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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,444 --> 00:00:02,934 Whoa, take him down, Richie. 2 00:00:03,089 --> 00:00:05,376 So explain it to me with the gays. 3 00:00:05,449 --> 00:00:08,259 What exactly is a top? And what exactly is a bottom? 4 00:00:08,329 --> 00:00:11,592 Okay. Well, if you give, you're the top, the prodder, 5 00:00:11,670 --> 00:00:13,593 if you take, you're the bottom, the prodee. 6 00:00:13,670 --> 00:00:16,833 But it's a sliding scale from top to bottom starting with exclusive tops, 7 00:00:16,910 --> 00:00:18,560 who only ever top and never bottom. 8 00:00:18,630 --> 00:00:21,395 Then you've got versatile tops, who mostly top, sometimes bottom. 9 00:00:21,510 --> 00:00:23,080 And then versatiles, who can top or bottom. 10 00:00:23,710 --> 00:00:26,475 Then you got versatile bottoms, who mostly bottom, sometimes top, 11 00:00:26,550 --> 00:00:27,961 and then exclusive bottoms, who only ever bottom. 12 00:00:28,350 --> 00:00:29,875 - You get me? - Yes. 13 00:00:30,550 --> 00:00:31,915 - So what's Richie? - Ow! 14 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:34,118 Well, Richie is a versatile top, obviously. 15 00:00:34,190 --> 00:00:37,637 Hold on, so if Richie is a top and Dave's a bottom, 16 00:00:37,710 --> 00:00:40,077 when they roll over in their special cuddles, 17 00:00:40,990 --> 00:00:43,197 Richie's the man? Dave's the girl? 18 00:00:44,390 --> 00:00:45,801 Oh, Dave. 19 00:00:45,870 --> 00:00:47,440 I'm thinking not. 20 00:00:57,310 --> 00:01:00,041 The gig was amazing. 21 00:01:00,110 --> 00:01:02,351 - I don't know how Dave got the tickets. - Contacts, babe. 22 00:01:02,670 --> 00:01:04,081 Okay, so, she starts off in this pit, 23 00:01:04,150 --> 00:01:06,721 and Born This Way starts playing Dave and I are Like that, 24 00:01:06,790 --> 00:01:10,920 and then these fireworks starts shooting over us, and I was like, "Oh, yes!" 25 00:01:11,390 --> 00:01:13,961 So, Richie, have you shaved your armpits? 26 00:01:14,590 --> 00:01:16,354 Oh, yeah. 27 00:01:16,430 --> 00:01:17,795 Why have you shaved your pits? 28 00:01:18,310 --> 00:01:19,675 It's just a look, mate. 29 00:01:19,750 --> 00:01:21,400 It's quite a girly look. 30 00:01:21,470 --> 00:01:23,234 To go with your girly do. 31 00:01:23,482 --> 00:01:24,529 How's it girly? 32 00:01:24,642 --> 00:01:28,613 Well, it's just... Did you use my curling tong to get it to... 33 00:01:28,682 --> 00:01:29,922 That's a finger wave. 34 00:01:30,002 --> 00:01:31,492 Don't worry, babe, this happens all the time. 35 00:01:31,562 --> 00:01:33,803 People say it just looks girly when they sit next to me. 36 00:01:33,882 --> 00:01:36,328 Yeah, I can feel mine perming as we speak. 37 00:01:36,642 --> 00:01:37,928 It's just a little bit camp, Richie. 38 00:01:38,002 --> 00:01:40,687 Alice, I am not camp. 39 00:01:40,762 --> 00:01:42,002 The things you say. 40 00:01:43,442 --> 00:01:44,489 J'accuse! 41 00:01:45,202 --> 00:01:46,283 Richie, you've gone bottom. 42 00:01:46,860 --> 00:01:48,271 Oh, shut up. 43 00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:56,822 This is so early. 44 00:02:12,380 --> 00:02:14,542 Come on, we have to get this rigged before he wakes up. 45 00:02:21,500 --> 00:02:23,070 We need a giant fork. 46 00:02:25,100 --> 00:02:26,784 Slower, slower. 47 00:02:27,500 --> 00:02:28,581 It's a method. 48 00:02:35,460 --> 00:02:37,827 Oh, you're getting too much air into it. 49 00:02:38,140 --> 00:02:39,346 Fold it. 50 00:02:47,260 --> 00:02:48,864 Birthdays! 51 00:02:58,140 --> 00:02:59,505 Yes, you did it, princess. 52 00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:01,742 You made a cake. A beautiful, bouncing cake. 53 00:03:01,820 --> 00:03:04,426 We both did it. We both did it, honey. Together. 54 00:03:04,500 --> 00:03:05,831 - I'm so happy. - I know. 55 00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:06,981 I'm so happy... 56 00:03:09,260 --> 00:03:10,500 - Dave. - Dave. 57 00:03:10,580 --> 00:03:12,264 Look what I got for the birthday boy. 58 00:03:21,380 --> 00:03:23,860 We're letting him have a lie in. His big day and that. 59 00:03:23,940 --> 00:03:25,351 Yep, no rush, I'm cool. 60 00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:29,304 - A cup of tea, Dave? - Get the cake. 61 00:03:31,940 --> 00:03:35,786 Dave, we've been up since five baking this cake. 62 00:03:35,860 --> 00:03:37,350 When you put that in its proper context, 63 00:03:37,420 --> 00:03:40,026 it meant that we actually had to learn how to bake. 64 00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:42,182 That's a pretty amazing feat, when you think about it. 65 00:03:42,260 --> 00:03:43,466 Aah! 66 00:03:44,820 --> 00:03:49,462 Why, I think your cake is amazing. I know he'll really love it. 67 00:03:49,940 --> 00:03:51,066 Wow. 68 00:03:51,500 --> 00:03:52,945 That's why we early-morning baked that. 69 00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:55,223 I mean, it's so weird. Two cakes. 70 00:03:55,700 --> 00:03:57,623 - That's what we call him sometimes. - Really? 71 00:03:57,700 --> 00:03:58,861 Richie-two-cakes. 72 00:03:58,940 --> 00:04:01,386 - I don't... - Oh, happy birthday! 73 00:04:01,460 --> 00:04:03,542 Happy birthday, Richie! 74 00:04:03,620 --> 00:04:05,582 Fuck me. 75 00:04:05,610 --> 00:04:06,975 I'm 30. 76 00:04:08,010 --> 00:04:09,171 Hi, I'm 30. 77 00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:10,456 - Oh. - Oh. 78 00:04:10,770 --> 00:04:13,216 Happy birthday, babe. 79 00:04:13,290 --> 00:04:14,780 No, Dave. 80 00:04:17,290 --> 00:04:20,180 I love it when he calls him babe. 81 00:04:20,250 --> 00:04:23,254 Wow. Thank you so much. 82 00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:24,695 Try it on. 83 00:04:27,570 --> 00:04:29,015 Hmm? 84 00:04:29,090 --> 00:04:31,491 Hmm? What do you think, guys? Huh? 85 00:04:31,930 --> 00:04:34,695 - Life-changing T-shirt from Dave. - Yes. 86 00:04:34,770 --> 00:04:35,976 It's very, um... 87 00:04:36,370 --> 00:04:37,451 Snug. 88 00:04:37,530 --> 00:04:39,214 - That's okay. - Oh, it's a great look, babe. 89 00:04:39,290 --> 00:04:41,133 - Thanks. - Richie, Richie. 90 00:04:41,370 --> 00:04:42,656 Richie. 91 00:04:42,730 --> 00:04:45,779 Look at the cake that me and Mitch made you at five o'clock this morning. 92 00:04:45,850 --> 00:04:47,773 From scratch, by hand. 93 00:04:48,690 --> 00:04:51,534 You see what it is, don't ya? You see that? 94 00:04:51,610 --> 00:04:53,977 Of course. Look, Dave. Hmm. 95 00:04:54,050 --> 00:04:57,020 They're my two favourite birthday things. Remember? 96 00:04:57,090 --> 00:04:59,536 Oh, of course I do. It's, um... 97 00:04:59,610 --> 00:05:02,136 Camilla and Star Trek. 98 00:05:02,210 --> 00:05:04,816 Camilla... Princess Anne and Star Wars. 99 00:05:04,890 --> 00:05:08,178 I know, Princess Anne and Star Wars. Remind me why. 100 00:05:08,250 --> 00:05:09,581 Well, 101 00:05:09,650 --> 00:05:12,813 Princess Anne opened the college library me and Alice's first year. 102 00:05:12,890 --> 00:05:15,416 First my birthday together, remember, Alice? 103 00:05:15,490 --> 00:05:18,061 We got wasted on this... This cheap cider 104 00:05:18,130 --> 00:05:20,920 and made this little homemade flags and Alice was sick on her shoes. 105 00:05:20,990 --> 00:05:22,071 On Alice's shoes? 106 00:05:22,168 --> 00:05:23,770 No, on Princess Anne's, and then... 107 00:05:23,867 --> 00:05:25,478 The rest of that night was a bit of a blur, 108 00:05:25,561 --> 00:05:27,484 but, that evening, we went to see Phantom Menace. 109 00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:29,962 So, Princess Anne, Star Wars, get it? 110 00:05:30,041 --> 00:05:32,772 You were sick on Princess Anne's shoes? 111 00:05:32,841 --> 00:05:33,922 Only a little bit. 112 00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:35,162 Only little bit of sick? 113 00:05:35,241 --> 00:05:37,289 Only on a little bit of shoe. 114 00:05:38,681 --> 00:05:40,171 I'm actually quite proud of that. 115 00:05:51,921 --> 00:05:52,968 Alice... 116 00:05:59,500 --> 00:06:00,865 Cut our cake. 117 00:06:00,940 --> 00:06:02,146 But, he's still... 118 00:06:02,220 --> 00:06:03,301 Right, um... 119 00:06:03,380 --> 00:06:04,461 Do you want a piece, princess? 120 00:06:04,540 --> 00:06:06,463 I would love to, but I can't, 'cause I'm fat. 121 00:06:06,580 --> 00:06:07,866 A big, fat, horrible mess. 122 00:06:07,940 --> 00:06:11,103 You are not a big, fat, horrible mess and, you know, 123 00:06:11,180 --> 00:06:12,341 the new tits. 124 00:06:12,420 --> 00:06:16,823 Honey, bigger tits do not make up for the fact that I have a giant orca body. 125 00:06:16,900 --> 00:06:19,790 Well... 126 00:06:20,740 --> 00:06:21,901 So, 127 00:06:21,980 --> 00:06:26,986 I was thinking of grabbing Richie this afternoon/evening for a wine/dine, 128 00:06:27,060 --> 00:06:30,542 probably not 69, at St Pancras Champagne Bar. 129 00:06:30,620 --> 00:06:34,067 So, what time do you have him till? 130 00:06:34,140 --> 00:06:36,268 St Pancras Champagne Bar. 131 00:06:36,940 --> 00:06:38,829 You... You can't. 132 00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:40,470 You can't have him today. 133 00:06:40,540 --> 00:06:43,430 Not on his special day. We've... We've made plans. 134 00:06:43,500 --> 00:06:44,865 I made plans, too. 135 00:06:44,940 --> 00:06:48,069 Oh, Dave, that sounds so lovely. 136 00:06:48,140 --> 00:06:49,426 But I made plans first. 137 00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:51,782 Yeah, well, my plans are a surprise. 138 00:06:51,860 --> 00:06:53,749 Mine are a better surprise. 139 00:06:53,820 --> 00:06:55,231 Surprise plans? 140 00:06:55,300 --> 00:06:57,667 - What? What? What? What? What? - Uh, well... 141 00:06:57,740 --> 00:07:01,461 Well, mate, you're gonna love this. Get ready, it's amazing. 142 00:07:01,540 --> 00:07:04,510 - Yeah. - Okay, okay, okay, we are going... 143 00:07:04,580 --> 00:07:05,820 - Hmm... - We are going... 144 00:07:05,900 --> 00:07:06,981 - Yeah. - Wait for it. 145 00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:09,825 - Right. - To Basildon. 146 00:07:10,580 --> 00:07:11,627 Basildon? 147 00:07:13,340 --> 00:07:14,466 It's a leisure centre. 148 00:07:14,540 --> 00:07:16,941 They're getting a swimming pool and guess who the hell is opening it? 149 00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,704 I don't know. I don't know. 150 00:07:20,260 --> 00:07:21,671 Wait a minute. 151 00:07:21,740 --> 00:07:24,789 - Princess Anne? - Princess Anne! 152 00:07:24,860 --> 00:07:26,510 That's your birthday surprise. 153 00:07:27,020 --> 00:07:30,229 We're bringing you to Basildon to see Princess Anne open a leisure centre. 154 00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:31,711 Jesus Christ! 155 00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:35,148 She got T-shirts. She got T-shirts! 156 00:07:35,220 --> 00:07:40,147 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is gonna be great. 157 00:07:40,220 --> 00:07:42,461 Us four and Princess Anne. 158 00:07:42,820 --> 00:07:45,266 Us... Four? 159 00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:48,423 Oh, well, I could never resist Princess Anne. I mean, she is, 160 00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:50,229 what, 11th in line for the throne? 161 00:07:50,300 --> 00:07:51,870 She's 10th in line to the throne. 162 00:07:51,940 --> 00:07:53,669 Princess Anne is 10th in line to the throne. 163 00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:55,742 Peter Phillips is 11th in line to the throne. 164 00:07:55,820 --> 00:07:57,902 Peter Phillips is 11th in line to the throne. 165 00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:00,625 Sorry. Princess? 166 00:08:03,580 --> 00:08:06,629 I cannot believe Richie inviting him. 167 00:08:06,700 --> 00:08:08,225 Princess Anne is our thing. 168 00:08:08,540 --> 00:08:10,269 Fucking Dave. 169 00:08:10,340 --> 00:08:14,823 Mr Cake, Mr Lady Gaga, Mr Big-big arms. 170 00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:16,390 Why are you so bothered by Dave? 171 00:08:16,460 --> 00:08:20,670 The T-shirt, the hair cut, the lady bits, babe? 172 00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:23,667 Dave has turned Richie into a needy bottom. 173 00:08:23,740 --> 00:08:25,105 A needy bottom? 174 00:08:25,180 --> 00:08:26,864 I don't remember that on the list of bottoms. 175 00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,590 It's because they are the worst kind. 176 00:08:28,660 --> 00:08:30,662 Look, I've gotta say, I like him. 177 00:08:30,740 --> 00:08:33,425 But, I would prefer if Dave didn't come to Basildon, 178 00:08:33,500 --> 00:08:35,070 because it is ridiculous. 179 00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:37,620 But when it's just the three of us, it's brilliant fun. 180 00:08:37,700 --> 00:08:40,909 Having a responsible adult there just makes you feel like a right twat. 181 00:08:42,460 --> 00:08:45,031 So I have your permission to ditch Dave by any means necessary? 182 00:08:46,060 --> 00:08:47,789 God, yes, do it. 183 00:08:50,020 --> 00:08:52,022 Oh, what have I done? 184 00:08:52,340 --> 00:08:54,342 "Dear Richard, have a lovely 30th birthday, 185 00:08:54,420 --> 00:08:56,422 "lots of love, Julian and Kenny." 186 00:08:56,500 --> 00:08:58,980 Oh, look this, a little book token there. Thirty quid. 187 00:08:59,780 --> 00:09:00,941 Very good. 188 00:09:02,020 --> 00:09:03,749 Hey, Richie, um... 189 00:09:03,820 --> 00:09:07,711 I'm gonna put some whites on later, and I was just... 190 00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:10,863 You're so good at whites, with the... The white thing, that I could... 191 00:09:10,940 --> 00:09:12,669 You could maybe show me how to do that. 192 00:09:12,740 --> 00:09:14,868 - The machine. - Yeah, sure, mate. 193 00:09:14,940 --> 00:09:16,465 - Just a second. - Sorry, Dave. 194 00:09:16,540 --> 00:09:17,666 No prob. 195 00:09:18,740 --> 00:09:19,787 Easy, mate. 196 00:09:20,580 --> 00:09:24,027 Hey, Dave. How are you? 197 00:09:24,100 --> 00:09:26,421 Good. You know me. Yeah, as always. 198 00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:29,071 Oh, good, good, I'm glad you're so good. 199 00:09:29,660 --> 00:09:32,027 Listen, Dave, I am so sorry about earlier, you know, 200 00:09:32,100 --> 00:09:34,671 just getting all Gunfight at the O.K Corral 201 00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:35,821 It's so silly. 202 00:09:36,020 --> 00:09:37,749 We can all share Richie. 203 00:09:37,820 --> 00:09:39,788 Well, uh, thank you, Alice, I appreciate that. 204 00:09:39,860 --> 00:09:41,430 No problem, Dave. 205 00:09:42,260 --> 00:09:43,341 Set to "wash." 206 00:09:44,060 --> 00:09:47,189 Dave, could I just, um... Could I just have a little word? 207 00:09:47,260 --> 00:09:48,421 Yep. 208 00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:54,628 It's just about today, Dave, um... 209 00:09:54,700 --> 00:09:56,941 - Princess Anne and Basildon. - Hmm. 210 00:09:57,020 --> 00:10:01,105 Yeah, it's really difficult to say, so I'm just gonna come out and say it. 211 00:10:03,180 --> 00:10:04,341 Mitch is autistic. 212 00:10:04,940 --> 00:10:06,146 What? 213 00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:08,865 - Really? - Yeah. 214 00:10:08,940 --> 00:10:10,510 - Switch that switch on. - It's done. 215 00:10:10,580 --> 00:10:13,982 It's not bad. You know, he's at the functioning end of the spectrum, 216 00:10:14,060 --> 00:10:16,950 which is good, he's just a little bit autistic. 217 00:10:17,020 --> 00:10:19,341 Please don't tell him I told you. Don't tell anyone else. 218 00:10:19,900 --> 00:10:22,267 It's just, you know, he gets a bit nervous 219 00:10:22,340 --> 00:10:24,069 if the plans change at the last minute. 220 00:10:24,820 --> 00:10:28,302 Right. So you mean if, if I come along, 221 00:10:28,380 --> 00:10:30,189 he might... It might set him off? 222 00:10:30,260 --> 00:10:32,422 There you go. Yep. 223 00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:36,141 Just, for example, last year we went to London Zoo 224 00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:39,030 and he lost his special little blue cap. 225 00:10:40,180 --> 00:10:42,308 To cut a long story short, Dave, 226 00:10:42,380 --> 00:10:43,905 he nearly got into a fight with a gibbon. 227 00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:47,226 Mmm-hmm. 228 00:10:48,860 --> 00:10:51,101 Look at him. He's so special. 229 00:10:55,700 --> 00:10:57,748 Are you serious? Me and Mitch can drink? 230 00:10:57,820 --> 00:11:00,710 For one day only, as you're 30. 231 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,366 Right. So the rules are, 232 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:04,342 every time someone curtseys, we take a sip. 233 00:11:04,347 --> 00:11:06,588 Every time someone gives her flowers, we take a gulp. 234 00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:08,874 If she asks us what we do, what we think of the weather, 235 00:11:08,947 --> 00:11:10,631 or have we travelled far to be here, 236 00:11:10,707 --> 00:11:12,630 we neck the royal lot! 237 00:11:13,987 --> 00:11:16,308 Oh, there she is. 238 00:11:16,387 --> 00:11:18,515 Guys, it's not her. Sorry, it's a traffic warden. 239 00:11:18,587 --> 00:11:19,748 - Sorry. - Sorry. 240 00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:22,312 Oh, God. 241 00:11:22,387 --> 00:11:24,071 - Look like a twat now. - Oh, don't worry about it. 242 00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:26,508 - That's a nice one of her. - Oh. 243 00:11:26,587 --> 00:11:27,873 Look, that's me and her. 244 00:11:27,947 --> 00:11:30,393 - And there's me and her and you. - Hey! 245 00:11:30,467 --> 00:11:32,231 Oh, and that's Special Branch 246 00:11:32,307 --> 00:11:34,355 Asking us to move along. 247 00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:36,794 Hello. It's Dave. It's Dave. 248 00:11:37,907 --> 00:11:39,272 How was she? 249 00:11:39,347 --> 00:11:41,588 Regal as fuck. 250 00:11:41,667 --> 00:11:44,398 So have you finished that, uh, buildering thing? 251 00:11:44,467 --> 00:11:47,710 Yeah. That was more about... Yeah, Alice said 252 00:11:47,787 --> 00:11:48,993 about Mitch. 253 00:11:49,267 --> 00:11:51,508 - What about him? - About his 254 00:11:51,587 --> 00:11:52,634 special needs. 255 00:12:01,347 --> 00:12:03,475 You lied to Dave to ditch him. 256 00:12:03,547 --> 00:12:07,472 I have baby brain. I cannot be expected to remember everything I say. 257 00:12:07,547 --> 00:12:09,436 Yeah, but don't get upset. 258 00:12:09,547 --> 00:12:12,517 - But she said you were autistic. - What? 259 00:12:12,587 --> 00:12:14,396 At the functioning end of the spectrum. 260 00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:15,707 Oh, thank God. For a minute there, 261 00:12:15,787 --> 00:12:17,835 I thought you might have said something bad about me. 262 00:12:17,907 --> 00:12:20,433 Look, Richie, it wasn't just me, okay? 263 00:12:20,507 --> 00:12:21,633 Mitch thought it, too. 264 00:12:22,147 --> 00:12:24,115 I mean, don't tell me you didn't have more fun without him. 265 00:12:24,187 --> 00:12:26,155 - That's not the point. - Well, what is the point? 266 00:12:26,227 --> 00:12:28,275 The point is I want you to like him. 267 00:12:28,347 --> 00:12:30,270 It's my birthday, can't you give me that? 268 00:12:30,987 --> 00:12:33,831 You're supposed to be on my side, you should be happy for me. 269 00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:35,468 Hmm? 270 00:12:36,707 --> 00:12:38,471 All right. You know what? 271 00:12:38,547 --> 00:12:40,868 Forget it. I'm meeting Dave. 272 00:12:40,947 --> 00:12:43,314 Oh, Richie. 273 00:12:43,387 --> 00:12:46,436 Well, what about Phantom Menace night? 274 00:12:46,507 --> 00:12:47,633 What? What does this mean? 275 00:12:47,707 --> 00:12:50,233 Are we having Phantom Menace night or not? 276 00:12:51,467 --> 00:12:52,992 I don't know. I'm pissed. 277 00:12:54,187 --> 00:12:56,394 So you think he's definitely coming back, then? 278 00:12:57,067 --> 00:12:59,798 Of course. Yeah. Sure. Of course he is. 279 00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:01,673 You're not just telling me that 280 00:13:01,747 --> 00:13:04,956 because I've turned into a big, massive, pregnancy whale. 281 00:13:05,027 --> 00:13:08,713 Oh, my God, honey, I've turned into a needy bottom. 282 00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:09,868 It's catching. 283 00:13:09,947 --> 00:13:12,837 - Can I ask you a question? - Yes, please do. 284 00:13:12,907 --> 00:13:15,751 Do you think C-3PO is a bottom? 285 00:13:15,827 --> 00:13:17,591 Yes, honey, I think he probably is. 286 00:13:20,107 --> 00:13:23,998 Then, does that make R2-D2 his top? 287 00:13:24,907 --> 00:13:29,435 Well, he does have a lot of extendable attachments. 288 00:13:29,507 --> 00:13:31,987 - I'd say he's very gentle. - Hmm. 289 00:13:32,067 --> 00:13:34,513 Alice, when I proposed to you, 290 00:13:34,587 --> 00:13:37,033 Richie supported us every step of the way. 291 00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:39,235 You have got to let him go. 292 00:13:40,107 --> 00:13:44,271 Richie deserves to be happy and Dave makes him happy. 293 00:13:45,467 --> 00:13:46,957 You know I'm right. 294 00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:48,392 How do I know you're right? 295 00:13:48,987 --> 00:13:51,149 Because I'm going to do my special wink. 296 00:13:56,267 --> 00:13:57,837 What would I do without you? 297 00:13:57,907 --> 00:14:01,878 Oh, Alice, the most terrible, terrible things. 298 00:14:06,187 --> 00:14:08,269 So what is Phantom Menace night? 299 00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:10,111 Oh, it's this, this tradition. 300 00:14:10,187 --> 00:14:11,951 We get dressed up every year, um, 301 00:14:12,027 --> 00:14:13,711 and we see Phantom Menace for my birthday. 302 00:14:13,787 --> 00:14:15,676 Last year, we all went as storm troopers, right, 303 00:14:15,747 --> 00:14:18,148 but Alice got it completely wrong. 304 00:14:18,387 --> 00:14:21,311 She had this storm troopers helmet on a clone trooper's body armour. 305 00:14:21,387 --> 00:14:23,628 It was like... 306 00:14:23,707 --> 00:14:26,870 Wow, so sexy when you nerdgasm. 307 00:14:26,947 --> 00:14:30,110 So, here's to you and your very happy birthday. 308 00:14:30,187 --> 00:14:32,155 Oh, Alice relaxed the rules for the morning, 309 00:14:32,227 --> 00:14:34,355 but I'm not really supposed to drink. 310 00:14:34,427 --> 00:14:37,078 It's the illicitness that makes it so delicious. 311 00:14:37,147 --> 00:14:40,310 Bloody hell, for a builder, you have a remarkable vocabulary. 312 00:14:40,387 --> 00:14:43,470 Yeah, The Sun's really upped its game recently. 313 00:14:44,267 --> 00:14:45,553 Have breakfast with me. 314 00:14:46,147 --> 00:14:47,273 Stay with me tonight. 315 00:14:47,347 --> 00:14:48,917 Dave, I can't. 316 00:14:48,987 --> 00:14:51,831 It's Phantom Menace night. Really. 317 00:14:51,907 --> 00:14:53,511 Give me one good reason why I should. 318 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,195 Because it would be magniloquent. 319 00:15:17,187 --> 00:15:19,269 Open the freaking door. 320 00:15:19,347 --> 00:15:20,712 - Mitch... - I want to wash my clothes. 321 00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:22,710 - Let me wash... - Mitch. Mitch, hurry. 322 00:15:22,787 --> 00:15:23,993 Mitch. 323 00:15:24,707 --> 00:15:25,913 - Oh, God. - What? What's wrong? 324 00:15:25,987 --> 00:15:28,274 - I don't know. I don't know. - Okay, sit down, sit down. 325 00:15:28,347 --> 00:15:30,031 Sit down, don't worry, don't panic. 326 00:15:30,107 --> 00:15:32,235 - All right. Sit down. - Oh, God. 327 00:15:32,307 --> 00:15:33,593 I think we should tell Richie. 328 00:15:33,667 --> 00:15:35,192 Yeah, yeah, I'll call him. I'll call him now. 329 00:15:35,947 --> 00:15:36,994 Okay. 330 00:15:37,067 --> 00:15:39,274 - Oh, I'm scared, honey. - It's all right, don't be scared. 331 00:15:39,347 --> 00:15:41,554 Don't be scared, all right. It's going to be okay. 332 00:15:41,627 --> 00:15:42,992 - Okay. - Hold my hand, hold my hand. 333 00:15:45,555 --> 00:15:47,205 So, do you have time for dinner tonight? 334 00:15:47,275 --> 00:15:49,403 - Yeah. - There's this 335 00:15:49,475 --> 00:15:51,159 little French place I know. 336 00:15:51,235 --> 00:15:52,999 Yeah. I love French cuisine. 337 00:15:53,075 --> 00:15:54,600 It goes against my every Scottish instinct, 338 00:15:54,675 --> 00:15:57,918 but it's time to admit that deep fried is not a food group. 339 00:15:57,995 --> 00:15:59,963 So what's this little French place? 340 00:16:00,035 --> 00:16:01,844 Um... It's called Paris. 341 00:16:04,075 --> 00:16:05,486 Eurostar. 342 00:16:06,795 --> 00:16:08,285 You should be sneaky with your sock draw. 343 00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:10,525 Dave. 344 00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:13,280 Oh, my God, this is amazing. I... 345 00:16:14,675 --> 00:16:17,804 Can I just leave Alice and Mitch? 346 00:16:18,235 --> 00:16:19,919 I... Mmm... 347 00:16:20,515 --> 00:16:21,721 Richie, 348 00:16:22,155 --> 00:16:25,284 I can't help but notice you've made certain changes for me. 349 00:16:25,355 --> 00:16:29,280 I don't expect you to do anything for me but be you. 350 00:16:30,035 --> 00:16:33,244 So, whatever choice you make, 351 00:16:33,315 --> 00:16:34,362 it's fine by me. 352 00:16:35,275 --> 00:16:36,401 Dave. 353 00:16:36,795 --> 00:16:38,445 Richie, 354 00:16:38,515 --> 00:16:39,846 I think I could really fall... 355 00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:41,246 Could Mr Richard Valentine 356 00:16:41,315 --> 00:16:43,443 please contact his wife urgently. 357 00:16:43,515 --> 00:16:45,961 I repeat, can Mr Richard Valentine 358 00:16:46,035 --> 00:16:48,641 - please contact his wife urgently. - Wife? 359 00:16:48,715 --> 00:16:50,558 Alice. Oh, sh... 360 00:16:50,635 --> 00:16:52,558 The baby. The baby! 361 00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:04,349 Sorry. 362 00:17:05,988 --> 00:17:07,592 Alice, Alice, Alice, what's wrong? 363 00:17:07,668 --> 00:17:09,158 - Richie, Richie. - What's wrong? 364 00:17:09,228 --> 00:17:10,832 Shh, shh, shh... It's all right. Please continue. 365 00:17:10,908 --> 00:17:12,751 Okay. So from what I can see, 366 00:17:12,828 --> 00:17:15,911 it looks like Alice has a low-lying placenta, 367 00:17:15,988 --> 00:17:19,071 which has caused her some pain and blood spotting. 368 00:17:19,348 --> 00:17:22,158 But I am very confident it's gonna sort itself out on its own. 369 00:17:22,468 --> 00:17:24,311 Oh, Alice. 370 00:17:24,388 --> 00:17:28,109 Alice, I need to give you a quick vaginal examination, so, um, 371 00:17:28,188 --> 00:17:29,394 you might want to... 372 00:17:30,068 --> 00:17:33,390 Oh, no, fire ahead, Doctor, it's nothing they haven't seen before. 373 00:17:33,468 --> 00:17:35,789 Actually, I haven't seen it before. 374 00:17:37,148 --> 00:17:38,479 Dave, 375 00:17:38,948 --> 00:17:41,952 speaking of twats, I am so sorry for being one. 376 00:17:43,908 --> 00:17:46,070 It's absolutely okay. 377 00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:47,195 I'm just glad you're fine. 378 00:17:50,828 --> 00:17:52,159 Thanks, Dave. 379 00:17:52,228 --> 00:17:53,389 He's so lovely. 380 00:17:55,828 --> 00:17:59,116 Richie, I'm so, so sorry. 381 00:18:01,988 --> 00:18:04,070 I was being such a... Bitch! 382 00:18:04,788 --> 00:18:06,756 Not you, Doctor. 383 00:18:06,828 --> 00:18:09,069 I'm so sorry, Richie. 384 00:18:09,148 --> 00:18:12,630 I was just so scared I was gonna lose you. 385 00:18:12,708 --> 00:18:15,678 You're the father, I can't lose you. 386 00:18:15,908 --> 00:18:18,388 Lose me? Alice, 387 00:18:18,628 --> 00:18:20,392 you've got me for life. 388 00:18:20,468 --> 00:18:22,550 Okay. 389 00:18:22,628 --> 00:18:24,039 And you can relax. 390 00:18:25,068 --> 00:18:29,312 I am going to keep you in overnight, but I think baby's going to be fine. 391 00:18:31,668 --> 00:18:32,749 Oh. 392 00:18:32,828 --> 00:18:34,034 Oh, do you want to know about the sex? 393 00:18:34,188 --> 00:18:35,235 Mmm... 394 00:18:35,308 --> 00:18:37,231 - No. We don't want to know. - No. We don't want to know. 395 00:18:37,308 --> 00:18:38,594 Okay. 396 00:18:39,348 --> 00:18:40,713 I do. 397 00:18:40,788 --> 00:18:42,074 What? 398 00:18:42,148 --> 00:18:43,479 I want to know. 399 00:18:48,908 --> 00:18:50,034 I want to know. 400 00:19:09,748 --> 00:19:10,874 What is it? 401 00:19:11,228 --> 00:19:12,559 You said you didn't want to know. 402 00:19:12,628 --> 00:19:14,118 No, go on. Tell us. 403 00:19:14,188 --> 00:19:15,269 Come on. 404 00:19:17,668 --> 00:19:18,829 It's a girl. 405 00:19:27,468 --> 00:19:28,958 - Yay! - Yay! 406 00:19:30,708 --> 00:19:32,551 A girl. 407 00:19:35,108 --> 00:19:37,998 Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. 408 00:19:39,348 --> 00:19:40,998 Oh, God. 409 00:19:41,068 --> 00:19:42,797 What if she's a slag? 410 00:19:42,868 --> 00:19:43,949 Hey. 411 00:19:44,028 --> 00:19:45,951 She's got you for a dad, how could... 412 00:19:47,828 --> 00:19:49,592 Forget I said that. 413 00:19:49,868 --> 00:19:51,916 Richie, 414 00:19:51,988 --> 00:19:54,992 back at the station, I started trying to tell you something. 415 00:19:55,788 --> 00:19:57,233 Dave, 416 00:19:58,508 --> 00:20:00,078 I think I... 417 00:20:02,228 --> 00:20:04,629 I think I love this baby. 418 00:20:05,068 --> 00:20:08,993 More than I ever thought I could, and she needs me. 419 00:20:09,068 --> 00:20:10,194 She needs me. 420 00:20:10,268 --> 00:20:14,478 Dave, for once, I can't put me first. 421 00:20:16,028 --> 00:20:18,759 Dave, could you just... 422 00:20:19,148 --> 00:20:21,674 Could you just wait? 423 00:20:21,748 --> 00:20:24,399 Just not fall in love with anyone else 424 00:20:24,948 --> 00:20:27,030 for a few months, until the baby is born 425 00:20:27,108 --> 00:20:30,191 and I've worked out how the hell to be a father? And then just... 426 00:20:30,988 --> 00:20:32,592 Just... Just come and find me. 427 00:20:34,468 --> 00:20:36,311 Is that too much 428 00:20:36,388 --> 00:20:37,753 to ask? 429 00:20:40,828 --> 00:20:43,877 She's a very lucky girl to have someone like you here for her. 430 00:20:45,068 --> 00:20:46,991 You know, we haven't even thought of a name yet. 431 00:20:47,068 --> 00:20:50,038 No, uh, I meant Alice. 432 00:20:52,668 --> 00:20:54,477 I am so sorry about Paris. 433 00:20:55,708 --> 00:20:56,914 I get it. 434 00:20:58,388 --> 00:20:59,514 You chose Basildon. 435 00:21:21,188 --> 00:21:23,594 May the forceps be with you. 436 00:21:23,748 --> 00:21:25,193 Richard! 437 00:21:25,243 --> 00:21:29,793 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 31677

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