All language subtitles for The Golden Girls - S5 E21

♪ Thank you for being a friend

♪ Traveled down the road
and back again

♪ Your heart is true

♪ You're a pal and a confidante

♪ And if you threw a party

♪ Invited everyone you knew

♪ You would see the biggest
gift would be from me

♪ And the card attached
would say

♪ "Thank you
for being a friend" ♪

Oh, Ma, come here.
I want you to taste this.

Well?

Wouldn't it be easier to put a
pillow over my face while I sleep?

Just set the table.

I'm expecting Stan
and his cousin any minute.

Oh, then this sauce is perfect.

Well, maybe just
a drop more disinfectant.

There! I'm done.

Boy, it sure took you a long
time to spell "Welcome Magda."

I thought that'd be too boring.

So instead I decided to depict
Magda's escape from Czechoslovakia.

But isn't that barbed wire?

Isn't it amazing
what you can do with icing?

Gee, you made that pack of
dogs look very realistic.

But Rose, the revolution in
Czechoslovakia was a peaceful one.

Nobody was chased
by a pack of dogs.

But they're good dogs, Rose.

You are not gonna believe this.

My sister Charmaine
just called me.

I didn't think the two
of you were speaking.

Well, we're not.

Then how did you know it was her
on the other end of the line?

Rose, you're bringing down the
curve for the whole country.

I just don't believe it.
She is coming to town

to promote a novel
she's just had published.

We're all invited
to a book-signing party.

Why, I can't believe she ever
read a book, much less wrote one.

(doorbell) They're here.

I just hope Magda
is nothing like Stan.

What am I gonna do
about my sister coming?

By the time she leaves Miami,

she'll be more famous
here than I am.

Honey, only if they
close the Sheraton.

Dorothy?
Cousin Magda!

Such a beautiful home!

Who sleeps with
government official?

That would be
my friend Blanche.

Pleased to meet you, Magda.
Thank you.

And this is my mother,
Sophia Petrillo.

So you're Stan's cousin.

Please don't
hold it against me.

She's OK.

Sit down, sit down. Tell me, where's Stan?
Is he parking the car?

I take taxi. Stanley and I
have disagreement.

Oh? What about?

He saw himself as human being.
I disagreed.

The man is pig!
He charge me rent!

His own cousin.
I can believe that.

His rates are reasonable, but the way he
nickels and dimes you on the extras...

No, you're right. Stan is a lazy,
disgusting, sorry excuse for a man.

Now I stay here with you.

On the other hand,
I hear he's got cable.

But Dorothy,
I have nowhere to go.

I am stranger in strange land.

Oh, don't send me
to cheap motel.

You have to pay for ice,
just like at Stanley's.

Would it be all right
if she stayed with us?

A novel!
How did my sister publish a novel?

I think it's all right
with Blanche if you stay here.

You can have my room,
I'll sleep with Ma.

Good. Now when I wake up in the middle of
the night screaming I'll have a reason.

And you remember that time

Big Daddy caught us
skinny-dipping with those boys?

And you told him
it was our Bible study group

"just practicing baptizing."

It would've worked, too,

if you hadn't
come up screaming:

"Hey, y'all, things look
bigger underwater!"

Maybe it's my imagination,
but we seem to be getting along.

I know!

You just seem so refined,

and vivacious, and charming.

Boy, you've really changed.

Thank you, Blanche.

Now, don't forget.

I'm gonna see you later
at the book signing.

Maybe I can get a copy
of your book there.

Well, it just so happens...

Oh, is this it?

Vixen:
Story of a Woman.

Ooh, catchy title!

Would you like me to sign it?
Oh, sure!

Oh, imagine!
An autographed copy.

Will this make it
harder to exchange?

Just kidding.

"To my sister Blanche.

You have inspired me more than
you will ever know. Charmaine."

That is very sweet.

I guess we'll see each other
at the book signing.

Oh, I meant to ask you.

By any chance,
do you happen to know

what happened
to Big Daddy's pocket watch?

Virginia says you took it
after the funeral.

That pocket watch
meant so much to me.

Big Daddy promised
that watch to me.

In writing?
It was in the will.

Is this the same will where
he promised the summer house

to Gopher from Love Boat?

No, this is the sober will.

All right, all right, you can have the watch.
It's in my room.

Oh, not now, I'm late.
Just bring it to the book signing, OK?

Well, bye, darling.

See you there.

Did Charmaine leave already?

Oh, Rose, honey,
what am I gonna do?

After all these years
of jealousy and malice

we finally have
a chance to be friends.

But now I've got
to read her book.

Why, if it's a piece of junk
I'll have to tell her,

and that'll just kill her.

Well, look on the bright side.
It could be good.

I was looking
on the bright side.

What a day.

What's the matter?
Where's Magda?

You mean Flora the Red Menace?

She's helping Rose unload the car.
Is something wrong?

I don't want to talk about it.
Magda is driving us crazy.

All she does is complain about
how awful things are in America.

Everywhere we went, something bothered her.
We showed her the mall--

She said we live in a plastic
society with no soul.

This was after
I bought her Beef Sticks

and spreadable cheese
from Hickory Farms.

Rose, everywhere you look the
rich take advantage of the poor.

How can you deny there are
inequities in this society?

Well, sure there are inequities,

but at least we treat
everybody the same.

There must be something about this
country you like. I like Slurpees.

Like 'em?
That's your fifth in the last hour.

They taste so natural
and fruitlike.

Oh, Blanche, I see you've started
Charmaine's book. How is it?

Honey, I don't know
if I can get through it.

You mean it's not good?
Oh, it's awful!

This book is totally
unbelievable.

The heroine, Vixen St. James,
is this shallow southern belle

who's vain, self-centered,

and a pushover for any man
that crosses her path.

Yeah, she's right.
That is unbelievable.

Oh. Oh... Oh! Ow!

You drank the Slurpee
too fast again, didn't you?

It's like knife
sticking in forehead.

The pain, it is...
it is... really good!

These Slurpees are best
thing about America.

Magda, how can you be
such an expert on America

when you've only
been here a few days?

I know that Communist
system is more fair.

How can you say that?

People all over the world
are realizing

that Communism doesn't work.

It worked for me.
I had automatic can opener, I had toaster,

and I was very near top of list
to get electricity.

For me, things were good.

Yeah, but if things were good for
you and bad for everyone else,

how is that fair? Comrade?

Don't tell me about Communism.

I know what I know.

I am a Communist.

This is terrible!
I was raised to hate Communists.

I remember in the early '50s
when McCarthy came to St. Olaf

to speak in the town square.

I was never so moved
by a public speaker.

Although some people thought he
was a puppet for the right wing.

No, wait.
That was Charlie McCarthy.

I'd have put money on that.

But still, St. Olaf's town motto
was "Better Ned than red."

Ned was sort of the town idiot.

When? On your days off?

What do you want me to do?
Throw her out?

Yes. And while you're at it,
ditch the Commie.

I don't believe this.
I just don't believe it. What's the matter?

Listen to this.

"Vixen stared at herself
in the mirror,

"her pouty lips,
her flaxen hair,

"her flawless alabaster skin.

"Her proud breasts
seemed to be saying,

'Is it just me
or is it cold in here?'"

So?
Pouty, flaxen, proud?

What do you need? A photograph?
This book is about me!

I don't see Blanche.

She said she'd be over right
after her hair appointment.

She wanted to look her best
for Charmaine's big day.

Well, Blanche is handling this
a lot better than I would.

I would kill Gloria

if she ever wrote
about my sexual escapades.

You'd kill your sister
over a pamphlet?

So many books! I know.
This is a book store.

If you need me, I'll be in the Bitter
Children of Celebrities section.

Don't get lost.
Too many books.

Too many contradictory opinions
next to each other.

This leads to anarchy.

These books represent
different ideas.

What's going to happen
now there is freedom?

The people in my country are going to
read all these books and be confused.

No, the way things were,
we knew what to do.

The choices were easy.

When there is one road,
no one gets lost.

Not necessarily.
Back in St. Olaf, there--

Rose.

Is this a story about getting lost?
Uh-huh.

Well, don't tell us. Show us.

Magda, there are two books
I want you to read.

The first one is
Thomas Paine's Common Sense.

I think it'll give you some idea
of what freedom is all about.

And the second is Vanna
White's autobiography.

Why should I read this?
It's just a hell of a book.

Ma. Ma, I don't know how much
more of Magda I can stand.

We're so close
to the Bermuda Triangle,

it'd be a shame
for her not to see it.

You know, you really
can't blame Magda.

It's all this Communist ideology
that's been pumped into her.

I hate Communism.
Of course you hate Communism, Ma.

It's because you were
raised a Fascist.

Blanche, where have you been?

Blanche? Blanche?

Blanche!
Oh, you look just beautiful.

Thank you for coming.

Darling, I wouldn't
miss this for the world.

Did you get a chance
to read any of the book?

Every word.

Well, what did you think?

I should've known
I couldn't trust you.

That all that "let's be sisters"
stuff was just a bunch of bull.

You had no right
to use my life for your book.

To twist facts so that
beautiful, sacred love

became so much tawdry trash.

I earned that A in history!

For the first time in my life,

I'm ashamed to be
a Hollingsworth.

Vixen: Story of a Woman is nothing but
a vulgar collection of perverse sexual acts

that are sheer and utter filth!

(phone rings)

Hello?

Oh, just a minute.

Blanche, it's for you.
It's Charmaine again.

OK.

Blanche, don't you think you should talk to her?
She's still your sister.

No. My sister has turned into
a deceitful old woman

whose only pleasure
is in hurting people.

No offense, Sophia.

None taken. Slut.

What really gets me is I
was willing to be friends.

But just as I start
to forgive and forget,

Charmaine turns my life
into a bestseller.

You know something, Blanche?
You're not the only one

who ever had a problem
with sisters.

When I was a kid, I had a doll
named Mrs. Doolittle.

And Gloria
was not supposed to--

Do we have to listen to that
damn Mrs. Doolittle story again?

So your sister broke your doll.
It was 50 years ago.

It was very traumatic.
She was my favorite doll.

I didn't talk to Gloria
for months.

But eventually, Blanche,

I realized sisters are harder
to replace than dolls.

So we made up, and I vowed
right then and there

never ever to fight over something
so childish and silly again.

My favorite!

I have a sister story
I think you'll find interesting.

She didn't just break it, she made it
so the eyes would never close again.

She made Mrs. Doolittle
look like a morphine addict!

There was a time in my life
when I wanted to leave St. Olaf.

I just didn't feel
it was big enough for me.

I had my eye on
the Great White Way.

So I went to St. Gustav,
the city that never naps.

That first night I walked
around in amazement.

They had their own Fotomat!

Of course, it wasn't as large
as the Fotomats you see today.

Now, here's the scary part.

Suddenly, I realized I was
this frightened little girl

alone in the big city.

Accident, my foot!

It started to rain, and I stood there in
the middle of the town square and cried.

Gloria was the one
who had to get the rabies shot.

I was a biter.

There I was, drenched,
and someone yelled out:

"Hey! Don't you have enough sense
to come in out of the rain?"

Well, then it hit me.

And when I went home
to St. Olaf,

I passed on this bit
of street-smart savvy.

The next thing you know,
in St. Olaf

the in thing was coming in
out of the rain.

I was the town celebrity.

Until the phrase "Watch out
for that tractor" caught on.

What in hell does this
have to do with sisters?

Didn't I mention? St. Olaf and St.
Gustav were sister cities.

And how did Mrs. Doolittle's
hair get singed?

Did it herself?
I think not.

Now, I had very bad fight
with my sister once.

Oh, really?
Tell us about it.

I turned her over
to secret police.

And?
And what?

I turned her over to secret police.
No more to tell.

♪ When the moon hits your eye
like a big pizza pie

♪ That's amore

♪ When the world seems to shine
like you've had too much wine

♪ That's amore ♪

Ma, that's lovely.

What?
Your singing.

That was me?

I was gonna ask you
to turn off the radio.

Ladies, ladies,
I have very bad news.

I must shorten my stay, Dorothy.
In fact, I'm leaving tomorrow.

Dorothy, move the coffee table.
I wanna do a cartwheel.

I must return to
Czechoslovakia immediately

because of something very
valuable I learned here.

You finally understood what I
was saying in the book store.

No, no. It was story Rose
told last night in kitchen

about going to St. Gustav,

learning to come in
out of the rain--

My very favorite doll.

Dorothy, let it go.

Anyway, that trip
changed her life.

Now I must have courage
to change mine.

I'm going back
with what I learned here.

It didn't change my life,
I just went home.

Shut up, she's leaving.

See, I left Czechoslovakia
because I was afraid of change,

afraid of the new freedom.

But now I see in America
freedom is change.

Always changing
for the better idea.

I want to be part of the
future of my country.

So I'm going home.

And you got that part
from my story?

No, Vanna White's book.

I told you.

Anyway, now I must
go pack my things.

And again, Rose,
thank you for story.

You know, isn't life funny?

Last night in bed
I told myself:

"Nobody listens to your stories,
Rose, quit telling them."

And I swore I would never tell
another story as long as I lived.

And then you hear
something like this,

and you realize these stories
make a difference.

Oh!

You know, something sort of like that
happened to Hans Fliegelfleister.

(doorbell)

I hope it's Death.

Get it, Rose.
Okey-dokey.

Charmaine! Blanche, look who's here.
It's Charmaine.

Oh, good. Ringside seats.

What do you want?
Among other things, your apology.

Well, unless
I missed a newsflash,

hell did not freeze over today.

Anything else?

Yes. Big Daddy's
pocket watch.

That watch is
a family heirloom.

As far as I'm concerned
you're no longer family.

I believe you said
it was in your room.

Which room is that?

Turnstile at the end
of the hall.

So, anyway,
Hans Fliegelfleister...

Get out of my room!

Not till I find that watch.
Now, where is it?

I'll never tell. Unlike you,
who tells everything.

You had no right to use me,
to rip off my life for profit.

I wish my bank account
was as big as your ego.

Now, you listen,
and you listen good.

My book is based on my life.

Oh, that book just drips
Blanche Devereaux.

Only the names have been changed
to protect the satisfied.

You think you're the only one

who wakes up
to smiles and roses?

Well, how about
that inscription?

How I'd inspired you
more than I'll ever know?

Oh, I write the same
thing to everybody.

Just like signing
yearbooks, remember?

You always wrote
the same thing.

"You were the first."

Wrote it, hell.
I had a stamp made.

Oh, I guess
I've just been a fool.

Blanche, we're an
awful lot alike.

Too much alike.
It's probably why we never got along.

That also might be the reason

why you thought
the book was about you.

My God, you're right.
Oh, uh...

Except for that part where Vixen is terrified
of losing her looks and growing old alone.

I have never felt like that.

Course! Me neither.

That's what makes it fiction.

You remember the other
day when you said

you thought it was time
that we were friends again?

I believe I'm ready to try.

Oh!

Oh, Blanche!

Come on, I'll make you
a big cup of coffee.

Oh, darling,
I smudged your makeup.

Oh, I messed up your hair.