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1
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Honestly,
sometimes your sense of humour...
2
00:00:20,802 --> 00:00:21,928
What?
3
00:00:22,202 --> 00:00:23,613
"What?" Hitler?
4
00:00:23,722 --> 00:00:25,511
How's it Hitler? Eh?
5
00:00:25,598 --> 00:00:29,000
It's Charlie Chaplin, Great Dictator.
Hmm? You've seen it?
6
00:00:29,078 --> 00:00:30,728
No? Great film.
7
00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:33,278
It's a homage, it's a satire of Hitler.
8
00:00:33,358 --> 00:00:35,167
Look, you're the one dressed up
as an actual monster.
9
00:00:35,358 --> 00:00:37,520
Boys, I have to warn you
10
00:00:37,598 --> 00:00:40,283
I am dressed as possibly the greatest
11
00:00:40,358 --> 00:00:43,089
pregnancy party dress costume
of all time!
12
00:00:43,158 --> 00:00:45,638
Yeah. Well, you wait until you see us.
13
00:00:45,718 --> 00:00:46,844
Whoo...
14
00:00:46,918 --> 00:00:49,569
- Whoa!
- Whoa! You win, you win.
15
00:00:49,638 --> 00:00:52,608
A space hopper. That is genius.
16
00:00:52,678 --> 00:00:54,567
You are dressed as Hitler.
17
00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:57,847
No, no, no, it's Charlie Chaplin.
18
00:00:58,158 --> 00:01:00,047
Great Dictator, eh?
19
00:01:00,118 --> 00:01:02,564
- What is, your Hitler costume?
- Yes.
20
00:01:02,638 --> 00:01:04,606
Look. No.
21
00:01:04,678 --> 00:01:06,965
Well, whatever. The party is on.
22
00:01:07,038 --> 00:01:10,042
There ain't no party like a
Conservative Party.
23
00:01:12,298 --> 00:01:13,479
Sorry, too much.
24
00:01:26,638 --> 00:01:30,359
Well, this is all very uh, "baby".
25
00:01:30,438 --> 00:01:33,760
- What, bun in oven? Get that?
- Uh-huh.
26
00:01:33,838 --> 00:01:35,249
- Clever.
- Mmm.
27
00:01:35,318 --> 00:01:38,049
Oh, we're gonna be fine.
We're gonna be great.
28
00:01:38,158 --> 00:01:41,241
Yeah, I cannot wait to have
this baby and be a mum.
29
00:01:41,318 --> 00:01:42,843
Yeah, I'm gonna be a dad.
30
00:01:42,918 --> 00:01:47,048
I'm gonna be a single dad
in a threesome with no boyfriend.
31
00:01:47,798 --> 00:01:50,005
Yeah. Well, I've decided to get
philosophical about it
32
00:01:50,078 --> 00:01:52,843
and believe that the Universe
wants us to have this baby.
33
00:01:52,918 --> 00:01:55,649
And if it doesn't,
the Universe will send us a sign.
34
00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:09,000
Well, it was this or a Playboy bunny.
35
00:02:11,958 --> 00:02:14,165
Who are you supposed to be?
Prince Harry?
36
00:02:14,238 --> 00:02:18,687
What? No, Sue, not...
It's Charlie Chaplin. Great Dictator?
37
00:02:19,158 --> 00:02:21,764
Well, how many times do I have
to tell people I'm not Hitler.
38
00:02:23,918 --> 00:02:26,080
Hey, jenny. So, who have you come as?
39
00:02:26,158 --> 00:02:27,808
Anna Wintour.
40
00:02:27,878 --> 00:02:29,562
You don't look any different
than normal.
41
00:02:29,638 --> 00:02:32,244
- Thank you, darling.
- All right. Who's Anna Wintour?
42
00:02:32,958 --> 00:02:37,646
Take my advice. People worry
far too much about taking charge.
43
00:02:37,718 --> 00:02:39,607
Let the baby lead the way.
44
00:02:39,678 --> 00:02:43,763
If she's hungry, feed her.
If she wants to sleep, let her sleep!
45
00:02:43,838 --> 00:02:47,160
Do not let that baby think
she's in charge.
46
00:02:47,278 --> 00:02:49,645
Classic mistake.
47
00:02:49,718 --> 00:02:54,201
She must feed on your schedule.
Bedtime, bath time, you decide.
48
00:02:54,878 --> 00:02:56,880
Or you'll be raising a brat.
49
00:02:56,958 --> 00:03:01,008
It's simple. Get a nanny.
Just get a nanny.
50
00:03:01,078 --> 00:03:03,365
Have a drink. Find a boarding school.
51
00:03:03,598 --> 00:03:04,804
And whatever you do...
52
00:03:04,878 --> 00:03:07,609
Don't listen to anything,
anyone else tells you.
53
00:03:10,638 --> 00:03:13,118
So, we're all agreed on the new addition
to the birthing plan.
54
00:03:13,638 --> 00:03:16,164
No mums at the hospital. Sign.
55
00:03:16,238 --> 00:03:18,923
So you're proposing when you go
into labour, we keep it a secret.
56
00:03:18,998 --> 00:03:21,478
Even with all her devilish cunning,
can we actually pull that off?
57
00:03:21,558 --> 00:03:23,879
Uh, we got two weeks to figure out how.
58
00:03:23,958 --> 00:03:26,689
Hmm, two weeks is fine.
Two weeks is plenty.
59
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:31,283
Alice?
60
00:03:32,318 --> 00:03:34,366
Oh, come on,
we don't want to miss our party.
61
00:03:34,918 --> 00:03:36,522
Alice?
62
00:03:36,598 --> 00:03:38,885
We're gonna miss all of it
if we don't hurry.
63
00:03:38,958 --> 00:03:42,963
Alice? Alice, look at me.
Look at me. Look here.
64
00:03:43,038 --> 00:03:44,528
Right, you tell me the truth.
65
00:03:44,598 --> 00:03:47,169
- Are you having your first contraction?
- No.
66
00:03:47,238 --> 00:03:50,959
No, no, no, no, no.
67
00:03:51,038 --> 00:03:52,449
Not the first!
68
00:03:53,638 --> 00:03:54,878
Okay!
69
00:03:54,958 --> 00:03:56,847
Pregnancy plan, go. Taxi. Bag.
70
00:03:56,918 --> 00:04:03,278
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
71
00:04:03,358 --> 00:04:05,929
Shh. Shh, be quiet. Shush, be quiet now.
72
00:04:17,118 --> 00:04:19,883
Ahhh!
73
00:04:21,238 --> 00:04:23,240
Okay, I've got her
Get the door, get the door.
74
00:04:23,318 --> 00:04:24,558
- Take her.
- Come on, come on.
75
00:04:24,638 --> 00:04:26,527
- Ahh!
- I need to get my arm out.
76
00:04:26,598 --> 00:04:28,248
- I'm okay.
- Go, go!
77
00:04:28,318 --> 00:04:30,844
Open the door. Open the door.
78
00:04:30,918 --> 00:04:33,762
Come on, baby, let's go. Baby, let's go.
Let's go quiet, baby.
79
00:04:33,838 --> 00:04:35,249
Don't slam the door.
80
00:04:35,318 --> 00:04:37,320
Don't slam the door.
Do not slam the door.
81
00:04:48,438 --> 00:04:49,519
Taxi!
82
00:04:49,598 --> 00:04:51,680
Don't do that. Don't do that.
83
00:04:51,758 --> 00:04:54,443
Wait! Alice. Stop!
84
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:56,482
What the hell do you think you're doing?
85
00:04:56,558 --> 00:04:57,889
Don't... Stop!
86
00:04:57,958 --> 00:05:00,962
Mum, please will you not run at me?
You're dressed as the spirit of Death.
87
00:05:01,038 --> 00:05:03,769
- Why are you carrying a suitcase?
- Have you started?
88
00:05:03,838 --> 00:05:05,044
And you're sneaking off.
89
00:05:05,118 --> 00:05:07,883
Ho! Ho! Ho. Someone really
needs to take control here.
90
00:05:09,598 --> 00:05:11,521
You...
91
00:05:12,998 --> 00:05:14,079
Ohh!
92
00:05:14,158 --> 00:05:16,047
Mitch, take control.
93
00:05:16,118 --> 00:05:18,485
All right. Yeah, okay, all right!
94
00:05:18,558 --> 00:05:21,402
Alice is feeling a little bit
contraction-y.
95
00:05:21,478 --> 00:05:23,321
And you're all a bit ooo-wee.
96
00:05:23,398 --> 00:05:26,561
- Fine. These two can stay.
- Excuse me.
97
00:05:26,638 --> 00:05:28,925
Well, I'm not staying behind.
That's my daughter.
98
00:05:28,998 --> 00:05:31,285
Carrying my grandchild.
99
00:05:31,358 --> 00:05:32,928
You stay. I'll go with.
100
00:05:32,998 --> 00:05:35,444
Give me one good reason why.
101
00:05:35,518 --> 00:05:37,839
Well, let's see. I'm not pissed.
102
00:05:38,118 --> 00:05:39,449
Jenny, let's not get personal.
103
00:05:39,998 --> 00:05:43,286
Listen to Mitch. Mitch knows
I should be the one to go.
104
00:05:43,358 --> 00:05:44,689
Don't you, my darling?
105
00:05:44,758 --> 00:05:48,649
Uh, no. No. Mitch knows I'm the one.
106
00:05:48,718 --> 00:05:50,322
Mate, mate! Come on, taxi.
107
00:05:50,398 --> 00:05:52,048
Go! I'll hold them.
108
00:05:52,118 --> 00:05:55,520
Mothers, you shall not pass.
109
00:05:56,558 --> 00:05:58,481
Guys, guys, guys, guys,
I have to tell you something.
110
00:05:58,558 --> 00:06:00,287
I have to tell you something, okay?
111
00:06:00,358 --> 00:06:03,567
I've been thinking,
and I've decided,
112
00:06:03,638 --> 00:06:05,481
it's probably best not to have a baby.
113
00:06:06,278 --> 00:06:07,325
- What?
Mmm-hmm.
114
00:06:07,398 --> 00:06:10,322
Because if you think about it
rationally. I mean, Richie...
115
00:06:10,398 --> 00:06:14,289
Richie is in no fit state,
I mean, perpetual Mr Singleton.
116
00:06:14,358 --> 00:06:16,167
And you, honey, honey, honey, honey.
117
00:06:16,238 --> 00:06:19,959
I mean, your status as a father is at
best blurry and I am a terrible,
118
00:06:20,038 --> 00:06:24,646
terrible, terrible, terrible woman!
119
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:28,564
So I was thinking, you know?
What about just not having it?
120
00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:32,802
Sweetheart, if you could just rewind
what you said in your head there,
121
00:06:32,878 --> 00:06:34,004
we'll get you to the hospital.
122
00:06:34,078 --> 00:06:37,287
Because you hear about it,
don't you?
123
00:06:37,398 --> 00:06:40,686
These women who perform
incredible acts of strength
124
00:06:40,758 --> 00:06:43,523
when it comes to their child,
it's amazing.
125
00:06:43,598 --> 00:06:48,286
So maybe, you know,
it's possible to just... keep it in.
126
00:06:48,358 --> 00:06:49,848
Yes, Princess, that's very sensible.
127
00:06:49,918 --> 00:06:52,489
I'm gonna explain it all to
the doctor when we get to the hospital.
128
00:06:52,558 --> 00:06:56,085
Thank you. Thank you, honey.
Thank you for understanding me.
129
00:06:59,038 --> 00:07:00,119
Alice, I've got you.
130
00:07:00,198 --> 00:07:02,519
Hello! Hello, hello. Hi.
131
00:07:02,598 --> 00:07:06,045
This is Alice Heston and us.
We rang ahead. We...
132
00:07:06,438 --> 00:07:07,564
We won't be staying long.
133
00:07:07,838 --> 00:07:09,249
We decided not to have it.
134
00:07:09,918 --> 00:07:11,249
Come this way.
135
00:07:11,318 --> 00:07:13,286
Really, it's just a flying visit.
136
00:07:16,900 --> 00:07:18,000
Oh, oh, oh.
137
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:21,209
It's okay, Princess.
It's all right, breathe.
138
00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:22,805
Breathe. Oh, God.
139
00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:25,531
Okay, all right.
140
00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:28,809
Okay, get on the bed. Get the pyjamas,
Richie. Get the pyjamas out.
141
00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:30,120
Now, wait there.
142
00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:33,603
Hello, my name is Dr Goldstein.
I'm going to be looking after you.
143
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,368
Dr Goldstein?
144
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,126
Yes.
145
00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:40,681
Well, this isn't supposed to be, uh...
146
00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:44,563
Oh, look, it's Charlie Chaplin,
The Great Dictator. Have you seen it?
147
00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:46,406
Just take the moustache off.
148
00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:48,885
- Thank you.
- Okay.
149
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,167
Okay, gentlemen.
If you wouldn't mind leaving, please?
150
00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:53,891
- Just give me five minutes.
- Oh, God.
151
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:56,008
- Come on, you.
- Oh! Oh, mate!
152
00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:57,161
I don't feel so good.
153
00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:58,765
Soon as you can, gentlemen.
154
00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:00,401
I love you.
155
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,802
- I love you...
- Tell him I'm not having it, please!
156
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,723
Why is no one listening to me?
157
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:07,370
Write it, "I'm not having it."
158
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:08,851
- I'm not having it!
- Okay, okay. It's all right.
159
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,607
Here you are, some sugar.
160
00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:24,851
This is it.
161
00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:27,408
The day that everything changes.
162
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,651
- Bloody hell.
- Ah, it's not gonna be that different.
163
00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:34,881
I'll still lose my tie every morning,
you'll still forget the milk, eh?
164
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:38,770
Hey, I know.
165
00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:40,888
How about we think of a name
for the baby?
166
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,530
- Mmm?
- Mmm.
167
00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:46,969
- Twix.
- Hmm?
168
00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:50,400
No.
169
00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:53,165
Twix. That's not gonna work.
170
00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:55,723
- It's more of a boy's name.
- Hmm.
171
00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:57,886
Skittles?
172
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,850
Mmm. I feel much better now.
173
00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:05,207
- Yeah, you sure?
- Yeah.
174
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:07,809
- You want another one?
- Yes, please.
175
00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:10,249
- Yoo-hoo, princess.
- Sweetheart.
176
00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:11,970
We got you sweeties.
177
00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:13,246
Where's she gone?
178
00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:17,730
- Is this the wrong room?
- No. No, this is the right room.
179
00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:21,123
This is probably quite bad.
180
00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:23,680
- Shit.
- Shit.
181
00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:24,886
- Fuck!
- Fuck!
182
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:28,362
Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck.
Shit. Fuck...
183
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:36,606
Mine.
184
00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:38,569
Of course they called me first.
185
00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:39,921
Richie.
186
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:41,126
How is she?
187
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:42,770
She's gone.
188
00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:44,046
Really well!
189
00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:45,726
It's going really well.
190
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:47,165
Listen, Lorraine, we were thinking...
191
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:50,642
Anti-natal said it'd help Alice
to imagine a safe place.
192
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:53,769
You know, a special place, somewhere
she might wanna almost run away to.
193
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:56,762
Can you think of where that might be?
194
00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:58,251
Why don't you ask her yourself?
195
00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:00,209
I'm not with her right now.
I'm somewhere else.
196
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:01,726
Where are you?
197
00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:04,486
I'm in the, uh...
198
00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:06,041
Magic shop.
199
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,729
The hospital has a magic shop.
200
00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,086
I'm in the hospital magic shop.
201
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:12,811
What rubbish is...
Oh, look, just put her on the line.
202
00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:16,761
All right. Oh, okay. Here she is.
Here's Alice.
203
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:21,770
Yeah... Stop.
204
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:25,529
Hi, Mum, I'm grand.
I'm having a baby.
205
00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:26,846
Here's your man.
206
00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:28,684
Give it back!
What's that supposed to be?
207
00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:29,886
Mitch, I know that's you.
208
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,291
- Lorraine?
- I said put Alice on.
209
00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:32,600
- Lorraine?
- What are you playing at?
210
00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:35,001
- Lorraine, calm down.
- Put my daughter on the phone.
211
00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:37,802
- All right, what happened was, um...
- Yes?
212
00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:38,961
We, uh...
213
00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:42,330
Alice was fine, so we left
for five minutes to get a Twix.
214
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:46,325
I mean, she's dressed as a space hopper
but we still sort of lost her.
215
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,289
And then I called you.
216
00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:51,603
But you definitely, definitely
don't need to come to the hospital.
217
00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:57,011
How could you possibly have lost
a pregnant woman
218
00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:59,082
in a maternity ward?
219
00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:01,162
Where is my daughter? What have you...
220
00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:04,602
She definitely, definitely won't come
to the hospital.
221
00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:06,689
Oh, grand.
222
00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:13,720
Oh, shit, fuck, shit, fuck, shit...
223
00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:15,165
Oh, have you seen a women
dressed as a space hopper?
224
00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:17,766
She's about yay high, bright orange.
She's failrly distinctive!
225
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,249
I'm getting a heartburn from the Twixes.
226
00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:22,401
You're all right.
227
00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:24,211
- Alice.
- Alice.
228
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:26,851
Alice! Have you seen Alice?
She's orange.
229
00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:28,441
Alice.
230
00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:31,330
Just push, push. That's it.
231
00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:34,723
Okay, look. Let's split up.
We'll cover more ground.
232
00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:35,961
- Fine.
- Go!
233
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:41,084
It's not the first day of the rest
of our lives I'd hoped for.
234
00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:42,685
Alice?
235
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:44,444
Don't do this to me. Alice!
236
00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:46,847
Alice? Alice?
237
00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:48,081
Alice!
238
00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:51,801
Alice? Alice? Alice?
239
00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:53,882
Oh, God. Alice.
240
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,087
Richie? What are you...
241
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,841
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry, mate.
- Come on.
242
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:04,083
You and your heat-seeking cock.
What are you doing?
243
00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:05,965
I'm sorry, mate. I'm sorry.
244
00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:08,441
I was just getting a bit of a flirt on.
He's a lovely guy.
245
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,170
Would you get some perspective,
please, Richard?
246
00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:11,930
Perspective? I'm struggling here, Mitch.
247
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:16,562
Richie! Mitch? Where is my daughter?
248
00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:21,610
I said, "Take me with you."
What did I say?
249
00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:24,160
- Take me with you.
- 'Cause I know my daughter.
250
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:26,971
And I'd have been watching her
like a hawk watches a bunny's young.
251
00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:28,485
It's this way.
252
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:33,921
I swear to you, she was right here.
Look. Look.
253
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,321
So, the scene of the crime.
254
00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,322
I can't believe you let her do this.
255
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:41,880
I have never been so appalled
or disappointed,
256
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:43,883
or proud and thrilled.
257
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:45,166
Hello, Doctor.
258
00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:48,084
I'm her mother.
It's so good to meet you.
259
00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:49,650
Thank you. Likewise.
260
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:51,529
Where's the mum-to-be, then?
261
00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:52,647
Uh...
262
00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:54,446
She's just popped out.
263
00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:55,601
Right.
264
00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:57,207
Where to?
265
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:01,081
The magic shop?
266
00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:04,689
Loves a card trick.
267
00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:10,003
Have you ever known
two more hopeless sons?
268
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:13,882
I mean,
to lose an entire pregnant woman.
269
00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:17,211
I thought I'd brought Richie up
to be more observant than that.
270
00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:21,805
Did you hear that?
271
00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:24,570
Oh, my God!
272
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:27,730
That's it, Steve.
273
00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,609
Breathe through it like they told you.
Whoo!
274
00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:31,762
Whoo. Whoo. whee!
275
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:33,601
Alice?
276
00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:37,566
What's the matter, Alice?
277
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:39,007
I'm not here.
278
00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:43,731
Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck.
279
00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:48,848
You don't have to be scared, Alice.
280
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:51,161
I mean, me and jenny have been
through this. Haven't we, jenny?
281
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:53,891
The day I had Richie was lovely.
282
00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:57,043
- I was terrified the first time.
- I'm not scared.
283
00:13:57,120 --> 00:14:01,045
You know, my Owen died four years ago.
284
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:03,168
He was Mitch's older brother, jenny.
285
00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:04,327
Oh.
286
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:06,084
Was it a contraction?
287
00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:09,004
Giving birth forms a bond that,
288
00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:12,050
you know, can never ever be broken.
289
00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:15,723
Even to this day.
You'll love being a mum.
290
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:21,289
Oh, Sue. Some absolutely
lovely thoughts there.
291
00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:23,650
Really.
292
00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:27,003
But I'm not having the baby, so, bye.
293
00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:33,488
She's very small,
very round like her father.
294
00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:35,085
- She's dressed as a space hopper...
- I found her!
295
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:37,527
I found her. Well, I haven't,
my mum has. She's at home!
296
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,046
Well, move it! Go, go, go!
Move your arses!
297
00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:45,364
Stay calm. Stay calm, breathe.
298
00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:48,364
It says it's good to find
your happy place.
299
00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:50,445
Have you found your happy place, Alice?
300
00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:52,045
No, I haven't. I haven't.
301
00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:56,525
What the hell, pardon my French,
do you think you're fucking playing at?
302
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:58,204
Oh, sweet Jesus, my mother is here!
303
00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:01,124
- We're just trying to keep her calm
- Sit down!
304
00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:06,290
- I am a grown woman and it's my choice.
- Not now it isn't.
305
00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:10,401
Alice, you are coming with me right now
back to the hospital.
306
00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:14,371
All my life you've been telling me
what to do. This time, no!
307
00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:16,124
You're being ridiculous!
308
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:20,489
And you are being bossy and domineering,
like you always are.
309
00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:22,722
Ragging on Mitch,
telling me what's best for me.
310
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:26,282
Arriving at my pre-birth party
as the sodding Grim Reaper!
311
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:29,648
- Alice, I'm your mother!
- Well, I'm the mummy now!
312
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:34,441
Oh, God.
313
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:37,962
I'm the mummy now.
314
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:40,081
I'm the mummy now.
315
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:44,165
I'm her mummy.
316
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:49,327
Mum, I'm having a baby.
317
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:50,811
I know.
318
00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:54,490
- I'm having a baby.
- I know.
319
00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:58,848
I'm having a baby!
320
00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:02,531
Oh, jenny, jenny.
It feels like I need to push. Do I push?
321
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:05,410
Hang on, hang on. Uh...
322
00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:08,965
- Jenny!
- Oh, for goodness sake!
323
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:10,565
Mitch, call an ambulance.
324
00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:12,961
Richie, get hot water and towels.
Clean towels.
325
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:15,441
Come on, baby. Up we get. That's it.
326
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:19,131
Turn around, onto the bed.
We're going in.
327
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:23,002
- Oh, Mum, am I gonna shit myself?
- Yes, dear.
328
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:25,208
Boil a kettle and get me a bucket.
329
00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:29,969
Come on. Pant, pant.
330
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:31,087
Come on. Come on.
331
00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:32,924
You won't believe the noises
she's making.
332
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,321
I've never seen a human being turn
that colour before.
333
00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:37,607
- Come quickly.
- Mitch, I need help.
334
00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:39,530
- I'll get Richie
- I need help now!
335
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:41,841
- Yeah, well, I'll get Richie, quickly.
- Mitch!
336
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:44,722
Are you the father or not?
337
00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:50,086
Yes. Yes, I am.
338
00:16:59,522 --> 00:17:04,403
Good. Good. That's good. Now breathe.
Breathe. Breathe. That's right.
339
00:17:06,962 --> 00:17:08,293
Oh, honey.
340
00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:11,005
- You can do it. You can do it.
- Breathe...
341
00:17:14,362 --> 00:17:16,012
- Are these okay?
- Yes.
342
00:17:16,682 --> 00:17:17,968
That's it.
343
00:17:18,562 --> 00:17:20,405
It's good. It's good. That's good.
344
00:17:20,482 --> 00:17:22,484
Oh. Oh, God.
345
00:17:22,882 --> 00:17:24,532
Is that a bit of...
346
00:17:24,602 --> 00:17:25,683
A head?
347
00:17:26,442 --> 00:17:29,207
- Oh, Richie!
- I'm here. I'm here.
348
00:17:29,762 --> 00:17:31,844
All right now. Ready?
349
00:17:32,002 --> 00:17:33,572
Okay.
350
00:17:33,682 --> 00:17:34,729
Come on.
351
00:17:34,802 --> 00:17:36,292
- This is it, Alice. This is it.
- Push.
352
00:17:36,362 --> 00:17:38,285
Come on, Alice, you can do it. Come on.
353
00:17:38,402 --> 00:17:39,733
Push!
354
00:17:57,162 --> 00:17:59,403
Is she good?
355
00:17:59,482 --> 00:18:01,450
Is she good?
356
00:18:06,242 --> 00:18:08,973
She's very, very good.
357
00:18:44,642 --> 00:18:46,007
Lily.
358
00:18:46,522 --> 00:18:48,684
Don't you think? She's a lily.
359
00:18:49,362 --> 00:18:51,888
You just are.
She just is, don't you? Lily.
360
00:18:52,082 --> 00:18:54,164
- Hello, Lily.
- Hey.
361
00:18:55,002 --> 00:18:56,083
Lily.
362
00:18:56,362 --> 00:18:57,773
Eh?
363
00:18:57,842 --> 00:18:59,844
That's your mummy.
364
00:18:59,962 --> 00:19:02,090
Yes. That's your daddy.
365
00:19:02,482 --> 00:19:04,211
Eh? Your daddy's the pretty one.
366
00:19:04,802 --> 00:19:06,531
I'll give you to daddy.
367
00:19:11,762 --> 00:19:12,843
Here we go.
368
00:19:13,282 --> 00:19:15,046
That's your daddy, too.
369
00:19:16,242 --> 00:19:17,812
We should give her a middle name.
370
00:19:20,042 --> 00:19:21,123
How about Owen?
371
00:19:23,122 --> 00:19:25,728
I know it's not much
of a girl's name, but...
372
00:19:25,802 --> 00:19:27,725
Lily Owen Heston.
373
00:19:28,402 --> 00:19:31,372
Hey, honey, when we get married,
she'll have your name.
374
00:19:31,602 --> 00:19:32,933
Lily Owen Ennis.
375
00:19:33,402 --> 00:19:36,087
Lily Owen Valentine Ennis.
376
00:19:36,162 --> 00:19:37,971
- How about that, Richie?
- Mmm.
377
00:19:40,002 --> 00:19:42,812
Hey, her initials, L.O.V. and E.
378
00:19:43,522 --> 00:19:44,853
Vole.
379
00:19:45,962 --> 00:19:47,327
- No, it's...
- Love.
380
00:19:48,202 --> 00:19:49,283
Oh.
381
00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:51,162
We should get a vole.
382
00:19:51,242 --> 00:19:53,290
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
383
00:19:53,362 --> 00:19:56,252
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
384
00:19:56,322 --> 00:20:00,407
Keys, keys, keys. Keys, keys, keys.
385
00:20:00,482 --> 00:20:04,851
Bill, bill, bill.
Have you been in an accident?
386
00:20:04,922 --> 00:20:06,924
Bill. Well, it's good to see we're
ticking the boxes
387
00:20:07,002 --> 00:20:08,333
for the rich, litigious demographic.
388
00:20:08,402 --> 00:20:10,370
Hmm. We're out of milk again.
389
00:20:10,442 --> 00:20:13,605
You know the score. Three, two, one.
390
00:20:13,682 --> 00:20:14,763
Oh.
391
00:20:14,842 --> 00:20:18,608
No, no, it's not paper.
It's a flat rock.
392
00:20:18,682 --> 00:20:19,888
Slate.
393
00:20:19,962 --> 00:20:22,044
Respect the system, Alice.
394
00:20:22,122 --> 00:20:23,612
You're awful. I hate you.
395
00:20:25,402 --> 00:20:26,813
Oh.
396
00:20:26,962 --> 00:20:28,293
Yoo-hoo.
397
00:20:28,402 --> 00:20:29,847
Hello.
398
00:20:31,402 --> 00:20:34,884
- Hello.
- Bloody hell, what is that smell?
399
00:20:36,802 --> 00:20:37,849
Sorry.
400
00:20:37,899 --> 00:20:42,449
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