All language subtitles for RuPauls.Drag.Race.Global.All.Stars.S01E08.1080p.HEVC.x265-MeGusta[EZTVx.to]

- ♪ MTV ♪

- Previously on
"RuPaul's Global All Stars"...

For this week's Maxi Challenge,
you'll be playing

the Snatch Game Of Love.

- Spank my ass and
call me Prinny Di.

- [laughs]

- What would you feed me?

- Banana.

- Spanish salad.

- Mm.

- It's so funny, but not
for the right reasons.

- It was a slam dunk.

- Kitty Scott-Claus,
you are the winner

of this week's challenge.

It was very Method acting.

You just didn't have
the jokes there.

When did you realize
it wasn't going well?

- When I didn't make you laugh.

- Vanity Vain,
shantay, you stay.

Gala Varo, sashay away.

[laughter]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Whoo, yay.

Well, we're back
in the Werk Room,

and I am buzzing
off my second win.

I can feel that crown
landing on my head.

I need it.

- And congratulations.
[cheering]

- I'm a Snatch Game winner,
baby!

- I don't understand how
your mind works so quickly.

I don't understand.
It's a gift.

- The gift of being
a gobby cow.

- [screams]
- Speaking of gobby cows...

[cow mooing]

- You won last week,
and now you're low.

How do you feel?

- I mean,
I'm not going to lie--

it did feel
like a loss of moo-mentum.

- Shut the fuck up.

- I want to say I felt seen
but not "herd."

- Oh, my God.
- [laughs]

- I feel a bit rattled
after my Snatch Game.

[yodeling]

- Mm-hmm.

- But I'm absolutely
stepping up this week

because the week before
the Snatch Game, I had won,

and I want to go back
to that happy place.

- I'm really sad
that Gala's gone.

Obviously, I didn't
want you to go either.

- That was my favorite
lip sync in the entire history

of "RuPaul's Drag Race."

- You made Ru--
she was howling.

- [laughs]

- I've never heard her laugh
like that in a lip sync.

- Since we talked
and you were like,

put your voice in the back seat
or whatever...

- Yes, in the boot.

- I've just decided to have fun
and not be up in my head.

But I've had so much fun, and
everything feels so right.

- But, baby, you
milked that lip sync.

- That wasn't
a very organic joke.

- Well, it was A grade.

- Oh, my God.

- [laughs]
- I'm getting out of drag.

- Bye.
- I'm leaving.

- ♪ "RuPaul's Drag Race" ♪

The winner

of "RuPaul's Drag Race:
Global All Stars"

will receive a one year supply

of Anastasia
Beverly Hills Cosmetics

and a grand prize of $200,000.

With extra-special
guest judge Graham Norton.

♪ "RuPaul's Drag Race" ♪

♪ May the best drag queen win,
best drag queen win ♪

- Yes!
- Yay!

- Come on, new day.

- It's a new day
in the Werk Room,

and, oh, my goodness,
there's seven of us left.

I'm looking around the room.

This is definitely
not the group

that I was completely expecting
when we first walked in.

Regardless, I'm
still not bothered

by any of these bitches.

- Oh, my God, Gala is gone.
- I know.

What are we going
to look at now?

God, look at the room--
just a bunch of cross-dressers.

Disgusting.

And, Vanity, you're still here.
- I'm still here.

- Oh, my God.

- Vanity Vain is
officially the cockroach

of "Global All Stars."

You just can't get rid of her.

- All jokes aside,
I won over Eva.

And then I sent home Miranda,
and I just sent Gala home.

Am I the lip-sync assassin
of the season?

- What do we think this week's
challenge is going to be?

- We had Snatch Game last week.

What about
a marketing challenge?

- No, another comedy challenge.

You want to win
for the third time?

- Yes, I do.
[laughter]

[siren wails, all screaming]

- I would love another
comedy challenge.

Come on, let's get
two wins in a row.

- My queens, comedy
is like coffee.

It's best served dark,
piping hot,

and good
till the last mic drop.

- Ooh.
- Wow!

- Another comedy challenge.

No!

RuPaul, we need to talk.

Come, sit with me.
We need to talk.

- Yes, come on.

- So I'm looking
around the room.

I notice that only me and Kitty

are jumping-up
teenage schoolgirls.

The rest of them
look really worried.

And they should be, because
after the reading challenge,

bitch, they could
all go home today.

[laughs]

[elevator bell dings]

- [laughs]
Hello, hello, hello.

[cheering, indistinct shouting]

My Global All Stars.

- Hello.
- Ciao!

- At this point
in the competition,

you could probably
all use a little pick-me-up.

- Please.

- For this week's
Maxi Challenge,

it's nation versus nation...

as you star
in a rich international roast.

- Oh!
- Oh!

- [imitates sobbing

- [cheers]

- I know nothing about roasts,

but my dad makes a mean
rotisserie,

and that's
what I'm going to go for.

Thank you very much.

- #GlobalAllStars.

Now, later today, you'll be
treated to a master class

in roasting
by a surprise guest.

all: Ooh.

- Lord knows I need that.

I am getting
a little worried.

[chuckles] I hope that I can do
well or just be safe.

- Now, Kitty, since you won
last week's Maxi Challenge,

you get to decide
the roast performance order.

- Oh.

- There's definitely,
like, a sense of pressure,

now I'm, like,
setting the order.

- Kitty, you want a massage?
- Who's my best friend now?

Ooh, I've got power
over these girls.

- And tomorrow on the runway,
category is

Blow Me Away...

[cheering]
- Yes.

- Where you need
to serve an outfit

that comes alive in the wind.

All Stars, start your engines,

and may
the best global glamazon win.

[cheering]

Mmm.

[energetic music]

- The vibe in the Werk Room
this morning

is laser focus.

This is the roast.

This is a huge challenge.

All right,
Tessa Marie Sue Louise.

- [laughs]

Now, Miss Alyssa, how you
feeling about this roast, girl?

- I'm thanking
all the gods above

that I get a second chance.

I know everybody saw me
in season five do a roast,

'cause I roasted my damn self.

This was the best
bunch of people

you could get to come judge?

Can I get a "gay-men"?

But I got a different plan.

- You plan on changing
this now, girl?

- I'm going to
write my material,

and I'm actually going
to read the material.

Wait, did you do a
roast on your season?

- No, I didn't get this far.

[laughs]
- You didn't?

- No.

Will you teach me how
to be evil, Miss Alyssa?

Because I don't
know how to be evil.

- Now, what on
God's green Earth

makes you think that
I know how to do that?

I've always been
that motherly role,

always been a mentor, a coach.

And Tessa's a handful,
but she's a good-time gal,

and I will gladly and
proudly accept the job.

I came to this competition
to reclaim my time

and grab my crown, and
I ended up with you.

- She's passing the torch.

[laughs]

- These jokes are coming
to me so naturally.

Literally, I'm looking at
these girls, and I'm like,

I mean, the jokes write
themselves at this point.

I won the reading challenge.
This should be a piece of cake.

Oh, I love a roast.

I was top two on my season.

I'm excited to get back at it.

How are you feeling?
- [squeals]

- Are you nervous?
- I'm a little nervous.

I did a roast on my season,
and it went horribly,

and I was in the bottom.

Brooke Lynn Hytes,
bitch, I am so scared

to roast you in this
environmental crisis,

because what if the ozone
layer makes more holes with all

the chemicals burning off?

[chuckles]

So I'm not very excited
for this challenge.

Stand-up comedy and roasts kind
of don't make sense in my head.

- Right.
- I'm a little nervous.

- Okay.
Well, that should be fun.

- [laughs]

Like, what do you do if, let's
say, one joke doesn't land

and the rest do?
- You just carry on.

- You just keep going?

- Last week in Snatch Game when
you were Zeus,

you had, like, this air
of confidence around you,

which was, like--I'd never
seen that in you before.

- I haven't either,
to be honest, yeah.

- Whatever advice
I give to Pythia is useless

because she's
not funny, full stop.

Maybe you need to kill
off Pythia and then

just be Zeus full time.
- Maybe I should.

Maybe I should be a drag king.
[laughter]

♪ ♪

- I'm sitting with Nelly.
I'm sitting with Vanity.

Noticing very empty
pages on their sides.

[laughs] I think I'm
writing really good jokes.

I'm just going to continue
to let the hate flow.

How you feeling?

Did you do roasts
in your seasons?

- No.

- We do it
in the "Drag Race Italy."

But it's not
an Italian thing, no.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Because I really
find you very rude.

[laughs]
- No, I'm not.

I start to understand
the Kween Kong humor.

- You're a bitch.
[laughs]

- I'm so cute.
- [laughs]

- She roasts me all the time.

But good for me,

because I can take some jokes
and use it for me.

- How about you, Miss Sweden?

- No, never done
a roast, but I'm excited.

I think I'm going to
stick to what I know.

And instead of, like,
writing just jokes,

I think I might have a song
in my head that I want to do.

- You're going to write a song?
- Yeah.

I choose to "sing"

just because it's more
of, like, my comfort zone

and it hasn't been done before.

- But you've also got really
funny physical comedy.

Like, that was the thing
about the lip sync that--

- Yeah, that's what
I want to bring.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, you already won
with a bad song, so go ahead.

[laughter]

- Hello, All Stars.
[all scream]

- Lovely, Graham.

- Okay, how many winners
do I have here?

How many people have won?

Oh, Nelly.

[laughter]

- [laughs]

- [laughs]

[energetic music]

- Have you decided
the roast order?

- Mm, maybe, maybe not.

- I just hope she doesn't
put me first or last.

[chuckles] I absolutely would
hate that position.

- The thing is, I want
the show to be good.

Maybe I'll, like, do
one really good person--

like, start with
someone really amazing, me.

- And to put yourself first
when you have that power, hmm.

Yeah.
- Would you not?

- Absolutely not.

- Where would you put yourself?
- I don't know.

Maybe somewhere in the middle.

- No, because then you
get forgotten about.

You have a strong opening
and a strong closing.

I want to open the roast.

And I know Kween would be
fab to close the roast.

So those positions are set.

And then everyone
else, it's just, like,

good and bad, one after
the other after the other.

- We have somebody plotting
and scheming over there.

What do you think?

- Oh, Miss Kitty
has all the powers.

We see you, Miss Kitty,
Miss Kitten.

- I don't know what
you're talking about.

- Girl, you got all the powers
over there to make--

And you know the order matters.

I'm crossing my fingers that
I'm right in the middle.

I don't want to start it off.
I don't want to finish it.

I want to be right
there after a few.

- Well, what do you
think with the order?

Where would you want to go?

- If I was you, I'm
opening the show.

Follow this act,
you herd of cattle.

- That's what I'm thinking.

- But are you going
first so you can have

all the original jokes first?

- Well, they're always original
jokes with me, darling.

- I don't know about
that, Miss Kitty.

Because, Miss Thing,
the reading challenge

was giving more,
like, stock reads.

- Wow.
[laughter]

- Can you please
give us the order?

- Yes.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, did you do it?

- Yes, I did.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Mind your own fucking business.

You'll find out
when you find out.

- No, Kitty!

♪ ♪

[elevator bell dings]

- Hello, All Stars.
[all screaming]

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Lovely, Graham.

Oh, Graham was a judge
on "RuPaul's Drag Race UK,"

so I've got a special place
in my heart for our Graham.

- Should we gather and talk
through what you're going to do

and all of that?

There's coffee.
I brought coffee.

- Thank you so much.

- Oh, my God.
Graham is absolutely hilarious.

I hope he can give me
some good tips that will

keep me out of the bottom.
[chuckles]

all: Cheers.

- Okay, we've all got coffee?
- We do.

- Thanks, yes.

- I hate to see you leave.

- But love watching
you walk away.

[chuckling]

- Now, there's just
seven of you left.

How has it been going?
- Oh, it's been fun.

Well, we've been
having fun, yeah.

- Yeah.

- Okay, how many winners
do I have here?

How many people have won?
Oh, Nelly.

[laughs]

- I mean, I'm an Italian.
It's something.

- It's always so
tragic when people go,

"I won a Mini Challenge."

[laughter]

- I'm still be
the only one without a win.

But after the Snatch Game,
I proved to the judges

that I can do everything.

So maybe this week is my time.

No, in Italy, we
don't do roast.

It's something
that we don't have.

But more than funny,
I think I'm delusional, so...

- Okay, that works.
- Yeah.

[laughter]

- I don't know Tessa.
- Yes.

- So you're a comedy queen?
Are you--

- You know, to be determined.

- Okay.
- To be determined.

This is my first time
doing a roast, actually.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

- Well, she's funny-looking,
so, look...

[laughter]

- I'm very worried

about how I'm going to deliver
these jokes.

So we'll see how
that turns out.

- And how many roasts
have you done, Alyssa?

- I've only done one.

I roast myself on the daily,
though, so...

- [laughs]

- And, now, in my mind,
I thought it was hilarious.

I think I cursed everybody
out in the building,

and they had to cut me off.

And when my mic went off,
I said, it's not working.

The mic--

They said, no, baby,
your time is up. [laughs]

I know Ru and Michelle
have high expectations of me.

I know that I have to be

on my "A" Alyssa game
in this roast.

- So you're an old hat.
You're feeling confident.

- Oh, well, Down Under we roast
each other under the tables.

We go in for blood.

Like, we'll go in, we'll twist
the blade, we'll pull it out,

and the blood will like...
[imitates spurting]

And then we'll chuck
salt at it, rub it in,

and then we'll sit
there and laugh

at you as you bleed to death.

I was saying it to the
girls, I said, well,

how do you girls air your dirty
laundry when you're--you know,

when you have beef?

Do you just bitch about each
other behind their backs?

Probably.
But, yeah, right.

- But the funny thing, I think,
about roasts is funny is key.

So worry about the funny
more than anything else.

Some of you might feel
going into this,

oh, you know, my English isn't
as good,

or, I don't write jokes.
- Yeah.

- Make those weaknesses
strengths, I would say.

- Miss Pythia is
looking attentively,

and she's got her notepad out,
and she's writing furiously.

But you know what?
I don't think she's getting it.

- And then the classic
thing is,

try to make us believe
you're having fun.

[laughter]
But you should be enjoying it.

Because like I say,
you wanted to be here.

No one forced you here.

No one got a pig prod out
and go, no, you got in there.

You wanted to be here.
You wanted to do this.

Do you have any questions
about this sort of thing,

or are you having any doubts
about your material?

- Well, how do you
not get canceled?

It's hard to navigate, like,
with how sensitive

people are these days.

- Well, I mean, I think
you'll know yourself,

because, you know,
you're all working queens.

So you know what
audiences like.

- Right.

- You know, I think in the end,
if we're laughing, you're good.

You don't get canceled
if people are laughing.

[laughter]

- You get canceled if people
are looking worried and ashen--

kind of like, oh, yeah.

So, Kitty, how did
you pick the order?

- Well, all I knew is
I wanted to go first.

- Okay.

- Because why not start
with the best one?

- Oh, all right, Kitty.
- Okay, okay.

And then I thought,
the rest are shit,

so let's just chuck
them on in there.

So I'm going to do
me and then Vanity...

She can't deliver a joke
for love nor money,

so she's going to be a valley.

And then Pythia...

Not a funny lady,
so it will just emphasize

the fact that I was fantastic.

Then going to Alyssa, then
Nelly, then Tessa, then Kween.

- Oh, yes.
- Okay.

That's not just random, is it?
- No.

I was thinking, okay, we need,
like, peaks and valleys

with this.

- Who are the peaks,
and who are the valleys?

- Well, we will see.

- We shall see.
- Oh!

- But I'll go first.
- But I'll go first.

[laughter]

- She puts me after her
because coming up with jokes

is not my strong suit.

But what I'm good at
is writing lyrics.

- Well, talking to you,
you're all funny.

So you should be funny tonight.

So I guess the only bit of
comedy advice left is,

don't fuck it up. all right?

And I'll see you later.

Oh, Pit Crew.
- [gasps]

- I can't travel alone.
- Yes.

- All right.
We'll see you later.

Look forward to laughing.
Thank you.

Come on, Miguel,
we're out of here.

- Bye, Manuela. Love you.
- Bye.

- Oh, faah!
- Oh.

- I am confident enough
in my comedic abilities

that it doesn't matter
where you are placed.

And if they don't like
their positions,

well, tough tits, toots.

Can I just ask how everyone
actually feels about the order?

- I'm afraid.

So I think that
be after Alyssa,

there is a very strong
competitor, it's not easy,

but someone need to do.

And I think you're for me

because you know
that I can be funny.

I can see maybe Pythia

struggle after Alyssa.

I don't want to be
rude with anybody.

- That was very rude.
You were rude.

You're a bitch.
I can't believe it.

Oh, my God.
"I'm so sweet.

I'm so sweet.

Pythia, you're
going to struggle."

[laughter]

- ♪ On "RuPaul's
Global All Stars" ♪

♪ We gather on the stage ♪

- Okay, maybe I won't be
the worst in this roast.

- [laughs]

- [laughs]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Yes, oh, my God,
it's a new day.

- Move!

- Oh, wow. That was very
aggressive, darling.

So it is elimination day.

And, listen, there is no way
I'm going home today.

Bitch, I am not holding
back for nothing.

These bitches are
going to get it. [laughs]

- I'm so excited
for this roast.

I can't wait.
- It's going to be fun.

- So yesterday when we
were talking with Graham,

I obviously asked the question,
how do you not get canceled?

[laughs] Do you girls
find it really tricky

to sort of have
to censor yourself?

- Being in the public eye,

we do have more
of a responsibility.

- Mm-hmm.

- But we are human, and
I think that we live

in a world of social media.

The judges aren't
really the judges

sitting up there on the stage.
- Right.

- It's the keyboard
warriors at home.

- After my season,
I got so much hate.

- Why?

- They really
didn't get me in Sweden.

They just thought
that I was so,

like, really sour as a person.

- I love what Ru says.

What people have to say about
me is none of my business.

- Exactly. I love that.
- Mm-hmm.

- Let's spread
positivity, not love.

But that being said, let's
burn each other in this roast.

No holding back.
No punches barred.

Baby, baby, let's get
this roast a-cooking.

[RuPaul's "Cover Girl"]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Cover girl ♪

♪ Put the bass in your walk ♪

♪ Head to toe ♪

♪ Let your whole body talk ♪

♪ Cover girl ♪

♪ And what? ♪

Welcome to the main stage

of "RuPaul's Drag Race:
Global All Stars."

She likes her coffee
like she likes her men.

It's Michelle Visage.

- That's right, Ru.
Chock full of nuts.

[laughter]

- He puts the D in comedy.

It's Jamal Sims.

Now, Jamal, are you
a coffee drinker?

- Let's just say I love
anything that's hot, brown,

and keeps me up all night.
- Ooh.

[laughter]

- And our international
treasure, Graham Norton.

Now, Graham, do
you like coffee?

- I'll have what
Jamal's having--

diarrhea.

[laughter]

- This week, we
challenged our All Stars

to brew up some comedy at
our Rich International Roast.

And tonight on the runway,
category is Blow Me Away.

All Stars, start your engines,

and may
the best global glamazon win.

[upbeat music]

Welcome to our
Rich International Roast.

And perk up your ears
for Kitty Scott-Claus.

- Come on, girls.
Come on, girls.

Oi, oi, saveloy.

Good evening, Ru,
Michelle, Jamal,

lovely Graham, and the cast

of "RuPaul's Drag Race:
Global Some Stars."

Sorry, no.
My bad, my bad.

The cast

of "RuPaul's Drag Race:
Global All Stars."

Plus Tessa.

- Wow.

- Where to begin?

I know, Pythia.

Pythia is living proof that
reading is not fundamental.

- [laughs]

- Now, Vanity, her
wigs are so crunchy,

it looks like she's brushed
them with a toffee apple.

Vanity's wigs are so thirsty,

African orphans have started
sending her money.

Nehellenia, Nehellenia.

She always goes,
"I'm so stupid.

I'm so stupid."

And I have to fucking
agree with her.

Now, Alyssa, watching
Alyssa fumble

around a sewing challenge
with a hot-glue gun

makes me think that
the anti-drag laws in Texas

should have gone ahead.

Tessa didn't actually
make it very far

in her season of "Drag Race."

And watching her this season,
I can't understand how.

How she was ever cast
in the first place.

Now here come
the RuPaul old jokes.

all: Yay!

- RuPaul is so old, she
was at the coronation

of Queen Elizabeth...

the First!

RuPaul always tells us
not to reinvent the wheel,

and that is because she
was there when the wheel

was literally being invented.

Thank you so
much for your time.

If you've enjoyed me,
I've been Kitty Scott-Claus.

And if you haven't enjoyed me,
I'm Vanity Vain.

- Yay!

- Kitty has just
set it on fire.

Wow, that was a start.

Girl, I feel bad
for the next bitch.

[laughs]

- Now it's time for the
most fun queen in the group.

I'm going to sing a song.
- Okay.

- ♪ On "RuPaul's
Global All Stars" ♪

♪ We gather on the stage ♪

- Vanity, why are you singing,
sweetheart?

This is not
the singing challenge.

And if it were, I'd pick a key,
and I'd stick in it.

- ♪ Pretending we are models ♪

♪ But no one really slays ♪

- Okay, maybe I won't be
the worst in this roast.

- ♪ In wig, corset,
and high heels ♪

♪ I'm begging you to stay ♪

♪ Can someone bring a burger? ♪

♪ I haven't eaten in days ♪

♪ From UK our Kitty ♪

♪ Yes, she's a fucking cunt ♪
- Oh.

- ♪ Diana, you were pretty ♪

♪ Was that your only stunt? ♪

♪ Which brings
us to the virus ♪

♪ Hello, Testicle T ♪

♪ Praying you get a donor ♪

♪ And maybe a gig with a fee ♪

♪ I'm sorry, I'm Vanity Vain ♪

♪ A singing drag queen ♪

♪ Not known for standing up ♪

♪ But more known
for lying down ♪

♪ Thank you for this time ♪

♪ Where is my burger now? ♪

- Yay.
- All right.

- Whoo.
[applause]

- I know Vanity chose to sing

because it makes
her comfortable,

but the rest of us
are now very uncomfortable.

So thank you so much.

- And now for
Toronto's bana-nana

in a Greek carpet, Pythia.

- Um, that was
a little awkward.

Thank you.
Thank you, everyone.

Thank you, Vanity.

Oh, my goodness.
That was wonderful.

Your voice is like
music to my ears.

And right about now,
I wish I was deaf.

[laughs]

[light chuckles]

Nehellenia, who remembers
her beautiful vocals

from her talent showcase?

Yeah, me neither.
[laughs]

Her music is so
bad that Michelle Visage

asked to feature on
one of her songs.

- Ooh.

- Tessa Testicle,
when I first met you,

I thought you were so annoying
and obnoxious and loud.

But after getting
to know her...

wow, am I perceptive.

[insects chirping]

Jamal, my dear, all
I'm going to say is,

your teeth are so white,
they're almost whiter

than me trying to dance
in the girl-group challenge.

Like...
Am I right?

- Well, dear, I'll
see you at the bottom.

- Kitty Scott-Claus,
mwah, mwah, mwah.

All I'm going to say
is, after meeting you,

I know why your currency is
called Great British pounds.

And that concludes my roast
for the night, you guys.

Thank you so much
for having me.

Next up, we have
Alyssa Edwards.

She's back, back,
back rolls again.

So let's hear it really loudly.
Mwah, mwah, mwah.

- Oh, Pythia.

I don't know if live performing

is her strength.

That's all I got
to say about that.

[applause]

- I feel like I'm in
"The Twilight Zone."

Judges, I'm so sorry
that y'all had to sit

through this bullshit tonight.

Let's start off--

Show some love for the hostess
with the mostest,

Kitty Scott-Claus
from across the pond.

And I got to say, the
resemblance of Gemma Collins

is so uncanny.

She, too, has folks

telling her she's fly,
hot, sexy,

and she's nothing of the sort.

In fact, is Humpty Dumpty
in a wig?

- Fuck me.

- It is a breath
of fresh air to see

a confident, seasoned queen.

Mediocre jokes,
but "A"-class delivery.

- I quickly realized
my illustrious career

had plummeted when I met
Germany's Tessa Testicle.

That's some
"Single White Female" shit

right there.

I just want you to know,
Tessa, that my attorneys

will be sending you
a cease-and-desist as we speak.

- Of course, we all expected

the All Star Botox glow-up,

but, Ru, the amount of fillers,

like Italia's Nervous Nancy

and Sweden's Neurotic Vanity,

this fucking shit
can't be FDA approved.

My time is running out,

much like Vanity's time
in this competition.

Judges, thank you for your time
and your consideration.

All my love, Alyssa Edwards.

[pops tongue]

- RuPaul is laugh a lot
about the roast of Alyssa.

I don't get the jokes.

What she saying?

♪ ♪

Tessa T, I don't
know what worse,

your pink dress
in the ball or--

Oh, fucking no,
there's nothing.

Nothing worse than that.

- Baby, this Margherita
pizza is trouble.

- [laughs]

- [laughs]

[upbeat music]

- The next entertainer up here,
the pizza-delivery lady,

is here to give us some
kind of Margherita pizza.

Give it up
for Italia's Nehellenia!

- Hey!
- All right.

- Ciao.
I'm here for deliver.

Oh, no,
not the Margherita pizza.

I'm here
for deliver some jokes,

but please be kind with me,
because, you know, in Italia,

we don't do roasts.
- Okay.

- Tessa T, I don't know
what worse,

your pink dress
in the ball or--

Oh, fucking no,
there's nothing.

Nothing worse than that.

Pythia, my love, oh, my God.

You remind me an epic poem.

A name of a oracle,
the body of a goddess,

and the face
of a mythologic beast.

- Oh, my God, Nelly
is a shady bitch.

I love it.

- Oh, Kween Kong,
I didn't forget about you.

I mean, I did from your season
till now, but not tonight.

Baby, you're so fucking
funny-looking.

- Nehellenia is actually
doing better than I thought.

Maybe I should have put her
in a worse position.

- RuPaul, I think
we are very similar.

We are beautiful, we are kind,
we are talent,

and we both lie to people,
say, yes, I can sing.

Jamal, or how RuPaul
call you, Ja-mawl,

I want to read you something.

555-3484.

I read you my number, so please
call me, 'cause I love you.

If you like me,
I am Nehellenia.

And if you don't like me,
shut the fuck up!

And now I don't think
that Switzerland

can be neutral anymore,
because it's time for Tessa T!

- Ru just laughed her fucking
ass off to Nehellenia.

Baby, this Margherita pizza
is trouble

and a tough act to follow.

Hello, hello, hello.
Good evening, everybody.

And thank you, Nelly,
for this pizza garbage.

Now, I know it's pretty bold
of me to be coming out here

and do all that,
because, as you know,

I was in the bottom four

out of my five
"Drag Race Germany" episodes.

The only person
who's bottomed more

is Pythia in a dance challenge,

Vanity Vain
in an "All Stars" season,

and Michelle Visage
at any mall in New Jersey.

Give it up for Kween Kong,
everybody.

- Yay.

- She's just done so much
to bust old,

outdated stereotypes,

like the myth that all
drag queens are beautiful,

all rich people have taste,
and all fat girls have ass.

Girl, I don't know what's
flatter, your ass, Kitty's ass,

or Pythia's roast.

Another extremely talented
makeup artist is Pythia.

Face white as snow,
lips red as blood,

but them teeth, bitch,
the Yellow Brick Road.

You know, I really tried
to be nice to these girls.

I said, come on, y'all.
We can kumbaya this out.

But much like Vanity's and
Nehellenia's music,

nobody will listen to me.

So here we are.

- Tessa got in her head
right in the middle of it.

She started out funny, but once
she realized that we weren't

all, like, beating the walls,
falling out laughing,

I could see her not
enjoying it anymore.

- [sighs]

Seeing Kitty next
to Kween Kong

is like watching Uncle Fester
in a wig talk to Gemma Collins

after a long night of hooking.

[insects chirping]

I don't know what's bigger,
your first chin,

your second chin,
or Michelle Visage's dick.

Alyssa Edwards,
as I live and breathe.

We all know you are one
of the best dancers

in "Drag Race" herstory.

But, baby, the way you can just
mesquite, skeet, skeet

your way out faster than your
hairline and your track record

into the safe zone, incredible.

All right.

That is me, Tessa the orphan.

And give it up
for Miss Shit and Bananas,

Kween Kong.

Thank you so much.
- Yay.

- I'm definitely
not worried now

after watching
the plane crashes

that has just gone before me.

I'm going to let them have it.
[chuckles]

Now, look, I am
so humbled to be here

for a night of fun, comedy,
and global excellence--

is what I would be saying
if any of those three things

was onstage tonight.

I mean, look at them.

It's a bevy
of anxiety, acrylic paint,

and global tears from each and
every one of their fathers.

I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.

Tessa doesn't know her father.

Everyone give it up
for Kitty Scott-Claus.

Wow, Kitty, thank you
so much for including me

in the roast tonight.

I know you must have been
battling with yourself

when you were coming up
with the lineup,

because like your ancestors,

you put the person of color
last on the list.

Moving on to the next...beauty.

Vanity Vain is here.

I really noticed how we
do things in Australia

that you don't do in Sweden,
like brush your wigs.

Now, one of the things that
I love about "Global All Stars"

has been getting
to know the girls,

their culture, their language.

In fact, I learned that Pythia

is the Greek word
for "pathetic."

Alyssa Edwards has had
so much work done to her face,

her hairline now starts
in the middle of her back.

Alyssa Edwards has had
so much work done to her face,

the contractors involved have
united and created a union.

- Give it up for
Miss Tessa Testicle.

[cheers and applause]
- Yes.

- Now, baby, I have read you,
your mother, your father,

and your entire ancestral line
daily since we've been here.

So I want to say something that
you haven't heard all season.

You are an amazing drag queen.

Now, my loves,
my time has run out.

If you've enjoyed the roast,
my name is Kween Kong.

If you haven't, you're racist.
Thank you.

- Kween was absolutely
amazing as a finisher.

She roasted us to crisps.
[chuckles]

- ♪ 'Cause you're
a star, baby ♪

- Category is Blow Me Away.

Up first, from the UK,
Kitty Scott-Claus.

- She has some nerve coming
out here stoned like that.

- You know, she's not bad.

She's just blown that way.

- I am serving you

bridal nude illusion.

I wanted to look naked,
covered in rhinestones.

I feel bloody gorgeous.

- Wind model zone.

♪ ♪

- Up next, from Sweden,
Vanity Vain.

- Oh, it's the long-lost
sister, Doody Garland.

- I'm serving the "mess"
in Christmas.

So the outfit I was
supposed to wear

was damaged during
the flight over here,

so I had to get a bunch
of Christmas decorations.

And I was sitting up
late this night doing

this Christmas ball mess.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

- Only 58 tucking
days till Christmas.

♪ ♪

- Up next, from Canada, Pythia.

- This is Toronto's entry for
the Montreal Hair Show 2024.

- Come on, Bronner Brothers.

- My inspiration
for my look is elven.

It's magical.

It's goddess-y, but
it's also quite cryptic.

And I really, really
feel all of my fantasies.

- Those darn kids TP'd Pythia.
- Oh, no!

♪ ♪

- From the United States,
Alyssa Edwards.

Don't it make your
brown eye blue.

- You know what? I am a Marvel
glamazon on a mountain.

The wind hits me.
I raise my arms.

I've taken note.

This ain't my first
time at the rodeo.

- Girl, look how
fucking windy you look.

From Italy, Nehellenia.

- Allora.

- She from that new band,
Girth, Wind, and Fire.

- Ginger Minj.
Oh, no, wait, that is someone.

- Baby, I'm serving
you Jessica Rabbit.

I'm not sexy.

I'm cute, but I try my best.

- It's a five-alarm
Margherita pizza.

♪ ♪

- Representing Germany,
Tessa T...

headlining
at the Fringe Festival.

♪ ♪

- I'm shimmering
down this runway,

and I see Mama RuPaul grinning
from one ear to another.

I know damn well
she eating this look up.

I'm giving you Cher,
giving you Renaissance,

giving you everything
and the kitchen sink.

- That reminds me,
I cannot get my pots clean.

♪ ♪

- From Down Under, Kween Kong.

Now, this is one golden girl
I'd like to know more about.

- Me too.

- I am serving you straight-up
Beyoncé realness, girl.

This look is made of lamé,

which is
the most cheapest fabric,

which is like me, cheap,
but I'm using my body.

I'm moving.
I'm being a dancer.

I'm living
my showgirl fantasy.

- This gold thing?

♪ ♪

- I don't quite know
why it didn't work

as well as it should have.

I just think you were unlucky.

- [laughs]

- [laughs]

Welcome, global glamazons.

- Hello.
- Hi.

- It's time
for the judges' critiques,

starting
with Kitty Scott-Claus.

- Kitty, you came out
of the gate strong.

My critique would be for you
to just take a breath.

You can slow it
down just a little.

- Mm.

- But what a way
to open the show.

- You were savage
but in the best way.

And tonight on the runway,
this look is beautiful.

- Kitty, I'm so glad I was
here tonight,

because you
did the UK so proud.

- Oh, thank you.

- Really, really, really funny.
I'm so impressed.

What a time to be
Kitty Scott-Claus.

- Thank you so much, Graham.

- Tonight was
a great night for you.

And, listen,
you are ready to step

into any television program,
host it, produce it, do it all.

You are rea-dy.

- Thank you so much, judges.

- Up next, Vanity Vain.
Michelle.

- Hey, Vanity.
- Merry Christmas.

- Thank you.

So singing wasn't
a bad idea, in theory.

I thought it was
actually pretty smart,

and it was different,
and it was a way to stand out.

- ♪ Pretending we are models ♪

♪ But no one really slays ♪

- I think the downside was,
it just wasn't funny, really.

- No.

- What I think
would have helped

is if you would have, like,
put a hook,

like., something that was,
like, a little chorus-y,

so it felt like a song
a little bit.

- You have
your own distinctive brand,

and it is so beautiful.

Listen, I know how hard
the roast is to do.

And, you know, you came up with
something that was original.

- What you did in the roast--

I mean, you took a big swing,
and I really admired that.

Did it work?
Not entirely.

If you'd done those jokes
just talking,

it would have been worse.
[laughter]

It would, though, wouldn't it?

This I kind of love,
because it's kind of like,

so the theme is Blow Me Away.

Christmas.
That's where I'm going.

[laughter]

- Now, who put this together?

Did you put this outfit
together?

- No.
[laughter]

- So you did put this together.

- Yes, Ru.
Yes.

- Anything else
you want to add?

- Ho, ho, ho.

[laughter]

- Up next, from Canada, Pythia.

Michelle.

- I felt like you
were really nervous.

- You are such a kind soul

that I think, you know,
taking jabs at people

is really difficult.

And so I don't think
that you ever fully let go.

And then the look tonight,
this is your thing.

- This is just--every time
I think of Pythia

and the way you do drag,
things like this come to mind.

- Yes.
[chuckles] Thank you.

- I thought you gave it
your best shot.

I think you got
a bit lost in it.

- Had you done it as Zeus,
it would have been perfect.

Can you do it as Zeus?
- As Zeus, yes.

- Yeah.

- [Greek accent]
Okay, my friend. [chuckles]

RuPaul wanted to release
a greatest hits album,

but his record label
didn't feel comfortable

releasing a blank CD. Eh!

[laughter]

- That's the voice right there.
That's funny, you know?

- Thank you. Thank you.
- Thank you.

Up next, Alyssa Edwards.

- You know, Miss Alyssa,
I'm glad you're standing here

for critique so I can just
give you a minute to tell you,

through this whole
competition,

I am so impressed
with the level of your drag.

And to my point, what you
were wearing in the roast

was magical.

- Thank you very much.
- You are welcome.

- In that roast,

you gave a master class
in just confidence.

You know, some of the jokes

weren't as good
as other people's,

but you believed them more.

We believed in them,
and we were laughing.

- You were
the international roast queen.

And then tonight
this, again, is something--

You are killing it.
- Thank you very much.

Thank you.

- My only note to you
is be conscious

of where the camera is,
and even if I'm--

Like, if I'm talking
to Michelle, you know,

I'm still going to
look forward.

I'm looking at Michelle
dead in her eyes right now.

- I feel it.
- [laughs]

- I'm ready for my close-up.

[laughter]

- Up next, Nehellenia.

- Ciao.
- [laughs]

- I did not expect for you
to be as good as you were.

You belong here.

Tonight this look was
different than anybody else.

You went with blowing
a flame and a fire,

and I really loved that.

For me, where I struggled
was the hair.

It doesn't have a shape.

But, Nelly, brava.
- Grazie.

- Who knew that you
were packing the heat?

We laughed consistently.

It was so fun to watch.

And then tonight
on the runway,

you went into this, like,
beautiful goddess,

and it all worked.

- You were like one of those
annoying people at school

who were like, oh, I'm
so worried about my exams,

and then get an A-plus.
- Yes.

- It's a really strong
night for you.

- Thank you so much.

- You have your act.
Comedic gold.

And, you know,
I understand the hair.

Maybe a little bit
more crimping in it.

- Someone have a brush?
[laughter]

- Thank you, Nehellenia.
- Thank you, too.

- Up next, Tessa T.

- I thought that you went up
there with confidence,

and then that confidence
quickly spiraled.

- [sighs]

- Tonight I don't have
the words for how gorgeous

this look is.
- Wow, thank you.

- We all saw
what happened tonight.

I appreciate you
just not giving up.

And you got a couple laughs.

And then as far as this look,
I love this look.

- Thank you so much, Jamal.

- I don't quite know
why it didn't work

as well as it should have.
- Me neither.

- I just think
you were unlucky.

There's just a certain--

You can't put your finger
on why some things work

and some things don't work.

So you were
unfortunate, I feel.

As Jamal says, you plowed
through, and you did it.

You should be really
proud of yourself.

And sweet Jesus baby in heaven
above, this is stunning.

It's absolutely gorgeous.
- It is absolutely gorgeous.

And, of course, the way
you sold it on this runway

was exquisite.

Up next, Kween Kong.

- Hi.
- Hi, doll.

- Hello.

- This look tonight
on the runway--

I just love seeing
this kind of Kween Kong 2.0--

evolved and confident

and feeling the beauty
of the skin that you're in.

And then you took
to the podium,

and it was a home run.
- Oh.

In fact, I learned
that Pythia is

the Greek word for "pathetic."

- Yeah, Kween Kong,
I had high expectations

of you doing the roast,
and you delivered.

Yeah, I have
no critiques at all.

- What I really like is how
you maneuvered in the wind,

how you were able
to work the material.

Excellent night.
- Thank you.

Thank you so much, Jamal.

- Boy, oh, boy, did you work
that wind machine.

And, of course, your
roast was marvelous.

You've really found your voice.

You've really found
your right rhythm.

You weren't afraid
to just let us

catch up to what
the joke was and go,

oh, I see what she's saying.

And then
you'd pick it up again.

That--again, it's
that dancer instinct.

Beautiful night for you.

Thank you, Kween Kong.
- Thank you so much.

- Thank you, All Stars.
I think we've heard enough.

While you untuck
in the Werk Room,

the judges and I will
deliberate.

You may leave the stage.

[engine turning over, revs]

- We're back in "Untucked," and
I am feeling quite confident.

I think I'm in a chance
of winning this.

Well, I feel very positive.

- Yeah, bitch.
- That was lovely.

- You did great.
- Congrats.

- I'm so happy.
I love the roast.

And do you know what?
Nelly, you did so bloody well.

- Thank you so much.

- They did read her
for the hair.

- That's a minor detail.

I think this is gorgeous.
You look stunning.

- Thank you.

Kitty, she's
the best comedian here.

And know that she thinks that

make me so glad, so proud.

- Tessa, how are we feeling?

- Here I was
with my, like, roast

that I've worked all night on,

and why are these
bitches not laughing?

This was definitely
a hard week for me,

but I am not letting
this discourage me.

I'm going to fight
my way through this.

But it kind of
make me feel better

to see Jamal and Graham saying
that they saw me not give up.

- For you to get notes like
that and critiques like that,

ultimately, whether you
lip-synch or not...

- Yeah.
- That is a win for you.

- Yeah, totally.
- Yeah.

- How do you feel, Pythia?
- Pretty good.

I mean, honestly,
I'm not going to lie.

I knew I was going to be
in this situation.

I just don't understand
stand-up comedy.

I have spoken about this
for time and time again.

I don't understand
that art form.

And that's fine, you know.
Whatever happens happens.

If I'm lip-synching,
I'm going to lip-synch.

I think I'm going to do
it in this, actually.

It's going to be pretty cool.
- And baby, baby.

I think this one is
one of the most iconic look

of all the seasons.

- Thank you, baby.
- It's iconic.

- I may have bombed the roast,

but my look
is incredible tonight,

and I really hope
that it can save me

from the bottom,
like last time.

- What about you, Vanity?
Are you feeling okay?

- Well, I think this
is my winning week.

I'm winning everything.
There's no surprise.

I know exactly what
the destiny is doing.

It's also today
exactly one year

since I walked
into "Drag Race Sweden."

- Wow.
- Oh.

- Hopefully you
don't walk out today.

[laughs] That would be the gag.

You'd be like,
happy anniversary, bye.

- I don't want
to lip-synch again,

but I just feel it in the air.

Like, this is happening again.

And...

I'm preparing to
blow the judges away.

- [laughs]

- [laughs]

Welcome back, All Stars.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- Ciao.
- I've made some decisions.

[dramatic music]

Kitty Scott-Claus, in the roast
and on the runway,

you were peach perfect.

Alyssa Edwards,
you really tongue popped.

- [pops tongue]

- Nehellenia, you were on fire.

Kween Kong, you were pure gold.

♪ ♪

Kitty Scott-Claus...

Kween Kong...

condragulations.

You are both the winners
of this week's challenge.

- Fuck, yeah!
- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my fucking God.

- You will split
a tip of $10,000.

- Thank you so much.
- Thank you so much.

- Oh, my God.
Thank you.

My third win!
Hooray! Oh!

And to share it with Kween--

I mean, I couldn't
have picked between us,

and neither could Ru.

- [screams]
I'm so excited.

Three wins each?

$5,000 each?

Oh, my God.

- Alyssa...

Nehellenia...

you are safe.

The four of you may step
to the back of the stage.

- Yes, motherfucker.

Check us, baby.

- Vanity Vain, in the roast,
you swung big,

but your runway was
a bit of a miss...

a Christ-miss.
- [chuckles]

- Yeah.

- Pythia...

tonight your runway
was pure magic,

but your roast

did not cast a spell.

Tessa T, you sparkled
on the runway,

but your roast lacked luster.

Tessa...

♪ ♪

You're safe.
- Thank you so much.

Thank you,
thank you, thank you.

- You may join the other girls.

- [exhales sharply]
Another lucky escape.

Part of me is kind of bitter

because I really wanted to
lip-synch to the song

in this look.
[laughs]

- Vanity, Pythia,

I'm sorry, my dears,
but you are up for elimination.

- I really thought that my
runway was going to save me,

but here we are.

I have never had to lip-synch
for my life

during "Drag Race," so
I'm feeling a little nervous.

- Two Global All Stars
stand before me.

♪ ♪

This is your last chance
to impress me

and save yourself

from elimination!

The time has come

for you to lip-synch...

for your life.

- Vanity may have sent two
girls home, but not this time.

I'm in it to win it.

- I just think I can sell
this more than Pythia.

I'm a rock star,
and she's a mannequin.

Hit the fan.

I'm ready.

- Good luck,
and don't fuck it up.

[light rock music]

♪ ♪

- [vocalizing]

♪ ♪

♪ I had to escape ♪

♪ The city was
sticky and cruel ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Maybe I should have called
you first ♪

♪ But I was dying
to get to you ♪

♪ I was dreaming
while I drove ♪

♪ The long straight
road ahead ♪

♪ Uh-huh, yeah ♪

♪ Could taste
your sweet kisses ♪

♪ Your arms open wide ♪

♪ This fever for you was
just burning me up inside ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I drove all night ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I taste your sweet kisses ♪

♪ Your arms open wide ♪

♪ This fever for you is
just burning me up inside ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I drove all night ♪

♪ To get to you ♪

♪ Is that all right? ♪

♪ I drove all night ♪

[cheering]

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

- So good.
- That bitch tore it up.

- Oh.

- Wow.

- Oh, my gosh.

All Stars,
I've made my decision.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Vanity Vain, shantay, you stay.
- [gasps]

- Oh, my God.

- Officially
the lip-sync assassin.

- You may join the other girls.
- Thank you so much.

Mwah.
Love you.

Oh, my God.

I'm officially the lip-sync
assassin of the season.

And kind of ironic to send home
the Canadian queen

to a Canadian singer.

[shade rattle]

- Pythia, my queen,

you are and will always be

an international icon.

Now, sashay away.

- Thank you so much
for everything.

And I will promise you I will
keep looking for that voice.

[laughter]
Thank you so much.

- Thank you.
- [chuckles]

Bye-bye.

- We love you, Pythia.
[applause]

♪ ♪

[ting]

[laughter]

- Condragulations, All Stars.

And, remember, if you can't
love yourself,

how in the hell you going
to love somebody else?

Can I get an "amen" up in here?
all: Amen!

- All right,
now let the music play.

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ When I play, play ♪

♪ Oh, oh, when I play, play ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Oh, baby, I'm a winner ♪

[laughs]

- Next time on
"RuPaul's Global All Stars"...

For this week's Maxi Challenge,
your sisters are here to help,

as you transform them
into a member

of your "Drag Race" family.

- I sent three
of those bitches home.

Did you drive all night?

- Oh, fuck.

- It is a showstopper.

- I definitely want
to go to that party.

- The family resemblance
was not there.

- ♪ Can you feel the love? ♪

♪ ♪