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1
00:00:35,477 --> 00:00:39,519
That logo music just gets you pumped.
Right?
2
00:00:39,686 --> 00:00:42,394
I'm sorry. I just, I'm excited
to be here. It's been a while.
3
00:00:42,561 --> 00:00:45,394
You know, for a long time,
I wasn't sure I'd ever be back.
4
00:00:45,561 --> 00:00:46,519
Disney bought Fox...
5
00:00:46,686 --> 00:00:49,436
there was a whole boring rights issue,
blabbity-blabbity-blah.
6
00:00:49,602 --> 00:00:52,352
But then, it turned out, they wanted me.
7
00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:54,936
The one guy
who shouldn't even have his own movie...
8
00:00:55,102 --> 00:00:56,686
much less a franchise.
9
00:00:57,227 --> 00:00:59,352
Marvel's so stupid.
10
00:01:00,102 --> 00:01:02,102
Look, we know the title of this thing. So...
11
00:01:02,269 --> 00:01:03,602
I know what you're wondering.
12
00:01:03,769 --> 00:01:07,602
How are we gonna do this
without dishonoring Logan's memory?
13
00:01:08,227 --> 00:01:09,436
And I'll tell you how.
14
00:01:10,561 --> 00:01:11,394
We're not.
15
00:01:13,394 --> 00:01:15,394
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
16
00:01:15,561 --> 00:01:17,811
Wolverine is not dead.
17
00:01:17,977 --> 00:01:20,936
Sure, it made for a perfect ending
to a very sad story.
18
00:01:21,144 --> 00:01:24,269
But that's not how
regenerative healing factors work.
19
00:01:24,436 --> 00:01:27,811
You think I wanna be out here
in beautiful downtown North Dakota...
20
00:01:27,977 --> 00:01:30,811
digging up the one and only Wolverine?
No, thank you.
21
00:01:31,269 --> 00:01:33,602
But the fate of my entire world is at stake.
22
00:01:33,769 --> 00:01:38,477
He may not be living his best life,
but he sure as hell ain't dead.
23
00:01:43,977 --> 00:01:44,977
Bingo.
24
00:01:45,769 --> 00:01:46,769
Yahtzee.
25
00:01:50,061 --> 00:01:52,936
Yes, yes, yes.
26
00:01:56,519 --> 00:01:57,519
Damn it!
27
00:01:58,602 --> 00:02:01,227
Son of a bitch!
28
00:02:03,019 --> 00:02:04,102
You...
29
00:02:06,561 --> 00:02:09,811
Christ. Motherfucker!
30
00:02:09,977 --> 00:02:11,519
My world is fuck...
31
00:02:12,686 --> 00:02:13,977
That was weird.
32
00:02:14,477 --> 00:02:15,852
I'm much calmer now.
33
00:02:17,102 --> 00:02:19,936
Look, I'm not a man of science.
34
00:02:20,102 --> 00:02:22,727
But you seem incredibly passed away.
35
00:02:26,519 --> 00:02:28,061
But it's good to see ya.
36
00:02:28,227 --> 00:02:31,144
I gotta be honest,
I've always wanted to ride with you, Log.
37
00:02:31,311 --> 00:02:36,269
You and me getting into it.
Deadpool and Wolverine just fuckin' shit up.
38
00:02:36,436 --> 00:02:39,602
Can you imagine the fun, the chaos...
39
00:02:39,769 --> 00:02:40,727
the residuals?
40
00:02:41,936 --> 00:02:42,977
"G'day, mate.
41
00:02:43,144 --> 00:02:44,811
"There's nothing that'll
bring me back to life faster...
42
00:02:44,977 --> 00:02:47,436
"than a big bag of Marvel cash."
43
00:02:49,227 --> 00:02:50,269
Me too, Hugh.
44
00:02:51,019 --> 00:02:53,227
But, no. No, no, no.
45
00:02:54,811 --> 00:02:59,561
You had to get all noble and die for real.
Goddamn it!
46
00:03:01,269 --> 00:03:03,352
I could really use your help right now.
47
00:03:14,436 --> 00:03:15,269
Wait!
48
00:03:16,436 --> 00:03:18,061
I'm warning you, I'm not alone.
49
00:03:18,227 --> 00:03:19,686
Wade Winston Wilson...
50
00:03:20,436 --> 00:03:23,144
you are under arrest
by the Time Variance Authority...
51
00:03:23,311 --> 00:03:25,144
for too many crimes to list.
52
00:03:25,311 --> 00:03:26,144
Come out...
53
00:03:26,311 --> 00:03:27,644
and we'll extend you the courtesy...
54
00:03:27,811 --> 00:03:29,894
- of taking you in one piece.
- Death by day-player.
55
00:03:30,061 --> 00:03:30,977
Last chance.
56
00:03:31,394 --> 00:03:34,186
Throw out your weapons
and come out peacefully.
57
00:03:34,811 --> 00:03:36,644
I'm not gonna give you my weapons...
58
00:03:36,811 --> 00:03:38,852
but I promise not to use them.
59
00:03:39,894 --> 00:03:42,519
There are two hundred and six bones
in the human body.
60
00:03:42,686 --> 00:03:44,852
Two hundred and seven
if I'm watching Gossip Girl.
61
00:03:45,811 --> 00:03:47,769
Here we go. Maximum effort.
62
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:57,852
Okay, peanut.
Guess we're getting that team up after all.
63
00:05:07,852 --> 00:05:09,686
Maradona from outside the box!
64
00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:12,227
Goal!
65
00:05:59,852 --> 00:06:01,102
Come on, big fella.
66
00:06:40,186 --> 00:06:42,602
I am soaking wet right now.
67
00:06:45,894 --> 00:06:47,894
To be clear, I'm not proud of any of this.
68
00:06:48,061 --> 00:06:51,936
The wanton violence,
the whiff of necrophilia. It isn't who I am.
69
00:06:52,102 --> 00:06:53,436
It isn't who I wanna be.
70
00:06:53,602 --> 00:06:54,852
Who I wanna be?
71
00:06:55,019 --> 00:06:56,602
Well, to help you understand that...
72
00:06:56,769 --> 00:06:57,811
I've gotta take you back.
73
00:06:57,977 --> 00:07:00,561
A little joyride I took
through space and time...
74
00:07:00,727 --> 00:07:03,269
to the day that changed everything.
75
00:07:15,394 --> 00:07:17,019
I can't believe I'm finally here.
76
00:07:17,186 --> 00:07:19,727
I've waited for this moment for so long.
77
00:07:21,061 --> 00:07:23,186
Thank you, sir, for seeing me.
78
00:07:24,269 --> 00:07:26,144
I firmly believe...
79
00:07:26,311 --> 00:07:27,602
that my services could be of...
80
00:07:27,769 --> 00:07:30,519
great use to your organization.
Now I know...
81
00:07:30,686 --> 00:07:32,977
I was caught smashturbating
in the lobby of Stark Tower...
82
00:07:33,144 --> 00:07:34,352
- but I can assure you that...
- Smashturbating?
83
00:07:34,519 --> 00:07:35,769
I'm sorry, what, what was that?
84
00:07:35,936 --> 00:07:39,144
No, I'm sorry.
That, that's when you get those toy...
85
00:07:39,311 --> 00:07:41,977
Hulk hands, right? And then you just,
you look down, and you just...
86
00:07:43,311 --> 00:07:45,894
you brace yourself,
and you ravage the midsection.
87
00:07:46,061 --> 00:07:47,561
- Pinch the... Yeah. Okay.
- I get it. Okay, thank you.
88
00:07:47,727 --> 00:07:49,602
- The picture's painted.
- You get the gist.
89
00:07:49,769 --> 00:07:51,936
What exactly brings you here today?
90
00:07:52,102 --> 00:07:54,811
Why am I... Wow. Okay.
91
00:07:54,977 --> 00:07:56,852
I care.
92
00:07:57,102 --> 00:07:59,561
I know I turn everything into a joke,
but I...
93
00:08:01,644 --> 00:08:04,269
I care, and I, I wanna use that feeling...
94
00:08:05,311 --> 00:08:07,186
for something important.
95
00:08:07,602 --> 00:08:08,936
I, I wanna matter.
96
00:08:11,852 --> 00:08:13,561
I need to show my girl that I matter.
97
00:08:14,936 --> 00:08:15,936
And...
98
00:08:16,644 --> 00:08:18,644
you know,
I feel like I'm wasting the good stuff here.
99
00:08:18,811 --> 00:08:20,727
- Is the man not gonna be joining us?
- The man?
100
00:08:20,894 --> 00:08:23,019
Yeah. I should save this if he's gonna...
101
00:08:23,561 --> 00:08:25,436
As, as far as you're concerned right now,
I'm the man.
102
00:08:25,602 --> 00:08:26,727
- No.
- The man is me.
103
00:08:27,144 --> 00:08:30,102
I am the man in this circumstance.
104
00:08:30,936 --> 00:08:32,894
He doesn't do this kind of thing anymore.
105
00:08:33,061 --> 00:08:33,894
- Cameos?
- Meetings.
106
00:08:34,061 --> 00:08:35,601
- Meetings.
- Entry-level meetings.
107
00:08:35,769 --> 00:08:36,561
Entry-level?
108
00:08:36,726 --> 00:08:38,561
Aren't you the chauffeur...
109
00:08:38,726 --> 00:08:40,726
- maybe?
- I... Common misconception.
110
00:08:40,894 --> 00:08:43,976
- Okay.
- I did begin my career as Mr. Stark's driver.
111
00:08:44,144 --> 00:08:45,144
- Okay.
- Quickly pivoted to...
112
00:08:45,311 --> 00:08:46,686
- Chauffeur.
- ...the Head of Security.
113
00:08:46,852 --> 00:08:48,686
The Head of... Of course, yes, yes, yes.
114
00:08:48,852 --> 00:08:51,727
And why I am vetting your résumé.
115
00:08:51,894 --> 00:08:53,977
You seem to have left out
whether or not you had...
116
00:08:54,144 --> 00:08:55,644
any experience as a member of a team.
117
00:08:55,811 --> 00:08:58,019
Could you maybe
add a little bit of perspective there?
118
00:08:58,186 --> 00:09:00,352
No, yes, of course. I was Special Forces...
119
00:09:00,519 --> 00:09:03,019
- Okay.
- but I was... Mainly, I was team leader...
120
00:09:03,186 --> 00:09:04,269
founder, really, of X-Force.
121
00:09:04,436 --> 00:09:06,352
Sadly, they,
they all perished in action though.
122
00:09:06,519 --> 00:09:07,811
How exactly did that happen?
123
00:09:07,977 --> 00:09:09,852
Well, the police say gravity, but if...
124
00:09:10,019 --> 00:09:10,852
Just between us...
125
00:09:11,019 --> 00:09:12,602
- they didn't test well in the focus group.
- I see.
126
00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:14,519
- Particularly Cable.
- X-Force.
127
00:09:14,686 --> 00:09:16,561
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Look,
I can see this isn't going well.
128
00:09:16,727 --> 00:09:18,102
Please stop writing. Look, I, I...
129
00:09:18,269 --> 00:09:20,102
I'm just... I wanna be an Avenger.
130
00:09:21,852 --> 00:09:23,602
I wanna be an Avenger.
131
00:09:25,519 --> 00:09:26,894
Why do you wanna be an Avenger?
132
00:09:27,436 --> 00:09:30,394
Look around you. I mean, they're the,
they're the best of the best.
133
00:09:30,561 --> 00:09:32,352
And, and what they do matters.
134
00:09:32,519 --> 00:09:34,769
I need to be an Avenger.
135
00:09:35,061 --> 00:09:38,644
Sir, my girl has kinda had it with my shtick,
and I, if I don't, you know...
136
00:09:38,811 --> 00:09:41,436
turn things around
and do something with my gifts...
137
00:09:41,602 --> 00:09:43,144
I don't think it's gonna
really work out for me...
138
00:09:43,311 --> 00:09:44,561
and I wouldn't blame her.
139
00:09:45,977 --> 00:09:49,977
Avengers are a very unique group
of superheroes...
140
00:09:50,227 --> 00:09:51,352
that stand for something...
141
00:09:51,519 --> 00:09:54,102
more than just fighting and wearing costumes.
142
00:09:54,269 --> 00:09:57,186
I mean, people look up to us.
Kids look up to us.
143
00:09:57,352 --> 00:09:58,561
- They...
- I'm sorry. "Us?"
144
00:09:58,727 --> 00:10:00,477
I wasn't aware that you were an Avenger.
145
00:10:01,269 --> 00:10:02,727
- Avengers-adjacent, technically.
- Oh, wow.
146
00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:05,936
What's your superpower?
Is it parallel parking? I am so sorry.
147
00:10:06,436 --> 00:10:07,686
That was cruel.
148
00:10:07,852 --> 00:10:09,977
I lash out when I'm nervous.
Won't happen again.
149
00:10:10,144 --> 00:10:11,436
- Let's cut to the chase.
- Please.
150
00:10:11,602 --> 00:10:12,936
You just said moments ago...
151
00:10:13,102 --> 00:10:17,019
that you wanted to be an Avenger
because you need it.
152
00:10:17,519 --> 00:10:18,769
Yes, sir, I do.
153
00:10:18,936 --> 00:10:21,769
But the Avengers don't do the job because
they need it.
154
00:10:21,936 --> 00:10:23,852
They do the job because people need them.
155
00:10:25,061 --> 00:10:26,477
Do you see the distinction?
156
00:10:28,269 --> 00:10:29,727
Yes, sir.
157
00:10:30,561 --> 00:10:32,102
Please, Mr. Hogan.
158
00:10:32,269 --> 00:10:35,519
I don't wanna spend the rest of my life
like an annoying one-trick pony.
159
00:10:38,394 --> 00:10:39,394
All right.
160
00:10:40,436 --> 00:10:42,019
Oh, my God, you're standing.
161
00:10:42,186 --> 00:10:43,519
Yeah, now's the time that we stand.
162
00:10:43,686 --> 00:10:44,519
Damn it.
163
00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:46,144
Now, the problem might be that you're...
164
00:10:46,311 --> 00:10:48,561
reaching a little, little too high.
165
00:10:48,727 --> 00:10:51,144
Aim for the middle, and you'll never miss.
166
00:10:51,311 --> 00:10:53,477
Right? I think you got a good heart.
I believe what you're saying.
167
00:10:54,394 --> 00:10:57,519
But not everybody's the world-saving type.
I'm not, and I'm happy.
168
00:10:58,227 --> 00:10:59,936
Right? I found my place.
169
00:11:00,769 --> 00:11:02,019
Find your place.
170
00:11:03,227 --> 00:11:04,602
- All right? Get back out there.
- Mm-hmm.
171
00:11:05,311 --> 00:11:08,186
- We'll keep an eye on you. Good luck.
- Okay.
172
00:11:11,727 --> 00:11:13,644
Fetch the car. I wanna hit Shake Shack.
173
00:11:14,102 --> 00:11:15,852
Rejection makes me hungy.
174
00:11:16,686 --> 00:11:18,227
- Really? No?
- No, no. Please.
175
00:11:18,394 --> 00:11:20,977
- Yeah, no, no, no. Okay, thank you.
- Oh, okay.
176
00:11:23,186 --> 00:11:26,269
You know what they say.
When one door closes...
177
00:11:27,602 --> 00:11:28,644
your locker at work opens.
178
00:11:38,977 --> 00:11:42,019
Now let's go sell some certified
pre-owned vehicles, motherfu...
179
00:11:44,477 --> 00:11:47,436
Technically, the,
the Carnival's not a minivan.
180
00:11:48,686 --> 00:11:49,686
It's an MPV.
181
00:11:49,852 --> 00:11:51,436
So how does the Kia compare to...
182
00:11:51,602 --> 00:11:52,894
- the Honda Odyssey?
- The Odyssey?
183
00:11:53,061 --> 00:11:55,602
That's a great question.
It doesn't fucking suck.
184
00:11:56,269 --> 00:11:58,477
You know, you can answer
the question without swearing.
185
00:11:58,644 --> 00:12:00,561
I'm sorry, Tammy, I don't, I don't have kids.
186
00:12:01,269 --> 00:12:02,852
Not that I haven't dreamt of that...
187
00:12:03,019 --> 00:12:05,061
but I don't have a lot of vaginal sex.
188
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:09,936
You'll get 'em next time, pal.
189
00:12:10,102 --> 00:12:12,561
And look,
you can always go back to superhero-ing.
190
00:12:12,727 --> 00:12:14,602
I mean,
I know I'd like to see you back in the suit.
191
00:12:15,311 --> 00:12:17,727
I don't keep it in my locker
so that I can wear it.
192
00:12:18,144 --> 00:12:20,644
I keep it in my locker in case
we need to saddle up again.
193
00:12:20,811 --> 00:12:23,686
Hey, hey, hey. What?
What is that doing in there?
194
00:12:24,019 --> 00:12:24,852
I'm done.
195
00:12:26,561 --> 00:12:27,561
I'm done.
196
00:12:28,561 --> 00:12:30,561
And I'm fine with being done.
197
00:12:30,727 --> 00:12:32,227
Look, is sales the best match?
198
00:12:32,394 --> 00:12:33,227
Probably not.
199
00:12:33,394 --> 00:12:36,769
Is this the life that
I always imagined for myself? Fuck no.
200
00:12:37,727 --> 00:12:40,352
But this is the right fit for me,
Sugar Bear, it is.
201
00:12:40,644 --> 00:12:42,061
Okay, Mr. Wilson.
202
00:12:42,436 --> 00:12:46,186
I'm just saying, once a month,
we could go on a little mission.
203
00:12:46,352 --> 00:12:48,852
We're human beings. We crave purpose.
204
00:12:49,019 --> 00:12:50,686
After all, we're Deadpool.
205
00:12:50,852 --> 00:12:54,811
Please stop saying that. We're not Deadpool.
I'm not even Deadpool anymore.
206
00:12:55,769 --> 00:12:58,602
Well, if you're gonna have a midlife crisis,
go big.
207
00:12:58,769 --> 00:12:59,769
A few years ago...
208
00:12:59,936 --> 00:13:02,936
a friend of mine got his nipples pierced
with a titanium chain...
209
00:13:03,102 --> 00:13:06,061
that goes down
and attaches to his Van Johnson.
210
00:13:10,102 --> 00:13:13,227
Are, are you feeling grumplestiltskin
'cause it's your birthday?
211
00:13:15,227 --> 00:13:16,061
What?
212
00:13:17,061 --> 00:13:17,894
No.
213
00:13:19,061 --> 00:13:19,894
No.
214
00:13:23,519 --> 00:13:25,269
Surprise!
215
00:13:25,561 --> 00:13:27,936
Hey, you guys are lucky I'm not armed.
216
00:13:28,602 --> 00:13:29,769
Get in here.
217
00:13:29,936 --> 00:13:32,186
If this were six years ago,
you'd all be dead.
218
00:13:32,352 --> 00:13:35,144
So then, he gets out of the cab,
and you will not believe it.
219
00:13:35,311 --> 00:13:37,644
- I turn around, and what do I find?
- AirPods.
220
00:13:37,811 --> 00:13:39,102
- His AirPods. Come on.
- His AirPods!
221
00:13:39,269 --> 00:13:40,186
Crazy story.
222
00:13:40,352 --> 00:13:42,727
- Every time. Come on.
- Every single time.
223
00:13:44,811 --> 00:13:46,227
Make any sales today?
224
00:13:46,394 --> 00:13:47,769
You know I didn't.
225
00:13:47,936 --> 00:13:51,061
Did you sell any dreamcatchers on Etsy
or whatever it is that you do?
226
00:13:51,227 --> 00:13:52,686
Our rent's due in three days, Wade.
227
00:13:52,852 --> 00:13:54,102
I can't keep carrying you.
228
00:13:54,269 --> 00:13:55,894
Relax. I have the money.
229
00:13:56,061 --> 00:13:59,477
I sold some old blood pressure medication
I found lying around.
230
00:13:59,852 --> 00:14:01,227
You tryin' to kill me, motherfucker?
231
00:14:01,394 --> 00:14:03,519
I'm not the one dousing everything in salt, motherfucker.
232
00:14:03,686 --> 00:14:05,727
I pray every day that...
233
00:14:05,894 --> 00:14:07,561
fire finds your body...
234
00:14:07,727 --> 00:14:09,102
and finishes the job...
235
00:14:09,269 --> 00:14:11,727
- God didn't have the nuts to do.
- That's hurtful.
236
00:14:11,894 --> 00:14:14,727
If you could hear the look on my face,
you'd smell how sad I am.
237
00:14:14,894 --> 00:14:16,019
You watched anything good?
238
00:14:16,186 --> 00:14:17,769
Great British Bake Off.
239
00:14:17,936 --> 00:14:19,227
Oh, goddamn.
240
00:14:19,394 --> 00:14:21,727
That show stood between me and suicide
for ten years.
241
00:14:21,894 --> 00:14:24,269
Those are my feelings
on abortion, religious freedom...
242
00:14:24,436 --> 00:14:26,519
animal rights, privacy rights, vaccines...
243
00:14:26,686 --> 00:14:28,894
free-market capitalism,
global climate change.
244
00:14:29,061 --> 00:14:31,186
Yeah, duh-duh-duh.
No, no speaking lines, Buck.
245
00:14:31,769 --> 00:14:32,727
Hi, Yukio.
246
00:14:32,894 --> 00:14:33,811
Hi, Wade.
247
00:14:33,977 --> 00:14:35,686
Nice fake o'clock shadow.
248
00:14:36,644 --> 00:14:39,936
It's a summer balayage. From the French.
249
00:14:40,102 --> 00:14:43,269
It's meant to mimic the
natural highlights of the sun.
250
00:14:43,436 --> 00:14:45,144
- It's a toupée.
- It's a hair system.
251
00:14:45,311 --> 00:14:48,561
- I love your hair system, Wade.
- Thank you.
252
00:14:48,977 --> 00:14:50,561
Wanna do some cocaine?
253
00:14:50,727 --> 00:14:53,686
Hey, cocaine is the one thing
that Feige said is off limits.
254
00:14:53,852 --> 00:14:56,519
- What about Bolivian marching powder?
- They know all the slang terms.
255
00:14:56,686 --> 00:14:57,644
They have a list.
256
00:14:57,811 --> 00:14:59,477
- Even snowboarding?
- Even disco dust.
257
00:14:59,644 --> 00:15:01,227
- White girl interrupted?
- Even Forrest Bump.
258
00:15:01,394 --> 00:15:03,269
- Booger sugar?
- I wouldn't even try powdered gonuts.
259
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:06,894
- You wanna build a snowman?
- Yes. But I can't.
260
00:15:08,436 --> 00:15:09,269
Pull here.
261
00:15:09,936 --> 00:15:10,936
- Here?
- Yeah.
262
00:15:12,311 --> 00:15:13,811
- What happened?
- That's the fun part.
263
00:15:15,227 --> 00:15:16,352
Thanks for coming.
264
00:15:16,519 --> 00:15:17,436
Yeah.
265
00:15:17,602 --> 00:15:18,602
How's work?
266
00:15:18,894 --> 00:15:20,102
Oh, I got a promotion.
267
00:15:21,102 --> 00:15:21,977
No way.
268
00:15:22,144 --> 00:15:25,352
Yeah. It's mind-numbing middle management,
but I'm happy.
269
00:15:25,519 --> 00:15:26,561
That's great.
270
00:15:28,519 --> 00:15:29,852
- You seeing anyone?
- How about you?
271
00:15:31,519 --> 00:15:32,352
Yeah.
272
00:15:32,852 --> 00:15:35,394
A guy from work. Dermot.
273
00:15:35,561 --> 00:15:36,602
Dermot.
274
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,102
- He's kind.
- Good.
275
00:15:38,269 --> 00:15:39,769
Likes to go hiking.
276
00:15:39,936 --> 00:15:41,311
Hasn't gotten me shot yet.
277
00:15:41,477 --> 00:15:43,602
Well, it's early days.
278
00:15:47,727 --> 00:15:49,477
What about you? You seeing anyone?
279
00:15:50,519 --> 00:15:53,852
No, no, I live in a one-bedroom apartment.
I share a bed with Blind Al.
280
00:15:55,519 --> 00:15:58,769
- Okay. All right.
- All right.
281
00:16:00,436 --> 00:16:03,686
Happy birthday to you
282
00:16:03,852 --> 00:16:05,394
- Speech! Speech!
- Yes!
283
00:16:05,561 --> 00:16:07,352
All right. Okay, okay, okay.
284
00:16:08,311 --> 00:16:09,311
Birthdays.
285
00:16:09,477 --> 00:16:12,144
Boy, every spin around the moon
is a new adventure indeed.
286
00:16:12,311 --> 00:16:14,352
- Sun, dumbass.
- Okay, round-earther.
287
00:16:16,019 --> 00:16:17,936
- Where was I?
- The adventure of life.
288
00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:19,102
Right.
289
00:16:19,269 --> 00:16:20,727
It's been a challenging few years.
290
00:16:20,894 --> 00:16:22,769
Haven't seen you guys in a while.
291
00:16:22,936 --> 00:16:25,019
Been through a lot, change of life.
292
00:16:25,186 --> 00:16:27,102
- Menopause?
- Bitch, are you improv-ing?
293
00:16:27,269 --> 00:16:28,852
- Mm-mm.
- Sorry.
294
00:16:29,811 --> 00:16:31,186
I'm sorry that you had to see that, Yukio.
295
00:16:31,352 --> 00:16:32,436
It's okay.
296
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:35,769
But I'm happy.
297
00:16:36,186 --> 00:16:37,436
You know, and that's, that's...
298
00:16:37,602 --> 00:16:40,394
because of each and every one of you.
299
00:16:40,769 --> 00:16:42,227
I guess, what I'm trying to say is...
300
00:16:42,394 --> 00:16:43,769
how proud I am, how grateful I am...
301
00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:45,186
to be standing in a room...
302
00:16:45,352 --> 00:16:48,019
with every single person I love.
303
00:16:53,602 --> 00:16:55,227
I'm the luckiest man alive.
304
00:16:57,727 --> 00:16:58,811
Make a wish, buddy.
305
00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:00,311
Ten-four, good buddy.
306
00:17:01,519 --> 00:17:02,644
Going down.
307
00:17:09,019 --> 00:17:09,894
Wade Wilson?
308
00:17:10,060 --> 00:17:12,977
Oh, yeah. Dancers.
Dopinder must have ordered you.
309
00:17:13,477 --> 00:17:14,810
Are those supposed to be cop costumes?
310
00:17:15,185 --> 00:17:16,144
Never mind.
311
00:17:16,810 --> 00:17:20,144
Take your clothes off but leave the helmets.
And this isn't Pretty Woman.
312
00:17:21,102 --> 00:17:22,394
We're kissing. All right?
313
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:24,185
What song do you guys normally dance to?
314
00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:28,394
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
315
00:17:28,686 --> 00:17:29,894
Is that supposed to be scary?
316
00:17:30,061 --> 00:17:33,686
Pegging isn't new for me, friendo.
But it is for Disney.
317
00:17:34,102 --> 00:17:34,936
Ah, ta, ta, ta!
318
00:17:35,227 --> 00:17:39,061
Okay, I've never been a natural bottom,
so we're gonna take things real slow.
319
00:17:39,227 --> 00:17:41,102
And I want some crazy eye contact.
320
00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:42,311
Not you.
You.
321
00:17:42,769 --> 00:17:44,561
Can't see your eyes through the mask,
but I can feel them.
322
00:17:44,727 --> 00:17:46,311
We're gonna move on down the hallway...
323
00:17:46,477 --> 00:17:49,644
so we can spare a cleanup on aisle asshole.
How does everyone feel about this plan?
324
00:17:49,811 --> 00:17:52,769
- I don't like you.
- Yes. Let's hold on to that attitude.
325
00:17:52,936 --> 00:17:54,644
And we're gonna do it angry.
326
00:18:12,769 --> 00:18:13,936
Mr. Wilson...
327
00:18:15,852 --> 00:18:18,727
you appear to have soiled yourself
while unconscious.
328
00:18:18,894 --> 00:18:21,144
I wasn't unconscious. Who are you?
329
00:18:21,477 --> 00:18:23,269
I go by the name of Paradox.
330
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:26,852
Mr. Paradox.
And you're sitting here at the TVA.
331
00:18:27,019 --> 00:18:29,019
The Time Variance Authority.
332
00:18:29,186 --> 00:18:31,436
We're really a watchdog organization...
333
00:18:31,602 --> 00:18:35,311
except we're more lighthearted
than that sounds with a sort of...
334
00:18:35,477 --> 00:18:37,561
throwback, ironic twist.
335
00:18:37,727 --> 00:18:41,936
And we're in charge of defending
what's known as the Sacred Timeline.
336
00:18:42,102 --> 00:18:45,269
Holy fuck. That is a shit-ton of exposition
for a threequel.
337
00:18:45,436 --> 00:18:47,311
Is this because I used Cable's time machine?
338
00:18:47,477 --> 00:18:50,102
Brought a couple of people back to life,
then I destroyed it.
339
00:18:50,269 --> 00:18:51,644
- That was a long time ago.
- Yes...
340
00:18:51,811 --> 00:18:54,477
we're aware of your abuse of your timeline.
341
00:18:54,644 --> 00:18:56,769
And you were so abusive of it.
342
00:18:57,561 --> 00:18:59,436
No, it has nothing to do with that.
343
00:18:59,602 --> 00:19:00,686
Walk with me.
344
00:19:06,561 --> 00:19:10,769
I brought you here, Mr. Wilson,
to tell you that you're special.
345
00:19:11,519 --> 00:19:14,394
In fact,
you've been chosen for a higher purpose...
346
00:19:14,561 --> 00:19:16,269
a purpose unclear even to me.
347
00:19:16,686 --> 00:19:18,727
But one that could...
348
00:19:18,894 --> 00:19:21,811
save the entire Sacred Timeline...
349
00:19:21,977 --> 00:19:24,561
from a possibly grisly fate
sometime in the future...
350
00:19:24,727 --> 00:19:29,019
which may very well need to be... avenged.
351
00:19:29,311 --> 00:19:30,686
This Sacred Timeline...
352
00:19:31,769 --> 00:19:33,686
I assume I'm going to marvel...
353
00:19:34,186 --> 00:19:35,227
at how...
354
00:19:35,894 --> 00:19:37,644
cinematic it feels?
355
00:19:37,811 --> 00:19:39,811
Gratuitous cameos...
356
00:19:39,977 --> 00:19:41,811
indiscriminate use of Variants,
the whole package?
357
00:19:41,977 --> 00:19:44,102
Well, you tell me.
358
00:19:50,894 --> 00:19:51,727
Cap!
359
00:19:58,977 --> 00:20:01,477
You are no longer lost, Wade.
360
00:20:01,644 --> 00:20:04,102
You can be a hero among heroes.
361
00:20:04,644 --> 00:20:06,811
We've been surveilling you for quite a while.
362
00:20:06,977 --> 00:20:09,727
- Subway station.
- A TVA outpost, yes.
363
00:20:10,936 --> 00:20:12,061
- And what is that?
- Hmm?
364
00:20:15,102 --> 00:20:16,477
Is that me? Is that Thor?
365
00:20:17,977 --> 00:20:19,186
Is he crying?
366
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:21,144
Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
367
00:20:21,311 --> 00:20:22,644
That happens in the distant future.
368
00:20:22,811 --> 00:20:25,019
- Why is Thor crying? Quick! Tell me.
- Do not speak to her.
369
00:20:25,186 --> 00:20:26,019
Stop that. Eyes on me.
370
00:20:26,186 --> 00:20:28,394
I brought you here
to offer you an opportunity.
371
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:31,811
The opportunity you sought years ago,
but for which you were not ready.
372
00:20:31,977 --> 00:20:33,602
We believe you're ready now.
373
00:20:33,769 --> 00:20:35,644
Ready for a chance to leave your timeline...
374
00:20:35,811 --> 00:20:38,144
and join the greatest universe of all.
375
00:20:38,311 --> 00:20:39,852
I am about to give you the thing
you've always wanted.
376
00:20:40,019 --> 00:20:41,561
Oh, I smell what you're steppin' in.
377
00:20:41,727 --> 00:20:44,144
The power in the Marvel Universe
is about to change forever.
378
00:20:46,519 --> 00:20:48,186
I am the Messiah...
379
00:20:49,977 --> 00:20:52,144
I am...
380
00:20:53,727 --> 00:20:54,977
Marvel Jesus.
381
00:20:56,394 --> 00:20:59,102
Can you excuse me for just a moment?
I'm just gonna go over here.
382
00:21:02,519 --> 00:21:03,894
Suck it, Fox!
383
00:21:04,061 --> 00:21:05,352
I'm going to Disneyland.
384
00:21:05,894 --> 00:21:06,769
Get fucked!
385
00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:12,477
- Where do I sign?
- Oh, there's no need for paperwork.
386
00:21:12,644 --> 00:21:14,852
Good. Not to brag, but I do not read.
387
00:21:15,019 --> 00:21:17,936
- Oh.
- There is one thing I will need, though.
388
00:21:22,436 --> 00:21:24,519
Oh, fuck off!
389
00:21:24,686 --> 00:21:26,644
Adorn me, Beardo.
390
00:21:47,269 --> 00:21:48,227
Fuckin' A!
391
00:21:49,269 --> 00:21:51,102
It's perfect! FYI...
392
00:21:51,269 --> 00:21:54,102
your tailor is a predator,
but I love it. Snug.
393
00:21:54,269 --> 00:21:58,644
No camel toe.
New car smell and adamantium katanas?
394
00:21:59,019 --> 00:22:00,477
You shouldn't have.
395
00:22:00,811 --> 00:22:02,936
Go ahead. Take it in.
396
00:22:03,102 --> 00:22:05,602
And yes, your underwear is getting tighter.
397
00:22:05,769 --> 00:22:07,394
That guy knows what I'm talking about.
398
00:22:07,561 --> 00:22:09,061
His clothes says middle management...
399
00:22:09,227 --> 00:22:11,686
but his eyes say fuck-y fuck-y.
400
00:22:11,852 --> 00:22:13,519
Yes. You look very nice.
401
00:22:13,686 --> 00:22:16,727
"Nice?" Your buddy here is ready to
throw it all away for me.
402
00:22:16,894 --> 00:22:18,102
- You callin' your wife?
- HR.
403
00:22:18,269 --> 00:22:19,436
Does your wife work in HR?
404
00:22:19,602 --> 00:22:21,686
I'm really glad you're taking this so well.
405
00:22:22,019 --> 00:22:23,811
Oh. I'm taking it well.
406
00:22:23,977 --> 00:22:26,936
I have never had a problem
traveling for work. That said...
407
00:22:27,102 --> 00:22:28,269
we should talk vacation days.
408
00:22:28,644 --> 00:22:31,061
I'm more of a
one-week-on-one-week-off kind of guy.
409
00:22:31,227 --> 00:22:32,561
I think it's what they do in Denmark.
410
00:22:32,727 --> 00:22:35,186
You know, you'll never see a
Danish flag on the moon, but...
411
00:22:35,352 --> 00:22:36,436
goddamn it, they're happy.
412
00:22:36,602 --> 00:22:39,102
Now, let's power up your little
Amazon Fire phone there...
413
00:22:39,269 --> 00:22:42,477
and zip me back home so I can let my friends
know that they've been upgraded...
414
00:22:42,644 --> 00:22:43,686
to disciples.
415
00:22:43,852 --> 00:22:46,852
Yeah. I don't think you... quite understand.
416
00:22:47,686 --> 00:22:51,894
You will not be returning to your home
because there will be no home to return to.
417
00:22:52,061 --> 00:22:52,894
Come again?
418
00:22:53,061 --> 00:22:54,102
This time in my ears.
419
00:22:58,477 --> 00:23:01,394
This is your universe, Mr. Wilson.
420
00:23:02,019 --> 00:23:03,269
That...
421
00:23:03,436 --> 00:23:07,519
is what happens when a universe
loses their Anchor Being.
422
00:23:07,686 --> 00:23:09,769
See how it decays from the inside?
423
00:23:09,936 --> 00:23:12,602
- This is how a reality dies.
- What's an Anchor Being?
424
00:23:12,769 --> 00:23:16,102
An Anchor Being is an entity of
such vital importance that when they die...
425
00:23:16,269 --> 00:23:19,769
their whole world
slowly withers out of existence.
426
00:23:19,936 --> 00:23:22,561
You've just won the lottery
because I didn't die.
427
00:23:22,727 --> 00:23:24,436
It was just a little midlife crisis.
I'm better now.
428
00:23:24,602 --> 00:23:26,019
Oh, no, no, no.
429
00:23:30,727 --> 00:23:33,436
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, I love to laugh.
430
00:23:33,602 --> 00:23:36,311
Can you imagine if you were the Anchor Being?
431
00:23:38,269 --> 00:23:40,769
- Yeah.
- No, it isn't you, Mr. Wilson.
432
00:23:41,602 --> 00:23:45,894
Your Anchor Being died
in an act of self-sacrifice so epic...
433
00:23:46,311 --> 00:23:48,436
that it sent shivers down the Timeline.
434
00:23:48,811 --> 00:23:51,644
I am referring, of course, to...
435
00:23:53,061 --> 00:23:56,769
Logan. The Wolverine.
436
00:24:00,311 --> 00:24:02,644
Don't be what they made you.
437
00:24:13,019 --> 00:24:15,186
So this is what it feels like...
438
00:24:17,019 --> 00:24:18,019
Logan.
439
00:24:18,936 --> 00:24:19,936
Of course.
440
00:24:20,686 --> 00:24:21,519
Logan.
441
00:24:24,436 --> 00:24:25,727
Logan?
442
00:24:25,894 --> 00:24:27,852
The guy with forks for hands?
443
00:24:28,019 --> 00:24:29,269
That Wolverine?
444
00:24:30,644 --> 00:24:34,686
Yeah, I got it. You can turn your retro
graphics of death off now. Make it stop.
445
00:24:34,852 --> 00:24:37,311
We're not doing it, Mr. Wilson.
We certainly can't stop it.
446
00:24:39,727 --> 00:24:40,686
How long have we got?
447
00:24:40,852 --> 00:24:43,186
In most cases, couple thousand years.
448
00:24:43,352 --> 00:24:45,352
- Well, sweet.
- Well, most cases aren't fast enough.
449
00:24:45,519 --> 00:24:46,477
Not for me.
450
00:24:47,061 --> 00:24:48,061
What does that mean?
451
00:24:48,227 --> 00:24:50,311
It means that I have been tasked...
452
00:24:50,477 --> 00:24:52,727
with overseeing the end of your universe.
453
00:24:52,894 --> 00:24:55,519
And regardless of what the
pencil pushers upstairs would prefer...
454
00:24:55,686 --> 00:24:56,811
I will not...
455
00:24:57,269 --> 00:25:00,561
waste my life watching it die slowly
of natural causes.
456
00:25:00,727 --> 00:25:02,894
We used to just prune these things. Simple.
457
00:25:03,061 --> 00:25:04,769
Elegant. Efficient. But I'm told the TVA...
458
00:25:04,936 --> 00:25:07,186
doesn't like to do that anymore.
Well I do.
459
00:25:07,352 --> 00:25:09,686
And no matter what my so-called
superiors say, the multiverse...
460
00:25:09,852 --> 00:25:11,519
does not need a babysitter.
461
00:25:11,686 --> 00:25:13,477
We need a mercy killer.
462
00:25:13,644 --> 00:25:15,061
And in this instance...
463
00:25:15,227 --> 00:25:17,644
I am the mercy killer.
464
00:25:22,727 --> 00:25:24,644
What in the MacGuffin is that?
465
00:25:24,811 --> 00:25:26,977
That's a Time Ripper, Mr. Wilson.
466
00:25:27,144 --> 00:25:28,686
An accelerant.
467
00:25:28,852 --> 00:25:33,436
Once completed, it will allow me to destroy
the spacetime matrix of your universe.
468
00:25:33,602 --> 00:25:35,602
You see, I don't want to work for the TVA.
469
00:25:35,769 --> 00:25:37,852
I want to be the TVA.
470
00:25:38,019 --> 00:25:40,561
And the first step involves
showing this organization...
471
00:25:40,727 --> 00:25:42,394
how much more efficient it can become.
472
00:25:42,561 --> 00:25:46,852
To wit, I will be giving your universe
a swift and compassionate end.
473
00:25:47,019 --> 00:25:48,436
And don't worry,
your friends won't feel a thing.
474
00:25:48,602 --> 00:25:50,394
It'll be over just like this.
"Oh, what's that?"
475
00:25:51,769 --> 00:25:52,852
Trust me.
476
00:26:05,561 --> 00:26:07,727
You're gonna Old Yeller my fucking universe?
477
00:26:07,894 --> 00:26:10,102
Mm... In your parlance, yes.
478
00:26:10,269 --> 00:26:11,311
Two in the heart, one in the head.
479
00:26:11,727 --> 00:26:13,686
Look, Mr. Wilson, you have two choices.
480
00:26:13,852 --> 00:26:17,061
You can either rejoin your loved ones
and collectively cease to exist in...
481
00:26:17,227 --> 00:26:20,061
I'd say, seventy-two hours. Or...
482
00:26:20,227 --> 00:26:22,769
you join the Sacred Timeline.
483
00:26:22,936 --> 00:26:25,186
And you end your days of
insignificance...
484
00:26:25,352 --> 00:26:27,269
and mediocrity.
485
00:26:27,436 --> 00:26:28,352
Wade.
486
00:26:29,061 --> 00:26:30,769
Wade, you can finally...
487
00:26:30,936 --> 00:26:33,352
finally, matter.
488
00:26:43,102 --> 00:26:45,144
That's all I've ever really wanted.
489
00:26:45,311 --> 00:26:46,561
I know.
490
00:26:47,186 --> 00:26:48,186
I know.
491
00:26:49,144 --> 00:26:52,644
And you know I'm,
I'm nothing if not morally flexible.
492
00:26:55,144 --> 00:26:56,102
Yep, yep.
493
00:26:58,436 --> 00:26:59,436
I'll do it.
494
00:26:59,602 --> 00:27:02,019
Wise choice.
The Sacred Timeline's happy to have you.
495
00:27:02,186 --> 00:27:04,019
I was actually talking about
finding the Wolverine...
496
00:27:04,186 --> 00:27:05,269
and breaking your fucking nose.
497
00:27:19,102 --> 00:27:21,436
Find him. Find him!
498
00:27:21,602 --> 00:27:23,352
And boy, did he ever.
499
00:27:25,227 --> 00:27:26,644
Which brings us back to this.
500
00:27:28,811 --> 00:27:30,769
The desecration of the sacred corpse.
501
00:27:35,102 --> 00:27:36,311
Oh, my God!
502
00:27:37,727 --> 00:27:40,352
Oh! My own fucking arm!
503
00:27:44,477 --> 00:27:45,561
Now we're talkin'!
504
00:27:45,686 --> 00:27:46,977
Not like this!
505
00:27:47,144 --> 00:27:49,102
No, dear God! No!
506
00:27:49,269 --> 00:27:51,436
I'm sorry! Wolverine-ing is hard!
507
00:27:51,602 --> 00:27:52,602
Make it stop!
508
00:27:52,769 --> 00:27:54,519
Mangold tried.
509
00:27:56,769 --> 00:27:58,727
You sick fuck!
510
00:27:58,894 --> 00:28:00,061
Logan was a hero.
511
00:28:00,352 --> 00:28:03,144
And the only thing worth a shit
to ever come out of Canada.
512
00:28:11,102 --> 00:28:15,394
Get my country's name
out of your fuckin' mouth.
513
00:28:16,519 --> 00:28:18,102
And my sword. Give me that.
514
00:28:21,561 --> 00:28:23,852
Oh, I gotta find me another Logan.
515
00:28:24,311 --> 00:28:25,602
An alive one.
516
00:28:25,852 --> 00:28:28,019
Don't get up, guys. I'll see myself out.
517
00:28:35,602 --> 00:28:36,436
Logan!
518
00:28:40,186 --> 00:28:41,811
I'm gonna need you to come with me.
519
00:28:43,102 --> 00:28:44,102
Who's asking?
520
00:28:46,269 --> 00:28:48,311
Oh, look at this little Hairy Lou Retton.
521
00:28:48,477 --> 00:28:50,061
Did you stick the landing, little guy?
522
00:28:50,727 --> 00:28:51,561
Yes, you did!
523
00:28:51,727 --> 00:28:53,644
Comic accurate short king.
524
00:28:53,811 --> 00:28:55,894
Such a cute wittle Wolvie.
525
00:28:56,061 --> 00:28:57,769
Cue the fuckin' montage, baby.
526
00:28:58,394 --> 00:29:01,436
Ahoy! Everything seems to be on fire.
527
00:29:01,602 --> 00:29:02,686
You have a dragon?
528
00:29:03,436 --> 00:29:06,352
You have Anchor Being written all over...
529
00:29:15,686 --> 00:29:16,686
Patch!
530
00:29:18,727 --> 00:29:19,977
Now we're talkin'.
531
00:29:20,602 --> 00:29:21,894
Oh, yeah.
532
00:29:22,519 --> 00:29:24,436
That's the whole goddamn package right there.
533
00:29:25,436 --> 00:29:26,519
Howdy!
534
00:29:26,686 --> 00:29:29,186
I'm just... I'm auditioning Anchor Beings.
535
00:29:29,352 --> 00:29:31,894
Oh. Yeah, that's gonna need some coconut oil.
536
00:29:36,269 --> 00:29:38,102
What in the fuck?
537
00:29:38,519 --> 00:29:40,019
Are you okay?
538
00:29:40,519 --> 00:29:41,561
Oh, yes, yes.
539
00:29:41,727 --> 00:29:43,561
Classic John Byrne brown and tan.
540
00:29:43,727 --> 00:29:45,686
Now, you fought the Hulk in this outfit. No?
541
00:29:48,561 --> 00:29:50,269
I'm Marvel Jesus, you dull creature,
and I will not...
542
00:30:01,144 --> 00:30:03,686
It's not you. We're just going
in a different direction.
543
00:30:06,977 --> 00:30:09,102
You know, from behind,
you look a little bit like Henry...
544
00:30:09,269 --> 00:30:10,477
Oh, my fuck!
545
00:30:10,811 --> 00:30:13,519
The Cavillrine. The legends are true.
546
00:30:14,186 --> 00:30:16,936
And may I say, sir,
on behalf of all humanity...
547
00:30:17,102 --> 00:30:18,811
this just feels right.
548
00:30:18,977 --> 00:30:22,061
We will treat you so much better
than those shit fucks down the street.
549
00:30:22,227 --> 00:30:23,269
You were just leavin'.
550
00:30:23,436 --> 00:30:25,602
No, sir.
Not while the fate of my universe is at...
551
00:30:30,477 --> 00:30:31,894
This one looks promising.
552
00:30:32,061 --> 00:30:32,894
Down you go.
553
00:30:34,686 --> 00:30:35,519
Again.
554
00:30:36,644 --> 00:30:38,602
I told you. You're not welcome here.
555
00:30:38,769 --> 00:30:40,186
You're not welcome anywhere.
556
00:30:40,352 --> 00:30:41,561
Now get the fuck out of my bar.
557
00:30:41,727 --> 00:30:44,186
Just give me one more drink
and then I'll leave.
558
00:30:44,352 --> 00:30:45,977
That's not how it works.
559
00:30:46,144 --> 00:30:48,394
It does now. Leave the bottle.
560
00:30:48,561 --> 00:30:49,394
I know you, bub?
561
00:30:49,561 --> 00:30:51,644
Nope. But I know you.
562
00:30:52,061 --> 00:30:53,436
Everybody knows me.
563
00:30:55,019 --> 00:30:56,186
I'm the Wolverine.
564
00:30:56,352 --> 00:30:58,144
Yes, you are.
565
00:30:58,311 --> 00:31:00,602
And I'm gonna need you
to come with me right now.
566
00:31:02,019 --> 00:31:03,394
Look, lady, I'm not interested.
567
00:31:03,561 --> 00:31:06,269
- Really gettin' into your cups here.
- Why would I go with you?
568
00:31:07,477 --> 00:31:09,311
Because, unfortunately...
569
00:31:09,477 --> 00:31:10,394
I need you...
570
00:31:10,561 --> 00:31:14,644
and even more unfortunately,
my entire world needs you.
571
00:31:15,477 --> 00:31:16,936
You two gonna fuck or fight?
572
00:31:20,894 --> 00:31:22,102
You gonna take that from him?
573
00:31:22,477 --> 00:31:23,311
Yep.
574
00:31:24,186 --> 00:31:25,227
I can tell you have a sort of...
575
00:31:25,394 --> 00:31:27,852
don't-get-too-close-I'll-only-
break-your-heart vibe going here...
576
00:31:28,019 --> 00:31:30,269
but every other Wolverine
would've really hurt me by now.
577
00:31:30,436 --> 00:31:33,311
And, I'm sort of on the tick-tick.
So upsy-daisy. Here we go.
578
00:31:33,477 --> 00:31:35,686
- Whoa, whoa. Hey, hey!
- Up you go. I got you, big guy.
579
00:31:39,102 --> 00:31:40,227
Whiskey dick of the claws.
580
00:31:40,394 --> 00:31:42,852
- It's quite common in Wolverines over forty.
- You don't want this.
581
00:31:43,019 --> 00:31:45,561
You're right. I don't.
And you don't want this.
582
00:31:45,727 --> 00:31:48,352
Unless you wanna take a deep breath
through your fuckin' forehead...
583
00:31:48,519 --> 00:31:50,394
I suggest you reconsider.
584
00:31:50,561 --> 00:31:51,644
Let's go, peanut.
585
00:31:56,186 --> 00:31:58,019
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
586
00:31:58,727 --> 00:31:59,561
Watch this.
587
00:32:00,686 --> 00:32:02,727
All right. That... Whoa.
588
00:32:03,394 --> 00:32:04,227
Easy.
589
00:32:08,019 --> 00:32:08,852
Good God.
590
00:32:09,602 --> 00:32:11,352
Thirsty little honey badger, aren't ya?
591
00:32:12,519 --> 00:32:14,061
It's okay. Keep goin'.
592
00:32:14,227 --> 00:32:16,061
Audiences are accustomed to long run times.
593
00:32:22,102 --> 00:32:23,561
Guess you'll have to do.
594
00:32:24,019 --> 00:32:25,019
Okay, here we...
595
00:32:26,227 --> 00:32:28,561
Oh! Look at those jammies.
596
00:32:28,977 --> 00:32:32,227
That only took twenty fucking years.
597
00:32:32,644 --> 00:32:34,602
One Anchor Being coming right up!
598
00:32:34,769 --> 00:32:36,852
On your left, baby girl.
599
00:32:37,144 --> 00:32:40,477
This Logan has the same
he-can-do-anything-even-musicals look.
600
00:32:40,644 --> 00:32:41,644
And bonus...
601
00:32:41,811 --> 00:32:43,102
he's actually wearing a costume...
602
00:32:43,269 --> 00:32:44,977
like he's not embarrassed to be in
a superhero movie for once.
603
00:32:45,144 --> 00:32:46,477
I don't understand.
604
00:32:46,644 --> 00:32:48,061
You said my universe is dying...
605
00:32:48,227 --> 00:32:50,644
because this sack of nuts
got himself killed.
606
00:32:50,811 --> 00:32:53,352
- Well, problem solved.
- My God.
607
00:32:53,519 --> 00:32:57,519
You actually think
you can replace an Anchor Being...
608
00:32:57,686 --> 00:32:59,102
with this?
609
00:32:59,936 --> 00:33:02,977
I wouldn't have accepted any other Wolverine
BT dubs. But you...
610
00:33:03,144 --> 00:33:06,561
have outdone yourself
and brought me the worst Wolverine!
611
00:33:06,727 --> 00:33:07,686
What do you mean, the worst one?
612
00:33:07,852 --> 00:33:08,811
Mr. Wilson.
613
00:33:09,477 --> 00:33:12,602
This Wolverine let down his entire world.
614
00:33:13,477 --> 00:33:15,352
He's the stuff of legend,
but not in a good way.
615
00:33:15,727 --> 00:33:17,019
And what he did...
616
00:33:17,186 --> 00:33:18,394
well...
617
00:33:18,561 --> 00:33:20,686
some things are just beyond forgiveness.
618
00:33:23,269 --> 00:33:24,102
Okay.
619
00:33:24,269 --> 00:33:26,936
How do I... How do I make this right?
I'll do anything.
620
00:33:27,436 --> 00:33:30,394
I gave you a chance at greatness.
621
00:33:30,561 --> 00:33:32,852
Because my superiors deemed you special.
622
00:33:33,019 --> 00:33:34,519
Clearly not special in a good way.
623
00:33:34,686 --> 00:33:37,519
Apparently you have some
important future purpose to serve.
624
00:33:37,686 --> 00:33:38,811
With Thor. He holds me.
625
00:33:38,977 --> 00:33:42,936
But, I did my duty.
I gave you the opportunity to be somebody.
626
00:33:43,102 --> 00:33:46,311
And instead of accepting my offering
with humility and gratitude...
627
00:33:46,477 --> 00:33:47,311
you broke my nose.
628
00:33:47,686 --> 00:33:50,227
- It looks great.
- And you decimated dozens of my men...
629
00:33:50,394 --> 00:33:52,019
with the exhumed corpse of a hero.
630
00:33:52,186 --> 00:33:54,227
Dishonoring not only his remains
but his memory.
631
00:33:54,394 --> 00:33:55,436
What are you, the Internet?
632
00:33:55,602 --> 00:33:57,769
Your world is dying!
633
00:33:57,936 --> 00:33:58,936
Thank you very much.
634
00:33:59,436 --> 00:34:00,561
And there's no stopping it.
635
00:34:02,852 --> 00:34:04,352
The humane thing to do...
636
00:34:04,519 --> 00:34:05,394
is to make it quick.
637
00:34:05,561 --> 00:34:08,269
Is the thought of vaporizing my universe
making you peckish?
638
00:34:08,436 --> 00:34:09,477
I'm eating my feelings.
639
00:34:09,644 --> 00:34:12,686
I'm about to lose everything that I've
ever cared about because that hairy...
640
00:34:12,852 --> 00:34:14,602
thundercunt from down undercunt...
641
00:34:14,769 --> 00:34:17,811
finally dies
and he's standing right behind me, isn't he?
642
00:34:18,519 --> 00:34:19,811
Welcome to the MCU, by the way.
643
00:34:20,436 --> 00:34:21,852
You're joining at a bit of a low point.
644
00:34:22,686 --> 00:34:24,602
As for you, I wanna talk to your boss.
645
00:34:24,769 --> 00:34:27,936
I want you to get him on the phone
and you tell him, her, or them...
646
00:34:28,102 --> 00:34:30,227
that Marvel H. Christ isn't playing.
647
00:34:35,602 --> 00:34:36,561
Holy shit.
648
00:34:37,436 --> 00:34:41,227
I just heard a symphony
of buttholes clenching all at once.
649
00:34:41,394 --> 00:34:42,269
You're off grid.
650
00:34:42,436 --> 00:34:44,769
Your bosses don't know what you sick fucks
are doing down here.
651
00:34:44,936 --> 00:34:47,977
Well, I'll tell you what.
I have a black belt in Karen...
652
00:34:48,144 --> 00:34:49,436
And I'm gonna go upstairs...
653
00:34:49,602 --> 00:34:51,561
and I'm gonna tell 'em all about
you and your...
654
00:34:52,686 --> 00:34:54,311
Silence is nice, isn't it?
655
00:34:54,477 --> 00:34:55,477
Where the fuck did he go?
656
00:34:55,644 --> 00:34:57,352
To the trash heap. You'll fit right in.
657
00:35:00,602 --> 00:35:01,436
That was close.
658
00:35:22,936 --> 00:35:24,811
Don't just stand there, you ape.
659
00:35:25,436 --> 00:35:26,477
Give me a hand up.
660
00:35:28,269 --> 00:35:30,144
Nope. I'm actually okay.
Thank you very much...
661
00:35:32,686 --> 00:35:33,519
Where the hell are we?
662
00:35:33,686 --> 00:35:36,227
I don't know. Looks kind of Mad Max-y.
663
00:35:36,394 --> 00:35:38,269
But that would be IP infringement, right?
664
00:35:38,436 --> 00:35:39,602
Fucking jokes.
665
00:35:42,977 --> 00:35:44,352
Fuck! Fuck.
666
00:35:44,519 --> 00:35:45,852
Were you even listening back there?
667
00:35:46,019 --> 00:35:48,686
If we don't make it back to that
Mr. Paradox asshole...
668
00:35:49,019 --> 00:35:50,186
everyone I know is gonna die.
669
00:35:50,352 --> 00:35:52,019
Not my fuckin' problem.
670
00:35:52,186 --> 00:35:53,394
Oh, is that all you got?
671
00:35:54,436 --> 00:35:56,436
Is that what you said
when your world went to shit?
672
00:35:58,894 --> 00:35:59,727
Come again?
673
00:35:59,894 --> 00:36:01,269
Yeah, I heard all about you.
674
00:36:01,811 --> 00:36:03,852
How you screwed up everything.
675
00:36:04,019 --> 00:36:06,686
You should be thankin' me
for pulling you out of that bed you shit in.
676
00:36:07,394 --> 00:36:09,102
You back-stabbing son of a bitch!
677
00:36:15,144 --> 00:36:16,561
Are you ready to be calm now?
678
00:36:23,686 --> 00:36:26,186
Rest in pieces, Fox.
679
00:36:40,936 --> 00:36:42,436
I don't want to fight you, peanut.
680
00:36:43,644 --> 00:36:45,102
Doesn't matter what you did.
681
00:36:45,394 --> 00:36:46,436
I just need your help.
682
00:36:48,311 --> 00:36:49,894
I don't fuckin' care.
683
00:36:52,311 --> 00:36:53,144
Uh-oh.
684
00:36:58,644 --> 00:37:01,019
Fuck. This is gonna hurt.
685
00:37:05,186 --> 00:37:06,519
All right.
686
00:37:06,852 --> 00:37:07,686
Fuck it.
687
00:37:08,602 --> 00:37:10,477
Let's give the people what they came for.
688
00:37:11,269 --> 00:37:13,019
Let's fuckin' go.
689
00:37:14,186 --> 00:37:16,186
Get your special sock out, nerds.
690
00:37:16,352 --> 00:37:18,186
It's gonna get good.
691
00:38:11,186 --> 00:38:12,186
Gotcha!
692
00:38:18,769 --> 00:38:19,602
Baby Knife!
693
00:38:24,519 --> 00:38:26,311
Let's see you grow your fuckin' head back.
694
00:38:26,477 --> 00:38:28,519
Wait, wait, wait! I can fix it! I can fix it.
695
00:38:28,686 --> 00:38:30,477
- Fix what?
- Whatever it is that you did.
696
00:38:31,394 --> 00:38:32,769
Whatever made you so bad.
697
00:38:33,269 --> 00:38:37,061
Those, those pricks in the TVA.
You heard him.
698
00:38:38,311 --> 00:38:39,561
They have the power to end my universe...
699
00:38:39,727 --> 00:38:42,811
but they also have the power to change yours.
700
00:38:44,519 --> 00:38:45,602
We get back there...
701
00:38:45,769 --> 00:38:48,811
and we can fix your world. Together.
702
00:38:50,144 --> 00:38:51,227
I promise.
703
00:38:52,727 --> 00:38:53,977
They can fix it.
704
00:38:55,102 --> 00:38:56,352
Hey!
705
00:38:56,519 --> 00:38:58,519
We fight each other, we lose.
706
00:38:58,686 --> 00:38:59,936
Dear God, it's him.
707
00:39:00,102 --> 00:39:02,102
- Who?
- The one.
708
00:39:02,436 --> 00:39:04,811
The superhero equivalent
to comfort food, or Molly.
709
00:39:05,394 --> 00:39:08,727
White guys' answer to all the
disappointments. And another A-lister.
710
00:39:09,394 --> 00:39:10,769
Fair warning, gorgeous.
711
00:39:10,936 --> 00:39:12,894
You're going to encounter
some indelicate language...
712
00:39:13,061 --> 00:39:15,394
a smidge of ass play,
but we've been prohibited...
713
00:39:15,561 --> 00:39:16,936
from using cocaine. On camera.
714
00:39:17,102 --> 00:39:17,936
They're coming.
715
00:39:18,186 --> 00:39:19,686
Who's "they?"
716
00:39:26,269 --> 00:39:27,686
Oh, they're driving angry.
717
00:39:33,519 --> 00:39:35,561
Now that's a superhero landing.
718
00:39:42,519 --> 00:39:43,769
I got this.
719
00:40:07,436 --> 00:40:08,269
Stay close.
720
00:40:08,894 --> 00:40:09,769
Aye, aye, Cap'n.
721
00:40:11,352 --> 00:40:12,311
You got this.
722
00:40:14,644 --> 00:40:18,061
Cassandra is gonna be giddy
when she sees what we caught.
723
00:40:19,102 --> 00:40:20,102
You can't run.
724
00:40:20,269 --> 00:40:21,477
Everybody knows that.
725
00:40:21,644 --> 00:40:23,769
You see anyone runnin', dick for brains?
726
00:40:24,894 --> 00:40:26,561
You're not gonna love what happens next.
727
00:40:26,727 --> 00:40:28,186
Oh. Oh, my God.
728
00:40:28,644 --> 00:40:29,477
Oh, my God.
729
00:40:29,644 --> 00:40:31,852
- Oh, my God, he's gonna say it.
- Ah! Fuck.
730
00:40:32,019 --> 00:40:34,144
- Oh, my God! He's gonna say it!
- Say what?
731
00:40:34,311 --> 00:40:35,311
Avengers, assemble...
732
00:40:35,477 --> 00:40:36,727
- Flame on!
- I'm sorry, what now?
733
00:40:59,852 --> 00:41:00,686
Fuck!
734
00:41:05,519 --> 00:41:06,602
We don't know that guy.
735
00:41:06,769 --> 00:41:07,644
We thought we did.
736
00:41:07,894 --> 00:41:09,311
I know you.
737
00:41:10,061 --> 00:41:10,894
Holy...
738
00:41:13,436 --> 00:41:14,477
Sabretooth.
739
00:41:15,186 --> 00:41:16,019
Your brother.
740
00:41:16,936 --> 00:41:18,894
Ready to die?
741
00:41:19,061 --> 00:41:21,311
Wait, wait, wait!
Time!
742
00:41:22,019 --> 00:41:23,561
You look ridiculous.
743
00:41:23,811 --> 00:41:26,311
People have waited decades for this fight.
744
00:41:26,477 --> 00:41:28,144
It's not gonna be easy.
Baby Knife.
745
00:41:28,311 --> 00:41:30,061
Shoot the double, you take him down.
746
00:41:30,227 --> 00:41:32,227
Side control, then full mount...
747
00:41:32,394 --> 00:41:35,352
and you ground and pound
till he makes no sound because he's dead.
748
00:41:35,519 --> 00:41:36,352
Shut the fuck up!
749
00:41:36,519 --> 00:41:37,477
Oh, my God!
750
00:41:37,644 --> 00:41:39,269
Okay. Good luck. I'm a huge fan.
751
00:41:52,311 --> 00:41:53,394
What is it, girl?
752
00:41:53,561 --> 00:41:54,686
Is there trouble at the well?
753
00:42:00,894 --> 00:42:01,811
Big trouble.
754
00:42:01,977 --> 00:42:03,561
Behold!
755
00:42:03,727 --> 00:42:06,602
The head of your precious queen...
756
00:42:06,769 --> 00:42:07,769
Furiosa!
757
00:42:08,936 --> 00:42:10,602
I have the Wolverine!
758
00:42:10,769 --> 00:42:13,852
I alone control her!
759
00:42:14,019 --> 00:42:15,936
You come for me...
760
00:42:16,436 --> 00:42:18,811
you come for her.
761
00:42:20,561 --> 00:42:24,186
So sorry. I know it's pronounced "him."
I'm gender blind. It's my cross to bear.
762
00:42:24,352 --> 00:42:25,311
Who's next?
763
00:42:25,686 --> 00:42:26,727
Toad!
764
00:42:26,894 --> 00:42:27,769
You're up.
765
00:42:35,519 --> 00:42:37,561
- Uh-oh. Oh, holy...
- Fuck.
766
00:42:48,477 --> 00:42:50,436
God of Thunder.
767
00:42:54,352 --> 00:42:55,644
How long was I asleep?
768
00:42:55,811 --> 00:42:57,602
Not all of you was asleep.
769
00:42:57,769 --> 00:42:59,144
Don't bother.
770
00:42:59,311 --> 00:43:01,102
They're very thorough.
771
00:43:01,561 --> 00:43:03,602
If you know where we are, start talking.
772
00:43:04,352 --> 00:43:05,352
You're in The Void.
773
00:43:05,977 --> 00:43:07,269
Think of it as purgatory.
774
00:43:08,144 --> 00:43:10,561
Reed called it a metaphysical junkyard.
775
00:43:10,727 --> 00:43:13,852
Where anything useless goes
before it gets annihilated forever.
776
00:43:14,394 --> 00:43:18,394
And where the TVA sends people that don't
play nice with the rest of the multiverse.
777
00:43:18,561 --> 00:43:19,977
- Like you?
- And you.
778
00:43:20,144 --> 00:43:21,519
What does the annihilating?
779
00:43:22,102 --> 00:43:22,936
Alioth.
780
00:43:23,102 --> 00:43:26,769
Alioth is in this thing?
From Loki, season one, episode five?
781
00:43:26,936 --> 00:43:28,852
Everyone here is on the run from Alioth.
782
00:43:29,519 --> 00:43:30,977
Most don't make it.
783
00:43:31,144 --> 00:43:32,436
There's a resistance, though.
784
00:43:33,227 --> 00:43:35,977
Other people like us that managed to survive.
785
00:43:36,311 --> 00:43:40,144
They're hidin' out in the borderlands,
trying to find a way the fuck outta here.
786
00:43:40,311 --> 00:43:41,644
Then that's where we go.
787
00:43:41,811 --> 00:43:43,519
"We?" Us? A team?
788
00:43:43,686 --> 00:43:45,477
The answer is yes.
Shake on it.
789
00:43:46,227 --> 00:43:47,477
Fuck! You nicked it.
790
00:43:47,644 --> 00:43:49,477
Just got the tip with
your little steak knife.
791
00:43:49,644 --> 00:43:51,602
These "others" can help us
get back to the TVA.
792
00:43:51,769 --> 00:43:52,686
Make 'em fix things.
793
00:43:54,977 --> 00:43:55,977
Something funny, bub?
794
00:43:56,602 --> 00:43:58,311
She might have somethin' to say about that.
795
00:43:58,477 --> 00:43:59,436
Who's "she?"
796
00:44:00,727 --> 00:44:01,811
In The Void...
797
00:44:02,061 --> 00:44:03,727
you're either food for Alioth...
798
00:44:04,519 --> 00:44:06,561
or you work for her.
799
00:45:18,894 --> 00:45:20,852
Huh. Paul Rudd finally aged.
800
00:45:21,977 --> 00:45:23,352
You must be this year's Juggernaut.
801
00:45:23,727 --> 00:45:25,269
- Thank you.
- I'd keep your voices down.
802
00:45:25,436 --> 00:45:26,561
She don't like the chatter.
803
00:45:26,727 --> 00:45:27,977
She's gonna love you.
804
00:45:44,102 --> 00:45:45,519
Is it... Is that Charles?
805
00:45:45,811 --> 00:45:47,977
Hey... Hey, Chuck! It's us!
806
00:45:48,144 --> 00:45:49,311
That's not Chuck.
807
00:45:49,477 --> 00:45:50,602
Ah, shit.
808
00:45:52,061 --> 00:45:53,519
Oh, ableism. Great.
809
00:45:53,686 --> 00:45:56,102
That's not gonna go over well
with the woke mob.
810
00:45:56,269 --> 00:45:57,727
A Wolverine.
811
00:45:58,227 --> 00:46:00,519
I wondered when I'd get one of you.
812
00:46:01,269 --> 00:46:02,436
You're one of Xavier's.
813
00:46:02,602 --> 00:46:04,061
You-You know him? You know Chuck?
814
00:46:04,227 --> 00:46:05,311
Oh, I knew him.
815
00:46:05,602 --> 00:46:07,102
We shared a womb.
816
00:46:07,311 --> 00:46:10,811
Tried to strangle the sly little fellow
with my umbilical cord.
817
00:46:10,977 --> 00:46:13,977
Amen. I've never loved roommates.
Mine's blind.
818
00:46:14,311 --> 00:46:15,686
Except she can see cocaine.
819
00:46:15,936 --> 00:46:17,436
For some... reason.
820
00:46:17,602 --> 00:46:20,311
You want to chime in, Your Majesty?
I'm dying here.
821
00:46:20,477 --> 00:46:21,602
Who are you?
822
00:46:21,769 --> 00:46:24,477
Charles Xavier's twin, Cassandra Nova.
823
00:46:24,811 --> 00:46:26,186
- Bullshit!
- I was an anal birth.
824
00:46:27,061 --> 00:46:28,269
You two are cute.
825
00:46:29,186 --> 00:46:30,519
I have a good feeling about this.
826
00:46:33,561 --> 00:46:34,686
And I've been trying to catch...
827
00:46:34,852 --> 00:46:36,561
this little firefly for years.
828
00:46:37,352 --> 00:46:38,936
Haven't I, Johnny?
829
00:46:39,102 --> 00:46:42,311
Aw... You picked the wrong time
to make new friends.
830
00:46:42,477 --> 00:46:44,811
Oh, Johnny told us all about you.
831
00:46:44,977 --> 00:46:46,269
- Maybe shut up now.
- Yeah, maybe don't...
832
00:46:46,436 --> 00:46:47,519
We're just talkin' here.
833
00:46:47,686 --> 00:46:50,852
Yeah, Johnny told us
you're a psychotic megalomaniacal asshole.
834
00:46:51,019 --> 00:46:51,769
His words, not mine.
835
00:46:51,936 --> 00:46:54,311
Hellbent on domination and pain.
836
00:46:55,519 --> 00:46:57,477
- You said all that about me?
- No!
837
00:46:57,644 --> 00:47:00,977
- No! I don't... I didn't say any of that!
- Sticks and stones, Johnny!
838
00:47:02,602 --> 00:47:04,602
Don't let her intimidate you.
839
00:47:04,769 --> 00:47:06,352
It's like you said in the convoy.
840
00:47:06,519 --> 00:47:09,352
This finger-lickin' dead-inside
pixie slab of...
841
00:47:09,519 --> 00:47:11,227
third rate dime-store nut-milk...
842
00:47:11,394 --> 00:47:13,186
can eat your delicious cinnamon ring...
843
00:47:13,352 --> 00:47:15,352
- and kick rocks all the way to bald hell.
- Okay.
844
00:47:15,519 --> 00:47:17,352
I have never said any of those words...
845
00:47:17,519 --> 00:47:19,561
- in my entire life!
- Ha! The modesty.
846
00:47:19,727 --> 00:47:22,602
People think I'm a shit talker.
But this guy...
847
00:47:22,977 --> 00:47:23,811
Next level.
848
00:47:23,977 --> 00:47:25,894
What? This... I... We...
849
00:47:26,061 --> 00:47:27,477
I don't even know what half of that means!
850
00:47:27,644 --> 00:47:30,144
- This... I... What? This...
- My hat's off to you, sir. Truly.
851
00:47:30,311 --> 00:47:31,519
I didn't... He's... That's...
852
00:47:32,311 --> 00:47:33,394
I don't...
853
00:47:38,936 --> 00:47:39,852
Not my favorite Chris.
854
00:47:40,019 --> 00:47:42,519
You stupid piece of shit.
You just got him fucking killed!
855
00:47:42,686 --> 00:47:44,436
Hey! We're all grieving!
856
00:47:44,602 --> 00:47:46,644
PS, do you know what
he was doing to the budget?
857
00:47:49,352 --> 00:47:51,186
Alioth is hungry.
858
00:47:52,102 --> 00:47:53,686
There's been some kind of mistake.
859
00:47:53,852 --> 00:47:55,561
Big yellow is a back up Anchor Being...
860
00:47:55,727 --> 00:47:58,144
and I'm Marvel Jesus. MJ, if you're nasty.
861
00:47:58,311 --> 00:47:59,352
This may be hard to hear...
862
00:47:59,519 --> 00:48:02,186
but there's another British villain
who's gonna destroy my universe...
863
00:48:02,352 --> 00:48:03,352
and I'm gonna stop him.
864
00:48:03,519 --> 00:48:06,394
Oh, honey, you don't really strike me as
the world-saving type.
865
00:48:08,936 --> 00:48:09,894
Did I hit a nerve?
866
00:48:10,977 --> 00:48:12,269
I didn't want it to come to this.
867
00:48:13,144 --> 00:48:14,061
Either you help us...
868
00:48:14,227 --> 00:48:17,186
or my friend here is gonna sing
the entire second act of Music Man...
869
00:48:17,352 --> 00:48:18,519
with zero warm-up.
870
00:48:19,394 --> 00:48:20,602
Where'd you get the chair?
871
00:48:20,769 --> 00:48:23,269
Well, once in a while,
I do get a Charles through here.
872
00:48:23,686 --> 00:48:25,061
Never mine, though.
873
00:48:25,227 --> 00:48:28,394
No. He didn't care to find me.
874
00:48:29,561 --> 00:48:32,061
Gen Z and their trauma-bragging!
875
00:48:32,227 --> 00:48:34,769
Can't you just stuff it down,
turn it into accomplishment...
876
00:48:34,936 --> 00:48:36,561
or cancer like the rest of us?
877
00:48:36,727 --> 00:48:38,394
But I'm not like the rest of you.
878
00:48:38,561 --> 00:48:40,311
Except maybe the Wolverine.
879
00:48:40,477 --> 00:48:42,936
Now, we could be truly terrifying together.
880
00:48:43,102 --> 00:48:44,352
You're that scary, huh?
881
00:48:44,519 --> 00:48:46,352
The TVA certainly thought so.
882
00:48:46,936 --> 00:48:49,061
They sent me here before I could walk.
883
00:48:49,519 --> 00:48:52,186
And you know, it's the best thing
that ever happened to me.
884
00:48:52,644 --> 00:48:53,561
I love it here.
885
00:48:53,727 --> 00:48:55,186
You live in a garbage dump.
886
00:48:55,352 --> 00:48:58,102
I think we both know who lives
in the garbage dump.
887
00:48:58,477 --> 00:48:59,936
The Void is a paradise.
888
00:49:00,269 --> 00:49:04,102
I can wield my power here without shame.
889
00:49:04,477 --> 00:49:07,769
Unfortunately I had no Charles Xavier
to teach me temperance.
890
00:49:08,477 --> 00:49:10,311
What about your Charles?
891
00:49:10,477 --> 00:49:11,602
Did he protect you?
892
00:49:12,394 --> 00:49:14,477
Did he make you feel safe?
893
00:49:14,644 --> 00:49:16,561
We're mutants. We're never safe.
894
00:49:24,769 --> 00:49:26,852
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
I don't... I don't want the smoke.
895
00:49:27,519 --> 00:49:30,144
I don't have any beef with you.
I just want to save my friends.
896
00:49:30,311 --> 00:49:31,644
I just... I want to go home.
897
00:49:31,811 --> 00:49:33,477
Well, the thing is, I could get you home.
898
00:49:33,644 --> 00:49:35,227
- Good.
- But I don't want to.
899
00:49:35,394 --> 00:49:36,686
Not good.
900
00:49:39,852 --> 00:49:42,144
What do you want, Wade Wilson?
901
00:49:42,644 --> 00:49:46,019
Your... fingers are inside me,
but not in a good way.
902
00:49:46,186 --> 00:49:49,144
My brother could
enter one's mind with a thought.
903
00:49:49,311 --> 00:49:51,644
I have to get my hands dirty.
904
00:49:54,519 --> 00:49:55,852
I've got you.
905
00:49:58,269 --> 00:49:59,394
I've got you...
906
00:50:02,019 --> 00:50:02,936
What do you mean?
907
00:50:05,102 --> 00:50:07,519
I can't, I can't reach you. You're not here.
908
00:50:07,686 --> 00:50:09,102
I'm right here.
909
00:50:09,561 --> 00:50:12,394
- No, you're not. I can't...
- I'm right here.
910
00:50:12,561 --> 00:50:14,561
Then show me. You got to do something.
911
00:50:15,977 --> 00:50:16,852
Show you what?
912
00:50:17,436 --> 00:50:20,186
Show me you care about
something bigger than you.
913
00:50:21,311 --> 00:50:25,102
Ever since they turned you down,
you took a knee.
914
00:50:25,936 --> 00:50:27,894
Baby, you never got back up.
915
00:50:30,102 --> 00:50:33,686
I know you're going through something.
Let me go through it with you.
916
00:50:35,102 --> 00:50:37,102
- Your crazy matches my crazy.
- Your crazy matches my crazy.
917
00:50:40,727 --> 00:50:41,727
Where'd you go?
918
00:50:42,352 --> 00:50:43,686
Oh, my God.
919
00:50:46,686 --> 00:50:48,352
You just say it. Okay?
920
00:50:49,394 --> 00:50:50,227
Say, "I don't want you.
921
00:50:50,394 --> 00:50:51,686
"I don't want to be with you."
922
00:50:52,852 --> 00:50:54,186
Go ahead. Say it. Say, say, "I don't..."
923
00:50:54,352 --> 00:50:55,436
Say it. You don't wanna be with me.
924
00:50:55,894 --> 00:50:58,227
Tell me that and I'll walk away.
Say, "I don't want you."
925
00:51:05,061 --> 00:51:05,894
Fuck...
926
00:51:06,061 --> 00:51:08,602
You'll never fucking matter.
927
00:51:12,477 --> 00:51:14,186
What?
928
00:51:14,561 --> 00:51:17,311
- You'll never fucking matter.
- Fucking matter.
929
00:51:23,769 --> 00:51:25,644
- You'll...
- You'll...
930
00:51:25,811 --> 00:51:27,186
- never...
- never...
931
00:51:27,769 --> 00:51:28,936
- fucking...
- fucking...
932
00:51:29,102 --> 00:51:31,894
- matter.
- matter...
933
00:51:33,936 --> 00:51:35,311
She never said that.
934
00:51:35,477 --> 00:51:36,436
No.
935
00:51:36,602 --> 00:51:38,477
But I bet she thought it.
936
00:51:40,602 --> 00:51:42,227
You are so mean!
937
00:51:42,394 --> 00:51:45,019
My brain could taste your fingers,
and they tasted like hate!
938
00:51:45,727 --> 00:51:48,227
And where in God's name
is the intimacy coordinator?
939
00:51:48,394 --> 00:51:50,644
You're so lost, Mr. Wilson.
940
00:51:51,186 --> 00:51:53,436
And long before you came here.
941
00:51:54,936 --> 00:51:57,352
This is Baby Knife.
She's gonna fuck you in the face now.
942
00:51:57,602 --> 00:52:00,561
If you want to kill me,
it's going to take more than a little blade.
943
00:52:00,852 --> 00:52:01,727
How about six?
944
00:52:03,727 --> 00:52:05,561
My boy's wicked strong.
945
00:52:06,061 --> 00:52:07,602
That's my big boy.
946
00:52:07,894 --> 00:52:09,227
Yes, you are.
947
00:52:15,061 --> 00:52:16,644
Well, this has been fun.
948
00:52:17,061 --> 00:52:19,227
But the big guy needs to eat
and the rent is due.
949
00:52:22,644 --> 00:52:23,477
By the way...
950
00:52:23,644 --> 00:52:25,061
you're the rent.
951
00:52:45,227 --> 00:52:47,061
Come on! Fuck!
952
00:52:47,227 --> 00:52:48,311
You comin' or what?
953
00:52:48,477 --> 00:52:49,352
Coming!
954
00:53:09,561 --> 00:53:10,561
What you thinkin' 'bout?
955
00:53:10,727 --> 00:53:11,769
Get the fuck off of me!
956
00:53:12,311 --> 00:53:13,186
Almost done.
957
00:53:13,352 --> 00:53:14,436
Almost done what?
958
00:53:14,602 --> 00:53:16,977
Getting my knife out of your buttocks,
pervert!
959
00:53:17,144 --> 00:53:18,061
Fuck!
960
00:53:18,227 --> 00:53:19,936
Get your mind out of my pants!
961
00:53:20,102 --> 00:53:20,936
I'm telling Blake.
962
00:53:21,102 --> 00:53:22,144
New rules.
963
00:53:22,686 --> 00:53:23,519
I talk now.
964
00:53:23,686 --> 00:53:27,102
- That's gonna be very hard on the audience.
- Shut the fuck up!
965
00:53:27,852 --> 00:53:28,727
Let me fuckin' think.
966
00:53:29,019 --> 00:53:30,852
Now we gotta get back to Paradox, right?
967
00:53:32,936 --> 00:53:33,769
Right?
968
00:53:35,644 --> 00:53:38,936
- Am I allowed to speak now or...
- Just nod, asshole.
969
00:53:40,561 --> 00:53:41,477
Right.
970
00:53:41,644 --> 00:53:44,477
Then we find the others that poor kid, Johnny
was talking about before you got him killed!
971
00:53:44,644 --> 00:53:46,269
"Poor kid." He's like fifty!
972
00:53:46,436 --> 00:53:48,936
Yeah, if there's a chance they know
how to get out of here, we find 'em.
973
00:53:49,102 --> 00:53:52,477
And make those TVA fuckers fix my shit
like you fucking promised!
974
00:53:52,644 --> 00:53:53,852
I smell quest.
975
00:53:56,602 --> 00:53:57,602
I smell food.
976
00:54:01,019 --> 00:54:04,352
So what made you finally wear an
honest-to-God costume?
977
00:54:06,061 --> 00:54:08,144
Mine's red so they can't see me bleed.
978
00:54:08,311 --> 00:54:10,977
But I could see how
yellow would be useful too.
979
00:54:11,144 --> 00:54:12,686
Have you been checked for ADHD?
980
00:54:12,852 --> 00:54:13,894
Mm-mm.
981
00:54:14,144 --> 00:54:16,269
But I've had several STDs, which...
982
00:54:16,436 --> 00:54:18,144
were probably caused by ADHD.
983
00:54:18,311 --> 00:54:19,102
Fuck!
984
00:54:20,561 --> 00:54:21,519
What are you looking for?
985
00:54:22,811 --> 00:54:23,811
Thank fuck.
986
00:54:24,852 --> 00:54:26,644
No, no, no. That's rubbing alcohol.
987
00:54:26,811 --> 00:54:29,394
You don't want to drink...
Oh, yeah. There you go. Fuck that liver.
988
00:54:31,102 --> 00:54:32,811
Good. Okay.
989
00:54:33,852 --> 00:54:34,977
What the fuck are those?
990
00:54:36,644 --> 00:54:39,436
Back in civilian life, I wear a toupee,
but nobody knows.
991
00:54:42,519 --> 00:54:44,019
Everybody knows.
992
00:54:46,811 --> 00:54:48,519
Wanna talk about what's haunting you, or...
993
00:54:48,686 --> 00:54:50,602
should we wait for a third act flashback?
994
00:54:51,269 --> 00:54:52,519
Go fuck yourself.
995
00:54:55,852 --> 00:54:56,686
You know...
996
00:54:58,561 --> 00:54:59,977
in my world, you're...
997
00:55:02,019 --> 00:55:03,269
You're well regarded.
998
00:55:03,561 --> 00:55:04,852
Yeah, well, not in mine.
999
00:55:06,061 --> 00:55:09,269
- They don't like me much in mine either.
- You don't say.
1000
00:55:09,519 --> 00:55:11,144
I wanted to be something, you know. I...
1001
00:55:12,227 --> 00:55:13,894
Shit, I wanted to be an Avenger.
1002
00:55:14,144 --> 00:55:15,977
- Fuck the Avengers.
- Yeah.
1003
00:55:16,477 --> 00:55:18,561
I didn't make the cut, though.
Same with the X-Men...
1004
00:55:20,686 --> 00:55:21,686
When my girlfriend left me...
1005
00:55:21,852 --> 00:55:22,977
- and then I just...
- You had a girlfriend?
1006
00:55:23,519 --> 00:55:24,561
Yeah.
1007
00:55:25,061 --> 00:55:25,894
Vanessa.
1008
00:55:26,561 --> 00:55:27,977
When we met, she was a dancer.
1009
00:55:29,186 --> 00:55:30,186
We had a whole life.
1010
00:55:31,477 --> 00:55:32,477
It was good.
1011
00:55:33,269 --> 00:55:34,644
But, oh, boy, I just...
1012
00:55:36,602 --> 00:55:38,102
Fucked that right up.
1013
00:55:38,977 --> 00:55:40,019
But you.
1014
00:55:40,186 --> 00:55:41,311
You were an X-Man.
1015
00:55:41,644 --> 00:55:43,477
Fuck that. You were the X-Man. You...
1016
00:55:45,394 --> 00:55:46,561
The Wolverine.
1017
00:55:48,936 --> 00:55:50,477
He was a hero in my world.
1018
00:55:52,394 --> 00:55:53,227
Yeah, well...
1019
00:55:54,644 --> 00:55:55,811
he ain't shit in mine.
1020
00:56:01,352 --> 00:56:03,852
You said, "Logan was a hero."
What happened?
1021
00:56:04,727 --> 00:56:05,561
He died.
1022
00:56:06,311 --> 00:56:07,144
How?
1023
00:56:08,019 --> 00:56:10,519
Well, technically,
you were chest-fucked by a tree, but...
1024
00:56:10,686 --> 00:56:13,269
really, you just ran out of batteries
trying to save someone.
1025
00:56:13,436 --> 00:56:14,269
Who?
1026
00:56:14,644 --> 00:56:17,936
The shitheels that grew her in a lab
called her "X-23." But...
1027
00:56:18,686 --> 00:56:19,811
she was just a kid.
1028
00:56:20,602 --> 00:56:24,019
A younger, daintier,
somehow meaner version of you.
1029
00:56:24,186 --> 00:56:25,561
You died trying to save her.
1030
00:56:25,936 --> 00:56:26,769
It was beautiful.
1031
00:56:27,519 --> 00:56:29,811
Look, mijo, I know you're hurtin'.
1032
00:56:30,561 --> 00:56:34,186
My blind, elderly, African-American roommate,
Blind Al, always says that...
1033
00:56:34,352 --> 00:56:36,019
pain teaches us who we are.
1034
00:56:36,186 --> 00:56:38,727
Sometimes we need to listen to that pain
instead of running from it.
1035
00:56:38,894 --> 00:56:40,561
- Holy shit.
- Yeah, she's wise.
1036
00:56:40,727 --> 00:56:43,102
No, no, no. That's her name?
You call her "Blind Al?"
1037
00:56:43,269 --> 00:56:44,269
Well, she's blind.
1038
00:57:21,894 --> 00:57:23,144
Look at you!
1039
00:57:23,311 --> 00:57:24,311
She's coming with us.
1040
00:57:24,477 --> 00:57:26,352
- No, she's not. Fuck no!
- Oh, yes, she is.
1041
00:57:26,519 --> 00:57:28,436
- Oh, yes...
- Sorry!
1042
00:57:28,811 --> 00:57:30,186
Sorry about that!
1043
00:57:30,602 --> 00:57:31,727
Come here, girl!
1044
00:57:32,686 --> 00:57:33,894
Who are you?
1045
00:57:34,061 --> 00:57:35,352
Oh, I'm Deadpool.
1046
00:57:35,519 --> 00:57:36,811
And I guess you're Deadpool too.
1047
00:57:36,977 --> 00:57:38,977
But in here, everybody calls me "Nicepool."
1048
00:57:39,394 --> 00:57:42,352
Oh, my goodness. Wait till you see Ladypool.
She is gorgeous.
1049
00:57:42,519 --> 00:57:43,894
She just had a baby too. And...
1050
00:57:44,644 --> 00:57:45,477
Can't even tell.
1051
00:57:45,644 --> 00:57:46,977
I don't think you're supposed to say that.
1052
00:57:47,144 --> 00:57:47,977
That's okay.
1053
00:57:48,644 --> 00:57:50,144
I identify as a feminist.
1054
00:57:50,311 --> 00:57:51,186
Right.
1055
00:57:52,977 --> 00:57:55,977
Are those gold-plated,
...50 caliber Desert Eagle pistoleros?
1056
00:57:56,144 --> 00:57:57,269
'Course.
1057
00:57:57,644 --> 00:57:58,811
To match my ear huggie.
1058
00:57:58,977 --> 00:57:59,852
Can I have 'em?
1059
00:58:00,811 --> 00:58:02,144
Over my dead body.
1060
00:58:02,477 --> 00:58:03,352
You're fun.
1061
00:58:03,519 --> 00:58:07,852
And I guess you've already met Mary Puppins.
AKA Dogpool.
1062
00:58:08,019 --> 00:58:09,061
Careful where you put your hands.
1063
00:58:09,227 --> 00:58:12,061
She's ninety percent g-spot,
and she'll let you know it.
1064
00:58:12,227 --> 00:58:15,644
You let this little flirt out of your sight
for one second and...
1065
00:58:15,811 --> 00:58:17,852
she starts shopping for a new papa.
1066
00:58:18,019 --> 00:58:22,477
If you can't be a responsible pet owner, then
maybe you don't deserve this little unicorn.
1067
00:58:22,769 --> 00:58:24,436
Guilty on all charges, Your Honor.
1068
00:58:24,977 --> 00:58:25,977
Shan't happen again.
1069
00:58:26,144 --> 00:58:27,477
Why are you so nice?
1070
00:58:27,644 --> 00:58:29,019
Oh, it costs nothing to be kind.
1071
00:58:29,186 --> 00:58:30,936
Shutting the fuck up is also free.
1072
00:58:31,602 --> 00:58:32,477
This is Logan.
1073
00:58:32,644 --> 00:58:35,394
He's usually shirtless,
but he's let himself go since the divorce.
1074
00:58:36,727 --> 00:58:38,269
Where's your mask?
1075
00:58:40,977 --> 00:58:41,811
Come on, guys.
1076
00:58:43,477 --> 00:58:44,561
Ugh, this guy.
1077
00:58:44,727 --> 00:58:46,227
We're looking for a group of survivors.
1078
00:58:46,394 --> 00:58:47,227
Oh, they're out there.
1079
00:58:47,394 --> 00:58:50,769
Yeah, but merc to merc, you better hope
that you don't run into the Deadpool corps.
1080
00:58:50,936 --> 00:58:51,894
Yeah, they're crazy.
1081
00:58:52,061 --> 00:58:55,019
They will chop you up into a thousand pieces
and hide you all over The Void.
1082
00:58:55,186 --> 00:58:57,019
If they could only process
their childhood trauma...
1083
00:58:57,186 --> 00:58:58,769
they'd go on one heck of a healing journey.
1084
00:58:58,936 --> 00:58:59,936
Look, we're headed for the borderlands.
1085
00:59:00,102 --> 00:59:01,061
You know where it is?
1086
00:59:01,352 --> 00:59:05,561
Yeah, that... That's twelve klicks due west.
I can lend you my ride, if you like.
1087
00:59:05,727 --> 00:59:07,436
It would be my honor.
1088
00:59:11,102 --> 00:59:13,144
No, no, no. Absolutely not.
1089
00:59:13,311 --> 00:59:15,186
Uh-uh. What the...
No! No!
1090
00:59:15,352 --> 00:59:16,269
Just get in the car.
1091
00:59:16,436 --> 00:59:17,519
This isn't a car.
1092
00:59:17,686 --> 00:59:19,894
This is a Honda fuckin' Odyssey.
1093
00:59:20,061 --> 00:59:21,936
Throttle response sucks a cock.
1094
00:59:22,102 --> 00:59:23,227
Dated infotainment system.
1095
00:59:23,394 --> 00:59:26,019
When Honda saw that untreated chlamydia
was makin' a comeback...
1096
00:59:26,186 --> 00:59:28,977
they invented the Honda Odyssey to compete.
1097
00:59:29,144 --> 00:59:31,852
Get in the fucking car.
1098
00:59:32,186 --> 00:59:33,977
She'll get you there safe and sound.
1099
00:59:34,144 --> 00:59:35,602
Old Betsy always does.
1100
00:59:36,477 --> 00:59:38,394
You're gonna have to
give me my dog back, though.
1101
00:59:38,769 --> 00:59:41,269
I know. Listen. Yes, child.
1102
00:59:41,436 --> 00:59:43,894
If you ever wanna give her up,
or if she needs a new home...
1103
00:59:44,061 --> 00:59:45,936
or if something
should happen to you...
1104
00:59:46,102 --> 00:59:47,311
I'd love to be her papa.
1105
00:59:48,019 --> 00:59:49,644
What would ever happen to me?
1106
00:59:49,811 --> 00:59:50,852
Lots of stuff.
1107
00:59:54,561 --> 00:59:56,811
- Jesus.
- No! We're running away.
1108
00:59:57,852 --> 00:59:59,561
- Give me that.
- The corn was too dense, girl!
1109
00:59:59,727 --> 01:00:00,561
- There.
- Come here!
1110
01:00:00,727 --> 01:00:01,977
- Fuck!
- Hello!
1111
01:00:04,269 --> 01:00:05,269
Bye.
1112
01:00:31,061 --> 01:00:32,061
Okay, I'm just gonna ask...
1113
01:00:32,436 --> 01:00:33,602
What's with the suit?
1114
01:00:33,769 --> 01:00:35,227
First thing I did when I flamed out...
1115
01:00:35,394 --> 01:00:36,394
- I took mine off.
- Drop it.
1116
01:00:36,561 --> 01:00:37,519
It's not that ugly.
1117
01:00:37,686 --> 01:00:39,269
- Stop talking about my suit.
- Did you make it yourself?
1118
01:00:39,436 --> 01:00:40,852
- Been there.
- Quit. Now.
1119
01:00:41,019 --> 01:00:44,102
The X-Men make you wear it?
Those sons of fuckin' bitches.
1120
01:00:44,269 --> 01:00:45,769
They are not your friends,
I'll tell you that.
1121
01:00:45,936 --> 01:00:46,936
Friends don't let friends...
1122
01:00:47,102 --> 01:00:49,977
leave the house lookin' like they
fight crime for the Los Angeles Rams.
1123
01:00:50,144 --> 01:00:51,227
Shut the fuck up about this, or...
1124
01:00:51,394 --> 01:00:53,602
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Watch your frown lines, angel baby.
1125
01:00:53,769 --> 01:00:55,936
- I'm just trying to bond a little bit.
- Yeah, well, then talk about somethin' else.
1126
01:00:56,102 --> 01:00:57,019
Fine.
1127
01:01:04,186 --> 01:01:05,227
Stop it.
1128
01:01:06,936 --> 01:01:07,769
If they can fix your world...
1129
01:01:07,936 --> 01:01:09,561
what's the first thing you're gonna do
when you get out of here?
1130
01:01:09,727 --> 01:01:12,852
Get some rubbing alcohol shots,
maybe a wiper fluid chaser?
1131
01:01:13,019 --> 01:01:13,936
What did you say?
1132
01:01:14,102 --> 01:01:15,727
I said when you get back,
what's the first thing you're gonna do?
1133
01:01:15,894 --> 01:01:17,227
No, no, no. Before that.
1134
01:01:18,477 --> 01:01:20,144
If... they can fix your world?
1135
01:01:24,269 --> 01:01:25,727
What do you mean, "if?"
1136
01:01:26,561 --> 01:01:27,394
- I mean...
- You lied to me.
1137
01:01:27,561 --> 01:01:30,102
You don't have a fucking clue
if they can help me fix things, do you?
1138
01:01:30,269 --> 01:01:31,352
No. I, I mean...
1139
01:01:32,019 --> 01:01:34,811
Fuck! Fuck! I didn't lie!
1140
01:01:34,977 --> 01:01:37,644
- You lied!
- No! I made an educated wish!
1141
01:01:39,519 --> 01:01:40,477
Because I need you.
1142
01:01:41,811 --> 01:01:44,811
This. This is why. Right here.
1143
01:01:45,852 --> 01:01:47,352
'Cause if we don't do something, they die.
1144
01:01:47,769 --> 01:01:49,686
I don't know anything about saving worlds.
1145
01:01:49,852 --> 01:01:51,394
And why would I even care?
1146
01:01:51,561 --> 01:01:54,477
Because my entire world
is right here in this picture.
1147
01:01:54,936 --> 01:01:56,936
It's only nine people...
1148
01:01:57,102 --> 01:01:59,144
and I have no idea how to save it alone.
1149
01:02:00,269 --> 01:02:02,352
I know how to fuck people up for money.
But you...
1150
01:02:02,519 --> 01:02:04,102
you know how to save 'em!
1151
01:02:05,352 --> 01:02:06,561
At least the other Wolverine did.
1152
01:02:07,811 --> 01:02:10,227
Fuck! I guess I'm stuck with the worst one.
1153
01:02:10,394 --> 01:02:12,644
Did you say you made...
1154
01:02:12,811 --> 01:02:16,102
an educated fucking wish?
1155
01:02:16,269 --> 01:02:18,394
They call me "The Merc with the Mouth."
1156
01:02:18,561 --> 01:02:22,436
They don't call me "Truthful Timmy,
the Blowjob Queen of Saskatoon."
1157
01:02:26,311 --> 01:02:27,227
One more word.
1158
01:02:28,519 --> 01:02:29,977
Please give me one.
1159
01:02:33,602 --> 01:02:34,769
Gubernatorial.
1160
01:02:35,519 --> 01:02:36,519
Oh, fuck!
1161
01:02:38,144 --> 01:02:39,561
You know what? You're a fucking joke.
1162
01:02:41,352 --> 01:02:42,769
No wonder the Avengers didn't take you.
1163
01:02:42,936 --> 01:02:45,061
Or the X-Men.
And they'll take fucking anyone.
1164
01:02:45,561 --> 01:02:46,936
I mean, you are...
1165
01:02:47,102 --> 01:02:50,644
a ridiculous, immature, half-wit moron.
1166
01:02:51,269 --> 01:02:52,977
I have never met...
1167
01:02:53,144 --> 01:02:54,352
a sadder...
1168
01:02:54,519 --> 01:02:56,894
more attention-starved,
jabbering little prick...
1169
01:02:57,061 --> 01:03:00,477
in my entire life. And that says a lot,
'cause I've been alive...
1170
01:03:00,644 --> 01:03:04,477
for more than two hundred fuckin' years,
and I'll tell you...
1171
01:03:04,644 --> 01:03:08,852
that bald chick was right about one thing.
You will never save the world!
1172
01:03:09,019 --> 01:03:11,519
You couldn't even save a relationship...
1173
01:03:11,686 --> 01:03:13,561
with a goddamn stripper!
1174
01:03:13,727 --> 01:03:16,186
And motherfucker,
I wish I could say you'd die alone...
1175
01:03:16,352 --> 01:03:19,269
but it's one of God's best jokes
that you can't die...
1176
01:03:19,436 --> 01:03:20,936
except that's on all of us!
1177
01:03:25,019 --> 01:03:27,477
Oh, you got nothing to say, Mouth?
1178
01:03:36,144 --> 01:03:37,811
I'm gonna fight you now.
1179
01:03:40,019 --> 01:03:41,269
Oh, are you?
1180
01:03:51,977 --> 01:03:53,977
Mm. Not talkin' now, are ya?
1181
01:04:00,644 --> 01:04:01,686
You dirty bitch.
1182
01:04:17,394 --> 01:04:18,227
Whoo!
1183
01:04:34,811 --> 01:04:36,019
No, no, no!
1184
01:04:54,852 --> 01:04:55,686
Baby Knife!
1185
01:04:59,436 --> 01:05:02,519
I take it all back.
The Honda Odyssey fucks hard.
1186
01:05:02,936 --> 01:05:04,394
Too bad you don't, needle dick.
1187
01:05:04,561 --> 01:05:05,769
Oh, we're just gettin' started, bub.
1188
01:05:10,352 --> 01:05:11,602
Oh, you... Fuck!
1189
01:06:04,519 --> 01:06:05,352
Thor!
1190
01:06:08,436 --> 01:06:09,352
Where are we?
1191
01:06:09,519 --> 01:06:12,144
No clue, but... I like it here.
1192
01:06:20,311 --> 01:06:22,144
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1193
01:07:11,186 --> 01:07:12,102
Okay.
1194
01:07:13,019 --> 01:07:15,852
Look at you... all. You must be the others.
1195
01:07:16,561 --> 01:07:17,394
Terrific.
1196
01:07:17,727 --> 01:07:21,061
So just to refresh, you are...
1197
01:07:21,227 --> 01:07:23,602
- Wonder... Elektra? Yes. Who could forget?
- Elektra.
1198
01:07:24,436 --> 01:07:29,144
And you. I was not expecting to see you here.
I thought you were, you know...
1199
01:07:29,311 --> 01:07:30,269
retired.
1200
01:07:31,519 --> 01:07:32,352
Retarded?
1201
01:07:33,852 --> 01:07:34,811
"Retired."
1202
01:07:34,977 --> 01:07:37,186
I'm already in The Void.
I'm not trying to get canceled again.
1203
01:07:37,352 --> 01:07:38,102
I don't like you.
1204
01:07:38,269 --> 01:07:39,102
You never did.
1205
01:07:40,811 --> 01:07:44,519
And who's this succulent reminder
of my own inadequacies?
1206
01:07:44,686 --> 01:07:45,769
Look at you.
1207
01:07:46,436 --> 01:07:48,519
You look like the
superhero version of Hawkeye.
1208
01:07:49,144 --> 01:07:51,936
The name's Remy LeBeau, Le Diable Blanc.
1209
01:07:52,644 --> 01:07:53,602
But you can call me the Gambit.
1210
01:07:53,769 --> 01:07:56,519
It's been a while since I've seen
Sling Blade. Hit me again.
1211
01:07:57,602 --> 01:07:58,561
They call me the Gambit.
1212
01:07:58,727 --> 01:08:01,186
Do they? Are you sure you didn't just
really, really want them to...
1213
01:08:01,352 --> 01:08:02,477
but it never quite worked out?
1214
01:08:05,352 --> 01:08:07,644
You know,
we never had a Wolverine up in here.
1215
01:08:08,436 --> 01:08:11,394
But I can tell you now,
it's just a common courtesy to ask...
1216
01:08:11,561 --> 01:08:13,227
before you drink up all of my liquor.
1217
01:08:13,519 --> 01:08:15,561
Well, it's a good thing I don't give a fuck.
1218
01:08:18,769 --> 01:08:19,601
Fuck.
1219
01:08:22,726 --> 01:08:23,851
So embarrassing.
1220
01:08:26,061 --> 01:08:28,726
Well, now that that's settled, look,
we came a long way to find you three.
1221
01:08:28,894 --> 01:08:29,686
There's four of us.
1222
01:08:29,851 --> 01:08:31,726
There's four... Hey, wait. Is it Magneto?
1223
01:08:32,561 --> 01:08:34,894
Dear sweet God in heaven,
let it be Magneto...
1224
01:08:35,061 --> 01:08:35,936
- because with him...
- He's dead.
1225
01:08:36,101 --> 01:08:37,976
Fuck!
Now Disney gets cheap?
1226
01:08:38,144 --> 01:08:41,269
It's like Pinocchio jammed his face in my ass
and started lying like crazy.
1227
01:08:41,436 --> 01:08:42,519
Ooh, you nasty!
1228
01:08:44,686 --> 01:08:47,394
Not a single word. What do you do exactly?
1229
01:08:47,561 --> 01:08:50,144
Charge the playing cards
and make 'em go boom!
1230
01:08:50,311 --> 01:08:52,269
Your power's close up magic. That's good.
1231
01:08:52,436 --> 01:08:53,851
We're not totally fucked at all.
1232
01:08:54,019 --> 01:08:55,519
So who brought us here?
1233
01:08:55,686 --> 01:08:56,601
That would be me.
1234
01:09:06,936 --> 01:09:07,769
Don't make me regret it.
1235
01:09:10,019 --> 01:09:12,936
Holy shit. Logan. That's her.
That's X-23.
1236
01:09:13,436 --> 01:09:14,936
She's the one I told you about.
1237
01:09:19,476 --> 01:09:21,561
Hey, how did you all get stuck in The Void?
1238
01:09:21,726 --> 01:09:23,101
There was a knock at the door.
1239
01:09:23,269 --> 01:09:25,186
- TVA sent me here.
- Me, too.
1240
01:09:25,351 --> 01:09:27,519
Well, maybe I was born here.
It's, it's hard to know for sure.
1241
01:09:27,851 --> 01:09:30,061
TVA decided our universe was dying.
1242
01:09:31,351 --> 01:09:33,226
And I never even got a chance
to fight for it.
1243
01:09:36,061 --> 01:09:38,144
People like us don't go quietly.
1244
01:09:38,311 --> 01:09:40,144
TVA knows that, so they took us out.
1245
01:09:40,851 --> 01:09:42,851
The answer is yes. I'm in.
1246
01:09:43,019 --> 01:09:44,436
- In what?
- A team.
1247
01:09:45,101 --> 01:09:46,976
Me, you, you, and me. All of us together.
1248
01:09:47,144 --> 01:09:48,226
Let's get the fuck out of this place.
1249
01:09:48,394 --> 01:09:51,811
- Don't listen to him. He's a fucking liar!
- It was an educated wish!
1250
01:09:52,851 --> 01:09:53,686
Look.
1251
01:09:55,227 --> 01:09:56,894
We've been inside Cassandra's lair.
1252
01:09:57,227 --> 01:09:59,769
The only way out of The Void
is through her.
1253
01:09:59,936 --> 01:10:01,686
She can get us home. She told us.
1254
01:10:01,852 --> 01:10:03,394
Wait a minute, you've been inside?
1255
01:10:04,186 --> 01:10:05,977
- And you made it out alive?
- Bullshit.
1256
01:10:06,144 --> 01:10:07,727
- Nobody's ever done that.
- We did.
1257
01:10:07,894 --> 01:10:10,144
Every time one of us
has gone up against her...
1258
01:10:10,561 --> 01:10:11,394
they die.
1259
01:10:11,852 --> 01:10:14,561
The Punisher, The Quicksilver, The Daredevil.
1260
01:10:14,727 --> 01:10:16,061
Daredevil? I'm so sorry.
1261
01:10:16,227 --> 01:10:17,394
- It's fine.
- Okay.
1262
01:10:19,686 --> 01:10:22,144
Even that sweet, baby angel, Johnny Storm.
1263
01:10:22,894 --> 01:10:24,436
He up and gone missing like...
1264
01:10:24,727 --> 01:10:25,727
what, two days ago?
1265
01:10:26,436 --> 01:10:28,144
Ugh. That's so sad.
1266
01:10:28,852 --> 01:10:31,602
Wherever this Johnny fella is,
I'm sure he's thriving.
1267
01:10:32,769 --> 01:10:35,852
Look, there's, there's strength in numbers.
All right? Us...
1268
01:10:36,019 --> 01:10:37,394
plus, you guys. We can put Cassandra...
1269
01:10:37,561 --> 01:10:39,686
over our knee and force her
to let us out of The Void.
1270
01:10:39,852 --> 01:10:41,436
I know what it means to feel self-doubt.
1271
01:10:41,602 --> 01:10:43,019
- I don't feel that at all.
- I'm good.
1272
01:10:43,186 --> 01:10:45,102
Gnawing at your gut like a coked-up tapeworm.
1273
01:10:45,269 --> 01:10:46,936
It's like you're
holding up a mirror to my soul.
1274
01:10:47,102 --> 01:10:49,727
You guys may not have been able to
save your universes.
1275
01:10:49,894 --> 01:10:51,352
But you can avenge them.
1276
01:10:52,144 --> 01:10:53,519
It's what Johnny would have wanted.
1277
01:10:53,686 --> 01:10:56,352
Wait. You knew Johnny?
1278
01:10:57,352 --> 01:10:58,519
Oh, yeah.
1279
01:10:58,686 --> 01:11:00,519
Dickhead here talked him into a team up...
1280
01:11:00,686 --> 01:11:03,061
and Johnny came down
with a little case of the deads.
1281
01:11:03,227 --> 01:11:04,477
No, no, no. We don't know that.
1282
01:11:04,644 --> 01:11:06,769
It was just a flesh wound.
He may have survived.
1283
01:11:06,936 --> 01:11:09,519
If he survived that, he is prayin' for death.
1284
01:11:09,686 --> 01:11:11,977
- Thank you, Doctor Wolverine!
- Spill it!
1285
01:11:12,144 --> 01:11:13,352
What'd you do to Johnny, huh?
1286
01:11:13,519 --> 01:11:14,727
Talk or I'm gonna start dealin'.
1287
01:11:14,894 --> 01:11:16,102
Okay. Okay. Hey, hey, hey.
1288
01:11:16,769 --> 01:11:17,602
Look.
1289
01:11:17,769 --> 01:11:20,061
He ran his fat-ass mouth about Cassandra.
1290
01:11:20,227 --> 01:11:21,936
Then she zip-zapped his skin...
1291
01:11:22,102 --> 01:11:24,144
leaving his organs to
splash crudely onto the ground...
1292
01:11:24,311 --> 01:11:26,852
while the soil greedily drank his blood.
It was horrible.
1293
01:11:27,019 --> 01:11:28,352
He was like a brother to me.
1294
01:11:28,977 --> 01:11:31,977
Look, he died
before he could make a difference. But...
1295
01:11:32,144 --> 01:11:34,477
Look, maybe you couldn't save your worlds,
but...
1296
01:11:34,644 --> 01:11:37,186
but Jesus Christ, you can save mine!
1297
01:11:37,352 --> 01:11:39,811
I don't give a shit about your world, but...
1298
01:11:39,977 --> 01:11:42,894
if these two made it out of there alive,
maybe together...
1299
01:11:43,061 --> 01:11:44,686
we can get back in.
And take her down.
1300
01:11:44,852 --> 01:11:47,394
Where I come from,
we call that suicide, Chère.
1301
01:11:47,852 --> 01:11:51,561
If we can block her psychic powers,
we can get a leg up. I know it.
1302
01:11:51,727 --> 01:11:53,269
Now I know Magneto's dead.
1303
01:11:53,811 --> 01:11:55,727
But I'd venture to guess that his helmet...
1304
01:11:55,894 --> 01:11:58,269
- is lying around here somewhere...
- Cassandra melted the helmet.
1305
01:11:58,436 --> 01:11:59,561
- Fuck!
- After she killed him.
1306
01:11:59,727 --> 01:12:00,644
Fuck!
1307
01:12:00,811 --> 01:12:01,602
She don't play.
1308
01:12:01,769 --> 01:12:04,686
She knows that helmet was the only way
to protect anyone from her powers.
1309
01:12:04,852 --> 01:12:07,186
The only other helmet that strong is
Juggernaut's, but...
1310
01:12:07,352 --> 01:12:09,436
- he works for Cassandra.
- Juggernaut's helmet. That's it.
1311
01:12:09,602 --> 01:12:11,144
Yeah, and we done be knowing
that lid ain't comin' off...
1312
01:12:11,311 --> 01:12:13,602
- without that dome gonna come off wit'it.
- I'm so sorry, beautiful.
1313
01:12:13,769 --> 01:12:17,102
I want this to be gentle.
Who is your dialect coach? The Minions?
1314
01:12:17,269 --> 01:12:20,102
I feel like
we are missing critical exposition here.
1315
01:12:21,602 --> 01:12:24,311
I'm sick of this shit.
I'm sick of hiding.
1316
01:12:25,602 --> 01:12:27,519
Let's face it, our worlds forgot about us.
1317
01:12:27,686 --> 01:12:29,311
Or never learned about us.
1318
01:12:29,477 --> 01:12:30,769
The heroes we were.
1319
01:12:30,936 --> 01:12:32,061
Lives we saved.
1320
01:12:32,227 --> 01:12:33,686
Or wanted to save.
1321
01:12:33,852 --> 01:12:35,519
Maybe these two are our chance.
1322
01:12:37,144 --> 01:12:38,227
To be remembered.
1323
01:12:38,686 --> 01:12:39,769
The way we deserve.
1324
01:12:40,936 --> 01:12:41,894
Yes.
1325
01:12:42,061 --> 01:12:42,977
An ending.
1326
01:12:43,852 --> 01:12:44,977
- Legacy.
- Yes!
1327
01:12:45,144 --> 01:12:46,727
Yes! Let this man cook.
1328
01:12:46,894 --> 01:12:48,144
This is what I'm talking about.
1329
01:12:48,311 --> 01:12:50,144
Big slow-motion fights, sad music.
1330
01:12:50,311 --> 01:12:53,269
Everybody working together. Who knows if you
live or die? That sorta thing.
1331
01:12:53,436 --> 01:12:55,436
- Who's ready?
- I was born ready.
1332
01:12:55,602 --> 01:12:56,602
Yes!
Gambit?
1333
01:12:56,769 --> 01:12:59,686
I ain't know my daddy,
but I'm sure I shot out of his dick ready.
1334
01:12:59,852 --> 01:13:01,602
Jesus Christ, that is graphic.
1335
01:13:01,769 --> 01:13:03,644
Yeah. He was layin' them buttery nuts
all up in my mama...
1336
01:13:03,811 --> 01:13:05,602
and I shot out there and I said,
"What's up, Doc?"
1337
01:13:06,436 --> 01:13:09,644
Johnny must have loved you.
X-23, what's it gonna be?
1338
01:13:10,519 --> 01:13:11,519
The name's Laura.
1339
01:13:11,686 --> 01:13:14,561
- Let's fucking go.
- Let's fucking go!
1340
01:13:14,727 --> 01:13:16,352
- It's on like chicken and corn.
- Yeah!
1341
01:13:16,519 --> 01:13:18,436
- We're doing this.
- You're all fuckin' dead.
1342
01:13:18,602 --> 01:13:20,644
My God! Read the room.
1343
01:13:31,769 --> 01:13:34,686
Hey, hey. I'm not lookin' for company.
Get out of here.
1344
01:13:36,894 --> 01:13:37,936
You remind me of him.
1345
01:13:38,561 --> 01:13:40,019
Angry. Drunk. Mean...
1346
01:13:40,394 --> 01:13:42,352
- Sounds like a great guy...
- Wasn't finished.
1347
01:13:44,352 --> 01:13:45,852
Showed up when it mattered the most.
1348
01:13:48,144 --> 01:13:49,727
Couldn't help it.
1349
01:13:53,144 --> 01:13:54,102
You might not know it, but...
1350
01:13:55,561 --> 01:13:56,686
you're a good man, Logan.
1351
01:13:59,019 --> 01:14:01,727
You might not know it, but apparently,
I'm the worst Logan.
1352
01:14:03,936 --> 01:14:05,561
I got to have a life because of you.
1353
01:14:08,686 --> 01:14:10,102
I got to grow up because of you.
1354
01:14:12,352 --> 01:14:13,436
A lot of kids did.
1355
01:14:14,102 --> 01:14:16,019
A lot of kids didn't grow up because of me.
1356
01:14:18,269 --> 01:14:19,769
Trust me, kid, I'm no hero.
1357
01:14:21,186 --> 01:14:22,644
That suit says different.
1358
01:14:23,311 --> 01:14:24,561
Yeah. Do you like it?
1359
01:14:27,311 --> 01:14:28,936
Scott used to beg me to wear it.
1360
01:14:31,269 --> 01:14:33,769
So did Jean, Storm, Beast.
1361
01:14:35,894 --> 01:14:36,894
All of them.
1362
01:14:38,186 --> 01:14:41,394
They wanted me to be part of the team,
but I wouldn't.
1363
01:14:41,894 --> 01:14:45,019
Told 'em they all look fucking ridiculous.
I mean...
1364
01:14:47,061 --> 01:14:49,519
I couldn't have 'em thinkin'
I wanted to be there.
1365
01:14:55,352 --> 01:14:58,352
And then one day, while I was off on my own,
the humans came...
1366
01:14:59,227 --> 01:15:00,519
and went mutant hunting.
1367
01:15:01,852 --> 01:15:02,936
I can guess the rest.
1368
01:15:03,102 --> 01:15:03,936
No, no, let me...
1369
01:15:05,644 --> 01:15:06,602
Let me say it. I...
1370
01:15:09,394 --> 01:15:10,352
I need to say it.
1371
01:15:13,227 --> 01:15:16,352
By the time I stumbled home
shitfaced from the bar, it was too late.
1372
01:15:20,977 --> 01:15:21,977
They were dead. Every...
1373
01:15:28,686 --> 01:15:31,644
This suit's all I got to remind me of
who they were.
1374
01:15:33,644 --> 01:15:34,519
And what I did.
1375
01:15:47,811 --> 01:15:49,269
We're headed to Cassandra's at sunup.
1376
01:15:50,311 --> 01:15:52,102
Have fun. Not my fight.
1377
01:15:55,602 --> 01:15:56,977
We won't pull this off without you.
1378
01:16:04,269 --> 01:16:07,394
Hey. Whoever you think I am,
you got the wrong guy.
1379
01:16:10,352 --> 01:16:11,477
You were always the wrong guy.
1380
01:16:37,686 --> 01:16:38,519
What?
1381
01:16:38,686 --> 01:16:40,144
Alioth didn't get them.
1382
01:16:41,102 --> 01:16:43,311
Cassandra wanted to
play with them herself first.
1383
01:16:43,477 --> 01:16:44,311
They got away.
1384
01:16:44,477 --> 01:16:46,102
- Did they find the others?
- No.
1385
01:16:46,269 --> 01:16:47,477
Good. All right. Phew.
1386
01:16:47,644 --> 01:16:48,686
The others found them.
1387
01:16:48,852 --> 01:16:51,477
Oh, very cute. Well done, Pyro.
Classic bait and switch.
1388
01:16:51,644 --> 01:16:53,102
- You really got me there.
- Relax.
1389
01:16:54,061 --> 01:16:56,352
If they come after Nova, she'll handle it.
1390
01:16:56,519 --> 01:16:58,561
Cassandra is a lunatic wild card.
1391
01:16:58,727 --> 01:17:00,352
Why do you think we put her there
in the first place?
1392
01:17:00,936 --> 01:17:02,894
Thank God she's never chosen
to leave The Void.
1393
01:17:03,061 --> 01:17:05,602
The Time Ripper is hours away
from completion.
1394
01:17:05,769 --> 01:17:06,894
I cannot take any chances.
1395
01:17:07,061 --> 01:17:08,102
Well, maybe not.
1396
01:17:08,269 --> 01:17:09,352
But I can.
1397
01:17:09,519 --> 01:17:10,477
For a price.
1398
01:17:10,644 --> 01:17:12,102
Why do you have to
say it in that silly voice?
1399
01:17:12,269 --> 01:17:13,352
It's so icky.
1400
01:17:13,519 --> 01:17:14,352
You want it done or not?
1401
01:17:14,519 --> 01:17:15,352
All right. Your price.
1402
01:17:15,519 --> 01:17:16,769
Take her out.
1403
01:17:17,436 --> 01:17:18,977
Ugh. Mutants.
1404
01:17:41,186 --> 01:17:42,269
Ooh! Look at that there!
1405
01:17:42,436 --> 01:17:45,144
You see them biggum hands come closed.
Ain't not a wonna gettin' up inside there.
1406
01:17:45,311 --> 01:17:46,561
I think what Gambit's
trying to say is...
1407
01:17:46,727 --> 01:17:49,436
getting Juggernaut's helmet
ain't gonna be easy.
1408
01:17:49,602 --> 01:17:51,227
I'm just making stuff up at this...
1409
01:17:51,394 --> 01:17:53,102
- Yeah. Tilt up to Blade.
- Gun!
1410
01:17:57,852 --> 01:17:59,061
Where'd he get that little beauty?
1411
01:17:59,519 --> 01:18:01,602
That's Punisher's AT4.
1412
01:18:01,769 --> 01:18:03,769
Which Punisher?
There's been like five of them.
1413
01:18:03,936 --> 01:18:05,227
There's only been one Blade...
1414
01:18:05,811 --> 01:18:07,727
and there's only ever gonna be one Blade.
1415
01:18:11,769 --> 01:18:12,936
Incoming!
1416
01:19:19,644 --> 01:19:21,811
Ooh, this is gonna be good.
1417
01:19:21,977 --> 01:19:24,227
You know how long I've been waiting for this?
1418
01:19:24,394 --> 01:19:26,561
Whoo!
I'm about to make a name for myself here.
1419
01:19:26,727 --> 01:19:28,561
I don't think you guys walk away from this.
1420
01:19:28,727 --> 01:19:30,727
You just make sure
people know what happened here today.
1421
01:19:30,894 --> 01:19:32,852
And when you get out of here,
you have a drink for me, yeah?
1422
01:19:33,019 --> 01:19:35,352
You just stay on our six and get inside.
1423
01:19:35,519 --> 01:19:37,436
We'll make sure you get the package.
1424
01:19:37,936 --> 01:19:39,227
And we'll get our ending.
1425
01:20:49,352 --> 01:20:50,394
And boom!
1426
01:21:22,102 --> 01:21:24,227
Some motherfuckers still trying
to ice skate uphill.
1427
01:21:31,269 --> 01:21:33,186
You two escaping, I could live with.
1428
01:21:33,561 --> 01:21:36,227
But coming back? Willingly?
1429
01:21:37,852 --> 01:21:39,602
Boys are so silly.
1430
01:21:39,769 --> 01:21:40,894
I just need to get home.
1431
01:21:41,061 --> 01:21:43,352
Well, that's not on the menu, I'm afraid.
1432
01:21:43,519 --> 01:21:46,769
It's death or enslavement.
À la carte, of course.
1433
01:21:46,936 --> 01:21:47,936
Upsy-daisy.
1434
01:21:53,769 --> 01:21:54,644
Finally...
1435
01:21:54,811 --> 01:21:56,686
it's nice to give someone else
a chance to talk.
1436
01:21:56,852 --> 01:21:58,269
Not my strong suit.
1437
01:22:16,561 --> 01:22:17,769
You shouldn't have done that.
1438
01:22:41,352 --> 01:22:43,769
You are an interesting one, aren't you?
1439
01:22:44,352 --> 01:22:48,311
I do feel like
you get lost behind all of his...
1440
01:22:50,644 --> 01:22:53,144
Deadpools are
a dime a dozen here in The Void.
1441
01:22:54,102 --> 01:22:55,477
But you...
1442
01:22:55,977 --> 01:22:58,977
What's going on in here?
1443
01:23:12,519 --> 01:23:13,644
Interesting...
1444
01:23:14,811 --> 01:23:16,727
Not what I expected back here.
1445
01:23:17,811 --> 01:23:19,019
Behind the anger.
1446
01:23:23,144 --> 01:23:24,061
You're hiding.
1447
01:23:24,394 --> 01:23:25,227
From them.
1448
01:23:26,436 --> 01:23:28,102
From all the ones you let down.
1449
01:23:30,769 --> 01:23:31,977
So much pain.
1450
01:23:34,561 --> 01:23:35,436
I walked away.
1451
01:23:36,852 --> 01:23:38,394
They called after me and I...
1452
01:23:38,561 --> 01:23:40,352
I walked away.
1453
01:23:40,519 --> 01:23:42,144
I always do.
1454
01:23:42,311 --> 01:23:44,019
- Logan!
- I know.
1455
01:23:45,436 --> 01:23:46,727
That's not all you did.
1456
01:23:46,894 --> 01:23:48,311
Is it?
1457
01:23:51,852 --> 01:23:53,227
You found them.
1458
01:23:54,227 --> 01:23:55,227
The X-Men.
1459
01:24:00,644 --> 01:24:01,644
Dead.
1460
01:24:04,394 --> 01:24:05,602
Piled like wood.
1461
01:24:07,311 --> 01:24:08,477
What did you do?
1462
01:24:11,186 --> 01:24:12,394
I started killing.
1463
01:24:13,186 --> 01:24:15,686
And I couldn't stop. I didn't wanna stop.
1464
01:24:16,977 --> 01:24:19,811
All those bad men.
1465
01:24:23,561 --> 01:24:25,144
It's not just the bad ones.
1466
01:24:26,811 --> 01:24:27,977
My little animal.
1467
01:24:30,852 --> 01:24:33,644
And I turned the whole world
against the X-Men.
1468
01:24:34,019 --> 01:24:35,019
Blade!
1469
01:24:40,602 --> 01:24:41,811
Just once...
1470
01:24:43,769 --> 01:24:46,311
I wanna be the man
that Charles thought I was.
1471
01:24:47,519 --> 01:24:48,644
Logan...
1472
01:24:50,227 --> 01:24:53,894
in The Void you can be what you are.
1473
01:24:56,311 --> 01:24:57,769
I just wanna be free.
1474
01:24:58,561 --> 01:25:00,019
I can set you free.
1475
01:25:11,644 --> 01:25:16,769
I can silence all those voices.
1476
01:25:23,602 --> 01:25:24,602
I've got you.
1477
01:25:27,227 --> 01:25:28,227
I've got you.
1478
01:25:28,977 --> 01:25:29,811
No.
1479
01:25:31,269 --> 01:25:32,311
I got you.
1480
01:25:40,977 --> 01:25:42,602
Get it off!
1481
01:25:42,769 --> 01:25:45,894
You're gonna send us home,
or I'm gonna twist your fucking head off.
1482
01:25:46,061 --> 01:25:47,144
Why are you laughing?
1483
01:25:47,811 --> 01:25:51,602
I can't send you home
unless you get this thing off my head.
1484
01:25:52,186 --> 01:25:53,311
And as soon as you do that...
1485
01:25:53,477 --> 01:25:56,352
I'm going to boil your brains
on an atomic level whilst...
1486
01:25:56,519 --> 01:25:59,102
flicking my bean to the Enya box set.
1487
01:25:59,269 --> 01:26:00,311
There's an Enya box set?
1488
01:26:00,477 --> 01:26:01,727
Either you kill me...
1489
01:26:01,894 --> 01:26:03,019
or I kill you.
1490
01:26:04,102 --> 01:26:05,644
Both wonderful options.
1491
01:26:06,186 --> 01:26:07,019
You want me to do it?
1492
01:26:07,477 --> 01:26:08,352
No, I'll do it.
1493
01:26:08,519 --> 01:26:10,561
I have her neck right here.
It's really no problem.
1494
01:26:10,727 --> 01:26:11,436
You'll screw it up.
1495
01:26:11,602 --> 01:26:14,144
Oh, come on, Mr. PG-13,
except the last one!
1496
01:26:15,019 --> 01:26:16,102
What the fuck?
1497
01:26:18,436 --> 01:26:20,686
You have no idea what it's like!
1498
01:26:20,852 --> 01:26:23,769
Day after day. Shovel the shit.
1499
01:26:23,936 --> 01:26:25,269
Fetch the meats.
1500
01:26:25,436 --> 01:26:27,394
I have spent my entire...
1501
01:26:30,394 --> 01:26:31,894
Not everyone gets a speech.
1502
01:26:33,852 --> 01:26:34,852
She's gonna die.
1503
01:26:35,019 --> 01:26:36,477
Okay. Hey, hey. If I take this helmet off...
1504
01:26:36,644 --> 01:26:38,436
- do you promise you won't kill us?
- Fuck!
1505
01:26:38,602 --> 01:26:39,436
I promise...
1506
01:26:39,602 --> 01:26:41,394
I will kill you first thing.
1507
01:26:41,561 --> 01:26:42,811
Why are you like this?
1508
01:26:42,977 --> 01:26:44,227
I wish I knew.
1509
01:26:44,394 --> 01:26:45,269
Take it off.
1510
01:26:45,436 --> 01:26:46,311
- What?
- Take it off.
1511
01:26:46,477 --> 01:26:47,311
- Why?
- Just take it off.
1512
01:26:47,477 --> 01:26:50,227
- This is our only chance to fix our shit!
- Take it off!
1513
01:26:52,144 --> 01:26:53,394
I am wearing this suit.
1514
01:26:54,602 --> 01:26:56,727
And that means a lot of things,
but most of all...
1515
01:26:58,227 --> 01:26:59,352
it means I'm an X-Man.
1516
01:27:00,477 --> 01:27:01,894
And I know your brother.
1517
01:27:04,227 --> 01:27:05,727
As much as I want to fucking kill you...
1518
01:27:05,894 --> 01:27:08,394
every bone in my body
wants to fucking kill you...
1519
01:27:08,561 --> 01:27:11,561
he would not let me stand here
and watch you die!
1520
01:27:14,019 --> 01:27:15,227
Take your hands off.
1521
01:27:16,894 --> 01:27:18,144
This is for him.
1522
01:27:20,061 --> 01:27:21,311
This is for Charles.
1523
01:27:31,936 --> 01:27:34,561
Hey, no, no, no!
Don't you dare do me like Johnny!
1524
01:27:40,894 --> 01:27:41,977
My brother loved you.
1525
01:27:43,852 --> 01:27:44,936
He loved all of us.
1526
01:27:48,019 --> 01:27:49,102
Must be nice.
1527
01:27:50,227 --> 01:27:51,519
He would've loved you, too.
1528
01:27:54,394 --> 01:27:55,561
If he knew about you...
1529
01:27:57,352 --> 01:27:58,852
if he knew where you were...
1530
01:27:59,019 --> 01:28:02,061
he would've torn a hole in the fucking
universe to bring you home.
1531
01:28:05,894 --> 01:28:06,977
This is my home.
1532
01:28:08,061 --> 01:28:10,311
Well, then at least let us save his.
1533
01:28:14,477 --> 01:28:15,977
You want to hear something crazy?
1534
01:28:17,936 --> 01:28:20,811
An amateur magician
rolled through here a while back.
1535
01:28:21,727 --> 01:28:23,186
I killed him, of course.
1536
01:28:23,894 --> 01:28:26,144
Wore his skin around for four days.
1537
01:28:27,186 --> 01:28:28,019
But...
1538
01:28:28,186 --> 01:28:29,602
I found this...
1539
01:28:29,769 --> 01:28:31,602
little trinket...
1540
01:28:31,769 --> 01:28:33,894
on his lovely fingers.
1541
01:28:34,061 --> 01:28:35,227
Strange!
1542
01:28:38,311 --> 01:28:40,436
- Marvel sparkle circle.
- What is that?
1543
01:28:41,352 --> 01:28:43,269
This is your way home.
1544
01:28:43,436 --> 01:28:46,894
I do owe you for saving my life.
But let's keep things interesting.
1545
01:28:47,061 --> 01:28:50,352
I'd say you have about four seconds
before you're Alioth's food.
1546
01:28:55,227 --> 01:28:56,061
Race ya.
1547
01:30:19,644 --> 01:30:21,227
And as I said
we've got a standard three-year...
1548
01:30:21,394 --> 01:30:22,686
bumper to bumper warranty.
1549
01:30:22,852 --> 01:30:24,602
Glad you gave us a second chance.
1550
01:30:24,769 --> 01:30:28,311
And don't worry. Wade and I are a team,
so I'll see he gets half the commission...
1551
01:30:30,894 --> 01:30:33,102
That feels like a Kia.
1552
01:30:33,269 --> 01:30:34,894
It's a fucking Kia Carnival, isn't it?
1553
01:30:36,769 --> 01:30:39,602
Holy shit. That's Deadpool.
1554
01:30:39,769 --> 01:30:40,894
And that's Wolverine.
1555
01:30:41,061 --> 01:30:42,144
You're damn straight it is.
1556
01:30:42,311 --> 01:30:43,227
Fox killed him.
1557
01:30:43,394 --> 01:30:45,936
Disney brought him back. They're going
to make him do this 'til he's 90.
1558
01:30:46,477 --> 01:30:47,436
Let's go.
1559
01:30:48,227 --> 01:30:49,311
I'll clock you out!
1560
01:30:49,686 --> 01:30:50,894
Forever!
1561
01:30:51,602 --> 01:30:52,602
Forever.
1562
01:30:59,977 --> 01:31:01,186
Wakey-wakey.
1563
01:31:01,352 --> 01:31:02,352
God?
1564
01:31:04,102 --> 01:31:06,811
Now you put all these bullets in my belly...
1565
01:31:07,519 --> 01:31:09,061
and I'm gonna find out why.
1566
01:31:11,477 --> 01:31:12,852
I'll just say it.
1567
01:31:13,561 --> 01:31:15,352
You don't have to stick your fingers in me.
1568
01:31:15,519 --> 01:31:17,769
Jesus, just ask sometimes.
1569
01:31:18,144 --> 01:31:19,186
Fine.
1570
01:31:20,394 --> 01:31:21,394
Really?
1571
01:31:22,061 --> 01:31:23,311
Hands in pockets.
1572
01:31:24,852 --> 01:31:26,019
Guy named Paradox.
1573
01:31:26,936 --> 01:31:28,186
He said he'd get me out of The Void.
1574
01:31:28,352 --> 01:31:30,144
All I know is he works for the TVA.
1575
01:31:30,311 --> 01:31:31,311
The TVA.
1576
01:31:31,477 --> 01:31:32,519
We had an agreement.
1577
01:31:32,811 --> 01:31:34,352
I don't think this guy cares.
1578
01:31:35,644 --> 01:31:36,686
He will.
1579
01:31:37,186 --> 01:31:38,227
Hey, people!
1580
01:31:38,561 --> 01:31:40,686
How much longer
before the Time Ripper is active?
1581
01:31:40,852 --> 01:31:42,686
We're running the final safety checks.
1582
01:31:42,852 --> 01:31:44,811
Okay. All right.
Thanks for all your hard work, Ralph.
1583
01:31:44,977 --> 01:31:46,352
- Take your time.
- Really?
1584
01:31:46,519 --> 01:31:48,061
No, you drooling boob!
1585
01:31:48,227 --> 01:31:49,311
No! We have company.
1586
01:31:49,477 --> 01:31:52,477
Cancel the safety checks.
We need to be live now!
1587
01:31:52,811 --> 01:31:54,269
I hate you so much.
1588
01:31:56,477 --> 01:31:57,477
No! Stop!
1589
01:31:57,644 --> 01:31:59,227
Piss off! You're too late.
1590
01:31:59,394 --> 01:32:01,144
- You're fuckin' done.
- Why was Thor crying?
1591
01:32:01,311 --> 01:32:02,311
How dare you!
1592
01:32:02,477 --> 01:32:04,644
No one comes back from The Void.
1593
01:32:04,811 --> 01:32:06,269
Tell that to Cassandra Nova.
1594
01:32:15,102 --> 01:32:16,894
Paradox.
We have a problem.
1595
01:32:19,977 --> 01:32:21,186
Paradox.
1596
01:32:23,519 --> 01:32:25,977
Well, you are doughier than
you looked in Pyro's head.
1597
01:32:26,144 --> 01:32:27,311
You tried to kill me.
1598
01:32:27,477 --> 01:32:28,477
I literally have no...
1599
01:32:29,436 --> 01:32:33,102
You come for the king,
you better kill the king.
1600
01:32:34,019 --> 01:32:36,394
Welcome to the skull fuck club, Paradox.
1601
01:32:36,561 --> 01:32:38,686
You know she doesn't wash that hand.
1602
01:32:40,436 --> 01:32:41,561
What's this?
1603
01:32:42,894 --> 01:32:44,227
A Time Ripper?
1604
01:32:44,394 --> 01:32:46,102
- Naughty boy.
- Oh, no. We're on it.
1605
01:32:46,269 --> 01:32:47,894
We're gonna head down
and dismantle that thing now.
1606
01:32:48,061 --> 01:32:50,352
We got ya, boo.
You just keep playing those keys.
1607
01:32:50,519 --> 01:32:52,019
I don't want to destroy it.
1608
01:32:52,686 --> 01:32:54,019
I want to use it.
1609
01:32:54,561 --> 01:32:57,061
Now, shoo.
Mummy and Daddy are having a conversation.
1610
01:33:03,769 --> 01:33:05,561
You know, the funny thing is...
1611
01:33:05,727 --> 01:33:07,186
I was happy in The Void.
1612
01:33:08,227 --> 01:33:11,144
You sent your trash to me.
Alioth and I cleaned it up.
1613
01:33:11,311 --> 01:33:13,269
Everyone was happy.
1614
01:33:14,144 --> 01:33:17,227
And then you had to go
and piss on my side of the fence.
1615
01:33:17,394 --> 01:33:19,561
And so now the fence must come down.
1616
01:33:20,269 --> 01:33:22,102
I'm going to use your little Time Ripper.
1617
01:33:22,269 --> 01:33:24,852
And I'm going to destroy this universe...
1618
01:33:25,019 --> 01:33:27,727
and the next and the next and the next...
1619
01:33:27,894 --> 01:33:31,477
until all that's left is The Void.
1620
01:33:31,644 --> 01:33:33,519
And I get to play God.
1621
01:33:34,061 --> 01:33:35,061
Come on.
1622
01:33:35,519 --> 01:33:38,352
Now you're going to show me how
to use this fancy gadget of yours.
1623
01:33:38,519 --> 01:33:41,894
And don't worry, I've called some friends
to make sure we're not disturbed.
1624
01:33:45,477 --> 01:33:48,019
Sorry to bother, madam,
but there's something you need to see.
1625
01:33:48,561 --> 01:33:52,561
We're getting indications of an unsanctioned
Time Ripper activating on Earth-10005.
1626
01:33:54,852 --> 01:33:56,061
Whose district is that?
1627
01:33:56,436 --> 01:33:57,352
Paradox.
1628
01:34:09,394 --> 01:34:11,602
Well, thank you so much
for your help, darling.
1629
01:34:11,769 --> 01:34:14,186
God. Good to get out of that head.
1630
01:34:14,352 --> 01:34:15,852
What a mess!
1631
01:34:23,186 --> 01:34:24,019
Stop!
1632
01:34:24,519 --> 01:34:26,519
Let's give it a beat for the extras to clear.
1633
01:34:26,686 --> 01:34:28,727
Go, go, go!
Oh, my God!
1634
01:34:33,519 --> 01:34:36,186
- Oh. My. God.
- Fuck.
1635
01:34:43,936 --> 01:34:45,311
It's her!
1636
01:34:46,561 --> 01:34:47,686
Come on, girl!
1637
01:34:55,102 --> 01:34:56,311
Come on, girl!
1638
01:35:11,061 --> 01:35:12,186
That's my girl!
1639
01:35:12,352 --> 01:35:15,644
We don't have to be apart ever, ever again.
Never, ever...
1640
01:35:15,811 --> 01:35:16,894
- Sorry!
- Fuck!
1641
01:35:18,019 --> 01:35:19,811
What's Café Gratitude doing here?
1642
01:35:19,977 --> 01:35:21,227
Sorry about that.
1643
01:35:21,394 --> 01:35:24,727
Tremble not, sweet Mary Puppins.
I'll handle him.
1644
01:35:25,352 --> 01:35:26,394
Come here, girl.
Papa's here.
1645
01:35:26,561 --> 01:35:28,977
Hey, do not insult
this animal's autonomy.
1646
01:35:29,686 --> 01:35:31,727
She can decide who her papa is.
1647
01:35:31,894 --> 01:35:32,936
What's it gonna be, girl, huh?
1648
01:35:33,102 --> 01:35:35,602
Original recipe or Van Milder here?
1649
01:35:36,227 --> 01:35:39,102
That's funny.
I can gently tap the fourth wall too.
1650
01:35:39,602 --> 01:35:40,769
The Proposal.
1651
01:35:42,519 --> 01:35:43,519
The fuck was that?
1652
01:35:43,686 --> 01:35:45,852
- Bitch, you think that's what I do?
- Both of you shut up.
1653
01:35:47,352 --> 01:35:48,352
You smell somethin'?
1654
01:35:48,519 --> 01:35:49,352
Yeah, you.
1655
01:35:50,227 --> 01:35:51,811
A lot of you.
1656
01:36:06,977 --> 01:36:09,227
Told you there were
a lot of Deadpools over there.
1657
01:36:20,769 --> 01:36:21,936
That's bad.
1658
01:36:44,436 --> 01:36:45,602
I take it they're not friendly.
1659
01:36:45,769 --> 01:36:46,644
Goodness, no.
1660
01:36:46,811 --> 01:36:48,852
Sorry about this, boys.
Mission over.
1661
01:36:49,019 --> 01:36:51,686
Cause of death,
one hundred kill-thirsty Deadpools.
1662
01:36:51,852 --> 01:36:52,936
They're dumb.
1663
01:36:53,102 --> 01:36:54,852
But they can fight.
Not me, though.
1664
01:36:55,019 --> 01:36:57,227
Would love to get in the mix
but I have low bone density...
1665
01:36:57,394 --> 01:36:58,894
and I have to keep my face safe.
1666
01:36:59,852 --> 01:37:00,852
- Hold, please.
- Oh, God.
1667
01:37:01,019 --> 01:37:02,227
All right. Look.
1668
01:37:02,894 --> 01:37:03,894
Guys!
1669
01:37:05,102 --> 01:37:06,852
Deadpool Prime here.
1670
01:37:07,019 --> 01:37:08,477
- Our fight isn't with you...
- Hey!
1671
01:37:08,644 --> 01:37:12,269
When I want your opinion,
I'll take Wolverine's dick out of your mouth.
1672
01:37:12,436 --> 01:37:14,019
That's Kidpool.
She's the dirtiest.
1673
01:37:14,186 --> 01:37:15,436
Can we just be done?
1674
01:37:15,602 --> 01:37:17,144
We're just getting started.
1675
01:37:17,311 --> 01:37:20,602
No, no, no. With the whole multiverse thing.
1676
01:37:21,519 --> 01:37:22,519
It's not great.
1677
01:37:22,686 --> 01:37:24,144
It's just been miss...
1678
01:37:24,602 --> 01:37:26,102
after miss...
1679
01:37:26,269 --> 01:37:27,977
after miss.
1680
01:37:28,352 --> 01:37:30,686
Look, The Wizard of Oz
did the multiverse first...
1681
01:37:30,852 --> 01:37:33,144
and they did it best.
The gays knew it.
1682
01:37:33,602 --> 01:37:34,852
But we didn't listen.
1683
01:37:35,019 --> 01:37:37,769
Let's just take the L and move on.
1684
01:37:37,936 --> 01:37:40,269
I think it's been steadily great
since Endgame.
1685
01:37:40,436 --> 01:37:41,894
What are you talking about?
1686
01:37:42,061 --> 01:37:43,519
The multiverse is over.
1687
01:37:43,686 --> 01:37:46,561
Cassandy gonna destroy
the fuck outta every timeline.
1688
01:37:46,727 --> 01:37:49,019
- Y'all can't do shit about it.
- Do you not get it?
1689
01:37:49,186 --> 01:37:51,394
If we don't go down to the subway
and stop her, we all die.
1690
01:37:51,561 --> 01:37:53,811
Say, the boss lady don't want
no disturbances.
1691
01:37:53,977 --> 01:37:56,686
You wanna get down to the subway,
you gotta go through us.
1692
01:37:56,852 --> 01:37:57,811
Uzi time, baby.
1693
01:37:58,102 --> 01:37:59,102
Uzi time, baby.
1694
01:37:59,269 --> 01:38:00,269
Look alive!
1695
01:38:09,727 --> 01:38:11,394
- I think I'm hit.
- No shit.
1696
01:38:11,561 --> 01:38:12,477
You did that on purpose.
1697
01:38:12,644 --> 01:38:14,186
I did no such thing!
1698
01:38:14,352 --> 01:38:15,352
Listen to me, gorgeous.
1699
01:38:15,519 --> 01:38:16,769
How long does it take for you to regenerate?
1700
01:38:16,936 --> 01:38:18,186
Regenerate?
1701
01:38:24,394 --> 01:38:26,186
You really are God's perfect idiot,
aren't you?
1702
01:38:26,352 --> 01:38:27,727
- I'm okay.
- How dare you!
1703
01:38:27,894 --> 01:38:29,811
You insensitive son of a bitch!
1704
01:38:29,977 --> 01:38:31,894
How was I supposed to know
he doesn't regenerate?
1705
01:38:32,061 --> 01:38:33,186
I'm not a medicine woman.
1706
01:38:33,644 --> 01:38:34,894
Look. A donut cart.
1707
01:38:35,061 --> 01:38:36,144
- They're practically hospitals.
- What?
1708
01:38:36,311 --> 01:38:38,144
- They sell portable triage units.
- They don't.
1709
01:38:38,311 --> 01:38:39,852
- I'm gonna get you to safety.
- He's not.
1710
01:38:40,019 --> 01:38:41,186
Deep breath.
1711
01:38:49,561 --> 01:38:51,561
Hey, why are we stopping?
1712
01:38:51,727 --> 01:38:52,936
I'm just catching my breath.
1713
01:38:53,102 --> 01:38:55,686
What, are your legs on vacation?
You're dead weight!
1714
01:38:55,852 --> 01:38:57,436
That's because I'm paralyzed.
1715
01:38:57,602 --> 01:38:59,602
We all have problems.
Listen to me.
1716
01:38:59,769 --> 01:39:00,769
You're gonna live.
1717
01:39:01,894 --> 01:39:03,144
Look at me, Nicepool.
1718
01:39:07,102 --> 01:39:08,269
You're gonna live.
1719
01:39:08,977 --> 01:39:10,227
Say it!
1720
01:39:10,769 --> 01:39:12,102
I'm gonna live.
1721
01:39:12,394 --> 01:39:14,436
Say it with me.
You're gonna live.
1722
01:39:14,602 --> 01:39:16,769
I'm gonna live!
1723
01:39:18,102 --> 01:39:20,144
Say it louder!
1724
01:39:20,311 --> 01:39:21,477
I'm gonna live...
1725
01:39:30,394 --> 01:39:31,394
Hold your fire!
1726
01:39:33,727 --> 01:39:35,019
Sweet little puppy.
1727
01:39:45,852 --> 01:39:48,311
God damn it!
I don't think he's gonna make it.
1728
01:39:48,477 --> 01:39:50,561
God, he loved his face.
1729
01:39:50,727 --> 01:39:53,102
I can taste his final thought.
1730
01:39:53,269 --> 01:39:54,811
He was so afraid.
1731
01:39:54,977 --> 01:39:55,936
But he died a hero.
1732
01:39:56,102 --> 01:39:58,019
He died from murder, you dumb fuck.
1733
01:39:58,186 --> 01:39:59,977
And all I have to remember him by...
1734
01:40:00,894 --> 01:40:04,561
are these two gold-plated,
...50 caliber Desert Eagle pistoleros.
1735
01:40:05,019 --> 01:40:05,977
This is for him.
1736
01:40:06,602 --> 01:40:07,769
Are you ready?
1737
01:40:08,352 --> 01:40:10,102
I get to kill a hundred yous?
1738
01:40:10,269 --> 01:40:11,477
Fuck yeah, I'm ready.
1739
01:40:12,561 --> 01:40:13,852
Hey, you don't want to see this, bub.
1740
01:40:14,019 --> 01:40:15,311
That's a good girl.
1741
01:40:52,227 --> 01:40:53,602
Holy shit.
1742
01:40:53,769 --> 01:40:55,852
You save the good stuff
for special occasions?
1743
01:40:56,019 --> 01:40:57,269
Killing mostly.
1744
01:40:57,436 --> 01:40:59,769
What's the wind resistance
on those blowjob handles?
1745
01:41:01,061 --> 01:41:04,311
I'm sorry.
I'm just a catty bitch when I'm jealous.
1746
01:41:04,477 --> 01:41:05,727
All right, let's do this.
1747
01:41:06,102 --> 01:41:07,311
Maximum effort.
1748
01:41:46,977 --> 01:41:48,061
You're dead.
1749
01:42:13,936 --> 01:42:15,186
Motherfucker.
1750
01:42:16,102 --> 01:42:17,727
I wish I were deaf.
1751
01:42:37,561 --> 01:42:39,394
I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die.
1752
01:42:39,561 --> 01:42:40,602
I don't wanna...
1753
01:42:54,269 --> 01:42:55,436
Come on.
1754
01:42:55,602 --> 01:42:56,602
I blew it.
1755
01:42:56,769 --> 01:42:58,811
After all that, the only thing
they're gonna remember...
1756
01:42:58,977 --> 01:43:00,686
is that God awful dismount!
1757
01:43:05,519 --> 01:43:07,019
What you laughing at,
you little fucker?
1758
01:43:07,352 --> 01:43:08,477
Uh-oh.
1759
01:43:08,644 --> 01:43:09,686
Uh-oh.
1760
01:43:13,894 --> 01:43:15,477
I guess these ones regenerate.
1761
01:43:17,602 --> 01:43:19,977
Come on. We don't have time for this.
1762
01:43:20,144 --> 01:43:21,186
Deadpools!
1763
01:43:21,352 --> 01:43:22,436
Stand down.
1764
01:43:32,936 --> 01:43:34,436
This Deadpool's with me.
1765
01:43:34,602 --> 01:43:35,811
Oh, no.
1766
01:43:35,977 --> 01:43:37,186
Holy shit.
1767
01:43:37,352 --> 01:43:38,561
That's fuckin' Peter!
1768
01:43:41,769 --> 01:43:43,602
Wait, you...
You guys know Peter?
1769
01:43:43,769 --> 01:43:45,894
You kidding me? Every Deadpool has a Peter.
1770
01:43:46,061 --> 01:43:49,644
Shit. Peter's a goddamn legend
in every Deadpool's world.
1771
01:43:49,811 --> 01:43:50,894
Peter-san.
1772
01:43:59,269 --> 01:44:01,352
Peter. Peter. Peter.
1773
01:44:07,394 --> 01:44:08,936
Enjoy my Peter.
1774
01:44:36,477 --> 01:44:38,936
Oh, now you're here.
Oh, well, you're too late. It's all over.
1775
01:44:39,102 --> 01:44:39,936
Not yet, it's not.
1776
01:44:40,102 --> 01:44:41,769
Whoa. No, no, no. We're very close.
1777
01:44:41,936 --> 01:44:43,269
Homestretch, folks. Promise.
1778
01:44:43,436 --> 01:44:44,936
Quick, let's up the stakes.
1779
01:44:45,102 --> 01:44:46,436
If she steals the Time Ripper's energy...
1780
01:44:46,602 --> 01:44:49,061
she has the power to
shred the fabric of all realities...
1781
01:44:49,227 --> 01:44:50,852
until there is nothing left but The Void.
1782
01:44:51,019 --> 01:44:51,977
How do we shut it down?
1783
01:44:52,394 --> 01:44:53,311
I don't know.
1784
01:44:55,061 --> 01:44:56,144
How about now?
1785
01:44:56,311 --> 01:44:57,644
The mask is really intimidating, huh?
1786
01:44:57,811 --> 01:44:59,811
It's like Batman,
except he can move his neck.
1787
01:44:59,977 --> 01:45:01,394
Okay, look, look, look.
1788
01:45:02,852 --> 01:45:05,227
The Ripper is fed from
a secure chamber below ground.
1789
01:45:05,394 --> 01:45:09,519
It is powered by twin matter and anti-matter
feeds converging inside the device.
1790
01:45:09,686 --> 01:45:10,811
Now, Cassandra Nova...
1791
01:45:10,977 --> 01:45:13,144
is redirecting the Ripper's power
to eliminate all timelines...
1792
01:45:13,311 --> 01:45:14,311
starting with this one.
1793
01:45:14,477 --> 01:45:15,811
Theoretically, you could stop her...
1794
01:45:15,977 --> 01:45:17,811
by short-circuiting the feeds
in the chamber below.
1795
01:45:17,977 --> 01:45:20,352
One of you were to create a
circuit between the two feeds...
1796
01:45:20,519 --> 01:45:23,727
then the released power
would destroy the machine.
1797
01:45:23,894 --> 01:45:25,686
- But, well, but...
- Come on, man.
1798
01:45:25,852 --> 01:45:27,852
If you're not gonna swallow, spit it out.
1799
01:45:28,019 --> 01:45:31,061
Whoever formed the bridge
would be annihilated.
1800
01:45:31,227 --> 01:45:32,852
- I could live with that.
- Yeah, I could live with that, too, actually.
1801
01:45:33,019 --> 01:45:34,727
You know, we survive anything.
We're like cockroaches.
1802
01:45:34,894 --> 01:45:35,811
Not this time.
1803
01:45:35,977 --> 01:45:38,644
This is matter and anti-matter.
1804
01:45:38,811 --> 01:45:40,727
They do not play nicely with each other.
1805
01:45:40,894 --> 01:45:43,644
When they mix in your body
you will be atomized.
1806
01:45:44,227 --> 01:45:46,227
Trust the laws of physics
if you don't trust me.
1807
01:45:46,394 --> 01:45:48,436
Even if you lived long enough to
make the circuit...
1808
01:45:48,602 --> 01:45:51,144
you will die down there.
1809
01:46:16,477 --> 01:46:17,811
Hold off. Hold.
1810
01:46:17,977 --> 01:46:19,477
You heard that asshole upstairs.
1811
01:46:19,644 --> 01:46:23,686
Even if we pull this off,
we're dead. Permanently.
1812
01:46:24,311 --> 01:46:25,352
That's why it's got to be me.
1813
01:46:25,519 --> 01:46:26,352
What?
1814
01:46:30,269 --> 01:46:31,102
Look, man...
1815
01:46:32,352 --> 01:46:34,102
you didn't ask for any of this.
1816
01:46:34,561 --> 01:46:35,686
You were right.
1817
01:46:36,019 --> 01:46:36,936
I lied.
1818
01:46:37,894 --> 01:46:39,602
I lied right to your face...
1819
01:46:39,769 --> 01:46:41,644
just to get you to help me. And you did.
1820
01:46:42,561 --> 01:46:44,019
You didn't lie.
1821
01:46:46,019 --> 01:46:47,394
You made an educated wish.
1822
01:46:50,477 --> 01:46:51,311
Come on.
1823
01:46:52,727 --> 01:46:54,477
You got a whole world to go back to.
1824
01:46:56,144 --> 01:46:56,977
I got nothin'.
1825
01:46:59,311 --> 01:47:00,144
I got nothin'.
1826
01:47:05,394 --> 01:47:06,227
Give me this.
1827
01:47:13,394 --> 01:47:14,602
Hey.
1828
01:47:19,102 --> 01:47:20,936
I waited a long time for this team up.
1829
01:47:23,227 --> 01:47:24,186
You know something?
1830
01:47:26,227 --> 01:47:27,727
You were the best Wolverine.
1831
01:47:36,602 --> 01:47:38,394
Say hi to your friends for me.
1832
01:47:50,477 --> 01:47:51,561
No!
1833
01:47:51,727 --> 01:47:52,686
Open the door!
1834
01:47:52,852 --> 01:47:55,477
I can't hear you over all the
noble sacrifice.
1835
01:47:55,644 --> 01:47:56,769
Why are you fucking doing this?
1836
01:47:56,936 --> 01:48:00,061
Because I'm Marvel Jesus.
1837
01:48:01,769 --> 01:48:02,769
Or Spock.
1838
01:48:04,019 --> 01:48:05,019
Hard to say.
1839
01:48:09,644 --> 01:48:10,477
Wade!
1840
01:48:11,227 --> 01:48:13,186
You fucking idiot!
1841
01:48:18,352 --> 01:48:19,477
Sorry, I'm just stalling.
1842
01:48:19,644 --> 01:48:21,936
I think I'm nervous about dying.
1843
01:48:22,769 --> 01:48:23,894
This should be me.
1844
01:48:24,602 --> 01:48:26,269
Say hi to my friends for me, peanut.
1845
01:48:26,436 --> 01:48:27,436
Wade!
1846
01:48:27,602 --> 01:48:29,644
You want to be an annoying prick,
do it this side!
1847
01:48:29,811 --> 01:48:31,852
You're gonna die in there,
you dumb fuck!
1848
01:48:38,852 --> 01:48:40,519
Hey! You don't need to do this.
1849
01:48:40,936 --> 01:48:42,561
I'm not doing it 'cause I need it.
1850
01:48:43,602 --> 01:48:45,602
I'm doing it because they do.
1851
01:48:56,561 --> 01:48:57,811
No!
1852
01:49:27,144 --> 01:49:28,644
He's not gonna make it.
1853
01:49:37,352 --> 01:49:38,436
It's over.
1854
01:50:45,894 --> 01:50:47,227
The Wolverine.
1855
01:50:48,311 --> 01:50:50,102
He's a hero in my world.
1856
01:50:52,394 --> 01:50:54,894
Whoever you think I am,
you got the wrong guy.
1857
01:50:56,436 --> 01:50:58,186
You were always the wrong guy...
1858
01:50:59,727 --> 01:51:01,352
till you weren't.
1859
01:51:03,394 --> 01:51:04,894
Wade.
1860
01:51:06,811 --> 01:51:11,394
Wade. You can finally, finally, matter.
1861
01:51:27,436 --> 01:51:28,436
Vanessa.
1862
01:51:30,894 --> 01:51:32,727
I wanna see Vanessa.
1863
01:51:39,019 --> 01:51:43,227
For the first time in my life,
I am proud to wear this suit.
1864
01:51:44,436 --> 01:51:46,102
It means I'm an X-Man.
1865
01:51:48,602 --> 01:51:50,186
I am the X-Man.
1866
01:52:34,227 --> 01:52:35,769
Paradox.
1867
01:52:37,602 --> 01:52:38,769
You've been busy.
1868
01:52:39,186 --> 01:52:40,227
Well, somebody had to be.
1869
01:52:40,394 --> 01:52:42,352
We had some
strange readings from this location.
1870
01:52:42,519 --> 01:52:45,311
You wouldn't know anything about an
unsanctioned Time Ripper, would you?
1871
01:52:46,352 --> 01:52:49,477
No. No. I wouldn't know anything about an
unsanctioned Time Ripper.
1872
01:52:49,644 --> 01:52:51,144
Maybe you should ask Cassandra Nova.
1873
01:52:51,311 --> 01:52:52,227
Because I was assured...
1874
01:52:52,394 --> 01:52:54,894
that she was safely held in The Void.
But no...
1875
01:52:55,061 --> 01:52:57,102
she was here.
And she fondled my brain.
1876
01:52:57,269 --> 01:52:58,186
How did you let this happen?
1877
01:52:58,352 --> 01:52:59,227
You weren't involved at all?
1878
01:52:59,394 --> 01:53:01,894
In stopping her, yes!
Yes. I was.
1879
01:53:02,061 --> 01:53:03,602
But, not nearly enough.
1880
01:53:03,769 --> 01:53:05,977
Not as much as the men
who went down there after her.
1881
01:53:06,644 --> 01:53:07,727
My men.
1882
01:53:08,477 --> 01:53:09,477
My friends.
1883
01:53:10,894 --> 01:53:11,852
I warned them.
1884
01:53:12,019 --> 01:53:15,186
That they would be completely obliterated
if they went. But they went anyway. Like...
1885
01:53:16,977 --> 01:53:18,061
Like heroes.
1886
01:53:20,186 --> 01:53:21,852
Because that's who they were.
1887
01:53:24,727 --> 01:53:26,144
They just did what they had to do.
1888
01:53:27,561 --> 01:53:29,144
With no concern for their own safety.
1889
01:53:32,394 --> 01:53:38,977
The fact that we are all still standing here
is a testament to their heroism.
1890
01:53:42,686 --> 01:53:45,061
Anyway, there's nothing you or I can do
to bring them back now.
1891
01:53:46,894 --> 01:53:48,894
He has risen, baby girl.
1892
01:53:49,061 --> 01:53:49,852
Fuck!
1893
01:54:09,352 --> 01:54:10,561
Found your new Anchor Being.
1894
01:54:11,061 --> 01:54:13,019
And we're doing just fine, you piece of shit.
1895
01:54:13,436 --> 01:54:14,519
Mm. Mm-hmm.
1896
01:54:14,894 --> 01:54:16,352
Fine indeed.
1897
01:54:16,519 --> 01:54:20,519
All right. Put your greasy tits away,
you preening slut.
1898
01:54:21,394 --> 01:54:22,769
I don't understand.
1899
01:54:22,936 --> 01:54:24,102
How are you two still alive?
1900
01:54:24,269 --> 01:54:26,352
You were right.
One of us would have been killed.
1901
01:54:26,519 --> 01:54:29,477
But you put
a Deadpool and a Wolverine together...
1902
01:54:29,644 --> 01:54:31,727
make 'em hold hands
while listening to Madonna...
1903
01:54:31,894 --> 01:54:33,977
indestructible, motherfucker.
1904
01:54:34,477 --> 01:54:36,686
Let's get this Deadpool Variant
back to The Void.
1905
01:54:36,852 --> 01:54:38,686
- Wait, hold on. What?
- Nope. Actually...
1906
01:54:38,852 --> 01:54:40,394
This one's homegrown, like me.
1907
01:54:40,561 --> 01:54:41,644
He belongs here.
1908
01:54:42,102 --> 01:54:43,019
And you are?
1909
01:54:43,186 --> 01:54:45,727
Peterpool. But you can call me Peter.
1910
01:54:47,352 --> 01:54:48,394
And I hope that you do.
1911
01:54:54,894 --> 01:54:56,311
What the fuck is happening here?
1912
01:54:56,477 --> 01:54:58,144
You are under judgment...
1913
01:54:58,311 --> 01:55:00,186
for operating an unsanctioned Time Ripper.
1914
01:55:00,352 --> 01:55:01,436
- Take him.
- I was just doing what...
1915
01:55:01,602 --> 01:55:02,977
you don't have the guts to do.
1916
01:55:03,769 --> 01:55:05,977
Get your insolent hands off me!
1917
01:55:06,144 --> 01:55:06,977
Get off!
1918
01:55:08,227 --> 01:55:09,894
I'm grateful, gentlemen.
1919
01:55:10,727 --> 01:55:11,811
Let's hold the bows.
1920
01:55:11,977 --> 01:55:14,394
You led an
Omega-level mutant to this timeline.
1921
01:55:14,561 --> 01:55:16,144
- You're welcome.
- And you...
1922
01:55:16,311 --> 01:55:18,186
- shouldn't even be near this timeline.
- He's welcome.
1923
01:55:18,477 --> 01:55:21,727
And you look damn good in that suit.
1924
01:55:21,894 --> 01:55:22,894
I'm so sorry.
1925
01:55:27,394 --> 01:55:31,019
I wanna show you something.
Something huge.
1926
01:55:31,186 --> 01:55:33,102
That's what Scoutmaster Kevin used to say.
1927
01:55:34,727 --> 01:55:35,727
Do you see that?
1928
01:55:36,477 --> 01:55:38,227
Your universe is regenerating.
1929
01:55:39,144 --> 01:55:40,477
Whatever you did here...
1930
01:55:40,894 --> 01:55:42,769
you not only saved your world.
1931
01:55:43,311 --> 01:55:45,686
You spared your timeline from extinction.
1932
01:55:47,519 --> 01:55:48,602
I'd rest up.
1933
01:55:48,977 --> 01:55:51,352
I have a feeling your work
is only just getting started.
1934
01:55:51,519 --> 01:55:53,061
Till you're 90.
1935
01:55:53,227 --> 01:55:54,061
Wait!
1936
01:55:55,519 --> 01:55:58,227
We couldn't have made it out of The Void
without some help...
1937
01:55:59,061 --> 01:56:02,936
from some people that the world
kind of forgot.
1938
01:56:03,436 --> 01:56:06,811
Is there any way that you could maybe find
a way to bring them home?
1939
01:56:08,894 --> 01:56:09,977
I'll see what I can do.
1940
01:56:10,727 --> 01:56:12,602
And I promised my friend here...
1941
01:56:13,019 --> 01:56:16,561
that the TVA could undo some
pretty awful shit in his timeline.
1942
01:56:16,727 --> 01:56:17,686
What would you say to that?
1943
01:56:18,019 --> 01:56:19,061
Change the past?
1944
01:56:19,686 --> 01:56:21,644
Well, he did help me save the world.
1945
01:56:21,977 --> 01:56:24,311
And his past made him the man who did it.
1946
01:56:25,394 --> 01:56:27,644
There's nothing to fix, Mr. Wilson.
1947
01:56:29,102 --> 01:56:30,144
Logan.
1948
01:56:33,644 --> 01:56:34,436
Shawarma?
1949
01:56:34,602 --> 01:56:35,436
- I could eat.
- Yeah.
1950
01:56:45,269 --> 01:56:47,561
You know, the Avengers discovered shawarma.
1951
01:56:48,561 --> 01:56:50,186
They'd be lucky to have you.
1952
01:56:57,561 --> 01:56:59,561
- Oh.
- Oh, come on.
1953
01:56:59,727 --> 01:57:00,769
Fuck off!
1954
01:57:01,936 --> 01:57:06,644
Come here, my little cunchkin.
Yes, it's you. You're a survivor.
1955
01:57:08,061 --> 01:57:09,852
Oh, all is right in the world.
1956
01:57:11,144 --> 01:57:12,144
Yes, it is.
1957
01:57:13,936 --> 01:57:15,102
So what are you gonna do next?
1958
01:57:16,727 --> 01:57:18,727
I'll figure it out. I always do.
1959
01:57:19,602 --> 01:57:20,436
All right.
1960
01:57:21,769 --> 01:57:23,019
So I'll probably see you around?
1961
01:57:28,061 --> 01:57:28,894
Probably not.
1962
01:57:32,394 --> 01:57:33,227
See you, bub.
1963
01:57:42,977 --> 01:57:43,977
Logan.
1964
01:57:50,561 --> 01:57:52,227
Al. I'm back.
1965
01:57:52,811 --> 01:57:54,061
About damn time.
1966
01:57:54,436 --> 01:57:55,269
You holdin'?
1967
01:57:55,436 --> 01:57:57,186
I'm all outta devil's dandruff...
1968
01:57:57,352 --> 01:58:00,061
- and I'm shaking like an angry vibrator.
- Thank you, Al.
1969
01:58:00,227 --> 01:58:01,102
We have company.
1970
01:58:01,977 --> 01:58:03,477
Althea, this is...
1971
01:58:04,227 --> 01:58:05,269
This is Logan.
1972
01:58:05,436 --> 01:58:06,477
Nice to meet you, Logan.
1973
01:58:06,644 --> 01:58:07,477
Nice to meet you, too.
1974
01:58:07,644 --> 01:58:11,186
And this little ancient anal shit-knot is
Mary Puppins.
1975
01:58:11,352 --> 01:58:13,644
Or as I like to call her, Dogpool.
1976
01:58:13,811 --> 01:58:15,477
You want to treat yourself
to a little stroke?
1977
01:58:17,144 --> 01:58:20,186
- Get the tongue. There it is.
- Oh, my God! Motherfucker!
1978
01:58:20,352 --> 01:58:24,061
Right? It's like an armadillo
fucked a gremlin, angrily...
1979
01:58:24,227 --> 01:58:25,519
in a bed of gonorrhea...
1980
01:58:25,686 --> 01:58:28,061
- Wow.
- ...and didn't stop till the sun came up.
1981
01:58:29,352 --> 01:58:30,936
Everyone wants to matter.
1982
01:58:31,852 --> 01:58:34,477
Turns out that
you don't need to be Marvel Jesus to do it.
1983
01:58:35,311 --> 01:58:37,561
You just need to
open your eyes and look around.
1984
01:58:38,269 --> 01:58:39,269
And if you're lucky...
1985
01:58:40,269 --> 01:58:41,686
you'll find a few friends.
1986
01:58:42,144 --> 01:58:43,269
Old friends...
1987
01:58:44,269 --> 01:58:45,977
and some new ones too.
1988
01:58:50,686 --> 01:58:52,644
Give me the fucking dog. Talk to the girl.
1989
01:59:03,102 --> 01:59:04,227
Well, hi.
1990
01:59:04,394 --> 01:59:05,227
Hi.
1991
01:59:08,061 --> 01:59:09,061
You've been busy.
1992
01:59:12,144 --> 01:59:13,644
I did it for you.
1993
01:59:15,686 --> 01:59:17,977
And even if you don't want me,
I did it for you.
1994
01:59:27,394 --> 01:59:28,394
It turns out...
1995
01:59:29,102 --> 01:59:30,477
I am the world-saving type.
1996
01:59:31,436 --> 01:59:33,436
Just look around this table
if you want proof.
1997
01:59:34,436 --> 01:59:35,394
And the best part?
1998
01:59:36,352 --> 01:59:38,102
Sometimes the people we save...
1999
01:59:39,144 --> 01:59:41,311
well, they save us right back.
2000
02:00:20,769 --> 02:00:22,894
You're not the only one with gifts.
2001
02:00:23,061 --> 02:00:24,227
What is this place?
2002
02:00:53,227 --> 02:00:54,061
Nice suit.
2003
02:00:54,227 --> 02:00:55,102
Zip it, Stan Lee.
2004
02:01:04,019 --> 02:01:06,561
I really like the,
the art in the Deadpool comics.
2005
02:01:06,727 --> 02:01:08,977
You know, I just always felt a
kind of a kinship to him.
2006
02:01:09,144 --> 02:01:11,852
And I just thought,
I'd like to play that guy someday.
2007
02:01:40,644 --> 02:01:43,144
I was there for three weeks
before I shot a single thing.
2008
02:01:43,561 --> 02:01:45,102
At our first day of shooting...
2009
02:01:45,644 --> 02:01:47,144
I was so nervous, man.
2010
02:01:47,727 --> 02:01:49,811
Everyone was sort of going,
"Who's this guy?"
2011
02:01:49,977 --> 02:01:51,811
You know, there was a lot of that and...
2012
02:01:51,977 --> 02:01:55,436
you know, "Is he gonna deliver or not?"
You can feel all that kind of pressure.
2013
02:01:56,769 --> 02:02:00,019
It's always the suit's fault.
Never the actor.
2014
02:02:08,811 --> 02:02:10,186
- This is...
- The only way.
2015
02:02:19,602 --> 02:02:21,519
So this is what it feels like.
2016
02:02:24,061 --> 02:02:25,686
And there's the lights.
2017
02:02:25,852 --> 02:02:27,102
For medical research.
2018
02:02:27,727 --> 02:02:29,644
- Bye-bye, video.
- Bye.
2019
02:06:43,436 --> 02:06:47,311
I'm tired of these absolutely vile rumors
that I got Johnny killed.
2020
02:06:48,394 --> 02:06:49,436
Let's look at the tape.
2021
02:06:50,644 --> 02:06:51,852
In The Void...
2022
02:06:52,019 --> 02:06:53,811
you're either food for Alioth...
2023
02:06:53,977 --> 02:06:55,102
or you work for her.
2024
02:06:58,269 --> 02:06:59,186
Go on, Johnny.
2025
02:06:59,727 --> 02:07:00,852
And I'll tell you who "her" is.
2026
02:07:01,352 --> 02:07:02,227
Cassandra Nova.
2027
02:07:02,394 --> 02:07:04,561
A megalomaniacal, psychotic asshole.
2028
02:07:04,727 --> 02:07:08,436
A finger licking dead-inside pixie slab of
third rate dime-store nut-milk.
2029
02:07:08,602 --> 02:07:10,144
- And I'll tell you what she can do.
- I'm listening.
2030
02:07:10,311 --> 02:07:13,852
She can lick my goddamn cinnamon ring clean
and kick rocks all the way to bald hell.
2031
02:07:14,019 --> 02:07:16,227
In fact, I don't give a shit if she removes
all my skin and...
2032
02:07:16,394 --> 02:07:18,269
pops me like some nightmarish blood balloon.
2033
02:07:18,436 --> 02:07:21,394
If the last thing I do in this godforsaken
cum-gutter existence...
2034
02:07:21,561 --> 02:07:24,311
is light that fuck-box on fire,
I still won't die happy.
2035
02:07:24,477 --> 02:07:26,227
Holy shit, girl. You crazy.
2036
02:07:26,394 --> 02:07:28,019
That's right, Wade.
I won't be happy until...
2037
02:07:28,186 --> 02:07:31,936
I've urinated on her freshly barbecued corpse
and husk-fucked the charred remains...
2038
02:07:32,102 --> 02:07:33,852
while gargling Juggernaut's juggernuts.
2039
02:07:34,019 --> 02:07:35,394
- Wow!
- And you can quote me.
2040
02:07:35,561 --> 02:07:36,394
'Kay.
2041
02:07:37,144 --> 02:07:38,436
Got you, fuckface.
141726
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