All language subtitles for Deadpool.and.Wolverine.2024.1080p.AMZN.WEBRip.DDP5.1.x265.10bit-GalaxyRG265

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:35,477 --> 00:00:39,519 That logo music just gets you pumped. Right? 2 00:00:39,686 --> 00:00:42,394 I'm sorry. I just, I'm excited to be here. It's been a while. 3 00:00:42,561 --> 00:00:45,394 You know, for a long time, I wasn't sure I'd ever be back. 4 00:00:45,561 --> 00:00:46,519 Disney bought Fox... 5 00:00:46,686 --> 00:00:49,436 there was a whole boring rights issue, blabbity-blabbity-blah. 6 00:00:49,602 --> 00:00:52,352 But then, it turned out, they wanted me. 7 00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:54,936 The one guy who shouldn't even have his own movie... 8 00:00:55,102 --> 00:00:56,686 much less a franchise. 9 00:00:57,227 --> 00:00:59,352 Marvel's so stupid. 10 00:01:00,102 --> 00:01:02,102 Look, we know the title of this thing. So... 11 00:01:02,269 --> 00:01:03,602 I know what you're wondering. 12 00:01:03,769 --> 00:01:07,602 How are we gonna do this without dishonoring Logan's memory? 13 00:01:08,227 --> 00:01:09,436 And I'll tell you how. 14 00:01:10,561 --> 00:01:11,394 We're not. 15 00:01:13,394 --> 00:01:15,394 I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. 16 00:01:15,561 --> 00:01:17,811 Wolverine is not dead. 17 00:01:17,977 --> 00:01:20,936 Sure, it made for a perfect ending to a very sad story. 18 00:01:21,144 --> 00:01:24,269 But that's not how regenerative healing factors work. 19 00:01:24,436 --> 00:01:27,811 You think I wanna be out here in beautiful downtown North Dakota... 20 00:01:27,977 --> 00:01:30,811 digging up the one and only Wolverine? No, thank you. 21 00:01:31,269 --> 00:01:33,602 But the fate of my entire world is at stake. 22 00:01:33,769 --> 00:01:38,477 He may not be living his best life, but he sure as hell ain't dead. 23 00:01:43,977 --> 00:01:44,977 Bingo. 24 00:01:45,769 --> 00:01:46,769 Yahtzee. 25 00:01:50,061 --> 00:01:52,936 Yes, yes, yes. 26 00:01:56,519 --> 00:01:57,519 Damn it! 27 00:01:58,602 --> 00:02:01,227 Son of a bitch! 28 00:02:03,019 --> 00:02:04,102 You... 29 00:02:06,561 --> 00:02:09,811 Christ. Motherfucker! 30 00:02:09,977 --> 00:02:11,519 My world is fuck... 31 00:02:12,686 --> 00:02:13,977 That was weird. 32 00:02:14,477 --> 00:02:15,852 I'm much calmer now. 33 00:02:17,102 --> 00:02:19,936 Look, I'm not a man of science. 34 00:02:20,102 --> 00:02:22,727 But you seem incredibly passed away. 35 00:02:26,519 --> 00:02:28,061 But it's good to see ya. 36 00:02:28,227 --> 00:02:31,144 I gotta be honest, I've always wanted to ride with you, Log. 37 00:02:31,311 --> 00:02:36,269 You and me getting into it. Deadpool and Wolverine just fuckin' shit up. 38 00:02:36,436 --> 00:02:39,602 Can you imagine the fun, the chaos... 39 00:02:39,769 --> 00:02:40,727 the residuals? 40 00:02:41,936 --> 00:02:42,977 "G'day, mate. 41 00:02:43,144 --> 00:02:44,811 "There's nothing that'll bring me back to life faster... 42 00:02:44,977 --> 00:02:47,436 "than a big bag of Marvel cash." 43 00:02:49,227 --> 00:02:50,269 Me too, Hugh. 44 00:02:51,019 --> 00:02:53,227 But, no. No, no, no. 45 00:02:54,811 --> 00:02:59,561 You had to get all noble and die for real. Goddamn it! 46 00:03:01,269 --> 00:03:03,352 I could really use your help right now. 47 00:03:14,436 --> 00:03:15,269 Wait! 48 00:03:16,436 --> 00:03:18,061 I'm warning you, I'm not alone. 49 00:03:18,227 --> 00:03:19,686 Wade Winston Wilson... 50 00:03:20,436 --> 00:03:23,144 you are under arrest by the Time Variance Authority... 51 00:03:23,311 --> 00:03:25,144 for too many crimes to list. 52 00:03:25,311 --> 00:03:26,144 Come out... 53 00:03:26,311 --> 00:03:27,644 and we'll extend you the courtesy... 54 00:03:27,811 --> 00:03:29,894 - of taking you in one piece. - Death by day-player. 55 00:03:30,061 --> 00:03:30,977 Last chance. 56 00:03:31,394 --> 00:03:34,186 Throw out your weapons and come out peacefully. 57 00:03:34,811 --> 00:03:36,644 I'm not gonna give you my weapons... 58 00:03:36,811 --> 00:03:38,852 but I promise not to use them. 59 00:03:39,894 --> 00:03:42,519 There are two hundred and six bones in the human body. 60 00:03:42,686 --> 00:03:44,852 Two hundred and seven if I'm watching Gossip Girl. 61 00:03:45,811 --> 00:03:47,769 Here we go. Maximum effort. 62 00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:57,852 Okay, peanut. Guess we're getting that team up after all. 63 00:05:07,852 --> 00:05:09,686 Maradona from outside the box! 64 00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:12,227 Goal! 65 00:05:59,852 --> 00:06:01,102 Come on, big fella. 66 00:06:40,186 --> 00:06:42,602 I am soaking wet right now. 67 00:06:45,894 --> 00:06:47,894 To be clear, I'm not proud of any of this. 68 00:06:48,061 --> 00:06:51,936 The wanton violence, the whiff of necrophilia. It isn't who I am. 69 00:06:52,102 --> 00:06:53,436 It isn't who I wanna be. 70 00:06:53,602 --> 00:06:54,852 Who I wanna be? 71 00:06:55,019 --> 00:06:56,602 Well, to help you understand that... 72 00:06:56,769 --> 00:06:57,811 I've gotta take you back. 73 00:06:57,977 --> 00:07:00,561 A little joyride I took through space and time... 74 00:07:00,727 --> 00:07:03,269 to the day that changed everything. 75 00:07:15,394 --> 00:07:17,019 I can't believe I'm finally here. 76 00:07:17,186 --> 00:07:19,727 I've waited for this moment for so long. 77 00:07:21,061 --> 00:07:23,186 Thank you, sir, for seeing me. 78 00:07:24,269 --> 00:07:26,144 I firmly believe... 79 00:07:26,311 --> 00:07:27,602 that my services could be of... 80 00:07:27,769 --> 00:07:30,519 great use to your organization. Now I know... 81 00:07:30,686 --> 00:07:32,977 I was caught smashturbating in the lobby of Stark Tower... 82 00:07:33,144 --> 00:07:34,352 - but I can assure you that... - Smashturbating? 83 00:07:34,519 --> 00:07:35,769 I'm sorry, what, what was that? 84 00:07:35,936 --> 00:07:39,144 No, I'm sorry. That, that's when you get those toy... 85 00:07:39,311 --> 00:07:41,977 Hulk hands, right? And then you just, you look down, and you just... 86 00:07:43,311 --> 00:07:45,894 you brace yourself, and you ravage the midsection. 87 00:07:46,061 --> 00:07:47,561 - Pinch the... Yeah. Okay. - I get it. Okay, thank you. 88 00:07:47,727 --> 00:07:49,602 - The picture's painted. - You get the gist. 89 00:07:49,769 --> 00:07:51,936 What exactly brings you here today? 90 00:07:52,102 --> 00:07:54,811 Why am I... Wow. Okay. 91 00:07:54,977 --> 00:07:56,852 I care. 92 00:07:57,102 --> 00:07:59,561 I know I turn everything into a joke, but I... 93 00:08:01,644 --> 00:08:04,269 I care, and I, I wanna use that feeling... 94 00:08:05,311 --> 00:08:07,186 for something important. 95 00:08:07,602 --> 00:08:08,936 I, I wanna matter. 96 00:08:11,852 --> 00:08:13,561 I need to show my girl that I matter. 97 00:08:14,936 --> 00:08:15,936 And... 98 00:08:16,644 --> 00:08:18,644 you know, I feel like I'm wasting the good stuff here. 99 00:08:18,811 --> 00:08:20,727 - Is the man not gonna be joining us? - The man? 100 00:08:20,894 --> 00:08:23,019 Yeah. I should save this if he's gonna... 101 00:08:23,561 --> 00:08:25,436 As, as far as you're concerned right now, I'm the man. 102 00:08:25,602 --> 00:08:26,727 - No. - The man is me. 103 00:08:27,144 --> 00:08:30,102 I am the man in this circumstance. 104 00:08:30,936 --> 00:08:32,894 He doesn't do this kind of thing anymore. 105 00:08:33,061 --> 00:08:33,894 - Cameos? - Meetings. 106 00:08:34,061 --> 00:08:35,601 - Meetings. - Entry-level meetings. 107 00:08:35,769 --> 00:08:36,561 Entry-level? 108 00:08:36,726 --> 00:08:38,561 Aren't you the chauffeur... 109 00:08:38,726 --> 00:08:40,726 - maybe? - I... Common misconception. 110 00:08:40,894 --> 00:08:43,976 - Okay. - I did begin my career as Mr. Stark's driver. 111 00:08:44,144 --> 00:08:45,144 - Okay. - Quickly pivoted to... 112 00:08:45,311 --> 00:08:46,686 - Chauffeur. - ...the Head of Security. 113 00:08:46,852 --> 00:08:48,686 The Head of... Of course, yes, yes, yes. 114 00:08:48,852 --> 00:08:51,727 And why I am vetting your résumé. 115 00:08:51,894 --> 00:08:53,977 You seem to have left out whether or not you had... 116 00:08:54,144 --> 00:08:55,644 any experience as a member of a team. 117 00:08:55,811 --> 00:08:58,019 Could you maybe add a little bit of perspective there? 118 00:08:58,186 --> 00:09:00,352 No, yes, of course. I was Special Forces... 119 00:09:00,519 --> 00:09:03,019 - Okay. - but I was... Mainly, I was team leader... 120 00:09:03,186 --> 00:09:04,269 founder, really, of X-Force. 121 00:09:04,436 --> 00:09:06,352 Sadly, they, they all perished in action though. 122 00:09:06,519 --> 00:09:07,811 How exactly did that happen? 123 00:09:07,977 --> 00:09:09,852 Well, the police say gravity, but if... 124 00:09:10,019 --> 00:09:10,852 Just between us... 125 00:09:11,019 --> 00:09:12,602 - they didn't test well in the focus group. - I see. 126 00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:14,519 - Particularly Cable. - X-Force. 127 00:09:14,686 --> 00:09:16,561 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Look, I can see this isn't going well. 128 00:09:16,727 --> 00:09:18,102 Please stop writing. Look, I, I... 129 00:09:18,269 --> 00:09:20,102 I'm just... I wanna be an Avenger. 130 00:09:21,852 --> 00:09:23,602 I wanna be an Avenger. 131 00:09:25,519 --> 00:09:26,894 Why do you wanna be an Avenger? 132 00:09:27,436 --> 00:09:30,394 Look around you. I mean, they're the, they're the best of the best. 133 00:09:30,561 --> 00:09:32,352 And, and what they do matters. 134 00:09:32,519 --> 00:09:34,769 I need to be an Avenger. 135 00:09:35,061 --> 00:09:38,644 Sir, my girl has kinda had it with my shtick, and I, if I don't, you know... 136 00:09:38,811 --> 00:09:41,436 turn things around and do something with my gifts... 137 00:09:41,602 --> 00:09:43,144 I don't think it's gonna really work out for me... 138 00:09:43,311 --> 00:09:44,561 and I wouldn't blame her. 139 00:09:45,977 --> 00:09:49,977 Avengers are a very unique group of superheroes... 140 00:09:50,227 --> 00:09:51,352 that stand for something... 141 00:09:51,519 --> 00:09:54,102 more than just fighting and wearing costumes. 142 00:09:54,269 --> 00:09:57,186 I mean, people look up to us. Kids look up to us. 143 00:09:57,352 --> 00:09:58,561 - They... - I'm sorry. "Us?" 144 00:09:58,727 --> 00:10:00,477 I wasn't aware that you were an Avenger. 145 00:10:01,269 --> 00:10:02,727 - Avengers-adjacent, technically. - Oh, wow. 146 00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:05,936 What's your superpower? Is it parallel parking? I am so sorry. 147 00:10:06,436 --> 00:10:07,686 That was cruel. 148 00:10:07,852 --> 00:10:09,977 I lash out when I'm nervous. Won't happen again. 149 00:10:10,144 --> 00:10:11,436 - Let's cut to the chase. - Please. 150 00:10:11,602 --> 00:10:12,936 You just said moments ago... 151 00:10:13,102 --> 00:10:17,019 that you wanted to be an Avenger because you need it. 152 00:10:17,519 --> 00:10:18,769 Yes, sir, I do. 153 00:10:18,936 --> 00:10:21,769 But the Avengers don't do the job because they need it. 154 00:10:21,936 --> 00:10:23,852 They do the job because people need them. 155 00:10:25,061 --> 00:10:26,477 Do you see the distinction? 156 00:10:28,269 --> 00:10:29,727 Yes, sir. 157 00:10:30,561 --> 00:10:32,102 Please, Mr. Hogan. 158 00:10:32,269 --> 00:10:35,519 I don't wanna spend the rest of my life like an annoying one-trick pony. 159 00:10:38,394 --> 00:10:39,394 All right. 160 00:10:40,436 --> 00:10:42,019 Oh, my God, you're standing. 161 00:10:42,186 --> 00:10:43,519 Yeah, now's the time that we stand. 162 00:10:43,686 --> 00:10:44,519 Damn it. 163 00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:46,144 Now, the problem might be that you're... 164 00:10:46,311 --> 00:10:48,561 reaching a little, little too high. 165 00:10:48,727 --> 00:10:51,144 Aim for the middle, and you'll never miss. 166 00:10:51,311 --> 00:10:53,477 Right? I think you got a good heart. I believe what you're saying. 167 00:10:54,394 --> 00:10:57,519 But not everybody's the world-saving type. I'm not, and I'm happy. 168 00:10:58,227 --> 00:10:59,936 Right? I found my place. 169 00:11:00,769 --> 00:11:02,019 Find your place. 170 00:11:03,227 --> 00:11:04,602 - All right? Get back out there. - Mm-hmm. 171 00:11:05,311 --> 00:11:08,186 - We'll keep an eye on you. Good luck. - Okay. 172 00:11:11,727 --> 00:11:13,644 Fetch the car. I wanna hit Shake Shack. 173 00:11:14,102 --> 00:11:15,852 Rejection makes me hungy. 174 00:11:16,686 --> 00:11:18,227 - Really? No? - No, no. Please. 175 00:11:18,394 --> 00:11:20,977 - Yeah, no, no, no. Okay, thank you. - Oh, okay. 176 00:11:23,186 --> 00:11:26,269 You know what they say. When one door closes... 177 00:11:27,602 --> 00:11:28,644 your locker at work opens. 178 00:11:38,977 --> 00:11:42,019 Now let's go sell some certified pre-owned vehicles, motherfu... 179 00:11:44,477 --> 00:11:47,436 Technically, the, the Carnival's not a minivan. 180 00:11:48,686 --> 00:11:49,686 It's an MPV. 181 00:11:49,852 --> 00:11:51,436 So how does the Kia compare to... 182 00:11:51,602 --> 00:11:52,894 - the Honda Odyssey? - The Odyssey? 183 00:11:53,061 --> 00:11:55,602 That's a great question. It doesn't fucking suck. 184 00:11:56,269 --> 00:11:58,477 You know, you can answer the question without swearing. 185 00:11:58,644 --> 00:12:00,561 I'm sorry, Tammy, I don't, I don't have kids. 186 00:12:01,269 --> 00:12:02,852 Not that I haven't dreamt of that... 187 00:12:03,019 --> 00:12:05,061 but I don't have a lot of vaginal sex. 188 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:09,936 You'll get 'em next time, pal. 189 00:12:10,102 --> 00:12:12,561 And look, you can always go back to superhero-ing. 190 00:12:12,727 --> 00:12:14,602 I mean, I know I'd like to see you back in the suit. 191 00:12:15,311 --> 00:12:17,727 I don't keep it in my locker so that I can wear it. 192 00:12:18,144 --> 00:12:20,644 I keep it in my locker in case we need to saddle up again. 193 00:12:20,811 --> 00:12:23,686 Hey, hey, hey. What? What is that doing in there? 194 00:12:24,019 --> 00:12:24,852 I'm done. 195 00:12:26,561 --> 00:12:27,561 I'm done. 196 00:12:28,561 --> 00:12:30,561 And I'm fine with being done. 197 00:12:30,727 --> 00:12:32,227 Look, is sales the best match? 198 00:12:32,394 --> 00:12:33,227 Probably not. 199 00:12:33,394 --> 00:12:36,769 Is this the life that I always imagined for myself? Fuck no. 200 00:12:37,727 --> 00:12:40,352 But this is the right fit for me, Sugar Bear, it is. 201 00:12:40,644 --> 00:12:42,061 Okay, Mr. Wilson. 202 00:12:42,436 --> 00:12:46,186 I'm just saying, once a month, we could go on a little mission. 203 00:12:46,352 --> 00:12:48,852 We're human beings. We crave purpose. 204 00:12:49,019 --> 00:12:50,686 After all, we're Deadpool. 205 00:12:50,852 --> 00:12:54,811 Please stop saying that. We're not Deadpool. I'm not even Deadpool anymore. 206 00:12:55,769 --> 00:12:58,602 Well, if you're gonna have a midlife crisis, go big. 207 00:12:58,769 --> 00:12:59,769 A few years ago... 208 00:12:59,936 --> 00:13:02,936 a friend of mine got his nipples pierced with a titanium chain... 209 00:13:03,102 --> 00:13:06,061 that goes down and attaches to his Van Johnson. 210 00:13:10,102 --> 00:13:13,227 Are, are you feeling grumplestiltskin 'cause it's your birthday? 211 00:13:15,227 --> 00:13:16,061 What? 212 00:13:17,061 --> 00:13:17,894 No. 213 00:13:19,061 --> 00:13:19,894 No. 214 00:13:23,519 --> 00:13:25,269 Surprise! 215 00:13:25,561 --> 00:13:27,936 Hey, you guys are lucky I'm not armed. 216 00:13:28,602 --> 00:13:29,769 Get in here. 217 00:13:29,936 --> 00:13:32,186 If this were six years ago, you'd all be dead. 218 00:13:32,352 --> 00:13:35,144 So then, he gets out of the cab, and you will not believe it. 219 00:13:35,311 --> 00:13:37,644 - I turn around, and what do I find? - AirPods. 220 00:13:37,811 --> 00:13:39,102 - His AirPods. Come on. - His AirPods! 221 00:13:39,269 --> 00:13:40,186 Crazy story. 222 00:13:40,352 --> 00:13:42,727 - Every time. Come on. - Every single time. 223 00:13:44,811 --> 00:13:46,227 Make any sales today? 224 00:13:46,394 --> 00:13:47,769 You know I didn't. 225 00:13:47,936 --> 00:13:51,061 Did you sell any dreamcatchers on Etsy or whatever it is that you do? 226 00:13:51,227 --> 00:13:52,686 Our rent's due in three days, Wade. 227 00:13:52,852 --> 00:13:54,102 I can't keep carrying you. 228 00:13:54,269 --> 00:13:55,894 Relax. I have the money. 229 00:13:56,061 --> 00:13:59,477 I sold some old blood pressure medication I found lying around. 230 00:13:59,852 --> 00:14:01,227 You tryin' to kill me, motherfucker? 231 00:14:01,394 --> 00:14:03,519 I'm not the one dousing everything in salt, motherfucker. 232 00:14:03,686 --> 00:14:05,727 I pray every day that... 233 00:14:05,894 --> 00:14:07,561 fire finds your body... 234 00:14:07,727 --> 00:14:09,102 and finishes the job... 235 00:14:09,269 --> 00:14:11,727 - God didn't have the nuts to do. - That's hurtful. 236 00:14:11,894 --> 00:14:14,727 If you could hear the look on my face, you'd smell how sad I am. 237 00:14:14,894 --> 00:14:16,019 You watched anything good? 238 00:14:16,186 --> 00:14:17,769 Great British Bake Off. 239 00:14:17,936 --> 00:14:19,227 Oh, goddamn. 240 00:14:19,394 --> 00:14:21,727 That show stood between me and suicide for ten years. 241 00:14:21,894 --> 00:14:24,269 Those are my feelings on abortion, religious freedom... 242 00:14:24,436 --> 00:14:26,519 animal rights, privacy rights, vaccines... 243 00:14:26,686 --> 00:14:28,894 free-market capitalism, global climate change. 244 00:14:29,061 --> 00:14:31,186 Yeah, duh-duh-duh. No, no speaking lines, Buck. 245 00:14:31,769 --> 00:14:32,727 Hi, Yukio. 246 00:14:32,894 --> 00:14:33,811 Hi, Wade. 247 00:14:33,977 --> 00:14:35,686 Nice fake o'clock shadow. 248 00:14:36,644 --> 00:14:39,936 It's a summer balayage. From the French. 249 00:14:40,102 --> 00:14:43,269 It's meant to mimic the natural highlights of the sun. 250 00:14:43,436 --> 00:14:45,144 - It's a toupée. - It's a hair system. 251 00:14:45,311 --> 00:14:48,561 - I love your hair system, Wade. - Thank you. 252 00:14:48,977 --> 00:14:50,561 Wanna do some cocaine? 253 00:14:50,727 --> 00:14:53,686 Hey, cocaine is the one thing that Feige said is off limits. 254 00:14:53,852 --> 00:14:56,519 - What about Bolivian marching powder? - They know all the slang terms. 255 00:14:56,686 --> 00:14:57,644 They have a list. 256 00:14:57,811 --> 00:14:59,477 - Even snowboarding? - Even disco dust. 257 00:14:59,644 --> 00:15:01,227 - White girl interrupted? - Even Forrest Bump. 258 00:15:01,394 --> 00:15:03,269 - Booger sugar? - I wouldn't even try powdered gonuts. 259 00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:06,894 - You wanna build a snowman? - Yes. But I can't. 260 00:15:08,436 --> 00:15:09,269 Pull here. 261 00:15:09,936 --> 00:15:10,936 - Here? - Yeah. 262 00:15:12,311 --> 00:15:13,811 - What happened? - That's the fun part. 263 00:15:15,227 --> 00:15:16,352 Thanks for coming. 264 00:15:16,519 --> 00:15:17,436 Yeah. 265 00:15:17,602 --> 00:15:18,602 How's work? 266 00:15:18,894 --> 00:15:20,102 Oh, I got a promotion. 267 00:15:21,102 --> 00:15:21,977 No way. 268 00:15:22,144 --> 00:15:25,352 Yeah. It's mind-numbing middle management, but I'm happy. 269 00:15:25,519 --> 00:15:26,561 That's great. 270 00:15:28,519 --> 00:15:29,852 - You seeing anyone? - How about you? 271 00:15:31,519 --> 00:15:32,352 Yeah. 272 00:15:32,852 --> 00:15:35,394 A guy from work. Dermot. 273 00:15:35,561 --> 00:15:36,602 Dermot. 274 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,102 - He's kind. - Good. 275 00:15:38,269 --> 00:15:39,769 Likes to go hiking. 276 00:15:39,936 --> 00:15:41,311 Hasn't gotten me shot yet. 277 00:15:41,477 --> 00:15:43,602 Well, it's early days. 278 00:15:47,727 --> 00:15:49,477 What about you? You seeing anyone? 279 00:15:50,519 --> 00:15:53,852 No, no, I live in a one-bedroom apartment. I share a bed with Blind Al. 280 00:15:55,519 --> 00:15:58,769 - Okay. All right. - All right. 281 00:16:00,436 --> 00:16:03,686 Happy birthday to you 282 00:16:03,852 --> 00:16:05,394 - Speech! Speech! - Yes! 283 00:16:05,561 --> 00:16:07,352 All right. Okay, okay, okay. 284 00:16:08,311 --> 00:16:09,311 Birthdays. 285 00:16:09,477 --> 00:16:12,144 Boy, every spin around the moon is a new adventure indeed. 286 00:16:12,311 --> 00:16:14,352 - Sun, dumbass. - Okay, round-earther. 287 00:16:16,019 --> 00:16:17,936 - Where was I? - The adventure of life. 288 00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:19,102 Right. 289 00:16:19,269 --> 00:16:20,727 It's been a challenging few years. 290 00:16:20,894 --> 00:16:22,769 Haven't seen you guys in a while. 291 00:16:22,936 --> 00:16:25,019 Been through a lot, change of life. 292 00:16:25,186 --> 00:16:27,102 - Menopause? - Bitch, are you improv-ing? 293 00:16:27,269 --> 00:16:28,852 - Mm-mm. - Sorry. 294 00:16:29,811 --> 00:16:31,186 I'm sorry that you had to see that, Yukio. 295 00:16:31,352 --> 00:16:32,436 It's okay. 296 00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:35,769 But I'm happy. 297 00:16:36,186 --> 00:16:37,436 You know, and that's, that's... 298 00:16:37,602 --> 00:16:40,394 because of each and every one of you. 299 00:16:40,769 --> 00:16:42,227 I guess, what I'm trying to say is... 300 00:16:42,394 --> 00:16:43,769 how proud I am, how grateful I am... 301 00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:45,186 to be standing in a room... 302 00:16:45,352 --> 00:16:48,019 with every single person I love. 303 00:16:53,602 --> 00:16:55,227 I'm the luckiest man alive. 304 00:16:57,727 --> 00:16:58,811 Make a wish, buddy. 305 00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:00,311 Ten-four, good buddy. 306 00:17:01,519 --> 00:17:02,644 Going down. 307 00:17:09,019 --> 00:17:09,894 Wade Wilson? 308 00:17:10,060 --> 00:17:12,977 Oh, yeah. Dancers. Dopinder must have ordered you. 309 00:17:13,477 --> 00:17:14,810 Are those supposed to be cop costumes? 310 00:17:15,185 --> 00:17:16,144 Never mind. 311 00:17:16,810 --> 00:17:20,144 Take your clothes off but leave the helmets. And this isn't Pretty Woman. 312 00:17:21,102 --> 00:17:22,394 We're kissing. All right? 313 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:24,185 What song do you guys normally dance to? 314 00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:28,394 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 315 00:17:28,686 --> 00:17:29,894 Is that supposed to be scary? 316 00:17:30,061 --> 00:17:33,686 Pegging isn't new for me, friendo. But it is for Disney. 317 00:17:34,102 --> 00:17:34,936 Ah, ta, ta, ta! 318 00:17:35,227 --> 00:17:39,061 Okay, I've never been a natural bottom, so we're gonna take things real slow. 319 00:17:39,227 --> 00:17:41,102 And I want some crazy eye contact. 320 00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:42,311 Not you. You. 321 00:17:42,769 --> 00:17:44,561 Can't see your eyes through the mask, but I can feel them. 322 00:17:44,727 --> 00:17:46,311 We're gonna move on down the hallway... 323 00:17:46,477 --> 00:17:49,644 so we can spare a cleanup on aisle asshole. How does everyone feel about this plan? 324 00:17:49,811 --> 00:17:52,769 - I don't like you. - Yes. Let's hold on to that attitude. 325 00:17:52,936 --> 00:17:54,644 And we're gonna do it angry. 326 00:18:12,769 --> 00:18:13,936 Mr. Wilson... 327 00:18:15,852 --> 00:18:18,727 you appear to have soiled yourself while unconscious. 328 00:18:18,894 --> 00:18:21,144 I wasn't unconscious. Who are you? 329 00:18:21,477 --> 00:18:23,269 I go by the name of Paradox. 330 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:26,852 Mr. Paradox. And you're sitting here at the TVA. 331 00:18:27,019 --> 00:18:29,019 The Time Variance Authority. 332 00:18:29,186 --> 00:18:31,436 We're really a watchdog organization... 333 00:18:31,602 --> 00:18:35,311 except we're more lighthearted than that sounds with a sort of... 334 00:18:35,477 --> 00:18:37,561 throwback, ironic twist. 335 00:18:37,727 --> 00:18:41,936 And we're in charge of defending what's known as the Sacred Timeline. 336 00:18:42,102 --> 00:18:45,269 Holy fuck. That is a shit-ton of exposition for a threequel. 337 00:18:45,436 --> 00:18:47,311 Is this because I used Cable's time machine? 338 00:18:47,477 --> 00:18:50,102 Brought a couple of people back to life, then I destroyed it. 339 00:18:50,269 --> 00:18:51,644 - That was a long time ago. - Yes... 340 00:18:51,811 --> 00:18:54,477 we're aware of your abuse of your timeline. 341 00:18:54,644 --> 00:18:56,769 And you were so abusive of it. 342 00:18:57,561 --> 00:18:59,436 No, it has nothing to do with that. 343 00:18:59,602 --> 00:19:00,686 Walk with me. 344 00:19:06,561 --> 00:19:10,769 I brought you here, Mr. Wilson, to tell you that you're special. 345 00:19:11,519 --> 00:19:14,394 In fact, you've been chosen for a higher purpose... 346 00:19:14,561 --> 00:19:16,269 a purpose unclear even to me. 347 00:19:16,686 --> 00:19:18,727 But one that could... 348 00:19:18,894 --> 00:19:21,811 save the entire Sacred Timeline... 349 00:19:21,977 --> 00:19:24,561 from a possibly grisly fate sometime in the future... 350 00:19:24,727 --> 00:19:29,019 which may very well need to be... avenged. 351 00:19:29,311 --> 00:19:30,686 This Sacred Timeline... 352 00:19:31,769 --> 00:19:33,686 I assume I'm going to marvel... 353 00:19:34,186 --> 00:19:35,227 at how... 354 00:19:35,894 --> 00:19:37,644 cinematic it feels? 355 00:19:37,811 --> 00:19:39,811 Gratuitous cameos... 356 00:19:39,977 --> 00:19:41,811 indiscriminate use of Variants, the whole package? 357 00:19:41,977 --> 00:19:44,102 Well, you tell me. 358 00:19:50,894 --> 00:19:51,727 Cap! 359 00:19:58,977 --> 00:20:01,477 You are no longer lost, Wade. 360 00:20:01,644 --> 00:20:04,102 You can be a hero among heroes. 361 00:20:04,644 --> 00:20:06,811 We've been surveilling you for quite a while. 362 00:20:06,977 --> 00:20:09,727 - Subway station. - A TVA outpost, yes. 363 00:20:10,936 --> 00:20:12,061 - And what is that? - Hmm? 364 00:20:15,102 --> 00:20:16,477 Is that me? Is that Thor? 365 00:20:17,977 --> 00:20:19,186 Is he crying? 366 00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:21,144 Let's not get ahead of ourselves. 367 00:20:21,311 --> 00:20:22,644 That happens in the distant future. 368 00:20:22,811 --> 00:20:25,019 - Why is Thor crying? Quick! Tell me. - Do not speak to her. 369 00:20:25,186 --> 00:20:26,019 Stop that. Eyes on me. 370 00:20:26,186 --> 00:20:28,394 I brought you here to offer you an opportunity. 371 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:31,811 The opportunity you sought years ago, but for which you were not ready. 372 00:20:31,977 --> 00:20:33,602 We believe you're ready now. 373 00:20:33,769 --> 00:20:35,644 Ready for a chance to leave your timeline... 374 00:20:35,811 --> 00:20:38,144 and join the greatest universe of all. 375 00:20:38,311 --> 00:20:39,852 I am about to give you the thing you've always wanted. 376 00:20:40,019 --> 00:20:41,561 Oh, I smell what you're steppin' in. 377 00:20:41,727 --> 00:20:44,144 The power in the Marvel Universe is about to change forever. 378 00:20:46,519 --> 00:20:48,186 I am the Messiah... 379 00:20:49,977 --> 00:20:52,144 I am... 380 00:20:53,727 --> 00:20:54,977 Marvel Jesus. 381 00:20:56,394 --> 00:20:59,102 Can you excuse me for just a moment? I'm just gonna go over here. 382 00:21:02,519 --> 00:21:03,894 Suck it, Fox! 383 00:21:04,061 --> 00:21:05,352 I'm going to Disneyland. 384 00:21:05,894 --> 00:21:06,769 Get fucked! 385 00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:12,477 - Where do I sign? - Oh, there's no need for paperwork. 386 00:21:12,644 --> 00:21:14,852 Good. Not to brag, but I do not read. 387 00:21:15,019 --> 00:21:17,936 - Oh. - There is one thing I will need, though. 388 00:21:22,436 --> 00:21:24,519 Oh, fuck off! 389 00:21:24,686 --> 00:21:26,644 Adorn me, Beardo. 390 00:21:47,269 --> 00:21:48,227 Fuckin' A! 391 00:21:49,269 --> 00:21:51,102 It's perfect! FYI... 392 00:21:51,269 --> 00:21:54,102 your tailor is a predator, but I love it. Snug. 393 00:21:54,269 --> 00:21:58,644 No camel toe. New car smell and adamantium katanas? 394 00:21:59,019 --> 00:22:00,477 You shouldn't have. 395 00:22:00,811 --> 00:22:02,936 Go ahead. Take it in. 396 00:22:03,102 --> 00:22:05,602 And yes, your underwear is getting tighter. 397 00:22:05,769 --> 00:22:07,394 That guy knows what I'm talking about. 398 00:22:07,561 --> 00:22:09,061 His clothes says middle management... 399 00:22:09,227 --> 00:22:11,686 but his eyes say fuck-y fuck-y. 400 00:22:11,852 --> 00:22:13,519 Yes. You look very nice. 401 00:22:13,686 --> 00:22:16,727 "Nice?" Your buddy here is ready to throw it all away for me. 402 00:22:16,894 --> 00:22:18,102 - You callin' your wife? - HR. 403 00:22:18,269 --> 00:22:19,436 Does your wife work in HR? 404 00:22:19,602 --> 00:22:21,686 I'm really glad you're taking this so well. 405 00:22:22,019 --> 00:22:23,811 Oh. I'm taking it well. 406 00:22:23,977 --> 00:22:26,936 I have never had a problem traveling for work. That said... 407 00:22:27,102 --> 00:22:28,269 we should talk vacation days. 408 00:22:28,644 --> 00:22:31,061 I'm more of a one-week-on-one-week-off kind of guy. 409 00:22:31,227 --> 00:22:32,561 I think it's what they do in Denmark. 410 00:22:32,727 --> 00:22:35,186 You know, you'll never see a Danish flag on the moon, but... 411 00:22:35,352 --> 00:22:36,436 goddamn it, they're happy. 412 00:22:36,602 --> 00:22:39,102 Now, let's power up your little Amazon Fire phone there... 413 00:22:39,269 --> 00:22:42,477 and zip me back home so I can let my friends know that they've been upgraded... 414 00:22:42,644 --> 00:22:43,686 to disciples. 415 00:22:43,852 --> 00:22:46,852 Yeah. I don't think you... quite understand. 416 00:22:47,686 --> 00:22:51,894 You will not be returning to your home because there will be no home to return to. 417 00:22:52,061 --> 00:22:52,894 Come again? 418 00:22:53,061 --> 00:22:54,102 This time in my ears. 419 00:22:58,477 --> 00:23:01,394 This is your universe, Mr. Wilson. 420 00:23:02,019 --> 00:23:03,269 That... 421 00:23:03,436 --> 00:23:07,519 is what happens when a universe loses their Anchor Being. 422 00:23:07,686 --> 00:23:09,769 See how it decays from the inside? 423 00:23:09,936 --> 00:23:12,602 - This is how a reality dies. - What's an Anchor Being? 424 00:23:12,769 --> 00:23:16,102 An Anchor Being is an entity of such vital importance that when they die... 425 00:23:16,269 --> 00:23:19,769 their whole world slowly withers out of existence. 426 00:23:19,936 --> 00:23:22,561 You've just won the lottery because I didn't die. 427 00:23:22,727 --> 00:23:24,436 It was just a little midlife crisis. I'm better now. 428 00:23:24,602 --> 00:23:26,019 Oh, no, no, no. 429 00:23:30,727 --> 00:23:33,436 - Oh, my God. - Oh, I love to laugh. 430 00:23:33,602 --> 00:23:36,311 Can you imagine if you were the Anchor Being? 431 00:23:38,269 --> 00:23:40,769 - Yeah. - No, it isn't you, Mr. Wilson. 432 00:23:41,602 --> 00:23:45,894 Your Anchor Being died in an act of self-sacrifice so epic... 433 00:23:46,311 --> 00:23:48,436 that it sent shivers down the Timeline. 434 00:23:48,811 --> 00:23:51,644 I am referring, of course, to... 435 00:23:53,061 --> 00:23:56,769 Logan. The Wolverine. 436 00:24:00,311 --> 00:24:02,644 Don't be what they made you. 437 00:24:13,019 --> 00:24:15,186 So this is what it feels like... 438 00:24:17,019 --> 00:24:18,019 Logan. 439 00:24:18,936 --> 00:24:19,936 Of course. 440 00:24:20,686 --> 00:24:21,519 Logan. 441 00:24:24,436 --> 00:24:25,727 Logan? 442 00:24:25,894 --> 00:24:27,852 The guy with forks for hands? 443 00:24:28,019 --> 00:24:29,269 That Wolverine? 444 00:24:30,644 --> 00:24:34,686 Yeah, I got it. You can turn your retro graphics of death off now. Make it stop. 445 00:24:34,852 --> 00:24:37,311 We're not doing it, Mr. Wilson. We certainly can't stop it. 446 00:24:39,727 --> 00:24:40,686 How long have we got? 447 00:24:40,852 --> 00:24:43,186 In most cases, couple thousand years. 448 00:24:43,352 --> 00:24:45,352 - Well, sweet. - Well, most cases aren't fast enough. 449 00:24:45,519 --> 00:24:46,477 Not for me. 450 00:24:47,061 --> 00:24:48,061 What does that mean? 451 00:24:48,227 --> 00:24:50,311 It means that I have been tasked... 452 00:24:50,477 --> 00:24:52,727 with overseeing the end of your universe. 453 00:24:52,894 --> 00:24:55,519 And regardless of what the pencil pushers upstairs would prefer... 454 00:24:55,686 --> 00:24:56,811 I will not... 455 00:24:57,269 --> 00:25:00,561 waste my life watching it die slowly of natural causes. 456 00:25:00,727 --> 00:25:02,894 We used to just prune these things. Simple. 457 00:25:03,061 --> 00:25:04,769 Elegant. Efficient. But I'm told the TVA... 458 00:25:04,936 --> 00:25:07,186 doesn't like to do that anymore. Well I do. 459 00:25:07,352 --> 00:25:09,686 And no matter what my so-called superiors say, the multiverse... 460 00:25:09,852 --> 00:25:11,519 does not need a babysitter. 461 00:25:11,686 --> 00:25:13,477 We need a mercy killer. 462 00:25:13,644 --> 00:25:15,061 And in this instance... 463 00:25:15,227 --> 00:25:17,644 I am the mercy killer. 464 00:25:22,727 --> 00:25:24,644 What in the MacGuffin is that? 465 00:25:24,811 --> 00:25:26,977 That's a Time Ripper, Mr. Wilson. 466 00:25:27,144 --> 00:25:28,686 An accelerant. 467 00:25:28,852 --> 00:25:33,436 Once completed, it will allow me to destroy the spacetime matrix of your universe. 468 00:25:33,602 --> 00:25:35,602 You see, I don't want to work for the TVA. 469 00:25:35,769 --> 00:25:37,852 I want to be the TVA. 470 00:25:38,019 --> 00:25:40,561 And the first step involves showing this organization... 471 00:25:40,727 --> 00:25:42,394 how much more efficient it can become. 472 00:25:42,561 --> 00:25:46,852 To wit, I will be giving your universe a swift and compassionate end. 473 00:25:47,019 --> 00:25:48,436 And don't worry, your friends won't feel a thing. 474 00:25:48,602 --> 00:25:50,394 It'll be over just like this. "Oh, what's that?" 475 00:25:51,769 --> 00:25:52,852 Trust me. 476 00:26:05,561 --> 00:26:07,727 You're gonna Old Yeller my fucking universe? 477 00:26:07,894 --> 00:26:10,102 Mm... In your parlance, yes. 478 00:26:10,269 --> 00:26:11,311 Two in the heart, one in the head. 479 00:26:11,727 --> 00:26:13,686 Look, Mr. Wilson, you have two choices. 480 00:26:13,852 --> 00:26:17,061 You can either rejoin your loved ones and collectively cease to exist in... 481 00:26:17,227 --> 00:26:20,061 I'd say, seventy-two hours. Or... 482 00:26:20,227 --> 00:26:22,769 you join the Sacred Timeline. 483 00:26:22,936 --> 00:26:25,186 And you end your days of insignificance... 484 00:26:25,352 --> 00:26:27,269 and mediocrity. 485 00:26:27,436 --> 00:26:28,352 Wade. 486 00:26:29,061 --> 00:26:30,769 Wade, you can finally... 487 00:26:30,936 --> 00:26:33,352 finally, matter. 488 00:26:43,102 --> 00:26:45,144 That's all I've ever really wanted. 489 00:26:45,311 --> 00:26:46,561 I know. 490 00:26:47,186 --> 00:26:48,186 I know. 491 00:26:49,144 --> 00:26:52,644 And you know I'm, I'm nothing if not morally flexible. 492 00:26:55,144 --> 00:26:56,102 Yep, yep. 493 00:26:58,436 --> 00:26:59,436 I'll do it. 494 00:26:59,602 --> 00:27:02,019 Wise choice. The Sacred Timeline's happy to have you. 495 00:27:02,186 --> 00:27:04,019 I was actually talking about finding the Wolverine... 496 00:27:04,186 --> 00:27:05,269 and breaking your fucking nose. 497 00:27:19,102 --> 00:27:21,436 Find him. Find him! 498 00:27:21,602 --> 00:27:23,352 And boy, did he ever. 499 00:27:25,227 --> 00:27:26,644 Which brings us back to this. 500 00:27:28,811 --> 00:27:30,769 The desecration of the sacred corpse. 501 00:27:35,102 --> 00:27:36,311 Oh, my God! 502 00:27:37,727 --> 00:27:40,352 Oh! My own fucking arm! 503 00:27:44,477 --> 00:27:45,561 Now we're talkin'! 504 00:27:45,686 --> 00:27:46,977 Not like this! 505 00:27:47,144 --> 00:27:49,102 No, dear God! No! 506 00:27:49,269 --> 00:27:51,436 I'm sorry! Wolverine-ing is hard! 507 00:27:51,602 --> 00:27:52,602 Make it stop! 508 00:27:52,769 --> 00:27:54,519 Mangold tried. 509 00:27:56,769 --> 00:27:58,727 You sick fuck! 510 00:27:58,894 --> 00:28:00,061 Logan was a hero. 511 00:28:00,352 --> 00:28:03,144 And the only thing worth a shit to ever come out of Canada. 512 00:28:11,102 --> 00:28:15,394 Get my country's name out of your fuckin' mouth. 513 00:28:16,519 --> 00:28:18,102 And my sword. Give me that. 514 00:28:21,561 --> 00:28:23,852 Oh, I gotta find me another Logan. 515 00:28:24,311 --> 00:28:25,602 An alive one. 516 00:28:25,852 --> 00:28:28,019 Don't get up, guys. I'll see myself out. 517 00:28:35,602 --> 00:28:36,436 Logan! 518 00:28:40,186 --> 00:28:41,811 I'm gonna need you to come with me. 519 00:28:43,102 --> 00:28:44,102 Who's asking? 520 00:28:46,269 --> 00:28:48,311 Oh, look at this little Hairy Lou Retton. 521 00:28:48,477 --> 00:28:50,061 Did you stick the landing, little guy? 522 00:28:50,727 --> 00:28:51,561 Yes, you did! 523 00:28:51,727 --> 00:28:53,644 Comic accurate short king. 524 00:28:53,811 --> 00:28:55,894 Such a cute wittle Wolvie. 525 00:28:56,061 --> 00:28:57,769 Cue the fuckin' montage, baby. 526 00:28:58,394 --> 00:29:01,436 Ahoy! Everything seems to be on fire. 527 00:29:01,602 --> 00:29:02,686 You have a dragon? 528 00:29:03,436 --> 00:29:06,352 You have Anchor Being written all over... 529 00:29:15,686 --> 00:29:16,686 Patch! 530 00:29:18,727 --> 00:29:19,977 Now we're talkin'. 531 00:29:20,602 --> 00:29:21,894 Oh, yeah. 532 00:29:22,519 --> 00:29:24,436 That's the whole goddamn package right there. 533 00:29:25,436 --> 00:29:26,519 Howdy! 534 00:29:26,686 --> 00:29:29,186 I'm just... I'm auditioning Anchor Beings. 535 00:29:29,352 --> 00:29:31,894 Oh. Yeah, that's gonna need some coconut oil. 536 00:29:36,269 --> 00:29:38,102 What in the fuck? 537 00:29:38,519 --> 00:29:40,019 Are you okay? 538 00:29:40,519 --> 00:29:41,561 Oh, yes, yes. 539 00:29:41,727 --> 00:29:43,561 Classic John Byrne brown and tan. 540 00:29:43,727 --> 00:29:45,686 Now, you fought the Hulk in this outfit. No? 541 00:29:48,561 --> 00:29:50,269 I'm Marvel Jesus, you dull creature, and I will not... 542 00:30:01,144 --> 00:30:03,686 It's not you. We're just going in a different direction. 543 00:30:06,977 --> 00:30:09,102 You know, from behind, you look a little bit like Henry... 544 00:30:09,269 --> 00:30:10,477 Oh, my fuck! 545 00:30:10,811 --> 00:30:13,519 The Cavillrine. The legends are true. 546 00:30:14,186 --> 00:30:16,936 And may I say, sir, on behalf of all humanity... 547 00:30:17,102 --> 00:30:18,811 this just feels right. 548 00:30:18,977 --> 00:30:22,061 We will treat you so much better than those shit fucks down the street. 549 00:30:22,227 --> 00:30:23,269 You were just leavin'. 550 00:30:23,436 --> 00:30:25,602 No, sir. Not while the fate of my universe is at... 551 00:30:30,477 --> 00:30:31,894 This one looks promising. 552 00:30:32,061 --> 00:30:32,894 Down you go. 553 00:30:34,686 --> 00:30:35,519 Again. 554 00:30:36,644 --> 00:30:38,602 I told you. You're not welcome here. 555 00:30:38,769 --> 00:30:40,186 You're not welcome anywhere. 556 00:30:40,352 --> 00:30:41,561 Now get the fuck out of my bar. 557 00:30:41,727 --> 00:30:44,186 Just give me one more drink and then I'll leave. 558 00:30:44,352 --> 00:30:45,977 That's not how it works. 559 00:30:46,144 --> 00:30:48,394 It does now. Leave the bottle. 560 00:30:48,561 --> 00:30:49,394 I know you, bub? 561 00:30:49,561 --> 00:30:51,644 Nope. But I know you. 562 00:30:52,061 --> 00:30:53,436 Everybody knows me. 563 00:30:55,019 --> 00:30:56,186 I'm the Wolverine. 564 00:30:56,352 --> 00:30:58,144 Yes, you are. 565 00:30:58,311 --> 00:31:00,602 And I'm gonna need you to come with me right now. 566 00:31:02,019 --> 00:31:03,394 Look, lady, I'm not interested. 567 00:31:03,561 --> 00:31:06,269 - Really gettin' into your cups here. - Why would I go with you? 568 00:31:07,477 --> 00:31:09,311 Because, unfortunately... 569 00:31:09,477 --> 00:31:10,394 I need you... 570 00:31:10,561 --> 00:31:14,644 and even more unfortunately, my entire world needs you. 571 00:31:15,477 --> 00:31:16,936 You two gonna fuck or fight? 572 00:31:20,894 --> 00:31:22,102 You gonna take that from him? 573 00:31:22,477 --> 00:31:23,311 Yep. 574 00:31:24,186 --> 00:31:25,227 I can tell you have a sort of... 575 00:31:25,394 --> 00:31:27,852 don't-get-too-close-I'll-only- break-your-heart vibe going here... 576 00:31:28,019 --> 00:31:30,269 but every other Wolverine would've really hurt me by now. 577 00:31:30,436 --> 00:31:33,311 And, I'm sort of on the tick-tick. So upsy-daisy. Here we go. 578 00:31:33,477 --> 00:31:35,686 - Whoa, whoa. Hey, hey! - Up you go. I got you, big guy. 579 00:31:39,102 --> 00:31:40,227 Whiskey dick of the claws. 580 00:31:40,394 --> 00:31:42,852 - It's quite common in Wolverines over forty. - You don't want this. 581 00:31:43,019 --> 00:31:45,561 You're right. I don't. And you don't want this. 582 00:31:45,727 --> 00:31:48,352 Unless you wanna take a deep breath through your fuckin' forehead... 583 00:31:48,519 --> 00:31:50,394 I suggest you reconsider. 584 00:31:50,561 --> 00:31:51,644 Let's go, peanut. 585 00:31:56,186 --> 00:31:58,019 Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. 586 00:31:58,727 --> 00:31:59,561 Watch this. 587 00:32:00,686 --> 00:32:02,727 All right. That... Whoa. 588 00:32:03,394 --> 00:32:04,227 Easy. 589 00:32:08,019 --> 00:32:08,852 Good God. 590 00:32:09,602 --> 00:32:11,352 Thirsty little honey badger, aren't ya? 591 00:32:12,519 --> 00:32:14,061 It's okay. Keep goin'. 592 00:32:14,227 --> 00:32:16,061 Audiences are accustomed to long run times. 593 00:32:22,102 --> 00:32:23,561 Guess you'll have to do. 594 00:32:24,019 --> 00:32:25,019 Okay, here we... 595 00:32:26,227 --> 00:32:28,561 Oh! Look at those jammies. 596 00:32:28,977 --> 00:32:32,227 That only took twenty fucking years. 597 00:32:32,644 --> 00:32:34,602 One Anchor Being coming right up! 598 00:32:34,769 --> 00:32:36,852 On your left, baby girl. 599 00:32:37,144 --> 00:32:40,477 This Logan has the same he-can-do-anything-even-musicals look. 600 00:32:40,644 --> 00:32:41,644 And bonus... 601 00:32:41,811 --> 00:32:43,102 he's actually wearing a costume... 602 00:32:43,269 --> 00:32:44,977 like he's not embarrassed to be in a superhero movie for once. 603 00:32:45,144 --> 00:32:46,477 I don't understand. 604 00:32:46,644 --> 00:32:48,061 You said my universe is dying... 605 00:32:48,227 --> 00:32:50,644 because this sack of nuts got himself killed. 606 00:32:50,811 --> 00:32:53,352 - Well, problem solved. - My God. 607 00:32:53,519 --> 00:32:57,519 You actually think you can replace an Anchor Being... 608 00:32:57,686 --> 00:32:59,102 with this? 609 00:32:59,936 --> 00:33:02,977 I wouldn't have accepted any other Wolverine BT dubs. But you... 610 00:33:03,144 --> 00:33:06,561 have outdone yourself and brought me the worst Wolverine! 611 00:33:06,727 --> 00:33:07,686 What do you mean, the worst one? 612 00:33:07,852 --> 00:33:08,811 Mr. Wilson. 613 00:33:09,477 --> 00:33:12,602 This Wolverine let down his entire world. 614 00:33:13,477 --> 00:33:15,352 He's the stuff of legend, but not in a good way. 615 00:33:15,727 --> 00:33:17,019 And what he did... 616 00:33:17,186 --> 00:33:18,394 well... 617 00:33:18,561 --> 00:33:20,686 some things are just beyond forgiveness. 618 00:33:23,269 --> 00:33:24,102 Okay. 619 00:33:24,269 --> 00:33:26,936 How do I... How do I make this right? I'll do anything. 620 00:33:27,436 --> 00:33:30,394 I gave you a chance at greatness. 621 00:33:30,561 --> 00:33:32,852 Because my superiors deemed you special. 622 00:33:33,019 --> 00:33:34,519 Clearly not special in a good way. 623 00:33:34,686 --> 00:33:37,519 Apparently you have some important future purpose to serve. 624 00:33:37,686 --> 00:33:38,811 With Thor. He holds me. 625 00:33:38,977 --> 00:33:42,936 But, I did my duty. I gave you the opportunity to be somebody. 626 00:33:43,102 --> 00:33:46,311 And instead of accepting my offering with humility and gratitude... 627 00:33:46,477 --> 00:33:47,311 you broke my nose. 628 00:33:47,686 --> 00:33:50,227 - It looks great. - And you decimated dozens of my men... 629 00:33:50,394 --> 00:33:52,019 with the exhumed corpse of a hero. 630 00:33:52,186 --> 00:33:54,227 Dishonoring not only his remains but his memory. 631 00:33:54,394 --> 00:33:55,436 What are you, the Internet? 632 00:33:55,602 --> 00:33:57,769 Your world is dying! 633 00:33:57,936 --> 00:33:58,936 Thank you very much. 634 00:33:59,436 --> 00:34:00,561 And there's no stopping it. 635 00:34:02,852 --> 00:34:04,352 The humane thing to do... 636 00:34:04,519 --> 00:34:05,394 is to make it quick. 637 00:34:05,561 --> 00:34:08,269 Is the thought of vaporizing my universe making you peckish? 638 00:34:08,436 --> 00:34:09,477 I'm eating my feelings. 639 00:34:09,644 --> 00:34:12,686 I'm about to lose everything that I've ever cared about because that hairy... 640 00:34:12,852 --> 00:34:14,602 thundercunt from down undercunt... 641 00:34:14,769 --> 00:34:17,811 finally dies and he's standing right behind me, isn't he? 642 00:34:18,519 --> 00:34:19,811 Welcome to the MCU, by the way. 643 00:34:20,436 --> 00:34:21,852 You're joining at a bit of a low point. 644 00:34:22,686 --> 00:34:24,602 As for you, I wanna talk to your boss. 645 00:34:24,769 --> 00:34:27,936 I want you to get him on the phone and you tell him, her, or them... 646 00:34:28,102 --> 00:34:30,227 that Marvel H. Christ isn't playing. 647 00:34:35,602 --> 00:34:36,561 Holy shit. 648 00:34:37,436 --> 00:34:41,227 I just heard a symphony of buttholes clenching all at once. 649 00:34:41,394 --> 00:34:42,269 You're off grid. 650 00:34:42,436 --> 00:34:44,769 Your bosses don't know what you sick fucks are doing down here. 651 00:34:44,936 --> 00:34:47,977 Well, I'll tell you what. I have a black belt in Karen... 652 00:34:48,144 --> 00:34:49,436 And I'm gonna go upstairs... 653 00:34:49,602 --> 00:34:51,561 and I'm gonna tell 'em all about you and your... 654 00:34:52,686 --> 00:34:54,311 Silence is nice, isn't it? 655 00:34:54,477 --> 00:34:55,477 Where the fuck did he go? 656 00:34:55,644 --> 00:34:57,352 To the trash heap. You'll fit right in. 657 00:35:00,602 --> 00:35:01,436 That was close. 658 00:35:22,936 --> 00:35:24,811 Don't just stand there, you ape. 659 00:35:25,436 --> 00:35:26,477 Give me a hand up. 660 00:35:28,269 --> 00:35:30,144 Nope. I'm actually okay. Thank you very much... 661 00:35:32,686 --> 00:35:33,519 Where the hell are we? 662 00:35:33,686 --> 00:35:36,227 I don't know. Looks kind of Mad Max-y. 663 00:35:36,394 --> 00:35:38,269 But that would be IP infringement, right? 664 00:35:38,436 --> 00:35:39,602 Fucking jokes. 665 00:35:42,977 --> 00:35:44,352 Fuck! Fuck. 666 00:35:44,519 --> 00:35:45,852 Were you even listening back there? 667 00:35:46,019 --> 00:35:48,686 If we don't make it back to that Mr. Paradox asshole... 668 00:35:49,019 --> 00:35:50,186 everyone I know is gonna die. 669 00:35:50,352 --> 00:35:52,019 Not my fuckin' problem. 670 00:35:52,186 --> 00:35:53,394 Oh, is that all you got? 671 00:35:54,436 --> 00:35:56,436 Is that what you said when your world went to shit? 672 00:35:58,894 --> 00:35:59,727 Come again? 673 00:35:59,894 --> 00:36:01,269 Yeah, I heard all about you. 674 00:36:01,811 --> 00:36:03,852 How you screwed up everything. 675 00:36:04,019 --> 00:36:06,686 You should be thankin' me for pulling you out of that bed you shit in. 676 00:36:07,394 --> 00:36:09,102 You back-stabbing son of a bitch! 677 00:36:15,144 --> 00:36:16,561 Are you ready to be calm now? 678 00:36:23,686 --> 00:36:26,186 Rest in pieces, Fox. 679 00:36:40,936 --> 00:36:42,436 I don't want to fight you, peanut. 680 00:36:43,644 --> 00:36:45,102 Doesn't matter what you did. 681 00:36:45,394 --> 00:36:46,436 I just need your help. 682 00:36:48,311 --> 00:36:49,894 I don't fuckin' care. 683 00:36:52,311 --> 00:36:53,144 Uh-oh. 684 00:36:58,644 --> 00:37:01,019 Fuck. This is gonna hurt. 685 00:37:05,186 --> 00:37:06,519 All right. 686 00:37:06,852 --> 00:37:07,686 Fuck it. 687 00:37:08,602 --> 00:37:10,477 Let's give the people what they came for. 688 00:37:11,269 --> 00:37:13,019 Let's fuckin' go. 689 00:37:14,186 --> 00:37:16,186 Get your special sock out, nerds. 690 00:37:16,352 --> 00:37:18,186 It's gonna get good. 691 00:38:11,186 --> 00:38:12,186 Gotcha! 692 00:38:18,769 --> 00:38:19,602 Baby Knife! 693 00:38:24,519 --> 00:38:26,311 Let's see you grow your fuckin' head back. 694 00:38:26,477 --> 00:38:28,519 Wait, wait, wait! I can fix it! I can fix it. 695 00:38:28,686 --> 00:38:30,477 - Fix what? - Whatever it is that you did. 696 00:38:31,394 --> 00:38:32,769 Whatever made you so bad. 697 00:38:33,269 --> 00:38:37,061 Those, those pricks in the TVA. You heard him. 698 00:38:38,311 --> 00:38:39,561 They have the power to end my universe... 699 00:38:39,727 --> 00:38:42,811 but they also have the power to change yours. 700 00:38:44,519 --> 00:38:45,602 We get back there... 701 00:38:45,769 --> 00:38:48,811 and we can fix your world. Together. 702 00:38:50,144 --> 00:38:51,227 I promise. 703 00:38:52,727 --> 00:38:53,977 They can fix it. 704 00:38:55,102 --> 00:38:56,352 Hey! 705 00:38:56,519 --> 00:38:58,519 We fight each other, we lose. 706 00:38:58,686 --> 00:38:59,936 Dear God, it's him. 707 00:39:00,102 --> 00:39:02,102 - Who? - The one. 708 00:39:02,436 --> 00:39:04,811 The superhero equivalent to comfort food, or Molly. 709 00:39:05,394 --> 00:39:08,727 White guys' answer to all the disappointments. And another A-lister. 710 00:39:09,394 --> 00:39:10,769 Fair warning, gorgeous. 711 00:39:10,936 --> 00:39:12,894 You're going to encounter some indelicate language... 712 00:39:13,061 --> 00:39:15,394 a smidge of ass play, but we've been prohibited... 713 00:39:15,561 --> 00:39:16,936 from using cocaine. On camera. 714 00:39:17,102 --> 00:39:17,936 They're coming. 715 00:39:18,186 --> 00:39:19,686 Who's "they?" 716 00:39:26,269 --> 00:39:27,686 Oh, they're driving angry. 717 00:39:33,519 --> 00:39:35,561 Now that's a superhero landing. 718 00:39:42,519 --> 00:39:43,769 I got this. 719 00:40:07,436 --> 00:40:08,269 Stay close. 720 00:40:08,894 --> 00:40:09,769 Aye, aye, Cap'n. 721 00:40:11,352 --> 00:40:12,311 You got this. 722 00:40:14,644 --> 00:40:18,061 Cassandra is gonna be giddy when she sees what we caught. 723 00:40:19,102 --> 00:40:20,102 You can't run. 724 00:40:20,269 --> 00:40:21,477 Everybody knows that. 725 00:40:21,644 --> 00:40:23,769 You see anyone runnin', dick for brains? 726 00:40:24,894 --> 00:40:26,561 You're not gonna love what happens next. 727 00:40:26,727 --> 00:40:28,186 Oh. Oh, my God. 728 00:40:28,644 --> 00:40:29,477 Oh, my God. 729 00:40:29,644 --> 00:40:31,852 - Oh, my God, he's gonna say it. - Ah! Fuck. 730 00:40:32,019 --> 00:40:34,144 - Oh, my God! He's gonna say it! - Say what? 731 00:40:34,311 --> 00:40:35,311 Avengers, assemble... 732 00:40:35,477 --> 00:40:36,727 - Flame on! - I'm sorry, what now? 733 00:40:59,852 --> 00:41:00,686 Fuck! 734 00:41:05,519 --> 00:41:06,602 We don't know that guy. 735 00:41:06,769 --> 00:41:07,644 We thought we did. 736 00:41:07,894 --> 00:41:09,311 I know you. 737 00:41:10,061 --> 00:41:10,894 Holy... 738 00:41:13,436 --> 00:41:14,477 Sabretooth. 739 00:41:15,186 --> 00:41:16,019 Your brother. 740 00:41:16,936 --> 00:41:18,894 Ready to die? 741 00:41:19,061 --> 00:41:21,311 Wait, wait, wait! Time! 742 00:41:22,019 --> 00:41:23,561 You look ridiculous. 743 00:41:23,811 --> 00:41:26,311 People have waited decades for this fight. 744 00:41:26,477 --> 00:41:28,144 It's not gonna be easy. Baby Knife. 745 00:41:28,311 --> 00:41:30,061 Shoot the double, you take him down. 746 00:41:30,227 --> 00:41:32,227 Side control, then full mount... 747 00:41:32,394 --> 00:41:35,352 and you ground and pound till he makes no sound because he's dead. 748 00:41:35,519 --> 00:41:36,352 Shut the fuck up! 749 00:41:36,519 --> 00:41:37,477 Oh, my God! 750 00:41:37,644 --> 00:41:39,269 Okay. Good luck. I'm a huge fan. 751 00:41:52,311 --> 00:41:53,394 What is it, girl? 752 00:41:53,561 --> 00:41:54,686 Is there trouble at the well? 753 00:42:00,894 --> 00:42:01,811 Big trouble. 754 00:42:01,977 --> 00:42:03,561 Behold! 755 00:42:03,727 --> 00:42:06,602 The head of your precious queen... 756 00:42:06,769 --> 00:42:07,769 Furiosa! 757 00:42:08,936 --> 00:42:10,602 I have the Wolverine! 758 00:42:10,769 --> 00:42:13,852 I alone control her! 759 00:42:14,019 --> 00:42:15,936 You come for me... 760 00:42:16,436 --> 00:42:18,811 you come for her. 761 00:42:20,561 --> 00:42:24,186 So sorry. I know it's pronounced "him." I'm gender blind. It's my cross to bear. 762 00:42:24,352 --> 00:42:25,311 Who's next? 763 00:42:25,686 --> 00:42:26,727 Toad! 764 00:42:26,894 --> 00:42:27,769 You're up. 765 00:42:35,519 --> 00:42:37,561 - Uh-oh. Oh, holy... - Fuck. 766 00:42:48,477 --> 00:42:50,436 God of Thunder. 767 00:42:54,352 --> 00:42:55,644 How long was I asleep? 768 00:42:55,811 --> 00:42:57,602 Not all of you was asleep. 769 00:42:57,769 --> 00:42:59,144 Don't bother. 770 00:42:59,311 --> 00:43:01,102 They're very thorough. 771 00:43:01,561 --> 00:43:03,602 If you know where we are, start talking. 772 00:43:04,352 --> 00:43:05,352 You're in The Void. 773 00:43:05,977 --> 00:43:07,269 Think of it as purgatory. 774 00:43:08,144 --> 00:43:10,561 Reed called it a metaphysical junkyard. 775 00:43:10,727 --> 00:43:13,852 Where anything useless goes before it gets annihilated forever. 776 00:43:14,394 --> 00:43:18,394 And where the TVA sends people that don't play nice with the rest of the multiverse. 777 00:43:18,561 --> 00:43:19,977 - Like you? - And you. 778 00:43:20,144 --> 00:43:21,519 What does the annihilating? 779 00:43:22,102 --> 00:43:22,936 Alioth. 780 00:43:23,102 --> 00:43:26,769 Alioth is in this thing? From Loki, season one, episode five? 781 00:43:26,936 --> 00:43:28,852 Everyone here is on the run from Alioth. 782 00:43:29,519 --> 00:43:30,977 Most don't make it. 783 00:43:31,144 --> 00:43:32,436 There's a resistance, though. 784 00:43:33,227 --> 00:43:35,977 Other people like us that managed to survive. 785 00:43:36,311 --> 00:43:40,144 They're hidin' out in the borderlands, trying to find a way the fuck outta here. 786 00:43:40,311 --> 00:43:41,644 Then that's where we go. 787 00:43:41,811 --> 00:43:43,519 "We?" Us? A team? 788 00:43:43,686 --> 00:43:45,477 The answer is yes. Shake on it. 789 00:43:46,227 --> 00:43:47,477 Fuck! You nicked it. 790 00:43:47,644 --> 00:43:49,477 Just got the tip with your little steak knife. 791 00:43:49,644 --> 00:43:51,602 These "others" can help us get back to the TVA. 792 00:43:51,769 --> 00:43:52,686 Make 'em fix things. 793 00:43:54,977 --> 00:43:55,977 Something funny, bub? 794 00:43:56,602 --> 00:43:58,311 She might have somethin' to say about that. 795 00:43:58,477 --> 00:43:59,436 Who's "she?" 796 00:44:00,727 --> 00:44:01,811 In The Void... 797 00:44:02,061 --> 00:44:03,727 you're either food for Alioth... 798 00:44:04,519 --> 00:44:06,561 or you work for her. 799 00:45:18,894 --> 00:45:20,852 Huh. Paul Rudd finally aged. 800 00:45:21,977 --> 00:45:23,352 You must be this year's Juggernaut. 801 00:45:23,727 --> 00:45:25,269 - Thank you. - I'd keep your voices down. 802 00:45:25,436 --> 00:45:26,561 She don't like the chatter. 803 00:45:26,727 --> 00:45:27,977 She's gonna love you. 804 00:45:44,102 --> 00:45:45,519 Is it... Is that Charles? 805 00:45:45,811 --> 00:45:47,977 Hey... Hey, Chuck! It's us! 806 00:45:48,144 --> 00:45:49,311 That's not Chuck. 807 00:45:49,477 --> 00:45:50,602 Ah, shit. 808 00:45:52,061 --> 00:45:53,519 Oh, ableism. Great. 809 00:45:53,686 --> 00:45:56,102 That's not gonna go over well with the woke mob. 810 00:45:56,269 --> 00:45:57,727 A Wolverine. 811 00:45:58,227 --> 00:46:00,519 I wondered when I'd get one of you. 812 00:46:01,269 --> 00:46:02,436 You're one of Xavier's. 813 00:46:02,602 --> 00:46:04,061 You-You know him? You know Chuck? 814 00:46:04,227 --> 00:46:05,311 Oh, I knew him. 815 00:46:05,602 --> 00:46:07,102 We shared a womb. 816 00:46:07,311 --> 00:46:10,811 Tried to strangle the sly little fellow with my umbilical cord. 817 00:46:10,977 --> 00:46:13,977 Amen. I've never loved roommates. Mine's blind. 818 00:46:14,311 --> 00:46:15,686 Except she can see cocaine. 819 00:46:15,936 --> 00:46:17,436 For some... reason. 820 00:46:17,602 --> 00:46:20,311 You want to chime in, Your Majesty? I'm dying here. 821 00:46:20,477 --> 00:46:21,602 Who are you? 822 00:46:21,769 --> 00:46:24,477 Charles Xavier's twin, Cassandra Nova. 823 00:46:24,811 --> 00:46:26,186 - Bullshit! - I was an anal birth. 824 00:46:27,061 --> 00:46:28,269 You two are cute. 825 00:46:29,186 --> 00:46:30,519 I have a good feeling about this. 826 00:46:33,561 --> 00:46:34,686 And I've been trying to catch... 827 00:46:34,852 --> 00:46:36,561 this little firefly for years. 828 00:46:37,352 --> 00:46:38,936 Haven't I, Johnny? 829 00:46:39,102 --> 00:46:42,311 Aw... You picked the wrong time to make new friends. 830 00:46:42,477 --> 00:46:44,811 Oh, Johnny told us all about you. 831 00:46:44,977 --> 00:46:46,269 - Maybe shut up now. - Yeah, maybe don't... 832 00:46:46,436 --> 00:46:47,519 We're just talkin' here. 833 00:46:47,686 --> 00:46:50,852 Yeah, Johnny told us you're a psychotic megalomaniacal asshole. 834 00:46:51,019 --> 00:46:51,769 His words, not mine. 835 00:46:51,936 --> 00:46:54,311 Hellbent on domination and pain. 836 00:46:55,519 --> 00:46:57,477 - You said all that about me? - No! 837 00:46:57,644 --> 00:47:00,977 - No! I don't... I didn't say any of that! - Sticks and stones, Johnny! 838 00:47:02,602 --> 00:47:04,602 Don't let her intimidate you. 839 00:47:04,769 --> 00:47:06,352 It's like you said in the convoy. 840 00:47:06,519 --> 00:47:09,352 This finger-lickin' dead-inside pixie slab of... 841 00:47:09,519 --> 00:47:11,227 third rate dime-store nut-milk... 842 00:47:11,394 --> 00:47:13,186 can eat your delicious cinnamon ring... 843 00:47:13,352 --> 00:47:15,352 - and kick rocks all the way to bald hell. - Okay. 844 00:47:15,519 --> 00:47:17,352 I have never said any of those words... 845 00:47:17,519 --> 00:47:19,561 - in my entire life! - Ha! The modesty. 846 00:47:19,727 --> 00:47:22,602 People think I'm a shit talker. But this guy... 847 00:47:22,977 --> 00:47:23,811 Next level. 848 00:47:23,977 --> 00:47:25,894 What? This... I... We... 849 00:47:26,061 --> 00:47:27,477 I don't even know what half of that means! 850 00:47:27,644 --> 00:47:30,144 - This... I... What? This... - My hat's off to you, sir. Truly. 851 00:47:30,311 --> 00:47:31,519 I didn't... He's... That's... 852 00:47:32,311 --> 00:47:33,394 I don't... 853 00:47:38,936 --> 00:47:39,852 Not my favorite Chris. 854 00:47:40,019 --> 00:47:42,519 You stupid piece of shit. You just got him fucking killed! 855 00:47:42,686 --> 00:47:44,436 Hey! We're all grieving! 856 00:47:44,602 --> 00:47:46,644 PS, do you know what he was doing to the budget? 857 00:47:49,352 --> 00:47:51,186 Alioth is hungry. 858 00:47:52,102 --> 00:47:53,686 There's been some kind of mistake. 859 00:47:53,852 --> 00:47:55,561 Big yellow is a back up Anchor Being... 860 00:47:55,727 --> 00:47:58,144 and I'm Marvel Jesus. MJ, if you're nasty. 861 00:47:58,311 --> 00:47:59,352 This may be hard to hear... 862 00:47:59,519 --> 00:48:02,186 but there's another British villain who's gonna destroy my universe... 863 00:48:02,352 --> 00:48:03,352 and I'm gonna stop him. 864 00:48:03,519 --> 00:48:06,394 Oh, honey, you don't really strike me as the world-saving type. 865 00:48:08,936 --> 00:48:09,894 Did I hit a nerve? 866 00:48:10,977 --> 00:48:12,269 I didn't want it to come to this. 867 00:48:13,144 --> 00:48:14,061 Either you help us... 868 00:48:14,227 --> 00:48:17,186 or my friend here is gonna sing the entire second act of Music Man... 869 00:48:17,352 --> 00:48:18,519 with zero warm-up. 870 00:48:19,394 --> 00:48:20,602 Where'd you get the chair? 871 00:48:20,769 --> 00:48:23,269 Well, once in a while, I do get a Charles through here. 872 00:48:23,686 --> 00:48:25,061 Never mine, though. 873 00:48:25,227 --> 00:48:28,394 No. He didn't care to find me. 874 00:48:29,561 --> 00:48:32,061 Gen Z and their trauma-bragging! 875 00:48:32,227 --> 00:48:34,769 Can't you just stuff it down, turn it into accomplishment... 876 00:48:34,936 --> 00:48:36,561 or cancer like the rest of us? 877 00:48:36,727 --> 00:48:38,394 But I'm not like the rest of you. 878 00:48:38,561 --> 00:48:40,311 Except maybe the Wolverine. 879 00:48:40,477 --> 00:48:42,936 Now, we could be truly terrifying together. 880 00:48:43,102 --> 00:48:44,352 You're that scary, huh? 881 00:48:44,519 --> 00:48:46,352 The TVA certainly thought so. 882 00:48:46,936 --> 00:48:49,061 They sent me here before I could walk. 883 00:48:49,519 --> 00:48:52,186 And you know, it's the best thing that ever happened to me. 884 00:48:52,644 --> 00:48:53,561 I love it here. 885 00:48:53,727 --> 00:48:55,186 You live in a garbage dump. 886 00:48:55,352 --> 00:48:58,102 I think we both know who lives in the garbage dump. 887 00:48:58,477 --> 00:48:59,936 The Void is a paradise. 888 00:49:00,269 --> 00:49:04,102 I can wield my power here without shame. 889 00:49:04,477 --> 00:49:07,769 Unfortunately I had no Charles Xavier to teach me temperance. 890 00:49:08,477 --> 00:49:10,311 What about your Charles? 891 00:49:10,477 --> 00:49:11,602 Did he protect you? 892 00:49:12,394 --> 00:49:14,477 Did he make you feel safe? 893 00:49:14,644 --> 00:49:16,561 We're mutants. We're never safe. 894 00:49:24,769 --> 00:49:26,852 Whoa, whoa, whoa! I don't... I don't want the smoke. 895 00:49:27,519 --> 00:49:30,144 I don't have any beef with you. I just want to save my friends. 896 00:49:30,311 --> 00:49:31,644 I just... I want to go home. 897 00:49:31,811 --> 00:49:33,477 Well, the thing is, I could get you home. 898 00:49:33,644 --> 00:49:35,227 - Good. - But I don't want to. 899 00:49:35,394 --> 00:49:36,686 Not good. 900 00:49:39,852 --> 00:49:42,144 What do you want, Wade Wilson? 901 00:49:42,644 --> 00:49:46,019 Your... fingers are inside me, but not in a good way. 902 00:49:46,186 --> 00:49:49,144 My brother could enter one's mind with a thought. 903 00:49:49,311 --> 00:49:51,644 I have to get my hands dirty. 904 00:49:54,519 --> 00:49:55,852 I've got you. 905 00:49:58,269 --> 00:49:59,394 I've got you... 906 00:50:02,019 --> 00:50:02,936 What do you mean? 907 00:50:05,102 --> 00:50:07,519 I can't, I can't reach you. You're not here. 908 00:50:07,686 --> 00:50:09,102 I'm right here. 909 00:50:09,561 --> 00:50:12,394 - No, you're not. I can't... - I'm right here. 910 00:50:12,561 --> 00:50:14,561 Then show me. You got to do something. 911 00:50:15,977 --> 00:50:16,852 Show you what? 912 00:50:17,436 --> 00:50:20,186 Show me you care about something bigger than you. 913 00:50:21,311 --> 00:50:25,102 Ever since they turned you down, you took a knee. 914 00:50:25,936 --> 00:50:27,894 Baby, you never got back up. 915 00:50:30,102 --> 00:50:33,686 I know you're going through something. Let me go through it with you. 916 00:50:35,102 --> 00:50:37,102 - Your crazy matches my crazy. - Your crazy matches my crazy. 917 00:50:40,727 --> 00:50:41,727 Where'd you go? 918 00:50:42,352 --> 00:50:43,686 Oh, my God. 919 00:50:46,686 --> 00:50:48,352 You just say it. Okay? 920 00:50:49,394 --> 00:50:50,227 Say, "I don't want you. 921 00:50:50,394 --> 00:50:51,686 "I don't want to be with you." 922 00:50:52,852 --> 00:50:54,186 Go ahead. Say it. Say, say, "I don't..." 923 00:50:54,352 --> 00:50:55,436 Say it. You don't wanna be with me. 924 00:50:55,894 --> 00:50:58,227 Tell me that and I'll walk away. Say, "I don't want you." 925 00:51:05,061 --> 00:51:05,894 Fuck... 926 00:51:06,061 --> 00:51:08,602 You'll never fucking matter. 927 00:51:12,477 --> 00:51:14,186 What? 928 00:51:14,561 --> 00:51:17,311 - You'll never fucking matter. - Fucking matter. 929 00:51:23,769 --> 00:51:25,644 - You'll... - You'll... 930 00:51:25,811 --> 00:51:27,186 - never... - never... 931 00:51:27,769 --> 00:51:28,936 - fucking... - fucking... 932 00:51:29,102 --> 00:51:31,894 - matter. - matter... 933 00:51:33,936 --> 00:51:35,311 She never said that. 934 00:51:35,477 --> 00:51:36,436 No. 935 00:51:36,602 --> 00:51:38,477 But I bet she thought it. 936 00:51:40,602 --> 00:51:42,227 You are so mean! 937 00:51:42,394 --> 00:51:45,019 My brain could taste your fingers, and they tasted like hate! 938 00:51:45,727 --> 00:51:48,227 And where in God's name is the intimacy coordinator? 939 00:51:48,394 --> 00:51:50,644 You're so lost, Mr. Wilson. 940 00:51:51,186 --> 00:51:53,436 And long before you came here. 941 00:51:54,936 --> 00:51:57,352 This is Baby Knife. She's gonna fuck you in the face now. 942 00:51:57,602 --> 00:52:00,561 If you want to kill me, it's going to take more than a little blade. 943 00:52:00,852 --> 00:52:01,727 How about six? 944 00:52:03,727 --> 00:52:05,561 My boy's wicked strong. 945 00:52:06,061 --> 00:52:07,602 That's my big boy. 946 00:52:07,894 --> 00:52:09,227 Yes, you are. 947 00:52:15,061 --> 00:52:16,644 Well, this has been fun. 948 00:52:17,061 --> 00:52:19,227 But the big guy needs to eat and the rent is due. 949 00:52:22,644 --> 00:52:23,477 By the way... 950 00:52:23,644 --> 00:52:25,061 you're the rent. 951 00:52:45,227 --> 00:52:47,061 Come on! Fuck! 952 00:52:47,227 --> 00:52:48,311 You comin' or what? 953 00:52:48,477 --> 00:52:49,352 Coming! 954 00:53:09,561 --> 00:53:10,561 What you thinkin' 'bout? 955 00:53:10,727 --> 00:53:11,769 Get the fuck off of me! 956 00:53:12,311 --> 00:53:13,186 Almost done. 957 00:53:13,352 --> 00:53:14,436 Almost done what? 958 00:53:14,602 --> 00:53:16,977 Getting my knife out of your buttocks, pervert! 959 00:53:17,144 --> 00:53:18,061 Fuck! 960 00:53:18,227 --> 00:53:19,936 Get your mind out of my pants! 961 00:53:20,102 --> 00:53:20,936 I'm telling Blake. 962 00:53:21,102 --> 00:53:22,144 New rules. 963 00:53:22,686 --> 00:53:23,519 I talk now. 964 00:53:23,686 --> 00:53:27,102 - That's gonna be very hard on the audience. - Shut the fuck up! 965 00:53:27,852 --> 00:53:28,727 Let me fuckin' think. 966 00:53:29,019 --> 00:53:30,852 Now we gotta get back to Paradox, right? 967 00:53:32,936 --> 00:53:33,769 Right? 968 00:53:35,644 --> 00:53:38,936 - Am I allowed to speak now or... - Just nod, asshole. 969 00:53:40,561 --> 00:53:41,477 Right. 970 00:53:41,644 --> 00:53:44,477 Then we find the others that poor kid, Johnny was talking about before you got him killed! 971 00:53:44,644 --> 00:53:46,269 "Poor kid." He's like fifty! 972 00:53:46,436 --> 00:53:48,936 Yeah, if there's a chance they know how to get out of here, we find 'em. 973 00:53:49,102 --> 00:53:52,477 And make those TVA fuckers fix my shit like you fucking promised! 974 00:53:52,644 --> 00:53:53,852 I smell quest. 975 00:53:56,602 --> 00:53:57,602 I smell food. 976 00:54:01,019 --> 00:54:04,352 So what made you finally wear an honest-to-God costume? 977 00:54:06,061 --> 00:54:08,144 Mine's red so they can't see me bleed. 978 00:54:08,311 --> 00:54:10,977 But I could see how yellow would be useful too. 979 00:54:11,144 --> 00:54:12,686 Have you been checked for ADHD? 980 00:54:12,852 --> 00:54:13,894 Mm-mm. 981 00:54:14,144 --> 00:54:16,269 But I've had several STDs, which... 982 00:54:16,436 --> 00:54:18,144 were probably caused by ADHD. 983 00:54:18,311 --> 00:54:19,102 Fuck! 984 00:54:20,561 --> 00:54:21,519 What are you looking for? 985 00:54:22,811 --> 00:54:23,811 Thank fuck. 986 00:54:24,852 --> 00:54:26,644 No, no, no. That's rubbing alcohol. 987 00:54:26,811 --> 00:54:29,394 You don't want to drink... Oh, yeah. There you go. Fuck that liver. 988 00:54:31,102 --> 00:54:32,811 Good. Okay. 989 00:54:33,852 --> 00:54:34,977 What the fuck are those? 990 00:54:36,644 --> 00:54:39,436 Back in civilian life, I wear a toupee, but nobody knows. 991 00:54:42,519 --> 00:54:44,019 Everybody knows. 992 00:54:46,811 --> 00:54:48,519 Wanna talk about what's haunting you, or... 993 00:54:48,686 --> 00:54:50,602 should we wait for a third act flashback? 994 00:54:51,269 --> 00:54:52,519 Go fuck yourself. 995 00:54:55,852 --> 00:54:56,686 You know... 996 00:54:58,561 --> 00:54:59,977 in my world, you're... 997 00:55:02,019 --> 00:55:03,269 You're well regarded. 998 00:55:03,561 --> 00:55:04,852 Yeah, well, not in mine. 999 00:55:06,061 --> 00:55:09,269 - They don't like me much in mine either. - You don't say. 1000 00:55:09,519 --> 00:55:11,144 I wanted to be something, you know. I... 1001 00:55:12,227 --> 00:55:13,894 Shit, I wanted to be an Avenger. 1002 00:55:14,144 --> 00:55:15,977 - Fuck the Avengers. - Yeah. 1003 00:55:16,477 --> 00:55:18,561 I didn't make the cut, though. Same with the X-Men... 1004 00:55:20,686 --> 00:55:21,686 When my girlfriend left me... 1005 00:55:21,852 --> 00:55:22,977 - and then I just... - You had a girlfriend? 1006 00:55:23,519 --> 00:55:24,561 Yeah. 1007 00:55:25,061 --> 00:55:25,894 Vanessa. 1008 00:55:26,561 --> 00:55:27,977 When we met, she was a dancer. 1009 00:55:29,186 --> 00:55:30,186 We had a whole life. 1010 00:55:31,477 --> 00:55:32,477 It was good. 1011 00:55:33,269 --> 00:55:34,644 But, oh, boy, I just... 1012 00:55:36,602 --> 00:55:38,102 Fucked that right up. 1013 00:55:38,977 --> 00:55:40,019 But you. 1014 00:55:40,186 --> 00:55:41,311 You were an X-Man. 1015 00:55:41,644 --> 00:55:43,477 Fuck that. You were the X-Man. You... 1016 00:55:45,394 --> 00:55:46,561 The Wolverine. 1017 00:55:48,936 --> 00:55:50,477 He was a hero in my world. 1018 00:55:52,394 --> 00:55:53,227 Yeah, well... 1019 00:55:54,644 --> 00:55:55,811 he ain't shit in mine. 1020 00:56:01,352 --> 00:56:03,852 You said, "Logan was a hero." What happened? 1021 00:56:04,727 --> 00:56:05,561 He died. 1022 00:56:06,311 --> 00:56:07,144 How? 1023 00:56:08,019 --> 00:56:10,519 Well, technically, you were chest-fucked by a tree, but... 1024 00:56:10,686 --> 00:56:13,269 really, you just ran out of batteries trying to save someone. 1025 00:56:13,436 --> 00:56:14,269 Who? 1026 00:56:14,644 --> 00:56:17,936 The shitheels that grew her in a lab called her "X-23." But... 1027 00:56:18,686 --> 00:56:19,811 she was just a kid. 1028 00:56:20,602 --> 00:56:24,019 A younger, daintier, somehow meaner version of you. 1029 00:56:24,186 --> 00:56:25,561 You died trying to save her. 1030 00:56:25,936 --> 00:56:26,769 It was beautiful. 1031 00:56:27,519 --> 00:56:29,811 Look, mijo, I know you're hurtin'. 1032 00:56:30,561 --> 00:56:34,186 My blind, elderly, African-American roommate, Blind Al, always says that... 1033 00:56:34,352 --> 00:56:36,019 pain teaches us who we are. 1034 00:56:36,186 --> 00:56:38,727 Sometimes we need to listen to that pain instead of running from it. 1035 00:56:38,894 --> 00:56:40,561 - Holy shit. - Yeah, she's wise. 1036 00:56:40,727 --> 00:56:43,102 No, no, no. That's her name? You call her "Blind Al?" 1037 00:56:43,269 --> 00:56:44,269 Well, she's blind. 1038 00:57:21,894 --> 00:57:23,144 Look at you! 1039 00:57:23,311 --> 00:57:24,311 She's coming with us. 1040 00:57:24,477 --> 00:57:26,352 - No, she's not. Fuck no! - Oh, yes, she is. 1041 00:57:26,519 --> 00:57:28,436 - Oh, yes... - Sorry! 1042 00:57:28,811 --> 00:57:30,186 Sorry about that! 1043 00:57:30,602 --> 00:57:31,727 Come here, girl! 1044 00:57:32,686 --> 00:57:33,894 Who are you? 1045 00:57:34,061 --> 00:57:35,352 Oh, I'm Deadpool. 1046 00:57:35,519 --> 00:57:36,811 And I guess you're Deadpool too. 1047 00:57:36,977 --> 00:57:38,977 But in here, everybody calls me "Nicepool." 1048 00:57:39,394 --> 00:57:42,352 Oh, my goodness. Wait till you see Ladypool. She is gorgeous. 1049 00:57:42,519 --> 00:57:43,894 She just had a baby too. And... 1050 00:57:44,644 --> 00:57:45,477 Can't even tell. 1051 00:57:45,644 --> 00:57:46,977 I don't think you're supposed to say that. 1052 00:57:47,144 --> 00:57:47,977 That's okay. 1053 00:57:48,644 --> 00:57:50,144 I identify as a feminist. 1054 00:57:50,311 --> 00:57:51,186 Right. 1055 00:57:52,977 --> 00:57:55,977 Are those gold-plated, ...50 caliber Desert Eagle pistoleros? 1056 00:57:56,144 --> 00:57:57,269 'Course. 1057 00:57:57,644 --> 00:57:58,811 To match my ear huggie. 1058 00:57:58,977 --> 00:57:59,852 Can I have 'em? 1059 00:58:00,811 --> 00:58:02,144 Over my dead body. 1060 00:58:02,477 --> 00:58:03,352 You're fun. 1061 00:58:03,519 --> 00:58:07,852 And I guess you've already met Mary Puppins. AKA Dogpool. 1062 00:58:08,019 --> 00:58:09,061 Careful where you put your hands. 1063 00:58:09,227 --> 00:58:12,061 She's ninety percent g-spot, and she'll let you know it. 1064 00:58:12,227 --> 00:58:15,644 You let this little flirt out of your sight for one second and... 1065 00:58:15,811 --> 00:58:17,852 she starts shopping for a new papa. 1066 00:58:18,019 --> 00:58:22,477 If you can't be a responsible pet owner, then maybe you don't deserve this little unicorn. 1067 00:58:22,769 --> 00:58:24,436 Guilty on all charges, Your Honor. 1068 00:58:24,977 --> 00:58:25,977 Shan't happen again. 1069 00:58:26,144 --> 00:58:27,477 Why are you so nice? 1070 00:58:27,644 --> 00:58:29,019 Oh, it costs nothing to be kind. 1071 00:58:29,186 --> 00:58:30,936 Shutting the fuck up is also free. 1072 00:58:31,602 --> 00:58:32,477 This is Logan. 1073 00:58:32,644 --> 00:58:35,394 He's usually shirtless, but he's let himself go since the divorce. 1074 00:58:36,727 --> 00:58:38,269 Where's your mask? 1075 00:58:40,977 --> 00:58:41,811 Come on, guys. 1076 00:58:43,477 --> 00:58:44,561 Ugh, this guy. 1077 00:58:44,727 --> 00:58:46,227 We're looking for a group of survivors. 1078 00:58:46,394 --> 00:58:47,227 Oh, they're out there. 1079 00:58:47,394 --> 00:58:50,769 Yeah, but merc to merc, you better hope that you don't run into the Deadpool corps. 1080 00:58:50,936 --> 00:58:51,894 Yeah, they're crazy. 1081 00:58:52,061 --> 00:58:55,019 They will chop you up into a thousand pieces and hide you all over The Void. 1082 00:58:55,186 --> 00:58:57,019 If they could only process their childhood trauma... 1083 00:58:57,186 --> 00:58:58,769 they'd go on one heck of a healing journey. 1084 00:58:58,936 --> 00:58:59,936 Look, we're headed for the borderlands. 1085 00:59:00,102 --> 00:59:01,061 You know where it is? 1086 00:59:01,352 --> 00:59:05,561 Yeah, that... That's twelve klicks due west. I can lend you my ride, if you like. 1087 00:59:05,727 --> 00:59:07,436 It would be my honor. 1088 00:59:11,102 --> 00:59:13,144 No, no, no. Absolutely not. 1089 00:59:13,311 --> 00:59:15,186 Uh-uh. What the... No! No! 1090 00:59:15,352 --> 00:59:16,269 Just get in the car. 1091 00:59:16,436 --> 00:59:17,519 This isn't a car. 1092 00:59:17,686 --> 00:59:19,894 This is a Honda fuckin' Odyssey. 1093 00:59:20,061 --> 00:59:21,936 Throttle response sucks a cock. 1094 00:59:22,102 --> 00:59:23,227 Dated infotainment system. 1095 00:59:23,394 --> 00:59:26,019 When Honda saw that untreated chlamydia was makin' a comeback... 1096 00:59:26,186 --> 00:59:28,977 they invented the Honda Odyssey to compete. 1097 00:59:29,144 --> 00:59:31,852 Get in the fucking car. 1098 00:59:32,186 --> 00:59:33,977 She'll get you there safe and sound. 1099 00:59:34,144 --> 00:59:35,602 Old Betsy always does. 1100 00:59:36,477 --> 00:59:38,394 You're gonna have to give me my dog back, though. 1101 00:59:38,769 --> 00:59:41,269 I know. Listen. Yes, child. 1102 00:59:41,436 --> 00:59:43,894 If you ever wanna give her up, or if she needs a new home... 1103 00:59:44,061 --> 00:59:45,936 or if something should happen to you... 1104 00:59:46,102 --> 00:59:47,311 I'd love to be her papa. 1105 00:59:48,019 --> 00:59:49,644 What would ever happen to me? 1106 00:59:49,811 --> 00:59:50,852 Lots of stuff. 1107 00:59:54,561 --> 00:59:56,811 - Jesus. - No! We're running away. 1108 00:59:57,852 --> 00:59:59,561 - Give me that. - The corn was too dense, girl! 1109 00:59:59,727 --> 01:00:00,561 - There. - Come here! 1110 01:00:00,727 --> 01:00:01,977 - Fuck! - Hello! 1111 01:00:04,269 --> 01:00:05,269 Bye. 1112 01:00:31,061 --> 01:00:32,061 Okay, I'm just gonna ask... 1113 01:00:32,436 --> 01:00:33,602 What's with the suit? 1114 01:00:33,769 --> 01:00:35,227 First thing I did when I flamed out... 1115 01:00:35,394 --> 01:00:36,394 - I took mine off. - Drop it. 1116 01:00:36,561 --> 01:00:37,519 It's not that ugly. 1117 01:00:37,686 --> 01:00:39,269 - Stop talking about my suit. - Did you make it yourself? 1118 01:00:39,436 --> 01:00:40,852 - Been there. - Quit. Now. 1119 01:00:41,019 --> 01:00:44,102 The X-Men make you wear it? Those sons of fuckin' bitches. 1120 01:00:44,269 --> 01:00:45,769 They are not your friends, I'll tell you that. 1121 01:00:45,936 --> 01:00:46,936 Friends don't let friends... 1122 01:00:47,102 --> 01:00:49,977 leave the house lookin' like they fight crime for the Los Angeles Rams. 1123 01:00:50,144 --> 01:00:51,227 Shut the fuck up about this, or... 1124 01:00:51,394 --> 01:00:53,602 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Watch your frown lines, angel baby. 1125 01:00:53,769 --> 01:00:55,936 - I'm just trying to bond a little bit. - Yeah, well, then talk about somethin' else. 1126 01:00:56,102 --> 01:00:57,019 Fine. 1127 01:01:04,186 --> 01:01:05,227 Stop it. 1128 01:01:06,936 --> 01:01:07,769 If they can fix your world... 1129 01:01:07,936 --> 01:01:09,561 what's the first thing you're gonna do when you get out of here? 1130 01:01:09,727 --> 01:01:12,852 Get some rubbing alcohol shots, maybe a wiper fluid chaser? 1131 01:01:13,019 --> 01:01:13,936 What did you say? 1132 01:01:14,102 --> 01:01:15,727 I said when you get back, what's the first thing you're gonna do? 1133 01:01:15,894 --> 01:01:17,227 No, no, no. Before that. 1134 01:01:18,477 --> 01:01:20,144 If... they can fix your world? 1135 01:01:24,269 --> 01:01:25,727 What do you mean, "if?" 1136 01:01:26,561 --> 01:01:27,394 - I mean... - You lied to me. 1137 01:01:27,561 --> 01:01:30,102 You don't have a fucking clue if they can help me fix things, do you? 1138 01:01:30,269 --> 01:01:31,352 No. I, I mean... 1139 01:01:32,019 --> 01:01:34,811 Fuck! Fuck! I didn't lie! 1140 01:01:34,977 --> 01:01:37,644 - You lied! - No! I made an educated wish! 1141 01:01:39,519 --> 01:01:40,477 Because I need you. 1142 01:01:41,811 --> 01:01:44,811 This. This is why. Right here. 1143 01:01:45,852 --> 01:01:47,352 'Cause if we don't do something, they die. 1144 01:01:47,769 --> 01:01:49,686 I don't know anything about saving worlds. 1145 01:01:49,852 --> 01:01:51,394 And why would I even care? 1146 01:01:51,561 --> 01:01:54,477 Because my entire world is right here in this picture. 1147 01:01:54,936 --> 01:01:56,936 It's only nine people... 1148 01:01:57,102 --> 01:01:59,144 and I have no idea how to save it alone. 1149 01:02:00,269 --> 01:02:02,352 I know how to fuck people up for money. But you... 1150 01:02:02,519 --> 01:02:04,102 you know how to save 'em! 1151 01:02:05,352 --> 01:02:06,561 At least the other Wolverine did. 1152 01:02:07,811 --> 01:02:10,227 Fuck! I guess I'm stuck with the worst one. 1153 01:02:10,394 --> 01:02:12,644 Did you say you made... 1154 01:02:12,811 --> 01:02:16,102 an educated fucking wish? 1155 01:02:16,269 --> 01:02:18,394 They call me "The Merc with the Mouth." 1156 01:02:18,561 --> 01:02:22,436 They don't call me "Truthful Timmy, the Blowjob Queen of Saskatoon." 1157 01:02:26,311 --> 01:02:27,227 One more word. 1158 01:02:28,519 --> 01:02:29,977 Please give me one. 1159 01:02:33,602 --> 01:02:34,769 Gubernatorial. 1160 01:02:35,519 --> 01:02:36,519 Oh, fuck! 1161 01:02:38,144 --> 01:02:39,561 You know what? You're a fucking joke. 1162 01:02:41,352 --> 01:02:42,769 No wonder the Avengers didn't take you. 1163 01:02:42,936 --> 01:02:45,061 Or the X-Men. And they'll take fucking anyone. 1164 01:02:45,561 --> 01:02:46,936 I mean, you are... 1165 01:02:47,102 --> 01:02:50,644 a ridiculous, immature, half-wit moron. 1166 01:02:51,269 --> 01:02:52,977 I have never met... 1167 01:02:53,144 --> 01:02:54,352 a sadder... 1168 01:02:54,519 --> 01:02:56,894 more attention-starved, jabbering little prick... 1169 01:02:57,061 --> 01:03:00,477 in my entire life. And that says a lot, 'cause I've been alive... 1170 01:03:00,644 --> 01:03:04,477 for more than two hundred fuckin' years, and I'll tell you... 1171 01:03:04,644 --> 01:03:08,852 that bald chick was right about one thing. You will never save the world! 1172 01:03:09,019 --> 01:03:11,519 You couldn't even save a relationship... 1173 01:03:11,686 --> 01:03:13,561 with a goddamn stripper! 1174 01:03:13,727 --> 01:03:16,186 And motherfucker, I wish I could say you'd die alone... 1175 01:03:16,352 --> 01:03:19,269 but it's one of God's best jokes that you can't die... 1176 01:03:19,436 --> 01:03:20,936 except that's on all of us! 1177 01:03:25,019 --> 01:03:27,477 Oh, you got nothing to say, Mouth? 1178 01:03:36,144 --> 01:03:37,811 I'm gonna fight you now. 1179 01:03:40,019 --> 01:03:41,269 Oh, are you? 1180 01:03:51,977 --> 01:03:53,977 Mm. Not talkin' now, are ya? 1181 01:04:00,644 --> 01:04:01,686 You dirty bitch. 1182 01:04:17,394 --> 01:04:18,227 Whoo! 1183 01:04:34,811 --> 01:04:36,019 No, no, no! 1184 01:04:54,852 --> 01:04:55,686 Baby Knife! 1185 01:04:59,436 --> 01:05:02,519 I take it all back. The Honda Odyssey fucks hard. 1186 01:05:02,936 --> 01:05:04,394 Too bad you don't, needle dick. 1187 01:05:04,561 --> 01:05:05,769 Oh, we're just gettin' started, bub. 1188 01:05:10,352 --> 01:05:11,602 Oh, you... Fuck! 1189 01:06:04,519 --> 01:06:05,352 Thor! 1190 01:06:08,436 --> 01:06:09,352 Where are we? 1191 01:06:09,519 --> 01:06:12,144 No clue, but... I like it here. 1192 01:06:20,311 --> 01:06:22,144 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 1193 01:07:11,186 --> 01:07:12,102 Okay. 1194 01:07:13,019 --> 01:07:15,852 Look at you... all. You must be the others. 1195 01:07:16,561 --> 01:07:17,394 Terrific. 1196 01:07:17,727 --> 01:07:21,061 So just to refresh, you are... 1197 01:07:21,227 --> 01:07:23,602 - Wonder... Elektra? Yes. Who could forget? - Elektra. 1198 01:07:24,436 --> 01:07:29,144 And you. I was not expecting to see you here. I thought you were, you know... 1199 01:07:29,311 --> 01:07:30,269 retired. 1200 01:07:31,519 --> 01:07:32,352 Retarded? 1201 01:07:33,852 --> 01:07:34,811 "Retired." 1202 01:07:34,977 --> 01:07:37,186 I'm already in The Void. I'm not trying to get canceled again. 1203 01:07:37,352 --> 01:07:38,102 I don't like you. 1204 01:07:38,269 --> 01:07:39,102 You never did. 1205 01:07:40,811 --> 01:07:44,519 And who's this succulent reminder of my own inadequacies? 1206 01:07:44,686 --> 01:07:45,769 Look at you. 1207 01:07:46,436 --> 01:07:48,519 You look like the superhero version of Hawkeye. 1208 01:07:49,144 --> 01:07:51,936 The name's Remy LeBeau, Le Diable Blanc. 1209 01:07:52,644 --> 01:07:53,602 But you can call me the Gambit. 1210 01:07:53,769 --> 01:07:56,519 It's been a while since I've seen Sling Blade. Hit me again. 1211 01:07:57,602 --> 01:07:58,561 They call me the Gambit. 1212 01:07:58,727 --> 01:08:01,186 Do they? Are you sure you didn't just really, really want them to... 1213 01:08:01,352 --> 01:08:02,477 but it never quite worked out? 1214 01:08:05,352 --> 01:08:07,644 You know, we never had a Wolverine up in here. 1215 01:08:08,436 --> 01:08:11,394 But I can tell you now, it's just a common courtesy to ask... 1216 01:08:11,561 --> 01:08:13,227 before you drink up all of my liquor. 1217 01:08:13,519 --> 01:08:15,561 Well, it's a good thing I don't give a fuck. 1218 01:08:18,769 --> 01:08:19,601 Fuck. 1219 01:08:22,726 --> 01:08:23,851 So embarrassing. 1220 01:08:26,061 --> 01:08:28,726 Well, now that that's settled, look, we came a long way to find you three. 1221 01:08:28,894 --> 01:08:29,686 There's four of us. 1222 01:08:29,851 --> 01:08:31,726 There's four... Hey, wait. Is it Magneto? 1223 01:08:32,561 --> 01:08:34,894 Dear sweet God in heaven, let it be Magneto... 1224 01:08:35,061 --> 01:08:35,936 - because with him... - He's dead. 1225 01:08:36,101 --> 01:08:37,976 Fuck! Now Disney gets cheap? 1226 01:08:38,144 --> 01:08:41,269 It's like Pinocchio jammed his face in my ass and started lying like crazy. 1227 01:08:41,436 --> 01:08:42,519 Ooh, you nasty! 1228 01:08:44,686 --> 01:08:47,394 Not a single word. What do you do exactly? 1229 01:08:47,561 --> 01:08:50,144 Charge the playing cards and make 'em go boom! 1230 01:08:50,311 --> 01:08:52,269 Your power's close up magic. That's good. 1231 01:08:52,436 --> 01:08:53,851 We're not totally fucked at all. 1232 01:08:54,019 --> 01:08:55,519 So who brought us here? 1233 01:08:55,686 --> 01:08:56,601 That would be me. 1234 01:09:06,936 --> 01:09:07,769 Don't make me regret it. 1235 01:09:10,019 --> 01:09:12,936 Holy shit. Logan. That's her. That's X-23. 1236 01:09:13,436 --> 01:09:14,936 She's the one I told you about. 1237 01:09:19,476 --> 01:09:21,561 Hey, how did you all get stuck in The Void? 1238 01:09:21,726 --> 01:09:23,101 There was a knock at the door. 1239 01:09:23,269 --> 01:09:25,186 - TVA sent me here. - Me, too. 1240 01:09:25,351 --> 01:09:27,519 Well, maybe I was born here. It's, it's hard to know for sure. 1241 01:09:27,851 --> 01:09:30,061 TVA decided our universe was dying. 1242 01:09:31,351 --> 01:09:33,226 And I never even got a chance to fight for it. 1243 01:09:36,061 --> 01:09:38,144 People like us don't go quietly. 1244 01:09:38,311 --> 01:09:40,144 TVA knows that, so they took us out. 1245 01:09:40,851 --> 01:09:42,851 The answer is yes. I'm in. 1246 01:09:43,019 --> 01:09:44,436 - In what? - A team. 1247 01:09:45,101 --> 01:09:46,976 Me, you, you, and me. All of us together. 1248 01:09:47,144 --> 01:09:48,226 Let's get the fuck out of this place. 1249 01:09:48,394 --> 01:09:51,811 - Don't listen to him. He's a fucking liar! - It was an educated wish! 1250 01:09:52,851 --> 01:09:53,686 Look. 1251 01:09:55,227 --> 01:09:56,894 We've been inside Cassandra's lair. 1252 01:09:57,227 --> 01:09:59,769 The only way out of The Void is through her. 1253 01:09:59,936 --> 01:10:01,686 She can get us home. She told us. 1254 01:10:01,852 --> 01:10:03,394 Wait a minute, you've been inside? 1255 01:10:04,186 --> 01:10:05,977 - And you made it out alive? - Bullshit. 1256 01:10:06,144 --> 01:10:07,727 - Nobody's ever done that. - We did. 1257 01:10:07,894 --> 01:10:10,144 Every time one of us has gone up against her... 1258 01:10:10,561 --> 01:10:11,394 they die. 1259 01:10:11,852 --> 01:10:14,561 The Punisher, The Quicksilver, The Daredevil. 1260 01:10:14,727 --> 01:10:16,061 Daredevil? I'm so sorry. 1261 01:10:16,227 --> 01:10:17,394 - It's fine. - Okay. 1262 01:10:19,686 --> 01:10:22,144 Even that sweet, baby angel, Johnny Storm. 1263 01:10:22,894 --> 01:10:24,436 He up and gone missing like... 1264 01:10:24,727 --> 01:10:25,727 what, two days ago? 1265 01:10:26,436 --> 01:10:28,144 Ugh. That's so sad. 1266 01:10:28,852 --> 01:10:31,602 Wherever this Johnny fella is, I'm sure he's thriving. 1267 01:10:32,769 --> 01:10:35,852 Look, there's, there's strength in numbers. All right? Us... 1268 01:10:36,019 --> 01:10:37,394 plus, you guys. We can put Cassandra... 1269 01:10:37,561 --> 01:10:39,686 over our knee and force her to let us out of The Void. 1270 01:10:39,852 --> 01:10:41,436 I know what it means to feel self-doubt. 1271 01:10:41,602 --> 01:10:43,019 - I don't feel that at all. - I'm good. 1272 01:10:43,186 --> 01:10:45,102 Gnawing at your gut like a coked-up tapeworm. 1273 01:10:45,269 --> 01:10:46,936 It's like you're holding up a mirror to my soul. 1274 01:10:47,102 --> 01:10:49,727 You guys may not have been able to save your universes. 1275 01:10:49,894 --> 01:10:51,352 But you can avenge them. 1276 01:10:52,144 --> 01:10:53,519 It's what Johnny would have wanted. 1277 01:10:53,686 --> 01:10:56,352 Wait. You knew Johnny? 1278 01:10:57,352 --> 01:10:58,519 Oh, yeah. 1279 01:10:58,686 --> 01:11:00,519 Dickhead here talked him into a team up... 1280 01:11:00,686 --> 01:11:03,061 and Johnny came down with a little case of the deads. 1281 01:11:03,227 --> 01:11:04,477 No, no, no. We don't know that. 1282 01:11:04,644 --> 01:11:06,769 It was just a flesh wound. He may have survived. 1283 01:11:06,936 --> 01:11:09,519 If he survived that, he is prayin' for death. 1284 01:11:09,686 --> 01:11:11,977 - Thank you, Doctor Wolverine! - Spill it! 1285 01:11:12,144 --> 01:11:13,352 What'd you do to Johnny, huh? 1286 01:11:13,519 --> 01:11:14,727 Talk or I'm gonna start dealin'. 1287 01:11:14,894 --> 01:11:16,102 Okay. Okay. Hey, hey, hey. 1288 01:11:16,769 --> 01:11:17,602 Look. 1289 01:11:17,769 --> 01:11:20,061 He ran his fat-ass mouth about Cassandra. 1290 01:11:20,227 --> 01:11:21,936 Then she zip-zapped his skin... 1291 01:11:22,102 --> 01:11:24,144 leaving his organs to splash crudely onto the ground... 1292 01:11:24,311 --> 01:11:26,852 while the soil greedily drank his blood. It was horrible. 1293 01:11:27,019 --> 01:11:28,352 He was like a brother to me. 1294 01:11:28,977 --> 01:11:31,977 Look, he died before he could make a difference. But... 1295 01:11:32,144 --> 01:11:34,477 Look, maybe you couldn't save your worlds, but... 1296 01:11:34,644 --> 01:11:37,186 but Jesus Christ, you can save mine! 1297 01:11:37,352 --> 01:11:39,811 I don't give a shit about your world, but... 1298 01:11:39,977 --> 01:11:42,894 if these two made it out of there alive, maybe together... 1299 01:11:43,061 --> 01:11:44,686 we can get back in. And take her down. 1300 01:11:44,852 --> 01:11:47,394 Where I come from, we call that suicide, Chère. 1301 01:11:47,852 --> 01:11:51,561 If we can block her psychic powers, we can get a leg up. I know it. 1302 01:11:51,727 --> 01:11:53,269 Now I know Magneto's dead. 1303 01:11:53,811 --> 01:11:55,727 But I'd venture to guess that his helmet... 1304 01:11:55,894 --> 01:11:58,269 - is lying around here somewhere... - Cassandra melted the helmet. 1305 01:11:58,436 --> 01:11:59,561 - Fuck! - After she killed him. 1306 01:11:59,727 --> 01:12:00,644 Fuck! 1307 01:12:00,811 --> 01:12:01,602 She don't play. 1308 01:12:01,769 --> 01:12:04,686 She knows that helmet was the only way to protect anyone from her powers. 1309 01:12:04,852 --> 01:12:07,186 The only other helmet that strong is Juggernaut's, but... 1310 01:12:07,352 --> 01:12:09,436 - he works for Cassandra. - Juggernaut's helmet. That's it. 1311 01:12:09,602 --> 01:12:11,144 Yeah, and we done be knowing that lid ain't comin' off... 1312 01:12:11,311 --> 01:12:13,602 - without that dome gonna come off wit'it. - I'm so sorry, beautiful. 1313 01:12:13,769 --> 01:12:17,102 I want this to be gentle. Who is your dialect coach? The Minions? 1314 01:12:17,269 --> 01:12:20,102 I feel like we are missing critical exposition here. 1315 01:12:21,602 --> 01:12:24,311 I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of hiding. 1316 01:12:25,602 --> 01:12:27,519 Let's face it, our worlds forgot about us. 1317 01:12:27,686 --> 01:12:29,311 Or never learned about us. 1318 01:12:29,477 --> 01:12:30,769 The heroes we were. 1319 01:12:30,936 --> 01:12:32,061 Lives we saved. 1320 01:12:32,227 --> 01:12:33,686 Or wanted to save. 1321 01:12:33,852 --> 01:12:35,519 Maybe these two are our chance. 1322 01:12:37,144 --> 01:12:38,227 To be remembered. 1323 01:12:38,686 --> 01:12:39,769 The way we deserve. 1324 01:12:40,936 --> 01:12:41,894 Yes. 1325 01:12:42,061 --> 01:12:42,977 An ending. 1326 01:12:43,852 --> 01:12:44,977 - Legacy. - Yes! 1327 01:12:45,144 --> 01:12:46,727 Yes! Let this man cook. 1328 01:12:46,894 --> 01:12:48,144 This is what I'm talking about. 1329 01:12:48,311 --> 01:12:50,144 Big slow-motion fights, sad music. 1330 01:12:50,311 --> 01:12:53,269 Everybody working together. Who knows if you live or die? That sorta thing. 1331 01:12:53,436 --> 01:12:55,436 - Who's ready? - I was born ready. 1332 01:12:55,602 --> 01:12:56,602 Yes! Gambit? 1333 01:12:56,769 --> 01:12:59,686 I ain't know my daddy, but I'm sure I shot out of his dick ready. 1334 01:12:59,852 --> 01:13:01,602 Jesus Christ, that is graphic. 1335 01:13:01,769 --> 01:13:03,644 Yeah. He was layin' them buttery nuts all up in my mama... 1336 01:13:03,811 --> 01:13:05,602 and I shot out there and I said, "What's up, Doc?" 1337 01:13:06,436 --> 01:13:09,644 Johnny must have loved you. X-23, what's it gonna be? 1338 01:13:10,519 --> 01:13:11,519 The name's Laura. 1339 01:13:11,686 --> 01:13:14,561 - Let's fucking go. - Let's fucking go! 1340 01:13:14,727 --> 01:13:16,352 - It's on like chicken and corn. - Yeah! 1341 01:13:16,519 --> 01:13:18,436 - We're doing this. - You're all fuckin' dead. 1342 01:13:18,602 --> 01:13:20,644 My God! Read the room. 1343 01:13:31,769 --> 01:13:34,686 Hey, hey. I'm not lookin' for company. Get out of here. 1344 01:13:36,894 --> 01:13:37,936 You remind me of him. 1345 01:13:38,561 --> 01:13:40,019 Angry. Drunk. Mean... 1346 01:13:40,394 --> 01:13:42,352 - Sounds like a great guy... - Wasn't finished. 1347 01:13:44,352 --> 01:13:45,852 Showed up when it mattered the most. 1348 01:13:48,144 --> 01:13:49,727 Couldn't help it. 1349 01:13:53,144 --> 01:13:54,102 You might not know it, but... 1350 01:13:55,561 --> 01:13:56,686 you're a good man, Logan. 1351 01:13:59,019 --> 01:14:01,727 You might not know it, but apparently, I'm the worst Logan. 1352 01:14:03,936 --> 01:14:05,561 I got to have a life because of you. 1353 01:14:08,686 --> 01:14:10,102 I got to grow up because of you. 1354 01:14:12,352 --> 01:14:13,436 A lot of kids did. 1355 01:14:14,102 --> 01:14:16,019 A lot of kids didn't grow up because of me. 1356 01:14:18,269 --> 01:14:19,769 Trust me, kid, I'm no hero. 1357 01:14:21,186 --> 01:14:22,644 That suit says different. 1358 01:14:23,311 --> 01:14:24,561 Yeah. Do you like it? 1359 01:14:27,311 --> 01:14:28,936 Scott used to beg me to wear it. 1360 01:14:31,269 --> 01:14:33,769 So did Jean, Storm, Beast. 1361 01:14:35,894 --> 01:14:36,894 All of them. 1362 01:14:38,186 --> 01:14:41,394 They wanted me to be part of the team, but I wouldn't. 1363 01:14:41,894 --> 01:14:45,019 Told 'em they all look fucking ridiculous. I mean... 1364 01:14:47,061 --> 01:14:49,519 I couldn't have 'em thinkin' I wanted to be there. 1365 01:14:55,352 --> 01:14:58,352 And then one day, while I was off on my own, the humans came... 1366 01:14:59,227 --> 01:15:00,519 and went mutant hunting. 1367 01:15:01,852 --> 01:15:02,936 I can guess the rest. 1368 01:15:03,102 --> 01:15:03,936 No, no, let me... 1369 01:15:05,644 --> 01:15:06,602 Let me say it. I... 1370 01:15:09,394 --> 01:15:10,352 I need to say it. 1371 01:15:13,227 --> 01:15:16,352 By the time I stumbled home shitfaced from the bar, it was too late. 1372 01:15:20,977 --> 01:15:21,977 They were dead. Every... 1373 01:15:28,686 --> 01:15:31,644 This suit's all I got to remind me of who they were. 1374 01:15:33,644 --> 01:15:34,519 And what I did. 1375 01:15:47,811 --> 01:15:49,269 We're headed to Cassandra's at sunup. 1376 01:15:50,311 --> 01:15:52,102 Have fun. Not my fight. 1377 01:15:55,602 --> 01:15:56,977 We won't pull this off without you. 1378 01:16:04,269 --> 01:16:07,394 Hey. Whoever you think I am, you got the wrong guy. 1379 01:16:10,352 --> 01:16:11,477 You were always the wrong guy. 1380 01:16:37,686 --> 01:16:38,519 What? 1381 01:16:38,686 --> 01:16:40,144 Alioth didn't get them. 1382 01:16:41,102 --> 01:16:43,311 Cassandra wanted to play with them herself first. 1383 01:16:43,477 --> 01:16:44,311 They got away. 1384 01:16:44,477 --> 01:16:46,102 - Did they find the others? - No. 1385 01:16:46,269 --> 01:16:47,477 Good. All right. Phew. 1386 01:16:47,644 --> 01:16:48,686 The others found them. 1387 01:16:48,852 --> 01:16:51,477 Oh, very cute. Well done, Pyro. Classic bait and switch. 1388 01:16:51,644 --> 01:16:53,102 - You really got me there. - Relax. 1389 01:16:54,061 --> 01:16:56,352 If they come after Nova, she'll handle it. 1390 01:16:56,519 --> 01:16:58,561 Cassandra is a lunatic wild card. 1391 01:16:58,727 --> 01:17:00,352 Why do you think we put her there in the first place? 1392 01:17:00,936 --> 01:17:02,894 Thank God she's never chosen to leave The Void. 1393 01:17:03,061 --> 01:17:05,602 The Time Ripper is hours away from completion. 1394 01:17:05,769 --> 01:17:06,894 I cannot take any chances. 1395 01:17:07,061 --> 01:17:08,102 Well, maybe not. 1396 01:17:08,269 --> 01:17:09,352 But I can. 1397 01:17:09,519 --> 01:17:10,477 For a price. 1398 01:17:10,644 --> 01:17:12,102 Why do you have to say it in that silly voice? 1399 01:17:12,269 --> 01:17:13,352 It's so icky. 1400 01:17:13,519 --> 01:17:14,352 You want it done or not? 1401 01:17:14,519 --> 01:17:15,352 All right. Your price. 1402 01:17:15,519 --> 01:17:16,769 Take her out. 1403 01:17:17,436 --> 01:17:18,977 Ugh. Mutants. 1404 01:17:41,186 --> 01:17:42,269 Ooh! Look at that there! 1405 01:17:42,436 --> 01:17:45,144 You see them biggum hands come closed. Ain't not a wonna gettin' up inside there. 1406 01:17:45,311 --> 01:17:46,561 I think what Gambit's trying to say is... 1407 01:17:46,727 --> 01:17:49,436 getting Juggernaut's helmet ain't gonna be easy. 1408 01:17:49,602 --> 01:17:51,227 I'm just making stuff up at this... 1409 01:17:51,394 --> 01:17:53,102 - Yeah. Tilt up to Blade. - Gun! 1410 01:17:57,852 --> 01:17:59,061 Where'd he get that little beauty? 1411 01:17:59,519 --> 01:18:01,602 That's Punisher's AT4. 1412 01:18:01,769 --> 01:18:03,769 Which Punisher? There's been like five of them. 1413 01:18:03,936 --> 01:18:05,227 There's only been one Blade... 1414 01:18:05,811 --> 01:18:07,727 and there's only ever gonna be one Blade. 1415 01:18:11,769 --> 01:18:12,936 Incoming! 1416 01:19:19,644 --> 01:19:21,811 Ooh, this is gonna be good. 1417 01:19:21,977 --> 01:19:24,227 You know how long I've been waiting for this? 1418 01:19:24,394 --> 01:19:26,561 Whoo! I'm about to make a name for myself here. 1419 01:19:26,727 --> 01:19:28,561 I don't think you guys walk away from this. 1420 01:19:28,727 --> 01:19:30,727 You just make sure people know what happened here today. 1421 01:19:30,894 --> 01:19:32,852 And when you get out of here, you have a drink for me, yeah? 1422 01:19:33,019 --> 01:19:35,352 You just stay on our six and get inside. 1423 01:19:35,519 --> 01:19:37,436 We'll make sure you get the package. 1424 01:19:37,936 --> 01:19:39,227 And we'll get our ending. 1425 01:20:49,352 --> 01:20:50,394 And boom! 1426 01:21:22,102 --> 01:21:24,227 Some motherfuckers still trying to ice skate uphill. 1427 01:21:31,269 --> 01:21:33,186 You two escaping, I could live with. 1428 01:21:33,561 --> 01:21:36,227 But coming back? Willingly? 1429 01:21:37,852 --> 01:21:39,602 Boys are so silly. 1430 01:21:39,769 --> 01:21:40,894 I just need to get home. 1431 01:21:41,061 --> 01:21:43,352 Well, that's not on the menu, I'm afraid. 1432 01:21:43,519 --> 01:21:46,769 It's death or enslavement. À la carte, of course. 1433 01:21:46,936 --> 01:21:47,936 Upsy-daisy. 1434 01:21:53,769 --> 01:21:54,644 Finally... 1435 01:21:54,811 --> 01:21:56,686 it's nice to give someone else a chance to talk. 1436 01:21:56,852 --> 01:21:58,269 Not my strong suit. 1437 01:22:16,561 --> 01:22:17,769 You shouldn't have done that. 1438 01:22:41,352 --> 01:22:43,769 You are an interesting one, aren't you? 1439 01:22:44,352 --> 01:22:48,311 I do feel like you get lost behind all of his... 1440 01:22:50,644 --> 01:22:53,144 Deadpools are a dime a dozen here in The Void. 1441 01:22:54,102 --> 01:22:55,477 But you... 1442 01:22:55,977 --> 01:22:58,977 What's going on in here? 1443 01:23:12,519 --> 01:23:13,644 Interesting... 1444 01:23:14,811 --> 01:23:16,727 Not what I expected back here. 1445 01:23:17,811 --> 01:23:19,019 Behind the anger. 1446 01:23:23,144 --> 01:23:24,061 You're hiding. 1447 01:23:24,394 --> 01:23:25,227 From them. 1448 01:23:26,436 --> 01:23:28,102 From all the ones you let down. 1449 01:23:30,769 --> 01:23:31,977 So much pain. 1450 01:23:34,561 --> 01:23:35,436 I walked away. 1451 01:23:36,852 --> 01:23:38,394 They called after me and I... 1452 01:23:38,561 --> 01:23:40,352 I walked away. 1453 01:23:40,519 --> 01:23:42,144 I always do. 1454 01:23:42,311 --> 01:23:44,019 - Logan! - I know. 1455 01:23:45,436 --> 01:23:46,727 That's not all you did. 1456 01:23:46,894 --> 01:23:48,311 Is it? 1457 01:23:51,852 --> 01:23:53,227 You found them. 1458 01:23:54,227 --> 01:23:55,227 The X-Men. 1459 01:24:00,644 --> 01:24:01,644 Dead. 1460 01:24:04,394 --> 01:24:05,602 Piled like wood. 1461 01:24:07,311 --> 01:24:08,477 What did you do? 1462 01:24:11,186 --> 01:24:12,394 I started killing. 1463 01:24:13,186 --> 01:24:15,686 And I couldn't stop. I didn't wanna stop. 1464 01:24:16,977 --> 01:24:19,811 All those bad men. 1465 01:24:23,561 --> 01:24:25,144 It's not just the bad ones. 1466 01:24:26,811 --> 01:24:27,977 My little animal. 1467 01:24:30,852 --> 01:24:33,644 And I turned the whole world against the X-Men. 1468 01:24:34,019 --> 01:24:35,019 Blade! 1469 01:24:40,602 --> 01:24:41,811 Just once... 1470 01:24:43,769 --> 01:24:46,311 I wanna be the man that Charles thought I was. 1471 01:24:47,519 --> 01:24:48,644 Logan... 1472 01:24:50,227 --> 01:24:53,894 in The Void you can be what you are. 1473 01:24:56,311 --> 01:24:57,769 I just wanna be free. 1474 01:24:58,561 --> 01:25:00,019 I can set you free. 1475 01:25:11,644 --> 01:25:16,769 I can silence all those voices. 1476 01:25:23,602 --> 01:25:24,602 I've got you. 1477 01:25:27,227 --> 01:25:28,227 I've got you. 1478 01:25:28,977 --> 01:25:29,811 No. 1479 01:25:31,269 --> 01:25:32,311 I got you. 1480 01:25:40,977 --> 01:25:42,602 Get it off! 1481 01:25:42,769 --> 01:25:45,894 You're gonna send us home, or I'm gonna twist your fucking head off. 1482 01:25:46,061 --> 01:25:47,144 Why are you laughing? 1483 01:25:47,811 --> 01:25:51,602 I can't send you home unless you get this thing off my head. 1484 01:25:52,186 --> 01:25:53,311 And as soon as you do that... 1485 01:25:53,477 --> 01:25:56,352 I'm going to boil your brains on an atomic level whilst... 1486 01:25:56,519 --> 01:25:59,102 flicking my bean to the Enya box set. 1487 01:25:59,269 --> 01:26:00,311 There's an Enya box set? 1488 01:26:00,477 --> 01:26:01,727 Either you kill me... 1489 01:26:01,894 --> 01:26:03,019 or I kill you. 1490 01:26:04,102 --> 01:26:05,644 Both wonderful options. 1491 01:26:06,186 --> 01:26:07,019 You want me to do it? 1492 01:26:07,477 --> 01:26:08,352 No, I'll do it. 1493 01:26:08,519 --> 01:26:10,561 I have her neck right here. It's really no problem. 1494 01:26:10,727 --> 01:26:11,436 You'll screw it up. 1495 01:26:11,602 --> 01:26:14,144 Oh, come on, Mr. PG-13, except the last one! 1496 01:26:15,019 --> 01:26:16,102 What the fuck? 1497 01:26:18,436 --> 01:26:20,686 You have no idea what it's like! 1498 01:26:20,852 --> 01:26:23,769 Day after day. Shovel the shit. 1499 01:26:23,936 --> 01:26:25,269 Fetch the meats. 1500 01:26:25,436 --> 01:26:27,394 I have spent my entire... 1501 01:26:30,394 --> 01:26:31,894 Not everyone gets a speech. 1502 01:26:33,852 --> 01:26:34,852 She's gonna die. 1503 01:26:35,019 --> 01:26:36,477 Okay. Hey, hey. If I take this helmet off... 1504 01:26:36,644 --> 01:26:38,436 - do you promise you won't kill us? - Fuck! 1505 01:26:38,602 --> 01:26:39,436 I promise... 1506 01:26:39,602 --> 01:26:41,394 I will kill you first thing. 1507 01:26:41,561 --> 01:26:42,811 Why are you like this? 1508 01:26:42,977 --> 01:26:44,227 I wish I knew. 1509 01:26:44,394 --> 01:26:45,269 Take it off. 1510 01:26:45,436 --> 01:26:46,311 - What? - Take it off. 1511 01:26:46,477 --> 01:26:47,311 - Why? - Just take it off. 1512 01:26:47,477 --> 01:26:50,227 - This is our only chance to fix our shit! - Take it off! 1513 01:26:52,144 --> 01:26:53,394 I am wearing this suit. 1514 01:26:54,602 --> 01:26:56,727 And that means a lot of things, but most of all... 1515 01:26:58,227 --> 01:26:59,352 it means I'm an X-Man. 1516 01:27:00,477 --> 01:27:01,894 And I know your brother. 1517 01:27:04,227 --> 01:27:05,727 As much as I want to fucking kill you... 1518 01:27:05,894 --> 01:27:08,394 every bone in my body wants to fucking kill you... 1519 01:27:08,561 --> 01:27:11,561 he would not let me stand here and watch you die! 1520 01:27:14,019 --> 01:27:15,227 Take your hands off. 1521 01:27:16,894 --> 01:27:18,144 This is for him. 1522 01:27:20,061 --> 01:27:21,311 This is for Charles. 1523 01:27:31,936 --> 01:27:34,561 Hey, no, no, no! Don't you dare do me like Johnny! 1524 01:27:40,894 --> 01:27:41,977 My brother loved you. 1525 01:27:43,852 --> 01:27:44,936 He loved all of us. 1526 01:27:48,019 --> 01:27:49,102 Must be nice. 1527 01:27:50,227 --> 01:27:51,519 He would've loved you, too. 1528 01:27:54,394 --> 01:27:55,561 If he knew about you... 1529 01:27:57,352 --> 01:27:58,852 if he knew where you were... 1530 01:27:59,019 --> 01:28:02,061 he would've torn a hole in the fucking universe to bring you home. 1531 01:28:05,894 --> 01:28:06,977 This is my home. 1532 01:28:08,061 --> 01:28:10,311 Well, then at least let us save his. 1533 01:28:14,477 --> 01:28:15,977 You want to hear something crazy? 1534 01:28:17,936 --> 01:28:20,811 An amateur magician rolled through here a while back. 1535 01:28:21,727 --> 01:28:23,186 I killed him, of course. 1536 01:28:23,894 --> 01:28:26,144 Wore his skin around for four days. 1537 01:28:27,186 --> 01:28:28,019 But... 1538 01:28:28,186 --> 01:28:29,602 I found this... 1539 01:28:29,769 --> 01:28:31,602 little trinket... 1540 01:28:31,769 --> 01:28:33,894 on his lovely fingers. 1541 01:28:34,061 --> 01:28:35,227 Strange! 1542 01:28:38,311 --> 01:28:40,436 - Marvel sparkle circle. - What is that? 1543 01:28:41,352 --> 01:28:43,269 This is your way home. 1544 01:28:43,436 --> 01:28:46,894 I do owe you for saving my life. But let's keep things interesting. 1545 01:28:47,061 --> 01:28:50,352 I'd say you have about four seconds before you're Alioth's food. 1546 01:28:55,227 --> 01:28:56,061 Race ya. 1547 01:30:19,644 --> 01:30:21,227 And as I said we've got a standard three-year... 1548 01:30:21,394 --> 01:30:22,686 bumper to bumper warranty. 1549 01:30:22,852 --> 01:30:24,602 Glad you gave us a second chance. 1550 01:30:24,769 --> 01:30:28,311 And don't worry. Wade and I are a team, so I'll see he gets half the commission... 1551 01:30:30,894 --> 01:30:33,102 That feels like a Kia. 1552 01:30:33,269 --> 01:30:34,894 It's a fucking Kia Carnival, isn't it? 1553 01:30:36,769 --> 01:30:39,602 Holy shit. That's Deadpool. 1554 01:30:39,769 --> 01:30:40,894 And that's Wolverine. 1555 01:30:41,061 --> 01:30:42,144 You're damn straight it is. 1556 01:30:42,311 --> 01:30:43,227 Fox killed him. 1557 01:30:43,394 --> 01:30:45,936 Disney brought him back. They're going to make him do this 'til he's 90. 1558 01:30:46,477 --> 01:30:47,436 Let's go. 1559 01:30:48,227 --> 01:30:49,311 I'll clock you out! 1560 01:30:49,686 --> 01:30:50,894 Forever! 1561 01:30:51,602 --> 01:30:52,602 Forever. 1562 01:30:59,977 --> 01:31:01,186 Wakey-wakey. 1563 01:31:01,352 --> 01:31:02,352 God? 1564 01:31:04,102 --> 01:31:06,811 Now you put all these bullets in my belly... 1565 01:31:07,519 --> 01:31:09,061 and I'm gonna find out why. 1566 01:31:11,477 --> 01:31:12,852 I'll just say it. 1567 01:31:13,561 --> 01:31:15,352 You don't have to stick your fingers in me. 1568 01:31:15,519 --> 01:31:17,769 Jesus, just ask sometimes. 1569 01:31:18,144 --> 01:31:19,186 Fine. 1570 01:31:20,394 --> 01:31:21,394 Really? 1571 01:31:22,061 --> 01:31:23,311 Hands in pockets. 1572 01:31:24,852 --> 01:31:26,019 Guy named Paradox. 1573 01:31:26,936 --> 01:31:28,186 He said he'd get me out of The Void. 1574 01:31:28,352 --> 01:31:30,144 All I know is he works for the TVA. 1575 01:31:30,311 --> 01:31:31,311 The TVA. 1576 01:31:31,477 --> 01:31:32,519 We had an agreement. 1577 01:31:32,811 --> 01:31:34,352 I don't think this guy cares. 1578 01:31:35,644 --> 01:31:36,686 He will. 1579 01:31:37,186 --> 01:31:38,227 Hey, people! 1580 01:31:38,561 --> 01:31:40,686 How much longer before the Time Ripper is active? 1581 01:31:40,852 --> 01:31:42,686 We're running the final safety checks. 1582 01:31:42,852 --> 01:31:44,811 Okay. All right. Thanks for all your hard work, Ralph. 1583 01:31:44,977 --> 01:31:46,352 - Take your time. - Really? 1584 01:31:46,519 --> 01:31:48,061 No, you drooling boob! 1585 01:31:48,227 --> 01:31:49,311 No! We have company. 1586 01:31:49,477 --> 01:31:52,477 Cancel the safety checks. We need to be live now! 1587 01:31:52,811 --> 01:31:54,269 I hate you so much. 1588 01:31:56,477 --> 01:31:57,477 No! Stop! 1589 01:31:57,644 --> 01:31:59,227 Piss off! You're too late. 1590 01:31:59,394 --> 01:32:01,144 - You're fuckin' done. - Why was Thor crying? 1591 01:32:01,311 --> 01:32:02,311 How dare you! 1592 01:32:02,477 --> 01:32:04,644 No one comes back from The Void. 1593 01:32:04,811 --> 01:32:06,269 Tell that to Cassandra Nova. 1594 01:32:15,102 --> 01:32:16,894 Paradox. We have a problem. 1595 01:32:19,977 --> 01:32:21,186 Paradox. 1596 01:32:23,519 --> 01:32:25,977 Well, you are doughier than you looked in Pyro's head. 1597 01:32:26,144 --> 01:32:27,311 You tried to kill me. 1598 01:32:27,477 --> 01:32:28,477 I literally have no... 1599 01:32:29,436 --> 01:32:33,102 You come for the king, you better kill the king. 1600 01:32:34,019 --> 01:32:36,394 Welcome to the skull fuck club, Paradox. 1601 01:32:36,561 --> 01:32:38,686 You know she doesn't wash that hand. 1602 01:32:40,436 --> 01:32:41,561 What's this? 1603 01:32:42,894 --> 01:32:44,227 A Time Ripper? 1604 01:32:44,394 --> 01:32:46,102 - Naughty boy. - Oh, no. We're on it. 1605 01:32:46,269 --> 01:32:47,894 We're gonna head down and dismantle that thing now. 1606 01:32:48,061 --> 01:32:50,352 We got ya, boo. You just keep playing those keys. 1607 01:32:50,519 --> 01:32:52,019 I don't want to destroy it. 1608 01:32:52,686 --> 01:32:54,019 I want to use it. 1609 01:32:54,561 --> 01:32:57,061 Now, shoo. Mummy and Daddy are having a conversation. 1610 01:33:03,769 --> 01:33:05,561 You know, the funny thing is... 1611 01:33:05,727 --> 01:33:07,186 I was happy in The Void. 1612 01:33:08,227 --> 01:33:11,144 You sent your trash to me. Alioth and I cleaned it up. 1613 01:33:11,311 --> 01:33:13,269 Everyone was happy. 1614 01:33:14,144 --> 01:33:17,227 And then you had to go and piss on my side of the fence. 1615 01:33:17,394 --> 01:33:19,561 And so now the fence must come down. 1616 01:33:20,269 --> 01:33:22,102 I'm going to use your little Time Ripper. 1617 01:33:22,269 --> 01:33:24,852 And I'm going to destroy this universe... 1618 01:33:25,019 --> 01:33:27,727 and the next and the next and the next... 1619 01:33:27,894 --> 01:33:31,477 until all that's left is The Void. 1620 01:33:31,644 --> 01:33:33,519 And I get to play God. 1621 01:33:34,061 --> 01:33:35,061 Come on. 1622 01:33:35,519 --> 01:33:38,352 Now you're going to show me how to use this fancy gadget of yours. 1623 01:33:38,519 --> 01:33:41,894 And don't worry, I've called some friends to make sure we're not disturbed. 1624 01:33:45,477 --> 01:33:48,019 Sorry to bother, madam, but there's something you need to see. 1625 01:33:48,561 --> 01:33:52,561 We're getting indications of an unsanctioned Time Ripper activating on Earth-10005. 1626 01:33:54,852 --> 01:33:56,061 Whose district is that? 1627 01:33:56,436 --> 01:33:57,352 Paradox. 1628 01:34:09,394 --> 01:34:11,602 Well, thank you so much for your help, darling. 1629 01:34:11,769 --> 01:34:14,186 God. Good to get out of that head. 1630 01:34:14,352 --> 01:34:15,852 What a mess! 1631 01:34:23,186 --> 01:34:24,019 Stop! 1632 01:34:24,519 --> 01:34:26,519 Let's give it a beat for the extras to clear. 1633 01:34:26,686 --> 01:34:28,727 Go, go, go! Oh, my God! 1634 01:34:33,519 --> 01:34:36,186 - Oh. My. God. - Fuck. 1635 01:34:43,936 --> 01:34:45,311 It's her! 1636 01:34:46,561 --> 01:34:47,686 Come on, girl! 1637 01:34:55,102 --> 01:34:56,311 Come on, girl! 1638 01:35:11,061 --> 01:35:12,186 That's my girl! 1639 01:35:12,352 --> 01:35:15,644 We don't have to be apart ever, ever again. Never, ever... 1640 01:35:15,811 --> 01:35:16,894 - Sorry! - Fuck! 1641 01:35:18,019 --> 01:35:19,811 What's Café Gratitude doing here? 1642 01:35:19,977 --> 01:35:21,227 Sorry about that. 1643 01:35:21,394 --> 01:35:24,727 Tremble not, sweet Mary Puppins. I'll handle him. 1644 01:35:25,352 --> 01:35:26,394 Come here, girl. Papa's here. 1645 01:35:26,561 --> 01:35:28,977 Hey, do not insult this animal's autonomy. 1646 01:35:29,686 --> 01:35:31,727 She can decide who her papa is. 1647 01:35:31,894 --> 01:35:32,936 What's it gonna be, girl, huh? 1648 01:35:33,102 --> 01:35:35,602 Original recipe or Van Milder here? 1649 01:35:36,227 --> 01:35:39,102 That's funny. I can gently tap the fourth wall too. 1650 01:35:39,602 --> 01:35:40,769 The Proposal. 1651 01:35:42,519 --> 01:35:43,519 The fuck was that? 1652 01:35:43,686 --> 01:35:45,852 - Bitch, you think that's what I do? - Both of you shut up. 1653 01:35:47,352 --> 01:35:48,352 You smell somethin'? 1654 01:35:48,519 --> 01:35:49,352 Yeah, you. 1655 01:35:50,227 --> 01:35:51,811 A lot of you. 1656 01:36:06,977 --> 01:36:09,227 Told you there were a lot of Deadpools over there. 1657 01:36:20,769 --> 01:36:21,936 That's bad. 1658 01:36:44,436 --> 01:36:45,602 I take it they're not friendly. 1659 01:36:45,769 --> 01:36:46,644 Goodness, no. 1660 01:36:46,811 --> 01:36:48,852 Sorry about this, boys. Mission over. 1661 01:36:49,019 --> 01:36:51,686 Cause of death, one hundred kill-thirsty Deadpools. 1662 01:36:51,852 --> 01:36:52,936 They're dumb. 1663 01:36:53,102 --> 01:36:54,852 But they can fight. Not me, though. 1664 01:36:55,019 --> 01:36:57,227 Would love to get in the mix but I have low bone density... 1665 01:36:57,394 --> 01:36:58,894 and I have to keep my face safe. 1666 01:36:59,852 --> 01:37:00,852 - Hold, please. - Oh, God. 1667 01:37:01,019 --> 01:37:02,227 All right. Look. 1668 01:37:02,894 --> 01:37:03,894 Guys! 1669 01:37:05,102 --> 01:37:06,852 Deadpool Prime here. 1670 01:37:07,019 --> 01:37:08,477 - Our fight isn't with you... - Hey! 1671 01:37:08,644 --> 01:37:12,269 When I want your opinion, I'll take Wolverine's dick out of your mouth. 1672 01:37:12,436 --> 01:37:14,019 That's Kidpool. She's the dirtiest. 1673 01:37:14,186 --> 01:37:15,436 Can we just be done? 1674 01:37:15,602 --> 01:37:17,144 We're just getting started. 1675 01:37:17,311 --> 01:37:20,602 No, no, no. With the whole multiverse thing. 1676 01:37:21,519 --> 01:37:22,519 It's not great. 1677 01:37:22,686 --> 01:37:24,144 It's just been miss... 1678 01:37:24,602 --> 01:37:26,102 after miss... 1679 01:37:26,269 --> 01:37:27,977 after miss. 1680 01:37:28,352 --> 01:37:30,686 Look, The Wizard of Oz did the multiverse first... 1681 01:37:30,852 --> 01:37:33,144 and they did it best. The gays knew it. 1682 01:37:33,602 --> 01:37:34,852 But we didn't listen. 1683 01:37:35,019 --> 01:37:37,769 Let's just take the L and move on. 1684 01:37:37,936 --> 01:37:40,269 I think it's been steadily great since Endgame. 1685 01:37:40,436 --> 01:37:41,894 What are you talking about? 1686 01:37:42,061 --> 01:37:43,519 The multiverse is over. 1687 01:37:43,686 --> 01:37:46,561 Cassandy gonna destroy the fuck outta every timeline. 1688 01:37:46,727 --> 01:37:49,019 - Y'all can't do shit about it. - Do you not get it? 1689 01:37:49,186 --> 01:37:51,394 If we don't go down to the subway and stop her, we all die. 1690 01:37:51,561 --> 01:37:53,811 Say, the boss lady don't want no disturbances. 1691 01:37:53,977 --> 01:37:56,686 You wanna get down to the subway, you gotta go through us. 1692 01:37:56,852 --> 01:37:57,811 Uzi time, baby. 1693 01:37:58,102 --> 01:37:59,102 Uzi time, baby. 1694 01:37:59,269 --> 01:38:00,269 Look alive! 1695 01:38:09,727 --> 01:38:11,394 - I think I'm hit. - No shit. 1696 01:38:11,561 --> 01:38:12,477 You did that on purpose. 1697 01:38:12,644 --> 01:38:14,186 I did no such thing! 1698 01:38:14,352 --> 01:38:15,352 Listen to me, gorgeous. 1699 01:38:15,519 --> 01:38:16,769 How long does it take for you to regenerate? 1700 01:38:16,936 --> 01:38:18,186 Regenerate? 1701 01:38:24,394 --> 01:38:26,186 You really are God's perfect idiot, aren't you? 1702 01:38:26,352 --> 01:38:27,727 - I'm okay. - How dare you! 1703 01:38:27,894 --> 01:38:29,811 You insensitive son of a bitch! 1704 01:38:29,977 --> 01:38:31,894 How was I supposed to know he doesn't regenerate? 1705 01:38:32,061 --> 01:38:33,186 I'm not a medicine woman. 1706 01:38:33,644 --> 01:38:34,894 Look. A donut cart. 1707 01:38:35,061 --> 01:38:36,144 - They're practically hospitals. - What? 1708 01:38:36,311 --> 01:38:38,144 - They sell portable triage units. - They don't. 1709 01:38:38,311 --> 01:38:39,852 - I'm gonna get you to safety. - He's not. 1710 01:38:40,019 --> 01:38:41,186 Deep breath. 1711 01:38:49,561 --> 01:38:51,561 Hey, why are we stopping? 1712 01:38:51,727 --> 01:38:52,936 I'm just catching my breath. 1713 01:38:53,102 --> 01:38:55,686 What, are your legs on vacation? You're dead weight! 1714 01:38:55,852 --> 01:38:57,436 That's because I'm paralyzed. 1715 01:38:57,602 --> 01:38:59,602 We all have problems. Listen to me. 1716 01:38:59,769 --> 01:39:00,769 You're gonna live. 1717 01:39:01,894 --> 01:39:03,144 Look at me, Nicepool. 1718 01:39:07,102 --> 01:39:08,269 You're gonna live. 1719 01:39:08,977 --> 01:39:10,227 Say it! 1720 01:39:10,769 --> 01:39:12,102 I'm gonna live. 1721 01:39:12,394 --> 01:39:14,436 Say it with me. You're gonna live. 1722 01:39:14,602 --> 01:39:16,769 I'm gonna live! 1723 01:39:18,102 --> 01:39:20,144 Say it louder! 1724 01:39:20,311 --> 01:39:21,477 I'm gonna live... 1725 01:39:30,394 --> 01:39:31,394 Hold your fire! 1726 01:39:33,727 --> 01:39:35,019 Sweet little puppy. 1727 01:39:45,852 --> 01:39:48,311 God damn it! I don't think he's gonna make it. 1728 01:39:48,477 --> 01:39:50,561 God, he loved his face. 1729 01:39:50,727 --> 01:39:53,102 I can taste his final thought. 1730 01:39:53,269 --> 01:39:54,811 He was so afraid. 1731 01:39:54,977 --> 01:39:55,936 But he died a hero. 1732 01:39:56,102 --> 01:39:58,019 He died from murder, you dumb fuck. 1733 01:39:58,186 --> 01:39:59,977 And all I have to remember him by... 1734 01:40:00,894 --> 01:40:04,561 are these two gold-plated, ...50 caliber Desert Eagle pistoleros. 1735 01:40:05,019 --> 01:40:05,977 This is for him. 1736 01:40:06,602 --> 01:40:07,769 Are you ready? 1737 01:40:08,352 --> 01:40:10,102 I get to kill a hundred yous? 1738 01:40:10,269 --> 01:40:11,477 Fuck yeah, I'm ready. 1739 01:40:12,561 --> 01:40:13,852 Hey, you don't want to see this, bub. 1740 01:40:14,019 --> 01:40:15,311 That's a good girl. 1741 01:40:52,227 --> 01:40:53,602 Holy shit. 1742 01:40:53,769 --> 01:40:55,852 You save the good stuff for special occasions? 1743 01:40:56,019 --> 01:40:57,269 Killing mostly. 1744 01:40:57,436 --> 01:40:59,769 What's the wind resistance on those blowjob handles? 1745 01:41:01,061 --> 01:41:04,311 I'm sorry. I'm just a catty bitch when I'm jealous. 1746 01:41:04,477 --> 01:41:05,727 All right, let's do this. 1747 01:41:06,102 --> 01:41:07,311 Maximum effort. 1748 01:41:46,977 --> 01:41:48,061 You're dead. 1749 01:42:13,936 --> 01:42:15,186 Motherfucker. 1750 01:42:16,102 --> 01:42:17,727 I wish I were deaf. 1751 01:42:37,561 --> 01:42:39,394 I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die. 1752 01:42:39,561 --> 01:42:40,602 I don't wanna... 1753 01:42:54,269 --> 01:42:55,436 Come on. 1754 01:42:55,602 --> 01:42:56,602 I blew it. 1755 01:42:56,769 --> 01:42:58,811 After all that, the only thing they're gonna remember... 1756 01:42:58,977 --> 01:43:00,686 is that God awful dismount! 1757 01:43:05,519 --> 01:43:07,019 What you laughing at, you little fucker? 1758 01:43:07,352 --> 01:43:08,477 Uh-oh. 1759 01:43:08,644 --> 01:43:09,686 Uh-oh. 1760 01:43:13,894 --> 01:43:15,477 I guess these ones regenerate. 1761 01:43:17,602 --> 01:43:19,977 Come on. We don't have time for this. 1762 01:43:20,144 --> 01:43:21,186 Deadpools! 1763 01:43:21,352 --> 01:43:22,436 Stand down. 1764 01:43:32,936 --> 01:43:34,436 This Deadpool's with me. 1765 01:43:34,602 --> 01:43:35,811 Oh, no. 1766 01:43:35,977 --> 01:43:37,186 Holy shit. 1767 01:43:37,352 --> 01:43:38,561 That's fuckin' Peter! 1768 01:43:41,769 --> 01:43:43,602 Wait, you... You guys know Peter? 1769 01:43:43,769 --> 01:43:45,894 You kidding me? Every Deadpool has a Peter. 1770 01:43:46,061 --> 01:43:49,644 Shit. Peter's a goddamn legend in every Deadpool's world. 1771 01:43:49,811 --> 01:43:50,894 Peter-san. 1772 01:43:59,269 --> 01:44:01,352 Peter. Peter. Peter. 1773 01:44:07,394 --> 01:44:08,936 Enjoy my Peter. 1774 01:44:36,477 --> 01:44:38,936 Oh, now you're here. Oh, well, you're too late. It's all over. 1775 01:44:39,102 --> 01:44:39,936 Not yet, it's not. 1776 01:44:40,102 --> 01:44:41,769 Whoa. No, no, no. We're very close. 1777 01:44:41,936 --> 01:44:43,269 Homestretch, folks. Promise. 1778 01:44:43,436 --> 01:44:44,936 Quick, let's up the stakes. 1779 01:44:45,102 --> 01:44:46,436 If she steals the Time Ripper's energy... 1780 01:44:46,602 --> 01:44:49,061 she has the power to shred the fabric of all realities... 1781 01:44:49,227 --> 01:44:50,852 until there is nothing left but The Void. 1782 01:44:51,019 --> 01:44:51,977 How do we shut it down? 1783 01:44:52,394 --> 01:44:53,311 I don't know. 1784 01:44:55,061 --> 01:44:56,144 How about now? 1785 01:44:56,311 --> 01:44:57,644 The mask is really intimidating, huh? 1786 01:44:57,811 --> 01:44:59,811 It's like Batman, except he can move his neck. 1787 01:44:59,977 --> 01:45:01,394 Okay, look, look, look. 1788 01:45:02,852 --> 01:45:05,227 The Ripper is fed from a secure chamber below ground. 1789 01:45:05,394 --> 01:45:09,519 It is powered by twin matter and anti-matter feeds converging inside the device. 1790 01:45:09,686 --> 01:45:10,811 Now, Cassandra Nova... 1791 01:45:10,977 --> 01:45:13,144 is redirecting the Ripper's power to eliminate all timelines... 1792 01:45:13,311 --> 01:45:14,311 starting with this one. 1793 01:45:14,477 --> 01:45:15,811 Theoretically, you could stop her... 1794 01:45:15,977 --> 01:45:17,811 by short-circuiting the feeds in the chamber below. 1795 01:45:17,977 --> 01:45:20,352 One of you were to create a circuit between the two feeds... 1796 01:45:20,519 --> 01:45:23,727 then the released power would destroy the machine. 1797 01:45:23,894 --> 01:45:25,686 - But, well, but... - Come on, man. 1798 01:45:25,852 --> 01:45:27,852 If you're not gonna swallow, spit it out. 1799 01:45:28,019 --> 01:45:31,061 Whoever formed the bridge would be annihilated. 1800 01:45:31,227 --> 01:45:32,852 - I could live with that. - Yeah, I could live with that, too, actually. 1801 01:45:33,019 --> 01:45:34,727 You know, we survive anything. We're like cockroaches. 1802 01:45:34,894 --> 01:45:35,811 Not this time. 1803 01:45:35,977 --> 01:45:38,644 This is matter and anti-matter. 1804 01:45:38,811 --> 01:45:40,727 They do not play nicely with each other. 1805 01:45:40,894 --> 01:45:43,644 When they mix in your body you will be atomized. 1806 01:45:44,227 --> 01:45:46,227 Trust the laws of physics if you don't trust me. 1807 01:45:46,394 --> 01:45:48,436 Even if you lived long enough to make the circuit... 1808 01:45:48,602 --> 01:45:51,144 you will die down there. 1809 01:46:16,477 --> 01:46:17,811 Hold off. Hold. 1810 01:46:17,977 --> 01:46:19,477 You heard that asshole upstairs. 1811 01:46:19,644 --> 01:46:23,686 Even if we pull this off, we're dead. Permanently. 1812 01:46:24,311 --> 01:46:25,352 That's why it's got to be me. 1813 01:46:25,519 --> 01:46:26,352 What? 1814 01:46:30,269 --> 01:46:31,102 Look, man... 1815 01:46:32,352 --> 01:46:34,102 you didn't ask for any of this. 1816 01:46:34,561 --> 01:46:35,686 You were right. 1817 01:46:36,019 --> 01:46:36,936 I lied. 1818 01:46:37,894 --> 01:46:39,602 I lied right to your face... 1819 01:46:39,769 --> 01:46:41,644 just to get you to help me. And you did. 1820 01:46:42,561 --> 01:46:44,019 You didn't lie. 1821 01:46:46,019 --> 01:46:47,394 You made an educated wish. 1822 01:46:50,477 --> 01:46:51,311 Come on. 1823 01:46:52,727 --> 01:46:54,477 You got a whole world to go back to. 1824 01:46:56,144 --> 01:46:56,977 I got nothin'. 1825 01:46:59,311 --> 01:47:00,144 I got nothin'. 1826 01:47:05,394 --> 01:47:06,227 Give me this. 1827 01:47:13,394 --> 01:47:14,602 Hey. 1828 01:47:19,102 --> 01:47:20,936 I waited a long time for this team up. 1829 01:47:23,227 --> 01:47:24,186 You know something? 1830 01:47:26,227 --> 01:47:27,727 You were the best Wolverine. 1831 01:47:36,602 --> 01:47:38,394 Say hi to your friends for me. 1832 01:47:50,477 --> 01:47:51,561 No! 1833 01:47:51,727 --> 01:47:52,686 Open the door! 1834 01:47:52,852 --> 01:47:55,477 I can't hear you over all the noble sacrifice. 1835 01:47:55,644 --> 01:47:56,769 Why are you fucking doing this? 1836 01:47:56,936 --> 01:48:00,061 Because I'm Marvel Jesus. 1837 01:48:01,769 --> 01:48:02,769 Or Spock. 1838 01:48:04,019 --> 01:48:05,019 Hard to say. 1839 01:48:09,644 --> 01:48:10,477 Wade! 1840 01:48:11,227 --> 01:48:13,186 You fucking idiot! 1841 01:48:18,352 --> 01:48:19,477 Sorry, I'm just stalling. 1842 01:48:19,644 --> 01:48:21,936 I think I'm nervous about dying. 1843 01:48:22,769 --> 01:48:23,894 This should be me. 1844 01:48:24,602 --> 01:48:26,269 Say hi to my friends for me, peanut. 1845 01:48:26,436 --> 01:48:27,436 Wade! 1846 01:48:27,602 --> 01:48:29,644 You want to be an annoying prick, do it this side! 1847 01:48:29,811 --> 01:48:31,852 You're gonna die in there, you dumb fuck! 1848 01:48:38,852 --> 01:48:40,519 Hey! You don't need to do this. 1849 01:48:40,936 --> 01:48:42,561 I'm not doing it 'cause I need it. 1850 01:48:43,602 --> 01:48:45,602 I'm doing it because they do. 1851 01:48:56,561 --> 01:48:57,811 No! 1852 01:49:27,144 --> 01:49:28,644 He's not gonna make it. 1853 01:49:37,352 --> 01:49:38,436 It's over. 1854 01:50:45,894 --> 01:50:47,227 The Wolverine. 1855 01:50:48,311 --> 01:50:50,102 He's a hero in my world. 1856 01:50:52,394 --> 01:50:54,894 Whoever you think I am, you got the wrong guy. 1857 01:50:56,436 --> 01:50:58,186 You were always the wrong guy... 1858 01:50:59,727 --> 01:51:01,352 till you weren't. 1859 01:51:03,394 --> 01:51:04,894 Wade. 1860 01:51:06,811 --> 01:51:11,394 Wade. You can finally, finally, matter. 1861 01:51:27,436 --> 01:51:28,436 Vanessa. 1862 01:51:30,894 --> 01:51:32,727 I wanna see Vanessa. 1863 01:51:39,019 --> 01:51:43,227 For the first time in my life, I am proud to wear this suit. 1864 01:51:44,436 --> 01:51:46,102 It means I'm an X-Man. 1865 01:51:48,602 --> 01:51:50,186 I am the X-Man. 1866 01:52:34,227 --> 01:52:35,769 Paradox. 1867 01:52:37,602 --> 01:52:38,769 You've been busy. 1868 01:52:39,186 --> 01:52:40,227 Well, somebody had to be. 1869 01:52:40,394 --> 01:52:42,352 We had some strange readings from this location. 1870 01:52:42,519 --> 01:52:45,311 You wouldn't know anything about an unsanctioned Time Ripper, would you? 1871 01:52:46,352 --> 01:52:49,477 No. No. I wouldn't know anything about an unsanctioned Time Ripper. 1872 01:52:49,644 --> 01:52:51,144 Maybe you should ask Cassandra Nova. 1873 01:52:51,311 --> 01:52:52,227 Because I was assured... 1874 01:52:52,394 --> 01:52:54,894 that she was safely held in The Void. But no... 1875 01:52:55,061 --> 01:52:57,102 she was here. And she fondled my brain. 1876 01:52:57,269 --> 01:52:58,186 How did you let this happen? 1877 01:52:58,352 --> 01:52:59,227 You weren't involved at all? 1878 01:52:59,394 --> 01:53:01,894 In stopping her, yes! Yes. I was. 1879 01:53:02,061 --> 01:53:03,602 But, not nearly enough. 1880 01:53:03,769 --> 01:53:05,977 Not as much as the men who went down there after her. 1881 01:53:06,644 --> 01:53:07,727 My men. 1882 01:53:08,477 --> 01:53:09,477 My friends. 1883 01:53:10,894 --> 01:53:11,852 I warned them. 1884 01:53:12,019 --> 01:53:15,186 That they would be completely obliterated if they went. But they went anyway. Like... 1885 01:53:16,977 --> 01:53:18,061 Like heroes. 1886 01:53:20,186 --> 01:53:21,852 Because that's who they were. 1887 01:53:24,727 --> 01:53:26,144 They just did what they had to do. 1888 01:53:27,561 --> 01:53:29,144 With no concern for their own safety. 1889 01:53:32,394 --> 01:53:38,977 The fact that we are all still standing here is a testament to their heroism. 1890 01:53:42,686 --> 01:53:45,061 Anyway, there's nothing you or I can do to bring them back now. 1891 01:53:46,894 --> 01:53:48,894 He has risen, baby girl. 1892 01:53:49,061 --> 01:53:49,852 Fuck! 1893 01:54:09,352 --> 01:54:10,561 Found your new Anchor Being. 1894 01:54:11,061 --> 01:54:13,019 And we're doing just fine, you piece of shit. 1895 01:54:13,436 --> 01:54:14,519 Mm. Mm-hmm. 1896 01:54:14,894 --> 01:54:16,352 Fine indeed. 1897 01:54:16,519 --> 01:54:20,519 All right. Put your greasy tits away, you preening slut. 1898 01:54:21,394 --> 01:54:22,769 I don't understand. 1899 01:54:22,936 --> 01:54:24,102 How are you two still alive? 1900 01:54:24,269 --> 01:54:26,352 You were right. One of us would have been killed. 1901 01:54:26,519 --> 01:54:29,477 But you put a Deadpool and a Wolverine together... 1902 01:54:29,644 --> 01:54:31,727 make 'em hold hands while listening to Madonna... 1903 01:54:31,894 --> 01:54:33,977 indestructible, motherfucker. 1904 01:54:34,477 --> 01:54:36,686 Let's get this Deadpool Variant back to The Void. 1905 01:54:36,852 --> 01:54:38,686 - Wait, hold on. What? - Nope. Actually... 1906 01:54:38,852 --> 01:54:40,394 This one's homegrown, like me. 1907 01:54:40,561 --> 01:54:41,644 He belongs here. 1908 01:54:42,102 --> 01:54:43,019 And you are? 1909 01:54:43,186 --> 01:54:45,727 Peterpool. But you can call me Peter. 1910 01:54:47,352 --> 01:54:48,394 And I hope that you do. 1911 01:54:54,894 --> 01:54:56,311 What the fuck is happening here? 1912 01:54:56,477 --> 01:54:58,144 You are under judgment... 1913 01:54:58,311 --> 01:55:00,186 for operating an unsanctioned Time Ripper. 1914 01:55:00,352 --> 01:55:01,436 - Take him. - I was just doing what... 1915 01:55:01,602 --> 01:55:02,977 you don't have the guts to do. 1916 01:55:03,769 --> 01:55:05,977 Get your insolent hands off me! 1917 01:55:06,144 --> 01:55:06,977 Get off! 1918 01:55:08,227 --> 01:55:09,894 I'm grateful, gentlemen. 1919 01:55:10,727 --> 01:55:11,811 Let's hold the bows. 1920 01:55:11,977 --> 01:55:14,394 You led an Omega-level mutant to this timeline. 1921 01:55:14,561 --> 01:55:16,144 - You're welcome. - And you... 1922 01:55:16,311 --> 01:55:18,186 - shouldn't even be near this timeline. - He's welcome. 1923 01:55:18,477 --> 01:55:21,727 And you look damn good in that suit. 1924 01:55:21,894 --> 01:55:22,894 I'm so sorry. 1925 01:55:27,394 --> 01:55:31,019 I wanna show you something. Something huge. 1926 01:55:31,186 --> 01:55:33,102 That's what Scoutmaster Kevin used to say. 1927 01:55:34,727 --> 01:55:35,727 Do you see that? 1928 01:55:36,477 --> 01:55:38,227 Your universe is regenerating. 1929 01:55:39,144 --> 01:55:40,477 Whatever you did here... 1930 01:55:40,894 --> 01:55:42,769 you not only saved your world. 1931 01:55:43,311 --> 01:55:45,686 You spared your timeline from extinction. 1932 01:55:47,519 --> 01:55:48,602 I'd rest up. 1933 01:55:48,977 --> 01:55:51,352 I have a feeling your work is only just getting started. 1934 01:55:51,519 --> 01:55:53,061 Till you're 90. 1935 01:55:53,227 --> 01:55:54,061 Wait! 1936 01:55:55,519 --> 01:55:58,227 We couldn't have made it out of The Void without some help... 1937 01:55:59,061 --> 01:56:02,936 from some people that the world kind of forgot. 1938 01:56:03,436 --> 01:56:06,811 Is there any way that you could maybe find a way to bring them home? 1939 01:56:08,894 --> 01:56:09,977 I'll see what I can do. 1940 01:56:10,727 --> 01:56:12,602 And I promised my friend here... 1941 01:56:13,019 --> 01:56:16,561 that the TVA could undo some pretty awful shit in his timeline. 1942 01:56:16,727 --> 01:56:17,686 What would you say to that? 1943 01:56:18,019 --> 01:56:19,061 Change the past? 1944 01:56:19,686 --> 01:56:21,644 Well, he did help me save the world. 1945 01:56:21,977 --> 01:56:24,311 And his past made him the man who did it. 1946 01:56:25,394 --> 01:56:27,644 There's nothing to fix, Mr. Wilson. 1947 01:56:29,102 --> 01:56:30,144 Logan. 1948 01:56:33,644 --> 01:56:34,436 Shawarma? 1949 01:56:34,602 --> 01:56:35,436 - I could eat. - Yeah. 1950 01:56:45,269 --> 01:56:47,561 You know, the Avengers discovered shawarma. 1951 01:56:48,561 --> 01:56:50,186 They'd be lucky to have you. 1952 01:56:57,561 --> 01:56:59,561 - Oh. - Oh, come on. 1953 01:56:59,727 --> 01:57:00,769 Fuck off! 1954 01:57:01,936 --> 01:57:06,644 Come here, my little cunchkin. Yes, it's you. You're a survivor. 1955 01:57:08,061 --> 01:57:09,852 Oh, all is right in the world. 1956 01:57:11,144 --> 01:57:12,144 Yes, it is. 1957 01:57:13,936 --> 01:57:15,102 So what are you gonna do next? 1958 01:57:16,727 --> 01:57:18,727 I'll figure it out. I always do. 1959 01:57:19,602 --> 01:57:20,436 All right. 1960 01:57:21,769 --> 01:57:23,019 So I'll probably see you around? 1961 01:57:28,061 --> 01:57:28,894 Probably not. 1962 01:57:32,394 --> 01:57:33,227 See you, bub. 1963 01:57:42,977 --> 01:57:43,977 Logan. 1964 01:57:50,561 --> 01:57:52,227 Al. I'm back. 1965 01:57:52,811 --> 01:57:54,061 About damn time. 1966 01:57:54,436 --> 01:57:55,269 You holdin'? 1967 01:57:55,436 --> 01:57:57,186 I'm all outta devil's dandruff... 1968 01:57:57,352 --> 01:58:00,061 - and I'm shaking like an angry vibrator. - Thank you, Al. 1969 01:58:00,227 --> 01:58:01,102 We have company. 1970 01:58:01,977 --> 01:58:03,477 Althea, this is... 1971 01:58:04,227 --> 01:58:05,269 This is Logan. 1972 01:58:05,436 --> 01:58:06,477 Nice to meet you, Logan. 1973 01:58:06,644 --> 01:58:07,477 Nice to meet you, too. 1974 01:58:07,644 --> 01:58:11,186 And this little ancient anal shit-knot is Mary Puppins. 1975 01:58:11,352 --> 01:58:13,644 Or as I like to call her, Dogpool. 1976 01:58:13,811 --> 01:58:15,477 You want to treat yourself to a little stroke? 1977 01:58:17,144 --> 01:58:20,186 - Get the tongue. There it is. - Oh, my God! Motherfucker! 1978 01:58:20,352 --> 01:58:24,061 Right? It's like an armadillo fucked a gremlin, angrily... 1979 01:58:24,227 --> 01:58:25,519 in a bed of gonorrhea... 1980 01:58:25,686 --> 01:58:28,061 - Wow. - ...and didn't stop till the sun came up. 1981 01:58:29,352 --> 01:58:30,936 Everyone wants to matter. 1982 01:58:31,852 --> 01:58:34,477 Turns out that you don't need to be Marvel Jesus to do it. 1983 01:58:35,311 --> 01:58:37,561 You just need to open your eyes and look around. 1984 01:58:38,269 --> 01:58:39,269 And if you're lucky... 1985 01:58:40,269 --> 01:58:41,686 you'll find a few friends. 1986 01:58:42,144 --> 01:58:43,269 Old friends... 1987 01:58:44,269 --> 01:58:45,977 and some new ones too. 1988 01:58:50,686 --> 01:58:52,644 Give me the fucking dog. Talk to the girl. 1989 01:59:03,102 --> 01:59:04,227 Well, hi. 1990 01:59:04,394 --> 01:59:05,227 Hi. 1991 01:59:08,061 --> 01:59:09,061 You've been busy. 1992 01:59:12,144 --> 01:59:13,644 I did it for you. 1993 01:59:15,686 --> 01:59:17,977 And even if you don't want me, I did it for you. 1994 01:59:27,394 --> 01:59:28,394 It turns out... 1995 01:59:29,102 --> 01:59:30,477 I am the world-saving type. 1996 01:59:31,436 --> 01:59:33,436 Just look around this table if you want proof. 1997 01:59:34,436 --> 01:59:35,394 And the best part? 1998 01:59:36,352 --> 01:59:38,102 Sometimes the people we save... 1999 01:59:39,144 --> 01:59:41,311 well, they save us right back. 2000 02:00:20,769 --> 02:00:22,894 You're not the only one with gifts. 2001 02:00:23,061 --> 02:00:24,227 What is this place? 2002 02:00:53,227 --> 02:00:54,061 Nice suit. 2003 02:00:54,227 --> 02:00:55,102 Zip it, Stan Lee. 2004 02:01:04,019 --> 02:01:06,561 I really like the, the art in the Deadpool comics. 2005 02:01:06,727 --> 02:01:08,977 You know, I just always felt a kind of a kinship to him. 2006 02:01:09,144 --> 02:01:11,852 And I just thought, I'd like to play that guy someday. 2007 02:01:40,644 --> 02:01:43,144 I was there for three weeks before I shot a single thing. 2008 02:01:43,561 --> 02:01:45,102 At our first day of shooting... 2009 02:01:45,644 --> 02:01:47,144 I was so nervous, man. 2010 02:01:47,727 --> 02:01:49,811 Everyone was sort of going, "Who's this guy?" 2011 02:01:49,977 --> 02:01:51,811 You know, there was a lot of that and... 2012 02:01:51,977 --> 02:01:55,436 you know, "Is he gonna deliver or not?" You can feel all that kind of pressure. 2013 02:01:56,769 --> 02:02:00,019 It's always the suit's fault. Never the actor. 2014 02:02:08,811 --> 02:02:10,186 - This is... - The only way. 2015 02:02:19,602 --> 02:02:21,519 So this is what it feels like. 2016 02:02:24,061 --> 02:02:25,686 And there's the lights. 2017 02:02:25,852 --> 02:02:27,102 For medical research. 2018 02:02:27,727 --> 02:02:29,644 - Bye-bye, video. - Bye. 2019 02:06:43,436 --> 02:06:47,311 I'm tired of these absolutely vile rumors that I got Johnny killed. 2020 02:06:48,394 --> 02:06:49,436 Let's look at the tape. 2021 02:06:50,644 --> 02:06:51,852 In The Void... 2022 02:06:52,019 --> 02:06:53,811 you're either food for Alioth... 2023 02:06:53,977 --> 02:06:55,102 or you work for her. 2024 02:06:58,269 --> 02:06:59,186 Go on, Johnny. 2025 02:06:59,727 --> 02:07:00,852 And I'll tell you who "her" is. 2026 02:07:01,352 --> 02:07:02,227 Cassandra Nova. 2027 02:07:02,394 --> 02:07:04,561 A megalomaniacal, psychotic asshole. 2028 02:07:04,727 --> 02:07:08,436 A finger licking dead-inside pixie slab of third rate dime-store nut-milk. 2029 02:07:08,602 --> 02:07:10,144 - And I'll tell you what she can do. - I'm listening. 2030 02:07:10,311 --> 02:07:13,852 She can lick my goddamn cinnamon ring clean and kick rocks all the way to bald hell. 2031 02:07:14,019 --> 02:07:16,227 In fact, I don't give a shit if she removes all my skin and... 2032 02:07:16,394 --> 02:07:18,269 pops me like some nightmarish blood balloon. 2033 02:07:18,436 --> 02:07:21,394 If the last thing I do in this godforsaken cum-gutter existence... 2034 02:07:21,561 --> 02:07:24,311 is light that fuck-box on fire, I still won't die happy. 2035 02:07:24,477 --> 02:07:26,227 Holy shit, girl. You crazy. 2036 02:07:26,394 --> 02:07:28,019 That's right, Wade. I won't be happy until... 2037 02:07:28,186 --> 02:07:31,936 I've urinated on her freshly barbecued corpse and husk-fucked the charred remains... 2038 02:07:32,102 --> 02:07:33,852 while gargling Juggernaut's juggernuts. 2039 02:07:34,019 --> 02:07:35,394 - Wow! - And you can quote me. 2040 02:07:35,561 --> 02:07:36,394 'Kay. 2041 02:07:37,144 --> 02:07:38,436 Got you, fuckface. 141726

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