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1
00:01:18,340 --> 00:01:23,130
You know, Peg, it's kind of nice
sitting here like this with you.
2
00:01:24,020 --> 00:01:26,818
How many beers did you have
tonight, Al?
3
00:01:28,340 --> 00:01:29,853
Ten.
4
00:01:31,780 --> 00:01:35,693
So I guess we're about a six-pack
short of sex, huh?
5
00:01:36,380 --> 00:01:38,257
At least.
6
00:01:46,980 --> 00:01:49,733
Do I have juicy gossip.
7
00:01:49,980 --> 00:01:52,050
It's about cousin Jimmy.
8
00:01:52,420 --> 00:01:56,857
Did he find out our little Bud slept
with his bride on their wedding day?
9
00:01:57,060 --> 00:02:00,814
He must have. I heard he's getting
a divorce and coming to see Bud today.
10
00:02:01,020 --> 00:02:04,376
I think he's gonna squish
the little love critter.
11
00:02:12,060 --> 00:02:15,575
Well, here's the footstool of love now.
12
00:02:17,020 --> 00:02:19,659
Family, this is my lucky day.
13
00:02:19,860 --> 00:02:23,409
I was at school and there was one
of the great parties in all of history.
14
00:02:23,620 --> 00:02:26,532
A wet T-shirt contest.
15
00:02:26,740 --> 00:02:29,413
Large-hootered Midwestern
farm girls were sliding down...
16
00:02:29,620 --> 00:02:32,259
...this beer chute half-naked.
17
00:02:32,460 --> 00:02:36,738
There was dancing. There was loving.
My first big frat party.
18
00:02:36,940 --> 00:02:39,852
Just a great bunch of guys having
the time of their lives.
19
00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:42,210
And it took them a full 15 minutes
to see me...
20
00:02:42,420 --> 00:02:45,617
...peeking in the window
and kick me out.
21
00:02:45,820 --> 00:02:47,538
Dad, you should have seen them.
22
00:02:47,740 --> 00:02:50,891
There were big 'uns.
There were little 'uns.
23
00:02:52,700 --> 00:02:54,975
Round 'uns.
24
00:02:55,180 --> 00:02:57,740
Pear-shaped 'uns.
25
00:02:57,940 --> 00:03:02,331
Here an 'un, there an 'un,
everywhere an 'un-'un.
26
00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:08,291
Sure, like I'm the only Peeping Tom
in this family.
27
00:03:09,060 --> 00:03:12,769
Well, I guess you deserve to know,
tiny dancer.
28
00:03:12,980 --> 00:03:15,813
Cousin Jimmy is on his way over
to have a little chat with you.
29
00:03:16,460 --> 00:03:18,655
Wha...? What do you think he wants?
30
00:03:18,860 --> 00:03:21,533
Your bu... Butt in a sling.
31
00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:29,778
Oh, my God, that must be Jimmy.
You better run.
32
00:03:35,180 --> 00:03:37,216
- Hi, Jimmy.
- Hi, cousin Bud.
33
00:03:37,420 --> 00:03:40,651
Hi, cousin Kelly. Hi, Uncle Al.
Aunt Peggy.
34
00:03:40,860 --> 00:03:42,976
Hello, cousin Buck.
35
00:03:43,180 --> 00:03:46,092
It's too bad we only get together
at weddings and funerals.
36
00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:48,495
Step outside, Bud.
37
00:03:49,580 --> 00:03:52,253
Oh, all right, I'll handle this.
38
00:03:52,460 --> 00:03:54,451
Come on in, Jimmy.
39
00:03:55,100 --> 00:03:57,933
We heard the news. Congratulations.
40
00:03:58,140 --> 00:04:01,018
Anybody can eat 100 Whoppers.
41
00:04:02,220 --> 00:04:04,780
No, I'm talking about the breakup.
42
00:04:04,980 --> 00:04:08,450
Let's face it. You had the honeymoon,
that's the best part of the marriage.
43
00:04:08,660 --> 00:04:10,776
If it goes any longer,
they turn into this:
44
00:04:13,660 --> 00:04:15,890
Then, if you're really unlucky,
you get these:
45
00:04:18,020 --> 00:04:21,012
Then you turn into this:
46
00:04:22,620 --> 00:04:25,418
Yeah, but she was
the perfect woman.
47
00:04:25,620 --> 00:04:29,932
She was beautiful. She was rich.
And her parents are dead.
48
00:04:30,180 --> 00:04:32,375
Boy, you must really wanna
kill that guy.
49
00:04:32,580 --> 00:04:35,140
Kill him? I want to rend him.
50
00:04:35,340 --> 00:04:38,377
I want to rip off his arms,
shove one of them down his throat...
51
00:04:38,580 --> 00:04:40,696
...and have him tear out
his own heart.
52
00:04:40,900 --> 00:04:44,973
Anyway, Bud,
I need to talk to you. Bud?
53
00:04:48,820 --> 00:04:51,937
You crack me up.
Now get outside.
54
00:04:54,220 --> 00:04:55,448
I'll be right with you.
55
00:04:56,980 --> 00:05:01,212
Dad, I don't want him to pull
my arms off and rip out my heart.
56
00:05:01,420 --> 00:05:05,413
All I did was sleep with his wife.
What does he want from me?
57
00:05:05,620 --> 00:05:08,498
Now, Bud, just relax.
I know how to handle this.
58
00:05:08,700 --> 00:05:11,339
I met a lot of big, stupid bullies
when I was growing up.
59
00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:16,216
Al, when you were growing up,
you were the big, stupid bully.
60
00:05:16,420 --> 00:05:18,729
Yeah, I was.
61
00:05:18,940 --> 00:05:21,852
I was good at it too.
But I wasn't just big and stupid.
62
00:05:22,060 --> 00:05:23,891
I was also mean.
63
00:05:24,100 --> 00:05:28,491
I used to scare people
like your mother scares me.
64
00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:32,253
Dad, can you ox around later?
I'm facing death over here.
65
00:05:32,460 --> 00:05:35,816
All right, all right.
Now, here's what you do.
66
00:05:36,020 --> 00:05:37,851
As soon as he opens his mouth...
67
00:05:38,060 --> 00:05:41,097
...you punch him in the breadbasket
with everything you got.
68
00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:44,497
He'll drop faster than a stock
after I buy it.
69
00:05:46,020 --> 00:05:49,615
- Thanks, Dad.
- All right, now go get him. Go get him.
70
00:05:59,900 --> 00:06:02,733
Peg, looks like there will just be
three of us for dinner.
71
00:06:04,620 --> 00:06:08,135
Bud, I've got a dilemma.
72
00:06:08,340 --> 00:06:10,774
This thing's really eating me up.
73
00:06:17,820 --> 00:06:21,051
I gotta kill the guy
that did this to me.
74
00:06:24,540 --> 00:06:26,929
If only I knew who he was.
75
00:06:27,140 --> 00:06:29,210
So you don't know?
76
00:06:32,460 --> 00:06:34,894
All I know is that it's someone
on this block.
77
00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:39,457
I need your help. Find him for me.
It'll be just like when we were kids...
78
00:06:39,660 --> 00:06:41,890
...and someone was mad at you
and I'd beat him up.
79
00:06:42,100 --> 00:06:44,978
When he was unconscious
you'd come along and kick him.
80
00:06:45,860 --> 00:06:48,772
We were a great team then.
Can I count on you?
81
00:06:48,980 --> 00:06:51,494
- She really didn't tell you anything?
- No.
82
00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:55,375
I mean, not even that this guy was
the best she ever had?
83
00:06:55,580 --> 00:06:56,854
That he was good?
84
00:06:57,060 --> 00:07:00,257
Or at least even better than
a really tight pair of pants?
85
00:07:00,460 --> 00:07:03,338
No, she said it really
wasn't worth mentioning.
86
00:07:05,980 --> 00:07:08,096
That bitch.
87
00:07:12,300 --> 00:07:14,860
You're really mad, aren't you, Bud?
88
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:16,812
That touches me.
89
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:21,138
You let me know when you find
this guy, because I want him bad.
90
00:07:26,460 --> 00:07:28,018
Me too.
91
00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:43,455
Jimmy doesn't have a clue.
92
00:07:43,660 --> 00:07:45,412
He doesn't even know it was me.
93
00:07:45,620 --> 00:07:47,975
And the greatest thing is,
he's never gonna find out.
94
00:07:48,180 --> 00:07:49,613
I mean, who's gonna tell him?
95
00:07:49,820 --> 00:07:52,539
- Not me.
- Not me.
96
00:07:58,460 --> 00:08:03,011
Now, remember, Bud,
that's 100 strokes.
97
00:08:04,780 --> 00:08:06,452
Right, Kel.
98
00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:10,016
Eight, nine...
99
00:08:10,220 --> 00:08:15,248
...16, 44...
100
00:08:15,460 --> 00:08:18,020
...99, 100.
101
00:08:18,220 --> 00:08:19,699
Okay.
102
00:08:22,260 --> 00:08:25,730
It's a good thing you didn't cheat,
because I was counting along with you.
103
00:08:27,380 --> 00:08:30,975
You're a good slave
and a damn fine eunuch.
104
00:08:31,180 --> 00:08:33,216
You're not gonna tell Jimmy, right?
105
00:08:33,420 --> 00:08:36,810
Not as long as my little leprechaun
keeps granting my wishes.
106
00:08:37,260 --> 00:08:40,411
Now, don't forget to pick up
my cleaning...
107
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:42,258
...hang up my pantyhose...
108
00:08:42,460 --> 00:08:45,930
Oh, and try not to get tangled up
in them this time.
109
00:08:47,540 --> 00:08:51,055
Hey, you do good work.
It's hard to believe you're straight.
110
00:08:54,620 --> 00:08:56,815
Very hard.
111
00:08:59,460 --> 00:09:02,657
Thanks for letting me use
your flea brush, Buck boy.
112
00:09:03,260 --> 00:09:07,094
No problem. I've been usingyour toothbrush for years.
113
00:09:15,620 --> 00:09:16,973
Son, are we alone?
114
00:09:17,180 --> 00:09:18,659
- Yeah, Dad.
- Good.
115
00:09:18,860 --> 00:09:21,249
Then you're the only one
I have to get rid of.
116
00:09:23,660 --> 00:09:26,049
Dad, I need to talk to you.
117
00:09:26,260 --> 00:09:30,094
Why is it always me? Get a friend.
118
00:09:31,540 --> 00:09:36,091
Dad, cousin Jimmy's going crazy.
He says if I don't find out who it is...
119
00:09:36,300 --> 00:09:39,053
...he's gonna go up and down the block
and beat everyone up.
120
00:09:39,260 --> 00:09:42,855
I put the whole block in danger.
Am I doing the wrong thing by lying?
121
00:09:43,060 --> 00:09:45,176
Don't ever say that, son.
122
00:09:45,620 --> 00:09:50,057
The Bundy proud name was built
on a philosophy of lying.
123
00:09:50,300 --> 00:09:52,495
Well, lying and owing money.
124
00:09:52,980 --> 00:09:56,893
And perhaps beer.
Yes, lying, owing money, and beer.
125
00:09:57,100 --> 00:10:00,251
Only thing that separates us from
the Kennedys is they have the money.
126
00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:07,057
Son, always remember
the Bundy credo:
127
00:10:07,260 --> 00:10:09,615
Lie when your wife is waking
128
00:10:09,820 --> 00:10:12,812
Lie when your belly's aching
129
00:10:13,020 --> 00:10:15,659
Lie when you know she's faking
130
00:10:17,060 --> 00:10:20,894
Lie, sell shoes, and lie.
131
00:10:21,620 --> 00:10:24,373
- So that really is our family credo?
- No.
132
00:10:24,580 --> 00:10:26,889
No, actually the family credo is:
133
00:10:27,100 --> 00:10:29,933
Hooters, hootersYum, yum, yum
134
00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:34,736
Hooters, hootersOn a girl that's dumb
135
00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:42,939
But the father in me felt you needed
a wholesome message at this time.
136
00:10:43,140 --> 00:10:45,700
So lie to anyone you want
as long as nobody gets hurt.
137
00:10:46,540 --> 00:10:48,019
Dad, I'm afraid somebody will.
138
00:10:48,220 --> 00:10:51,018
Well, then someone in the family
doesn't get hurt, that's all.
139
00:10:51,220 --> 00:10:53,780
- Cousin Jimmy is family.
- Well, then the immediate fam...
140
00:10:53,980 --> 00:10:56,699
See? This is why I don't like
talking to you.
141
00:10:58,660 --> 00:11:01,538
So do anything you want
with anyone you want...
142
00:11:01,740 --> 00:11:05,176
...just as long as you don't
wear a dress.
143
00:11:15,540 --> 00:11:18,213
Your cousin Jimmy beat me up.
144
00:11:18,620 --> 00:11:21,896
And he tore my little horsy.
145
00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:24,930
He thinks I slept with his wife.
146
00:11:25,140 --> 00:11:28,018
Well, let him sleep with yours.
That ought to be the end of him.
147
00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:32,619
Look, he's your relative.
Do you know anything about it?
148
00:11:33,500 --> 00:11:36,856
Son, the Bundy credo.
149
00:11:38,540 --> 00:11:41,134
Hooters, hootersYum, yum, yum
150
00:11:42,180 --> 00:11:44,330
Hooters, hootersOn a girl that's dumb
151
00:11:46,420 --> 00:11:47,819
No, no.
152
00:11:48,020 --> 00:11:51,933
See, the boy means that
we don't know anything.
153
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:55,378
It was the other credo, you idiot.
154
00:12:01,180 --> 00:12:02,613
Are you okay, Mr. D'Arcy?
155
00:12:05,540 --> 00:12:09,135
Never underestimate me.
I can handle myself. I'm an athlete.
156
00:12:09,340 --> 00:12:11,649
I run a lot, you know,
to stay in shape.
157
00:12:11,860 --> 00:12:15,330
So after he hit me a couple times,
I took off.
158
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:19,334
He chased me,
but I was too much man for him.
159
00:12:19,540 --> 00:12:21,019
Left him in the dust.
160
00:12:21,220 --> 00:12:24,769
The last time I saw him,
he was puffing and panting.
161
00:12:24,980 --> 00:12:29,974
Yeah, you pay when you go up
against Jefferson D'Arcy.
162
00:12:31,020 --> 00:12:32,976
What made him think you were
the guilty one?
163
00:12:33,180 --> 00:12:34,932
He said he was looking
on the block...
164
00:12:35,140 --> 00:12:38,530
...for a great-looking guy
women find irresistible.
165
00:12:41,460 --> 00:12:43,610
Sometimes I wish
I looked like you two.
166
00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:48,570
No, that's not true.
167
00:12:51,460 --> 00:12:54,054
You slut.
168
00:12:57,900 --> 00:13:01,017
Tramp. Hussy. Libertine.
169
00:13:01,220 --> 00:13:03,370
I heard the whole story
from that young man.
170
00:13:03,580 --> 00:13:06,936
How dare you do the good and plenty
with another woman.
171
00:13:09,140 --> 00:13:12,576
And this is not the last thing
you're gonna lose.
172
00:13:13,700 --> 00:13:16,419
Look, I'm innocent.
Marcie, think rationally.
173
00:13:16,620 --> 00:13:20,852
If I wanted a young, pretty, sexy girl,
I never would've married you.
174
00:13:22,380 --> 00:13:24,655
Yeah, why go out
for a succulent steak...
175
00:13:24,860 --> 00:13:27,533
...when you got a dried-up strip
of beef jerky at home?
176
00:13:27,780 --> 00:13:30,248
Marcie. Marcie.
177
00:13:35,500 --> 00:13:39,732
I just had a couch-off
with Marilyn Strabits down the street.
178
00:13:39,940 --> 00:13:44,616
She was telling everyone that
she could out-sit me on the couch.
179
00:13:45,020 --> 00:13:46,499
But after about 20 hours...
180
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:51,330
...she started cramping and crying
about wasting her life.
181
00:13:51,620 --> 00:13:52,894
Punk.
182
00:13:56,180 --> 00:13:58,250
Peggy, Jefferson cheated on me.
183
00:13:58,460 --> 00:14:02,135
Well, when you age and lose
your beauty, men cheat.
184
00:14:02,380 --> 00:14:04,735
It's not your looks
that keeps me here, Peg.
185
00:14:04,940 --> 00:14:06,498
It's mine.
186
00:14:08,660 --> 00:14:11,333
I don't think I can get anybody.
187
00:14:11,580 --> 00:14:13,491
Oh, I know I was asking for trouble...
188
00:14:13,700 --> 00:14:15,816
...when I married
such a good-looking man.
189
00:14:16,020 --> 00:14:19,137
I mean, what do I have
to keep a man like that?
190
00:14:23,580 --> 00:14:26,458
This is where you, as my friend,
are supposed to jump in...
191
00:14:26,660 --> 00:14:30,699
...and say that I'm pretty and sassy
and spunky, and yes, sexy...
192
00:14:30,900 --> 00:14:34,575
...in that late-70s, New York,
androgynous-band way.
193
00:14:38,620 --> 00:14:41,339
Can't you at least say that I have
a pleasing personality?
194
00:14:41,540 --> 00:14:44,008
You'd give that to any fat woman.
195
00:14:44,780 --> 00:14:48,455
You have
a very nice personality, Marcie.
196
00:14:48,660 --> 00:14:51,015
You bet your sweet ass.
197
00:14:51,780 --> 00:14:54,294
But I know Jefferson cheated on me
with that girl.
198
00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:55,694
It had to be him.
199
00:14:55,900 --> 00:14:57,492
The only males around at the time...
200
00:14:57,700 --> 00:15:00,612
...were Jefferson, Bud
and old man McGinty.
201
00:15:00,820 --> 00:15:04,176
The old man can barely walk or go
to the bathroom by himself, but still...
202
00:15:04,380 --> 00:15:08,009
...there's not a woman on the block
who wouldn't take him over Bud.
203
00:15:09,180 --> 00:15:11,978
Hey, you wanna keep it down
over there?
204
00:15:12,180 --> 00:15:14,648
How far away do you think I am?
205
00:15:14,900 --> 00:15:17,733
Peggy, what would you do
if Al cheated on you?
206
00:15:17,940 --> 00:15:19,817
Oh, that would never happen.
207
00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:23,057
He's like a big old
faithful hound dog.
208
00:15:23,260 --> 00:15:26,809
Nobody wants him
and he's not good for anything.
209
00:15:27,020 --> 00:15:29,136
But I've had him
since he was a puppy...
210
00:15:29,340 --> 00:15:32,218
...and he has his cute little ways.
211
00:15:47,260 --> 00:15:50,411
Excuse me, Marcie, I have to go.
212
00:15:53,140 --> 00:15:55,654
Hey, now, what do you want?
213
00:15:55,860 --> 00:16:00,012
You. You true-blue little pooh bear.
214
00:16:00,220 --> 00:16:03,098
Take me. Take me in the rubble
that is our bed.
215
00:16:03,300 --> 00:16:05,177
Well, I didn't do noth...
216
00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:17,651
Well, mister, I'll tell you this:
217
00:16:17,860 --> 00:16:21,739
You're not gonna be getting into
these pants ever again.
218
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:23,259
And I mean that literally.
219
00:16:23,460 --> 00:16:26,418
I'm telling you, I'm not gonna let you
wear these pants.
220
00:16:28,100 --> 00:16:32,537
Well, obviously, you two people have
a beautiful, healthy marriage.
221
00:16:33,140 --> 00:16:35,938
But I can't be responsible
for breaking it up.
222
00:16:36,380 --> 00:16:38,530
This man didn't cheat on you.
223
00:16:38,740 --> 00:16:41,618
I'm the stud. The stallion.
224
00:16:41,820 --> 00:16:43,970
The king of them all, y'all.
225
00:16:46,300 --> 00:16:51,055
I, Bud Bundy, am the irresistible one
who broke up my cousin's marriage.
226
00:16:58,940 --> 00:17:02,171
Ring, ring. Hello, Mr. Bud?
227
00:17:02,380 --> 00:17:05,611
Yes, I do believe it's time
for my hair appointment.
228
00:17:09,660 --> 00:17:11,890
I got dweeb goo in my hair.
229
00:17:12,100 --> 00:17:13,772
I'm telling Jimmy.
230
00:17:13,980 --> 00:17:16,574
Save your breath, Hungry-Man dinner.
231
00:17:19,340 --> 00:17:21,808
You have no hold over me anymore.
232
00:17:22,020 --> 00:17:25,217
I've decided to tell Jimmy the truth
and take what comes.
233
00:17:25,460 --> 00:17:27,371
Oh, good, then I win twice.
234
00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:30,856
You were my slave and now
you're gonna be dead. Yay me.
235
00:17:32,420 --> 00:17:34,888
But, you know, this has been
very educational for me.
236
00:17:35,100 --> 00:17:38,536
I always thought if you had sex,
it would be the girl who died.
237
00:17:41,580 --> 00:17:43,172
I'll be right back, Peg.
238
00:17:43,380 --> 00:17:47,293
I must speak to the boy
about his sin.
239
00:17:47,980 --> 00:17:52,178
Bud, I must speak to you
about the Bundy philosophy.
240
00:17:52,380 --> 00:17:54,689
You must always tell the truth.
241
00:17:55,260 --> 00:17:58,332
Dad, I thought you said
the Bundy philosophy was to lie.
242
00:17:59,380 --> 00:18:03,214
It is, son.
I'm lying to your mother right now.
243
00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:07,336
I have to get ready to go bowling.
244
00:18:07,540 --> 00:18:11,294
So every time I point at you,
say, "Yes, Dad."
245
00:18:12,820 --> 00:18:16,176
And so I feel that:
246
00:18:17,660 --> 00:18:19,093
Yes, Dad.
247
00:18:21,660 --> 00:18:22,888
Yes, Dad.
248
00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:26,934
Dad, I think what I did was wrong.
249
00:18:29,820 --> 00:18:31,776
Good point, Dad.
250
00:18:31,980 --> 00:18:33,857
Don't ad-lib, son.
251
00:18:35,140 --> 00:18:37,096
Yes, Dad. Dad...
252
00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:39,177
...I really don't feel good
about myself.
253
00:18:44,420 --> 00:18:48,095
Dad, I will never take something again
that's not mine.
254
00:18:48,300 --> 00:18:51,656
I swear this to you and the heavens
above. I'll never do it again.
255
00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:55,614
Son...
256
00:18:56,140 --> 00:18:57,937
...I see you're hurting...
257
00:18:58,140 --> 00:19:01,450
...so I wanna say this to you
and I wanna say it sincerely:
258
00:19:01,660 --> 00:19:03,696
Blah, blah, son.
259
00:19:12,700 --> 00:19:15,214
We are not finished yet.
260
00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:17,650
At least, I'm not.
261
00:19:26,220 --> 00:19:28,859
Jimmy. I'm glad you're here.
262
00:19:29,060 --> 00:19:30,493
I have something to tell you.
263
00:19:31,700 --> 00:19:33,497
God, you're big.
264
00:19:34,460 --> 00:19:36,974
I know who slept with your fianc�e.
265
00:19:37,180 --> 00:19:39,171
- It was...
- Who cares?
266
00:19:39,380 --> 00:19:42,178
The past is just a frown
turned upside down.
267
00:19:42,380 --> 00:19:44,530
One must move on.
268
00:19:44,740 --> 00:19:46,651
I have found my one true love.
269
00:19:46,860 --> 00:19:49,772
Bud, meet Diana.
270
00:19:52,660 --> 00:19:53,934
Dee Anna.
271
00:19:54,140 --> 00:19:55,698
Whatever.
272
00:19:56,020 --> 00:19:57,294
Isn't she great?
273
00:19:57,500 --> 00:20:01,095
I don't know. I don't care.
I don't even look at girls. I don't know.
274
00:20:01,340 --> 00:20:05,174
Honey, I need to talk to Bud alone
for just one second.
275
00:20:05,780 --> 00:20:08,248
Bud, even though I just met her...
276
00:20:08,460 --> 00:20:10,769
...I'm gonna go out and get her
an engagement ring.
277
00:20:10,980 --> 00:20:13,369
I don't know if I'm just in love
with being in love...
278
00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:16,777
...or if it's that I'm so stupid,
I refuse to learn from my mistakes.
279
00:20:16,980 --> 00:20:20,256
Well, maybe you're just in love
with being stupid.
280
00:20:21,460 --> 00:20:23,928
Yet a third possibility.
281
00:20:24,220 --> 00:20:25,778
Listen, I gotta go...
282
00:20:25,980 --> 00:20:29,336
...but I'm gonna leave her here
with you, where she's safe.
283
00:20:29,540 --> 00:20:31,451
Because I can trust you.
284
00:20:32,220 --> 00:20:35,690
You're my best cousin,
you're my best friend...
285
00:20:35,900 --> 00:20:37,538
...and you're gonna be my best man.
286
00:20:40,620 --> 00:20:43,009
Hey, you're getting pretty big.
287
00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:47,811
Pretty soon, I'm not gonna be able
to do this anymore.
288
00:21:01,540 --> 00:21:04,213
How come you aren't looking at me?
289
00:21:04,460 --> 00:21:06,735
Don't you like me?
290
00:21:07,660 --> 00:21:10,254
No, you're a girl. Yuck.
291
00:21:13,180 --> 00:21:16,775
I find your indifference intoxicating.
292
00:21:16,980 --> 00:21:19,016
Look at me.
293
00:21:19,220 --> 00:21:20,778
No.
294
00:21:21,340 --> 00:21:23,376
This is thrilling.
295
00:21:23,980 --> 00:21:27,655
Take me. Take me now.
296
00:21:33,780 --> 00:21:35,099
You're my best cousin...
297
00:21:35,300 --> 00:21:38,690
...my best friend
and my best man.
298
00:21:53,140 --> 00:21:54,619
Dad's right.
299
00:21:54,820 --> 00:21:58,495
If she'll flirt with me,she'll flirt with anyone.
300
00:21:59,300 --> 00:22:01,575
She'll just hurt cousin Jimmy.
301
00:22:01,940 --> 00:22:04,374
I know what I have to do.
302
00:22:06,780 --> 00:22:10,011
You're not good enough
for my cousin Jimmy...
303
00:22:10,420 --> 00:22:12,854
...but you're just perfect for me.
304
00:22:15,580 --> 00:22:18,652
Strike.
24039
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