show a clip
of Marion and Geoff ,
because I love it. Okay?

And it's the bit where
he's explaining, um...

What he would do
if he were attacked
by a terrorist.

So what I'd do,
as a middle ground...

Uh, I keep it under the seat.

It belonged to my dad.

It's a machete.

And that's there as needs be.

That's there
as needs be, so...

Like that.

So I spot trouble...
I do keep an eye
in the mirror.

I look in the mirror.

So here he comes,
here comes the terrorist...

And I'm down and I'm there.

The fear is that
I knock myself out
on the steering wheel.

Or that I inadvertently
set off the airbag.

Let's just do that
one more time.

Relaxed.

Mirror. Mirror.
Terrorist. Down!

Out! Up!

It's not foolproof.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

CLARKSON: Oh, I love it.

-Now...
-(APPLAUSE CONTINUES)

(LAUGHS) That's my mum.

For a man who has made
his name in a car and
by advertising them,

I have to say...
No, I'm not gonna
let you off this.

You have had the most
wretched car history

of anyone I've ever, ever met.

It starts off, where were we,
radio DJ...

BBC Radio Wales.
Good morning!

-You bought yourself
a Volkswagen Polo.
-Brand new.

Brand new. Things going well.

Your next car

is a third-hand
Vauxhall Carlton.

What in God's name possessed
you to do that?

My dad came across it.
You know, it was
reasonably priced.

-It was a big,
brown Vauxhall...
-Brown?

Wait! Let me finish!

It was a big,
brown Vauxhall Carlton

and the inside was
a kind of creamy,
sort of biscuit colour.

It was velour, the seats.

It was a nice car.
It got me from A to B.

That was not the worst
of my cars.

-What, you're trying
to say the green Sierra...
-Yeah. That was the worst.

What possessed you to do that?

My dad came across it.
You know, it was a good price.

Did you branch out on your own
for the 1992 Ford Escort?

Now, the 1992 Ford Escort,
I thought,

and I don't know anything
about cars...

-That's obvious.
-Was quite a sexy little car.
I quite liked it actually.

Have you ever actually
watched Top Gear?

Because you might...
(STAMMERS)

I've never seen
a whole one, no.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

-It clashes with Heartbeat,
okay? Which goes against you.
-I know.

But I do make a special effort
to watch Marion and Geoff.

You should try and watch one
all the way through,
because after the Escort...

You're not going
to believe this,
ladies and gentlemen.

Oh, I know what you're going
to say now. Okay.

A Mitsubishi Carisma.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Why on earth did you buy
one of those?

Well, my dad came across it...

By this time my dad was,
and is,

working for Mitsubishi.

What did you do to upset
your dad so much, though,
over the years?

"It's that Rob, he's come
around, I've got another
magnificent car for him!"

(STAMMERS) No, you're a snob.

(STUTTERS)

I make no bones about it.
I want to rescue people
from bad cars.

I've already been rescued.
I've got an Audi A4
convertible.

What more do you want?

Well. What's happened
to the Carisma?

I've given it
to my girlfriend.

-You bought a petrol-engined,
Audi A4 convertible.
-Yeah.

You see, it's a nice car.
I mean, don't let anyone
sit in the back.

Why?

Anyone who sits in the back
of a four-seater convertible
looks like Hitler.

(ALL LAUGHING)

He was the only man...
Or maybe Mussolini...

He was the only man
who looked good in the back
of a four-seater convertible.

He was... If somebody says,
"I'll go in the back,"
advise against it.

-Advise they go on the bus
or something.
-Okay.

Now, it is time,

I think, to start looking
at your performance today.

You're probably, actually,
come to think of it,

the first person ever
to drive that thinking,
"This is a nice car."

-Yes, yes, yes!
-Shall we see how you got on?

-Yeah.
-Now, we should explain
before we start,

we did put the camera today
in the Marion and Geoff
position for you...

Yeah, on the other side.

...so that you were able to,
if you felt the need,

because we knew
you'd be out there some time,
getting around the lap,

to do a little bit
of Marion and Geoff for us.
Here we go.

(TYRES SCREECHING)

-Well, wheel spin start.
First time with wheel spin?
-Yeah.

I have to say, all around,

a very nice ride.

(ALL LAUGHING)

CLARKSON: That's very smooth.

And I wouldn't be
at all surprised

to hear that Geoff
has got himself
one of these as well.

(TYRES SQUEALING)

Having a bit of fun,

taking the kids out with him.
My little smashers.

I think they'd have
a lovely time together.

All of them chanting
in the back.
Singing songs.

Oh!

Now, this is where
you'll be caught out.

CLARKSON: No, you
stayed on line.

Sugar babies.
Here we go.

Right, I'm doing 75mph.
Bloody hell!

CLARKSON: Final corner.
Michael Gambon.

Ladies and gentleman,
he's across the line there.

You know, before I
came on, in my little heart
I've been going,

"Ooh, maybe I was quite fast."

-I wasn't, was I? I just...
-Where would you like to be?

-I'd like to beat Steve,
obviously.
-What, Coogan?

-Yeah.
-Steve Coogan who produces
your show.

-Mmm-hmm.
-And you are mates.
I am aware of this.

Well, he did it in 1.54...
Soaking wet day.
I remember that.

Absolutely pouring with rain.

But we do say that

if it were dry you go
four seconds faster,

so he's at 1.50.
You'd like to beat him.

Let me tell you something.
Realistically, that was never
gonna happen, was it?

Oh, don't say that!

-But it did!
-Seriously?

You went faster than that.

You wanna know something
more amazing?

You did it in 1.48.

-(LAUGHING)
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

-Seriously? Seriously?
-Seriously.

Bloody hell!

-Seriously?
-Yes, 1.48.6.

Yes!

Now...

It's astonishing but true.

It's okay. Jodie or Jay,
if you're watching, he was .6,

so actually fits in
just there...

In third place.

I'm speechless!

Are you really expecting
to get a Christmas card
from Coogan this year?

I think not.

I'm almost crying!

That is, honestly,
for the worst car buyer
we've ever had,

one of the greatest drivers.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Rob Brydon!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

-That was great.
Thank you. Thank you.
-It's true.

Now, earlier we saw
Jeremy driving this
Bentley Continental GT.

And he pointed out,
quite rightly, that it's
as new money

as an onyx mug tree.

That had me wondering.
What's the old money
being spent on these days?

MAY:
The British toff.
Though rare and endangered,

they are easy to identify.

-(GUNSHOTS)
-Well done, Rupert.

They are most readily spotted
in the countryside,

because they own it.

Distinguishing features
include their clothing,

which used to belong
to their parents,

and their characteristic
mating call of "harrumph".

Everything they have,
like their families,
their titles and their houses,

is very old,
because toffs
don't buy things.

They only inherit them.

And this includes their cars,

which are oily
old bags of bolts
and smell of dogs.

In fact, the aristocracy
just doesn't care

for spending money
on transport.

Let's imagine
you're master of all
you survey.

And it's most
of Buckinghamshire!

And let's imagine the time
has come to replace
the ancestral transport.

Now, this means
you're going to have
to do something

very un-aristocratic:

buy a brand new car.

Well, here it is.

It's the new
Subaru Legacy Outback.

MAY: So, why this?
Why not something
German and obvious?

Well, for a start,
it's very discreet

and Your Lord and Ladyship
don't want anything too showy.

Bad form.

Its radiator grill
has no real presence.

In fact, it has
the look of a car

you could lose
in a station car park.

And that's just perfect.

Secondly, the Outback
is tough and well-built,

so it can be handed on
from generation to generation.

It has an excellent
four-wheel drive system
and good ground clearance,

which is useful,
because the drive
up to the house

was built by
William the Conqueror,

and it's a bit rough.

And just look
at these materials.

Look at this gear knob.

It's gonna take years
for the dog to chew its way
through that lot.

I heard a story recently
about a landed lady

who bought one of these
for her farm manager.

But when she tried it,
she decided,
"It's far too good for him."

So, she kept it.

Charlie! Come on!

MAY: And frankly,
that's as it should be,

because the nobs
have always liked Subaru.

And there's a good
reason for that.

When the first ones
came to Britain in 1977,

there were no dealers.

So they were sold alongside
muck spreaders and tractors
at farm equipment showrooms.

Just the sort of place
where the landed
gentry hangs out.

This also meant they didn't
have to go into town
and visit a car dealership,

where they might
have had to mingle
with the proletariat.

Now, to be honest,
previous Legacys
were a bit agricultural.

They had harsh interiors
and rather lumpen engines.

And this new one
is much, much
more sophisticated.

Now, that's probably not
of much concern

to the posh people
up in the big manor house,

but it makes it
much more appealing

to those of us
in the grasping lower orders.

Now, Lord Bufton,
he doesn't really care
that the engine

is a brand new
three-litre flat-6,

but, of course, we do
because it's smoother
and more powerful

than the old four-cylindered
donkey engine you used to get.

He probably also won't notice

that the interior
is now much smarter,

because what's the point
when it will all be eaten
by the dog anyway?

But the rest of us
are actually chuffed to bits,

in our small-minded and
aspirational sort of way,

because the interior
of this car

used to be very basic
and hosed down,

but now look at it.
It's like a Honda.
And look at these gadgets.

This is one of the finest
satellite navigation systems
I've ever used.

Mind you, it's a bit
pointless if you really are
an aristocrat,

because then you'd
own a whole county

and you can't fit that
on the screen.

I almost forgot to tell you
what it's like to drive.

Well, I quite
like it, actually.

It's relaxing
and it's un-stressful.

MAY: "Agreeable" is probably
the right word.

Nothing more than that,
but that will be plenty.

Finally, we come
to the vulgar
business of money.

This car will cost £28,000,
which seems a lot,

but then again
it's expected to last
for several hundred years.

One day, it will be very old
and battered and probably
a bit whiffy,

but it will be around
long after socialism
and the fox hunting ban

have been
completely forgotten.

MAY: Maybe the aristocrats
aren't quite as daft
as they look.

They don't spend
money very often,

but when they do,
they spend it very carefully.

Once every few generations,
they might get a new coat

or have the roof done,
or buy a car.

This should be all the car
they'll ever need.

And I knows me place,
so it will do for me as well.

Right, what I have here

are the results of the 2003
BBC Top Gear Motoring Survey.

This is the biggest survey
ever undertaken

into how satisfied
you are with your car.

How reliable it is,
how good the dealer is to you,
the lot.

-I think we had, what,
43,000 responses to this?
-Mmm-hmm.

And there are 137 cars in it.
And I'd just like to point out

that the Subaru Legacy,
the old one, admittedly,
came 10th.

-Which is very good.
-Well that's...
It's very good.

But it's not surprising.

What is surprising is the car
that came first
out of all 137.

-Not a Lexus?
Lexus always wins.
-No. Not a Lexus.

Not this time,
because it is the Jaguar XJ.

There's one over there.
That's incredible.

And it didn't just do well,
it did astonishingly well.

It got the maximum five points
in nearly everything apart
from practicality, I think.

And it got four
in that anyway,
so that's brilliant.

One thing even more amazing
than that though. Okay?

Anyone want to hazard a guess
at what came last?

The least reliable,
nastiest car,

where the dealers
really hate you.
Wanna hazard a guess?

MAN: Vauxhall.

Vauxhall, no,
completely wrong.

It is the Volkswagen Sharan.

The horrible people carrier.

If only everything in life
was as reliable
as a Volkswagen,

you'd never get
on another plane
as long as you live!

Your dog would die
every 15 minutes!

And this whole survey
throws up some
fascinating stuff,

like the Porsche 911,

a favourite car of mine,
known for its somewhat
scary handling sometimes.

96% of 911 owners
in this survey

claim to be
absolutely satisfied
with their car's handling.

Which is very good.

It leaves 4%,
and they probably
were entirely satisfied

with the handling of their 911

right up until
they hit the tree.

Then they changed their minds.

Yeah, but think
of it this way,

the people who got
their bone marrow
and their eyes

-are very satisfied
with the handling of a 911.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

Let's just run this one
around the room.
Let's just find out.

What...
What do you drive, sir?

A 355.

-A Ferrari.
-Yeah.

There's an interesting
statistic on Ferrari.
What is it, James?

"90% of people,
who said they had
a Ferrari were lying."

(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

CLARKSON:
It's...

It's true! Honest, it's true!

People were actually
filling in the form and then
we checked everything,

or the company that did it
checked everything
with the DVLA.

90% hadn't got a Ferrari.

And you think,
"Why did you do that?"

What did you think,
some really
beautiful girl is gonna,

"Wow, there's a bloke here
with a Ferrari! I'll..."

It's a computer!

What have you got?

A Golf Mark IV.

A Mark IV Golf.

Now, there's an interesting
one on Golf, isn't there?

Yeah, now, there's a lot
of cars based around
the Golf, you know.

All the SEATs, the Beetle,
the Audi A3, the Audi TT.

They're all Golfs
with different bodies
and different badges, okay?

Yeah. Now, which do you think
is the worst of all
the Golf-based cars?

-(AUDIENCE MURMURS)
-It's the Golf.

You're right.

The worst Golf is a Golf!

If you want to buy a Golf,
don't get a Golf.

That's basically
what we've learned
from this survey.

-That's a beard!
-(LAUGHS) Subaru Impreza.

-MAY: Uh-oh.
-There's always one,
isn't there?

Every single week,
we come down here and
there's a fleet of Subarus.

Do you wanna know
where it came?

-Yeah, go on then.
-Fifteenth.

Fifteenth most reliable car,

-so not as good
as the Outback.
-I don't believe it.

You don't, but why?
Is it not reliable?

-No, I keep mucking it up.
-You keep mucking it up?

I'm part of your group of...

I've messed up my car
with a stupidly big exhaust
as well.

Oh, really?
How big are we talking?

Four inches.

Do girls come
running up to you?

-No.
-Not with that beard,
actually.

Um...

Silly question, sorry.
What have you got?

-A Passat.
-A Volkswagen Passat.

-WOMAN: Whoa!
-"Whoa," exactly.

What a man!
Where's it come?

-78th.
-78th. Yeah.

78th most reliable car!

And, actually,
while we're on the subject
of this German business,

there's a chap over here
I was talking to earlier.
Okay?

-You've got a...
-SL.

-A Mercedes?
-Mmm-hmm.

Mercedes. Okay?

Now, they are a byword
for durability. Where's yours?

Well, it's gone
to have its MOT today,

but unfortunately they did
a pick-up this morning

and it broke down on the way
to Tony Purslow in Guildford.

So, it broke down on the way
to the dealer!

This is not
the first time Mercedes...

Do you want to know
where the best Mercedes came?

The highest placed
Mercedes was...

57th!

And if you look at the bottom
10 or 11 places, okay?
The bottom 10 or 11.

That's where you normally find
the Alfas, and the Renaults
and the Citroens...

You find the M-Class,
the A-Class and the C-Class,
all sitting in there.

If you want to find out
how your car did,

all of these results
are on our website,

which you can find
on a computer, I suppose,

at, um, at work tomorrow.

Now, earlier on
we left me dangling
above a tank of water

in a large Vauxhall,

which interestingly came
in 74th in the survey.

I can testify, anyway,
that it lets water in.

Now, this theory runs
that you're supposed
to sit in the car

and let it fill up with water
until the pressure equalises

and you can open the door
and get out.

Well, let's see
what really happened.

ROGERS: Five, four, three,
two, one. Action!

We're now on the water.

Now, surprisingly,
it's sinking fast
from the back.

-I didn't expect that.
-(WATER GURGLING)

I can hear
the water coming in.

It's around my feet.

It's a very strange feeling.

I feel the panic rising
with the water.
You can hear it in my voice.

It's around my ankles.

I think... The central locking
is going crazy.

Now I can see
the water at the glass
and that is scary.

It's coming up to my stomach.

Let's control this panic.

I'm starting to get
my breaths ready.

We're leaning a lot as well.

I'm gonna save
the last bit of air.

Because it's no good thinking
you could sit in here
for ages.

I'm gonna have to take
my last breath.
We're going very sideways.

(EXHALES)
This is very frightening.

HAMMOND: Now, remember,
the theory goes that as soon
as the car fills with water,

the pressure should be
equalised and the doors
should open easily.

But as the car sank,
no matter how hard I tried,
I couldn't open the door.

It was 30 seconds
since I'd taken
my last breath,

30 seconds since
I should have been
able to open that door.

But still it wouldn't budge.

I realised I wasn't
gonna get out.

(INHALES)

Eventually, the car hit
the bottom of the tank,

but it still took more
precious seconds

for the water pressure
to equalise.

Only then could I
open the door
and escape.

If it was for real,
I'm pretty sure
I would have drowned.

(ALL APPLAUDING)

So, did you die
in the making of that film?

Oh, yeah.
If it was real, yes, I did.

And if it is,
it was very lucky
you were in the GL model,

because that was one
that did come with the diver
in the backseat

-with the aqua-lung.
-Yeah. Yeah.

If it had been an L,
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
that would have been curtains.

I think... I've just got
to get it straight in my head.

If the thing's sinking,

you have wait for it
to get to the bottom?

Yes, because as it sinks,

there's always
greater pressure
on the outside, basically.

It doesn't catch up
until it stays

-at the same point.
-So, you have to wait

for it to get to the bottom
and then you can get out.

And then the pressure
slowly equalises and you can
get out and swim.

Which is all right
if it's, what,
five, ten feet deep.

Yeah, but I mean,
it could be 150 feet.

So, that advice goes out
the window, basically.

And RoSPA now say,

"If you do drive
into the water,
get out as fast as you can.

"Don't mess about."
So, I gave that a go as well.

Did you die that time?

Well, let's find out.

ROGERS: Five, four, three...

-HAMMOND: Here we go.
-ROGERS: ...two, one.

-ROGERS: Action!
-HAMMOND: Okay, I'm going in.

From a big drop this time.
Straight in the water.

And I will try
the windows. Nothing.

I'm gonna try the door.
It's very difficult.

Wow! (GRUNTS)

I went for the windows.
As the advice says,
nothing doing.

And it sank quickly that time.

HAMMOND: But I went for
the door straightaway
and as I tried it...

I feel like
I've wrenched my arm.
It started okay.

As soon as the car
started to descend,

you could just feel it.
It was just getting
harder to do.

So, there you go.
If you do drive
into the drink,

according to my experience
and what RoSPA says,

just get out as
fast as you can.

-Now, can we do
something important?
-Yes.

-The Cool Wall.
-Oh, yes!

-Lot of cars. We've done
a lot of cars...
-It's good to be back!

...in the last few weeks.
We haven't put them up.

We're gonna start with
the Bentley Continental GT.
Where do we think?

(AUDIENCE SHOUTING)

CLARKSON: Cool?

No! It's cool.

-Okay. Well, thank you all
for your opinion.
-(HAMMOND CHUCKLES)

-It's cool.
-HAMMOND:
It is cool.

-It is!
-Aha! However,

with a proviso.

As soon as you open
your copy of the Sun newspaper

and you see that Mr Beckham
has taken delivery of his,

it's on its way down.

But, for now,
since he doesn't have one,
it's a cool car.

The BMW M3 CSL.
You drove it.

It is a fantastic car!

-MAN: Subzero.
-Subzero?

What do we think?
Anyone else?

WOMAN 1: Subzero.
WOMAN 2: Subzero.

-So wrong!
-All of them,

totally wrong!

How can it be cool
if you have to explain,

"That's my carbon roof,
that is."
That is not cool.

That is going to be
bought by the sort of man

who lies awake at night
thinking of his gear shift
aggression strategy

for the drive
to work the next day.

This is not just
uncool like an M3.

That is in there.

(AUDIENCE CHEERS)

That is true. It's true.

Now then,
Ford GT, the new one.

HAMMOND:
That's a tricky one.

Well, let me hear. Let me hear
some opinions on this.
What do you think?

-Subzero.
-Subzero?

-Subzero.
-Subzero.

-Now, we've got one over here.
-Seriously uncool.

Needs to be in light blue
and orange.

-Yeah, but...
-I mean, subzero.

Okay, if it were
light blue and orange...

You're referring to
the Golf colours.

-Absolutely.
-I can match your

-anorak levels here easily.
- Okay.

Then it would be okay?

It would be subzero.

Subzero, if you get
the colours right.
Good point.

Anyone over here
got opinions
on the Ford GT?

It's a very cool car.

-Very cool.
-Very cool.

-Very cool.
-Pretty cool.

Not a democracy here.

No! You're wrong!

Now, now that's wrong!
Now, look.

If this were a Ferrari,

I think we'd...
I'd be with you,
they might disagree,

but it's not a Ferrari.

It's got a kind
of retro something...
It's like those '70s shades

with the holes
down the side and the big...
It's cool.

That is a cool car.

If you were to turn up
to someone's house
in a red American car

with white stripes
down the side,
they'd pretend to be out.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
-It goes there.

You're talking about
the Starsky and Hutch car.

This is a retro supercar.
It's essentially cool!

Right.

There is just
one proviso on that.

If I buy one,
it'll be moving up a bit.

-Funny, that.
Funny, that.
-All right?

Right, here's one
that I drove.

And this is a truly
awesome car.

The Porsche 911 GT3.

-Fabulous!
-Uncool.

-Again...
-Whoa, whoa!
Why is this uncool?

-It's just a 911.
-All 911s are uncool.

-Oh, now, you're just daft.
-And you think...

I think 911 suck.

I like some of what
this audience is saying.

No, They're...
They're in...

-Go somewhere else, Jeremy.
-Super cool.

-Thank you, sir.
-He's come in an
all-black rugby shirt.

Get to the back.

What do you think, girls?

-Seriously cool.
-Seriously...

-Seriously cool.
-Seriously cool.
Seriously cool.

How interesting
that the girls are wrong

and the blokes
have got it right.

Yeah, I mean,
it is a brilliant car!

But it's got no backseat.

It's just got a load
of scaffolding
and roll bars here.

-HAMMOND:
You don't have to explain it.
-Let me put it to this way.

I come to take you out in one
of these one night. Okay?
You say to me,

"Why has it got all that
scaffolding in the backseat
and the ironmongery?"

I'd have to explain
that to you,

how interesting do you think
that'd be?

-Very.
-Oh dear!

I'd go out with you again.

Fine. You see
the thing is...

You'd make
the second date.

HAMMOND: Blimey!

I agree.

Whoo!

Can we, um,
can we now...

-(STAMMERING) Can we move on?
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

Can we just talk about
people carriers
for a while?

-Obviously...
-Oh, my word!

All of them are uncool.
If you buy a people...
Anyone got one?

You have. Basically,
what you're saying
about yourself, sir, is

you've had your children
and now you're just
waiting to die.

HAMMOND: Yeah.

However, the Renault
Espace, here,

-is cool.
-HAMMOND: It is.

It just... It's what?

Very, very ugly.

Are you a policewoman?

-Yes.
-Ah.

So, as I was saying,
it's very, very cool.

'Cause I can do that in here.

However, the moment
you've all been waiting for.
It's the new 5 Series.

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

Right. Let's just see,
run round the room on it.

What do you reckon?

-MAN: Seriously uncool.
-Seriously uncool.

-Quite uncool.
-Quite uncool.

-MAN: Cool.
-Cool.

-Do you play golf?
-Yes.

-Do you play golf?
-Yes.

Yeah. That's the problem.

This car will be
bought almost entirely
by people who play golf.

Ergo...

-Sorry. Sorry.
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Oh.

However, this car
has given the world
a problem.

Because, you see,

for years, I know loads
of people who've always
had 5 Series BMWs.

They've all looked at this
and went,

"That is so ugly!
There's no way I'm going
to have one."

So it leaves them a problem.
What do they buy?

Well, eventually
they're gonna have to have

something done
with their teeth.

And while the dentist
has got his bit
in their mouths,

he's going to say,

"I've got a Saab."
All dentists have Saab.
Okay? All.

And graphic designers
all have them,

and all architects have them
and all Stephen Frys
have them.

And when you ask someone
who's got a Saab, "Why?",

you always get
the same patronising smile.

Like they know
something we don't. Okay?

And I think
I've worked out
what it is. Okay?

And I think
I've worked out
what it is. Okay?
I think
it's because they spend
all day doing root canals,

I think
it's because they spend
all day doing root canals,

then when they drive home,
they think,

"I'm not a dentist.

"I'm Chuck Yeager."

CLARKSON:
Saab has been
telling us for years

that their cars are jets
with number plates.

The message is clear.

Buy a 9-5 and you'll be
able to blast a hole
in the sound barrier

and manoeuvre up
your own tailpipe.

Really?

I mean, do jet fighters
have handbrakes,
for instance,

or ignition keys down here,
or electric windows
or a cup holder?

I actually asked a bloke
from Saab the other day

what elements
of this come from
the aeronautical industry.

And all he could come up with
was this night panel button
on the dashboard,

which turns all the lights
and most of the dials off
at night. That's it.

(TYRES SCREECHING)

CLARKSON: That's handy
if you want to line up
for a bombing run

on a Soviet nuclear
submarine base,

but of limited use
on the A38 just outside
Burton-on-Trent.

There are other
differences, too.

The plane takes off
at 137 mph.

The car doesn't.

The plane is made by Saab.

The car is made
by General Motors.

And, finally, the plane
uses a Volvo engine.

Now, what I'd like
to do at this point,

to demonstrate
the difference between car
and plane even more,

is bolt The Stig
into the Saab here

and have him race
a fighter jet round our track.

The only trouble is,
can you imagine ringing up
the Royal Navy and saying,

"Hello, I'm from
that poky motoring programme
on BBC Two.

"Would it be possible
to borrow one of
your Sea Harriers?"

You can imagine
what the response would be.

-CLARKSON: Yes! They were
there in a jiffy!
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

So, top-of-the-range
Saab 9-5 Hot Aero

versus Sea Harrier FA2.

MAN: (OVER RADIO)
Go!

CLARKSON: And they're off.
2.3-litre, 250 hp turbo

against 21,500 pounds
of jet thrust.

Harrier's off the ground
and already doing 200 mph.

Saab's up to 58 mph.

The plane's pulling 6G
in the corners.

And the car's still
lumbering down
the first straight!

That's another
corner dispatched.

And the pilot, yes, I think
he's already

got the finish line
in his crosshairs

and the car, yes, well,
here it comes up to
the second corner,

which is Chicago.

-Oh, bit of oversteer
on the way in
-(TYRES SCREECH)

and lots and lots of
understeer
on the way out.

And the plane...
Yes, there it goes
across the finishing line.

(RIDE OF
THE VALKYRIES PLAYING)

It's Ride Of The Valkyries
or, as he knows it,

the music from
the Pirelli advert!

Into Follow Through,
it is quick. It is quick!

Stig's not giving up.
I like to see that in a man.

But he's nearly
lost it though!

He's in Gambon
and he's just held it.

And across... Oh, look,
the plane's waiting for him.
That's nice.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

What about that?

Well done. Brilliant.

The pilot did go a bit wide
in some of the corners,
didn't he?

He did go wide.
He did say with a Harrier

it would be possible
to actually follow
the confines of the track

and it would still be
faster than the car.

But we said,
"Nah, nah, nah, go for it."

So, he did run a bit wide.
I mean, over this corner
he was over Brighton.

Round here it was Oxford.

Coming round that one,
he actually hit Edinburgh.

But I have the time.
Do you wanna know?

Go on.

31.2 seconds.

So, if you could pop that up
for us there, Richard.

-Go on.
-I'm not...

Thank you very much.

That's the new...

That's the new fastest...
Thing ever to go
round our track.

-I think that might
last a bit, that record.
-Right,

the car, 1.37.9.

That's nearly a second
and a half slower
than a Honda Civic.

-HAMMOND: Yeah.
-Which takes us back

to the original question.

Why do those people
who have Saabs have
that smile on their face?

Well, I went back
out there to find out.

CLARKSON: To drive, it's nice,
in a quiet, relaxing
non-jet-fighter sort of way.

Middle-of-the-road motoring

from the country that invented
middle-of-the-road pop.

( SUPER TROUPER PLAYING)

CLARKSON:
It costs £27,000.

Not quite as much as you'd pay
for the German alternatives,

but not a bargain either.

Inside, I can find very little
that would put that smile

on the face
of the graphic designers

and the architects
and the dentists
who buy these things.

The thing I like most of all
is this satellite
navigation system.

You've got a touch screen
and it lets you choose
your language.

And you can have English UK,
and English US.

Sort of exactly the same
but with extra adenoids!

CLARKSON: I also like
the performance.

Like all the fastest
Euroboxes,

it gets from 0-60
in six or so seconds

and keeps on going to 155.

The only trouble is that
to get that level of
performance from a big car,

you need a lot of power.

That's okay with a Mercedes
or a Jaguar or a BMW,

'cause they're
rear-wheel drive.
But this...

Isn't.

An engineer at Saab
once told me

that the absolute limit for
a front-wheel drive car
is 220 bhp.

This has 250.

(TYRES SCREECHING)

Handling is just hysterical.
It's like driving
a fast bouncy castle.

Whoa!

And if you push too hard
in a corner,

you just go into
a world of smoke
and brimstone.

(TYPES SCREECHING)

And then you come
out of the corner
on the other side

and everything's fine,
except you need
some new tyres.

This car has a five-star
safety rating. That's the top.

You know, I suspect
it has nothing to do

with the strength
of the passenger cell

or the energy absorbance
of the front

and everything to do
with the fact

it's almost impossible
to crash it!

CLARKSON: So, to sum up,
it has foolproof handling,

it's quite fast,
quite good-looking

and it's quite hard to think
why anyone would buy this
instead of a Merc.

Perhaps, though,
I'm missing something.

Perhaps it's at
the cutting edge
in some other unusual way.

Somehow I doubt it.

You see, this car
is part Vauxhall Vectra,
part Saab 9000.

And the 9000 is so old

that I think
I'm right in saying
Helen of Troy had one.

I think that was the car
that the suspension
was made out of myrrh.

CLARKSON: You have to dig
very deep to find
the point of this car,

but it's worth it,
because it's there all right!

Firstly, it's eco-friendly.
The trees hug it
as it goes by.

And then
there's the mid-range clout.

The rate this thing goes
in second gear
from 40-70 mph is just...

(GUFFAWS)

That is sensational!

For overtaking a lorry,
never mind the 5 Series BMW,

this will do it quicker
than a Porsche 911 Turbo.

Whoa!

Treading on the throttle,
in second gear

gives you some idea
of what it would be like

to tread on a land mine. Whoa!

CLARKSON: So, there you are.
The Saab 9-5, good in parts,
better in others.

-What a nice programme
it was tonight.
-Mmm, yeah.

Really was. And a nice Saab.

I really like that.

-I drove a really nice Subaru.
-Exactly.

-I didn't drown,
which is nice.
-Nice.

-And we have
the lovely Bentley.
-That was very nice.

Most of all, though,
we have some fantastic
people here

and I want you to give them
a round of applause.

From HMS Invincible,
who brought the Harrier.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

That's all we've got time for,
I'm afraid.

See you next week. Bye.