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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,469 --> 00:00:11,406 ♪ Jacob climbed the ladder ♪ 2 00:00:11,408 --> 00:00:14,409 ♪ climbed it to the sky ♪ 3 00:00:14,411 --> 00:00:19,614 ♪ said, people, what's the matter? ♪ 4 00:00:19,616 --> 00:00:22,150 ♪ Heaven ain't so high ♪ 5 00:00:22,152 --> 00:00:27,822 ♪ people, heaven ain't so high ♪ 6 00:00:27,824 --> 00:00:29,891 ♪ when you got the shield ♪ 7 00:00:29,893 --> 00:00:31,859 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 8 00:00:31,861 --> 00:00:33,761 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 9 00:00:33,763 --> 00:00:35,797 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 10 00:00:35,799 --> 00:00:37,198 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 11 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:38,966 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 12 00:00:38,968 --> 00:00:41,869 ♪ of Abraham ♪ 13 00:00:41,871 --> 00:00:43,438 ♪ little children ♪ 14 00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:45,072 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 15 00:00:45,074 --> 00:00:47,041 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 16 00:00:47,043 --> 00:00:49,110 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 17 00:00:49,112 --> 00:00:50,878 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 18 00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:52,613 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 19 00:00:52,615 --> 00:00:54,048 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 20 00:00:54,050 --> 00:00:57,151 ♪ of Abraham ♪ 21 00:00:59,989 --> 00:01:01,122 ♪ The years were lifeless ♪ 22 00:01:01,124 --> 00:01:02,590 ♪ they wandered ♪ 23 00:01:02,592 --> 00:01:06,461 ♪ in the desert 40 years ♪ 24 00:01:06,463 --> 00:01:11,799 ♪ and ol' Moses told the children ♪ 25 00:01:11,801 --> 00:01:14,469 ♪ brush away them tears ♪ 26 00:01:14,471 --> 00:01:18,806 ♪ hey, kids, this ain't no time for tears ♪ 27 00:01:18,808 --> 00:01:21,909 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 28 00:01:21,911 --> 00:01:24,045 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 29 00:01:24,047 --> 00:01:25,847 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 30 00:01:25,849 --> 00:01:27,682 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 31 00:01:27,684 --> 00:01:29,016 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 32 00:01:29,018 --> 00:01:30,585 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 33 00:01:30,587 --> 00:01:33,588 ♪ of Abraham ♪ 34 00:01:33,590 --> 00:01:35,056 ♪ little children ♪ 35 00:01:35,058 --> 00:01:36,958 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 36 00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:38,860 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 37 00:01:38,862 --> 00:01:40,862 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 38 00:01:40,864 --> 00:01:42,597 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 39 00:01:42,599 --> 00:01:44,165 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 40 00:01:44,167 --> 00:01:45,867 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 41 00:01:45,869 --> 00:01:49,904 ♪ of Abraham ♪ 42 00:01:51,174 --> 00:01:54,675 ♪ David, he fought goliath ♪ 43 00:01:54,677 --> 00:01:58,846 ♪ with nothing but a tiny stone ♪ 44 00:01:58,848 --> 00:02:02,550 ♪ David, little David ♪ 45 00:02:02,552 --> 00:02:05,987 ♪ God knows you're not alone ♪ 46 00:02:05,989 --> 00:02:10,258 ♪ God knows you're not alone ♪ 47 00:02:10,260 --> 00:02:13,194 ♪ David, you got the shield ♪ 48 00:02:13,196 --> 00:02:15,263 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 49 00:02:15,265 --> 00:02:17,131 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 50 00:02:17,133 --> 00:02:19,066 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 51 00:02:19,068 --> 00:02:20,868 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 52 00:02:20,870 --> 00:02:22,537 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 53 00:02:22,539 --> 00:02:25,106 ♪ of Abraham ♪ 54 00:02:25,108 --> 00:02:26,674 ♪ little David ♪ 55 00:02:26,676 --> 00:02:28,242 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 56 00:02:28,244 --> 00:02:30,545 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 57 00:02:30,547 --> 00:02:32,113 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 58 00:02:32,115 --> 00:02:34,015 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 59 00:02:34,017 --> 00:02:35,750 ♪ you got the shield ♪ 60 00:02:35,752 --> 00:02:37,885 ♪ you got the shield... ♪ 61 00:02:40,022 --> 00:02:44,258 My name is Christian thaddeus Reginald Mcarthur O'Connell, 62 00:02:44,260 --> 00:02:47,261 and between the ages of 8 and 17 years old, 63 00:02:47,263 --> 00:02:52,233 good old Uncle Sam restationed my father 12 times. 64 00:02:52,235 --> 00:02:55,803 - Class, please welcome-- - G.I. Joe? 65 00:02:55,805 --> 00:02:59,040 From Wichita to Berlin, 66 00:02:59,042 --> 00:03:01,909 nobody wanted to be friends with the new kid. 67 00:03:01,911 --> 00:03:04,245 I think G.I. Joe is cool. 68 00:03:06,983 --> 00:03:12,153 Because you have a lot in common 69 00:03:12,155 --> 00:03:14,355 or maybe because you want something 70 00:03:14,357 --> 00:03:17,959 or because no one else will be your friend. 71 00:03:17,961 --> 00:03:21,162 And that's how I became friends with Adam Lipschitz. 72 00:03:21,164 --> 00:03:24,098 How rude of me. 73 00:03:24,100 --> 00:03:25,299 Want one? 74 00:03:26,769 --> 00:03:28,369 We were complete opposites, 75 00:03:28,371 --> 00:03:31,772 but we became best friends. 76 00:03:31,774 --> 00:03:36,077 My first dinner with the lipschitzes--one word. 77 00:03:36,079 --> 00:03:38,012 Why couldn't we have gone to China palace? 78 00:03:38,014 --> 00:03:41,115 Denny, we've discussed this. 79 00:03:41,117 --> 00:03:43,751 Do you want to drop dead of a heart attack 80 00:03:43,753 --> 00:03:44,752 by the time you're 50? 81 00:03:44,754 --> 00:03:46,120 No, but-- 82 00:03:46,122 --> 00:03:47,655 besides, I heard that they cook 83 00:03:47,657 --> 00:03:50,958 with d-o-g. 84 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:54,996 Adam's mom took control of her men. 85 00:03:54,998 --> 00:03:56,998 Nah, you're right, Arlene. You're always right. 86 00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:00,101 - I love you. - Well, I love you more. 87 00:04:00,103 --> 00:04:02,236 - No, I love you more. - You just wait till later. 88 00:04:02,238 --> 00:04:04,005 Ooh, is that a threat or a promise? 89 00:04:04,007 --> 00:04:06,107 It kind of freaked me out at first... 90 00:04:07,844 --> 00:04:10,645 But I learned to love it. 91 00:04:10,647 --> 00:04:13,681 Hi. My name's Soo Yun. You ready to order? 92 00:04:13,683 --> 00:04:16,317 Stop staring at her, Adam. 93 00:04:16,319 --> 00:04:17,752 That is rude! 94 00:04:17,754 --> 00:04:19,787 - Oh. - You cute. 95 00:04:19,789 --> 00:04:22,156 You stare all you like, little man. 96 00:04:22,158 --> 00:04:26,727 You are not and you will never be her little man. 97 00:04:26,729 --> 00:04:30,131 I never realized how different growing up Jewish was... 98 00:04:30,133 --> 00:04:33,234 Where's my burger? Betsy! 99 00:04:33,236 --> 00:04:35,403 Until I hung out with the O'Connells. 100 00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:37,004 I'm Comin'. 101 00:04:37,006 --> 00:04:38,939 I'm sorry, the tots were frozen 102 00:04:38,941 --> 00:04:42,043 and I--and I had to wait for them to defrost. 103 00:04:42,045 --> 00:04:46,881 And where's my Uncle Brian's barbecue sauce, huh? 104 00:04:46,883 --> 00:04:48,883 One word--gentiles. 105 00:04:48,885 --> 00:04:51,919 Oh, I got distracted waiting for them tots. 106 00:04:51,921 --> 00:04:54,355 I'll go get it. Don't you move an inch. 107 00:04:54,357 --> 00:04:55,890 Way back! And he sees Taylor! 108 00:04:55,892 --> 00:04:58,192 And the throw is up! 109 00:04:58,194 --> 00:05:00,695 Aah! Touchdown! 110 00:05:00,697 --> 00:05:02,196 Oh! 111 00:05:02,198 --> 00:05:04,465 What the hell? That's a touchdown. 112 00:05:04,467 --> 00:05:06,333 I'll tell you one thing. 113 00:05:06,335 --> 00:05:09,437 There's nobody who called a better game than Cosell, 114 00:05:09,439 --> 00:05:14,008 but boy, did he have him one heck of a beak. 115 00:05:14,010 --> 00:05:16,277 Jew beak. 116 00:05:19,781 --> 00:05:22,383 The talmud states that the first 12 years 117 00:05:22,385 --> 00:05:25,720 of a Jewish man's life all lead up to the moment 118 00:05:25,722 --> 00:05:28,055 where he must transform himself 119 00:05:28,057 --> 00:05:29,824 from a boy to a man. 120 00:05:29,826 --> 00:05:33,360 Adam Mintz Lipschitz, that moment has arrived. 121 00:05:33,362 --> 00:05:36,363 I'd never been to any jewy type of thing 122 00:05:36,365 --> 00:05:38,799 until Adam's bar mitzvah. 123 00:05:52,114 --> 00:05:53,481 Gaah! 124 00:05:53,483 --> 00:05:55,916 I'm not ready to be a man! 125 00:05:55,918 --> 00:05:59,019 I'm not ready to be a man! I'm not ready to be a man! 126 00:05:59,021 --> 00:06:01,322 I'm not ready! I'm not ready! 127 00:06:01,324 --> 00:06:02,990 I'm not ready to be a man! 128 00:06:02,992 --> 00:06:05,092 And your fault. 129 00:06:05,094 --> 00:06:07,895 - I'm not ready to be a man! - What the hell was that? 130 00:06:07,897 --> 00:06:10,331 Bar Mitzvahs rock! 131 00:06:10,333 --> 00:06:14,869 Christian didn't always come up with the smartest ideas. 132 00:06:14,871 --> 00:06:16,337 Nobody calls me G.I. Joe. 133 00:06:16,339 --> 00:06:19,507 My mom told me that if your hand touches poo, 134 00:06:19,509 --> 00:06:21,242 you can get psoriasis. 135 00:06:21,244 --> 00:06:22,543 Yeah, whatever. 136 00:06:22,545 --> 00:06:24,812 Launch sequence activated. 137 00:06:24,814 --> 00:06:28,149 3, 2, 1. Commence fire! 138 00:06:30,153 --> 00:06:32,119 Mission abort! Mission abort! 139 00:06:32,121 --> 00:06:34,188 It might look like I'm having a seizure. 140 00:06:34,190 --> 00:06:35,990 I'm not. This is a panic attack. 141 00:06:35,992 --> 00:06:38,259 Get up Lipschitz, get up! 142 00:06:38,261 --> 00:06:39,260 I can't, Chris. 143 00:06:40,830 --> 00:06:43,564 - Get up! - Sons of bitches! 144 00:06:43,566 --> 00:06:49,136 Do either of you know what time it is? 145 00:06:49,138 --> 00:06:51,172 3:07 A.M., sir. 146 00:06:51,174 --> 00:06:55,176 And what do I like to do at 3:07 A.M.? 147 00:06:55,178 --> 00:06:56,544 Sleep, sir. 148 00:06:56,546 --> 00:06:58,913 Apparently, the two of you don't. 149 00:06:58,915 --> 00:07:04,151 You two would rather be launching bags of feces. 150 00:07:04,153 --> 00:07:05,853 I need a word with you in private. 151 00:07:08,857 --> 00:07:10,825 Feces? 152 00:07:10,827 --> 00:07:12,993 In here. 153 00:07:12,995 --> 00:07:16,831 You see, my son would have executed like a real marine 154 00:07:16,833 --> 00:07:20,000 if it hadn't been for private Lipschitz, 155 00:07:20,002 --> 00:07:22,102 who had a brain fart. 156 00:07:22,104 --> 00:07:24,972 He screwed up the entire operation. 157 00:07:24,974 --> 00:07:28,142 Now what the heck kind of a weird shit is that? 158 00:07:28,144 --> 00:07:30,845 - It's a pulmo machine. - English! 159 00:07:30,847 --> 00:07:32,213 It's for his asthma. 160 00:07:32,215 --> 00:07:35,316 So your boy, he's got a fake disease? 161 00:07:35,318 --> 00:07:37,985 I'll bet you make him wear a seatbelt too. 162 00:07:37,987 --> 00:07:39,987 How is your boy still alive? 163 00:07:39,989 --> 00:07:41,522 Seriously, how? 164 00:07:41,524 --> 00:07:46,393 All I can say is, I thank God and Uncle Sam 165 00:07:46,395 --> 00:07:50,331 that I have been restationed. 166 00:07:50,333 --> 00:07:52,533 - Schmuck. - Come on, Christian. 167 00:07:52,535 --> 00:07:54,034 Let's move. Come on. 168 00:07:54,036 --> 00:07:55,936 Where are we moving to, dad? 169 00:07:55,938 --> 00:07:58,906 Camp blue Jean, South Carolina. 170 00:07:58,908 --> 00:08:01,175 But I don't want to move again, dad. I like it here. 171 00:08:01,177 --> 00:08:02,576 Oh, you like it here? You're gonna love it there. 172 00:08:02,578 --> 00:08:04,211 Adam's the best friend I've ever had. 173 00:08:04,213 --> 00:08:05,613 Come on, Chris. 174 00:08:05,615 --> 00:08:07,016 Chris is the best friend that I've ever-- 175 00:08:08,584 --> 00:08:10,551 Move. 176 00:08:13,923 --> 00:08:17,157 He was the only Jew I ever knew. 177 00:08:17,159 --> 00:08:19,894 But then... College. 178 00:08:19,896 --> 00:08:22,229 Could you maybe not mix the potassium permanganate 179 00:08:22,231 --> 00:08:27,201 I prefer to not explode before graduation. 180 00:08:27,203 --> 00:08:30,237 - Here. Use the hydrazine. - Thanks. 181 00:08:30,239 --> 00:08:34,241 Her name was Rebecca Hadassah Zahada Ogin. 182 00:08:34,243 --> 00:08:38,279 You know, me and you have really good chemistry. 183 00:08:38,281 --> 00:08:42,383 And just like that, all of my decisions went away. 184 00:08:42,385 --> 00:08:44,685 Oh, I'm gonna have an order of the fried mozzarella sticks. 185 00:08:44,687 --> 00:08:47,454 I didn't have to decide what to eat... 186 00:08:47,456 --> 00:08:50,291 - Surprise. - What? 187 00:08:50,293 --> 00:08:52,559 I didn't have to decide what clothes to buy. 188 00:08:52,561 --> 00:08:54,428 Oh! 189 00:08:54,430 --> 00:08:56,630 Who my friends were gonna be. 190 00:08:58,167 --> 00:09:00,301 I'm sorry, dudes, but Chris' gpa 191 00:09:00,303 --> 00:09:02,603 has dropped over the past two quarters, 192 00:09:02,605 --> 00:09:06,307 so he will no longer be hosting poker night. 193 00:09:06,309 --> 00:09:10,110 I'm coming to you live from the university of Colorado, 194 00:09:10,112 --> 00:09:14,715 Yeah! I'm standing here with a hot and busty young co-Ed. 195 00:09:14,717 --> 00:09:18,018 Say hi for the-- for the audience, Rebecca. 196 00:09:18,020 --> 00:09:20,321 - Hi. - Wow. 197 00:09:20,323 --> 00:09:22,156 Now Rebecca has just informed me 198 00:09:22,158 --> 00:09:24,658 underneath her graduation gown. 199 00:09:24,660 --> 00:09:26,327 Is that true, Rebecca? 200 00:09:26,329 --> 00:09:28,329 That is true, vance, 201 00:09:28,331 --> 00:09:31,665 and I dare you to get a close-up. 202 00:09:35,972 --> 00:09:37,304 Stop. Get out. 203 00:09:37,306 --> 00:09:39,139 Oh, my God. You're so beautiful. 204 00:09:39,141 --> 00:09:41,342 I just--I found this beautiful little pink box. 205 00:09:41,344 --> 00:09:43,243 You're disgusting. 206 00:09:43,245 --> 00:09:45,579 No, look. Really. 207 00:09:47,516 --> 00:09:50,451 Marry me, Rebecca. 208 00:09:52,455 --> 00:09:57,691 Look, these last three years have been a lot of fun together, 209 00:09:57,693 --> 00:10:00,094 but we're entering the real world now, 210 00:10:00,096 --> 00:10:04,164 and in the real world, this can't work. 211 00:10:04,166 --> 00:10:06,133 Why not? 212 00:10:06,135 --> 00:10:09,269 Because you're not Jewish. 213 00:10:10,438 --> 00:10:13,674 Wait. What are you saying? 214 00:10:13,676 --> 00:10:16,577 It's over, Christian. 215 00:10:19,782 --> 00:10:21,648 And now I'm a 31-year-old plumber, 216 00:10:21,650 --> 00:10:24,351 still crying over his college girlfriend. 217 00:10:24,353 --> 00:10:26,320 I miss Bec-Bec. 218 00:10:26,322 --> 00:10:28,689 Okay, I located that one! 219 00:10:28,691 --> 00:10:31,091 70 pounds of pressure rising! Over! 220 00:10:31,093 --> 00:10:34,495 Okay. Locating the septic tank! 221 00:10:34,497 --> 00:10:38,432 Looking at 85 pounds and rising! Over! 222 00:10:38,434 --> 00:10:40,234 Are you there, boss? Over! 223 00:10:40,236 --> 00:10:42,236 Yeah, guys, I'm here. Sorry, sorry. 224 00:10:42,238 --> 00:10:44,638 And did you find the gas line? 225 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:46,140 Yeah, got it. 226 00:10:46,142 --> 00:10:49,576 - Got it too. - Okay, boss. 227 00:10:49,578 --> 00:10:51,345 We're going to shut them both down, okay? 228 00:10:51,347 --> 00:10:53,747 Tres, dos, shut off! 229 00:10:56,652 --> 00:10:58,419 Guys, I'm really sorry. 230 00:10:58,421 --> 00:11:00,220 I don't know what happened. I must have spaced out. 231 00:11:00,222 --> 00:11:03,157 It's cool, boss. No worries. 232 00:11:03,159 --> 00:11:05,092 I space out too sometime. 233 00:11:05,094 --> 00:11:06,660 But if it was my responsibility 234 00:11:06,662 --> 00:11:08,362 to turn off the gas and sewer lines 235 00:11:08,364 --> 00:11:12,533 of my loyal, hardworking, underpaid employees 236 00:11:12,535 --> 00:11:14,535 next to a leaking septic tank 237 00:11:14,537 --> 00:11:17,638 with 10,000 pounds of raw sewage, 238 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:20,207 I would not fucking space out! 239 00:11:20,209 --> 00:11:21,408 Sorry. What'd you say? I spaced out. 240 00:11:21,410 --> 00:11:24,244 Ay, madre de dios! 241 00:11:24,246 --> 00:11:25,846 Que es eso? What is that? 242 00:11:25,848 --> 00:11:27,481 - What? - Que es eso? Que-- 243 00:11:27,483 --> 00:11:32,152 What was I thinking, coming to work with you today? 244 00:11:32,154 --> 00:11:34,521 - It's may 25th. - Oye, cinco de Mayo? 245 00:11:34,523 --> 00:11:37,191 No, pendejo, may 25th is the day 246 00:11:37,193 --> 00:11:39,393 that this chica Rebecca dumped him nine years ago. 247 00:11:39,395 --> 00:11:45,466 And accidentally hooked it up to the hot water? 248 00:11:46,535 --> 00:11:48,102 Boiling toilet day. 249 00:11:48,104 --> 00:11:50,170 Boss, I loved that day, man. 250 00:11:50,172 --> 00:11:52,239 I went to take a crap and the toilet exploded! 251 00:11:52,241 --> 00:11:54,274 I still have porcelain in my ass. 252 00:11:54,276 --> 00:11:56,477 Look, boss, me and Juan, okay, 253 00:11:56,479 --> 00:11:57,478 we love you, okay? 254 00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:01,482 Of risking our life for this puta! 255 00:12:01,484 --> 00:12:03,417 Look, just do us both a favor. 256 00:12:03,419 --> 00:12:05,285 Go out there and find yourself another puta 257 00:12:05,287 --> 00:12:07,287 and move on with your life, puto! 258 00:12:07,289 --> 00:12:09,623 You get on with your life, you puto! 259 00:12:09,625 --> 00:12:13,160 Boss, can I go to the bathroom? 260 00:12:13,162 --> 00:12:15,162 Mm-Hmm. 261 00:12:16,165 --> 00:12:17,164 Have you ever dreamed 262 00:12:17,166 --> 00:12:23,403 embroidered on your favorite undies? 263 00:12:23,405 --> 00:12:26,473 What about your gang name on your baseball cap? 264 00:12:26,475 --> 00:12:29,610 Malt 40! Unh! Manatee! Uh-huh! 265 00:12:29,612 --> 00:12:32,479 Goldie tooth! 266 00:12:32,481 --> 00:12:36,517 Then come on down to the embroidery palace. 267 00:12:36,519 --> 00:12:38,452 Where our royal family has provided 268 00:12:38,454 --> 00:12:41,622 the highest quality custom embroidery for 50 years! 269 00:12:41,624 --> 00:12:45,859 No Booty too big, no Booty too small, 270 00:12:45,861 --> 00:12:48,428 because here at the embroidery palace, 271 00:12:48,430 --> 00:12:49,897 we embroider it all! 272 00:12:49,899 --> 00:12:52,633 - What the hell? - Oh, damn it! 273 00:12:52,635 --> 00:12:55,335 Sorry. I told her not to call again. 274 00:12:55,337 --> 00:12:56,737 Could you be any more pussy-whipped? 275 00:12:56,739 --> 00:12:58,372 Rreow! 276 00:12:58,374 --> 00:12:59,373 Yeah. What now? 277 00:12:59,375 --> 00:13:02,442 Stuck working for the family business 278 00:13:02,444 --> 00:13:04,211 and engaged to Hannah Daniels. 279 00:13:04,213 --> 00:13:05,679 This is her 13th call. 280 00:13:05,681 --> 00:13:07,848 Yes, I'm available after 3:00 tomorrow. 281 00:13:07,850 --> 00:13:08,949 Why? 282 00:13:08,951 --> 00:13:12,519 Why would we have a preschool interview? 283 00:13:12,521 --> 00:13:15,255 You're not even pregnant yet! 284 00:13:15,257 --> 00:13:16,757 No, Hannah, it's smart to interview now. 285 00:13:16,759 --> 00:13:20,360 This commercial is costing me an assload. 286 00:13:20,362 --> 00:13:22,229 - Get off the phone! - Okay, I gotta go. 287 00:13:22,231 --> 00:13:25,933 I gotta go. Yes, I love you. Bye. 288 00:13:25,935 --> 00:13:30,837 Why didn't you cover that before the shoot? 289 00:13:30,839 --> 00:13:33,440 Do you want people to change the channel 290 00:13:33,442 --> 00:13:36,310 Would you prefer our family go broke? 291 00:13:36,312 --> 00:13:37,811 Oh, mom, no! Come on, mom! 292 00:13:37,813 --> 00:13:39,346 Oh, no. Stop moving. 293 00:13:39,348 --> 00:13:41,615 No, not the safety pin! Come on! 294 00:13:41,617 --> 00:13:47,221 - Hold his head. - Well, you know what? 295 00:13:47,223 --> 00:13:48,855 If my brother wasn't such a douche 296 00:13:48,857 --> 00:13:49,890 and his psycho fiancee wasn't calling him 297 00:13:49,892 --> 00:13:50,891 every two minutes-- 298 00:13:50,893 --> 00:13:53,961 She's the best thing that ever happened to your brother. 299 00:13:53,963 --> 00:13:57,564 - Ow! - I got it! I got it! 300 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:01,602 What the hell? 301 00:14:01,604 --> 00:14:05,572 Excuse me! Excuse me! 302 00:14:06,741 --> 00:14:08,375 What's-- what's going on here? 303 00:14:09,745 --> 00:14:13,313 Hannah! Hannah! 304 00:14:14,515 --> 00:14:16,783 Oh, fuck me! A jackhammer? 305 00:14:16,785 --> 00:14:18,552 Come--Hannah! 306 00:14:18,554 --> 00:14:22,956 You can always call me at home when there's a problem. 307 00:14:22,958 --> 00:14:24,891 Why do you think I was ranked number one gynecologist 308 00:14:24,893 --> 00:14:26,727 by city quest three years in a row? 309 00:14:26,729 --> 00:14:29,429 Just remember, no matter how much it might itch, 310 00:14:29,431 --> 00:14:30,631 I don't want you to scratch it. 311 00:14:30,633 --> 00:14:32,466 Okay, bye. 312 00:14:32,468 --> 00:14:36,403 Oh, hey, I didn't hear you sneak in. 313 00:14:36,405 --> 00:14:39,506 Oh, probably 'cause of the jackhammer that's outside. 314 00:14:39,508 --> 00:14:43,477 Fine. What the hell is going on around here? 315 00:14:43,479 --> 00:14:44,778 They're starting construction on the baby's room. 316 00:14:44,780 --> 00:14:49,816 Honey, I-I know that you want to have a baby so bad, 317 00:14:49,818 --> 00:14:52,819 and so do I, in the future, but there is no baby 318 00:14:52,821 --> 00:14:54,788 to build a room for yet. 319 00:14:54,790 --> 00:14:56,723 There's not even-- not even a fetus 320 00:14:56,725 --> 00:14:58,058 to build a room for yet. 321 00:14:58,060 --> 00:14:59,826 But it can take up to 18 months 322 00:14:59,828 --> 00:15:02,663 to complete construction on the series six BPBC. 323 00:15:02,665 --> 00:15:05,732 I'm sorry. BPBC? 324 00:15:07,335 --> 00:15:09,603 - Baby protection bed chamber. - Oh, God. 325 00:15:09,605 --> 00:15:12,639 You enter here, through the anti-bacterial wash chamber 326 00:15:12,641 --> 00:15:14,574 to disinfect and put on sterilized scrubs. 327 00:15:14,576 --> 00:15:16,843 Once inside, you'll be surrounded 328 00:15:16,845 --> 00:15:21,915 a six-inch-thick bullet and germ-proof baby encasement unit, 329 00:15:21,917 --> 00:15:24,418 24-hour closed circuit video surveillance, 330 00:15:24,420 --> 00:15:26,553 life-size parental control reinforcements, 331 00:15:26,555 --> 00:15:28,655 Anthrax detector, radon detector, 332 00:15:28,657 --> 00:15:30,657 carbon monoxide detector, smoke detector, 333 00:15:30,659 --> 00:15:32,626 and faulty detector detector, 334 00:15:32,628 --> 00:15:34,494 and a panic room. 335 00:15:34,496 --> 00:15:35,495 And--and--and what is this? 336 00:15:35,497 --> 00:15:40,967 Just in case the panic room gets overrun by terrorists. 337 00:15:40,969 --> 00:15:43,637 - Terrorists? - Terrorists. 338 00:15:44,907 --> 00:15:46,773 Well, thank God that's optional. 339 00:15:46,775 --> 00:15:49,676 Oh, I'll be exercising that option. 340 00:15:49,678 --> 00:15:52,713 ♪ You're really gone again ♪ 341 00:15:52,715 --> 00:15:56,350 ♪ if you know what I mean ♪ 342 00:15:56,352 --> 00:15:58,852 - ♪ we're two of... ♪ - ♪ We're two of a kind ♪ 343 00:15:58,854 --> 00:16:01,922 ♪ a kind ♪ 344 00:16:07,129 --> 00:16:09,363 Working on a dream. 345 00:16:10,466 --> 00:16:12,366 And then it hit me 346 00:16:12,368 --> 00:16:14,534 harder than Dale earnhardt hitting that wall, 347 00:16:14,536 --> 00:16:15,702 rest in peace. 348 00:16:15,704 --> 00:16:19,406 I needed to find another puta. 349 00:16:19,408 --> 00:16:21,074 A Jewish puta. 350 00:16:21,076 --> 00:16:22,409 How you Doin'? 351 00:16:23,746 --> 00:16:25,979 Hey, I'm Christian. 352 00:16:28,116 --> 00:16:29,883 Hey, you remember when Cheney 353 00:16:29,885 --> 00:16:32,386 shotgunned that old guy in the face back in '06? 354 00:16:32,388 --> 00:16:35,155 I mean, I felt bad for him, didn't you? 355 00:16:35,157 --> 00:16:37,591 Hey, so you been a Jew your whole life? 356 00:16:37,593 --> 00:16:40,394 Damn, a lot of hot Jew pussy in here. 357 00:16:40,396 --> 00:16:41,995 Hey, am I right? 358 00:16:41,997 --> 00:16:45,465 No, bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad. 359 00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:52,773 That is a very nice getup. 360 00:16:52,775 --> 00:16:54,508 Where did you get that stuff? 361 00:16:54,510 --> 00:16:55,776 Thanks. I'm glad you're having a good time. 362 00:16:55,778 --> 00:16:58,678 It's mine. 363 00:16:58,680 --> 00:16:59,679 You like it? 364 00:16:59,681 --> 00:17:00,847 It's hysterical. 365 00:17:00,849 --> 00:17:05,085 About the whole thing. 366 00:17:05,087 --> 00:17:07,854 So how did it go in there? 367 00:17:07,856 --> 00:17:09,623 Bad. 368 00:17:09,625 --> 00:17:10,624 I don't think the girls around here 369 00:17:10,626 --> 00:17:11,625 like a guy like me. 370 00:17:11,627 --> 00:17:12,759 Well, that's crazy. 371 00:17:12,761 --> 00:17:13,760 I mean, what girl here 372 00:17:13,762 --> 00:17:16,930 with a whacked-out sense of humor? 373 00:17:16,932 --> 00:17:18,432 So you, uh, 374 00:17:18,434 --> 00:17:21,468 Only the ones that my mother organizes. 375 00:17:21,470 --> 00:17:23,103 Your mother. 376 00:17:23,105 --> 00:17:24,704 She organized this? 377 00:17:24,706 --> 00:17:26,039 Yeah, and if I didn't show up, 378 00:17:26,041 --> 00:17:27,040 I would never hear the end of it. 379 00:17:27,042 --> 00:17:29,176 Yeah, I know how that is. 380 00:17:29,178 --> 00:17:33,013 You should take my number. 381 00:17:33,015 --> 00:17:34,815 For what? 382 00:17:34,817 --> 00:17:36,783 To call me. 383 00:17:36,785 --> 00:17:39,019 Okay. Yeah, okay. 384 00:17:39,021 --> 00:17:40,587 Five missed calls. 385 00:17:40,589 --> 00:17:44,224 - Oh, who's your provider? - Pin mobile. 386 00:17:44,226 --> 00:17:46,126 Well, that's your problem right there. 387 00:17:46,128 --> 00:17:47,828 Pin mobile has the least amount of coverage in L.A. county 388 00:17:47,830 --> 00:17:51,631 You should switch to AT&T Nation 900 389 00:17:51,633 --> 00:17:53,600 with unlimited mobile to mobile. 390 00:17:53,602 --> 00:17:55,469 Thanks. 391 00:17:55,471 --> 00:17:56,636 Alison. 392 00:17:56,638 --> 00:17:58,238 Alison Marks. 393 00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:00,574 And you are? 394 00:18:01,242 --> 00:18:03,844 Ro--Rosenberg. 395 00:18:03,846 --> 00:18:06,179 Avi Rosenberg. 396 00:18:06,181 --> 00:18:08,748 Man, you do not look Jewish. 397 00:18:08,750 --> 00:18:11,518 Really? I--you know, I have gotten that. 398 00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:14,688 I'm gonna head back in. 399 00:18:15,857 --> 00:18:19,159 Okay. 400 00:18:19,161 --> 00:18:20,694 Avi. 401 00:18:20,696 --> 00:18:21,862 Rosenberg. 402 00:18:21,864 --> 00:18:23,029 I'm gonna head back in. 403 00:18:23,031 --> 00:18:25,799 Okay. 404 00:18:25,801 --> 00:18:27,501 Bye. 405 00:18:30,104 --> 00:18:32,706 Are you fucking loco, boss? 406 00:18:32,708 --> 00:18:35,609 - You no Jew! - I know I'm not a Jew. 407 00:18:35,611 --> 00:18:37,511 - She's just like Rebecca. - Ay, dios mio! 408 00:18:37,513 --> 00:18:39,145 Listen, I don't know why I said it! 409 00:18:39,147 --> 00:18:42,516 Well, maybe you should just tell her the truth. 410 00:18:42,518 --> 00:18:45,218 I'm not gonna tell her the truth, 411 00:18:45,220 --> 00:18:46,920 'cause then she's never gonna date me. 412 00:18:46,922 --> 00:18:48,188 I'm just gonna keep telling her I'm a Jew 413 00:18:48,190 --> 00:18:52,893 Juan, I don't care how big her tits are! 414 00:18:52,895 --> 00:18:54,261 But, I mean, they're pretty good. 415 00:18:54,263 --> 00:18:57,163 Just because you say you're a Jew does not make you one! 416 00:18:57,165 --> 00:19:01,001 I don't know what I was thinking! 417 00:19:01,003 --> 00:19:02,736 Hey, you know, boss, 418 00:19:02,738 --> 00:19:04,738 Jesus was a Jew. 419 00:19:04,740 --> 00:19:07,140 Why don't you just tell her you're Jesus? 420 00:19:07,142 --> 00:19:10,010 Huh? De nada. 421 00:19:10,012 --> 00:19:11,945 Come on down to the embroidery palace. 422 00:19:11,947 --> 00:19:14,247 Where our royal family has provided 423 00:19:14,249 --> 00:19:18,752 the highest quality custom embroidery for 50 years. 424 00:19:18,754 --> 00:19:20,320 Adam Lipschitz! 425 00:19:20,322 --> 00:19:22,022 This had to be a sign. 426 00:19:22,024 --> 00:19:26,560 No Booty too big, no Booty too small, 427 00:19:26,562 --> 00:19:29,129 because here at embroidery palace, 428 00:19:29,131 --> 00:19:31,131 we embroider it all! 429 00:19:31,133 --> 00:19:34,000 A Jewish sign! 430 00:19:34,002 --> 00:19:36,036 All right. 431 00:19:36,038 --> 00:19:39,306 I want everybody to close your eyes 432 00:19:39,308 --> 00:19:42,642 and forget everything you think you know 433 00:19:42,644 --> 00:19:44,110 about embroidery, 434 00:19:44,112 --> 00:19:46,212 because starting next Tuesday, 435 00:19:46,214 --> 00:19:49,282 the embroidery palace will be in possession 436 00:19:49,284 --> 00:19:51,952 of this bad boy! 437 00:19:51,954 --> 00:19:56,323 Behold the mauter evolution 30-70! 438 00:19:58,793 --> 00:20:02,195 Okay. On to the next piece of business, 439 00:20:02,197 --> 00:20:05,198 which is our monthly corporate account review. 440 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:06,800 Jillie Bean, can you pass out 441 00:20:09,271 --> 00:20:11,638 Now, as you all know, 442 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:13,106 the handlebar coffee company 443 00:20:13,108 --> 00:20:15,709 has been our largest corporate client 444 00:20:15,711 --> 00:20:17,077 for the past ten-- 445 00:20:17,079 --> 00:20:18,345 Years. 446 00:20:19,781 --> 00:20:21,381 They notified me this morning 447 00:20:21,383 --> 00:20:25,051 they will be taking their business elsewhere 448 00:20:25,053 --> 00:20:27,187 due to this. 449 00:20:28,190 --> 00:20:31,858 Do you have any idea how this could have happened? 450 00:20:31,860 --> 00:20:34,327 One sec, dad. 451 00:20:34,329 --> 00:20:35,362 - Adam! - What? 452 00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:38,932 Oh, my God! Oh, God. 453 00:20:38,934 --> 00:20:42,836 I "cun't" --I can't believe that I did that. 454 00:20:42,838 --> 00:20:45,105 But I'm under a lot of pressure with this whole wedding thing! 455 00:20:45,107 --> 00:20:47,874 I got--I got Hannah nagging me about brunch tomorrow. 456 00:20:47,876 --> 00:20:51,311 It's--I must have forgotten to double-check the sample. 457 00:20:51,313 --> 00:20:53,146 You should fire the prince, dad. 458 00:20:53,148 --> 00:20:56,049 Oh, I'd like to chop off the prince's head, 459 00:20:56,051 --> 00:20:58,818 but then there'd be nobody to ascend the throne! 460 00:20:58,820 --> 00:21:00,687 Paging prince Adam. 461 00:21:00,689 --> 00:21:02,956 There's a Mr. Christian O'Connell here to see you. 462 00:21:02,958 --> 00:21:05,392 Christian O'Connell? 463 00:21:05,394 --> 00:21:07,360 Wait, wait, wait, wait. Come back here. 464 00:21:07,362 --> 00:21:08,762 What--what's the big deal? 465 00:21:08,764 --> 00:21:12,999 You--you tell some girl your name is Avi Rosenberg 466 00:21:13,001 --> 00:21:16,403 and then you show up after 17 years so that--that I can 467 00:21:16,405 --> 00:21:18,405 teach you how to be a Jew so you can dupe her? 468 00:21:18,407 --> 00:21:21,441 Listen, I've been dumped by a Jew before. 469 00:21:21,443 --> 00:21:22,809 I'm not letting it happen again. 470 00:21:22,811 --> 00:21:23,810 It's not pretty, man. 471 00:21:23,812 --> 00:21:25,345 All right, why me? 472 00:21:25,347 --> 00:21:30,250 You gotta teach me how to pass myself off 473 00:21:30,252 --> 00:21:31,284 as one of you guys. 474 00:21:31,286 --> 00:21:36,756 Another decision for as long as I live. 475 00:21:36,758 --> 00:21:40,126 Wow. That's mildly offensive, you know that? 476 00:21:40,128 --> 00:21:42,028 Yes, but true. 477 00:21:42,030 --> 00:21:45,365 Tell her the truth and then convert for her. 478 00:21:45,367 --> 00:21:47,367 No. No, no, no, no. No. Listen to me. 479 00:21:47,369 --> 00:21:49,803 Alison Marks is not gonna settle for imitation Jew. 480 00:21:49,805 --> 00:21:51,905 She can have the real deal. Now, come on, Adam. 481 00:21:51,907 --> 00:21:53,339 - Just help me. - I'm sorry. 482 00:21:53,341 --> 00:21:55,475 Did you say her name was Alison Marks? 483 00:21:55,477 --> 00:21:56,976 Yeah, Alison Marks. Why? 484 00:21:56,978 --> 00:21:57,977 I went to Sunday school 485 00:21:57,979 --> 00:21:59,879 with an Alison Marks. 486 00:21:59,881 --> 00:22:01,815 Okay. 487 00:22:01,817 --> 00:22:03,983 Did--did she tell you what her family did? 488 00:22:03,985 --> 00:22:07,220 Her family? Her mother, uh, organized the mixer. 489 00:22:07,222 --> 00:22:09,456 Wait a minute, wait a minute. You know them, don't you? 490 00:22:09,458 --> 00:22:12,425 - Do you know them? - Yeah, you could say that. 491 00:22:12,427 --> 00:22:14,928 - What? - Oh! Oh, I know, I know. 492 00:22:14,930 --> 00:22:18,231 Chris, this is, uh, you know, 493 00:22:18,233 --> 00:22:23,503 are--are--are seeing what I'm doing here, 494 00:22:23,505 --> 00:22:26,306 but I-I got a lot of shit going on right now, 495 00:22:26,308 --> 00:22:29,175 and my--sort of, my world's flipped upside down 496 00:22:29,177 --> 00:22:32,412 and--and--and--and we're looking for preschools. 497 00:22:32,414 --> 00:22:37,217 Wait a minute. You didn't tell me you had a baby. 498 00:22:37,219 --> 00:22:39,753 - Yeah. I-I don't. - Oh. 499 00:22:39,755 --> 00:22:41,154 - It's complicated. - Sounds it. 500 00:22:41,156 --> 00:22:43,189 Chris, I don't think I'm the guy 501 00:22:43,191 --> 00:22:44,791 for this adventure. 502 00:22:44,793 --> 00:22:47,193 Okay. 503 00:22:47,195 --> 00:22:48,762 I understand. 504 00:22:48,764 --> 00:22:49,863 Yeah. 505 00:22:49,865 --> 00:22:50,864 Well, um, you know, 506 00:22:50,866 --> 00:22:53,166 I'm glad I tracked you down. 507 00:22:53,168 --> 00:22:54,934 No, it's great to see you. 508 00:22:54,936 --> 00:22:56,002 So, maybe we'll-- we'll do some lunch, 509 00:22:56,004 --> 00:22:57,771 uh, we'll catch up. 510 00:22:57,773 --> 00:22:59,405 I would love to do some lunch. Yeah, that'd be fun. 511 00:22:59,407 --> 00:23:01,341 I'm gonna be up on my parents' ranch for the weekend, 512 00:23:01,343 --> 00:23:05,445 - maybe we'll get a, uh-- - Well, here. 513 00:23:05,447 --> 00:23:06,846 - Coffee. - Uh, take this. 514 00:23:06,848 --> 00:23:08,314 Embroidery palace. 515 00:23:08,316 --> 00:23:11,284 It's a nice yellow. Yeah. 516 00:23:11,286 --> 00:23:13,419 Awesome. 517 00:23:16,223 --> 00:23:18,858 Don't take this the wrong way, Hannah, 518 00:23:18,860 --> 00:23:21,161 but what led you to diagnose it as vaginitis? 519 00:23:21,163 --> 00:23:23,329 Well, dad, she was experiencing itching, 520 00:23:23,331 --> 00:23:26,065 irritation, abnormal discharge, and pain during intercourse-- 521 00:23:26,067 --> 00:23:29,536 Yes, those are the basic symptoms to vaginitis. 522 00:23:29,538 --> 00:23:32,305 They could indicate vulvitis? 523 00:23:32,307 --> 00:23:33,873 Yes, dad, but I ruled out vulvitis 524 00:23:33,875 --> 00:23:35,175 because her vulva was not enflamed. 525 00:23:35,177 --> 00:23:36,943 No need to get defensive, sweetie. 526 00:23:36,945 --> 00:23:38,945 You're probably right with your diagnosis. 527 00:23:38,947 --> 00:23:42,015 I once diagnosed a patient with vaginitis 528 00:23:42,017 --> 00:23:45,084 - You know what? - It might have even been 529 00:23:45,086 --> 00:23:46,519 bacterial vaginosis. 530 00:23:46,521 --> 00:23:50,924 In my 25 years of practice, 531 00:23:50,926 --> 00:23:52,592 I have seen many cases of vaginosis 532 00:23:52,594 --> 00:23:54,260 with no gray discharge. 533 00:23:54,262 --> 00:23:58,431 We've been doing this a few more years than you, 534 00:23:58,433 --> 00:24:01,968 distinguish between vaginosis, vaginitis, or vulvitis. 535 00:24:01,970 --> 00:24:04,604 - Lox, honey? - Cottage cheese? 536 00:24:04,606 --> 00:24:07,207 Okay, excuse me. I'm just gonna... 537 00:24:07,209 --> 00:24:10,944 Use the bathroom. I'll--I'll be back. 538 00:24:18,452 --> 00:24:20,520 Hold it. Bets... 539 00:24:20,522 --> 00:24:25,091 Why don't you and the ladies hand out some eggnog? 540 00:24:25,093 --> 00:24:27,360 All right. 541 00:24:27,362 --> 00:24:28,928 Thanks, mom. 542 00:24:28,930 --> 00:24:32,565 - Nog, baby? - Second that. 543 00:24:32,567 --> 00:24:34,934 Oh, mama, that is some good nog. 544 00:24:34,936 --> 00:24:37,203 Son, why is it that you haven't found yourself 545 00:24:37,205 --> 00:24:38,972 a good woman yet? Huh? 546 00:24:38,974 --> 00:24:41,207 Someone to take care of you... Serve you nog. 547 00:24:41,209 --> 00:24:44,143 Maybe it's 'cause Christian's a homo-sexu-wahl! 548 00:24:44,145 --> 00:24:46,012 All right, you stop bullying your brother. 549 00:24:46,014 --> 00:24:49,082 - He will find himself a girl... - That's right. 550 00:24:49,084 --> 00:24:50,183 Or whatever, when he's good and ready? 551 00:24:50,185 --> 00:24:53,052 I'm ready to bag me a 10-pointer, 552 00:24:53,054 --> 00:24:54,554 and I'm gonna skin him, gut him, 553 00:24:54,556 --> 00:24:56,990 - and pull out his rectum. - The hell you are! 554 00:24:56,992 --> 00:24:59,559 I'm pulling out the rectum, ass tar! 555 00:24:59,561 --> 00:25:02,629 He always pulls out the rectums. 556 00:25:02,631 --> 00:25:04,497 You make a circular incision and-- 557 00:25:04,499 --> 00:25:06,566 Clayton, Chuck! Over here now! 558 00:25:06,568 --> 00:25:08,134 Hurry up, there's come rectum over there. 559 00:25:08,136 --> 00:25:10,336 You two take a knee. 560 00:25:10,338 --> 00:25:13,006 Why do you always have to fight over 561 00:25:13,008 --> 00:25:15,074 who's gonna pull the rectum? 562 00:25:15,076 --> 00:25:18,912 You know, that's not what hunting is all about. 563 00:25:18,914 --> 00:25:21,080 Hunting is about the family. 564 00:25:21,082 --> 00:25:23,182 It's about teamwork. 565 00:25:23,184 --> 00:25:25,418 It's about finding peace. 566 00:25:25,420 --> 00:25:27,520 Hello? 567 00:25:27,522 --> 00:25:29,389 That night, when we were T.P.Ing Tim Baker's house, 568 00:25:29,391 --> 00:25:32,358 and I had one of my attacks, and I tripped and I fell, 569 00:25:32,360 --> 00:25:35,295 you could have left me there 570 00:25:35,297 --> 00:25:39,465 - So rude! - Okay, one second. 571 00:25:39,467 --> 00:25:42,235 Just-- but you didn't... 572 00:25:42,237 --> 00:25:44,570 Because you were my best friend. 573 00:25:44,572 --> 00:25:48,174 And best friends are always there for each other. 574 00:25:48,176 --> 00:25:50,576 Moose! 575 00:25:50,578 --> 00:25:52,979 - Yo! - Fuck yeah! 576 00:25:52,981 --> 00:25:54,514 Beauty, ain't he? 577 00:25:54,516 --> 00:25:59,319 But they threw in the matte finish horn sheen package. 578 00:25:59,321 --> 00:26:01,988 Unh. Hey, do you like where I put him? 579 00:26:01,990 --> 00:26:05,959 I could put him between the bass and the boar's ass. 580 00:26:05,961 --> 00:26:10,063 The plan was to remove all traces of gentile from Chris, 581 00:26:10,065 --> 00:26:13,166 which turned out to be a very big task. 582 00:26:13,168 --> 00:26:15,268 I don't get why I have to sell my truck. 583 00:26:15,270 --> 00:26:17,370 Because Volvos are practical and they're safe, 584 00:26:17,372 --> 00:26:21,975 But I'm never gonna be able to fit my kill into a Volvo. 585 00:26:21,977 --> 00:26:23,609 That's why you're selling the moose head. 586 00:26:23,611 --> 00:26:25,111 All right, $200 it is. 587 00:26:25,113 --> 00:26:27,113 - Deal. - All right. 588 00:26:27,115 --> 00:26:29,282 Take that with you. No, let him take it. 589 00:26:29,284 --> 00:26:30,717 Chris, let him take it! 590 00:26:30,719 --> 00:26:32,118 - I'm giving it to him. - No, you're not. 591 00:26:32,120 --> 00:26:34,153 You're holding on to it. 592 00:26:34,155 --> 00:26:37,657 All right. That's inappropriate. 593 00:26:37,659 --> 00:26:39,559 - No. Salmon! - Stop it. 594 00:26:41,429 --> 00:26:43,329 So uh, you think I'm gonna be ready for tomorrow night? 595 00:26:43,331 --> 00:26:45,098 Ow, ow, ow. 596 00:26:45,100 --> 00:26:46,499 Yes, just do what I said, and you'll be fine. 597 00:26:46,501 --> 00:26:48,167 Tell me again why I'm doing this. 598 00:26:48,169 --> 00:26:50,169 Because the law states that you can't be buried 599 00:26:50,171 --> 00:26:52,205 in a Jewish cemetery if you've desecrated your body 600 00:26:52,207 --> 00:26:53,339 with tattoos, markings, or piercings. 601 00:26:53,341 --> 00:26:54,607 Well, that's stupid. 602 00:26:54,609 --> 00:26:56,309 You're dead already. Who cares? 603 00:26:56,311 --> 00:26:59,178 Have you been taken care of down there? 604 00:26:59,180 --> 00:27:00,413 Down where? 605 00:27:00,415 --> 00:27:01,714 Have you been circumcised? 606 00:27:01,716 --> 00:27:02,715 - Sorry. - No. 607 00:27:02,717 --> 00:27:08,187 Besides, it's not that noticeable. 608 00:27:08,189 --> 00:27:10,023 It is noticeable! Mine looks normal, 609 00:27:10,025 --> 00:27:12,225 and yours looks like a-- like an anteater. 610 00:27:12,227 --> 00:27:14,427 Get that-- 611 00:27:14,429 --> 00:27:16,295 get it off of there, man. 612 00:27:16,297 --> 00:27:18,798 - Sorry. - Sorry. 613 00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,134 If Chris was gonna stand a chance with Alison, 614 00:27:21,136 --> 00:27:23,403 he needed a crash course in the way of the Jew. 615 00:27:23,405 --> 00:27:26,072 Now, I'm your date, and I need you to give me 616 00:27:26,074 --> 00:27:28,408 seven yiddish words that you will casually slip 617 00:27:28,410 --> 00:27:29,575 into the conversation. 618 00:27:29,577 --> 00:27:31,778 - Go. - Goyim. 619 00:27:31,780 --> 00:27:33,212 The second the waiter approaches, 620 00:27:33,214 --> 00:27:36,082 what do you do? 621 00:27:36,084 --> 00:27:38,518 Oh, uh, I'm feeling a bit of a draft. 622 00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:40,286 Would it be all right if we move to another table? 623 00:27:40,288 --> 00:27:41,621 Schvitz. 624 00:27:41,623 --> 00:27:42,688 Good. Now, you've been relocated 625 00:27:42,690 --> 00:27:44,624 to the new table, 626 00:27:44,626 --> 00:27:48,361 and what do you do? 627 00:27:48,363 --> 00:27:50,463 Oh, could you please turn down that loud music? 628 00:27:50,465 --> 00:27:53,633 All right, now we're on to the ordering process. 629 00:27:53,635 --> 00:27:55,635 Now, you have to remember that as a Jew, 630 00:27:55,637 --> 00:27:57,737 you have to take something on the menu 631 00:27:57,739 --> 00:28:01,274 and alter it beyond all recognition. 632 00:28:01,276 --> 00:28:02,775 - All right? - Okay. 633 00:28:02,777 --> 00:28:08,347 To change that side salad to an entree, 634 00:28:08,349 --> 00:28:11,117 and would you mind throwing a little salmon in there? 635 00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:12,852 Nosh. 636 00:28:12,854 --> 00:28:14,854 Uh, can I have that on the side? 637 00:28:14,856 --> 00:28:16,622 - Pupik. - Dinner comes. 638 00:28:16,624 --> 00:28:19,625 The salad is exactly how you ordered it, right? 639 00:28:19,627 --> 00:28:24,263 - Right. - Take one bite, and you-- 640 00:28:24,265 --> 00:28:26,432 - send it back. - Yes, you send that shit back! 641 00:28:26,434 --> 00:28:28,468 We never eat what we order. 642 00:28:28,470 --> 00:28:30,603 - Ever, ever, ever. - Ever! 643 00:28:30,605 --> 00:28:36,142 Let's take a walk with it then. 644 00:28:38,879 --> 00:28:40,146 - Hi. - Hi. 645 00:28:40,148 --> 00:28:41,581 Nice Volvo. 646 00:28:41,583 --> 00:28:43,416 Thanks. I just got it. 647 00:28:43,418 --> 00:28:46,419 Volvos are the safest cars in the world, 648 00:28:46,421 --> 00:28:47,787 and they last forever. 649 00:28:47,789 --> 00:28:49,555 - Yeah. - No nascar getup tonight? 650 00:28:49,557 --> 00:28:51,591 Nascar? Why? 651 00:28:51,593 --> 00:28:54,594 Uh, yeah, I was gonna wear it tonight, 652 00:28:54,596 --> 00:28:56,395 but, uh, the drycleaner has it. 653 00:28:56,397 --> 00:29:02,235 What you were thinking, so I made reservations 654 00:29:02,237 --> 00:29:03,903 for 7:00 near 1st and hope. 655 00:29:03,905 --> 00:29:06,405 - It's near the music hall. - Yeah, sure. 656 00:29:06,407 --> 00:29:10,343 But smokey Joe Jefferson is playing at the fedora tonight, 657 00:29:10,345 --> 00:29:11,644 so I got us tickets. 658 00:29:11,646 --> 00:29:13,880 - That sounds great. - Great. 659 00:29:13,882 --> 00:29:15,848 The music hall is on grand and figueroa. 660 00:29:15,850 --> 00:29:17,483 And I checked traffic. The 101 is closed 661 00:29:17,485 --> 00:29:18,851 between Barham and highland, 662 00:29:18,853 --> 00:29:23,823 to the 110 north and then get off on figueroa 663 00:29:23,825 --> 00:29:26,759 put on your seatbelt. 664 00:29:26,761 --> 00:29:30,296 So after I graduated from penn, I traveled everywhere. 665 00:29:30,298 --> 00:29:32,798 Started with southeast Asia, went to Thailand, 666 00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:35,701 I even lived in India for a month 667 00:29:35,703 --> 00:29:39,539 Oh, I love that movie. 668 00:29:39,541 --> 00:29:41,274 Sean Connery-- 669 00:29:41,276 --> 00:29:44,710 Sean Connery is great in it. 670 00:29:44,712 --> 00:29:47,380 So then after I volunteered 671 00:29:47,382 --> 00:29:49,482 as an aids relief worker in the Sudan, 672 00:29:49,484 --> 00:29:51,417 I just felt like I needed to use my finance degree 673 00:29:51,419 --> 00:29:52,451 to help people in third-world countries 674 00:29:52,453 --> 00:29:56,722 So that's how I started working for the IDRF. 675 00:29:56,724 --> 00:29:59,492 - Wow. - And what about you, Avi? 676 00:29:59,494 --> 00:30:01,260 What's it like to be a doctor? 677 00:30:01,262 --> 00:30:05,731 Oh, uh, well... 678 00:30:05,733 --> 00:30:07,466 Yeah, the hours are crazy, 679 00:30:07,468 --> 00:30:10,703 and I'm on call 24/7 for emergencies. 680 00:30:10,705 --> 00:30:13,472 And unfortunately, I have to deal 681 00:30:13,474 --> 00:30:16,509 with a lot of crap. 682 00:30:16,511 --> 00:30:18,277 But at the end of the day, 683 00:30:18,279 --> 00:30:20,580 like you, I love helping people 684 00:30:20,582 --> 00:30:22,348 when their plumbing gets backed up. 685 00:30:25,386 --> 00:30:26,986 Bonjour. 686 00:30:26,988 --> 00:30:30,923 I will be your server this evening. 687 00:30:30,925 --> 00:30:33,893 Uh, yes, Claude, I'm feeling a bit of a draft here. 688 00:30:33,895 --> 00:30:36,495 Do you mind if we move to another table? 689 00:30:36,497 --> 00:30:38,664 Hm. 690 00:30:38,666 --> 00:30:42,268 Ooh. 691 00:30:45,772 --> 00:30:48,975 Claude, would you mind turning down the loud music? 692 00:30:48,977 --> 00:30:51,310 And turning up the lights? 693 00:30:51,312 --> 00:30:52,812 It's so dark in here, I don't think I'd be able 694 00:30:52,814 --> 00:30:56,415 It would be my pleasure, sir. 695 00:30:56,417 --> 00:30:59,652 But in the meantime, let me tell you about our specials. 696 00:30:59,654 --> 00:31:02,722 For appetizer, we have a scrumptious salad 697 00:31:02,724 --> 00:31:05,291 with gorgonzola, candied walnuts, pears, 698 00:31:05,293 --> 00:31:08,261 Cranberries, and a honey dijon vinaigrette. 699 00:31:08,263 --> 00:31:10,730 To die for. 700 00:31:10,732 --> 00:31:14,967 Would it be possible to change that appetizer salad 701 00:31:14,969 --> 00:31:19,872 And could you substitute feta for gorgonzola, 702 00:31:19,874 --> 00:31:23,709 pecans instead of walnuts, apples instead of pears, 703 00:31:23,711 --> 00:31:26,379 and Cranberries instead of raisins? 704 00:31:26,381 --> 00:31:32,385 And the honey dijon vinaigrette-- 705 00:31:32,387 --> 00:31:33,586 can you put it on the side, please? 706 00:31:33,588 --> 00:31:35,354 Anything else, sir? 707 00:31:35,356 --> 00:31:37,523 Yes, and I hope this isn't too much trouble, 708 00:31:37,525 --> 00:31:41,861 but would you mind throwing a little salmon in there? 709 00:31:41,863 --> 00:31:45,064 - And for madame? - That sounds great, Avi. 710 00:31:45,066 --> 00:31:47,767 I'll have the same thing. 711 00:31:47,769 --> 00:31:50,636 Of course. 712 00:31:50,638 --> 00:31:52,738 Thanks, mensch. 713 00:31:52,740 --> 00:31:56,475 So did you always want to be a doctor? 714 00:31:56,477 --> 00:31:59,679 You know, I mean, being Jewish, 715 00:31:59,681 --> 00:32:03,716 Become a doctor, become a lawyer. 716 00:32:03,718 --> 00:32:06,319 Become a banker and manipulate the economy. 717 00:32:06,321 --> 00:32:08,487 Go into publishing, manipulate the media. 718 00:32:08,489 --> 00:32:11,857 God, you are too much. 719 00:32:11,859 --> 00:32:16,028 You're so cute. Turn your head for a second. 720 00:32:16,030 --> 00:32:17,997 - Did you get a nose job? - No. 721 00:32:17,999 --> 00:32:20,866 Are you kidding me? That's your real nose? 722 00:32:20,868 --> 00:32:23,502 That's the hottest little Jew beak ever. 723 00:32:25,906 --> 00:32:28,908 And for mademoiselle. 724 00:32:28,910 --> 00:32:32,378 Mmm. That looks good. 725 00:32:33,947 --> 00:32:36,716 And for monsieur. 726 00:32:36,718 --> 00:32:38,884 Thank you, Claude. 727 00:32:38,886 --> 00:32:41,754 This looks really good. 728 00:32:41,756 --> 00:32:43,489 Mmm. 729 00:32:43,491 --> 00:32:46,058 Oh. 730 00:32:46,060 --> 00:32:47,593 No. 731 00:32:47,595 --> 00:32:48,794 Oh, I got-- I'm--I'm sorry. 732 00:32:48,796 --> 00:32:52,431 No, no, no. Here you go. 733 00:32:52,433 --> 00:32:56,902 Thanks, mensch. 734 00:32:56,904 --> 00:32:59,538 And did they turn up the heat in here or what? 735 00:32:59,540 --> 00:33:02,908 I am starting to schvitz. 736 00:33:02,910 --> 00:33:07,380 Yeah, we should probably go if we're gonna make it on time. 737 00:33:07,382 --> 00:33:08,981 Oh, yeah, I can't wait. 738 00:33:08,983 --> 00:33:10,883 Let me take a look at this check here. 739 00:33:10,885 --> 00:33:13,586 Oh. Okay, well, 740 00:33:13,588 --> 00:33:15,554 let me just get Claude over here for a second, 741 00:33:15,556 --> 00:33:18,824 see if I can't Jew him down on the check. 742 00:33:29,003 --> 00:33:31,103 Hey, are you all right? 743 00:33:31,105 --> 00:33:32,772 You seem a little, you know, quiet. 744 00:33:32,774 --> 00:33:35,741 - No, I'm fine. - Yeah? 745 00:33:37,744 --> 00:33:39,044 You know, Alison, I, um... 746 00:33:39,046 --> 00:33:41,781 I mean, I shouldn't even be saying this-- 747 00:33:41,783 --> 00:33:44,617 it's our first date, but... 748 00:33:44,619 --> 00:33:46,919 I really like you. 749 00:33:46,921 --> 00:33:50,756 You know, so if I seem weird or awkward or-- 750 00:33:50,758 --> 00:33:54,693 that's why. I just--I just hope 751 00:33:54,695 --> 00:33:57,830 that this is the first date of many more to come. 752 00:34:04,906 --> 00:34:06,872 Oh, damn. 753 00:34:06,874 --> 00:34:10,810 Nobody plays jazz better than the shvartzes! 754 00:34:13,481 --> 00:34:15,080 L'Chaim! 755 00:34:23,123 --> 00:34:24,757 Okay... 756 00:34:25,860 --> 00:34:28,661 Aah! Uhh! Come on. 757 00:34:28,663 --> 00:34:30,963 - Hurry up! - Okay. 758 00:34:30,965 --> 00:34:33,899 What's taking so long? 759 00:34:33,901 --> 00:34:35,534 Sorry, sorry. 760 00:34:35,536 --> 00:34:38,604 - I am all manscaped. - Mm. 761 00:34:38,606 --> 00:34:41,240 Trimmed to 1/8 of an inch, just how you like it. 762 00:34:41,242 --> 00:34:43,843 Like a prepubescent boy down there. 763 00:34:43,845 --> 00:34:48,514 It's so exciting. Oh... Okay... 764 00:34:48,516 --> 00:34:50,783 Love you. Good night. 765 00:34:52,820 --> 00:34:56,055 Are we gonna try and make a baby? 766 00:34:56,057 --> 00:34:58,757 It's just I've had such a long day at work, 767 00:34:58,759 --> 00:35:01,060 and do you mind if we just, you know, 768 00:35:01,062 --> 00:35:02,595 skip the baby-making? 769 00:35:02,597 --> 00:35:05,898 It's my most fertile time of the month. 770 00:35:05,900 --> 00:35:07,933 - Okay... - Now make me a baby. 771 00:35:07,935 --> 00:35:10,903 Right. Guess I could find some energy. 772 00:35:10,905 --> 00:35:12,872 Ooh. 773 00:35:12,874 --> 00:35:14,240 Why aren't you hard? What? 774 00:35:14,242 --> 00:35:16,041 It was, like, three seconds. 775 00:35:16,043 --> 00:35:18,110 - Do you want my hair down? - No, babe, it's not-- 776 00:35:18,112 --> 00:35:21,547 it's not you, it's me. It's him! 777 00:35:21,549 --> 00:35:24,183 I mean, we had sex last night and this morning 778 00:35:24,185 --> 00:35:26,018 and on your lunch break. 779 00:35:26,020 --> 00:35:27,653 I can't believe I'm gonna say this 780 00:35:27,655 --> 00:35:31,924 but I think that I'm sexed out. 781 00:35:31,926 --> 00:35:34,660 What? What? 782 00:35:35,929 --> 00:35:37,663 You think it's ugly. 783 00:35:37,665 --> 00:35:38,998 I--I think what's ugly? 784 00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:41,267 It's okay. It's fine. 785 00:35:41,269 --> 00:35:43,769 I see 100 of 'em a day. I know it's ugly. 786 00:35:43,771 --> 00:35:46,906 Oh, no, no, I think-- no, I don't think 787 00:35:46,908 --> 00:35:48,774 that it's ugly at all. 788 00:35:48,776 --> 00:35:52,611 I think it's beautiful. 789 00:35:52,613 --> 00:35:54,713 Then why don't you ever go down on me? 790 00:35:54,715 --> 00:35:58,918 Because I--I can't get you pregnant like that. 791 00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:00,319 Oh, now you're just making excuses! 792 00:36:00,321 --> 00:36:02,021 I am not. Okay, fine. 793 00:36:02,023 --> 00:36:03,155 You want me to go down on you? 794 00:36:03,157 --> 00:36:05,925 - I'm happy to go down on you. - Good. 795 00:36:05,927 --> 00:36:07,593 It's part of my manly duty. 796 00:36:07,595 --> 00:36:12,031 Mmm, yummy! I want it. 797 00:36:12,033 --> 00:36:13,666 - Here we go! - Go! 798 00:36:13,668 --> 00:36:16,936 - It's gonna happen - Come on. 799 00:36:16,938 --> 00:36:18,304 - Oh, my God! - What? 800 00:36:18,306 --> 00:36:20,005 - I knew it! - What's wrong? 801 00:36:20,007 --> 00:36:23,742 I was gonna make a baby with my mouth. 802 00:36:23,744 --> 00:36:26,712 - Oh! - What happened? 803 00:36:26,714 --> 00:36:29,248 You turned off the light! 804 00:36:29,250 --> 00:36:32,151 I--well, it was bright in here. 805 00:36:32,153 --> 00:36:33,986 And we were going to bed. 806 00:36:33,988 --> 00:36:35,821 Aw, come on. I'm sorry. 807 00:36:35,823 --> 00:36:39,725 Oh, leave me and my ugly vagina alone! 808 00:36:39,727 --> 00:36:41,760 Open the door. 809 00:36:41,762 --> 00:36:43,963 Honey... 810 00:36:43,965 --> 00:36:47,299 Oh, my God... It's ugly. 811 00:36:47,301 --> 00:36:49,868 It's not your vagina. 812 00:36:49,870 --> 00:36:51,770 It's all vaginas. 813 00:36:51,772 --> 00:36:55,774 What side of the family is this from? 814 00:36:55,776 --> 00:36:57,610 Hey, you've reached Alison Marks. 815 00:36:57,612 --> 00:36:59,311 You know what to do, so do it. 816 00:36:59,313 --> 00:37:01,981 Hey, Alison, it's Avi here. 817 00:37:01,983 --> 00:37:03,315 Just wanted to tell you I had a great time 818 00:37:03,317 --> 00:37:04,783 with you last night, 819 00:37:04,785 --> 00:37:06,752 and I can't wait to do it again. 820 00:37:06,754 --> 00:37:09,355 So... You got the number. 821 00:37:09,357 --> 00:37:12,625 Call me. Bye. 822 00:37:14,829 --> 00:37:17,229 You know what to do. Do it. 823 00:37:17,231 --> 00:37:19,331 Hey, Alison, 824 00:37:19,333 --> 00:37:21,934 where's my jap at? Where's my jap? 825 00:37:21,936 --> 00:37:23,769 Avi here. 826 00:37:23,771 --> 00:37:25,771 Didn't hear back from you yesterday. 827 00:37:25,773 --> 00:37:27,673 But I'm sure you were just busy. 828 00:37:27,675 --> 00:37:31,310 Me too. Long day of surgery at the hospital. 829 00:37:31,312 --> 00:37:33,212 So driving home now. 830 00:37:33,214 --> 00:37:36,115 Thought I'd double up, give you a call. 831 00:37:36,117 --> 00:37:39,952 So you got the number. Call me back. 832 00:37:39,954 --> 00:37:41,687 Buh-bye. 833 00:37:43,857 --> 00:37:45,758 You know what to do, so do it. 834 00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:49,028 Hey, Alison, it's Avi. 835 00:37:49,030 --> 00:37:51,430 I don't know why you're not calling me back. 836 00:37:51,432 --> 00:37:53,932 I thought we had a really great time the other night. 837 00:37:53,934 --> 00:37:58,871 And, you know, I thought we had a real connection. 838 00:37:58,873 --> 00:38:00,806 - Boss! Boss! - I was hoping that we-- 839 00:38:00,808 --> 00:38:04,443 Me and Juan have been at Mrs. Wazinsky's all day! 840 00:38:04,445 --> 00:38:06,445 Boss, we can't get the shit out of her pipes! 841 00:38:06,447 --> 00:38:08,313 Yes. Si. 842 00:38:08,315 --> 00:38:09,982 Thank you, doctors Juan and Ramone. 843 00:38:09,984 --> 00:38:12,885 I will be to surgery in just a second. 844 00:38:12,887 --> 00:38:18,791 Backed up in my life! 845 00:38:18,793 --> 00:38:21,760 - Avi? - Alison, hi. 846 00:38:21,762 --> 00:38:24,029 Do you want me to get a restraining order? 847 00:38:24,031 --> 00:38:27,132 Stop calling me. 848 00:38:29,002 --> 00:38:33,739 Oh... Look at this one. 849 00:38:33,741 --> 00:38:35,274 Isn't it beautiful? 850 00:38:35,276 --> 00:38:38,077 Oh, God! A little warning, please? 851 00:38:38,079 --> 00:38:39,945 What is that, a before and after photo? 852 00:38:39,947 --> 00:38:42,715 - Yes. Isn't it amazing? - No. 853 00:38:42,717 --> 00:38:44,016 It's hard to believe it's the same vagina. 854 00:38:44,018 --> 00:38:48,053 Which one's your favorite? 855 00:38:48,055 --> 00:38:49,855 I don't know. 856 00:38:49,857 --> 00:38:54,493 - So come on, pick. - Ooh, yeah. 857 00:38:54,495 --> 00:38:55,894 Do you like this one? 858 00:38:55,896 --> 00:38:59,364 Um... Maybe the, uh... 859 00:38:59,366 --> 00:39:01,934 "Pearblossom"? 860 00:39:01,936 --> 00:39:05,370 Or the... "Gentle tulip." 861 00:39:05,372 --> 00:39:09,441 - You like the pearblossom? - Mm-Hmm. 862 00:39:09,443 --> 00:39:12,010 Well, that's the cheapest one. 863 00:39:12,012 --> 00:39:13,312 There's nothing to it. 864 00:39:13,314 --> 00:39:16,448 Oh, hold on. 865 00:39:16,450 --> 00:39:20,052 Hello? All right, relax, relax. 866 00:39:20,054 --> 00:39:22,121 What's going on? 867 00:39:22,123 --> 00:39:24,123 No, I can't meet you right now. 868 00:39:24,125 --> 00:39:28,060 I'm--I'm in the middle of something. 869 00:39:28,062 --> 00:39:30,996 Relax and-- 870 00:39:30,998 --> 00:39:33,232 you know what? Yes, I can. Yes, I can. 871 00:39:33,234 --> 00:39:35,134 Okay, I'll meet you in 20 minutes. 872 00:39:35,136 --> 00:39:38,370 All right, babe. I'm so sorry. I--I have to go. 873 00:39:38,372 --> 00:39:39,772 What do you mean you have to go? 874 00:39:39,774 --> 00:39:43,242 - And I gotta go meet him. - Who? What friend? 875 00:39:43,244 --> 00:39:45,010 He's a friend from grade school--I gotta go. 876 00:39:45,012 --> 00:39:46,512 - You can't leave. - Why can't I leave? 877 00:39:46,514 --> 00:39:48,180 I don't know which one to get! 878 00:39:48,182 --> 00:39:49,848 Just get one of 'em! Right? 879 00:39:49,850 --> 00:39:51,416 I mean, like, it's not that big of a deal. 880 00:39:51,418 --> 00:39:53,786 It's a big deal. This is for you. 881 00:39:53,788 --> 00:39:55,254 I understand. It's not that hard. 882 00:39:55,256 --> 00:39:57,456 Just go through it. The "gentle tulip." 883 00:39:57,458 --> 00:40:00,559 "Calla Lily Breeze." "LA petite canyon." 884 00:40:00,561 --> 00:40:02,795 Ooh, stay away from "Venus flytrap." 885 00:40:02,797 --> 00:40:04,963 That looks like a-- like a limp starfish, 886 00:40:04,965 --> 00:40:06,331 and I don't want to be looking at that 887 00:40:06,333 --> 00:40:08,200 when I'm doing wonderful things to it. 888 00:40:08,202 --> 00:40:11,570 Okay. Pick whatever you want. 889 00:40:11,572 --> 00:40:13,906 Any price. Kisses. 890 00:40:13,908 --> 00:40:18,043 Oh... Looks like my mom's. 891 00:40:19,379 --> 00:40:22,047 Wait, wait, wait, she said, "stop calling me?" 892 00:40:22,049 --> 00:40:24,883 I'm gonna get a restraining order." 893 00:40:24,885 --> 00:40:26,051 It takes a special kind of woman 894 00:40:26,053 --> 00:40:28,020 to dance naked at 10:00 A.M. 895 00:40:28,022 --> 00:40:30,088 Give it up for crystal. 896 00:40:30,090 --> 00:40:32,858 Did you complain there was a draft and ask-- 897 00:40:32,860 --> 00:40:38,130 And you took something on the menu 898 00:40:38,132 --> 00:40:43,235 I put salmon on it. I sent it back. 899 00:40:43,237 --> 00:40:46,972 Jewel, Carla... Lap dances. 900 00:40:46,974 --> 00:40:49,374 I did everything that you told me to do. 901 00:40:49,376 --> 00:40:55,180 My pupik was stuffed from the noshing, 902 00:40:55,182 --> 00:40:58,851 Then I told smokey Joe Jefferson nobody plays jazz 903 00:40:58,853 --> 00:41:00,385 - better than the Schvartzahs. - What? 904 00:41:00,387 --> 00:41:02,154 You--you called him a Sschvartzah? 905 00:41:02,156 --> 00:41:04,189 - Yeah, right to his face. - No. 906 00:41:04,191 --> 00:41:06,124 - Wait, is that bad? - Yeah, that's bad! 907 00:41:06,126 --> 00:41:08,126 - Why did you teach me that. - Okay, I'm sorry. 908 00:41:08,128 --> 00:41:09,461 That's only a Jew-to-Jew thing, 909 00:41:09,463 --> 00:41:14,933 that I'd ever met, and that she had 910 00:41:14,935 --> 00:41:16,935 the cutest little Jew beak I'd ever seen. 911 00:41:16,937 --> 00:41:18,637 And I asked the waiter if I could 912 00:41:18,639 --> 00:41:20,405 Jew him down on the check. 913 00:41:20,407 --> 00:41:27,312 Yeah, but she knew that you were joking--that's different. 914 00:41:27,314 --> 00:41:28,947 Jews don't talk to each other like that? 915 00:41:28,949 --> 00:41:30,415 No! No! We don't! 916 00:41:30,417 --> 00:41:32,150 - Oh... - It's over. 917 00:41:32,152 --> 00:41:37,389 - I'm out. - You are in. 918 00:41:37,391 --> 00:41:38,590 - Oh... - Oh, you are in. 919 00:41:38,592 --> 00:41:42,160 - Yes. - Son of a bitch. 920 00:41:42,162 --> 00:41:45,564 Marcy Marks... President of temple Beth Jacob 921 00:41:45,566 --> 00:41:49,167 wife of my rabbi, and Alison's mother. 922 00:41:52,071 --> 00:41:54,239 She was also the principal of my Hebrew school. 923 00:41:56,209 --> 00:41:58,343 From what I know, no man has ever 924 00:41:58,345 --> 00:42:00,178 been good enough for Alison. 925 00:42:00,180 --> 00:42:02,981 But if you can get that woman's seal of approval, 926 00:42:02,983 --> 00:42:05,450 you might have a second chance. 927 00:42:05,452 --> 00:42:07,119 I'll never forget that day I met her. 928 00:42:10,124 --> 00:42:12,324 Need some help? 929 00:42:14,427 --> 00:42:17,262 You touch my daughter, 930 00:42:17,264 --> 00:42:19,064 and I'll wear your balls as earrings. 931 00:42:32,312 --> 00:42:35,013 - Boom! - Ow. 932 00:43:22,763 --> 00:43:25,230 They've got to be kidding me. 933 00:43:25,232 --> 00:43:27,265 Schlomy and I don't stand a chance. 934 00:43:27,267 --> 00:43:30,369 - Yes, yes. - Thanks. 935 00:43:30,371 --> 00:43:34,373 I'm telling you the Fleischmans are unbeatable. 936 00:43:34,375 --> 00:43:36,475 Yes. Good-bye. 937 00:43:36,477 --> 00:43:40,012 Oh, honey, have you tried this caramel apple skim cappuccino? 938 00:43:40,014 --> 00:43:43,115 It is to die for. 939 00:43:43,117 --> 00:43:45,784 Fleisch... Man. 940 00:43:45,786 --> 00:43:49,254 Caramel apple skim cappuccinos. 941 00:43:49,256 --> 00:43:52,391 Ah. 942 00:43:52,393 --> 00:43:56,128 The earthquake was all the way in death valley. 943 00:43:56,130 --> 00:43:59,331 What do you mean I sound sick? I'm not sick. 944 00:43:59,333 --> 00:44:00,565 What do you mean I sound sick? 945 00:44:00,567 --> 00:44:03,702 Yes, if you send me multivitamins, 946 00:44:03,704 --> 00:44:05,303 - I will take them. - Good. Good. 947 00:44:05,305 --> 00:44:08,407 Every time we get off the phone with each other, 948 00:44:08,409 --> 00:44:10,342 we have to say "I love you." 949 00:44:10,344 --> 00:44:12,210 You're kidding. 950 00:44:12,212 --> 00:44:15,380 - I love you, mom. - Perfect. 951 00:44:15,382 --> 00:44:19,284 Okay, bye. Sorry, that was my mom. 952 00:44:19,286 --> 00:44:22,587 Dr. Avi Rosenberg, may we please now continue 953 00:44:22,589 --> 00:44:26,091 - with the interview? - Oh, yes, please. 954 00:44:26,093 --> 00:44:29,628 Because I was just at handlebar coffee, 955 00:44:29,630 --> 00:44:31,363 and they screwed up my order. 956 00:44:31,365 --> 00:44:33,398 I like caramel apple cappuccino. 957 00:44:33,400 --> 00:44:35,700 They gave me a caramel apple skim cappuccino. 958 00:44:35,702 --> 00:44:37,602 Hmm. Sure, why not? 959 00:44:37,604 --> 00:44:39,404 Great. 960 00:44:39,406 --> 00:44:41,540 Okay, you are single, 31 years old, 961 00:44:41,542 --> 00:44:44,142 unmarried, no children. Are you gay? 962 00:44:44,144 --> 00:44:47,412 Well, then why aren't you married? 963 00:44:47,414 --> 00:44:49,781 Oh, believe me, Mrs. Marks there is nothing 964 00:44:49,783 --> 00:44:51,550 that I would like more than to find 965 00:44:51,552 --> 00:44:53,318 a special young lady 966 00:44:53,320 --> 00:44:56,221 who shares my values and my beliefs. 967 00:44:56,223 --> 00:44:58,590 As a matter of fact, just a couple weeks ago, 968 00:44:58,592 --> 00:45:02,194 I met a wonderful girl. We went out. 969 00:45:02,196 --> 00:45:03,762 We had a wonderful first date. 970 00:45:03,764 --> 00:45:05,797 I never heard from her again. 971 00:45:05,799 --> 00:45:07,432 Yes, well, finding that special someone 972 00:45:07,434 --> 00:45:09,701 is never easy, doctor. 973 00:45:09,703 --> 00:45:11,403 And especially for me. 974 00:45:11,405 --> 00:45:14,139 I just, you know, moved here from Skokie, 975 00:45:14,141 --> 00:45:16,374 and I'm busy with my practice, of course, 976 00:45:16,376 --> 00:45:19,845 And volunteering for Hadassah like I do-- 977 00:45:19,847 --> 00:45:22,581 I'm sorry. Excuse me. Yes, mom? 978 00:45:22,583 --> 00:45:25,484 - Colonoscopy. - Yes, I had my colonoscopy. 979 00:45:25,486 --> 00:45:28,787 - Fiber. - I do get plenty of fiber. 980 00:45:28,789 --> 00:45:32,224 Mom, I'm sorry but I have to go, okay? 981 00:45:32,226 --> 00:45:35,260 I do. I love you. 982 00:45:35,262 --> 00:45:36,862 I love the way you wake up in the morning, 983 00:45:36,864 --> 00:45:40,732 - And then the sunlight comes-- - Too much! Too much! 984 00:45:40,734 --> 00:45:42,868 Okay, I'm gonna hang up. Bye. 985 00:45:42,870 --> 00:45:47,272 I must say that I find this very unusual. 986 00:45:47,274 --> 00:45:49,341 That a young, attractive, single doctor 987 00:45:49,343 --> 00:45:51,343 would walk in here by himself 988 00:45:51,345 --> 00:45:53,245 wanting to join this temple. 989 00:45:53,247 --> 00:45:55,313 Now, why don't you tell me what is really going on? 990 00:45:55,315 --> 00:45:57,649 Mrs. Marks, did you know that in the last 20 years, 991 00:45:57,651 --> 00:45:59,684 the rate of inter-faith marriage among our people 992 00:45:59,686 --> 00:46:01,486 has risen from 7% to 40%? 993 00:46:01,488 --> 00:46:03,622 According to the ajc, by the year 2050, 994 00:46:03,624 --> 00:46:05,924 our people are gonna be completely wiped out. 995 00:46:05,926 --> 00:46:07,859 Now, I'm just one man. I can't stop it myself. 996 00:46:07,861 --> 00:46:10,162 But I'm not gonna sit here on the sidelines 997 00:46:10,164 --> 00:46:13,331 and watch it happen. That's what's going on. 998 00:46:19,940 --> 00:46:23,341 All right, I'll be right there. 999 00:46:26,813 --> 00:46:28,847 All right, all right. 1000 00:46:28,849 --> 00:46:31,183 - So you're in. - Oh, yeah, I'm in. 1001 00:46:31,185 --> 00:46:32,651 She's putty. 1002 00:46:32,653 --> 00:46:33,752 Still going down Saturday, right? 1003 00:46:33,754 --> 00:46:36,354 You master duplicate bridge yet? 1004 00:46:36,356 --> 00:46:38,557 And rubber. 1005 00:46:38,559 --> 00:46:40,825 That shit reeks. You guys really eat that? 1006 00:46:40,827 --> 00:46:43,495 Gefilte fish is mandatory. 1007 00:46:43,497 --> 00:46:44,863 All right, I'm gonna put it in this drawer. 1008 00:46:44,865 --> 00:46:47,599 Don't take it out till Saturday. 1009 00:46:49,602 --> 00:46:51,836 Ugh. 1010 00:46:51,838 --> 00:46:53,705 So good to see you. 1011 00:46:53,707 --> 00:46:56,641 There's plenty of room over there. 1012 00:46:56,643 --> 00:46:58,610 You guys, I want you to keep eyes forward 1013 00:46:58,612 --> 00:47:01,379 and pay attention. Understand? 1014 00:47:01,381 --> 00:47:03,648 - Marcy. - Avi! 1015 00:47:03,650 --> 00:47:06,351 What a nice surprise. 1016 00:47:06,353 --> 00:47:07,552 Surprise? I'm a new member here. 1017 00:47:07,554 --> 00:47:13,658 - That's a beautiful purse. - Arianne tunney. 1018 00:47:13,660 --> 00:47:15,760 - Winter, 2012. - Really? 1019 00:47:15,762 --> 00:47:17,696 I coveted this bag, and I got it. 1020 00:47:17,698 --> 00:47:20,732 There's something about this 1021 00:47:20,734 --> 00:47:23,368 - that just-- - Wish me luck, lollypop. 1022 00:47:23,370 --> 00:47:25,704 Honey, honey, you are gonna need it. 1023 00:47:25,706 --> 00:47:27,606 Oh, today we have a double bar mitzvah. 1024 00:47:27,608 --> 00:47:29,874 - Oy. - This is our newest member 1025 00:47:29,876 --> 00:47:30,909 I was telling you about, Avi. 1026 00:47:30,911 --> 00:47:36,881 Has Marcy warned you about our little penis club? 1027 00:47:36,883 --> 00:47:39,451 Oh, no-- uh, penis club? 1028 00:47:39,453 --> 00:47:42,420 18 years ago, a boy named Adam Lipschitz 1029 00:47:42,422 --> 00:47:44,422 had a panic attack during his bar mitzvah... 1030 00:47:44,424 --> 00:47:45,890 Dropped his trousers, 1031 00:47:45,892 --> 00:47:48,994 and exposed himself to the congregation. 1032 00:47:48,996 --> 00:47:51,496 - That's messed up. - Oh, it is messed up, Avi. 1033 00:47:51,498 --> 00:47:53,965 What's even more messed up is that to this day, 1034 00:47:53,967 --> 00:47:56,635 Adam's lewd act has become the rite of passage 1035 00:47:56,637 --> 00:47:59,304 for every boy who's had his bar mitzvah at our temple. 1036 00:47:59,306 --> 00:48:03,508 In fact, there hasn't been a bar mitzvah boy since 1993 1037 00:48:03,510 --> 00:48:06,878 who hasn't shown his penis to the entire congregation. 1038 00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:08,980 I've tried everything. They won't stop. 1039 00:48:08,982 --> 00:48:13,418 I've seen the penises of 459 young boys. 1040 00:48:13,420 --> 00:48:15,654 So unless you're really into schlongs, Avi, 1041 00:48:15,656 --> 00:48:18,323 this ain't the temple for you. 1042 00:48:18,325 --> 00:48:23,828 Avi, schlomy and I are so embarrassed that, 1043 00:48:23,830 --> 00:48:26,564 on your very first Saturday morning service with us, 1044 00:48:26,566 --> 00:48:29,401 you had to see... Genitals. 1045 00:48:29,403 --> 00:48:32,570 And we sincerely hope that the fact that our temple 1046 00:48:32,572 --> 00:48:34,806 has a penis club won't make you consider 1047 00:48:34,808 --> 00:48:36,041 joining elsewhere. 1048 00:48:36,043 --> 00:48:37,609 Not at all, not at all. 1049 00:48:37,611 --> 00:48:38,910 What was the name of the young man 1050 00:48:38,912 --> 00:48:40,011 who started it all? Adam... 1051 00:48:40,013 --> 00:48:41,646 Lipschitz. 1052 00:48:41,648 --> 00:48:43,682 I hope I don't run into him. 1053 00:48:43,684 --> 00:48:45,050 - Yes, don't we all. - I've seen enough. 1054 00:48:45,052 --> 00:48:49,321 Excuse me, rabbi, would you like some fish? 1055 00:48:49,323 --> 00:48:52,824 Oh, yes, thank you, uh, hyman. 1056 00:48:56,362 --> 00:48:57,862 - Thank you. - Mm-Hmm. 1057 00:48:57,864 --> 00:49:00,965 Oy! Wow. 1058 00:49:00,967 --> 00:49:02,701 I have to say, our people have invented 1059 00:49:02,703 --> 00:49:04,836 a lot of lousy food, but gefilte fish 1060 00:49:04,838 --> 00:49:06,471 might be the worst. 1061 00:49:09,343 --> 00:49:12,110 My advice is to get it over with as quickly as possible. 1062 00:49:12,112 --> 00:49:13,745 Two bites. 1063 00:49:13,747 --> 00:49:16,114 Wham, bam... Done! 1064 00:49:16,116 --> 00:49:18,616 Ah. Ahh! 1065 00:49:22,489 --> 00:49:27,025 - Go away! - Damn it, schlomo, 1066 00:49:27,027 --> 00:49:29,494 - I am coming in there. - No, you don't wanna see this! 1067 00:49:29,496 --> 00:49:31,730 It'll change you. It changed me. 1068 00:49:31,732 --> 00:49:33,698 I'm shitting... 1069 00:49:33,700 --> 00:49:35,867 Oh, Marcy, I hate to do this to you, cupcake, 1070 00:49:35,869 --> 00:49:38,069 but I think I'm gonna have to bow out of the tournament. 1071 00:49:38,071 --> 00:49:40,472 No! No! No, no, no, schlomo. 1072 00:49:40,474 --> 00:49:41,806 You are not doing any such thing. 1073 00:49:41,808 --> 00:49:44,976 If we have to take some sort of slop bucket, 1074 00:49:44,978 --> 00:49:47,612 - then so be it. - I'm sorry, lollypop. 1075 00:49:47,614 --> 00:49:49,013 We'll just have to wait another year 1076 00:49:49,015 --> 00:49:51,149 to beat those damn Fleischmans. 1077 00:49:51,151 --> 00:49:54,018 Darn it. What tournament? 1078 00:49:54,020 --> 00:49:56,121 What tournament? 1079 00:49:56,123 --> 00:49:58,156 It is the N.B.L.A. Regionals. 1080 00:49:58,158 --> 00:50:00,392 We are in the finals. It starts in three hours. 1081 00:50:00,394 --> 00:50:02,026 - Oh. - But... Well... 1082 00:50:02,028 --> 00:50:05,597 I guess that I won't be going this year. 1083 00:50:05,599 --> 00:50:07,732 I play bridge. 1084 00:50:07,734 --> 00:50:10,835 Dear God, all I do is help you! 1085 00:50:10,837 --> 00:50:14,172 I want to thank all of you for taking part 1086 00:50:14,174 --> 00:50:20,812 in what is the world's greatest sporting event-- 1087 00:50:20,814 --> 00:50:22,781 duplicate bridge! 1088 00:50:22,783 --> 00:50:26,050 ♪ Stand up, feel the sun ♪ 1089 00:50:26,052 --> 00:50:29,187 ♪ you know your time has come ♪ 1090 00:50:29,189 --> 00:50:33,792 ♪ all or none, it's time to feel alive ♪ 1091 00:50:36,463 --> 00:50:38,797 ♪ So here is destiny ♪ 1092 00:50:38,799 --> 00:50:40,732 ♪ to claim your victory ♪ 1093 00:50:40,734 --> 00:50:42,801 - gimme a 4 of diamonds. - 4 of diamonds. 1094 00:50:42,803 --> 00:50:44,869 - Give me an 8 of clubs. - The 8 of clubs. 1095 00:50:44,871 --> 00:50:48,206 - Give me an ace of spades. - Ace of spades. 1096 00:50:48,208 --> 00:50:50,041 And what does that spell, Avi? 1097 00:50:50,043 --> 00:50:51,976 Bridge, bitches! 1098 00:50:51,978 --> 00:50:53,845 - Hoo-yeah! - Boo-yeah! 1099 00:50:53,847 --> 00:50:55,447 ♪ You got it, walk away ♪ 1100 00:51:01,188 --> 00:51:02,821 ♪ Stack 'em up and hear... ♪ 1101 00:51:02,823 --> 00:51:07,759 Jack trump, in yo face! 1102 00:51:07,761 --> 00:51:11,830 We have a two-way tie. 1103 00:51:11,832 --> 00:51:14,132 - That means... - Sudden death! 1104 00:51:14,134 --> 00:51:15,467 - Yes! - Oh, yeah! 1105 00:51:15,469 --> 00:51:18,970 You've all been briefed on the rules. 1106 00:51:18,972 --> 00:51:22,173 Three boards. Two out of three wins. 1107 00:51:22,175 --> 00:51:24,576 Let's keep it clean. 1108 00:51:24,578 --> 00:51:26,044 Begin! 1109 00:51:28,114 --> 00:51:31,115 ♪ On your mark, get ready, ♪ ♪ here we go, it's time to play ♪ 1110 00:51:31,117 --> 00:51:33,852 ♪ it's a battle, battle, you had better walk away ♪ 1111 00:51:38,058 --> 00:51:39,190 Yes! 1112 00:51:39,192 --> 00:51:41,526 Rosenberg/Marks lead 1-0. 1113 00:51:44,096 --> 00:51:45,763 They're freaking me out a little bit. 1114 00:51:45,765 --> 00:51:48,666 I've been playing with them for years. 1115 00:51:48,668 --> 00:51:50,702 It's disturbing. 1116 00:51:52,806 --> 00:51:54,939 Ooooh! Oh! Oh! 1117 00:51:58,979 --> 00:52:00,812 - We can do this, right? - Trust me. 1118 00:52:00,814 --> 00:52:02,847 It's over. 1119 00:52:02,849 --> 00:52:05,049 - Trump! What! - Oh! 1120 00:52:05,051 --> 00:52:07,185 Trump, baby! It's called trump! 1121 00:52:07,187 --> 00:52:09,521 - It's called trump! - I can't believe it. 1122 00:52:09,523 --> 00:52:12,156 - You did it! - Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! 1123 00:52:14,127 --> 00:52:16,561 Oh, my God! Finally! 1124 00:52:16,563 --> 00:52:18,196 Who's the big winners over here? 1125 00:52:18,198 --> 00:52:21,165 Who beat the Fleischmans? I beat the Fleischmans. 1126 00:52:21,167 --> 00:52:24,636 - We beat the Fleischmans. - You! 1127 00:52:24,638 --> 00:52:26,938 You did it! You did it. 1128 00:52:26,940 --> 00:52:28,873 Oh, you are amazing. You are totally-- 1129 00:52:28,875 --> 00:52:31,109 we did it. We did it. Yeah. 1130 00:52:31,111 --> 00:52:33,244 - Who wants an autograph? - Oh, honey. 1131 00:52:33,246 --> 00:52:36,915 Honey, did you see us? Oh... 1132 00:52:38,083 --> 00:52:40,952 - Alison. - Avi. What are you doing here? 1133 00:52:40,954 --> 00:52:42,587 Wait, you two know each other? 1134 00:52:42,589 --> 00:52:44,923 This is the girl I told you about. 1135 00:52:44,925 --> 00:52:47,659 She never called me back. 1136 00:52:47,661 --> 00:52:48,760 How do you two know each other? 1137 00:52:48,762 --> 00:52:50,662 That's my daughter. 1138 00:52:50,664 --> 00:52:55,199 Can I talk to you just for a second? 1139 00:52:55,201 --> 00:52:59,037 Um, I--I met that guy at your last mixer. 1140 00:52:59,039 --> 00:53:01,172 We went on a date, and he ended up being 1141 00:53:01,174 --> 00:53:03,608 one of the strangest guys I've ever met. 1142 00:53:03,610 --> 00:53:06,644 How can you possibly say that? I think he is wonderful. 1143 00:53:06,646 --> 00:53:08,179 He asked our waiter if he could 1144 00:53:08,181 --> 00:53:12,617 And then he said that I had a cute little Jew-beak. 1145 00:53:12,619 --> 00:53:15,253 Oh, I'm sure that he was just joking. 1146 00:53:15,255 --> 00:53:16,988 - He's very funny. - Really? 1147 00:53:16,990 --> 00:53:19,123 Okay, well, then we went to a jazz club, 1148 00:53:19,125 --> 00:53:20,925 and he stood up in front of everyone 1149 00:53:20,927 --> 00:53:23,861 and said that smokey Joe Jefferson was a Sschvartzah. 1150 00:53:23,863 --> 00:53:25,163 Well, he is one, isn't he? 1151 00:53:25,165 --> 00:53:26,998 He is a psycho! 1152 00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:28,600 I mean, isn't it obvious that he's, like, stalking me? 1153 00:53:28,602 --> 00:53:30,702 Oh, please. Now come on. 1154 00:53:30,704 --> 00:53:33,905 It's not like he has time to stalk. 1155 00:53:33,907 --> 00:53:37,742 No, obviously this is some sort of crazy coincidence 1156 00:53:37,744 --> 00:53:39,644 that, you know, it's-- 1157 00:53:39,646 --> 00:53:41,646 now wait a minute. 1158 00:53:41,648 --> 00:53:44,115 A--actually, I--I don't-- 1159 00:53:44,117 --> 00:53:47,919 I don't think that this is a coincidence at all. 1160 00:53:47,921 --> 00:53:51,689 No, I think that this just might be fate 1161 00:53:51,691 --> 00:53:54,359 trying to get you two together. 1162 00:53:54,361 --> 00:53:56,194 Wow. 1163 00:53:56,196 --> 00:53:59,664 All right, Alison, darling, listen to me. 1164 00:53:59,666 --> 00:54:02,400 You are 27 years old. 1165 00:54:02,402 --> 00:54:04,369 And have I ever tried to set you up with anyone? 1166 00:54:04,371 --> 00:54:06,938 No! And why is that? 1167 00:54:06,940 --> 00:54:10,008 Because I have never felt that anyone was good enough for you. 1168 00:54:10,010 --> 00:54:13,378 Until now. 1169 00:54:13,380 --> 00:54:16,080 Mm, mm, mm. 1170 00:54:21,354 --> 00:54:23,254 - What are you doing? - What? 1171 00:54:23,256 --> 00:54:25,223 I told you to let me get to the altar, 1172 00:54:25,225 --> 00:54:28,226 look at me for 15 seconds, let the tension build, 1173 00:54:28,228 --> 00:54:30,795 and then slowly pull my veil back. 1174 00:54:30,797 --> 00:54:34,132 Can somebody get him off the shitter? 1175 00:54:34,134 --> 00:54:35,667 Okay, fine. Whatever. Let's just keep going. 1176 00:54:35,669 --> 00:54:38,870 We have to keep doing it till we get it right. 1177 00:54:38,872 --> 00:54:42,073 I clocked you pulling back the veil after four seconds. 1178 00:54:42,075 --> 00:54:43,675 Yeah, that's the least of our problems. 1179 00:54:43,677 --> 00:54:45,343 You didn't even have tears in your eyes 1180 00:54:45,345 --> 00:54:46,912 - when you lifted up the veil. - It's a rehearsal! 1181 00:54:46,913 --> 00:54:48,746 Who cares if it's a rehearsal? 1182 00:54:48,748 --> 00:54:50,081 Don't you love my daughter so much that you tear up 1183 00:54:50,083 --> 00:54:51,849 every time you see her? 1184 00:54:51,851 --> 00:54:53,084 I can't believe you're being so insensitive. 1185 00:54:53,086 --> 00:54:56,821 That she is still recovering from her surgery? 1186 00:54:56,823 --> 00:54:58,956 Oh, by the way, Hannah, how's your new vag? 1187 00:54:58,958 --> 00:55:01,192 Jill! Stop talking about Hannah's vagina. 1188 00:55:01,194 --> 00:55:02,760 Less ugly? 1189 00:55:02,762 --> 00:55:03,961 - Dennis! - Dad! 1190 00:55:03,963 --> 00:55:05,463 - What? - Pookie-poo? 1191 00:55:05,465 --> 00:55:07,265 The Daniels are right. 1192 00:55:07,267 --> 00:55:10,435 Because we only have three more rehearsals left 1193 00:55:10,437 --> 00:55:14,105 Megan, sweetie, your pedal throwing's got 1194 00:55:14,107 --> 00:55:18,910 Remember, it's three petals per step. 1195 00:55:18,912 --> 00:55:20,179 Screw it up again and you're both out. 1196 00:55:22,282 --> 00:55:24,849 Okay, so let's take it from the poems. 1197 00:55:24,851 --> 00:55:26,451 What? The poems? 1198 00:55:26,453 --> 00:55:27,919 - Yeah. - Oh, honey. 1199 00:55:27,921 --> 00:55:33,891 But I need to see your performance 1200 00:55:33,893 --> 00:55:36,027 so I can give you notes. 1201 00:55:36,029 --> 00:55:39,063 Okay! 1202 00:55:39,065 --> 00:55:40,765 - "Hannah." - Yes. 1203 00:55:40,767 --> 00:55:43,000 "The day I met you it was like a dream, 1204 00:55:43,002 --> 00:55:46,337 "even more thrilling than my father's new embroidery machine. 1205 00:55:46,339 --> 00:55:48,873 - Fine. - Fine. 1206 00:55:48,875 --> 00:55:50,274 "My feelings toward you are so extreme 1207 00:55:50,276 --> 00:55:52,043 "that sometimes when I'm with you 1208 00:55:52,045 --> 00:55:53,911 "I just-- I just wanna s-- 1209 00:55:55,849 --> 00:55:57,482 - Scream." - What grade is he in? 1210 00:55:57,484 --> 00:55:59,117 "The thought of being without you 1211 00:55:59,119 --> 00:56:01,419 "words can't explain. 1212 00:56:01,421 --> 00:56:03,921 "If you only knew what was going on inside... 1213 00:56:03,923 --> 00:56:06,958 My br--" 1214 00:56:06,960 --> 00:56:08,459 - Ah! - Brain. Brain! 1215 00:56:08,461 --> 00:56:10,461 "Brain. 1216 00:56:10,463 --> 00:56:11,896 "I can't believe I'm about to spend 1217 00:56:11,898 --> 00:56:13,197 the rest of my years with you." 1218 00:56:13,199 --> 00:56:14,999 Good. 1219 00:56:15,001 --> 00:56:17,268 "And in just a few minutes... 1220 00:56:17,270 --> 00:56:19,537 "I'm going to say the words... 1221 00:56:19,539 --> 00:56:23,074 "'I-- 1222 00:56:24,476 --> 00:56:25,910 "'I-- 1223 00:56:27,280 --> 00:56:30,014 I--I'm gonna say the words 'I--" 1224 00:56:31,851 --> 00:56:34,418 What are you doing? 1225 00:56:34,420 --> 00:56:36,487 I'm not ready to be a man. 1226 00:56:36,489 --> 00:56:37,955 - What? - Again? 1227 00:56:37,957 --> 00:56:39,490 I'm not ready to be a man. 1228 00:56:39,492 --> 00:56:43,261 - What! - I'm not ready to be a man! 1229 00:56:43,263 --> 00:56:46,531 I'm not ready to be a man! 1230 00:56:46,533 --> 00:56:48,399 - Adam! - I'm not ready to be a man! 1231 00:56:48,401 --> 00:56:50,401 Adam! 1232 00:56:50,403 --> 00:56:52,170 This is why I wanted to rehearse! 1233 00:56:52,172 --> 00:56:53,838 What the fuck! 1234 00:56:58,044 --> 00:57:00,211 I can't believe I was so wrong about you. 1235 00:57:00,213 --> 00:57:02,480 Why does my mother have to be right about everything? 1236 00:57:02,482 --> 00:57:06,317 You know mothers. 1237 00:57:06,319 --> 00:57:08,586 Mm. 1238 00:57:08,588 --> 00:57:12,456 What does it look like I'm doing? 1239 00:57:12,458 --> 00:57:14,559 No, no. I think we should-- 1240 00:57:14,561 --> 00:57:16,227 I think we should take it slow. 1241 00:57:16,229 --> 00:57:17,862 You're kidding, right? 1242 00:57:17,864 --> 00:57:20,231 No, no, because, um... 1243 00:57:20,233 --> 00:57:22,433 Sex, you know, has a way of complicating things, 1244 00:57:22,435 --> 00:57:25,236 and I wanna get to know you. 1245 00:57:25,238 --> 00:57:27,004 I wanna get to know the real you. 1246 00:57:27,006 --> 00:57:30,875 I've never met a guy who wanted to wait. 1247 00:57:30,877 --> 00:57:33,477 That is so... Hot. 1248 00:57:33,479 --> 00:57:35,079 Oh, shit. 1249 00:57:36,549 --> 00:57:40,251 That's my phone. 1250 00:57:40,253 --> 00:57:41,552 Hold on, hold on. 1251 00:57:41,554 --> 00:57:45,022 What are you do-- what are you doing, man? 1252 00:57:45,024 --> 00:57:46,257 I've been calling you all week. 1253 00:57:46,259 --> 00:57:48,125 I haven't even heard from you. 1254 00:57:48,127 --> 00:57:50,328 What's the mat-- wait, wait, wait. 1255 00:57:50,330 --> 00:57:52,430 Hannah? 1256 00:57:52,432 --> 00:57:55,867 Who's Hannah? 1257 00:57:55,869 --> 00:57:57,869 So then I saw your commercial. 1258 00:57:57,871 --> 00:57:59,437 So I went to the palace 1259 00:57:59,439 --> 00:58:01,138 and we've been hanging out ever since. 1260 00:58:01,140 --> 00:58:02,907 He never said a word to us about this. 1261 00:58:02,909 --> 00:58:04,609 God forbid he should tell us anything. 1262 00:58:04,611 --> 00:58:06,310 Have you heard from him at all in the last week? 1263 00:58:06,312 --> 00:58:08,112 No, no. I've been calling him too. 1264 00:58:08,114 --> 00:58:09,380 He hasn't returned any of my calls. 1265 00:58:09,382 --> 00:58:12,116 What if he was raped and murdered 1266 00:58:12,118 --> 00:58:16,654 Did he say anything about Hannah, about the wedding? 1267 00:58:16,656 --> 00:58:18,289 No, nothing. I--I-- 1268 00:58:18,291 --> 00:58:19,590 - daddy! - You know what? 1269 00:58:19,592 --> 00:58:23,361 I disappeared for six months before my wedding, right, honey? 1270 00:58:23,363 --> 00:58:25,196 Uh, that was me. 1271 00:58:25,198 --> 00:58:26,597 That's right, it was-- 1272 00:58:26,599 --> 00:58:28,199 how are you a doctor? 1273 00:58:28,201 --> 00:58:30,034 Oh, my God! 1274 00:58:30,036 --> 00:58:34,138 He's gone forever, and I'm never gonna have a baby! 1275 00:58:35,374 --> 00:58:38,142 Oh, God! 1276 00:58:38,144 --> 00:58:40,344 I'm never gonna have a grandchild. 1277 00:58:44,918 --> 00:58:48,319 God damn it, do something, Bruce! 1278 00:58:52,558 --> 00:58:56,260 No! 1279 00:59:03,635 --> 00:59:05,703 - I'm not ready to be a man. - Hello? 1280 00:59:05,705 --> 00:59:09,240 - I'm not ready to be a man. - Adam? 1281 00:59:11,177 --> 00:59:13,577 Now the doctors at the hospital 1282 00:59:13,579 --> 00:59:15,346 referred you to serenity hills 1283 00:59:15,348 --> 00:59:18,115 because they felt that Adam required 1284 00:59:18,117 --> 00:59:21,619 a more intense, hands-on environment for his condition. 1285 00:59:21,621 --> 00:59:23,254 His condition? 1286 00:59:23,256 --> 00:59:25,456 Oh, Adam is suffering from a severe case 1287 00:59:25,458 --> 00:59:27,158 of post traumatic stress disorder. 1288 00:59:27,160 --> 00:59:28,559 Oh. 1289 00:59:28,561 --> 00:59:30,361 - What the-- - I didn't do it. 1290 00:59:30,363 --> 00:59:31,629 I just don't understand 1291 00:59:31,631 --> 00:59:35,032 - Not again. - And your fault. 1292 00:59:35,034 --> 00:59:37,601 Honey, you can still change your mind. 1293 00:59:40,340 --> 00:59:42,006 What the-- 1294 00:59:42,008 --> 00:59:44,275 Seems fine to me. 1295 00:59:44,277 --> 00:59:45,676 - Get him! - Pookie! 1296 00:59:45,678 --> 00:59:47,011 Run! Get him! 1297 00:59:47,013 --> 00:59:49,146 Get back here! 1298 00:59:49,148 --> 00:59:52,650 In case like Adam's, who has a long history of panic attacks, 1299 00:59:52,652 --> 00:59:59,457 what we refer to as the "ha," or the hyperaroused state. 1300 01:00:01,327 --> 01:00:02,760 Oh. 1301 01:00:02,762 --> 01:00:07,465 Is Adam attempting to isolate and detach from his feelings, 1302 01:00:07,467 --> 01:00:11,602 thus creating what we call emotional detachment, 1303 01:00:11,604 --> 01:00:15,272 or numb nuts-- numbness--numbing. 1304 01:00:15,274 --> 01:00:16,507 Sorry. 1305 01:00:16,509 --> 01:00:19,143 Now, over the next 21 days, 1306 01:00:19,145 --> 01:00:20,511 we are going to be implementing 1307 01:00:20,513 --> 01:00:23,514 a series of therapies and treatments. 1308 01:00:23,516 --> 01:00:25,282 21 days. No, no, no. That is July 2nd. 1309 01:00:25,284 --> 01:00:27,051 July 2nd my wedding. 1310 01:00:27,053 --> 01:00:28,285 We gotta get him outta here quicker than that. 1311 01:00:28,287 --> 01:00:31,122 Do you have, like, an express service? 1312 01:00:31,124 --> 01:00:34,258 This is our only son you're talking about. 1313 01:00:34,260 --> 01:00:37,128 We're not putting him on some express service! 1314 01:00:37,130 --> 01:00:38,496 - Whoa! Whoa! - Ugh! 1315 01:00:40,033 --> 01:00:43,501 We need 21 days, and if you cannot give us that, 1316 01:00:43,503 --> 01:00:45,669 - then get him outta here! - No! 1317 01:00:45,671 --> 01:00:47,371 We could go swimming. I don't know. 1318 01:00:47,373 --> 01:00:48,706 No, you don't need to cry. 1319 01:00:48,708 --> 01:00:50,141 It's gonna be okay. 1320 01:00:50,143 --> 01:00:55,813 Is it just me or does that dolphin look like Hannah? 1321 01:00:55,815 --> 01:00:58,082 He never did that with me, ever! 1322 01:01:01,387 --> 01:01:04,221 - Fuck you, Adam! - Fuck you! 1323 01:01:04,223 --> 01:01:08,592 Johnny Williams, come on down! 1324 01:01:08,594 --> 01:01:12,329 Oh, gosh, I don't think I've seen this since I was a kid. 1325 01:01:12,331 --> 01:01:14,065 Wow. 1326 01:01:14,067 --> 01:01:16,100 It's amazing they can still find humans 1327 01:01:16,102 --> 01:01:19,136 who will actually appear on this show. 1328 01:01:19,138 --> 01:01:20,671 I'm Sala Khan. 1329 01:01:20,673 --> 01:01:25,443 I've been assigned to be your primary counselor. 1330 01:01:25,445 --> 01:01:28,779 Look, if you don't wanna talk, it's no problem. 1331 01:01:28,781 --> 01:01:30,448 You don't have to talk. 1332 01:01:30,450 --> 01:01:33,084 These things take time. 1333 01:01:33,086 --> 01:01:35,352 And I've got all the time you need. 1334 01:01:36,755 --> 01:01:39,490 All right, are you ready for some paco? 1335 01:01:39,492 --> 01:01:41,459 - Okay, let's do it. - Let's walk out. 1336 01:01:41,461 --> 01:01:44,395 And give it a drop. 1337 01:01:44,397 --> 01:01:47,131 Okay, all right. Here it goes. 1338 01:01:47,133 --> 01:01:49,233 A little tea time. 1339 01:01:49,235 --> 01:01:54,138 Why is that only fat people make it into the showdown? 1340 01:01:54,140 --> 01:01:56,173 Fine. 1341 01:01:56,175 --> 01:01:58,175 You know, you wanna sit there like a vegetable all day 1342 01:01:58,177 --> 01:01:59,710 and pretend like you don't hear me, 1343 01:01:59,712 --> 01:02:01,745 then go right ahead. 1344 01:02:01,747 --> 01:02:04,815 But my job is to make you well again 1345 01:02:04,817 --> 01:02:06,617 by having you face the traumatic events 1346 01:02:06,619 --> 01:02:08,619 that have forced you into this state. 1347 01:02:08,621 --> 01:02:11,589 So... Unless you're willing to turn off the TV and do that, 1348 01:02:11,591 --> 01:02:14,291 then I would save the 2,500 a day you're spending here 1349 01:02:14,293 --> 01:02:16,160 and go check yourself into a hotel. 1350 01:02:18,764 --> 01:02:20,731 Suit yourself. 1351 01:02:20,733 --> 01:02:24,535 You stare all you like, little man. 1352 01:02:28,173 --> 01:02:31,542 What did you just say? 1353 01:02:31,544 --> 01:02:34,912 Mm, so anyway, the moyil slips, 1354 01:02:34,914 --> 01:02:37,348 a piece falls off, hits me in the punim. 1355 01:02:37,350 --> 01:02:39,483 I been cockeyed ever since. 1356 01:02:42,421 --> 01:02:44,421 So, Avi, Alison tells me you're from Skokie. 1357 01:02:44,423 --> 01:02:45,923 Yeah, yeah. 1358 01:02:45,925 --> 01:02:47,491 You know, Al and I grew up in Glenview. 1359 01:02:47,493 --> 01:02:49,660 Sorry. 1360 01:02:49,662 --> 01:02:51,595 Excuse me. Oh, really? 1361 01:02:51,597 --> 01:02:53,264 Yeah, we were practically neighbors. 1362 01:02:53,266 --> 01:02:55,466 - Your family still there? - Nope. 1363 01:02:55,468 --> 01:02:58,302 - Where'd they move to? - They moved... 1364 01:02:58,304 --> 01:02:59,537 To heaven. 1365 01:02:59,539 --> 01:03:02,673 Oh... I'm so sorry. 1366 01:03:02,675 --> 01:03:06,477 - When did they pass? - They, um-- 1367 01:03:06,479 --> 01:03:08,312 they passed a few years back. 1368 01:03:08,314 --> 01:03:09,680 Can't believe you never told me that. 1369 01:03:09,682 --> 01:03:11,649 Well, it's hard to talk about it. 1370 01:03:11,651 --> 01:03:13,450 It's very raw. 1371 01:03:13,452 --> 01:03:15,486 - Why, what happened? - Hunting accident. 1372 01:03:15,488 --> 01:03:17,321 - Oy! - Hunting accident? 1373 01:03:17,323 --> 01:03:18,956 - Your par-- - They got shot by hunters. 1374 01:03:18,958 --> 01:03:20,758 What were your parents doing wandering around 1375 01:03:20,760 --> 01:03:22,493 where people were hunting? 1376 01:03:22,495 --> 01:03:25,563 The hunters were hunting in our backyard. 1377 01:03:25,565 --> 01:03:28,199 What were the hunters doing in your backyard? 1378 01:03:28,201 --> 01:03:31,235 They had gotten lost and, uh, were off track. 1379 01:03:31,237 --> 01:03:33,871 And, uh, my parents were wearing their brown onesies 1380 01:03:33,873 --> 01:03:36,207 and the-- 1381 01:03:36,209 --> 01:03:38,609 The, um--the hunters mistook them for elk. 1382 01:03:38,611 --> 01:03:39,977 - Elk. - What happened to the hunters? 1383 01:03:39,979 --> 01:03:42,546 - Were they arrested? - No. 1384 01:03:42,548 --> 01:03:44,582 - They are still at large. - You know what, Avi? 1385 01:03:44,584 --> 01:03:46,817 The police in Skokie's an old friend of mine. 1386 01:03:46,819 --> 01:03:48,552 I'm calling him tomorrow. 1387 01:03:48,554 --> 01:03:49,853 We'll see if we can't help move things along. 1388 01:03:49,855 --> 01:03:51,655 Huh. 1389 01:03:51,657 --> 01:03:53,691 Forgive me, but weren't you on the phone with your-- 1390 01:03:53,693 --> 01:03:55,960 can we--can we talk about something else? 1391 01:03:55,962 --> 01:03:58,596 - Of course. - I was watching TV last night. 1392 01:03:58,598 --> 01:04:01,865 Charleton heston. What an actor. 1393 01:04:01,867 --> 01:04:03,701 Not Jewish, you know. 1394 01:04:03,703 --> 01:04:05,669 Who isn't? 1395 01:04:05,671 --> 01:04:10,341 So I'm--I'm up there and we're rehearsing these-- 1396 01:04:10,343 --> 01:04:14,478 these poems that we had written for each other. 1397 01:04:14,480 --> 01:04:19,550 And--and right at the part where I'm about to say "I do" 1398 01:04:19,552 --> 01:04:21,418 I just--I just cracked. 1399 01:04:21,420 --> 01:04:23,020 Good, Adam. 1400 01:04:23,022 --> 01:04:24,755 Do you remember how you were feeling 1401 01:04:24,757 --> 01:04:26,023 in that very moment? 1402 01:04:26,025 --> 01:04:29,760 No. I mean, I--I just-- 1403 01:04:29,762 --> 01:04:33,697 for a split second, I saw my entire life with Hannah 1404 01:04:33,699 --> 01:04:35,666 flash before my eyes. 1405 01:04:35,668 --> 01:04:37,434 And why did that scare you? 1406 01:04:37,436 --> 01:04:40,971 Probably because I-- 1407 01:04:40,973 --> 01:04:42,673 I don't think she's right for me. 1408 01:04:42,675 --> 01:04:44,575 So then why are you marrying her? 1409 01:04:44,577 --> 01:04:48,545 You're avoiding the question, Adam. 1410 01:04:48,547 --> 01:04:50,381 I think you do know. 1411 01:04:50,383 --> 01:04:52,016 Now what I want you to do 1412 01:04:52,018 --> 01:04:54,952 is try to pinpoint the exact moment in your life 1413 01:04:54,954 --> 01:04:58,689 where this pressure you're feeling originated. 1414 01:05:00,860 --> 01:05:04,795 I was 12 years old. 1415 01:05:04,797 --> 01:05:09,366 Stop staring at her, Adam. That is rude! 1416 01:05:09,368 --> 01:05:10,768 You cute. 1417 01:05:10,770 --> 01:05:14,371 You stare all you like, little man. 1418 01:05:14,373 --> 01:05:15,939 You are not, and you will never be, 1419 01:05:15,941 --> 01:05:17,875 her little man. 1420 01:05:17,877 --> 01:05:19,977 - Why can't I be her little man? - Because she's not Jewish. 1421 01:05:19,979 --> 01:05:21,845 So I can't be with a girl who's not Jewish? 1422 01:05:21,847 --> 01:05:23,580 - That's right. - Why? 1423 01:05:23,582 --> 01:05:29,053 - And we owe it to them. - Why? 1424 01:05:29,055 --> 01:05:31,789 So what does that have to do with me? 1425 01:05:31,791 --> 01:05:35,559 The fate of our entire religion depends on you! 1426 01:05:37,530 --> 01:05:38,929 It depends on me! 1427 01:05:38,931 --> 01:05:40,431 It depends on me! It's all right. 1428 01:05:40,433 --> 01:05:42,066 It all depends on me! 1429 01:05:42,068 --> 01:05:43,967 It's all right. It's all right, Adam. 1430 01:05:43,969 --> 01:05:45,602 Rosh Hashanah. Oh, God! 1431 01:05:45,604 --> 01:05:47,638 Oh, God, bar Mitzvahs! 1432 01:05:47,640 --> 01:05:49,473 Oh, God! 1433 01:05:49,475 --> 01:05:51,642 Adam, that was really good. 1434 01:05:51,644 --> 01:05:54,111 Really good! 1435 01:05:54,113 --> 01:05:56,046 I'm here. 1436 01:06:04,622 --> 01:06:08,058 Hey, boss, can I get the Crescent wrench? 1437 01:06:08,060 --> 01:06:10,527 Yeah, here. 1438 01:06:10,529 --> 01:06:13,364 Ah, gracias. You have soft hands. 1439 01:06:13,366 --> 01:06:14,965 Ugh. Hey, boss, you remember that one time we went to-- 1440 01:06:14,967 --> 01:06:16,633 Shh, shh, shh! 1441 01:06:16,635 --> 01:06:19,970 Don't say a word. 1442 01:06:19,972 --> 01:06:21,605 Hey, hey, beautiful. How you doing? 1443 01:06:21,607 --> 01:06:24,975 Oh, nothing, you know. Just here at the hospital. 1444 01:06:24,977 --> 01:06:27,511 Checking in on patients, patients, patients. 1445 01:06:27,513 --> 01:06:29,046 What's up, baby? 1446 01:06:29,048 --> 01:06:32,750 And he talked to the chief of police in Skokie. 1447 01:06:32,752 --> 01:06:34,818 And there's no record of any Rosenbergs 1448 01:06:34,820 --> 01:06:36,520 being shot and killed by hunters. 1449 01:06:36,522 --> 01:06:39,957 In fact, there hasn't been a hunting-related death 1450 01:06:39,959 --> 01:06:42,493 in Skokie... Ever. 1451 01:06:42,495 --> 01:06:44,928 So I went online to research it, and I couldn't find anything. 1452 01:06:44,930 --> 01:06:47,998 Alison, I didn't wanna have to tell you this, 1453 01:06:48,000 --> 01:06:49,933 but my parents... 1454 01:06:49,935 --> 01:06:52,970 Were in the Witness Protection program. 1455 01:06:52,972 --> 01:06:56,173 And when they were murdered, the FBI destroyed their records. 1456 01:06:56,175 --> 01:06:58,041 Oye, boss, tu estas loco. 1457 01:06:58,043 --> 01:07:00,411 What were they doing in the Witness Protection program? 1458 01:07:00,413 --> 01:07:02,679 - Jimmy hoffa? - What about Jimmy hoffa? 1459 01:07:02,681 --> 01:07:05,082 Look, I've said too much already, do you understand? 1460 01:07:05,084 --> 01:07:06,884 Avi, I just feel like you're hiding things from me. 1461 01:07:06,886 --> 01:07:10,654 And you never tell me that your parents were murdered 1462 01:07:10,656 --> 01:07:12,189 by elk hunters? 1463 01:07:12,191 --> 01:07:13,724 And now they're in the Witness Protection program? 1464 01:07:13,726 --> 01:07:17,127 I'm just starting to wonder if you might be... Gay. 1465 01:07:17,129 --> 01:07:22,032 Whoa, whoa. Why would you think I'm gay? 1466 01:07:22,034 --> 01:07:23,667 Because what guy goes out with a girl for a whole month 1467 01:07:23,669 --> 01:07:25,469 and doesn't wanna sleep with her? 1468 01:07:25,471 --> 01:07:27,805 I do, I wanna sleep with you. I just... 1469 01:07:27,807 --> 01:07:32,543 Ew. That is exactly what my aunt Judy's husband 1470 01:07:32,545 --> 01:07:33,911 told her right before they got married. 1471 01:07:33,913 --> 01:07:35,679 And 20 years and two kids later, 1472 01:07:35,681 --> 01:07:37,448 she walks in on him tied up 1473 01:07:37,450 --> 01:07:38,782 with a rubber ball gag in his mouth, 1474 01:07:38,784 --> 01:07:40,884 being sodomized by a transsexual 1475 01:07:40,886 --> 01:07:43,220 who is dressed as Dorothy from the wizard of oz! 1476 01:07:43,222 --> 01:07:45,456 Okay, and I am not gonna turn out like my aunt Judy. 1477 01:07:45,458 --> 01:07:47,191 O-- 1478 01:07:47,193 --> 01:07:50,227 Okay, okay, okay. Listen, we will sleep together. 1479 01:07:50,229 --> 01:07:52,196 - I--let's do this, baby. - Really? 1480 01:07:52,198 --> 01:07:53,831 - Do you mean that? - Oh, yeah. 1481 01:07:53,833 --> 01:07:55,999 When? When are we gonna have sex? 1482 01:07:56,001 --> 01:07:59,803 I get back from the medical conference in Dallas. 1483 01:07:59,805 --> 01:08:01,939 What medical conference in Dallas? 1484 01:08:01,941 --> 01:08:04,041 Remember I told you about that a couple weeks ago? 1485 01:08:04,043 --> 01:08:06,109 When are you leaving? 1486 01:08:06,111 --> 01:08:08,512 Like, in two hours. 1487 01:08:08,514 --> 01:08:10,514 You know, when you in hell, 1488 01:08:10,516 --> 01:08:14,485 maybe you and Ted Bundy can be roommates, cabron. 1489 01:08:20,892 --> 01:08:22,926 You know, Bruce, I'm looking at a bill here 1490 01:08:22,928 --> 01:08:28,665 for $42,765, and considering we said 1491 01:08:28,667 --> 01:08:30,767 we'd split all the wedding expenses, 1492 01:08:30,769 --> 01:08:35,205 How is your son going crazy a wedding expense? 1493 01:08:35,207 --> 01:08:37,040 Well, it happened during a wedding rehearsal, 1494 01:08:37,042 --> 01:08:39,576 so I think the case could be made in a court of law, 1495 01:08:39,578 --> 01:08:42,246 - this is a wedding expense. - Nice try, nice try. 1496 01:08:42,248 --> 01:08:44,815 He's got a well-documented pre-existing condition. 1497 01:08:44,817 --> 01:08:48,919 His condition was never that bad until he met Hannah. 1498 01:08:48,921 --> 01:08:52,055 Hey, are you implying that my daughter 1499 01:08:52,057 --> 01:08:53,690 had something to do with Adam's freak out? 1500 01:08:53,692 --> 01:08:55,559 Oh, she's not implying. 1501 01:08:55,561 --> 01:08:57,861 - She's saying. - I had nothing to do with this. 1502 01:08:57,863 --> 01:08:59,530 Oh, right, you're not insane. 1503 01:08:59,532 --> 01:09:02,132 Everyone, please! We have worked very hard 1504 01:09:02,134 --> 01:09:04,701 to get Adam to the point he is at in his therapy, 1505 01:09:04,703 --> 01:09:06,837 and he has had a very tough time, 1506 01:09:06,839 --> 01:09:08,305 but these last few days, 1507 01:09:08,307 --> 01:09:12,075 he has truly managed to come from behind. 1508 01:09:13,878 --> 01:09:16,246 - Oh, God, oh, God! - Mepong, nekock--ho! 1509 01:09:16,248 --> 01:09:17,981 - Oh! Oh! Oh, God! - Oh, ping-to! 1510 01:09:17,983 --> 01:09:20,651 - Fuck. - What the-- 1511 01:09:20,653 --> 01:09:23,320 - What? Mom, dad? - Oh, God! 1512 01:09:23,322 --> 01:09:24,922 Get off of my boy! 1513 01:09:24,924 --> 01:09:26,657 What are you-- what are you doing? 1514 01:09:26,659 --> 01:09:28,292 He never tried that with me! 1515 01:09:28,294 --> 01:09:33,830 What is everybody doing here at the same time? 1516 01:09:33,832 --> 01:09:35,599 - Oh, God. - Oh. 1517 01:09:35,601 --> 01:09:38,201 So let me get this straight. 1518 01:09:38,203 --> 01:09:40,871 You no longer want to get married to me 1519 01:09:40,873 --> 01:09:43,774 because you're in love with your Mongolian doctor? 1520 01:09:43,776 --> 01:09:46,310 I know this must be a shock for everyone, 1521 01:09:46,312 --> 01:09:48,845 but when Adam finally opened up to me, 1522 01:09:48,847 --> 01:09:51,648 I don't know, we just clicked. 1523 01:09:51,650 --> 01:09:53,116 What do you mean you just clicked? 1524 01:09:53,118 --> 01:09:56,286 We are not going to get anywhere by attacking each other. 1525 01:09:56,288 --> 01:09:59,923 - Mm-Hmm. - Sala, please continue. 1526 01:09:59,925 --> 01:10:01,658 By the way, you're fired. 1527 01:10:01,660 --> 01:10:05,629 Well, I'm Buddhist and you know, 1528 01:10:05,631 --> 01:10:07,764 both of our religions were born out of struggle, 1529 01:10:07,766 --> 01:10:11,335 so we both place emphasis on family, 1530 01:10:11,337 --> 01:10:13,937 education, and hard work. 1531 01:10:13,939 --> 01:10:16,073 And the intense pressure that Adam feels 1532 01:10:16,075 --> 01:10:20,310 is the same pressure I feel to marry a Mongolian, 1533 01:10:20,312 --> 01:10:23,647 so it's no wonder why we're able to connect. 1534 01:10:23,649 --> 01:10:25,315 For 43 grand, 1535 01:10:25,317 --> 01:10:28,719 you could have connected with every chick in Mongolia! 1536 01:10:28,721 --> 01:10:31,622 Okay, sala. 1537 01:10:31,624 --> 01:10:33,290 Hypothetically speaking, 1538 01:10:33,292 --> 01:10:38,895 if you two to were to stay together and get... Married, 1539 01:10:38,897 --> 01:10:40,764 how would you raise your children? 1540 01:10:40,766 --> 01:10:42,399 Oh, mom, do we have to get into this right now? 1541 01:10:42,401 --> 01:10:43,800 Well, isn't that what this is for? 1542 01:10:43,802 --> 01:10:45,268 Okay, well, the truth is-- 1543 01:10:45,270 --> 01:10:48,772 - The truth is-- - What's the truth, Adam? 1544 01:10:48,774 --> 01:10:51,908 The truth is, I don't know if I want to raise my kids Jewish! 1545 01:10:53,979 --> 01:10:56,680 - Oh, shit. - Jesus. 1546 01:10:56,682 --> 01:11:00,017 Who are you? 1547 01:11:00,019 --> 01:11:04,221 Was I not a good mother to you? 1548 01:11:04,223 --> 01:11:10,394 Who got you the trampoline that could poke your eye out? 1549 01:11:10,396 --> 01:11:11,895 I did. 1550 01:11:11,897 --> 01:11:13,697 And when you were in fifth grade 1551 01:11:13,699 --> 01:11:17,300 and you wanted to take karate lessons in Chinatown, 1552 01:11:17,302 --> 01:11:19,136 who drove you there three nights a week 1553 01:11:19,138 --> 01:11:23,940 and sat in the parking lot, all alone, in the dark? 1554 01:11:23,942 --> 01:11:25,942 I did. 1555 01:11:25,944 --> 01:11:27,177 And do you know why? 1556 01:11:27,179 --> 01:11:30,881 Because you're my son, 1557 01:11:30,883 --> 01:11:35,152 and I love you. 1558 01:11:35,154 --> 01:11:38,955 And how do you show your love for me? 1559 01:11:38,957 --> 01:11:42,192 You have doggy-style sex with your Mongolian therapist 1560 01:11:42,194 --> 01:11:44,394 on your wedding day! 1561 01:11:44,396 --> 01:11:47,264 And then you say to me, "hey, mom, 1562 01:11:47,266 --> 01:11:52,936 I'm not sure if I want to raise my kids Jewish." 1563 01:11:52,938 --> 01:11:55,872 Oh, Adam, that's fine! That's fine, just-- 1564 01:11:55,874 --> 01:12:01,311 - Mom, stop it! - Just take it right now! 1565 01:12:05,150 --> 01:12:08,452 Oh, okay, Adam, so you're saying that 1566 01:12:08,454 --> 01:12:10,887 our entire time together meant nothing to you? 1567 01:12:10,889 --> 01:12:13,156 - We never hit you! - We never fondled you! 1568 01:12:13,158 --> 01:12:16,193 I got le petite canyon for you! 1569 01:12:16,195 --> 01:12:18,361 Honey, honey, I think we dodged a bullet. 1570 01:12:18,363 --> 01:12:20,464 - Yeah, she seems nice. - I mean, 1571 01:12:20,466 --> 01:12:22,132 you better get a good lawyer, freak-boy, 1572 01:12:22,134 --> 01:12:27,938 Okay, this. This right here. 1573 01:12:27,940 --> 01:12:30,807 You want to know why I went nuts? 1574 01:12:30,809 --> 01:12:33,443 It's because all of you are nuts! 1575 01:12:33,445 --> 01:12:36,113 Hannah, I'm sorry that I can't marry you, 1576 01:12:36,115 --> 01:12:38,115 but it's better that we end this right now, 1577 01:12:38,117 --> 01:12:41,952 rather than dragging this on for a long fucking time. 1578 01:12:41,954 --> 01:12:44,454 And mom, I'm sorry that you had to do things 1579 01:12:44,456 --> 01:12:46,456 that you didn't want to do. 1580 01:12:46,458 --> 01:12:48,925 But you know what? So did I. 1581 01:12:48,927 --> 01:12:52,529 I joined the family business and became "the embroidery prince." 1582 01:12:52,531 --> 01:12:54,831 Well, how happy can a man be? 1583 01:12:54,833 --> 01:12:58,135 And to top it off, I've never dated a woman who wasn't Jewish 1584 01:12:58,137 --> 01:13:00,203 my entire life. Well, you know what? 1585 01:13:00,205 --> 01:13:02,139 I'm not doing things for you guys anymore, huh? 1586 01:13:02,141 --> 01:13:05,776 I'm doing things for me, because I love salad. 1587 01:13:05,778 --> 01:13:07,244 - Sala. - Sala. 1588 01:13:07,246 --> 01:13:12,382 And that's pretty cool. 1589 01:13:12,384 --> 01:13:14,151 I love you too. 1590 01:13:14,153 --> 01:13:16,987 Oh, God. 1591 01:13:16,989 --> 01:13:20,190 Are you gonna be paying by cash or check? 1592 01:13:22,226 --> 01:13:25,061 The dorsal slit allows a tight ring of phimotic skin 1593 01:13:25,063 --> 01:13:29,266 to be expanded by shortening the skin near the incision. 1594 01:13:29,268 --> 01:13:31,268 With this technique, the phimotic skin 1595 01:13:31,270 --> 01:13:33,937 is allowed to stay intact, 1596 01:13:33,939 --> 01:13:36,273 and finally, the neocrosing crush. 1597 01:13:36,275 --> 01:13:38,108 By using the Tara Klamp, 1598 01:13:38,110 --> 01:13:40,210 the skin is crushed for around ten days, 1599 01:13:40,212 --> 01:13:43,013 until it suffocates and dies. 1600 01:13:43,015 --> 01:13:45,348 With this technique, the skin bonds 1601 01:13:45,350 --> 01:13:47,117 without needing sutures. 1602 01:13:47,119 --> 01:13:49,052 - Oh, this is tough, though. - Yeah. 1603 01:13:49,054 --> 01:13:51,121 I mean--I mean, you gotta love the dorsal slit. 1604 01:13:51,123 --> 01:13:52,455 - Well. - Right? 1605 01:13:52,457 --> 01:13:58,195 I got the widest variety of scarring options. 1606 01:13:58,197 --> 01:14:02,399 Honestly, I'm kind of partial to the temporary crush. 1607 01:14:02,401 --> 01:14:06,102 Of the sleeve resection, but you get that pump action 1608 01:14:06,104 --> 01:14:08,238 - of the gomco device there. - Yeah, yeah. 1609 01:14:08,240 --> 01:14:12,008 Plus, it reduces your smegma by, like, 75%. 1610 01:14:12,010 --> 01:14:13,009 - It does? - Yeah. 1611 01:14:13,011 --> 01:14:14,945 Done, sold. 1612 01:14:14,947 --> 01:14:17,013 Going with the temporary crush, boy. 1613 01:14:17,015 --> 01:14:20,851 Snip-snip time, Mr. O'Connell. 1614 01:14:20,853 --> 01:14:23,353 - Oh. - Whew. 1615 01:14:23,355 --> 01:14:26,456 - Is this your life partner? - Who? 1616 01:14:26,458 --> 01:14:31,928 - Okay. - Not that that's weird at all, 1617 01:14:31,930 --> 01:14:34,030 - but just, you know. - Okay, Mr. O'Connell. 1618 01:14:34,032 --> 01:14:36,433 So me going to turn this little knobby here on, 1619 01:14:36,435 --> 01:14:39,436 and you're going to just slowly drift away. 1620 01:14:39,438 --> 01:14:43,039 Me want you to breathe, relax, enjoy it. 1621 01:14:45,344 --> 01:14:46,910 Breathe in, breathe in. 1622 01:14:46,912 --> 01:14:48,912 - I'm scared. - You have nothin' 1623 01:14:48,914 --> 01:14:50,380 to be afraid of, boy. 1624 01:14:50,382 --> 01:14:52,182 Nurse boo is Goin' sing you a little ditty 1625 01:14:52,184 --> 01:14:54,451 - and make you feel all better. - Oh. 1626 01:14:54,453 --> 01:14:56,920 ♪ When I was only eight days old ♪ 1627 01:14:56,922 --> 01:15:00,257 ♪ hurrah, hurrah ♪ ♪ a-Billy Billy Billy bum ♪ 1628 01:15:00,259 --> 01:15:04,194 ♪ when I was only eight days old hurrah, hurrah ♪ 1629 01:15:04,196 --> 01:15:05,595 - ♪ A-Billy Billy Bil-- ♪ - ♪ The moyil came ♪ 1630 01:15:05,597 --> 01:15:09,432 ♪ I thought he was going to take my life ♪ 1631 01:15:09,434 --> 01:15:13,203 ♪ but he only took a little bit off the top ♪ 1632 01:15:13,205 --> 01:15:15,639 ♪ a little bit off the top top, top ♪ 1633 01:15:15,641 --> 01:15:17,407 ♪ little bit off the top ♪ 1634 01:15:19,177 --> 01:15:20,377 ♪ Top ♪ 1635 01:15:20,379 --> 01:15:21,678 oh. 1636 01:15:21,680 --> 01:15:27,550 Easy there, Mr. O'Connell. 1637 01:15:27,552 --> 01:15:31,922 Next time, don't trust your circumcision to an hmo. 1638 01:15:38,697 --> 01:15:40,630 I think she's nice. 1639 01:15:40,632 --> 01:15:43,266 I just--I can't believe that you're doing all of this 1640 01:15:43,268 --> 01:15:45,568 just so you don't have to make any more decisions. 1641 01:15:45,570 --> 01:15:48,705 Oh, Adam. You don't get it. 1642 01:15:48,707 --> 01:15:51,107 All those things that you say drive you crazy, I love. 1643 01:15:51,109 --> 01:15:52,943 - Ah. - I love that your parents 1644 01:15:52,945 --> 01:15:55,111 smother you. I love that 1645 01:15:55,113 --> 01:15:58,682 if they hear about a tornado in Kansas, they call you, 1646 01:15:58,684 --> 01:16:01,017 even though you live in Los Angeles. 1647 01:16:01,019 --> 01:16:02,652 Yeah, we're very nervous people. 1648 01:16:02,654 --> 01:16:06,022 You email each other your itineraries 1649 01:16:06,024 --> 01:16:09,292 because-- because you never know. 1650 01:16:09,294 --> 01:16:11,127 - You know? - No. 1651 01:16:11,129 --> 01:16:13,663 - You never know. - Never know. 1652 01:16:13,665 --> 01:16:16,733 For the past 5,000 years, every civilization, 1653 01:16:16,735 --> 01:16:19,302 every culture has tried to have you guys annihilated. 1654 01:16:19,304 --> 01:16:21,604 - Yeah, we are not liked. - I like you. 1655 01:16:21,606 --> 01:16:23,173 Like, you're getting the... 1656 01:16:23,175 --> 01:16:29,045 Now, Mohammed El-sheikh El sheen El-sheikh is up here. 1657 01:16:29,047 --> 01:16:31,748 Now, he's gonna come up here, and then, we got Mohammed-- 1658 01:16:31,750 --> 01:16:33,984 - Muhammad Ali? - No. 1659 01:16:33,986 --> 01:16:37,053 Stop that. 1660 01:16:37,055 --> 01:16:38,755 O'Connell here. Speak up! 1661 01:16:38,757 --> 01:16:40,457 Hi, daddy, it's your son, Christian! 1662 01:16:40,459 --> 01:16:43,560 I'm in Tahiti having myself a mai tai. 1663 01:16:43,562 --> 01:16:45,395 What in the hell do you think I'm doing? 1664 01:16:45,397 --> 01:16:49,165 Fighting terrorists, spreading democracy. 1665 01:16:49,167 --> 01:16:50,633 Dad, guess what I'm doing? Oh, I'm here 1666 01:16:50,635 --> 01:16:52,202 with Adam lipschitz. You remember him? 1667 01:16:52,204 --> 01:16:54,104 Adam lipschitz? Didn't I order you 1668 01:16:54,106 --> 01:16:55,538 to stay away from that boy? 1669 01:16:55,540 --> 01:16:57,374 No, daddy, we're life partners. 1670 01:16:57,376 --> 01:16:59,209 No, sir, that's inaccurate, sir! 1671 01:16:59,211 --> 01:17:00,577 Life partners? Now, what the hell 1672 01:17:00,579 --> 01:17:03,613 - Means he's a homo, dad. - What? 1673 01:17:03,615 --> 01:17:08,084 Yeah, we're here at the hospital, you know, 1674 01:17:08,086 --> 01:17:09,719 'cause I--he's with me so I can get circum-- 1675 01:17:09,721 --> 01:17:11,755 - circumcised, sir. - What--no, not for me, though. 1676 01:17:11,757 --> 01:17:13,390 Circumcised! 1677 01:17:13,392 --> 01:17:14,758 Circumcised? 1678 01:17:14,760 --> 01:17:16,426 Yeah, so I can be a Jew, daddy. 1679 01:17:16,428 --> 01:17:18,161 You can be a-- a Jew? 1680 01:17:18,163 --> 01:17:19,796 Daddy, I want to tell you something too, 1681 01:17:19,798 --> 01:17:21,398 because I don't think I've ever told you this before. 1682 01:17:21,400 --> 01:17:24,167 We never say this, but I love you. 1683 01:17:24,169 --> 01:17:26,569 Daddy, I love you. 1684 01:17:26,571 --> 01:17:27,570 Hi. 1685 01:17:27,572 --> 01:17:29,305 - Ow! - Sorry. 1686 01:17:29,307 --> 01:17:30,707 - Ugh. - You know, I'm glad 1687 01:17:30,709 --> 01:17:34,444 like something's missing. 1688 01:17:34,446 --> 01:17:36,413 - ♪ A little bit off the top ♪ - Ow. 1689 01:17:36,415 --> 01:17:39,149 - ♪ Top ♪ - ♪ Top ♪ 1690 01:17:42,788 --> 01:17:45,088 Alison? 1691 01:17:47,391 --> 01:17:52,362 - Want to have sex? - Mm... Not really. 1692 01:17:52,364 --> 01:17:53,363 Go, go, go, go, go! 1693 01:17:53,365 --> 01:17:56,433 - Clear left! - Clear right! 1694 01:17:56,435 --> 01:18:01,571 Didn't I order you to keep your son away from my son? 1695 01:18:01,573 --> 01:18:04,541 - Excuse me? - Don't you play dumb with me, 1696 01:18:04,543 --> 01:18:06,142 shit-lives. 1697 01:18:06,144 --> 01:18:09,412 - Buck O'Connell? - Oh, jeez! 1698 01:18:09,414 --> 01:18:14,851 Your Adam has turned my Christian into some gay Jew! 1699 01:18:14,853 --> 01:18:16,686 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Buck, slow down. 1700 01:18:16,688 --> 01:18:18,488 What are you talking about? 1701 01:18:18,490 --> 01:18:21,858 They're life partners. 1702 01:18:21,860 --> 01:18:24,327 Life partners? 1703 01:18:24,329 --> 01:18:27,163 Wait, wait, wait, wait. What makes you think this? 1704 01:18:27,165 --> 01:18:29,232 He called and told me 1705 01:18:29,234 --> 01:18:32,402 while he was in hospital with your Adam 1706 01:18:32,404 --> 01:18:36,106 that he was about to get his pecker chopped 1707 01:18:36,108 --> 01:18:40,577 so they could be gay Jews together. 1708 01:18:40,579 --> 01:18:43,646 And then, he told me, "dad, I love you." 1709 01:18:43,648 --> 01:18:47,484 What the hell is going on, huh? 1710 01:18:47,486 --> 01:18:52,355 Oh, Dennis, we pushed him too far, and he snapped. 1711 01:18:52,357 --> 01:18:53,823 With all the pressure that we put on him 1712 01:18:53,825 --> 01:18:56,326 to marry a Jewish girl, the Asian wasn't enough, 1713 01:18:56,328 --> 01:18:59,762 and--and--and he-- he went the other way. 1714 01:18:59,764 --> 01:19:02,632 - Oh, God. - Okay, Buck, first of all, 1715 01:19:02,634 --> 01:19:06,336 - Whoa, hey, hey, hey, whoa. - Take it easy, old man. 1716 01:19:06,338 --> 01:19:09,839 I'm having a hard time believing any of this. 1717 01:19:09,841 --> 01:19:13,710 Oh, yeah? Then where's your boy right now? 1718 01:19:13,712 --> 01:19:15,778 Buddy, I'm so happy you're here, 1719 01:19:15,780 --> 01:19:21,251 - Yeah, please. - I gotta be honest, 1720 01:19:21,253 --> 01:19:25,221 And how many times a day do you have to do it? 1721 01:19:25,223 --> 01:19:27,223 Oh! Really, I can't do this myself. 1722 01:19:27,225 --> 01:19:28,892 - Please, come and do it. - God. 1723 01:19:28,894 --> 01:19:30,660 - Come on, just help me. - Okay. 1724 01:19:30,662 --> 01:19:32,729 Come here. Put some of that jelly on it, 1725 01:19:32,731 --> 01:19:34,731 - and let's get going. - Okay. 1726 01:19:34,733 --> 01:19:37,400 I may gag a little as we're going here, but-- 1727 01:19:37,402 --> 01:19:38,601 - that's okay. - Oh, God. 1728 01:19:38,603 --> 01:19:40,770 Everyone gags. 1729 01:19:40,772 --> 01:19:42,405 - Ugh. - Everyone gags. 1730 01:19:42,407 --> 01:19:45,542 - Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-hoo-hoo. - Oh. 1731 01:19:45,544 --> 01:19:47,243 - Oh, that's good, that's good. - Ugh. 1732 01:19:48,914 --> 01:19:50,214 I'm actually really happy that you went 1733 01:19:50,215 --> 01:19:53,216 - Really, how's it look? - Yeah, it looks really good. 1734 01:19:53,218 --> 01:19:54,851 More vaseline, more vaseline. 1735 01:19:54,853 --> 01:19:56,553 - Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! - Clear! 1736 01:19:57,756 --> 01:19:59,289 Oh, God! What? 1737 01:19:59,291 --> 01:20:00,890 - Ten-hut! - Drop... 1738 01:20:00,892 --> 01:20:05,695 The petroleum jelly, and back away from my son's anus. 1739 01:20:05,697 --> 01:20:08,531 Holy shit. 1740 01:20:08,533 --> 01:20:10,433 - I knew it. - Don't shoot him, dad. 1741 01:20:10,435 --> 01:20:11,534 - Mom? - Adam. 1742 01:20:11,536 --> 01:20:12,569 - Dad? - Damn it, Adam, 1743 01:20:12,571 --> 01:20:14,437 jelly's for toast! 1744 01:20:16,307 --> 01:20:19,809 Alison, I'm not a Jew, and I'm not a doctor, 1745 01:20:19,811 --> 01:20:21,377 and my name is not Avi Rosenberg. 1746 01:20:21,379 --> 01:20:23,279 Well, then who the hell are you? 1747 01:20:23,281 --> 01:20:25,848 I'm Christian Thadius Reginald Mcarthur O'Connell. 1748 01:20:25,850 --> 01:20:31,321 I begged my friend Adam here to help me 1749 01:20:31,323 --> 01:20:35,258 pass myself off as a Jew so that you'd be able to date me. 1750 01:20:35,260 --> 01:20:36,826 Penis club? 1751 01:20:36,828 --> 01:20:39,229 Alison, how's it going. Marcy. 1752 01:20:39,231 --> 01:20:40,463 Don't you even look at me. 1753 01:20:40,465 --> 01:20:42,332 - Rabbi, I'm so sorry. - You. 1754 01:20:42,334 --> 01:20:44,267 - "Penis club"? - Before Adam came along, 1755 01:20:44,269 --> 01:20:47,403 I watched nascar, and I had the heads of dead animals 1756 01:20:47,405 --> 01:20:51,574 and I had no idea that when you order a salad at a restaurant 1757 01:20:51,576 --> 01:20:53,576 you can order the dressing on the side-- 1758 01:20:53,578 --> 01:20:56,012 let alone custom-create your own dishes off the menu. 1759 01:20:56,014 --> 01:20:58,748 Hell are you talking about? I fed you Caesar salad. 1760 01:20:58,750 --> 01:21:01,718 Jews can custom-create their own dishes off the menu. 1761 01:21:01,720 --> 01:21:03,920 They're always up to something. 1762 01:21:03,922 --> 01:21:05,488 I can hear you! 1763 01:21:05,490 --> 01:21:06,956 That's why I messed up our date so bad, 1764 01:21:06,958 --> 01:21:09,292 'cause I wasn't being myself. 1765 01:21:09,294 --> 01:21:10,928 And then Adam told me the only way I'm ever gonna 1766 01:21:10,929 --> 01:21:13,630 be able get you back is if I could convince your mom 1767 01:21:13,632 --> 01:21:15,298 that I was the greatest guy in the world. 1768 01:21:15,300 --> 01:21:17,267 So that's why I poisoned your dad 1769 01:21:17,269 --> 01:21:20,637 with the rotten gefilte fish, because I wanted 1770 01:21:20,639 --> 01:21:22,672 to partner with your mom in the bridge tournament. 1771 01:21:22,674 --> 01:21:28,311 All right, we finally beat the Fleischmans, schlomy, 1772 01:21:28,313 --> 01:21:32,448 Was there ever a medical conference in Dallas? 1773 01:21:32,450 --> 01:21:33,850 No, I just needed time 1774 01:21:33,852 --> 01:21:35,518 to recover from the circumcision. 1775 01:21:35,520 --> 01:21:36,919 - Oh! - Oh, Jesus! 1776 01:21:36,921 --> 01:21:39,889 I wouldn't mind having circus vision. 1777 01:21:39,891 --> 01:21:41,624 Why would you do all that? 1778 01:21:41,626 --> 01:21:45,695 Because I love you. Alison, I love you. 1779 01:21:50,701 --> 01:21:52,435 Oh. 1780 01:21:54,906 --> 01:21:58,441 And I want--I want you to make every decision for me 1781 01:21:58,443 --> 01:22:00,576 for the rest of my life. Will you do that? 1782 01:22:00,578 --> 01:22:03,713 So I'm just supposed to forget about everything you just said 1783 01:22:03,715 --> 01:22:05,715 because you love me? 1784 01:22:05,717 --> 01:22:07,617 Yes, please. 1785 01:22:07,619 --> 01:22:13,589 Son, stop this hollering and just propose to the girl. 1786 01:22:13,591 --> 01:22:17,527 Don't put the tongue in. 1787 01:22:19,897 --> 01:22:21,964 Well, that haircut is awful, 1788 01:22:21,966 --> 01:22:24,467 so let me make an appointment for you with my guy, 1789 01:22:24,469 --> 01:22:26,369 'cause he's the best. 1790 01:22:26,371 --> 01:22:27,970 I should take that as a "yes," huh? 1791 01:22:27,972 --> 01:22:30,473 - Yes. - I'll take that as a "yes." 1792 01:22:30,475 --> 01:22:33,543 - Oh. - Mazel tov. 1793 01:22:33,545 --> 01:22:36,412 Oh. Schlomy, we've got a plumber. 1794 01:22:36,414 --> 01:22:40,750 Christian Thadius Reginald Mcarthur O'Connell... Rosenberg. 1795 01:22:40,752 --> 01:22:43,886 Now, that's a nice Jewish name. 1796 01:22:46,490 --> 01:22:49,659 We are so thrilled that you finally decided 1797 01:22:49,661 --> 01:22:51,127 to come on a moose hunt with us. 1798 01:22:51,129 --> 01:22:53,363 I can't wait to kill me a ten-pointer. 1799 01:22:53,365 --> 01:22:54,597 I'm gonna skin him and gut him 1800 01:22:54,599 --> 01:22:56,032 - and pull out his rectum. - Shh. 1801 01:22:56,034 --> 01:22:57,800 - That's the spirit. - Nobody is pulling out 1802 01:22:57,802 --> 01:23:03,439 - Think of it, e coli. - You could be more-- 1803 01:23:03,441 --> 01:23:04,907 you could get bacterium. 1804 01:23:04,909 --> 01:23:06,909 There are no wipes here that I can see. 1805 01:23:06,911 --> 01:23:10,980 Shut up! Stop the kvetching. 1806 01:23:10,982 --> 01:23:13,649 Marcy, yarmulke man, take a knee. 1807 01:23:13,651 --> 01:23:15,918 Knee? 1808 01:23:15,920 --> 01:23:18,588 - Oy, cramp. - Careful. 1809 01:23:18,590 --> 01:23:20,423 Not like that! 1810 01:23:20,425 --> 01:23:23,559 For God's sake. Shh. 1811 01:23:23,561 --> 01:23:27,830 I remember when my father took me out for my first hunt. 1812 01:23:27,832 --> 01:23:29,732 We all fought like crazy 1813 01:23:29,734 --> 01:23:31,534 over who's gonna be the lucky one 1814 01:23:31,536 --> 01:23:33,770 - to pull out that rectum. - Ah. 1815 01:23:33,772 --> 01:23:35,505 - That's what they do. - Oh, thank you. 1816 01:23:35,507 --> 01:23:38,174 - Nog, baby? - Damn right. 1817 01:23:38,176 --> 01:23:41,878 - Nog, baby? - Oh, daddy loves mama's nog. 1818 01:23:41,880 --> 01:23:43,946 Nog, baby? 1819 01:23:43,948 --> 01:23:46,516 I'm not really much of a nog guy. 1820 01:23:46,518 --> 01:23:49,786 You know, the dairy kind of makes my acid reflux kick in, 1821 01:23:49,788 --> 01:23:51,687 and I'm not even sure if the eggs are cage free, 1822 01:23:51,689 --> 01:23:56,058 one sip won't kill me, I guess. 1823 01:23:56,060 --> 01:23:59,195 - Nog, baby? - Oh, yeah. 1824 01:24:02,900 --> 01:24:04,000 Moose! 1825 01:24:04,002 --> 01:24:05,735 Moose! 1826 01:24:05,737 --> 01:24:06,836 - Moose! - Oh, yeah! 1827 01:24:10,974 --> 01:24:15,945 Nar nuteng and jebei n whatever, 1828 01:24:15,947 --> 01:24:18,114 my wife and I, we want to thank you for your hospitality 1829 01:24:18,116 --> 01:24:20,450 - and for these beautiful hats. - Oh. 1830 01:24:25,056 --> 01:24:26,756 My father says it's an honor 1831 01:24:26,758 --> 01:24:29,792 and they've learned a great deal of wisdom 1832 01:24:29,794 --> 01:24:31,027 from all of you this week. 1833 01:24:31,029 --> 01:24:32,695 Thank you, thank you. 1834 01:24:35,099 --> 01:24:37,133 My mother says you're gonna love the fried marmot. 1835 01:24:37,135 --> 01:24:39,735 - It's a speciality. - Oh, Dennis, did you hear that? 1836 01:24:39,737 --> 01:24:44,740 I can have fried food once every few months. 1837 01:24:44,742 --> 01:24:47,743 That you shouldn't have fried food, I just-- 1838 01:24:54,586 --> 01:24:56,552 - Just eat what they order. - But I--why? 1839 01:24:56,554 --> 01:25:01,224 We're not even kosher. Why do you care? 1840 01:25:13,637 --> 01:25:16,639 ♪ I had a dream ♪ 1841 01:25:16,641 --> 01:25:20,576 ♪ where we saw everyone with a smile on their face ♪ 1842 01:25:20,578 --> 01:25:24,046 ♪ oh, I had a dream ♪ 1843 01:25:24,048 --> 01:25:29,018 ♪ of a day when our love ♪ ♪ took the place of our... ♪ 1844 01:25:36,026 --> 01:25:38,060 I was depressed. 1845 01:25:38,062 --> 01:25:40,596 I was self-conscious. 1846 01:25:40,598 --> 01:25:42,965 I realized that my God-given vagina 1847 01:25:42,967 --> 01:25:46,002 wasn't the vag I wanted God to give me. 1848 01:25:46,004 --> 01:25:48,204 Hi. I'm Dr. Bill Ginsburg, 1849 01:25:48,206 --> 01:25:50,640 founder of vagina beautiful. 1850 01:25:50,642 --> 01:25:52,542 Our state-of-the-art surgical procedures 1851 01:25:52,544 --> 01:25:57,113 will transform your va-va-blah into a va-va-LA. 1852 01:25:57,115 --> 01:26:01,017 Call now for you free, no-obligation, color book, 1853 01:26:01,019 --> 01:26:03,553 featuring my original designs. 1854 01:26:03,555 --> 01:26:05,788 Our team of expert vaginacologists 1855 01:26:05,790 --> 01:26:10,560 will transform your caterpillar into a butterfly. 1856 01:26:10,562 --> 01:26:12,962 Dr. ginsburg turned my grand canyon 1857 01:26:12,964 --> 01:26:17,967 into le petite canyon, and forever changed my life. 1858 01:26:17,969 --> 01:26:21,771 In fact, I was such a satisfied client... 1859 01:26:21,773 --> 01:26:24,874 That I became one of the doctors here. 1860 01:26:24,876 --> 01:26:26,909 And my wife. 1861 01:26:26,911 --> 01:26:30,913 Gift yourself the vag that you deserve. 1862 01:26:30,915 --> 01:26:33,583 Don't let your labia interfere with your life. 1863 01:26:38,889 --> 01:26:41,757 ♪ Oh, sweet love ♪ 1864 01:26:41,759 --> 01:26:45,795 - ♪ there was ♪ - ♪ Peace and harmony ♪ 1865 01:26:45,797 --> 01:26:49,098 - ♪ whoa ♪ - ♪ Oh, sweet love ♪ 1866 01:26:49,100 --> 01:26:53,235 - ♪ yeah, yeah ♪ - ♪ Peace and harmony ♪ 1867 01:26:53,237 --> 01:26:56,872 ♪ yeah I had a dream ♪ 1868 01:26:56,874 --> 01:27:01,611 ♪ not a dream for myself ♪ ♪ but for all of Jew-kind ♪ 1869 01:27:01,613 --> 01:27:04,246 ♪ I had a dream ♪ 1870 01:27:04,248 --> 01:27:07,650 ♪ I saw Jesus and Moses singing gospel ♪ 1871 01:27:07,652 --> 01:27:08,985 ♪ all together now ♪ 1872 01:27:08,987 --> 01:27:11,988 ♪ oh, sweet love ♪ 1873 01:27:11,990 --> 01:27:15,291 - ♪ oh, oh, oh ♪ - ♪ Peace and harmony ♪ 1874 01:27:15,293 --> 01:27:19,061 - ♪ oh, they were ♪ - ♪ Oh, sweet love ♪ 1875 01:27:19,063 --> 01:27:23,265 - ♪ yeah ♪ - ♪ Peace and harmony ♪ 1876 01:27:23,267 --> 01:27:25,001 ♪ whoa ♪ 1877 01:27:25,003 --> 01:27:28,838 ♪ Jews and asians walking hand in hand ♪ 1878 01:27:28,840 --> 01:27:32,642 ♪ smoking schiksas with a Jewish man ♪ 1879 01:27:32,644 --> 01:27:35,411 ♪ even Moses gotta lend a hand ♪ 1880 01:27:35,413 --> 01:27:38,914 ♪ I'm thinking love shalom, shalom ♪ 1881 01:27:38,916 --> 01:27:41,917 ♪ I had a dream ♪ 1882 01:27:41,919 --> 01:27:46,255 ♪ where I saw every Jew ♪ ♪ paying retail guilt-free ♪ 1883 01:27:46,257 --> 01:27:49,291 ♪ I had a dream ♪ 1884 01:27:49,293 --> 01:27:53,396 ♪ where I saw every gentile order dressing on the side ♪ 1885 01:27:53,398 --> 01:27:56,766 - ♪ yeah ♪ - ♪ Oh, sweet love ♪ 1886 01:27:56,768 --> 01:28:00,036 - ♪ they were ♪ - ♪ Peace and harmony ♪ 1887 01:28:00,038 --> 01:28:01,370 ♪ I want to tell you about it ♪ 1888 01:28:01,372 --> 01:28:04,106 ♪ oh, sweet love ♪ 1889 01:28:04,108 --> 01:28:07,176 - ♪ yeah ♪ - ♪ Peace and harmony ♪ 1890 01:28:07,178 --> 01:28:09,045 ♪ all together now ♪ 1891 01:28:09,047 --> 01:28:11,747 ♪ oh, sweet love ♪ 1892 01:28:11,749 --> 01:28:15,718 - ♪ whoa-ho ♪ - ♪ Peace and harmony ♪ 1893 01:28:15,720 --> 01:28:19,088 - ♪ sweet love ♪ - ♪ Oh, sweet love ♪ 1894 01:28:19,090 --> 01:28:23,159 - ♪ yeah ♪ - ♪ Peace and harmony ♪ 1895 01:28:23,161 --> 01:28:27,730 - ♪ Whoo ♪ - ♪ Oh, sweet love ♪ 1896 01:28:27,732 --> 01:28:31,333 ♪ peace and harmony ♪ 1897 01:28:31,335 --> 01:28:35,104 ♪ oh, sweet love ♪ 1898 01:28:35,106 --> 01:28:39,909 ♪ Peace and harmony ♪140503

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