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♪ Terrible Tudors, Gorgeous GeorgiansSlimy Stuarts, Vile Victorians ♪
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♪ Woeful Wars, Ferocious FightsDingy Castles, Daring Knights ♪
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♪ Horrors that defy descriptionCut-throat Celts, Awful Egyptians ♪
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♪ Vicious Vikings, Cruel CrimePunishments from ancient times ♪
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♪ Roman, Rotten, Rank and ruthlessCavemen savage, fierce and toothless ♪
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♪ Groovy Greeks, Reigning stagesMean and Measley Middle Ages ♪
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♪ Gory Stories we do thatAnd your host a talking rat ♪
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♪ The past is no longer a mystery ♪
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♪ Welcome to Horrible Histories!♪
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[narrator] Rotten Romans.
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During the reign of Emperor Augustus
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we Romans formed an alliance
with some Germanic barbarians.
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But trusting them was another matter,
as this general found out.
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General, I've been thinking.
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I did specifically ask you
not to do that, Eggius.
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Yeah, I know, sir. Sorry, sir.
Only I couldn't help thinking.
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Is it really wise to march in single file
along a narrow path through dense forest?
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Your point being?
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Well, might we not be
ambushed by barbarians?
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Why on earth would you think that, Eggius?
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Two things, really.
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One, this is the perfect place
for barbarians to ambush a Roman legion
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and two, a spy has warned us that
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barbarians are going to ambush
a Roman legion, specifically us.
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Poppycock, Eggius.
The secret to great leadership is
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being able to tell the difference between
what's true and what's poppycock
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and that is poppycock.
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The barbarians in this region
are our allies.
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That said, might it not be a good idea
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to send a reconnaissance party
out in front?
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Yeah, good idea, you go ahead,
at least then I won't be able to listen
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to all your bellyaching.
Take a couple of the men with you.
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-Er, sir.
-What is it now, Eggius?
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Um...
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Right, I see.
Er, just keep walking, Eggius.
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Maybe they haven't seen us.
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-A bit faster?
-Yeah, a bit faster would be good.
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Oh! Oh! [both scream]
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Three Roman Legions were annihilated
in the ambush. 15,000 soldiers!
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That's more Romans than I've got lice.
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When Emperor Augustus
heard of the disaster
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he repeatedly hit his head
against the walls of his palace, saying:
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"Give me back my legions."
Old Augustus wasn't used to failure.
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I really shouldn't have done that.
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[narrator] In a time of conflict.
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Sire, we have Mark Antony
and Cleopatra cornered at Actium.
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Could end the Civil War with one blow.
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[narrator] Only one man could defeatMark Antony, a powerful Roman general
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and Cleopatra, the Queen of Egypt.
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I am Emperor Gaius Julius Caesar
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Octavianus Divi Filius Augustus
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Augustus, I'm Emperor Augustus.
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And I shall have a victory
at Actium that will echo through history.
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[narrator] The story of Rome's greatestmilitary leader.
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-What's your name?
-Agrippa.
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Bless you. I'd like you
to take care of the details for me.
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-Sorry, when you say details...
-You know, the battle,
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the fighting. I'd like you to go
and win the battle for me.
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It's likely to be sunny
and I don't want to get sunburnt, so...
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Right, so I go and...
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-Yeah.
-Yeah.
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-Yeah.
-Fine.
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[narrator] Augustus, he rebuilta city and founded an empire.
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Sire, through your leadership
we have destroyed the enemy.
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-Yeah.
-It wasn't really his leadership, I...
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-You know what, fine, carry on.
-Yes.
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I shall build Rome anew,
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creating the greatest city
the world has ever seen.
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-Yes.
-Can you sort the details, um, thingy?
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-Agrippa.
-Bless you.
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You know, the buildings, the roads,
the sewers, the baths, that sort of thing.
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I don't want to go outside,
I'm worried I might be hit by lightening.
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-Right, so I go and...
-Oh, and can you pay for the food
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and bathing for the people
out of your own pocket?
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-Yeah.
-Emperor, you are too generous.
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Really? He...
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[narrator] Augustus, his achievementswould be remembered through all eternity.
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That's nice, new?
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Yes.
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Um, Arthur?
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-Agrippa.
-Bless you.
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I'm having it copied and placed
in every major city in the empire.
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I call it the "Res Gestae",
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it's a list of my achievements.
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How I won battles, built Rome
and created an empire.
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You didn't do that, I did that.
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Not what it says here.
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[narrator] Augustus, the storyof the greatest leader
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ancient Rome ever hadand his friend, um, uh, Tissue.
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Now, read me a bedtime story,
you know I can't sleep without one.
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Once upon a time, there was a famous king
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who made his best friend
do all the actual work
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and his name was, Agrippa.
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-Bless you.
-Oh!
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[narrator] Augustus, the movie.
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[Augustus] I found Rome a city of brickand left it a city of marble.
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[narrator] Well, with a bit of helpfrom what's his name.
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What's wrong with Adrian?
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[narrator] Terrible Tudors.
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[narrator woman] You may have heardof the Princes in the Tower.
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When Edward IV died, his brother,Richard III, took the crown
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and had Edward's two young sonslocked up in the Tower of London
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and possibly killed.
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But then, Henry Tudor beat Richard IIIin battle and became Henry VII.
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And, remember those princes in the tower?
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One of them, Richard, Duke of York,mysteriously reappeared
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to claim his crown.
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[narrator] This is father Richard Simons,an Oxford trained priest and scholar
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who has asked for helpto confirm his royal ancestry in--
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No, no, not me, the boy, the boy.
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[narrator] Oh, oh, right. This is a, um...
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-13 year old.
-[narrator] Really? Looks a lot younger.
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-No, 13.
-[narrator] Okay.
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[narrator] So, this is a 13 year old boy
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who this priest has asked usto confirm that he, the boy,
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has royal ancestry, is that right?
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Yes, that's right, that's right.
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[narrator] So, join us as we trace backhis family tree and ask the question.
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13 year old boy,
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who on earth are you?
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To help search the boy's ancestryfor any royal link
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we enlisted the helpof leading family historian,
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Sir Francis Guesswork.
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So then, first things first,
what's your name?
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-La--
-Richard, Duke of York.
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-He's Richard, Duke of York, aren't you?
-Um...
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-See?
-Well then, this is quite a discovery.
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You were believed to have been
murdered in the Tower of London
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as a child, one of the infamous
princes in the Tower.
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And you most certainly
have a royal bloodline,
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in fact, as the son of Edward IV, you'd--
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Be the rightful king
with all the fame, money, power
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and influence that goes with it,
which you would no doubt share with me
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being your loyal friend and tutor.
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Do you know that thought hadn't even
crossed our minds, had it, Lambert?
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I mean, Prince Richard.
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Right then, let's go
and claim that crown of his.
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I mean, yours.
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Oh, no, you, you can't just
go and claim the crown.
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-Why not?
-You need proof,
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documentation, testimonies, supporters.
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Alright, alright.
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You know, it's fascinating, really,
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because one of the other claimants
to the throne recently went missing.
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Oh! Er, who was that?
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Edward Plantagenet, Earl of Warwick,
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he hasn't been seen since Henry VII
had him locked up in the Tower.
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-How old would he be?
-12.
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That's him.
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-What?
-Shhh!
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But, you said he was 13?
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And you said he looks younger,
he is, he's 12.
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Er, he escaped from
the Tower and I found him.
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But I thought he was the Duke of York?
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You must have made a spelling mistake,
this is definitely the Earl of Warwick.
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Let's go and claim that crown.
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I'll rally some supporters
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-and we'll see you at the palace.
-Yeah, I don't think that's such a good...
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Oh.
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[narrator] In an attempt to verifyfather Simons' claim,
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Francis has brought in royaltyexpert, King Henry VII.
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Sorry we're late,
had to gather some supporters
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and then we stopped for lunch and...
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Anyway, this is the Earl of Kildare.
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Head of the Irish Government
and may I say Your Majesty
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that we are so convinced
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that this little guy
is the rightful King of England
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that we've just gone ahead
and crowned him King Edward VI,
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so we have. So there.
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Well, Your Majesty, he clearly
has the Irish on side, which does make
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a pretty convincing case for this
being the real Edward, Earl of Warwick.
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Yes, yeah, I can totally see why you think
this is the real Edward, Earl of Warwick,
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but I'll tell you why
I'm not completely convinced.
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And why is that?
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Because, this is
the real Edward, Earl of Warwick.
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He didn't die
and he certainly didn't escape.
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I've had him locked up
in the Tower the whole time.
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So, what do you say to that,
father Simons?
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Ah, is there anyone else in line
for the throne
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aged between sort of nine and 14?
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-Guards, take this fraud away.
-Bye.
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So then, lad, what's your real name?
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Lambert Simnel, sir.
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Well, young Lambert, you're for the chop.
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Oh!
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And the rib and the fillet and the shank.
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I'm going to give you a job
cooking meat in the royal kitchens.
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Oh, thank you, sir.
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I don't suppose
you need someone to do veg?
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Shut up, you.
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Henry VII fought off
all of the claims to his thrown.
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If he hadn't, Henry VIII
would never have been king.
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And this weird contraption
would never have been invented.
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Hello, I'm Henry VIII.
I'm not getting any younger, or smaller.
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Can't work out why. I'm even having
difficulty getting up the stairs.
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Luckily, I've discovered this.
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The all new Tudor King Lift.
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The ultimate mobility aid
for tubby monarchs.
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Here's how it works.
Using a series of pulleys
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known as the block and tackle system
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my new Tudor King Lift makes
getting up the massive staircase
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at Whitehall Palace as easy as
beheading a loved one.
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There, that's so much easier.
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No effort required at all.
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-[rope comes off]
-[the King grunts]
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Right, can somebody design
a King picker-upper?
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Quickly.
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Oh no, oh I'm too fat. Oh!
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[narrator] Woeful Second World War.
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Hello and welcome
to the News at When. When?
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00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,680
About 75 years ago,
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when Germany, a country still reeling
from the effects of the First World War,
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find itself with a leader
who's about to start another one.
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Here, with more details on this rather
unwelcome sequel is Bob Hail
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with the World War Two report. Bob.
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Thank you, Sam, well, the year is 1938,
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that behind me is the world
and hold onto your helmets
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00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:34,880
because it's about to go to war. Again.
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00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:37,680
Yes, it's 20 years
since Germany lost the first World War
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and had a load of land taken off them.
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And their leader,
Adolf Hitler, yeah, that one,
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has decided he wants it back,
so he just takes it.
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I know, he's like that.
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Which does not go down well
with Britain and France
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who send their prime ministers
to talk to him.
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00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:52,280
So, Hitler promises
he won't take over anymore territories,
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peace is guaranteed,
everyone lives happily ever after
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00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:56,680
in candy floss houses
with gingerbread roofs.
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But not for long, now, it turns out
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Hitler has a memory
much like his moustache, very short.
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00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:04,680
He forgets about this peace treaty
and promptly invades Czechoslovakia,
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allies with Italy and turns his eye
towards Poland,
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00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:08,560
followed by tanks and his guns.
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00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:11,600
But, just the week before,
Britain signed an agreement with Poland
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promising to fight anyone
who tries to invade them.
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Which can mean only one thing. Group hug.
237
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,800
Oh, no, my mistake, all out war!
238
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:23,040
Yes, in September 1939,
Britain and France along with Australia,
239
00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:25,920
New Zealand and Canada,
declare war on Germany and Italy
240
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,600
and the Second World War has begun.
241
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:30,960
An event which if we look at a dramaometer
is precisely this exciting.
242
00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:34,080
Yes, for nine long months nothing
really happens
243
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,960
as Allies place all their troops
behind this wall, the Maginot Line,
244
00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:39,520
and wait for Hitler to come and get them.
Which he never does.
245
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:42,120
Instead, he began invading
Norway, Denmark and Netherlands
246
00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:44,480
before sneaking past
the Maginot Line through Belgium
247
00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:47,000
-and invading France by the back door.
-[crowd] Booo!
248
00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:48,480
Wow, there's a lot of you in today.
249
00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:50,360
So, now with France under Nazi rule,
250
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:53,640
Britain is on the front line, which means
there's suddenly more drama
251
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:56,520
that our thingy can handle.
As World War Two takes to the skies.
252
00:11:56,600 --> 00:12:00,000
Yes, no sooner had RAF prevented
a German invasion in the Battle of Britain
253
00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:02,400
then Hitler starts dropping bombs
on British cities.
254
00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:04,880
And a huge blitz known
on the unimaginably as The Blitz.
255
00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:07,640
And while Britain stays strong,
Germany grows even stronger.
256
00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:10,640
As Japan, Hungary
and Romania all join Hitler's side,
257
00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:13,480
which then takes over
Yugoslavia, Greece and North Africa.
258
00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:16,160
Yes, Adolf's got invasion fever
and despite promising
259
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:18,520
that he'd never invade Russia,
he then invades Russia.
260
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:20,440
It's like you can't trust him
or something.
261
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:22,680
And it seems that
this invasion fever is catching
262
00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:24,480
as Japan is now bitten by the bug.
263
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:27,240
Yes! After attacking
the US Navy at Pearl Harbour,
264
00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:30,520
a Hawaiian island and terrible movie,
the Japanese take over Thailand
265
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:33,400
Burma, Philippians, Borneo,
Hong Kong and Singapore.
266
00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:34,960
They even have a crack at Australia.
267
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:38,520
In fact, if we look at the countryometer
or map, as some people like to call it,
268
00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:40,200
it's quite clear Hitler's going to win
269
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:42,280
there's absolutely nothing
we can do about it. Right?
270
00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:44,240
Wrong, you see, the Russians
271
00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:47,640
have already started fighting back
the Germans on a new Eastern front.
272
00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:50,440
And America, angered by Pearl Harbour,
the attack, not the movie,
273
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:51,720
have joined the allies, too.
274
00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:53,440
Yes, now Nazi's are facing more troops
275
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:56,240
from more directions than ever before
and the tide begins to turn.
276
00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:58,800
The Americans beat back
the Japanese over the Pacific,
277
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:01,520
while the British forces
push the Nazi's out of North Africa.
278
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:05,120
The Russians push back from the east
and Allies push up from the south.
279
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:07,440
Whilst over in the Far East,
the allies win back Burma.
280
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:10,880
In fact, with one big push, those Nazi's
could be forced into a retreat.
281
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:13,120
And do you know what?
Here comes one big push,
282
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,800
yes, it's D-Day where everyone
with a name beginning with D
283
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:17,600
gets to invade France and the, what?
284
00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:19,560
Oh, right, sorry, my mistake.
285
00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:22,360
It's where 160,000 Allied troops
with various names invade
286
00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:26,400
the French coast of Normandy to start
forcing the Nazi's back across Europe.
287
00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:28,640
Yes, now Hitler is facing a war
on three fronts,
288
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,880
or one bottom and two sides,
depending on how you want to look at it.
289
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,800
When his Italian counterpart, Mussolini,
is overthrown and killed
290
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,400
the writing's on the wall for Hitler,
291
00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:38,760
which says, you’re finished mate.
But, in German.
292
00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:43,760
So, on May 8th 1945, Germany surrenders
and the war is finally over.
293
00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,360
Except, not really,
because back over in the east
294
00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:48,480
Japan and the USA
are still battling it out
295
00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:50,640
until the Japanese are forced to surrender
296
00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:52,960
by two bombs so big
they wiped out entire cities.
297
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:55,480
So, after six years and 60 million deaths
298
00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:58,160
World War II finally
found a fittingly foul finale.
299
00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:00,200
Yes, war is over, and ladies and gentlemen
300
00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:03,200
all I am saying is give peace a chance.
Because when you, ouch.
301
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:04,760
You pricked me.
302
00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:06,320
Well, say you're sorry.
303
00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:08,800
Oh! Silent treatment, is it?
304
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:11,440
Well, you know what? This means war!
305
00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:13,560
[grunts]
306
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,720
[indistinct yelling by Bob Hail]
307
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,720
[narrator] Gorgeous Georgians.
308
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:24,640
There was some most unusual people
around in Georgian times
309
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:27,760
and none more so than
a certain Reverend Harvest.
310
00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:34,000
And thus we finish our reading
from Corinthians.
311
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:37,640
I must say I'm very disappointed
with the turnout this morning.
312
00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:41,120
Well, it could be that last week
you chased everybody out of here
313
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:44,360
with a shotgun and accused them
of being squatters.
314
00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:45,680
Well, if they weren't, Roger,
315
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:48,280
then what were they doing
in the church at that time, huh?
316
00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:50,680
Well, they come to the church
at the same time every week,
317
00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:52,760
because that's when
the service is. [laughs]
318
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:53,680
Oh.
319
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:55,840
Well, that's where I got confused.
320
00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:57,000
It's lack of sleep.
321
00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:59,880
Last night,
someone was shaking me all night.
322
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:03,520
That was me. You were sleeping
in my bed, you were in the wrong house.
323
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:08,680
Ah, well, one is entitled to make one
or two small mistakes.
324
00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:12,800
But, when it comes to the big stuff,
Roger, I am always on the ball.
325
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:17,280
Reverend Harvest, you're meant
to be at a wedding this morning.
326
00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:18,800
Oh, really, whose?
327
00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:20,560
Yours, you idiot.
328
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,600
We are supposed to be getting married.
329
00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:26,440
Oh, I'm sorry, that's the second time
I've missed my own wedding.
330
00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:30,680
[gasps] Have you organised the honeymoon?
I'll need horses for the buggy.
331
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,520
My father, the Bishop,
lent you some horses yesterday.
332
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:37,040
I've lost them I'm afraid.
Could you lend me a horse, please?
333
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:39,760
-Not after hearing that, no.
-It looks like we're walking.
334
00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:41,080
Shall we go to France?
335
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,440
I know my way around France,
well, I don't, really,
336
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:45,880
but what I do know is,
is that if you lose your hotel
337
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:49,520
you can find it by putting a silver coin
in your mouth and roaring.
338
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,960
-I've done it before.
-What about the wedding?
339
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:54,160
Is somebody getting married?
340
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:55,760
I'd rather not.
341
00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:02,000
Reverend Harvest was a total eccentric. He once showed a posh lady
the stars in the sky
342
00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:08,680
and half way through talking, had a wee.
343
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,480
Hm, well, what's wrong with that, huh?
344
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:15,600
-[wee drop sounds]
-It's only a little one. Huh. A wee wee.
345
00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:20,280
There was some right characters
around in Georgian times, oh yes.
346
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:23,280
Alright, I'll clear it up. Hah.
347
00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:30,120
Hi, I'm Penny Bell and you're watching
Georgian Showbiz News.
348
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:33,400
We've got all the latest news
on all the latest stars.
349
00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:37,120
Coming up later we've got
Samuel Bishop. Awesome!
350
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:41,080
Yes, the Georgian entertainer who taught
his dog to dance with a monkey
351
00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:46,480
is back with his new act.
A Tortoise who can fetch like a dog. Cute.
352
00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:51,480
Fetch, fetch. Get the ball.
353
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:53,440
And we've got an exclusive report
354
00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:56,120
on the death of circus exhibit,
Daniel Lambert.
355
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:57,440
Sad Face.
356
00:16:57,520 --> 00:17:00,440
The 52 stone man mountain
passed away last week
357
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,280
and there were tears at his funeral.
358
00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:04,520
[cries]
359
00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:08,280
Oh no, I'm not a relative.
No, I didn't even know the man.
360
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:11,079
I just put me back out
carrying his coffin.
361
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:15,400
But, first you won't believe it.
I got to meet Daniel Wildman.
362
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:17,720
That's right, the Daniel Wildman,
363
00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:22,760
London beekeeper
and showman extraordinaire. Check me out.
364
00:17:22,839 --> 00:17:27,359
[Penny Bell] Daniel's act involves ridinga horse whilst wearing a mask of bees
365
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:30,880
and he's certainly gotthe whole of Georgian Britain buzzing.
366
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:34,560
Daniel, hi. I was gonna
give you a showbiz kiss
367
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:36,960
but I think I better keep
my distance. [laughs]
368
00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:41,080
Don't worry, my bees won't sting you.
I've got them well trained. Watch this.
369
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:43,640
[bees buzzing]
370
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,600
Awesome. How do you do it?
371
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:47,720
I tied a thread around the queen bee.
372
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:51,120
Haul her around
and the others just follow. Simple.
373
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,880
Are you sure they won't sting?
They sound kinda angry?
374
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:57,200
Relax. If they do get out of control...
375
00:17:57,280 --> 00:17:59,280
-[gun cocks]
-Are you gonna shoot them?
376
00:17:59,360 --> 00:18:00,640
No, no, no, one shot from this
377
00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:02,840
and I can send them
all back to their hive.
378
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,120
-[gunshot noise]
-[bees flying away]
379
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,200
-Ta-da!
-Great!
380
00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:09,320
Now Daniel, you've got a new book out
381
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:12,800
Complete Guide for the Managementof Bees Throughout the Year.
382
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:13,720
What's it about?
383
00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:15,240
[bee buzzing]
384
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:18,000
Ouch. I thought you said
you're bees wouldn't sting me.
385
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:19,240
That's not one of my bees.
386
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:24,280
Hm, this is Penny Bell with bee man,
Daniel Wildman, and I've just been stung.
387
00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:26,000
Oh, that's five shillings for the book.
388
00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:28,280
Twice. [sighs]
389
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,560
[narrator] Awful Egyptians.
390
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:38,120
In ancient Egypt, we really liked
to look good. I mean check me out.
391
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:41,240
But, for everyone else
it wasn't always so easy.
392
00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:45,040
[humming]
393
00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:45,960
Hello.
394
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:47,800
Have you got anything to help with this?
395
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:50,200
With what, there's nothing there. [laughs]
396
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:51,440
That's really funny.
397
00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:52,400
I know.
398
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,080
Do you have a cure for baldness?
399
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,040
Er, yes sir, certainly
I can mix you up a cure.
400
00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:57,960
Let me just check and see
if I've got the right ingredients.
401
00:18:58,760 --> 00:18:59,800
Great. Let's have a look.
402
00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:04,520
So, I need the fat of a hippo. Check.
403
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:08,520
The fat of a Tom cat. Check.
404
00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:13,000
And the fat, oh dear,
I seem to be missing some ingredients.
405
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:15,440
-What's that?
-I need the fat of a snake.
406
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:17,920
I've got one living in my store.
Shall I go and check it out?
407
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,280
Yeah great, okay, thank you.
408
00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:21,040
-See you, see you in a sec.
-Yeah.
409
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:23,040
Argh. [groans]
410
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,600
-Oh! [shouts]
-I found him.
411
00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:27,480
Argh! [groans]
412
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:29,440
Thank you.
413
00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:34,040
Right, all I need now is
the fat of a Nubian ibex.
414
00:19:34,120 --> 00:19:38,280
As in an ibex that lives on the lands
of our mortal enemies, the Nubians?
415
00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:40,600
-Yes, indeed.
-Great, well I'll just go and...
416
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,440
-It's your head, mate.
-Cheers.
417
00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:46,360
-Huh. [sighs]
-Oh careful,
418
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:47,680
you almost spilt me snake fat.
419
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:49,400
You've have had to go and get some more.
420
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,880
All I need now is some crocodile fat.
421
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:53,960
Do you think we could not do this
one at a time,
422
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:55,840
just give me the whole list now.
423
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:57,640
That's it, all we need is crocodile fat.
424
00:19:57,720 --> 00:19:59,200
-You sure?
-Absolutely.
425
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,400
Yeah.
426
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:03,920
[sighs]
427
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,280
Crocodile. All done.
428
00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:12,560
Yep. We've er, oh no, I forgot
to read the other side of the list.
429
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,160
We need lion fat.
430
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:15,360
[sighs]
431
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:17,480
Do you sell wigs?
432
00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:21,400
[narrator woman] In some medical scrolls,
433
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,800
ancient Egyptiansdescribe how to make medicine
434
00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:26,120
using 19 different types of what?
435
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:27,600
A, pee,
436
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:28,800
B, poo,
437
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:30,360
or C, plums.
438
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,200
The answer is, B.
439
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:36,440
Medicines were made fromall sorts of poo in ancient Egypt
440
00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:38,720
from fly droppings to ostrich poo.
441
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:42,720
And number two's were usedin beauty treatments as well. Ergh!
442
00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:46,080
[narrator woman] This season,treat yourself to the all in one
443
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:50,680
ancient Egyptian beauty set,eyeliner, face makeup and moisturiser
444
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:52,560
in one easy to use pack.
445
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:54,840
It's got to be, only for men.
446
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,680
What? Men?
447
00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:58,680
[narrator] That's right,it's got everything
448
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,600
an Egyptian man needs to look his best.
449
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:02,360
Stunning black lead eyeliner.
450
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:05,480
Luscious clay makeup for cheeksand lips and there's more.
451
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:07,720
Buy The Only For Men beauty kit today
452
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:11,120
and get this Only For Menleg hair removal cream absolutely free.
453
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:12,280
[narrator woman] Only for men.
454
00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:14,440
[narrator] Yes,with our new improved formula
455
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:17,960
of oil, bird bones, cucumber and gum,now with the added fly dung.
456
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:20,880
You can make embarrassing leg haira thing of the past.
457
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:22,360
Simply heat the cream,
458
00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:25,280
apply to the affected areaand wait for it to set.
459
00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:27,960
Then pull it off, bringingall the unwanted hair with it.
460
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:29,640
[screams in pain]
461
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:34,880
[narrator] Just look at the difference.Before, no pain. After, lots of pain.
462
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,240
[narrator woman] Only for men.
463
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:37,400
[narrator] Look like a man
464
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:40,800
with the Only For Men ancientEgyptian beauty set, only for men.
465
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:42,200
[narrator woman] Only for men.
466
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:44,080
[narrator] Now, that's what I call macho.
467
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,160
Does my bottom look big in this?
468
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,000
[narrator woman] Only for men.
469
00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:52,120
[narrator] Measly Middle Ages.
470
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,960
I'm here in Middle Ages England
on my way to meet a man
471
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:02,240
who's planning to build
a massive extension
472
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:06,760
and all this while he's working
full time as King of England.
473
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:09,120
His name is Edward I.
474
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:10,520
Hello.
475
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:13,160
And just how big is this extension
of yours gonna be?
476
00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:16,400
Around 8,000 square miles, give or take.
477
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:19,360
It really is massive and what would you
call that, a conservatory,
478
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:22,080
-a garden room?
-Well, I call it Wales.
479
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:26,080
[narrator] Edward's plan is to extendhis current home of England
480
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:30,320
out to the West to incorporateall of the neighbouring country of Wales,
481
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:31,680
where the Welsh live.
482
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:34,000
He plans to underpin this new extension
483
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:35,760
with an ambitious building programme
484
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:39,440
that includes several of the largestcastles ever built,
485
00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:43,680
including Beaumarais, Harlech,Caernarvon and Conway.
486
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:46,000
And how is the project going down
with the neighbours?
487
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:47,760
Good, I think, yeah, good.
488
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:50,360
[Welshman] Excuse me,
I don't mean to be any bother,
489
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:53,120
but you seem to be building a giant
castle in the back of my garden,
490
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,480
-and I was just wondering--
-Take that, you Welsh scum.
491
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:57,280
[Welshman screams in pain]
492
00:22:57,360 --> 00:22:59,120
You wouldn't say there were any tensions?
493
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:01,960
Oh, you're talking about the budget.
Because, I'm proud to say that
494
00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:04,280
despite this being
one of the most extensive
495
00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:07,320
castle building projects in history,
we're well within budget.
496
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:08,920
Mainly, because there isn't one.
497
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:13,240
I'm so rich, I've told my architect,
Master James of St George. [laughs]
498
00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:15,880
I don't care what it costs. And of course
499
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:19,160
we're stealing only the best locally
sourced materials for the stonework.
500
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:23,160
I can't help noticing your relationship
with the locals could be better?
501
00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:24,680
Oh really, how?
502
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,680
-[Edward I roars]
-[Welshman screams]
503
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:30,120
You could stop killing them for a start.
504
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:32,280
Well, that's what all the castles are for,
you see,
505
00:23:32,360 --> 00:23:35,080
once they've been built
we won't have any of this unpleasantness.
506
00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:37,080
There'll be an army there
to keep them quiet.
507
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:39,120
For me, it's all about sustainability.
508
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:42,640
The castles can sustain
an English army in Wales.
509
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:44,480
[roaring]
510
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:46,160
You see, they're getting it already.
511
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:47,520
-I like him.
-Do you think
512
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:50,240
you're gonna be able to
bring this project in on time, Edward?
513
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:52,240
Yes, I hope to be finished
within two years.
514
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:55,760
And then you can put your feet up
and enjoy your new extension.
515
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:58,120
[laughs] Oh, no, then I start
extending out the back.
516
00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:00,680
-Out the back?
-Out the back.
517
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:01,840
Here.
518
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:03,200
You don't mean Scotland?
519
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:05,160
You say potato, I say potato.
520
00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:06,360
You say Scotland,
521
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:09,640
I say excellent potential
for an extension to my English Kingdom.
522
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,280
Edward's project may be controversial,
523
00:24:13,360 --> 00:24:16,240
but you've got to admire
its scale and ambition.
524
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:19,080
Although, his plans to build
a new extension in Scotland
525
00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:22,520
have come to a halt due to a dispute
with neighbour, William Wallace.
526
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:24,640
You may take our lives,
527
00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:28,120
but you will never get planning permission
to build all those castles in Scotland.
528
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:29,120
-Really?
-No.
529
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:31,800
It's just not gonna happen. Completely no.
530
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:36,640
Yes, Edward I fought the Scottish
and the Welsh very aggressively.
531
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:38,840
William Wallace defended the Scots
532
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:40,960
but it would be over 100 years
533
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:43,840
before a Welsh man
would rise up against the English.
534
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:51,560
♪ I'm a Welsh noble I mobilisedWales 'gainst the English ♪
535
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,840
♪ He is Owain Glyndwr! ♪
536
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:57,920
♪ Fought King Henry IV becauseWales abhorred English rule ♪
537
00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:00,440
♪ It's not unusual! ♪
538
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:05,680
♪ But my uprising ♪
539
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:11,880
♪ It went a bit wrong and this songTells the surprising tale ♪
540
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:18,400
♪ Wo wo wo Owain Glyndwr ♪
541
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:24,560
♪ Welsh hero of the hour ♪
542
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:29,320
♪ It all began ♪
543
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:32,480
♪ Cos my neighbour, a vindictive man ♪
544
00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:37,520
♪ Baron Grey de Ruthyn wasSpreading untrue things about me ♪
545
00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:43,320
♪ Said I was a rebel who plannedTo repel England's king ♪
546
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:45,720
♪ From the green grass of home ♪
547
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:49,560
♪ Not really true, but then more thanA few were convinced ♪
548
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:52,120
♪ We were ready to fight ♪
549
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:57,840
♪ So I decided ♪
550
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:02,280
♪ To take up the mantleWas given the handle of ♪
551
00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:04,200
♪ Prince of Wales ♪
552
00:26:06,360 --> 00:26:10,800
♪ You don't have to be WelshTo feel Welsh pride ♪♪ Even King's man Henry HotspurEnded up on my side ♪
553
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:17,000
♪ We claimed Welsh ground ♪
554
00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:19,200
♪ Then in Hereford rain meant ♪
555
00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:21,120
♪ The King nearly drowned ♪
556
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,280
♪ Washed away in his tent ♪
557
00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:27,040
♪ So partly thanks to Welsh weatherI was crowned ♪
558
00:26:27,120 --> 00:26:28,920
♪ Think I'm gonna dance now! ♪
559
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:36,120
♪ I had great plans for new governmentNew law and churches ♪
560
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,640
♪ So what's new pussycat? ♪
561
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:42,280
♪ But Henry IV had dried offAnd revenge was his game ♪
562
00:26:42,360 --> 00:26:45,000
♪ Thought that he'd help himself! ♪
563
00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:50,880
♪ We were defeated ♪
564
00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:53,320
♪ He blocked supplies to Wales ♪
565
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:56,400
♪ Our crops failed and starvation came ♪
566
00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:03,400
♪ Wo wo wo Owain Glyndwr ♪
567
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:10,000
♪ My family sent to the Tower ♪
568
00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:13,800
♪ As Welsh towns fell ♪
569
00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:17,440
♪ And we all know that never ends well ♪
570
00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:22,240
♪ So I disappeared, but my name isRevered throughout Wales ♪
571
00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:28,960
♪ Wo wo wo Owain Glyndwr ♪
572
00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:35,200
♪ Father of the fight for Welsh power ♪
573
00:27:37,360 --> 00:27:40,160
♪ Welsh legend holds ♪
574
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:42,920
♪ That should Wales ever needSomeone bold ♪
575
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:44,960
♪ I'll rise up to help them ♪
576
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:48,360
♪ Mind you, I'm six hundred years old ♪
577
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:56,560
♪ Henffych well i'r arwr mawrCymru Owain Glyndwr! ♪
49933
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