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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:06,961
I'm going to show you the most
terrifying thing in the world.
2
00:00:10,702 --> 00:00:11,783
Your baby.
3
00:00:14,697 --> 00:00:16,028
Are you afraid of baby?
4
00:00:16,102 --> 00:00:22,348
No. Baby's not to be afraid of,
baby's to be loved and managed.
5
00:00:22,445 --> 00:00:25,688
Even if baby is a source of noise
6
00:00:25,777 --> 00:00:27,142
and chaos and dirt...
7
00:00:27,436 --> 00:00:28,562
Put that out!
8
00:00:28,801 --> 00:00:30,565
That's what these classes are for,
9
00:00:31,009 --> 00:00:35,571
to unleash your hero within.
10
00:00:35,706 --> 00:00:38,232
- Alice, mine's a little black baby.
- So what makes a hero?
11
00:00:38,315 --> 00:00:40,363
Is it bravery, love,
or is it rules?
12
00:00:40,443 --> 00:00:41,854
I'll give you the back story.
13
00:00:41,929 --> 00:00:43,055
You get around.
14
00:00:43,133 --> 00:00:44,623
Antonia's rule number one.
15
00:00:44,699 --> 00:00:47,623
Bad babying begins with bad parenting.
16
00:00:47,709 --> 00:00:50,758
I trust that you're all
responsible, sensible people.
17
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:54,809
Whoa!
18
00:00:57,103 --> 00:00:58,912
Oh! Dare, dare!
19
00:00:58,990 --> 00:01:00,196
Okay.
20
00:01:02,242 --> 00:01:04,244
Eat my creamy nips.
21
00:01:04,330 --> 00:01:05,741
Now, that's what I call a dare.
22
00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:07,624
A dare, give me that.
23
00:01:11,355 --> 00:01:12,959
Now, that's what I call a dare.
24
00:01:13,523 --> 00:01:15,207
Truth, truth, truth!
25
00:01:15,651 --> 00:01:17,380
Antonia's rule number two.
26
00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:20,106
Know your enemy.
27
00:01:20,669 --> 00:01:23,593
Spend some time with
other peoples' children.
28
00:01:25,807 --> 00:01:29,607
Oh, my God, they're going to school
and I'm still wasted.
29
00:01:29,701 --> 00:01:31,703
Oh...
30
00:01:32,471 --> 00:01:34,041
Antonia's rule number three.
31
00:01:34,198 --> 00:01:35,529
Fortify your castle.
32
00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:39,570
You need to create a safe,
stable environment at home.
33
00:01:40,541 --> 00:01:42,270
- Morning, guys.
- Mmm.
34
00:01:42,347 --> 00:01:46,511
This is Larry, Barry,
Mohammed and Jesus.
35
00:01:47,927 --> 00:01:50,089
I know. Who'd have thought
they'd get on so well?
36
00:01:51,139 --> 00:01:54,348
So, let's meet our heroes.
37
00:01:55,394 --> 00:01:56,680
Alice. Alice!
38
00:01:56,759 --> 00:01:58,841
Tiny, little penis. Hello.
39
00:01:59,610 --> 00:02:01,180
Um, I'm Alice...
40
00:02:01,256 --> 00:02:04,180
And this is Mitch and Richie, the dads.
41
00:02:04,267 --> 00:02:05,393
Hello, hello.
42
00:02:05,631 --> 00:02:08,316
Slightly unconventional, two dads.
43
00:02:08,763 --> 00:02:13,690
Because... We were laughing earlier,
saying, um, it's sort of like,
44
00:02:13,821 --> 00:02:16,062
"Did you hear the one
about the Englishman,
45
00:02:16,150 --> 00:02:17,675
"the Irishwoman and the Scotsman?"
46
00:02:17,755 --> 00:02:19,678
- Couple number two.
- Couple number two, please.
47
00:02:28,215 --> 00:02:30,377
Insert your nipple into the pump.
48
00:02:30,463 --> 00:02:32,909
Initially,
only drops of milk will appear.
49
00:02:32,992 --> 00:02:35,154
After you trigger
your milk ejection reflex,
50
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,720
you'll see if start to spray
out of your nipple.
51
00:02:37,809 --> 00:02:40,289
Continue to pump,
until the milk ceases to flow
52
00:02:40,379 --> 00:02:43,189
Get right in there, give it a good wipe.
53
00:02:43,309 --> 00:02:45,960
It's just peanut butter and sweet corn.
Believe me, parents,
54
00:02:46,039 --> 00:02:48,440
the real deal will be far, far worse.
55
00:02:49,251 --> 00:02:50,298
Very good, Mitch.
56
00:02:51,258 --> 00:02:52,703
Rather bad, Alice.
57
00:02:55,514 --> 00:02:57,642
Oh, you've got a little bit of, um...
58
00:02:59,970 --> 00:03:01,051
Mmm.
59
00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:04,935
As every good general will tell you,
strategy is the key.
60
00:03:05,108 --> 00:03:06,678
You need a good birthing plan.
61
00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:08,244
Why do you need a plan?
62
00:03:08,481 --> 00:03:10,324
- I thought you were just gonna push.
- No.
63
00:03:10,448 --> 00:03:13,531
No, you need to do, like,
a proper list for the hospital,
64
00:03:13,619 --> 00:03:16,225
to tell them what drugs you want
and what you don't want
65
00:03:16,309 --> 00:03:17,720
and who you want to be there.
66
00:03:18,075 --> 00:03:19,440
And I need to do one.
67
00:03:19,721 --> 00:03:22,452
Oh, it's all right, princess,
I've already put a draft together.
68
00:03:22,772 --> 00:03:25,423
- You've done me a birthing plan?
- Yeah.
69
00:03:25,743 --> 00:03:26,824
Oh, that reminds me.
70
00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:29,228
On the big day, in your packed lunch,
what will you want,
71
00:03:29,316 --> 00:03:30,442
white bread or brown?
72
00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:33,775
- Bye.
- Bye.
73
00:03:33,852 --> 00:03:35,422
- See you.
- Yeah, bye, Antonia.
74
00:03:38,268 --> 00:03:40,236
I'm scared, Richie.
75
00:03:40,316 --> 00:03:42,444
I got the books, I bought the DVDs,
76
00:03:42,524 --> 00:03:45,004
I even went to that crazy baby expo,
77
00:03:45,173 --> 00:03:47,744
where all the women had that
look on their faces.
78
00:03:47,823 --> 00:03:49,154
See the way they looked at you,
79
00:03:49,228 --> 00:03:52,277
when you asked if the baby would come
out with teeth, they were like, "Eh?"
80
00:03:52,359 --> 00:03:55,124
Yep. And that was a
completely reasonable question.
81
00:03:55,210 --> 00:03:56,974
They're all clones, a smugness.
82
00:03:57,056 --> 00:03:58,945
I bet they don't even have
individual names.
83
00:03:59,505 --> 00:04:00,586
Bye, Frank!
84
00:04:00,669 --> 00:04:02,956
Oh, I know what you mean, Carol,
I was saying exactly the same thing
85
00:04:03,038 --> 00:04:05,609
to Simon over the tea break.
Look, you take care.
86
00:04:05,688 --> 00:04:06,814
- Bye.
- Bye.
87
00:04:06,892 --> 00:04:08,178
- Bye.
- See you later.
88
00:04:08,257 --> 00:04:10,703
Oh, what a lovely group of people.
89
00:04:10,786 --> 00:04:12,151
Friends for life, there, I reckon.
90
00:04:12,271 --> 00:04:16,595
You know what, I really, really
need to go out and get fucked.
91
00:04:16,687 --> 00:04:19,736
Yeah, but you can't because
you've given up drinks and drugs.
92
00:04:21,184 --> 00:04:22,629
Oh, you mean fucked?
93
00:04:32,103 --> 00:04:34,709
Christ, I'm gonna be a dad.
94
00:04:35,154 --> 00:04:36,565
You can be my daddy.
95
00:04:40,293 --> 00:04:44,218
Please let the baby be straight.
Please let the baby be straight!
96
00:04:49,326 --> 00:04:51,977
It's eight o'clock
and this is your classic hits half hour.
97
00:04:56,110 --> 00:04:57,271
Oh.
98
00:05:10,081 --> 00:05:11,207
Damn.
99
00:05:12,329 --> 00:05:13,376
Morning, sunshine.
100
00:05:15,099 --> 00:05:16,385
Ah.
101
00:05:17,267 --> 00:05:19,156
Morning.
102
00:05:19,234 --> 00:05:20,679
- Eddie...
- It's Dave.
103
00:05:20,759 --> 00:05:24,320
Ah. Oh, yeah, Dave. Right. Of course.
104
00:05:25,336 --> 00:05:27,304
Listen, Dave,
105
00:05:28,226 --> 00:05:30,035
did we play Lego last night?
106
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:33,570
You were so pissed.
107
00:05:33,646 --> 00:05:35,535
Ah, shit.
108
00:05:36,456 --> 00:05:38,379
I haven't drunk in months.
109
00:05:38,664 --> 00:05:41,235
We promised to Alice just to...
110
00:05:42,438 --> 00:05:44,008
How come you're so un-hungover?
111
00:05:44,084 --> 00:05:46,132
Well, constitution of an ox, me.
112
00:05:46,211 --> 00:05:50,614
Ah. Constitution of an ox,
cock of a horse.
113
00:05:50,708 --> 00:05:54,633
Throw another shrimp on the barbie,
I just fucked Crocodile Dundee.
114
00:05:55,806 --> 00:05:56,887
Hmm.
115
00:05:56,970 --> 00:05:58,779
- I could do with a cup of tea.
- Oh?
116
00:06:00,463 --> 00:06:01,749
Be a gentleman.
117
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:07,046
- Your all-time favourite flavour jam?
- Gooseberry. Easy.
118
00:06:07,129 --> 00:06:08,369
Morning.
119
00:06:08,614 --> 00:06:10,184
And, good morning.
120
00:06:10,260 --> 00:06:12,866
Morning all, this is Dave,
doing the walk of shame.
121
00:06:12,950 --> 00:06:14,793
- Take a seat, Dave, get some cereal.
- Hi, Dave.
122
00:06:14,877 --> 00:06:16,163
- Hi, Dave.
- Hello.
123
00:06:16,242 --> 00:06:18,324
I always find tea goes
better without sugar.
124
00:06:18,410 --> 00:06:19,491
Yeah.
125
00:06:20,176 --> 00:06:21,257
Great arms, Dave.
126
00:06:21,903 --> 00:06:23,712
Oh, cheers, you know, I'm a builder.
127
00:06:23,830 --> 00:06:26,037
- Oh, 10, then?
- No, just the one.
128
00:06:26,118 --> 00:06:27,199
Just one.
129
00:06:27,643 --> 00:06:28,724
I'm gonna get changed first.
130
00:06:28,808 --> 00:06:29,934
All right.
131
00:06:30,333 --> 00:06:31,459
Oof!
132
00:06:31,738 --> 00:06:33,342
Back of the net, Richie!
133
00:06:33,424 --> 00:06:36,587
Ah, OMG! Ah! He's gorgeous.
134
00:06:36,676 --> 00:06:39,998
Huh? Did you check out the guns?
I think I'd rate him as lush.
135
00:06:43,059 --> 00:06:44,424
- What are you doing?
- Sorry.
136
00:06:45,508 --> 00:06:46,794
That's all right.
137
00:06:48,439 --> 00:06:49,520
Mmm-mmm.
138
00:06:51,088 --> 00:06:52,931
I did have a great time last night.
139
00:06:56,026 --> 00:06:57,152
So...
140
00:06:58,595 --> 00:07:01,838
That's my number, give us a call
if you wanna have another play.
141
00:07:01,927 --> 00:07:05,648
Yeah, yeah, I will do,
have fun b... buildering.
142
00:07:06,263 --> 00:07:07,753
All right, cheers.
143
00:07:08,230 --> 00:07:09,311
See you.
144
00:07:19,832 --> 00:07:21,072
Dave.
145
00:07:25,894 --> 00:07:29,023
Don't you judge me.
At Least I've got a nose.
146
00:07:29,828 --> 00:07:32,672
I won't lie to you,
it's like a bereavement.
147
00:07:33,843 --> 00:07:35,368
The loss of your old life.
148
00:07:39,102 --> 00:07:40,183
Thoughts?
149
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:42,318
Now, the floor is yours.
150
00:07:43,157 --> 00:07:45,763
- Alice?
- Well, Antonia,
151
00:07:47,211 --> 00:07:48,975
I like to have a little bit
of a lot of fun.
152
00:07:49,861 --> 00:07:51,431
And, I guess now I'm gonna miss that.
153
00:07:52,390 --> 00:07:54,313
And I'm going to miss my immaturity.
154
00:07:55,682 --> 00:07:58,288
Antonia, I'm really going to miss
my immaturity.
155
00:07:59,656 --> 00:08:01,704
Oh, Jesus, does that sound
really bad out loud?
156
00:08:01,784 --> 00:08:03,149
- Yes.
- Okay.
157
00:08:04,273 --> 00:08:05,354
Richie?
158
00:08:05,437 --> 00:08:07,201
How would you react to the words,
159
00:08:07,846 --> 00:08:12,613
"casual, random and sex"?
160
00:08:13,466 --> 00:08:15,707
"Multiple partners...
161
00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:18,407
"Male."
162
00:08:18,926 --> 00:08:20,052
Not well.
163
00:08:23,422 --> 00:08:26,471
Enlighten us, Mitch. What are
you gonna miss about your old life?
164
00:08:27,437 --> 00:08:28,643
Nothing.
165
00:08:30,287 --> 00:08:32,369
- Nothing?
- Nothing.
166
00:08:32,495 --> 00:08:34,543
- Nothing?
- Nothing.
167
00:08:35,988 --> 00:08:39,117
I'm having a baby with the people
I love most in the world.
168
00:08:40,283 --> 00:08:41,409
I can't wait.
169
00:08:45,021 --> 00:08:48,821
- And, naturally, that too, of course.
- I was gonna say the same thing.
170
00:08:49,115 --> 00:08:50,560
We're gonna have to stop thinking
about ourselves,
171
00:08:50,641 --> 00:08:52,211
start thinking about the baby.
172
00:08:52,287 --> 00:08:54,130
New life, new rules.
173
00:08:54,214 --> 00:08:55,943
You know, we're gonna have to start
paying attention.
174
00:08:56,020 --> 00:08:59,024
What we need to do is focus
on the baby's well-being.
175
00:08:59,112 --> 00:09:01,797
Yep. The old responsibility,
eyes at the back of our heads.
176
00:09:01,882 --> 00:09:04,010
- Stop, look, listen.
- Eyes wide open.
177
00:09:04,090 --> 00:09:06,855
Multi-tasking with the best of them.
Basically,
178
00:09:07,502 --> 00:09:09,186
- we need to be more like Mitch.
- Yeah.
179
00:09:24,403 --> 00:09:25,734
Thank you.
180
00:09:26,612 --> 00:09:28,262
No, Richie, I actually don't know
if I can do this.
181
00:09:28,338 --> 00:09:31,581
Thank God we've got Mitch.
We just need to be more like him.
182
00:09:31,670 --> 00:09:33,195
Whoo! Bit epic.
183
00:09:33,276 --> 00:09:35,358
- Where the hell were you?
- I was with...
184
00:09:37,532 --> 00:09:39,660
We were having a proper
heart-to-heart here.
185
00:09:45,601 --> 00:09:48,081
Frankenstein, that's us.
186
00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:50,571
Created a monster we can't control.
187
00:09:50,659 --> 00:09:54,584
I've always said, Alice,
nothing good ever came out of vaginae.
188
00:09:56,922 --> 00:09:58,924
I always said the fear
was in your heads,
189
00:09:59,009 --> 00:10:00,420
and now I'm gonna prove it.
190
00:10:00,655 --> 00:10:03,738
May I present to you, robot baby.
191
00:10:04,308 --> 00:10:06,197
Yeah, I borrowed it from antenatal.
192
00:10:06,276 --> 00:10:08,847
It's like a real baby, but it's a robot.
193
00:10:08,925 --> 00:10:10,848
It cries when it needs changing,
194
00:10:11,615 --> 00:10:15,461
it cries when it needs feeding
and it cries when it needs bathing. Oh.
195
00:10:15,549 --> 00:10:17,631
See, I put it down.
196
00:10:17,717 --> 00:10:19,162
Oh.
197
00:10:19,243 --> 00:10:20,324
But, I pick it up.
198
00:10:20,407 --> 00:10:21,454
Hey!
199
00:10:21,531 --> 00:10:23,499
I put it down.
200
00:10:23,578 --> 00:10:24,784
And I pick it up.
201
00:10:25,224 --> 00:10:26,464
Yay!
202
00:10:26,549 --> 00:10:29,553
Huh? This is your hands-on experience,
203
00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:32,325
so you can see
what brilliant parents you're gonna be.
204
00:10:33,454 --> 00:10:34,535
- Oh.
- Sorry.
205
00:10:48,300 --> 00:10:49,745
Alice.
206
00:10:50,428 --> 00:10:51,839
Alice.
207
00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:56,688
- Alice.
- Get off, ten more minutes.
208
00:10:56,771 --> 00:10:58,532
Oh, come on, princess. It's your turn.
209
00:10:58,618 --> 00:11:00,108
- It's not.
- It is.
210
00:11:00,183 --> 00:11:02,185
- It's not.
- Look, I did it last time!
211
00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:11,214
Poor little thing, it's so sad.
212
00:11:17,446 --> 00:11:19,687
- There we go, all better.
- Alice!
213
00:11:19,774 --> 00:11:22,698
Alice, you can't! Alice!
214
00:11:22,785 --> 00:11:25,994
If this was a real baby,
you'd be in ever such a lot of trouble.
215
00:11:35,752 --> 00:11:37,800
Oh. Hey?
216
00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:40,761
Silly Irish mummy. Eh?
217
00:11:46,391 --> 00:11:47,597
That's it now.
218
00:11:50,285 --> 00:11:51,730
We're just gonna sleep.
219
00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:16,546
I'm gonna be a parent.
220
00:12:17,463 --> 00:12:19,272
Now, that makes me an adult.
221
00:12:19,350 --> 00:12:20,920
What, am I scared of being an adult?
222
00:12:20,996 --> 00:12:23,602
Yeah, you're asking me that
while sitting on a swing.
223
00:12:24,368 --> 00:12:25,449
There.
224
00:12:25,532 --> 00:12:26,613
All settled.
225
00:12:27,138 --> 00:12:28,219
Here you go, Richie.
226
00:12:28,945 --> 00:12:30,595
Take the baby, Richie.
227
00:12:30,992 --> 00:12:32,562
Very gently, come on.
228
00:12:32,999 --> 00:12:36,367
- There we go. Gently, gently, gently.
- All right.
229
00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:39,298
- Oh!
- Oh, Richie.
230
00:12:39,382 --> 00:12:42,864
I didn't do anything. It sensed my fear.
Here, take it back.
231
00:12:42,955 --> 00:12:45,720
No, Richie,
you're the robot baby father.
232
00:12:45,846 --> 00:12:48,895
It's time you started taking your
robot baby responsibilities seriously.
233
00:12:48,977 --> 00:12:51,867
I'm bouncing it, I'm bouncing it!
Faster, slower, what?
234
00:12:51,948 --> 00:12:53,279
If its eyes are rolling back like that,
235
00:12:53,353 --> 00:12:55,481
you're probably doing it too fast,
Richard!
236
00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:59,247
- Oh, honey, I think I need an ice cream.
- Oh, do you want an ice cream?
237
00:12:59,897 --> 00:13:01,740
- I'll take an ice cream.
- You don't deserve any ice cream.
238
00:13:01,824 --> 00:13:02,950
- Alice!
- No.
239
00:13:06,962 --> 00:13:09,249
Why am I always left holding
the robot baby?
240
00:13:09,331 --> 00:13:10,537
Richie?
241
00:13:11,659 --> 00:13:12,820
Dave!
242
00:13:13,345 --> 00:13:14,471
Oh, look at the guns on him.
243
00:13:14,625 --> 00:13:15,786
What are you doing here, then?
244
00:13:16,148 --> 00:13:18,754
Ah, just enjoying the
peace and quiet, you know.
245
00:13:18,838 --> 00:13:19,919
Hmm.
246
00:13:21,830 --> 00:13:23,355
- You gonna get that?
- Hmm?
247
00:13:24,199 --> 00:13:25,485
Get the...
248
00:13:26,728 --> 00:13:28,969
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah.
249
00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:34,796
This is my robot baby.
250
00:13:34,998 --> 00:13:37,649
We were playing robot baby
hide-and-seek, weren't we?
251
00:13:38,209 --> 00:13:40,496
Sure. Yeah. Well, you have
a threesome with your best friends,
252
00:13:40,578 --> 00:13:41,659
you get a robot baby.
253
00:13:41,742 --> 00:13:44,791
God, I think it hates me, Dave.
254
00:13:45,716 --> 00:13:47,081
It hates me.
255
00:13:47,443 --> 00:13:51,084
How am I gonna cope with a child
that doesn't run on batteries, hmm?
256
00:13:51,297 --> 00:13:53,186
Well, have a go with a real one.
257
00:13:54,147 --> 00:13:59,108
- This is Callum, my nephew.
- Oh, God.
258
00:14:00,008 --> 00:14:01,851
- Come on.
- No, no. No, no, no.
259
00:14:02,056 --> 00:14:03,421
- I can't.
- Of course, you can.
260
00:14:03,501 --> 00:14:04,548
I, I...
261
00:14:04,625 --> 00:14:05,706
You won't hurt.
You're just one, aren't you?
262
00:14:05,789 --> 00:14:07,837
- Go on.
- What if I drop him?
263
00:14:07,917 --> 00:14:10,045
His parachute will automatically deploy.
264
00:14:10,607 --> 00:14:11,733
It won't, don't drop him.
265
00:14:11,811 --> 00:14:12,972
All right. Okay, okay.
266
00:14:13,738 --> 00:14:14,864
Hold on. How do I hold him?
267
00:14:14,942 --> 00:14:16,068
Just put your arms out.
268
00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:18,149
Gayby. Gay dads.
269
00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:20,644
Is that your gay gayby?
270
00:14:20,763 --> 00:14:24,529
No. No, no. It's not like that. But...
271
00:14:24,617 --> 00:14:25,857
What if it is?
272
00:14:26,223 --> 00:14:29,113
No, what if it is?
Yeah, what if he's my boyfriend,
273
00:14:29,194 --> 00:14:31,003
we're in man-love
and this is our gay baby?
274
00:14:32,245 --> 00:14:33,895
Huh, what if it is?
275
00:14:33,971 --> 00:14:35,461
Hold him. Hold him.
276
00:14:36,259 --> 00:14:38,261
Yeah? Little gobshites.
277
00:14:38,347 --> 00:14:40,349
You want to take on a kickboxer? Eh?
278
00:14:40,716 --> 00:14:43,322
- Be my guest, come on!
- All right, mate.
279
00:14:49,949 --> 00:14:51,792
- Oh, my God.
- I know.
280
00:14:51,876 --> 00:14:53,958
Yeah, but the point of training
is never having to use it.
281
00:14:54,044 --> 00:14:57,366
No. Oh, my God, I'm holding a baby.
282
00:14:59,263 --> 00:15:00,913
I have something of yours.
283
00:15:02,555 --> 00:15:05,126
Tell me, what is it about you and Lego?
284
00:15:05,204 --> 00:15:08,606
I don't know, I just really liked it
when I was a kid.
285
00:15:08,898 --> 00:15:10,423
Then, I got older and discovered boys,
286
00:15:10,503 --> 00:15:12,949
and then I got older still
and discovered that, half the time,
287
00:15:13,032 --> 00:15:14,079
I still prefer Lego.
288
00:15:14,157 --> 00:15:15,807
Yeah, yeah.
289
00:15:15,883 --> 00:15:21,094
Listen, Dave, I was gonna call,
promise. Just...
290
00:15:21,262 --> 00:15:23,264
No, I get it. No, you're a busy boy.
291
00:15:23,350 --> 00:15:26,194
And, it's not that I'm only capable
of one-night stands, it's just...
292
00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:29,329
You are like me, five years ago,
in a flick-book relationship.
293
00:15:30,375 --> 00:15:32,298
- What are you talking about?
- Well, you know how a flick-book,
294
00:15:32,383 --> 00:15:34,954
- it's got loads of separate pictures.
- Yes, I know what a flick-book is.
295
00:15:35,032 --> 00:15:37,478
Well, you flick them together,
and it looks like one moving image.
296
00:15:37,561 --> 00:15:39,165
Well, you've had so many
one-night stands,
297
00:15:39,247 --> 00:15:41,409
that they look like a relationship.
298
00:15:50,890 --> 00:15:51,971
Hey?
299
00:15:54,302 --> 00:15:56,225
- Alice made it for me.
- Hey!
300
00:15:56,309 --> 00:15:58,073
"World's Best Dad."
301
00:15:58,156 --> 00:16:00,557
- Aw, you deserve that, mate.
- I know.
302
00:16:01,769 --> 00:16:04,693
So. Dave.
303
00:16:05,462 --> 00:16:06,668
You gonna call him?
304
00:16:07,510 --> 00:16:08,636
No.
305
00:16:09,075 --> 00:16:11,123
No, I don't deserve Dave, mate.
306
00:16:11,203 --> 00:16:14,889
I'm not grown-up enough
to have a grown-up relationship.
307
00:16:15,739 --> 00:16:17,821
Richie, you've got to love someone,
308
00:16:18,871 --> 00:16:22,273
and Let them Love you back.
Otherwise, you're just half a person.
309
00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:28,348
Oh, and remember,
310
00:16:28,425 --> 00:16:31,395
antenatal class is coming later.
I'm off to buy finger food.
311
00:16:31,476 --> 00:16:33,922
I'm feeling hummus.
312
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:51,407
Alice, mind the baby.
I'm going for a wank.
313
00:16:52,377 --> 00:16:54,186
Sure thing, Casanova.
314
00:17:09,318 --> 00:17:12,322
Shit! Fuck! Shit! Fuck! Shit! Fuck!
315
00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:16,136
Shit! Fuck! Shit! Fuck! Shit! Fuck!
316
00:17:17,267 --> 00:17:19,554
- Shit! Fuck! Shit! Fuck! Shit! Fuck!
- Alice!
317
00:17:19,636 --> 00:17:23,357
- Shit! Fuck! Shit! Fuck! Shit! Fuck!
- Shit! Fuck! Shit! Fuck! Shit! Fuck!
318
00:17:23,449 --> 00:17:26,020
Shit! Fuck! Shit! Fuck!
Shit! Fuck! Shit! Fuck!
319
00:17:26,099 --> 00:17:28,386
Oh, Jesus! Ahh!
320
00:17:28,468 --> 00:17:29,833
I'm gonna dry him off in the oven.
321
00:17:29,913 --> 00:17:31,074
Are you mad?
322
00:17:31,157 --> 00:17:32,522
Ahhh! Oh, my God.
323
00:17:32,603 --> 00:17:33,934
I'm so confused!
324
00:17:34,008 --> 00:17:37,217
Just calm down. In the oven!
You'll bloody melt the thing.
325
00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:40,463
Mitch is gonna kill us! He's gonna
kill us, he's gonna come and kill us!
326
00:17:40,993 --> 00:17:42,757
- Go and get me the hair dryer.
- Okay.
327
00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:43,921
We'll sort this out.
328
00:17:44,004 --> 00:17:45,130
Shit!
329
00:17:52,555 --> 00:17:54,478
- Is it all right?
- It's all right.
330
00:18:07,408 --> 00:18:10,252
Alice, antenatal class are coming.
331
00:18:10,821 --> 00:18:13,188
Stuff from my mum. Old dolls.
332
00:18:15,879 --> 00:18:17,005
Spare parts, spare parts.
333
00:18:18,810 --> 00:18:19,936
Oh.
334
00:18:21,740 --> 00:18:23,265
Ahhh!
335
00:18:23,587 --> 00:18:25,351
Give me eyes. Eyes.
336
00:18:25,434 --> 00:18:26,879
- Her eyes?
- What?
337
00:18:27,923 --> 00:18:30,290
Listen to me, woman, a leg.
338
00:18:30,934 --> 00:18:32,015
Legs.
339
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,128
- I think, maybe we...
- We broke the baby.
340
00:19:06,492 --> 00:19:07,982
I'm so sorry, Antonia.
341
00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:10,510
There's probably a rule about that?
342
00:19:13,799 --> 00:19:16,530
And you don't think that adds
a touch of character?
343
00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:20,903
We won't fail the course, will we?
344
00:19:20,985 --> 00:19:24,512
It's not that sort of course,
unfortunately.
345
00:19:24,919 --> 00:19:27,160
Could you pass that around for me,
please, Antonia?
346
00:19:28,050 --> 00:19:29,461
- Of course.
- Thank you.
347
00:19:31,382 --> 00:19:34,147
Honey, the fear hasn't gone away,
348
00:19:34,233 --> 00:19:35,803
the fear is 10 times worse.
349
00:19:37,605 --> 00:19:38,652
Okay.
350
00:19:39,652 --> 00:19:42,132
Hi, okay, can I have
everyone's attention, please?
351
00:19:42,222 --> 00:19:43,428
Thank you.
352
00:19:43,988 --> 00:19:45,513
Come on,
353
00:19:45,594 --> 00:19:48,279
I've seen the way you've all been
looking at us, and let's be honest,
354
00:19:49,207 --> 00:19:52,529
put your hand in the air, if you're
terrified of being a bad parent.
355
00:19:53,382 --> 00:19:54,508
Hmm?
356
00:19:54,867 --> 00:19:56,073
Come on, Neville.
357
00:19:56,995 --> 00:19:59,077
Commit, brother, get it up.
There we are.
358
00:19:59,163 --> 00:20:01,689
Now, keep 'em in the air if you think
that being a good parent
359
00:20:01,772 --> 00:20:03,376
is about picking up the pieces.
360
00:20:04,141 --> 00:20:07,304
Yes, because that's what
Richie and Alice have done today.
361
00:20:07,754 --> 00:20:10,075
They put that baby back together
with love,
362
00:20:10,644 --> 00:20:12,009
and bits of sticky tape.
363
00:20:15,703 --> 00:20:18,752
Now, keep your hand in the air
if you wanna make love to me.
364
00:20:20,641 --> 00:20:21,767
Yes.
365
00:20:22,648 --> 00:20:23,934
Antonia?
366
00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:57,947
Dave, hi. Hi, it's Richie, listen,
367
00:20:58,715 --> 00:21:02,117
I was wondering,
do you wanna come around and play?
368
00:21:02,167 --> 00:21:06,717
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