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1
00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:02,774
Sorry! It was a onetime offense, man.
2
00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:04,961
Won't happen again.
3
00:00:11,609 --> 00:00:14,009
Come on, man. All I did was jaywalk.
4
00:00:14,245 --> 00:00:19,148
Stop! No, please! No! No!
5
00:00:49,380 --> 00:00:51,848
I'm the Batman.
6
00:02:00,551 --> 00:02:03,679
Tonight, all of Gotham again
finds itself terrorized by Joker.
7
00:02:05,256 --> 00:02:08,783
Only this time, instead of breaking
the law, he's enforcing it.
8
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:13,556
Donning the costume and mocking the
methods of his constant rival, the Batman...
9
00:02:13,731 --> 00:02:18,134
...Joker has inexplicably turned to
fighting crime. The crazed catch?
10
00:02:18,302 --> 00:02:22,830
It seems the offenses he targets
barely qualify as crimes at all.
11
00:02:23,007 --> 00:02:26,408
And as Kimberly Smith,
the 78-year-old grandmother of 10...
12
00:02:26,577 --> 00:02:30,775
...learned after absent-mindedly driving for
three blocks with her turn signal flashing.
13
00:02:30,948 --> 00:02:36,614
...while the crimes may be minor,
Joker's punishment of them is anything but.
14
00:02:38,055 --> 00:02:40,819
Imitation is the sincerest form
of flattery...
15
00:02:40,992 --> 00:02:43,483
...but why do you suppose
the tribute, Master Bruce?
16
00:02:43,794 --> 00:02:46,092
Cheap knockoff is more like it.
17
00:02:46,264 --> 00:02:51,133
But what troubles me most is that
my antidote failed to cure Joker's jaywalker.
18
00:02:51,302 --> 00:02:56,399
A new strain of Joker gas.
How very ghastly indeed.
19
00:03:09,253 --> 00:03:11,813
- Joker?
- Where?
20
00:03:14,191 --> 00:03:16,853
I don't know what you're after,
but you will be stopped.
21
00:03:17,028 --> 00:03:20,725
The only thing I'm after, mayor,
are the bad guys.
22
00:03:21,098 --> 00:03:25,728
Then how do you justify what you did
to three of Gotham P.D.'s finest today?
23
00:03:25,903 --> 00:03:29,703
And for what? Speeding?
It was a police chase.
24
00:03:29,874 --> 00:03:32,206
No one's above the law.
25
00:03:35,446 --> 00:03:40,577
�Bill for services rendered.
One million dollars?� What?
26
00:03:40,751 --> 00:03:44,016
Crime-fighting ain't charity work,
you know.
27
00:03:44,188 --> 00:03:49,490
- And if the city doesn't comply?
- Then Gotham pays dearly.
28
00:03:52,730 --> 00:03:54,220
Sorry.
29
00:03:55,766 --> 00:03:59,566
I must say, mayor, of all the scum
I've taken down so far...
30
00:04:00,004 --> 00:04:04,065
...it was your wife who
disappointed me the most.
31
00:04:04,475 --> 00:04:06,375
My wife? Sheila?
32
00:04:06,544 --> 00:04:08,273
What have you done to Sheila?
33
00:04:08,646 --> 00:04:13,083
Eleven items at a 10-item grocery
checkout. She had it coming.
34
00:04:19,056 --> 00:04:20,614
Sheila.
35
00:04:20,791 --> 00:04:21,780
Sheila!
36
00:04:30,735 --> 00:04:33,067
Well, well, well...
37
00:04:33,571 --> 00:04:34,970
...graffiti!
38
00:04:35,439 --> 00:04:38,272
That's a pretty serious offense, girls.
39
00:04:38,442 --> 00:04:40,672
But that's why I became a crime-fighter.
40
00:04:40,845 --> 00:04:43,575
To take out garbage like you.
41
00:04:48,452 --> 00:04:50,784
The costume party's over, Joker.
42
00:04:51,222 --> 00:04:52,883
Joker? Didn't you hear?
43
00:04:53,057 --> 00:04:55,719
The clown prince of crime
has checked out.
44
00:04:55,893 --> 00:04:57,656
He just couldn't take any more.
45
00:04:57,828 --> 00:04:59,659
Couldn't take the Batman...
46
00:04:59,830 --> 00:05:02,230
...always there
to thwart his latest scheme.
47
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:05,062
Well, it was really starting
to drive him mad.
48
00:05:05,936 --> 00:05:09,235
But then Joker thought
it he couldn't beat the bat...
49
00:05:09,407 --> 00:05:12,308
...he'd be the bat.
50
00:05:13,077 --> 00:05:15,170
Then Gotham has one Batman too many.
51
00:05:15,346 --> 00:05:18,110
Which means one of us has gotta go.
52
00:05:18,282 --> 00:05:20,341
My thoughts exactly.
53
00:06:24,682 --> 00:06:29,176
New and improved Batman
beats original recipe.
54
00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:32,245
But that doesn't mean
our rivalry has to end.
55
00:06:32,423 --> 00:06:34,687
You see, the Batman needs a Joker...
56
00:06:34,859 --> 00:06:36,759
...someone who gives him purpose.
57
00:06:37,027 --> 00:06:39,757
Which means if I'm going to
make it as the Dark Knight...
58
00:06:39,930 --> 00:06:43,058
...I'm going to need a Joker of my own.
59
00:06:43,267 --> 00:06:47,260
And who better a foil than you,
old friend?
60
00:06:54,779 --> 00:06:56,076
Joker venom.
61
00:06:56,247 --> 00:06:59,944
Just the thing to inject
a bit of humor into you.
62
00:07:04,555 --> 00:07:07,752
Don't fret, Batman.
You'll soon make a great Joker.
63
00:07:07,925 --> 00:07:10,951
Just don't forget to smile.
64
00:07:25,910 --> 00:07:28,435
That is quite a nasty bite, sir.
65
00:07:28,612 --> 00:07:30,239
Really, Alfred, it's nothing.
66
00:07:30,614 --> 00:07:34,573
Nothing? Who knows what chemical
concoction that madman cooked up for you?
67
00:07:34,752 --> 00:07:38,813
Look, if the snake's venom was harmful,
I'm sure I'd know it by now.
68
00:07:39,156 --> 00:07:40,817
And to tell the truth, Alfred...
69
00:07:40,991 --> 00:07:42,356
...I feel great.
70
00:07:42,526 --> 00:07:44,494
Even a bit chipper.
71
00:07:45,196 --> 00:07:48,654
Even so, we should let your
lab results inform us whether...
72
00:07:48,833 --> 00:07:52,030
...anything dangerous is currently
coursing through your veins.
73
00:07:52,203 --> 00:07:54,603
I think the only dangerous thing
you're gonna find...
74
00:07:54,772 --> 00:07:57,002
...are my cholesterol levels.
75
00:07:57,675 --> 00:08:01,907
- Sir?
- Nothing, Alfred. Just a bad joke.
76
00:08:02,079 --> 00:08:04,547
Well, I'd better get to the hospital
and see about...
77
00:08:04,715 --> 00:08:07,479
...sneaking a blood sample
from Mayor Grange's wife.
78
00:08:07,651 --> 00:08:10,518
Sir, all things considered,
until we know your results...
79
00:08:10,688 --> 00:08:12,952
...I must insist
you remain in the Batcave.
80
00:08:13,123 --> 00:08:17,184
Sorry, Alfred. Right now, I'm the only hope
of Joker's victims getting an antidote.
81
00:08:17,361 --> 00:08:20,592
And besides, Mayor Grange could
probably use some support.
82
00:08:20,898 --> 00:08:23,958
Seeing an old friend might
bring a smile to his face.
83
00:08:29,974 --> 00:08:32,738
I can't begin to imagine what
you're going through, mayor.
84
00:08:33,077 --> 00:08:35,375
It's been a real tough stretch, Bruce.
85
00:08:36,614 --> 00:08:39,082
Your arm. You hurt yourself?
86
00:08:39,416 --> 00:08:41,179
Cut myself shaving.
87
00:08:43,354 --> 00:08:44,821
Kidding.
88
00:08:47,091 --> 00:08:51,528
Yes, well, I am glad you came, Bruce.
I was hoping I could get your advice.
89
00:08:51,695 --> 00:08:54,755
Joker's demanding a large ransom,
and the city, well...
90
00:08:54,932 --> 00:08:58,231
...just doesn't have that kind
of money available.
91
00:08:58,535 --> 00:09:01,129
If it means helping Gotham
and easing your burden...
92
00:09:01,305 --> 00:09:03,273
...I can write you a check right now.
93
00:09:03,641 --> 00:09:05,541
You... You'd do that?
94
00:09:06,076 --> 00:09:07,509
No.
95
00:09:09,146 --> 00:09:10,738
Yes.
96
00:09:11,181 --> 00:09:12,910
I'm not sure that's funny, Bruce.
97
00:09:13,083 --> 00:09:16,746
No, I'm being very serious, sir.
98
00:09:18,055 --> 00:09:20,319
Ale you sure everything's all right?
99
00:09:23,694 --> 00:09:26,788
Maybe I am a little bit out of sorts.
100
00:09:27,631 --> 00:09:29,792
Why don't we see how Sheila's doing?
101
00:09:31,735 --> 00:09:35,102
I wanna warn you, it's pretty shocking.
102
00:09:38,275 --> 00:09:40,903
Oh, that's terrib...
103
00:09:45,749 --> 00:09:49,048
Bruce, please!
104
00:09:49,219 --> 00:09:52,313
Sorry. Oh, I don't know
what's come over me.
105
00:09:56,327 --> 00:09:59,524
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
106
00:10:02,032 --> 00:10:03,556
Hey!
107
00:10:04,969 --> 00:10:06,197
The Joker venom.
108
00:10:13,043 --> 00:10:16,774
The results of the lab analysis
are grim, Alfred. Very grim.
109
00:10:16,947 --> 00:10:19,848
It seems Joker's new venom
attacks the nervous system...
110
00:10:20,017 --> 00:10:24,317
...and forces the body to gradually
increasing fits of laughter, until finally...
111
00:10:24,488 --> 00:10:29,357
Joker said he wanted an archenemy,
but he didn't say a pulse was required.
112
00:10:30,127 --> 00:10:32,595
That's rich.
113
00:10:32,763 --> 00:10:35,095
You crack me up, Al.
114
00:10:38,369 --> 00:10:40,303
So I devised this antidote.
115
00:10:40,471 --> 00:10:43,872
All I need is a sample of Joker's
original venom in older to complete it.
116
00:10:44,041 --> 00:10:46,202
Which would require finding Joker.
117
00:10:47,011 --> 00:10:50,708
And soon. At the poison's current rate
of progress, I have an hour left to live.
118
00:10:54,051 --> 00:10:56,815
And now only 59 minutes, 39 seconds.
119
00:10:58,088 --> 00:11:01,854
Fifty-nine minutes, 27 seconds.
120
00:11:02,359 --> 00:11:05,726
Things can't get any worse now,
can they?
121
00:11:37,361 --> 00:11:38,919
Pull yourself together, sir.
122
00:11:39,363 --> 00:11:40,990
I'm sorry, Alfred.
123
00:11:41,165 --> 00:11:44,430
This venom is driving me batty. Batty!
124
00:11:48,238 --> 00:11:50,103
The Batwave.
125
00:11:51,141 --> 00:11:54,633
- Break-in at the Gotham Museum of Art.
- Joker?
126
00:11:54,812 --> 00:11:57,280
The crime clown has
a different m.o. these days.
127
00:11:57,448 --> 00:12:01,077
Isn't the museum hosting a collection
of priceless Faberg? eggs this week?
128
00:12:01,418 --> 00:12:04,854
- You don't think...?
- Penguin.
129
00:12:05,289 --> 00:12:08,690
As much as I hate to suggest it,
Oswald Cobblepot...
130
00:12:08,859 --> 00:12:12,727
...will have to get a free pass tonight,
as your focus must be on finding Joker.
131
00:12:12,896 --> 00:12:16,263
If Joker's playing Batman,
he'll be there to take down Penguin.
132
00:12:16,433 --> 00:12:18,264
I can hit two birds with one stone.
133
00:12:18,769 --> 00:12:21,329
Get it? Birds!
134
00:12:23,307 --> 00:12:25,275
Good one, sir.
135
00:12:26,610 --> 00:12:29,170
Break-in at the Gotham Museum of Art.
136
00:12:29,346 --> 00:12:31,280
This looks like a job for...
137
00:12:31,448 --> 00:12:33,678
...the Batman.
138
00:12:51,602 --> 00:12:56,301
Oh, these precious eggs are
gonna hatch me a fortune.
139
00:12:56,607 --> 00:13:00,509
The perfect crime. No fuss, no muss...
140
00:13:00,677 --> 00:13:03,510
-...and no.
- Penguin.
141
00:13:04,948 --> 00:13:07,007
...Batman.
142
00:13:28,839 --> 00:13:30,306
Joker?
143
00:13:30,474 --> 00:13:32,169
I'm the Batman.
144
00:13:33,343 --> 00:13:34,901
You see, the thing is...
145
00:13:35,078 --> 00:13:36,477
...you're not!
146
00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:39,342
The eggs, Penguin, or I scramble you.
147
00:13:39,516 --> 00:13:40,915
Are you out of your gourd?
148
00:13:41,084 --> 00:13:42,711
I'm in the middle of a heist.
149
00:13:42,886 --> 00:13:47,323
You don't see me barging in on your
gas-all-of-Gotham schemes, do you?
150
00:13:47,491 --> 00:13:49,925
It is called professional courtesy.
151
00:13:50,093 --> 00:13:53,426
Sorry, Pengy, but bringing down
Gotham's second biggest criminal...
152
00:13:53,597 --> 00:13:56,031
...means my biggest bounty yet.
153
00:13:56,767 --> 00:13:58,462
Second biggest?
154
00:13:58,635 --> 00:14:00,603
Says who?
155
00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:31,800
- Joker .
- Batman?
156
00:14:33,136 --> 00:14:37,266
If it isn't dumb and dumber.
157
00:14:40,110 --> 00:14:43,477
Okay, now you two are
starting to creep me out.
158
00:14:43,647 --> 00:14:46,445
This is no longer funny, Joker.
159
00:14:47,985 --> 00:14:50,510
Hand over the venom.
160
00:14:52,756 --> 00:14:56,419
But you're so close to completing
your evolution.
161
00:14:56,593 --> 00:14:59,255
Well, it seems you two have
something to settle, so I'll...
162
00:14:59,429 --> 00:15:02,489
- Not so fast, Penguin. The eggs.
- The eggs.
163
00:15:26,857 --> 00:15:28,415
Yes.
164
00:15:30,427 --> 00:15:33,590
That is one expensive omelet.
165
00:15:37,634 --> 00:15:40,797
Since I can't leave here empty-handed...
166
00:15:44,841 --> 00:15:46,866
You do not want that, Penguin.
167
00:15:47,044 --> 00:15:51,640
If you want it, Batman, I want it.
168
00:16:20,877 --> 00:16:23,675
Comedy is timing, you know.
169
00:16:42,699 --> 00:16:47,102
Well, now, what could it be
that you want so badly?
170
00:16:47,904 --> 00:16:49,997
No. That is not a good idea.
171
00:16:50,207 --> 00:16:51,606
Says you.
172
00:16:56,913 --> 00:16:58,471
Priceless.
173
00:17:10,827 --> 00:17:14,820
Well, guess I'll just hang out here.
174
00:17:16,032 --> 00:17:18,557
That's a good one, Pengy.
175
00:17:30,981 --> 00:17:35,145
You know, it's funny.
This situation reminds me of a joke.
176
00:17:36,019 --> 00:17:37,646
A doctor told his patient:
177
00:17:37,821 --> 00:17:41,018
�I have bad news and worse news.�
178
00:17:41,191 --> 00:17:45,355
�Oh, dear. What's the bad news?�
asked the patient.
179
00:17:45,695 --> 00:17:49,461
The doctor replied.
�You only have 24 hours to live.�
180
00:17:50,267 --> 00:17:55,466
�That's terrible," said the patient, "but how
can the other news possibly be worse?�
181
00:18:01,812 --> 00:18:03,473
The doctor replied, "Well...
182
00:18:03,647 --> 00:18:07,515
...I've been trying to contact
you since yesterday!�
183
00:18:19,496 --> 00:18:21,896
That joke always slays them.
184
00:18:41,017 --> 00:18:44,282
You really know how to squelch a laugh.
185
00:18:48,325 --> 00:18:51,886
Stop me if you've heard
this one before, Joker.
186
00:18:53,497 --> 00:18:56,193
A man walked into a bar...
187
00:18:58,401 --> 00:18:59,993
...and said:
188
00:19:09,913 --> 00:19:14,407
Good one, Batman. Said:
189
00:19:16,987 --> 00:19:19,751
Who knew you had it in you?
190
00:19:22,058 --> 00:19:24,219
That's the Joker I know.
191
00:19:31,668 --> 00:19:33,863
Hey, what's so funny?
192
00:19:33,913 --> 00:19:38,463
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