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1
00:00:01,220 --> 00:00:03,519
There she is!
The old library.
2
00:00:03,580 --> 00:00:05,970
That's some late nights in there.
3
00:00:05,990 --> 00:00:09,570
Some of them I even spent studying.
Don't tell your mom.
4
00:00:09,590 --> 00:00:11,930
And maybe don't tell me.
5
00:00:12,410 --> 00:00:14,260
College!
6
00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:15,840
He was shielding
his eyes from the sun.
7
00:00:15,860 --> 00:00:16,910
Knew it when I hit it.
8
00:00:16,930 --> 00:00:19,860
Phil is taking Haley
to visit his Alma Mater.
9
00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:21,690
Loved college.
10
00:00:21,710 --> 00:00:24,650
Mm, we were hoping some of that
enthusiasm rubs off on her.
11
00:00:24,670 --> 00:00:26,500
Go, bullfrogs!
12
00:00:26,510 --> 00:00:30,710
Dogs. Bulldogs. I feel
like you do that on purpose.
13
00:00:30,740 --> 00:00:34,880
No, it's just... I say "bull, " and
I can't remember if it's frogs or dogs.
14
00:00:34,890 --> 00:00:39,780
When I talk to my old friends from
college, do we croak or do we bark?
15
00:00:40,110 --> 00:00:44,960
I got it.
Hello?
16
00:00:51,630 --> 00:00:55,370
No way! Haley, no way!
Check it out!
17
00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:57,550
After a few beers, my buds and I
would jump on these lunch trays
18
00:00:57,580 --> 00:00:59,200
and race down this same hill.
Hop on.
19
00:00:59,220 --> 00:01:01,250
- I don't want to to hop on.
- Seriously, you'll get the giggles.
20
00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:02,770
I don't want the giggles.
21
00:01:04,605 --> 00:01:05,505
Hey, honey.
22
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:07,660
- How's the trip going?
- So good.
23
00:01:07,570 --> 00:01:10,680
Go, bullfrogs.
24
00:01:10,710 --> 00:01:12,200
It's dogs.
25
00:01:12,220 --> 00:01:14,500
Oh, sorry. How's Haley doing?
26
00:01:14,510 --> 00:01:20,290
She's... she's loving it.
She's loving it.
27
00:01:20,300 --> 00:01:23,900
I showed her the student union.
We visited the dorms.
28
00:01:24,100 --> 00:01:25,980
We sat in on a class.
29
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:29,570
I really think she's starting
to see what college has to offer.
30
00:01:29,620 --> 00:01:30,830
Oh, hang on, Claire.
31
00:01:33,630 --> 00:01:35,560
Go, bulldogs!
32
00:01:43,351 --> 00:01:46,851
Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com
33
00:01:48,330 --> 00:01:52,970
Manny, who is this Bella girl, and why
is her name all over your notebook?
34
00:01:52,990 --> 00:01:54,380
Bella's no girl, mom.
35
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:57,830
She has recently blossomed,
like a purple lilac in April.
36
00:01:57,850 --> 00:02:00,090
What do you mean, she blossom?
37
00:02:00,130 --> 00:02:01,310
Like, the poo-berty?
38
00:02:01,350 --> 00:02:04,050
Yeah.
I'll get it.
39
00:02:04,070 --> 00:02:06,510
Hey, Gloria, your show's
about to start.
40
00:02:06,550 --> 00:02:07,440
Record it.
41
00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:10,990
No, the DVR's filling up.
Let's just watch and get it over with.
42
00:02:11,010 --> 00:02:13,960
Gloria's always saying we
should do more stuff together.
43
00:02:14,010 --> 00:02:17,840
So I agreed to watch this crazy
Colombian soap opera she loves.
44
00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:19,440
"Fuego y hielo."
45
00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:23,120
Which apparently, is Spanish
for "big hair and yelling."
46
00:02:23,150 --> 00:02:28,610
"Fire and ice." It's about
human suffering. I relate to it.
47
00:02:28,660 --> 00:02:32,010
I'm just saying, the guy's a judge.
He can put a shirt on.
48
00:02:32,580 --> 00:02:34,849
- Ay, what is that?
- Oh, nothing.
49
00:02:34,850 --> 00:02:37,630
That doesn't look like a
nothing. What is inside?
50
00:02:37,650 --> 00:02:39,170
Oh, it's just something I bought.
51
00:02:39,190 --> 00:02:41,560
I'm gonna go open it in my room.
52
00:02:42,380 --> 00:02:43,700
I don't like this.
53
00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:45,929
Manny has never kept a secret from me.
54
00:02:45,930 --> 00:02:47,360
Don't worry about it.
55
00:02:47,380 --> 00:02:49,240
What do you think it could be?
56
00:02:49,310 --> 00:02:52,270
Well, right now I'm a little worried
it could be the rest of my evening.
57
00:02:53,140 --> 00:02:54,900
Mwah!
Bye-bye. Love you.
58
00:02:54,940 --> 00:02:57,959
Hey, Claire, listen. Uh, if you want,
some of the moms are gonna stay and watch
59
00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:00,190
"Gone with the wind" in
my new screening room.
60
00:03:00,210 --> 00:03:01,850
I got Pinot!
61
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,810
I would love to, but
I'm not feeling that great,
62
00:03:03,830 --> 00:03:06,380
so I'm probably just
gonna go home and rest.
63
00:03:06,430 --> 00:03:07,640
Plus I've seen that movie.
64
00:03:07,700 --> 00:03:09,160
No, I never saw
"Gone with the wind,"
65
00:03:09,180 --> 00:03:13,070
but I have two kids at sleepovers,
and Haley's out of town with Phil.
66
00:03:13,100 --> 00:03:16,840
That means I have one night to myself,
which happens once every never.
67
00:03:16,860 --> 00:03:21,160
I am not spending it with some gossipy
mom who was mean to me in High School.
68
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:24,250
I need a fun night out.
69
00:03:24,910 --> 00:03:27,050
What the hell is this?
No.
70
00:03:27,090 --> 00:03:29,680
I asked you guys for
a fun night out, not this.
71
00:03:29,690 --> 00:03:33,080
I-I-I need music and dancing
and secondhand smoke.
72
00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:35,050
Oh, please give this place
a chance. It's a great value.
73
00:03:35,070 --> 00:03:38,990
The room is so cozy,
and the potpies are to die for.
74
00:03:39,030 --> 00:03:41,040
Are you really comfortable
with what you just said?
75
00:03:41,060 --> 00:03:44,060
Come on. What happened to the
party people who took me to a rave,
76
00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:47,880
and I got to wear a tube top, and I stuffed
cash in a caged go-go boy's speedo?
77
00:03:47,910 --> 00:03:49,460
We're still party people.
78
00:03:49,510 --> 00:03:52,000
Oh, Joanne, before I
forget, can I get a punch?
79
00:03:52,020 --> 00:03:53,550
One away from a free potpie.
80
00:03:53,570 --> 00:03:55,400
If that was your gay card,
it would be revoked.
81
00:03:55,450 --> 00:03:56,930
Okay, you know what, Claire?
82
00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:57,980
You're being a little High School you.
83
00:03:58,020 --> 00:04:00,440
I am sorry, Mitchell,
but I get one free night,
84
00:04:00,460 --> 00:04:04,330
and I can't spend it at a place that is
a proud supporter of Wilson Elementary.
85
00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:07,060
- We all need to give back, Claire.
- Give me back my night.
86
00:04:07,090 --> 00:04:12,050
Okay, well, Longinus did invite us to a
boutique opening, you know, cocktails, DJ.
87
00:04:12,140 --> 00:04:14,860
But it'll... it'll be
a whole scene, though.
88
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,140
A scene? A scene is perfect.
That's great.
89
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:18,860
I will get in the car before
you guys change your mind.
90
00:04:18,890 --> 00:04:20,689
Come on. Let's go. Let's go.
91
00:04:20,690 --> 00:04:22,010
So does that mean no potpies?
92
00:04:22,030 --> 00:04:25,320
Uh, hey, Joanne?
Two number nines to go.
93
00:04:25,860 --> 00:04:27,080
Was I wrong?
94
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,130
Are these not the best wings
you've ever had in your life?
95
00:04:29,150 --> 00:04:31,960
- Oh, my God.
- And you didn't wanna get 40.
96
00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:35,100
Oh, and by the way, this is
just the start of your evening.
97
00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:39,290
Next up, it's over to the quad for a
musical interlude from tenors, anyone?
98
00:04:39,310 --> 00:04:40,290
It's an all-male singing group...
99
00:04:40,310 --> 00:04:41,950
Got it.
100
00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:45,060
Weren't you on my tour this morning?
101
00:04:45,110 --> 00:04:46,880
Yeah, I'm Haley,
and this is my d...
102
00:04:46,900 --> 00:04:50,980
Big Brother. You bought it
for a second. How are you?
103
00:04:51,170 --> 00:04:53,740
Okay.
Anyway, you know what?
104
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,900
There is a student
mixer going on tonight.
105
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:57,910
If you wanna go, me and a bunch of
other girls are gonna head over there.
106
00:04:57,930 --> 00:05:01,900
Oh! Uh, you know what?
That's okay.
107
00:05:01,950 --> 00:05:04,860
My dad's got this whole thing
planned... but thank you anyway.
108
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:06,780
No problem.
Well, it was nice meeting you.
109
00:05:06,810 --> 00:05:09,270
Nice meeting you.
110
00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:12,640
How fun is this?
Just me and you.
111
00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:15,190
I was a little nervous you wouldn't see
what's so special about this place.
112
00:05:15,210 --> 00:05:16,850
Not that I'm pushing you to come here.
113
00:05:16,870 --> 00:05:20,580
You know, you're... you're
gonna make your own decisions.
114
00:05:20,910 --> 00:05:22,690
You wanna go with them, don't you?
115
00:05:22,700 --> 00:05:23,750
No, we're doing our thing.
116
00:05:23,770 --> 00:05:25,730
Yeah, quick. Before they leave.
117
00:05:25,770 --> 00:05:27,650
- Are you sure?
- Go. I can handle it.
118
00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:31,300
You're not the first girl to leave me at
this table with a plateful of chicken wings.
119
00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:33,720
I'm kidding!
120
00:05:33,740 --> 00:05:35,190
I wish I was kidding.
121
00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:36,990
You weren't supposed
to hear that. Have fun.
122
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,680
Okay.
Love you.
123
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:39,930
Love you.
124
00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:47,570
Nose job.
125
00:05:48,510 --> 00:05:51,190
Butt lift. Last summer, that thing
was 4 inches off the ground.
126
00:05:51,210 --> 00:05:53,780
What do they do with all
the butt they take out?
127
00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:56,130
I have a theory.
128
00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:58,800
Oh, damn! Here comes my ex.
129
00:05:58,820 --> 00:06:00,100
- Who? Randolph?
- Marcus?
130
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:03,700
- Lamichael?
- No. Matt. I gotta go.
131
00:06:03,710 --> 00:06:07,690
Drama. Love it!
This is what I wanted.
132
00:06:07,710 --> 00:06:10,040
- Who needs a drink?
- I could use a little seltzer water.
133
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:12,829
- More bubbly, Claire?
- Mm, I will be after I get a drink.
134
00:06:12,830 --> 00:06:16,270
See, that's what gay
is supposed to be like.
135
00:06:16,490 --> 00:06:17,290
Okay, I don't know about you,
136
00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:18,770
but I got about five minutes
of fabulous left in me.
137
00:06:18,790 --> 00:06:20,480
Yeah, in my mind,
I'm already in our kitchen.
138
00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:23,510
I'm watching my potpie
rotate in the microwave.
139
00:06:23,540 --> 00:06:25,589
Okay. Okay.
When did hats come back?
140
00:06:25,590 --> 00:06:26,980
That one's come back
about eight times.
141
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,930
Pick a side of the room, lady.
142
00:06:28,950 --> 00:06:32,180
All right, there's, like, a
thousand people waiting for wine.
143
00:06:32,210 --> 00:06:33,580
I wanna try on a couple of dresses,
144
00:06:33,610 --> 00:06:36,530
and then Julian here's gonna
take us to a club across town.
145
00:06:36,550 --> 00:06:38,390
I think we're gonna go home.
146
00:06:38,430 --> 00:06:40,140
What? Why? It's 9:30.
147
00:06:40,170 --> 00:06:41,740
It's 9:30?
148
00:06:41,790 --> 00:06:44,050
When did you two
become such old women?
149
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:46,230
First, you take me to that
senior center for porridge,
150
00:06:46,270 --> 00:06:48,170
and now you can't even
stay up past Luke's bedtime?
151
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,850
- It's Friday. We get tired on Fridays.
- We get very tired.
152
00:06:50,870 --> 00:06:54,330
I have 3 children.
I've been tired since 2005.
153
00:06:54,380 --> 00:06:56,250
Let's rally. You're my ride.
154
00:06:56,300 --> 00:06:58,560
If you want to stay out,
I can take you home.
155
00:06:58,610 --> 00:07:00,040
- Really?
- Of course.
156
00:07:00,890 --> 00:07:05,400
Okay. All right, girls, go home,
roll up your hair, clap out the lights,
157
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:09,780
'cause this guy, who I just met,
is gonna show me a good time.
158
00:07:09,810 --> 00:07:13,060
Okay, well, if he was straight, this
would be just like High School.
159
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:16,170
This is ridiculous.
160
00:07:16,210 --> 00:07:19,330
She's obviously got a
pistol under that poncho.
161
00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,380
How do you watch this stuff?
162
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,390
He's been up there for more
than one hour. I can't stand this.
163
00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:26,680
Who's been up there? Ronaldo's doing
the dishes right in front of her.
164
00:07:26,700 --> 00:07:28,250
Manny, in his bedroom.
165
00:07:28,270 --> 00:07:30,240
Gloria, are you even watching this?
166
00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:31,670
I'm doing this for you.
167
00:07:31,690 --> 00:07:35,560
What does he has in that box
that he cannot show to me?
168
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:38,060
Little boys are supposed to
keep secrets from their mothers.
169
00:07:38,061 --> 00:07:40,940
Wait. The judge just
peeked through the window.
170
00:07:40,970 --> 00:07:42,940
Is he interested in Celia now?
171
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:44,410
She could be his daughter.
172
00:07:44,450 --> 00:07:47,070
I bet it's a birthday gift for me.
173
00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:49,770
Yeah, that sounds right.
What's he saying?
174
00:07:49,820 --> 00:07:51,740
I've never seen him this mad.
175
00:07:51,770 --> 00:07:53,690
Wait a minute.
176
00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:57,030
I already found my birthday gift
underneath his bed.
177
00:07:57,070 --> 00:07:58,780
It's a giant hat.
178
00:07:58,830 --> 00:08:00,750
When did hats came back anyway?
179
00:08:00,770 --> 00:08:02,460
Now she's reaching
under the poncho.
180
00:08:02,470 --> 00:08:04,470
Like she's gonna shoot Ronaldo.
181
00:08:04,490 --> 00:08:06,140
He's the main character, right?
182
00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:07,260
That's it. I'm going up there.
183
00:08:07,310 --> 00:08:08,980
Wait, Gloria. No. Don't go.
184
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,410
- Why not?
- Think about it.
185
00:08:10,420 --> 00:08:13,010
13-year-old boy,
talks about girls all day long.
186
00:08:13,020 --> 00:08:15,880
We have more security on these
computers than the Pentagon.
187
00:08:15,890 --> 00:08:19,100
What do you think he's
doing up there... alone?
188
00:08:20,580 --> 00:08:22,410
Do you think he ordered
some movies?
189
00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,240
Movies, magazines,
whatever the hell.
190
00:08:24,260 --> 00:08:27,010
How dare do you say that, Jay?!
191
00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:29,559
He's a little boy! He's just a boy.
192
00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:31,460
I don't want to talk to you.
I'm gonna take a walk.
193
00:08:31,461 --> 00:08:35,060
Gloria, come on. Come back.
I know you're not mad at me.
194
00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:38,860
You just...
Oh! What'd she do?
195
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:41,170
Ronaldo!
196
00:08:43,060 --> 00:08:44,700
Wang chung!
197
00:08:44,750 --> 00:08:46,840
Pay up, gentlemen!
198
00:08:48,060 --> 00:08:51,040
Yes! Thank you!
199
00:08:51,070 --> 00:08:52,950
Really? That's so nice.
200
00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:54,540
Another pitcher, my good woman.
201
00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:57,620
Claire would have killed me if she'd
known that I let Haley go off alone
202
00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:02,020
while I chilled in a bar with some undergrads,
but I happen to trust my daughter.
203
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:06,400
Also, I was tracking her location
with the GPS on her phone.
204
00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:10,910
Fellas, Cedar and Los Alamos.
That's, uh... Pi Chi house?
205
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:13,610
Pi Chi?
206
00:09:21,730 --> 00:09:24,590
Oh, come on. Why is my
Bluetooth not working?
207
00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:27,810
Oh, God. It's Longinus.
He's gonna be so mad at us.
208
00:09:27,850 --> 00:09:29,860
Hey, Longe. Don't be
mad at us for leaving.
209
00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:31,800
I went back to our spot,
and everybody was gone.
210
00:09:31,820 --> 00:09:33,290
Who does that to a sister?!
211
00:09:33,330 --> 00:09:36,600
We're sorry, but the sitter called,
and, uh, Lily was running a fever.
212
00:09:36,650 --> 00:09:40,940
So... we feel even worse about dumping
Claire on you and your hot date.
213
00:09:40,970 --> 00:09:45,239
Who is gorgeous, by the way.
Seems super funny, too. Perfect for you.
214
00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:48,610
Please, I wish that was a date.
He's my trainer, and he's straight.
215
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:49,950
What? Julian's straight.
216
00:09:49,980 --> 00:09:53,700
Oh, I love it when a straight person
and a gay person go out together.
217
00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:55,370
I'd love it a lot more
if he was gay.
218
00:09:55,390 --> 00:09:57,490
Oh, my God. This isn't our car.
219
00:09:57,510 --> 00:09:58,570
- What?
- This isn't our Prius!
220
00:09:58,610 --> 00:10:00,810
They... they must've given us
the wrong one at the valet.
221
00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:02,550
That's why the Bluetooth
isn't working.
222
00:10:02,580 --> 00:10:04,610
- We stole a car? Are you serious?
- What's happening?
223
00:10:04,630 --> 00:10:06,450
Oh, we stole a car.
Uh, we gotta go.
224
00:10:06,460 --> 00:10:09,140
Okay, we did not steal a car, Cam.
It was given to us.
225
00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:11,600
Why are you giving me attitude?
You're the one that stole a car.
226
00:10:11,630 --> 00:10:14,610
How is this a stolen car?! How?!
227
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:17,240
I don't know! I'm confused!
Do you have an aspirin?
228
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:19,010
This isn't my car!
229
00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:26,260
Hey, Lukie. Hi.
What's going on?
230
00:10:28,100 --> 00:10:29,750
I'll check.
231
00:10:29,770 --> 00:10:31,420
I have it.
232
00:10:31,460 --> 00:10:34,860
Well, I could bring it by and
meet you outside in 20 minutes?
233
00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:36,560
No, sw... out... out...
Outside, sweetie.
234
00:10:36,590 --> 00:10:38,680
Okay. Bye-bye.
235
00:10:38,700 --> 00:10:41,360
Do you mind swinging
by my kid's sleepover?
236
00:10:41,370 --> 00:10:43,640
I gotta give him this retainer.
It's on the way to the club.
237
00:10:43,690 --> 00:10:45,590
Sure, no problem.
238
00:10:45,610 --> 00:10:46,950
You are so sweet.
239
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:50,050
Holy pythons, Batman.
Do you ever leave the gym?
240
00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:52,370
Uh, no. Actually,
I'm a trainer and a masseur.
241
00:10:52,390 --> 00:10:55,990
Oh, my God. I'm gonna have
to try out that second one.
242
00:10:56,020 --> 00:10:58,180
Zip, please.
243
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:02,390
I gotta say, this night is turning out
to be a lot more fun than I expected.
244
00:11:02,420 --> 00:11:05,940
I've got two kids at sleepovers
and one upstate with daddy.
245
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:09,280
The fun is just beginning.
246
00:11:13,780 --> 00:11:16,230
Unbelievable. The valet gave
our car away to someone, like,
247
00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:17,750
and hour and a half ago.
248
00:11:17,770 --> 00:11:21,780
You know what that means.
Our potpies could be anywhere by now.
249
00:11:22,290 --> 00:11:25,050
Y... they probably went home.
If... if we knew their address,
250
00:11:25,070 --> 00:11:26,820
maybe we could see
if our car was there.
251
00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:29,020
Oh, yeah. And how do
you propose we do that?
252
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:31,630
Calculating route home.
253
00:11:31,780 --> 00:11:35,350
Oh, you're good.
Oh, and look. Only .6 miles away.
254
00:11:35,380 --> 00:11:38,480
Prepare to turn right in 500 feet.
255
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:41,150
Notice how she didn't wait until
after the turn to tell me, Cam?
256
00:11:41,170 --> 00:11:43,490
- Really? This? Now?
- I'm just...
257
00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:45,030
Oh, look. They went to see Jay-Z.
258
00:11:45,050 --> 00:11:46,510
We almost went
to see Jay-Z, didn't we?
259
00:11:46,550 --> 00:11:48,470
No, no, no, 'cause remember
it started at 8:30.
260
00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:50,760
Oh, yeah, which meant he wouldn't
have gone on until 10:00.
261
00:11:50,780 --> 00:11:53,800
- And then that parking nightmare.
- Oh, and those stairs.
262
00:11:53,850 --> 00:11:55,750
Okay, I'm hearing it now.
263
00:11:55,770 --> 00:11:57,560
Is Claire right? Are we in a rut?
264
00:11:57,590 --> 00:11:59,790
Well, we might be, especially
compared to these people.
265
00:11:59,810 --> 00:12:02,440
Look at this.
Cancun luggage tickets.
266
00:12:02,490 --> 00:12:04,210
A parking pass to Yosemite.
267
00:12:04,230 --> 00:12:06,840
A triathlon bib.
This is living.
268
00:12:06,890 --> 00:12:09,260
No, but you know what?
We have Lily, okay?
269
00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:10,930
I know. You can't do that with a child.
270
00:12:10,950 --> 00:12:12,990
They have a car seat.
271
00:12:13,030 --> 00:12:14,480
Okay, fine, we're in a rut.
272
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:16,880
Destination ahead in 900 feet.
273
00:12:16,890 --> 00:12:19,650
You know, maybe we just need
to be around more stimulating people.
274
00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:21,470
Well, we're gonna be
in about 900 feet.
275
00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:23,810
It's not the craziest idea.
They seem like fun people.
276
00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:25,780
Yeah, and maybe we can be
new couples friends with them.
277
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:27,700
You know, we can go out to concerts,
278
00:12:27,740 --> 00:12:30,510
try exciting new food,
maybe do some luxury camping.
279
00:12:30,540 --> 00:12:34,440
Yeah, hitch our wagon to their star and
see how fast they spice up our life.
280
00:12:34,460 --> 00:12:35,470
You have arrived.
281
00:12:35,530 --> 00:12:38,100
I believe we have.
282
00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:40,410
You dumb son of a bitch!
283
00:12:40,430 --> 00:12:43,520
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God.
- What's happening?!
284
00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:47,329
I can't believe you came back here,
you filthy, cheating pig!
285
00:12:47,330 --> 00:12:48,570
Where is she? Where is she?!
286
00:12:48,571 --> 00:12:50,610
I'm trying! We are in a rut!
287
00:12:50,630 --> 00:12:52,270
Really? You wanna talk
about that right now?
288
00:12:52,300 --> 00:12:55,310
No, we are stuck! We're in
an actual rut. We're stuck.
289
00:12:55,330 --> 00:12:57,420
- Ohh!
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
290
00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,270
We are victims of
a hate crime right now!
291
00:12:59,290 --> 00:13:01,080
- Go! Go!
- Oh, my God!
292
00:13:06,110 --> 00:13:07,500
Oh, no, you don't.
293
00:13:07,540 --> 00:13:08,658
Dad, what are you doing here?
294
00:13:08,659 --> 00:13:10,370
- What's this, buddy.
- Ginger ale.
295
00:13:10,410 --> 00:13:12,850
Oh, really? 'Cause is smells...
Okay, it smells like ginger ale.
296
00:13:12,870 --> 00:13:14,090
But that doesn't prove anything.
297
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:15,640
- What the hell?
- We are leaving.
298
00:13:15,650 --> 00:13:17,910
- I'm having a nice time with...
- With this clown?
299
00:13:17,950 --> 00:13:21,860
And by the way, it's a little cliche to pick
someone who looks exactly like your dad.
300
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:23,430
I got your number, Pi Chi.
301
00:13:23,450 --> 00:13:25,650
- I know you.
- Yeah, you do.
302
00:13:25,690 --> 00:13:28,480
This is Ben Ford. He's in my class.
He's visiting, too.
303
00:13:28,500 --> 00:13:30,130
You were my T-ball coach.
304
00:13:30,150 --> 00:13:34,190
My dad's your doctor.
He's right over there.
305
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:36,030
What is wrong with you?
306
00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:38,579
Are you trying to ruin college
for me before I even get here?
307
00:13:38,580 --> 00:13:41,740
No, I-I'm not. I am so sorry.
You are not a clown.
308
00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:44,240
You were an excellent
backup shortstop.
309
00:13:44,260 --> 00:13:48,540
Alecia. Bruce. Go, bullfrogs...
Dogs! Go, bulldogs.
310
00:13:48,570 --> 00:13:50,150
Claire!
311
00:13:50,190 --> 00:13:52,250
Wow. Really?
312
00:13:52,270 --> 00:13:54,190
No, it's just a shock, is all.
313
00:13:54,220 --> 00:13:55,370
Jay?
314
00:13:55,390 --> 00:13:57,840
So Celia's carrying
the judge's baby.
315
00:13:57,910 --> 00:14:00,330
No wonder she shot him.
She's hormonal.
316
00:14:00,350 --> 00:14:01,950
- Who are you talking to?
- The housekeeper.
317
00:14:01,990 --> 00:14:05,300
Maria, I've gotta go.
Thanks a lot.
318
00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:08,050
- Jay, I need you to talk to Manny.
- What?
319
00:14:08,100 --> 00:14:09,760
Well, if he's doing what
you think he's doing,
320
00:14:09,790 --> 00:14:11,520
then he needs to talk to a man.
321
00:14:11,550 --> 00:14:13,240
I don't want him to
be ashame of anything.
322
00:14:13,260 --> 00:14:14,600
Then you don't want
to send me in there.
323
00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:17,060
Yeah, but what if...
if he has questions?
324
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:18,300
What if he doesn't
know how to...
325
00:14:18,330 --> 00:14:22,020
Gloria, Gloria, whatever he's going
through, he can work it out himself.
326
00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:23,630
Help! I'm stuck!
327
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:25,530
Ay, no, Jay, go. I beg of you!
328
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:26,940
- Go! Go! Go!
- Gloria.
329
00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:29,270
I'm extremely reluctant to do this.
330
00:14:29,290 --> 00:14:30,760
Please hurry!
331
00:14:30,780 --> 00:14:33,190
Ay, no. I cannot look at this.
332
00:14:33,210 --> 00:14:36,440
- What the hell?
- I can't get down, Jay.
333
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:39,240
What? What happened to Manny?!
334
00:14:39,260 --> 00:14:40,790
Ay, somebody say
something to me!
335
00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:44,380
- Gloria, it's okay. Come on in.
- Okay.
336
00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:47,120
He was hanging from
that bar up there.
337
00:14:47,130 --> 00:14:49,960
What? Why?
What do you have on your head?
338
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:53,040
It's a weighted helmet to
stretch me so I can get taller.
339
00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:56,540
Manny! Why do you
have to get tall now?
340
00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:58,250
Love, mom. Why else?
341
00:14:58,270 --> 00:15:02,000
I lost Bella to Durkus because,
in her words, "he's tall."
342
00:15:02,060 --> 00:15:04,330
Everybody else
is getting taller but me.
343
00:15:04,350 --> 00:15:05,210
You think it's the coffee?
344
00:15:05,230 --> 00:15:07,300
No. Maybe.
345
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:10,590
But... but hanging downside up
is not gonna help you.
346
00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:12,660
The web site said it would.
347
00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:18,010
Listen, Manny, you're already
intelligent and beautiful and funny.
348
00:15:18,030 --> 00:15:21,190
If you get tall, you're
going to have everything,
349
00:15:21,210 --> 00:15:25,490
and those poor boys are not gonna
have anything to compete with you.
350
00:15:25,530 --> 00:15:26,960
Look at this.
351
00:15:26,980 --> 00:15:29,230
You have a mark on your head now.
352
00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:32,570
I'm gonna go get you some ice, okay?
353
00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:34,840
That's a lot of pretty words,
but they don't help me tomorrow.
354
00:15:34,841 --> 00:15:37,080
Sorry, kid. It's just
one of those things.
355
00:15:37,090 --> 00:15:39,329
You get taller when you get taller.
356
00:15:39,330 --> 00:15:41,890
Why don't you get ready for bed?
357
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,590
Ah, jeez.
358
00:15:49,650 --> 00:15:53,550
You know, when I was your age,
I started working out to get the girls.
359
00:15:53,590 --> 00:15:55,530
- You think that would help?
- Yeah.
360
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:59,130
So tomorrow, we start working out.
Okay?
361
00:15:59,380 --> 00:16:04,580
Maybe I'll even show you a few pull-ups
on, uh, this bad boy here, huh?
362
00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:10,370
You see that?
363
00:16:10,580 --> 00:16:14,710
Pretty soon, that's how strong...
you're gonna be.
364
00:16:15,550 --> 00:16:16,600
Thanks, mom.
365
00:16:16,620 --> 00:16:18,540
- I don't want them to know I was here.
- Okay.
366
00:16:18,570 --> 00:16:21,050
Oh, Claire, I thought that was you.
Thank God. Come in.
367
00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:23,700
I can't. 'Cause I'm sick, remember?
Sorry.
368
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:26,400
Well, my DVD player just broke, and none
of us know how "Gone with the wind" ends.
369
00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:27,368
But you saw it, right? I...
370
00:16:27,369 --> 00:16:28,800
- Oh, is that Claire?
- Yeah.
371
00:16:28,810 --> 00:16:30,090
Can you tell us what happened?
372
00:16:30,110 --> 00:16:32,300
I could, but I don't
want to ruin it for you.
373
00:16:32,310 --> 00:16:34,420
Claire. Just tell us.
374
00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:41,070
Um... Scarlett is...
really mad at Clark Gable
375
00:16:41,090 --> 00:16:43,910
because, um, he says
so many bad things.
376
00:16:43,940 --> 00:16:47,360
And didn't he, um, burn down
a farm or something?
377
00:16:47,380 --> 00:16:49,920
Claire, have you been drinking?
378
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:53,920
I had a hot toddy.
Made one for my throat.
379
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:56,700
Pretty dressed up
for a night in bed, right?
380
00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:58,490
Yeah, I-I just threw on
the first thing I could find...
381
00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:00,360
when Luke called, and it was
just right there on the chair.
382
00:17:00,380 --> 00:17:01,590
She has a stamp on her hand.
383
00:17:01,610 --> 00:17:02,890
Okay. All right.
384
00:17:02,910 --> 00:17:05,400
Before we bust out the
pitchforks and the torches,
385
00:17:05,420 --> 00:17:08,390
may I remind you that I've driven
every one of your children home
386
00:17:08,420 --> 00:17:10,500
and Heimliched
at least one, Bethenny.
387
00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:11,930
- Hi.
- Hello.
388
00:17:11,970 --> 00:17:14,400
This is totally inappropriate.
But could I use your bathroom?
389
00:17:14,420 --> 00:17:15,730
Sorry. You kept pushing the drinks.
390
00:17:15,770 --> 00:17:18,630
I... friend. Gay friend. Gay.
391
00:17:18,660 --> 00:17:20,490
- I'm not gay.
- Yes, you are.
392
00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:23,360
I-I'm not gay. I'm... I'm French.
You thought I was gay?
393
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,300
- Are you serious right now?
- Well, are you?
394
00:17:25,330 --> 00:17:26,780
You've been throwing
yourself at me all night.
395
00:17:26,781 --> 00:17:28,400
No, no. No, I have not.
396
00:17:28,410 --> 00:17:31,170
- Bethenny, grab the Pinot.
- Bethenny, do not grab the Pinot.
397
00:17:31,210 --> 00:17:34,390
You undressed in front of me.
You squeezed my arm.
398
00:17:34,740 --> 00:17:36,680
You asked me for a massage.
What was all that?
399
00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:40,510
That was... that was me safely
objectifying a gay person.
400
00:17:40,530 --> 00:17:44,389
Wow, Claire! When I wrote
"don't ever change" in your yearbook,
401
00:17:44,390 --> 00:17:45,970
I didn't mean it like this.
402
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,850
Oh, ease up, Holly.
403
00:17:47,870 --> 00:17:49,610
Okay, I lied.
404
00:17:49,630 --> 00:17:53,149
I lied, but I get
one night to myself,
405
00:17:53,150 --> 00:17:57,050
and I just wanted to spend it
with some fun gay people.
406
00:17:57,070 --> 00:17:59,018
It's not my fault this one
decided to be straight.
407
00:17:59,019 --> 00:18:00,188
I've always been straight.
408
00:18:00,189 --> 00:18:01,620
Oh, you don't get to talk!
409
00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:04,250
I took fashion advice from you!
410
00:18:04,270 --> 00:18:06,320
Oh, my God. Do I even
look good in this dress?
411
00:18:06,340 --> 00:18:08,820
No. Not you.
412
00:18:08,850 --> 00:18:10,699
It's really short, isn't it?
413
00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:13,500
- It's short.
- Yeah.
414
00:18:14,030 --> 00:18:17,360
Please? Please, just listen
to me for one second.
415
00:18:17,380 --> 00:18:19,130
Go away! Stop following me!
416
00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:21,240
Hey, you wanna tell me why
you're bothering this young lady?
417
00:18:21,270 --> 00:18:23,859
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Officer, this is my daughter. Tell him.
418
00:18:23,860 --> 00:18:24,920
Tonight, I don't know who you are.
419
00:18:24,940 --> 00:18:27,590
She's... she's joking.
420
00:18:27,610 --> 00:18:30,920
I'm not dangerous. In fact, I-I-I helped
to put all the lights on this path.
421
00:18:30,940 --> 00:18:33,430
20 years ago, some friends
and I took back the night.
422
00:18:33,431 --> 00:18:37,890
So... I-I think I just...
I embarrassed her a little.
423
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:39,110
"A little"?
424
00:18:39,140 --> 00:18:41,770
That sweatshirt
embarrasses me "a little."
425
00:18:41,810 --> 00:18:44,350
Yep, that's a daughter.
426
00:18:44,370 --> 00:18:47,480
Tonight was insane.
Why did you have to act like that?
427
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:50,020
You were at that party.
I see you talking to frat boys, and...
428
00:18:50,050 --> 00:18:53,410
Isn't that why we're here,
so I can experience college?
429
00:18:53,420 --> 00:18:56,690
I mean, what are you
gonna do when I actually go?
430
00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:59,700
I don't know.
Freak out, I think.
431
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:08,500
Look... your whole life, my job
has been to protect you...
432
00:19:08,530 --> 00:19:11,200
a job I kinda love.
433
00:19:11,410 --> 00:19:15,070
Now I feel like I'm being
forced into early retirement.
434
00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:19,130
I just needed to find you
and make sure you were okay...
435
00:19:20,070 --> 00:19:23,800
for as long as
I still get to do that.
436
00:19:25,770 --> 00:19:30,850
Just like you... piss me off
and then say something sweet.
437
00:19:32,430 --> 00:19:35,400
I'm not leaving until the fall.
438
00:19:35,460 --> 00:19:40,390
Maybe by then I can figure out how
to put a force field around you.
439
00:19:40,860 --> 00:19:41,930
I've been working on that one
440
00:19:41,950 --> 00:19:44,780
since the first time I tried to
fasten you into your car seat.
441
00:19:46,790 --> 00:19:49,700
I pinched your chunky little thigh.
442
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:56,580
Even though you basically
just called me fat.
443
00:19:58,650 --> 00:20:02,210
So... is it really fun?
444
00:20:02,630 --> 00:20:03,360
What?
445
00:20:10,850 --> 00:20:12,280
No!
446
00:20:12,310 --> 00:20:14,320
We all struggle with limitations...
447
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:16,769
Some we're willing to accept...
448
00:20:16,770 --> 00:20:21,060
You know, I just wanna be home,
reading on opposite ends of the sofa.
449
00:20:21,090 --> 00:20:22,620
And some we're not.
450
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:24,380
I'm so embarrassed I did that.
451
00:20:24,420 --> 00:20:27,050
I'm just so happy that
that was all it was.
452
00:20:27,070 --> 00:20:29,610
Why? What'd you think I was doing?
453
00:20:29,660 --> 00:20:32,140
It's never too late
to grow in life.
454
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:33,950
Oh, my God!
455
00:20:34,870 --> 00:20:40,570
"Thanks to our patented lengthenator, you
can increase your height by up to 4 inches."
456
00:20:40,590 --> 00:20:43,130
I can't believe he would
spend $50 on this thing.
457
00:20:43,150 --> 00:20:47,070
I know. He could've got a 2-year
subscription to "Playboy" for that.
458
00:20:47,090 --> 00:20:51,860
He's not getting the "Playboy" ever!
He's a little boy!
459
00:20:53,780 --> 00:20:55,370
Wouldn't it be great
if we woke up tomorrow
460
00:20:55,371 --> 00:20:56,960
and our car had found
its way home?
461
00:20:56,970 --> 00:20:58,590
Yeah, I feel that's not
the way it's gonna happen.
462
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:00,150
Happened on the farm one time.
463
00:21:00,170 --> 00:21:02,959
A tornado scooped up one of our
calves, dropped it who knows where.
464
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:06,220
Six months later, a full-grown cow
comes walking up the driveway...
465
00:21:06,370 --> 00:21:08,450
same markings, same moo.
That night, we...
466
00:21:08,470 --> 00:21:11,470
We ate like kings.
Okay, I've told it before.
467
00:21:12,030 --> 00:21:15,040
Oh, my gosh! It's our car!
468
00:21:15,530 --> 00:21:17,500
I see you've met my wife.
469
00:21:17,530 --> 00:21:21,440
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