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♪ Terrible Tudors, Gorgeous GeorgiansSlimy Stuarts, Vile Victorians ♪
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00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:13,000
♪ Woeful Wars, Ferocious FightsDingy Castles, Daring Knights ♪
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♪ Horrors that defy descriptionCut-throat Celts, Awful Egyptians ♪
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00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:19,080
♪ Vicious Vikings, Cruel CrimePunishments from ancient times ♪
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♪ Roman, Rotten, Rank and ruthlessCavemen savage, fierce and toothless ♪
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♪ Groovy Greeks, Reigning stagesMean and Measley Middle Ages ♪
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♪ Gory Stories we do thatAnd your host a talking rat ♪
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♪ The past is no longer a mystery ♪
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♪ Welcome to, Horrible Histories! ♪
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[narrator] Rotten Romans.
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Hi, I'm a shouty man and I'm here
to tell you about all new Roman Baths.
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After a hard day watching
your slave do all the work,
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why not de-stress in a range
of temperature controlled baths.
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It's freezing. [inhales]
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It's supposed to be.
It's called the "Frigidarium".
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Now, this room is boiling.
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Of course it is, this is
the steam room or "Caldarium".
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Where's the nice temperature area?
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-You mean "Tepidarium"?
-Yeah, that one.
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Not telling you.
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-You're starting to get annoying, mate.
-I get that a lot.
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Or you can relax in the library.
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-Shh!
-Or you can relax in the library.
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And there's a state of the art
security system
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to make sure your clothes aren't stolen.
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It's a slave.
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[exhales] I didn't have enough change
for the slave, someone's nicked my toga.
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At least the library's
useful for something.
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Oh, oh.
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Whether you're meeting
your friends, meeting for business
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or just doing your business.
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-Tell me you're not?
-I most certainly am. [grunts]
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The Roman baths is the place
to come and just look at the results.
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Before slightly dirty.
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After, covered in blood,
excrement, pus and wee.
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I'm covered in what?
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So come to the Roman Baths today.
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And when I say today, I mean this morning.
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The water isn't changed all day.
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So by the afternoon,
it's disgustingly dirty.
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And don't miss your chance to get 25% off.
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Just take a Roman Bath
with an open wound on your leg
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catch gangrene from the dirty waterand get 25% off.
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Yes, get your leg chopped off toprevent the gangrene from spreading.
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You can find it all in new Roman Baths.
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Yeah I've just been for a Roman Bath,
now I need a good wash.
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Get away from me, Marco.
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[laughs]
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Did you know, Romans didn't use soap?
Hm, something we have in common.
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Instead they used to clean themselves
with olive oil
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which they'd scrape off with a
small metal tool called a stridgel.
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Hm. Romans were a really advanced society,
but they were surprisingly superstitious.
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[music playing]
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♪ Stupid death, stupid death ♪
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♪ They're funny cos they're true, woo ♪
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♪ Stupid death, stupid death ♪
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♪ Hope next time it's not you. Ha hee ♪
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No, no a pine nut,
it's very nice in salads. Next!
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I said next! Anybody there?
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Come on we haven't got forever, well we
have actually, but that's not the point.
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Oh, there you are. Look we can see you
mate, you may as well come on out.
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There's nobody to fear here, it's just me,
Death and a couple of skeletons.
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Sorry, I'm just a bit paranoid about
people trying to kill me. What was that?
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Well, I've got some
good news for you, mate.
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Your worries are over, you're already
dead, otherwise you wouldn't be here.
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-Oh, yeah.
-So, who are you anyway?
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Oh, oh, Domitian, Roman Emperor Domitian.
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And you're paranoid someone
wants to kill you, yeah?
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-Who told you that?
-You did just then.
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Oh yeah, I suppose I did, yeah.
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Yeah, I had all of the marble in my palace
cleaned so shiny it was like a mirror.
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So, I could see any strangers approaching.
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-Watch out, behind you!
-Oh!
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[laughs] I'm messing with you mate,
I do that sometimes.
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So, what made you so paranoid?
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When I was younger,
soothsayers foretold the exact year,
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day and hour when I would die.
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Hey, I'm a fortune teller, too. I predict
that this death is gonna be stupid.
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Yes, very good. As you can imagine,
when the predicted day came
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-I was like super duper paranoid.
-As you would be.
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It was foretold that
I would be killed at midday,
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so I spent the whole morning in dread,
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until my attendants came and told me
that 12 o'clock had long passed.
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The soothsayer was wrong.
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I was so much relieved,
I went for a bath and...
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Oh, and er, you were scalded to death?
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Erm, drowned in the bath, in the toilets,
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slipped on the soap,
er, swallowed a loofah? No, no, I was killed by an assassin.
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But I thought it was long gone midday?
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So, did I. It turns out my attendants
had lied about the time.
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The soothsayers were right,
I was killed at 12 on the dot.
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You, they lied to you. [laughs]
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Oh, what time
did you think it was? 12 hurty.
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-Well around then, yeah.
-Not 12:30, hurty, 12 hurty.
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-[laughs] You're through to the afterlife.
-Thanks very much.
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-Assassin.
-Ah!
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-[laughs] I'm messing with you, mate.
-Quite a joker.
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00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,680
You're already dead, chillax man.
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00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:05,240
Oh, sometimes I love my job,
I do though, I really do.
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00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:07,520
♪ Stupid death, stupid death ♪
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♪ Hope next time it's not you ♪
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Hoo, hoo!
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[narrator] Vile Victorians.
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Factory bosses in Victorian times
could be very mean
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and working conditions were appalling.
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But it wasn't all bad, a few employers
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actually wanted to improve the lives
of their workers. It was jolly good.
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[narrator] In this week's episodeof Victorian Undercover Proprietor.
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Sir Titus Salt has gone into themills where he made his fortune.
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He's disguised as one of the workers
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to see what life is really likefor his employees.
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00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:43,560
So, what's it like to work in my,
this factory?
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-Noisy.
-Sorry I can't here you, it's too noisy.
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I know, it's noisy.
It's smoggy too, it gets into the lungs.
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Sorry.
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[sneeze]
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I see, the smog gets into your lungs.
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-No, it gets into the lungs.
-What?
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00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:03,240
What?
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00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:06,560
[narrator] Titus has finally got themessage about the terrible conditions
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00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:09,760
his employees work in, and theirliving conditions aren't much better.
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Wife, kids, here's the new bloke I was
telling you about. New bloke, wife, kids.
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Pleased to meet you.
Could I possibly use your lavatory?
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Our what atory?
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A lavatory, a small room outside
you use to er, do your business.
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-Your business.
-No, it's not my business, er.
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I'm just a humble worker.
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Oh you said er, do your business?
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00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:34,040
Yes, er, toilet, er, small room
you use to poo in?
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00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:35,800
Oh!
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Disgusting, just go in
the back yard like everybody else.
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-Okay.
-Oh, will you not stay for your tea?
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I'd love to, oh, what is for tea?
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00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:48,200
I think it's, er, nothing tonight.
We can't afford it.
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Luckily we're not that hungry,
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cos all the cotton fluff from the mill
gets in our bellies. [heavily sneeze]
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-I wish you wouldn't do that.
-I am sorry.
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[narrator] Not wanting to spend any longerliving with them than he absolutely has to
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Titus has decided it's already timeto reveal his true identity to the family.
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I expect you're wondering
why I brought you here?
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I'm not a humble mill worker.
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I am in fact the owner of these
here mills, Sir Titus Salt.
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-No!
-I knew it.
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I knew that were a disguise,
as soon as I saw the daft fake beard.
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-Ouch.
-So sorry.
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It's alright.
Over this past week, well day,
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I've experienced first hand the hardships
of working in one of my mills.
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I've seen how tough it is for you
to live in such a horrible,
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dirty, filthy, cramped,
disgusting little hovel.
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-Steady on.
-So, I'm going to build a new village.
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And I'm going to call it, Saltaire.
And it'll be a model village.
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-We'll never fit in.
-Not that sort of model village!
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It'll be the model
of all a village should be.
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Everything you could possible want
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will be there - fresh air, a hospital,
a church. Even a reading room.
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-We can't read.
-Aye!
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But your children will be able to.
For there will be a school there.
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-Oh!
-And you'll even have your own lavatory.
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Why would anyone
want a small room to poo in?
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And I shall build a new cleaner mill
nearby where you can work for me.
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I'm not being funny,
but what's in it for you?
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Well happy healthy people
make better workers.
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-You got yourself a deal.
-Alright.
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-Just one question.
-Fire away my friend.
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-Are you sure that's not a fake beard?
-Don't push it. [narrator] Next week on
Victorian Undercover Proprietor
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Lord Lever reveals his plansto build his factory workers houses
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which have bathrooms.
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-What's a bathroom?
-It's a small room with a bath in it.
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-What's a bath?
-It's where you wash yourself with soap.
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What's soap?
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This is gonna be harder than I thought.
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A number of Victorian bosses,
er, Sir Titus Salt, the Lever Brothers,
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Joseph Rowntree and George Cadbury,
created cleaner, better accommodation
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for their factory employees.
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But did any of them spare a thought for
how this would affect the factory rats?
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Not one, it's an absolute scandal.
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[narrator] Measly Middle Ages.
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Report, Corporal.
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The battle is fierce, sir,
we've lost a thousand men.
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1001. But then, so have the enemy.
So, it's pretty much even Steven.
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-Then we fight on to victory.
-To victory.
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00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:19,640
-We will never give up.
-Never give up.
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00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:22,600
With one final push,
we will reclaim our bucket.
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00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:27,440
Reclaim our... Sorry, it sounded like
you said reclaim our bucket.
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00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:29,720
-Yes, reclaim our bucket.
-Right, what bucket?
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00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,320
Well, a couple of guys from Modena
stole our town's bucket.
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In order to get it back, the Pope has
insisted we launch a full scale war.
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-Over a bucket.
-It's a ceremonial bucket.
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I don't care if it's a magic bucket,
we've lost a thousand men.
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-1001.
-Sorry mate, 1001.
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I thought this was a Holy War,
church against Empire,
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not some squabble over a bucket.
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[grunts]
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-Captain, any luck?
-No sign of the bucket, sir.
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But I did find this cup.
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00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:57,080
Oh, Liza, I told you,
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-it has to be the bucket.
-Well, what does it look like?
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Well, it's about so big, erm, made
of solid oak, it's got a, an opening--
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00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:05,080
Well, it looks like a bucket!
200
00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:06,600
Well, can't we just buy a new one?
201
00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:09,360
No, this bucket is a symbol
of Bologna's civic pride
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00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:12,200
and we cannot allow those dogs
from Modena to take it from us. That is why the Pope has commanded
that we get out there and get it back.
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00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,640
-So, get out there and get it back.
-As you command.
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And make sure you don't damage it.
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I don't want a hole in my bucket,
dear Liza. [laughs]
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Okay, right, on my command then. Charge.
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[yelling]
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It looks like he kicked the bucket.
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Do you think?
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Fancy going to war over a bucket.
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This next lot were fighting
over the Crown of England.
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Yes, when Henry I died, his daughter,
Matilda wanted to be Queen,
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but her cousin Stephen had other
ideas. Let battle commence.
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[music playing]
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00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:06,640
♪ Here's the tale of me Matilda ♪
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00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:13,000
♪ And my fight with cousin StephenTo succeed Henry first's throne ♪
217
00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:15,840
♪ My wife's also called Matilda ♪
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00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:22,520
♪ Quite confusing cos we chooseTo claim Matilda's throne's our own ♪
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00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:25,920
♪ I'm Henry, that Matilda's son ♪
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00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,240
♪ You got that? ♪
221
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:30,520
♪ Here's the story of our spat ♪
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00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:34,800
♪ Starts in 1135 ♪
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00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:37,720
♪ When King Henry, my father, died ♪
224
00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:41,120
♪ And I think you'll find named me ♪
225
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:44,120
♪ Matilda as his heir ♪
226
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:48,200
♪ But his nephew Stephen said ♪
227
00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:51,720
♪ That crown should be upon my head ♪
228
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:56,000
♪ I'm a man and men come firstWhat? ♪
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00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:58,160
♪ It's only fair ♪
230
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,720
♪ Had married Geoffrey of Anjou ♪
231
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:02,360
♪ Stuck in France, not Waterloo ♪
232
00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:04,080
♪ When Steve, without a voulez-vous ♪
233
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:05,720
♪ Took throne from me ♪
234
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:08,320
♪ Should be Dancing Queen ♪
235
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:12,600
♪ Oh stop causing such a scene ♪
236
00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:15,760
♪ Gimme gimme crownAnd take a chance on me ♪
237
00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:18,480
♪ I'm heir to the throne, not you ♪
238
00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:19,680
♪ Aha! ♪
239
00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:22,480
♪ Think you'll get it backNow that I'd like to see ♪
240
00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:26,160
♪ Oh, I do, I do, I do ♪
241
00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:27,800
♪ Fought in Lincoln ♪
242
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,400
♪ She caught me ♪
243
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:32,840
♪ Was proclaimed first English Lady ♪
244
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:36,040
♪ But she made many enemies ♪
245
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:37,080
♪ Remember me? ♪
246
00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:39,120
♪ I'm Stephen's wife ♪
247
00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:43,120
♪ Made Royal counsellors agree ♪
248
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:46,160
♪ That she lacked femininity ♪
249
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:50,440
♪ Took Stephen's army and besieged her ♪
250
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,360
♪ Ugh, more strife ♪
251
00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:57,080
♪ I was trapped, so faked my deathHid in coffin, held my breath ♪
252
00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:59,000
♪ -Escaped!-You think that I'm impressed? ♪
253
00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:00,520
♪ Well, I'm not ♪
254
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:03,080
♪ Just look who I've got ♪
255
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:04,800
♪ Your half brother ♪
256
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:06,480
♪ Want to swap? ♪
257
00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:09,080
♪ Gimme gimme hubbie ♪
258
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:10,440
♪ And we'll fight again ♪
259
00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:14,320
♪ The winner takes it all, ahaa ♪
260
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:15,440
♪ In Oxford I'll besiege ♪
261
00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:17,520
♪ And I'll escape and then ♪
262
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,440
♪ I'll join the battle call ♪
263
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:24,240
♪ Age 14, I fought but lost ♪
264
00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:28,040
♪ So uncle Stephen stayed as boss ♪
265
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,840
♪ Who should be ruler, mamma? ♪
266
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:31,760
♪ Me-a! ♪
267
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:34,720
♪ Here we go again ♪
268
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,200
♪ Sadly my darling Matilda ♪
269
00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:38,760
♪ Caught a fever and it killed er ♪
270
00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:40,480
♪ I gave up my dream to build-a ♪
271
00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:43,040
♪ Royal dynasty ♪
272
00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:44,880
♪ When my son died ♪
273
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:49,280
♪ Had no heir which was a bind ♪
274
00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:52,200
♪ Gimme gimme crownCos next in line it's me ♪
275
00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:55,320
♪ You can have it when I'm done ♪
276
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:56,360
♪ A-ha! ♪
277
00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:59,440
♪ So Empress MatildaNever did make Queen ♪
278
00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:01,520
♪ The throne went to my son ♪
279
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:03,880
♪ Knowing mum, knowing you ♪
280
00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:06,400
♪ Everybody happy? Good ♪
281
00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,120
[narrator] Gorgeous Georgians.
282
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:14,840
The Georgian era saw
a revolution in industry.
283
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:17,280
You might call it
an Industrial Revolution.
284
00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:20,360
Why make textiles by hand
when you can invent a machine
285
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:21,720
to make them for you.
286
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:24,000
[dramatic music playing]
287
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,440
[indistinct chattering]
288
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:27,400
Morning.
289
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:28,600
-Morning, Lord Sugar.
-Hi.
290
00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:31,240
This week's task was
all about making dosh,
291
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:34,440
which is all our tasks are about,
so I'll be more specific, Karen.
292
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:39,360
I asked you to made dosh from textiles.
So what's the name of your team, Karen?
293
00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:41,400
-Yes, that's right.
-No, what's the name?
294
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:43,800
-Indeed, it is.
-No, what is it called?
295
00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:46,240
-It's what.
-I asked first.
296
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:50,160
No, as in team Watt, as in James Watt
the Scottish inventor and engineer.
297
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:51,760
That's my name, don't wear it out.
298
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:54,400
-Well, don't I look stupid?
-Aye.
299
00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:58,840
No, I don't. You're the one that looks
stupid cos you got a stupid name.
300
00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:02,120
Nick, please tell me your team's
got a more sensible name?
301
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:04,280
-Team Jenny.
-Oh, that's much better.
302
00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:06,240
So, I'm guessing you're Jenny?
303
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:09,880
No, I'm Mary, er, the jenny refers
to our spinning jenny.
304
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:11,080
-What?
-Eh.
305
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:14,720
Sorry, can I get a rewind?
Is it me or is she talking nonsense?
306
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:17,680
The spinning jenny is a machine,
Lord Sugar.
307
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:19,560
A multi spool spinning frame.
308
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:22,320
Is it me or is he talking nonsense?
309
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:26,880
Basically, erm, it's a, a fancy machine
we've just bought which enables me
310
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:30,120
to make more yarn
in less time than ever before.
311
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:33,800
Hm, I then take Mary's yarn and
turn it into fabric on my hand loom
312
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:37,360
in our little family business is making
more fabric than ever before.
313
00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:40,000
Point of fact, Lord Sugar,
with the help of the spinning jenny,
314
00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:43,200
this family is massively increased
its weekly textile production
315
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:46,040
-to a whopping three kilos.
-Three kilos, that's impressive.
316
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,160
What have you got to say about that, Watt?
317
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:50,560
The spinning jenny is all well,
and good up to a point
318
00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:53,040
but there's a limit to what
you can do without more power.
319
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:57,480
That's where I come in. You heat water,
create steam which makes pressure.
320
00:15:57,560 --> 00:16:01,760
Now, I've perfected an engine
to harness that power to drive machines.
321
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:04,120
It's called the Watt Steam engine,
named after my good self.
322
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,920
-You, sir, have a massive ego.
-Correct.
323
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,520
-You're gonna go far.
-Thank you.
324
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:09,960
What's your story handsome?
325
00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:12,360
I own a textile factory, Lord Sugar.
326
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:16,520
We use Watt's steam engine
to power bigger, faster machines called
327
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,680
spinning mules, to make the yarn
328
00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:21,480
and er, power looms to er,
weave the material.
329
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:24,640
My factory is making even more
fabric than ever before actually. It's true, Lord Sugar,
with the help of the Watt Steam Engine
330
00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:31,560
the factory business has
produced 300 kilos of textiles
331
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:35,520
that's a staggering 100 times
as much as the other team.
332
00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:37,560
So what have you got to say
about that, team Mary?
333
00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:38,640
-Team Jenny.
-What?
334
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:40,720
-Eh.
-Ours is a family business,
335
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,920
we lovingly craft our textiles.
336
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:47,280
These factories are just wrong, my wife
and I will have nothing to do with them
337
00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:48,480
isn't that right--
338
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:52,400
-Mind if I come and work for you?
-Welcome on board, bump the fist.
339
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:55,760
-Bomb.
-Sorry love, you can't stop progress.
340
00:16:55,840 --> 00:17:00,400
Oh dear, oh dear.
So what's left of team Jenny...
341
00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:05,280
-Beep, beep, beep, oh, oh, you're fired.
-What?
342
00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:06,640
-Eh.
-What?
343
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:09,160
-What?
-Aye, no. What?
344
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:12,520
[woman narrator] People were veryinventive in Georgian times.
345
00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:17,680
What useful thing did the watchmakerAlexander Cummings invent in 1775
346
00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:19,040
that we still use today?
347
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:24,760
A, a stink trap. B, roller skates,or C, Knicker elastic?
348
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:28,160
The answer is, A.
349
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,560
A stink trap is a bend in the toilet pipe
350
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:34,840
that stops smells coming up throughthe drains. It was a clever idea.
351
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:37,960
But not all Georgianswere quite so sensible.
352
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:39,600
Check out this politician.
353
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:42,000
Do you think something needs to be done
354
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,760
about the appalling levels of
poverty in Britain today?
355
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,120
Do you worry about healthcare
and hospitals and whatnot?
356
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,240
Do you think poor people
should be educated
357
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:51,840
to give them a better chance in life?
358
00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:53,800
No, neither do I.
359
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:59,600
My name's Mad Jack Mytton and I want
you to elect me MP for Shrewsbury.
360
00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:04,080
So I can ride expensive race horses
out of windows. Argh nnn...
361
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:05,360
But that's not all!
362
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:09,880
If you vote for me, I guarantee
I will go naked duck hunting at night.
363
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:12,800
[animal noises]
364
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:15,000
[clears throat]
But why else should you vote for me?
365
00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:17,560
Well, I'm just an ordinary guy like you.
366
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:21,280
But, yes, I set myself on fire when
I've got the hiccups. Who doesn't?
367
00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:26,440
Worth a try, and like you I also
enjoy riding bears. Giddy up.
368
00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:28,160
So, if you want someone honest.
369
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:31,160
[Jack] Someone with integrityand someone connected with real people
370
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:34,400
then vote for someone else.
Don't care. Work's boring.
371
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:37,600
Vote for who you like, it won't make
any difference, I own the seat
372
00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:39,360
and I'm gonna fix the result anyway.
373
00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:40,680
[yells]
374
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:45,360
My name's Mad Jack Mytton
and I will be MP for Shrewsbury
375
00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:47,320
whether you like it or not.
Saddle the bear.
376
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:48,440
I'm leaving.
377
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:54,000
[narrator] Troublesome 20th Century.
378
00:18:55,680 --> 00:19:00,800
[news theme music playing]
379
00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,600
Hello, and welcome to
the News at When, when?
380
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:07,720
1911 when most of Britain
seemed to be on strike.
381
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:11,720
Including the miners, the dockers
and the Transport Union.
382
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:15,040
We sent our reporter,
Jennifer Townsend, to investigate
383
00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:17,680
one of the more unusual strikes.
384
00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:21,240
Oh, sorry, I'm late, the train was delayed
385
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:24,480
obviously because the
transport workers are on strike.
386
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:26,920
Now, I've got to find the strike leader.
387
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,120
-Hello.
-Clear off sonny,
388
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,520
I need to find the strike leader.
389
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,440
Us schoolboys are on strike as well.
What do we want?
390
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,200
-Shorter school days.
-When do we want them?
391
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:40,600
-Monday to Friday, ideally.
-So your school's come out on strike?
392
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:44,360
Not just our school, school boys are
striking in 60 cities around the country.
393
00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:47,880
If everybody else is striking for better
working conditions we should as well.
394
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:50,720
I see, I've heard that
you want better school hours
395
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:52,360
what are your other demands?
396
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,720
-What do we want?
-More holidays.
397
00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:57,680
-When do we want them?
-Somewhere sunny would be nice.
398
00:19:57,760 --> 00:19:59,720
We also want to talk about
the school leaving age.
399
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:04,000
Ah, it seems all your demands are about
spending less time at school working.
400
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:05,640
Isn't that what everybody wants?
401
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:07,760
No, you haven't heard
our main demands yet?
402
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:11,200
Two, four, eight, six,
we want more mathematics.
403
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:12,760
-Shush.
-Sorry.
404
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:15,120
That was just his demand.
This is the main one.
405
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:18,880
Two, four, six, eight,
no more canning would be great.
406
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:20,280
We've had enough of being beaten.
407
00:20:20,360 --> 00:20:22,600
Well, we're not taking anymore,
we're making a stand.
408
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,320
Griffiths, you've made your point.
409
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,640
Now, get back to school
or they'll be serious trouble.
410
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:28,720
And that goes for the rest
of you as well, come on.
411
00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:32,320
Write out 100 times, I must not strike.
412
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:35,800
This is Jennifer Townsend
reporting for HH TV News
413
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,760
demanding better pay and shorter hours.
414
00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:40,800
See me afterwards, Townsend.
415
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:46,800
What do I want? More rotten food.
When do I want it? Now.
416
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:51,640
[laughs] Yes, the first schoolboy strike
was in Llanelli in Wales.
417
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:56,160
It didn't last very long, but set off
copycat school strikes all round Britain.
418
00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:59,160
Yeah, they loved a good protest
in the early 1900's.
419
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:05,280
[music playing]
420
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:19,200
-May I help you?
-Er, 10 Downing Street?
421
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:24,200
-Er, yeah.
-Delivery for Prime Minister Asquith.
422
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:27,480
Prime Minister Asquith.
So what have you got for the PM?
423
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,880
-Er, just these two packages.
-Let me guess,
424
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:34,360
it's a couple of suffragettes
trying to pull another publicity stunt?
425
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:38,960
[women] No we're not, votes for women,
votes for women, votes for women.
426
00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:40,080
I thought so.
427
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:44,320
Suffragettes, I should have
you both locked up.
428
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:45,960
Well you can't, it's perfectly legal
429
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:48,920
to have oneself posted
via Royal Mail, isn't it?
430
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:52,720
-Yeah. And....
-You see, perfectly legal.
431
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:55,880
Anyway, we needed to engineer a
meeting with the PM somehow,
432
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:58,880
in order to speak to him
about getting the law changed,
433
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:00,720
so that women have the right to vote.
434
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:01,680
Votes for women.
435
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:04,520
Votes for women,
votes for women, votes for women.
436
00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:06,480
If you want a meeting
with the Prime Minister,
437
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:08,520
you have to apply through
the correct channels.
438
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:10,920
What, so he can refuse to see us?
439
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:12,760
Of course, you're women!
440
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:15,800
What would be the point in the
Prime Minister keeping you happy?
441
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:19,160
Can't get him re-elected,
you haven't got the right to vote.
442
00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:22,160
-Well that's the whole point.
-Votes for women.
443
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:25,360
Votes for women,
votes for women, votes for women.
444
00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:28,040
Actually you know what,
you are going to get the law changed.
445
00:22:28,120 --> 00:22:29,280
Seriously?
446
00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:33,240
We're going to make it illegal
to send people in the mail.
447
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:34,320
Ugh! Oh!
448
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:38,200
Ugh!
449
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:40,800
Posty, return to sender please.
450
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:45,640
[woman 1] Oh well, it was worth a try.
451
00:22:46,120 --> 00:22:51,160
[women] Votes for women, votes for...
Ouch, ouch. Oh!
452
00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:55,800
[narrator] Terrible Tudors.
453
00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:59,200
[music playing]
454
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:00,720
I'm a villain.
455
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:01,680
I'm a vagrant.
456
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:03,240
And I used to be a pickpocket.
457
00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:05,320
Until they caught him
and chopped his hands off.
458
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,600
-[laughing]
-Bring that up, why don't you?
459
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:09,280
And this is, Real Tudor Hustle.
460
00:23:09,360 --> 00:23:13,320
The show where real Tudor criminals
show you real Tudor scams.
461
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:14,800
-What you doing?
-What you doing?
462
00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:15,920
Supposed to be my mate.
463
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:20,480
[narrator] Coming up. This doodle thinksshe's bought herself a nice plump chicken.
464
00:23:21,360 --> 00:23:25,520
Nice and plump cos I sewed its
bottom up, so now it's full of poo.
465
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,800
[laughs] Fit to eat. It's fit to burst.
466
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:30,560
[Tudor lady 1] Oye.
467
00:23:33,360 --> 00:23:35,360
[music playing]
468
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:41,280
These cod's heads make it all too easy,
when we pull this classic Tudor scam. Erm, ladies and gentleman there are
pickpockets operating in the area,
469
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:50,880
so could you all check your
valuables, please? Alright.
470
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:55,320
Now, the thieves know exactly whereeveryone's keeping their valuables.
471
00:23:56,680 --> 00:24:00,640
[music playing]
472
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:02,840
A strange woman calls at your house
473
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:05,080
and says she's friends
with the Fairy Queen
474
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:07,880
sounds too good to be true. It is.
475
00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:12,120
This is Judith Doll Phillips,a notorious Tudor con artist
476
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,360
and she's about to call onher next victim.
477
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,840
Hello, I'm a friend of the Fairy Queen.
478
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:20,080
Oh, well I suppose
you better come in then.
479
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:23,920
Having easily talked her way into thehouse, next, Judith has a proposition.
480
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:27,880
Oh now, I'm sensing
there is gold in the house?
481
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:30,240
Yes, yes there is,
I've got lots of gold things.
482
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:33,400
Yes, but I'm sensing there is secret gold.
483
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:36,400
There is gold here
that you don't know about.
484
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:37,320
[Tudor lady 2] Oh!
485
00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:41,280
Now I could find it for you, but I'll
need you to go and get all the gold
486
00:24:41,360 --> 00:24:45,440
that you do know about
and put it in a pile on the floor. Okay?
487
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:49,280
[music playing]
488
00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:52,880
Just go and sit over there
and close your eyes, alright?
489
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:53,920
Okay.
490
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:01,680
[door slams]
491
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:03,040
Can I open them yet?
492
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:08,520
So remember, with no law keepers around,
493
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:12,680
you gotta keep your glaziers open, cos
if someone's trying to sell you a chicken
494
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:14,480
and they've got
a big "F" on their forehead
495
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,880
it probably don't stand for free range.
496
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:19,800
-[laughs] Isn't that right me old,
what you doing?
497
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:22,400
-What you doing?
-No, no, no.
498
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:24,040
[yelling]
499
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:27,440
Crime was rife in Tudor times.
500
00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:29,560
There were even criminal training schools
501
00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:32,120
where you could be taught
how to be a pickpocket.
502
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:35,000
Hey, imagine that, a school for criminals.
503
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:38,200
You get in trouble for not being naughty.
[laughs]
504
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:40,960
Anyway, if you were caught
committing a crime
505
00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:44,280
the Tudor authorities
really left their mark.
506
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:46,440
Come.
507
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:50,120
-And you are?
-Edward Doit.
508
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:54,560
Edward, you do realise that
the job that your applying for
509
00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:57,480
Steward to Lord Buckingham
is a very responsible one.
510
00:25:57,560 --> 00:25:59,800
One that requires complete trust?
511
00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:03,480
Well, you're alright there then,
cos I am completely trustworthy.
512
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:07,440
-You're in no way a liar?
-No, what makes you think that?
513
00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:08,880
The "P" on your face.
514
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:12,080
Oh! Well, actually, it's just a birthmark.
515
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:15,000
I see, it's just having a "P"
branded on your forehead
516
00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:17,600
is a well-known Tudor
punishment for being a perjurer.
517
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:19,720
Somebody who lied in court.
518
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:24,400
Right. Well you're alright,
cos as I say it's just a birthmark.
519
00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:26,800
It's just it looks very much
like a scar left
520
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:29,360
by a branding iron
on the forehead of a liar?
521
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:32,760
No, I admit it.
It was caused by a branding iron.
522
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:35,440
-Well, Edward, I'm afraid we can't--
-But, I'm not a perjurer.
523
00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:37,320
And, I'm not a liar,
absolutely not no, erm,
524
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:41,560
I used to work for a blacksmith and
he was working on some perjurers one day
525
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:44,680
and I pulled the branding
iron out of the fire and I slipped.
526
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:47,120
Do you really expect me to believe
527
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:50,360
that you accidentally branded yourself
in the middle of the forehead?
528
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:54,760
Okay, no that's fine, both my hands
are up, it wasn't an accident.
529
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:59,240
Okay, but the "P" doesn't stand for
perjurer. It erm, it stands for a...
530
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:02,200
Perfect employee.
531
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:05,280
-Okay, Edward, both hands up, get out.
-Okay.
532
00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:12,360
Come.
533
00:27:13,360 --> 00:27:14,800
I thought we'd been through all this.
534
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:18,600
No, no, no, you are confusing me
with my twin brother.
535
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,640
He has a "P" on his head for perjurer
536
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:27,360
and I have a
"B" on my head for... brilliant.
537
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:31,200
Well, you're exactly the type of
person we're looking for.
538
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:33,480
Congratulations, you've got the job.
539
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:37,880
Sweet. I mean, sweet. As a nut.
46750
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