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♪ Terrible Tudors, Gorgeous GeorgiansSlimy Stuarts, Vile Victorians ♪
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00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:13,000
♪ Woeful Wars, Ferocious FightsDingy Castles, Daring Knights ♪
3
00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:15,800
♪ Horrors that defy descriptionCut-throat Celts, Awful Egyptians ♪
4
00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:19,080
♪ Vicious Vikings, Cruel CrimePunishments from ancient times ♪
5
00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:21,920
♪ Roman, Rotten, Rank and ruthlessCavemen savage, fierce and toothless ♪
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00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:24,040
♪ Groovy Greeks, Reigning stagesMean and Measley Middle Ages ♪
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00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:29,280
♪ Gory Stories we do thatAnd your host a talking rat ♪
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00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:32,320
♪ The past is no longer a mystery ♪
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00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:37,480
♪ Welcome to, Horrible Histories! ♪
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00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:42,200
[narrator] Terrible Tudors.
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00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:46,120
Elizabeth I was as frightening
as she was powerful.
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00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:51,160
So at the royal court you had to be
careful what you said and what you did.
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00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:55,840
[Master of Arms]
The Earl of Oxford, Edward De Vere.
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00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:58,760
My Queen, I am as ever at your service.
15
00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:04,440
Did what I think just happen, just happen?
16
00:01:04,519 --> 00:01:06,440
Yes, I rather fear it did, Your Majesty.
17
00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:08,560
Your Majesty, I don't know what to say.
18
00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:12,480
Cecil, what is the punishment for
passing wind in front of the Queen?
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00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:16,760
We don't have one your Majesty, no one
has ever dared do such a thing before.
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Or if they have, they've had least
had the decency to cover it up
21
00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:22,400
with a well timed cough.
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00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:25,120
Couldn't we just pretend
that this never happened?
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Oh would that we could De Vere,
would that we could.
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If memory serves, Your Majesty,
you did once banish your godson,
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00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:34,760
John Harrington,
from court for a rude joke.
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-And for how long did I banish him?
-Six years.
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00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:42,400
And would you say passing wind was
better or worse than a rude joke?
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00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:45,360
Well surely that would depend on
the rudeness of the joke
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00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:47,760
and the stinkiness of the far...
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00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:51,080
We've had quite enough of you,
De Vere, from both ends.
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00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:53,960
I would say that passing wind
in front or Your Majesty
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-was definitely worse by at least a year.
-And so would I.
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00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:00,080
Before you banish me, Your Majesty,
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I will do the gentlemanly thing,
banish myself from court for seven years.
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00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:07,680
Thus saving a shred of my dignity
and honour, Your Majesty.
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I am, as ever, your humble servant.
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00:02:09,639 --> 00:02:11,960
Oh do not bow,
I dread to think what may happen.
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Now off you go,
and mind you clench your buttocks.
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[music playing]
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00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,040
It is for the best, Your Majesty.
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00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:21,360
[farts]
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That was the chair, Your Majesty.
The chair.
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A likely story. Oh!
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[laughs] Some people think that
Shakespeare didn't write his plays
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and that they were actually
written by Edward De Vere.
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That's right, windy De Vere.
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00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:41,320
What would his plays have been called?
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Henry IV Fart Two,
[laughing] Much Ado about Trumping.
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00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:50,760
[laughs] Romeo Windybum. [laughs]
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00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:53,080
[clears throat]
And there was some stupid goings on
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at the royal court in France as well.
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[music playing]
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♪ Stupid death, stupid death ♪
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00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:03,960
♪ They're funny 'cos they're true, woo ♪
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♪ Stupid death, stupid death ♪
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00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:09,160
♪ Hope next time it's not you. Ha hee ♪
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What do you think, I made them
for you out of ping pong balls.
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Woo, alright, keep your hair on.
I definitely think they suit you. Next.
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-[Death] Name?
-Diane De Poitiers.
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Occupation?
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00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:25,320
How dare you insult me?
I do not need an occupation.
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00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:28,560
Oh, am I treading
on eggshells today or what?
63
00:03:28,640 --> 00:03:31,520
Sorry Diane, what do you do
with your time love?
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00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:36,240
I am a French Noblewoman and
the girlfriend of King Henry II of France.
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00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:39,760
And you, stop staring at me
or I will have you flogged.
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00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:41,480
Oh let me sort that for you.
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00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:47,000
Right, everybody happy now?
Then let's continue.
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00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:51,400
To get noticed at the Kings court in
France one has to look one's best.
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00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:52,400
I can imagine.
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00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:57,040
I have my own special method
to keep myself looking so youthful.
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00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:58,800
-[Death] Which was?
-Gold leaf.
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00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:01,360
-Oh you wore it?
-Oh no, no I ate it.
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00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:03,040
Sorry, you ate it?
74
00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:07,080
Oui, I had a spoonful of golf leaf
every day for years.
75
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:10,800
-And what happened?
-I died of heavy metal poisoning.
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00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:13,080
[laughs]
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00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:16,399
That's brilliant, Diane,
you're through to the afterlife.
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00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:20,640
Oh hey, let's hope they don't play
any heavy metal music there.
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00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:21,920
Stupid man.
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00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,080
That was a good one, I thought.
What did you think?
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00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:28,160
Comedy gold.
Phew, don't get it. Yes, I do. I was gonna say that, in fact, I will.
Comedy gold. Whatever!
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♪ Stupid death, stupid death ♪
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00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:38,280
♪ Hope next time it's not you. Hoo, hoo ♪
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[narrator] Vicious Vikings.
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Hi, I'm a shouty man, and I'm here to
tell you about the new Runic Alphabet.
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The easy to carve writing system
that's taking the Viking world by storm.
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00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:58,760
Do you have a bad memory?
Or perhaps you have a bad memory?
88
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:01,520
Or maybe you even have a bad memory.
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00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:05,440
Then the old Viking system of learning
things off by heart is not for you.
90
00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:10,360
But don't worry! Help is at hand
with a sensational new Runic Alphabet.
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00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:14,720
The simple angular letters can be quicklycarved into any wall rock or twig.
92
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Making writing things down,the new not writing things down.
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Yes! Using new Viking runes means that
this simple stick can be turned into...
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00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:25,760
A prayer to God. A personal message.
A business letter.
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Or an expression of affection.
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00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:31,480
Thank you, Joe. I feel a bit the same way.
97
00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:34,640
And when you're finished,
it makes an excellent dog toy.
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00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:37,840
Fetch boy. And that's not all.
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00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:41,840
The new Runic Alphabet was
discovered by the Viking God Odin,
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00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:43,640
so it has mystical powers. Hm.
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Simply carve healing charms
into a whale bone to help heal the sick.
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00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:52,200
Now read that four times a day.
That's shouty man junior.
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00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:54,760
And why not let people know
where you've been
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00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:57,080
with some good old Viking Runic graffiti.
105
00:05:57,920 --> 00:05:59,440
Olaf was here.
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00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:02,680
To be honest, I think they already
knew you were here, mate.
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00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:06,920
So, order new Runic Alphabet today
because the writing's on the wall
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00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,360
for not writing on the wall!
109
00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:15,520
We Vikings used to write runes on
stones called, wait for it, Rune Stones.
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00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:17,880
Some tell of
how we embraced a new religion.
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00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:22,440
May I help you, sir?
112
00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:24,600
Yeah, I'm looking for something
for my wife.
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00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:27,000
Oh, very nice too, sir.
And what did you have in mind?
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00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:29,800
Well she's quite religious,
so I was thinking some sort of amulet.
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00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:32,400
Ah, I have the very thing.
116
00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:36,720
How about this delightful
Thor's Hammer amulet, cast in solid silver
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from this handcrafted soapstone mould.
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00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:42,720
It's the ideal way to honour
the Norse God of Thunder.
119
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:46,120
Ah, actually my wife and I don't worship
the Norse Gods anymore.
120
00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:47,640
We've converted to Christianity.
121
00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:51,040
I see. Well, in that case
I highly recommend...
122
00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:57,320
this Christian crucifix amulet,
cast in solid silver
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00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,840
from this handcrafted soapstone mould.
124
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:03,160
It's the ideal way to honour
your Christian God, Father and Son.
125
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:05,520
Come off it, that's just
the hammer one the other way up.
126
00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:07,320
Clearly cast from exactly the same mould.
127
00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:10,120
[laughs] Oh no, no, not at all, sir.
128
00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:14,920
For as you can see, the Thor's Hammer
amulet is mould number 66.
129
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,960
And the crucifix one...
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00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:21,320
is mould number 99.
131
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:24,520
I see, well that's my mistake then.
I'll take the crucifix one, please.
132
00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:26,640
That'll be nine silver clippings, sir.
133
00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:30,600
There you go. Thank you very much.
134
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:35,560
Oh, er, wait a minute, sir.
I said nine and this is only a six?
135
00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:37,320
Turn it up the other way.
136
00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:40,240
It's true!
137
00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:44,200
Archaeologist have found a mould
that made both pagan Thor Hammers
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00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:48,840
and Christian crucifixes, so the devious
merchant could use the one mould
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00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:50,800
for both pagans and Christians.
140
00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:54,600
[laughs] Actually I have some cheese
with mould in the shape of a cross.
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00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:59,200
Or is it Thor's Hammer? Hm.
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00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:02,440
[narrator] Troublesome 20th Century.
143
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:07,040
[music playing]
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00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,160
You're watching HH TV Sport
145
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:12,840
bringing you exclusive live sporting
events from the past.
146
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:17,200
Today is football, and time to go over
to the 1950's to join our reporter
147
00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:20,280
who's about to meet a very special player.
148
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,000
I've come to 1951
149
00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:26,960
where I'm here to interview the greatest
English football striker of all time.
150
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:31,440
Sorry, do you mind moving along
please love, you just clear off.
151
00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:34,480
I'm here to interview the all time
greatest English football striker.
152
00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:35,760
Well, you're looking at her.
153
00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:38,400
[laughs]
154
00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:42,240
-What really?
-Yeah. My name's Lily Parr.
155
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I scored over 900 goals in my career.
156
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:48,280
I scored 43 goals in me first season
and I were only 14 at the time.
157
00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:50,040
Wow, that's impressive.
158
00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:55,360
In 1920, 53,000 people turned up
at a ladies match at Goodison Park
159
00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:56,880
and I was star attraction.
160
00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:58,880
Well, shall we
carry on the interview then?
161
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:02,280
Let's do this, okay. So Lily,
tell us how did your career start?
162
00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:05,360
Well when all the men went off
to fight in First World War
163
00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:07,120
women's football came right popular.
164
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:10,920
I worked at a munitions factory
and I played for the ladies football team.
165
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,680
We used to draw huge crowds.
166
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:17,040
I see, but er, when the war ended
and the men came back
167
00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:19,800
I imagine everyone went back to
watching men's football?
168
00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:22,800
No. No, you see the ladies game
was still really popular.
169
00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:28,400
So popular in fact that in 1921,
the Football Association got nervous
170
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:30,440
that we were threatening the male game,
171
00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:33,440
so they banned women
from playing at official league grounds.
172
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:35,760
Oh that is a shame, isn't it?
173
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:39,160
Well let's be honest, men are better
at football than women, aren't they?
174
00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:42,920
Listen, mate, I've played against men
at exhibition matches
175
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,400
and I'm telling you,
I've got harder shot than any of them.
176
00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:48,440
-[laughs] I don't think so.
-[nervous laughs] I do think so.
177
00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:51,760
Well, I don't. This is Tony Codger
reporting for HH TV News.
178
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:56,360
Oh, she's not wrong, she's got a
kick like a flipping mule. Oh!
179
00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,960
Lily was a great role model
for young footballers,
180
00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:06,440
but not that great because she used to
smoke lots of cigarettes. Silly Lily.
181
00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:11,760
Time now though for a fanfare
to introduce our next popular performer.
182
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:16,600
[farts]
183
00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:18,080
Le Petomane.
184
00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:22,120
[narrator] It's the DVD, the earlier20th century has been waiting for.
185
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:24,720
Joseph Pujol's explosive actthat's been selling out
186
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:27,000
to the Moulin Rouge Cabaret in Paris.
187
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:29,680
Just wait until you hearwhich instrument he's playing.
188
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,880
-[farts]
-Oh!
189
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:34,440
-[farts]
-[applause]
190
00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:37,560
[narrator] It's Le Petomane's windyperformance on the pump cannon
191
00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:40,360
live at the Moulin Rouge Cabaretclub in Paris.
192
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:41,320
[farts]
193
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,120
[narrator] Every performance is a blast.
194
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:46,480
The show always goes down a storm,even with royalty in the audience.
195
00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:47,920
[Prince of Wales] I'm a big fan.
196
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,080
[narrator] Don't miss his famousfarmyard impressions.
197
00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,320
Oh, a [farts] and a hee and a
198
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:56,200
[farts] there, here a [farts] there a
[farts] everywhere a [farts].
199
00:10:56,280 --> 00:11:01,480
Old Macdonald had a farm.
Hee hi, hee hi [farts] oh!
200
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:02,720
[narrator] His sell-out show
201
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:05,040
that's now touringthe biggest theatres in Europe.
202
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:06,720
[Freud] I love watching this show.
203
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:10,800
Merci, thank you
and good night. [farts] Oh!
204
00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:14,840
Available now on DVD. The actorthat everyone's gassing about.
205
00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:19,160
[narrator] Potty Pioneers.
206
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:23,840
One of our great Georgian
inventors was George Stevenson.
207
00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:27,480
He wanted to build a network of
railways for his locomotive.
208
00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:30,760
But first he had to persuade
some powerful politicians
209
00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:32,840
including the Duke of Wellington.
210
00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:35,920
Confound it, the man is late.
211
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:39,800
Nobody keeps the Duke of Wellington
waiting, least of all this idiot.
212
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,200
Mr Stevenson, you're late.
213
00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:47,720
Well I wouldn't have been, if I'd been
able to travel to London by train like.
214
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,680
I've never heard anything so ridiculous.
215
00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:51,960
Yes, his Northern accent
is somewhat amusing.
216
00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:53,800
I meant the idea of travelling by train.
217
00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:58,440
-Er, yes of course, quite ridiculous.
-Well locomotives are the future.
218
00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:00,120
-Poppycock.
-Now, Wellington,
219
00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:02,440
we did say we would give
Mr Stevenson a fair hearing
220
00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:05,720
before deciding on the fate
of his so called railways.
221
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:06,760
Indeed, we did.
222
00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:10,000
Well, my railway system's totally
gonna change where we are...
223
00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:12,200
Permission denied, I've heard enough.
224
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:15,560
Locomotives haring up and down the
countryside, well you'll terrify the cows.
225
00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:17,640
In fact it will probably
make their milk curdle.
226
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:22,200
If it doesn't just make them die of shock.
Isn't that right, Sir Robert? Hm, hm.
227
00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:25,040
Eh, it's a disgrace, an absolute disgrace.
228
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,000
Well put, sir.
229
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:30,480
Well, away man, the locomotives
are gonna revolutionise transport.
230
00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:33,880
People are gonna be able to get up
to speeds of 20 miles an hour.
231
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:36,080
Can you even survive
at such outstanding speeds?
232
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:38,400
Their eyes would get
sucked from their very skulls.
233
00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:40,920
A man on horseback
can go at twice that speed.
234
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:43,520
Well then they'll be shaken
silly by the vibrations.
235
00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:47,360
No, my railway system's totally safe.
236
00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:50,600
And it'll give ordinary folk the freedom
to go quickly round the country
237
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:51,560
you know what I mean?
238
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,920
Well then how do we keep
the poor people in their place?
239
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:58,720
-Eh? Eh? Eh.
-It's a disgrace, an absolute disgrace.
240
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,000
Well put that man,
and it'll mean the criminals
241
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:02,520
will be able to escape from the law.
242
00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:04,000
Well that's if they don't die
243
00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:06,400
-going 20 miles an hour.
-Precisely.
244
00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:09,040
Wellington does make
a strong case I'm afraid.
245
00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:11,920
And there is nothing
you can possibly say to convince us.
246
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:16,080
Your railways will never be built.
Now, do you have anything else to add
247
00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:17,920
before I wellington boot you out the door?
248
00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:22,240
My railway system's gonna
be phenomenally popular, right.
249
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:26,040
So if you invest in my company,
you'll make train loads of cash.
250
00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,400
Well, I think your railway sounds
like a marvellous idea.
251
00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:34,280
-Well, I've always been in favour.
-Oh, yeah, yeah.
252
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:36,000
It's a disgrace, an absolute disgrace.
253
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,960
Ignore him,
he doesn't know what he's saying.
254
00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:40,760
Go back to sleep, go back to sleep.
Ba, ba, ba, ba.
255
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:44,760
There were lots of objections
to Stevenson's railway proposals
256
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:49,320
which meant the trains were delayed.
The trains were delayed!
257
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:51,680
Well, you mean like they always are.
[laughs]
258
00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:54,520
[laughs] Anyway, there were a number
of transport pioneers
259
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:57,240
who really changed the way we get around.
260
00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:00,120
♪ With imagination ♪
261
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:03,240
♪ Inspiration ♪
262
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:05,520
♪ Innovation ♪
263
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:09,120
♪ And perspiration ♪
264
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:13,360
♪ We revolutionised transportation ♪
265
00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:18,240
♪ Stephenson's the name andMy steam engine's the best you will find ♪
266
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:20,680
♪ It was the RocketIt was called the Rocket ♪
267
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:24,160
♪ It pulled a train to carry passengersAnd was the first of its kind ♪
268
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:26,880
♪ Caused a commotionDoing the locomotion ♪
269
00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:28,480
♪ Was best by miles ♪
270
00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:29,680
♪ And won top prize ♪
271
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:32,600
♪ At the Rainhill trials ♪
272
00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:34,560
♪ The Lords said it was dangerous ♪
273
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,240
♪ Then saw how many tickets could sell ♪
274
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:38,920
♪ The toffs were off it, 'til ♪They saw a profit ♪
275
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,440
♪ And so he paved the way for me ♪
276
00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:42,400
♪ I'm Isambard Kingdom Brunel ♪
277
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,720
♪ An engineer, and famous pioneer ♪
278
00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:46,560
♪ Railways off pat ♪
279
00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:47,720
♪ A massive hat ♪
280
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:50,200
♪ And to top that ♪
281
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:54,080
♪ I was a tunnel-building bridge-creatingHard-grafting ship-crafting ♪
282
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:56,200
♪ Polymath in search of a way ♪
283
00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:59,680
♪ To take my train through my tunnel'cross my bridge to my ship ♪
284
00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:02,440
♪ Ship and sail me fastest to the USA ♪
285
00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:08,320
♪ My steam ship it made the tripIn just 14 days ♪
286
00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:11,200
♪ There across the ocean wasClever old me ♪
287
00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:12,160
♪ I'm quite a star ♪
288
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:14,560
♪ He's Henry Ford, yesThat's what he's called ♪
289
00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:18,160
♪ My assembly line's the first toMake it cheap to buy a motor car ♪
290
00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:20,600
♪ From Henry Ford, cars you can afford ♪
291
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:22,600
♪ I think you'll find ♪
292
00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:24,000
♪ Made just one kind ♪
293
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:26,400
♪ But never mind ♪
294
00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:29,960
♪ I was the fastest ratingCar creating introducing mass producing ♪
295
00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:32,360
♪ Original "Model T" guy ♪
296
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:36,240
♪ We took his engine a bird wingSome bike skills worked until ♪
297
00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:38,280
♪ We found out how machines could fly ♪
298
00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:40,480
♪ Not just a hop ♪
299
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:42,040
♪ But non stop ♪
300
00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:44,360
♪ Gonna get high, high, high ♪
301
00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:46,320
♪ I'm Orville was the brains ♪
302
00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:48,480
♪ The brawn my brother Wilbur Wright ♪
303
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:51,400
♪ We refined the plane thatMade the first sustained flight ♪
304
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:52,880
♪ Our engine small ♪
305
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:54,280
♪ But powerful ♪
306
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:56,840
♪ Propelled to a great height! ♪
307
00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:04,480
[rock and roll music playing]
308
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:10,480
♪ They were supreme ♪
309
00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:11,840
♪ Our mean machines ♪
310
00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:14,760
♪ The stuff of dreams ♪
311
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:18,120
♪ We were creative inventiveProgress our incentive ♪
312
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,120
♪ Always searching for a solution ♪
313
00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:24,080
♪ We took some steel and a wheelMade a plane car and train ♪
314
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:26,560
♪ And created a revolution ♪
315
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:29,960
♪ Hard to believeWhat we achieved ♪
316
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:31,200
♪ Looking back ♪
317
00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:33,000
♪ We helped change tack ♪
318
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:34,480
♪ Transport was duller ♪♪ We added colour ♪
319
00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:37,720
♪ Well, as long as it's black ♪
320
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:42,960
[piano music playing]
321
00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,360
[narrator] Shocking Scotland.
322
00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:51,720
Your Lordship, the siege
had been long and hard.
323
00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:55,320
For five months now,
your army has battered these walls
324
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,280
and starved the inhabitants.
325
00:16:57,360 --> 00:17:02,240
We have never faced such a fearsome
valiant foe, let us offer them terms.
326
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:06,640
-You there, noble enemy.
-Who is it?
327
00:17:07,319 --> 00:17:08,200
[clears throat]
328
00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:12,640
It is I, Earl Salisbury,
you foe in this siege.
329
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:16,040
Oh, is there a siege on? I hadn't noticed.
330
00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:19,480
Alright, cut it out now, Black Agnes,
Countess of Moray.
331
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,720
There is no shame in surrender.
332
00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:26,119
Open the gates to your castle and you
and your people will leave without harm.
333
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:29,040
Thanks for the offer,
but I didnea think I'll bother.
334
00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:32,040
I admire your spirit Black Agnes,
335
00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:35,680
but your husband has taken
your soldiers off to war.
336
00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:39,160
I mean look at the damage
my catapults have done to your wall.
337
00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:42,000
Aye, I've been meaning
to speak to you about that.
338
00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:48,000
It's making it awful dusty up here.
Morag, you've missed a bit.
339
00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:49,920
The crazy woman's dusting the walls now.
340
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:54,160
I don't think you've quite got the handle
on how badly you're losing.
341
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:58,360
We cut off your food supply
five months ago. You must be starving!
342
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:01,800
Aye, you know I haven't eaten
since elevenses, so.
343
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:06,080
Oh, did I not mention our secret agents?
344
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,680
We're been getting
fresh food in here all the time.
345
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:11,240
There's plenty to go round
if you'd like some.
346
00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:14,400
I've had enough of this,
send in the battering ram.
347
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:17,240
[screaming]
348
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,440
Thanks for the big stones.
349
00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:21,800
This has gone on long enough.
350
00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:25,280
It ends now. I have your brother.
351
00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:30,720
[laughs] Oh, yes, sir. Surrender
your castle or I will kill him at dawn.
352
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:35,320
Could you do it right now? I'd sorely
love to inherit his money and lands.
353
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,240
Much appreciated.
354
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:38,760
Right that's it, we're going home.
355
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:42,080
A full army besieging
a virtually defenceless lady,
356
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:44,680
and we can't take
the castle in five months.
357
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:48,280
If anyone asks, we've been
on a walking holiday in the Highlands.
358
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:51,400
Oh, and don't forget your packed lunch.
359
00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:56,280
-[man screams]
-Hey, now! Rude!
360
00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:58,200
[heroic music playing]
361
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,800
[woman narrator] Another Scot whooutwitted the English was James Douglas
362
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:05,760
who broke into Roxborough Castle in 1314,
363
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:11,880
but was he disguised as,A, a cow, B, a sheep or C, a dragon?
364
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:14,480
The answer is, A.
365
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:17,840
Douglas and his men wore cow skinsto get close to the castle
366
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:21,760
without being seen. And then,overpowered the English garrison.
367
00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:25,680
[narrator] Woeful Second World War.
368
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:28,760
Between World War One and World War Two,
369
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:31,240
Germany suffered from hyperinflation
370
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:36,320
which is when money loses its value
very, very quickly. Carry on.
371
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:43,880
Wilkommen back to
Who wants to be a German Millionaire.
372
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:46,360
Before the break, we asked Heinrich here
373
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:49,600
why is the German economy
in so much trouble?
374
00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:51,400
He answered C,
375
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:55,080
because Germany has to pay
massive compensation costs
376
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:59,520
to the Allied forces who won the war.
The answer is...
377
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:02,960
-C.
-[gasps]
378
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:05,040
-Congratulations, Heinrich.
-Danke.
379
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:09,400
You've won 64 million German Marks.
380
00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:13,240
Unfortunately due to the state
of the German economy
381
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:16,600
that's probably only enough
to buy you a wheelbarrow.
382
00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:19,400
But I will need to buy a wheelbarrow
just to carry that much cash.
383
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:23,200
Well, we don't want to give you that.
We want to give you this.
384
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:27,600
128 million German Marks.
385
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:29,920
That's enough cash
to buy you a wheelbarrow.
386
00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:35,160
But you just said I could get a
wheelbarrow for 64 million Marks.
387
00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:37,920
Unfortunately the German economy
is in such a bad way
388
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:41,840
that prices for everything
are rising very, very quickly.
389
00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:46,160
In fact, I'm just hearing in
my ears that from now on
390
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:51,560
one German Mark will now be worth,
1000 German Marks. So, you're actually playing for
128 billion German Marks.
391
00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,560
-And what can I buy for that?
-A wheelbarrow!
392
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:01,440
-Thanks.
-Next question.
393
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:06,280
By November 1st 1923,
394
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:10,680
how much will a loaf of bread cost?
395
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:12,360
D, 3 billion Marks.
396
00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:14,680
-3 billion Marks for a loaf of bread?
-Yeah.
397
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:16,760
-Are you sure?
-Yeah.
398
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:19,880
-Final answer?
-Yeah, get on with it.
399
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:23,560
Herr Heinrich,
I can tell you the answer is...
400
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:27,680
-[screams]
-D, 3 billion Marks.
401
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:32,480
You have won yourself 128 billion,
no trillion Marks.
402
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:35,280
I missed counted the noughts.
How will you spend your winnings?
403
00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:37,600
-I'm buying a wheelbarrow.
-You can't afford one.
404
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,960
I hate this show, I should have
gone on Deal or nein Deal.
405
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:46,880
Imagine that, the money in your pocket
becoming worthless overnight.
406
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:51,000
An angry German public started
to support Adolf Hitler's Nazi party
407
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:54,400
and the rest, as they say, is history.
408
00:21:55,360 --> 00:21:58,560
When the American GI's joined
World War Two, they certainly liked
409
00:21:58,640 --> 00:21:59,800
to flash their cash around.
410
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:04,360
[woman narrator] This month in Gals
Magazine, we're going Yankee crazy.
411
00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:06,000
The Americans have joined the war.
412
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:06,920
That's right boy.
413
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:10,040
[woman narrator] Now their gorgeous GI'sare here, and they here to stay.
414
00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:12,600
Well, for a bit anyway,until they get sent to the front line.
415
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:16,000
In this week's issue, we comparean average British squaddie.
416
00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:18,480
-Hello!
-[narrator] With the average American GI.
417
00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:19,520
Howdy.
418
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:23,480
Check out that slick back hairthat deep tan and those great teeth.
419
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:25,480
GI's have to brush their teeth every day.
420
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:28,560
I don't brush every day,
there's nothing wrong with my teeth.
421
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:31,240
And there's more,we look at all the latest trends
422
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:33,360
they're bringing from across the Atlantic.
423
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:35,560
Wow, you really can dance.
424
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:38,160
What's that funny thing
you're doing with your mouth?
425
00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:45,560
-I'm chewing gum.
-Chewing gum. Wow, he's so classy.
426
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:48,040
Plus, don't miss our handy guideto speaking American.
427
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:52,480
-Look, Beryl, I can dance good, too.
-Okay.
428
00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:54,840
Okay, well what's that supposed to mean?
429
00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:58,760
-It's kind of like your English, right ho.
-That'll never catch on.
430
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:02,200
Plus every GI comes with free gifts.
431
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:04,320
Nylons. Wow.
432
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,280
No more stockings
made out of gravy for me.
433
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:09,160
Get off.
434
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:11,800
Yes, you can no longerget nylons in the shops over here
435
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:13,760
but the American'shave bought loads of them.
436
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:17,400
-We got lots of chocolate, too.
-Oh, you just get better.
437
00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:20,800
All that and more.Well actually not more, but all that.
438
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:22,600
Only in this month's Gals' Magazine.
439
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:25,760
And better still, Gals' Magazine
is absolutely free because
440
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:27,520
a rich GI will buy one for you.
441
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:30,160
Oh! He's so dreamy.
442
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:32,160
[exhales]
443
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:38,280
[narrator] Rotten Romans.
444
00:23:39,120 --> 00:23:40,720
When we Romans invaded Britain,
445
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:43,480
we got all the way to Scotland
where the Caledonians fought back.
446
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:46,960
Well, as the old saying goes,
if you can't beat them
447
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:48,920
build a massive wall to keep them out.
448
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:52,400
[music playing]
449
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:53,640
Yes?
450
00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:55,040
-Oh, hello.
-Alright.
451
00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:58,040
Oh, hail, Emperor Trageon.
452
00:23:58,120 --> 00:24:00,320
It's Emperor Hadrian, now, Trageon's dead.
453
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:02,680
-Murdered?
-No, no natural causes.
454
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:07,040
Oh, well, that's nice.
So, what can I do for you fellas then?
455
00:24:07,120 --> 00:24:09,520
It's more a case of
what we can do for you today, sir?
456
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:12,520
You see, Emperor Hadrian
would like to build a brand new wall
457
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:14,840
on your land, completely free of charge.
458
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:16,560
I could do with a new wall.
459
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:19,520
So it's gonna be nice
and big this wall is it?
460
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:21,680
Three metres wide and six metres high.
461
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:24,640
Well, me sheep won't be jumping
over there in a hurry, will they?
462
00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:25,720
[laughs]
463
00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:30,920
No, they won't. You see, Emperor Hadrian
wants a nice new defensive wall
464
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,680
stretching right across the country
from the Tyne to the Firth
465
00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:36,240
to mark the Northern Edge
of the Roman Empire, since you ask.
466
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:39,160
Plus, it'll help to keep out
those awful Caledonians.
467
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:41,520
-Oye, I heard that.
-Get out of here.
468
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:45,080
-Animals. We're calling it Hadrian's wall.
-A working title.
469
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:48,600
So, where exactly
is it gonna go this wall?
470
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:50,440
Erm, right along here.
471
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:52,560
That's right through
the middle of my land.
472
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:56,440
-So it is.
-Well, won't my house be in the way?
473
00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:59,960
-Not for long, it won't.
-Hey, hey, wait, no.
474
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:02,760
I protest. I'm not moving.
475
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:05,280
As you like, mate.
476
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:07,960
-Eh?
-It saves a stake I suppose.
477
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:09,680
I don't believe this.
478
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:16,800
Did you know, Hadrian had
his famous wall painted white,
479
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:20,640
so it would glisten majestically
in the bright sunlight?
480
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:24,000
[laughs] He obviously didn't
get up north much. [laughs]
481
00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:28,600
The Roman General who first
invaded Britain was Julius Caesar,
482
00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:31,440
and his is an interesting story.
483
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:35,120
[thrilling movie music playing]
484
00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:42,640
Ave, Gaius Julius Caesar,
Dictator of Rome, Consort of Cleopatra,
485
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:44,680
and conqueror of Gaul.
486
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:48,280
Well in this room, you're just a guy
with a big nose and a plant on his head.
487
00:25:48,360 --> 00:25:53,440
Okay, eh. I would like to pitch
the story of my rise to power
488
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:56,440
from the young adventurer
who was kidnapped by pirates,
489
00:25:56,520 --> 00:26:00,200
to the General who invaded Britain.
Crushed the Gauls.
490
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:04,040
Crossed the Rubicon river,
took control of Rome and forged it
491
00:26:04,120 --> 00:26:07,800
into the greatest Empire
the world had ever seen.
492
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:11,120
-Okay, we're interested.
-In the pirates.
493
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:13,400
-Well, pirates are very big right now.
-Johnny Depp.
494
00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:16,120
Ahoy, Captain Caesar,
you got yourself a hit.
495
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:17,920
Who do you see playing the talking parrot?
496
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:20,200
-Sorry, what parrot?
-All pirates have a parrot.
497
00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:21,800
-It's in the contract.
-Sorry, look,
498
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:25,200
me being kidnapped by pirates
was just a small part of the story,
499
00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:29,880
before I became the greatest General
and Statesman of the Roman age.
500
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:33,240
Yeah, you see, what I just heard
was pirates, blah, blah, blah.
501
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:34,880
Blah, blah, blah.
502
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:36,840
-I conquered Spain.
-Blah.
503
00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:37,920
-France.
-Blah.
504
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:39,400
-Egypt.
-Blah.
505
00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:42,600
So are we making a pirate movie
or are you gonna walk the plank
506
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:44,720
to the Roman province of loserville?
507
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:47,720
Okay, I was captured
by pirates near Turkey.
508
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:49,160
They wanted money for my return.
509
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:51,960
Pirates of the Mediterranean,
Caesars Gold.
510
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:55,040
I was actually quite furious.
Er, not because I'd been kidnapped,
511
00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:57,640
but because they'd asked
for too little ransom. I told them
512
00:26:57,720 --> 00:26:59,440
-to ask for more money.
-It's a comedy.
513
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:01,360
Yeah, it was actually
quite funny, you know.
514
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:03,440
Because despite being their prisoner
515
00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:05,360
I actually ordered them
around all the time.
516
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:07,800
I used to shout at them
and tell them to stop being noisy
517
00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:09,960
when I was trying to sleep.
That was hilar...
518
00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:12,040
Actually in the end,
we became quite good friends.
519
00:27:12,120 --> 00:27:15,200
Even better, it's a buddy,
buddy movie with heart.
520
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:19,240
Friends, Romans, countrymen
lend me your Oscars, we got a hit.
521
00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:21,600
Yeah, so, anyway, in the end,
they paid the ransom
522
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:23,680
I returned home
and then I hired a fleet of ships.
523
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:26,040
So, you wouldn't miss
hanging out with your friends
524
00:27:26,120 --> 00:27:28,440
the pirates and that's our happy ending.
525
00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:32,880
No, no, no, no. So, I could hunt them
down and torture them to death.
526
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,040
Which I did, I killed them all.
527
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:38,040
Pretty brilliant twist, right? [laughs]
528
00:27:38,120 --> 00:27:43,280
Yeah, the whole torturing to death thing,
er, plays quite badly with families.
529
00:27:43,360 --> 00:27:44,880
You may need an alternate ending here.
530
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,000
The talking parrot saves everyone
531
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:48,440
-and sings a song.
-Works for me.
532
00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:51,760
Big nose, you came, you saw,
you got yourself a movie deal.
533
00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:55,160
[laughing, applause]
534
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,160
-Don't rest on your laurels.
-Eh, oh!
535
00:27:57,240 --> 00:27:59,040
That guy can rock a skirt.
47357
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