All language subtitles for Younger.S05E09.Honk.if.Youre.Horny.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-KiNGS_track3_eng

- I hope you like cacio e pepe.

- I love it, and I love
that you can cook.

- I know four recipes,
and they all fall

under the header:
easy dinners for kids.

How are the girls?
- Uh, they're good.

They're, um, with their mom
in her new apartment.

- Yes.

Certainly cheaper to have
a wife abandon you

than one back in town
divorcing you.

But I will spare you
the details.

- So much.

- If you need me,
I am going to be

in the study
finishing a manuscript.

- Uh, Calvin Crigger,

the editor from Penguin,
wrote a book.

- I thought he left
the business.

- He did for rehab.

The book's a literary memoir

about his drug addiction.

Like "Permanent Midnight"

or the "The Night of the Gun,"

only set in the world
of book publishing.

- Huh. Sounds interesting.

All right, I will come get you
when dinner's ready.

The recipe says
20 minutes so, uh,

give me an hour.
No rush.

- I like those.

- They're for reading.

- Wow. They are very,
very sexy.

- Wait till you see the ones
I wear for night driving.

- Make me dinner!

- All right, beauties,
I've held you all

in suspense long enough.
As Kelsey's publicist--

- You're not my publicist.
- Ignore the drunk blonde

and raise your glass
because you, Kelsey Peters,

are going to be honored
as this year's maverick

at the "Glamour"
Women of the Year Awards.

- Ah, wow.
- Wow!

- Very nice.
- Yes.

Wait, are you kidding me?

- Nope.
Who's your publicist now?

- Oh, my God!

- That's so awesome, Kelsey.

- And each recipient
gets introduced

by another inspiring woman

who's also at the top
of her game,

and Kelsey's going to be
introduced by...

- Maggie Amato.

- Allison Janney!

- Oh! I love Allison Janney.

I mean, she's no Maggie Amato.
- Hey.

- Oh, my God. Okay, wait,
how did this happen?

- Well, I'm really good
at my job, and so are you.

Honestly, dude,
it was an easy sell.

- Thank you.

- I'm happy to help,
and I'll be even happier

once you put me on retainer.

It's a conversation
for later, but...

- Mm-hmm.

- Okay.

- Well...that must have
been good.

- It was.

- I can always tell.

- Mm-hmm.

You make this little...

honk.

Actually, it's not little.
It's pretty big.

But don't worry.

These pre-war buildings

are very thick walls.

You make noise too, you know.

- Oh, I'm not complaining.

- Me neither.

- Hey.
- Aw, we missed you

last night at drinks.
- Yeah.

Sorry, but I did finish
the Crigger book.

- It's really, really good.

I mean, it's dark,
but it has these really honest

and funny moments too.
- Yeah.

I agree, but I know the writer,

and he's not only an addict
but also an asshole.

- Well, I could edit the book.

I mean, I have experience
with addicts and assholes,

and it doesn't need
that much work.

- I know, but any work
with this guy

is gonna be a challenge.

Plus, the book is small.

It could get some buzz
if we push really hard.

But we have Quinn Tyler
coming in.

- I know. I am so excited.
- Exactly.

A self-made billionaire

with an amazing Instagram
following.

The book's guaranteed
to be huge.

I'm passing.

- Okay.

- House of Redmond.

- Hi, handsome.

It's Kelsey.
- Hi, Kelsey.

- Hey, uh, we finished
the Crigger book.

I tell people that reading it

is like getting cut by glass.

It's fast, it's deep,

and the pain stays
with you for days.

- Mm. We're passing.

- Whoopsie, I think
we have a bad connection.

I think I just heard you say
you're passing.

- We're on a landline.
You heard correctly.

- Kelsey.
This book is gonna win awards.

And Calvin specifically wants
to go with Millennial

because of the
Reese Witherspoon connection.

- A lot of people do.

That's why we're being choosey.

- Oh, okay.

Well, I guess I have
to go figure out

how to crush the dreams
of my client now.

Bye.

- Kelsey.

You're...publicist called.

She wants to meet with me.

- It's Lauren, and you don't
have to meet with her.

I'm sure she's just calling
about the "Glamour" award.

- Who's getting
a "Glamour" award?

- Me.

- Well, congratulations.

You certainly have
the hair for it.

- Oh, my gosh!
Kelsey, that's amazing.

- Thank you. I don't know
any of the logistics yet,

but I would love for both
of you to be there.

- Absolutely.
- I bet Lauren

wants Empirical to buy
a table at the event.

That's always the rope
with these awards.

- I don't know what she wants.
She thinks you're cool.

She's probably looking
for an excuse

to have a drink with you.

- One drink.

I do have a personal life
these days.

- See you tonight.

- You will now.

- So, as you can see,
I am raising Kelsey's profile

and therefore the profile
of the company she works for.

- Are you gonna ask me to buy
a table at these awards or not?

- Oh, diva, you get
to buy a table,

and I'd go with
the biggest and the best.

You of all people
should take full advantage

of this opportunity.

- Because you've got
the "it" factor.

That is why I wanted
to meet with you.

What Grace Coddington
was to "Vogue,"

Diana Trout could be
to Empirical.

- I mean, yes,

if I wanted that.

I could get your profile on W.

I could get you a reality show.

A fragrance.
We could call it Trout.

Nix that, too fishy.
No.

I could even get you a man,
Diana.

Or a woman.
I don't want to assume.

- I have a man.
In fact,

he's gonna pick me up
here in a few minutes.

Unfortunately, the job you want

doesn't exist,
and while it is lovely

to be called diva,

that's the only value add
you bring to the table.

- Ouch, diva.

- I like you,

but I don't need you.

- Hey, hun.

- Lauren Heller,
this is my boyfriend, Enzo.

He is a small business owner
in the city.

- Plumber.
- Plumber.

- Enzo, hi.
You look so familiar.

Have
- I don't know.

If you've ever
had a backup or a clog,

there's a good chance.

I meet a lot of people
around bull.

- Okay, we should get going.

I will think about that table.

- Please do, diva.

- I don't think
I need my glasses,

but I might need a flashlight.

- True, but, um, no one
can see me do this.

- Charles.

Tall girl.

- Redmond.

What, uh, are you doing here?

- I live
on the Upper East Side.

Please don't tell anyone.

It's the only way
I can escape the gays.

- This is Dell, my trainer.

So what are you two doing here?

- Oh, uh, I'm here.

Um, uh, alone.

This is where I come to read.

And Liza was just dropping
something off.

- Yes, I was,
um--I was just bringing

Mr. Brooks, um,

this manuscript.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- The Calvin Crigger
manuscript?

But our mean little friend,
Kelsey, already passed on that.

Uh, why are you having me

read something
that we passed on?

- I thought I liked it.

But Redmond's right.
Kelsey passed.

So, um, I am really sorry

to be wasting your time.
Sir.

- Goodnight, Liza.

- Goodnight.

- I'm sorry.
I promised no work.

Enjoy your meal.
- Thank you.

- Thank you.
Don't set the fish down.

Just take it--take it back.

Take it.
Thank you.

- I have a few minutes.

Dell's doing Whole 30.

It takes him a while
to analyze the menu.

I think I know
what Liza was doing here.

- Oh.

- She believes in this book,

and she was trying to push it.

- Well, uh, Kelsey passed.

She must have had her reasons.

- Because she doesn't
like Calvin.

She's letting
her personal feelings

get in the way of work.

This book is one
of the best I've read.

It's gonna win awards.

You think Dorothy Parker
was nice,

or Truman Capote was easy
to work with?

- Well, maybe it's something
that Empirical could consider.

- No, no bueno.

It has to be Millennial.

Empirical is like
the BlackBerry

of publishing, no offense.

People don't want
the old clickity-click.

They want facial recognition
and cute emojis.

Sorry.

You came here to read.

Okay.

Just--that's it.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, the one
with his schlong out?

Yeah, how could we miss him?

- That is Diana's boyfriend.

- No.
- Shut up. Wait.

Diana as in Liza's boss Diana?

- Yes, dude.
I met him the other day,

and I thought
he looked really familiar.

And then suddenly last night
it came to me, pun intended.

He was in the first porn
I ever saw.

- I can't watch that.
- No, no, no, just wait.

Wait--wait one second.

- Oh, my God!

- Holy shit.
Yo, that was primal.

- I know, I know,
for the longest time

I thought that all men
came like geese.

Ugh, poor Diana.

- Ew.

Oh, maybe he just made
that noise for the film.

For the film.

- I wonder if Diana knows
about this.

There is an easy way
to find out.

I'll just show her this.
- No. You can't.

- What kind of publicist
would I be if I didn't?

- Quinn is one of only 17

female self-made billionaires

in the United States,
and what is crazy

is that she doesn't even have
a business degree.

- Well, she'll be here at
10:00 a.m., so that gives you

five minutes to find me coffee

and 25 minutes
to get a hold of yourself.

- Oh, and, um,

about the "Glamour" Awards,
I told your publicist...

- Oh. You can just call
her Lauren.

- I told her to get us
the biggest table at the event.

Thanks.

Let's do it now
before you change your mind.

- No reason.

- Well, she's in a good mood.
- Yeah.

She's getting laid
by a professional.

- Hello, love.

I'm sending over the Crigger
contract tout suite.

Nice try, Redmond.

We passed, remember?

- I bumped into Charles
at dinner last night,

and, uh, long story short,
he read the manuscript

and according to the email
he sent me this morning,

Millennial's buying it.

I'll forward.

Did you get it?

- Hey, Quinn's on her way up.

Uh, Redmond just called.

Charles bought the Crigger book
for Millennial.

- He read it.

- I gave it to him.

I passed.

- I know, I know.
I told him that.

I'm so sorry, Kels.
- I don't understand.

- We were having dinner
at this restaurant,

and Redmond walked in.

And we both panicked.

And I had the Crigger
manuscript in my bag, so we--

we just pretended
like I was dropping it off.

- You were having dinner
with Charles?

- Sort of.

I thought he was
barely speaking to you.

- I've been trying
to repair things with him.

And I may have repaired things
too well.

- How long have you two been

"repairing" things
with each other?

- Not that long.
It just started.

We don't even know what it is.

- I know what it is,
and it's a big problem for me.

- Quinn is waiting.

- It's hard to get to the top,

but people don't like
hearing that.

They want to think
opportunity is just there

and you can either lean in
and take it or not.

I don't know about you,
but I have had to create

my own opportunities
and put myself first.

I didn't get
into the Three-Comma Club

by helping other people
realize their dreams.

- That's not exactly
the rallying cry I expected.

- Rallies don't work.

The hard truth is
that this whole idea

of sisterhood is actually
holding women back.

Men get ahead because they're
looking out for themselves.

Women are behind because
they're looking out

for everyone else.

- Not all women.

But at the point
where one woman is looking out

for themselves,
then we all need to be.

- What's wrong with being
out for yourself?

- It's not as satisfying,
especially when you're building

something great
with someone else.

- Okay, think about it
this way.

No one wants your success

as much as you want it.

- Your friends do.

- "Claw" isn't a book
about friendship.

It's a book about getting
ahead in business.

- Right and in business
sometimes the people

you think are your friends
are actually...

your biggest competitor.

- Exactly.
- That's not true.

- I wish it wasn't.

- I'm gonna run
and leave you to discuss this.

Um, Kelsey, I'll see you
at the "Glamour" Awards.

Congratulations.
- Thank you.

- Well, I don't know if that
was feminist or anti-feminist,

but that book is gonna sell.

Why don't you two go figure out

what we can actually offer
Quinn.

- I'll do it.

Do you have a second?

- Yeah, of course.
Um.

I actually wanted to

talk to you
about the Calvin Crigger book.

- I know you bought
it for Millennial.

- I did.

I think it's the kind
of literary memoir

that we should
take a chance on.

- You're probably right.

But then there's
the Quinn Tyler book,

which is also the kind
of book that I think

we should take a chance on.

And that's gonna be close
to seven figures.

- I don't think we
can afford that, Kelsey.

- What if I got Liza
to ask you?

Over dinner?

Or after dinner?

Let me know.

- You look great.

- So do you.

- You told Kelsey
we were together.

- You bought the Crigger book.

- We need to talk.

- Yeah.
After the awards.

- Oh. This is big.
I'm a little nervous.

- Yeah, that is because you
refused to take Adderall.

I am laser-focused
and mildly euphoric.

You want me to tickle your arm?

- No.
Oh, my God.

Eva Chin,
Instagram high priestess.

Hi, I'm Lauren Heller,
publicist.

This is Kelsey Peters,
maverick.

- Hi, I've heard
about your book. Congrats.

- Congratulations on the award.
That's amazing.

- Yeah, well, I specialize
in all things amazing.

- Hm.
- Oh, uh, you two chat.

Talk me up, okay?
I love you.

Miss Trout.

- Miss Heller.

- There's something
I need you to see.

Come with me.

- That could be anybody.

It's grainy and--

- Oh, that's him.

- I know.
- Enzo does porn.

- Did porn. This is
the only one I could find.

And believe you me, I scoured.
- I don't understand.

- Oh, well, I'm a bit
of a porn connoisseur.

My favorites are vintage
and short-form narrative.

And this one has
that sweet spot of vintage

with a narrative--
- I don't understand

why Enzo would do this.

- Oh, I don't know,
but you don't have to worry.

It's been taken care of.
Down?

- I did, yeah.

Except for one copy.

- Thank you, diva.
- Anytime, diva.

- I'll call you.
- I know.

- Thank you.

- Congratulations.
This is quite an event.

- It is.

- I want you to know that

Calvin Crigger wanted to work
with Millennial so badly

he is basically doing
the book for free.

- He always was desperate.

- Also, I am giving you
the money for "Claw."

Because I believe
in your judgement.

- Thank you, Charles.

I will make that book
a best-seller.

- I know.

And also, going forward,

what I do in this company
and in my life

is my business.

Because it is my business.

Understood?

- Understood.

- So I guess
I should thank you.

I got the money
for the Quinn Tyler book.

You going behind my back

actually worked out.

- I did not go
behind your back.

I would never do that.

I wanted to come clean,

and you stopped me,
remember that?

I am lying for us

because I want you to succeed
as much as you do.

But the problem is
that I love two people.

Charles and I,

we're just trying to see
if we can make this work.

But you have had my back
since the day I started,

and I have had yours.

So if you are asking me to
choose between the two of you,

I choose you.

- Excuse me. I need to, um,

steal our little maverick
for a second.

Come on, like now.
Right now.

Okay, so don't panic,

but Allison Janney
just cancelled.

So, um, we need to find
someone else right now.

This doesn't just effect
tonight, Kelsey.

It effects the press release.
- Kelsey.

Charles told me the good news.

That Allison Janney's here?

I'm just kidding.
I know she's not.

- Well, it was a great offer,

but for me, it's not
about the money.

I just--I really want to
do the book with Millennial.

- That's amazing.

You know, tonight I am getting
the maverick award.

I would be honored
if you would introduce me.

- I think you should be
the maverick you are

and accept the award
on your own.

- Um, but you know,
every other woman

is having someone
introduce them,

but yeah, I could see
how that is also cool.

- I got it.

Thank you.

- Mm-hmm.

- A maverick

is an independent person

who blazes their own path.

There are women who got to

where they are
without needing help,

and I admire them.

But I am not one of them.

I am very lucky to not be
running Millennial on my own.

I have an amazing partner.

Who should be up here with me.

A partnership like ours is rare

and sometimes challenging,

but we never stand
in each other's way,

personally or professionally,

because we know
that we are better together.

So thank you "Glamour"
for this award

on behalf of myself

and Liza Miller.

- I was starting a business.

I needed money,
and it was so long ago.

No one ever even saw it,
then the internet

got invented and...

Haven't you ever done
anything stupid?

- I married a gay man.

- Diana, I hate
that you saw that.

But I'm not in my 20s.
I'm in my 40s.

I come with baggage
like everyone else.

- I know how you come.

And it's not like anyone else.

- Hey, hold on.

- Hi.

- Seems like you two
are going to be okay.

- We are.

But you should know,
Kelsey is a priority of mine.

- I get it.

I just don't want to wait
any longer to be with you.

- I feel the same way.

- But there's just a lot
on the table right now

with my divorce,

with Empirical, so for now,

it's important that no one else
knows about us.

- I understand.

But keeping this relationship a
secret, it's not gonna be easy.

- Nothing worth having
comes easy.