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♪ Terrible Tudors, Gorgeous GeorgiansSlimy Stuarts, Vile Victorians ♪
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♪ Woeful Wars, Ferocious FightsDingy Castles, Daring Knights ♪
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♪ Horrors that defy descriptionCut-throat Celts, Awful Egyptians ♪
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♪ Vicious Vikings, Cruel CrimePunishments from ancient times ♪
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♪ Roman, Rotten, Rank and ruthlessCavemen savage, fierce and toothless ♪
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♪ Groovy Greeks, Reigning stagesMean and Measley Middle Ages ♪
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♪ Gory Stories we do thatAnd your host a talking rat ♪
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♪ The past is no longer a mystery ♪
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♪ Welcome to, Horrible Histories! ♪
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[narrator] Slimy Stuarts.
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There were a lot of nasty diseases
around in Stuart Britain,
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and some pretty crazy ideas
on how they could be cured.
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I've come back to Stuart times
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to look into the disastrous state
of their healthcare system.
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These poor people
are all sick with scrofula.
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-Excuse me?
-Get away from me.
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A disease that causes fever
and swelling of the neck.
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A-are you deaf? I told you to get from me.
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I thought you were
trying to jump the queue.
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-Do I look sick?
-You do look a bit swollen.
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Some people have waited
up to a year for treatment.
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-How long have you been waiting, Sir?
-Oh, not long. Two days.
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Two da-- Can we get someone
who's waited a year, please?
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How long have you been waiting here, Tim?
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I've been waiting for about a year.
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That's excellent.
I mean that's dreadful, it's terrible.
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Oh, dear, someone's died!
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Have you got this? Good.
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That's dreadful.
Did she die from the disease?
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Oh no, scrofula isn't fatal.
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She died of her injuries
waiting in the crush to be seen.
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Someone's gonna have to answer to this.
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I demand to see the man in charge.
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-Who is he?
-Well, it's him. Charles II.
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You're cured.
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You're cured.
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-You're cured.
-No, I'm not sick.
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-Are you sure, you look a bit swollen.
-Is this a joke?
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I've been blessed with
the royal touch, you know.
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I have only to touch you with my hand
and your scrofula will be cured.
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That's it's called the King's Evil.
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But you're not even touching
them with your hand.
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No, because they're sick.
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[whispers] And some of them
are really rather smelly. So I just touch a gold coin
and give that to them.
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And all of a sudden
they're magically cured?
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Yes.
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You're cured.
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-Are you actually cured?
-Er, no.
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-But do you feel any better?
-Yeah, I've got a gold coin.
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And what do you do?
No, don't tell me, I don't want to know.
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Can I just ask,
why have some of these people
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waited up to a year
to be seen for treatment?
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Well, there's only one of me
and I only do this once a year.
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I mean a man's got parties to go to.
[chuckles]
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Now are you sure you don't want
that scrofula cured?
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For the last time, I do not have scrofula.
But I am getting a headache.
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I've got just the thing. Powdered mummy.
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I use it to keep myself wise and strong.
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No need to thank me.
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This is Dom Duckworth in Stuart England,
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covered in the remains
of an ancient Egyptian Mummy.
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A sentence I never thought
I'd hear myself say.
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It's in my eyes.
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Can we get a nurse? Dead man in my eye.
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[narrator] Woeful Second World War.
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During World War Two, the Germans
recruited some very unusual spies.
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At ease!
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I think you will be very happy
with the new recruits.
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I believe they will turn out to be some
of the finest spies in the German army.
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Very good work, Frau Schmitt.
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May I present Private Curvenon.
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[barks]
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-He says hello.
-[barks]
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-"Hello, Sir." He's very formal.
-You're sure he isn't just... barking?
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Nein. His speech is based on barking,
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but I have learnt to recognise
the different words
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and am able to translate.
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Now Frau Schmitt,
are you just making this up?
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Well, General, as you know,
Adolf Hitler himself has also authorised
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the setting up of
the animal talking school.
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Are you suggesting that
his idea is not entirely a good one?
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In no way, Frau Schmitt.
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Perhaps, you'll be more easily
impressed by Private Rolf.
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He taps his paw in a different way
for each letter.
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That is more like it.
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Do you have anything you wish
to say to the General, Rolf?
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W, O, O, F.
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-Woof?
-Do not bark at the General. Bad soldier!
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We are also carrying out experiments
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to see if dogs can communicate
telepathically with humans.
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Oh, what's that, Rolf? You want a bone?
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You don't have to be a mind reader
to know that, he's a dog.
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Perhaps, you'll be more impressed
by Private Axel.
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-And how does he communicate?
-Well, ask him a question.
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-Any question?
-Yah, any question.
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So long as it is, who is Adolf Hitler.
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Erm, who is Adolf Hitler?
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-Mein Führer!
-Now that is good.
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Our research is coming on leaps
and bounds, sits and play deads.
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Soon, we will have a spy network of dogs.
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Well, the Allied forces certainly
won't be expecting that.
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There is just one small problem
with our new recruits.
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-What's that?
-[steps on goo]
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There are some hygiene issues.
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-Yah.
-[dog barks]
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Oh! Rolf says sorry.
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-[chuckles]
-I bet he does.
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Bizarrely, Hitler was an animal lover
and was convinced by scientists
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that animals might make good spies.
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So he approved the animal talking school.
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Animals talking?
Huh, as if that's possible.
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Yes, many animals were put
to work during World War Two.
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We need more ammo. Corporal Voychek!
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You can't ask someone with
a senior rank to fetch your ammo!
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You can ask this Corporal.
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-[growls]
-[screams]
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A bear! There's a bear, there's a bear.
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-Yes, that's Corporal Voychek.
-[stutters] It's a bear.
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Of course, but according to his paperwork,
he's a Polish Corporal. My unit adopted him as bear cub in Iran,
but when we were moved,
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the only way he was allowed
on the ship was if he was enlisted.
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-So now he's Corporal Voychek.
-But he's still a bear.
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Don't worry, Voychek's harmless,
he just carries ammunition around.
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He won't hurt you,
unless he drops a shell obviously.
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-[screams] Oh, you had me then.
-[bear laughs]
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[narrator] Vicious Vikings!
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We Vikings lived
in some pretty remote places
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and food could be scarce,
so we ate all sorts of unusual stuff.
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Tuck's up boys.
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-I thought we'd run out of butter.
-We did, this is seal blubber.
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-Oh, it tastes like fish.
-Isn't it great? Guess what we called it.
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I can't believe you got me
eating seal blubber.
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That's right, "I can't believe
you've got me eating seal blubber!"
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Hang on. This bacon tastes funny.
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That's because it's been fried in...
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I can't believe
you fried my food in seal blubber!
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That's right. "I can't believe
you fried my food in seal blubber!"
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That's it, I'm skipping lunch,
going back to work.
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Covering the bottom of the boats
to prevent woodworm, come on, Bob.
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You know what you're gonna need?
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Not, "I can't believe I'm covering
the bottom of my longship
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in seal blubber to prevent woodworm!"
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That's right. Seal blubber!
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You can eat it, fry things in it
and cover the bottom of your boat in it.
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Warning. Seals were hurt in manufacturingof these products. Lots and lots of seals.
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We don't even eat the meat.It tastes even worse than the blubber.
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[women narrator] Vikings ate seal blubberin settlements, like their one in Iceland.
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So named because it was, well, icy.
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When Eric the Red was exiledand wanted to start his own settlement,
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somewhere even icier, he had to foolother Vikings into joining him.
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[blows] Hi, I'm Eric the Red.
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Then why not move to
the sun-drenched paradise
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that's so green and fertile
we've called it, Greenland.
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We only moved here
because you were exiled from Iceland
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and wanted to be
the chieftain of somewhere else.
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Mum!
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What's the point of being
chieftain of Greenland
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unless you find some people to rule?
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Don't listen to her.
Magnus just moved here and he lo-loves it.
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I lo-love it.
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We're looking for young Vikings to come
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and join the p-party here in Greenland.
Pour me a drink, Magnus.
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I can't, the beer is frozen.
And look, the jug is frozen to my hand.
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-I got a jug hand.
-[chuckles]
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Don't believe what you've heard,
the weather here is great
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and the land is so f-fertile.
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Why else would we call it Greenland?
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To encourage people to move here even
though it's freezing and there's no food?
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Mum!
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I lost a thumb!
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It must have got so hot
it went to find some shade.
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We are so lucky to live here,
that's why mums go to Greenland.
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Oh, you stupid boy.
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Give me my furs, I'm freezing.
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It's true, Eric the Red
was banished from Iceland
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and founded a colony on Greenland instead.
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He called it that
to fool people into living there,
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even though the winters
were actually very, very cold.
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Making Eric the Red more
Eric the B-b-b-b-b-blue. [laughs]
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[narrator] Rotten Romans!
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It's the Thou Hast Been Framed!
Roman special, yeah.
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Welcome to the battle of Zama,Hannibal of Carthage
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versus Scipio of Rome.
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Here's Hannibal getting ready to rumble.
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I'm sending my elephants
to attack the Romans.
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Orsa, charge!
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[trumpet]
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[soldier] The Romans have scared
the elephants with trumpets.
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-They're coming back.
-Let's get out of here. Who'd think
I'd get chased by my own elephants?
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[narrator] That's what I callCarthage Carnage. Or Catharnage.
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Or Carnathage. Oh, you get the point.
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A solemn moment, Caesar Augustus himself
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visiting the tomb of Alexander the Great.
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Two of the greatest men in historyunder one roof, a day to remember.
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Alexander of Macedonia,
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I honour your memory.
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[cracking]
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[narrator] Dah, what have you done?
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I... pulled his nose off by accident.
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Yeah, Caesar Augustus therewinning the most famous general in a room
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by a nose.
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Oh dear, I don't like the look of this.What's that crazy Emperor Nero doing?
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Some kind of torture, no doubt.
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Setting fire to someone?Cutting them in half?
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Setting wolves on them? Naughty boy.
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I wrote this one myself. It's called,
"By the bonny, bonny banks of the Tiber."
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Just when you thoughtit couldn't get any crueller,
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you find out he plays the bagpipes. Mercy!
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After the break, the Roman Generalof Pompey leads his parade into Rome
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and gets his elephant trappedin a triumphal arch. Oh!
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In 60 BC, before Rome
was ruled by Emperors,
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it was run by an alliance of
the three most powerful Romans,
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General Pompey, Julius Caesar,
and the richest Roman of all time,
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Marcus Licinius Crassus, he was a rascal.
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[techno music playing]
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♪ I'm Marcus Licinius Crassus ♪
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♪ No rich man could ever surpass us ♪
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♪ Wanted people to say I was brave ♪
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♪ But lost my first fightAnd hid in a cave ♪
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♪ Living there could beA pauper's nightmare ♪
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♪ But if you're rich like meThen you don't care ♪
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♪ I called my slave to the caveTo ask it ♪
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♪ To cook a feast and lower in a basket ♪
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♪ There's Romans think they're minted ♪
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♪ But they ain't rich like me ♪
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♪ You can't call yourself loaded ♪
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♪ Till you can buy an army ♪
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♪ Ran Rome with Pompey and Caesar ♪
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♪ They're more famous than me ♪
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♪ But I'm the world's richest geezer ♪
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♪ There's no one richer than me ♪
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♪ I'm minted!I back General Sulla ♪
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♪ Every day my wallet got fuller ♪
233
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,920
♪ Took the land off our enemiesTo flog it ♪
234
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:26,200
♪ Used to the cash to fill my pocketIf I heard of a house on fire ♪
235
00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:28,080
♪ I'd rush over, be a quick cash buyer ♪
236
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:29,920
♪ My firemen would then douse the flames ♪
237
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,320
♪ Boom!Another big house to my name ♪
238
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,040
♪ There's Romans think they're minted ♪
239
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,240
♪ But they ain't rich like me ♪
240
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,000
♪ You can't call yourself loaded ♪
241
00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:39,960
♪ Till you can buy an army ♪
242
00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:42,040
♪ Ran Rome with Pompey and Caesar ♪
243
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:43,880
♪ They're more famous than me ♪♪ But I'm the world's richest geezer ♪
244
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:48,600
♪ There's no one richer than me ♪♪ I'm minted!I bought an army for fighting Spartacus ♪
245
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,280
♪ At the start my men lost heart-acus ♪
246
00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:56,960
♪ I killed one in ten in a killing spree ♪
247
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:58,920
♪ So they were more scared of meThan the enemy ♪
248
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,960
♪ Smashed the slavesIt got real gory ♪
249
00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:02,880
♪ But then Pompey stole my glory ♪
250
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:04,680
♪ To show it was meThat crushed the horde ♪
251
00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:06,600
♪ Nailed up the slavesLike on a billboard ♪
252
00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:12,000
♪ They're splinted!Not enough to be a politician ♪
253
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:13,800
♪ Wanted triumphTook my army on a mission ♪
254
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,800
♪ Got owned by the Parthian Persians ♪
255
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:17,960
♪ They killed meBut you'll hear two versions ♪
256
00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:21,560
♪ The famous one's quite hard to followThey gave me boiling gold to swallow ♪
257
00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:23,200
♪ But the true way they made me pay ♪
258
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,880
♪ They used my head as a prop in a play ♪
259
00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:29,720
♪ Embarrassing ♪
260
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,480
♪ There's Romans think they're minted ♪
261
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:33,440
♪ But they ain't rich like me ♪
262
00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:35,160
♪ You can't call yourself loaded ♪
263
00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:37,320
♪ Till you can buy an army ♪
264
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,320
♪ Ran Rome with Pompey and Caesar ♪
265
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,000
♪ They're more famous than me ♪
266
00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:42,760
♪ But I'm the world's richest geezer ♪
267
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:46,000
♪ There's no one richer than me ♪
268
00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:49,840
♪ Ha, ha, love itTell me you don't love it! Ha, ha ♪
269
00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:53,880
[narrator] Gorgeous Georgians.
270
00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:58,680
One of our finest Georgian philosophers
was called Jeremy Bentham.
271
00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:01,200
He was quite brilliant, but somewhat,
272
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:04,440
well, how shall I put this, unusual.
273
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,440
-Good afternoon, Sir.
-Ah, Jennings.
274
00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:12,880
I've just finished my new design
for a panopticon prison,
275
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:15,240
in which one guard can watch all inmates
276
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:18,440
without their being able to tell
whether or not they're being watched.
277
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:21,320
Brilliant as ever, Sir.
Now I trust you haven't forgotten
278
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:23,560
you invited your new neighbour
over for tea.
279
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:26,120
You won't do anything to
embarrass him, will you?
280
00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:28,640
No, Jennings, of course I won't.
281
00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:31,240
Sir, what on earth are you wearing?
282
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:33,160
Well, I'm just trying out
my new invention.
283
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:35,360
They're called underpants.
284
00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:36,400
What do you think?
285
00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:38,400
I think they should be
under something, Sir.
286
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:41,120
-Yes, you're quite right. [laughs]
-[knocks on door]
287
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:43,000
Ah.
288
00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:44,960
Mr-- Good gracious!
289
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:48,040
-They're underpants, Sir.
-I see.
290
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:49,400
Would you care for some tea?
291
00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:52,400
I believe the Reverend, Sir John Lambourne
will be joining us shortly.
292
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:55,960
If a Reverend is joining us,
should you not be wearing breeches, Sir?
293
00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:57,240
He won't mind.
294
00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:58,960
Oh, here he is now.
295
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:01,120
-[meows]
-The Reverend is a cat?
296
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:04,200
Yes, of course. Come on, Reverend.
297
00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:05,200
There we are.
298
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,040
Tell me Sir, do all your pets
have such unusual names?
299
00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,240
Of course not,
my other pet's called Dickie.
300
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:12,760
-A pet dog?
-A pet teapot.
301
00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:16,400
Who's a good teapot?
Who's a good teapot? Yes, you are!
302
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:20,240
Mr Bentham, I'm a very busy man,
you are a very busy man, clearly.
303
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:21,720
So I shall not beat about the bush.
304
00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:24,440
I intend to have a summer house
built in my garden
305
00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:26,720
and I was hoping
you would be agreeable to this.
306
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,760
Of course, an Englishman
should be able to do
307
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:30,360
whatever he likes in his own garden.
308
00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:33,520
I intend to decorate mine
with varnished corpses.
309
00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:38,000
-I beg your pardon?
-We must demystify death, Sir,
310
00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:41,480
surround ourselves with it
and we will lose our fear of mortality.
311
00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:43,720
But you can't keep corpses in a garden!
312
00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:46,040
Yeah, maybe you're right.
The weather would rot them.
313
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,920
Maybe I'll just exhibit
some preserved heads
314
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:50,760
in a specially modified cabinet.
315
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:53,600
You Sir, are a very unusual man.
316
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:58,280
Oh!
Right, I'm off to walk Dapple and Dobbin.
317
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,320
-Here they are, Sir.
-Thank you, Jennings.
318
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,240
Come on boys! [imitates neighing]
319
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:07,160
Ride like the wind. Oh, Dapple.
320
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:11,400
[narrator] Words we getfrom Jeremy Bentham!
321
00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:13,520
International! Detachable! Minimise, maximise!
322
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,560
Submergible. Lengthiness.
323
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:22,640
Exhaustive. Collaborator.
324
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:26,640
Swallowable. Repeatable.
325
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:30,640
Repeatable. Repeatable.
326
00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:36,120
Antagonising.
327
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:38,120
Eccentric.
328
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,720
[woman narrator] True or false?
329
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:45,280
After he died, Jeremy Bentham's bodywas put on display.
330
00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,800
His skeleton was dressedin his own clothes,
331
00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:51,120
stuffed with straw and topped offwith a replica wax head.
332
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:52,640
It's...
333
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:53,520
true!
334
00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:55,200
It was what he wanted!
335
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:58,920
And you can still see it to this dayin the University of London.
336
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:01,280
Here's another colourfulGeorgian character.♪ Stupid deaths, stupid deaths ♪
337
00:17:06,319 --> 00:17:09,040
♪ They're funny cos they're true, woo ♪
338
00:17:09,119 --> 00:17:11,119
♪ Stupid deaths, stupid deaths ♪
339
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:13,800
♪ Hope next time it's not you! ♪
340
00:17:14,359 --> 00:17:16,520
Happy birthday.
341
00:17:16,599 --> 00:17:18,000
Come on then, blow the candle out.
342
00:17:18,599 --> 00:17:20,200
Oh! We'll be here all day.
343
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:22,480
Next!
344
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:26,240
Bonjour. Je m'apelle Madame Blanchard.
345
00:17:26,319 --> 00:17:29,000
Oh! A French lady. I'll take this.
346
00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:32,280
[speaking in French]
347
00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:33,640
Je m'apelle Madame Blanchard.
348
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:37,400
-I just told you, no?
-Alright it's the only French I know.
349
00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:41,800
And what brings you here,
[exaggerating] Madame Blanchard?
350
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:45,080
You may have heard of my husband,
John Pierre Blanchard?
351
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:47,320
-No.
-The famous balloonist?
352
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,480
Oh right, well, you should
feel right at home here.
353
00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:53,040
In 1785, my husband became the first man
354
00:17:53,120 --> 00:17:54,680
to ever cross the channel in a balloon
355
00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:58,200
and I am something of a pioneer
of aeronautics myself
356
00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:02,600
being the first woman to ever work
as a professional balloonist.
357
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:07,320
[helium voice] Oh well, that's amazing,
well done you, Madame Blanchard.
358
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:11,400
"But too much helium can be bad for you."
[normal] I'm already dead, keep up.
359
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,040
Sorry, do continue.
360
00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:14,920
[deflating]
361
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:16,240
It was the balloon.
362
00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,080
Well, after the death
of my dear beloved husband,
363
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:24,200
I continued ballooning
and in 1819, I did an ascent over Paris.
364
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:27,200
I wanted it to be a sight
that no one would ever forget.
365
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:30,240
So I set off some fireworks
at a great height.
366
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:34,560
Oh! Rewind.
You let off some fireworks in a balloon?
367
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:36,720
Probably not my best idea.
368
00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:41,440
One of the fireworks ignited the
balloon gas and... [imitates deflating]
369
00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,040
[laughs]
370
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:47,720
When a firework display ends,
it can leave you feeling a little flat.
371
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:50,640
Do you get it? Splat, flat, you.
372
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:53,680
[laughs] You're through to the afterlife.
373
00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:54,680
Merci.
374
00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:56,920
Oh, mind the step,
there's a bit of a drop,
375
00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:00,560
but I suppose you're used to that.
[laughs]
376
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:04,160
Sometimes I love this job.
I do though, I do.
377
00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:06,440
♪ Stupid deaths, stupid deaths ♪
378
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:09,760
♪ Hope next time it's not you! ♪
379
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:13,240
[narrator] Measly Middle Ages!
380
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:16,800
[woman narrator] Much of what we knowabout the early Middle Ages
381
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:18,200
is thanks to monks
382
00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:21,720
who wrote a chronicle of allthe important events of each year.
383
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:25,360
There's a lot going on in the Saxon world.
384
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:28,120
And for years, it's been almost
impossible to keep up.
385
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,600
We've got invasions.
386
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:30,520
Civil War.
387
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,480
-Saxons.
-Angles.
388
00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:34,040
-Dukes.
-Danes.
389
00:19:34,120 --> 00:19:35,640
-Vikings.
-Normans.
390
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,280
And goodness knows what else.
391
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:41,000
And now you won't have
to miss a thing, thanks to...
392
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:45,360
[all] Anglo Saxon Chronicle Magazine
from Worcester, Abingdon, Peterborough.
393
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:48,320
Yes, you can readthe Anglo Saxon Chronicle
394
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:52,160
in any of these five locationsin Middle Ages England.
395
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:56,360
We heard Earl Aelfgar was outlawed
for admitting being a traitor.
396
00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:58,800
Well hang on.
According to my Worcester version,
397
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:01,360
he was outlawed
despite having done very little wrong.
398
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:03,960
Our Abingdon issue says
he didn't do anything wrong at all.
399
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:06,520
Is someone checking
we're all telling the same story here?
400
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:07,440
I'm not.
401
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:09,320
-We just write whatever we want.
-Us, too.
402
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:12,000
What happens when everyone finds this out?
403
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:13,120
Not much.
404
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,480
-They're not allowed to read it.
-It's for monks only.
405
00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:18,280
Cool, cool.
Well, I won't tell anyone if you won't.
406
00:20:18,360 --> 00:20:20,920
I definitely won't,
I'm taking a vow of silence.
407
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:22,840
There goes the key.
408
00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:29,480
Anglo Saxon Chronicle! The magazine
everyone in Saxon England should read.
409
00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:31,720
-As long as they're monks.
-What happened to the vow?
410
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:32,880
Starting now.
411
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:36,680
Those monks were
the copying machines of their day
412
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:38,880
until the invention of the printing press.
413
00:20:43,120 --> 00:20:45,480
-Good morning.
-Good morning, Lord Sugar.
414
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:47,720
Now, which one of you is Team Monk?
415
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,200
That was a joke!
I'm joking. It's a tough crowd.
416
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:53,560
This week's task was perfectly simple.
417
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:57,440
All I asked you lot to do
was to make as many copies as possible
418
00:20:57,520 --> 00:20:59,520
of this bestseller, the Bible.
419
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:02,280
So Team Monk,
who was your project manager? Look, I know this boardroom's
intimidating, but I won't bite.
420
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,800
Although I might bite
if one of you doesn't start talking.
421
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:12,240
They've all taken a vow of silence,
Lord Sugar.
422
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:13,720
Of course, sorry, Karen.
423
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:15,360
So how did team baldy get on then?
424
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:19,520
Well, they copied the Bible,
by hand, using quill pens.
425
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:21,080
Sounds a bit rude one to me, Karen.
426
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:25,160
How about Team Gutenberg here,
who was your project manager?
427
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,240
I was. I'm Johannes Gutenberg.
428
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:31,080
Yeah, I know, I was joking again.
How did you approach the challenge?
429
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:34,240
Well, Lord Sugar, I created
a whole new printing process.
430
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:39,880
The old process involves carving out
whole pages onto these blocks of wood
431
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:41,480
which are just thrown away
432
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:43,920
-when the book's printed.
-[glass shatters]
433
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:49,440
Sorry. So I created a whole
new movable typeface
434
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:51,880
using these individual metal letters
435
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:54,080
which can be arranged
to spell anything you like
436
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:59,120
and reused again and again and again
to create any number of different books.
437
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:01,560
-Or a bill for a broken window?
-Quite so.
438
00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:06,400
I needed a printing press so that I didn't
have to do anything by hand anymore.
439
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:08,240
Well, what idiot would do it all by hand?
440
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:11,200
Oh, you make the joke? That's very funny.
441
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:16,160
The printing press is based on
the screw press as used in wine making.
442
00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:18,560
Ingenious! How did the other team get on?
443
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:23,320
Well in one day, Team Monk,
between them, managed to reproduce
444
00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:26,400
-just 25 pages of the Bible.
-25 pages?
445
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:29,680
Well, they did spend an awful
lot of time on their opening letters.
446
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:31,960
Yeah, but 25 pages is a disgrace.
447
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:34,360
It's gonna take you months
to make a copy, isn't it?
448
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:35,960
How did Team Gutenberg get on?
449
00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:39,840
Well the Gutenberg press printed
3,500 pages in a single day.
450
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:43,400
That's more like it, highly efficient.
So just to recap.
451
00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:47,480
Team Gutenberg single handedly
started a revolution in communication,
452
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:50,440
enabling knowledge to spread
throughout the masses.
453
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:54,800
And Team Monk here
gave us a few pretty letters.
454
00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:57,080
Team Monk, what have you got to say?
455
00:22:57,640 --> 00:22:59,000
They've taken a vow of silence.
456
00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:02,560
I know Karen, it was another joke!
Not you on all?
457
00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:03,920
-Sorry.
-Team Monk,
458
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:06,640
I've only got one thing to say to you,
well actually two things.
459
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:07,560
[laughs]
460
00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:10,720
You're fired.
Team Gutenberg, congratulations.
461
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:14,720
You've won yourself a five star
Cordon Bleu dinner of a lifetime.
462
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:16,960
Team Monk, you're getting bread and water.
463
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:19,080
Without the bread and water.
464
00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:21,440
That should shut them up, Mick.
465
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:25,400
Gutenberg changed the world
with his printing press.
466
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:28,040
It meant ordinary people
had access to books
467
00:23:28,120 --> 00:23:30,640
and knowledge was spread around.
468
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:34,480
It's one of the most important
inventions of all time.
469
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:37,120
Right up there with the Whoopie Cushion.
470
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:39,640
[imitates fart noise and laughs]
471
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:43,240
[narrator] Vile Victorians.
472
00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:48,600
Grace Darling,
darling, you've got a fan letter.
473
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:52,520
A fan letter for me, father?
Oh, it hardly seems possible. Nonsense, everybody's talking about
how you rowed that little boat
474
00:23:56,520 --> 00:24:00,720
out to the wrecked ship off
the Farne Islands to rescue those people.
475
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:04,640
Darling, you're the darling,
Darling of the newspapers.
476
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:08,320
Of course, it was actually me who rowed
the boat out to the wrecked ship.
477
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:11,640
All you did was keep it steady
while I carried the injured people aboard,
478
00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:13,680
but nobody seemed very interested in me.
479
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:18,200
"Dear Grace, I was so inspired
by your strength and bravery
480
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:21,000
that I've painted a picture
of you and put it on my wall.
481
00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:22,760
Might I have a lock of your hair?"
482
00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:26,400
Oh, what a charming letter,
of course you may.
483
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:30,480
A couple more fan letters.
484
00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:33,080
Oh really, people are so kind.
485
00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:38,600
"Dear Grace, you are my heroine,
you're so brave and fearless.
486
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:41,440
I'd have been too scared
to go out all on me own like that."
487
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:43,400
Of course you weren't on your own,
I was there,
488
00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:46,160
but nobody cares about that 'cos
I'm a big bloke with a lighthouse
489
00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:47,600
and you're a heroic little girl.
490
00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:51,040
Although you were actually nearly 23
when we rescued those people,
491
00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:53,240
but who's counting?
Luckily, I'm not bitter.
492
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:55,400
She wants a lock of your hair.
493
00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:57,520
This one wants a lock of me hair, as well.
494
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,240
Well, you can't give them all hair.
495
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:01,480
Oh, it's just three letters.
496
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:03,320
[man knocks on door] Postman!
497
00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:11,040
"Thank you so much for your letter
and request for a lock of my hair.
498
00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:14,120
Sadly, it is the two thousandth
such request
499
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:16,880
and I am no longer able to honour it.
500
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:21,840
Do you think you could write again in
a couple of months when it's grown back?
501
00:25:22,360 --> 00:25:25,160
And in the meantime,
here's a toenail clipping."
502
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,720
Oh, she'll be delighted with that,
it's a beauty.
503
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:33,040
Grace Darling was so famous
people kept asking for locks of her hair
504
00:25:33,120 --> 00:25:35,120
and she nearly went bald.
505
00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:38,640
People never ask me for locks of my hair.
506
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:39,760
What's that?
507
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:41,680
Probably 'cos it's covered in poo?
508
00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:43,040
The problem being?
509
00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:46,000
Time now to meet
another famous Victoria woman.
510
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:55,080
Welcome to HH TV Sport,
and I'm just hearing that Emma Sharp,
511
00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:57,040
an ordinary woman from Bradford,
512
00:25:57,120 --> 00:25:59,760
is about to complete
an extraordinary challenge.
513
00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:02,040
If you think the marathon
looked like hard work,
514
00:26:02,120 --> 00:26:04,840
imagine having to do 38 of them,
back to back.
515
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:08,600
Let's go live to 1864. Gary.
516
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:12,040
Yes, great excitement here at
Quarry Gap Hotel Sports Ground
517
00:26:12,120 --> 00:26:16,080
in Bradford
where a crowd of 25,000 people have come
518
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:20,080
to watch this humble housewife as she
nears the end of her incredible attempt
519
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:22,560
to walk a 1,000 miles in a 1,000 hours.
520
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:25,000
In fact, the events generated
so much interest,
521
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:26,480
they've been selling tickets.
522
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:30,480
She's been walking up and down
this racetrack for the last 42 days
523
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,640
and nights, and now there's just
a few hundred yards to go
524
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:36,480
and here she comes now!
And just listen to that crowd.
525
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:37,680
[crowd booing]
526
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:39,600
Actually, let's listen to that crowd.
527
00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:43,040
What is she doing? Boo! Somebody stop her.
528
00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:46,440
What do you mean, somebody stop her?
She's about to do something extraordinary.
529
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:47,600
I've heard of men doing it.
530
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:50,600
Whoever heard of a woman doing
something so physically demanding,
531
00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:53,640
it shouldn't be possible.
Also, I bet ten quid that she couldn't.
532
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:56,000
Yeah, she's costing us a fortune,
that woman.
533
00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:57,880
Get her off.
534
00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:01,120
Right, it seems that
many people in this largely male crowd
535
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:03,960
have actually been betting
that she's not going to make it.
536
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:07,680
-[crowd cheering]
-I don't believe it, he tripped her up.
537
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:10,080
-[crowd booing]
-She's back on her feet.
538
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:13,320
Oh, she's amazing! Let's see
if we can grab a quick word with her.
539
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:16,440
Mrs Sharp, you're nearly there,
how do you feel?
540
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:21,040
I'd just like to thank me husband
for inspiring me every step of the way.
541
00:27:21,120 --> 00:27:23,000
So he's believed in you from the start?
542
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:26,920
No, he said
no woman was capable of such a thing.
543
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:29,720
So I'm doing it to prove
the smug idiot wrong.
544
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:33,920
Well, I think that's... And there are
still people trying to stop her.
545
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:38,120
She's pulled a gun. Breaking news here,
Emma Sharp's just pulled a gun.
546
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:42,040
But there she goes towards
the finishing line armed with a pistol
547
00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:45,400
and accompanied by 18 policemen
and a man with a loaded musket.
548
00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:46,520
Oh, she's done it!
549
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:50,240
Yes, a 1,000 miles in a 1,000 hours,
and that is one in the eye
550
00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:54,120
to all those chauvinist pigs who said
she'd never make it. Back to the studio.
551
00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:57,000
She must have cheated.
There's no way a woman could...
552
00:27:57,840 --> 00:27:59,320
We're not still on air, are we, Pete?
48159
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