All language subtitles for Servants.S01E02.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-squalor

[Rider] Make it a
big one, come on!

The earl likes his athletes.

I've only just started
Mr. Jarvis.

I am hardworking and ambitious.

George Cosmo, your servant.

Wasting your time with her,

she's too good for you.

The Coliseum, by a local artist.

I am gonna be under-butler,

you've lost mate, shame.

[George winces]

You, no pay for a month,

you, ditto.

Not under-butler after all?

I'll get over it.

You'll have to learn to
behave yourself then.

I'll be as good as gold
from now on, I promise.

[upbeat fiddle music]

[George huffs]

[upbeat fiddle music]

But no, no,

please, no more battle honours,

it was merely 22 bloodthirsty
savages.

Ha, 47 bloodthirsty savages.

Is there a problem Cosmo?

Mr. Cosmo?

[upbeat fiddle music]

I am no hero, I'm
just an ordinary-

[Mr. Jarvis] Cosmo,
what's going on?

Just coming sir.

All done Mr. Cosmo?

Catching the breeze nicely sir,

strings are all knotted.

Good lad,

first thing he'll look for
when he comes up that drive.

Is that the best jacket
you've got?

Mrs. Ryan said if I
pass my probation.

We'll see after this
visit then, shall we?

We've got a brand new livery
just waiting for a new owner.

Thank you sir.

You tell the others, one minute.

Go on.

And then all hell breaks loose.

[William] Are you with us Fred?

I don't know were I am.

God, I love the hunting season.

And the Francombes make
best tippers going.

Make yourself noticed and
earn yourself a packet.

And the Francombe girls,

they like a big, strong
lad at the door,

if you know what I mean.

They like 'em fair mate,
so that rules you out.

[they laugh]

There's a maid, at Crown House,

pulls her skirt over

so she's got a whole ruffle
of petticoats showing.

And she crosses her legs.

She does, seen her.

She's no better than
she should be, that one.

Neaten yourself up Grace,

anything a bit out
of place today

and they'll send you packing.

Not you an all?

I've just had Mr. Jarvis
clucking like an old hen.

Given the choice

between Beelzebub
visiting and Mr. Prothero?

Ah, Prothero?

He's only a butler
though, in't he?

Arch-enemies, always have been.

[George] Mr. Jarvis said
I'm past the probation.

Ah, good for you,

if you did.

He did, as good as Grace.

Ah, as good as.

That's you all over, innit,

can't open your trap
without spinning a yarn.

[upbeat Baroque music]

It's an informal dinner

for the master's oldest friends,

so there will only be a
few visiting servants.

We all know they'll be hoping
to pick up tit-bits of scandal

to brighten up their
dull lives, don't we,

so we will have no gossip,

no tittle-tattle
about the family,

just as we will have

no sloppiness, backchat,
or drunkenness.

[upbeat fiddle music]

[Flora] Susan?

My room please.

Yes Mrs. Ryan.

Their butler is of course
my old friend Mr. Prothero.

[the servants groan]

We will show him, will he not,

Grace?

[Mr. Jarvis] how a household
of quality conducts itself.

His poor wretches
will leave here

wishing to God they
were Taplow staff.

[he clicks]

Right gentlemen,
front door duty,

Frederick, that's you.

Try and look awake, son.

The rota for valeting
the weekend's guests

is up in the footman's room.

Off the top of my head,

Frederick, you have
the old lord.

Now the first shoot's on Monday,

make sure that your
gentlemen have...

Is there a problem Mr. Forrest?

Maybe you think you should be
standing where I'm standing,

saying what I'm saying?

No, no, no, I'd never
but that bonkers

to imagine that I should
be in your place.

[he laughs]

Would you not?

Well look on this as a warning,

[William groans]

a warning that your obvious
contempt and dislike

has returned in full,
and then doubled.

And just for good measure,
Mr. Forrest,

you will assist the
earl as usual.

Frederick will look
after the old lord,

and therefore Frederick
will get all the tips.

You heard Mr. Jarvis,
now jump to it.

That's just earned you a
job you really won't like.

Get your walking shoes on.

You're only the sodding
under-butler,

where do you get off
talking to me like that?

A few errands.

I'm waiting on his lordship.

You're waiting on me boy.

Joseph, get yourself up
to that breakfast room.

Now, Miss Harriet's lace, the
fishmonger, and the saddler,

or would you rather argue
your cause with Mr. Jarvis?

Well?

[tense music]

What's wrong?

Nothing, everything's
just lovely,

bloody Fred'll end up with
five bob for doing sod all,

and I've gotta walk
bloody miles.

Your Frank, Grace-

He's not my Frank anymore.

Come on.

Do you mind Will?

Will?

I did a few trips to town
for him, to the fish man.

I know there was
a scam going on.

Ask someone else, I'm busy.

Come on Grace, be a mate.

No, I've gotta get Lord
Harry's breakfast.

Will!

What was he up to with
the fishmonger?

Chef always orders the best,

but he don't know a piece of
cod from a Southsea kipper.

[William] Right?

So Frank told him what
he wanted to hear.

[Harry moans]

It's all right Harry.

He likes expensive
stuff, does chef,

but the fishmonger can't
always come up with the goods.

God Will, how thick are you?

I've left his porridge on
the stove Will, let us go.

Esther?

Are you listening
at doors again?

I'm walking past,

that is allowed, is it?

[crockery clatters]

Shit!

[Grace] Harry, it's all right.

Oh no.

Look at it, look what
you made me do,

they're gonna kill me.

[Grace] Just be quiet,
it's not all broken.

[Esther] Oh no, oh no.

Are we running a beer garden?

Hell's teeth and buckets
o' blood lassie,

what have you done?

She didn't mean to,

she was just rushing to
Harry and she bumped into me.

It's all right Grace,

I'll tell Mrs. Ryan it
was just an accident.

You, follow me.

[melancholy music]

The Derby service?

Oh Grace, not the Derby service.

I was nowhere near
her Mrs. Ryan.

You were at her feet miss.

When she dropped everything,
I was...

Esther turned round and-

Have you any idea

how much a single plate
from that service is worth?

We'll have a plate a week
off you, starting now.

Make a list, Grace,

and resign yourself to
a very small income

for the foreseeable future.

Miss.

Chef's determined to pay
to whack, so let him.

He pays through the nose,
and that makes him happy,

we help Llewelyn to fool
him with the cheap stuff,

that makes us happy, yeah?

But Andrew sent you?

Yeah, but what the
eye doesn't see.

Go to Llewelyn's and
tell him it goes on,

new faces, same old deal.

We'll even get the
stuff past chef.

Why can't you go?

I don't walk to the village.

Anyway, I made a promise.

[George] What, Esther Spicer?

[Fred] Excuse me.

I'm like a bloody threat.

You know she landed Grace
May right in the shit?

You wanna stay out of
the girls' stuff George,

it's all teeth, and
hair, and hair-pulling.

Look, we could be onto
a good thing here,

think of it, every week.

Until we get caught.

How?

Would you know the difference

between someone from
Scotland and one from Wales?

The accent.

You could do with the
extra cash couldn't you?

Yeah.

I was nowhere near her
when she dropped that tray.

A plate a week?

By the time I've sent
my mum her share

and paid Mrs. Ryan,

I'm gonna be working
for bloody nothing.

Well we counted the pieces,

three cups, two saucers-

Yeah, for months and months.

Oh, William Forrest.

And a gravy dish.

He must have seen I was
nowhere near her.

Why didn't he say anything?

Well he wouldn't, would he,

footmen being liars from birth.

Not all of us love.

Maybe he was looking
the other way.

No, he saw,

he just wouldn't say
anything, would he,

and we all know why.

I just hope she gives
him the clap.

Will!

[William] Don't start
buggering about.

That tray.

[William] You do
pick your moment

You're not gonna say
anything, are you?

[William groans]

Are you?

[William groans]

* I have kissed them all
and found them fine *

* Dora, Jane, and Prue,

* But Gracie, how my
heart doth pine *

* For a little taste of you.

Lady Francombe must have
three tepid baths a day,

Lord Francombe insists
that all the family,

including all the servants,

have a glass of egg
flip every morning.

No, I will not make that slop.

Prothero makes it, at
his master's insistence.

Ah, it gets better,

their dog requires
five walks a day,

not exceeding a mile, and not
less than 20 minutes in time.

My men love nothing
more than mincing along

with a bloody lap dog.

Oh I don't know about that,

there is a few footmen
who might enjoy it.

And finally, the senior
servants will be arriving

sometime this morning
from London.

[upbeat jocular music]

Very small trees: new money.

I'm sure they've got nothing
we haven't got, Mr. Prothero.

Well he's an arrogant
man, Mrs. Fraser.

I believe so.

It's not something I'm proud of,

and certainly not something
I want bandied about,

I would never.

I applied for the position
at Taplows.

He, I'm sure,

knows it, revels in it.

Every time I think I've
made myself his equal,

he proves me wrong.

[upbeat jocular music]

You know the thing
he can't stand?

Joviality.

[upbeat jocular music]

Mrs. Ryan.

Mr. Prothero.

Walter.

Jarvis.

Of course, Jarvis.

I believe the slaves in
the Americas do the same,

change their names to
please their masters.

Agnes, very good to see you.

My other men are just behind us.

What other men?

Your letter said there would
be you and Mrs. Fraser.

However all are welcome,
there's plenty of room.

Gentlemen?

Agnes.

Well Mr. Jarvis, where we
can put our provisions?

[upbeat jocular music]

I know the skirt's a bit tatty,

but this is real silver.

I'll give you thruppence.

Come on, I'm not giving it away,

I'm in debt up to here.

What about that?

No use to you no more,

only Peggy's getting
wed next month

and they haven't got one.

It's not for sale.

Thought you was glad
to get shot of him?

It's my mother's.

Here Peggy, fancy her shoes?

They're the only ones I got.

We'll take them off
you, a shilling.

Can't pledge her troth with her
bunions on show now can she?

How about a pound of flesh?

A pint of blood?

I could kill Esther.

[carpet beater bangs]

[jocular music]

[George] All right Tommy?

Are you sure chef won't notice?

That foreign get doesn't know
the front end of an haddock

from the arse-hole of a whelk.

It's a good job

he's got us looking
after it then, isn't it?

So it'll be you and William
Forrest from now on, will it?

Every week, regular
as clockwork,

making sure you give us
the best that you've got.

Good job I'm not a man
to take offence,

as if I palm off any old
rubbish on his lordship.

As if you would.

Walk on.

[upbeat jocular music]

But we have eggs.

And the largest dairy in
the county, of course.

It's for his lordship's
egg flip.

He insists on our own raised
eggs, our own churned cream,

and if we could make
our own brandy.

Well every family has
its eccentrics.

Girl is it?

I'll show 'em girl.

[George] Hello Fred.

I'll spank him like
his mother, girl?

He's here, I've told him to wait

'til you give him the nod.

Good stuff is it?

Well it pongs a bit,
but it's very cheap.

Lovely, I've got the
lads already lined up.

They're gonna have
to make some noise

to get chef out of
his pantry though.

Oh they will,

I've told Fred that Paul
called him a big girl,

and I told Paul the same.

Right, I'll start 'em off.

Okay, I'll go and give
Llewelyn the nod.

You've got about a minute
to get the whole lot in.

George, don't worry about it eh,

don't worry about it.

Right.

[bell rings]

[Harry moans]

Do you say your prayers

in the middle of a
thoroughfare madam?

What the hell are they
supposed to be?

I'm sorry Mr. Jarvis.

Change them, now.

I haven't got any others sir.

Then you'd better find
some new shoes madam,

quick as you like.

You wouldn't last five
minutes in my household,

there are whores who are
better shod than you.

Don't worry about him,

I'll buy you a new
pair of shoes.

Of course you will.

You just wait 'til the
tips start rolling in,

I'll buy you shoes for
upstairs, shoes for down,

and boots for Sunday.

Now stop flicking about,

Llewelyn's at the back door.

Ready lads, ready?

Wait for the signal.

Eh, eh.

Wait, steady Paul.

Now.

Go on Fred.

[upbeat playful music]

What?

Just a bit of a lark,
our outfit against his.

[upbeat playful music]

[Fred] Move.

Buggers

[the servants cheer and shout]

[Agnes] Well done Paul,
show 'em how to do it.

[Servant] Who's that?

Ah, magnificent pomegranates,

my compliments to the
chief gardener, beautiful.

Whoops.

Good quality?

As if I give Taplows
anything less.

[Fred] Mind out, mind out,

quick, quick, quick.

[Felix] What is going
on out there?

Footman?

[Felix speaks in German]

[pot clatters]

[Felix speaks in German]

[Fred] Sorry chef.

[knife twangs]

[water splashes]

[Felix] You English hooligans.

Come near my kitchen again,
the next time I'll have you.

[Fred] All right you fat boy.

[water splashes]

This is a madhouse.

And I, Felix Kraus,

should waste his life
in such a place?

Apples, excellent.

Can't pull the wool
over his eyes, eh?

[jaunty music]

[Fred shouts]

Thank you very much gentlemen,

I'll get you a beer later.

Who won?

Who gives a stuff, excuse me,

a little businesses
I need to attend to.

Taplows, every last one
of you, mad as hatters.

[they pant]

[mysterious music]

Years I've been living here,

watching Frank cashing in,

living in a honeypot
dying of hunger.

Five bob each mate.

A bit more than that when
his accounts are paid,

not a bad day's work is it?

What are you gonna
do with yours?

Wine, women, and song,

and I'll waste the rest.

What about you?

A woman, just the one,

no wine, and I'll
sing my own songs.

You still after little Gracie?

She won't have you, she won't,

how many times has she
got to tell you no?

The more she says no,

the more she means, "In a bit."

[William laughs]

[jaunty music]

[Lady] I knew we should
have left earlier.

All I want is gallons
and gallons of hot water.

Miss Francombe, Miss Victoria,

tea is served in your room,

I'll send your maids
up as soon as possible.

I'm sure you'll remember
the way,

but just in case.

I'm desperate to get
these boots off.

[Lady] Me too.

[jaunty music]

We can never trust you
to behave properly,

can we Mr. Forrest?

Take your break.

I've just had late dinner.

Then you can follow it
up with an early supper.

You're off duty 'til
10, graveyard shift.

But that's down to the
most junior footman.

Oh, we finally get the message.

Any chance to get
noticed, earn a few tips.

Well you, mate,

are gonna be safely
out of sight,

now bugger off.

Oh Mr. Forrest, before
you take your break,

Betsy?

You can take Miss Catherine's
puppy dog here for walkies.

[bell rings]

Mr. Prothero, for all
his airs and graces,

has not thought to send us
sufficient lady's maids.

So Charlotte, you can
maid Mrs. Rawlings.

You don't need to worry
too much about her,

she's only a glorified
grocer's daughter.

Lucy, you can look after
the two younger girls.

I looked after the
Francombe girls

last Christmas, Mrs. Ryan.

Charlotte, I'm not stupid,

I know the two young ladies
are very easily pleased

and leave an extravagant tip.

Lucy is a lady's maid,
they'll expect no less.

Grace, did you want me?

Is there anything I can do
when Lord Harry's resting,

lady's maiding or anything?

Your job is to keep Lord
Harry away from the guests,

and with shoes like that,

you'd do well to keep
yourself hidden.

Off you go now.

* Fart on my pillow, a
whore in the night. *

If you sweep up behind you,

it looks like autumn
gales in here.

* My early bird wearily

* Her thighs glimmer white

The tall one,

19 years old.

A lady can earn proper, steward

Are you joking?

Mm-hmm

Never.

Well her and me, now
that I could imagine.

I'm sure you think it's very
small of me, mean-minded.

I think he's going
out of his way

to insult and aggravate you.

He is, I know he is.

The man is a clown,

boasting about silly
egg-custardy stuff,

swaggering and preening.

[Mr. Jarvis] He is a
ridiculous figure, isn't he?

He is.

I mean, my footmen
treat him with contempt?

They certainly do.

Mr. Matkin?

Thank you.

Bloody Prothero.

It's not as if you've got any
experience as a lady's maid.

There's only one way to get it.

I'm not being funny,

but there's things
you have to learn,

you can't just walk
into the job.

It's really difficult is it,

curtsying and smiling
at the same time?

If she can look after
Lord Harry and that.

Still a bit more complicated

than wiping their shitty arses,

and if you haven't
had the training.

[Grace And Susan] Ooh well if
you don't have the training.

Grace?

[playful music]

I got it.

For you.

You got some tips early did you?

Yeah, they like the look of me.

Liar, liar, your pants
are on fire.

I wanna keep this job.

I'm already in trouble
and in hock.

That's why I'm offering
it Grace.

When you get caught

you'll pull me down with you.

No one is gonna get caught.

And anyway, I haven't
done anything wrong.

I'm broke George, not stupid.

[rousing dramatic music]

[Joseph] All right William,

having yourself a nice
little walk there mate?

[Joseph laughs]

[Fred] Ah lovely, mm.

Fred, your turn with the
four-legged shit machine,

he likes his walks now and then.

[Agnes] Do you mind?

Not if you don't love.

Gentlemen?

A small gesture from
the Francombes,

a little something to
warm the cockles,

a lovely glass of egg flip.

Not for us poor Taplows
people, Mr. Prothero?

Well why ever not?

If you were my people
you'd enjoy this every day.

As served in Buck House
only last month.

I hope that we all know what
we're expected to do tonight?

Mr. Jarvis, a taste
of sophistication.

To old acquaintance, and to new.

[Servants] To new acquaintances.

The manners of pigs.

Lady What's-her-face has
been shouting for you,

been at it hours.

Bloody woman, needs
a good sorting.

Hello.

Fruits of the estate,

Turbot, sauce crevettes,

casserole de fruits de mer,

fillet de boeuf pique,

faisan roti,

[sweet upbeat music]

My girls are attending
the young ladies,

Mrs. Rawlings was
most appreciative.

Everything as it should be.

Tres bon.

And Mr. Prothero is ill
with disappointment.

[sweet upbeat music]

Can't stand 'em, slimy
bloody things.

All right by me, I'll
have your share.

Lady Francombe was sleeping
you bastard.

I only woke her up, didn't I.

Well you wanna stop
banging around then love,

they don't like bad-tempered
servants,

the lords and ladies don't.

[sweet upbeat music]

You're not on 'til 10.

I suddenly thought an
extra pair of hands

might stop Prothero
sticking his oar in,

so I approached Mr. Jarvis.

He was very grateful.

Going well Mr. Adams?

They all seem happy enough sir.

Cheers.

Shh, shh.

You look lovely.

Come here Paul.

Oops.

Nearly.

[soup splashes]

[William] Got you.

[Joseph] I'm sorry Mr. Prothero.

[Andrew] Gentlemen.

[industrious upbeat music]

Oh hell's bloody bells.

What is it?

Consomme de fruits de mer miss,

harvest of the sea,

it'll make your blue
eyes even bluer.

[jaunty upbeat music]

[bell chimes]

[jaunty upbeat music]

[William retches]

[door bangs]

Are you with us Mr. Forrest?

The gentlemen are at the port.

No need to panic, Mr. Jarvis,

we'll take in the coffee.

[William retches]

Get your mouldering
bones out of there,

the night isn't over yet.

I'm sick sir.

I'll sick you,

I'll have your bollocks on a...

George, lad, perfect timing.

Why don't you rest your
feet Mr. Prothero,

make yourself at home,

we have everything
under control.

* Sosban fach yn
berwi ar y tan *

* Sosban fawr yn berwi
ar y llawr *

* A'r gath wedi

Fred!

-Ah, end of a long day.
-Tedious.

[Guest] Well, not a great
deal to be said.

Good night then.

-Good night.
-Good night.

[guest farts]

[guest farts]

[George laughs]

[guest farts]

[George laughs]

Fred, I'm off.

[Mr. Jarvis] Clockwork

[Felix] I think we've
shown Mr. Prothero

a thing or two,

Seen him off good and proper.

His position at the Francombes',

I applied for it,
same time as him.

Does he?

He's never said anything
of course,

but then he wouldn't,

but he knows.

Arrogant bastard.

[door bangs]

Grace?

[door bangs]

Grace?

[sweet romantic music]

Come here Grace.

[sweet romantic music]

Five shillings.

Where else you gonna
get the money from?

And you wonder why I don't
want anything to do with you.

If you get caught we
both get kicked out.

If you don't get new shoes

you're gonna get kicked
out anyway.

And if you go, I
don't wanna stay.

What are you on about?

Go away.

[George] Please love,
take the money.

I'll never be your love.

Never say never,

'cause you don't knows
what's round the corner.

The longer we stand here,

the more likely we
are to be caught.

[Grace] Go you silly sod.

Take the money.

[Grace] Go.

-Grace, take the money.
-Go to bed.

[George] Grace?

Grace?

[melancholy music]

[playful energetic music]

[guest groans]

[bell rings]

Bollocks.

[playful energetic music]

[Guest] Where's my man?

[George] You all right Fred?

[Betsy retches]

All right Betsy, all right.

[she retches]

Oh no.

Sorry miss.

I'll bring you some water.

[playful energetic music]

[he farts]

Take this linen up to
whoever needs it, off you go.

Lizzie?

Unlock the laundry,

light the fire under the cover,

the big one!

Be quiet for God's sake,

you'll wake Prothero

he'll have it right round
the county in a week.

[playful energetic music]

Here, could you just
deal with this?

Me, really?

Well I've got Miss Caroline.

Oh I'm sorry Charlotte,
like you said,

there's a lot more to it than
just wiping shitty arses,

and I'm just not trained up.

[William retches]

Jarvis has already been
out smelling the pig swill,

so I can't be the only
one thinking it.

Bloody oysters, I only had one.

Well if he puts the
screws on fish-face,

you and I should have
finished him off

and said goodbye to mortal life.

[William retches]

You said this was foolproof,
no risk.

They'll blame Prince
Albert, won't they?

If this costs me my
job, my new livery,

or anything else.

It won't, I'll sort it,

I'll tell the fishmonger
to keep his mouth shut,

tomorrow, after church,

before lunch sometime.

[dog barks]

Prospero come on,
you've gotta run,

leave the deer alone.

Prospero!

[dog barks]

Come on, church.

If you're breathing,
you'll be there.

Good morning Mr. Jarvis.

Mr. Prothero, Mrs. Fraser.

We're assuming that no
one has died in the night.

Apparently not, thank
you Mr. Prothero.

I will be with you directly,

you know the way.

Oh indeed, indeed.

[bells toll]

His lordship's waiting,
where is everyone?

I will not have unpunctuality,

let's have some movement please.

[bells toll]

You're not ill, Mr. Adams?

Are you accusing me of stealing?

You'd better watch that
mouth of yours.

Well I didn't eat
any of the dinner

and I'm not sick.

And I didn't, and
I'm just lovely.

Youse is gonna be
a lovely cripple

if I hear any more out of you.

His lordship's blaming the fish,

that's all I'm saying.

If they blame the fish,

then anyone who's sick
has had some of the fish,

that's what they'll say.

If anyone asks I'm with
Lord Francombe.

I wish you'd shut up about
the bloody fish Fred,

it's not as if it's the
only thing anyone ate.

You know what I think? Oysters.

It could have been anything,

the amount of shite you
were putting down your neck,

anything you got your hands on,

cheeses, ham, cakes, egg flip.

Egg flip.

About time ladies and gentlemen,

if you please, quick
as you like.

No church Mr. Jarvis?

I'm afraid not,

the vicar and the curate
are prostate in the crypt.

Well I suppose if a
lord gets the shits,

then the vicar can too.

Our dad used to say,

"If anything's for free,

"then the Church'll
be there first."

It's hardly Christian to
crow about another's home.

[Servants] Oh shut up Charlotte.

What?

They'll be wondering
where we are.

They're mine.

I know.

How did you get 'em.

Bought them back for you.

And will you be expecting
anything in return?

Nothing,

I just don't like seeing you
get in trouble, that's all.

Well you're a real saint,
George Cosmo.

I know about the fish scam.

I don't know what you're
talking about.

Frederick says it
was the oysters.

Well Frederick's
got a big mouth,

and anyway, it wasn't.

And anyway, look,
stuff it Grace.

You need shoes,

and these are going begging,

so are you gonna put
them on or not?

[sweet music]

The guests are on the mend

and will be leaving
shortly for London,

but the servants...

[Mr. Jarvis] But the
servants? What?

Will have to stay
an extra night.

The devil they will.

They'll be setting off tomorrow

for their house in Edinburgh.

Chortling as they go, crowing.

It's bad enough that we've
poisoned the household,

but in front of Prothero,

in front of bloody Prothero.

The next sick servant I see,

I'll wrench out his
heart and eat it.

[Andrew] Aye sir.

Bloody Prothero.

[Joseph groans]

[George] Joseph?

Did you drink the egg flip?

What, that shite?

That's a pity Joseph,
that is a pity,

because if you ate the fish,

some people might say
you were a thief.

If you didn't eat
the fish though,

and you did drink the egg flip,

the egg flip that Prothero made,

and told you to drink, well.

[playful music]

Good man Joseph.

Egg flip.

[playful music]

[Susan groans]

Susan?

[Andrew] You know damn well
what I'm accusing you of.

[William] I don't know
what you're talking about.

Did you go to the market?

Did you tell Llewelyn to palm
us off with any old rubbish?

I wouldn't do that.

I thought I was over the worst.

I shouldn't come too near
if I was you Mr. Adams.

I have four screaming
brats at hame,

foetal incontinence is
my bread and butter,

now what is this scam
you pathetic little shit?

A confession, now Mr. Forrest,

and all this nastiness
can be put behind us.

[George] They all drank egg
flip and they're all sick,

but they won't get in
trouble for that.

[Susan] Go away George.

Think about it Susan,

if you ate the fish,
you're a thief,

if you drank the egg flip...

Susan?

Right, write whatever you want,

I never touched the rotten fish.

Happy?

And did you have any egg flip?

I did, as it happens,

but only what Mr.
Prothero gave me.

Excellent.

Get some bread.

[door creaks]

Piss off Wilf.

Nearly there, come on now,

[bucket clatters]

how much?

How much?

A guinea.

A guinea?

You dumb bastard,

have you any idea

how much that contract's
worth to Llewelyn?

Hand it over,

and Jarvis need never know.

If you don't, then
I will tell him

what a grasping, greedy,
dishonest little prick you are,

and how you have brought
sickness and disgrace to
Taplows,

how does that tickle you?

It's only a matter of time.

One small incident like this

in a lifetime of service
Mr. Kraus,

and no one would risk
losing you for that.

Excuse me Mr. Jarvis,

his lordship wishes
to speak to chef.

You have nothing to
worry about Felix.

Bloody idiot.

All I wanna know is did
you have any egg flip?

Johnny?

Yes.

[Earl Of Taplow] No more
Prussian rubbish,

we'll have good, plain
English from now on.

[lighthearted tense music]

Chef, chef, I'm looking
for George.

Chef?

[jaunty music]

You can't have spent it,
you haven't been anywhere.

I haven't got it.

Then get it.

It went on a pair of shoes.

This is you running after
skirt again, isn't it?

This is you pouring
everything out

to the first nosy bastard.

He saw me leaving the estate,

he's not daft, he would have
worked it out for himself.

So we give him a cut.

We give him every penny
otherwise he goes to Jarvis.

He wouldn't.

He would, they've already
laid into Prince Albert,

we're next for the chop.

What, chef's been sacked?

Well either that or his
tart died of syphilis,

he's as white as a sheet.

George, where you going?

[George] To see Jarvis,
save my job.

George, wait a minute.

I hope those stinking
shoes cripple you,

I hope they give you foot rot.

What are you on about?

Your bloody shoes

have cost me and
George our jobs.

And your silence cost
me three months' wages.

Who dropped that tray?

When you tell the truth
about that...

God Felix, why the hell
did you have to do oysters?

Oh my friend, the
smallest thread

emanating from the most
enfeebled silkworm,

in the most malnourished worm
in the worst arse-hole of Asia

is thicker and stronger

than the thread by which I
have held onto my position

in this kitchen.

Oh no, not another delicious,
life-threatening treat.

No one has died Mr. Prothero.

Not for the want of trying,
eh Mrs. Ryan.

[Fred] Oi, the slathering
beast wants you.

Tell him I haven't got
his bloody money.

What are you talking about now?

I went down the deer
park with him,

Joe did the river walk,
you get off easy.

Get stuffed Fred,

I've had enough of
the Prothero tribe.

And I haven't?

Right Prospero, come on.

Prospero, this way.

Prospero, Prospero, Prospero!

No, Prospero!

Prospero?

Prospero?

Go on, that's right,
stuff your face.

I hope it bloody poisons you,

I hope it kills you,

I hope you die in agony.

Right, come on.

Come on, come here,

come here Prospero,

come here, come on,
come on, come on.

It's just you were so busy sir,

I didn't think you'd get
the chance to notice.

He was going all
around the house

making a big thing of it,

like they live off it and we
only have beer or something,

got right up my nose.

15?

Yeah, they're just the ones
I managed to speak to sir,

every single one of them,

egg flip, no fish.

Bloody marvellous,
bloody wonderful,

bloody Prothero eh.

And Llewelyn sir, do
you still wanna see him?

Well there's no need,

send him home when he
gets here, my apologies,

tell him I'll see
it's all right.

Well done.

[energising fiddle music]

[fire crackles]

He never?

Maggie?

Mind your language
girls, it's Mistress May

and the ring what she
could never bear to sell.

[he whistles]

[Felix] What the hell?

That's my bag.

[Agnes] We don't
go 'til morning.

Ha.

You are respectfully
requested to revise that plan

and piss off now.

How dare you speak
to us like that.

We have been housed in
inadequate quarters,

disregarded, fed slop
barely fit for pigs.

Barely fit for pigs?

I'm mortified, I expressly
instructed

that your food must be
absolutely fit for pigs.

Out, out, out,

thank you, out.

Your sojourn here is over,

and our brief spell
in purgatory.

A lesser house would
not have been able

to deal with the distemper
you brought upon is.

Our carriage isn't here yet.

And it is about to rain.

A little light rain
will do you no harm,

while we pray for a deluge.

Mrs. Ryan, after you.

[Servant] Go on, off you go mate

We'll send an invoice

for the greenhouse door
and three peacocks.

Bye bye Miss Agnes.

Ta ta Pauline, and
Mr. Prothero too.

[Servant] Oi Agnes,
such a lemon.

[the servants laugh]

He he, you all right big boy?

No, I'm only cheeking.

Mr. Forrest, reckoning
time if you please.

I've only got 15 bob,

what do I do now?

I've dealt with it.

The fish was fine, official.

Andrew doesn't give a
toss about the fish,

all he wants is the money,

or my bollocks on his plate.

I haven't got the money man.

No, you chucked it away

chasing after Grace May's tits.

Here, before the whole
house hears you.

I'm not just a pair
of tits William.

[playful music]

[Mr. Jarvis] "How dare you
speak to us like that."

"We've been housed in inadequate
quarters, disregarded."

"We've been fed food
barely fit for pigs."

[dog growls]

Did you hear what Felix
said to that?

Yeah, that was very impolite.

I meant to reprove
him about that,

but I was too busy laughing
at the time.

[they laugh]

Mrs. Ryan.

[dog retches]

[playful music]

Bugger.

There is something I
think you should all know,

just between us, as friends,

and not to be relayed
to Mr. Jarvis.

You were not poisoned by
the Francombes' egg flip,

you were got by a
substandard fish

that this craven, greedy
bastard introduced to the house.

And thanks to Willie boy here,

all our visitors have fled

without leaving a single tip.

But because I am his
friend, as well as yours,

and for the honour of Taplows,

and so that Mr. Forrest
here can keep his job,

we will all keep
quiet, shall we.

[he clicks]

I tried to tell you.

Hey, it'll stop the
dry retching.

Got you an extra egg
and black pudding.

[William groans]

[coins clatter]

It was a long, hard day,

but at last you're home.

Very smart Mr. Cosmo.

My new livery.

[servants whistle and clap]

[servants applaud and cheer]

[Servant] Go on then.

[Fred] Go on, kiss
her you soft get.

Yeah, if you're that desperate.

Beer.

[Fred] Oh about time Wilf.

Sorry about your
ring, I owe you.

You got me my shoes.

So you owe me, huh?

[playful tense music]

[upbeat Baroque music]

The trousers have come off love.

Not for me they don't.

[William] He's dead.

[George] Breathe.

It wasn't his fault.

I don't think the earl
will see it that way.

Be very careful Mrs. Ryan.

Should I have asked
your permission?

[upbeat Baroque music]