All language subtitles for Modern Family - 3x09 - Punkin Chunkin.HDTV.en

Oh, my goodness,
those hands are cold!

At least buy me dinner first!

Boom!

Tell my wife and kids I love them.

- Oh, my God.
- That's kind of dark, mom.

What?

Wait, what's my favourite
hospital food?

- Ummm.
- Jell-o!

Hey buddy.
No, today's still good.

- Good for what? Who's buddy?
- Yeah, just head on over the house.

- Whose house? Who's buddy?
- Ok, see you in a couple.

Couple of what? Who's buddy?

Kenneth.

- Kenneth?
- Kenneth!

If I had a son, I'd want him
to be like Kenneth Ploufe.

You do have a son.

When we first moved in here,

he was the sweet kid
who lived next door.

Mm, the weird kid
who lived next door,

but Phil always had
a soft spot for him

because Kenneth
sort of looked up to him.

I wouldn't say hero.

And yet you did.

Well, you weren't going to.

Claire's always had
some issues with Kenneth.

He would stare at me
a little too long.

Can you blame him?

You used to dress sexy back then.

Hey!

Ah! Oh!

- Ten years. Can you believe it?
- Mnh-mnh.

I feel like we ended
that last hug too soon.

- I--
- Come on again!

Oh, wow, that's a lot of hugging.

Oh! She's right.
Why hug when you can...

- Man-shake.
- Man-shake.

I'm gonna get the coffee.

"Man-shake."

Are we sure?

Roll up the curtain.

- Mm!
- Bing!

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I don't know what's worse--

that he competes every Thanksgiving

in a pie-eating contest,

or that he's 9-time runner-up.

It wouldn't be Thanksgiving
without the contest.

Yes it would.

I think I have to tell
my punkin chunkin story.

Oh, no, no, you don't have to.

No, I kind of think I have to.

Once, Cam and his friends

tried to slingshot a pumpkin
across a football field.

Three seconds.

That's all he needs
to tell that story.

So the fog was rolling in
over the mountains

like an ominous blanket

as we readied the giant slingshot.

You know, Lorna, the pastor's daughter,

she was nervous because
like I said, it was after curfew.

She was a goody two-shoe.

Only pastor's daughter
I ever met that was.

So we finally launch the pumpkin,

and it sails through the air,
goalpost to goalpost...

Past the end zone,
into the parking lot,

through the open roof
of Lorna's dad's car.

I turn to Cody and I say,

"now what are the chances
of that landing there?"

He says, "where?"

And I say...

"The sunroof of a preacher man."

Wah-wah.

Okay, come on in!

Voila!

- Ah!
- Okay, what are we looking at?

My centerpiece for Thanksgiving.

It is wonderful.
You're so talented.

I can't believe that you did this.

Yeah, my juices were really
flowing on this one.

I actually shot a making-of video.

Hey, maybe we can
watch it later at the party.

Well, yeah, that or football.

Mi amor, I'm so proud of you.

Is there nothing in the world
that you can't do?

Centerpieces, for starters.

- Shh! - Why do you say
everything of his is great,

even if it isn't?

Because I'm building him up.

That's what parents do.

Too much, if you ask me.

Kids cross the street nowadays,
they get a ribbon.

Manny's got plenty of confidence.

He just needs a little reality
check every now and then.

And this thing is a horn of ugly.

Shh!

My mother used to criticize
everything I did.

And look at me now.
I am a jumble of insecurities.

I'm not getting that.

Do not say a word to Manny.

Fine.
But trust me,

if you told him the truth,
he'd thank you later.

Mm. Like Claire and Mitch?
Did they thank you?

- Not yet.
- Mm.

No. But it's coming.

- Ah! So many memories in this place.
- Yeah.

Do you guys still have,
like, every cereal?

We have a lot.

Yeah! Of course you do.
Of course you do.

You only have the greatest
dad in the world.

So what have you been up to?

I haven't seen you since
you went off to college.

Oh, you know, actually,
that didn't work out so well.

I bounced around for a while.

Ended up washing dishes
in New Mexico.

Mm, so without the benefit
of a college degree,

I guess your options
were kind of limited, huh?

Ease up. It's a holiday.

Yeah, it was-- it was tough.
Oh, no. No, thank you.

- Thank you, though, sweetie.
You're so sweet. - Oh. Okay.

- It was tough for a while...
- Mm-hmm.

But then a roommate and I
started our own business.

Oh, was that also in the dish
or cleaning industry?

No. No, no, no.

It was actually a small
investment company.

Well, small at first.

You know, we rode
the tech wave for a while,

then expanded into video games,

amusement parks, sports arenas.

Anything that seemed awesome, really.

I'm actually in town to buy a blimp.

- Holy crow.
- Ohh.

Wow. So if you--
if you'd gone to college,

you would have done
all that just four years later,

or-- or never.

Alex really needs
to be picked up, sweetie.

Why don't you go get her?

- I wanna hear more of what he
has to say about-- - We're leaving.

Kenneth, I am so proud of you.

You really made it.

Well, I did get one
pretty lucky break.

Early on, I met a very special guy

who taught me that what
I thought and said had value.

Oh, you mean like--

Shh. Luke.
Let the man talk.

He encouraged me
to always find the fun

and follow this thing.

- Your lung?
- No, my heart.

To this day, at every crossroad,

I ask myself one question--

what would Phil Dunphy do?

Record scratch!

Oh, that's me buzzin'.

Oh, it's Paris.

She's my assistant in Tokyo.

You'd think they'd know

how to demo 4-D gaming graphics
without my help.

They don't.
Hey, Luke,

what instrument does yo-yo ma play?

Um... cello?

He's me...

And he's spectacular.

Oh, my God.

Kenneth Ploufe is part owner
of a resort in the Bahamas,

some cruise line,

and Lacy Fair,
that lingerie company.

Oh! Ew!
I'm wearing one of his bras!

Look, he's got a model in his lap.

- No way.
- Look at her.

This is your fault!

Are you seriously
gonna stay in here all day?

I can't face mom.

If I see her,
I'm gonna have to confess.

Take a breather.
It's just a dent.

And saying nothing
is not lying, okay?

It's just letting the truth
speak for itself.

This is not the time
for moral equivocation.

Okay, I don't know
what that means,

and also, don't tell me.

You're the one who's gonna
lose her driving privileges.

I don't know why you're so calm.

All we have to do
is keep it from mom

until she goes to the store.

Then, when she sees it,
she'll assume that it happened there,

which it did,
so it's not really lying.

Listen to you.

Are you gonna be a career criminal?

Ugh. You sound like mom.

I don't know what I'm gonna do
after High School.

It was a supportive "wah-wah."

I was trying to save the moment.

There's no such thing
as a supportive "wah-wah."

A "wah-wah" by its very nature
is vicious and undercutting.

Well, I was just trying
to salvage that story, okay?

I told you not to tell it,

you told it, and it died.

It did not die. It's a thinker.

Cam, the only thing
people were thinking was,

"thank God this story's over."

Okay. I get it.
So how long have I been

embarrassing you with my stories?

No, no, no, no.
You don't embarrass me.

I love your stories, okay?

The tractor in the swimming hole?

Aunt Betty's wiglet on the piglet?

Uncle Carl said
she couldn't tell 'em apart.

See? Those are funny.
You have so many great ones.

Well, that's farm life.

Rain or shine, there's always
a bumper crop of stories.

Yeah, I'm just saying maybe
you take punkin chunkin

out of the rotation.

I guess you're right.
Maybe I could just--

Yeah, stick to the ones
that really happened,

because people love those.

Excuse me. What?

I'm--I'm just saying
people laugh more

at stories that are true.

Punkin chunkin is a true story.

True-ish?

No. True.

Really?

The length of a football field,

through the sunroof of a car

that was open
in late November in Missouri?

It was unseasonably warm.

That explains the fog
rolling over the hill.

And who's Cody--

who you're close enough
to chunk with

but mysteriously only
appears in this story?

Cody was K.I.A. in Desert Storm.

He's a hero.

You know, all this from someone

who's never even
chunked a punkin.

Well, I've never
lunked a tunkin, either.

You know, these aren't real things.

This'll work, right?

Totally, dad.

Why have one long table

when you can use four
little ones bistro style?

I'll bet this is how
the French do Thanksgiving.

You don't mind sitting
with your Uncle Mitch

and, uh, grandpa, do you?

Anything's better
than watching Lily chew.

By the way, this is
the side of your old man

that Kenneth was talking about.

Original.

Imaginative.

Fearless.

So Kenneth became a gajillionaire

by asking himself,
"what would Phil do?"

He sure did.

Where did that come from?
Right?

But you're you.

Why aren't we gajillionaires?

Why don't you do
what Phil would do?

Phil, why didn't you just put
the extra leaves in the table?

Trying to have some fun,
be creative.

One long table, honey.

If it was good enough
for the last supper,

it's good enough for us.

I'm having second thoughts
about this centerpiece.

- Ay, no.
- Hear him out.

I just think if we bring it
to Phil and Claire's,

we'll never see it again, right?

That's the plan.

Well, that would be sad.

Except maybe my sadness
will inspire me

to create something even greater.

Remember that collage I made

- that helped us get through Katrina?
- Mm-hmm.

You did this. You know that.

So... is this the legendary rice pilaf

- we've been hearing about?
- Try for yourself.

Used to make it every year,

but it, uh, started
to upstage the Turkey.

- Something wrong?
- Not so much wrong as missing.

It-- it just tastes a little flat.

That a fact?

I just think with
the earthiness of the rice,

you might want something
zesty to set it off.

I think this might be
a job for cumin.

- You know, since we're sharing
helpful criticisms-- No, no, no, no.

Nobody's sharing anything.
Manny, go change for the party.

No, no, no, but
I appreciate helpful criticisms.

It, uh, it's important for me
that I hear the truth.

Makes me stronger,

less of a mama's boy.

Yeah, mom, he can take it.

That's what he says,

but you don't really know
what he feels underneath.

Some people are so sensitive,

that they hear one criticism,

and it kills the spark
that made them special.

I think I know
what's going on here.

Good.

This is about you
and your mom, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

No, it isn't.

Yes, it is!

Manny, don't upset me anymore.

Go. Go change.

What-- what should I wear?

Ay, you look good in everything!

Where you going, mom?

Mm, I gotta run to the store.

Someone ate all the marshmallows.

Hey, can I tell you something?

I was thinking that maybe
after new year's break,

we could visit
a couple more colleges.

- Seriously?
- I was so hard on you before.

I'm sorry. I know I'm no Kenneth.

I'm gonna need
all the help that I can get.

Honey, I am so proud of you.
Oh.

- Oh, thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

What's this?

- Oh, okay.
- What are you doing?

Oh, Uncle Mitch is picking up
the marshmallows.

Then again,
backpacking through Europe

could be educational
in its own way.

No! No, no! No, no, no!

Do you know
what's illegal in Europe?

Nothing!

You are going to college!

Okay, fine.

Darn right it's fine.

Piece of cake.

My hair's coming out!

Wow, honey. I-I think
you could make these simpler.

Just, you know, sort of
do 'em flat and on the side.

Hmm. Yeah.
Seems like that's how you like me.

Flat and on the side.

You know what? Sometimes I need
to be puffed up and frilly.

All right, is this one
of those moments

I'm gonna have to remember later

when they ask me
if there were any signs?

This is what Phil would do--

make fantastic napkin origami

that startles and
delights his guests.

I know, but, sweetie,

they're just looking a little...

Claire, you always do this.
You squelch me.

You squelch me right
when I'm about to soar.

Honey, you're folding napkins.

You're folding my dreams!

You know what Kenneth told me?

The secret to his success--

his whole career,
he's tried to emulate me.

The only difference is,
he hasn't had someone

constantly telling him
what not to do.

So the only reason we don't have

a- a blimp tethered to our mailbox

is because I'm always
shooting down your great ideas?

Yeah.

Let's review the squelch pile, Phil.

Let's see--
the rice pudding franchise.

Works for all chewing abilities.

Adult tricycles.

Just try to fall off.

The aspirin gun.

Some people have
a hard time swallowing!

- And you left one out.
- Hmm.

And that, my dear Claire,
is a real head-scratcher--

"TM."

Action.

Hey, friend.

You look like you had
a rough day at the office.

The stress from my job
at the robot assassin factory...

is too much to take.

Aw, shoot me an aspirin, pal.

Maybe someday.

But until then, try this on for size.

The real head-scratcher features
32 patent-pending "nogginizers"

that gently massage your scalp

in a soothing purr
of motorized delight.

Ahh. It feels great,

and it looks good, too.

It's a real lifesaver.

You mean a real head-scratcher?

"TM."

I love you, Phil,

- but you--
- Stop.

I love your "I love you."

I'm getting awful tired
of your "but."

I heard it.

Welcome, welcome, welcome!

Happy Turkey day!

Hey, is that a new car?

Yep! It's the best, isn't it?

I can't take my eyes off it.

You shouldn't, either.

Are you okay, mami?

I'm... I'm...

Hey, guys! Now the party's started.
Come on!

- How are you?
- Good.

You disgust me.

Are you hungry?

Oh, good.
It's still in one piece.

You hit those potholes pretty hard.

It's like you didn't see 'em.

No, I saw 'em.

Can I be honest with you, Jay?

I'm getting the sense

that you're not
the biggest fan of "Allegria"?

You got a name for it now?
Great.

All right.
Cards on the table?

This is not your best work.

Now look, don't get me wrong.

You're a talented kid.

You're gonna be a big
success in the world.

But this...
this is a swing and a miss.

- Well, but my mom said it was--
- It's great, yeah, I know.

But how did she say it?

What do you mean?

There's a big difference
between "it's great,"

and "it's great."
You hear that?

"It's great," and "it's great."

All I hear is a bunch of people
telling me I'm great.

And that's a problem,
because a lot of times

people will lie to you
to protect your feelings,

and that's not
doing you any favors.

You get a lot farther in life

if you know what you're good at
and what you're not.

Now you can handle that, right?

- Yeah.
- Of course you can.

How you doing, honey?

I'm great.

Okay, everybody, come on!

Two minutes till dinner!
Get ready!

Good! All right!

Oh, wow, Manny.
What have you got there?

He made a centerpiece!

- Oh, that's fantastic.
- It's stunning.

It's garbage.

No, no, no!

What are you doing?
It's so beautiful!

Stop the lies.
Jay told me the truth.

What did you say?

I mentioned it wasn't
his best effort.

He said it was
a swing and a miss.

Why?! Why do you say
these things, Jay?!

It's like I married my mother!

- Jay, why would you do that?
- Because he's a Pritchett.

But don't let these negative
nellies drag you down, Manny,

because one day you
could have a trillion-dollar idea

- that the people who supposedly
love you most-- - Okay, Phil!

That's it.
Go get the head-scratcher.

The real head-scratcher, "TM"?

Go get it, and let
everybody else decide

how many trillions I've cost you.

Way ahead of you.

What's going on here?

We are about to make hat history.

Or as I like to call it, "hatstory."

Early man had hours and hours
to scratch his weary head.

But what about today's busy times?

Thank you, squire.

Great thing about this?

You can wear it anywhere.

Hit it, buddy.

Oh!

It's like a thousand tiny angels
are line dancing on my sca--

I... it looks like we got
a slight malfunction

in a rear nogginizer.

Oh! Shut her down!
Shut her down, buddy!

- It's not working!
- My hair! It's got my hair!

Okay! Fine.

That-- I'm fine.

Forgot about that feature.
It's an exfoliating... scrub.

Buddy, can you grab
the safety shears?

You know what, Phil?
Keep it up.

And I admire you and Manny.
I know what it's like

- to stare down skepticism
from a loved one. - Cam, not now.

Why not now?
It's Thanksgiving.

Families gather.
Issues come up.

Only if you bring them up.

It's healthy to get things
out in the open.

Y'all know my punkin chunkin story,

or do you need a refresher?

- We've heard it.
- Oh, several times.

I love it.
With Cody and the friends?

Yes.
So you know how it ends.

But the question is, who
here thinks I made that up?

Oh.

Oh. Well, doesn't that tell
the whole story right there?

Here we have the skeptics,
the dream-squashers...

The Pritchetts.

And here we have the dreamers,
the artists, the visionaries.

Sweet Caroline!

So we're supposed to believe
that you make a- a pumpkin

fly across a football field.

Yeah.
I can prove it to you right now.

Let's go to the football field.

Yes! Let's do this.
I'd love to end this.

Yeah! Let's settle this!
Dreamers versus Pritchetts!

- Bravo! Bravo!
- When I say "punkin," you say "chunkin"!

- Punkin! Punkin!
- No, no, no!

Hold it! I did not just
cook for eight hours

so you people could run off
to prove some asinine point

that's only gonna make
half of us feel bad!

Come on!
Show a little respect.

Turkey smells great, sweetheart.

Is that Turkey?

Because something smells like chicken.

- Okay, let's settle this.
- Yeah.

Vamos, vamos!
Jay, I drive!

When I say "punkin,"
you say "chunkin"!

Punkin! Chunkin!

This is the coolest thing ever.

Okay, I want to film.

Ay, no, wait,
I want to be in it.

Hey, Cam, are you sure
this is going to work?

Oh, God,
you sound just like Cody.

Do you think this could
launch a human?

Luke...

- Let's do the pumpkin first.
- Okay.

They're having fun over there,

but you know
it's gonna end in tears.

Yeah, always does.

Knock-knock. Who's there?

Physics.

- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

Who's gonna be able to launch it?

I think it should be Cam!

Oh, no!
I think it should be all of us!

All of us! All of us!

Just get right here. Whoo!

For the record, I don't squash
all of Phil's dreams,

just the ones that are,
you know, potentially fatal.

I'm just trying to get
the kid ready for life.

- Yeah.
- Yes, i-if we didn't do this to them,

the world would.

Okay, everybody,
in final launching positions?

Get ready to eat some crow!

It is not as delicious
as it sounds.

Okay...

Uno!

Dos! Tres! Three!

Yeah!

What happened, Cam?

I don't know.
I-I don't know.

Can we do it again?

No, we only had one pumpkin,
and we just chunk it.

- Well, we were right.
- Aw, yeah.

Ha!

I'm sorry, guys.

This usually feels
a little better, doesn't it?

- Yeah.
- Huh? Mm.

All right. I-I hate to admit it,

but when they put
the pumpkin in,

I was kind of hoping
it would work.

- Yeah.
- Me, too.

Huh.

All right!
Let the gloating begin.

You know, it was
a pretty good try.

We don't need your pity.

Let's just get
this stuff cleaned up.

Well-- or if-- if maybe we, um...

- we launch it from a steeper angle?
- Yeah.

Then... maybe if
you had somebody else

you know, helping you
pull the thing.

But we don't have
any more pumpkins.

That's the easy part!

They're on every porch
up and down the block.

- Oh, we can handle that. Come on, kid!
- Yeah.

Come on. Let's try one.

- Okay! All right!
- Let's do it!

I say "punkin,"
gang says "chunkin"!

There are dreamers

and there are
realists in this world.

You'd think the dreamers
would find the dreamers

and the realists
would find the realists,

but more often than not, the opposite is true.

Maybe if this works,

we should launch my centerpiece next.

It wasn't that bad.

Your rice pilaf was.

Jay, be careful!

Okay. All right.

Oh! Oh! Keep going, keep going! Keep going!

Ohh!

You see, the dreamers
need the realists

to keep them from soaring
too close to the sun.

And the realists...

Well, without the dreamers,

they might not ever
get off the ground.

Okay! Next one's going
through the-- the goal thingy,

I can feel it!

Now when Lorna, Cody,
and I did this, it was--

less talkin', more chunkin.

- Mom, I need to tell you something.
- What is it, honey?

Ready!

I distracted Haley
while she was driving,

and we dented your car.

Fire!

Ohh!

Yeah!

Well, girls...

three more seconds, and you
would have gotten away with it.

- Mm.
- Mm.

Now a human?
Come here, Lily.

Luke, no.

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www.addic7ed.com

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