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♪ Ta ta ta ta ta ta ♪
2
00:00:25,024 --> 00:00:27,728
♪ Ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ♪
3
00:00:27,730 --> 00:00:29,454
♪ Tan tan ta ♪
4
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♪ Tan tan tan tan ♪
5
00:00:30,661 --> 00:00:31,864
♪ Tan tan ta tan ♪
6
00:00:31,864 --> 00:00:33,493
♪ Tan tan tan tan! ♪
7
00:00:33,493 --> 00:00:36,969
That logo music
just gets you pumped.
8
00:00:36,969 --> 00:00:38,167
Right?
9
00:00:38,167 --> 00:00:42,006
I'm sorry. I just, I'm excited to be here.
It's been a while.
10
00:00:42,008 --> 00:00:42,908
You know, for a long time,
11
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I wasn't sure I'd ever be back.
12
00:00:45,143 --> 00:00:45,911
Disney bought Fox,
13
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there was a whole
boring rights issue,
14
00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:48,781
blabbity-blabbity-blah.
15
00:00:48,783 --> 00:00:51,344
But then, it turned out,
they wanted me.
16
00:00:51,345 --> 00:00:54,756
The one guy who shouldn't
even have his own movie,
17
00:00:54,756 --> 00:00:56,118
much less a franchise.
18
00:00:56,119 --> 00:00:59,155
Marvel's so stupid.
19
00:00:59,155 --> 00:01:01,125
Look, we know the title
of this thing.
20
00:01:01,125 --> 00:01:03,192
So, I know
what you're wondering.
21
00:01:03,194 --> 00:01:04,061
How are we gonna do this
22
00:01:04,061 --> 00:01:07,867
without dishonoring
Logan's memory?
23
00:01:07,868 --> 00:01:09,936
And I'll tell you how.
24
00:01:10,134 --> 00:01:10,771
We're not.
25
00:01:12,433 --> 00:01:15,138
I'm gonna let you in
on a little secret.
26
00:01:15,140 --> 00:01:16,634
Wolverine is not dead.
27
00:01:16,635 --> 00:01:20,748
Sure, it made for a perfect
ending to a very sad story.
28
00:01:20,750 --> 00:01:21,507
But that's not how
29
00:01:21,507 --> 00:01:23,609
regenerative healing
factors work.
30
00:01:23,609 --> 00:01:24,817
You think I wanna be out here
31
00:01:24,819 --> 00:01:26,644
in beautiful downtown
North Dakota,
32
00:01:26,644 --> 00:01:30,055
digging up the one and only
Wolverine? No, thank you.
33
00:01:30,055 --> 00:01:32,826
But the fate of
my entire world is at stake.
34
00:01:32,828 --> 00:01:34,652
He may not
be living his best life,
35
00:01:34,653 --> 00:01:37,039
but he sure as hell ain't
36
00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:39,426
dead.
37
00:01:43,936 --> 00:01:45,366
Bingo.
38
00:01:45,807 --> 00:01:47,204
Yahtzee.
39
00:01:49,700 --> 00:01:53,341
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
40
00:01:56,609 --> 00:01:57,917
Damn it!
41
00:01:57,918 --> 00:02:01,745
Son of a bitch!
42
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,087
You...
43
00:02:06,125 --> 00:02:09,060
Christ. Motherfucker!
44
00:02:09,061 --> 00:02:10,897
My world is fuck...
45
00:02:10,899 --> 00:02:14,098
That was weird.
46
00:02:14,099 --> 00:02:14,835
I'm much calmer now.
47
00:02:16,531 --> 00:02:19,466
Look, I'm not a man of science.
48
00:02:19,466 --> 00:02:22,975
But you seem
incredibly passed away.
49
00:02:26,144 --> 00:02:26,879
But it's good to see ya.
50
00:02:26,881 --> 00:02:30,818
I gotta be honest,
I've always wanted to ride with you, Log.
51
00:02:30,819 --> 00:02:31,741
You and me getting into it.
52
00:02:31,742 --> 00:02:35,713
Deadpool and Wolverine
just fuckin' shit up.
53
00:02:35,715 --> 00:02:39,618
Can you imagine the fun,
the chaos...
54
00:02:39,620 --> 00:02:41,058
the residuals?
55
00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:42,192
"G'day, mate.
56
00:02:42,192 --> 00:02:44,459
"There's nothing that'll
bring me back to life faster
57
00:02:44,460 --> 00:02:47,098
"than a big bag
of Marvel cash."
58
00:02:47,098 --> 00:02:50,728
Me too, Hugh.
59
00:02:50,729 --> 00:02:53,103
But, no. No, no, no.
60
00:02:53,104 --> 00:02:57,735
You had to get
all noble and die for real.
61
00:02:57,736 --> 00:03:00,045
Goddamn it!
62
00:03:00,508 --> 00:03:03,884
I could really use
your help right now.
63
00:03:14,224 --> 00:03:15,862
Wait!
64
00:03:15,864 --> 00:03:17,965
I'm warning you, I'm not alone.
65
00:03:17,966 --> 00:03:19,558
Wade Winston Wilson,
66
00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:22,662
you are under arrest by
the Time Variance Authority...
67
00:03:22,663 --> 00:03:23,530
Oof.
68
00:03:23,531 --> 00:03:24,768
...for too many crimes
to list.
69
00:03:24,769 --> 00:03:25,920
Come out...
70
00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:27,072
...and we'll extend you
the courtesy
71
00:03:27,073 --> 00:03:30,043
- of taking you in one piece.
- Death by day-player.
72
00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:31,141
Last chance.
73
00:03:31,143 --> 00:03:31,912
Throw out your weapons
74
00:03:31,913 --> 00:03:34,045
and come out peacefully.
75
00:03:34,046 --> 00:03:36,180
I'm not gonna
give you my weapons,
76
00:03:36,182 --> 00:03:38,776
but I promise not to use them.
77
00:03:38,776 --> 00:03:41,262
There are two hundred and six
bones in the human body.
78
00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:43,748
Two hundred and seven
if I'm watching Gossip Girl.
79
00:03:45,701 --> 00:03:47,653
- Here we go. Maximum effort.
- ♪ Hey, hey ♪
80
00:03:51,789 --> 00:03:54,968
- ♪ Bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
81
00:03:54,969 --> 00:03:55,594
Okay, peanut.
82
00:03:55,596 --> 00:03:58,335
Guess we're getting
that team-up after all.
83
00:03:58,632 --> 00:04:02,074
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
84
00:04:06,310 --> 00:04:08,146
♪ I'm doing this tonight ♪
85
00:04:08,146 --> 00:04:10,985
♪ You're probably gonna
start a fight ♪
86
00:04:11,579 --> 00:04:13,987
♪ I know this can't be right ♪
87
00:04:13,989 --> 00:04:16,639
♪ Hey, baby, come on ♪
88
00:04:16,639 --> 00:04:19,288
♪ I loved you endlessly ♪
89
00:04:19,290 --> 00:04:21,687
♪ When you weren't
there for me ♪
90
00:04:21,687 --> 00:04:27,726
♪ So now it's time to leave
and make it alone ♪
91
00:04:27,728 --> 00:04:30,697
♪ I know that
I can't take no more ♪
92
00:04:33,204 --> 00:04:35,668
♪ I wanna see you
out that door ♪
93
00:04:35,668 --> 00:04:38,308
- ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
94
00:04:38,310 --> 00:04:40,375
♪ Don't wanna be
a fool for you ♪
95
00:04:40,377 --> 00:04:43,747
♪ Just another player
in your game for two ♪
96
00:04:43,749 --> 00:04:46,649
♪ You may hate me,
but it ain't no lie ♪
97
00:04:46,649 --> 00:04:49,550
- ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
98
00:04:49,552 --> 00:04:51,617
♪ Don't really wanna
make it tough ♪
99
00:04:51,619 --> 00:04:55,204
♪ I just wanna tell you
that I've had enough ♪
100
00:04:55,204 --> 00:04:58,790
♪ It might sound crazy,
but it ain't no lie ♪
101
00:04:58,792 --> 00:05:02,761
♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
102
00:05:02,762 --> 00:05:04,862
♪ Just hit me with the truth ♪
103
00:05:04,862 --> 00:05:07,502
♪ Now, girl, you're more
than welcome to ♪
104
00:05:07,504 --> 00:05:10,143
Maradona from outside the box!
105
00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:12,572
Goal!
106
00:05:12,574 --> 00:05:13,574
♪ Baby, come on ♪
107
00:05:13,574 --> 00:05:16,209
♪ I know that
I can't take no more ♪
108
00:05:16,209 --> 00:05:18,843
♪ It ain't no lie ♪
109
00:05:18,845 --> 00:05:21,648
♪ I wanna see you
out that door ♪
110
00:05:21,649 --> 00:05:24,355
- ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
111
00:05:24,355 --> 00:05:26,487
♪ Don't wanna be
a fool for you ♪
112
00:05:26,488 --> 00:05:29,639
♪ Just another player
in your game for two ♪
113
00:05:29,641 --> 00:05:32,569
♪ You may hate me,
but it ain't no lie ♪
114
00:05:32,569 --> 00:05:35,497
- ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
115
00:05:35,499 --> 00:05:37,663
♪ Don't really wanna
make it tough ♪
116
00:05:37,665 --> 00:05:41,201
♪ I just wanna tell you
that I had enough ♪
117
00:05:41,201 --> 00:05:44,737
♪ Might sound crazy,
but it ain't no lie ♪
118
00:05:44,738 --> 00:05:48,312
♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
119
00:05:50,677 --> 00:05:54,021
♪ I don't wanna be your fool ♪
120
00:05:54,023 --> 00:05:56,682
♪ In this game for two ♪
121
00:05:56,683 --> 00:05:59,653
♪ So I'm leavin' you behind ♪
122
00:05:59,654 --> 00:06:01,060
Come on, big fella.
123
00:06:01,062 --> 00:06:02,589
♪ Bye, bye, bye, yeah ♪
124
00:06:02,591 --> 00:06:05,428
♪ I don't wanna
make it tough ♪
125
00:06:05,430 --> 00:06:07,298
♪ But I've had enough ♪
126
00:06:07,298 --> 00:06:11,468
- ♪ And it ain't no lie ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
127
00:06:11,468 --> 00:06:12,269
♪ Baby ♪
128
00:06:12,271 --> 00:06:13,733
♪ Don't wanna be
a fool for you ♪
129
00:06:13,733 --> 00:06:15,504
♪ Just another player
in your game for two ♪
130
00:06:15,504 --> 00:06:20,345
♪ I don't wanna be your fool,
but it ain't no lie ♪
131
00:06:20,346 --> 00:06:22,841
- ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
132
00:06:22,843 --> 00:06:24,644
♪ Don't really wanna
make it tough ♪
133
00:06:24,646 --> 00:06:28,132
♪ I just wanna tell you
that I had enough ♪
134
00:06:28,132 --> 00:06:31,295
♪ Might sound crazy,
but it ain't no lie ♪
135
00:06:31,295 --> 00:06:33,927
- ♪ Bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
136
00:06:39,848 --> 00:06:43,137
I am soaking wet right now.
137
00:06:44,863 --> 00:06:47,783
To be clear, I'm not proud
of any of this.
138
00:06:47,784 --> 00:06:50,704
The wanton violence,
the whiff of necrophilia.
139
00:06:50,706 --> 00:06:51,737
It isn't who I am.
140
00:06:51,738 --> 00:06:53,543
It isn't who I wanna be.
141
00:06:53,543 --> 00:06:54,213
Who I wanna be?
142
00:06:54,213 --> 00:06:56,447
Well, to help you
understand that,
143
00:06:56,447 --> 00:06:57,348
I've gotta take you back.
144
00:06:57,348 --> 00:06:59,846
A little joyride I took
through space and time,
145
00:06:59,846 --> 00:07:03,091
to the day
that changed everything.
146
00:07:14,762 --> 00:07:16,466
I can't believe
I'm finally here.
147
00:07:16,466 --> 00:07:20,305
I've waited for this moment
for so long.
148
00:07:20,668 --> 00:07:23,870
Thank you, sir, for seeing me.
149
00:07:23,870 --> 00:07:25,903
I... I firmly believe
150
00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:27,725
that my services could be of
151
00:07:27,725 --> 00:07:29,545
great use to your organization.
152
00:07:29,547 --> 00:07:30,149
Now, I know
153
00:07:30,151 --> 00:07:32,417
I was caught smashturbating
in the lobby of Stark Tower,
154
00:07:32,418 --> 00:07:33,846
- but I can assure you that...
- Smashturbating?
155
00:07:33,848 --> 00:07:34,913
I'm sorry, what...
what was that?
156
00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:39,050
No, I'm sorry. That...
That's when you get those toy,
157
00:07:39,050 --> 00:07:39,752
Hulk hands, right?
158
00:07:39,754 --> 00:07:42,338
And then you just, you look
down, and you just...
159
00:07:42,338 --> 00:07:44,923
you brace yourself,
and you ravage the midsection.
160
00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:46,925
- Pinch the... Yeah. Okay.
- I get it. Okay, thank you.
161
00:07:46,927 --> 00:07:48,927
- The picture's painted.
- You get the gist.
162
00:07:48,928 --> 00:07:51,634
Uh, what exactly
brings you here today?
163
00:07:51,634 --> 00:07:55,098
Why am I... Wow. Okay. Uh...
164
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:56,000
I... I care.
165
00:07:56,000 --> 00:08:00,103
I know I turn everything
into a joke, but I...
166
00:08:00,973 --> 00:08:04,845
I care, and I wanna use
that feeling...
167
00:08:05,009 --> 00:08:06,797
for something important.
168
00:08:06,798 --> 00:08:08,584
I... I wanna matter.
169
00:08:11,048 --> 00:08:14,084
I need to show my girl
that I matter.
170
00:08:14,954 --> 00:08:15,954
And...
171
00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:17,560
You know,
I feel like I'm wasting
172
00:08:17,562 --> 00:08:18,297
the good stuff here.
173
00:08:18,298 --> 00:08:19,992
Is the man not gonna
be joining us?
174
00:08:19,992 --> 00:08:20,761
- The man?
- Yeah.
175
00:08:20,762 --> 00:08:22,598
I should save this
if he's gonna...
176
00:08:22,598 --> 00:08:25,206
Uh, as far as you're concerned
right now, I'm the man.
177
00:08:25,206 --> 00:08:26,569
- No.
- The man is me.
178
00:08:26,569 --> 00:08:29,836
I am the man
in this circumstance.
179
00:08:29,838 --> 00:08:31,035
- Mm.
- He doesn't do
180
00:08:31,036 --> 00:08:32,740
this kind of thing anymore.
181
00:08:32,741 --> 00:08:33,509
- Cameos?
- Meetings.
182
00:08:33,510 --> 00:08:35,644
- Meetings.
- Entry-level meetings.
183
00:08:35,645 --> 00:08:36,249
Entry-level?
184
00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:38,009
Aren't you the chauffeur...
185
00:08:38,009 --> 00:08:40,418
- maybe?
- I... Common misconception.
186
00:08:40,419 --> 00:08:42,014
- Okay.
- I did begin my career
187
00:08:42,014 --> 00:08:43,586
as Mr. Stark's driver.
188
00:08:43,586 --> 00:08:44,586
- Okay.
- Quickly pivoted to...
189
00:08:44,587 --> 00:08:46,352
- Chauffeur.
- ...the Head of Security.
190
00:08:46,354 --> 00:08:48,119
The Head of...
Of course, yes, yes, yes.
191
00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:50,956
And why I am vetting
your resume.
192
00:08:50,956 --> 00:08:53,498
You seem to have left out
whether or not you had
193
00:08:53,499 --> 00:08:55,631
any experience
as a member of a team.
194
00:08:55,633 --> 00:08:56,368
Could you maybe add
195
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,467
a little bit
of perspective there?
196
00:08:57,469 --> 00:09:00,097
Oh. No, yes, of course.
I was Special Forces...
197
00:09:00,099 --> 00:09:01,451
- Okay.
- ...but I was...
198
00:09:01,451 --> 00:09:02,562
Mainly, I was team leader...
199
00:09:02,562 --> 00:09:03,672
founder, really, of X-Force.
200
00:09:03,673 --> 00:09:05,938
Sadly, they... they all
perished in action though.
201
00:09:05,940 --> 00:09:07,104
Oh. How exactly
did that happen?
202
00:09:07,105 --> 00:09:09,072
Well, the police say gravity,
but if...
203
00:09:09,073 --> 00:09:11,043
Just between us,
they didn't test well
204
00:09:11,043 --> 00:09:12,797
- in the focus group.
- I see.
205
00:09:12,798 --> 00:09:14,552
- Particularly Cable.
- X-Force.
206
00:09:14,552 --> 00:09:15,254
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
207
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:16,437
Look, I can see
this isn't going well.
208
00:09:16,438 --> 00:09:18,580
Please stop writing.
Look, I... I...
209
00:09:18,581 --> 00:09:20,722
I'm just...
I wanna be an Avenger.
210
00:09:21,625 --> 00:09:24,121
I wanna be an Avenger.
211
00:09:24,859 --> 00:09:26,760
Why do you wanna be an Avenger?
212
00:09:26,761 --> 00:09:28,533
Look around you.
I mean, they're the...
213
00:09:28,533 --> 00:09:30,364
they're the best of the best.
214
00:09:30,365 --> 00:09:32,196
And... And what
they do matters.
215
00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:34,097
I need to be an Avenger.
216
00:09:34,099 --> 00:09:36,937
Sir, my girl has kinda had it
with my shtick,
217
00:09:36,937 --> 00:09:37,837
and I... if I don't, you know,
218
00:09:37,838 --> 00:09:40,389
turn things around and
do something with my "gifts,"
219
00:09:40,390 --> 00:09:42,942
I don't think it's gonna
really work out for me,
220
00:09:42,943 --> 00:09:44,976
and I wouldn't blame her.
221
00:09:44,977 --> 00:09:49,884
Avengers are a very unique
group of superheroes
222
00:09:49,884 --> 00:09:50,620
that stand for something
223
00:09:50,620 --> 00:09:53,754
more than just fighting
and wearing costumes.
224
00:09:53,755 --> 00:09:56,890
I mean, people look up to us.
Kids look up to us.
225
00:09:56,892 --> 00:09:57,890
- They...
- I'm sorry. "Us"?
226
00:09:57,892 --> 00:10:00,697
I wasn't aware
that you were an Avenger.
227
00:10:00,697 --> 00:10:01,928
Avengers-adjacent, technically.
228
00:10:01,929 --> 00:10:03,159
Oh, wow.
What's your superpower?
229
00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:06,274
Is it parallel parking?
I am so sorry.
230
00:10:06,274 --> 00:10:06,866
That was cruel.
231
00:10:06,868 --> 00:10:09,706
I lash out when I'm nervous.
Won't happen again.
232
00:10:09,706 --> 00:10:11,168
- Let's cut to the chase.
- Please.
233
00:10:11,169 --> 00:10:12,410
You just said moments ago
234
00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:15,876
that you wanted to be
an Avenger because
235
00:10:15,878 --> 00:10:17,043
you need it.
236
00:10:17,043 --> 00:10:18,207
Yes, sir, I do.
237
00:10:18,208 --> 00:10:20,013
But the Avengers
don't do the job
238
00:10:20,014 --> 00:10:21,078
because they need it.
239
00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:24,325
They do the job
because people need them.
240
00:10:24,687 --> 00:10:27,019
Do you see the distinction?
241
00:10:28,153 --> 00:10:30,221
Yes, sir.
242
00:10:30,462 --> 00:10:31,528
Please, Mr. Hogan.
243
00:10:31,529 --> 00:10:32,927
I don't wanna spend
the rest of my life
244
00:10:32,927 --> 00:10:36,062
like an annoying one-trick pony.
245
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:39,966
All right.
246
00:10:39,966 --> 00:10:41,572
Oh, my God, you're standing.
247
00:10:41,572 --> 00:10:43,740
Yeah, now's the time
that we stand.
248
00:10:43,740 --> 00:10:44,201
Damn it.
249
00:10:44,201 --> 00:10:46,038
Now, the problem
might be that you're
250
00:10:46,038 --> 00:10:47,875
reaching a little...
little too high.
251
00:10:47,875 --> 00:10:50,615
Aim for the middle,
and you'll never miss.
252
00:10:50,615 --> 00:10:51,979
Right?
I think you got a good heart.
253
00:10:51,980 --> 00:10:53,584
I believe what you're saying.
254
00:10:53,585 --> 00:10:55,719
But not everybody's
the world-saving type.
255
00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:58,056
I'm not, and I'm happy.
256
00:10:58,057 --> 00:11:00,394
Right? I found my place.
257
00:11:00,724 --> 00:11:02,658
Find your place.
258
00:11:02,659 --> 00:11:04,693
All right? Get back out there.
259
00:11:04,695 --> 00:11:06,796
- We'll keep an eye on you.
- Okay.
260
00:11:06,797 --> 00:11:08,292
Good luck.
261
00:11:08,467 --> 00:11:11,183
- Mm. Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
262
00:11:11,184 --> 00:11:13,902
Fetch the car.
I wanna hit Shake Shack.
263
00:11:13,903 --> 00:11:16,201
Rejection makes me hungy.
264
00:11:16,475 --> 00:11:18,174
- No, no. Please.
- No?
265
00:11:18,176 --> 00:11:19,875
- Yeah, no, no, no.
- Okay.
266
00:11:19,875 --> 00:11:21,678
Okay, thank you.
267
00:11:22,581 --> 00:11:24,549
You know what they say.
268
00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:26,816
When one door closes,
269
00:11:27,014 --> 00:11:29,499
your locker at work opens.
270
00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:40,163
Now let's go sell some certified
271
00:11:40,164 --> 00:11:41,831
pre-owned vehicles, motherfu...
272
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:48,001
Technically, the...
the Carnival's not a minivan.
273
00:11:48,639 --> 00:11:49,232
It's an MPV.
274
00:11:49,234 --> 00:11:51,841
So how does the Kia compare
to the Honda Odyssey?
275
00:11:51,841 --> 00:11:53,171
The Odyssey?
That's a great question.
276
00:11:53,172 --> 00:11:55,173
Um, it doesn't fucking suck.
277
00:11:55,173 --> 00:11:57,715
You know, you can answer
the question without swearing.
278
00:11:57,716 --> 00:12:00,684
I'm sorry, Tammy, I don't...
I don't have kids.
279
00:12:00,686 --> 00:12:03,187
Not that I haven't
dreamt of that,
280
00:12:03,187 --> 00:12:05,690
but I don't have
a lot of vaginal sex.
281
00:12:07,823 --> 00:12:08,989
You'll get 'em next time, pal.
282
00:12:08,990 --> 00:12:10,154
- Yeah.
- And look,
283
00:12:10,155 --> 00:12:11,662
you can always go back
to superhero-ing.
284
00:12:11,663 --> 00:12:14,297
I mean, I know I'd like
to see you back in the suit.
285
00:12:14,298 --> 00:12:16,931
I don't keep it in my locker
so that I can wear it.
286
00:12:16,932 --> 00:12:19,869
I keep it in my locker in case
we need to saddle up again.
287
00:12:19,870 --> 00:12:23,740
Hey, hey, hey.
What is that doing in there?
288
00:12:23,741 --> 00:12:25,336
I'm done.
289
00:12:26,611 --> 00:12:28,073
I'm done.
290
00:12:28,075 --> 00:12:30,125
And I'm fine with being done.
291
00:12:30,126 --> 00:12:32,177
Look, is sales the best match?
292
00:12:32,178 --> 00:12:32,815
Probably not.
293
00:12:32,816 --> 00:12:36,754
Is this the life that I always
imagined for myself? Fuck no.
294
00:12:36,754 --> 00:12:40,527
But this is the right fit
for me, Sugar Bear, it is.
295
00:12:40,528 --> 00:12:41,889
Okay, Mr. Wilson.
296
00:12:41,890 --> 00:12:43,711
I'm just saying, once a month,
297
00:12:43,711 --> 00:12:45,530
we could go on a little mission.
298
00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:48,700
We're human beings.
We crave purpose.
299
00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:49,996
After all, we're Deadpool.
300
00:12:49,998 --> 00:12:52,934
Please stop saying that.
We're not Deadpool.
301
00:12:52,936 --> 00:12:54,803
I'm not even Deadpool anymore.
302
00:12:54,804 --> 00:12:58,105
Well, if you're gonna have
a midlife crisis, go big.
303
00:12:58,105 --> 00:12:59,775
A few years ago,
a friend of mine
304
00:12:59,777 --> 00:13:02,828
got his nipples pierced
with a titanium chain
305
00:13:02,830 --> 00:13:05,881
that goes down and attaches
to his Van Johnson.
306
00:13:09,490 --> 00:13:11,788
Are... Are you feeling
grumplestiltskin
307
00:13:11,789 --> 00:13:13,989
'cause it's your birthday?
308
00:13:15,121 --> 00:13:16,760
What?
309
00:13:17,024 --> 00:13:18,422
No.
310
00:13:19,059 --> 00:13:20,666
No.
311
00:13:22,701 --> 00:13:25,548
Surprise!
312
00:13:25,549 --> 00:13:28,399
Hey, you guys are lucky
I'm not armed.
313
00:13:28,607 --> 00:13:29,201
Get in here.
314
00:13:29,201 --> 00:13:31,710
If this were six years ago,
you'd all be dead.
315
00:13:31,711 --> 00:13:33,645
So then, he gets out of the cab,
316
00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:34,645
and you will not believe it.
317
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,527
I turn around,
and what do I find?
318
00:13:36,528 --> 00:13:38,408
- AirPods. His AirPods.
- His AirPods!
319
00:13:38,409 --> 00:13:39,342
- Come on.
- Crazy story.
320
00:13:39,344 --> 00:13:43,216
- Every time. Come on.
- Every single time.
321
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:45,838
Make any sales today?
322
00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:47,086
You know I didn't.
323
00:13:47,087 --> 00:13:48,990
Did you sell
any dreamcatchers on Etsy
324
00:13:48,991 --> 00:13:50,596
or whatever it is that you do?
325
00:13:50,596 --> 00:13:52,566
Our rent's due
in three days, Wade.
326
00:13:52,567 --> 00:13:53,879
I can't keep carrying you.
327
00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:55,193
Relax. I have the money.
328
00:13:55,195 --> 00:13:58,131
I sold some old
blood pressure medication
329
00:13:58,133 --> 00:13:59,066
I found lying around.
330
00:13:59,067 --> 00:14:00,672
You tryin' to kill me, motherfucker?
331
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,576
I'm not the one
dousing everything in salt,
332
00:14:02,576 --> 00:14:05,205
- motherfucker.
- I pray every day
333
00:14:05,206 --> 00:14:07,008
that fire finds your body
334
00:14:07,009 --> 00:14:09,027
and finishes the job
God didn't have
335
00:14:09,028 --> 00:14:10,971
- the nuts to do.
- That's hurtful.
336
00:14:10,971 --> 00:14:12,916
If you could hear
the look on my face,
337
00:14:12,917 --> 00:14:14,384
you'd smell how sad I am.
338
00:14:14,384 --> 00:14:16,119
You watched anything good?
339
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:17,855
Great British Bake Off.
340
00:14:17,855 --> 00:14:18,480
Oh, goddamn.
341
00:14:18,481 --> 00:14:21,105
That show stood between me
and suicide for 10 years.
342
00:14:21,105 --> 00:14:23,729
Those are my feelings on
abortion, religious freedom,
343
00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:25,894
animal rights,
privacy rights, vaccines,
344
00:14:25,895 --> 00:14:28,677
free-market capitalism,
global climate change.
345
00:14:28,678 --> 00:14:31,461
Yeah, duh-duh-duh.
No, no speaking lines, Buck.
346
00:14:31,462 --> 00:14:33,683
- Hi, Yukio.
- Hi, Wade.
347
00:14:33,684 --> 00:14:35,904
Nice fake o'clock shadow.
348
00:14:35,905 --> 00:14:38,743
It's a summer balayage.
From the French.
349
00:14:38,744 --> 00:14:42,813
It's meant to mimic
the natural highlights of the sun.
350
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:44,849
- It's a toupee.
- It's a hair system.
351
00:14:44,850 --> 00:14:47,554
I love your hair system, Wade.
352
00:14:47,556 --> 00:14:48,720
Thank you. Heh.
353
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:49,479
Wanna do some cocaine?
354
00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:52,956
Hey, cocaine is the one thing
that Feige said is off limits.
355
00:14:52,956 --> 00:14:54,594
What about
Bolivian marching powder?
356
00:14:54,595 --> 00:14:56,894
They know all the slang terms.
They have a list.
357
00:14:56,894 --> 00:14:59,192
- Even snowboarding?
- Even disco dust.
358
00:14:59,193 --> 00:14:59,961
White girl interrupted?
359
00:14:59,962 --> 00:15:01,282
- Even Forrest Bump.
- Booger sugar?
360
00:15:01,283 --> 00:15:02,601
I wouldn't even try
powdered gonuts.
361
00:15:02,602 --> 00:15:07,365
- Do you wanna build a snowman?
- Yes. But I can't.
362
00:15:08,466 --> 00:15:09,609
Pull here.
363
00:15:09,610 --> 00:15:10,643
- Here?
- Yeah.
364
00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:14,307
- What happened?
- That's the fun part.
365
00:15:15,010 --> 00:15:16,583
Thanks for coming.
366
00:15:16,585 --> 00:15:17,616
Yeah.
367
00:15:17,618 --> 00:15:18,650
How's work?
368
00:15:18,652 --> 00:15:20,720
Oh, I got a promotion.
369
00:15:21,082 --> 00:15:21,543
No way.
370
00:15:21,544 --> 00:15:25,450
Yeah. It's mind-numbing middle
management, but I'm happy.
371
00:15:25,451 --> 00:15:27,088
That's great.
372
00:15:27,859 --> 00:15:30,322
- You, uh, seeing anyone?
- How about you?
373
00:15:30,828 --> 00:15:32,664
Um... Yeah.
374
00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:35,602
A guy from work. Dermot.
375
00:15:35,604 --> 00:15:36,525
Dermot.
376
00:15:36,527 --> 00:15:38,066
- He's kind.
- Good.
377
00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:39,605
Likes to go hiking.
378
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:41,586
Hasn't gotten me shot yet.
379
00:15:41,586 --> 00:15:43,567
Well, it's the early days.
380
00:15:47,076 --> 00:15:49,572
What about you?
You seeing anyone?
381
00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:50,177
Mm...
382
00:15:50,177 --> 00:15:51,981
No, no, I live
in a one-bedroom apartment.
383
00:15:51,982 --> 00:15:54,313
I share a bed with Blind Al.
384
00:15:55,051 --> 00:15:56,952
Okay.
385
00:15:56,953 --> 00:15:59,253
- All right.
- All right.
386
00:15:59,549 --> 00:16:02,239
♪ Happy birthday
to you ♪
387
00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:05,085
- Speech! Speech!
- Yes!
388
00:16:05,086 --> 00:16:07,932
All right.
Okay, okay, okay. Uh...
389
00:16:08,196 --> 00:16:08,965
Birthdays.
390
00:16:08,966 --> 00:16:10,836
Boy, every spin around the moon
391
00:16:10,836 --> 00:16:11,703
is a new adventure indeed.
392
00:16:11,705 --> 00:16:14,938
- Sun, dumbass.
- Okay, round-earther.
393
00:16:15,235 --> 00:16:17,908
- Where was I?
- The adventure of life.
394
00:16:17,909 --> 00:16:18,600
Right. Um...
395
00:16:18,601 --> 00:16:20,338
It's been
a challenging few years.
396
00:16:20,340 --> 00:16:22,076
Haven't seen you guys
in a while.
397
00:16:22,077 --> 00:16:24,562
Been through a lot,
uh, change of life.
398
00:16:24,563 --> 00:16:27,049
- Menopause?
- Bitch, are you improv-ing?
399
00:16:27,051 --> 00:16:28,820
- Mm-mm.
- Sorry.
400
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,724
I'm sorry that
you had to see that, Yukio.
401
00:16:30,725 --> 00:16:33,693
- It's okay.
- Yeah.
402
00:16:34,090 --> 00:16:35,760
But I'm happy.
403
00:16:35,761 --> 00:16:36,894
You know, and that's... that's
404
00:16:36,894 --> 00:16:39,346
because of each
and every one of you.
405
00:16:39,347 --> 00:16:41,542
I guess,
what I'm trying to say is
406
00:16:41,543 --> 00:16:43,736
how proud I am,
how grateful I am
407
00:16:43,738 --> 00:16:44,802
to be standing in a room
408
00:16:44,803 --> 00:16:48,235
with every single person I love.
409
00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:55,682
I'm the luckiest man alive.
410
00:16:57,575 --> 00:16:58,311
Make a wish, buddy.
411
00:16:58,312 --> 00:17:01,513
Ten-four, good buddy.
412
00:17:01,514 --> 00:17:03,152
Going down.
413
00:17:08,894 --> 00:17:09,861
Wade Wilson?
414
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:10,961
Oh, yeah. Dancers.
415
00:17:10,961 --> 00:17:12,731
Dopinder must have ordered you.
416
00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:15,031
Are those supposed
to be cop costumes?
417
00:17:15,032 --> 00:17:15,900
Never mind.
418
00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:18,596
Take your clothes off
but leave the helmets.
419
00:17:18,596 --> 00:17:20,184
And this isn't Pretty Woman.
420
00:17:20,185 --> 00:17:21,773
We're kissing. All right?
421
00:17:21,775 --> 00:17:24,810
What song do you guys
normally dance to?
422
00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:28,210
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
423
00:17:28,211 --> 00:17:29,375
Is that supposed to be scary?
424
00:17:29,375 --> 00:17:31,674
Pegging isn't new for me, friendo.
425
00:17:31,675 --> 00:17:33,126
But it is for Disney.
426
00:17:33,127 --> 00:17:34,577
Ah, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta!
427
00:17:34,578 --> 00:17:36,596
Okay, I've never been
a natural bottom,
428
00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:38,778
so we're gonna
take things real slow.
429
00:17:38,778 --> 00:17:40,959
And I want some
crazy eye contact.
430
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:41,617
Not you.
You.
431
00:17:41,618 --> 00:17:43,961
Can't see your eyes through the mask,
but I can feel them.
432
00:17:43,962 --> 00:17:45,522
We're gonna move on
down the hallway
433
00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:47,657
so we can spare a cleanup
on aisle asshole.
434
00:17:47,659 --> 00:17:49,560
How's everyone feel
about this plan?
435
00:17:49,561 --> 00:17:50,263
I don't like you.
436
00:17:50,265 --> 00:17:52,596
Yes. Let's hold on
to that attitude.
437
00:17:52,597 --> 00:17:54,807
And we're gonna do it angry.
438
00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:14,387
Mr. Wilson...
439
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:18,127
you appear to have soiled
yourself while unconscious.
440
00:18:18,128 --> 00:18:21,031
I wasn't unconscious.
Who are you?
441
00:18:21,032 --> 00:18:22,593
I go by the name of Paradox.
442
00:18:22,594 --> 00:18:26,663
Mr. Paradox. And you're
sitting here at the TVA.
443
00:18:26,664 --> 00:18:28,598
The Time Variance Authority.
444
00:18:28,599 --> 00:18:30,634
We're really
a watchdog organization,
445
00:18:30,634 --> 00:18:33,572
except we're more lighthearted
than that sounds,
446
00:18:33,573 --> 00:18:37,048
with a sort of
throwback, ironic twist.
447
00:18:37,048 --> 00:18:38,951
And we're in charge of defending
448
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:40,853
what's known
as the Sacred Timeline.
449
00:18:40,854 --> 00:18:44,583
Holy fuck. That is a shit-ton
of exposition for a threequel.
450
00:18:44,584 --> 00:18:46,739
Is this because
I used Cable's time machine?
451
00:18:46,740 --> 00:18:48,894
Brought a couple of people
back to life,
452
00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:49,653
then I destroyed it.
453
00:18:49,653 --> 00:18:50,895
- That was a long time ago.
- Yes,
454
00:18:50,896 --> 00:18:53,744
we're aware of your abuse
of your timeline.
455
00:18:53,746 --> 00:18:56,654
And you were so abusive of it.
456
00:18:56,655 --> 00:18:59,565
Uh, no, it has nothing
to do with that.
457
00:18:59,566 --> 00:19:01,203
Walk with me.
458
00:19:05,846 --> 00:19:09,079
I brought you here,
Mr. Wilson, to tell you
459
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:10,575
that you're special.
460
00:19:10,576 --> 00:19:13,986
In fact, you've been chosen
for a higher purpose,
461
00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:16,548
a purpose unclear even to me.
462
00:19:16,549 --> 00:19:18,286
But one that could
463
00:19:18,287 --> 00:19:20,959
save the entire Sacred Timeline
464
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,930
from a possibly grisly fate
sometime in the future,
465
00:19:23,931 --> 00:19:27,230
which may very well
need to be...
466
00:19:27,230 --> 00:19:28,790
avenged.
467
00:19:28,791 --> 00:19:31,201
This Sacred Timeline,
468
00:19:31,464 --> 00:19:34,171
I assume I'm going to marvel
469
00:19:34,172 --> 00:19:35,699
at how
470
00:19:35,700 --> 00:19:37,271
cinematic it feels?
471
00:19:37,272 --> 00:19:38,845
Gratuitous cameos,
472
00:19:38,846 --> 00:19:41,705
indiscriminate use of
Variants, the whole package?
473
00:19:41,707 --> 00:19:43,542
Well, you tell me.
474
00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:52,320
Cap!
475
00:19:58,590 --> 00:20:01,174
You are no longer lost, Wade.
476
00:20:01,175 --> 00:20:03,759
You can be a hero among heroes.
477
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:06,170
We've been surveilling you
for quite a while.
478
00:20:06,171 --> 00:20:10,240
- Subway station.
- A TVA outpost, yes.
479
00:20:10,537 --> 00:20:12,703
- And what is that?
- Hmm?
480
00:20:14,771 --> 00:20:17,048
Is that me? Is that Thor?
481
00:20:17,510 --> 00:20:19,077
- Is he crying?
- Uh, let's not
482
00:20:19,078 --> 00:20:20,532
get ahead of ourselves.
483
00:20:20,534 --> 00:20:22,124
That happens
in the distant future.
484
00:20:22,125 --> 00:20:23,713
Why is Thor crying?
Quick! Tell me.
485
00:20:23,714 --> 00:20:25,749
Do not speak to her.
Stop that. Eyes on me.
486
00:20:25,750 --> 00:20:27,785
I brought you here
to offer you an opportunity.
487
00:20:27,786 --> 00:20:29,703
The opportunity
you sought years ago,
488
00:20:29,704 --> 00:20:31,624
but for which
you were not ready.
489
00:20:31,625 --> 00:20:32,855
We believe you're ready now.
490
00:20:32,855 --> 00:20:34,895
Ready for a chance
to leave your timeline
491
00:20:34,896 --> 00:20:36,935
and join the greatest
universe of all.
492
00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:39,467
I am about to give you the thing
you've always wanted.
493
00:20:39,468 --> 00:20:41,099
Oh, I smell
what you're steppin' in.
494
00:20:41,101 --> 00:20:42,733
The power in the Marvel Universe
495
00:20:42,734 --> 00:20:44,769
is about to change forever.
496
00:20:46,210 --> 00:20:47,704
I am the Messiah...
497
00:20:50,049 --> 00:20:52,742
I am...
498
00:20:52,743 --> 00:20:55,416
...Marvel Jesus.
499
00:20:55,747 --> 00:20:57,584
Can you excuse me
for just a moment?
500
00:20:57,585 --> 00:20:59,883
I'm just gonna go over here.
501
00:21:02,490 --> 00:21:03,819
Suck it, Fox!
502
00:21:03,820 --> 00:21:05,541
I'm going to Disneyland.
503
00:21:05,542 --> 00:21:07,263
Get fucked!
504
00:21:10,233 --> 00:21:10,859
Where do I sign?
505
00:21:10,861 --> 00:21:12,828
Oh, there's no need
for paperwork.
506
00:21:12,829 --> 00:21:14,798
Good. Not to brag,
but I do not read.
507
00:21:14,799 --> 00:21:15,435
Oh.
508
00:21:15,436 --> 00:21:18,406
There is one thing
I will need, though.
509
00:21:21,873 --> 00:21:24,577
Oh, fuck off!
510
00:21:24,578 --> 00:21:27,152
Adorn me, Beardo.
511
00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:48,535
Fuckin' A!
512
00:21:48,536 --> 00:21:50,141
Uhh! It's perfect! FYI,
513
00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:54,113
your tailor is a predator,
but I love it. Snug.
514
00:21:54,114 --> 00:21:54,805
No camel toe.
515
00:21:54,806 --> 00:21:58,777
New car smell
and adamantium katanas?
516
00:21:58,778 --> 00:22:00,432
You shouldn't have.
517
00:22:00,432 --> 00:22:02,086
Go ahead. Take it in.
518
00:22:02,087 --> 00:22:05,025
And yes, your underwear
is getting tighter.
519
00:22:05,026 --> 00:22:06,823
That guy knows
what I'm talking about.
520
00:22:06,824 --> 00:22:09,191
His clothes says
middle management,
521
00:22:09,192 --> 00:22:11,558
but his eyes say fuck-y fuck-y.
522
00:22:11,559 --> 00:22:13,560
Yes. You look very nice.
523
00:22:13,561 --> 00:22:14,263
"Nice"?
524
00:22:14,265 --> 00:22:16,498
Your buddy here is ready
to throw it all away for me.
525
00:22:16,499 --> 00:22:17,564
- You callin' your wife?
- HR.
526
00:22:17,565 --> 00:22:18,730
Does your wife work in HR?
527
00:22:18,730 --> 00:22:21,536
I'm really glad
you're taking this so well.
528
00:22:21,537 --> 00:22:23,009
Oh, I'm taking it well.
529
00:22:23,009 --> 00:22:25,672
I have never had a problem
traveling for work.
530
00:22:25,673 --> 00:22:27,705
That said,
we should talk vacation days.
531
00:22:27,707 --> 00:22:30,511
I'm more of a one-week-on-
one-week-off kind of guy.
532
00:22:30,512 --> 00:22:31,676
I think it's what they do
in Denmark.
533
00:22:31,678 --> 00:22:33,712
You know, you'll never see
a Danish flag on the moon,
534
00:22:33,713 --> 00:22:35,516
but goddamn it, they're happy.
535
00:22:35,517 --> 00:22:38,883
Now, let's power up your
little Amazon Fire phone there
536
00:22:38,884 --> 00:22:39,684
and zip me back home
537
00:22:39,685 --> 00:22:42,490
so I can let my friends know
that they've been upgraded
538
00:22:42,491 --> 00:22:43,127
to disciples.
539
00:22:43,128 --> 00:22:45,927
Yeah. I don't think you...
quite understand.
540
00:22:45,929 --> 00:22:48,912
Um, you will not be returning
to your home
541
00:22:48,913 --> 00:22:51,895
because there will be
no home to return to.
542
00:22:51,896 --> 00:22:52,797
Come again?
543
00:22:52,798 --> 00:22:54,733
This time in my ears.
544
00:22:57,802 --> 00:23:01,971
This is your universe,
Mr. Wilson.
545
00:23:02,082 --> 00:23:02,939
That
546
00:23:02,940 --> 00:23:04,974
is what happens when a universe
547
00:23:04,976 --> 00:23:06,942
loses their Anchor Being.
548
00:23:06,943 --> 00:23:08,912
See how it decays
from the inside?
549
00:23:08,913 --> 00:23:11,865
- This is how a reality dies.
- What's an Anchor Being?
550
00:23:11,866 --> 00:23:14,819
An Anchor Being is an entity
of such vital importance
551
00:23:14,820 --> 00:23:15,556
that when they die,
552
00:23:15,557 --> 00:23:18,625
their whole world slowly
withers out of existence.
553
00:23:18,625 --> 00:23:21,347
You've just won the lottery
because I didn't die.
554
00:23:21,348 --> 00:23:24,070
It was just a little midlife
crisis. I'm better now.
555
00:23:24,071 --> 00:23:27,205
Oh, no, no, no.
556
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:32,704
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, I love to laugh.
557
00:23:32,705 --> 00:23:35,576
Can you imagine
if you were the Anchor Being?
558
00:23:35,577 --> 00:23:38,397
- Yeah.
- Oh!
559
00:23:38,398 --> 00:23:41,220
- Yeah.
- No, it isn't you, Mr. Wilson.
560
00:23:41,221 --> 00:23:42,352
Your Anchor Being died
561
00:23:42,353 --> 00:23:45,256
in an act
of self-sacrifice so epic
562
00:23:45,257 --> 00:23:48,161
that it sent shivers
down the Timeline.
563
00:23:48,162 --> 00:23:52,164
I am referring, of course, to...
564
00:23:52,791 --> 00:23:57,269
Logan. The Wolverine.
565
00:23:59,501 --> 00:24:03,170
Don't be what they made you.
566
00:24:11,910 --> 00:24:15,781
Ah, so this is
what it feels like...
567
00:24:16,816 --> 00:24:18,653
Logan.
568
00:24:18,884 --> 00:24:20,391
Of course.
569
00:24:20,622 --> 00:24:22,051
Logan.
570
00:24:24,290 --> 00:24:25,527
Logan?
571
00:24:25,528 --> 00:24:27,430
The guy with forks for hands?
572
00:24:27,431 --> 00:24:29,564
That Wolverine?
573
00:24:29,565 --> 00:24:31,698
Yeah, I got it.
You can turn your
574
00:24:31,699 --> 00:24:34,141
retro graphics of death
off now. Make it stop.
575
00:24:34,142 --> 00:24:35,867
We're not doing it,
Mr. Wilson.
576
00:24:35,868 --> 00:24:37,903
We certainly can't stop it.
577
00:24:38,970 --> 00:24:40,036
How long have we got?
578
00:24:40,037 --> 00:24:42,021
In most cases,
couple thousand years.
579
00:24:42,022 --> 00:24:44,269
- Well, sweet.
- Well, most cases
580
00:24:44,269 --> 00:24:45,974
aren't fast enough.
Not for me.
581
00:24:45,976 --> 00:24:47,846
What does that mean?
582
00:24:47,846 --> 00:24:49,715
It means that I have been tasked
583
00:24:49,717 --> 00:24:52,587
with overseeing
the end of your universe.
584
00:24:52,588 --> 00:24:53,356
And regardless of what
585
00:24:53,357 --> 00:24:55,690
the pencil pushers upstairs
would prefer,
586
00:24:55,691 --> 00:24:56,260
I will not
587
00:24:56,261 --> 00:24:59,826
waste my life watching it die
slowly of natural causes.
588
00:24:59,826 --> 00:25:01,942
We used to just prune
these things. Simple.
589
00:25:01,943 --> 00:25:04,222
Elegant. Efficient.
But I'm told the TVA
590
00:25:04,223 --> 00:25:06,346
doesn't like to do that
anymore. Well, I do.
591
00:25:06,347 --> 00:25:08,943
And no matter what
my so-called superiors say,
592
00:25:08,944 --> 00:25:11,540
the multiverse does not
need a babysitter.
593
00:25:11,541 --> 00:25:13,207
We need a mercy killer.
594
00:25:13,208 --> 00:25:14,873
And in this instance,
595
00:25:14,874 --> 00:25:18,877
I am the mercy killer. Ha!
596
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:23,848
What in the MacGuffin is that?
597
00:25:23,849 --> 00:25:26,885
That's
a Time Ripper, Mr. Wilson.
598
00:25:26,886 --> 00:25:27,984
An accelerant.
599
00:25:27,986 --> 00:25:30,758
Once completed,
it will allow me to destroy
600
00:25:30,759 --> 00:25:33,161
the spacetime matrix
of your universe.
601
00:25:33,162 --> 00:25:35,565
You see, I don't want
to work for the TVA.
602
00:25:35,566 --> 00:25:36,796
I want to be the TVA.
603
00:25:36,797 --> 00:25:39,964
And the first step involves
showing this organization
604
00:25:39,965 --> 00:25:41,916
how much more efficient
it can become.
605
00:25:41,917 --> 00:25:43,869
To wit, I will be
giving your universe
606
00:25:43,871 --> 00:25:45,970
a swift and compassionate end.
607
00:25:45,971 --> 00:25:47,477
And don't worry, your friends
won't feel a thing.
608
00:25:47,478 --> 00:25:51,680
It'll be over just like this.
"Oh, what's that?"
609
00:25:51,778 --> 00:25:53,318
Trust me.
610
00:26:04,759 --> 00:26:07,564
You're gonna Old Yeller
my fucking universe?
611
00:26:07,565 --> 00:26:09,565
Mm... In your parlance, yes.
612
00:26:09,566 --> 00:26:10,895
Two in the heart,
one in the head.
613
00:26:10,896 --> 00:26:12,766
Look, Mr. Wilson,
you have two choices.
614
00:26:12,767 --> 00:26:14,834
You can either rejoin
your loved ones
615
00:26:14,835 --> 00:26:16,903
and collectively cease
to exist in,
616
00:26:16,903 --> 00:26:19,806
I'd say, 72 hours. Or...
617
00:26:19,807 --> 00:26:22,071
you join the Sacred Timeline.
618
00:26:22,073 --> 00:26:25,076
And you end your days
of insignificance
619
00:26:25,076 --> 00:26:27,451
and mediocrity.
620
00:26:27,452 --> 00:26:28,781
Wade.
621
00:26:28,782 --> 00:26:30,851
Wade, you can finally,
622
00:26:30,852 --> 00:26:33,920
finally matter.
623
00:26:42,566 --> 00:26:45,305
That's all
I've ever really wanted.
624
00:26:45,306 --> 00:26:47,097
I know.
625
00:26:47,197 --> 00:26:48,471
I know.
626
00:26:48,472 --> 00:26:50,970
And you know I'm...
I'm nothing if not
627
00:26:50,971 --> 00:26:53,104
morally flexible.
628
00:26:55,039 --> 00:26:56,744
Yep, yep.
629
00:26:58,208 --> 00:26:59,142
I'll do it.
630
00:26:59,143 --> 00:27:00,076
Wise choice.
631
00:27:00,077 --> 00:27:01,550
The Sacred Timeline's happy
to have you.
632
00:27:01,551 --> 00:27:03,701
I was actually
talking about finding
633
00:27:03,702 --> 00:27:05,853
the Wolverine and breaking
your fucking nose.
634
00:27:09,297 --> 00:27:13,096
♪ And I'd give up forever
to touch you ♪
635
00:27:13,096 --> 00:27:16,896
♪ 'Cause I know
that you feel me somehow ♪
636
00:27:18,865 --> 00:27:20,866
Find him. Find him!
637
00:27:20,867 --> 00:27:23,474
And boy, did he ever.
638
00:27:24,740 --> 00:27:27,171
Which brings us back to this.
639
00:27:27,941 --> 00:27:30,074
The desecration
of the sacred corpse.
640
00:27:34,782 --> 00:27:37,213
Oh, my God!
641
00:27:37,555 --> 00:27:40,656
Oh! My own fucking arm!
642
00:27:43,121 --> 00:27:45,155
Now we're talkin'!
643
00:27:45,156 --> 00:27:46,827
Not like this!
644
00:27:46,828 --> 00:27:48,465
No, dear God! No!
645
00:27:48,467 --> 00:27:51,063
I'm sorry!
Wolverine-ing is hard!
646
00:27:51,064 --> 00:27:52,449
Make it stop!
647
00:27:52,450 --> 00:27:53,835
Mangold tried.
648
00:27:56,705 --> 00:27:58,256
You sick fuck!
649
00:27:58,257 --> 00:27:59,807
Logan was a hero.
650
00:27:59,807 --> 00:28:01,578
And the only thing worth a shit
651
00:28:01,579 --> 00:28:03,614
to ever come out of Canada.
652
00:28:10,521 --> 00:28:12,986
Get my country's name
653
00:28:12,987 --> 00:28:15,955
out of your fuckin' mouth.
654
00:28:16,055 --> 00:28:18,728
And my sword. Give me that.
655
00:28:21,059 --> 00:28:24,194
Oh, I gotta find me
another Logan.
656
00:28:24,195 --> 00:28:24,997
An alive one.
657
00:28:24,998 --> 00:28:27,736
Don't get up, guys.
I'll see myself out.
658
00:28:35,645 --> 00:28:37,076
Logan!
659
00:28:39,616 --> 00:28:42,388
I'm gonna need you
to come with me.
660
00:28:42,950 --> 00:28:44,721
Who's asking?
661
00:28:45,589 --> 00:28:47,723
Oh, look at
this little Hairy Lou Retton.
662
00:28:47,724 --> 00:28:50,661
Did you stick the landing,
little guy?
663
00:28:50,662 --> 00:28:51,528
Yes, you did!
664
00:28:51,529 --> 00:28:53,564
Comic-accurate short king.
665
00:28:53,565 --> 00:28:55,247
Such a cute wittle Wolvie.
666
00:28:55,248 --> 00:28:56,930
Cue the fuckin' montage, baby.
667
00:28:56,931 --> 00:28:58,932
Ahoy!
668
00:28:58,933 --> 00:29:01,507
Everything seems to be on fire.
669
00:29:01,508 --> 00:29:02,605
You have a dragon?
670
00:29:02,606 --> 00:29:05,906
Ooh, you have Anchor Being
written all over...
671
00:29:09,272 --> 00:29:13,585
♪ Make a one man weep,
make another man sing ♪
672
00:29:13,586 --> 00:29:15,751
♪ Change a hawk... ♪
673
00:29:15,752 --> 00:29:16,246
Patch!
674
00:29:16,247 --> 00:29:20,426
Oh, now we're talkin'.
675
00:29:20,625 --> 00:29:21,723
Oh, yeah.
676
00:29:21,724 --> 00:29:24,991
That's the whole goddamn
package right there.
677
00:29:25,564 --> 00:29:26,057
Howdy!
678
00:29:26,058 --> 00:29:29,210
I'm just... I'm auditioning
Anchor Beings.
679
00:29:29,211 --> 00:29:32,362
Oh. Yeah, that's gonna need
some coconut oil.
680
00:29:36,471 --> 00:29:38,169
What in the fuck?
681
00:29:38,170 --> 00:29:40,512
Are you okay?
682
00:29:40,513 --> 00:29:41,138
Oh, yes, yes.
683
00:29:41,140 --> 00:29:42,910
Classic John Byrne
brown and tan.
684
00:29:42,911 --> 00:29:45,011
Now, you fought the Hulk
in this outfit. No?
685
00:29:47,515 --> 00:29:50,017
I'm Marvel Jesus,
you dull creature,
686
00:29:50,018 --> 00:29:50,752
and I will not...
687
00:29:59,961 --> 00:30:04,195
It's not you. We're just going
in a different direction.
688
00:30:06,737 --> 00:30:07,506
You know, from behind,
689
00:30:07,507 --> 00:30:08,788
you look a little bit
like Henry...
690
00:30:08,788 --> 00:30:10,980
Oh, my fuck!
691
00:30:10,980 --> 00:30:13,171
The Cavillrine.
The legends are true.
692
00:30:13,172 --> 00:30:16,747
And may I say, sir,
on behalf of all humanity,
693
00:30:16,748 --> 00:30:18,483
this just feels right.
694
00:30:18,484 --> 00:30:19,881
We will treat you so much better
695
00:30:19,882 --> 00:30:21,179
than those shit fucks
down the street.
696
00:30:21,180 --> 00:30:23,648
- You were just leavin'.
- No, sir.
697
00:30:23,650 --> 00:30:26,118
Not while the fate
of my universe is at...
698
00:30:30,057 --> 00:30:31,861
This one looks promising.
699
00:30:31,862 --> 00:30:33,698
Down you go.
700
00:30:34,567 --> 00:30:35,962
Again.
701
00:30:35,963 --> 00:30:38,461
I told you.
You're not welcome here.
702
00:30:38,461 --> 00:30:39,632
You're not welcome anywhere.
703
00:30:39,633 --> 00:30:40,802
Now get the fuck out of my bar.
704
00:30:40,804 --> 00:30:43,674
Just give me one more drink
and then I'll leave.
705
00:30:43,675 --> 00:30:45,467
That's not how it works.
706
00:30:45,468 --> 00:30:48,272
It does now.
Leave the bottle.
707
00:30:48,273 --> 00:30:49,207
I know you, bub?
708
00:30:49,208 --> 00:30:51,594
Nope. But I know you.
709
00:30:51,595 --> 00:30:53,981
Everybody knows me.
710
00:30:54,817 --> 00:30:56,049
I'm the Wolverine.
711
00:30:56,050 --> 00:30:57,753
Yes, you are.
712
00:30:57,755 --> 00:31:01,121
And I'm gonna need you
to come with me right now.
713
00:31:01,451 --> 00:31:03,056
Look, lady, I'm not interested.
714
00:31:03,057 --> 00:31:04,663
Really gettin'
into your cups here.
715
00:31:04,663 --> 00:31:06,863
Why would I go with you?
716
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:09,194
Because, unfortunately,
717
00:31:09,195 --> 00:31:09,798
I need you,
718
00:31:09,799 --> 00:31:15,036
and even more unfortunately,
my entire world needs you.
719
00:31:15,037 --> 00:31:17,401
You two gonna fuck or fight?
720
00:31:20,547 --> 00:31:22,108
You gonna take that from him?
721
00:31:22,109 --> 00:31:23,174
Yep.
722
00:31:23,175 --> 00:31:25,474
I can tell you have a sort
of don't-get-too-close-
723
00:31:25,476 --> 00:31:27,619
I'll-only-break-your-heart
vibe going here,
724
00:31:27,621 --> 00:31:28,586
but every other Wolverine
725
00:31:28,587 --> 00:31:29,737
would've really hurt me by now.
726
00:31:29,738 --> 00:31:30,885
And I'm sort of
on the tick-tick.
727
00:31:30,886 --> 00:31:32,691
- So, upsy-daisy. Here we go.
- Whoa, whoa.
728
00:31:32,692 --> 00:31:33,923
- Up you go.
- Hey, hey!
729
00:31:33,923 --> 00:31:35,792
I got you, big guy.
730
00:31:36,694 --> 00:31:38,092
Oh.
731
00:31:38,762 --> 00:31:39,631
Whiskey dick of the claws.
732
00:31:39,632 --> 00:31:41,666
It's quite common
in Wolverines over 40.
733
00:31:41,667 --> 00:31:42,392
You don't want this.
734
00:31:42,393 --> 00:31:45,066
You're right. I don't.
And you don't want this.
735
00:31:45,067 --> 00:31:46,804
Unless you wanna
take a deep breath
736
00:31:46,805 --> 00:31:48,102
through your fuckin' forehead,
737
00:31:48,103 --> 00:31:50,467
I suggest you reconsider.
738
00:31:50,468 --> 00:31:52,172
Let's go, peanut.
739
00:31:55,846 --> 00:31:58,651
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
740
00:31:58,652 --> 00:32:00,180
Watch this.
741
00:32:00,509 --> 00:32:03,182
All right. That... Whoa.
742
00:32:03,183 --> 00:32:04,821
Easy.
743
00:32:07,857 --> 00:32:08,825
Good God.
744
00:32:08,826 --> 00:32:11,928
Thirsty little honey badger,
aren't ya?
745
00:32:12,159 --> 00:32:13,521
It's okay. Keep goin'.
746
00:32:13,522 --> 00:32:16,701
Audiences are accustomed
to long run times.
747
00:32:21,201 --> 00:32:23,940
Guess you'll have to do.
748
00:32:23,941 --> 00:32:25,678
Okay, here we...
749
00:32:25,875 --> 00:32:28,680
Oh! Look at those jammies.
750
00:32:28,681 --> 00:32:31,627
That only took 20 fucking years.
751
00:32:31,628 --> 00:32:34,576
One Anchor Being
coming right up!
752
00:32:34,577 --> 00:32:36,099
On your left, baby girl.
753
00:32:36,101 --> 00:32:37,623
This Logan has the same
754
00:32:37,624 --> 00:32:39,839
he-can-do-anything-
even-musicals look.
755
00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:42,057
And bonus, he's actually
wearing a costume
756
00:32:42,057 --> 00:32:43,557
like he's not embarrassed to be
757
00:32:43,558 --> 00:32:45,059
in a superhero movie for once.
758
00:32:45,060 --> 00:32:46,555
I don't understand.
759
00:32:46,556 --> 00:32:47,457
You said my universe is dying
760
00:32:47,458 --> 00:32:49,965
because this sack of nuts
got himself killed.
761
00:32:49,967 --> 00:32:52,528
- Well, problem solved.
- My God.
762
00:32:52,528 --> 00:32:57,710
You actually think you can
replace an Anchor Being
763
00:32:57,711 --> 00:32:58,842
with this?
764
00:32:58,843 --> 00:33:01,978
I wouldn't have accepted
any other Wolverine, BT dubs.
765
00:33:01,979 --> 00:33:03,814
But you have outdone yourself
766
00:33:03,815 --> 00:33:05,799
and brought me
the worst Wolverine!
767
00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:07,786
What do you mean, the worst one?
768
00:33:07,787 --> 00:33:08,720
Mr. Wilson.
769
00:33:08,721 --> 00:33:12,614
This Wolverine let down
his entire world.
770
00:33:12,615 --> 00:33:15,694
He's the stuff of legend,
but not in a good way.
771
00:33:15,695 --> 00:33:17,058
And what he did,
772
00:33:17,059 --> 00:33:17,761
well,
773
00:33:17,762 --> 00:33:21,194
some things are just
beyond forgiveness.
774
00:33:23,065 --> 00:33:23,558
Okay.
775
00:33:23,559 --> 00:33:26,805
How do I... How do I make
this right? I'll do anything.
776
00:33:26,806 --> 00:33:29,631
I gave you
a chance at greatness.
777
00:33:29,632 --> 00:33:32,470
Because my superiors
deemed you "special."
778
00:33:32,471 --> 00:33:34,273
Clearly not special
in a good way.
779
00:33:34,275 --> 00:33:35,042
Apparently you have some
780
00:33:35,044 --> 00:33:37,540
important future purpose
to serve.
781
00:33:37,541 --> 00:33:38,684
With Thor. He holds me.
782
00:33:38,685 --> 00:33:40,048
But I did my duty.
783
00:33:40,048 --> 00:33:42,215
I gave you the opportunity
to be somebody.
784
00:33:42,217 --> 00:33:43,986
And instead of
accepting my offering
785
00:33:43,987 --> 00:33:47,056
with humility and gratitude,
you broke my nose.
786
00:33:47,057 --> 00:33:47,791
It looks great.
787
00:33:47,792 --> 00:33:49,459
And you decimated
dozens of my men
788
00:33:49,460 --> 00:33:51,125
with the exhumed corpse
of a hero.
789
00:33:51,125 --> 00:33:53,963
Dishonoring not only
his remains but his memory.
790
00:33:53,964 --> 00:33:55,460
What are you, the Internet?
791
00:33:55,461 --> 00:33:57,230
Your world is dying!
792
00:33:57,231 --> 00:33:59,000
Thank you very much.
793
00:33:59,001 --> 00:34:01,103
And there's no stopping it.
794
00:34:02,136 --> 00:34:04,204
The humane thing to do
795
00:34:04,205 --> 00:34:04,941
is to make it quick.
796
00:34:04,942 --> 00:34:07,240
Is the thought
of vaporizing my universe
797
00:34:07,241 --> 00:34:08,257
making you peckish?
798
00:34:08,259 --> 00:34:09,275
I'm eating my feelings.
799
00:34:09,275 --> 00:34:10,717
I'm about to lose everything
that I've ever cared about
800
00:34:10,717 --> 00:34:14,610
because that hairy thundercunt
from down undercunt
801
00:34:14,612 --> 00:34:15,248
finally dies,
802
00:34:15,248 --> 00:34:17,789
and he's standing
right behind me, isn't he?
803
00:34:17,791 --> 00:34:19,791
Welcome to the MCU, by the way.
804
00:34:19,791 --> 00:34:21,909
You're joining at a bit
of a low point.
805
00:34:21,909 --> 00:34:23,699
As for you,
I wanna talk to your boss.
806
00:34:23,699 --> 00:34:25,612
I want you to get him
on the phone
807
00:34:25,612 --> 00:34:27,523
and you tell him, her, or them,
808
00:34:27,525 --> 00:34:30,835
that Marvel H. Christ
isn't playing.
809
00:34:35,632 --> 00:34:37,137
Holy shit.
810
00:34:37,139 --> 00:34:38,744
I just heard a symphony
811
00:34:38,744 --> 00:34:41,208
of buttholes clenching
all at once.
812
00:34:41,210 --> 00:34:41,813
You're off grid.
813
00:34:41,813 --> 00:34:43,672
Your bosses don't know
what you sick fucks
814
00:34:43,673 --> 00:34:44,639
are doing down here.
815
00:34:44,641 --> 00:34:45,574
Well, I'll tell you what.
816
00:34:45,576 --> 00:34:47,786
I have a black belt in Karen...
817
00:34:47,788 --> 00:34:48,710
And I'm gonna go upstairs
818
00:34:48,710 --> 00:34:52,153
and I'm gonna tell 'em
all about you and your...
819
00:34:52,155 --> 00:34:54,056
Oh, silence is nice, isn't it?
820
00:34:54,057 --> 00:34:54,891
Where the fuck did he go?
821
00:34:54,893 --> 00:34:57,554
To the trash heap.
You'll fit right in.
822
00:34:58,858 --> 00:35:00,161
Whew.
823
00:35:00,161 --> 00:35:02,394
That was close.
824
00:35:21,985 --> 00:35:25,153
Don't just stand there, you ape.
825
00:35:25,155 --> 00:35:26,791
Give me a hand up.
826
00:35:26,793 --> 00:35:28,452
Nope. I'm actually okay.
827
00:35:28,454 --> 00:35:31,963
Thank you very much.
828
00:35:31,963 --> 00:35:33,061
Where the hell are we?
829
00:35:33,063 --> 00:35:35,559
I don't know.
Looks kind of Mad Max-y.
830
00:35:35,561 --> 00:35:38,134
But that would be
IP infringement, right?
831
00:35:38,135 --> 00:35:39,034
Fucking jokes.
832
00:35:42,731 --> 00:35:43,875
Fuck! Fuck.
833
00:35:43,876 --> 00:35:45,106
Were you even listening
back there?
834
00:35:45,108 --> 00:35:48,539
If we don't make it back
to that Mr. Paradox asshole,
835
00:35:48,541 --> 00:35:50,079
everyone I know is gonna die.
836
00:35:50,081 --> 00:35:51,762
Not my fuckin' problem.
837
00:35:51,764 --> 00:35:53,445
Oh, is that all you got?
838
00:35:53,445 --> 00:35:56,822
Is that what you said
when your world went to shit?
839
00:35:56,824 --> 00:35:59,137
Come again?
840
00:35:59,139 --> 00:36:01,378
Yeah, I heard all about you.
841
00:36:01,380 --> 00:36:03,621
How you screwed up everything.
842
00:36:03,621 --> 00:36:04,456
You should be thankin' me
843
00:36:04,456 --> 00:36:06,809
for pulling you out
of that bed you shit in.
844
00:36:06,811 --> 00:36:09,164
You back-stabbing
son of a bitch!
845
00:36:14,731 --> 00:36:16,804
Are you ready to be calm now?
846
00:36:23,211 --> 00:36:25,014
Rest in pieces, Fox.
847
00:36:40,228 --> 00:36:43,001
I don't want to fight you, peanut.
848
00:36:43,166 --> 00:36:44,793
Doesn't matter what you did.
849
00:36:44,793 --> 00:36:47,434
I just need your help.
850
00:36:48,005 --> 00:36:50,371
I don't fuckin' care.
851
00:36:51,074 --> 00:36:52,976
Uh... Uh-oh.
852
00:36:58,213 --> 00:37:01,646
Fuck. This is gonna hurt.
853
00:37:05,088 --> 00:37:06,418
All right.
854
00:37:06,420 --> 00:37:07,750
Fuck it.
855
00:37:07,751 --> 00:37:10,670
Let's give the people
what they came for.
856
00:37:10,672 --> 00:37:13,592
Let's fuckin' go.
857
00:37:13,592 --> 00:37:16,067
Get your special sock out, nerds.
858
00:37:16,068 --> 00:37:18,795
It's gonna get good.
859
00:37:51,695 --> 00:37:54,302
♪ Hell's bells ♪
860
00:37:54,940 --> 00:37:58,043
♪ I'll give you
black sensations ♪
861
00:37:58,043 --> 00:38:00,472
♪ Up and down your spine ♪
862
00:38:00,474 --> 00:38:04,108
♪ If you're into evil,
you're a friend of mine ♪
863
00:38:04,110 --> 00:38:07,744
♪ See my white light flashing
as I split the night ♪
864
00:38:07,746 --> 00:38:10,748
Ew.
865
00:38:11,188 --> 00:38:11,648
Gotcha!
866
00:38:11,650 --> 00:38:15,422
♪ I got my bell, I'm gonna
take you to hell ♪
867
00:38:15,423 --> 00:38:18,425
♪ I'm gonna get you,
Satan get you ♪
868
00:38:18,427 --> 00:38:20,824
Baby Knife!
869
00:38:23,628 --> 00:38:25,103
Let's see you grow
870
00:38:25,103 --> 00:38:25,827
your fuckin' head back.
871
00:38:25,829 --> 00:38:28,418
Wait, wait, wait!
I can fix it! I can fix it.
872
00:38:28,420 --> 00:38:31,010
- Fix what?
- Whatever it is that you did.
873
00:38:31,010 --> 00:38:33,110
Whatever made you so bad.
874
00:38:33,112 --> 00:38:34,110
Those... Those
875
00:38:34,112 --> 00:38:37,543
pricks in the TVA.
You heard him.
876
00:38:37,543 --> 00:38:38,742
They have the power
to end my universe,
877
00:38:38,742 --> 00:38:43,286
but they also have
the power to change yours.
878
00:38:43,648 --> 00:38:47,619
We get back there,
and we can fix your world.
879
00:38:47,621 --> 00:38:49,291
Together.
880
00:38:50,061 --> 00:38:51,822
I promise.
881
00:38:52,690 --> 00:38:54,429
They can fix it.
882
00:38:55,034 --> 00:38:56,034
Hey!
883
00:38:56,034 --> 00:38:57,782
We fight each other, we lose.
884
00:38:57,784 --> 00:38:59,692
Dear God, it's him.
885
00:38:59,693 --> 00:39:01,599
- Who?
- The one.
886
00:39:01,601 --> 00:39:04,538
The superhero equivalent
to comfort food, or Molly.
887
00:39:04,539 --> 00:39:07,739
White guys' answer
to all the disappointments.
888
00:39:07,739 --> 00:39:08,806
And another A-lister.
889
00:39:08,806 --> 00:39:09,871
Fair warning, gorgeous.
890
00:39:09,873 --> 00:39:12,445
You're going to encounter
some indelicate language,
891
00:39:12,447 --> 00:39:15,021
a smidge of ass play,
but we've been prohibited
892
00:39:15,021 --> 00:39:16,548
from using cocaine. On camera.
893
00:39:16,550 --> 00:39:19,469
- They're coming.
- Who's "they"?
894
00:39:25,889 --> 00:39:28,199
Oh, they're driving angry.
895
00:39:33,237 --> 00:39:35,688
Now that's a superhero landing.
896
00:39:42,543 --> 00:39:43,411
I got this.
897
00:40:07,469 --> 00:40:08,469
Stay close.
898
00:40:08,469 --> 00:40:10,405
Aye, aye, Cap'n.
899
00:40:11,143 --> 00:40:12,902
You got this.
900
00:40:13,541 --> 00:40:18,710
Cassandra is gonna be giddy
when she sees what we caught.
901
00:40:18,974 --> 00:40:19,942
You can't run.
902
00:40:19,943 --> 00:40:20,876
Everybody knows that.
903
00:40:20,878 --> 00:40:23,197
You see anyone runnin',
dick for brains?
904
00:40:23,199 --> 00:40:25,518
You're not gonna love
what happens next.
905
00:40:25,519 --> 00:40:27,885
Oh. Oh, my God.
906
00:40:27,885 --> 00:40:30,557
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, he's gonna say it.
907
00:40:30,559 --> 00:40:31,789
- Ah! Fuck.
- Ha!
908
00:40:31,791 --> 00:40:33,021
Oh, my God! He's gonna say it!
909
00:40:33,021 --> 00:40:35,128
- Say what?
- Avengers, assemble...
910
00:40:35,128 --> 00:40:37,235
- Flame on!
- I'm sorry, what now?
911
00:40:58,521 --> 00:41:00,126
Ohh!
912
00:41:00,126 --> 00:41:01,523
Fuck!
913
00:41:01,523 --> 00:41:02,920
Ahhh!
914
00:41:04,559 --> 00:41:07,661
- We don't know that guy.
- We thought we did.
915
00:41:07,661 --> 00:41:09,134
I know you.
916
00:41:09,135 --> 00:41:12,335
Holy sh...
917
00:41:13,733 --> 00:41:15,201
Sabretooth.
918
00:41:15,202 --> 00:41:16,670
Your brother.
919
00:41:16,835 --> 00:41:17,934
Ready to die?
920
00:41:17,934 --> 00:41:21,806
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait! Time!
921
00:41:21,807 --> 00:41:23,005
You look ridiculous.
922
00:41:23,005 --> 00:41:25,777
People have waited decades
for this fight.
923
00:41:25,778 --> 00:41:27,780
It's not gonna be easy.
Baby Knife.
924
00:41:27,780 --> 00:41:29,782
Shoot the double,
you take him down.
925
00:41:29,782 --> 00:41:32,081
Side control, then full mount,
926
00:41:32,081 --> 00:41:33,014
and you ground and pound
927
00:41:33,016 --> 00:41:34,967
till he makes no sound
because he's dead.
928
00:41:34,969 --> 00:41:36,920
- Shut the fuck up!
- Oh, my God!
929
00:41:36,922 --> 00:41:39,659
Okay. Good luck.
I'm a huge fan.
930
00:41:51,177 --> 00:41:52,606
What is it, girl?
931
00:41:52,606 --> 00:41:55,807
Is there trouble at the well?
932
00:41:59,911 --> 00:42:01,913
Big trouble.
933
00:42:01,914 --> 00:42:03,077
Behold!
934
00:42:03,079 --> 00:42:06,851
The head of your precious queen,
935
00:42:06,853 --> 00:42:08,260
Furiosa!
936
00:42:08,688 --> 00:42:11,306
I have the Wolverine!
937
00:42:11,306 --> 00:42:13,731
I alone control her!
938
00:42:13,733 --> 00:42:16,518
You come for me,
939
00:42:16,518 --> 00:42:19,304
you come for her.
940
00:42:19,766 --> 00:42:21,987
So sorry.
I know it's pronounced "him."
941
00:42:21,987 --> 00:42:24,210
I'm gender blind.
It's my cross to bear.
942
00:42:24,210 --> 00:42:25,539
Who's next?
943
00:42:25,541 --> 00:42:26,871
Toad!
944
00:42:26,873 --> 00:42:28,675
You're up.
945
00:42:35,012 --> 00:42:35,913
Uh-oh.
946
00:42:35,914 --> 00:42:37,684
- Oh, holy sh...
- Fuck.
947
00:42:48,492 --> 00:42:50,929
God of Thunder.
948
00:42:54,030 --> 00:42:55,498
How long was I asleep?
949
00:42:55,500 --> 00:42:56,967
Not all of you was asleep.
950
00:42:56,967 --> 00:42:58,903
Don't bother.
951
00:42:58,905 --> 00:43:00,838
They're very thorough.
952
00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:04,074
If you know where we are,
start talking.
953
00:43:04,074 --> 00:43:05,679
You're in The Void.
954
00:43:05,679 --> 00:43:07,516
Think of it as purgatory.
955
00:43:07,516 --> 00:43:10,112
Reed called it
a metaphysical junkyard.
956
00:43:10,114 --> 00:43:11,487
Where anything useless goes
957
00:43:11,487 --> 00:43:13,489
before it gets
annihilated forever.
958
00:43:13,489 --> 00:43:16,625
And where the TVA sends
people that don't play nice
959
00:43:16,626 --> 00:43:18,054
with the rest of the multiverse.
960
00:43:18,056 --> 00:43:19,461
- Like you?
- And you.
961
00:43:19,463 --> 00:43:22,059
What does the annihilating?
962
00:43:22,059 --> 00:43:22,630
Alioth.
963
00:43:22,630 --> 00:43:24,329
Alioth is in this thing?
964
00:43:24,331 --> 00:43:26,028
From Loki, Season 1, Episode 5?
965
00:43:26,030 --> 00:43:29,197
Everyone here
is on the run from Alioth.
966
00:43:29,199 --> 00:43:30,737
Most don't make it.
967
00:43:30,737 --> 00:43:32,507
There's a resistance, though.
968
00:43:32,509 --> 00:43:35,610
Other people like us
that managed to survive.
969
00:43:35,612 --> 00:43:37,760
They're hidin' out
in the borderlands,
970
00:43:37,762 --> 00:43:39,911
trying to find a way
the fuck outta here.
971
00:43:39,913 --> 00:43:41,463
Then that's where we go.
972
00:43:41,463 --> 00:43:43,706
"We"? Us? A team?
973
00:43:43,708 --> 00:43:45,951
The answer is yes.
Shake on it.
974
00:43:45,952 --> 00:43:46,719
Fuck! You nicked it.
975
00:43:46,721 --> 00:43:49,106
Just got the tip with
your little steak knife.
976
00:43:49,108 --> 00:43:51,494
These "others" can help us
get back to the TVA.
977
00:43:51,496 --> 00:43:53,112
Make 'em fix things.
978
00:43:54,471 --> 00:43:55,827
Something funny, bub?
979
00:43:55,829 --> 00:43:58,193
She might have somethin'
to say about that.
980
00:43:58,195 --> 00:43:59,998
Who's "she"?
981
00:44:00,735 --> 00:44:01,668
In The Void,
982
00:44:01,670 --> 00:44:04,199
you're either food for Alioth
983
00:44:04,201 --> 00:44:06,036
or you work for her.
984
00:45:18,175 --> 00:45:20,527
Huh.
Paul Rudd finally aged.
985
00:45:20,528 --> 00:45:22,755
Oh, you must be
this year's Juggernaut.
986
00:45:22,757 --> 00:45:24,983
- Thank you.
- I'd keep your voices down.
987
00:45:24,985 --> 00:45:26,523
She don't like the chatter.
988
00:45:26,525 --> 00:45:28,427
She's gonna love you.
989
00:45:43,474 --> 00:45:45,510
Is it...
Is that Charles?
990
00:45:45,510 --> 00:45:47,940
Hey... Hey, Chuck! It's us!
991
00:45:47,942 --> 00:45:49,447
That's not Chuck.
992
00:45:49,449 --> 00:45:51,141
Ah, shit.
993
00:45:51,681 --> 00:45:52,713
Oh, ableism. Great.
994
00:45:52,715 --> 00:45:56,014
That's not gonna go over well
with the woke mob.
995
00:45:56,016 --> 00:45:57,619
A Wolverine.
996
00:45:57,621 --> 00:46:00,987
I wondered when
I'd get one of you.
997
00:46:00,987 --> 00:46:01,789
You're one of Xavier's.
998
00:46:01,789 --> 00:46:04,088
You-You know him?
You know Chuck?
999
00:46:04,090 --> 00:46:05,260
Oh, I knew him.
1000
00:46:05,260 --> 00:46:06,431
We shared a womb.
1001
00:46:06,431 --> 00:46:09,094
Tried to strangle
the sly little fellow
1002
00:46:09,094 --> 00:46:09,829
with my umbilical cord.
1003
00:46:09,831 --> 00:46:13,900
Amen. I've never
loved roommates. Mine's blind.
1004
00:46:13,902 --> 00:46:15,737
Except she can see cocaine.
1005
00:46:15,739 --> 00:46:16,539
For some... reason.
1006
00:46:16,541 --> 00:46:20,512
You want to chime in,
Your Majesty? I'm dying here.
1007
00:46:20,512 --> 00:46:21,105
Who are you?
1008
00:46:21,106 --> 00:46:23,574
Charles Xavier's twin,
Cassandra Nova.
1009
00:46:23,576 --> 00:46:26,045
- Bullshit!
- I was an anal birth.
1010
00:46:26,045 --> 00:46:28,485
Hmm. You two are cute.
1011
00:46:28,487 --> 00:46:31,050
I have a good feeling
about this.
1012
00:46:33,052 --> 00:46:35,070
And I've been trying to catch
1013
00:46:35,070 --> 00:46:37,088
this little firefly for years.
1014
00:46:37,090 --> 00:46:38,155
Haven't I, Johnny?
1015
00:46:38,155 --> 00:46:41,697
Aw... You picked the wrong
time to make new friends.
1016
00:46:41,699 --> 00:46:43,766
Oh, Johnny told us
all about you.
1017
00:46:43,766 --> 00:46:45,833
- Maybe shut up now.
- Yeah, maybe don't...
1018
00:46:45,835 --> 00:46:47,231
We're just talkin' here.
1019
00:46:47,231 --> 00:46:47,967
Yeah, Johnny told us
1020
00:46:47,967 --> 00:46:49,804
you're a psychotic
megalomaniacal asshole.
1021
00:46:49,804 --> 00:46:54,909
His words, not mine.
Hellbent on domination and pain.
1022
00:46:55,074 --> 00:46:56,844
You said all that about me?
1023
00:46:56,846 --> 00:46:57,844
No! No! I don't...
1024
00:46:57,846 --> 00:47:01,409
- I didn't say any of that!
- Sticks and stones, Johnny!
1025
00:47:02,081 --> 00:47:03,949
Don't let her intimidate you.
1026
00:47:03,951 --> 00:47:05,820
It's like you said
in the convoy.
1027
00:47:05,820 --> 00:47:07,690
This finger-lickin' dead-inside
1028
00:47:07,690 --> 00:47:10,693
pixie slab of third rate
dime-store nut-milk
1029
00:47:10,695 --> 00:47:12,679
can eat your delicious
cinnamon ring
1030
00:47:12,679 --> 00:47:14,639
and kick rocks
all the way to bald hell.
1031
00:47:14,641 --> 00:47:16,599
Okay. I have never said
any of those words
1032
00:47:16,601 --> 00:47:19,065
- in my entire life!
- Ha! The modesty.
1033
00:47:19,065 --> 00:47:21,539
People think I'm a shit talker.
1034
00:47:21,541 --> 00:47:22,507
But this guy...
1035
00:47:22,507 --> 00:47:23,954
Next level.
1036
00:47:23,954 --> 00:47:25,400
What? This... I... We...
1037
00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:27,137
I don't even know
what half of that means!
1038
00:47:27,139 --> 00:47:28,876
- This... I...
- My hat's off to you, sir.
1039
00:47:28,878 --> 00:47:29,744
- Truly.
- What? This...
1040
00:47:29,746 --> 00:47:32,143
I didn't... He's...
That's... I...
1041
00:47:32,144 --> 00:47:33,407
I... I don't...
1042
00:47:38,380 --> 00:47:39,755
Not my favorite Chris.
1043
00:47:39,757 --> 00:47:40,987
You stupid piece of shit.
1044
00:47:40,987 --> 00:47:42,324
You just got him fucking killed!
1045
00:47:42,324 --> 00:47:43,659
Hey!
We're all grieving!
1046
00:47:43,661 --> 00:47:46,730
PS, do you know what
he was doing to the budget?
1047
00:47:49,094 --> 00:47:51,161
Alioth is hungry.
1048
00:47:51,163 --> 00:47:53,000
There's been
some kind of mistake.
1049
00:47:53,001 --> 00:47:54,869
Big yellow is
a back-up Anchor Being,
1050
00:47:54,869 --> 00:47:57,938
and I'm Marvel Jesus.
MJ, if you're nasty.
1051
00:47:57,940 --> 00:47:58,773
This may be hard to hear,
1052
00:47:58,775 --> 00:48:00,375
but there's
another British villain
1053
00:48:00,376 --> 00:48:01,976
who's gonna destroy my universe,
1054
00:48:01,976 --> 00:48:02,744
and I'm gonna stop him.
1055
00:48:02,746 --> 00:48:04,583
Oh, honey,
you don't really strike me
1056
00:48:04,583 --> 00:48:06,947
as the world-saving type.
1057
00:48:08,719 --> 00:48:10,016
Did I hit a nerve?
1058
00:48:10,016 --> 00:48:12,920
I didn't want it
to come to this.
1059
00:48:12,922 --> 00:48:13,623
Either you help us
1060
00:48:13,625 --> 00:48:15,405
or my friend here is gonna sing
1061
00:48:15,407 --> 00:48:17,188
the entire second act
of Music Man
1062
00:48:17,190 --> 00:48:18,992
with zero warm-up.
1063
00:48:18,992 --> 00:48:20,025
Where'd you get the chair?
1064
00:48:20,027 --> 00:48:21,126
Well, once in a while,
1065
00:48:21,128 --> 00:48:23,525
I do get a Charles through here.
1066
00:48:23,525 --> 00:48:24,800
Never mine, though.
1067
00:48:24,800 --> 00:48:27,605
No. He didn't care to find me.
1068
00:48:27,606 --> 00:48:31,003
Gen Z and their trauma-bragging!
1069
00:48:31,005 --> 00:48:34,579
Can't you just stuff it down,
turn it into accomplishment
1070
00:48:34,581 --> 00:48:36,344
or cancer like the rest of us?
1071
00:48:36,346 --> 00:48:38,110
But I'm not like
the rest of you.
1072
00:48:38,112 --> 00:48:39,715
Except maybe the Wolverine.
1073
00:48:39,717 --> 00:48:42,851
Now, we could be
truly terrifying together.
1074
00:48:42,853 --> 00:48:44,016
You're that scary, huh?
1075
00:48:44,018 --> 00:48:46,085
The TVA certainly thought so.
1076
00:48:46,085 --> 00:48:48,824
They sent me here
before I could walk.
1077
00:48:48,826 --> 00:48:50,596
And you know,
it's the best thing
1078
00:48:50,597 --> 00:48:52,630
that ever happened to me.
1079
00:48:52,632 --> 00:48:53,224
I love it here.
1080
00:48:53,224 --> 00:48:54,389
You live in a garbage dump.
1081
00:48:54,391 --> 00:48:58,164
I think we both know who lives
in the garbage dump.
1082
00:48:58,164 --> 00:48:59,637
The Void is a paradise.
1083
00:48:59,637 --> 00:49:02,903
I can wield my power here
without shame.
1084
00:49:02,905 --> 00:49:06,172
Unfortunately I had
no Charles Xavier
1085
00:49:06,172 --> 00:49:08,173
to teach me temperance.
1086
00:49:08,175 --> 00:49:10,175
What about your Charles?
1087
00:49:10,177 --> 00:49:12,012
Did he protect you?
1088
00:49:12,012 --> 00:49:14,014
Did he make you feel safe?
1089
00:49:14,014 --> 00:49:16,583
We're mutants.
We're never safe.
1090
00:49:23,860 --> 00:49:25,092
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
1091
00:49:25,092 --> 00:49:26,577
I don't...
I don't want the smoke.
1092
00:49:26,577 --> 00:49:28,237
I don't have any beef with you.
1093
00:49:28,239 --> 00:49:29,536
I just want to save my friends.
1094
00:49:29,536 --> 00:49:30,833
I just... I want to go home.
1095
00:49:30,833 --> 00:49:33,001
Well, the thing is,
I could get you home.
1096
00:49:33,001 --> 00:49:35,469
- Good.
- But I don't want to.
1097
00:49:35,471 --> 00:49:37,940
Not good.
1098
00:49:39,501 --> 00:49:41,601
What do you want, Wade Wilson?
1099
00:49:41,603 --> 00:49:44,748
Your...
fingers are inside me,
1100
00:49:44,750 --> 00:49:45,507
but not in a good way.
1101
00:49:45,507 --> 00:49:48,851
My brother could enter
one's mind with a thought.
1102
00:49:48,853 --> 00:49:51,018
I have to get my hands dirty.
1103
00:49:54,483 --> 00:49:56,320
I've got you.
1104
00:49:57,827 --> 00:50:00,061
I've got you...
1105
00:50:01,425 --> 00:50:03,702
What do you mean?
1106
00:50:04,097 --> 00:50:07,672
I can't... I can't reach you.
You're not here.
1107
00:50:07,673 --> 00:50:08,706
I'm right here.
1108
00:50:08,706 --> 00:50:11,875
- No, you're not. I can't...
- I'm right here.
1109
00:50:11,876 --> 00:50:15,108
Then show me.
You got to do something.
1110
00:50:15,780 --> 00:50:16,538
Show you what?
1111
00:50:16,539 --> 00:50:21,059
Show me you care about
something bigger than you.
1112
00:50:21,059 --> 00:50:25,581
Ever since they turned you
down, you took a knee.
1113
00:50:25,581 --> 00:50:28,353
Baby, you never got back up.
1114
00:50:29,485 --> 00:50:31,586
I know you're
going through something.
1115
00:50:31,588 --> 00:50:33,862
Let me go through it with you.
1116
00:50:33,864 --> 00:50:37,735
- Your crazy matches my crazy.
- Your crazy matches my crazy.
1117
00:50:40,298 --> 00:50:42,251
Where'd you go?
1118
00:50:42,251 --> 00:50:44,204
Oh, my God.
1119
00:50:46,503 --> 00:50:48,208
You just say it. Okay?
1120
00:50:48,208 --> 00:50:49,911
Say, "I don't want you.
1121
00:50:49,913 --> 00:50:51,847
"I don't want to be with you."
1122
00:50:51,849 --> 00:50:53,608
Go ahead. Say it.
Say... Say, "I don't..."
1123
00:50:53,610 --> 00:50:55,197
Say it.
You don't wanna be with me.
1124
00:50:55,199 --> 00:50:56,788
Tell me that and I'll walk away.
1125
00:50:56,789 --> 00:50:57,677
Say, "I don't want you."
1126
00:51:04,257 --> 00:51:05,686
Fuck...
1127
00:51:05,686 --> 00:51:09,130
You'll never fucking matter.
1128
00:51:12,594 --> 00:51:13,661
What?
1129
00:51:13,661 --> 00:51:16,775
- You'll never fucking matter.
- Fucking matter.
1130
00:51:22,340 --> 00:51:25,509
- You'll...
- You'll...
1131
00:51:25,510 --> 00:51:27,092
- never...
- never...
1132
00:51:27,094 --> 00:51:29,722
- fucking...
- fucking...
1133
00:51:29,722 --> 00:51:32,351
- matter.
- matter...
1134
00:51:33,418 --> 00:51:34,621
She never said that.
1135
00:51:34,623 --> 00:51:35,826
No.
1136
00:51:35,827 --> 00:51:38,192
But I bet she thought it.
1137
00:51:38,929 --> 00:51:41,012
You are so mean!
1138
00:51:41,014 --> 00:51:43,097
My brain could taste
your fingers,
1139
00:51:43,099 --> 00:51:44,768
and they tasted like hate!
1140
00:51:44,769 --> 00:51:47,971
And where in God's name
is the intimacy coordinator?
1141
00:51:47,972 --> 00:51:50,989
You're so lost, Mr. Wilson.
1142
00:51:50,990 --> 00:51:54,010
And long before you came here.
1143
00:51:54,735 --> 00:51:55,472
This is Baby Knife.
1144
00:51:55,472 --> 00:51:57,112
She's gonna fuck you
in the face now.
1145
00:51:57,112 --> 00:51:57,880
If you want to kill me,
1146
00:51:57,882 --> 00:52:00,148
it's going to take
more than a little blade.
1147
00:52:00,148 --> 00:52:01,675
How about six?
1148
00:52:01,677 --> 00:52:05,856
My boy's wicked strong.
1149
00:52:05,858 --> 00:52:07,583
That's my big boy.
1150
00:52:07,585 --> 00:52:09,255
Yes, you are.
1151
00:52:14,690 --> 00:52:15,998
Well, this has been fun.
1152
00:52:15,998 --> 00:52:18,594
But the big guy needs to eat,
and the rent is due.
1153
00:52:22,467 --> 00:52:23,532
By the way,
1154
00:52:23,534 --> 00:52:25,041
you're the rent.
1155
00:52:43,652 --> 00:52:45,873
Come on! Fuck!
1156
00:52:45,875 --> 00:52:48,097
You comin' or what?
1157
00:52:48,097 --> 00:52:49,934
Coming!
1158
00:53:09,217 --> 00:53:09,985
What you thinkin' 'bout?
1159
00:53:09,987 --> 00:53:11,851
- Get the fuck off of me!
- Shh, shh, shh.
1160
00:53:11,851 --> 00:53:13,715
- Almost done.
- Almost done what?
1161
00:53:13,717 --> 00:53:15,927
Getting my knife out
of your buttocks,
1162
00:53:15,927 --> 00:53:17,686
- pervert!
- Aah! Fuck!
1163
00:53:17,686 --> 00:53:20,139
Get your mind out of my pants!
1164
00:53:20,139 --> 00:53:22,592
- I'm telling Blake.
- New rules.
1165
00:53:22,594 --> 00:53:23,197
I talk now.
1166
00:53:23,197 --> 00:53:24,969
That's gonna be very hard
on the audience.
1167
00:53:24,969 --> 00:53:26,635
Shut the fuck up!
1168
00:53:26,635 --> 00:53:28,300
Let me fuckin' think.
1169
00:53:28,302 --> 00:53:31,338
Now we gotta get back
to Paradox, right?
1170
00:53:32,833 --> 00:53:33,603
Right?
1171
00:53:33,603 --> 00:53:36,507
Je m'excuse. Am I allowed
to speak now or...
1172
00:53:36,509 --> 00:53:39,411
Just nod, asshole.
1173
00:53:40,643 --> 00:53:41,148
Right.
1174
00:53:41,150 --> 00:53:42,534
Then we find the others
that poor kid, Johnny,
1175
00:53:42,536 --> 00:53:43,922
was talking about
before you got him killed!
1176
00:53:43,922 --> 00:53:45,385
"Poor kid."
He's, like, 50!
1177
00:53:45,385 --> 00:53:46,902
Yeah, if there's
a chance they know
1178
00:53:46,903 --> 00:53:48,827
how to get out of here,
we find 'em.
1179
00:53:48,829 --> 00:53:50,753
And make those TVA fuckers
fix my shit
1180
00:53:50,753 --> 00:53:52,304
like you fucking promised!
1181
00:53:52,304 --> 00:53:53,855
I smell quest.
1182
00:53:56,561 --> 00:53:58,134
I smell food.
1183
00:53:59,860 --> 00:54:04,943
So what made you finally wear
an honest-to-God costume?
1184
00:54:05,405 --> 00:54:07,438
Mine's red
so they can't see me bleed.
1185
00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:10,574
But I could see how
yellow would be useful too.
1186
00:54:10,576 --> 00:54:12,807
Have you been checked for ADHD?
1187
00:54:12,809 --> 00:54:13,775
Mm-mm.
1188
00:54:13,775 --> 00:54:15,710
But I've had several STDs,
1189
00:54:15,711 --> 00:54:18,451
which were probably caused
by ADHD.
1190
00:54:18,452 --> 00:54:19,958
Fuck!
1191
00:54:20,090 --> 00:54:22,025
What are you looking for?
1192
00:54:22,027 --> 00:54:23,994
Oh. Thank fuck.
1193
00:54:23,994 --> 00:54:25,963
No, no, no, no, no.
That's rubbing alcohol.
1194
00:54:25,965 --> 00:54:27,724
You don't want to drink...
Oh, yeah.
1195
00:54:27,724 --> 00:54:29,858
There you go. Fuck that liver.
1196
00:54:30,693 --> 00:54:33,300
Good. Okay.
1197
00:54:33,664 --> 00:54:35,434
What the fuck are those?
1198
00:54:35,666 --> 00:54:36,137
Oh.
1199
00:54:36,139 --> 00:54:38,141
Back in civilian life,
I wear a toupee,
1200
00:54:38,141 --> 00:54:40,175
but nobody knows.
1201
00:54:42,541 --> 00:54:44,675
Everybody knows.
1202
00:54:46,115 --> 00:54:47,478
Wanna talk about
what's haunting you,
1203
00:54:47,480 --> 00:54:50,284
or should we wait
for a third act flashback?
1204
00:54:50,286 --> 00:54:53,056
Ah... Go fuck yourself.
1205
00:54:55,784 --> 00:54:57,324
You know...
1206
00:54:57,853 --> 00:55:01,230
in my world, you're...
1207
00:55:01,757 --> 00:55:03,527
You're well regarded.
1208
00:55:03,528 --> 00:55:05,298
Yeah, well, not in mine.
1209
00:55:05,300 --> 00:55:07,697
They don't like me much
in mine either.
1210
00:55:07,699 --> 00:55:08,632
You don't say.
1211
00:55:08,632 --> 00:55:11,702
I wanted to be something,
you know. I...
1212
00:55:11,702 --> 00:55:13,605
Shit, I wanted to be an Avenger.
1213
00:55:13,606 --> 00:55:15,507
- Fuck the Avengers.
- Yeah.
1214
00:55:15,507 --> 00:55:19,115
I didn't make the cut, though.
Same with the X-Men...
1215
00:55:20,182 --> 00:55:21,050
When my girlfriend left me,
1216
00:55:21,052 --> 00:55:23,614
- and I just...
- You had a girlfriend?
1217
00:55:23,615 --> 00:55:24,835
Yeah.
1218
00:55:24,836 --> 00:55:26,056
Vanessa.
1219
00:55:26,056 --> 00:55:28,422
When we met, she was a dancer.
1220
00:55:28,916 --> 00:55:30,786
We had a whole life.
1221
00:55:31,490 --> 00:55:32,820
It was good.
1222
00:55:32,822 --> 00:55:35,858
But, oh, boy, I just... Mwah.
1223
00:55:36,231 --> 00:55:38,728
Fucked that right up.
1224
00:55:39,036 --> 00:55:39,960
But you,
1225
00:55:39,960 --> 00:55:40,894
you were an X-Man.
1226
00:55:40,896 --> 00:55:44,041
Fuck that.
You were the X-Man. You...
1227
00:55:45,208 --> 00:55:47,110
The Wolverine.
1228
00:55:48,639 --> 00:55:51,048
He was a hero in my world.
1229
00:55:52,248 --> 00:55:53,974
Yeah, well...
1230
00:55:54,447 --> 00:55:56,284
he ain't shit in mine.
1231
00:56:00,585 --> 00:56:04,326
You said, "Logan was a hero."
What happened?
1232
00:56:04,820 --> 00:56:06,228
He died.
1233
00:56:06,492 --> 00:56:06,954
How?
1234
00:56:06,954 --> 00:56:09,891
Well, technically,
you were chest-fucked by a tree, but,
1235
00:56:09,893 --> 00:56:11,795
really, you just
ran out of batteries
1236
00:56:11,795 --> 00:56:13,951
- trying to save someone.
- Who?
1237
00:56:13,952 --> 00:56:16,106
The shitheels
that grew her in a lab
1238
00:56:16,108 --> 00:56:18,405
called her "X-23." But...
1239
00:56:18,538 --> 00:56:19,637
she was just a kid.
1240
00:56:19,637 --> 00:56:23,806
A younger, daintier,
somehow meaner version of you.
1241
00:56:23,807 --> 00:56:25,775
You died trying to save her.
1242
00:56:25,777 --> 00:56:26,742
It was beautiful.
1243
00:56:26,744 --> 00:56:29,679
Look, mijo,
I know you're hurtin'.
1244
00:56:29,681 --> 00:56:31,945
My blind, elderly,
African-American roommate,
1245
00:56:31,947 --> 00:56:35,456
Blind Al, always says that
pain teaches us who we are.
1246
00:56:35,456 --> 00:56:37,490
Sometimes we need to listen
to that pain
1247
00:56:37,492 --> 00:56:38,391
instead of running from it.
1248
00:56:38,393 --> 00:56:39,755
- Holy shit.
- Yeah, she's wise.
1249
00:56:39,757 --> 00:56:43,023
No, no, no. That's her name?
You call her "Blind Al"?
1250
00:56:43,025 --> 00:56:44,728
Well, she's blind.
1251
00:56:54,936 --> 00:56:59,579
♪ I've never seen you looking
so lovely as you did tonight ♪
1252
00:56:59,579 --> 00:57:06,579
♪ I've never seen you shine
so bright, mm-hmm, hmm ♪
1253
00:57:06,817 --> 00:57:11,425
♪ The lady in red ♪
1254
00:57:12,757 --> 00:57:16,661
♪ Is dancing with me ♪
1255
00:57:16,958 --> 00:57:18,927
♪ Cheek to cheek ♪
1256
00:57:18,927 --> 00:57:21,831
♪ There's nobody here... ♪
1257
00:57:21,833 --> 00:57:22,996
Look at you!
1258
00:57:22,998 --> 00:57:23,766
She's coming with us.
1259
00:57:23,768 --> 00:57:25,902
- No, she's not. Fuck no!
- Oh, yes, she is.
1260
00:57:25,902 --> 00:57:27,067
- Oh, yes...
- Sorry!
1261
00:57:27,068 --> 00:57:30,148
Sorry about that!
1262
00:57:30,148 --> 00:57:32,677
Come here, girl!
1263
00:57:32,679 --> 00:57:33,842
Who are you?
1264
00:57:33,844 --> 00:57:34,844
Oh, I'm Deadpool.
1265
00:57:34,844 --> 00:57:36,483
And I guess you're Deadpool too.
1266
00:57:36,483 --> 00:57:38,699
But in here, everybody
calls me "Nicepool."
1267
00:57:38,701 --> 00:57:40,916
Oh, my goodness.
Wait till you see Ladypool.
1268
00:57:40,918 --> 00:57:41,686
She is gorgeous.
1269
00:57:41,686 --> 00:57:44,492
She just had a baby too.
And...
1270
00:57:44,492 --> 00:57:45,085
Can't even tell.
1271
00:57:45,085 --> 00:57:46,956
I don't think you're supposed
to say that.
1272
00:57:46,956 --> 00:57:48,197
That's okay.
1273
00:57:48,199 --> 00:57:50,168
I identify as a feminist.
1274
00:57:50,168 --> 00:57:51,795
Right.
1275
00:57:52,731 --> 00:57:53,764
Are those gold-plated,
1276
00:57:53,764 --> 00:57:56,536
...50 caliber Desert Eagle
pistoleros?
1277
00:57:56,538 --> 00:57:57,306
'Course.
1278
00:57:57,306 --> 00:57:58,802
To match my ear huggie.
1279
00:57:58,804 --> 00:57:59,869
Can I have 'em?
1280
00:57:59,869 --> 00:58:01,905
Over my dead body.
1281
00:58:01,905 --> 00:58:02,673
You're fun.
1282
00:58:02,675 --> 00:58:05,842
And I guess you've
already met Mary Puppins.
1283
00:58:05,844 --> 00:58:07,074
AKA Dogpool.
1284
00:58:07,074 --> 00:58:08,184
Careful where you put
your hands.
1285
00:58:08,186 --> 00:58:11,583
She's ninety percent g-spot,
and she'll let you know it.
1286
00:58:11,585 --> 00:58:14,983
You let this little flirt out
of your sight for one second
1287
00:58:14,985 --> 00:58:17,018
and she starts shopping
for a new papa.
1288
00:58:17,019 --> 00:58:19,052
If you can't be
a responsible pet owner,
1289
00:58:19,054 --> 00:58:22,090
then maybe you don't deserve
this little unicorn.
1290
00:58:22,090 --> 00:58:24,730
Guilty on all charges,
Your Honor.
1291
00:58:24,731 --> 00:58:25,846
Shan't happen again.
1292
00:58:25,847 --> 00:58:26,961
Why are you so nice?
1293
00:58:26,963 --> 00:58:28,750
Oh, it costs nothing to be kind.
1294
00:58:28,751 --> 00:58:30,538
Shutting the fuck up
is also free.
1295
00:58:30,539 --> 00:58:32,242
- Caliente.
- This is Logan.
1296
00:58:32,244 --> 00:58:32,967
He's usually shirtless,
1297
00:58:32,969 --> 00:58:35,972
but he's let himself go
since the divorce.
1298
00:58:36,610 --> 00:58:38,876
Where's your mask?
1299
00:58:40,844 --> 00:58:41,679
Come on, guys.
1300
00:58:43,452 --> 00:58:44,077
Ugh, this guy.
1301
00:58:44,079 --> 00:58:45,882
We're looking
for a group of survivors.
1302
00:58:45,884 --> 00:58:46,717
Oh, they're out there.
1303
00:58:46,719 --> 00:58:48,686
Yeah, but merc to merc,
you better hope
1304
00:58:48,688 --> 00:58:50,657
that you don't run
into the Deadpool corps.
1305
00:58:50,657 --> 00:58:51,393
Yeah, they're crazy.
1306
00:58:51,393 --> 00:58:53,054
They will chop you up
into a thousand pieces
1307
00:58:53,056 --> 00:58:54,088
and hide you all over The Void.
1308
00:58:54,088 --> 00:58:56,123
If they could only process
their childhood trauma,
1309
00:58:56,125 --> 00:58:57,960
they'd go on one heck
of a healing journey.
1310
00:58:57,961 --> 00:58:59,797
Look, we're headed
for the borderlands.
1311
00:58:59,798 --> 00:59:00,666
You know where it is?
1312
00:59:00,666 --> 00:59:02,954
Yeah, that...
that's 12 klicks due west.
1313
00:59:02,954 --> 00:59:05,242
I can lend you my ride,
if you like.
1314
00:59:05,244 --> 00:59:08,003
It would be my honor.
1315
00:59:10,445 --> 00:59:12,777
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Absolutely not.
1316
00:59:12,778 --> 00:59:15,043
Uh-uh. What the...
No! No!
1317
00:59:15,045 --> 00:59:16,077
Just get in the car.
1318
00:59:16,079 --> 00:59:17,110
This isn't a car.
1319
00:59:17,112 --> 00:59:19,431
This is a Honda fuckin' Odyssey.
1320
00:59:19,432 --> 00:59:21,753
Throttle response sucks a cock.
1321
00:59:21,755 --> 00:59:22,721
Dated infotainment system.
1322
00:59:22,722 --> 00:59:24,822
When Honda saw
that untreated chlamydia
1323
00:59:24,824 --> 00:59:25,592
was makin' a comeback,
1324
00:59:25,592 --> 00:59:28,793
they invented
the Honda Odyssey to compete.
1325
00:59:28,795 --> 00:59:31,597
Get in the fucking car.
1326
00:59:31,599 --> 00:59:33,864
She'll get you there
safe and sound.
1327
00:59:33,865 --> 00:59:35,568
Old Betsy always does.
1328
00:59:35,570 --> 00:59:38,507
You're gonna have to
give me my dog back, though.
1329
00:59:38,507 --> 00:59:39,639
I know. Listen.
1330
00:59:39,639 --> 00:59:40,739
Yes, child.
1331
00:59:40,739 --> 00:59:43,478
If you ever wanna give her up,
or if she needs a new home,
1332
00:59:43,480 --> 00:59:45,876
or if something
should happen to you,
1333
00:59:45,878 --> 00:59:46,612
I'd love to be her papa.
1334
00:59:46,614 --> 00:59:49,418
What would ever happen to me?
1335
00:59:49,420 --> 00:59:51,322
Lots of stuff.
1336
00:59:54,148 --> 00:59:55,434
- Jesus.
- No!
1337
00:59:55,436 --> 00:59:56,722
We're running away.
1338
00:59:56,722 --> 00:59:58,922
- Give me that.
- The corn was too dense, girl!
1339
00:59:58,923 --> 00:59:59,989
- There.
- Come here!
1340
00:59:59,989 --> 01:00:02,431
- Fuck!
- Hello!
1341
01:00:03,532 --> 01:00:04,367
Bye.
1342
01:00:08,163 --> 01:00:12,001
♪ It's a damn cold night ♪
1343
01:00:12,001 --> 01:00:15,889
♪ Trying to figure out
this life ♪
1344
01:00:15,891 --> 01:00:19,778
♪ Won't you take me
by the hand? ♪
1345
01:00:19,780 --> 01:00:21,813
♪ Take me somewhere new ♪
1346
01:00:21,813 --> 01:00:26,918
♪ I don't know who you are
But I ♪
1347
01:00:26,918 --> 01:00:30,117
♪ I'm with you... ♪
1348
01:00:30,119 --> 01:00:32,088
Okay, I'm just gonna ask...
1349
01:00:32,088 --> 01:00:32,956
What's with the suit?
1350
01:00:32,956 --> 01:00:34,760
First thing I did
when I flamed out,
1351
01:00:34,762 --> 01:00:35,811
- I took mine off.
- Drop it.
1352
01:00:35,811 --> 01:00:36,860
It's not that ugly.
1353
01:00:36,862 --> 01:00:38,929
- Stop talking about my suit.
- Did you make it yourself?
1354
01:00:38,931 --> 01:00:39,864
- Been there.
- Quit. Now.
1355
01:00:39,864 --> 01:00:43,132
The X-Men make you wear it?
Those sons of fuckin' bitches.
1356
01:00:43,132 --> 01:00:44,737
They are not your friends,
I'll tell you that.
1357
01:00:44,737 --> 01:00:47,476
Friends don't let friends
leave the house lookin' like
1358
01:00:47,478 --> 01:00:49,643
they fight crime
for the Los Angeles Rams.
1359
01:00:49,644 --> 01:00:50,577
Shut the fuck up
about this, or...
1360
01:00:50,579 --> 01:00:52,943
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Watch
your frown lines, angel baby.
1361
01:00:52,945 --> 01:00:54,043
I'm just trying
to bond a little bit.
1362
01:00:54,043 --> 01:00:56,452
Yeah, well, then talk
about somethin' else.
1363
01:00:56,454 --> 01:00:57,882
Fine.
1364
01:01:00,655 --> 01:01:02,954
Pshew. Pshew, pshew.
1365
01:01:02,954 --> 01:01:03,887
Pshew!
1366
01:01:03,889 --> 01:01:05,956
- Stop it.
- Pshew.
1367
01:01:05,956 --> 01:01:07,760
If they can fix your world,
what's the first thing
1368
01:01:07,762 --> 01:01:09,092
you're gonna do
when you get out of here?
1369
01:01:09,092 --> 01:01:10,697
Get some rubbing alcohol shots,
1370
01:01:10,699 --> 01:01:11,994
maybe a wiper fluid chaser?
1371
01:01:11,996 --> 01:01:13,965
- What did you say?
- I said when you get back,
1372
01:01:13,965 --> 01:01:15,603
what's the first thing
you're gonna do?
1373
01:01:15,605 --> 01:01:17,836
No, no, no. Before that.
1374
01:01:18,001 --> 01:01:20,773
If... they can fix your world?
1375
01:01:24,007 --> 01:01:26,009
What do you mean, "if"?
1376
01:01:26,010 --> 01:01:26,976
- I mean...
- You lied to me.
1377
01:01:26,978 --> 01:01:27,945
You don't have a fucking clue
1378
01:01:27,945 --> 01:01:30,244
if they can help me
fix things, do you?
1379
01:01:30,246 --> 01:01:31,684
No. I mean... Ow!
1380
01:01:31,686 --> 01:01:33,983
Fuck! Fuck! I didn't lie!
1381
01:01:33,985 --> 01:01:38,153
- You lied!
- No! I made an educated wish!
1382
01:01:39,188 --> 01:01:41,322
Because I need you.
1383
01:01:41,465 --> 01:01:44,961
This. This is why. Right here.
1384
01:01:44,963 --> 01:01:47,266
'Cause if we don't do
something, they die.
1385
01:01:47,268 --> 01:01:49,572
I don't know anything
about saving worlds.
1386
01:01:49,572 --> 01:01:50,605
And why would I even care?
1387
01:01:50,606 --> 01:01:54,708
Because my entire world
is right here in this picture.
1388
01:01:54,710 --> 01:01:56,105
It's only nine people,
1389
01:01:56,106 --> 01:01:59,382
and I have no idea
how to save it alone.
1390
01:01:59,384 --> 01:02:02,079
I know how to fuck people up
for money. But you,
1391
01:02:02,079 --> 01:02:04,719
you know how to save 'em!
1392
01:02:04,851 --> 01:02:05,934
At least
the other Wolverine did.
1393
01:02:07,018 --> 01:02:10,460
Fuck! I guess I'm stuck
with the worst one.
1394
01:02:10,461 --> 01:02:12,527
Did you say you made
1395
01:02:12,528 --> 01:02:15,563
an educated fucking wish?
1396
01:02:15,565 --> 01:02:17,780
They call me
"The Merc with the Mouth."
1397
01:02:17,782 --> 01:02:20,391
They don't call me
"Truthful Timmy,
1398
01:02:20,391 --> 01:02:23,001
"the Blowjob Queen
of Saskatoon."
1399
01:02:26,135 --> 01:02:27,740
One more word.
1400
01:02:27,742 --> 01:02:31,778
Please give me one.
1401
01:02:33,550 --> 01:02:35,297
Gubernatorial.
1402
01:02:35,298 --> 01:02:37,047
Oh, fuck!
1403
01:02:37,487 --> 01:02:40,083
You know what?
You're a fucking joke.
1404
01:02:40,688 --> 01:02:42,018
No wonder the Avengers
didn't take you.
1405
01:02:42,019 --> 01:02:45,561
Or the X-Men. And they'll take
fucking anyone.
1406
01:02:45,563 --> 01:02:46,528
I mean, you are
1407
01:02:46,530 --> 01:02:51,128
a ridiculous, immature,
half-wit moron.
1408
01:02:51,128 --> 01:02:53,063
I have never met
1409
01:02:53,065 --> 01:02:53,766
a sadder,
1410
01:02:53,768 --> 01:02:56,869
more attention-starved,
jabbering little prick
1411
01:02:56,871 --> 01:02:57,704
in my entire life.
1412
01:02:57,706 --> 01:02:59,972
And that says a lot,
'cause I've been alive
1413
01:02:59,972 --> 01:03:03,041
for more than 200 fuckin' years,
1414
01:03:03,041 --> 01:03:03,876
and I'll tell ya,
1415
01:03:03,876 --> 01:03:05,945
that bald chick
was right about one thing.
1416
01:03:05,945 --> 01:03:08,375
You will never save the world!
1417
01:03:08,376 --> 01:03:11,521
You couldn't even save
a relationship
1418
01:03:11,523 --> 01:03:12,753
with a goddamn stripper!
1419
01:03:12,753 --> 01:03:15,871
And motherfucker, I wish
I could say you'd die alone,
1420
01:03:15,873 --> 01:03:18,990
but it's one of God's
best jokes that you can't die,
1421
01:03:18,992 --> 01:03:21,389
except that's on all of us!
1422
01:03:24,501 --> 01:03:27,230
Oh, you got nothing to say,
Mouth?
1423
01:03:35,612 --> 01:03:37,943
I'm gonna fight you now.
1424
01:03:39,550 --> 01:03:41,849
Oh, are you?
1425
01:03:50,759 --> 01:03:53,387
Mm. Not talkin' now, are ya?
1426
01:03:53,389 --> 01:03:55,630
♪ And I'm losing control ♪
1427
01:03:55,632 --> 01:03:59,998
♪ 'Cause the power
you're supplying ♪
1428
01:04:00,000 --> 01:04:02,199
Oh, you dirty bitch.
1429
01:04:04,773 --> 01:04:07,467
♪ You better shape up ♪
1430
01:04:07,469 --> 01:04:09,612
♪ 'Cause I need a man ♪
1431
01:04:10,778 --> 01:04:14,012
♪ And my heart is set on you ♪
1432
01:04:14,014 --> 01:04:16,400
♪ You better shape up ♪
1433
01:04:16,400 --> 01:04:18,786
Whoo!
1434
01:04:19,447 --> 01:04:21,623
♪ To my heart,
I must be true ♪
1435
01:04:21,625 --> 01:04:25,760
♪ Nothing left,
nothing left for me to do ♪
1436
01:04:25,762 --> 01:04:28,532
♪ You're the one that I want ♪
1437
01:04:28,534 --> 01:04:30,748
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪
1438
01:04:30,750 --> 01:04:32,423
♪ The one that I want ♪
1439
01:04:32,425 --> 01:04:34,097
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪
1440
01:04:34,099 --> 01:04:36,134
No, no, no!
1441
01:04:37,068 --> 01:04:40,539
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
1442
01:04:40,539 --> 01:04:44,010
♪ The one I need
Oh, yes, indeed... ♪
1443
01:04:54,481 --> 01:04:56,891
Baby Knife!
1444
01:04:58,793 --> 01:05:02,423
I take it all back.
The Honda Odyssey fucks hard.
1445
01:05:02,425 --> 01:05:03,797
Too bad you don't, needle dick.
1446
01:05:03,798 --> 01:05:05,833
Oh, we're just
gettin' started, bub.
1447
01:05:07,869 --> 01:05:09,853
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪
1448
01:05:09,855 --> 01:05:11,838
Oh, you... Fuck!
1449
01:05:11,840 --> 01:05:13,610
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
1450
01:05:13,612 --> 01:05:15,976
♪ The one I need ♪
1451
01:05:15,976 --> 01:05:18,746
♪ Oh, yes, indeed ♪
1452
01:05:18,748 --> 01:05:20,585
♪ You're the one that I want ♪
1453
01:06:04,056 --> 01:06:05,893
Thor!
1454
01:06:08,126 --> 01:06:08,896
Where are we?
1455
01:06:08,896 --> 01:06:11,965
No clue, but...
I like it here.
1456
01:06:19,567 --> 01:06:21,943
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
1457
01:07:10,927 --> 01:07:12,123
Okay.
1458
01:07:12,125 --> 01:07:16,327
Look at you... all.
You must be the others.
1459
01:07:16,458 --> 01:07:17,228
Terrific.
1460
01:07:17,228 --> 01:07:19,313
So just to refresh, you are
1461
01:07:19,313 --> 01:07:21,396
- Wonder...
- Elektra.
1462
01:07:21,398 --> 01:07:24,268
Elektra?
Yes. Who could forget?
1463
01:07:24,268 --> 01:07:27,139
And you. I was not expecting
to see you here.
1464
01:07:27,141 --> 01:07:29,043
I thought you were, you know,
1465
01:07:29,043 --> 01:07:31,242
retired.
1466
01:07:31,440 --> 01:07:32,947
Retarded?
1467
01:07:33,641 --> 01:07:34,541
"Retired."
1468
01:07:34,543 --> 01:07:35,443
I'm already in The Void.
1469
01:07:35,445 --> 01:07:36,577
I'm not trying
to get canceled again.
1470
01:07:36,577 --> 01:07:39,724
- I don't like you.
- You never did.
1471
01:07:40,086 --> 01:07:42,925
And who's this
succulent reminder
1472
01:07:42,925 --> 01:07:44,652
of my own inadequacies?
1473
01:07:44,652 --> 01:07:45,519
Look at you.
1474
01:07:45,521 --> 01:07:48,425
You look like the
superhero version of Hawkeye.
1475
01:07:48,425 --> 01:07:51,967
The name's Remy LeBeau,
Le Diable Blanc.
1476
01:07:51,967 --> 01:07:53,032
But you can call me the Gambit.
1477
01:07:53,034 --> 01:07:55,663
It's been a while
since I've seen Sling Blade.
1478
01:07:55,664 --> 01:07:57,235
Hit me again.
1479
01:07:57,235 --> 01:07:58,038
They call me the Gambit.
1480
01:07:58,039 --> 01:07:59,501
Do they?
Are you sure you didn't
1481
01:07:59,503 --> 01:08:01,306
just really,
really want them to,
1482
01:08:01,306 --> 01:08:03,110
but it never quite worked out?
1483
01:08:04,639 --> 01:08:08,114
You know, we never had
a Wolverine up in here.
1484
01:08:08,115 --> 01:08:08,884
But I can tell you now,
1485
01:08:08,885 --> 01:08:10,699
it's just a common courtesy
to ask
1486
01:08:10,699 --> 01:08:12,514
before you drink up
all of my liquor.
1487
01:08:12,514 --> 01:08:15,088
Well, it's a good thing
I don't give a fuck.
1488
01:08:18,796 --> 01:08:20,225
Fuck.
1489
01:08:21,457 --> 01:08:24,328
So embarrassing.
1490
01:08:24,835 --> 01:08:25,493
Boo, boo, boo.
1491
01:08:25,494 --> 01:08:26,649
Well, now that
that's settled, look,
1492
01:08:26,649 --> 01:08:27,804
we came a long way
to find you three.
1493
01:08:27,805 --> 01:08:30,070
- There's four of us.
- There's four...
1494
01:08:30,072 --> 01:08:31,698
Hey, wait. Is it Magneto?
1495
01:08:31,698 --> 01:08:34,009
Dear sweet God in heaven,
let it be Magneto,
1496
01:08:34,010 --> 01:08:35,074
- because with him...
- He's dead.
1497
01:08:35,076 --> 01:08:36,944
Fuck!
Now Disney gets cheap?
1498
01:08:36,945 --> 01:08:38,997
It's like Pinocchio jammed
his face in my ass
1499
01:08:38,997 --> 01:08:41,337
- and started lying like crazy.
- Ooh, you nasty!
1500
01:08:41,337 --> 01:08:44,024
Mon petit rouge. Laissez
les bons temps rouler, huh?
1501
01:08:44,025 --> 01:08:46,713
Not a single word.
What do you do exactly?
1502
01:08:46,715 --> 01:08:49,220
Charge the playing cards
and make 'em go boom!
1503
01:08:49,221 --> 01:08:51,862
Your power's
close-up magic. That's good.
1504
01:08:51,863 --> 01:08:53,797
We're not totally fucked at all.
1505
01:08:53,798 --> 01:08:55,463
So who brought us here?
1506
01:08:55,465 --> 01:08:57,131
That would be me.
1507
01:09:06,734 --> 01:09:08,670
Don't make me regret it.
1508
01:09:09,011 --> 01:09:12,817
Holy shit. Logan.
That's her. That's X-23.
1509
01:09:12,818 --> 01:09:15,380
She's the one I told you about.
1510
01:09:18,646 --> 01:09:21,188
Hey, how did you all get stuck
in The Void?
1511
01:09:21,189 --> 01:09:23,057
There was a knock at the door.
1512
01:09:23,059 --> 01:09:24,421
- TVA sent me here.
- Me, too.
1513
01:09:24,422 --> 01:09:25,784
Well, maybe I was born here.
1514
01:09:25,786 --> 01:09:28,139
It's... It's hard
to know for sure.
1515
01:09:28,140 --> 01:09:30,493
TVA decided
our universe was dying.
1516
01:09:30,493 --> 01:09:33,837
And I never even got a chance
to fight for it.
1517
01:09:35,399 --> 01:09:37,698
People like us don't go quietly.
1518
01:09:37,699 --> 01:09:40,052
TVA knows that,
so they took us out.
1519
01:09:40,054 --> 01:09:42,407
The answer is yes. I'm in.
1520
01:09:42,408 --> 01:09:44,176
- In what?
- A team.
1521
01:09:44,177 --> 01:09:45,992
Me, you, you, and me.
All of us together.
1522
01:09:45,993 --> 01:09:47,884
Let's get the fuck
out of this place.
1523
01:09:47,885 --> 01:09:49,777
Don't listen to him.
He's a fucking liar!
1524
01:09:49,778 --> 01:09:51,746
It was an educated wish!
1525
01:09:51,747 --> 01:09:54,188
- Ha!
- Look.
1526
01:09:54,551 --> 01:09:56,485
We've been inside
Cassandra's lair.
1527
01:09:56,487 --> 01:09:59,094
The only way out of The Void
is through her.
1528
01:09:59,095 --> 01:10:01,293
She can get us home.
She told us.
1529
01:10:01,295 --> 01:10:03,493
Wait a minute,
you've been inside?
1530
01:10:03,493 --> 01:10:05,131
- And you made it out alive?
- Bullshit.
1531
01:10:05,132 --> 01:10:07,865
- Nobody's ever done that.
- We did.
1532
01:10:07,867 --> 01:10:10,600
Every time one of us
has gone up against her,
1533
01:10:10,600 --> 01:10:11,171
they die.
1534
01:10:11,171 --> 01:10:13,877
The Punisher, the Quicksilver,
the Daredevil.
1535
01:10:13,878 --> 01:10:15,962
Daredevil?
I'm so sorry.
1536
01:10:15,962 --> 01:10:18,046
- It's fine.
- Okay.
1537
01:10:18,838 --> 01:10:22,546
Even that sweet, baby angel,
Johnny Storm.
1538
01:10:22,546 --> 01:10:24,152
He up and gone missing like,
1539
01:10:24,153 --> 01:10:25,954
what, two days ago?
1540
01:10:25,956 --> 01:10:27,814
Ugh. That's so sad.
1541
01:10:27,814 --> 01:10:31,225
Wherever this Johnny fella is,
I'm sure he's thriving.
1542
01:10:31,962 --> 01:10:34,788
Look, there's...
there's strength in numbers.
1543
01:10:34,789 --> 01:10:35,458
All right? Us...
1544
01:10:35,460 --> 01:10:36,525
plus, you guys.
We can put Cassandra
1545
01:10:36,527 --> 01:10:39,002
over our knee and force her
to let us out of The Void.
1546
01:10:39,002 --> 01:10:40,502
I know what it means
to feel self-doubt.
1547
01:10:40,503 --> 01:10:42,003
- I don't feel that at all.
- I'm good.
1548
01:10:42,005 --> 01:10:44,403
Gnawing at your gut
like a coked-up tapeworm.
1549
01:10:44,404 --> 01:10:46,074
It's like you're holding up
a mirror to my soul.
1550
01:10:46,076 --> 01:10:47,944
You guys may not have been able
1551
01:10:47,945 --> 01:10:49,775
to save your universes.
1552
01:10:49,777 --> 01:10:51,606
But you can avenge them.
1553
01:10:51,608 --> 01:10:53,213
It's what Johnny
would have wanted.
1554
01:10:53,215 --> 01:10:56,921
Wait. You knew Johnny?
1555
01:10:57,052 --> 01:10:57,987
Oh, yeah.
1556
01:10:57,988 --> 01:10:59,614
Dickhead here talked him
into a team-up,
1557
01:10:59,615 --> 01:11:02,453
and Johnny came down with
a little case of the deads.
1558
01:11:02,454 --> 01:11:03,685
No, no, no.
We don't know that.
1559
01:11:03,685 --> 01:11:06,270
It was just a flesh wound.
He may have survived.
1560
01:11:06,270 --> 01:11:08,855
If he survived that,
he is prayin' for death.
1561
01:11:08,856 --> 01:11:10,895
Thank you, Doctor Wolverine!
1562
01:11:10,896 --> 01:11:12,936
- Spill it!
- What'd you do to Johnny, huh?
1563
01:11:12,938 --> 01:11:14,002
Talk or I'm gonna start dealin'.
1564
01:11:14,003 --> 01:11:16,731
Okay. Okay.
Hey, hey, hey.
1565
01:11:16,733 --> 01:11:17,302
Look.
1566
01:11:17,304 --> 01:11:19,702
He ran his fat-ass mouth
about Cassandra.
1567
01:11:19,703 --> 01:11:21,076
Then she zip-zapped his skin,
1568
01:11:21,077 --> 01:11:23,045
leaving his organs to splash
crudely onto the ground
1569
01:11:23,046 --> 01:11:26,676
while the soil greedily drank his blood.
It was horrible.
1570
01:11:26,676 --> 01:11:27,807
He was like a brother to me.
1571
01:11:27,809 --> 01:11:31,350
Look, he died before he could
make a difference. But...
1572
01:11:31,351 --> 01:11:32,814
Look, maybe you couldn't
1573
01:11:32,814 --> 01:11:33,957
save your worlds, but...
1574
01:11:33,957 --> 01:11:36,552
but Jesus Christ,
you can save mine!
1575
01:11:36,554 --> 01:11:38,819
I don't give a shit
about your world, but
1576
01:11:38,819 --> 01:11:42,131
if these two made it out of
there alive, maybe together,
1577
01:11:42,131 --> 01:11:43,823
we can get back in
and take her down.
1578
01:11:43,824 --> 01:11:46,497
Where I come from,
we call that suicide, Chere.
1579
01:11:46,497 --> 01:11:49,171
If we can block
her psychic powers,
1580
01:11:49,171 --> 01:11:51,238
we can get a leg up.
I know it.
1581
01:11:51,239 --> 01:11:52,975
Now, I know Magneto's dead.
1582
01:11:52,976 --> 01:11:55,373
But I'd venture to guess
that his helmet is lying
1583
01:11:55,375 --> 01:11:57,673
- around here somewhere...
- Cassandra melted the helmet.
1584
01:11:57,675 --> 01:11:58,983
- Fuck!
- After she killed him.
1585
01:11:58,984 --> 01:12:00,698
- Fuck!
- She don't play.
1586
01:12:00,699 --> 01:12:02,287
She knows that helmet
was the only way
1587
01:12:02,288 --> 01:12:03,877
to protect anyone
from her powers.
1588
01:12:03,877 --> 01:12:06,220
The only other helmet that
strong is Juggernaut's,
1589
01:12:06,221 --> 01:12:07,088
but he works for Cassandra.
1590
01:12:07,090 --> 01:12:08,453
Juggernaut's helmet.
That's it.
1591
01:12:08,453 --> 01:12:10,390
Yeah, and we done be knowing
that lid ain't comin' off
1592
01:12:10,390 --> 01:12:11,996
without that dome
gonna come off wit'it.
1593
01:12:11,997 --> 01:12:13,492
I'm so sorry, beautiful.
1594
01:12:13,493 --> 01:12:14,327
I want this to be gentle.
1595
01:12:14,328 --> 01:12:16,197
Who is your dialect coach?
The Minions?
1596
01:12:16,198 --> 01:12:20,729
I feel like we are missing
critical exposition here.
1597
01:12:20,730 --> 01:12:23,985
I'm sick of this shit.
I'm sick of hiding.
1598
01:12:23,987 --> 01:12:27,242
Let's face it,
our worlds forgot about us.
1599
01:12:27,243 --> 01:12:29,177
Or never learned about us.
1600
01:12:29,179 --> 01:12:30,596
The heroes we were.
1601
01:12:30,597 --> 01:12:31,889
Lives we saved.
1602
01:12:31,890 --> 01:12:33,180
Or wanted to save.
1603
01:12:33,181 --> 01:12:35,579
Maybe these two are our chance.
1604
01:12:36,779 --> 01:12:38,515
To be remembered.
1605
01:12:38,516 --> 01:12:40,255
The way we deserve.
1606
01:12:40,849 --> 01:12:41,981
Yes.
1607
01:12:41,983 --> 01:12:43,587
An ending.
1608
01:12:43,587 --> 01:12:44,886
- Legacy.
- Yes!
1609
01:12:44,886 --> 01:12:46,095
Yes! Let this man cook.
1610
01:12:46,095 --> 01:12:47,943
This is what I'm talking about.
1611
01:12:47,944 --> 01:12:49,792
Big slow-motion fights,
sad music.
1612
01:12:49,792 --> 01:12:50,659
Everybody working together.
1613
01:12:50,661 --> 01:12:52,695
Who knows if you live or die?
That sorta thing.
1614
01:12:52,697 --> 01:12:55,137
- Who's ready?
- I was born ready.
1615
01:12:55,139 --> 01:12:56,188
Yes!
Gambit?
1616
01:12:56,189 --> 01:12:57,238
I ain't know my daddy,
1617
01:12:57,238 --> 01:12:59,003
but I'm sure I shot out
of his dick ready.
1618
01:12:59,005 --> 01:13:00,769
Jesus Christ, that is graphic.
1619
01:13:00,770 --> 01:13:02,738
Yeah. He was layin' them
buttery nuts all up in my mama
1620
01:13:02,739 --> 01:13:04,840
and I shot out there
and I said, "What's up, Doc?"
1621
01:13:04,841 --> 01:13:07,743
Johnny must have loved you.
1622
01:13:07,744 --> 01:13:10,185
X-23, what's it gonna be?
1623
01:13:10,186 --> 01:13:10,877
The name's Laura.
1624
01:13:10,878 --> 01:13:14,091
- Let's fucking go.
- Let's fucking go!
1625
01:13:14,091 --> 01:13:15,189
It's on like chicken and corn.
1626
01:13:15,190 --> 01:13:17,060
- Yeah!
- We're doing this.
1627
01:13:17,061 --> 01:13:17,819
You're all fuckin' dead.
1628
01:13:17,819 --> 01:13:21,163
My God!
Read the room.
1629
01:13:30,601 --> 01:13:35,145
Hey, hey. I'm not lookin'
for company. Get out of here.
1630
01:13:36,608 --> 01:13:38,059
You remind me of him.
1631
01:13:38,060 --> 01:13:39,511
Angry. Drunk. Mean...
1632
01:13:39,511 --> 01:13:42,845
- Sounds like a great guy...
- Wasn't finished.
1633
01:13:43,648 --> 01:13:46,255
Showed up when
it mattered the most.
1634
01:13:47,850 --> 01:13:50,159
Couldn't help it.
1635
01:13:52,657 --> 01:13:54,823
You might not know it, but...
1636
01:13:54,956 --> 01:13:56,694
you're a good man, Logan.
1637
01:13:58,167 --> 01:14:00,235
You might not know it,
but apparently,
1638
01:14:00,237 --> 01:14:02,304
I'm the worst Logan.
1639
01:14:03,140 --> 01:14:06,033
I got to have a life
because of you.
1640
01:14:08,002 --> 01:14:10,675
I got to grow up because of you.
1641
01:14:12,038 --> 01:14:13,115
A lot of kids did.
1642
01:14:13,117 --> 01:14:16,384
A lot of kids didn't grow up
because of me.
1643
01:14:17,780 --> 01:14:20,189
Trust me, kid, I'm no hero.
1644
01:14:20,751 --> 01:14:22,719
That suit says different.
1645
01:14:22,720 --> 01:14:25,756
- Yeah. Do you like it?
- Mm.
1646
01:14:26,625 --> 01:14:29,331
Scott used to beg me to wear it.
1647
01:14:30,827 --> 01:14:34,203
So did Jean, Storm, Beast.
1648
01:14:35,733 --> 01:14:36,963
All of them.
1649
01:14:36,965 --> 01:14:41,188
They wanted me to be part
of the team, but I wouldn't.
1650
01:14:41,189 --> 01:14:45,412
Told 'em they all look
fucking ridiculous. I mean...
1651
01:14:45,940 --> 01:14:49,978
I couldn't have 'em thinkin'
I wanted to be there.
1652
01:14:54,454 --> 01:14:57,083
And then one day,
while I was off on my own,
1653
01:14:57,085 --> 01:14:58,886
the humans came...
1654
01:14:58,887 --> 01:15:00,988
and went mutant hunting.
1655
01:15:01,560 --> 01:15:03,110
I can guess the rest.
1656
01:15:03,112 --> 01:15:04,662
No, no, let me...
1657
01:15:05,234 --> 01:15:07,094
Let me say it. I...
1658
01:15:09,063 --> 01:15:10,899
I need to say it.
1659
01:15:12,099 --> 01:15:15,542
By the time I stumbled home
shitfaced from the bar,
1660
01:15:15,542 --> 01:15:17,378
it was too late.
1661
01:15:20,140 --> 01:15:22,845
They were dead. Every...
1662
01:15:27,587 --> 01:15:32,086
This suit's all I got to
remind me of who they were.
1663
01:15:33,560 --> 01:15:35,122
And what I did.
1664
01:15:47,002 --> 01:15:49,905
We're headed to Cassandra's
at sunup.
1665
01:15:50,037 --> 01:15:52,743
Have fun. Not my fight.
1666
01:15:54,877 --> 01:15:57,682
We won't pull this off
without you.
1667
01:16:03,149 --> 01:16:07,957
Hey. Whoever you think I am,
you got the wrong guy.
1668
01:16:09,893 --> 01:16:12,400
You were always the wrong guy.
1669
01:16:37,690 --> 01:16:38,184
What?
1670
01:16:38,185 --> 01:16:40,020
Alioth didn't get them.
1671
01:16:40,021 --> 01:16:43,465
Cassandra wanted to
play with them herself first.
1672
01:16:43,466 --> 01:16:44,091
They got away.
1673
01:16:44,091 --> 01:16:45,863
- Did they find the others?
- No.
1674
01:16:45,863 --> 01:16:46,895
Good. All right. Phew.
1675
01:16:46,896 --> 01:16:48,815
- The others found them.
- Oh, very cute.
1676
01:16:48,817 --> 01:16:50,735
Well done, Pyro.
Classic bait and switch.
1677
01:16:50,737 --> 01:16:53,408
- You really got me there.
- Relax.
1678
01:16:53,408 --> 01:16:55,872
If they come after Nova,
she'll handle it.
1679
01:16:55,873 --> 01:16:57,676
Cassandra is
a lunatic wild card.
1680
01:16:57,676 --> 01:16:59,943
Why do you think we put her
there in the first place?
1681
01:16:59,944 --> 01:17:02,715
Thank God she's never chosen
to leave The Void.
1682
01:17:02,716 --> 01:17:05,487
The Time Ripper is hours away
from completion.
1683
01:17:05,488 --> 01:17:06,850
I cannot take any chances.
1684
01:17:06,851 --> 01:17:07,984
Well, maybe not.
1685
01:17:07,984 --> 01:17:09,033
But I can.
1686
01:17:09,034 --> 01:17:10,083
For a price.
1687
01:17:10,085 --> 01:17:11,988
Why do you have to
say it in that silly voice?
1688
01:17:11,988 --> 01:17:12,625
It's so icky.
1689
01:17:12,626 --> 01:17:15,122
- You want it done or not?
- All right. Your price.
1690
01:17:15,123 --> 01:17:16,894
Take her out.
1691
01:17:16,895 --> 01:17:18,663
Ugh. Mutants.
1692
01:17:20,029 --> 01:17:22,766
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1693
01:17:22,768 --> 01:17:24,572
♪ It's hard to yell when
the bar-rel's in your mouth ♪
1694
01:17:24,573 --> 01:17:27,206
- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ Swizzy! ♪
1695
01:17:27,207 --> 01:17:29,840
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1696
01:17:29,841 --> 01:17:31,676
♪ T-I-P, coming live
from the V.I.P. ♪
1697
01:17:31,677 --> 01:17:33,877
♪ Heard the nightlife
lost life without me ♪
1698
01:17:33,877 --> 01:17:37,413
♪ Both the feds and the state
wanna see 'bout me ♪
1699
01:17:37,414 --> 01:17:40,951
♪ The whole city got biz-zerk,
he got three... ♪
1700
01:17:40,952 --> 01:17:41,686
Ooh! Look at that there!
1701
01:17:41,688 --> 01:17:43,056
You see them biggum hands
come closed.
1702
01:17:43,057 --> 01:17:44,426
Ain't not a wonna gettin' up
inside there.
1703
01:17:44,426 --> 01:17:46,643
I think what
Gambit's trying to say is
1704
01:17:46,644 --> 01:17:48,859
getting Juggernaut's helmet
ain't gonna be easy.
1705
01:17:48,860 --> 01:17:50,261
I'm just making
stuff up at this...
1706
01:17:50,262 --> 01:17:51,663
- Yeah. Tilt up to Blade.
- Gun!
1707
01:17:51,664 --> 01:17:54,282
♪ Mississippi to Philly,
Albuquerque to Chatt-Town ♪
1708
01:17:54,283 --> 01:17:56,900
♪ If I hit you in the face,
you gon' be suing and shit ♪
1709
01:17:56,902 --> 01:17:59,167
Where'd he get
that little beauty?
1710
01:17:59,167 --> 01:18:00,672
That's Punisher's AT4.
1711
01:18:00,673 --> 01:18:03,610
Which Punisher? There's been,
like, five of them.
1712
01:18:03,612 --> 01:18:04,940
There's only been one Blade,
1713
01:18:04,942 --> 01:18:06,381
and there's only ever
gonna be one Blade.
1714
01:18:06,382 --> 01:18:08,582
♪ Who got a flow and a live
show better than mine? ♪
1715
01:18:08,583 --> 01:18:11,751
♪ I got a packed
house yellin' ♪
1716
01:18:11,752 --> 01:18:13,252
Incoming!
1717
01:18:13,252 --> 01:18:14,752
Ahhh!
1718
01:18:14,753 --> 01:18:16,122
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1719
01:18:16,123 --> 01:18:17,489
♪ Ayy, from the back,
they yellin ♪
1720
01:18:17,490 --> 01:18:18,904
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1721
01:18:18,905 --> 01:18:20,300
♪ Ayy, all
the dope boys yellin' ♪
1722
01:18:20,301 --> 01:18:21,662
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1723
01:18:21,663 --> 01:18:23,377
♪ Ayy, from the back,
they yellin ♪
1724
01:18:30,604 --> 01:18:32,204
♪ Mic check,
one-two, one-two ♪
1725
01:18:32,206 --> 01:18:33,805
♪ You wanna beef
with the King? ♪
1726
01:18:33,806 --> 01:18:34,872
♪ What is you gon' do? ♪
1727
01:18:34,872 --> 01:18:37,275
♪ Will you show up on the
scene with two guns drew? ♪
1728
01:18:37,277 --> 01:18:39,680
♪ Or you and your friend and
play a little two-on-two? ♪
1729
01:18:39,680 --> 01:18:41,148
♪ If you knew half
of what I knew ♪
1730
01:18:41,149 --> 01:18:42,617
♪ Then you'd be
hitting the deck ♪
1731
01:18:42,618 --> 01:18:43,815
♪ I got a tool and a vest ♪
1732
01:18:43,817 --> 01:18:45,014
♪ I can get some respect ♪
1733
01:18:45,015 --> 01:18:47,114
♪ Yeah, what other Southern
rapper hood-er than this? ♪
1734
01:18:47,115 --> 01:18:49,216
♪ I got rich, and I'm still
on some hooligan shit ♪
1735
01:18:49,217 --> 01:18:50,823
♪ Standing in your
front yard yellin' ♪
1736
01:18:50,823 --> 01:18:52,208
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1737
01:18:52,210 --> 01:18:53,583
♪ Ayy, all
my hot girls yellin' ♪
1738
01:18:53,585 --> 01:18:55,007
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1739
01:18:55,009 --> 01:18:56,567
♪ Ayy, all
the dope boys yellin' ♪
1740
01:18:56,568 --> 01:18:58,127
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1741
01:19:03,671 --> 01:19:07,365
♪ Hands in the air now! ♪
1742
01:19:07,367 --> 01:19:10,447
♪ Hands-hands in the-
in the air-air now! ♪
1743
01:19:10,448 --> 01:19:11,447
♪ I can't hear you! ♪
1744
01:19:11,448 --> 01:19:16,453
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1745
01:19:19,148 --> 01:19:20,984
Ooh, this is gonna be good.
1746
01:19:20,984 --> 01:19:23,421
You know how long
I've been waiting for this?
1747
01:19:23,421 --> 01:19:25,524
Whoo! I'm about to make
a name for myself here.
1748
01:19:25,525 --> 01:19:27,627
I don't think you guys
walk away from this.
1749
01:19:27,628 --> 01:19:29,944
You just make sure people know
what happened here today.
1750
01:19:29,944 --> 01:19:32,260
And when you get out of here,
you have a drink for me, yeah?
1751
01:19:32,261 --> 01:19:34,948
You just stay on our six
and get inside.
1752
01:19:34,949 --> 01:19:37,639
We'll make sure
you get the package.
1753
01:19:37,640 --> 01:19:39,904
And we'll get our ending.
1754
01:20:49,435 --> 01:20:50,238
And boom!
1755
01:21:20,742 --> 01:21:24,042
Heh. Some motherfuckers still
trying to ice skate uphill.
1756
01:21:30,653 --> 01:21:33,083
You two escaping,
I could live with.
1757
01:21:33,085 --> 01:21:36,823
But coming back? Willingly?
1758
01:21:37,693 --> 01:21:39,088
Boys are so silly.
1759
01:21:39,090 --> 01:21:40,122
I just need to get home.
1760
01:21:40,123 --> 01:21:42,597
Well, that's not on the menu,
I'm afraid.
1761
01:21:42,599 --> 01:21:46,525
It's death or enslavement.
A la carte, of course.
1762
01:21:46,527 --> 01:21:48,935
Upsy-daisy.
1763
01:21:53,742 --> 01:21:54,203
Finally,
1764
01:21:54,203 --> 01:21:56,679
it's nice to give someone else
a chance to talk.
1765
01:21:56,680 --> 01:21:58,828
Not my strong suit.
1766
01:22:16,094 --> 01:22:18,261
You shouldn't have done that.
1767
01:22:37,444 --> 01:22:39,282
Adios, pendejo.
1768
01:22:40,579 --> 01:22:43,449
You are an interesting one,
aren't you?
1769
01:22:43,451 --> 01:22:47,224
I do feel like you get lost
behind all of his...
1770
01:22:49,731 --> 01:22:53,769
Deadpools are a dime a dozen
here in The Void.
1771
01:22:54,033 --> 01:22:55,770
But you...
1772
01:22:55,770 --> 01:22:59,434
What's going on in here?
1773
01:23:08,081 --> 01:23:10,345
Logan!
1774
01:23:12,083 --> 01:23:14,152
Interesting...
1775
01:23:14,448 --> 01:23:17,188
Not what I expected back here.
1776
01:23:17,661 --> 01:23:19,662
Behind the anger.
1777
01:23:22,930 --> 01:23:24,029
You're hiding.
1778
01:23:24,029 --> 01:23:25,800
From them.
1779
01:23:25,801 --> 01:23:28,738
From all the ones you let down.
1780
01:23:30,707 --> 01:23:32,434
So much pain.
1781
01:23:34,534 --> 01:23:36,502
I walked away.
1782
01:23:36,503 --> 01:23:38,538
They called after me and I...
1783
01:23:38,539 --> 01:23:40,243
I walked away.
1784
01:23:40,815 --> 01:23:41,606
I always do.
1785
01:23:41,608 --> 01:23:43,720
- Logan!
- I know.
1786
01:23:45,117 --> 01:23:47,283
That's not all you did.
1787
01:23:47,613 --> 01:23:48,118
Is it?
1788
01:23:51,793 --> 01:23:53,828
You found them.
1789
01:23:54,126 --> 01:23:55,831
The X-Men.
1790
01:24:00,738 --> 01:24:01,230
Dead.
1791
01:24:04,235 --> 01:24:06,137
Piled like wood.
1792
01:24:06,841 --> 01:24:09,108
What did you do?
1793
01:24:10,978 --> 01:24:12,472
I started killing.
1794
01:24:12,474 --> 01:24:16,180
And I couldn't stop.
I didn't wanna stop.
1795
01:24:16,511 --> 01:24:19,788
All those bad men.
1796
01:24:23,088 --> 01:24:25,761
It's not just the bad ones.
1797
01:24:26,653 --> 01:24:28,423
My little animal.
1798
01:24:29,898 --> 01:24:34,033
And I turned the whole world
against the X-Men.
1799
01:24:34,034 --> 01:24:35,662
Blade!
1800
01:24:40,600 --> 01:24:42,305
Just once...
1801
01:24:42,845 --> 01:24:46,914
I wanna be the man
that Charles thought I was.
1802
01:24:47,673 --> 01:24:49,148
Logan...
1803
01:24:49,609 --> 01:24:54,350
in The Void,
you can be what you are.
1804
01:24:55,989 --> 01:24:58,271
I just wanna be free.
1805
01:24:58,273 --> 01:25:00,555
I can set you free.
1806
01:25:10,971 --> 01:25:16,779
I can silence all those voices.
1807
01:25:23,545 --> 01:25:25,118
I've got you.
1808
01:25:27,054 --> 01:25:28,824
I've got you.
1809
01:25:28,989 --> 01:25:30,386
No.
1810
01:25:31,157 --> 01:25:32,895
I got you.
1811
01:25:39,836 --> 01:25:42,002
Get it off!
1812
01:25:42,002 --> 01:25:43,569
You're gonna send us home,
1813
01:25:43,570 --> 01:25:45,137
or I'm gonna twist
your fucking head off.
1814
01:25:45,139 --> 01:25:47,601
Why are you laughing?
1815
01:25:47,603 --> 01:25:48,502
I can't send you home
1816
01:25:48,503 --> 01:25:51,814
unless you get this thing
off my head.
1817
01:25:51,815 --> 01:25:52,671
And as soon as you do that,
1818
01:25:52,672 --> 01:25:55,658
I'm going to boil your brains
on an atomic level
1819
01:25:55,659 --> 01:25:58,645
whilst flicking my bean
to the Enya box set.
1820
01:25:58,646 --> 01:26:00,185
There's an Enya box set?
1821
01:26:00,186 --> 01:26:01,917
Either you kill me
1822
01:26:01,918 --> 01:26:03,650
or I kill you.
1823
01:26:03,859 --> 01:26:05,552
Both wonderful options.
1824
01:26:05,554 --> 01:26:07,259
You want me to do it?
1825
01:26:07,260 --> 01:26:07,863
No, I'll do it.
1826
01:26:07,863 --> 01:26:09,095
I have her neck right here.
1827
01:26:09,095 --> 01:26:10,966
- It's really no problem.
- You'll screw it up.
1828
01:26:10,966 --> 01:26:12,868
Oh, come on, Mr. PG-13,
1829
01:26:12,869 --> 01:26:13,725
except the last one!
1830
01:26:13,726 --> 01:26:16,729
What the fuck?
1831
01:26:16,840 --> 01:26:19,699
You have no idea
1832
01:26:19,701 --> 01:26:20,435
what it's like!
1833
01:26:20,436 --> 01:26:23,770
Day after day.
Shovel the shit.
1834
01:26:23,770 --> 01:26:25,176
Fetch the meats.
1835
01:26:25,177 --> 01:26:28,984
I have spent my entire exis...
1836
01:26:29,952 --> 01:26:31,413
Not everyone gets a speech.
1837
01:26:31,414 --> 01:26:33,921
She's gonna die.
1838
01:26:33,922 --> 01:26:35,859
Okay. Hey, hey.
If I take this helmet off,
1839
01:26:35,859 --> 01:26:37,443
do you promise
you won't kill us?
1840
01:26:37,444 --> 01:26:39,027
- Fuck!
- I promise...
1841
01:26:39,028 --> 01:26:40,456
I will kill you first thing.
1842
01:26:40,457 --> 01:26:42,865
Oh!
Why are you like this?
1843
01:26:42,867 --> 01:26:43,756
I wish I knew.
1844
01:26:43,756 --> 01:26:44,944
- Take it off.
- What?
1845
01:26:44,944 --> 01:26:46,131
- Take it off.
- Why?
1846
01:26:46,132 --> 01:26:47,694
- Just take it off.
- This is our only chance
1847
01:26:47,695 --> 01:26:50,829
- to fix our shit!
- Take it off!
1848
01:26:51,908 --> 01:26:53,600
I am wearing this suit.
1849
01:26:53,601 --> 01:26:57,243
And that means a lot of things,
but most of all...
1850
01:26:57,947 --> 01:26:59,948
it means I'm an X-Man.
1851
01:27:00,180 --> 01:27:02,346
And I know your brother.
1852
01:27:03,512 --> 01:27:04,777
As much as I want
to fucking kill you,
1853
01:27:04,778 --> 01:27:08,435
every bone in my body
wants to fucking kill you,
1854
01:27:08,435 --> 01:27:12,092
he would not let me stand here
and watch you die!
1855
01:27:13,787 --> 01:27:15,822
Take your hands off.
1856
01:27:16,823 --> 01:27:18,759
This is for him.
1857
01:27:19,826 --> 01:27:21,904
This is for Charles.
1858
01:27:30,539 --> 01:27:32,443
Hey, no, no, no!
1859
01:27:32,444 --> 01:27:35,050
Don't you dare
do me like Johnny!
1860
01:27:40,649 --> 01:27:42,420
My brother loved you.
1861
01:27:43,652 --> 01:27:45,390
He loved all of us.
1862
01:27:45,686 --> 01:27:47,095
Hmm.
1863
01:27:47,886 --> 01:27:49,724
Must be nice.
1864
01:27:49,823 --> 01:27:52,067
He would've loved you, too.
1865
01:27:54,101 --> 01:27:56,104
If he knew about you...
1866
01:27:56,972 --> 01:27:58,038
if he knew where you were,
1867
01:27:58,039 --> 01:28:00,833
he would've torn a hole
in the fucking universe
1868
01:28:00,835 --> 01:28:02,703
to bring you home.
1869
01:28:05,838 --> 01:28:07,444
This is my home.
1870
01:28:07,444 --> 01:28:10,877
Well, then at least
let us save his.
1871
01:28:13,957 --> 01:28:16,421
You want to hear
something crazy?
1872
01:28:16,850 --> 01:28:21,293
An amateur magician rolled
through here a while back.
1873
01:28:21,557 --> 01:28:23,130
I killed him, of course.
1874
01:28:23,131 --> 01:28:26,761
Wore his skin around
for four days.
1875
01:28:27,036 --> 01:28:27,970
But
1876
01:28:27,970 --> 01:28:29,769
I found this
1877
01:28:29,770 --> 01:28:31,567
little trinket
1878
01:28:31,568 --> 01:28:33,701
on his lovely fingers.
1879
01:28:33,702 --> 01:28:35,836
Strange!
1880
01:28:37,475 --> 01:28:41,016
- Marvel sparkle circle.
- What is that?
1881
01:28:41,018 --> 01:28:42,775
This is your way home.
1882
01:28:42,777 --> 01:28:44,645
I do owe you for saving my life.
1883
01:28:44,646 --> 01:28:46,631
But let's keep
things interesting.
1884
01:28:46,632 --> 01:28:48,618
I'd say you have
about four seconds
1885
01:28:48,618 --> 01:28:50,917
before you're Alioth's food.
1886
01:28:54,162 --> 01:28:56,262
Race ya.
1887
01:29:00,631 --> 01:29:04,237
♪ I'll be seeing you ♪
1888
01:29:04,238 --> 01:29:09,792
♪ In all the old
familiar places ♪
1889
01:29:09,792 --> 01:29:15,347
♪ That this heart
of mine embraces ♪
1890
01:29:15,349 --> 01:29:18,185
♪ All day through ♪
1891
01:29:20,649 --> 01:29:25,259
♪ In that small cafe ♪
1892
01:29:25,423 --> 01:29:30,065
♪ The park across the way ♪
1893
01:29:30,890 --> 01:29:35,301
♪ The children's carousel ♪
1894
01:29:35,301 --> 01:29:41,671
♪ The chestnut trees,
the wishing well ♪
1895
01:29:42,573 --> 01:29:46,180
♪ I'll be seeing you ♪
1896
01:29:46,180 --> 01:29:50,581
♪ In every lovely
summer's day ♪
1897
01:29:51,153 --> 01:29:55,981
♪ I'll find you
in the morning sun ♪
1898
01:29:55,983 --> 01:30:01,295
♪ And when the night is new ♪
1899
01:30:02,757 --> 01:30:09,336
♪ I'll be looking
at the moon ♪
1900
01:30:09,797 --> 01:30:15,869
♪ But I'll be seeing you ♪
1901
01:30:18,345 --> 01:30:21,039
And as I said,
we've got a standard three-year
1902
01:30:21,041 --> 01:30:22,447
bumper to bumper warranty.
1903
01:30:22,448 --> 01:30:24,009
Glad you gave us
a second chance.
1904
01:30:24,010 --> 01:30:26,164
And don't worry.
Wade and I are a team,
1905
01:30:26,166 --> 01:30:28,322
so I'll see he gets
half the commission...
1906
01:30:29,158 --> 01:30:30,158
Whoa.
1907
01:30:30,158 --> 01:30:32,159
That feels like a Kia.
1908
01:30:32,161 --> 01:30:36,099
It's a fucking Kia Carnival,
isn't it?
1909
01:30:36,462 --> 01:30:39,564
Holy shit. That's Deadpool.
1910
01:30:39,564 --> 01:30:40,399
And that's Wolverine.
1911
01:30:40,399 --> 01:30:42,060
You're damn straight it is.
1912
01:30:42,061 --> 01:30:42,994
Fox killed him.
1913
01:30:42,996 --> 01:30:43,731
Disney brought him back.
1914
01:30:43,733 --> 01:30:46,405
They're going to make him
do this till he's 90.
1915
01:30:46,537 --> 01:30:47,835
Let's go.
1916
01:30:47,836 --> 01:30:49,541
I'll clock you out!
1917
01:30:49,542 --> 01:30:51,377
Forever!
1918
01:30:51,740 --> 01:30:53,247
Forever.
1919
01:30:59,913 --> 01:31:00,617
Wakey-wakey.
1920
01:31:00,618 --> 01:31:03,291
God?
1921
01:31:03,390 --> 01:31:07,086
Now, you put all these bullets
in my belly,
1922
01:31:07,087 --> 01:31:09,725
and I'm gonna find out why.
1923
01:31:09,726 --> 01:31:11,332
Whoa, whoa!
1924
01:31:11,430 --> 01:31:12,793
I'll just say it.
1925
01:31:12,795 --> 01:31:15,028
You don't have to stick
your fingers in me.
1926
01:31:15,029 --> 01:31:18,173
Jesus, just ask sometimes.
1927
01:31:18,175 --> 01:31:19,835
Fine.
1928
01:31:20,604 --> 01:31:21,902
Really?
1929
01:31:21,903 --> 01:31:23,320
Hands in pockets.
1930
01:31:24,850 --> 01:31:26,378
Guy named Paradox.
1931
01:31:26,380 --> 01:31:28,447
He said he'd get me
out of The Void.
1932
01:31:28,448 --> 01:31:30,515
All I know is
he works for the TVA.
1933
01:31:30,516 --> 01:31:31,185
The TVA.
1934
01:31:31,186 --> 01:31:32,484
We had an agreement.
1935
01:31:32,484 --> 01:31:34,685
I don't think this guy cares.
1936
01:31:34,685 --> 01:31:36,185
Huh. He will.
1937
01:31:36,186 --> 01:31:37,686
Hey, people!
1938
01:31:37,688 --> 01:31:40,086
How much longer before
the Time Ripper is active?
1939
01:31:40,087 --> 01:31:41,559
We're running
the final safety checks.
1940
01:31:41,560 --> 01:31:44,662
Oh, okay. All right.
Thanks for all your hard work, Ralph.
1941
01:31:44,662 --> 01:31:46,202
- Take your time.
- Really?
1942
01:31:46,203 --> 01:31:47,466
No, you drooling boob!
1943
01:31:47,467 --> 01:31:48,730
No! We have company.
1944
01:31:48,731 --> 01:31:52,670
Cancel the safety checks.
We need to be live now!
1945
01:31:52,671 --> 01:31:54,969
Oh, I hate you so much.
1946
01:31:56,542 --> 01:31:57,135
No! Stop!
1947
01:31:57,136 --> 01:31:58,609
Piss off! You're too late.
1948
01:31:58,609 --> 01:32:00,908
- You're fuckin' done.
- Why was Thor crying?
1949
01:32:00,909 --> 01:32:01,810
How dare you!
1950
01:32:01,810 --> 01:32:04,516
No one comes back from The Void.
1951
01:32:04,518 --> 01:32:06,881
Tell that to Cassandra Nova.
1952
01:32:14,757 --> 01:32:17,694
Paradox. We have a problem.
1953
01:32:19,796 --> 01:32:21,831
Paradox.
1954
01:32:22,634 --> 01:32:25,900
Well, you are doughier than
you looked in Pyro's head.
1955
01:32:25,902 --> 01:32:27,353
You tried to kill me.
1956
01:32:27,354 --> 01:32:28,804
I literally have no i...
1957
01:32:28,805 --> 01:32:30,872
You come for the king,
1958
01:32:30,873 --> 01:32:32,940
you better kill the king.
1959
01:32:32,942 --> 01:32:33,676
Oh-ho-ho!
1960
01:32:33,677 --> 01:32:36,162
Welcome to
the skull fuck club, Paradox.
1961
01:32:36,163 --> 01:32:38,649
You know she doesn't
wash that hand.
1962
01:32:38,650 --> 01:32:40,487
Oh.
1963
01:32:40,488 --> 01:32:42,114
What's this?
1964
01:32:42,819 --> 01:32:43,770
A Time Ripper?
1965
01:32:43,770 --> 01:32:44,720
Naughty boy.
1966
01:32:44,721 --> 01:32:45,755
Oh, no.
We're on it.
1967
01:32:45,756 --> 01:32:47,921
We're gonna head down
and dismantle that thing now.
1968
01:32:47,922 --> 01:32:50,090
We got ya, boo.
You just keep playing those keys.
1969
01:32:50,091 --> 01:32:52,597
I don't want to destroy it.
1970
01:32:52,599 --> 01:32:53,597
I want to use it.
1971
01:32:53,599 --> 01:32:57,195
Now, shoo. Mummy and Daddy
are having a conversation.
1972
01:33:03,476 --> 01:33:05,610
You know, the funny thing is,
1973
01:33:05,612 --> 01:33:07,105
I was happy in The Void.
1974
01:33:07,106 --> 01:33:11,045
You sent your trash to me.
Alioth and I cleaned it up.
1975
01:33:11,046 --> 01:33:12,913
Everyone was happy.
1976
01:33:12,914 --> 01:33:16,787
And then you had to
go and piss on my side of the fence.
1977
01:33:16,787 --> 01:33:19,689
And so now the fence
must come down.
1978
01:33:19,690 --> 01:33:22,043
I'm going to use
your little Time Ripper.
1979
01:33:22,045 --> 01:33:24,601
And I'm going to destroy
this universe
1980
01:33:24,603 --> 01:33:27,899
and the next and the next
and the next
1981
01:33:27,899 --> 01:33:31,197
until all that's left
is The Void.
1982
01:33:31,198 --> 01:33:33,506
And I get to play God.
1983
01:33:33,506 --> 01:33:35,069
Come on.
1984
01:33:35,069 --> 01:33:35,970
Now you're going to show me
1985
01:33:35,970 --> 01:33:37,872
how to use
this fancy gadget of yours.
1986
01:33:37,873 --> 01:33:39,777
And don't worry,
I've called some friends
1987
01:33:39,778 --> 01:33:42,384
to make sure
we're not disturbed.
1988
01:33:44,518 --> 01:33:45,716
Sorry to bother, madam,
1989
01:33:45,717 --> 01:33:47,487
but there's something
you need to see.
1990
01:33:47,488 --> 01:33:50,590
We're getting indications
of an unsanctioned Time Ripper
1991
01:33:50,591 --> 01:33:53,692
activating on Earth-10005.
1992
01:33:54,659 --> 01:33:56,694
Whose district is that?
1993
01:33:56,893 --> 01:33:58,301
Paradox.
1994
01:34:08,640 --> 01:34:11,038
Well, thank you so much
for your help, darling.
1995
01:34:11,039 --> 01:34:13,679
God. Good to get out
of that head.
1996
01:34:13,680 --> 01:34:16,351
Whew! What a mess!
1997
01:34:23,248 --> 01:34:23,853
Stop!
1998
01:34:23,854 --> 01:34:25,988
Let's give it a beat
for the extras to clear.
1999
01:34:25,988 --> 01:34:29,221
Go, go, go, go, go!
Oh, my God!
2000
01:34:33,127 --> 01:34:36,635
- Oh. My. God.
- Fuck.
2001
01:34:43,742 --> 01:34:45,974
It's her!
2002
01:34:45,975 --> 01:34:48,978
Come on, girl!
2003
01:34:50,144 --> 01:34:51,814
♪ Was love always this good ♪
2004
01:34:51,815 --> 01:34:54,951
♪ Or could this be
just the start? ♪
2005
01:34:54,952 --> 01:34:56,634
Come on, girl!
2006
01:34:56,635 --> 01:34:58,315
♪ Baby, baby ♪
2007
01:34:58,317 --> 01:35:03,465
♪ Turn the radio up
for that sweet sound ♪
2008
01:35:03,466 --> 01:35:07,832
♪ Hold me close,
never let me go ♪
2009
01:35:07,832 --> 01:35:10,735
♪ Keep this feelin' alive... ♪
2010
01:35:10,737 --> 01:35:11,735
That's my girl!
2011
01:35:11,737 --> 01:35:13,033
We don't have to be apart
2012
01:35:13,034 --> 01:35:15,168
ever, ever again.
Never, ever...
2013
01:35:15,170 --> 01:35:16,774
- Sorry!
- Fuck!
2014
01:35:17,479 --> 01:35:19,105
What's Cafe Gratitude
doing here?
2015
01:35:19,106 --> 01:35:21,091
Sorry about that.
2016
01:35:21,092 --> 01:35:23,078
Tremble not, sweet Mary Puppins.
2017
01:35:23,078 --> 01:35:24,430
I'll handle him.
2018
01:35:24,431 --> 01:35:25,783
Come here, girl.
Papa's here.
2019
01:35:25,783 --> 01:35:29,083
Hey, do not insult
this animal's autonomy.
2020
01:35:29,085 --> 01:35:30,805
She can decide who her papa is.
2021
01:35:30,805 --> 01:35:32,525
What's it gonna be, girl, huh?
2022
01:35:32,527 --> 01:35:34,659
Original recipe
or Van Milder here?
2023
01:35:34,661 --> 01:35:39,501
Ah, that's funny. I can gently
tap the fourth wall too.
2024
01:35:39,502 --> 01:35:41,261
The Proposal.
2025
01:35:41,899 --> 01:35:42,865
The fuck was that?
2026
01:35:42,867 --> 01:35:44,902
Bitch, you think
that's what I do?
2027
01:35:44,903 --> 01:35:45,868
Both of you shut up.
2028
01:35:45,869 --> 01:35:48,202
You smell somethin'?
2029
01:35:48,203 --> 01:35:48,904
Yeah, you.
2030
01:35:48,905 --> 01:35:51,072
A lot of you.
2031
01:36:06,087 --> 01:36:08,728
Told you there were
a lot of Deadpools over there.
2032
01:36:20,574 --> 01:36:22,400
That's bad.
2033
01:36:43,796 --> 01:36:45,567
I take it they're not friendly.
2034
01:36:45,568 --> 01:36:46,292
Goodness, no.
2035
01:36:46,292 --> 01:36:47,963
Sorry about this, boys.
Mission over.
2036
01:36:47,965 --> 01:36:51,770
Cause of death, one hundred
kill-thirsty Deadpools.
2037
01:36:51,771 --> 01:36:52,396
They're dumb.
2038
01:36:52,398 --> 01:36:53,640
But they can fight.
Not me, though.
2039
01:36:53,640 --> 01:36:56,775
Would love to get in the mix,
but I have low bone density
2040
01:36:56,777 --> 01:36:58,327
and I have to keep my face safe.
2041
01:36:58,328 --> 01:36:59,877
Hold, please.
2042
01:36:59,877 --> 01:37:02,847
- Oh, God.
- All right. Look.
2043
01:37:02,849 --> 01:37:04,344
Guys!
2044
01:37:04,850 --> 01:37:06,113
Deadpool Prime here.
2045
01:37:06,114 --> 01:37:08,083
- Our fight isn't with you...
- Hey!
2046
01:37:08,085 --> 01:37:09,117
When I want your opinion,
2047
01:37:09,118 --> 01:37:11,692
I'll take Wolverine's dick
out of your mouth.
2048
01:37:11,693 --> 01:37:13,127
That's Kidpool.
She's the dirtiest.
2049
01:37:13,127 --> 01:37:14,561
Can we just be done?
2050
01:37:14,563 --> 01:37:16,762
Ooh, we're just getting started.
2051
01:37:16,764 --> 01:37:18,945
No, no, no, no, no.
2052
01:37:18,947 --> 01:37:21,130
With the whole multiverse thing.
2053
01:37:21,537 --> 01:37:23,087
It's not great.
2054
01:37:23,087 --> 01:37:24,639
It's just been miss
2055
01:37:24,640 --> 01:37:26,051
after miss
2056
01:37:26,052 --> 01:37:27,465
after miss.
2057
01:37:27,466 --> 01:37:29,940
Look, The Wizard of Oz
did the multiverse first,
2058
01:37:29,942 --> 01:37:33,240
and they did it best.
The gays knew it.
2059
01:37:33,242 --> 01:37:34,141
But we didn't listen.
2060
01:37:34,143 --> 01:37:36,881
Let's just take the L
and move on.
2061
01:37:36,881 --> 01:37:39,686
I think it's been
steadily great since Endgame.
2062
01:37:39,688 --> 01:37:41,721
What are you talking about?
2063
01:37:41,722 --> 01:37:42,953
The multiverse is over.
2064
01:37:42,953 --> 01:37:44,449
Cassandy gonna destroy
2065
01:37:44,451 --> 01:37:46,055
the fuck outta every timeline.
2066
01:37:46,055 --> 01:37:47,694
Heh. Y'all can't do shit
about it.
2067
01:37:47,695 --> 01:37:48,595
Do you not get it?
2068
01:37:48,596 --> 01:37:49,961
If we don't go down
to the subway
2069
01:37:49,962 --> 01:37:50,828
and stop her, we all die.
2070
01:37:50,829 --> 01:37:52,127
Say, the boss lady
2071
01:37:52,128 --> 01:37:53,127
don't want no disturbances.
2072
01:37:53,128 --> 01:37:55,262
You wanna get down
to the subway,
2073
01:37:55,264 --> 01:37:56,703
you gotta go through us.
2074
01:37:56,704 --> 01:37:57,737
Uzi time, baby.
2075
01:37:57,738 --> 01:37:59,305
Uzi time, baby.
2076
01:37:59,305 --> 01:38:00,872
Look alive!
2077
01:38:09,243 --> 01:38:11,212
- I think I'm hit.
- No shit.
2078
01:38:11,213 --> 01:38:11,981
You did that on purpose.
2079
01:38:11,983 --> 01:38:14,051
I did no such thing!
2080
01:38:14,051 --> 01:38:14,787
Listen to me, gorgeous.
2081
01:38:14,787 --> 01:38:16,855
How long does it take
for you to regenerate?
2082
01:38:16,856 --> 01:38:18,792
Regenerate?
2083
01:38:23,488 --> 01:38:25,667
You really are
God's perfect idiot, aren't you?
2084
01:38:25,667 --> 01:38:27,295
- I'm okay.
- How dare you!
2085
01:38:27,296 --> 01:38:28,966
You insensitive son of a bitch!
2086
01:38:28,966 --> 01:38:31,672
How was I supposed to know
he doesn't regenerate?
2087
01:38:31,673 --> 01:38:32,672
I'm not a medicine woman.
2088
01:38:32,673 --> 01:38:35,467
Look. A donut cart.
They're practically hospitals.
2089
01:38:35,469 --> 01:38:36,402
- What?
- They sell
2090
01:38:36,403 --> 01:38:37,655
- portable triage units.
- They don't.
2091
01:38:37,657 --> 01:38:39,734
I'm gonna get you to safety.
2092
01:38:39,735 --> 01:38:41,814
- He's not.
- Deep breath.
2093
01:38:49,118 --> 01:38:50,921
Hey, why are we stopping?
2094
01:38:50,922 --> 01:38:52,087
I'm just catching my breath.
2095
01:38:52,088 --> 01:38:55,488
What, are your legs on
vacation? You're dead weight!
2096
01:38:55,488 --> 01:38:56,554
That's because I'm paralyzed.
2097
01:38:56,555 --> 01:38:59,635
We all have problems.
Listen to me.
2098
01:38:59,636 --> 01:39:01,262
You're gonna live.
2099
01:39:01,670 --> 01:39:03,417
Look at me, Nicepool.
2100
01:39:06,905 --> 01:39:08,875
You're gonna live.
2101
01:39:09,039 --> 01:39:10,743
Say it!
2102
01:39:10,744 --> 01:39:11,877
I'm gonna live.
2103
01:39:11,877 --> 01:39:14,176
Say it with me.
You're gonna live.
2104
01:39:14,177 --> 01:39:16,078
I'm gonna live!
2105
01:39:16,079 --> 01:39:20,149
Ha-hah!
Say it louder!
2106
01:39:20,150 --> 01:39:22,020
I'm gonna live...
2107
01:39:30,225 --> 01:39:32,293
Hold your fire!
2108
01:39:33,559 --> 01:39:35,671
Sweet little puppy.
2109
01:39:44,680 --> 01:39:46,680
God damn it!
2110
01:39:46,681 --> 01:39:48,684
I don't think
he's gonna make it.
2111
01:39:48,685 --> 01:39:50,179
God, he loved his face.
2112
01:39:50,180 --> 01:39:53,018
I can taste his final thought.
2113
01:39:53,019 --> 01:39:54,250
He was so afraid.
2114
01:39:54,251 --> 01:39:55,480
But he died a hero.
2115
01:39:55,481 --> 01:39:57,384
He died from murder,
you dumb fuck.
2116
01:39:57,385 --> 01:40:00,421
And all I have
to remember him by
2117
01:40:00,586 --> 01:40:02,125
are these two gold-plated,
2118
01:40:02,126 --> 01:40:04,898
...50 caliber
Desert Eagle pistoleros.
2119
01:40:04,899 --> 01:40:06,426
This is for him.
2120
01:40:06,559 --> 01:40:07,899
Are you ready?
2121
01:40:07,900 --> 01:40:09,969
I get to kill a hundred yous?
2122
01:40:09,970 --> 01:40:11,805
Fuck yeah, I'm ready.
2123
01:40:11,805 --> 01:40:13,631
Hey, you don't want
to see this, bub.
2124
01:40:13,632 --> 01:40:14,533
That's a good girl.
2125
01:40:19,043 --> 01:40:23,377
♪ Life is a mystery ♪
2126
01:40:23,377 --> 01:40:28,014
♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪
2127
01:40:28,015 --> 01:40:32,650
♪ I hear you call my name ♪
2128
01:40:32,652 --> 01:40:37,391
♪ And it feels like ♪
2129
01:40:37,393 --> 01:40:40,197
♪ Home... ♪
2130
01:40:51,779 --> 01:40:52,978
Holy shit.
2131
01:40:52,979 --> 01:40:55,916
You save the good stuff
for special occasions?
2132
01:40:55,917 --> 01:40:56,717
Killing, mostly.
2133
01:40:56,719 --> 01:40:58,181
What's the wind resistance
2134
01:40:58,182 --> 01:40:59,115
on those blowjob handles?
2135
01:40:59,117 --> 01:41:01,019
I'm sorry.
2136
01:41:01,020 --> 01:41:04,055
I'm just a catty bitch
when I'm jealous.
2137
01:41:04,056 --> 01:41:05,992
All right, let's do this.
2138
01:41:05,993 --> 01:41:07,895
Maximum effort.
2139
01:41:18,136 --> 01:41:21,974
♪ When you call my name
It's like a little prayer ♪
2140
01:41:21,975 --> 01:41:25,962
♪ I'm down on my knees
I want to take you there ♪
2141
01:41:25,962 --> 01:41:29,948
♪ In the midnight hour
I can feel your power ♪
2142
01:41:29,949 --> 01:41:34,954
♪ Just like a prayer
You know I'll take you there ♪
2143
01:41:34,956 --> 01:41:38,826
♪ Life is a mystery ♪
2144
01:41:38,827 --> 01:41:42,863
♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪
2145
01:41:42,863 --> 01:41:46,900
♪ I hear you call my name ♪
2146
01:41:46,902 --> 01:41:47,769
You're dead.
2147
01:41:47,770 --> 01:41:52,698
♪ And it feels like ♪
2148
01:41:54,942 --> 01:41:56,734
♪ Let the choir sing ♪
2149
01:41:56,734 --> 01:42:00,975
♪ When you call my name
It's like a little prayer ♪
2150
01:42:00,975 --> 01:42:05,146
♪ I'm down on my knees
I wanna take you there ♪
2151
01:42:05,148 --> 01:42:09,318
♪ In the midnight hour
I can feel your power ♪
2152
01:42:09,319 --> 01:42:13,828
♪ Just like a prayer
You know I'll take you there ♪
2153
01:42:13,829 --> 01:42:15,796
Motherfucker.
2154
01:42:15,797 --> 01:42:17,029
I wish I were deaf.
2155
01:42:17,029 --> 01:42:18,344
♪ I'll take you there ♪
2156
01:42:18,345 --> 01:42:19,658
♪ It's like a dream to me ♪
2157
01:42:19,658 --> 01:42:21,759
♪ Oh oh, yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪
2158
01:42:21,760 --> 01:42:24,872
♪ Just like a prayer,
I'll take you there ♪
2159
01:42:24,873 --> 01:42:26,368
♪ Oh yeah, yeah ♪
2160
01:42:26,368 --> 01:42:28,975
♪ It's like a dream to me ♪
2161
01:42:28,976 --> 01:42:31,845
♪ Oh, oh ♪
2162
01:42:31,846 --> 01:42:36,313
♪ It's like a prayer... ♪
2163
01:42:36,543 --> 01:42:39,480
I don't
wanna die. I don't wanna die.
2164
01:42:39,481 --> 01:42:41,119
I don't wanna...
2165
01:42:54,002 --> 01:42:55,529
Come on.
2166
01:42:55,530 --> 01:42:56,167
Oh, I blew it.
2167
01:42:56,167 --> 01:42:58,565
After all that, the only thing
they're gonna remember
2168
01:42:58,567 --> 01:43:01,206
is that God-awful dismount!
2169
01:43:04,737 --> 01:43:06,980
What you laughing at,
you little fucker?
2170
01:43:06,981 --> 01:43:08,246
Uh-oh.
2171
01:43:08,247 --> 01:43:09,929
Uh-oh.
2172
01:43:13,515 --> 01:43:16,023
I guess these ones regenerate.
2173
01:43:16,925 --> 01:43:19,927
Come on.
We don't have time for this.
2174
01:43:19,929 --> 01:43:21,094
Deadpools!
2175
01:43:21,095 --> 01:43:22,997
Stand down.
2176
01:43:32,731 --> 01:43:34,206
This Deadpool's with me.
2177
01:43:34,207 --> 01:43:35,470
Oh, no.
2178
01:43:35,471 --> 01:43:36,734
Holy shit.
2179
01:43:36,735 --> 01:43:38,671
That's fuckin' Peter!
2180
01:43:41,081 --> 01:43:42,675
Wait, you...
You guys know Peter?
2181
01:43:42,676 --> 01:43:45,085
You kidding me?
Every Deadpool has a Peter.
2182
01:43:45,086 --> 01:43:47,845
Shit.
Peter's a goddamn legend
2183
01:43:47,846 --> 01:43:49,583
in every Deadpool's world.
2184
01:43:49,585 --> 01:43:51,893
Peter-san. Hai.
2185
01:43:58,658 --> 01:44:01,297
Peter. Peter. Peter.
2186
01:44:01,298 --> 01:44:04,153
Peter. Peter. Peter.
Peter. Peter. Peter.
2187
01:44:04,154 --> 01:44:07,007
Peter. Peter. Peter.
2188
01:44:07,009 --> 01:44:09,338
Enjoy my Peter.
2189
01:44:36,136 --> 01:44:36,860
Oh, now you're here.
2190
01:44:36,862 --> 01:44:38,797
Oh, well, you're too late.
It's all over.
2191
01:44:38,798 --> 01:44:39,501
Not yet, it's not.
2192
01:44:39,502 --> 01:44:41,569
Whoa. No, no, no.
We're very close.
2193
01:44:41,570 --> 01:44:42,971
Homestretch, folks. Promise.
2194
01:44:42,972 --> 01:44:44,373
Quick, let's up the stakes.
2195
01:44:44,375 --> 01:44:45,573
If she steals
the Time Ripper's energy,
2196
01:44:45,573 --> 01:44:48,412
she has the power to shred
the fabric of all realities
2197
01:44:48,412 --> 01:44:50,677
until there is nothing left
but The Void.
2198
01:44:50,679 --> 01:44:52,052
How do we shut it down?
2199
01:44:52,054 --> 01:44:53,152
I don't know.
2200
01:44:54,681 --> 01:44:55,516
How about now?
2201
01:44:55,518 --> 01:44:57,569
The mask
is really intimidating, huh?
2202
01:44:57,569 --> 01:44:59,621
It's like Batman,
except he can move his neck.
2203
01:44:59,622 --> 01:45:01,753
Okay, look, look, look.
2204
01:45:01,755 --> 01:45:04,806
The Ripper is fed from
a secure chamber below ground.
2205
01:45:04,807 --> 01:45:07,859
It is powered by twin matter
and anti-matter feeds
2206
01:45:07,860 --> 01:45:09,498
converging inside the device.
2207
01:45:09,500 --> 01:45:10,301
Now, Cassandra Nova
2208
01:45:10,301 --> 01:45:11,500
is redirecting
the Ripper's power
2209
01:45:11,501 --> 01:45:13,800
to eliminate all timelines,
starting with this one.
2210
01:45:13,801 --> 01:45:14,865
Theoretically,
you could stop her
2211
01:45:14,867 --> 01:45:16,769
by short-circuiting the feeds
in the chamber below.
2212
01:45:16,770 --> 01:45:19,608
One of you were to create a
circuit between the two feeds,
2213
01:45:19,609 --> 01:45:22,225
then the released power
would destroy the machine.
2214
01:45:22,226 --> 01:45:24,844
- But, well... But...
- Come on, man.
2215
01:45:24,845 --> 01:45:26,845
If you're not gonna swallow,
spit it out.
2216
01:45:26,845 --> 01:45:30,817
Whoever formed the bridge
would be annihilated.
2217
01:45:30,818 --> 01:45:31,552
I could live with that.
2218
01:45:31,554 --> 01:45:32,988
Yeah, I could live
with that, too, actually.
2219
01:45:32,989 --> 01:45:34,389
You know, we survive anything.
We're like cockroaches.
2220
01:45:34,390 --> 01:45:35,788
Not this time.
2221
01:45:35,789 --> 01:45:37,998
This is matter and anti-matter.
2222
01:45:38,000 --> 01:45:39,824
They do not play nicely
with each other.
2223
01:45:39,826 --> 01:45:42,630
When they mix in your body,
you will be atomized.
2224
01:45:42,631 --> 01:45:45,435
Trust the laws of physics
if you don't trust me.
2225
01:45:45,435 --> 01:45:48,240
Even if you lived long enough
to make the circuit,
2226
01:45:48,242 --> 01:45:51,738
you will die down there.
2227
01:46:16,037 --> 01:46:17,434
Hold off. Hold.
2228
01:46:17,435 --> 01:46:18,666
You heard that asshole upstairs.
2229
01:46:18,667 --> 01:46:23,639
Even if we pull this off,
we're dead. Permanently.
2230
01:46:23,640 --> 01:46:26,939
- That's why it's got to be me.
- What?
2231
01:46:29,942 --> 01:46:31,810
Look, man...
2232
01:46:31,811 --> 01:46:34,551
you didn't ask for any of this.
2233
01:46:34,551 --> 01:46:36,057
You were right.
2234
01:46:36,059 --> 01:46:37,586
I lied.
2235
01:46:37,587 --> 01:46:38,917
I lied right to your face
2236
01:46:38,917 --> 01:46:42,162
just to get you to help me.
And you did.
2237
01:46:42,559 --> 01:46:44,659
You didn't lie.
2238
01:46:45,694 --> 01:46:47,960
You made an educated wish.
2239
01:46:50,632 --> 01:46:52,029
Come on.
2240
01:46:52,029 --> 01:46:55,033
You got a whole world
to go back to.
2241
01:46:55,967 --> 01:46:57,738
I got nothin'.
2242
01:46:59,113 --> 01:47:00,873
I got nothin'.
2243
01:47:05,153 --> 01:47:06,912
Give me this.
2244
01:47:13,556 --> 01:47:15,130
Hey.
2245
01:47:18,430 --> 01:47:21,399
I waited a long time
for this team-up.
2246
01:47:22,962 --> 01:47:24,898
You know something?
2247
01:47:25,832 --> 01:47:28,521
You were the best Wolverine.
2248
01:47:36,073 --> 01:47:38,944
Say hi to your friends for me.
2249
01:47:50,725 --> 01:47:51,627
No!
2250
01:47:51,627 --> 01:47:52,265
Open the door!
2251
01:47:52,265 --> 01:47:54,961
I can't hear you
over all the noble sacrifice.
2252
01:47:54,962 --> 01:47:56,533
Why are you fucking doing this?
2253
01:47:56,533 --> 01:48:00,703
Because I'm Marvel Jesus.
2254
01:48:01,770 --> 01:48:03,277
Or Spock.
2255
01:48:03,936 --> 01:48:05,404
Hard to say.
2256
01:48:09,546 --> 01:48:11,663
Wade!
2257
01:48:11,664 --> 01:48:13,782
You fucking idiot!
2258
01:48:16,454 --> 01:48:19,490
Sorry, I'm just stalling.
2259
01:48:19,492 --> 01:48:22,395
I think I'm nervous about dying.
2260
01:48:22,626 --> 01:48:23,692
This should be me.
2261
01:48:23,693 --> 01:48:26,123
Say hi to
my friends for me, peanut.
2262
01:48:26,125 --> 01:48:26,827
Wade!
2263
01:48:26,828 --> 01:48:28,962
You want to be an annoying prick,
do it this side!
2264
01:48:28,962 --> 01:48:31,701
You're gonna die in there,
you dumb fuck!
2265
01:48:38,103 --> 01:48:39,971
Hey! You don't need
to do this.
2266
01:48:39,972 --> 01:48:43,042
I'm not doing it
'cause I need it.
2267
01:48:43,042 --> 01:48:45,846
I'm doing it because they do.
2268
01:48:56,693 --> 01:48:58,298
No!
2269
01:49:26,887 --> 01:49:29,154
He's not gonna make it.
2270
01:49:37,238 --> 01:49:38,998
It's over.
2271
01:49:51,649 --> 01:49:52,979
♪ When you call my name ♪
2272
01:49:52,980 --> 01:49:54,751
♪ It's like a little prayer ♪
2273
01:49:54,752 --> 01:49:56,654
♪ I'm down on my knees ♪
2274
01:49:56,654 --> 01:49:58,555
♪ I want to take you there ♪
2275
01:49:58,556 --> 01:50:02,461
♪ In the midnight hour
I can feel your power ♪
2276
01:50:02,462 --> 01:50:06,862
♪ Just like a prayer
You know I'll take you there ♪
2277
01:50:07,599 --> 01:50:10,551
♪ Take you there ♪
2278
01:50:10,552 --> 01:50:13,505
♪ Life is a mystery ♪
2279
01:50:13,506 --> 01:50:16,970
♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪
2280
01:50:17,872 --> 01:50:21,613
♪ I hear you call my name ♪
2281
01:50:21,613 --> 01:50:24,945
♪ And it feels like ♪
2282
01:50:25,847 --> 01:50:30,819
♪ And it feels like home ♪
2283
01:50:45,570 --> 01:50:48,154
The Wolverine.
2284
01:50:48,155 --> 01:50:50,740
He's a hero in my world.
2285
01:50:51,577 --> 01:50:53,238
Whoever you think I am,
2286
01:50:53,238 --> 01:50:55,382
you got the wrong guy.
2287
01:50:55,613 --> 01:50:58,782
You were always the wrong guy...
2288
01:50:59,519 --> 01:51:00,354
till you weren't.
2289
01:51:00,354 --> 01:51:03,016
♪ Life is a mystery ♪
2290
01:51:03,018 --> 01:51:04,115
Wade.
2291
01:51:04,117 --> 01:51:06,051
♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪
2292
01:51:06,052 --> 01:51:10,662
Wade. You can finally,
finally matter.
2293
01:51:10,662 --> 01:51:12,993
♪ I hear you call my name ♪
2294
01:51:12,994 --> 01:51:18,340
♪ And it feels like ♪
2295
01:51:18,505 --> 01:51:21,023
♪ Home ♪
2296
01:51:23,542 --> 01:51:27,140
♪ I hear your voice ♪
2297
01:51:27,140 --> 01:51:27,842
Vanessa.
2298
01:51:27,844 --> 01:51:30,615
♪ It's like an angel sighing ♪
2299
01:51:30,617 --> 01:51:31,417
I wanna see Vanessa.
2300
01:51:31,418 --> 01:51:36,082
♪ I have no choice
I hear your voice ♪
2301
01:51:36,083 --> 01:51:37,787
♪ Feels like flying ♪
2302
01:51:37,787 --> 01:51:43,827
For the first time in my life,
I am proud to wear this suit.
2303
01:51:44,091 --> 01:51:46,730
It means I'm an X-Man.
2304
01:51:48,600 --> 01:51:49,568
I am the X-Man.
2305
01:51:49,569 --> 01:51:50,931
♪ I can feel your power ♪
2306
01:51:50,932 --> 01:51:55,773
♪ Just like a prayer
You know I'll take you there ♪
2307
01:51:56,377 --> 01:51:59,842
♪ When you call my name
It's like a little prayer ♪
2308
01:51:59,844 --> 01:52:02,878
♪ I'm down on my knees ♪
2309
01:52:03,484 --> 01:52:08,015
♪ In the midnight hour
I can feel your power ♪
2310
01:52:08,016 --> 01:52:09,015
♪ Just like a prayer ♪
2311
01:52:09,016 --> 01:52:14,429
♪ You know I'll take you,
take you, take you ♪
2312
01:52:34,108 --> 01:52:36,274
Paradox.
2313
01:52:37,484 --> 01:52:38,814
You've been busy.
2314
01:52:38,815 --> 01:52:39,650
Well, somebody had to be.
2315
01:52:39,652 --> 01:52:41,819
We had some strange readings
from this location.
2316
01:52:41,819 --> 01:52:42,885
You wouldn't know anything about
2317
01:52:42,886 --> 01:52:45,002
an unsanctioned Time Ripper,
would you?
2318
01:52:45,003 --> 01:52:46,930
Uh, no. No.
I wouldn't know anything
2319
01:52:46,931 --> 01:52:48,912
about an unsanctioned
Time Ripper.
2320
01:52:48,912 --> 01:52:50,894
Maybe you should ask
Cassandra Nova.
2321
01:52:50,895 --> 01:52:51,662
Because I was assured
2322
01:52:51,663 --> 01:52:54,061
that she was safely held
in The Void. But no,
2323
01:52:54,063 --> 01:52:55,997
she was here.
And she fondled my brain.
2324
01:52:55,997 --> 01:52:58,737
- How did you let this happen?
- You weren't involved at all?
2325
01:52:58,738 --> 01:53:01,805
In stopping her, yes!
Yes, I was.
2326
01:53:01,806 --> 01:53:02,739
But not nearly enough.
2327
01:53:02,740 --> 01:53:06,448
Not as much as the men
who went down there after her.
2328
01:53:06,778 --> 01:53:08,240
My men.
2329
01:53:08,515 --> 01:53:10,045
My friends.
2330
01:53:10,782 --> 01:53:11,408
I warned them.
2331
01:53:11,408 --> 01:53:13,212
That they would be completely
obliterated if they went.
2332
01:53:13,213 --> 01:53:15,787
But they went anyway. Like...
2333
01:53:16,886 --> 01:53:17,985
Like heroes.
2334
01:53:20,154 --> 01:53:22,320
Because that's who they were.
2335
01:53:23,993 --> 01:53:26,765
They just did
what they had to do.
2336
01:53:26,863 --> 01:53:29,768
With no concern
for their own safety.
2337
01:53:31,935 --> 01:53:35,707
The fact that we are
all still standing here
2338
01:53:35,708 --> 01:53:39,436
is a testament to their heroism.
2339
01:53:42,011 --> 01:53:43,782
Anyway, there's nothing
you or I can do
2340
01:53:43,783 --> 01:53:45,685
to bring them back now.
2341
01:53:46,180 --> 01:53:48,853
He has risen, baby girl.
2342
01:53:48,854 --> 01:53:49,346
Fuck!
2343
01:53:49,347 --> 01:53:53,318
♪ And I don't want
the world to see me ♪
2344
01:53:53,319 --> 01:53:58,323
♪ 'Cause I don't think
that they'd understand ♪
2345
01:53:58,324 --> 01:54:03,483
♪ When everything's
made to be broken ♪
2346
01:54:03,484 --> 01:54:06,645
♪ I just want you
to know who I am ♪
2347
01:54:06,645 --> 01:54:09,806
Found your new Anchor Being.
2348
01:54:09,807 --> 01:54:12,578
And we're doing just fine,
you piece of shit.
2349
01:54:12,579 --> 01:54:14,845
- Mm.
- Mm-hmm.
2350
01:54:14,846 --> 01:54:15,614
Fine indeed.
2351
01:54:15,615 --> 01:54:19,146
All right.
Put your greasy tits away,
2352
01:54:19,148 --> 01:54:20,015
you preening slut.
2353
01:54:20,015 --> 01:54:21,730
I don't understand.
2354
01:54:21,731 --> 01:54:23,447
How are you two still alive?
2355
01:54:23,448 --> 01:54:25,823
You were right. One
of us would have been killed.
2356
01:54:25,824 --> 01:54:27,826
But you put a Deadpool
2357
01:54:27,827 --> 01:54:28,661
and a Wolverine together,
2358
01:54:28,662 --> 01:54:31,533
make 'em hold hands
while listening to Madonna...
2359
01:54:31,533 --> 01:54:33,600
indestructible, motherfucker.
2360
01:54:33,600 --> 01:54:35,932
Let's get this Deadpool
Variant back to The Void.
2361
01:54:35,934 --> 01:54:37,494
Wait, hold on.
What?
2362
01:54:37,496 --> 01:54:38,494
Nope. Actually...
2363
01:54:38,496 --> 01:54:40,574
This one's homegrown, like me.
2364
01:54:40,576 --> 01:54:41,537
He belongs here.
2365
01:54:41,537 --> 01:54:42,498
And you are?
2366
01:54:42,500 --> 01:54:46,239
Peterpool.
But you can call me Peter.
2367
01:54:47,076 --> 01:54:49,045
And I hope that you do.
2368
01:54:54,149 --> 01:54:56,118
What the fuck is happening here?
2369
01:54:56,118 --> 01:54:57,514
You are under judgment
2370
01:54:57,515 --> 01:54:59,725
for operating
an unsanctioned Time Ripper.
2371
01:54:59,726 --> 01:55:01,090
- Take him.
- I was just doing what
2372
01:55:01,091 --> 01:55:02,894
you don't have the guts to do.
2373
01:55:03,631 --> 01:55:07,426
Get your insolent hands
off me! Get off!
2374
01:55:07,965 --> 01:55:10,363
I'm grateful, gentlemen.
2375
01:55:10,572 --> 01:55:11,296
Let's hold the bows.
2376
01:55:11,297 --> 01:55:13,838
You led an Omega-level mutant
to this timeline.
2377
01:55:13,840 --> 01:55:15,456
- You're welcome.
- And you
2378
01:55:15,457 --> 01:55:17,534
shouldn't even be
near this timeline.
2379
01:55:17,536 --> 01:55:19,613
- He's welcome.
- And you
2380
01:55:19,614 --> 01:55:21,715
look damn good in that suit.
2381
01:55:21,716 --> 01:55:23,376
I'm so sorry.
2382
01:55:26,951 --> 01:55:29,381
I wanna show you something.
2383
01:55:29,921 --> 01:55:30,514
Something huge.
2384
01:55:30,515 --> 01:55:33,726
That's what
Scoutmaster Kevin used to say.
2385
01:55:34,694 --> 01:55:35,992
Do you see that?
2386
01:55:35,993 --> 01:55:38,698
Your universe is regenerating.
2387
01:55:38,863 --> 01:55:40,524
Whatever you did here,
2388
01:55:40,524 --> 01:55:42,702
you not only saved your world.
2389
01:55:42,703 --> 01:55:46,201
You spared your timeline
from extinction.
2390
01:55:47,532 --> 01:55:48,136
I'd rest up.
2391
01:55:48,136 --> 01:55:50,743
I have a feeling your work
is only just getting started.
2392
01:55:50,744 --> 01:55:53,570
Till you're 90.
2393
01:55:53,572 --> 01:55:54,439
Wait! Um...
2394
01:55:54,439 --> 01:55:58,311
We couldn't have made it out
of The Void without some help
2395
01:55:58,313 --> 01:56:01,920
from some people
that the world kind of...
2396
01:56:01,921 --> 01:56:02,512
kind of forgot.
2397
01:56:02,514 --> 01:56:05,759
Is there any way that
you could maybe find a way
2398
01:56:05,760 --> 01:56:07,761
to bring them home?
2399
01:56:08,695 --> 01:56:09,487
I'll see what I can do.
2400
01:56:09,488 --> 01:56:12,506
And, um,
I promised my friend here
2401
01:56:12,507 --> 01:56:15,527
that the TVA could undo
some pretty awful shit
2402
01:56:15,528 --> 01:56:16,163
in his timeline.
2403
01:56:16,164 --> 01:56:17,935
What would you say to that?
2404
01:56:17,936 --> 01:56:18,869
Change the past?
2405
01:56:18,871 --> 01:56:21,136
Well, he did
help me save the world.
2406
01:56:21,137 --> 01:56:24,778
And his past made him
the man who did it.
2407
01:56:24,779 --> 01:56:28,176
There's nothing to fix,
Mr. Wilson.
2408
01:56:29,112 --> 01:56:30,783
Logan.
2409
01:56:32,951 --> 01:56:35,987
- Shawarma? Yeah.
- I could eat.
2410
01:56:44,489 --> 01:56:48,097
You know, the Avengers
discovered shawarma.
2411
01:56:48,099 --> 01:56:50,804
They'd be lucky to have you.
2412
01:56:57,140 --> 01:56:59,747
- Oh.
- Oh, come on.
2413
01:56:59,747 --> 01:57:01,275
Fuck off!
2414
01:57:01,573 --> 01:57:02,881
Come here, my little cunchkin.
2415
01:57:02,881 --> 01:57:04,752
Yes, it's you.
2416
01:57:04,752 --> 01:57:06,984
You're a survivor.
2417
01:57:06,985 --> 01:57:07,644
Mwah.
2418
01:57:07,645 --> 01:57:10,318
Oh, all is right in the world.
2419
01:57:11,021 --> 01:57:12,760
Yes, it is.
2420
01:57:13,551 --> 01:57:15,729
So what are you gonna do next?
2421
01:57:16,027 --> 01:57:19,228
I'll figure it out.
I always do.
2422
01:57:19,524 --> 01:57:21,130
All right.
2423
01:57:21,131 --> 01:57:22,427
So I'll probably see you around?
2424
01:57:27,907 --> 01:57:29,667
Probably not.
2425
01:57:32,175 --> 01:57:33,945
See you, bub.
2426
01:57:42,855 --> 01:57:44,681
Logan.
2427
01:57:50,523 --> 01:57:52,056
Al. I'm back.
2428
01:57:52,057 --> 01:57:53,591
About damn time.
2429
01:57:53,591 --> 01:57:56,627
You holdin'? I'm all outta
devil's dandruff,
2430
01:57:56,628 --> 01:57:58,938
and I'm shaking
like an angry vibrator.
2431
01:57:58,939 --> 01:58:01,743
Thank you, Al.
We have company.
2432
01:58:01,743 --> 01:58:03,243
Althea, this is...
2433
01:58:03,244 --> 01:58:04,744
This is Logan.
2434
01:58:04,746 --> 01:58:07,659
- Nice to meet you, Logan.
- Nice to meet you, too.
2435
01:58:07,661 --> 01:58:10,576
And this little ancient anal
shit-knot is Mary Puppins.
2436
01:58:10,577 --> 01:58:12,851
Or as I like to call her,
Dogpool.
2437
01:58:12,853 --> 01:58:15,953
You want to treat yourself
to a little stroke?
2438
01:58:15,954 --> 01:58:19,755
- Get the tongue. There it is.
- Oh, my God! Motherfucker!
2439
01:58:19,756 --> 01:58:23,555
Right? It's like an armadillo
fucked a gremlin, angrily,
2440
01:58:23,556 --> 01:58:25,127
- in a bed of gonorrhea...
- Wow.
2441
01:58:25,128 --> 01:58:28,693
...and didn't stop till
the sun came up.
2442
01:58:28,902 --> 01:58:30,561
Everyone wants to matter.
2443
01:58:30,563 --> 01:58:34,171
Turns out that you don't need
to be Marvel Jesus to do it.
2444
01:58:34,171 --> 01:58:37,944
You just need to open
your eyes and look around.
2445
01:58:37,944 --> 01:58:39,845
And if you're lucky,
2446
01:58:39,846 --> 01:58:41,980
you'll find a few friends.
2447
01:58:41,981 --> 01:58:43,882
Old friends,
2448
01:58:43,884 --> 01:58:46,413
and some new ones too.
2449
01:58:49,890 --> 01:58:53,157
Give me the fucking dog.
Talk to the girl.
2450
01:59:03,134 --> 01:59:04,002
Oh, hi.
2451
01:59:04,002 --> 01:59:05,938
Hi.
2452
01:59:07,819 --> 01:59:09,701
You've been busy.
2453
01:59:11,944 --> 01:59:14,177
I did it for you.
2454
01:59:14,672 --> 01:59:18,644
And even if you don't want me,
I... I did it for you.
2455
01:59:27,190 --> 01:59:28,653
Turns out,
2456
01:59:28,654 --> 01:59:30,423
I am the world-saving type.
2457
01:59:30,425 --> 01:59:34,000
Just look around this table
if you want proof.
2458
01:59:34,099 --> 01:59:35,836
And the best part?
2459
01:59:35,837 --> 01:59:38,729
Sometimes the people we save,
2460
01:59:38,730 --> 01:59:40,136
they save us right back.
2461
01:59:41,701 --> 01:59:45,537
♪ We've got
the right foundation ♪
2462
01:59:45,538 --> 01:59:50,412
♪ And with the love
and determination ♪
2463
01:59:50,412 --> 01:59:57,412
♪ You're all,
you're all I need ♪
2464
02:00:01,720 --> 02:00:03,259
♪ You're all ♪
2465
02:00:03,260 --> 02:00:09,298
♪ You're all
I need to get by ♪
2466
02:00:11,828 --> 02:00:14,797
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
2467
02:00:19,947 --> 02:00:22,840
You're not
the only one with gifts.
2468
02:00:22,841 --> 02:00:24,809
What is this place?
2469
02:00:33,224 --> 02:00:38,261
♪ Another turning point,
a fork stuck in the road ♪
2470
02:00:38,261 --> 02:00:43,860
♪ Time grabs you by the wrist,
directs you where to go ♪
2471
02:00:44,333 --> 02:00:48,502
♪ So make the best of this
test and don't ask why ♪
2472
02:00:48,502 --> 02:00:52,671
♪ It's not a question, but
a lesson learned in time ♪
2473
02:00:52,672 --> 02:00:54,206
- Nice suit.
- Zip it, Stan Lee.
2474
02:00:54,207 --> 02:00:55,740
♪ It's something
unpredictable ♪
2475
02:00:55,742 --> 02:00:57,841
♪ But in the end is right ♪
2476
02:00:57,841 --> 02:01:02,747
♪ I hope you had
the time of your life... ♪
2477
02:01:03,319 --> 02:01:05,536
I really like the, uh...
the art in the Deadpool comics.
2478
02:01:05,537 --> 02:01:07,997
You know, I just always felt
a kind of a kinship to him.
2479
02:01:07,997 --> 02:01:10,457
And I just thought,
I'd like to play that guy someday.
2480
02:01:10,458 --> 02:01:15,827
♪ So take the photographs and
still frames in your mind ♪
2481
02:01:15,828 --> 02:01:20,832
♪ Hang it on a shelf in
good health and good time ♪
2482
02:01:20,832 --> 02:01:25,979
♪ Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial ♪
2483
02:01:25,980 --> 02:01:28,949
♪ For what it's worth,
it was worth ♪
2484
02:01:28,951 --> 02:01:31,876
♪ All the while ♪
2485
02:01:32,448 --> 02:01:33,811
♪ It's something
unpredictable ♪
2486
02:01:33,813 --> 02:01:35,417
♪ But in the end is right ♪
2487
02:01:35,417 --> 02:01:39,157
♪ I hope you had
the time of your life... ♪
2488
02:01:39,158 --> 02:01:43,063
I was there for three weeks
before I shot a single thing.
2489
02:01:43,064 --> 02:01:45,461
At our first day of shooting,
2490
02:01:45,462 --> 02:01:46,791
I was so nervous, man.
2491
02:01:46,792 --> 02:01:49,002
Everyone was sort of going,
"Who's this guy?"
2492
02:01:49,003 --> 02:01:50,867
You know,
there was a lot of that and,
2493
02:01:50,868 --> 02:01:53,350
you know,
"Is he gonna deliver or not?"
2494
02:01:53,350 --> 02:01:55,832
You can feel
all that kind of pressure.
2495
02:01:55,833 --> 02:02:00,409
It's always the suit's fault.
Never the actor.
2496
02:02:08,121 --> 02:02:09,319
- This is...
- The only way.
2497
02:02:09,319 --> 02:02:12,025
♪ It's something
unpredictable ♪
2498
02:02:12,027 --> 02:02:13,752
♪ But in the end is right ♪
2499
02:02:13,752 --> 02:02:18,791
♪ I hope you had
the time of your life ♪
2500
02:02:18,792 --> 02:02:22,069
Ah, so this is
what it feels like.
2501
02:02:23,828 --> 02:02:25,363
And there's the lights.
2502
02:02:25,363 --> 02:02:26,896
For medical research.
2503
02:02:26,898 --> 02:02:29,471
- Bye-bye, video.
- Bye.
2504
02:06:42,527 --> 02:06:45,827
I'm tired of
these absolutely vile rumors
2505
02:06:45,828 --> 02:06:47,895
that I got Johnny killed.
2506
02:06:48,092 --> 02:06:49,996
Let's look at the tape.
2507
02:06:50,600 --> 02:06:51,568
In The Void,
2508
02:06:51,569 --> 02:06:53,769
you're either food for Alioth
2509
02:06:53,770 --> 02:06:55,738
or you work for her.
2510
02:06:57,904 --> 02:06:59,037
Go on, Johnny.
2511
02:06:59,037 --> 02:07:01,171
And I'll tell you who "her" is.
2512
02:07:01,172 --> 02:07:01,775
Cassandra Nova.
2513
02:07:01,777 --> 02:07:03,695
A megalomaniacal,
psychotic asshole.
2514
02:07:03,697 --> 02:07:05,614
A finger licking
dead-inside pixie slab
2515
02:07:05,615 --> 02:07:08,014
of third rate dime-store nut-milk.
And I'll tell you
2516
02:07:08,015 --> 02:07:09,768
- what she can do.
- I'm listening.
2517
02:07:09,769 --> 02:07:11,327
She can lick my goddamn
cinnamon ring clean
2518
02:07:11,328 --> 02:07:12,886
and kick rocks
all the way to bald hell.
2519
02:07:12,886 --> 02:07:15,493
In fact, I don't give a shit
if she removes all my skin
2520
02:07:15,494 --> 02:07:18,090
and pops me like some
nightmarish blood balloon.
2521
02:07:18,091 --> 02:07:18,859
If the last thing I do
2522
02:07:18,859 --> 02:07:20,993
in this godforsaken
cum-gutter existence
2523
02:07:20,994 --> 02:07:22,930
is light that fuck-box on fire,
2524
02:07:22,930 --> 02:07:23,666
I still won't die happy.
2525
02:07:23,667 --> 02:07:24,963
Holy shit, girl. You crazy.
2526
02:07:24,965 --> 02:07:28,198
That's right, Wade.
I won't be happy until I've urinated
2527
02:07:28,199 --> 02:07:29,854
on her freshly barbecued corpse
2528
02:07:29,854 --> 02:07:31,649
and husk-fucked
the charred remains
2529
02:07:31,650 --> 02:07:33,614
while gargling
Juggernaut's juggernuts.
2530
02:07:33,615 --> 02:07:35,579
- Wow!
- And you can quote me.
2531
02:07:35,581 --> 02:07:37,279
'Kay.
2532
02:07:37,279 --> 02:07:38,979
Got you, fuckface.
178726
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